341. Battle of the Bosh!!!! with Tom Davis

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
This will be the last show you ever do.
If we talk about this, Don't look about William.
No, it's going. Straight to your home.
Oh yes, Johnny, get him. Are you?

(00:24):
Are you? Whoa, whoa, what the?
Everything all right at home, Mick?
Fineman. Hold my Smyrna off right.
This is like the end of Stars Born.
How about the deep? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Come on night. I took an edible last night.

(00:46):
Is this real? Goodbye.
Done, done, zippers. Thank you very much.
This is like we've seen 90 Day Fiance, Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Meet news kind of like that
because we've feel like we've known each other for a long

(01:07):
time, like we talk online. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. And when you got out of that
cab, I was like. So that's one of my favourite
shows. It's so, I mean it never got
better than it with the neck. Is he the guy who?
Who's is he the guy who lived with the the Thai is the English
version? What do you?
No, this is the I think he's American.
The English version was I've became obsessed with me and my

(01:31):
wife would watch it all the timeand we I did a warm up gig in
that. You've got what there's this guy
who managed this Thai woman and he's just a compulsive liar and
he marries her. She comes over.
He's never met her before but he's told her he's sort of
filled her heads as he's got this really fucking amazing
house and all that. He's not said African, no.
He is, yeah. Yeah, that's him.

(01:52):
Yeah, he he's like, trust me. You want to see this place?
Yeah, and, and when she gets over, he's he's, he's writ.
And it's disgusting. It's sort of like really,
really, you know, squalor. She really, and she's really, at
first you kind of think she's just going to be Moody and she's
not really very nice. And then she actually really,
she becomes quite sweet and you realise that she's had the well.
But I became so obsessed. But I did a warm up for my last

(02:14):
toy and I turned up, I went to that town and tried to find
them, see if because, see if they were still going out
together. I was asking around town about
them, and people were like, you know, because there is a
northern town. I was sick to death of people
coming up here asking about him.And I'm like, you know, if she's
still here, They, you know, and no one really sort of filled in
my question. I think they probably did know

(02:35):
where he was, but like, especially if you've come from
out of town, Yeah, your height. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what? That also, yeah, because.
He financially was in absolute disarray so I could be a debt
collector. Couldn't seem more.
I often wear a black suit. But you never find him.
I never found him and never. That's the thing I've, I've find
really, really difficult with reality TV.

(02:56):
I've so many. I'm obsessed with it, but I have
so many questions to after the fact.
What happened to Eddie from Below Deck?
Where's Brian Bello? Yeah, what I can do.
I shot a pirate pilot with him. Did you find him?
Yeah, I did a pilot a number of years ago.
Brian Bello's like, kind of insane because like, he came up
with TOWIE, right? Yes.
And then they they stole it. He pitched them it, Yeah.

(03:19):
And they went not interested. And got everyone.
There's a pilot you can watch anyway.
I shot a pilot. It was Brian Bello and it was a
panel show and we were on this panel and I can't remember who
was hosting, but anyway, it was it was falling apart at the
seams. It was like this isn't this is
shit. I was very new to TV and Brian
Bello turned around to me and hewent, this shouldn't go

(03:40):
anywhere, bruh. And I went really went no, this
is shit. You should.
None of it works. If you look at the
infrastructure of the people behind and he started breaking
down TV. He's fucking and really
intelligent guy. Who knew?
Big Brother, he was seeing his like a bit of dope, yeah.
He played that game, yeah, then came up with, I mean, but you
think about that structure, reality of Tower, which I'm

(04:02):
obsessed with all that sort of, you know, Married at First
Sight, Below Deck and like Naughty Day Fiance, anything
like that. I will sit, sit and watch and
sort of become obsessed to the point when we talked about my
podcast. I am, I've DM people like just
to see how do. Track people down.
Yeah, yeah. Because you've got to wait for
the article of Where are they now?

(04:22):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Years after and also the one.
They was going to the source like you'll go to the town I'll.
Go and find the person. I'll go to the town.
I mean the Australian one I messaged in the first year,
first year round, there was a guy, I think he was, he's an
Aboriginal tie. I think his name was right.
And halfway through the series, I really liked him.
What? Like this is fucking insane.

(04:43):
This is such a muggy way to start saying.
And I texted him and said, Hey, you seem like a good fucking
guy. You seem like a solid chap and
like, you know, if I'm ever like, you know, down your way,
it'd be great to come and like, go for a pint.
Like I'm just like really enamoured with him as a person.
I mean, Romish destroyed me. And and then like about 3
episodes later, he was, it turned out he was a fucking like

(05:05):
quite a sort of like nasty pieceof work, sort of like that was
before we could delete a message.
Yeah, as a day under Ashley, mate.
I'm on episode 15 now, you see like a scumbag.
Zippers, This episode of the TeaWith Me podcast is sponsored by
none other than that prize guy. I'm not talking about Irelande
second largest prize competitionsite.

(05:26):
I'm talking about the God damn biggest prizes of all shapes and
sizes up to £1,000,000. That prize guy's made 10
millionaires. There's prizes on there right
now and prize guy doc that prizeguy.co.uk for things like what
that you could get a Rolex Submariner Hulk, A Rolex
Submariner Hulk that would not be something probably worth 10

(05:48):
thousands. Well the alternative is a 10K
cash giveaway if you want to take that instead.
And how much does it take for that 7 pence?
So if I hand you a 10 pence piece, your hand me a three
pence piece back, something likethat.
That's bloody nuts. That prize guy.co.uk the link is
in the description. Do you know part of me was like,
yes, weird to do. And then I remember.

(06:10):
Did you ever watch The Last Chance You.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like American football
on Netflix. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, if anyone hasn't seen it, kids from, you know, Bob
backgrounds and rejected by other universities go there and
the coach gives them tough love.Yeah.
Yeah, you know, and you would see guys and they're all trying
to make it and then exactly the same thing.
They'd maybe get cut and would say like, he's still chasing his

(06:32):
dream or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
ID and the couple of those boys and was like, brother, just want
to say keep at it. I was like, keep doing what
you're doing. Like, and and they would here's
the thing. They would all respond and be
like got your brother. Like.
Bless up and stuff and. Do you like American football?
Not really. No idea, no idea.

(06:53):
About it. And again, the same sort of
thing, you know, I was like, if you're ever in Hollywood
counting down, if you're if yourNFL dream ever brings you here,
like, let me know. We'll go hang out coming social.
It's. Insane.
I'm I, I, I and I sort of made my wife takes a piss out of me
about that that side of like when, when I'm even at our

(07:13):
wedding, there was people that I'd met somewhere and they
turned up and my wife would knowwho the fuck is this guy looking
like? I met him in town.
Like we we, you know, we had a coffee.
He was. On series 3 at The Apprentice.
Tom Skinner, So he's a good guy.He's getting on with all the
bridesmaids. But I I do the exact same

(07:39):
reality thing of like, what are they up to?
Yeah, what are you up to now? Yeah, you know, because, because
you invest time in them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you invest like, and you, you weirdly have your favourites
or so. And what's great is when someone
completely shifts your perception of what you think
someone's going to be like. Yes, or like.
Oh shit, yeah, that that person's OK.
Like kids having like, youth team trials or whatever.

(08:00):
Yeah. And you're like, where is he at
these at Weymouth now? Yeah, you know.
That's it. Championship manager.
Yeah. Used to sit there and just get
really into a player. Yeah.
And then just go. I'd love to sit down with Moses,
Sasha, Cody like I would love. Being genius, that's.
The second time in two episodes moment, yeah.
No, but you get there's a kid atthe right, He's just time for

(08:21):
Barcelona, Ronnie something. And he's just time for
Barcelona. And I, I built my I.
So when I was filming this, the Norwegian.
Yeah. So this can't sound an Angel,
people. So when we were filming one car
obsessed to get like my daughterhad just been born, I'd stop
drinking and I was like looking.So when I was a kid, I was
obsessed with football manager and all that.
So I started playing like championship manager and I

(08:42):
started, I took over at Palma there in Syria B.
And I was like, you know, small job.
I was like easing my way back into management.
I'd been away for a while, sort of the interface of the the game
was different and I was like, listen, I couldn't go for a big
Syria club, Syria B two seasons.It takes me to get up and then
build my team, run this running kid any But when I'm playing
this, I'm I've become addicted. I'm playing it all the time.

(09:04):
And Timothy Chalamet when we were like, he walked past sort
of. We'd had these easy UPS because
it was during COVID. So they put us on where he'd go.
What are you doing? You're looking at lines and I'd
be like, no, no, no, no, I'm playing Championship manager.
You go, what the fuck is Championship Manager?
Oh, it's, it's a SIM where you are a manager of a, of a
football club. If you're choosing essentially

(09:24):
he's like, oh, why do you play the games?
I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Essentially he's a little contractual bookkeeping stuff.
I mean, we do a cool fucking job, but when you're doing
Championship Manager, I could beup at 4:00 in the morning just
going, oh fucking Oh no, I'm just going for the training
regimes for some fucking fake people.
You got a fucking backroom guy who turns around and goes, I'm
leaving. You got a try.

(09:44):
You're a coach and you're like, stay.
You know, tell me you're under pressure.
My under nineteens physio was going to leave.
But but he then was like he didn't came back come over and
was like show or show him and he's obsessed.
He likes football. So he he ended up, I think as
far as I went and got it, he gotthe game and he was then because
we play FIFA a bit in his trailer.

(10:04):
But he he was like, man, like that game is so addictive and
you don't kind of know what likeFIFA, you're like the elation of
winning, yes, but championship manager, there's a lot of it.
It's just really fucking boring clerical stuff, yes, but it is
so like you could end up hours and hours just wasted.
I love the idea that now he's like Bromley manager or
something like. I think you started off in the

(10:26):
French second division. I think I said, look, don't go
too fucking, don't go too hard. Yes, you you'll kill your
dreams. Yes.
And I, I've been never, but yeah, like, yeah.
And you can go to Paris or ever.Do you know what I mean?
You know, if you fucking graduate, it's, yeah, it's a,
it's a very obsessive, if you'vegot that obsessive nature.
Oh, I'll play it now on like long trips, yeah, if I'm going
to Australia or something, yeah,that flight, yeah.

(10:47):
But I'm just like. You just into into a plane and
then you do like shit. I could have done so many other
things with this time. I could have.
But it's not the seat like, you know, there's, I also think it's
like it's good for our job because like if you're, you
know, say you're like taking AFCWimbledon into the championship.
Yeah. You then walk on stage feel
$1,000,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(11:08):
You know, this is a very, yes strange way to that pub because
I feel very open, you know, but we've bonded over dams like a
sort of couple of met sort of online.
But during COVID I was. So cute if we did like Warren,
like the fiance and then we did decide to get married and we
were joint managers. I come home from a gig and you

(11:29):
fucking sold someone. You know what was it my dinner
on the table? What do you fucking think,
idiot? You fool, This isn't a fucking
three-year plan. But during COVID I got obsessed
with FIFA and I was playing Ultimate Team a lot and I'd sort
of do the weekend league if you ever got into the weekend
league. So you'd sort of you had to play

(11:51):
30 games. Never owned a console.
Yeah, so on a, so 3030 games you'd have A and you'd and I'd
sort of became obsessed with doing as good as I could on the
weekend league. My obsession, you know, and my
wife, you know, is COVID. You couldn't go out.
So turn to my wife and go, yeah,I've got these 30 games from
Friday to Sunday to play. So sort of break them up into

(12:11):
times. By this point in our
relationship, she's like, yeah, you know, as little as time as
I've got to fucking look at you,the better.
Do 60 games, yeah. Get 2 teams.
Are you training enough between the games anyway?
I fuck it. Like, so basically I was like, I
really want to get as high up asI can.
So I contacted this guy on on Twitter or X who was a FIFA

(12:34):
coach. I started getting lessons.
FIFA. This is so fucking tragic.
Do you remember something? Yeah, yeah, of course.
And like like twitch type thing.So he's like.
Let me ask you a question. Go.
You pay per lesson. You you bought like a bulk of of
lessons, yeah. What does he charge?
He was charged I think like 30-40 quid.

(12:55):
I think from what I remember, itwas like, yeah, a lesson.
For a set a lesson. For a lesson.
Yeah. And he was like, you know, this
will definitely get you to a level.
I mean, he didn't speak like this.
He was dumping very fucking. But he was kind of like this
will get you to a level where I think you could be winning 25,
you know, you could be ranking. And I, I was like, you know,
this has all been for nothing ifI don't get better.
By the way, this is what you should you should have been

(13:15):
charging chalamine for a football match, for a Football
Manager coaching. Football manager.
I've got so not. And so anyway, so I was sitting
there, this guy, and he'd be going drag back, drag.
Yeah, yeah. Pull this.
Yeah, go. Watching you play.
Yeah, he's watching me play any good, but go back to the go back
to the defence and start attacking it.
It was fucking, you know, just showing me essentially the the
the the flaws of glitches in thegame where you could win.

(13:37):
Anyway, I'm sort of chatting to this guy and sort of getting to
know him and I feel a presence in the room and I look around
and my wife's at the door and she's like, who you talking to?
And I went, oh, just getting some, some FIFA lessons.
And she looked at me and she's never said this to me before.
If she looked at me at pity and disgust.
And she went, you sad cunt, you sad cunt.

(14:00):
And she just walked off. And you know, I sat there and
this guy went, who's that? And I went, I went, oh, that's
just my wife. And he went, oh, you're married.
And I went, yeah, He went, oh, not a lot of people I trained
are married. And you're that thing of like
just dawns over you like, Oh my God.
Like I spent £400 on this guy and I was like.
And then he messaged me on a Discord or like, are you, do you

(14:22):
fancy another lesson? I was like, I think we're going
to have to like, let's walk awayfrom this.
It was, yeah. You can't like that's that's I'm
glad I never got into like consoles, Yeah, because that
would that would have just takenover everything.
And you have to like, that's a one thing now.
Like like weirdly like alcohol, I don't drink now and like I've
I've stopped since my daughter was born, but like weirdly,

(14:43):
every now and again I feel myself slipping into like a
concert a games released or or Imean FIFA was my thing, but I'm
like, oh shit, if I get back into it's a slippery would you?
Tipple with a with a game. It was like was FIFA Grand Theft
Auto, but FIFA would be the thing like that.
We're talking a beer. A bottle of.
Beer. Oh, no, no, no.
I drink. Yeah.
I mean, but a tipple. I mean, anything but beer.

(15:04):
I was a beer. Yeah.
A monster for it. I was like, fucking yeah, that
is a fucking insane word that has taken over I.
Mean it's mad that like more than one guy is doing.
That and now politically that they sit on this like
juxtaposition of like. You've got Big John.
But look, Big John has become a power of.

(15:25):
He's a guy that eats a Chinese. Yeah, so Big John over when his
son Johnny was fight going to fight for the first time, I
believe they were into a show I'd done and made and and they
reached out and subsequently, like we became, we'd become a
like a friend of the family and and they're really they're
really good people. Have you heard of Chinese or Big
John? I haven't I've got to do sit

(15:45):
down. I wanted to do this first.
This was I have a list of thingsI'd love.
Do you know what that I'd say you one of the hardest things
I've ever. So I've got to know them a bit
and they're they're they're genuinely sort of sort of the
nicest people I've met. And he's a really just, they're
just a lovely family. But I went to the Johnny Fisher
versus Dave Allen fight and I don't know Dave a little.
And sort of I found that like a really for the first time ever,

(16:09):
I was like unfortunate. I've worked a bit with boxers
and sportspeople, but it's the first time I've ever really sort
of like clocked the worry almostlike in his mum's dad's like,
yo, like fuck. Like we're here for
entertainment, you know, we're here for, you know, but for
these for the, for the parents of a of a heavyweight fighter
going into a fight, anything, anything can happen here.

(16:31):
And you sort of like, and I was sitting just around from the
ring from them and and I couldn't as much as the fighters
got, I couldn't stop like watching like his mum just
seeing the worry on our eyes andand and just that it was like,
that's the thing. And I don't think I don't mean
worry. Like they didn't think he was
going to win, but you're just shit like so much rides on that
for heavyweight fire. It's a crazy thing.
What's? Weird is like my mom would be

(16:51):
the same with me but I'm just doing stand up yes like I can't
watch what if what if like what if he died?
Like what if he dies on stage? Like what?
He gets booed? My mum has come to very few of
my gigs, yeah, because I don't think she really likes me as a
comedian, but she. Not nice to be like just let you
know the only reason I'm not really.
I don't like it. I love stand up.

(17:12):
Yeah, yeah, I'll go and watch Nish, Nish Kumar, but you're not
really for me. They like all the right wing
stuff. But she she she came to my
Brighton show and in the interval I was sort of like
that, you know, get ready. I get very, I'm very, very
anxious performer. I still like, you know, it's not

(17:33):
over. You know, I still feel that sort
of especially stand up. I feel that anxiety rides
through me all the time. And so the interval was almost
hell on earth for me because I quite once I'm up there and
you've gone for it once that you've done the opening, you
know, 2020. Five.
You do the first and second-half.
So I'll have dinner usually or Fatty or whatever, come on, do
1520. Then I'll just do 20.
Just just just, and then I'll come on and do the full show

(17:56):
essentially. But I find that almost the worst
bit because then you've you've been out, you've got over that
hurdle. But then you're like, yeah,
anyway, she so at Brighton, there's a Dome invite and then
she just comes backstage and she, she brought like about 15
people with her and she's like, the toilets are in now go,
there's the toilets come through.
We've got some bottles of wine. What are?

(18:16):
You doing? What are you doing?
And she started, These are people sitting around as her
queues for the bar are insane. And I was like, fucking yeah,
there's people having a dream ofthese people she would never
just. They love, you know, they're
nice. This is Alan and Claire and all
that. Big fans.
Of course they're fucking fans of mine.
They're in the fucking audience.Well, you're bringing them back.
Here breaks the 4th wall and showbiz when they see you just.
Yeah, and they're all coming in and my dad's going, what you

(18:37):
want, mate? Beer, You having a beer and all
that. And I'm looking around and I
said I need to get myself, my, my mindset for the next part.
And she went, there's a little room up there.
This is my dressing room. It's so so yeah, it's my mum
hasn't got that same. I think there was a my dad felt
the anxiety, but my mom was, yeah.
Who in the Battle of the Bosch'sright.
So that's how you know, but John.

(18:58):
But do you know Thomas Skinner as well?
I know Tom a little bit. Not, not as well.
I've got a shout out. Yeah, I've got a mattress off
him a number of years ago. Great mattress.
We brought a mattress off him. Delivered with a smile.
Sippers, This episode of the TeaWith Me podcast is sponsored by
Better Help. The 10th of October was World
Mental Health Day and all this month we're taking time to

(19:19):
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That's betterhelp.com/tea with me.
The link is in the description. So you have like, you have skin

(20:23):
in the game in the bottle of theBosch like.
Yeah, but no. But I mean, for me, John, big
John and the big John set on thebottle of the Bosch, Yeah.
I just think that as people go, like I said, I don't know Tom
and I'm not really free to comment.
I obviously like read papers andI see stuff going on and but
that's I don't like to sort of comment because we never not
really know. Do you know what I?
Mean I don't read papers. The only thing I know about him

(20:43):
is he says Bosch. Yeah, So I, I, I like when it
comes to stuff like this, you don't want to.
I see it on social media, someone getting a kick in.
And I always think it's not fairreally to sort of fly into that.
Yeah. And I see, I see it with John.
I see like Big John and some of the stuff that gets said to him
and I've talked about him and talked about with him and and I
find even I mean, I don't know if you get it, but you, you

(21:07):
like, I find the the silliest things.
Just I did, I did Wayne Rooney'spodcast the other day and he's
he'd asked me just to come and talk about West Ham.
And you just like as soon as youtalk about football, it's just a
fucking every fucking weasel, just like, and you know, these
pricks, this fucking 50 year oldbloke, the fucking you know,

(21:29):
Fred, Fred Flintstone fucking like profile picture and like,
you know, just come flying in atyou about you.
And you're like, this is just anopinion.
But and I sort of said, but you have no fucking you have no
relevance in this. If you haven't got a picture of
yourself at like, I'm not going to argue with you, but but the
anger that you feel when you when you make a simple

(21:50):
observation about West Ham manager David, whatever the
anger that football brings. Oh, of course it's.
Just insane. And I think we live in a time
now where people watch, will be like going to watch the match,
but they're on X the whole. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and it's you're basing your opinion on opinions as
opposed to what, like what you're seeing and stuff.

(22:10):
And I don't think people and I think people now just enjoy the
argument and the anger. I think people like to be angry.
What you realise about, you know, I'm not a political mind.
I don't really know much about politics.
I stay out of that fucking stuff.
I just, I'm not a well read sortof chap, but what you realise is
that people nothing, you never ever hear anyone going.

(22:32):
I really like that guy. It's I hate him.
Yeah, I hate him. Yeah.
So political politics are never like, oh, this guy seems like
they've got some sort of idea ofwhat they're doing.
I really want him to do well. He's a nice guy.
Politics just say fucking hate this guy.
Anything else is better than this cunt.
Yeah, I. Fucking eat.
Anything. Fucking get a dog fucking
munched up on fucking pills. He'll be fucking better than

(22:53):
this chap here and everything just runs on the loathing of so.
Yeah, so, and that's from every side.
Every side just functions on hate.
So when you're watching it, and that's what football is, it's
just I think like Arsenal, Arsenal fan TV was like the most
watched thing. When Arsenal were doing badly,
it was just for them. It was gravy, right?
Because we were watched in Relic, we were like oh God, I
can't wait to see. It's all about people want to

(23:16):
provoke a meltdown. Yeah, yeah.
You know. Yeah, I mean, and I have quite a
lot of them watching what's? Who's going back to like having
a beer now you're not having a drink, but who's the Who's the
oddest person you've ever shareda beer with, whether it was when
filming something or just night out?
When's a time where you've looked around at who you're with

(23:36):
and thought this is? I think that Soccer Aid was
like, that was pretty Kane. That's my like the boys know
that's my dream. You'd be good man.
That's my like, I, you know, we're talking about like
dropping Adm and stuff, LBM, like the soccer a page, UNICEF
and stuff. Yeah, it's whatever I need to

(23:58):
do. I I was shocked to be asked I
played the COVID year we do like.
How do you get out? And you obviously can't go
anything but like, is it a phonecall?
Is it an? E-mail literally I can Gary come
out. I think it was and I think I
like like genuinely showing whenI got a call sounds mad because

(24:20):
he's talking like, you know, theinsanity of it is like I was
obsessed and I was like, you know, we're very average
football footballer, like a verylike fucking Sunday league pub
centre back at best and squad player at that.
But I love football. I'm obsessed with it.
So when I got a call and I've seen you've got some fucking
skills. No, I've watched the videos of

(24:40):
you and the boys. I've really enjoyed.
I've sort of watched you from afar, like a voyeur.
I'm watching you back. It was like a really nice ROM
com, but like, yeah, so so we got a call.
My like agent got like cool was like Socrated being in touch
about you playing. And I thought it was like, you

(25:00):
know, that thing of like, like and you can't tell anyone for a
while. And it like I was very anxious
like so I was sort of how. Far out roughly from the game I.
Think it was that frail format. It was it was the IT was during
COVID or just towards the end ofCOVID.
So I sort of so then I sort of obviously because of COVID play,

(25:21):
I put him playing five aside andstuff with mates, but I was
like, Oh shit, I need to. I haven't played eleven sides
since for three fucking years. And so I started going out and
just training with a mate and and then we did like a short
thing with it was it was it was locksmith.
Locksmith had been announced andand some other, I'm trying to

(25:41):
think who else it was. It was kind of ex pros, but and
me and locksmith sort of had this head to head.
But I I sort of was like, I quite quickly knew.
I was like, look, the the reasonI knew my place.
I'm like, I'm not here to be thebest player.
Like, you know, I'm here to provide laughs and being someone
who's going to take it immenselyseriously.
This is why I don't get asked. I'd be saying the Clarence seat

(26:02):
or if I'll be like Clarence I'llI'll take free kicks.
That's why I'm not getting asked.
No, but like what you get there,it's very hard not to get
carried away, right? So you, because you, you're #1
the footballers are like what? Like, wait, so I was doing with
Rooney's podcast the other day and when we went on, he went,

(26:24):
they said, you know, Tommy went,yeah, last time I saw Tom, he
was smashing in volleys on soccer and I was like, that's
pro. You know what?
I'm I'm happy to leave now. That's the coolest thing.
Anyway, that's. What Rooney?
That's what Wayne Rooney thinks when he sees Tom.
Yeah, yeah, He's watching the Wonka movie like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I went actually the
last I scored this great volley,but then about two minutes later

(26:46):
the ball came and I was playing centre back and the balls come
to me and I tried to cross turn away from, I don't know, fucking
it was Gareth Barry or something.
It got the ball taken off me andWayne went like livid, livid.
What did you fucking do with me,you fucking idiot?
Try to fucking get me giving outall that.
He pulled me over in front of everyone, shouted at me in

(27:06):
training. I was like, Oh my God, my ass
went but but I was sort of weirdly then, you know, and and
then he started playing put me up front, which is insane
because I've never played as a striker.
But chaos. Yeah, but scored Willy, if you
if you made it in training, had some fun talking like me and
Kelly Smith were like linking upwith Joe Cole and big West Ham

(27:27):
fans. So you're playing with Joe Cole.
It's all mad. So it came to like the first
team being called out, like starting line up.
But Old Trafford, he's like, he puts my name as to set it
forward. I'm like Wayne Rooney calling,
calling your name. You're like, what the fuck?
I'm starting at soccer a textingmy dad.
This story does sort of dive in a bit.
And then fucking last training session, he's like, don't go too

(27:49):
crazy. Just fucking.
And Paddy McGuinness and me justwent for a ball.
And Paddy is, I don't know if you've ever met pad, but he's
fucking hard. Paddy.
He's a fucking strong Asian. He just went through me and my
knee went and I was like, and I was like, I couldn't stand on
it. So we we ice treatment heat and
all that, but I was like, it's fucked.
I'm not going to. I couldn't couldn't run.

(28:09):
But also I was like, I need to start this.
I want to start Old Trafford. You know, it's but it's fucked.
I mean, you know, and then you're getting loads of people
like the footballers are really great.
The footballers know your limitations, but other
celebrities are going now run the channels mate, do this, do
that, do and you're like, I'm a fucking 40 year old overweight
stand up who has played for the but the highest level I got was

(28:31):
like fucking Morden district, fucking league 6 pub league for
the butcher. And I'm like, I'm not, I'm
playing up against Michael Sylvester, fucking patchy Zefra
and another fucking world class centre back, whoever that was.
Like I haven't got a fucking just let me have my moment, Let
me have a touch. Oh, fuck off.
Anyway, I'm but anxious. I'm playing playing Clive

(28:54):
Tilsley was was commentating andso I come off and they bring
chunks on and chunks is sort of and which is a weird thing to
say. Anyway, I'd sort of like we came
in at half time. So I was like, Oh, you and
chunks are like trending on Twitter, like, and I was like,

(29:15):
wow, like everyone's there. I was like, you know, I hardly
touched the ball and fucking, you know, whatever.
And what had happened is Carl Tilsey had been making these fat
jokes, so and they weren't as a comedian, I was like, these
aren't very good jokes as a human being.
I was like, I was brought up in building sites.
It didn't really, I wasn't too bothered, but it then became a

(29:35):
thing about bullying and we werecalled in for these meetings and
everyone was like, you know, Socray, I've got to give them
their judo. A pretty incredible ITV were
great, but they were like, look,this is you know, and my dad was
fucking this. He's just fucking.
You don't want the smash? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Because it's like, you know, but
you're like, you know, I sort ofwas like, he's not said anything

(29:56):
that's not true. I'm overweight.
I'm like, you know, and but it became a bit of a thing and it
was like, you know, it's sort ofnot marred it, but but the best
part of it, this is all long story, but during that time, you
you're like the best part of Soccer Aid is just I love
football. I adore it.
It's it's my passion. And and you got to chat to like

(30:18):
Brian Robson or Wayne Rooney or,you know, Robbie Keane, Darren
Fletcher, you know, Joe Cole, David James is one of yeah.
And you, you just hang in with these guys and like, nothing
really mattered to me when it came to sort of like the rest.
I just was like, fuck, this is fucking cool.
And you get the coach and you head over there, you're like,
yeah, fingers crossed. Because I do think that's why I

(30:41):
think it becomes selfish. I've had that moment and I'm
happy with that in life. I think like, that was great.
I've got a story, you know? But I think, I think sometimes
when I watch some someone play the 6th or 7th, I'm like, what
more are you getting from this? Do you know?
What I mean like let someone else have a turn but.
Ironically, Patty McGinnis took you out.

(31:02):
Yeah, yeah, but he was. Yeah.
But Patty, who's played in everyone sin everyone, he's
still playing. He's a good footballer.
By the way, can you know John Bishop is?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a fucking really hear about
these guys and then they're like, you know, but you like
Bradley Walsh played for, yeah, Arsenal or whatever.
Can I say someone who isn't? And I adore the guy.
He's a great fellow. Joe, Domit, Joe.

(31:23):
Domit, I'll take get dominant out.
Yeah, but I could. I was like, he's ITV talent but
Joe Domit arguably is the world.He looks like a footballer.
Yeah, he looks, he looks. He.
Plays like second division of yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like a
Malaga. I bet he goes out with someone
from hearsay. He is so he's a he's a lovely
man and he's as he's as handsomeas he is sweet, but he is no
footballer, right? He I'm shocking.

(31:45):
I'm shit, but my God, I was like, you know, he had no idea
what a goalkeeper, Like what goalkeepers, you know, where
they could pick it up, where they could get.
It was like insane. It's Mike because Paddy Kitty
played in the first couple yearsago as keeper and I'm like
representation, you know what I mean?
Like, let's get someone from here back, Yeah, You know?
But I but do you know the thing that's killed it slightly is the

(32:07):
England versus rest of the world.
It's like, you know, because. English players in the rest of
the world. Yeah, but it's like, look, Jason
was on like I love Jason. Me and Jason was probably the
and Lee were probably sitting around that same sort of pool of
crap. No Lee Mack Manford he was.
All right. Yeah, He was on the last week.
Yeah. Yeah.
So we were sort of sitting around the same sort of, you

(32:28):
know, that that shitty level of we're OK.
We yeah, we've always, you know,we're always going to get picked
relatively last. But but then you, you.
But what was weird is Jason saidon the rest of the world.
And I'm like, it feels like I I sort of was like, I think the
last, the year I played, I was like, that was that was starting
to happen, you know, like I always just thought like it
should just be picked on. Like that's these are the yeah,

(32:52):
I think 20 really good players and four shocking, you know, but
they're funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then and both sides and you've got 24 players and but it
seems like people are swapping and it's just, you know, it's
sort of slightly lose, you know,lose.
And it's weird the reality TV people on there.
Yeah, I found that. It would be.
It would be my dream. Yeah, it.

(33:12):
Would be my dream. Can I?
Can I tell you talking about admiring each other from afar?
Do you know what I still will bring up clips from one of my
favourite ever series, Not just comedy series, Murder and
successful is just. I mean, I remember at the time

(33:32):
being like, I didn't know quite what it was.
I caught a bit of an episode andthen watched every episode
multiple times. It was just that show blew my
mind as to just hire laugh out loud funny.
It was. And and then part of me was
like, I wonder, are they going to get sort of big comedians on?
But the fact that it was never comedians on or you know, I

(33:55):
think it was always like the right guest.
Yeah, they were from reality TV or they were presenter or
whatever. Yeah, you had to.
We had to fight for that. There was times where they
wanted to. I think there's been no show.
Like that? No, subsequently for no, it was,
it was I was very blessed. That was the thing that kind of,
so to speak, not like a sense ofwakey blood put me on the map a

(34:16):
bit because before then I'd likeI'd been like second, you know,
3rd, 4th on a cool sheet and a few sketch shows and and you
know, a day player on a few other sitcoms.
And I was sort of like and I wasvery conscious that as like
someone of 6 foot 7 and looking the way I do and coming from the
background, I do like what wouldlike I could end up being in

(34:38):
this industry. Stand up was like, you know, the
thing that got me in, but it waslike, I could end up just
playing like, you know, in lots of sitcoms.
The bloke who comes around. Yeah, the.
Yeah, the building. Yeah, just walking in, just
going well, short the shout love.
And you know what I mean? And.
And I just thought, and. And also that's not a fair

(34:58):
reflection of what I think. Like what I am, what I've become
as an act and what my comedy I. Michael Smiley was talking
about. Michael Smiley was one of the
first people I've met on the circuit.
And Michael. I remember very early on in my
career, like I got on stage and when you're new and you've got
all this anxiety and anxiety cansometimes almost come across as

(35:18):
aggression. You're on the front foot as a
comedian because you're almost like going into war with the
room because you're like, you don't want to be weak.
And Michael was the first actor sort of pull me aside and be
like, look, man, you know, off stage you're like, you're like a
big dog who everyone loves. And you're, you know, but you
got on stage and you're like a Rottweiler and you're going at
it and you can always have your bite, but you make sure that

(35:41):
they, people fall in love with you and then you can do whatever
you want, but you've got to relax.
And, and he was, he took me out.And we, we, the respect of
Michael Smiley is I wouldn't be doing this without him.
That's, you know, that's, that'sthe short story of it.
But he as a, as a comedian, I think he's one of the saddest
things. He doesn't really do stand up.
Yeah, yeah, because I never got to see him.

(36:01):
I met him when I first started at the Empire and he watched my
set and was was nice to me afterit.
Like you say, just like didn't know him but just came over kind
words and I've met him a few times since and always like I'm
an admiration, but I I wish I had seen him because you hear
all the stories and you see clips and I'm like I'd love to
have seen. Oh man, he was incredible.

(36:22):
So so so, but he really pushed that surreal side.
So so with that was as a stand up became the thing that I'd
sort of and then with murder andsuccessful.
It was just like it was a comingtogether really of knowing that
this would be I wouldn't be thiswas this is like we developed
it. We I'd had lots of knock backs
are the pilots and gone and it kind of felt like this is

(36:43):
probably the last chance of me getting this kind of thing.
Your own vehicle. Yeah, my vehicle and but also
yeah, that lead and and something and it's and like
every channel turned it down, right?
Every channel. No one, no one could like we'd
have. It does.
It's a tough sale in that it's like we are dropping people in

(37:05):
New York, comedy actors, and they've got to carry.
Almost a show, but people come and we did like read throughs
and like sort of like like run throughs of it and people would
laugh and always laugh. But it was like the guy.
I don't really see what how it will work.
And, and it was a guy called ZyeBennett at BBC free at the time

(37:26):
and he was like an Andy Burton, you know, who was like producing
it with me? And he was like, look, I think
the best way of us is we're going to go out and film
something. So we went out and filmed like a
10 minute taster for like no money.
And we, we borrowed the set fromthe bill and, and came up with,

(37:46):
gave them a proof of concept. And Zai was just like, yeah, I
think this can work And it's a risk.
And we shot a pilot. The pilot, you know?
Who's your first guest on it? Because Jimmy.
Lang Episode. So the first ever person was
Connor Maynard, which yeah. So it's never ever been out.
It's never been really. He came in, he was very big at
the time. So he he did the pilot and then

(38:07):
there's stuff for the pilot thatdidn't quite nail it didn't
quite work. So we went into the series and
it like there's a there's a thing with that, that sort of
Jamie Lang episode. And like I credit Jamie with I
think weirdly, that was the thing with Jamie.
It was really interesting because no one wanted him to do
it. And I'd met Jamie a thing and
I'd and I'd to come back to reality TV.
I'd always watched him and foundhim really amusing.

(38:30):
I thought like, and we'd signed off quite a few the other
guests, but I was like, I reallywant to fight for Jamie Lang
here. The two guests that they didn't
couldn't see was Deborah Meaden and Jamie Lang in that first
series. So we fought and we got Jamie
and he came in and it was like lightning and a bottle for I
kind of think for both for him as well, because actually
weirdly, all of a sudden he was like taking like he was, he went

(38:50):
into sort of doing, you know, his podcast.
I'm not taking credit for that, but people saw him a bit of a
different light and but he was just like it was in, you know,
you know, that thing of like thepressure of like, you know, I
was broke at the time. Me and my I'd been stung for a
lot of money from an old agent. I'd I was living in my like in
the fucking box room of my mum and dad's, you know, and all

(39:14):
this kind of had to work. My missus was sort of like, you
know what, like, you know, you've got this dream, but are
you really going to ever is it? You know, you sort of had quite
a lot of false dawns. So so when you went so when it
worked, But that Jamie Lang thing was, I always remember
like James Defond, who's like mybest mate.
And we came up, you know, it wasour show.
It was our vehicle really. I remember him getting a call.

(39:36):
I think we were filming our third episode and someone was
like, we're in the edit and everyone's sitting watching that
that the pigeon scene about the the bread and he's like
everyone's and he's like all thewhat was interested.
The runners are showing their mates.
They're they're cutting it and take, you know.
So when it came to that, the screening, you're like the
nerves of it. Is it going to work?

(39:57):
And you know, it it was fucking yeah.
It's still to this day you feel quite like blessed that you've
got to make Zane and everything I've done since I'm very proud
of. But to to make Zane, it's, you
know, then things like, you know.
Will Arnett or Adam McKay and people like that to have talked
about on podcast like I was listening to pointless one day
and you're like, they're talkingto you about that show and

(40:18):
you're like, fucking is it pointless that the the podcast
they did? The rest is entertainment.
No, no, no, no, no. The one Will Arnett and Oh yeah,
what's his face do Bateman and Sean and Sean, What's the
difference on podcast? What's it called?
It's smartest smartness. So I'm listening to Adam McKay.
He's like my one of my heroes isa director writer.

(40:40):
You know, I love all that. I love funny, funny I.
Yeah, yeah, I think and I think the reason that show was so
funny is the the Corpson Yeah, it was like the perfect amount.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it was like the walls
giggling in it and you because that's what I loved when
obviously the guest was always finding stuff a little bit
funny. Yeah, but like when you went
yeah, I was like that. That's.

(41:00):
That's the truth of it was that we didn't, we wouldn't have had
a show because because it was soabsurd.
Yeah. Like there's a same with Craig
James, who was Greg James actually saw, you know, Greg
James shot the taster with us. Greg's a mate and and came back
to the pilot. But there was a scene with Greg
James and a prostitute. There's a prostitute who's been

(41:22):
killed. Oh, no, no, no, someone's been.
I can't remember if someone's been killed.
Let's fucking go. And me and Greg James find his
body and we're sort of sat over the body and I go, it's your
first dead body, kid. And he's like, yeah, yeah.
I'm like, you never forget your first.
Mine was a prostitute. She'd been shot 72 times.

(41:44):
And he just starts corpse and I go.
Would you still laugh if I told you that prostitute was my
mother and he just went but and the guy playing the corpse
started going? It was just a silly issue.
And that's like, that's what I love.
Just silly. Yeah, but also it's like, you

(42:04):
know, it's we live in a time that's slightly, you know,
different that way, these comedydrama and and it was that's all.
It's like everyone that I adore everything that was like, but
also was like I was just trying to play it like I was Idris
Elba. I was in a drama.
So it just made it like the jeopardy and the stakes that bit
higher. But Jamie was like, yeah, that

(42:26):
episode. I still probably think it's no
matter what else I do, that I'llprobably.
Be is that a shoulder could comeback.
Maybe it was, it was weird, man,like because we had, they
obviously did the version of America Will Arnett and, and
they did Murderville in like Will Arnett and the guests on
that were incredible. We were execs on it and they

(42:48):
sort of asked, there was a conversation at some point about
doing that, but there was a we could, we'd done 3 Series and I
was like really proud of them and, and we'd sort of it become,
it's really interesting. The first series was very an
underground hit. Second Series, A few more
people. Third series, it was becoming a
bit more mainstream and but alsothe third series is a bit like,

(43:08):
OK, people have come into this and they kind of know that the
word like. And we guess maybe being, did he
get the point where maybe gas were being pushed on you a
little bit more? Yeah, that I mean that that
third series there was like people that we really we would
singled out that we thought would be really, really good and
that by that point the channel got very much like, Oh no, we

(43:30):
want it like BBC talent across it.
If you look at the 1st 2 series,it was very, very like, you
know, Vicky Patterson, Mark Wright.
And then the third series, like Richard Osmond was great.
The the the weirdest 1 was like we had 6 episodes and we had a
well known pop star, I won't name, but who was managed our
final. We knew a kind of BBC was sort

(43:52):
of we we we knew a kind of that we'd take it as far as it could
go. BBC were I'm in an hour and
people have left the new commissioners are coming in.
So we're a bit like, you know, this feels like probably we
might be the last episode and and we had a well known pop star
who pulled out the the day before we were filming so and
then they hadn't signed their insurance films forms.
So my production company at thispoint.

(44:12):
So I was like, so basically we're like, OK, cool, we can
claim on insurance. And then one of the, you know,
people there was like, oh, we didn't get insurance forms.
So you're like, oh shit. So then you're like scrambling
around and we managed to fucking.
In the BBC canteen. Yeah, like, yeah, yeah, it was.
It was literally. Catch Marshall.

(44:32):
Yeah, running around, going and then and then we were with them.
Basically someone was like, we can get David Haye, we can get
David Haye, David Hayes fighting.
So I think this was on a Saturday, that's it.
And we were filming on the Monday, but David Haye was
fighting Tony Bellew. And Tony Bellew he is when he
snatched his Achilles and he couldn't walk.

(44:53):
And then Tony Bellew. Absolutely.
Anyway, So then David Haye can'tdo it.
I was like, what about Tony? And then we'd always had a rule.
No comedians, no acts and actress.
No, no. Because they might get.
And someone was like Martin Kemp, Roman Kemp was like a mate
of mine. I knew Martin.
I'd done a film with Martin, Martin's director of David years

(45:14):
ago, like a weird football hooligan movie.
So I knew Martin a bit might have clearly never seen the
show. And but they were like Martin
Kemp. And I was like, we were really
like, he's an actor. He's a really good actor as
well. Martin, he's sort of and he's
very funny and he's but and obviously been around for a bit,
but we were like, OK, fuck it. We'll kind of have to break that
rule and get Martin in and the nerves knowing that it's the

(45:37):
last ever one you're going to do.
And then Martin just showed up and was just fucking amazing.
Like he'd never seen it before. I think Roman had said like, you
know, going, yeah, it's a fun show and he just didn't get it
for ages. And it was like he was, there's
a there's a moment like where he's so bedazzled by it.

(45:58):
I think, I think he turns around.
He goes like we're interviewing an amazing actor called Tony
Wade, who's playing Jamie Oliverand Terry Miley's playing
Jonathan Moss. And they've they're like in this
gentleman's club. And it's all set like in the
sort of chat, the Ripper times. And we're talking and I was
like, tell me your name. And he went, what do you mean

(46:20):
what name? Because we're undercover.
And I was like the name that youcan call the longest in your
life. And he went, I don't know what's
going on. And and he just was so confused
with what we're doing. Yeah, it just was, and I could
see the crew laughing and, and it was, you know, and we signed
out and then that episode was the one that that won us like
that when we won the BAFTA, it'slike, and when they played that

(46:41):
on a big squirt and that like even now, like when you talk
about underdog shows as much nowas it, you know, even now, I
don't think that, you know, it's, it's this weird
underground thing. The people who liked it have
liked it. BBC Three.
Feels like a perfect home whereas on BBC One.
Yeah become too mainstream and Ithink you could the surrealness
of it, but also like we we made it for nothing.

(47:02):
It was like literally like nothing like it was the smallest
when you you know when you know now haven't been in TV for
subsequently a number more yearsand and worked on other stuff
you know fuck how do we do that?But when so when you're sitting
at a Bafta's and you know that everyone had turned it down and
you know that people could neversee it.
But the vision of James and myself and Andy and Avril and

(47:23):
the people and the other actors who are involved, you're and it
broke great talent. There's people who've
subsequently gone and to do amazing stuff.
And you sort of that you you look back and you think, yeah,
that was a pretty fucking incredible moment where you're
like, you know, I didn't, you know, the worst thing was when
when we won, I've called my dad.I was like, fuck, you know,

(47:45):
yeah, I can't believe I've won aBAFTA.
And he went, Attenborough thinksyou're a mug.
What do you mean is not having you and I went.
Where you going? He went.
You know, when you were doing your speech, the camera went to
him and he raised his eyebrows. And when you're joking, like the
nicest man. Yeah, Yeah, with everyone.

(48:06):
And when you watch it back, I probably see more to it then.
But when you worship back, it's like and I go, you know, this is
amazing moment from a kid out ofquiet.
And this is pretty amazing. Thank you.
And it's little camera goes out and Britney goes who's this?

(48:27):
Who's this fucking break your heart.
Nice guy lips. You never had a bad word to say
about anyone apart from this fucking, you know.
OK, Yeah, Yeah, I'm not. Yeah, I'm not this guy.
Admiral like burner Twitter on. His bots as far as at me.
He shouldn't have won. Taskmaster should have won that.
Who's this prick? Fucking phone hot in his.

(48:53):
You're you're on in my house quite a bit because we watched
the Paddington movie multiple times in my house.
The boys love it. Did you get the meat Paddington?
Like do you hang out with Paddington on set?
There's versions of Paddington. Do you say he's never really
himself? But like what I'm saying is no,

(49:14):
when the actors are backstage, is Paddington like just?
No, no, no. So they have the guy doing the
voice and then they like that said, there's someone doing the
voice reads in for Paddington. So it's like kind of crazy
because people had a curtain. You're doing like you have to do
every take like the way like youdo it with like a little person
like is sort of like, you know exactly what.

(49:36):
Could I call the scene right? Say for example the scene when
you guys are behind the glass, you're not seen for the full.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right.
You're talking to the bronze. Yeah.
So then you have like an orb? Yep, like a metal orb that gets
a light in for when they do the when it comes in, the animation
comes in. So who's so the actors who plan
the prisoners? Yeah, yeah.

(49:57):
Who's there? Just like an orb like where that
where is where your eyeline is. So there's no little bear there.
No, no, no, no, no. It's heartbreaking.
It's great acting to be like. Yeah, the hardest 1 is when you
threaten it. But there was 1 scene where that
scene I think is where I threaten it and go, you know, I
can't remember what I was sayingsomething years ago, but.

(50:18):
Is it about the food? No.
No, no, it's when I'm walking across the in the prison and I
walk towards. Or if he doesn't sort it out
with the. And and I go down.
There the clue The prison uniforms have been dyed.
I know it's before then even I'ma bit of a preaching for the
first time you see me. Maybe Attenborough loves
Paddington? Yeah, and they probably.
Started about the same time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So he thinks I was just a awful bully.

(50:41):
Justice for Paddington, 7 of them.
And I was like, I was sitting inmy trailer and someone comes in
and they're like, we're ready togo in five 10510, just keep
yourself ready. We're ready to go.
And then I came back in and put in another 5-10.
We're just waiting for Paddington.
And I went OK, cool. Yeah, yeah.

(51:02):
And I was like, I sort of closedthe door sort of.
That's great. Yeah, yeah.
We doesn't exist. Does he?
That's like what a fucking. So was there ever standings for
Paddington? Yeah, that's what I mean.
You'd have like a more people, yeah.
So you'd have someone come in and then you that would be the
better because you could have got to perform it with someone.

(51:22):
But yeah, again, it was like, that's fucking mad.
You're like, I had a line and that line became your little
mini art that you were with Brendan Gleeson and we were
doing rehearsals and suddenly bit the character.
Got a few more little bits and and and then.
Who was he like to work with? Amazing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's that's a great role.
He had Knuckles. In that thing and I'm like

(51:42):
obsessed with him. I think he's one of my favourite
actors. He's just fucking and the sounds
are just amazing. But yeah, I love, like The Guard
is one of my favourite films ever.
Yeah, I think like he's just do.You get like, did you get like
Paddington merch or anything after that?
Like obviously get paid to be inthe movie, but like no no you
get like a load of Paddingtons or anything.
No, we, we, I took my, my littlegirl loves Paddington, so she'll
tell people I know him and I sort of can't burst that bubble

(52:05):
at the moment. But yeah, but we went to,
there's the Paddington experience at Waterloo.
So we and I paid. I took my little girl there and
then the guy said, you know, theguy there said he said why?
Why don't you just get in touch?I was like, it's a bit begging.
It's a bit muggy. Hello.
My yeah, I'm kind down with a little girl.
I. Thought you meant in touch with
Paddington and then he could tell them.

(52:26):
Put it in sitting with that umbrella.
Who's that? You know that idiot fucking big
freak. Yeah, I know.
I would love you're not modifiedat the next misfits box.
KSI on the undercard. Be all right.
Yeah, also, I won't be able to fucking hit out, bro.

(52:48):
Either way, he's winning that fucking.
I don't want to be the guys. Fuck yeah.
It'll be like Chisora White. I would love that.
More like, you know, when, Yeah,AJ Fort and Garno just went in
an absolutely 11 with two big, two big overhand rights.
Attenboroughs on the deck. I'm rejoicing round the ring.

(53:11):
When was like you're, you're in town, you're playing the operas
tonight, but what was do you ever come over here for shows in
the early days? Of no, I don't really know.
I came here the last tour and I was meant that there was a film
that I was offered that I couldn't do.
That would have meant me and a family or to come and come and
spend some time over here. We'd have been lived over here,

(53:32):
around here actually, where yourstudio has Strange Dragon.
Yeah, animated or the? Live action one, it's good, it's
really good, but it come in and and I couldn't, we couldn't make
dates work. Don't be afraid of things like
that come in and you can't do it.
Don't be afraid. Yeah.
I think me and you're very, veryMichael maybe but me and you're

(53:53):
very different options. I think you might as unglifier
yourself grow, grow that. Yeah.
Anything like that, Soccer Aid, anything.
Yeah, Soccer Aid, by the way, I've I feel that you'd be a good
I've seen. Your clips, you've survived.
I'll be there like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think, you know, The thing is,I think you've got to treat
Soccer Aid like they're the, they're the, you're the fiance,

(54:18):
Clark coming over. You've got to treat them with a
bit of sting, John. Yeah.
Yeah, don't be too thirsty. I got thirsty after the first
year and they've never had me back.
Yeah, where? We all meeting next year got
deleted from the group. Yeah, yeah.
That was a year was it? Yeah, that was, by the way, I

(54:39):
would say the Iota Torres defence, it was quite clearly
banter. Right, it was quite.
Clearly he was having a bit of it and also it fucked with a lot
of people that because it was like it was it was a group where
everyone was having a bit of, you know, he clearly was joking
and then put on your I don't know.
So you're like, fucking hell. Who do you think was the snitch?
I have no idea. No, would have been McGuinness.

(54:59):
McGuinness loves the banter, right?
I'm not sure. I don't know.
I I look around is someone who'dhave.
Is that group still going? No.
Maybe Joe Wicks works. Joe Wicks could have been Yeah,
Wicks. Joe Wicks Wicks could have just
yeah, yeah. I mean, he was playing set up a
field when he, Yaya Tori demolished him that year.

(55:19):
Do you know what I mean? I think it was probably a plaque
because Yaya Tori is what only retired two years.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's must apply.
What? I mean, he's still probably do a
job for West Ham. That alone, you know.
What was So what was the first time you came over?
You didn't do that movie but wasthe first time.
I should come. I've always like my family.
I've got family. I've Mayo Kerry.

(55:40):
So I've come over here for ever since all my life on nice parts
of the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a beautiful place, Mayo. It's a weird one.
I did the do you know the two Johnnies?
Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah.
So I did their podcast. I told a story on there which I
can't retail. And then the, the, the, the
feeling you can retell. No, no, no.

(56:01):
The, the, the, the, the, the, the backlash from 'cause they
come from a small place in Dahuma.
My family, it's called Dahuma. And I got a, like a lot of
people from that place was like,that's great.
It's good you're putting it on the map.
But then I got a little bit of hate.
I got one woman from the humour who who wrote me a letter, just
a message saying you keep the name of the Homer out your mouth
and you know what you read saying and you shudder a bit.

(56:25):
I was just. Hit you with a Will Smith.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was like, I went oh fuck
yeah. But it was like a, it's, it's
one of those. But then, you know, that weird
thing as I'm very proud of whereI come from.
And my dad's very, very proud of, of, you know, we were
brought up in a very like, you know, when you're a sort of
second generation Irish and you,you know, so you know, which is

(56:46):
our Irish club on, on a, on a Saturday, Sunday, or, you know,
you know, Sunday school. It was like we were very much,
you know, the people we brought it.
So you saw, and it's such a small place to humour.
And I felt, you know, when you're like, there's not many
things that I've said in my career where I go, fuck it,
whatever. And that I was like, Oh, shit,
maybe that, you know, when you're like, if you've upset

(57:06):
someone, yes, you know, I mean, you go and it's one of the few
things in my you know, it's a funny story.
It's a true story. But then you're like, oh shit,
if you've. Been backed to the humour since.
Oh fuck no. Do you?
Think if you burnt they burnt the ruins of my my nanny house
down. If you went back and be like
when an outlaw comes into the Wild West, yeah, all of a sudden

(57:28):
everything's closed and the signs are still doing this.
Yeah, all of my families, the remains of all my dead ancestors
were thrown into the sea. I want I want the bridges to be
rebuilt. Yeah, you know, you know what I
felt that was one of the few things I was like, shit, because
yeah, I've got a daughter now. I'm very, I'm very, very proud
of coming from that part of Ireland and, and like the
history of it and, and Mayo as aplace and, and, you know, from

(57:52):
Knock Airport, you know, we were, I spent four or five
years, I'd written a script about Knock Airport and, and the
building of it and I was fascinated by that as a story.
So I'm very proud to come from that part of the world And, and
sort of also like, you know, the, the sort of you you're very
aware of, like, you know, my nanny used to talk about like
sort of, you know, the economy and, and how it had been sort

(58:15):
of, it was quite a, it's quite adesolate place.
It's quite, you know, beautiful as well as, you know, but then
you, you go, Oh shit, as a, you know, that was never an
intention. So you sort of like, you know,
I, it's one of those things where you're telling a funny
story and that's what we do for a living.
And it was actually, it was weirdly an education.
You go, Oh shit, there's people in this who involved and I'm

(58:35):
telling a story and I'm being, Ididn't name names, but I'm like,
but people would know I'm talking about.
I think we need to stage like a hero type thing, yeah, where
maybe I go to the humour and I'mcaught wreaking havoc.
Yeah. You know, like happy slapping
people or unlike Yeah, I just. Happy to pay for.

(58:56):
Everybody. Yeah, you bag the postman.
Ping windows, you know, not breaking, but pinging windows,
Pushing kids off bikes. Shouting just late at night,
just running around chatting. You know, just yeah, yeah.
Play music a little bit too loud.
Yeah. And then you cut you.
You get an Airbnb for a week, yes.
Yeah. And then your kids run feral.
You show up, Yeah, You go and you sort this out on a horse.

(59:18):
You drag me, You drag me by horse.
Yeah. Out of out of the.
Yeah, I'll draw you back in BellMullet.
Yes. Yeah.
And then you come back and they'll, you know.
They're straight. Yeah, thank you.
Or they'll go. Why have you fucking drag Shane?
Sonny's their favourite, why could we just couldn't let
another guy have his moment, youfucking snake.

(59:41):
Or maybe. You had Soccer Aid?
Or maybe I want to be the hero, so I show up there as part of my
tour and I go home. Is so I like.
I told him he should never have told that story on the two
Johnnies. But then I get enough influence
to bring you back in. Yeah, yeah.
Slowly. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, I think you you could, I
think I think too much of you that you'd wasted a lot of your

(01:00:02):
time sort of spending it just for a small grift that me and
you guys, we've got The Who the rest of our careers feel like
you're just back to crack America.
Probably shame, but you. Know this four year project.
We've got a corner. Of Carrie's beautiful.
You a Dingle? Yeah, Bring a Ding, Yeah.
You see the, you see the dolphin.
We'll do what? The dolphin.

(01:00:23):
No, no fungi. No, I didn't see the dolphin.
We went to Killer. We were at Kalani for a bit.
We said every the hotel looking over, it's pretty the best hotel
I've stayed in my life. It was beautiful and we went
there after Mayo. But no, I didn't see there's a
dolphin. So you go, so Killarney is
great. And then if you're, if you're
doing part of that ring carry trip, you'll go to Dingle.

(01:00:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm surprised because
you're. In family, if you can't move
that, if you go to Truly and a place called Lizel and Cross on
the way to Bally Bunyan, that's where a lot of family, that's
where we used to go a lot on holiday.
That part of the world is beautiful.
It's one of my favourite places I was obsessed with.
So dangle has a dolphin, no? How did he get that He just.

(01:01:06):
There's Dolphins Ireland. Yeah.
But he but fungi was like huge tourist business for them.
So you could go out on differenttours and you would you would
see him. Oh, he played into the.
He he there was people would might say he got cocky.
Yeah, this is. I'll have to check with my

(01:01:27):
sister if I can tell this story,but I'll have to text you after.
So you have you you had a sketchget picture Every game where you
pick, you draw like you, you you'll get a card.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you sketch it instead.
We're playing that. And my niece was my niece got

(01:01:49):
the card Free Willy, but never seen Free Willy, but had seen a
Willy. So we were playing that Free
Willy didn't know what the fucking thing.
So we're all sitting around justplaying, fucking playing this
game is like, you know, nice Sunday afternoon.
She's just fucking cock. Everyone got it.

(01:02:09):
Everyone got free. But it was hilarious that she'd
never seen the movie. It was like she she was like,
yeah, yeah. What is it about?
I was like, it's not about that.It's.
I played that. A chilled flasher Who?
I played that David Upham socialteam.
Drew you what's what film titlesgot cunt in it The vaginal

(01:02:37):
looks. Kerry's brilliant, but yeah,
fungi was like, he was the main attraction, but then he
unfortunately, I think he passed.
What is it? But there's not a.
Dolphin shoot? Did he wash up on the show?
No, it's one of the it's actually beautiful.
He just rode off into the sunset.
Wow. So and, you know, presumably

(01:02:57):
just, he just, I think he said like he went down his own terms.
Yeah, which I like, you know, just one day fungi wasn't there
and there's a bit of a mystery. But now I think there's still
other pods of dolphins around. There I don't want to be, but
how did they know fungi was fungi like it did?
Look in his eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Feel like I need to put in a very Irish response here but

(01:03:18):
it's. Funky, It's funky and.
You can tell by the look of them, Yeah.
The expression on his face, smiling.
You know. Look at that desperate, thirsty
fucking Kevin the Dolphin. He's been, but yeah, he was.
People just knew. You could tell by the way he
moved around. Yeah, of course.
Yeah. You know, Yeah, Yeah.
But not I know. I think there's other dolphins

(01:03:40):
in there, but we'll just. Be hard though, that's like
replacing a big footballer. Walking the steps of giants like
yeah. Someone we just pay it.
John may not deck and rice, but they hard.
I did the tour and, and so fun. It's brilliant.
Like people love it. Americans love it.
Yeah, they love it. The Americans love the when if
you are on the flight over here today, they love so many
Americans. Yeah, what do you?

(01:04:00):
What's your like? Because you have the show today,
do you? Are you flying home tomorrow
morning? Yeah, it's yeah.
What do you like to do day of a show?
Like you so this is very like because it's this is the
podcast, it's just me and what like I usually like to sort of
meet like sort of someone have been flirt with.

(01:04:22):
I really like to sort of feel like had a conquest and.
Not meet other guys you've been chatting with.
On Instagram, No, I mean, this is very different because it's,
yeah, we sort of chill when it's, when it's a stand up.
I mean, I always find the stand up tours once you've got the
show now and then you kind of it's there and it's, you're

(01:04:42):
present with it and you sort of know what it is.
You can have a little bit more time.
And, and then sort of last time we were here, we were here for
6-7 days. We, we drove around Ireland with
the with the guys and it's fucking amazing.
But I like to usually have a little bit of a look around and
a bit of a, yeah, it was when I was in Belfast, but I can't
remember where we stayed, but meand Dinesh went out and like

(01:05:04):
every morning I like to go for awalk wherever I am.
I like to get out before breakfast.
I'd like to, I'm obsessed with 15,000 steps and that kind of
knob. And I was like, let's just get,
you know, we'll get in. We'll go through the show from
the night before, we'll have a chat, chat about life, whatever
with, you know, good mates. And we was coming back and we,
we'd sort of taken a few wrong, like just different turns.

(01:05:26):
And we sort of ended up on a bitof an estate.
And I was like, you know, it's fine.
It's, you know, dah dah dah. And we're walking out and
there's these two guys, proper Scalli's walking towards us.
And I just thought one of them sort of staring at me and I
thought, oh, maybe he's sort of going on, you know you.
See more. Yeah, yeah, that's the cunt from
Yeah, Paddington to LA. And I sort of just grinned at
him and raised my fucking head, you know, I sort of nodded and

(01:05:50):
it's clear they've been on the fucking thing all night long.
And he just stared this look of hate at me.
And he pulled up his jumper and he had, like, a chip or I
couldn't see what it was. I didn't want to look too much.
You went. Yeah.
And he just stared at me. And I was like, who the fuck is
walking around, like, looking for trouble at this time in the
morning? Like, you know this so sinister
like. Breakfast is such a yeah, yeah,

(01:06:11):
horrible time to do that. Also, the fact that he's
offering that to you. Yeah, you're never going to say
a. Big guy.
So it's like such AI was like, but also I'm like what night?
You know when you just think like we've ordered.
I've done those four or five AM sessions.
Yeah, Do you know what I mean? He's been booted out.
Come 6:00, everyone's going. Let's get rid of fucking.
Yeah, yeah, maybe he loves Paddington.

(01:06:32):
Yeah yeah, yeah, or Amber 5 wheels yeah he's like fucking
texting out after DM and him go fucking got the guy.
Do you and that like when you remit?
I met Ramesh once, yeah, when I was doing the Edinburgh Fringe
Festival years ago and we got a,we used to have like a guest
headliner every day, so we just ask people to Fringe.
And I met him in an underpass. Did you find the Fringe great?

(01:06:56):
Lovely. I mean, you'd have good days and
bad days and I was doing a long time ago.
So you would walk out. There could be nobody there.
So very mixed. But like, I enjoyed doing it and
I'd probably like to do it again, bring my family over,
stay somewhere out of the city and go in and out, you know, do
it like that. But Ramesh was someone we wanted
to get on, and I met him in like, this underpass in

(01:07:17):
Edinburgh. Not like we arranged to meet
there. I mean, we're both walking.
Through does a lot of his business meetings in under
bridges and it's like a troll inthe way that he on ogre he.
His show clashed with ours time wise, but he was really
pleasant, right? He's won it.
Yeah, it's very hard because. I've never met him on ground
level, Yeah. Yeah, you have ground a strange

(01:07:37):
thing with with comedy that you you always try to think of
something funny or but he is like he's yeah, the sweetest
guy. Like I'd sort of, I'd step back
from stand up and I'd lost all confidence and I'd like, I sort
of never thought I'd do it againjust because I got it very in my
head and I'd had some like not great.
Like mentally I was in in a goodplace.

(01:07:59):
And I think you kind of and and I'd sort of almost made my peace
with never doing it again and between him and and Flo, but but
he was like he'd always like chip away, like you should try
it. You should try it.
And I sort of really that now it's the thing that I adore more
than anything else. And it's weird when I look and
go fucking. Why did I not do this for so
long? But without him, I wouldn't have

(01:08:21):
done it. And he like, you know, it's very
easy to sort of like, like I say, you know, be open how you
feel about a friend and because you, you kind of feel that it's
a place for vulnerability. But he is like the we text every
day where he's like, he's one ofthe nicest, most genuine pair.
And you, you, you navigate for this industry we're in long

(01:08:42):
enough. You you, you realise quite how
much that is going to cherish when you find someone who's a
good person and who's never angling really for for anything.
And that's not just to me. You watch how he conducts
himself with up and coming acts with people who who go for any
kind of trouble or any kind of you The amount of times where I
hear stories of someone, you know, having a tough time or
something. And and one of the first names I

(01:09:04):
always talk about reaching out as Ramesh.
And, and it's sort of it makes you very proud of all that.
A friend and someone I work withvery closely.
But yeah, just as as a guy, I'm,I think podcast wise, it's you
know, you're brilliant at it, you know, and I watch you do I
think. But as is, you know, it's very
it never set out to be what it has become where it's very

(01:09:26):
honest and and he's very brilliant at that.
But you know, you, you sort of it's we, we've gone through a
lot of stuff where you're like, shit, like when I let think back
of, you know, the stopping drinking, the everything go
through and my daughter, my, my wife and her very, you know, not
in a good place where it come medically and whatever and stuff
he's been through and especiallyrecently stuff, you know, where

(01:09:48):
we're at, you know, we've alwaysjust tried to be very honest.
And that's, I think weirdly, actually where podcasts thrive.
It's, it's, it's a really nice thing as well, which and you and
your pals, it's that's where you're like, Oh, shit, this is
this. You know, it feels a very nice
thing to be able to do that partof it because it's, it's, I
think that's a bit like stand up.
I think podcasts only really work if the people are genuine.

(01:10:10):
I think when I watch and listen to stuff and it feels like, oh,
these are two shit top acts should be put together to sort
of talk about whatever. It's something doesn't quite
feel right. Whereas if you listen to you and
you're just chatting to your mates, I'd sooner do that
because I've got everyone in this room has invested each of
these young human beings and youwant, all of us want a part of
that. And I think that's where
podcasts are slightly different from everything else that that

(01:10:33):
that we have in this this industry.
They have to have that earnest feel.
Can I as a final thing, can I test my test or a potential
marriage? I said to you when we were
chatting earlier in the week, but you're coming to do this.
I was like, I'm going to come down and try and make the show.
I'm going to be a different showtonight.

(01:10:53):
Real life. Me and my dad are going to see
Simply Red for the third time inBelfast.
Hocknells in Belfast to like too.
Yeah, I don't. Know if you know that or if you
felt it just. Yeah, there's an energy in the
city. But he's here.
Yeah, you know we. I'm sorry but.
We we used to listen to rememberlike when I mean, how do you.
37. 37 So like when we used to go on like family holidays and

(01:11:17):
you have like 4 tapes like. Stars and.
Yeah, we drive quite a lot of time start fucking up, we drive
to, we come, we get a boat over,we drive down through Dublin,
we'd see family members and we'ddrive towards Kerry or mayor.
And so you have 4 tapes, Bruce Springsteen, Dire Straits,
Simply Red and think Tracy Chapman maybe I don't know, but

(01:11:39):
simply red. I remember just getting really
car sick and that album playing and just like Red a road and
they were Mick Hucknall and I just turned the engine on for
that car not halfway through a fucking song.
It's it's yeah, wow. No, of course he's around.
Yeah, yeah. Hope not be was a.

(01:12:01):
Imagine if we had that for breakfast tomorrow.
He was a legend. Me, you, Ramesh and Hucknall.
Yeah, and your dad? And my dad, yeah.
It'd be fucking awful if we lefthim out.
Yeah, very shame. Are you going for a coffee?
No, I've sat you off a. Moment I'd be a tough one to
watch the FaceTime of us just having the breakfast.
Like how? No, just because he what?

(01:12:22):
Do you think he's doing today? What he he's so fucking show
ready. Yeah, show like he's such a
weird because they were like they were a phenomenon, like
level of bad. Like level of bad.
Who was really bigger than them globally?
Yeah, but they were massive, right?
What they were up. They would.
Would you say you 2 started likeyou 2 started slightly off?

(01:12:43):
No, not as not as big, but. But they were up there, right?
But. Yeah, huge.
And you just think and he was like tabloid absolute chat the
lad. Having fun.
Yeah, he has a good. Time he was doing all this with
ginger dreadlocks. Yeah, yeah, it's yeah.
Do you know weirdly, the I, I, Iwas obsessed with, boy, I used

(01:13:06):
to love boys. I was with that and I worked
recently with me for a reason. Yeah, man.
Sorry, that wasn't me saying anyof the boys on something.
I've got 1000 reasons to love. Yeah, I always remember being at
it was live Earth and they were playing this gig.
I can't remember what it was before it was in Hyde Park and

(01:13:26):
alcohol, whatever. And I always remember this mad
thing of like this cup watching,you know, I mean, a couple of
started both drunk and they're clearly and they started arguing
this couple of really, really arguing and she's.
Is there anything better at a concert than watching?
That and I was just watching, you know, there's a High Park
and I'm sort of. Doesn't.
Doesn't matter who. Yeah, Shaking.
Like, yeah, he stands and she leaves.

(01:13:49):
It's like, yeah, Crocodile that day, the end of the first movie.
And I'm just watching it thinking, oh fucking hell yeah,
this is. And I, you know, it didn't
matter who's on stage at this point.
And boys own, I'm sure is it. But boys own came on, whatever
it was. Boys own come on and love me for
a reason kicks in and he looks across and you see their eyes me
and they soften and they just come walking towards each other

(01:14:11):
and it's you know and and she just looks at him and he just
goes I love you. He just stares her in her eyes
and she went oh fuck off you choppy cum and it's one of the
most romantic things I've ever seen in my life.
It was a beautiful moment. Between that's the song no
matter what's happened. Love me for a reason.
Yeah, forget. About it, it's a beautiful song,

(01:14:33):
but I worked with that. I saw Shane and and Kiefer thing
and they were both drunk and hilarious.
But the funny is Jane like people, they're so funny, these
two. And there was a thing that was
thrown out in the show we were doing and it was about Nicholas
Lyndhurst and someone said Nicholas Lyndhurst and Keith

(01:14:53):
Duffy went the Fox. Nicholas Lyndhurst and I went,
you know, Rodney Trotter and then shine quick as anything
went, you know, Dave, it was just so quick.
You know, when you're like the speed of the But that, Yeah.
Good lads. And they're, they're, they've
just announced they're coming back.
Yeah, so. What I'm wondering is, do I try
and work out a London trip or something?

(01:15:15):
Yeah, what I'm saying is, shouldwe maybe go and see boys?
I mean, you go and see boys. I would be the dream.
Because I know Keith. Yeah, Keith's been on here.
Keith is AJ. Now here's the thing.
What's Keith going to be saying the Brian McFadden?
Yep, yeah, because. Is this going to affect?
Also like what happens with Mike, Mikey, Mikey, Mike, it's
like because. He said in the documentary he's

(01:15:36):
like, I'm done. Because also let's this is what
we call it a business, a callback, right?
I watched that fucking that documentary and I put out my
most liked tweet of this year isI tweet of Instagram picture is
me saying like, and it's genuine.
I didn't mean, you know, I can't.
I couldn't stop thinking about him.

(01:15:57):
Yeah. And I was like, if he wants that
pint, you know what? Nothing would make me drink
again, save if I was to go up tohim, walk into that sort of like
quiet little pub where he's sitting there and then just go.
Sorry, Barkie. Another pint of Guinness and one
more for this guy. But the only reason, the only

(01:16:17):
reason why that couldn't happen is do you know where he was,
where the humour having a pain? It's all a big rig.
We've got him guns to the back of the head.
Keep the name of the humour out here mouth.
Yes, stinking rat. If he can't do it, mean you can.

(01:16:37):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be fucking.
That'd be amazing, yeah. Last thing, favourite boys and
song. Man's a different beat.
Love me. I do think love me for a reason.
I think it's. Just I had the CD.
Love me for a reason is yeah. I just think I sometimes in my
lower moments stick down. I was trying to work out a way
for the end of the tour, tellingthe story.

(01:16:58):
It's not happening now, but telling that story about what is
love and what is romance about the two people at the concert
and having that kick in at the end because.
And acting beautiful how you control me.
Do you want to do like? Do you want to take a part each

(01:17:18):
or do you want I don't want to sing on the top of you?
No, no, you, you know, you know,the only thing that beats them
is when Westlife sing. And I love boys, but Westlife
when Mark is it Mark? You just have to let him go,
don't you? Right when when Mark kicks into
any song, I arguably say I thinkevery band, I think there should

(01:17:41):
be a thing like people have thismad fucking.
I think every song ever made Should they should just we
should put Mark into every song ever made.
Yeah, like just because when he kicks in, it's almost like it's
a bit like, you know when you see Messi, Yeah, Mark is like.
And is it true? Because you this is actually
let's this will be the last because I could sit here all day
chatting to you because this is everything I dreamed it would be

(01:18:01):
a more. But is it true he's running like
a burger van now? Or is he got like a food input
or? So he was doing like for
festivals and stuff. He had a cut, I think it was
coffee van. Really.
But he said, what is? He's not got any.
I think he just, I think they took a break and he was.
He's got to be wedged in. He was like, I think he was the
best singer in the world about five years.

(01:18:23):
But we've debated on podcast recently who's the greatest ever
white singer and and he's got tobe in there.
He's gone, and Mech Huckle's gotto be in there.
Huckers has got to be in there. Can I say, by the way, that
who's the lead singer of Westlife?
What's his name? Shane.
Shane wasn't letting that that go.

(01:18:43):
I like Shane. I think he's a nice kid, you
know, feels like a good guy. But it was like he'd, he'd
always just, he really give it some and then Mark would just
come bang. She was like, she was doing a
lot of the heavy lifting. Yeah.
But there's no denying that Markwas like the party pit, you
know, you bring and you couldn'tlike, shame would like, sing

(01:19:05):
like on beat and stuff. Yeah.
Mark would just boom. You just got to let him fly like
he's a butterfly also. You couldn't.
You look at Mark and you think, I just don't think he had the
gravitas to be that solo guy. I don't know if he wanted it.
I don't think he wanted it. Yeah, I just think there's a
dignity about what he's done. Well the man gets on against all

(01:19:26):
odds with Mariah Carey and says hold my beer.
He said no because he's from hiscoffee van.
That'll be 4 year old. You're gonna go and do a kit?
Yeah, get a flat wire. He has her working in the coffee
van. Mariah flat wire.
Yeah. 2 pan across a van. Chocolates.
I've got this. He sings out of the studio to

(01:19:49):
see. He sings.
No, he's incredible. I thought you.
I thought you stayed in the studio.
Yeah, he's incredible. He's one of the most.
He is like, yeah. He he walked so Sam Smith could
run. Yeah.
What about that? Yeah.
Wow, I have so much to do. I want to come back again
because you, you're opening up aload of stuff.
I sort of have this and I love Capaldi.
I adore all those guys. I think they're fucking amazing.

(01:20:11):
I sort of like, but the thing that I that slightly gripes me
is the prankster element of them, because they're all
they're Louis Capaldi, arguably for me, is one of the greatest
singers ever. I think he's amazing.
I think he's voiced. His songwriting is a credit.
Too much in song bad there. Yeah, but I don't want to know
anything about them being crazy and and fun, you know, like, and

(01:20:32):
I know he is because I've got, Iknow people who know him.
Louis Capaldi is an absolute legend that, you know, great guy
was like, he's so much fun to bewith.
It's like Adele I But I don't want to know that.
I listen to them and that's the time when I feel sad.
I don't want to think about him just running up to everyone and
pulling their trousers down. I want him to just sort of like
this genius that's just off, like, you know, Hucknall.
Yeah. Hognall's pulling nobody's.

(01:20:53):
I think in the day he's pulling a lot of trash.
But not in the name of banner, but not.
Like he was not laughing when hewas doing it.
He would be I I could imagine hewas very eye contact sex at Nick
Hucknall. Yeah, 100% yeah.
It's very intimate. Yeah.
So much so. Nick Hucknall made love.
Yeah, you were getting shagged by Nick Hucknall.

(01:21:17):
I've. Never fucked anyone in my life.
I've only ever made love. I'm at Banner.
I've got their last show, yeah. OK, wrapping up.
But what's crazy it's my dad will be so like enjoying the

(01:21:38):
concert because it's a farewell concert and all.
I'll be thinking it should make up no making love.
Yeah, he just looks at you. Have a lamps in the background.
I you'll meet his eyes and it would just be like.
Thank you so much. Thank you for having me.
For coming on the pod, I mean, we, we should go see boys.
You should do that. I'd love to do that with you.

(01:21:59):
We should go. And thank you for making like
this is. I think it's been nearly 2 1/2
three years in the making of. Yeah.
Of. Yeah.
Yeah. And actually, we've got so much
in common. It feels.
Yeah. And I want to try and get you on
Socrate. I feel like I want to become
your agent. Imagine.
Imagine. If I don't even care if it's
like Elvis and Captain Tom. Yeah, no, no, I feel like if I

(01:22:19):
made that comment, I've got thiskid, you know the end of Back to
the Future. Yes, you know that new the sound
you're looking for. Ever listen to this?
It's. Just PS10 medium keep you UPS.
Yeah, I would love it. Just scoring some goals.
I've got footage of you don't mind for okay.
Tom, thank you so much. Thank you Beth Sippers, if you

(01:22:40):
enjoy the Tea with Me podcast, you can get even more at
patreon.com/tea with Me podcast.Bonus episodes, early access to
tickets and live specials like The Roaster, Willy T, Who Wants
to Be a Millionaire, Bake Off, SSE Arena shows all there at
Patreon.

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