Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
With Jerry on Friday Wednesday.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Wednesday, mister Chrissy, she was our little contestantal grow the
Specsaver's voucher if you don't hardly want hello? She said this,
Why do I see the number ten around you? Jerry?
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Am I a ten out of ten?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Hey?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
You tell me?
Speaker 4 (00:24):
Probably not a ten?
Speaker 1 (00:25):
But what would you write? What would you write yourself? Jerry?
Let's be honest, you maybe like an eight long years Jerry.
I love that level of confidence so much so.
Speaker 5 (00:43):
But I I mean, we've been talking about it for
a few days. This is why we're talking about it
again on the wireless thirteen twenty four to ten.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
By the way, can you rate yourself? And if so,
give us a call and tell us what number you.
Speaker 5 (00:54):
Are, like honestly out out of ten, because everyone's like
a one.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
You're not a one. No, Maybe it's the same for
people that I'm a ten? Are you? How do you know?
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
And if you think you're a tend, you turn it
down a bit so you sound like not a total.
Speaker 5 (01:12):
So maybe Jerry does think she's a tend, but she's
saying eight because that's like more socially acceptable. Yeah, more
Australian as well a bit more self deprecating. I've been
trying to rate myself and I've got.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
A question for you. Okay, what am I rating in
relation to?
Speaker 5 (01:31):
Like, so, how happy I am when I see myself
in the mirror? How is it a scale of one
to ten on how attractive you are to the opposite
sex or your chosen partner gender, Like, you.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Know, I really great question. My answer would be.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
A little bit of what you maybe are to the
opposite sex or what you're trying to attract. But just
traditionally when like, it's quite superficial when it comes just
to your looks and what is perceived hot, what you
would write.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yourself out of ten? Like that's what I think people
do it.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
And is it standardized?
Speaker 5 (02:07):
Like do you get sort of like you know kids
that are studying languages, they get an extra ten percent
in their year twelve?
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Do you standardize for age? Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Is that all?
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Is it all even out because I'm old?
Speaker 3 (02:21):
No, I don't think I think it's it's to whatever
age you are, Like out of ten, as an even
seventy five year old, you could be a nine out
of ten.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
But is it compared to other seventy five year olds.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
I don't think so. I don't think so. I think
it's all right. What number are you?
Speaker 2 (02:38):
You've thought about this? I can tell.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
I think I have a look at tom like thing.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
And you've got to be honest, honest, Yes, okay, I
think it's seven.
Speaker 5 (02:49):
Okay, so you really think you are an eight because
you've taken a point off, so you don't sound up yourself. Definitely,
definitely you've taken a point.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
I knew it. I thought if he says he's a
six and he really.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
No, I think it's seven point five. Let's so you.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Think you're an eight point five?
Speaker 1 (03:11):
No, no, no, no, no, eight No.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
I definitely don't think I'm above eight at all, and
like eight on a really good day when I've had
a good sleep, I've got a great hair cut, I
got a great outfit.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
On what do you think you are? Honestly?
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Honestly?
Speaker 1 (03:23):
And I don't think you would inflate or deflate?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
No, I don't. I've really thought about it. I think
I am a solid.
Speaker 5 (03:31):
Seven, a solid seven, okay, maybe a seven and a
half on ah, I could probably pull off an eight
on like Logi's night in an amazing.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Tens and like you're a ten on Logi's night.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Oh okay, yeah because two hours in hair and makeup.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
Yeah, just like me, you know, getting squeezing the avocados
at the supermarket.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Seven.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
I would I would disagree. I would say you're a
minimum eight eight point five.
Speaker 5 (03:59):
Said that in the mirror when I see myself, and
I smile at myself and say, because I do. I
talk to myself every morning, I go, hollo, you ten
like for me, my eyes like the level of happiness
to see myself is ten.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
And this year, twenty twenty five, you've been serving looks
every day. We haven't given enough attention. Even today. It's
a great shirt you've got on. I think if we
were to play this game last year, I wouldn't be
as kind. But you are serving a look every day,
and it's pushing you up to a nine every day
and I'm.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Putting makeup on. You're very kind of nine. Tom Tom
Tom is our trustee pro producer, does all the actual
work while we just gas bag.
Speaker 5 (04:40):
What would you give yourself out of ten? And be
careful because I can organize a therapist. I can't hear you.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Well. I was nervous because I was gonna give myself
a seven, yes, which I think is fair. I'm like
a solid seven. But I don't want you to think
I think I'm six, because that's not good.
Speaker 5 (04:58):
No, no, no, Jack, the one that took it. Jack does
that you and I don't know.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I'm a solid seven.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Okay, Yeah, I would agree with that.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I would agree with that.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
On a good day, I could be an eight.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
A yeah, we love this.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Okay, let's take some calls really quickly out like who
what people think they are?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
And also I want to hear from somebody who thinks
they're a ten, who can actually go no, I am
a tent. The thing is, I'm a one out of
ten in terms of attractiveness to the opposite sex.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
I disagree, And that's a whole other case study. I
think people are intimidated to approach you or slide in.
I'm so such a dofing No, but like I've got
I know so many people that like really would love
to take you.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Really about to say something so inappropriate?
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Okay, good beck, Hi, Becky, Hello, how are you good?
What do you give yourself out of ten? Beck?
Speaker 4 (05:44):
Well, I don't want to sound egotistical. I don't think
anybody's perfect, but I think.
Speaker 6 (05:49):
I'm a nine.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Okay, great, And what do you base this on?
Speaker 4 (05:54):
Well, I think I've got okay, I think I've got
above at which look, I just I'm a happy person.
I've always got a smile on my face. I'm a
positive person. And since that goes a long way in
how people perceive you as well.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I agree, Beck, I agree.
Speaker 5 (06:13):
Sometimes you see somebody and you think they're so gorgeous,
and then you see them in a photo and you go, oh,
why do I think they're so gorgeous? And it's the
inner busy, it's coming out.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
It's shining through be We're going to send you a
double past to Bridget Jones mout about the boy only
in cinemas.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Now, let's go to love that.
Speaker 5 (06:29):
Hello Carol, Hello, am I talking to a bona fide
Ten out of.
Speaker 6 (06:35):
Ten, ten out of ten, ten ten ten for everyone,
oh for everything?
Speaker 1 (06:42):
No for me?
Speaker 4 (06:43):
Like sorry, ten ten ten. Because you have to celebrate yourself.
Speaker 6 (06:45):
Life is too short to be self critical, and we
live in a world where it's too.
Speaker 7 (06:49):
Instead to judgment.
Speaker 6 (06:51):
Yes, you have to celebrate yourself because nobody else is
going to do.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
That for you A men, Carol a lot.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
If people actually look like A three out of.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Ten, there are ten ten ten.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Carol's an optimist and we love it.
Speaker 5 (07:04):
The Crispy Swan Show and Jack and I have discovered
an unbelievable ability. Yeah, that is, we know one hundred
percent for sure when someone should leave their partner whom
that should stay. Having said that, generally we say leave,
but we'll see, We'll see how it goes.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
If I've if I've heard like enough evidence and information
on the relationships, sometimes I will say stay. But often
when people are asking you for the advice, Wani, they
already know that.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
No.
Speaker 5 (07:35):
In fact, thirteen twenty fourteen, if you're in two minds
about whether to stay or whether to go, give us
a buzz.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
We'll tell you, damn, I should have got? Should I stay?
I should I go?
Speaker 2 (07:47):
I'm sure there's time.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Yes, God is listening.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
God is listening. Work your magic.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
DJs, better our king.
Speaker 5 (07:54):
This is how we spend our time before the show's
trall Reddit. Yeah, the best terrible relationship. So we want
to give advice on how's this one? Am I crazy
for thinking that I should leave my boyfriend because he
said he would break up with me if I give
(08:14):
another person CPR to save their life's mouth to mouth,
he said, it's just a boundary of his and it
would be fine for him to give CPR because he
plans to be a doctor.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
That's fair. But she can't.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
This is so ridiculous.
Speaker 5 (08:31):
She's been with her boyfriend for nearly two years, they
lived together, everything's going great. But the deal breaker would
be that if she was out, I don't know, doing
the shopping and someone required CPR, she would have to
not administer it in order to save her a relationship,
because that is just.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
A deal breaker.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
He said that if I wanted to be with him,
I can't give anyone CIA. I should just let them die.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
What a sentence.
Speaker 5 (09:02):
I cannot think of a reason why I would continue
on in this relationship that is clearly insane.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
That is insane, insane. There's not one reason why.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Yeah, and also coming do you know what's more alarming
to me, Swanny, This dude is going to become a doctor.
I would hope that he has a level of sort
of empathy and sympathy and care for other human beings.
Agree he clearly doesn't. If the board of whoever is
reading this. This man should not be allowed to become
a doctor.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
He said to her, you're mine, and you can't give
CPR to anyone. Many many problems in that sentence, by
the way, and.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Then he says to her, I don't know why you
think this is weird. This is utterly normal.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
No, that's called he's gaslighting.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Now, yes, later. So if she said to us, Hey,
what do you think should I leave him? We would
say leave. Yes, we would say leave the Chrissy Swan Show,
The Chrissy Swan Show. We have an unbelievable gift. We
know just from a little summary of how your relationship
(10:09):
is and where you hate feeling about it. We just
know whether or not to stay or go.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Well, like relationship experts, even though neither of us.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Are currently in one and we are no good at them.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Ten we want to hear your current situation and we
will advise you on whether you should stay in that
relationship or you should leave.
Speaker 5 (10:35):
And you've got to understand we have about as much
knowledge as the experts. I'm married at first sight, let's
put it that way. Hello, Anonymous, how's it going?
Speaker 8 (10:45):
Hello?
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Hell? Are you sounds like you?
Speaker 2 (10:47):
You said that you don't need our help. You've currently
made the decision.
Speaker 8 (10:52):
I don't know. My heart is telling me one day,
tell me another.
Speaker 5 (10:57):
Yeah, okay, what does your gut tell you? Because it's
really wrong.
Speaker 8 (11:02):
Plise, but it's hard because we've got a child together.
Speaker 5 (11:05):
Yes, that does complicate things aree hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Give us a quick summary of what's happening on like
thirty seconds.
Speaker 8 (11:13):
She keeps prioritizing his friends. There's Thursday fighter, we had
a childless night, Wednesday night and Saturday night he went
out with his friends and we've done nothing and the
Friday was Valentine's Day.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Yeah, that is very hurtful. Have you said?
Speaker 5 (11:30):
I mean, look, have you used your wordhole to say
that has hurt my feelings?
Speaker 8 (11:37):
Who knows?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 8 (11:39):
But no, not even crying.
Speaker 5 (11:40):
No, sometimes explaining sometimes they don't know she was crying, swanny.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Have you said it though, said the world.
Speaker 8 (11:48):
That it really hurt me what you've done. But I'm like,
we need to take responsibility for your actions?
Speaker 2 (11:56):
And did he.
Speaker 8 (11:59):
I finally kicked him out because I'm up and ate
a break.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Okay?
Speaker 5 (12:03):
Well yeah, I feel like I can't even weigh in
on that one.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Because okay, and you should go, and no, on, you
should go. I wait for you.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Oh my god, Jack, you are going to be so brutal.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
And we are going to send you a double pass
to Bridget Jones mat about the Boy only in cinemas now.
And I feel like I can hear your keid in
the background. So I'm going to send you a Baker's
Delight voucher two to get some after school snacks.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Oh, thank you, yes you must. All right, let's move
on to a non as well another and on what
have we got here?
Speaker 7 (12:34):
Hi afternoon, Chrissy.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Hi darling, what's going on?
Speaker 7 (12:37):
Well, we've been together four years. We got together just
before COVID, so it was sort of my five kilometer radius. Yeah,
and then we had a baby two years ago and
since then we're let's sit for it. There's no entity,
there's no kisses, there's no cuddles, there's no date. It
just feels like we're hails.
Speaker 5 (12:59):
Oh see, that's some people love that, that's sort of
comfort and friendship.
Speaker 7 (13:06):
And I just, yeah, I just feel lonely.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Oh this is not good.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
And if you want an actual you want an actual
relationship with someone, don't you or not?
Speaker 1 (13:15):
And you don't want just a house mate.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
No, And I.
Speaker 7 (13:19):
Was clear from the start that I didn't just want
you know, friends with benefits or anything like that. And
he was the same. And now all of a sudden
we've had a baby and it's all changed.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Yeah, but babies do change things. Do you like him?
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (13:34):
I love him to pieces? So you know, to walk
away is going to be like yeah, hard.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Does he know you're thinking about potentially walking away?
Speaker 4 (13:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (13:44):
He does, And what's his thoughts and feelings? Like, what's
your vibe from him?
Speaker 7 (13:48):
He sort of pushes it back on me, like to say, oh, well,
you know, i'd be like this if you walked away,
and makes me feel like I'm in the room.
Speaker 5 (13:57):
I'm going to suggest because the fact that you do
said I really like him, I really love him. I
think that you should go and see a relationship counselor.
Speaker 7 (14:07):
Yeah, that's what I've suggested to him, And he's like,
I just don't have the time. You know, works pro wells.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
And I'm it you should go. Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
If he doesn't want to take the time to work
it out with you, you deserve better.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
My girl.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
I understand being time poor as well.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Now I've what a bs excuse Sonny absolutely not a
none too. I'm sending you a double pass to Bridget
Jones mout about the boy only in cinemas.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Now, there is someone better for you out there.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
You are brutal the Chrissy Swan Show.
Speaker 5 (14:37):
Do you identify as an animal? I've got an answer
to that question that might surprise you, Jack. The reason
I'm talking about it is because just this morning I
met couple K and G. Ka identifies as a dog.
G identifies as a cat, and this is how they're
choosing to live their lives. I want you to We're
(14:58):
going to play some audio and I want you to
just imagine and visually a gorgeous man. Actually, I think
he's magnificent, sleek with floppy black ears and a dog collar.
And he's equally magnificent girlfriend with cat ears and just
a general feline vibe.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Hi.
Speaker 6 (15:17):
My name's kay.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Hi, I'm GI.
Speaker 6 (15:20):
My partner feels more like a dog and I feel
more like a cat.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Today I'm going to try drinking from a dog ball
for the first time. Okay, come get your water.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
I feel like we've really been judged throughout our relationship
on a lot of different things our life.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
We have had death wishes against us.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
You know, people think we live a wild life, but
it's just normal to me.
Speaker 8 (15:45):
My sister Mia has sent us a letter to tell
us how she feels about our relationship.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
What do you think, ma'am?
Speaker 7 (15:50):
When I learned a bit, my eyes grew big and
I fell silent, shocked and alarmed.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Now I don't know if you know.
Speaker 5 (16:00):
One of the things you say you love about me
is that I am so cool with everyone's lifestyles. I
don't judge anybody, No, you, I really don't, and I
don't have to talk myself out of it.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
I look at these two and I think absolutely makes sense.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Really, yes, I think it's absurd and stupid.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
I know you do.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Like I hear stories of friends I have that are
teachers and how they have to allow kids to go
and sit in a corner and protect because they identify
as furries, yes, and pretend to drink water out of
dog bowl.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Like guys, we have lost our mind, I know. Like
it's twenty twenty five. I get it.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
We're accepting of everything and everyone. I'm all for that,
but let's draw the line here. I think the line needs.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
To be drawn.
Speaker 5 (16:42):
I've got so many questions like is she an outside cat,
like a like a just a normal like a normal cat,
or is she more like a fancy burmese who is
not allowed outside. Having said that, I did see footage
of her at the dog park Lart large dogs only
with her her boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Is he even her boy friend or is he her pet?
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Are you being serious?
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Like, yeah, you sound like you're one of these people.
You sound like you're you're on a massive acid trip
and that you don't know what's going on.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
These people need help, psychological help. We are human beings, Guys.
Speaker 5 (17:15):
I'm gonna say something, and society has prevented me from
doing it.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
But if I could, no, Chrissy, don't.
Speaker 5 (17:24):
Know if I could wear a tail every day, I
would why. I've just never felt more myself then. I
used to make tails. My favorite one was an old
Terry toweling bathrobe belt. And you're the same in the
(17:47):
same color as my hair, and a safety pinnate to
like the top of my pants, and it just felt right.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
Yes, today you spent three hours obsessing over a stapler.
Today you're admitting this. Tomorrow we need to check you inside.
Speaker 5 (18:04):
Isn't that so wonderful? That everyone is truly different. I
would never go this far, of course.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Not no, I would never speak to you again.
Speaker 5 (18:13):
But the reason I wouldn't go this far is because
I'm not denying it about myself.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
I just don't feel that way. I would like a tail.
Speaker 5 (18:21):
I would like a tail, that is true, and I
also love it if like PEG's got some a headband
with ears on it, I love that.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
I love wearing ears.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
I would like a drink now, because so well, there you.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Go, you identify as an alcoholic. Everybody's different, the crissy swan.
Speaker 5 (18:41):
So I think the consensus is that people wish that
fairies would disappear. There are people among us, those who
walk among us, who would really rather be cats and dogs,
which is.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Just stupid and not real, and who raised them.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
But you can't say that. Why just because it's not
you doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
I understand that, but I still think it's stupid because
we are human beings. You can't try and tell me
that your brain is telling you that you're an animal
on all fours that wants to wee on the side
of a gutter and drink water from a dog bowl.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
How do you know that? How do you know that
if it's not inside you?
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Because I know everything.
Speaker 5 (19:22):
Well, I used to know everything that a twenty four
to ten. Is there a part of you that wishes
that you could drink from a cat bowl?
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Hello, Renee, Hi Christy, it's rain ren.
Speaker 5 (19:34):
RENI yeah, Now, Renee is the world's best hair and
makeup artist. And even and even when I do not
need hair and makeup, I call Renee and I go,
please come over aunt, touch me, Renee.
Speaker 6 (19:47):
After listening to that segment, I was like, this is
why we are connected because I loved wearing tail and
I love them so much that I made one out
of black velvet. It was about a meter long with
a red pointy love heart velvet hail and I tucked
(20:10):
it in my skirt and went to a god's kitchen.
Rave partied identified myself as Lucifer.
Speaker 5 (20:19):
All night long, Renee, this is heaven. If you're wondering
what sort of rubbish Renee and I are talking about,
if you've just tuned in, I confess that I'm never
happier than when I'm wearing a tail. And my favorite
was a bathrobe belt in the same color as my hair.
And my daughter is the only one beautiful peg Renee
(20:41):
that has sort of you know, she used to like
wearing a towel too, And of course I got every
sort of one from Timu for her.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Maybe I should bring it back. Rene. Let's wear tails
this weekend.
Speaker 6 (20:52):
I would love that. And I'm into the ears.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
The ears make it.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Like I feel like the ears though in a they
almost kink it up, like it's make it turns a
kinky corner.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Yeah, but you don't have to.
Speaker 5 (21:05):
Yeah, but you don't. You can get like normal ones.
I don't like the floppy ones. I'm more cat than
dog in terms of ears. And the first tale I
ever made was like one of mum's old stockings stuffed
with squashed up newspaper.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Ah.
Speaker 5 (21:19):
Yes, that's not as satisfying because it's more sort of squirrely.
It's a it's a bushy tail, but it's like a
slinky tail.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Yeah, okay, I understand where you're coming from with your tail.
Now let's go to page.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
How are you darling?
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Hey, guys, I'm good. A bit confused on the furry thing,
but I like, I'm all for everyone you know, being themselves.
Speaker 6 (21:41):
Good on them, but I feel like.
Speaker 8 (21:44):
It needs to be you know something maybe you do
at home or you know, you just you shouldn't. I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
It's a step too far, isn't it. Page It just
feels like it's a step too far.
Speaker 4 (21:56):
It's a step too far.
Speaker 7 (21:58):
Yeah, But the ones that confused me the most are
the ones that were say, for instance, the fish tail
and then the cat is like, are you a cat?
Speaker 4 (22:06):
Are you a fish? You know, like, I just I
don't understand that.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Can less.
Speaker 5 (22:14):
Chrissy Swan Show is a Nova podcast for more great
comedy shows like this Hettorova podcast dot com.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
Do you