Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Are we going to mention your girl turned up on
stage to surprise Charlie XCX in that dirty Little Underpants
song that They've got together.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I was so envious of everyone at Coachella when she
appeared on stage, not just Billy those swany Lord with
Charlie xx, Troy with Charlie XCX like that.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
For do you know what?
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Coachella's really reinvented itself? And whoever is in charge of
that publicity needs to call Katie Perry stat Chrissy's cliche.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
I just don't know.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
I don't know what we're going to talk longer about
Jojo Siwah. I think we're going to talk longer about
Jojo Siwah. So let's do the Grandpa Gang first. Do
you remember that horrifically terrifying story ten years ago? It
happened Kim Kardashian in an apartment in all of residents
in Paris.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Yes, her hotel was.
Speaker 4 (00:58):
Held up at gunpoint and robbed.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Yes, And she spoke really candidly about it on the show,
like they showed.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
She opened up about it that everyone's worst nightmare.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
And she just begged them not to kill her and
to take everything men awful.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
It's taken a long time for that trial to get cracking. Anyway,
it's on right now.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Nine years later, Mike, what I'd.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
Like in a scene from Scooby Doo.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
They've unmasked these horrific criminals and.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
They're old men. I'm sure I bought two hundred.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Grams of finally shaved salami. If that man at the Preston.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Market they call him, this sixty eight year old apparent ringleader.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
They call him Omar the Old but.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
He looks eighty. He looks like he wouldn't hurt a fly.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
He's even got one of those sort of friendly old
man Parkerson.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
I wonder if she realized at the time that they
were older, because she never said that in any of
her interviews or confessionals.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Not that it's.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Important, like it's just awful, but it's surprising. I didn't
picture them to be.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
It is surprising surprising because you know, feel like, you know,
the younger you are, the less kind of you know,
the more mistakes you can make total sort of thing,
and the less you know about how your actions hurt
other people. And then these old men are terrorizing, traumatizing
this young woman.
Speaker 4 (02:27):
Rest of her art.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
It's quite It's quite interesting because after this all happened,
Kim said, I think to Ellen that she was going
to stop wearing her jewelry out publicly, stopped flaunting sort
of everything she has so much.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
And I think yesterday.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
There was a photo uploaded of her wearing a tennis
necklace around her ankle at the beach.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Tennis bracelets.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Sorry, we know all about those.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
We do shout out to bevils. Yeah, that is worth
more than a house. So I think the nine years
that sort of But.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
I think, you know, you make resolutions at the time
and then you forget them, you know you do.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
That's just while on a tennis bracelet around that ankle.
Not chic oh.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
I think that is so like outrageously entitled.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
I love Kim, you know I do. I love You's
gonna wear a tennis bracelet? Please put it around you?
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Geez ankle, Kim.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Get Let's move on to Jojo. She's been in the
Celebrity brother House in the UK.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
It's finished now, Yeah, she came third. The reason we know.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
That it's finished is because she dumped her long term partner, Kath.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
I love that her name's Kat.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Every time I hear like, oh, she's going up the
Australian person called Cath. I just see like one of
the months from school anyway, broke up with Kaf at
the after party.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Kath brutal, was so brutal.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
We spoke about Kat yesterday because they posted a really
sort of sad long video on TikTok expressing themselves extremely
well that shock of it, yet still so measured.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
I would have been flipping my sh oh.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
I just would have been crying in the corner. How
are you humiliating?
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Because it looks as if Jojo has moved on with
a guy called Christies who I've never heard of.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
He's on a love island in the UK.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
Years ago I saw a little snippet on Instagram of
who does that girl who speaks like this from mass Yes,
Lucinda's a big thing in the UK.
Speaker 5 (04:26):
And she's I'm just in Manchester and I just want
you to know I just unked a tree and the
energy I got from that tree, it was just marvelous.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
You have really now I love deep deep diving. I
saw her she.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Met up with them at some gigs. Yeah, yeah, you've
got a follow her. She's doing the like the Morning
TV circuit and saying the most revolting thing.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Yes, oh no, I won't hear a bad word about her.
She brings light to this world.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
Man. Yeah, like by name, light by nature.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Anyway, Jojo has has fesced up, as you say, based
the music that.
Speaker 6 (05:11):
Was not supposed to happen like that. Initially, I was
told the rat party was something they didn't want to attend,
and then about an hour into the rat Party, they
decided they wanted to And so I was genuinely just
going to have a conversation before they straight up asked
me if I was happy, and I said no. One
thing led to another, and that conversation did take place.
Speaker 4 (05:27):
There. There you go, there's your answer.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
And now she's doing the TV rounds with Chris.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I know, like and then look, I wish them well,
they're young, go be free.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
The Chrissy Swan Show. The Chrisy Swan Show.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Was actually hard to just pick two stories to talk
about in this segment today, Chrissy's clique sage, all right,
I've got one that makes my blood boil and one
that makes my heart sore.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
Which one do you want it first?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Let's make our blood boil first, and then we end
the show on a positive note.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
I agree, get full of rage and then breathe it out. Obviously,
if I'm full of rage, I'm going to have to
be talking about Meg and Mike. Of course, I think
someone needs to stay. Oh no, that's right. She bullied
and all her publicists left. Okay, so she went on
a television podcast. I want to say, or should some
(06:19):
sort of a podcast Jamie cern Limachell, no Nold, Jamie Kerrn, Lima,
do you know Jimmie Cura.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
I never heard of her in my.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Life, and this is what she said. I just want
to preface this with one of the most irritating things
about her to me is that she acts like she's
the only woman that's ever had kids.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
It's like billions of people have done it.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Yeah, there's a lot of people like that on social
media and TikTok at the moment.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Yeah, And we're just all parents, and they're all kids,
and we're all going to get through it together. None
of us are better than anyone else.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Have a listen before I got a bed.
Speaker 7 (06:55):
Almost every night I email them, here's your report card
from today. Oh my gosh. She was at the funniest
thing this morning, or here's a picture of you two
having breakfast, or the things that you're not going to frame,
the things that you're not going to journal. But at
one point in their life, maybe when they're sixteen or
when they're eighteen, here's an email that I've been keeping
for you.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
Oh my god, I am, Oh my god. I have
a sixteen year old. If I gave him the imagine
if I gave him the password. Let's do some math.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Okay, so let's say sixteen years, right, she said.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
That's what she said.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Say she's been doing it from the age of six.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
Fifteen times three sixty.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
If I sent him a password saying, hey, check out
Leo's history at gmail dot com. Your password is insufferable woman.
And he opened it and there were five eight hundred
and forty unread emails.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Not a chance he's reading those emails.
Speaker 4 (07:55):
He would call the police, and I would allow it.
That is, do you kill us?
Speaker 2 (08:01):
And so self indulged to think your kid wants to
actually go through and read an email from you over.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
That long of time.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
See, here's the thing, the span of times, this is.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
The thing, and this is the mistake she's made. Having
said that her kids are young, so she.
Speaker 4 (08:12):
Doesn't realize it yet.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
I guess what I say to my kids, which is
actually the antithesis of I mean, Megan, if she ever
heard this, she would die.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
She would just have to make a whole lot of
preserves to get over it.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
What do you say?
Speaker 1 (08:26):
I say to my kids, like, if they're grumpy or sad,
or you know, they hate their teacher or whatever, I go,
remember this. Your childhood feels like the longest thing ever.
It's the biggest thing, because that's all you know. I
can assure you you are going to remember maybe three
or four moments from the time you were born until
(08:47):
the time you're about seventeen or eighteen, because that's when
real life actually begins. Get through it.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
It's a blip in time.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
Get through it.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
My job is to just get you there so you
can actually start living.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
All right. It's not about me.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
All right, let's let's let's change things.
Speaker 4 (09:06):
Let's be changing up Alex Warren. And it's actually a
song that I introduced you to.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
You did you made me love this?
Speaker 1 (09:12):
It's so good, it's really.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
Good to sing very loud. I can't recommend it.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Higley driving around Albert Park like I've lasted baby and
romanticize my life.
Speaker 4 (09:26):
You can only do forty ks.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Yeah, but your cruise controls are you're just enjoying your life.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
I just love the idea of you like belting this
song out, but.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
Only crawling you through anyway. He ran into Lana del
Ray backstage at stage.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Coach and turns out, Jack, you and I are not
the only fans of that song.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
Was singing my.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Song to me, your song now. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
She was seeing it, and she goes, we need more
songs like that. We do, Yeah, we do give us
another one, Alex, for God's sake, it'll make us feel
better about Megan.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
Martha sliding to our dms.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
By the way, at the Christy Swan Show, if you
have any feedback, as we will be doing Chrissy's correspondence
on Friday.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
I've got a corker, do you.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
Oh you aren't gonna love it. It's so mean.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Oh, I really mean one as well, right, because I
remember I said I don't like Misso people are angry.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
About Hi funny the triggers.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
It's just not that deep, y'all.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Christy Swan Show is a Nova podcast for more great
comedy shows like this head to novapodcast dot com.
Speaker 5 (10:41):
Do you