340. Running into Space with Dara Ó Briain

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
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I can see our commentators wouldn't be able to feel their
legs. Yeah, it's a long time.

(00:20):
Still on day. But they're like starts with a
long day. So if they go, we've been here
for 8 to 14 hours, I can't feel my legs.
The IT would be weird thing to say to people at home, but you
can't feel your legs now and kind of move and they never say
kind of move around you. Know do you I also don't like we
we started rolling like a minuteago that's OK, but I don't like.
I presume. Yeah, I know the trick.
I've seen I've seen a bit of theI feel like the any bit that

(00:43):
feels conversation you're already in, but that hello
wouldn't hurt. We save hello for the pod.
We save hello for the pod. Oh.
For God's sake, just just, you know, just just a comment, just
say who's here. Yeah, kind of a thing, rather
than here's a game of who is here, like the can you get who
it is? Yeah, Anyway, sorry.
Well, I don't like the commentators in Golf Whisper.
I don't think they need to be doing that.

(01:05):
I think they're far enough away.They are there.
It's not that they're that. No golfers turned around and
looked at the camera and gone. Fucking hell, man.
Yeah, I'm, I'm trying to do a thing.
Here, like they don't need to dothat, They don't need to do
that. It's like snooker as well.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're in a different room
watching it on the screen. Yeah, you're not.
You're not there. Like, yeah.
So yeah, it is there. Darryl Brain is my guest.
Oh, what a delight. It's a pleasure to be.

(01:26):
Here. And I've saved it.
You've been here for an hour anda half.
Hello. It's lovely.
How are you? Imagine if you had like some
medical emergency but I was likesave a table.
For the boys, if you're going todie, could you do it actually on
air? That would be an exclusive that.
Would be, I was about to say. Include me in it.
So I and the last thing I'll do is I'll collaborate on the post

(01:49):
by dying the last movement I do like.
I just just collaborate in the post.
Your family, like what do you say about us?
I go he just, he wanted to accept that collab.
Yeah, you do. He didn't.
I'm so sad because you didn't get to share the story.
Yeah, like, I mean, there was that if the one thing he would
have wanted, they didn't. I have to I have to do your face
ID with your dead face with. My dead face I mean that is the

(02:12):
thing you have to do you know you have to very quickly unlock
people's phones. Yeah, that is no joking.
You really have to fucking is hegot is he got I think, I think a
quick phone, phone, phone, phoneand then just and then keep it
open like they yeah, yeah, because they're otherwise yeah,
that little tip fear got an older relative.
Well, my, my, yeah, I was doing like for a good while.

(02:34):
I was doing classic scare prankson my dad for like Facebook and
stuff, right? And just just real like meat and
potato scares. Like I would be behind the door
and jump out on my dad right now, the two caveats are my
dad's very old guy and my dad has a real bad heart.
So I did have to say to him onceI was like, if they because
people would write you're going to kill your dad, LOL.

(02:55):
Yeah. But there was a genuine threat
that that would happen. So I had to ask him.
I was like, if you die during this and my dad, the consumer
professional, was like, put it up, he wouldn't have met.
I would add it's a bit worried was unresponsive.
I would have just. Left people die of shot.
I don't think that I think you die is like if you put your dad
in a treadmill, then you're again, but I don't think going

(03:16):
to Boo is runs that much adrenaline through your heart
that your heart goes I. Can't.
Yeah. I've never heard of it.
You're scared to death. Yeah, I don't think that's the
thing, but I don't think that's the thing.
The. No, it's hot, but I would really
commit to it. Like there was times where I
would like sneak into the house and wait for a long time and and
there was there was some big scares like.

(03:37):
But he does. Yeah.
Like, he does have a bad heart. So maybe it could trigger that.
How you? Please tell me that's how you
started like that you've tried on a number of different coats
that there's a brief period where you were like throwing
cards at A at a tank across the room.
Go fucking hell when this is going to pay off at some stage
the car is going to land in the in the egg.
I would do a lot like during theWorld Cup once at a game where

(03:59):
he would stand up the top end ofthe garden, I would try and hit
him in the back of the head withthe football and we got the like
the quarterfinals and I took them out.
Wow. But there's so much people were
so angry at my dad, like it'd behe'd walk down to the shops in
Hollywood here and people were like, I really hope we had
sippers. This episode of Team With Me
podcast is sponsored by none other than that price guy.

(04:22):
I'm not talking about any price competition page.
I'm talking about Ireland's largest.
And you know, a lot of times things that are large are good.
thatprizeguy.co.uk, he's done everything.
He started off you could win like like a tube of Pringles was
one of the first ones he's been.He's made 10 millionaires at 10

(04:45):
people walking about here as millionaires.
And the thing they have in common is they entered that
prize guy competition on the website thatpriceguy.co.uk.
There's competitions from from from as little as what done.
Give me an example. We throw away one I.
Want to go for the big one this time?

(05:05):
Set for life. Set for life so.
You could win a new house, £1000a month for 10 years, a new car.
Sorry, £1000 a month for 10 years.
Don't try and work it out. Don't.
Don't. 1.2 million. No, it's not, but OK, 120,000

(05:28):
points. All right.
Also 100 grand cash on the five star holiday or if you want to
take the cash you can take half a million in cash.
Do you think if you won that youwould just Jack this in?
100%, yeah, absolutely. Prize it to be in with a chance
to be set for life. I'm sure you're paying £700 for

(05:49):
a ticket. Currently it's 299 a ticket.
So even if I hand price guy three one point coins and
getting change. You're getting a penny back.
That is insane, that price guy.co.uk separate also need you
to point you the way. I can never say that.
I also need to point you in the way of our
patreonpatreon.com/tea with me. By the way, I just for a second,

(06:12):
shut the fuck up. See, people who talk about these
reads being too long, these outrages should be over 13
minutes. They're all about a minute and a
half each now, so shut the fuck up. patreon.com/tea with me
podcast. All our specials are on there.
Ad free episodes on a Tuesday fuck up fast day.
Yeah, God free dickhead. He loves the ad free.

(06:36):
He absolutely loves the ad free.So the app, there's bonus app
fucking Peter on the club site. TV Me podcast, There we go.
And then there was the Jeopardy because we didn't want to stage
it, you know, I didn't want to fake it.
Of course not. But but yeah, I really caught
him on the back of the head witha good one.
And then he went down to kind offeed into the joke.
But then another part of me did think that is like a little bit

(07:00):
of a boost for the ego. If you can, like David Beckham,
kill your dad, you know. How far away were you?
20 feet and I was really like because at first I was chipping
it and then I really started like positions through.
It hidden but yeah. Yeah, yeah.
But I think he'd like, I think he'd like to die in like an
entertainment kind of way. Yeah, I mean like it'll be a way
to be and then you just loop it on the on the tomb.

(07:20):
Yeah, the OR you do a screen grab.
Thinking my dad would have a tomb.
Yeah, I think. You call my dad and such.
I record. Your father had a full
mausoleum. I would like a, you know,
properly above the ground, abovethe ground.
Obviously it was ground with thepillars and stuff like that,
whatever. And then a screen just running
the moment over and over again, him being hit in.

(07:41):
The face Darryl bring fish really strongly.
That my dad should be mummified above, yeah.
I I will. I'll run a go from me just to
get him properly commemorated. He would love that.
Yeah, no, and he deserve it as well to.
Be and he wouldn't like, don't think there's a load of stuff
he'd want in there with him, youknow?
Because oh, I'm not I'm not saying it's to bring his riches

(08:01):
to the afterlife. I'm not like I'm not, we're not
going full, you know, Egyptian on this.
Like I'm more New Orleans that kind of like, you know that that
kind of like that famous graveyard that's in the film
They where, you know, they're all above ground.
Would you like me to? I don't know what that film is.
Would you prefer I said that I didn't know what it is or
because what I'm doing is nothing along like I might?
I know, I know you are, but I can't remember it either and I

(08:23):
think it's Easy Rider but I can't remember exactly which one
it is. But the people, they walk
through a graveyard and it's allmausoleum.
It's all like tomb sitting tombstones rather than in the
ground. Like yes or the ideal way to
bury him would be in. My dad this.
Is your father who's still with us, by the way, and this, when
does this go out? A couple of weeks so we could be
5050. Yeah, it would be in permanent

(08:44):
Emma Frost, umm like in eh in eh, some like eh Sal bar some of
these places on the on the Arctic Circle is you bring him
there, you bury him there in thevery frost and slowly over time
the ice moves him up eh and he gets pushed out of the ground.
Eventually they reemer this genuine bodies reemerging from

(09:04):
the frost because the frost pushes the things that are out.
Well, that's going to be fuckingterrifying. 100 years but.
What a video for? You made a time lapse.
For you, for him to have played the trick on you, that 100 years
that he after you say, oh, I committed so much, I sat in the
house for a while to jump out and go Boo.
He commits his body to permafrost.

(09:26):
And then, over a century, slowly, the body reemerged.
And he scared the polar bear. Yeah.
And then that would be amazing. My daddy's like 5 foot 3.
So it wouldn't take that long. No, wouldn't probably take five
years from the coming. OK.
Yeah. You know, of the of the ice.
Yeah. I don't know.
I mean, I think he'd like that. He would.
He would enjoy some sort of liketheatrics.
Yeah, I mean deserves that. I'm not a frost.

(09:48):
What do you know people that have done this?
No, but I know that they I've been Svalbard because we did a
gig there. They put that onto your list of
gigs I've got to try to get to do.
Svalbard. Svalbard is an island 4 hours
north of Norway which is owned half Norwegian, half Russian.
It is in darkness for four months of the year and then in
permanent like in 24 hours on for another four months of the

(10:09):
year. The and so we were there during
the darkness part, which I thought would be amazing because
I'm a night part and I thought this will be fantastic.
It'll be like just being out allthe time.
Yeah. And it was just exhausting.
Yeah, it was really unpleasant. And we really couldn't wait to
get out of there. And what's the gate?
What? It is an art centre and they
have gigs and so they they put on shows.
I mean, I feel like that's one where like if people don't come

(10:32):
and see it, that the level of disrespect because there's
nothing else happening. No, there's really people are
like, I can't make it. What else are you doing?
I'm staring at the place here. I've really and I've got I've
got I've put that into my diary for next Friday and the audience
chat. By the way, they all know
because only 4000 people live there.
So they all know each other really, really well said.
Who you what do you do? And they all go That'll be

(10:53):
Barry. He's the postman.
And it was it's, but there it's it is it's you've got to bring a
gun for polar bears. It's that it's.
Offers like a. Yes, yeah, and they were first
gun then they're really insultedand then and then communicate
with the polar bear Kingdom, eh,breakdown like whatever you know
the to shoot the polar bears. Yeah and and then you were

(11:15):
scared only flare and a gun. So if you go to the towns on
you, the signs and the road thing, make sure you got it.
You're flaring your gun. You gotta just take that shot.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
And you better fucking get that shot.
Is the flare the first response to to try and scare them away?
And then if that doesn't work. I would shoot first, flare

(11:36):
later. I would go with and.
I know you've always said that. Yeah, I think I know by roofer.
Last time we met Kilkenny Festival a couple of years ago.
You said that, didn't I? Just you going on stage, you're
going, what kind of room is this?
And I shoot first flare later. And you'd know it was difficult
into context. You weren't you, what I was
talking about. But now you know, and now you
know, yes, now you know, like for a long time.

(11:58):
And I thought you did very well.Yes, you had the look of someone
who's both confused and being entertaining at the same time in
Kilkenny because you don't workout with the maybe the
flare. If you shoot the flare at the
polar bear, do they go on fire And then the polar bear
screaming? That's on a flame.
A flaming polar bear. Yeah, that would be amazing.
I think. And for the shoot, do you?

(12:18):
Are you just going for the chestbecause it's cocky to try and
take a hedgehog? Oh my God, a hedgehog but a
ball? Be worth it if you had a.
Baller move. You knocked the cranium off a
polar bear right there. Just calmly, just you would
expect it to come up like in your own head.
Yes. Hedgehog, the word to appear
like whatever and plus 50XP and then disappear in your own head.

(12:40):
Yeah, you go. Oh yeah, that'll be that'll be a
legend. What you like, you'd be a
nightmare at dinner parties after that because you would
always have that, Yeah, No matter what people were bragging
about or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shot the head off. It's like this eh, if you're an
astronaut don't like that this weird thing I've got loads of us
not there are other ocean they walk among how?
Many astronauts would you say you've?

(13:01):
Met. I've made but half a dozen.
That's a mental amount of astronauts to have met one.
There's a lot. One is, but I've met at least
half a dozen astronauts. Yeah, I have, yeah.
So potentially 7. Possibly.
Yeah, possibly when? Did you meet your first?
Astronaut. I met my first astronaut about
10-15 years ago. And I mean, I met them at steady
rates. To be fair, you did work for

(13:22):
NASA for 20. Years yeah, yeah, he's got I was
I was the guy put them into I fit them into the stuff they
got. But the so it's kind of part of
the gig, like the umm, no, I've been knowing them, but the but
the astronauts, all their anecdotes are better than any
anecdote you have, because they're the same anecdote but in
space. So they so genuinely we somebody
ring into a thing. We didn't BBC space, but I'm

(13:43):
talking with the Northern Lights.
And she said, Oh, we're going. We're saying look what you see.
And she said I went on a cruise and Norway was amazing.
I'm Sod was also a real bucket list thing and I don't ask her
beside Chris Hadfield, the Canadian out the moustache.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's besides, and I said after
getting couple stories from people who would so like, oh,
there's a wonderful thing in theworld.
And then it all happened and we saw the beautiful dance in the

(14:05):
sky. And I said, Chris, like an
idiot. I said, Chris, have you seen the
Northern Lights? And he goes, yes, I have.
Where were you? And he said I was on the arm of
the space shuttle at the time. And we flew through the Northern
Lights and I radioed down and they turned off the external
lights of the space shuttle. And we I floated through the
Northern Lights and it's like fuck you, fuck you.

(14:27):
And these nice women have rung in with their once in a lifetime
story. Are you absolutely rude?
Are we on a boat as you see it, guy?
I was in it. I was in it on the end of
without the most isolated man inhistory.
And I float into space like thatfine.
Yeah. You.
I know him, all of him, because his new warm up for the Nolan

(14:48):
show. Oh yeah, did you?
Yeah, and deleted it. He was a gay pardon.
It was called Oh no, sorry, I mixed up with the Kelly Show.
The Kelly Show was called Deleteder in the industry.
Why? Because the team is that was the
thing. It was known as deleted in the
industry. Just amongst you an astronauts.

(15:11):
You get me in the the NASA in the space industry, I would say
have you done things and they were I've done the late, late
I've done deleted it and they goOh yeah, deleted it is quite
good. They it's got no.
I never knew it was not and I met Jerry and he's never
mentioned. That I don't.
I'm going to be to him, I think.He doesn't like that it's known
as that. Yeah, I think it's very much in
the team in that within the teamthey call it deleted.

(15:31):
What he on this week on deleted.Oh right.
OK, yeah. Were you ever on deleted?
I was on today, Yeah, yes, God. And I was amazed just how,
because the doors open up and there's like 3 rows of audience,
I went, oh, I didn't know, I didn't know.
There's like 12 people here. And I was on with the blind
psychic. Now does anyone remember the
blind sidekick? I was one of northern islands

(15:51):
greatest gifts of the world. It was a blind psychic.
Her name I can't remember. It wasn't like Mary O'Neill or
something like that I could everget.
And she was a blind woman who came to have psychic powers.
And she did a show in Edmond oneyear called The 6th Sense.
Not comedy. Not comedy, genuinely her doing
a psychic. Now, obviously, implicitly, that
is the sense of your blind pet. So it's the fifth sense.

(16:13):
It is the you can't but it and Iand I think it's just if I'm
saying that because she traded on the fact that I can't see,
but I can see through the world right.
But Jerry Kelly said an absolutely brilliant thing
because she did a thing on the show where she did a reading, a
cold reading of the audience that open with things like has

(16:33):
anyone here lost to Mary or actually where she said the and
then she moved on to Patrick after that.
Genuinely not. And then at the end, Jerry Kelly
and no, I've never heard anothergood went.
You got a lot of that wrong, didn't you?
And not enough people do that. Sidekicks.
But Jay was like. If you watch him closely, he's
doing a bit. Of that, yeah, totally.

(16:57):
God, what was her name? Sharon Needle, Sharon Neal.
That's a blind psychic. She's.
Still going down. Maybe after that she was like
Jerry. You've been caught out there.
But no, she went didn't Edinburgh with it as well at the
end she's around. Wild.
Because the other psychic, they won God, what's her name got to

(17:19):
see her with the blonde hair andthe glasses she did the.
She cancelled the show once at the water frontology, unforeseen
circumstances and everybody wrote how possible.
She the Sally Sally. Oh my God.
Umm. Jesse Raphael.
Yeah, she looked like Sally. She had Sally.
Rooney, Morgan, Sally. Morgan Sally Morgan Sally Morgan

(17:41):
is Sally Morgan. The Sally Morgan had a the
waterfront. My finest job more than
waterfront is the lads of the waterfront told me that she's
on, she was almost the waterfront and the crowd weren't
going for it. And the crowds are taking the
piss like whatever, she's doing all this stuff and somebody goes
and I'd like to speak to my mother and said the oh, when she
passed away, oh, she's not dead.They, they kept just going

(18:05):
because he's my dad. He did Nope, they kept doing
they. And I said, and I said yes, I
have lost my father and said, OK, well, I'm going to try to
find him. And then the woman, the odds
went, Oh no, I found him again. And they kept just doing this
too for the nightcloud there. So yeah.
So the Nolan Show. Sorry, you were you.

(18:27):
Serious politics, Yeah. And for for no reason at all,
those stand up warm up. You do 15 minutes of jokes to
people that did not want it. But once Chris Hadfield was a
guest in studio, in person, and there was a debate about that's.
Your first tick. That's your first.
Well, I did. I wouldn't even say I met him.
I would say he was there. But I didn't get to meet Chris

(18:49):
Hatfield. OK.
But he's there and very serious,obviously, to be a show.
They're talking about the Troubles, They're talking about
horrific things that have happened in punishment, beatings
and stuff like that. And they would always kind of
run out of time. So they would just about squeeze
the guest in. So Nolan's doing all this.
There's people on stage, people crying, people talking about
like how I'd have suffered so badly because the Troubles.

(19:09):
And Nolan literally just stoppedthe guy mid sentence talking
about like getting his leg blownoff.
And Nolan's like, Chris what space like?
And Chris Alfield had like 3 minutes to be like, yeah, it's
great. And Nolan's like, and when you
look at when you're up there, you're looking down and
everything, he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It must be mad. And he wants them to go.

(19:31):
Please put all this in perspective and tell us what
it's like. Yeah, Make make our problems
seem small. You've seen the bigger view.
There was no transition. Yeah.
Who's the second astronaut you miss?
And God, one of the 12 who's like, I've met three of the of
who've walked in the moon. The Buzz alternate met as well.

(19:52):
Yeah, yeah. How did you what?
Was the key. It was ATV show but space that
used to host the BBC. This is why this is easy to.
Start. That makes you way more sense
struggling. With thinking that I just kept
bumping into like around go Oh my God, is that Charlie Duke of
Apollo 17? Imagine to you here in Londis,

(20:16):
what do you? Wait for an astronaut to come
along. I could do this a fluke, run a
form that I've had in that so itcan constantly bump into you
guys like whatever. Simple as.
This episode of the Tea With Me podcast is sponsored by our big
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out. Unbelievable.
No, it coasted a series of television shows of its base.
Then that makes so much it. Really.
Does honestly, I presume that itYeah.
No, no, no. That's how I messed.
Do you say in your experience with astronauts, do you?
And that's not something I get to say to people.
No. Do do astronauts believe in
aliens, or are they really against that?

(23:10):
No. No.
No, God no. They're fine about it because
there is every chance as am I. The the somewhere out there,
there'll be some form of life. It might be only microbial near
us, but there'll be something out there.
The chances of it just being us in the vast expensive space are
are essentially 0. Just imagines, like Oxford, just
we P heads. Yeah, with this head, yeah, I
mean. All body the same P.
Heads I I think getting I just won't speculate on on the

(23:35):
nature, but there's not you knowyou can't you absolutely can't
realise but. There's a version of us.
There's all this. In infinite, in an intimate
universe where anything could have.
There has to be. There must be if it's infinite.
Yeah, they're give a type. Right, Unless it doesn't.
It'll make us would be. Yeah, yeah.
But now, OK, I mean we presume these monkeys and typewriters
and also with P heads the. The monkeys up there have P.

(23:58):
OK, they also P head. OK, regular sized typewriters.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The D, of course. Yeah.
Because obviously then yeah, youneed that the OK we've we've I
think we've moved away from that.
What? Happens in space.
It does you do you vote the absolutely the why.
Why was that the of all the manythings that have many mutations
that you could have gone with with a tiny head?

(24:20):
Or what about like no feet, No feet?
Yeah, no, no, yeah, it could be there could look all of this is
is up for grabs. Yeah, yeah, it's grab, but the.
And do it like are they do they just stay doing talks about
being an astronaut, yes Or do any of them just like let go
left field some? Of them get a bit woo and

(24:43):
because they've sat out, they'veseen the they've seen space and
you know, seen the earth and it's in the context and they get
a bit mystical about the whole thing.
There's a couple of who've gotten that gone down that
route. Armstrong, the young song,
famously just went back to beinga lecturer in the university and
essentially never didn't want todo chatters, but didn't want to
do that. 'D be a good way to shut the
class up. Yeah.
I mean, you are the you are the winner in that situation, like

(25:06):
always. What have you done with your
life? Yeah, but he never really went
on went on about it that much. Buzz Aldrin got set up who was a
good set up by like a hidden camera kind of thing.
Yeah, Buzz Aldrin punched a guy.But but did this guy kept coming
and going out? Why didn't you admit that it's
fake and you didn't really go there to buzz punch?
That's right in the face. Yeah, but there's not a lot of,

(25:26):
you know, people kind of are with Buzz on that and the guy
was being a bit of a prick like the.
And we do so both punched him inthe face.
I've seen the footage of. Him.
Would you go to space? Yeah, I would.
Depending on the situation, I'm about four times the size of
every astronaut. What situation would you would
you doubt? Would you say no to?
I mean, eh, if Boeing made this,eh, made the space whatever,

(25:51):
like whatever and you're kickingthe tyres.
Yeah, I know, I know. I mean, a lot of people have
dropped out. Yeah, yeah, a lot of people have
dropped out, but it's a but we still think, you know, that it's
worth going up there. Like the I don't know if it's
like a giant rubber band essentially.
It's set up like the that's doing this, like whatever it
depends I was doing. I mean, it's not a you know,

(26:12):
it's uncomfortable and and eh, an argument to properly go into
Duff that looping tail. I do that, but I wouldn't go
around saying I've been in space.
You know that one like the tourism.
Just experience if we. Just kind of go and you get
thing whatever you and do that. I've done the plane where they
do 30 seconds of weightlessness,that one where they do repeated
dips and loops. There's an aeroplane you can go

(26:32):
to in Florida. I think this is in Germany as
well. But there's definitely, there's
a couple companies in Florida and the plane, they use it for
train assets, they use it for testing.
These are for 0G and the plane does those a parabolic dive.
So basically it falls at a freefall speed control freefall.
So you no. No.
No, no, you're allowed. You know, float around.

(26:52):
You're allowed. Oh yeah, that would be.
There'll be no point in you. Being Yeah.
You could say you've been in zero gravity, but you you
haven't experienced it if you. Yeah, it'd be like if they said,
look, this train will bring it to the Rockies, but we've
blacked all the windows so you can't see.
It So what did you do when you were floating about?
Well, I was supposed to do for ashow, so I was talking to a
camera and stuff like that, but I was, I was floating about the

(27:13):
mainly you get 30 seconds floating about and then the
plane quickly goes up because ithas to, you know, goes up and
down. But then you had to do a link to
camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And actually our producer, there's a camera was a producer
and the producer, but really exciting producer turned out to
be one of these people at the minute it starts, she got
violently nauseous and just had to sit down and couldn't go do
it at all. And and some people just

(27:34):
switches immediately the minute the thing goes.
There was a guy that we saw one stage during the 0G bit, I
think, think floated passes and was only after they found out
that it was a guy who would who'd vomited all over his
experiment and was just immediately his ears where his
ear in a raisement. No, no, no, everything,
everything out is awful. And they curl you into a ball in

(27:55):
0G like you, just like in a foetal position.
And they pick you up and they float you down the plane and
through the back of the pain, catches you and puts you in a
chair. That's how they deal with you.
Did you feel like a baby doing that?
I didn't do it. I didn't have to do it.
I was doing the floating part. Yeah, we know.
Did they threw you? Did they put you in a ball?
No, I didn't get because I wasn't one who's ill, but the
person was ill because they. Because that happened to them.

(28:17):
Yet and said, oh Christ, you're going to be no use here.
We're going to strap you to a chair and you can just going to
sit this out. And so they curled him into a
ball and pushed him down the plane.
And that's so down the plane. Emasculating.
It is hugely because afterwards he was all he was standing there
and he's the only he's he's we're all in jumpsuits with the
and his was just vomit all over the front for like when he

(28:38):
looked really looked really unhappy with yeah, so yeah, but
it was a it was amazing. It was actually amazing.
You've. Been to space.
I wouldn't have been space. No, no, that.
Yeah, yeah. No, it's not.
That's you've been more to spacethan I have.
Yeah, but I've actually not because I've done, I've done 0G
for like about 7 minutes of 0G. But umm, but it wasn't, it was

(28:59):
an aeroplane that was relativelyquite low.
The one you don't do is you don't look at the window during
the thing because the wings, theaeroplane bend up and then bend
down really violently, right? And it's like you don't.
But then what if you look at thewindow at you just do EP here.
Yeah, just does this, except youcouldn't say it except I feel I
should repeat this. You're not in space.
They did that. But you're near it.

(29:21):
You're. At the edge of the Earths
atmosphere. No, you know you're even that
high. You're no higher than a normal
plane. You're just behaving in a weird
way. It's like I'm look really want
to distance myself many plane but I've been in space.
I did a cool thing, but it wasn't that cool.
Thing. No, that is cool.
He was. He was nice, yeah.
Speaking of, I was telling you before the record, the only
conversation we did have, yeah, was I told you I just been to

(29:43):
see Simply Red because we were talking about.
Speaking things are equally. Cool to you being an astronaut,
but I described Mechnos as a cool guy my third time.
Me and my dad have been to see Simply Red.
And that's so too, I mean, I getI get one time, I get one time
because somebody bought tickets,they couldn't find a home for
them. And they said in the last was
730 said they want to go and yougo out.

(30:04):
Look, I've got nothing else on. That's the chain of events that
would lead to me seeing simply red.
They I look, they even have there's a buffet.
There's there's a chances like there's a finger food thing as
well. So you could go just for that.
Like whatever, it's grand. There's a couple 3.
There's two glasses of champagnethrown in with it though.
That's good thing. Do you think it's crazier that
I've seen Simply Red 3? Sometimes you've met 6

(30:25):
astronauts. I get you weren't doing a
television show about seeing Simply Red, yes.
So which would which would make more sense?
But. If anyone's going to do the
travel. Documentary in which you
obsessively go and see simply Red in various cultures and you
talk to people in various. I can see it like whatever, it's
grand and here you are in Peru talking to people what is Simply
red? Do you like whatever they're and

(30:47):
they're playing on the pan pipesthat simply.
Red on the palm pipes if you don't know me by now in the
panic exactly could carry that off.
Oh, he. Would he look?
He's got great pipes and stuff. That's so you've always said
like. You you'll admit that.
Oh, no, I know. Look, look, he's a fine singer
and and there are songs there islike, you know, I like, but
like, it's just, yeah, to have gone three times feels.
Do you think I've developed Stockholm syndrome with Michael?

(31:09):
No, but look, Michael had some because Michael was famously
slept with like 7000 women or something, these numbers.
Cool guy. I just told you he's a cool guy.
You said that's not cool. I.
Don't know, I'm not saying that that's not cool, although it's
possibly various and just slightly cry for help, eh
element of that say it's like whatever, but it's a cry for
we'd all like to possibly we'd all like to be able to think we

(31:31):
could do you know, you know, we just didn't need to you know,
it's gone because I was in a stable ratio.
Otherwise I would have also slept with 7000 women over the
last 20 years and. Had orange red box.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's got, I mean, the
thing I often say to my wife, itwas you.
Would you? What if you got the go up in
space? What if, like Richard Branson

(31:52):
said, I want let's go for a month?
For a month. But far away, it's far away.
It takes time to get there, but Mccutnel is going to become with
us. Is that a situation where you
that would be? Awkward that would be in a
confined space that make you know, just every morning wait
just him is waiting out of the shower.

(32:14):
That was me. It was me singing holding my
ears from behind a shower door while I'm waiting to go in.
I'm waiting outside the bathroomand make it and just sing it to
himself. The yeah, that I think that was.
But he's brilliant, he's brilliant.
Oh, look, I'm not going to be down because then it's very easy

(32:35):
to be, you know, they're not cool about these things.
Everything I just don't, I thinkthree times feels like.
I'll be honest, the tickets, it was £75 and he was saying
money's too tight dimension. I think the general consensus
was it is not yeah, after £75, see you go and see like a big
music. There used to be like I feel

(32:56):
like a standard concert price, Yeah.
And now some take some like 90 quid £95.
I paid hundreds of pounds to seeMadonna last year.
The and and my wife was ill on the day she goes, I don't know
if I can make this. And I said we'll go for a little
bit of it and then she will duckout just before the end.
Yeah. And get before you.

(33:17):
Know you'd be doing that anyway,surely?
No, I know what you stayed at the end.
I would say why? Because it says the end.
Why would I? What you think in every concert
you go, what have you missed? What have you missed and simply
read the three times that you'vethat you've bailed on?
It I am, I usually try and get the set list before and then
I'll see if there's a song maybetowards the end I could do

(33:38):
without. I had the four goal fairground.
Oh my gosh, that's the only goodone they've got.
That's like it off the upbeat one, like whatever.
And then the yeah, yeah, that's all right.
I that one I'd I listen to. But does he not do as much as he
mentions in the set? Is it then the God yet?
He was doing a walk throughout the years and then he'd the only

(33:59):
bad part of it was eat. Sad part was like he was doing a
song and you know, he'd be like this, this was in he's taking
you. There he goes, it's 1992.
You know, when he sort of he's taking us through a journey
through time and space really space in between him starting
music and then to know basically.

(34:20):
But then he has a song and he'llbe like, I wrote this song with
whoever and he's like who's sadly no longer with us.
Then the second song he goes, this was the song I wrote with
someone who's no longer with us and then he acknowledged it.
He was like, this kind of is theRIP section and it was just him
talking about their guys that hewritten songs.
Yeah, that was the downside of it.
But then I think he he kicked inwith like, if you don't normally

(34:42):
buy now or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, they're like people going again.
Wow. OK, Yeah.
How much did you pay for Madonnaticket?
Hundreds of pounds, I think. I think it was.
It was. So you stayed at the end?
I get. I get up.
No. No, I would have said to the
end, but my wife was there. We thought we'll get out.
We leave and and get up to the tube.
This is in the O2 to the tube, but Madonna doesn't come on

(35:02):
stage for but I'm supposed to come on stage at 8.
Whatever. Madonna comes to stage an hour
and a half later. Do you think people because this
is such a common thing with likebig music stars.
Oh, they were what time are theyactually going to Yeah, but
yeah. Do you think that is like a par
move that they do to get people talking about their concept I.
Don't know why you do it and from somebody who is, who was on

(35:23):
stage, but I'm like, I'm not saying bang on 8:00, like
whatever. I there's a moment where they
come in the knock on the door and say, OK, we've got clearance
front house clearance, which is a phrase I presume they still
use from Madonna. Madonna, we've got front of
house clearance, everything in their seats.
They're all back from the jacks.They're ready for you at the
end. And Madonna then goes time to
start a Netflix documentary. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(35:44):
Yeah, and then sits for an hour and a half because you'd go off
the boy like I mean, I take a minute to have a like the the
the have the pre show. We look at myself in the mirror.
2 slaps in the face all. At the same time.
No lad out, he's doing his business.
Slap in the face. Very few of the show the stage
of the work have a mirror directly over the toilet so I

(36:06):
can. Put once they get my right or
they do, yeah. I bring one, it's the only it's.
A two way murder. As well, Which is.
Yeah. And actually there's a police
kind of examined, like somebody been questioned for a crime on
the other side. Well, I'm urinating and slapping
my death in the face, Yeah. But like, I just don't get that
because especially at Madonna's age, I'm going surely you want

(36:30):
an early night? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because. She'll be up there, like, by the
time she's out of there, it might be near midnight.
Yeah, but and also your audiencewants an early night as well.
Your audience aren't are with the best in the world.
We like I'm 53 going to a Madonna concert like the.
And it was it was that kind of generation of people who were
there, like the. Yeah.
So, you know, we would like you to wrap this up.
Yeah, like at some point. At simply read there was oh, I

(36:52):
can't very few security and I was like as I I feel like this
is the night where you probably could tell the security staff
like they might not be needed. If you told the crowd, could you
look after that yet? They know.
Yeah, we will. We'll be fine.
Now, once this mosh pit starts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's really going to kick off for.
But it was it was one of I wouldn't have thought was your

(37:12):
Madonna, like that's your, that's your one where you go?
Because I was, it was Rolling Stone to Crow Park.
I was like, I'll pay whatever for these.
Yeah, whatever, because I need to see this.
It was it was sort of a bit on awhim.
The the Madonna thing the and I do like Madonna, but the but it
wouldn't Prince would have been the one that I would have shut
out properly for the and I wouldthought Prince wants to the

(37:32):
charity gig in London. That was via somebody was a
promoter. So they gone through loads of us
to go and there's a comics and we're all scattered around the
room. And I remember Sean Locke was
there and but I remember Ramesh Ranganathan was there sitting
downstairs looking at it with this weird looking face.
I remember eating after going God, you must you really don't
like Prince dear. So what do you mean?
Said you just had this frozen look in your face staring angry

(37:55):
at him. He said.
I was I was so amazed he was there that he just stood.
He's in the room. Yeah, I just said he was like a
matter of feet away. But Prince walked out, played
Purple Rain to open the gig and then said I'm now going to pay
12 number ones and then we'll see what we do then.
And then just hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit.
The crazy thing is after, and I'm a big Prince fan, but after

(38:17):
11 of those number of ones I'd have been like right guys?
Sorry mate. But I gotta be, I gotta be the
Russia like at this point. He got second-half wasn't he got
into his guitar stuff after thatlike an award?
But that's it. Was it like an intimate show?
Yeah, it was in Coco. It was like in the same time as
Zoom, as the ground opera here, like whatever that's in the
room, like whatever. And it was just like, this is
insane. Like the yes.
Beautiful little man. Oh.

(38:38):
Stop it. He's finest.
Like whatever. And he would just go to the
keyboard and play the opening riff from things like whatever,
the open myth from like the open3 seconds to girls and boys and
they go and then move on to something else.
And then Mr Matt. Yeah.
And he would just play and he would just go like EastEnders.
Yeah. In the middle of it all, I go
Really. Like, that's yours.
Yeah, that's fine. Like, like Niall Rogers going.
You know, I actually wrote. I also wrote the theme to

(39:00):
Mastermind. Whatever.
Like you go. I suppose you didn't.
I'll do everything else. They, you know, these people who
do. Yeah.
But. But it was it was remarkable.
Anyway, Madonna started the showan hour and a half early, so we
only got about an hour and 20 ofthe show before we had to bail
the. I mean, on on Prince, you have
to be that good to wear that gear and people still think
you're cool. Like he can't, you can't be like

(39:22):
not brilliant and wear those really like purple suits and.
A little Blair, little bullfighter jackets, that was,
that was the stuff when I came in, only whatever the we did
little buttons up the side. Yeah.
You ever thought about that or anything?
From stage. Never.
I, you know, I it's underneath the suit.
Yeah. So I know it's there.
And it gives me the hidden confidence.
Yeah. That at any moment I could just

(39:43):
spin on my tiny Cuban heels. Yeah.
And then do a split back up again.
And they were going. What was that like?
It happened so fast. It would happen so fast.
You go and then. No, that can't be.
That can't be the case. Yeah.
The first I remember the first time I saw you on TV, the first
stand up bit I think of yours that I stuck and I was like.

(40:04):
Repeatedly watched that bit was a bit you did about a terrorist
attack on a miniature. Really.
On the railways that Yeah, the York model railway station, the
I. Don't live at the Apollo.
It was on live at the Oh, yes, it was.
Yeah, it was back in the live Apollo.
They gave you half an hour. They Yeah, there was one guest
in each show. And Jack, do you come on to 10
minutes and they bring somebody out and you do have and you
probably get 20 to 25 minutes. I would be broadcast to it.

(40:27):
So it's like this proper? Now it's probably what, like 7
or 10? Minutes or something or 10
minutes maybe. Yeah, it's got but it was like a
full here you go. Here's a here is absolutely this
person, and here's an intro to them like the.
And that was probably the era ofLive at the Apollo and shows
like that where you probably noticed what you can tell me.
But like, if you had a show on tour or something, everybody was

(40:49):
watching that. Yeah, everybody was in their
homes watching that. So let's say you almost like
instantly saw like a bump in seals for a thing you were doing
or whatever. It was like the big it was like
it was like, I don't think that doesn't exist now, because now
with some war of attrition, we have to post of 40 million times
to get any kind of traction withthe public.
The it's that you went on Parkinson or you did live with
the Apollo and there was like here you are.

(41:10):
We are now introducing to you the new faces that you're going
to be. And they're like people go, oh,
OK, If you've got a line that landed on one of those, then
you're you're fine. Because it was that, and I think
I started watching the panel andmaybe the last year or two, the
panel that like with hindsight, feels like almost like a
podcast. The panel, yeah.
It was, I suppose. Yeah, absolutely.

(41:31):
Because it was. Except.
Except we got paid for it. Yeah.
It's an exciting concept that has been sidestepped.
We'll give you a wee box of our.Oh, yeah, yeah.
We don't have to do anything. You don't drink tea, coffee.
That's fine. Yeah.
Which I want to get into you on that I want.
To on the tea coffee thing Yeah,OK.
Do you want will be a short? Circuit that and then I just
wonder if you're not because I messaged you before this, I said

(41:53):
would you like a tea or coffee? And you said you're not a tea or
coffee man. No, don't drink it.
So I'm thinking at the end of the night you get in, you've
done a bit of work, you put the feet up, you turn the TV on.
What do you do? What are you doing?
What are you like? You have like.
Continue to watch TV but. What are you drinking?
You have an accordion or. Yeah, maybe, or I'll have a real

(42:18):
off drink or something. But what if you just want one of
those? Been a long day.
I have all of those emotions arethose normal human emotions, and
I think I deal with them absolutely fine without it
having to be. Coffee is bitter.
Umm, I really you know. Sounds like you're better about
coffee. I'm OK with it being, but you

(42:39):
can't deny that there's a there's a kind of an accurate
tank to cover that. There's a kind of there's.
Something there? Yeah, it is.
It's like. What about P?
No, no. Are you saying you'll be like a
long day? I just want to have a like on a
Sunday night. You might go right.
I'm settling down to watch a show and you have a right Bina.
There's no context in which I'm going God, if only I drank tea

(43:02):
now are. You telling me you don't mind
with an unbongo? Yeah, you don't have it doesn't.
It's like I don't drink tea. So therefore I'm a 7 year old.
It's like it's not like I got mymy taste got frozen at some
early age. I'll turn to my wife or my three
children and go, can I have a can I have a lollipop?

(43:22):
Now there's a lollipop time. Someone get daddy a little.
Yeah, I was in trouble. I want the tropical taste.
I want. Yeah, the eh, I go to a lot of
eh, Coke Zero. OK, yeah, but not I wouldn't, I
wouldn't you? Don't have a problem.
I don't have a problem, No, no more than, but no.
Do you not as well? Do you know when, say, let's

(43:43):
pick a round out? You know when you're sitting
down. On a Sunday night.
On a on a Tuesday afternoon and and you're there going oh, might
have a read of the paper. I might, I might I'm a flick to
me, me, me scroll through some stuff like whatever.
Oh, and then your hand doesn't have a nice cold cabinet.
What's what's going on there? You'll.
Never see me. Which is your hand on Sunday
night? Does your hand feel really hot?

(44:05):
Does not feel naturally hot not to have a cold cannon it like
the yes card and you can't do this with the like you can't rub
it across your fart and cool yourself.
Does that like how do you live? How does that even survive
without that? Like whatever, I know you're not
feeling the fizziness, the bubbles just in your mouth and
into your nose. I put my teeth through a soda.
String it. Just settles me like.

(44:31):
Yeah, I'm. I'm settling.
I haven't. You thought you were going to
say something and I'm going, yousee, right.
For the last 53 years, I felt unsettled.
I felt, I've always wondered what that was.
I've always wondered when I sat on a Sunday, I'd be like, oh, I
can't watch this. I can't watch.
I can't watch it. And I was going, yes, please sit
to sit. Can we not just sit like normal
people? I go, no, I can't.

(44:51):
I can't settle. I can't settle what?
I think it is. Settle.
I think you were doing my accentfor a second there and I think
it got a wee bit Asian at a point.
As well. OK, no, it wasn't.
It was me being unsettled. That was that was honestly, I
wasn't doing so, I think. I wasn't.
I think that's what it is. I think you think you're
settled, but you know when. Like you've been on a plane.
Then a day later you yawn a bit and your ears pop, but you don't

(45:13):
know that they didn't know they need to pop all.
The time they've been unpopped. So you think that they that I
have been listening to a muted reality for 53 years now, but
the metaphorically. Yeah.
OK, so you're allowing me the cordial years, but then at the
point where I should have transitioned, I should have put
away childish things I didn't. And since then I have been

(45:38):
hearing everything just with thedial slightly turned down like
whatever. They've never fully been able to
relax. Also, The Cordial Year is one of
my favourite Simply Red album. Yeah, he did many of his best
writing, writing at the end during the cordial year.
Yeah, the. No, I don't feel any need for
it. I find alien and weird.

(46:00):
Good luck to you. Yeah, you're not the first to
have tried. Yes, it's a genuine problem in
the relationship I have, which is generally working OK as a
relationship as we said, but theboss.
But could only be improved. Would be improved if if I felt
the urge to have a cup of tea and therefore empathically went.
I bet my wife would also like a cup of tea right now while I'm

(46:20):
making a cup of tea, why don't Imake her a cup of tea?
Whereas I don't have any desire to have a cup of tea or go
anywhere near the kettle and so therefore it never crosses.
You don't make her tea. I can't when she asked to make
her tea, but I don't, I don't know when because, you know, I'm
worried that I would artificially and then she'd be
going. I'm on the toilet and I'm like
pushing a cup of tea. And I said.
You wake her up in the middle ofthe night.

(46:41):
Tea, tea and I just and the tea is going no, not not now.
Yeah, not like I mean, we're midcoitus and I just introduces
between us. I go Gee.
Hey, now you're talking. Yeah, sounds great.
Yeah. She's going no, no, when she's
patting this, stroking this backin my face.
No, no, no, no. Maybe now maybe does that and

(47:03):
that's why he's had sex with so many women, because halfway
through he'll offer your cup. Could you imagine, though, if
you went to bed with Nick Mchognell?
Yes. And then, okay, okay, OK, but
there's more to it than that. Obviously.
Take that moment, take and enjoythat, the reverie.
But also, but could you imagine if you had the night before and

(47:23):
people say, look, how was it? And you go, he didn't give me a
cup of tea. And it goes, oh, did he not?
Oh, no, maybe, yeah, maybe just some women.
Midway through, he paused and went, you're a cup of tea, girl.
And then and here they have a cup of tea yourself at the end.
But not everyone gets that. No, no, I don't think so.
I think they would. I think they'll probably, you
know, I think it would be difficult to arrive at

(47:43):
completion and I would even. We can make hope now and all of
his skills if if you're thinkinggoing, I didn't get a cup of
tea. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't think. But the panel was great.
Like I yeah, yeah. Panel was the panel was panel
was an absolute delight for him to do.
It feels like it, like looking on it.
And I was like huge comics, hugeIrish comics sitting around.

(48:07):
And it was so because it was obviously like studio audience
and that kind of thing. But it was such like a casual
discussion and and you, you know, you hosted it, but it was,
but you're part of it as well. You know, it's not like people
were being interviewed. And even when Gas came on, I
only got maybe the last year or two of it when I started
watching it, but it just felt solike relaxed.

(48:29):
And I wondered like, why, why that stopped and why that
something like that hasn't come back on eh?
It's interesting why, why, why they went to a few years of it.
Not quite. I left it but refused for it
ended and then it was went to various different things.
I know it's sort of because I brought it over.
I didn't. It's an Australian show and I
did a few times in Australia. I went, oh, this is lovely.

(48:49):
This would just work in Ireland and I brought over and said
we've got to do this and it was repeatedly turned down.
My, it's my absolute favourite, eh, showbiz story of all time
that I once sent in a tape of the panel two week commissioning
editor for entertainment in RTE and said this is the show enough
to do because they're going oh, look, you seem to be doing a lot
of stuff. We'd love to do something with
you. I said, this is the show enough

(49:09):
to do. It's really just straight chat.
Lovely easy show to do This show, which we all know went
went on for years and years ago.I said this show like to do and
he watched the tape of the show they've done and then rang back
and said, oh, I didn't know. He says, I mean, does an Irish
audience want to hear about the Australian Prime Minister and
about Aussie Rules football Genuine?

(49:30):
I said no, we don't. We don't do the topics.
We do Irish topics. And he genuinely thought we're
just going to come over and go what about that Aussie Rules
last night? That was amazing, was.
Like people don't want Neil Delamere in an Australian
accent, yeah. Talking with Geelong, yeah.
And you know what incredible thing that you know, what
amazing things have happened on the Great Barrier Reef.
But it was it was he could not, did not realise it was.

(49:52):
It was just, you know, we take the format and then do that
here, but. When you did bring that show
over from Australia, how did youget through customs?
Yeah, yeah. Well, I didn't hide any fruit
within it. It was.
And then they eventually didn't went, it went really, really
well. But it was, it was.
We didn't do it in the studio inRTE because I hate studios in
RTE and it was very difficult. So we used to do theatres and we

(50:13):
used to put the cameras behind the audience.
Yeah, which I, that's the name. So the audience were right in
front of us as it's just, it's like a theatre gig comedy show.
And at the back of the room there's cameras, cameras,
cameras, cameras. So they used to do all because
they can fucking zoom in and then we go to do mock the week
in which there's a 40 foot gap, but enough and nine cameras
there and you kind of go and this is really weird.

(50:34):
This works really better. And it was always really because
I did the same time as mock the week and mock the week was
properly a you know, produced dojokes on this topic, then do
jokes on this topic and then he'll come and did and it was
all very much worked out, you know, by because the producer
wanted total control of it, whereas the pan you go then
Monday to the panel. The panel was just like we would
literally sit down with people. Myself and Colin Neil would sit

(50:56):
down and and whoever Andrew or Ed, whatever.
And we go, we read to 13 users and go, does any event on that?
Do you have any interest in that?
And they go, no, we go, my God. And if it was, it doesn't matter
how good or big the story was. But if something people went, Oh
no, I might have something that you do a couple of ticks and and
the stuff that get the most ticks, we go, yeah, let's do
this, this, this and this. So it's what we were interested
in talking about. So we just automatically also,

(51:17):
there's a touch of if you stick people in our job in front of an
audience, you don't have to findit in advance.
God, you're going to say something like it was always is
always implicitly even mocked itfor years or kind of I've got
some ready like you go, you know, I'm not going to sit there
with nothing and like, what are you going to do?
I'm going to go. I got the cheque.
I don't care. I'm going to sit here in total
silence in the TV studio just staring at the recording.

(51:40):
Nothing like whatever. Yeah, it's I'm absolutely going
to want to be good in front of these people.
The so. So it was all just very loose
and very so. One, so you're doing those at
the same time. So one was very casual.
Where the other ultra worked outand do the.
The one that Ultra worked out loosened up a lot over the
years, and so by the end of the show it had more of the DNA, the
power, more of that. Kind is that just build you

(52:01):
building up trust? Yeah, and we and then allow me
to expand the bits where and they took a lot of the contrived
games out of it, like whatever it became basically two blocks
of chat and then it became very,very loose and much more
enjoyable to do. But at the start it was bang,
bang, bang, bang, bang. And then you'd go off to Ireland
and have this ramp rack of loosejust really like over this, you
know, And then the guests would come in and we just shunt the

(52:22):
chairs up and they side and beside us like the and you know,
we chat away like whatever the. When you shot them mock the week
panel or pilot, Sorry, did you know that that was, I mean, what
a wild episode if you shot the panel.
Yeah. Oh wow.
They're on polar bear suits. Yeah, I'm like, I'm just as a
kind of like I'm finished with this show now, so I shoot Colin
and meal and then and then startthe BBC show.

(52:43):
Yeah, It what? You weren't required to be that
brutal about it. Like, yeah, you're allowed to be
like, whatever, I mean. They said would you be willing
to do? How much do you want this gig?
Yeah, I would be. Willing.
I want you to renounce. Renounce your previous life.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want you to, you know,
and and like, like a McCarthy trial of 1950s communism.
I want you to, I want you to basically give evidence against

(53:04):
Colin Murphy and Delaware. So they spend a long time in
gaol and then you go on to greatest success.
Yeah. It's it's yeah, it's been, it's
been awkward. I feel guilty about that.
Yeah. You know, but they and they were
forcing to exile to the blame. Which is essentially.
Which I, by the way, called the panel for years.
I'm sure they love that they love.
They love really, really appreciative of the work that

(53:26):
they were. Doing so that was like their
house almost. Yeah, it was great.
You can you can do. This.
They're exiled there and they'relike, yeah.
Yeah. And did you when you like shot
the first mark the week? Did you know then did you go,
this is going to be great, couldyou have seen it?
And you frankly was very good. And that he was, he was going to
be, he's going to impress, eh? I told you, I thought there was

(53:46):
so many rounds and it was all very awkward.
And weirdly, it was eh, we and then the first series actually,
we're going to do our last one and it was the day of the bomb
77 bomb in London the and so we had to cancel it and do a
compilations. That's the whole thing was very
weird and rocky and I don't knowwhy it's settled in, but there
was a point where there's a point where I had to do very

(54:08):
little on the show and it got really used to get really
irritate me because I was like, I'm not even.
And then the guys got and I do these off the cuff things and I
go there. You can put on the show, he
said, and we'll put on the compilation, be funding the
compilation and go, you know, I'd like to actually be in the
show doing something whatever, because I'm, you know, that's
really irritating. And there was it was all just a
bit a little bit contracted. I genuinely there's one near
where I while they're doing the round of stuff that they're

(54:28):
doing and I'm just pressing A buzzer.
I had a piece of paper and I wrote out the next four years of
work to see would I ever know ifI just left this, if I left the
show, would I have enough work coming in?
I went, Oh yeah, I've got The Apprentice for a while and then
the tour and the next and it's like 4 years later.
I said, well, not true in that year.
And so that and that could be awkward like whatever they
weighed up pros and cons of of quitting Mark the week at one

(54:50):
stage and then went. Didn't get a lot of mind and
went let's continue with. Yeah, yeah, there was.
What the hell to do it Like it'sonly sick it's only 11 days of
the year. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just carried under again than 17years later we were we were
still doing it. And did that spin off in there
like the way the panel came frombeing the Australian show?
Did mark the week go all over the world?
As well eh no actually umm, I don't think anyone actually I

(55:12):
don't think there's another version of it I think it was
yeah in fact I don't know whether is really I think I once
saw a nine out of 10 cats in Sweden but again these the
should they they weren't yeah they weren't picked up the same
way I think I don't even know what I liked He has been done
that often that's where the no no, I mean lotteries doing
taskmaster they have some formats and panel shows seem to

(55:34):
be very UK do you do. You still see a lot of clips
from Mark the Week, yeah. Yeah, but yeah, not as much as
it used to be. But it was actually, when I got
cancelled, a nice sense of people who actually liked the
show, saying I liked the show because we normally just got
grief because. I remember the huge call for the
like, people were outraged. Well, there's a touch of it was
a touch of there was a it it wasa show that showed new talent,

(55:54):
which is important. I don't know why for that reason
alone, but also as political it was commenting and things.
I don't think that's why I got pulled.
I don't think it's a Jimmy Kimmel type situation.
That's it got pulled because we were saying things that were
dangerous. I think it was a more worrying
problem that just they were theyhave less money to make shows
and nothing is replaced because they don't want that's not where
the money is going now. And so the BBC is just isn't

(56:14):
making panel shows or new ones anyway.
But every so often there's a bitwhere the IT gets stuck in
stasis. And certainly before marked the
week happened the there was there had been no new panel
shows for about 10 years. And it just been they think it's
all over and have a good news. And what's the other 10
Buzzcocks? And I was 8 for about 15 years

(56:36):
and the same faces on all of those.
And then Angus Deaton got in trouble.
They at the plastics awards, theBritish Plastics awards because
I was hosting, I was hosting a few years later and the macro
said these are very important, these awards.
I said, of course there of course they are.
It's your Oscars. I said, no, no, no, he said very
important to you. He said, because these are the

(56:58):
awards that Angus Deaton was a was was hosting and he went into
the bar and he met this woman who said, oh, like, I'll go
upstairs with you. And then she turned out to then
she told the story to the thing that to him leaving the show and
suddenly there's a guest slot and have like a news for you and
I didn't Jimmy did it and and sowe didn't get that gig, but they
said they said better 10 cats instead of mock the week.
And suddenly there's loads of slots and so loads of people got

(57:19):
to go. Do you thank Angus Deatan
anytime you see him? I thank the woman who sold the
story. Yeah.
You know, Yeah, Yeah, it would be.
It would be intrigued to me. I would.
I would know how to thank her that she wouldn't then sell.
Yeah, that's the awkward thing about the but, but because of
that event, a load of other stuff got in and then Dave came
along. It's around the same time and
suddenly we're shown everywhere.Like, so we were the, we're the

(57:40):
luckiest fuckers in the world. We had exactly the right moment
to be really set up. Yeah.
For that. Like whatever herself and Jimmy
and people who did those shows arrived in just as the people
five years before us didn't get onto any shows.
And then suddenly those new shows and we were in it.
And then through the shows were everywhere because of Dave
basically running clips and running shows over and over
again. So we were really, really lucky

(58:03):
they and yeah. And so now we're at another bit.
New stuff has stopped they and so hopefully something else
happened. Speaking of people doing nice
things, people, do you remember the first time we met?
You did a real nice thing for me.
Umm, when I told you shoot firstflare laser and you've and
you've and you've since embroidered that. 10 minutes
before that, yeah, you. It was in Kilkenny, wasn't.

(58:24):
It Yep. And you and this makes me
emotional. You let me watch the Champions
League final on your phone with you and Carl Spain.
The beautiful moment, wasn't it?I think you saw I was kind of
like backstage of the gig and I was kind of lurking a bit and
you said, you said, hey, pull upa chair.
Don't know what? You don't know what you and me
like. Yeah.
And I'm gonna put my arm around.You did, you and Carl.

(58:47):
I was in the middle of you guys.Yeah.
And I think you got me to hold the phone for the whole game.
Yeah. That seemed fair.
You said nothing is free. Said I need someone to hold the
phone. Yeah.
So I got the whole my. Hand is now tired and I'll do a
bad gig. Yeah.
Can you hold the phone? That's right.
Hey, new guy. I said, yeah, come over here
like. The the the and that's fingers
for holding the phone look at those yeah you probably saw

(59:07):
those when you end up the space that time I do a big.
Finally, do at the time remembernot being at a fully concentrate
in the game because I was going look at those.
That's a thing. That's that's a.
That's mad. Like look at my thumb mineral.
Deficiency or something that is.Imagine having aliens of the
same but just these. But have you had them all
repeatedly broken and reset? Come on.

(59:28):
They're they're they're multi knuckles.
That's what they call me. Yeah, multi.
Knuckle multi knuckles. Multi knuckles, they yeah,
there's a lot of. Insurance.
And outs going on there. I know and like I've.
Just weird bones. They're kind of the quite
uniform normally fingers, but yours dip in contour in ways
that. They have little jampic fingers.
Yeah, we like, you know. Oh wow, they really have.

(59:50):
They've they've really centred this and it's all of it's
strange, isn't it? Have you been, is this since
you're in school? Were you like, oh, look at this
and you're like, put your eyeballs?
Up they call me joint boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I have like weird bones. Like my I've decided my knee, I
have two bones. It's second.
I remember once a doctor being like, Oh my God, Oh my God.

(01:00:10):
And then I showed him the other one.
He's like 10 out of 10. Weird but at least it's
symmetrical and even like I would.
I have like extra bones under myankle and stuff.
Is it like an exciting mutate? Is this a superpower?
I haven't worked out an advantage I can get out of.
Yeah, there's no extra thing. Like, I can't run particularly
fast, yeah, but so there's no like.

(01:00:31):
But like, it's something if you're kicked in the ankle, you
go haha, you kick my outer. Bone, I said, you know, I have a
broken foot, right? You know, But yeah, there's no,
like, advantage. But I would be like, quite Bony,
you know? Right.
OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a bit, yeah. I think that's why you pick.
More The next evolutionary leap,which is what we.
That's not really. Yeah.

(01:00:52):
Imagine if I am. That's so shit for mankind.
I feel if I'm the next leap, that's.
Oh my God, I'm now calling myself the next leap.
I love that. I feel you're you're the
transitional 1. I feel a lot of people have said
I look like that, Yeah. Especially my hair like this at
the minute. A lot of people are saying some.
Point the the next generation, You don't have any other people.
Sure you don't. You have any kids?

(01:01:12):
Yeah, yeah, 20. You two kids.
OK, I'd be keeping a close eye on that.
Then why did you think I didn't?Because of my bones.
Because you're youthful, Yeah. And you're.
I'm 37. Well, yeah, OK, because I, I, I
thought. Edit in Dara saying I can't
believe it. Something like that.
Edit that in. I just think if is there a
point? Are you married?

(01:01:33):
Yeah, Yeah. So this point where you ring on
her. Yeah, this ring.
This rings 4 foot high just. How would it get on how to get
past the first 3 knuckles? I actually weirdly put it over
my head and. That's an easier journey for
yeah, it's been a lovely moment in the service, wasn't?
It. Yeah.
Married with kids, yeah. Yeah.
The and and your other half likewhatever when you reached for

(01:01:55):
her with your knots throughout 2fingers.
It was like when in a prat, you know the mission.
Machine. Oh, no, no, she said.
Hang on, I want to Can I rethinkmy answers from earlier?
On Yeah, Yeah. Yeah, okay, but yeah, so are
your children multi boned in? Interesting.
Way Yeah, my oldest son has weird thumbs too, you know, but
I don't think he knows it yet. But I'll have to set him down

(01:02:18):
and. Tell, you know, we're great.
You know it's great responsibility comes with that
great power. So I mean.
When he gives me a thumbs up on my guts, like a thumbs away to
that. It's like off to the side.
Yeah, he doesn't know. Yeah, but maybe he'll be the one
to find the par from. Yeah, maybe he needs to be
diluted a bit. So my hit my genes and my wife
genes. And he's, I think he's a
they're, they're how old? Three and five, OK.
So you're away from having a manto man.

(01:02:39):
Chat with him where you go in this family, son.
We all have. It's an alien, the boy chat.
Yeah, yeah, we all have. And my host, that's what we
call. Going to have to when you're
older and you meet girls, they will be scared, but they.
Yeah. Keep your hands in your.
Pockets. Yeah, at all times if you, if
you want this to go well, yeah, You're a gloves guy.
Yeah. Yeah, Mets.
Like yeah, yeah, yeah. Baseball.

(01:03:00):
Mets. Yeah.
That is, it's it's difficult in a in a in a situation, it's
difficult mid coitus to pass thewoman a cup of tea while wearing
a baseball Mitt. You I.
Can do I can reach your kitchen.You could you could you cook the
tea in the Mitt Does handle the mitts You can sip from the Mitt.
That's the handy thing about I can be in bed and boil the

(01:03:21):
kettle. Wow.
This just travels down the stairs.
Mr Tickle. Anyway, what I.
Preferred the the the transitional leap as opposed to
Mr Tickle. Mr Tickle makes me sound a bit
creepy. You know, Yeah, yeah.
It's not. It's not aged well, Mr Tickle.
No, no. What?
So you're like you're doing thisrun of shows at the operas, but

(01:03:42):
are you like, will you go out inthe Belfast for example during
the day and go and see and do stuff?
Umm I've been in Belfast a lot so I feel I've been and seen
everything that needs to be seen.
You can see it. Yeah, but like, I mean, yeah,
I'm not going to see the Titanicagain.
Eh, I'm not that interested in the Game of Thrones thing.
I'll walk around the town, but I've walked around the town a
lot. They.

(01:04:03):
Do you like it down there? Yeah, a bit of this, yeah.
I mean have an endpoint or is itjust?
No, no, no. I want to you because you want
to see a thing that you can go, oh, this is new or that's
changed or whatever, so you can go on stage and look like you're
not just it's Tuesday, so it must be Belfast.
Yeah. That you don't want that to come
across. Whatever.
So I had a whole thing about thebus that wants to be a tram.

(01:04:24):
The glider. Yeah, it's sweet.
It's really tram. You're not.
You're not. Apparently nobody buys tickets
for the glider. Oh, that's the thing.
Because it's pretty easy to hop on and.
Off only so oh. Yeah, OK, well, you can do like
whatever, you just go, yeah, letthat go like whatever.
Yeah, but it's so it's so why iswhy the wheels covered?

(01:04:46):
Why? Why they ship from what are they
shield? I think we can't have nice
things. If people see wheels, they'll
take it Belfastly. But you know, the way it was
always, it was a phrase that only ever since we've ever was
run flash, run flat tyres. Yeah, because the army trucks
had run flat tyres. Yeah.
You kind of go, OK, well, there's actively, they're trying
to counter the fact that people are, you know, attacking the

(01:05:06):
tyres like whatever. But the tram you'd feel isn't
being attacked like you'd feel like the thing that there's no.
I think men in Belfast couldn't,it can be called the tram
because like, men in Belfast could never be comfortable
saying they're getting on the tram, right?
A bit too feminine or something.God.
I feel it's very cosmopolitan, very European.
Attraction so it sounds terriblein our accent on the tromp.

(01:05:27):
You get lost in a lot of tromp. Like there's such a void in the
middle of the. Yeah, there's a long, there's a
long 1 long valve. Yeah, one really long valve.
Umm. But I would I'd have a wonder
around. But like I I have toyed with on
these ones. Finally renting current driving
up to the Giants Causeway and have you never known?
I've never done. I feel this is the time.
It's good, but like, it's what you see.

(01:05:50):
Yeah. You know what I mean?
Oh. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not seeing
that. Hey, do you remember we all
those pictures have seen this There's also this bit and they
put a curtain down there's. Like, well, the we columns don't
move or anything. Yeah, that might be fun.
It was a constantly shifting landscape, like, whatever, but
also inflatable. So you're like you're, you know,
brilliant. Yeah.
And see, all you were. You have to rent socks.

(01:06:10):
Yeah, for grip. And then you run along and
you're bouncing along. Soft play, you better just go on
your soft play. But it's it's, I don't know
what's it is like you here, you do, you walk all the way to it
and then you go and you just go back.
Yeah, you know. I've seen the other side of it.
You're never supposed to see theother side.
The 1st and the fingers cave thebit, the pups that where it

(01:06:31):
comes up again in Scotland. Yes, because of Femaco.
Yes, because obviously. Do you know the story?
I do know, of course, of the story of Femaco, the Yeah, it's
got that he yeah, created a pathand they fought Dermot or
whatever the name of the Scottish giant was like Dermot.
It was that Dermot. It was something, It's
something, it's something like, you know, there's a, there's a
Scottish. Giant.
It was a belladonna. Belladonna.

(01:06:52):
Belladonna. Italian poison They.
No, Belladonna. He went to Yeah, no, I think it
was. It was the Scottish giant was
called, I think it was Belladonna.
I don't it's Belladonna. I think it's Ben.
Ben and Donna. Ben and Donna.
Ben and Ben and BANAN. OK, I was close and he's the one
who came over, walk the Causewayover and then Mrs Nope.

(01:07:15):
Wait. Femme Mccool.
Yeah, he thinks he's the biggestgiant in the world.
He hears about this other giant.So he basically goes go and sort
him out. Yeah.
So he goes over to Scotland. Yep.
And he's looking around. You can't see this guy anywhere.
And then all of a sudden he's like, goes over to this big
thing and he's like, what's this?
It's Ben and Donna asleep under a trip.

(01:07:38):
But his head's that big, right? The film makers like, oh, shit.
So he chemical shits himself, runs back to.
Yeah, the Causeway, but I think he like disturbs Ben and Donna
or something or like he shout something, you know, shout
something out him. Yeah, calls him a slur.
And then Finn Mccool is says to his wife.

(01:08:00):
He's like, oh fuck, he's coming over to look for me.
OK this but I know it and he pretends to be a baby.
His wife goes his she has the. Idea.
Oh, smart power behind the throne.
She goes get into this cotton pretend you're a baby.
So he and then Ben and Donna like opens the door of this
house and he's like where is he?And she goes he's out Hampton at

(01:08:21):
the minute, but this is our son.And then the Scottish angles.
Well if that's the son, I begs the dog Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I. Mean it's clever, So.
So it's just. So then he runs back to
Scotland. A man and a bonnet.
He had a big dummy in like. Yeah, I mean.

(01:08:42):
Do you think he was into it? Like he had all the gear
already? She was like, why do you have
this? What, You already have a nappy?
Yeah. He's breastfeeding.
She's like, no, no, he's OK, shut the stop.
But then when the Scottish giantwas running away, then Mccool
picks up a rock, I think, and hethrows it at him to be like, you
watch it. And that rock is no something

(01:09:06):
symbolic. Rathlin Island maybe, or Malkin
Towers? OK, fine.
OK got no because the the the theme of.
I don't know the last but. The volcanic theme that the
creator comes up twice comes up in at the giants cause and it
comes up again a fingers cave inScotland.
So there's a cave which is on the exact same hexagonal blocks.
Yeah, so I've seen that I've walked across hexagonal blocks

(01:09:28):
of basalt They and I feel would be exactly the same with the
giants cause with the. So do you think that used to
just be 1? I don't know if it goes all the
way if under the sea at all, hexagonal blocks and I'm sure
like whatever, but certainly theIT erupted in both places and
then cooled into those, into those shapes in both those
places. So the so the so that's the same
end of the one thing which is the Causeway.
I suppose they're both. So it's based on stuff, but umm,

(01:09:52):
but I'm just. You know, I've always said that.
Yeah, that's, yeah, that's. And the category road bridge,
you can do that up there. Too.
Oh, is that up there as well? That yeah as well.
OK, great is really scary. I'm not good with heights.
I'm I'm fine white. So I didn't.
I didn't. Oh.
Then I wouldn't. I'll do a bit of this.
Oh, God. Oh yeah, That's that's.
Prick people tell me they're. Absolutely.

(01:10:12):
I say, are you going to die? You.
Know Tell your mother's age. Yeah, but it's it, I mean, up
all that area, there's loads, and I still feel like you could
do an afternoon up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And apparently if you park at the hotel at the Giants
Causeway, you don't have to pay in.
No. Giants, Causeway.
There's a way around. Oh, good.
OK, well, the last thing we'll do is contribute to.

(01:10:33):
It's like when I'm coming up here.
But what are they really do? Taking money from the from the
province. Anyway, what do they do?
The last thing I want to do is give it back like.
What are they going to do with that £16.00 to the like it's
already there like an. Interpretive centre or something
is there like, oh. Centre and all that guy you're.
Paying for it to, you know, to. Get tour guides and everything

(01:10:56):
like that. Yeah, OK, fine.
Yeah. Go the hotel way but don't need
it whatever the ticket price would.
Be oh that's good, OK, because. Then you get a sense of.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't leave.
He he feeling I've got away. With some of the Michael Jackson
on the way, I'd love you to moonwalk away, but you moonwalk
along the Giants Causeway. That's a really.
Uneven because they're like you'd be.
Sure, you'd have to be. You'd have to be.

(01:11:17):
Really good. OK, fine.
God. Do really good.
Visits to for a moment. Yeah.
I'm not David Copper. I'm not announcing I will
moonwalk at this hour, at this time.
I will moonwalk across the TransCauseway.
Yeah, Yeah, I might do that. But this is all I got to do.
Do I, you know, wonder, Wander and Belfast?
Do I do anything when I'm here? Like when I'm.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you sit and you watch.

(01:11:39):
As a final question, have you ever snuck your way into
something something cool, you know, like an event or you ever
blag like? Uh yeah and a blag because I've
gone hey, can I yeah, yeah, but not like I'm trying the last
thing I just oh that looks interesting.
I just walked straight over to it because I have done the fuck,

(01:12:01):
What was the thing I did? I want.
Yeah, I remember being in a, no,it's not particularly dramatic
story, but there's a yeah, there's a, there's a nice
building in Brighton, which is all.
It's like a the umm And the Brighton Theatre is right next
to the pavilion, which is very fancy building.
And I remember walking past the security rule because I just

(01:12:23):
wanted to see. It kept walking back, yeah.
I kept going and there was some event on.
The guy was supposed to go. Are you attending the the flu
starter event or something like that?
I've got every night. It's great.
I went, yeah. And I was able to walk straight
to like, whatever. That's grand.
The Bush. Yeah.
Usually you'll find somebody whogoes, oh, hello.

(01:12:43):
Do you want to? Do you want me to show you
around the kind of thing, something to give?
You. I did a corporate last night,
but I come from football training.
Yeah. So I asked could I use the spa
facilities just for a shower in the hotel and they said yes.
That's very good. There is a gig in Christ, it's
Cumbria I think, and it's in a gym next to a pool and I said

(01:13:06):
it's a pool still open, Said no,no, it's actually shot and said
well, could I? Like I said, yeah.
So just by yourself. My on my own, in the full fold,
under bleachers and everything. And then I was.
So is there is there a need for shorts in that invite if you
know other people aren't going? To go there I I that was the
argument I made, but there is. That's why there is no one else

(01:13:27):
there. Go it is you know we've like 24
CCTV so like the baby you the baby you performatively went off
and then and then jumped in likein the scissors formation.
Let's look at the full hush. Yeah, it's got right on the
right on the date and then. Then if they're trying to rest,
you set up in outer space. Yeah, you don't know, man.

(01:13:48):
I know astronauts, and I'm in the water going.
You can't prove anything. Like as long as I stay in here.
You can't. You've got no, no evidence that
they hell of my trucks they go. They could be anyone's trunks.
And do you do? Will you do lengths or you just
play? When you're on your own, it's in
like in a really rectangular, but it's very difficult to yeah.

(01:14:10):
I won't do the way, but I'll sometimes pretend like oh
started this I Oh no, I get bored swimming lengths right.
Sometimes I'll just swim slowly and I try and be quiet swimming
because I pretend that I've beenlike hard to like assassinate
the leader, like a dictator or something and I'm going through

(01:14:33):
water to do it. That is really interesting that
you do that occur and are you like, are you on a like a like a
do you have a watch that's tracking your lengths or
something like that? Do you even do you do that?
No. No, no, I'm no.
OK, great. Good look.
Do you mean as? Part of this mission?
Do I think I need to? No, I don't mean are you, but

(01:14:56):
it's the time in in Minsk is Yeah, No, I mean like are you
like are you are you coincide while doing this, doing an
exercise, which team you got allI got No, no vomit or something
like whatever. And I wouldn't tell Strava what
I was doing. OK, that's recorded.
Then if I'm like, describe activity and I'm like
assassinating Gaddafi. Yeah, but like it's not like

(01:15:18):
you're you're an iWatch goes into you seem to be entering
assassination mode. Why are you swimming?
Sleek and low, eh? As opposed to your speed has
dropped off quite dramatic. Plus I've got a gun in my hand,
so I've got to keep that. Where if we chat, I mean,
because you, you one strong handand then you, Oh my God, of
course you look, you know, surely you're going to surely
just let your spindy fingers enter their mind and then you

(01:15:39):
like just massage them to death,to their to their skull.
They yeah, you do like. That, but I, I, I, so in this
scenario, sometimes I do this, Ihave a gun, but it's on a like
strap with a waterproof gun and I'll put it on my back, but I've
got just got to be careful with that.
Yeah, yeah. No, no.
Plus I pretend that the water isreally deep, so I never let my

(01:16:00):
feet touched. Of course, you know, because.
It could be anything. You don't stand there.
Yeah absolutely. And also like you're, you know,
who knows what the environment is like whatever the yes.
So yeah, the. No, I've done Iraqi.
OK, fine as well, but like how do you rationalise in this fancy
the bit we touch the wall, turn around us, we're back again.
What's the is it like? Nope, Nope.
This guy is going to live and more.

(01:16:21):
Back. I just then put my back to the
wall for a bit. I'll never do the hit.
Yeah, I never do. I'm not an idiot.
Like I'm not weird. I'm not getting out and like.
You know, but do you go abort, abort and then not a Yeah, but
no, just into your phone. Just yeah.
But this is I'm not talking to anyone and it's a one man
mission in my head. OK, so I'm not in this.

(01:16:44):
I'm sort of assassin. I will never work for
governments. Yeah, absolutely.
You don't. You're.
But I'm more of a vigilant. I'm more of a mercenary,
absolutely. But like you're, you know, you
were trained by some military and then you.
Trained by Michael Phelps. OK, not for the killing people
part, just. Swimming people, it seems
unusual, come to the swimming thing rather than to the killing

(01:17:05):
people thing. I'm more in most of the films
you're like an army guy who thenwent into you printed a private
contract. That's why I'm the best I want
to. Swimmer Oh, nobody suspected A
swimmer was going to do it. Like yeah, yeah.
Oh no, no, I no, I see that I and that is that is going to be.
I like swimming. That's my go to exercise and I
will do that. I remember when I have a dodgy
knees, I can't run that much, but when I used to do treble

(01:17:27):
stuff, I used to imagine I was playing playing a game the and I
was running into space because I'm always obviously the motion
is entirely. Forward all, thank God you saved
me with my weird story. Yeah, yeah.
On the treadmill, you're runninginto space.
As in, you're going to keep running, and then at some point
you've got to jump into space. No, no, no, not running into
space. In on the field, on the pitch,

(01:17:48):
I'm running into space. I'm like, oh, if I just keep
going. If I just keep going, I can get
to the moon. I've never seen that workout on
the hotel treadmill run in the outer space.
The. Angle getting higher and higher
now I'm going to I'm going to doit.
I'm going to do it like, come on, come on, boy.
He's on the Chris Hadfield on the side with this.

(01:18:11):
We do it like no, on a pitch, ona pitch going, yeah, I've seen,
I've seen the gap. I'm going for it knocking into
me. I think it was just we had so
much space chat. Yeah, there.
Was a lot of space chat, like whatever, No, I mean no, no, OK,
fine. I'm happy for that to be the
thing that I was on the. Track I just in my head I see
you running you're running up into the sky.

(01:18:32):
You can see the stars and like Phead use that there's like a
finish line and he's. Staring, he's normal size.
Hands, he's little. Yeah, normal size.
Or if it was me, I could take reach space from.
Absolutely different there, but I'm just there.
Someday I'm going to get there. Yeah.
What a visualisation of it. Yeah.
Of my steps. It's just me climbing to the
moon. Imagine that like what are you
running for? I'm trying to get a 5K PB.

(01:18:54):
What are you running for? I'm going to run the space.
I'd give that guy by ball the Parkland, like give him a bit of
room and or your Belfast you're running consecutively or you
then. We do the block of three and
then we're back, I think in a month to a block of two, eh?
So I'm not sure when this goes out in between those like
whatever, but yes. It goes out in between.
OK. Back in the 10th and 11th
operation. Credit, we're talking about it

(01:19:15):
before. Incredible venue.
Yes, gorgeous venue, really nicebecause I normally play the
waterfront. We just lovely, but it's you can
see every face. Couldn't mix it up, yeah.
But actually, no, it's a concerthall and it's like it's a little
bit less intimate and the show is a really good long story and
I'd like people to it does a kind of a lean in element to the
story. And so it works best in a kind
of an intimate. Room, I think operation people

(01:19:36):
are used to go into plays there.So they are, if they've been
there, they're more used to likeproperly focus.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's, you know, it's it's
for symphonies, the waterfront, it's for big musical events like
whatever, Rodney. So the so it works.
It works very nice. But yeah, so tell them and I
think there may be one of those two nights is the last one we've
added of the five. So that's if there's any chance

(01:19:56):
at all in particular they're in the Millennium at some point in
Derry. Yep.
And then back in Dublin in January to more the last batch
of Vicar streets before it all finishes.
Do you do the whole show yourself or you have an?
Open. I do the whole show myself.
I feel like I'm turning into some, you know, artefact from
the, from the, like some old Jasmine who just, you know, come

(01:20:17):
on, man, just do an hour and, and bring somebody in with you.
And I'm like, no, I wanted the full show.
People are going to get the whole experience with me.
And it's part of, you know, fox sex, you know, just, you know,
yeah, I've, I've, yeah, it feelslike I'm old school doing that,
like whatever. Yeah, but there's a touch of why
am I doing this to myself? Yeah.
You know, I could just, you know, come on and do the show

(01:20:38):
and be done with, like, what do you do?
What do you do? Yeah.
I bring it up, but I've done both before.
Yeah, Dumbles, but. I used to really be good, the
opener at the time on stage. I used to sit much like 20 years
ago. I had an opener and I was like,
no, no, I yank. Just no.
That's my audience. I just like to bring a friend,
yeah. Sometimes I, I, I'm OK, I'm, I'm
very, you know, I, all the astronauts come with me.

(01:20:58):
This is me and the astronauts. We travel around together.
I could ever. So it's fine.
No, my final question is we usually go for lunch after the
pod, but I I get a couple of things.
One, I don't know your schedule today 2 it's a very weird meal
time at the minute. People know this.
It's 2:20. Yeah, it's 222.
It's not really. Yeah.
The invites there, but I could understand what you wouldn't.

(01:21:20):
I ate. Beforehand, because I presumed.
Why would? He's going for lunch at 2:20.
Yeah, that's 220. Insane things to do, yeah.
Early dinner. I will have an energy, but now
it's I've just had something. Why was this not communicated?
It's just a real topsy turvy daylike.
But it was it. But no, it's been in the diary
at this exact time. The entire time was booked.

(01:21:42):
Like you said, there's a meal afterwards.
I assume, but it's not like it'snot as formal as that.
We're just thinking maybe we'll get something date would love
you to come with us, but can totally understand, OK.
I, I, I'm not on camera, you askme if you know to all you can do
is be graceless and go. I wouldn't.
Why would I want to spend any more time in your in your

(01:22:04):
company? I'd be delighted to to hang out
for a while. Did you come and watch?
Yeah, I'll yeah, but I might bail.
You know, Well, I've got an idea.
Yeah. When you're back for your next
block of shoes, why don't we go for a lunch at a.
Lunch time an actual time which people normally eat lunch yeah I

(01:22:25):
mean instead I had lunch at quarter at like 11/30 11:45.
I said it's been collected. Yeah, it was.
I had a brunt brunchy type thingbecause I've been collected
12/15 to do this. I thought oh I'm not going to
eat again. I got a show tonight like
whatever and the energy levels and instead now I'm turning down
a heartfelt invites. Yeah, I feel I feel really bad.
I feel like. Shouldn't you shouldn't come

(01:22:46):
across? I think we're the weird ones for
eating at this time, yeah. It's like, you know, I mean, is
it, is it, is it your dinner nowyou haven't and I can, then you
have. It's my lunch, but I have a show
tonight so I'll be having a latedinner anyway.
Oh, do you do dinner after you do?
I see. I prefer to have some before.
Well, I prefer before too, but not from having lunch at this
time. The.
Fuck you've made such a mess of this.
You know you've. Made a ham to this.

(01:23:09):
But I look forward to our next lunch.
I'm happy to do another lunch with you.
I look at lunch at lunchtime. A lunch.
Lunch. Yeah.
A lunch at lunch, Yeah. At 1:00 PM.
Like a crazy suggestion. Just lunch at 1:00 PM Lunch.
At 1:00 PM lunch. Perfect.
Let's do that. Or 12.
I know. OK, go 11.
Let's go for one. Let's let's do that.
Great. Fantastic.

(01:23:30):
Great. 1:00 lunch. Yeah, not today.
No tea for me, thanks. No T, no T thank you so much for
coming on. I really, really appreciate it
because you could have done anything else today, but thank
you so much for coming on there.A delight.
Thank you very much. Thank you.

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