339. Bit of a Raquet with Jason Manford

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Feels like it's a real good timeat the moment for Northern
Ireland comedies. Feels like this.
Feels there's got a sense of like Manchester in the sort of
late 90s, early 90s with and I think.
Is it OK if we're rolling? Oh yeah, sorry, let's start here
whenever you want. Because we, I think that's why I
like a lot of the, you know, we go to like Manchester,

(00:20):
Liverpool, Glasgow, Newcastle, yeah.
And it just feels like everyone kind of gets each other.
Yeah, I think. So I was just saying actually
that this I first came to Belfast in like 2 thousands 2001
and they were the first gigs I did out of Manchester, right.
OK, so the Manchester, Liverpoola little bit, but I came here

(00:42):
before I did London, before I did even Leeds.
Did it feel like a big deal at the time?
Yeah. It felt massive, like flying to
a gig, like, you know, staying in some. 22 minute flight.
Yeah, staying in a little BNB and but I think there's like a
connection. I think because I was because a
lot of comics to me. Oh, it's it's hard over there.
They don't. They don't like us, you know,
they don't like us. And but obviously, you know, as

(01:05):
comics, you say whatever you say, but in the back of your
mind you're thinking that's 'cause they've not seen me.
Yeah, yeah. Like you've always got that ego,
you know? But I think those cities that
buys you a lot being from, yeah,working class cities.
Working class, I think not. London, yeah.
Is big. I was trying to say.
Yeah, let's be honest. And football judge best

(01:26):
Manchester United, Liverpool, all that.
Yeah. So that, all that, all those.
But yeah, yeah, it was all wicked.
But would you have been, would that have been around the time?
Because before my time there waslike a circuit of gigs?
Yeah, the visiting comedians did, where it was like Belfast,
Corian and Derrick. Yeah, you would go and do.
So you did that? Yeah.
You go and do a handful of them,yeah.
And was that like, you know, wasthat I'm guessing that's like

(01:46):
pre showbiz almost where it's not like there's no show for
there, you know, it's. Like, Oh no, it's brutal.
In the back of someone? The promoter's car.
Maybe it was. Brutal.
Like stood on a upside down crate in the corner of a like a
club, like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was and and it was like, it was pretty brutal.
It was like sinker swim. But that's, and that's always

(02:08):
the fear The first time getting away from home is will they get
what I'm saying? Yeah.
Accent reference points, so manylike moments when you first
start and, and actually what, because one of my first jokes
was about playing Belfast Empireand I did it at live at the
Apollo was like the first time ever did it 2005.

(02:29):
And that was about getting heckled.
And obviously they've been the Manchester bomb, the IRA bomb in
Manchester and a guy, this is obviously I'm going to
deconstruct this now so it won'tbe quite as funny as when I
perform it, but I'll just be honest about it because so on
the night the guy shouted, I said, I'm from Manchester, I'm
like 19, like I'm literally beengoing about 18 months.

(02:51):
And this guy shouted out, Did you enjoy the bomb?
And it sort of got like not a big laugh like from the
audience. The audience were a bit like
like the. Sort of pocket.
This guy's visiting us like he'sa he's, he's.
And because up to that point, like even now when I come over,
but definitely sort of 20 years ago, people would stop you in
the street and say thank you forcoming to Belfast.

(03:14):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because for so long, nobody
came. People wouldn't.
Yeah. And so if you came over doing a
musical, doing a a bit a theatrestand up, they're like people
start. Because we're going to Dublin,
Yeah, If you wanted to see somebody goes, Yeah, did the
travel for it. And and the line I use in in
when I did it on stage was he said, enjoy the bomb.
And I said, yeah, nobody died. And we got a new next was the

(03:35):
was the gag. And of course, as you know, it
went comedy. That's not what happened.
I shit myself because I was like, hang on, that's a bit
brutal. Sort of stumbled out of it.
And then about a week later I was talking to my dad and he
went, you know what you should have said, right.
Well, from now on, that's what Iwill have said.
But at that age, like to receivea hacker like that, like you've

(03:57):
nothing, you've nothing, not given it back.
Not at all, no. Especially as well, of course,
with the accent as well. You go in, Did he?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. He can't.
He did, yeah. But though unlike and dairy like
I remember like even when I was starting that was people would
say like there was an English comedian here like.
Last month and yeah. You want to hear what happened?
Yeah, it was never. He had a great time.

(04:21):
Brutal. Yeah, but I quite like, I like
those gigs, like even in it whenI gig at home.
I love obviously gigging in Manchester, but gigging in
Liverpool is brilliant 'cause that rivalry for comics, I
always say over a certain IQ level, it's just a bit of a
laugh. Yeah, and under it someone's
gonna get hurt. Yeah, you know, I mean like
that's it's. You know, I mean, if you sort of
got something about you, it's just a bit of fun, isn't it?

(04:42):
Yeah, yeah. And, and even even with without,
you know, 800 years of history behind it, there's still fun to
be had with, with the rivalry, that's what.
I think when you play with the line course, it's always, always
fun. Speaking of playing with the
line, Oh yeah, I've played paddle five times.
That didn't say you long to get paddle in.

(05:03):
Five times. Look at.
No, I had a real embarrassing moment this morning when I was
like, I know you're a big paddleguy.
Yeah, I just got into it. We start a YouTube channel
because I'm a beginner in it. Yeah, Yeah.
And I got sent some, like some nice paddle gear.
I put it on this morning. And then I was like, this is too
much that I've worn this for you.
You're going to think I put it for you coming on.
I'm trying to impress. You good?
I noticed I did message a coupleof times if you fancy a game and

(05:24):
and you block you blanked me both times.
No, no, he's really not. I not forthcoming.
Sipper's This episode of Tea With Me podcast is sponsored by
none other than that prize guy. I'm talking about Ireland's
largest prize competition page and there isn't a doubt about
that. Prize guys made 10 millionaires.

(05:47):
That's absolutely insane. Just everyday people having
their lives changed with £1,000,000.
There's also competitions from, I would say from the bottom to
the top. But even, and he won't mind me
saying this, even prize guys bottom is impressive.
There's not right down. If you say so.
Give me an example of a prize going on there right now on that

(06:07):
site price guide dot quarter that price guide dot quarter
UKA. Porsche 9/11 Carrera 4 GTS.
Whoa. Or 80,000 points.
Eh, I'd say to be in with a chance to win that a ticket
would be. 90 P That's right, 90P.
So if you give him point, he's handing you 10 people it.

(06:28):
Can be 10 people. 10 pence piece.
Yeah, that's insane, That prize.guy.co.uk.
The link is in the description. I need you.
I need you to listen to me when I tell you I'm going to point
you in the direction of the Tea with Me Patreon.
That's patreon.com/tea with Me podcast.
Yes, yes. Plus he says yes, add free

(06:49):
episodes every Tuesday. But then you'll miss this.
Oh come on though, some people only TuneIn for the ads.
We have specials on there. We just put a BSSE arena show
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There's a million other specialson there and also we will be
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(07:09):
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Patreon. The specials ETP exclusive to

(07:31):
Patreon. Again.
The link is in the description. I wish, I wish we could have
played because that would have been a lot of fun.
But I, I'm too new to it, right?And I have like I try and I try
and slam it too much. That's all right.
No, it doesn't sound like the perfect.
Play No. I hit the wall every time,
right? I can't get it right, but is

(07:51):
your life at the minute because you're on tour?
Yeah. Paddle by, day getting by.
Much. Yeah, I've I've already worked
out my next tour to do venues that are near paddle courts.
Courts. Yeah, yeah, I'm sort of.
I'm absolutely obsessed with it.Yeah.
On an on an X. Level.
Oh, I'm like, it's my life, man.Yeah, yeah, I love it.
And I'm like, I'm going to get my own rocket soon.

(08:12):
Well. Gonna get the gear and I'm just
like, really give. Me, I'll.
I'll send you some links you know, can send you.
I'll send you some. Yeah.
Oh yeah, I'll help you out. Yeah, I'll see.
What? I would, I would love it.
I would love. So funny.
And see, because we're still at a point where it's such a new
sport, people are like, what? On water?
Yeah, Like, no, no, that's not tennis on water, is it, you
idiot. So it's so new, but it's it's

(08:33):
once you've played it. What?
But I mean, we're looking in Manchester, we've got 100 courts
of these loads because. It's, it lands itself to like
being on tour because normally we would go like we go to the
gym for a swim during the day atsome club, you know, because
William who you're going to be getting away.
Yeah, he's, he's got a David Lloyd's membership.
We rent that. Fancy.

(08:53):
So where you want, you're telling fancy.
We're in the Dunferman, David Lloyds, just doing whatever we
want. Someone's closed name but.
You're making stand up sound a lot healthier than it is.
Well, that's the thing, It has like totally changed.
Yeah, I mean, it used to be justsleeping and wanking till 3:00.
Yeah. And then and now that's like
you're doing that now you're lying. 9:00 AM.
Yeah, now I'm thinking I've got paddle game.

(09:15):
Yeah, I can't do both. I can't.
Definitely not the same. I've not got the electrolytes
for both. So it's a focus on one of the
other. So yeah, it's I'm, I love it.
I get well into it. I'm just not.
But I'm like too competitive andI'm not good at it yet.
Yeah, I'm all right, but I'm notgood at it.

(09:36):
And that's most blokes, to be fair.
But I, I don't like, I'm playingagainst guys who you think
you're at the same level and then they start playing
properly. Yes, because I say like play
properly, like don't go easy on me.
And then they start hitting the ball and I go, go easy on me.
Yeah, well, I, I have this thingwhere obviously I sort of get in
touch with the club a few days before.
Have you got space? Obviously I don't know anybody.

(09:57):
I don't know any of you members.Can you find me a couple of
players? And I literally, I play that.
I go. I only play little.
Don't go. I don't want someone wicked at
it. Just get someone and then you
rock up and it's often like the coach.
Yeah, I'll play. I think also like anybody who's
like Alfonso Alfredo, like anyone's got a Spanish or
Portuguese name, I'm like, fuck that, I'm a play.

(10:19):
Find me a Nigel. You want to play a brand?
Yeah, I want a brand and a Nigeland Double S That's what I want.
Anything as soon as I see a Spanish like.
Graham, you're not. You're not going to lose their
Graham and Paddle. Like game over.
Yeah. So, but it's, yeah, it's it's
it's a lot of fun, but it's justI've got a charity as well.
I've got a paddle Academy for children because I was sort of

(10:39):
playing and I was looking aroundfor an anger.
There's a lot of, there's a lot of blokes playing this of a
certain who've got time and money to play because it's
expensive. It could be expensive.
You know when you start looking at those rackets, you'll see.
And then they say about the balls to go, but I think this
might be a bit of a racket, no pun intended.
They go when you open the packetof balls.
You can play with them once. Yeah, I mean, I don't worry

(10:59):
about that. But you do notice it, you know?
I've I as soon as someone told me that I was like I've got to
get new balls every time. It it adds up.
Have you? Have you?
Done like a way trip for Paul. Yeah, we did one in January.
Yeah. Where did you go?
16 lads. And we went to Portugal and it
was, it was fab. It was absolutely, because I've
never really done golf trips andall that, Yes, but it was,

(11:22):
that's brilliant. Just a lot.
We just played paddle all day, then eating and drinking in the
evening and yeah, thought this is the, this is the, this is for
me. Because sometimes when you're
turning you do some classic during the day.
The only thing that ruins it is the gig at night.
Yeah, hand old you gotta go to work does angle.
Yeah, but it's what's good I think is see this is where I
think men need to capitalise on the popularity, if that's the

(11:45):
right word of mental health. Right, because everyone's
talking about mental helps out there and it's hard to say to
your wife, look, the lads are going away for four days.
It's paddling, drinking. But if you slip in, look, it's a
mental health. Retreat.
Retreat weekend, You know, the lads just need to talk and you
know, they can't stop you. Yeah, they can't stop you.

(12:06):
Yeah, of course. You know what I mean?
Because I'm like, look, what is something happened to Dave?
How bad would you feel that we didn't?
We didn't. So I just think use.
Yeah, mental health and you needa good weather for vitamin D
and. This is it all like you've got
it. You've you've got.
It so it's a mental health so placement.
I'm gonna have a mental. Health, just for mental health,
because what happens when you'remarried is your wife is very

(12:27):
supportive of things like fitness.
Yeah, until you look like you like it.
And then as soon as you enjoy it, that's when it becomes a
problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So for a while, so. Oh yeah, Jason's going to the
gym. And then after a while, she's
like, oh, you're going to the gym again?
Like it becomes that. And the same thing is that with
a paddle. Mental health retreats.
Great. So just stick.
Yeah. Stick with mental health, Yeah?

(12:49):
Where are you on your tours and like you'd start a tour middle?
And oh, like I'm, I'm 180 days in, but there's still 100 left.
So is that middle? I don't know.
Probably the two. 180 days 100. And 80 days, yeah, but I talk
properly. Yeah.
Not one of these comes to a citycentre and says you come to me,
I'm like, I'll come to Colerain,yeah.

(13:10):
You're doing like you're multiple nights in Korean too.
Yeah, because you got, you know,you.
Take man alone, Vegas. For.
Yes, Manford Korean, That's it. Because also I say I thought it
was mild because the theatre is now closed.
And I was like. Oh, we've we did the the play
lecture at the university. You're just like, no, we'll
still do it around there. Yeah, and they were like, oh, if

(13:30):
you want some black drapes it's £400.
I was like, I don't know, if I don't do black drapes, I'll just
do it to the to the house standing for this letter.
Better be the best drapes. Ever.
I'm fine just as long as they see to be.
It's like you can because the stand up because you come from
absolutely nothing. You played gigs in the shittiest
places, nothing on tour. Nothing is worse than what

(13:52):
you've done. Yeah, of course.
So even if you're rocking up to what I do is I get the map of,
of the UK and Ireland and I go right, put a, put a circle of 20
miles around every gig and then colour it in.
And then if there's anything green left, let's find somewhere
that we can do, whether it's a sports hall or a tent in a, you
know, we'll. Just I see where you're going.
That's a sports hall. Maybe paddle?

(14:12):
Cords if this you know, like yougot to go game of 10.
You're on a callback and there'slike 2 lads just serving that
the sideways. Honestly, sometimes, though, I
played like this one in Kendall in the Lakes, which is
literally, you know, when you look down, remember at school,
the wood floor and then like TheWhite Stripes, Yeah, red
stripes, all that. It's lit.
That's the gig you. Do Morrissey did a leisure

(14:34):
centre tour? Oh, right, he did a tour I think
like 15 years ago of leisure centres and did a load in
Northern Ireland and I was just like, it'd be mad to watch this
charming man. We're like guy, you know when
guys are getting too impatient for their 5A side starting just
like creeping on to the pick creep, creeping under the stage
doing keep the OPS. I am what's like, what's the

(14:54):
most, because obviously you'll be doing like, you know, big
cities and lovely venues, but what's like the niches, Joe?
What's like the smallest you'll go on this tour?
Well, we start started off smalland then we like little 80
seaters under it because I do, you know, within those 280, I'd
say 60 gigs of warm up gigs. Right.
Yeah, just. Trying stuff out, reading off

(15:15):
bits of paper and playing comedyclubs or small.
There's a little room at the Lowry in Salford near where I
live. It's just hundred seats.
And I just do three weeks there,two shows a night, just, you
know, and just smash it out. But yeah, so probably those
those are the sort of venues really.
And then and then right up untiland then we're doing the Co-op
live in Manchester, which is their big our big one.

(15:36):
So that's like, and we just released the top.
Oh, yeah. So that's great because that's,
I've done the arena a few times.We do a handful of arenas, but
they're hard work. You know, they have, they're
hard to sell. And you and you'd literally just
go, where are these people who smashed 18 nights for Peter Kay?
Yeah. Where?
Where do you go? You think they only come out for

(15:56):
his show? They.
Literally do so I spoke to the guy at Ticketmaster because I
said I don't understand, right? This is not me, this is not my
ego talking. This is just the algorithm,
right? If Peter Kay had a special on
Netflix and you finished it afterwards, it would say if you
enjoyed this, you might also like Jason Mumford.
We are not so different. I mean, he's a he's a genius.

(16:18):
He's another level. But as far as style and action
and, and topics and, and all that are concerned.
So, so where do these people go?They come out, he sells out
these these arenas. You can't get a ticket.
And then you put yours on and, and it dribbles to it.
Don't we do well out of it, But it dribbles to fill in one
night. And he said the last show these

(16:41):
people saw was Peter Kay, 12 years.
Ago Do you think he's grown people?
He'd have the money for it. Like, you know what?
There's a lab outside Bolton somewhere, a big factory.
It's the only explanation. Where he's just like
cryogenically freezing these people and then they thaw them
out when. He sort of got this, like, he's
hit the sweet spot now, you see,because his act is nostalgia.

(17:03):
Yeah, he's actually so based in nostalgia, but he's also been
doing it for so long. He's also now become nostalgia.
So he's he's like this 360 comic.
It's unbelievable. Like, do you remember this thing
that I used to do? It's perfect comedy and it's not
long ago no one remembers if it really did happen, he could be,

(17:25):
maybe. Absolutely, but you know what,
seriously, the what I love aboutthis, why I love comedy and I
love comics and I go and watch loads of comedies and I watched
like you guys, I said, and you clip, you know, your clips pop
up online is the special thing about comedy.
And I think it's more than any any other art form is that you
go see them and, you know, with somebody you love, your family,

(17:47):
your friends, your partner, whatever, and that person on
stage makes these people you love laugh.
Yeah, yeah, you're watching them.
So there's like, so there's thisaffinity and that's why people
like Peter and you know, so because you remember that they
made your parents, your grandparents, your partner or
whatever, laugh. And that's what special.
That's what I think is special about comedy.
Was that ever almost like difficult when you were starting

(18:09):
off that you're from like, were you both like, I know he's
Bolton, but like, you know, similar from a similar area?
Oh, he was he him being so successful was the reason I was
successful. I think, you know, when I look
back, it's there was a obviouslyhis popularity, his brand, his
the accent, the, the background.We got very similar, you know,

(18:29):
sort of English fathers, Irish mothers, you know, family was
very similar. And, and he was, you know,
already, I mean, he was already like a legend in the Northwest
when I started. He was already headlining clubs,
winning awards. You know, he was just about to
get his TV series and he, and hewas a real help to be honest.
It like on a personal level, he took me under his wing a little

(18:51):
bit and help me out, gave me good advice.
And but also just on a national level, people wanted Peter Kay,
but Peter Kay didn't want to do a lot of things he didn't want
to do panel shows he didn't wantto do and I did.
So they were like, right, he's not doing it.
Who else is around, I'll do it. So I was there, you know, so, so
yeah, definitely that it was a big help and and he was just

(19:14):
great advice. Even now there's things that he
said that, that stick with me when, you know, I remember
saying to him once, how do I, I was an open spot and he was
giving me a lift back, back homeafter this gig.
And, and I said, how, how do I, how do I make the, the, the, the
leap to what you're doing? And at this point he was on his,
he might have been on his first tour, you know, but again,

(19:36):
playing 4500 seaters, but still he was touring and, and he was
doing, he'd done some bits on TVand stuff.
And I said, how do I get to? And he said, how well, how much
are you working? And I said, well, for like 3
nights a week, four nights a week.
And I spend a day on the phone trying to get gigs And then four
nights, 3-4 nights a week, 20 minutes a night.
He said, right, so what's that? An hour?

(19:57):
What, 454 hours a week? Let's be.
I went, yeah, I suppose. And what about writing?
I was like, yeah, you know, I pick up the paper and I've got
me 20 minutes. And, you know, and he said,
well, the rest of the country's working 45 hours a week.
So why? Just because you do what you do,
do you think you're any different, any better than them?
And that really stuck with me. That was 20 odd years ago and
it's still. Sticks with me now when I'm

(20:18):
playing paddle instead of writing jokes.
But but. I do this way I lose do both at
the same time, super sign the clocks and we have a new sponsor
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(21:00):
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(21:22):
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the description. I don't know about you, but I'm
hungry. But, you know, it's just like

(22:48):
little bits like that. And he, you know, he helped me
get into university and there's like when I didn't think I was
going to make it and I didn't have to.
Put a word. Yeah, he'd done the course at
Salford University and I'd, I'd not got the right grades really
to, to even be seen. It was, it was for media and
performance. So it was an audition rather
than a right, OK, a written thing.
And. And he'd, I know he said you

(23:10):
should go, you should go. And I said I've not got the, I'm
just going to crack on. I've got a job.
I was working with my uncle on his building site.
I was, you know, I was fine. And he said you should go.
Just just have a little buffer before real life kicks in and
you'll learn some great things and meet some good people.
And, and yeah, he made a phone call.
I got a phone and they said you were coming for an audition.
That's a nice reference something.
That so? Yeah, exactly.
Peter Kay. Yeah.

(23:31):
I mean, even then, when he wasn't like, like who he is now,
Yeah. Yeah, he was.
He was an alumni and you know, they loved him, so yes.
You you mentioned you have a parent from Ireland.
What? What part of Dublin?
Yeah, in fact I just got my Irish passport this week.
Oh yeah, I know he has. Well made-up.
Get ready for the smuggish look of all time, see when you land
in Palma and go past 6000 dehydrated.

(23:53):
So British spotted, oh so excited just to be back in the
EU. Because you do you do you do.
Such a slow. You're European again.
I'm back feeling more European. I just feel a little bit.
I was always very apologetic when I went.
We go to Portugal every year andevery so often I feel like I
give him a passport and I go. It wasn't me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't. I like you and.

(24:13):
We are you with all. My can't wait.
I'm gonna I'm going for it as. Well, because that queue like
zigzag. They've and to be fair, they
have made that worse on purpose.Yeah, like that is a punishment.
They turn it, turn the heat up alittle.
No, they've done that. There's no reason for the just
for there to be 1 bloke. Yeah, doing the all other
passports. She looks at every page.

(24:34):
Yeah, you got to stamp it now you gotta get a new one and all
so. It's brilliant.
You just walk past that queue very slowly and.
Yeah, I'm gonna be like and I'm gonna be more than that.
Fuck yeah, you English breaks. Enjoy the two days of the week
that you'll get on the ground A.Bit harsh on my on my wife and
kids of course who are still in that queue.

(24:55):
What can you do? That's what airport.
That's why airports have pubs. I'll see you in three hours.
Meet you in Burger King. I mean, you could have got them
passports too, you know. But listen, like you say, get
out. You need a.
Lot of work just to get. Get the lay of the land ahead of
them. Used, I think they used to give
them out a bit easier than they do now to be bad.
Because also here's how you knowthat they, they just make it

(25:16):
difficult for British people because when you go through and
you show them the Irish passport, they don't like do
anything different now. So like, I'm convinced you could
walk up with a British passport and they're not going to like,
send you back. What I want to know is if you
fly out on this is just this is admin not even funny but just
just interesting. I wonder if you fly out on one
are you allowed to like can you make a decision on the day like
as? Long as you haven't given your

(25:39):
passport number, I think right, you're fine.
Just having a look at the queuesbecause.
Sometime, yeah, because then sometimes I'm like, if I had a
British passport, would you? And then if you get caught
somewhere with two passports, would they start thinking you're
like, yeah, you say your yeah, of course, Yeah, like an
assassin, kind of. Yeah.
They feel like why would you have two passports?

(26:01):
I think as long as they've got the same name, and that's OK,
having two different photos and one's a different name, that's
when it starts getting real. Moustache and big glasses in
another. One, yeah.
So did you like when you the first time you were getting
doing gigs in Dublin? Yeah.
Does that feel like I feel special for you or like to feel
a little? Bit different, yeah.
I think there's something about playing Ireland.

(26:24):
It's a bit like playing the States, which is there's a deep
respect for comedy. Yeah, because they are one of
the world leaders in it. You know, obviously the
Americans sort of invented it toA, to a degree, and but the
Irish have it's part of their history, storytelling even just
not even stand up, just people in pubs and, you know, people in

(26:46):
the family that's passed on these great stories and, and
just having that gift of, of, ofstorytelling.
So I think there's a real deep respect for comedy that you
don't necessarily get certainly in England as much and, and I,
and I love that. I love that there's a there's a
sort of respect for it. But with that respect comes more
pressure. Yeah.

(27:07):
Because in Ireland you you rock up.
You get a little bit of this in Liverpool, but I think you get a
little bit of like there's blokes in the pub who are really
funny. Oh yeah.
For free. Yeah.
Yeah. So you better be.
Yes. €35 Funny, yeah. You know what I mean, Which is
the dream. Yeah, exactly.
That's all I need to be so, yeah.
So. So there's the pressure, but

(27:27):
there's also the respect. I think.
So as long as you hit it, I would never do.
I would never do Ireland at the beginning of a tour, yes, or I
wouldn't do Northern Ireland, doIreland.
I wouldn't do Liverpool, I wouldn't do where else at
Glasgow. Yeah, like cities and and areas
that I've got a sense of themselves and know who they
are. I think you've got to make sure

(27:48):
the show is at its best, yes, you know, before you get to
those cities with personality. Yeah, have you gigged in the?
So where do you start? I start, well, I start in my
hometown, I start in somewhere where there's a bit of a bit of
local, a bit of, you know, you mean you can get.
And also I start very low. I'm literally like, it's a
tenor. Yeah, you could be reading jokes

(28:09):
on a bit of paper, you know whatI mean?
Like you find a lot of people love that because then they
might go to that and then they. Often do, yeah.
Because they want to see how. How things develop, Yeah.
And where you were. And also I love that, that
people, maybe it's because of mypersonality, but I'm very
approachable. So people will sometimes like
afterwards, if they catch me, they'll, they'll actually say

(28:30):
what they think about my the stuff.
And I find that fascinating because you can be big headed as
a comic and think, well, what doyou know?
You're a plumber or you're working Asda or what like, But
actually they are the people coming to see shows and and yes,
every so often, most of the timethey're going to tell you a joke
that's already somebody else's or so.
But every so often someone will say something where you go,
bloody hell, that is, yeah, that's actually really, really

(28:53):
clever. And because I had a bit on a
previous tour about doing a, a driving course in, in
Manchester, you know, one of these punishments where you
drive an awareness or whatever for speed.
Yeah. Genuinely.
What speed were you doing? Whatever is the least amount you
can get caught. Yeah, I think for this, for the

(29:15):
purpose of this. For the purpose of.
This I was doing a 37 and a 30 temporary Rd works.
Right. Got done.
Yeah. Well, it's often.
It's often a couple. Of pensioners.
Yeah. That's the thing, they had the
issue. With, yeah, but if anything
there they were too slow. Yeah.
So it could have been. Going faster now they were in
their house. It's yeah.

(29:37):
So I had this bit about doing a speed awareness course.
It was, and it was a bad guy who'd come down from Glasgow, so
they don't have them in Scotlandand he'd come down to Manchester
and it was, it was a really fun bit.
It really built and, and it, butit would, it was the bit that in
your, in your hour that would get a round of applause.
But I just had it tucked into a bit about learning how to drive
and, and then it would come there and then obviously get

(30:00):
your break. And then, and the guy said to me
afterwards, you went, I love that speed awareness stuff that
you do. And I said, I thought you went,
I just thought it was weird where you put it.
And I was like, what are you talking about?
He went, it's just, you know, because it got a round of
applause and then then you did abit more than there was a break.
Well, I just thought like, I just thought you were going to
end the half on that. I was like, shut up, who's this
guy? I've been doing this man.

(30:21):
And boy, how dare you. And literally about 3 days
later, it was still, I was stillthinking about what he said.
And that night I tried it and hewas right.
Yeah, that's exactly right. So I think it's, yeah, it's
important to not like even afterthis long of doing it, you still
never know where you're going toget, you know, Yeah, yeah.
Learn from. You know you're always learning.
You mentioned gigging in the States.

(30:41):
Have you, have you played out there?
Only a handful of club gigs. Nothing.
I'm not toured or anything or try to break America or anything
like that. But it's a piece of piss out
there, yeah. Oh my.
God, I mean absolute doddle compared to the clubs in the UK.
Yeah, because there's so many comics there, so, yeah.
So it's like the town's almost like diluted.
Well, I think their club comics aren't as good as ours.

(31:03):
I think their top tier are the are the best in the world.
Yeah. So their top level are better
than our top level, I would say to a degree.
And they've got people, they've got people who will go in Giggy
now, who will go into legendary status, who will join the priors
and and and people like that. But their club circuit, you'd

(31:23):
probably get one in four. It would be.
It would smash its Comedy Store or an Empire or Plus.
You would have the advantage probably of going out there if
it's not one of the main clubs where like you're going like say
you drop in at the stand in Glasgow, well the whole crowd,
the bar suddenly goes way higherbecause it's you.
Yes, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas out there, yeah, they

(31:45):
don't know your stuff. They don't know, maybe care.
So you can drop a greatest hits.Well, it's yeah.
So you're doing your best stuff,but but it does take a little
bit of adjustment because you'venot got that slight shorthand.
They don't know anything about you.
Yeah, yeah. Slow your accident down a little
bit. I mean, Game of Thrones helped
because obviously a lot of lot north of the Wall, there's a lot
of that going on. And so they've sort of they've
accustomed they're ear now to, you know, nothing, Jon Snow.

(32:09):
And so we get away with it. But yeah, as far as the actual
gigs are concerned, that they fish out of water or yeah.
Stuff like that. But again, similar to what I
said about the Irish, there's a,there's a deep respect for stand
up, you know, and they, but I, Ithink it's, it's just an odd one
now because, because a lot of stand up is what that people see
is crowd work. It's really change the the way

(32:32):
people consume stand up comedy because now the clips people see
and that the guys put out there are obviously they don't want to
burn material. So that makes sense.
But it's also now leading to a point where people are turning
up to comedy and you start doingmaterial and they're like, what
about us? Yeah, well, has he not found out
what I do for a job? And it's interesting because

(32:54):
there's a stand up. I think we all know genuinely
that crowd work is one of the easiest things you can do.
Like it's the thing you do when the other stuff isn't working.
You know what I mean? Like it's the it's like route
one comedy. So for it to become what comedy
is weird, It's weird thing to donow.
So I make a point of my show sort of saying to the front row,

(33:18):
don't chill, I'm not well, I will have a chat with you.
Isn't it is interactive. It's not a theatre piece, but
I'm not giving it. Oh, you've got glasses.
You must be a paedo. You know what I mean?
Like so. So I didn't know you'd seen my
ACT. We I do another podcast with

(33:40):
where William Thompson and Mickey, I think, Oh yeah.
And we were talking a couple weeks or a question came up
about who is the greatest white singer of all time.
But get ready for this. Names are being banded back and
forth. Céline Dion got thrown out.
George Michael got thrown out. Mickey Bartlett throws out Jason

(34:01):
Manford. There's a clip that'll show you
after this, Mickey. Straight away we went Céline
Dion, George Michaels and Mick Hucknall and then you got thrown
in there. Gosh.
He really wants these support slots.
He was just he can have them all.
He can have a more. He was just thinking of great
white singers and water company.Wax.

(34:22):
He just, he just threw you and. They're like nothing.
The Martin, Frank Sinatra, Michael Bublé.
Apparently not nothing. No nothing.
But Baba Streisand basically on the Mount rush.
What was the clip? I'd love to know what the club.
It was, it was literally just that that was, we were talking
about just singing and I was, I guess a lot of pressure to.

(34:43):
To, well, it's a weird 1 singingbecause I, I love it and I love
singing my family were, were, were all in Irish bands.
So back in the 50s when my Nana first came over to Manchester
from Dublin, she, her and my granddad, they were in a little
folk duo, right? And they, they played the pubs
and clubs and then they, they had eleven children.
They all then became musicians and singers and so so I was
always like brought up on music and singing and and that's it

(35:07):
was great fun. But the fact that you do, you
can sing like opera and things like that, where does that?
Because because that's obviouslyvery different.
You know, Irish kind of songs like double, more folky, kind
of. Yeah, there is that.
But if you like when you listen to some of those, like, you
know, the Furies and you know, and when you listen to even like

(35:28):
Foster and Alan, like, although like the classic, like the old
schools are like they've got a hell of a voice on them.
You know, they've, it's just, it's done in a folky style, but
they've got some. But it's, I don't know, it's
funny because people are still surprised now.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that you can sing and and
I and I find it quite. I've not been able to mix it
into the into the set. Right, Right.

(35:49):
Some people, oh, you're gonna sing.
Some people want you to as well.They're like, but some people
don't. Yeah.
Men, women, a bit more open minded.
I don't mind a little song at the end, but men are a bit like,
what's this? Yeah, yeah.
It's not what I've come for. Because I think the first time I
saw a clip of you singing with Ness and Dorma and I was like,
right, this is insane. Because you just like, you just

(36:10):
don't assume that like, you know, yeah, comics can maybe act
that's a good crossover, but it's just not a.
Yeah. It's not a crossover at all.
No, it's, it's hard to fit it. Like I said, you can't be given
it, you know, when you're in Tesco.
If I could sing, that's exactly what I'd be given it at every
opportunity. I find the only thing I think is

(36:32):
funny is every like a few years ago, a little thing went viral
where I sang some songs from LesMis because someone basically
said to me, how come you don't sing in your own accent?
And I like, and I said, well, that happens a lot.
You know what I mean? Like you listen to Adele singing
in Adele talking. Yeah, one of them, you can't
understand one of them, she sounds like an Angel.
So like, that's what you do. You have to sort of round out

(36:54):
your vowels. You got to make it so it's nice
on the ear. You know, singing in a nasally,
you know, different if you're Oasis, but you know, singing in
a sort of nasally like, yeah, bring him home is it's not.
If the UB40 guy sang in his own accent.
Yes. Those songs would sound a lot
different. Yeah, you before he's weird.
He goes for it like, doesn't. He does because he's from

(37:16):
Birmingham. Yeah.
I mean, I think if he was now, he wouldn't be as successful.
Like, I think if you sing in a Jamaican accent and you're and
you're from Dudley, it's you know, it's a struggle, but but
Reg Reg. One, yeah, it's not, it's not
reggae. No, no, exactly.
Birmingham is not reggae. But but yeah, I love it.

(37:37):
But it still surprises people and it's.
And that's why I did like. So when I did the math.
Singer yeah, That was one of thefunniest experience I've ever
had because obviously nobody knows it's you.
You're just a big, big head jog,you know?
For 5-6 weeks? Isn't that like very secretive
to the point where Oh my. God.
You know, the shows like that, you know, people straight away
like know who it is or maybe theperson's hinting out of it and

(37:59):
that kind of thing. But you really?
When you're filming it, no, you're not allowed to tell.
You signed an NDA, so you don't.You're not allowed to tell
anybody. I didn't even tell my kids and
you don't tell when you're driving in about 20 minutes
before you get there, the driverlike basically passes you a mask
and some gloves so they can't even see what colour you are.

(38:19):
You know, it's like everything got a visor on.
They say you've got a big jumperthat says don't speak to me and
you. So you walk for these doors and
there's no like, no, you don't have to say thank you, which is
weirdly freeing because I'm quite a polite guy.
And see, nobody can hear you talk and you stay in this little
room. You don't know who the other
contestants are and like, and you sort of trying to because

(38:42):
you can hear people on phones. Maybe there was a good a girl
next door in the dress and she was, I could tell she was
operatic. I thought that's.
That's. Well, I thought it was Charlotte
Church, but it was Jenkins. Yeah, yeah.
But it was who I beat, by the way.
Just saying. The greatest white singer of
the. Time.
She must have been fuming. Imagine beating back beating.

(39:05):
Beckham loved it. Remember the females.
Dressed as a head joke, it was. It was a weird old show.
I remember I'd say funny actually.
There was a about four weeks in when we when it was actually
going out, because it's quite free in because nobody knows
it's you. So you can actually perform in a
way that you wouldn't do if it was you because because you can
just see that bloke giving it. What's he doing?

(39:28):
About four weeks in for a coupleof weeks, the the judges had
guessed Alfie Beau, the actual opera, you'll take that right,
which is an absolute compliment.You know, best opera singer
Britain's ever produced. So I know Alfie very well.
So I one night I, I was chattingon the phone about something
else. I said, hey, have you have you,

(39:50):
you seen this mass singer? He said, oh, it's doing me.
I didn't. He says, he said every Saturday
I was getting hundreds of tweetsof people saying, are you the
hedgehog? Are you the hedgehog?
He says, so I watched it last Sunday just to see on catch up,
just to see what this guy is like.
And I said, all right, what do you think?
He went. He says, well, I it's shit.

(40:11):
He said his breathing's all overthe place.
He says I'm a trained opera singer.
This guy sounds opera. He's not really an opera singer,
but they're just being tricked by some of the big notes he's
getting. So, But his breathing's all over
the place. I'm like I said, well, maybe the
mask's fucking heavy. You thought about that?
Maybe holding them spikes on hisback.
He's weighing him down, you prick.

(40:36):
Thought about that and then about when the final came out
and obviously take it off and itwas me.
I did get a little text of him. Sorry about that.
I owe you a pine. I just love that I think the the
my favourite parts that don't speak to me Jumper.

(40:56):
They don't. I've still got it.
I mean, I feel like the guy withthe visor, the blindfold and the
gloves on, it's a given. Yeah.
Don't speak to him. Don't speak SO.
Yeah, you need the jumper as well.
That what I love in that show isthe way they guess who the
judges think it's going to be. They're like, this might be
Obama. Is it Robert De Niro?
I know, yeah. Is it?
I know not only have you seen the ITV budget, What do you

(41:19):
reckon? Do you think it's going to be
Michelle Obama or Nick Roberts? Like who, you reckon?
Was that like when you got askedto do that?
Is that like you're the perfect thing you could do it?
Was perfect. And it was just it come out just
to begin a lockdown. So like 12 million people watch
it. Like it was massive as well.

(41:39):
And I remember there's a weird, like I said, because you don't
know anybody. So you're like, but you're
nervous. It's really nervous.
Yeah. And I've never really been in
like a competition, something like that before and singing and
all. You get one shot and you are
singing in that mask as well. So it's OK.
It's as hot and heavy as it. And I remember backstage your
performers are all, you know, and we're sort of like holding
hands. But obviously I don't know who
these people are just holding hands with a silver fox and a

(42:01):
monster, you know, giving thumbsup.
They can't see you. I can see it that way and I
remember going out and it was only like week 6.
The monsters had come off and itwas Cee Lo Green.
I thought I was holding that guy's hand. 4 weeks.

(42:24):
What I love is that moment. It's it's a huge part of why I
watch it is when the real pop stars take the mask off when
they're kicked out and have to pretend to not be raging for you
mean when they're like, you know, they have a laugh, they go
I can't believe it's Cee Lo Green and he has to go.
Come on, guys. But he's dead inside.
Few. Absolutely.
Because like, you know, Roy Cropper still in.

(42:44):
Yeah, Adam. Wood.
Adam Wood, it's still to go. Yeah, it must be.
It must be hard for him, I must say.
I think, you know, I mean, Catherine was very magnanimous,
but I'm sure she was pretty annoyed.
Yeah. So come third.
Yeah, you know, after us, but. Who won who?
Who came for? Nicola Roberts, Oh yeah, she
won. She won and she was brilliant.
But and, and actually, and for her that's, you know, that's a

(43:05):
brilliant start for something she wants to do.
But yeah, for me, I was a bit rage because I don't, Again, I
don't know if you know this, buta lot of these shows you, you
know, especially the reality ones, you get paid the same
irrespective of how many episodes you do.
So if you go out, we what your agents negotiate.
This is how much he's getting. Yeah, I don't know.
Strictly is different now, but strictly all of.

(43:28):
So for someone like me who's not, I'm just in it because I'd
like to get paid and, you know, it's a bit of fun and stuff like
that. But really, I need to get back
to my proper job. He's sort of, you don't want to
go out first. No one's got that.
No one's got that small of an ego.
But Week 2, perfect. Well, not to worry, Cha Ching.
So to be in it till the end and still only come second.

(43:49):
So you're not even got the title.
You're like, oh, man. Yeah, yeah.
So. But it's no, it's that they're
all they're all good for. What was the first show like
that that you ever did like whenyou started Stand Up was there.
What was your first like TV thing as a result of?
88 out of 10 cats. Yeah, Yeah, So I was.
And again. You were you were a Cap I.

(44:09):
Was yeah, I was really lucky actually.
And I've sort of got Piers Morgan to thank for it in a odd
way. Not in a nice way, not in a way
that you that, that you thought,oh, what a nice guy.
Now, what happened? Was he you?
Were telling me he's he's a bit of a Dick.
Look, I mean, if you've not cometo that conclusion already, a
professional 1 though, he's great.

(44:31):
He's very good, one of the best.He he was a guest on on AL 10
cats. I was on Dave Spikey's team that
Dave was the captain. And for some reason, I think he
must have just seen me as like, maybe I was the weak link
because I was, nobody knew who Iwas.
I was just a comic, you know, and everyone.
He certainly wasn't going to go after Sean Locke, you know,
because Sean had taken down. He certainly wasn't Jimmy Carr's

(44:52):
not going to take him down. And and so rather than just be
celebratory and fun, which comics are, we're very
supportive on those shows. We try and, you know, encourage
each other. He was just kept like having a
go at us being northern. There was something about being
overweight. He could be fat at some point,
you know, and the audience was sort of not really going for it.
And I don't, I can't remember exactly what I said, but I
remember there was just that moment where it's a bit of a

(45:14):
Heckle put down line, to be honest, where he he really went
for a joke about me and it got nothing.
And I just and it just settled for a second and I just wish I
sort of very quietly went, it's hard being funny, isn't it?
You know, just that, like that, that sort of Heckle put down
line, which got a good laugh andit and then it happened a couple
of times. And then to be fair to him,

(45:35):
there was a moment where he put his hands up and went, all
right, I'm beat, you know, I'm beaten here, that sort of thing.
And he was very magnanimous. But anyway, off the back of
that, I think maybe a couple of weeks later, Dave Spike, he
decided he he he wanted to leaveand and maybe that episode was
fresh in the minds of the producers and they said, Oh,
well, this guy, let's let's get it.
Peter K is busy. Yeah, let's get let's get this

(45:56):
guy. So and that's I did that for
five. And that must have been great
because that was, yeah, mainly comic, you know?
Yeah, great comic. And also put discipline because
you'd get the news pack on the Monday.
You'd write all day Tuesday, allday Wednesday.
Thursday was like going through it, taking out gags work.
You know, you'd maybe do a little gig on the Wednesday
night to test some stuff out. And then Thursday you'd record

(46:18):
it for Friday, Friday record. So yeah, yeah, it was.
It was. Great.
And was there was there ever onelike do you ever do like ATV
type project the journey you were like, why have I agreed to
do this? Yeah, I've been a few times.
I suppose It's the odd show. The I did one called Odd One in
that Bradley Walsh hosted and and I was a team captain and

(46:39):
Peter Andre was the other team captain.
He was a lovely, lovely man. But it's hard if you're trying
to like do gags and stuff like that.
It's it's, it's just a difficultvibe.
Do you know what I mean? When you've not got someone
who's also a comic on the other side, you know and is.
And so that was a, that was a tough one.
And it was you. Or will you be going to see his
new movie? Do you know what I've heard good

(47:00):
things if the? Movie replace the Jamaican.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like yeah, he's basically
like the acting version of UB 4.So if he actually could always
use as a reason, you go oh you before he.
Did it? How did his agent sell to him?
Peter, do you want to go to Jamaica to shoot a movie?
Absolutely. Yeah.
You will also be fully Jamaican.One thing.

(47:22):
Yeah, it's a it's a tough, toughcareer choice.
Yeah. But he's he's nice enough to get
away with it. I think he was a lovely man.
So not just nice beat. You rarely meet a proper knob,
you know, most people are nice, I think.
So you get the odd one. Yeah.
When you finish it or do you what like what's your pro?
Do you put like a big gap in between?

(47:44):
In between? On this one, actually, we finish
in April next year and then I'vegot a week off and then I start
a musical with doing one in Manchester for a couple of
months just to sort of get it onthe grill.
See as a, as a karmic grab, I'vebeen asked to like only
audition, like for, for like plays and things like that.
And the rare times that I get tosee a play, I love it because

(48:06):
it's kind of similar to what we do as people come to see a thing
on stage. Someone else has written it.
It's so different. She's lovely.
And it's it's it's you know, I'mwatching the audience as much as
I'm watching it and and it can be sort of captivating them, but
I think because it's a group thing as well.
Yeah. And like they're all relying on
each other. And but what always puts me off
is I love how like instant standup is yes and yeah, we're doing

(48:29):
work in progress shows. And what you're talking about if
testing about smaller audiences,but the idea of like intensive
rehearsals with a lot of other people.
Yeah. I I would really struggle with
that. I think I, I think you, once you
did it, you wouldn't, I think there's something about what I
love is after being by myself for 18 months, 280 days to join

(48:51):
a group of really talented people who were funny and, and,
and fun and, you know, and talented.
There's something about that. Like, and you become a bit of a
family for a little bit and thenyou're together and you are
relying on each other and you learn an incredible amount from
these performers that then you can take and put into your
standard. So I've learnt stuff from, you

(49:13):
know, the Corey English who did the producers with Becky Lock
who did curtains with and then getting to work with other
comics, Ross Noble, I did a musical with him and Phil
Jupiter. So you just pick up piping from,
from what they're doing, bits ofadvice, bits of performance
skills and stuff. I think it's, it just adds

(49:35):
another layer to stand up. I find myself now acting out a
lot more of my stories in my stand up rather than just
telling you what happened or what might happen.
I I find myself doing different characters or different just to
build that and that comes from that I think.
Yeah. And I think when you're doing
especially like in a tour lengthshow, yes, having physical type,

(49:56):
it's really helps kind of break it up you got.
The audience, yeah. You got to, I say, like, you
know, you, you, you like your warmups, Usain Bolt and you're
Mo Farah. You know, you've got to do that.
You've got to do an hour and a half and keep them entertained
and keep them, keep them going. So you've got to mix it up a
bit. Can't just be you just
monotonous. Have you ever heard of a singer?
A guy who did one of the original like Lame is called

(50:17):
Calm Wilkinson. Oh yeah, fabulous.
I saw him in the late Late Show on RT what?
Just flicking channels. Saw him singing Bring.
Him home. Bring him.
He would have been. Yeah, that's one of these.
And I didn't know lame is and stuff at all.
Yeah, yeah. And then I just like got so into
hearing him sing yeah, yeah. And he he's, but he's like, I
didn't know. He's like an art, this Irish
singer, he's like a legend. Oh, he is Broadway and he's.

(50:40):
Yeah, he's next level is when you perform with people like
that and, and you know, and he'sjust, it's like doing kick UPS
next to Pele, you know, just these people on next, like next
level. Is Broadway something you would
love to do like? I'd love to try and do something
over there, feel like I've got, I'd like to mix up the I think
they'd be a bit more receptive to a mix of cabaret, maybe stand

(51:02):
up stories and and music. I've done that a little bit on
cruises and stuff because obviously what if you can sing,
you can do what the other thingsare doing, But then what a lot
of things haven't got is the chat between you know, so you
that that I think might be something.
I also think there's a world where I've been watching a lot
of Nate Bugatti and, and it's fantastic.

(51:23):
And, and, and Jimmy Carr rang meactually.
And we were chatting about Nate and just saying, I mean, I don't
know if the numbers are true, but Jimmy was like, this guy has
made $60 million in the last year and he's not left America.
And he, and he's also probably able to walk down the street
because he's got that thing of he's not like.
Yeah, he's an everyone. Level.
Yeah, yes, exactly. He's just and he's clean as

(51:45):
well. Well, that's the thing.
So Jimmy said to me, look, you know, there's a, there's a
market here for clean comedy andI'm just looking at the British
circuit and there's actually only you and a couple of others
who could probably get wet. Not not that I'm a you know,
I've got this swearing in my shoulders talk about Dion double
his massive penis. You know, there's there's
stories in there that maybe are not family friendly, but he.

(52:07):
Calls that the do bread. Yes, that's right.
Yeah. No, that's the hammer from
that's what the show's about. We never seen it.
Just picture and Dionne on the roof.
Yeah, but, you know, so there's the tour Does we go into
different areas, but there is a world where you go actually, you

(52:29):
know, there's no there's becauseI was very careful about
swearing. I don't know what your sets like
when it comes to you just go forit.
I don't do a lot of it at all but but.
I've never made the decision to not do it.
It's, I think it's an interesting choice for comics.
I think because it was, there's some, most people are not
bothered. And you say that whatever swear
words, it's not going to. But there are some people it

(52:50):
does sit differently. Yeah, and there is.
And they're not wrong or right. It's just a different, different
style. And what I found myself doing
quite early on. Somebody said to me, you know,
if you do that set and I was swearing a lot, you know, just
more. You use it sometimes for filler.
Yeah, Yeah. You can't think of anything, say
just, oh, fucking just fit it inthere.
And somebody said to me, you know, with producers, when

(53:11):
they're watching you, rather than get them to make do some
work trying to think, right, if that was cleaned up, would it
work on this TV show? Just clean it up first.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what you find out, So what I
do early on is I obviously record all the shows.
When I watch them back, I look at the swearing and I just I
take out the non essential swearing.
Yes, yeah, there. Are always going to be jokes

(53:32):
that are funnier if you swear. But you've you've built it up a
bit, but it's. It's, it's got impact.
You know, I was like, the example I always use is the,
the, the, the fellow who goes toa job interview, The guy goes to
a job interview. The interviewer says, what's
your biggest weakness? And he says honesty, I'm too
honest. He says, well, that's not a,
that's not a weakness. He says I don't give a fuck what

(53:52):
you think That only works with aswear word.
It's only funny because of that.That's so I think it is.
It's something if you're a newercomic, I definitely think it's
worth and it's different in different accents and stuff like
that, but it's it's certainly something I'd.
Look, I think people, even otherstand ups assume I'm clean, but

(54:14):
I actually do swear a little bit.
I just don't think you notice it.
Yes, too much accent helps as well.
I. Think yeah.
And I think we swear. We do swear a lot anyway, so
it's not that noticeable. Yeah, yeah.
Whereas if like, yeah, like a London comic curses, maybe you.
Maybe the accent's a bit harsh. I think so, yeah.
Yeah, for sure. When I'm on tour I I play, I
like to go and play sport and stuff, but I'm a big football

(54:36):
manager guy. Oh yeah.
Do you have another thing on tour where you're like, this is
a little tour thing for me? Yeah, I've been through the
Football Manager thing. I, I did, I streamed it for a
while, started doing it on like on my YouTube channel, just a
little plain football match whenthat source was a thing because
I, I. Worry and I wouldn't be
respected as much because I I don't bother with training I'm

(54:57):
I'm. All right.
I'm more of an old school manager.
I'm not a first team coach, OK? I just like I'm going to pick
the team. I want to have a say in
transfer. I'll make all the substitutions
and stuff but don't. I'm not going to be a trainer
and all the. Time when I was younger because
how old are you 3737, right. So I'm sort of 10 years old, but
I when I was younger, it was oneof the first management games

(55:20):
was like Premier League manager and you had to select who was on
the advertising boards. I mean it was so detailed.
That's what I want. That was.
Too, I like I like the you know,I also don't watch the game,
right? No, you know, like no, I'm in
the stadium. I'm not.
I know I'm not. I'm not I'm.
Just have a hot dog. But I'm no, I'm, I'm like, I put

(55:40):
the make the game go as fast as possible.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, do only commentary.
I'm not watching the wee things run about.
No, I know what you mean. I know what you mean.
I'm a, I'm a bit like that. I love it though.
I play quite a lot. But I do find it saps your time
when you have a little look at how much time you spent on it
and it's it does. It's not even in hours, it's in
days. I do like I, if I'm doing like a

(56:04):
little small tour in the States or like going to Australia,
that's when I play it now because it's a real novel for
me. Yeah.
So I just get like straight in there and.
It's massive, isn't it? It's a massive.
I mean, I, I actually coach my daughter's football team now on
a weekend, right? And I think some of those
skills, yeah, from the game. Yeah.
There's come in. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(56:24):
It's really helped me out, you know what I mean?
Obviously, you know, I've got noFreddie Ado, but what I've got
Molly B, Yeah. And you can't pick Moses, Asher,
Cody for your for your daughter's team.
People watching will love that. You know, you're really
specific. I was really going to drop a
tonne, Tonne Zola, Monka, you go.
But I won't, but I am and I I dolove that she's like under 12

(56:49):
girls team, you know, been playing for the year and we it's
just it's and it is joyous like so yeah, I do.
And funny enough, I do feel someof those, those like the
excitement more so because it's real.
But there's I just, I love it and and just being involved in
that at that level as well, because they're they're only
just finding out what football is.

(57:10):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so they're so funny.
I mean, we started last season, we got beat 33 NIL.
Like it's pretty hard. It's hard, man.
It's really. 32 No you like, we're still in a game which is
all the play for you. Just keep your heads up.
We get the next 1 though. It's a game of momentum.

(57:30):
No, it's one of those where whatI loved was just a little
molesome like. So there was two of us where and
obviously our daughters are not listening to us, so we'd have to
speak to my daughter. Get you, get you and.
There was a moment where I said to my daughter, I'd said to them
at half time, I said, look, the key area is just to keep
talking, right. So just keep talking.
We'll have a little look at where people are and just keep

(57:52):
talking. So you know where right there,
there, I've got that ball, I've got, I want that ball, just keep
talking. So it's all going well.
And then I turn around and the goalkeeper who's the best friend
of my daughter, both just stood there on the penalty spot.
The balls up there just stood there.
I said, I said what you doing? Sounded my younger daughter.
I said, I said, what you doing? She went.

(58:12):
You said to keep talking. This is so.
So you're going back to so far back to basics.
Yeah. You can't like if you even shout
man on they're going what you'retalking about like with 12 year
old girls, like so you've got tolike strip everything you know
about football, Yeah, and start again.
But. Do you recommend that because
I'm just about to so my big son is 5.

(58:36):
Right. This week or next week, I'm
going to start coaching his. Little people.
Well, I mean, to be honest, as long as you get the DBS.
That's the only thing I'm worried about to be honest.
You know the like the check to make sure you're all right
around children? Why are you worried about me not
getting? No, no, just I'm not.
Thank God I didn't. Know there was one of them?
No, I'll leave it. How?

(58:57):
Suspicious would it be if the day before you're like I've
thought about it, I'm going to. I am what you check hard drives.
No, I'm worried about, you know,just the fact that it's my son
playing. Yeah, yeah.
I'm very much like I would not. Because.
Haven't played football since I'm no age.

(59:19):
I've seen it all. I've seen like horrifically
pushy dads and mums. I mean some of the parents, I
mean, honestly, they oh, do you see that gold Jays top bins?
I'm like, yeah, she's free. The keeper's free foot 2IN full
size Nets. And she was and she was looking
at pigeons. So let's not don't buy the ABS
just yet. She's not Jill Scott, you know.
So yeah, yeah, there's a bit of that you've got.

(59:40):
And now they've got like a respect line and all.
Oh yeah. There's all sorts of stuff going
on and like, it builds as well. So like we've just stepped up to
9 aside. Now there's offside rules,
there's, you know, there's also.If you stand behind the respect
line, can you do whatever you want?
Yeah, you don't. You could that's you can be
disrespectful. If you're an inch behind.
I would say genuinely, I was as a dad as and as and I'd never

(01:00:00):
give advice to parents. I hate it.
But as a dad, I've sort of got almost like a second wings.
I've got my daughter's a 1617, yeah.
And I didn't do that. I just worked, yes.
And I sort of missed out on a lot.
Of that yeah, yeah, yeah, my. Daughter's 10 and my son's 7 and
I'm fully involved in that and and it all and I love it but it
makes me wish I'd done it. Oh yeah, I know.
As well. So I think it is important to do

(01:00:21):
it and it is important to be part of that if you can.
You know, I like say you've got all your skills from Football
Manager. Oh yeah, yeah.
So I actually got a reference inFootball Manager once on the in
the in the credits, which I was delighted about about 2009.
I think it was that season. That's great.
Yeah, it was. What's your man who, who, who

(01:00:41):
runs it? Oh, what's his name?
The main guy who who owns SI Sports.
What's going on my head? It's going on my head.
But to be in the credit like a few.
So my the team I played for my hometown team, we were in it.
Oh, wow. But like, but it was only like
the the, you know, I was going to say the 10 best players.
Yeah, if I I mean, there's eleven players in a team that

(01:01:03):
would be a real kick in the teeth.
But like it's when I was a kid, but the best first team players
were in it and I remember, but you knew those all of these guys
are training personally and like, and it wasn't good.
It was like his finishing three out of 20.
But like what? I'm with him.
I'm doing the same training session, but I just like, you
know, I want when I go down to watch my son's football, of

(01:01:24):
course I want him to do great. Yeah.
But I try not to get involved asmuch possible to just let him
have fun. Yeah.
Yeah. You know, But but then I do want
to be out as training, you know,I don't want to go, you know,
experience at all with them and all that kind of stuff.
Yeah. But I don't want him to think,
oh, you know, he's so. It's not point and click now.
Yeah, this is real life, Dad. He's got the don't talk to me

(01:01:44):
jumper on after working him in the third minute.
Well, I I did. I did a routine about Football
Manager on Live at the Apollo. Oh.
Was it about wearing a suit for a cup final?
Yeah, so it was, I remember that.
Yeah. So it was a had a whole routine
about and and it was one of those weird ones where they said
because. Were you not talking to Michael?

(01:02:05):
Richards, Michael Richards. I remember that.
And Pete? I did it for about four years.
I get blokes now is one of thoseroutines that every single
people's minds, you know? But what was interesting at the
time was so I did this routine and it was.
And it was, again, it was sort of based on a true story where
I'd met Micah Richards, a charity event, and I was

(01:02:26):
everyone was that excited to meet and I wasn't, I wasn't that
arsed. Yeah.
And then my dad afterwards was like, I thought you could have
been a bit friendlier to Micah Richards.
I was thinking. Yeah, I am.
I wonder. Why?
And it was after I realised thatI'm Football Manager I'd like
subbed him off, maybe I'll find him a week's wages or something.
And on the thing, he said Micah Richards hates Jason Mumford,

(01:02:47):
but that was in his little bio. So it must have just sat there
for ages, you know? And, and so I had this little
routine and a whole thing about Man City signing Rubinio for
that, which was just like a really exciting moment in in
football history. And, and this is what I find
interesting about stand up because we're sort of like the
sort of gatekeeper to the zeitgeist if you want.

(01:03:09):
So we're if something ends up ina stand up set, yeah, it's
popular. Like it's popular enough for us
to risk talking about it in front of hundreds of thousands
of people and hopefully get a laugh from it.
And and that's why it ended. I ended up with this little
credit. They got in touch with me to
say, oh, we played your Clipper like a a team building meeting

(01:03:31):
to say, look how far we've come.We're on BBC One on mainstream
telly because this game must be really popular because people
are laughing about it because they they know about it and
it's. And so as that sort of shows you
how far we've come now, because of the way we consume
entertainment, it's rare now to find those Nuggets of, of games

(01:03:52):
or films or TV shows or even singers.
And so because we all 3 million people watch that, 200,000
people watch that, it's not 20 million people watch this.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you get the odd one
traitors probably you could do aroutine about and I'm.
Obsessed. Yeah, we love it.
I'm obsessed. Just Irish one, I went and did
RTE there after show and I'd never seen even the UK one right

(01:04:14):
and I drove straight home. We watched the UK one in like 6
nights, 5 just by Mike. Well, I was in the Irish one.
I've. Just started watching the out of
the party last week. I'm not credible.
No, no, but the the. The.
Sarcasm is on another level. Because the UK one, like they
want to win, but they're being kind of like nice to each other
and you know, they won't have good etiquette, the Irish ones.

(01:04:36):
I think the, I think the Irish. I've and I've watched New
Zealand, I've watched America, the Irish.
The difference in the Irish one where they're like you get to
murder someone tonight is they try to murder.
Them, Yeah, yeah, like when they, when they wake, when they
realise they're still alive, they're like, oh, oh, I've been
missed all the show. I would love to do the the play
the traders. Yes, like the real one.

(01:04:58):
Yeah, it would be great. It's a great show, but it like I
said, as a stand up, it's there's only a few, you know,
even even moments that happen throughout the I know it's to do
the panto in Manchester and so and I do.
You mind if I say, Oh no you don't?
I think I think if. You're disappointed if you did
it, Yeah. But it and which is great, but
again, there's years ago you would you would pick 7810

(01:05:19):
references throughout the year, a Simon Cowell thing about you
know, and you and they all get abig laugh.
And now we're like, we're just looking at the script now going.
That couple will be gone. Well, basically like that couple
who got found out of the Coldplay gig.
Yeah, with the camera. Yeah.
Like that was a big moment. And then after that, what was
what were the big moments? And things come in.
And it used to be that we would talk about things for weeks.

(01:05:41):
Yeah. Yeah, months.
Oh, yeah. Now something happens and it's
an intense day. Yeah.
And then that thing's gone. We went to the the Co-op to
watch Olivia Rodrigo, me, me andmy daughter.
So there's like 10 of us there. Went to say and this is the
biggest arena in the country, this it can fit 20,000 people.
And then we were there a week earlier, Lionel Richie with me

(01:06:01):
mum, we're you know, Louis Capaldi in a few weeks, all
these people playing and the theshow on the TV screen, they're
showing all the people who are coming up and they go, here's
Drake, OK, I'm aware of Drake, you know.
And then there was 3 singers on the bounce that have sold out
20,000 tickets who have not got a clue who they are.
And that's not just an age thingthat because we all had that

(01:06:23):
even when we were younger, our parents knew who Oasis were and
Blues, you know that. So now there's this this whole
way of consuming entertainment that that people are able to get
to that level. And yet most people here never
heard of them are absolutely fascinated.
And how crazy that like, you know, you're taking your
daughters there and and it's your home city in there and then

(01:06:45):
you know you're playing you're. Playing well, I'm saying funny
stories. We went to see her and my
daughter's got this like sassy best friend.
She's like. Tell the goalkeeper. 10, she's
not the goalkeeper. No, no, she's sassy, best
friend. And anyway, walking up there and
on the screen is all the people playing.
And then my poster pops up. She goes, that you?

(01:07:09):
Oh, yeah. She said you're, you're here.
And I said, yeah, she went whichroom?
I was like, in which room? The room?
Like, what do you think there's,like a bar area in there the
same way, same place as, you know, Olivia Rodrigo, She went,
what do you do as a comedian? Tells jokes like she went, are
you funny? I said, yeah, to some people,

(01:07:30):
enough people, you know, find usmoney that we're doing in this
room on the way home. I dropped everybody off and I
said to my daughter, I went. I said, what?
What do you tell your friends? Because I just spoke to Molly B
there and not a clue. I get it if you work in finance,
so you're an estate agent. Not necessarily something 1011

(01:07:51):
year olds are talking about, butsurely you know, you think it's
interesting enough that it comesup in conversation.
I said what do you tell everybody that I do?
And she just went panto, panto 4weeks a year, 4 weeks a year.
But that's the only thing relevant to that age group.
So they're not bothered at it the rest of it.
But yeah, it was pretty humbling.
Pretty humbling moment then. When is the?

(01:08:14):
Is that the end that? No, actually it's not that's
just before October half term that is so yeah, in a couple a
few weeks time and we're filmingit as well.
So that'll go out on sky and andthat's that'll be the first one
that that's filmed in the in theCo-op as well, which would be
great. Yeah, so I'm looking forward to
that and then the tour carries on then till till till April.

(01:08:34):
I've got, yeah, got a few row variety we're doing and and then
obviously Panzo and Big Night ofMusicals for the BBC.
We're doing that in January. So yeah, it's busy, Busy all
time. I'm fitting the paddle.
And then of course it all, yeah,just all fitting around paddle.
And then we're, I think we're back up here a few times as
well. We've got a few more back at
Ulster Hall again. OK, we'll.

(01:08:55):
Put the link to that. Yeah, yeah.
Great. That'd be lovely.
And. We and we can play paddle that
day. Let's get that.
Game that'll give me enough timeto get semi decent.
Yeah, let's get that game. Well, I've got.
So this is a better interview than the last one I had in
Northern Ireland. Nolan.
Nolan. I'd be more hard hitting like.
Well, yeah, yeah, just less of ashit stirrer.
What was he trying to get you on?

(01:09:16):
No. Do you know what it were?
It was, this is years ago. Actually, this was years ago.
And we were, we were over at theOpera House.
Are you dressed up as a hedgehog, Jeter?
What's your respect? We were doing, you know, Alfie

(01:09:39):
ball. We were doing Chitty Chitty Bang
Bang. Not you and Nolan.
The. Musical.
No. No.
Yeah. He was a child catcher.
Come back, children. He was.
Yeah. So we were.
We were over, me and Phil. Jupiter's Phil was in as well.
And. And anyway, they said to us,

(01:10:01):
would you go on Stephen Show 1 evening.
I was like, yeah, fine. Yeah, no, but I just they said,
oh, it's like the ones show. It's just a bit of a bit of a
light hearted chat of an eveningof milk, right.
Nice and easy, no problem. So anyway, on the way over there
that we were sort of chatting about it.
Now earlier on, this is a long time ago now, but earlier on

(01:10:23):
that week there'd been a car bombing and I think maybe
somebody had died as well. It was like quite obviously very
serious. And they were talking and they
said, oh, we're going to talk about it on the show.
And and also the sugar tax was abig thing at the time as well.
And then because you guys are getting LA, we'll get you on.
And so I just said to them on the way over, I said, look, can
I just make a suggestion? I said, stick the sugar tax in

(01:10:44):
the middle. Just soften this.
That's right. Do you know what I mean?
Get the serious chat. You know where they've got
people round a round table screaming at each other that.
Was it the TV show? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, it's the TV show. Yeah.
Is it on Fridays? Is it Friday nights?
Yeah. Nolan Live.
Yeah, Yeah. So they've got people screaming
at each other around this table and and I said, let's stick

(01:11:05):
sugar tax on and then we'll comeon at the end and chat about our
lovely light hearted family musical.
But for whatever reason, somebody did thought it was
better to start with sugar tax then do this really emotional,
passionate, angry, literally people screaming in each other's
faces. And then they were like, all
right, let's go to chatting. And you realise you could not be

(01:11:28):
in a worse named musical when there's been a car bombing in
the local area, when you're talking about this magical car
that goes bang, bang, it really,it didn't sell it.
It really is. And all the way through we just
go don't, just don't say the title.
Don't say the title. It was one of the weirdest

(01:11:49):
experiences. Warm up for that.
There was stand up, warm up for that.
And it was not because like you say, they will go from something
about something horrific during the troubles and they were cut
the man off like mid sentence aseveryone's in tears and angry to
be like ladies and gentlemen Spondo ballet and like the

(01:12:10):
saxophones going on. Everyone on stage is just like
staring at the ground. It was not.
Yeah, it's a. It's a weird weird.
Format Martin Kemp ignored me ina corridor during the run.
That was the worst thing. I said a little to him and he.
Just blanked you but. A lot of times passing a lot of
water under the bridge, I'm sure.
Who's on top now? Camp, he's still there.

(01:12:33):
Justin, thank you. So much for asking me some, I
really appreciate it. Not at all.
I'm glad you love. And we'll paddle when you're
doing. Absolutely, yeah.
Thank you so much. All right.

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