EP 31 FIONA CAULEY

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh man, Welcome back to the touch up guys. Welcome Taren,
Thank you for being here. Terran, thank you for being
what It would just be a one solo. It would
be fund you'd do a good job, but it would
just be weird.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Well, the dynamics different, guys.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
I have a really special person here today, my sweet
friend Fiona, one of the fucking funniest comedians out of Nashville.

Speaker 4 (00:23):
Thank you, we're not saying woman.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
Nice.

Speaker 3 (00:28):
Yeah, well you're a comedian, you're also a woman. Yeah,
or what do you identify as? I mean, I don't even.

Speaker 5 (00:33):
Know a wheels chair.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
As a wheelchair? Perfect, we love that identify as wheels.

Speaker 3 (00:39):
Yeah, it's Mari's first time meeting you. You and I
have history together.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
We met.

Speaker 3 (00:46):
I don't remember like exactly when we met.

Speaker 5 (00:48):
I do oh men, you in the green room and Zaney,
oh that check.

Speaker 4 (00:53):
I are like wearing like.

Speaker 5 (00:55):
A very flowy, pretty dress and I was like, what
the fuck is fashionable? People aren't generally.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
At comedy shows.

Speaker 1 (01:04):
Yeah, yeah, I'm taken.

Speaker 3 (01:09):
Thank you for making me sound cool.

Speaker 4 (01:12):
Immediately we headed off.

Speaker 5 (01:15):
Recall, we were like in the corner talking and I
had no idea like who she was.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
Who is wise and beautiful.

Speaker 4 (01:23):
Yeah, dang with my hair.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
I know she does that two seconds and she's just
like just going like this.

Speaker 3 (01:34):
Yeah, I just do it. I know. I feel like
you're used to it now, so you can't really be
mad at me for we.

Speaker 4 (01:40):
Can't get far.

Speaker 5 (01:43):
I am.

Speaker 3 (01:43):
I'm like a little I'm like your Jewish grandmother, but
younger and hotter.

Speaker 4 (01:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
Yes, so then you met and then fell in love,
vacation together, and now she's pregnant. How does that war?
We'll talk about it later. Yeah, okay, you know what
we should nine let's.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
Give him all.

Speaker 3 (02:08):
Yeah, we went to We went and did a run
of shows in California. Well, I just tagged along to
have fun. But we went to California and that was
pretty fun.

Speaker 4 (02:16):
That was like tagged along.

Speaker 5 (02:18):
You were like a very important part.

Speaker 4 (02:22):
You fucking helped me.

Speaker 5 (02:24):
Look duesy, time I was up, you drove everywhere, you
like major enough time, you coordinated the entire thing.

Speaker 2 (02:34):
I don't know, I just kind of like hung out, like, yeah,
I mean.

Speaker 4 (02:40):
I have eaten.

Speaker 5 (02:41):
Do we know we're going here?

Speaker 2 (02:43):
Y'all?

Speaker 4 (02:43):
It's hot.

Speaker 3 (02:44):
I don't wear that.

Speaker 5 (02:46):
I know.

Speaker 3 (02:47):
I was like, okay, we have to get to Orange
County by this time because Fiona has a meeting blah
blah blah blah. Yes I did. I guess I did
do that.

Speaker 4 (02:54):
But you just tagged along.

Speaker 3 (02:55):
Yeah, well I.

Speaker 1 (02:56):
Think I just naturally she's a producer of life. I
have a producer of doesn't mean for it to happen.
It's just like just especially you're in California, that's where
you're from.

Speaker 3 (03:05):
It's we knew everything. I was like, we're eating in
and out.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
Is that when you guys went to Vegas too?

Speaker 4 (03:10):
No?

Speaker 2 (03:10):
That was different work.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
Okay, Okay, that was when AJ and I like first
started dating. Okay, yeah, but they just did like a
little run of shows and I was like, oh, I
want to go out. Oh that's when I first met
frieda my I went out a couple of days before
you guys to meet my brother's baby. And so I tried,
I like Freed Feldman and then what Wilkerson cute?

Speaker 2 (03:31):
I know?

Speaker 3 (03:32):
And then our son is.

Speaker 2 (03:37):
I know, so fucking cute?

Speaker 3 (03:40):
Like behind those name, I know there's yeah, there's their
names for sure.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
They're strong, they're strong, they're unforgettable.

Speaker 3 (03:49):
Yeah, Wilkerson, I know, it's so cute. But then literally
right after that trip, your like career took off, and
that's where I need to know everything.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
But I want to get held in from the very day.

Speaker 3 (04:07):
She wants to know from.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
Everything from from Crib to Birtley.

Speaker 3 (04:11):
Where are you from?

Speaker 4 (04:12):
From here?

Speaker 5 (04:13):
You are? Well, I like to say, real national people
would fucking get me by I'm from Franklin.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
No, you don't like Franklin always like I'm from Franklin.

Speaker 4 (04:28):
Yes, that's so.

Speaker 2 (04:32):
I'm yeah a little bit.

Speaker 5 (04:35):
Franklin's motto was like, we're one hundred years behind or something,
but it fucking google it.

Speaker 4 (04:45):
I'm not making this up.

Speaker 2 (04:47):
Okay, that's our motto behind. It's not even that far.
It's a half hour outside Nashville.

Speaker 3 (04:54):
I know they're They're real estate prices are not one
hundred ye behind, they're above.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah, their way, they're twenty years in the future.

Speaker 4 (05:05):
There's no way I want to quote that rights. What's
a hundred years. They're saying it like it's a good.

Speaker 3 (05:13):
Thing, but like we like a slow laughs, yeah, something
like that.

Speaker 4 (05:18):
And he don't know what the fuck does that mean?

Speaker 1 (05:21):
Don't come to frank last what happens Franklin from one
hundred years ago has.

Speaker 2 (05:25):
Not changed and we're not planning on changing it.

Speaker 3 (05:28):
And I am that's interesting.

Speaker 4 (05:29):
Ye, my, it's funny.

Speaker 5 (05:31):
My mom she's from Pittsburgh and she and my father
moved there before the kids. And then yeah, she brought
a house that I was born in ninety six.

Speaker 2 (05:45):
Okay, oh I was doing ecstasy in ninety six.

Speaker 4 (05:50):
I was too.

Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yeah that's what's up. Oh you were that baby at
the rave girl?

Speaker 4 (05:57):
Yeah, yeah, I have that paths Buberds.

Speaker 2 (06:01):
Yeah, that's where you started learning how to suck.

Speaker 3 (06:10):
Baby.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (06:12):
Oh my god, that's so funny. Okay, wait, your mom's
from Pittsburgh ninety six.

Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yeah, damn oh god.

Speaker 5 (06:18):
She bought like an old historic home in Franklin, like
downtown in ninety seven for like ninety seven thousand dollars
one hundred thousand.

Speaker 2 (06:33):
Maybe imagine she's still brow borrow. She still owns that ship.

Speaker 4 (06:38):
Yeah what there, she owns it and.

Speaker 2 (06:41):
It is I need your what is the price tag
on that now?

Speaker 3 (06:44):
I think it's like three million, two million?

Speaker 4 (06:47):
I think it's like two.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
Might be being like modest.

Speaker 5 (06:51):
I bet it's three Like it's like wrap around porge
fucking oh.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
You're is it historical? Downtown?

Speaker 4 (06:58):
Bro?

Speaker 2 (06:58):
You're looking at like three something.

Speaker 5 (07:00):
I see you know that Starbucks and down I'm ril
and I used to walk there as like an eight
year old.

Speaker 3 (07:06):
Oh you're right by the maiden.

Speaker 5 (07:09):
Yeah. Oh I'm scared to say the name of the street.

Speaker 3 (07:13):
Don't you want crazy weird?

Speaker 4 (07:15):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (07:16):
Yeah, stop your mother, that's cool.

Speaker 5 (07:19):
But growing up my mom, so she grew up really poor, right,
like classic seven kids and like a two bedroom mouse
kind of thing. My grandfather was an architect, really talented,
but you had to be fucking not successful because to
have seven kids. Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah,

(07:40):
So she grew up kind of poor, and so she
my dad loved her when I was nine, and he
like took all the money and left and shipped three kids, right, relatable.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
Conduct That was me feeling. Yeah yeah, yeah, I'm very mad.
So what's your dad's name? Didn't have a name? The
man who had no name?

Speaker 3 (08:06):
Okay, yeah yeah, yeah, hyada.

Speaker 2 (08:09):
Why Iata is his name?

Speaker 5 (08:10):
My mom, though she was in marketing, had just lost
her job when my dad loved and she was like, fuck,
I have three kids, but I do have these.

Speaker 4 (08:21):
Payments, you know what I mean?

Speaker 5 (08:23):
And she didn't ever want to work for anyone ever again.
So she started her own company when I was nine,
and now she is like very wealthy. She like has
like twelve people that work for her. Wow, she's crushing it.

Speaker 2 (08:43):
What's her company?

Speaker 4 (08:45):
It's called Punching None Group.

Speaker 2 (08:48):
Cool name? What cool name?

Speaker 1 (08:51):
Punching punching none group? Like in you in like a nun,
like an like a punching a nun, punching nuns.

Speaker 3 (09:00):
I'm sure a lot of us would love to punch
a none. But what is it?

Speaker 2 (09:04):
One day? I have I ever thought about punching a nut?
So that's okay, I speak for yourself.

Speaker 3 (09:10):
What is what does the company do?

Speaker 4 (09:12):
What she has healthcare marketing all for.

Speaker 2 (09:17):
Different What is what is the nut? What is the
health care?

Speaker 4 (09:21):
She is so fucking weird the truth does?

Speaker 5 (09:24):
That name came my stepdad when they had first gotten married.
He randomly bought her. It was like one of those
like pubbed things. He pushed a button. It was a
numb of the box and bob Yeah. Mom rubbed Catholic.
So she was like, that is kind of badass. She's
very religious. So I think she was like.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
Fun punching on group and att like a cute little
yeah yeah, punching on healthcare.

Speaker 3 (09:57):
Yeah, it's punching nut healthcare.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
She's cute.

Speaker 5 (10:01):
Love that.

Speaker 4 (10:02):
So she's one of.

Speaker 2 (10:02):
Those stories, those success stories.

Speaker 3 (10:04):
Yeah cool.

Speaker 5 (10:06):
Yeah, but growing up, she always told us that we
were broke, and so I really thought we were because
the heat didn't work that well in the winter and
like all the shit, you know, like I was too
young to be like, but we have a door, come,
we have a wrap around board.

Speaker 3 (10:26):
Sure, yeah, but we're like hops given a Starbucks the starves.

Speaker 4 (10:32):
I swear to god, I.

Speaker 5 (10:35):
Logic skills didn't exist with this one. Like she I
had a job since I was twelve, and I had
like buy my own food clothes. Like I bought my
first car and it was a I bought every fucking
carb had. But like I didn't find out she had
a lot of money until I was eighteen, because I

(10:58):
was going to call it TI to fill out the fastpa. Yeah,
that's when I was like when I need drink, and
I was blown the funk away and really.

Speaker 3 (11:09):
Pissed, Like I'm a billionaire and you're like, are you cuting?

Speaker 5 (11:14):
Like this feels like undercover boss or something.

Speaker 3 (11:18):
Yeah, you're just trying to build my character.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
Yeah, yes, I mean, she crushed it.

Speaker 1 (11:24):
With she did, and that's what she was trying to do.
She was just trying to build your character and still
like hard work ethics.

Speaker 5 (11:31):
I was really pissed when I first round up, and
now I'm like, thank.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
God, well because think about if it went the other
way and she just gave you whatever, and then you
would have been this entitled little girl.

Speaker 4 (11:42):
I wouldn't have.

Speaker 5 (11:47):
And then like the whole wheels you're bullshit up. And
I think if I had everything handed to me, like
as an able body person, there's no way I would
have survived this. Like I'm I gotta be like thoughtful
and like how I do think? Yeah you know what
I mean?

Speaker 3 (12:04):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (12:05):
Can I hear your story of your transition?

Speaker 5 (12:08):
Like yeah, so when I was eighteen, same year I
found out my mom had money.

Speaker 3 (12:14):
It's a bitch had bunny.

Speaker 4 (12:16):
My whole life change.

Speaker 3 (12:17):
Yeah, you're like, yes, we're rich.

Speaker 5 (12:19):
Wait it's not right, We're not rich with health or.

Speaker 3 (12:32):
You're fucking crazy snap yeah snap.

Speaker 4 (12:36):
Yeah I am.

Speaker 5 (12:38):
When I was fifteen, I started noticing like my balance
was off and my voice sounded kind of weird, and
you know, people used to be like, are you drunk?

Speaker 4 (12:51):
All the time.

Speaker 5 (12:51):
My principal would like smell my breath in the.

Speaker 4 (12:54):
Morning because she thought I was fucked up, and.

Speaker 5 (12:57):
I was like, that's normal, right, And I used to
tell my mom, like in high school, I thought something
was wrong with me. And I'm a middle child and
my older sister she walked on and you know whatever,
but she had medical ship like scoliosis and stuff. So

(13:18):
when I was like me too, my mom was like,
stop being a fucking middle child trying to copy your sister.
And I was like shit, I got like grounded for
walking weird. Yeah, I used to like practice in my
room and like try to record myself walking.

Speaker 2 (13:37):
Because she thought you were faking it, just looking for
I thought.

Speaker 5 (13:39):
I was insane.

Speaker 4 (13:40):
I thought I was faking it.

Speaker 5 (13:42):
And I was like, they're going by my ass in
Mendle hospital.

Speaker 3 (13:45):
Oh my god, they accident gaslight your disability, I mean,
oh my god.

Speaker 1 (13:52):
Like like just trying to make you look at the.

Speaker 3 (13:59):
Parents silver lining.

Speaker 5 (14:01):
And they know how many kids have at them and
aren't diagnosed.

Speaker 3 (14:06):
Yeah, you know, having a baby with one, I think
probably like it took a long time for him to
get a diagnosed.

Speaker 5 (14:13):
Right, Like that's the thing, like parents desperately instead being like, okay,
what can we do to give them tools? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (14:22):
No, my kids perfected there.

Speaker 2 (14:24):
Yeah yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 (14:25):
We see that so often, but this is sort of
a crazy one to ignore. Yeah yeah, but so yeah.
Once I turned eighteen, I was a senior in high
school because I was old from my grade kindergarten.

Speaker 4 (14:43):
What's hard?

Speaker 1 (14:45):
I was August.

Speaker 5 (14:50):
Yeah, yeah, So I turn it in and I'm like, uh, like,
something I really think is run. I just want to
get it fixed before I go to college. Sure, I
thought it was like an equilibrium, like something quick when
I done, so, I steal my mom's indurance card and

(15:11):
I dig myself to an E and T because I'm
like inner at year maybe oh nothing smart, right.

Speaker 2 (15:19):
Yeah, for like a tick like lime or something to
you right.

Speaker 5 (15:22):
Literally because I have been like researching for years trying
to figure it out. And then after the ant he's
like I'm not saying anything, but I go to stand
up off that little table and he was like, can
you stand here and close your eyes? And I was
like no, and.

Speaker 4 (15:44):
He was like, just do it, I'll kay two of
you falls. I was like, okay.

Speaker 5 (15:49):
I stood there and I closed my eyes immediately go
to face when he caught me, and he was like,
I don't know what's wrong with Something's not right. He said,
made you a balanced test, which is like this like
thing they put over your eyes and it's like your pupils.

Speaker 4 (16:07):
I don't know nothing there.

Speaker 5 (16:09):
And they're were like, you have to go to a
neurologist and her entrance did not cover that. So I
had to tell my mom what I've been doing and
I was like, will you please pay for this? Like
I'm just trying to look for answers, and they're were like,
you either have a tumor on your cerebellum, okay, or

(16:32):
you have a genetic disease. And I'm like rooting for
the tumor.

Speaker 2 (16:36):
Sure, yeah, tumor.

Speaker 5 (16:41):
But we went the route of genetic testing just to
see that first, and it came back and I had
a very rare form. They thought it was a form
of m D, but it's its own thing. It's called
free drinks a textia. There are five thousand people in
the US.

Speaker 2 (17:02):
But the Wow Wow.

Speaker 5 (17:08):
Sster got diagnosed with the same thing three months after me.

Speaker 3 (17:12):
You're the sister that your mom thought was walking that
you were copying.

Speaker 4 (17:17):
What we sound the same. We're both the wheelchairs.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
What so what parent does that come from?

Speaker 4 (17:26):
Then they're both carriers.

Speaker 5 (17:28):
No one in my history of my family has ever
been disabled.

Speaker 2 (17:33):
They just happened to And your mom and dad just
two of them together.

Speaker 3 (17:38):
Wow, wow, fuck that's so insane.

Speaker 4 (17:42):
I know.

Speaker 2 (17:42):
So what so are you? Is it progressive or.

Speaker 4 (17:47):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (17:48):
I was. I was an athlete in high school and then.

Speaker 4 (17:55):
I got diagnosed.

Speaker 5 (17:56):
So I was boom upping around college like I look plastered.

Speaker 4 (18:01):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 5 (18:02):
And then I had a cane because they wouldn't serve
me at bars, so I needed something like symbolized something
else is going on. Yeah, and then I had a
walker and now welter. Yeah, but the meds of honor
is the best to pose the pergression, which is like
all like god ass for yeah, Well.

Speaker 1 (18:22):
Fuck man, here you are just fucking if anything like Yeah,
and you and you've turned You've made fucking lemonade out.

Speaker 2 (18:30):
Of lemons, all those lemons, all those all those genetic lemons.

Speaker 3 (18:35):
Crazy And how did you get into comics?

Speaker 2 (18:38):
I was just gonna say, were you always a funny
little bitch? Do you always been a little bit or
funny you? Like, do you have no personality and then.

Speaker 5 (18:47):
Like a man, I can't just be pretty.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
I gotta use my personality. You're so pretty but.

Speaker 5 (19:02):
So much.

Speaker 2 (19:06):
Well it works.

Speaker 5 (19:12):
Yeah, I've always been goofy. I think I've always been
the weird friend. You know, we do.

Speaker 4 (19:20):
Yeah, I can.

Speaker 3 (19:26):
Children. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I really.

Speaker 5 (19:31):
I think I don't know anything about astrology, but I always.

Speaker 4 (19:37):
Ask people's birth order.

Speaker 5 (19:39):
For me, that's the biggest telling factor of like what
kind of person? How do I interact with you?

Speaker 2 (19:47):
Interesting?

Speaker 4 (19:47):
I like middle children.

Speaker 2 (19:48):
I like middle children too, Yeah yeah, because.

Speaker 3 (19:52):
We are Yeah it's yeah, I feel like middle children.
As middle children, we like it into whatever it is,
like we adapt really well.

Speaker 2 (20:03):
Yeah we got the most riz.

Speaker 3 (20:04):
Yeah, we got the most riz.

Speaker 2 (20:06):
Sorry yeah, sorry, baby bro.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
Yeah sorry, only children, fucking selfish losers.

Speaker 2 (20:16):
Started. My big brother, who happens to have down syndrome, actually.

Speaker 3 (20:25):
Actually the rizziest. He's the rizziest. Yeah he's a muppet.

Speaker 2 (20:32):
Yeah. They knew it was wrong with him from the
minute he came out. Look different.

Speaker 5 (20:39):
Your mom's like.

Speaker 4 (20:52):
We thought he was, You're like, look in the room
and checked it.

Speaker 1 (21:01):
Yeah yeah, I was like I knew he was wearing
masks the whole time.

Speaker 3 (21:10):
Oh my god, kids, Jesus.

Speaker 2 (21:12):
What a story though.

Speaker 1 (21:13):
All right, So did you ever have like a path
that you wanted to do comedy where you were like
or did this happen at Like.

Speaker 5 (21:20):
I wanted to be a therapist because my family was
so fucked up by like I can I know stuff,
I could do it, you know, And then I got
one of the disability started affecting me. But I still
didn't know I was disabled, do you know, like part
to diagnosis. I was an artist. I did like painting

(21:45):
and drawing, like oil paints and charcoal those are my favorite. Yeah,
so I really thought i'd go into like art in
that way, and then I got diagnosed and they were like, yeah,
your hands are gonna get a little retarded.

Speaker 2 (22:01):
Have I was gonna take like I can't like.

Speaker 4 (22:05):
Button stuff easily, you know, like just like pigs.

Speaker 5 (22:12):
Yeah, yeah, it affects all of it.

Speaker 3 (22:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (22:16):
So I was like, well, shed, I can't like do
art anymore, and so I went into graphic designs. I
was like Stephen knocking bush buttons forever.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
Yeah yeah, yeah didn't He just used to like blow
and yeah that little strong and then he just used
his mind for everything, right.

Speaker 3 (22:41):
And then just like cheated on his beautiful legs.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 (22:45):
Yeah, and then he was on Epstein's eye.

Speaker 3 (22:49):
I'm ecucy, yeah, Stephen Hockey, Stephen Hockey used.

Speaker 5 (22:57):
I did about this, but like it is a good thought,
Like what the fuck like that manet? I'm disabled nowhere
near what Stephen ogging was. I need help getting out
of the car. Who the fuck put him on Ebstein's Yeah?
How many people had to help this man?

Speaker 3 (23:20):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (23:21):
Yeah, tell you who. There's a whole people.

Speaker 3 (23:24):
Yeah, he had a gangang his way there.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
They had a whole little path. They dug out a
whole path just for him.

Speaker 4 (23:33):
People do it for me.

Speaker 2 (23:35):
Be worse, not yet, be worse.

Speaker 5 (23:37):
Yeah, yeah, dude, this is I don't know if this
is not cool to talk about, but it's something.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
The thing you can talk about it, talk about anything here.

Speaker 6 (23:47):
Okay, look us see you got there to be some
sort of like uh like separation or something.

Speaker 5 (24:00):
Okay, I'm a disabled physically disabled birds I'm talking about
physical disabilities. Okay, I'm a woman. Have you ever met
white men like disabled?

Speaker 7 (24:18):
NOI I am, well I not like that, but I
went on a date with a guy who has uh
cub palsy.

Speaker 2 (24:29):
Yeah, but he can walk, but he taught himself how
to walk. He was spent half his life in a wheelchair.

Speaker 5 (24:35):
Okay, count No, that counts, but half his life.

Speaker 4 (24:40):
I guess.

Speaker 5 (24:41):
I mean more like I used to be able bodied.
No I'm not, and I'm dealing with this. I feel
like as a woman, vers is very adaptable. We know
how to ask for help if it's crucial. We how
to like be grateful, ball say, stick up for ourselves.
Like it's like that's like really careful dance I have

(25:04):
to do in society to keep existing. Yeah, And I'm
hearing more and more stories and it's like I understand asking, bro,
it's like a masculiney in somewhere. But like disabled men,
especially when they weren't almost that way, and now they are.
There's like an epidemic and I'm sure it already existed,

(25:25):
but like I'm just no thing and now everyone's like, yeah,
they're fucking mean, Like yeah, because they don't they're anger,
you're scared.

Speaker 3 (25:36):
You sometimes you come off it's like.

Speaker 1 (25:38):
A job, yeah, because men don't want You're right, they
don't want to ask for help.

Speaker 2 (25:45):
They don't want to be needy. They don't want to
come off as a certain way.

Speaker 3 (25:47):
So well, it's not weak being disabled, it's not weak.

Speaker 5 (25:51):
But there's this they're fucking thing going on. Yeah, like
oh my god, I'm like I have so many iism
I'm just grateful that is on one of mine.

Speaker 3 (26:00):
Yeah, I'm glad you're an asshole.

Speaker 4 (26:03):
Right. Yeah, it's like a real fucking issuement.

Speaker 5 (26:06):
That wasn't problematic. I feel like that's more of an
observation yea.

Speaker 2 (26:13):
If anything, it's probably shifted your Sure it has to.

Speaker 3 (26:17):
You're just not things more than we are or other
people are, for sure.

Speaker 5 (26:24):
Well it's like if you walked up to me night
and and you could see I was like staring at
a step I couldn't get down, were like, hey do
you need help?

Speaker 4 (26:34):
Like yes, please, thank you? Yeah Ohn ten times.

Speaker 5 (26:38):
To say that, the man in a wheeler, he'll be
like I didn't ask for help on pine, you know
what I mean, Like I'm like ignowledging the.

Speaker 8 (26:47):
Like yeah for sure, yea, or like a old man, sure,
no I know you can help.

Speaker 2 (26:59):
Yeah I got it, Yeah, Yeah, I got it. Fine.

Speaker 5 (27:03):
Yeah, I just weep saying my.

Speaker 2 (27:06):
Love when people help people.

Speaker 3 (27:08):
Yeah, I help people it's like a line. But people
want to help you.

Speaker 5 (27:14):
I think, yeah, the thing I DIDs like. The people
are like, well, how do I know when it helps you?
I'm like, well, I'm all this when I'm an adult
first and format. So it's like if you're like, hey,
can I out there, I'm like, no, I'm good. Trust me,
you know, and trust that I mean it, or I

(27:37):
will ask if I was wrong.

Speaker 4 (27:39):

Speaker 5 (27:40):
I think man touching any human you don't know, even
if the intentions are good, probably gonna do that.

Speaker 1 (27:51):
Besides besides her little hair, you.

Speaker 2 (27:54):
Know, besides the beautiful queen happens. She wants to put
your head.

Speaker 3 (28:00):
I don't remember if I introduced myself before.

Speaker 5 (28:02):
I know where you are.

Speaker 3 (28:04):
Okay, I'm like, whoops, I do touch children when I'm
on She does?

Speaker 2 (28:10):
She does? She did? She did that time.

Speaker 5 (28:12):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:14):
We were at an aquarium and on mushrooms and she
had a We both had squid hats on.

Speaker 2 (28:20):
She had this oversized squid hat and I.

Speaker 1 (28:21):
Look over and she's just staring at the fish, and
a little boy walks over and she just goes and
then it starts going like this.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
I peed my and she went oh oh. The kid
like looked up at her. It was such a moment.

Speaker 3 (28:35):
He was like, huh, I was just having such a moment.
I was like, hi, buddy, you're here.

Speaker 4 (28:42):
For the moment.

Speaker 3 (28:44):
I was like, that's not my fucking I don't even know.

Speaker 2 (28:46):
Yeah, child is I'm not. I'm not even a round kids.
There's no kids on this trip.

Speaker 3 (28:51):
There's very adult trip.

Speaker 5 (28:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (28:54):
But I just patted his head.

Speaker 5 (28:56):
That's adorable. I'm here for movies.

Speaker 2 (29:00):
It was like a movie.

Speaker 3 (29:00):
I mean, I had like an out of body experience
because I was like, I'm a grown adult on a
drug wearing a squid hat. What must I look like
or seem like to this child?

Speaker 2 (29:11):
Weird? Looked like was my what I saw? Which was
fucking hilarious. I lost my mind. It was one of
the best. It's like we did in my memory frame.

Speaker 3 (29:20):
We laughed so hard for days.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
At the Chattanooga I went to college there.

Speaker 3 (29:29):
Yeah, we went to college.

Speaker 4 (29:34):
You have the walk, use the swim, give it.

Speaker 3 (29:38):
Give it to me, Oh my goodness, gracious, oh my god. Okay,
so then how did you get into comedy?

Speaker 4 (29:46):
Mmm?

Speaker 5 (29:48):
I had a really bed break up, okay, and I
got really drunk Okay. On the first Valane's Day, I
did break up. Yea, like a month later.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
Were you with him before everything and then afterwards?

Speaker 5 (30:07):
That's a good question, thank you. So I say those
God for about three years and we actually went to
high school together, but we didn't really know each other
back then. And then I met him again like in college.
He was not in gall was a fucking landscaper.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
Yeah yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (30:31):
Right, yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:35):
We've all had those.

Speaker 3 (30:36):
Oh yeah, no, no, Todd Maloney.

Speaker 2 (30:41):
You know where he is six feet under? Yeah he did,
he did. I thought it was so cool.

Speaker 5 (30:48):
Yeah, they're all dead ones that you get like fucking up.

Speaker 3 (30:54):
Yeah, oh yeah, and all your friends are like, what
is the.

Speaker 5 (31:00):
Drug?

Speaker 2 (31:00):
He's into a prison?

Speaker 4 (31:03):
He wait, wait what that's right?

Speaker 2 (31:09):
Sorry? I was eighteen or nineteen years old. It was
after community college. I jumped out of community college. I
went through really my life, Todd Maloney. I smuggled some
drugs inside. I put it. I don't know.

Speaker 1 (31:19):
I don't think it went in my butt, but it
went like in the crack. I don't even remember exactly
where it when. It went somewhere and fanatic, but I
don't know.

Speaker 4 (31:26):
I don't really remember. I remember the space.

Speaker 5 (31:30):
Yah, your butt is for drugs.

Speaker 2 (31:34):
I might have it probably was right. I got to
check you. You got to walk through like a detector where
you know they check.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
I don't know exactly, I don't really remember the details,
but I know I smuggled into a prison for his friend,
one of his good friends.

Speaker 4 (31:51):
No, no, oh my god, you were down.

Speaker 2 (31:55):
He drove in pala Oh.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
You through the sound system that you couldn't like, you're
like your brain just shakes.

Speaker 2 (32:01):
The man, Yeah, like house music.

Speaker 3 (32:05):
And I've always like, yeah, that's not okay.

Speaker 2 (32:09):
If I could imagine my daughter doing that.

Speaker 3 (32:13):
Yeah, yeah, oh I've done some stupid ship.

Speaker 2 (32:17):
That I lived like twenty lives.

Speaker 3 (32:19):
I know, it's fucking wild.

Speaker 4 (32:21):
Yeah, so that happens. I get you.

Speaker 3 (32:23):
Yeah, we see you. So you dated a druggie who
broke your fucking heart broke now, man, now.

Speaker 5 (32:31):
Look at it. I actually, when he and I am
already together, I was like, I kind of wanna get
an open mic, like I thought it might be fun
to dry comedy and straight up. He was like, uh uh,
like you embarrass me, embarrass yourself, Like.

Speaker 4 (32:50):
I don't want to part in that.

Speaker 5 (32:52):
And I was like, yeah, you're probably right, Like I
was very weak back then. Yeah, I was just saying,
but like using a cane kind of disable.

Speaker 4 (33:03):
He would be at work cheating on me, and yeah,
yeah he was the chef.

Speaker 2 (33:11):
We're just we're talking about damn it.

Speaker 1 (33:15):
I literally an hour ago I said I want, I
think I should do the chefs not going to do it. Okay,
he's not going to support me, and he's gonna cheat
on me.

Speaker 5 (33:24):
Those treat on you and you know how bad it
is based on how good the meal is, Mari.

Speaker 2 (33:31):
So I guess I need a chef at TJ Friday. Then, yeah,
a bad chef.

Speaker 4 (33:37):
Want to make eggs and me a good Si.

Speaker 2 (33:42):
I could make my own good sandwiches.

Speaker 4 (33:44):
What are you ordering?

Speaker 5 (33:46):
A bread?

Speaker 3 (33:46):
So I got on a scale of one dead.

Speaker 2 (33:52):
The phone?

Speaker 5 (33:53):
Yeah literally no, where was I hold on.

Speaker 3 (33:59):
The Okay, no, don't do open mics because you're gonna.

Speaker 5 (34:02):
Embarrass Oh yeah, And I was like probably. I used
to fucking go over to his house when he was
at work and I would clean his room for him.
Oh man, you were you had to walk around the room.
I would like crawl around to like put stuff away
like ConA that.

Speaker 2 (34:24):
I mean, it's okay, it's yeah, it's okay. Yeah, that's
how that's how you learn.

Speaker 4 (34:31):
You waging a hot man. He was like five eight
time nine.

Speaker 5 (34:38):
He was definitely losing his hair and it was like frizzy,
curly losing hair.

Speaker 2 (34:43):
Oh so just like yeah.

Speaker 4 (34:50):
Jeff Daniel, yes, yeah, all right, okay, but I was
so upset. Not the stocks wasn't good. I have no idea.

Speaker 3 (34:59):
It's not all hooks. You into somebody.

Speaker 1 (35:03):
You loved him for my extensions kind of popping out
right now, my little weave got it.

Speaker 3 (35:08):
There you go, there you go, don't cut it out.

Speaker 1 (35:13):
Yeah, it's like the essence of somebody. There was something
that you became infatuated.

Speaker 2 (35:18):
But it's not love. It's like that.

Speaker 5 (35:19):
I feel like it because he was mean to me,
Like I was like, I'm going to get him to
love me.

Speaker 4 (35:29):
My kind of dad.

Speaker 2 (35:31):
Yeah, yeah, that's my own.

Speaker 5 (35:34):
Sure that makes sense because he when he and that
word dating. My dad still was around a little bit,
and I brought ever of my dad's. My dad as
a fucking drug add alcoholics, So they love due to

(35:55):
other and my dad used to be like, I love
this guy, y'all, or break up.

Speaker 4 (36:00):
I'll be pissed. And he knew bad stuff too, Like.

Speaker 2 (36:04):
Was your dad at that time reform like clean or.

Speaker 5 (36:07):
He has faces.

Speaker 4 (36:11):
I remember he was like cleaning.

Speaker 5 (36:13):
Sober for three or four years for a while, and
then again to the conclusion he was only like an
alcoholic and ship because of.

Speaker 4 (36:24):
My mom what him it was our cool?

Speaker 2 (36:29):
Yeah, else's game, nice cool.

Speaker 5 (36:33):
I haven't seen or spoken him in like two years.

Speaker 3 (36:38):
Now, so he just goes in and out of your life. Yeah,
but I'm no more and yeah yeah, good, good, good,
congratulations for finally getting to it. It's hard to get
to places where you just are like the boundary is
so hard.

Speaker 5 (36:54):
Well, and then now it's like, it's interesting I heard
that he was like yeah, bin and she got famous.

Speaker 4 (37:01):
She stopped talking to me.

Speaker 3 (37:03):
No, dude, ever since you were a fucking loser, I
stopped talking to you.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
All right, Holy Culkin's parents like, no, that doesn't work
here anymore.

Speaker 2 (37:11):
We know what you're doing.

Speaker 3 (37:13):
No, No, he's blame shifting it. That's not right.

Speaker 4 (37:16):
Yeah, well, what's so fucking pathetic too?

Speaker 5 (37:19):
Right when the kill Tony stuff popped and I started
like getting bigger online, there still was like a part
of my brain that was like maybe at be proud
of me and reach out and never did yea, And
then I was like, what am I doing?

Speaker 3 (37:36):
I know, but that's like natural to feel that way.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
Well, you're somebody's child, like of course your parents you
only have two, only one mother and one father. Yeah,
that's You're still gonna deep down inside like seek that
validation or someone to be like I'm really proud of you.

Speaker 5 (37:51):
Of course naturally, but like I've never had a conversation
with him about like me being angry like all of
the ship because it's just we were never like that,
Like if we did hang out, I'd like drink with
him and get fucked up. And that was kind of
the end of that. But like my mom, she fucked

(38:15):
up a lot.

Speaker 3 (38:17):
Yeah she was.

Speaker 5 (38:19):
It was a tough time, yeah, But then it got
to a point where I was like, all right, only
have like one parent, Yeah, that I'm willing to talk to.
I'm going to tell you why I'm angry and like
what you've done and how I wish it would have
gone and moving forward, we're not doing this. She throughout

(38:40):
the years has become super receptive to that.

Speaker 3 (38:44):
That's amazing.

Speaker 5 (38:45):
So our relationship is like really improved. So I'm very
grateful for her good you know, she's grown a lot.
I've grown a lot.

Speaker 1 (38:53):
And also she's a woman too, and that's what happens
when women get older. You grow, Yes, you heal, and
you're able to do that with for yourself and for
your children.

Speaker 2 (39:03):
So yeah, yeah, and.

Speaker 1 (39:04):
That's a really beautiful gift that she was able to
meet you.

Speaker 5 (39:07):
Either.

Speaker 3 (39:08):
We don't need your dad.

Speaker 1 (39:10):
Yeah, we don't need him, Bill, We don't need him.
All we need is Bill fucking.

Speaker 3 (39:14):
I Bill Nice. Yeah, the real the real dad.

Speaker 2 (39:18):
The real real I know that needs to be a
T shirt. Yeah, just Bill Nye.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
The real dad, the real daddy, the real daddy, my
real daddy, my real daddy.

Speaker 2 (39:30):
Just a picture Bill. Yeah, that's it. He married, What
is he doing?

Speaker 3 (39:37):
I bet he's a grandfather And it's just a wonderful,
wonderful involved in all.

Speaker 5 (39:43):
The So I have free, Drake said, tax Yeah, and
I guess his family members some of them are fucked up.
But like a taxi, yeah, which I'm not. I think
that's like a separate thing.

Speaker 3 (39:57):
But I was going to ask, what's the difference. It's
just a different it's.

Speaker 5 (40:02):
In form like different with walking or so he is
really Bill nice has gotten very involved in like advocating
for like health, choosing loss or pass or starting the past.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
What's your fiance?

Speaker 3 (40:25):
What is Matt?

Speaker 4 (40:26):
I mean he'll recorded.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
Okay, that's a good partner.

Speaker 3 (40:30):
He's a good guy.

Speaker 5 (40:31):
Good guy.

Speaker 2 (40:33):
Yeah, Matt focks yeah, Matt Fox mad bucks.

Speaker 5 (40:37):
Dude, he got Taylor fucks really he's the best fucking
man I ever minic really sweet? Where did you meet
Matt Taylor?

Speaker 2 (40:48):
So he's a comedian too, the two of you just.

Speaker 3 (40:51):
Silly little yeah post together?

Speaker 4 (40:57):
Up?

Speaker 2 (40:58):
Can we go on your podcast?

Speaker 5 (40:59):
I know?

Speaker 2 (40:59):
When? Can we come on?

Speaker 4 (41:00):
You're I'm like embarrassed better now.

Speaker 2 (41:07):
Produces? Yes, I have nothing gentle.

Speaker 4 (41:12):
You're like I have no I'm like please.

Speaker 2 (41:17):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (41:17):
So obviously the open mic thing, let's go back to that.
That like how it all started, so your acts, you
did it anyway.

Speaker 5 (41:25):
So.

Speaker 4 (41:27):
You listen to him.

Speaker 2 (41:30):
I was a very good girl, okay, all around and
cleaned his room.

Speaker 3 (41:40):
Like a little.

Speaker 4 (41:42):
To see that.

Speaker 2 (41:43):
Now on a market you can make a lot of money.

Speaker 3 (41:50):
You make a lot of money.

Speaker 5 (41:51):
I don't clean anymore.

Speaker 4 (41:52):
Good, she's.

Speaker 2 (41:57):
Nice.

Speaker 3 (41:59):
People would also pay a lot of money to watch
Matt on the floor clean yeah.

Speaker 2 (42:02):
That Why is Matt?

Speaker 3 (42:05):
He's just hot hot Okay?

Speaker 2 (42:07):
Yeah, oh god yeah that little guy. I was like,
what is your primordial dwarf? Like, what's going on?

Speaker 3 (42:16):
That would be dumb, that would be that marriage.

Speaker 2 (42:19):
Yeah, yeah, that would be adorable. You're just scooting around
on pop on.

Speaker 1 (42:26):
If I were to have a little person baby, I
would want a primary primordial dwarf forever a baby like
a little chihuahua. Well, there's like of jockey size people,
right of jockey size, like a man who's maybe like
four nine five foot tiny person, but you're not. It's
not a little person. And then there's a little little person.

(42:48):
There's like big people, little world people like Matt roll Off,
like the roll Offs. And then there's like mini Me's
like you complete me, mini me, right, And.

Speaker 2 (42:57):
Then there's little howers.

Speaker 1 (42:58):
Yes, oh there's like but that's not a primordial. And
then there's primordial, which is even smaller than.

Speaker 3 (43:04):
The woman on.

Speaker 5 (43:06):
The way.

Speaker 3 (43:09):
Oh my god, wait she was in the circus.

Speaker 2 (43:13):
Yes, yes, she's Indian.

Speaker 5 (43:15):
Yes, yes, she just.

Speaker 3 (43:18):
Met the tallest woman I know and they became best friends.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
I can't they clicked.

Speaker 3 (43:24):
I can't.

Speaker 2 (43:25):
I can't, how fucking cute.

Speaker 3 (43:27):
How cute you wear your baby? She's she's so cute,
She's so cute, She's.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
So pretty Island, she is very pretty. She kills it
with her outfit, kills it.

Speaker 3 (43:38):
Jewelry hairs.

Speaker 1 (43:39):
One I would want to be. I would be an adorable,
fucking primordial dwarf.

Speaker 2 (43:44):
If I was granted, you would that hand out life?

Speaker 3 (43:47):
Yeah, you'd be like sup seventies super? Would your cigarettes
be smaller? Oh?

Speaker 2 (43:53):
Good question? Everything would be ye, I guess I'd suck
around with people and everything would be bitter.

Speaker 4 (44:00):
Love that.

Speaker 3 (44:00):
Wow, I'm jealous.

Speaker 5 (44:02):
I have the wrong you do you do?

Speaker 3 (44:06):
I'm gonna say it.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
She said, it's not my favorite. Your disability is not
my favorite.

Speaker 7 (44:12):
I get it.

Speaker 2 (44:16):
I get it meither, I don't allowed to say that
because my brother is.

Speaker 3 (44:26):
Okay, So then you still didn't right for too long
or a little.

Speaker 4 (44:30):
Longer, Oh my god?

Speaker 5 (44:31):
So basically he and I then I found out, Okay,
I went to Scotland in college for six months.

Speaker 4 (44:40):
Okay, Irish Scottish Irish Irish?

Speaker 2 (44:45):
Are they like from Ireland?

Speaker 5 (44:49):
You know what's fucked up? And I don't know what happened.

Speaker 4 (44:52):
I am half Irish, half Italian.

Speaker 2 (44:56):
Who's Italian?

Speaker 4 (44:57):
My mother? I mean there last Yeah, it's.

Speaker 5 (45:02):
Very very Italian.

Speaker 2 (45:05):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 5 (45:08):
Literally like five ten and like door complexion, like you
are related to my mom?

Speaker 4 (45:15):
Interesting, that's wild, like all of our kids.

Speaker 5 (45:18):
I'm the Tannis Wow.

Speaker 2 (45:23):
So dad? Yeah, okay, is.

Speaker 3 (45:25):
He a ginger?

Speaker 4 (45:26):
No? No?

Speaker 3 (45:29):
Oh interesting in his beard he's dead that yeah, yeah,
he's dead.

Speaker 2 (45:35):
You it could be like a Disney princess and one
of those Irish.

Speaker 4 (45:40):
I'm like, uh, I'm like Ariel and I just haven't got.

Speaker 3 (45:43):
Melly and like, yeah, yeah, adorable, cute, it's so cute.

Speaker 4 (45:51):
Where the fuck?

Speaker 3 (45:52):
Okay, I know it's so hard. I know it's us.
It's not distracting Scotland Okay.

Speaker 5 (45:59):
For six months. Any and I were dating during this time,
and I'm fucking over there getting hit on by like
the hottest Scottish, like fucking six five like this guy,
one guy in particular. Shout out to Jamie from Scottish.

Speaker 4 (46:19):
Yeah, school, like he went a fucking.

Speaker 5 (46:22):
Engineer over there, like big deal. And I used to
when I could walk, I was really good at blame pool.

Speaker 2 (46:29):
It was really good at walking.

Speaker 4 (46:32):
I never really faster.

Speaker 2 (46:35):
When I could walk, I was really good.

Speaker 4 (46:39):
She did it.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
She did it.

Speaker 5 (46:43):
No.

Speaker 4 (46:43):
I used to play pool a lot, like got like
jump balls and ship. I was like, really I was
taking money, oh wosh, and I would.

Speaker 5 (46:53):
I'm sad to dumbedge for that, but I'd be like, yeah,
you want to put money on it.

Speaker 4 (46:58):
I'm a girl. I had a cane, like, okay, I would.

Speaker 5 (47:06):
And they don't put money on it because it was
me and some other study of broad girls and they
weren't very good at pool, but I was good enough, but.

Speaker 4 (47:14):
It didn't matter. And so then i'd have them and it's.

Speaker 5 (47:18):
Like I'm doing my final shot the April and the
and I would always do it with my cane.

Speaker 2 (47:25):
Oh sick.

Speaker 5 (47:27):
The final one.

Speaker 4 (47:28):
I shot it with my cane and it was like
a fuck you.

Speaker 5 (47:31):
So I beat these Scottish dudes at this pool hall,
Scotland and I got sigh spices my cigarette's Vicus cigarette.
I was Sheldon. I burned myself too mud so I
got outside of smoke a cigarette.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
Just everything she did, I can't myself.

Speaker 5 (47:56):
Yeah, I don't know. And it was real windy and
I'm swiming a cigarette. This Jimmy guy comes outside. I'm
talking like six five, dark dark red hair were almost
like is it brown?

Speaker 4 (48:13):
Red, fucking chiseled, jacked like Jimmy Hutt.

Speaker 5 (48:19):
Jim And I'm dating this piece of ship in America
and I'm like pining over this little motherfuck you know
what I mean? Yea, And this Jimmie guy comes out
and he's talking to me and we're smoking and the
wind blows and this motherfucker tucks my hair behind my.

Speaker 4 (48:37):
Ear and I was like, stay away from me. Ye oh, God,
don't talk to me. He tried to get my number
like all this shid and I was like no, no, no,
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (48:49):
And then she's and she like she hates her ex boyfriend,
Like that's the thing.

Speaker 5 (48:56):
Sorry, my axe hands up on my mom's because I
can't get that many places on my own because my
disability was happening, So eggs on my mom's dime. Came
to Scotland for my last month there and we're like
going to the Highlands doing all.

Speaker 4 (49:16):
This stuff and he were fighting like it's bad.

Speaker 5 (49:21):
And then we get back to the US. I'm find
out he's been cheating on me same time I turned down.

Speaker 3 (49:29):
Damn, You'll never know what Jamie's dick looks like.

Speaker 2 (49:33):
We know what it looks like.

Speaker 3 (49:34):
Yeah, we know what it. I can see it right now.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
Oh my god, damn yeah, Jimmy.

Speaker 3 (49:39):
So then did you you came back from Scotland and
went we're done?

Speaker 4 (49:45):
No, no, okay, I.

Speaker 7 (49:49):
Didn't know.

Speaker 5 (49:51):
When it got to Scolemn, I was like, that's so quadre,
you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (49:56):
And it's fun blowing up.

Speaker 5 (49:58):
But I've never been like, like, let me look at
your phone kind of birds. Yeah, because I'm great. Why
would someone sure me.

Speaker 4 (50:06):
Like you know, yeah, I have nothing to do with that.

Speaker 5 (50:10):
Now I'm understanding.

Speaker 4 (50:13):
And he goes out of.

Speaker 5 (50:15):
His way to be like, yeah, this girl who's like younger,
a host at the restaurant, she has a crush to
me and she's being weird and he's like going out
of his way to show me. I don't know but it.
And I was like, okay, well does she know you're
dating someone? And he was like, I mean I think
I was like, then just block or if you feel

(50:36):
weird about it. Anyways, let's go look at this thing
like I'm not thinking about it. Oh yeah, so I
remember you had shown me her like user name, and
so then we're back in the US, right and I
get a friend request on Instagram from the same user name,

(50:57):
and he had made a big scene to me showing me.
He's like, I'm following her blocking her on Instagram snuff Chad,
and I was like, okay, chat yeah, And so I
get this frame across from her and it says in
common we have pins and I'm like, if you block someone.

Speaker 4 (51:18):
They shouldn't be able to write.

Speaker 5 (51:21):
Yeah. Yeah. And so I'm at his house when this happens.
He gets back home and I was like, hey, weird thing.
And I show him her and he tells me, I
don't know how the internet works, how like if she'd
ever fallen him, it would show that, you know. And
I was like, I'm a fucking social media manager, what

(51:43):
do you mean.

Speaker 3 (51:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (51:45):
Then I was like, okay, whatever, I'm my cup dating.
And then finally I caught him when he was real
coked out. And you're battle lying when you're on coke.

Speaker 2 (51:55):
Yeah, because you want to tell everything.

Speaker 1 (51:56):
Yeah, you want to overshare last you want to do
when you're all sucked up on Koch's life.

Speaker 4 (52:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (52:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (52:03):
So he's sleep and yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:07):
Here's all the truth in the past ten years of
my life, right, yeah?

Speaker 5 (52:10):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (52:11):
Why did she want why did she request you?

Speaker 5 (52:13):
Yeah, you want to tell me?

Speaker 2 (52:16):
But she never did. That's what I thought.

Speaker 5 (52:19):
I was like, he's made.

Speaker 4 (52:20):
Locker and I did.

Speaker 2 (52:23):
She wanted to tell you? Well yeah.

Speaker 5 (52:26):
So then it's like our fucking two year whatever. And
where he worked at Bastion in that private dying area
at that time. He doesn't work that.

Speaker 2 (52:40):
He was a chef there.

Speaker 4 (52:44):
Very good.

Speaker 2 (52:45):
I mean, Bashian is like one of the most We
were just talking about Bashton too. Yeah, that's that's.

Speaker 5 (52:49):
More who were at cap Bird see oh yeah, yeah,
Like I'll give him that. So it was like our
anniversary and bash Jim was like close but they gave
him the keys. So he was making me like one
on one dinner there and he's all coked out and

(53:12):
so I was still still feeling weird about this girl.

Speaker 4 (53:16):
Yeah, so I was like, hey, whatever happened with that host?

Speaker 5 (53:20):
It's a year old work and he's like trying to
avoid looking at me, and I was like, no, just
tell me you doting on me, and he's like being
so weird.

Speaker 4 (53:31):
He puts all like his knives down, He's like okay, okay.

Speaker 5 (53:37):
He was like she needed someone to walk into her
car one night so I did, and it's on my apology.

Speaker 4 (53:43):
Came under me and he's telling me half the truth.

Speaker 3 (53:47):
Oh my god, but that's so coke of you.

Speaker 4 (53:50):
Yeah, all she did was go to me.

Speaker 3 (53:52):
He's like, ID she needed a ride, so I put
my dick in her mouth, I mean, do anything.

Speaker 4 (54:01):
And then I found out she was seventeen?

Speaker 5 (54:04):
Oh how old?

Speaker 2 (54:07):
How old is he was?

Speaker 4 (54:09):
He his time? Twenty four?

Speaker 2 (54:11):
Did he know that she was seventy?

Speaker 5 (54:12):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (54:13):
Yeah, gross.

Speaker 5 (54:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (54:15):
In some states that's called statutory rape.

Speaker 3 (54:18):
Yeah, and I think every state statutory rape.

Speaker 4 (54:23):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (54:26):
I'm trying to think in my head right now. I
think the only time it was like acceptable was maybe
like in the Roaring twenties. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (54:31):
Oh well the worst part though about being disable in
running someone.

Speaker 4 (54:39):
I then had to ask for help to get into
an ober.

Speaker 2 (54:44):
Did he have to help you?

Speaker 4 (54:45):
Yeah? It was just me and him.

Speaker 5 (54:47):
There.

Speaker 3 (54:47):
You're like, don't ever talk to me again. Actually, hold
on a second.

Speaker 5 (54:51):
I keep dating him and that Fiona.

Speaker 3 (54:57):
Meanwhile, Jamie's just living a single gm JA to come.

Speaker 2 (55:03):
Back to Scotland.

Speaker 5 (55:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:05):
Royd is big Scottish dick.

Speaker 3 (55:07):
So you were like, well, I need help to get
in the uber so we might as well, let's talk,
let's go home ship.

Speaker 2 (55:14):
Let's make sweet love. I forgive you. It is actually
making me feel closer to you. Right well, we got that.
I was just gonna say, you were honest with you,
You being honest, We're closer now. Now we're going to be.

Speaker 5 (55:33):
In a month later, he preys up with me, and
I'm destroyed. Yeah, I mean fucking devastated. But then like
three months go by, I'm like, okay, I'm back out.
I'm back in this ship, like I'm a single bit
fuck that guy.

Speaker 4 (55:52):
Ye.

Speaker 5 (55:54):
Then I drive his thousand pickups and of my like
old stuff.

Speaker 4 (56:00):
You're gonna hate it.

Speaker 3 (56:02):
You have had sex with him and the girl worth.

Speaker 2 (56:10):
You asked him to marry you.

Speaker 3 (56:16):
Let borrow money.

Speaker 2 (56:17):
We did, and wait what nine Oh it.

Speaker 3 (56:23):
Makes you loose acid mushrooms d MT d m T.
So you went to pick up yourself and you ended
up doing And I was.

Speaker 4 (56:33):
Like, yeah, okay, and he's very danny again. And then
now we're in.

Speaker 2 (56:41):
Charge of your Actually you know she's got it together.

Speaker 5 (56:45):
I don't get sorry my friends or anyone, because that
would have been.

Speaker 4 (56:52):
Related to six months.

Speaker 2 (56:55):
You're like, I'll be right back.

Speaker 5 (56:56):
I forgot my hair brush and what are you doing
to do a little m d oh? My friend's at
a bar in Naturville, and I'd be like, I'm not
feeling good.

Speaker 3 (57:07):
So your secret man. I've been in secret relationships and
they are just not what a way to fuck your
own life?

Speaker 5 (57:14):
Yeah, but here it's the beauty.

Speaker 2 (57:17):
Okay, there's always there's always the beauty.

Speaker 5 (57:20):
So now he's obsessed with me, and the dynamic is
shift shifty. She's not doing my obsessive thing anymore. It's
him needing me around, like catering to all my ship.

Speaker 4 (57:34):
The coats have got real bad.

Speaker 3 (57:36):
But then the doors up okay.

Speaker 5 (57:38):
And I'm now graduating college okay, And I was a
graduation present. My mom is like, where do you want
to go?

Speaker 4 (57:47):
And I wanted to go.

Speaker 5 (57:53):
Jamie.

Speaker 3 (57:54):
I wanted to go get Jamie.

Speaker 4 (57:57):
You know, I really love to Calm.

Speaker 3 (58:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (58:00):
I loved watching her, like you know, I loved it.
And so I was like, I want to go to
this comedy.

Speaker 5 (58:06):
Festival in San Francisco called Clusterfest in twenty nineteen. And
my mom was like word. And she didn't know I
was dating my acts either, and so she gets me
and her tickets to go out there, and he's text
me that was only miss you can't read to come
back like a And I'm like, oh, I don't know

(58:29):
what happened to my brain. But I ended up doing
every meeting Greek because they were like, you're a great
person FORRU, like the last person before the comedians go
and perform.

Speaker 4 (58:41):
Yeah. Yeah, So I do all the meet and greets
and I.

Speaker 5 (58:45):
Meet all these fandastic comedians and fucking fortune Femester.

Speaker 4 (58:51):
She was like, I don't know who that is?

Speaker 5 (58:54):
You do I do?

Speaker 4 (58:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (58:55):
State name again, Fortunemester, Fortunemester. She's bad.

Speaker 4 (59:00):
She's a lesbian.

Speaker 3 (59:01):
She's a lesbian with curly hair, and she does it tiam,
I do Tim, I know, but she does like a.
She puts a like a one piece bathing suit on
it and sits in the Jacuzine goes now Tim and
I today, okay, you know who she is?

Speaker 5 (59:17):
No?

Speaker 2 (59:17):
I don't, okay, but I used to say, remember when
I expect Tim?

Speaker 3 (59:20):
Yeah yeah, yeah, it's different.

Speaker 4 (59:21):
Yeah she yeah.

Speaker 5 (59:25):
She was like, have you ever thought about doing comedy?
Like oh blah, yeah no, it's like I mean, yeah.

Speaker 4 (59:32):
Bye, and she was like, give me three minutes.

Speaker 5 (59:35):
And I'm like eh, and so like I'm fucking riven
with her, and she was like, you know, it was
a hard path for me, but I got here and
she likes me. I v you, but I think you
have whatever it is. Yeah, I was like okay. And
in that moment, I was like, I want to pursue comedy.

(59:59):
I don't know about have anything, but I want to.
And I was like, who is this small motherfucker?

Speaker 3 (01:00:07):
Is this small motherfucker.

Speaker 5 (01:00:11):
Why I texted him talk about we're done?

Speaker 3 (01:00:19):
Sorry, I just assume he has.

Speaker 2 (01:00:24):
I hate him. I hate him definitely, I am.

Speaker 5 (01:00:30):
I texted him after meeting her and I was like,
we're done. I'm not doing this, don't respond your block goodbye.
I blocked him and I never spoke to him again.
And that was it.

Speaker 3 (01:00:43):
All you needed was the grace of a comedic lesbian
to change the trajectory of your life.

Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
Goddamn. Yeah, what a beautiful story.

Speaker 5 (01:00:57):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (01:00:57):
And all long has it been since you've seen her?
Nineteen twenty, nineteen twenty fourteen, five six years?

Speaker 5 (01:01:06):
Oh? What is math?

Speaker 4 (01:01:07):
What is math?

Speaker 2 (01:01:08):
Great?

Speaker 3 (01:01:09):
And that's fucking crazy? And I I mean, I don't know,
like I always like, I just know you guys like
Amber and you and Kyler and like Justin and all that.
I just like know you guys. I don't know like
where you're at in your careers. But like I just
when we went to California. Oh well, I guess the

(01:01:30):
kill Tony thing. Yeah, I forgot about that. But I
just feel like since I've seen you, a lot of
shit has changed.

Speaker 2 (01:01:37):
Yeah, how was the kil Tony experience for you? Hilarious?

Speaker 5 (01:01:41):
Fucking unreal bananas?

Speaker 7 (01:01:44):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:01:44):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:01:44):
Did that?

Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
Just like open up?

Speaker 5 (01:01:46):
Yeah, I mean like it's it's the only thing that
I'm like fresh served with. Before kill Tony, I was
doing comedy and I'm doing.

Speaker 3 (01:01:56):
Well yeah, well yeah, you've been in it for years.

Speaker 5 (01:02:00):
Yeah, but like everyone's like no to only a start
on Kilton.

Speaker 3 (01:02:04):
Like, well, that's people that don't know who Yeah, I
are like.

Speaker 5 (01:02:07):
Thirty thousand followers before then, Like you know what, man, I.

Speaker 3 (01:02:11):
Was like, yeah, you had a name.

Speaker 1 (01:02:13):
Well, I feel like you have to have some kind
of platform to get on that show, right, You can't
just know you can just be a guy from the
streets and come up.

Speaker 3 (01:02:20):
And here's the thing about kill Tony and correct me
if I'm wrong. It's It's kind of like American Idol
in a way of there's judges and there's a panel
and you go up and you perform a minute or
three or what a very one minute, and if you bomb,
they will make fun of you.

Speaker 5 (01:02:40):
Oh no, I know.

Speaker 1 (01:02:41):
I watched kil Tony Okayah. I just didn't know if
you had to have like some kind of plant like
the most ridiculous people, because I've seen some.

Speaker 3 (01:02:50):
Really, that's part of the thing is I know, but
there's cut.

Speaker 1 (01:02:54):
There's bad comics out there that think that they're they're
on stage very bad all the time. Probably have been
doing it for years too, That's what I mean, Like
like I've been doing this for ten years now, and well, not.

Speaker 3 (01:03:07):
Every musician slaps, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:03:08):
Sometimes true the.

Speaker 3 (01:03:10):
Delusion leads you, yeah, certain things, but yeah, in a
good way.

Speaker 2 (01:03:14):
And I actually applaud people's delusion.

Speaker 3 (01:03:16):
I applied people's delusion.

Speaker 1 (01:03:18):
And it's wonderful when someone is awful at something but
they still have the fucking confidence to walk up there.

Speaker 3 (01:03:24):
Well, that's I feel like out of the times there's
some wild people.

Speaker 2 (01:03:30):
They're ruthless.

Speaker 5 (01:03:31):
Oh yeah, well, and I those they're called like bucket pulls. Okay,
and I was actually not a bucket pulled. They've only
done one another special guess besides me, and it was
already Maddie.

Speaker 4 (01:03:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:03:47):
The guy, Oh my god, he's very funny, hilarious.

Speaker 3 (01:03:54):
Wait what about camp Patterson?

Speaker 4 (01:03:55):
He was a bucket pool.

Speaker 5 (01:03:57):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (01:03:58):
I don't know what you're saying by bucket.

Speaker 3 (01:03:59):
I don't.

Speaker 4 (01:04:01):
Random name.

Speaker 5 (01:04:02):
It's like a lottery in the crowd or whatever. Your
show before Kill Tony starts, And this is only in Austin.
They have there's a bar across the street called uh
Poor Choices. Yeah, and you go over there and the
line goes down the fucking block and you sign up

(01:04:25):
to get on, and then you wait in the bar
for like two or three hours, hoping a producer runs
over and grabs you.

Speaker 4 (01:04:33):
Okay, but it's not like they're.

Speaker 5 (01:04:36):
Not picking you based on anything. It's literally Tony reaches
in the bucket and pulls on.

Speaker 2 (01:04:42):
What are the freaking chances you got a bucket pull?

Speaker 5 (01:04:45):
No?

Speaker 3 (01:04:46):
She did it?

Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
I I'm sorry, okay.

Speaker 5 (01:04:49):
Literally, Like so the way I got on Killed Tony,
I uh my uncle was like, do you know this show?

Speaker 4 (01:04:58):
And I was like no, and he was like, you'd
be really good on it.

Speaker 5 (01:05:02):
I started watching it and I was like, that's will
either make or break me, because that's kind of the vibe. Yeah,
And I was like, okay, but I don't have the
funds or like the ability to just go out there
on a whim and hope I get pulled.

Speaker 3 (01:05:18):
Right.

Speaker 5 (01:05:19):
So I'm really close with the owner of a Nieus
and he I was like, Hey, the comedy festival here
in Nashville is coming up. Is Tony inch Cuth's going
to be here? And he was last year in April?
And oh yeah, it hasn't been long. And so I

(01:05:43):
was like, okay, I really want to try to go
on kill Tony. Do you try to set up away
for me to like interact with Tony? I feel like
I could talk to him maybe, And so he was like, yeah,
I'll do that. And then I go to an after
party and I'm talking.

Speaker 2 (01:05:59):
To the owner.

Speaker 4 (01:06:00):
Tony walked in and I was like, grab him.

Speaker 3 (01:06:03):
He's go get that exactly funny fucking he did.

Speaker 5 (01:06:07):
He was like, you got me Fianas.

Speaker 4 (01:06:09):
She's hilarious. Community in town YadA, and Tony, it looks
at me and it.

Speaker 5 (01:06:14):
Goes, you're really hot girling a wheelchair. I was like yeah,
but I'm also funny. And I was like, I'll be
in Naustin like in a month. I would love to
come on guil Tony if that was possible. And he
was like okay, oh my god, almost who happens? And
I was like, word, so go out there day I've

(01:06:36):
heard anything. I'm really nervous. And I DMN Tony and
I was like, hey, do you remember me?

Speaker 4 (01:06:43):
You know?

Speaker 5 (01:06:44):
And he sends this whole thing about like accessibility he's
talked to people, and like that was so crazy and
thought bugs people never fucking think about accessibility when it
comes to comedy, and.

Speaker 4 (01:07:02):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (01:07:03):
Yeah that's amazing.

Speaker 4 (01:07:04):
Yeah yeah, And so I went on. It was very
much like before the show.

Speaker 5 (01:07:09):
Tony was like listen, you know, I fucking I've never
seen you do comedy. I hope this is good, like
he was. And I was like, fuck, like, don't let
me down, basic, yeah, bring me out as a special guest.

(01:07:30):
And it went like the best.

Speaker 2 (01:07:33):
Gone, yeah, well I need to watch it.

Speaker 3 (01:07:36):
Wait when we were in Austin together, when what was
that that had just straw? Wait we were in Austin together,
Remember when Matt got a bucket pull as I remember
we were in there together.

Speaker 4 (01:07:54):
I guess again, so now its going that was.

Speaker 3 (01:07:57):
Your second winner. Yeah, okay, that was your second because
you were so funny. I was laughing so hard. That
was my second one because I had just met you
and then it just happened to be in Austin at
the same time. And yeah, I remember, I remember.

Speaker 1 (01:08:13):
That I saw something of you. Maybe it was the
kill Tony clips. There was something, but I rolled. Yeah,
it was It's a lot to even talk.

Speaker 2 (01:08:22):
About on here, but it was a clip that it
was good. It was good. It had to do with rape.

Speaker 5 (01:08:28):
Oh yeah, people on line are so fucking stupid. Did
you see him a tight I got from there's a
club where it ends. But the thing we should say
grape for editing purposes, but I just the punchline grape.
And then there's a girl on the front road that's

(01:08:49):
like very disapproving.

Speaker 3 (01:08:51):
She's like, no, I didn't.

Speaker 5 (01:08:53):
She was like shaving her in now and like really
fucking angry, and some conducts and like the club up.
But there are a lot of people like this, girls,
I'm funny out there. You do people really think about
here doing a pro grape joke?

Speaker 3 (01:09:11):
Like people just want to be offended by something everything,
Well that's comedies, Like you have to be able to
go to these shows and be able to hear everything.

Speaker 1 (01:09:20):
Yeah, and if you're if you're if you're a little
offended over any that's not your place to be.

Speaker 2 (01:09:24):
Yeah, you gotta go joke.

Speaker 5 (01:09:26):
This girl got so mad about it's literally about being
a distabled woman makes you a really vulnerable target for that.

Speaker 4 (01:09:35):
So like to be mad, what are you mad about?

Speaker 2 (01:09:38):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:09:39):
Yeah, what the fuck are you mad about?

Speaker 4 (01:09:41):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:09:41):
Are you in the wheelchair?

Speaker 4 (01:09:42):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:09:43):
Shut the fuck up talking about me?

Speaker 4 (01:09:44):
Bro?

Speaker 2 (01:09:45):
Yeah about you?

Speaker 4 (01:09:47):
I bring this girl up so much.

Speaker 3 (01:09:50):
Well, first of all, fuck her. Second of all, I
appreciate that you are speaking on behalf of what not
disabled people never fucking think about. I have never thought
about that until right now, of like the how I
could get away or fight for myself and you couldn't.

(01:10:14):
But I haven't thought about that. So, like, why don't
you shut the fuck up and listen when people are
speaking on something that you don't know about.

Speaker 1 (01:10:23):
And you're using educate Also you're using your humor to
like get you through all these.

Speaker 2 (01:10:31):
You're not you don't want this to happen. This is
not a scenario. But I'm a comedian. I'm a comedian,
and this is how I'm healing.

Speaker 1 (01:10:39):
This is how like I heal, and this is how
I navigate fucking life is through my humor, and I
want to see it.

Speaker 2 (01:10:47):
Let's watch it right now and put it on a blast.

Speaker 3 (01:10:50):
Yeah fuck if she's watching.

Speaker 2 (01:10:52):
But also, we don't care. We don't let people like
that affect us.

Speaker 3 (01:10:55):
No, we just know, I know, hate on the internet.
I don't know how I deal with that. We just
started getting a little hate on the internet. And I
was like, God, people say the weirdest shit.

Speaker 2 (01:11:05):
And it's just because we're sometimes not the smartest pigs
in the blanket. That's on the expression the.

Speaker 3 (01:11:12):
Smartest pigs in the market. Yeah, people are just wild.
But also whatever, like no one's ever I see, like
my favorite podcast is SmartLess and people will rip them
to shreds. Yeah, and I'm like, what's your problem with
Sean Hayes And it be.

Speaker 2 (01:11:28):
Like, well, Forte, what do you mean? And then it
makes Jason Bateman.

Speaker 1 (01:11:31):
I had just heard him on Conan and he was like, yeah,
I don't know, I'm like replaceable, man, I don't even
know what I'm doing there. Half the time I'm with
like Will, it's not Will Forte, it's Will Arnette Arnette.

Speaker 3 (01:11:41):
Sorry, but I do love you as well. Yeah, well
I never.

Speaker 2 (01:11:44):
Yeah I love Walter.

Speaker 4 (01:11:45):
Yeah great.

Speaker 1 (01:11:46):
But also but he's like you got the funny guy
with the voice, and he's really witty and funny, and
then you got Sean Hayes just like adorable and sweet
and he should be there and he's like, I don't know,
and then I like read stuffing to see me and
he's like, what am I doing here? I'm just like
that middle ground guy who just kind of exists, like
that's what he thinks about himself, or like you're fucking
Jason baby, and you're Bateman man, Harry half the Ship's
so funny, You're so like, oh Zark, we need you,

(01:12:09):
we need.

Speaker 3 (01:12:09):
You, we need you.

Speaker 2 (01:12:12):
You're needed Jason Bateman.

Speaker 3 (01:12:14):
I know, I don't know, it's weird. I think you
just have to do what you want to do at
all times, and who cares about anybody else.

Speaker 2 (01:12:22):
You can't you can't seek outside.

Speaker 4 (01:12:25):
Buy a ticket to my show and say my fucking thing.

Speaker 2 (01:12:32):
Bless, don't buy a fucking ticket to my show and
don't come.

Speaker 5 (01:12:37):
Yeah, and I'm like, actually keep commenting and helping the engagement.

Speaker 3 (01:12:43):
So right, Yeah, it's fucking wild. I know it's crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:12:48):
Well, I can't wait to come see one of your shows.
I want to, I really want to see. Is that
the one that Audrey Audreyson.

Speaker 3 (01:12:58):
She just met Amber Amber and she fucking loves her.

Speaker 4 (01:13:03):
I love she.

Speaker 2 (01:13:07):
Love her.

Speaker 3 (01:13:09):
She's so funny and yeah she's a star.

Speaker 2 (01:13:13):
Funny, she's a star.

Speaker 3 (01:13:14):
She's a star.

Speaker 2 (01:13:15):
You're a star.

Speaker 3 (01:13:16):
Yeah, you're a star.

Speaker 2 (01:13:17):
Are you performing with her?

Speaker 4 (01:13:19):
Or like?

Speaker 2 (01:13:21):
But I don't, like, I don't know how it works.
And they're like.

Speaker 5 (01:13:27):
Sometimes you're there with Shane and I don't like an
official show that yeah, but we're on like like she
means like opening, yeah, lineup open very few times that.

Speaker 2 (01:13:40):
Would be fun. But this is your own show.

Speaker 3 (01:13:43):
Yeah you're like headlining?

Speaker 2 (01:13:45):
Yeah yeah, ship we see her?

Speaker 3 (01:13:49):
Yeah? Seven great?

Speaker 2 (01:13:51):
Great? Great?

Speaker 4 (01:13:53):
And I'm doing fucking Bridgestone in April. What is that the.

Speaker 5 (01:13:59):
What's fun?

Speaker 4 (01:14:00):
Yeah? Bro, I get to do two nights. I'm opening
for Nikki Glazier at the RYMND.

Speaker 3 (01:14:08):
Well that's amazing.

Speaker 5 (01:14:10):
I haven't that one I was excited about because I
was like, can anyone connect with their people and I
want to open birds to come here. Every management type pit.
They're really play other an opener. I d m Nikki
on my Instagram because I realized she followed me. Oh
and she replying like an hour and was like, oh

(01:14:31):
my god, I'm so glad you messaged me and blah
blah blah, and I.

Speaker 3 (01:14:35):
Was like, she didn't have a card.

Speaker 4 (01:14:37):
No, I think she does. She want me on both nights.

Speaker 2 (01:14:41):
I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:14:41):
That's amazing.

Speaker 2 (01:14:42):
Let's go.

Speaker 4 (01:14:43):
Yeah, I'm fucking stoked. Let's go.

Speaker 3 (01:14:47):
Sometimes when your team can't make it happen, you have
to just go do it yourself. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:14:52):
Yeah, Sometimes you gotta be the one to grab them battles,
the big old one.

Speaker 3 (01:15:00):
Yeah, grow there, grab it and you're right there, you're right,
you're right at dick.

Speaker 2 (01:15:07):
Yeah, it's nothing, It's just it's like a tongue tap. Yeah,
touch your dick.

Speaker 3 (01:15:13):
So now her and Matt are getting married, and I
offered to do her glam for her wedding.

Speaker 2 (01:15:18):
Of course you did, of course I did?

Speaker 5 (01:15:20):
Did?

Speaker 4 (01:15:20):
I cannot.

Speaker 2 (01:15:21):
That's gonna be fun, can destroy you? Do you have
any bridesmaids?

Speaker 4 (01:15:26):
Did?

Speaker 2 (01:15:26):
I'll do them? Bottom boom bottom bom bottom wedding.

Speaker 3 (01:15:30):
You're you're gonna see you later. You're going to pass away.

Speaker 2 (01:15:34):
Hello, yeah, hi, hello, bye bye.

Speaker 3 (01:15:36):
She does make up and hair too.

Speaker 2 (01:15:37):
By the way, how many are there? If there's more more,
three we'll.

Speaker 3 (01:15:44):
Get Okay, well we'll get somebody.

Speaker 2 (01:15:47):
Webody else. We'll bring somebody else.

Speaker 3 (01:15:49):
I feel like her mom and her sister. Yeah, there,
see you later. Don't cry, Yeah, I like, don't cry.

Speaker 2 (01:15:57):
It's gonna be you want to anger anger tears.

Speaker 3 (01:16:04):
Yeah, you're uh yeah, we're gonna fucking destroy you.

Speaker 2 (01:16:10):
But you have to do something for us, Like when
you make like a couple of million dollars, I'm.

Speaker 8 (01:16:14):
Just asking for one of them, just like one of
millions of them, just like a little bit of Like
I'll scratch.

Speaker 2 (01:16:23):
Your back as long as you give me a whole
body massage. Okay, that's the kind of person I am.

Speaker 5 (01:16:29):
Go back and forth with my w yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:16:32):
Yeah, yeah, R do I like it?

Speaker 4 (01:16:35):
Rop nice?

Speaker 2 (01:16:40):
Nice? I wonder if that's a fetish for people to
be like run over by.

Speaker 4 (01:16:43):
Wheelchairs, run over their dick?

Speaker 3 (01:16:48):
What I'm sorry, wait wait, that's the most common quest,
run over the.

Speaker 2 (01:16:53):
Dick in your wheelchair? How would that even?

Speaker 5 (01:16:58):
I think about it happens, don't now, like you you
have to either have a huge day huge or you're
doing like the splits.

Speaker 2 (01:17:08):
Yeah, you would have to get in split position. I'm
thinking split position. Let it just sit there softly on
pavement because you can't run over the body. It's before
you gotta.

Speaker 3 (01:17:21):
Before you block them, ask them and share with us. Yeah,
what it's what's ask.

Speaker 5 (01:17:27):
For a vision.

Speaker 2 (01:17:29):
I'm gonna need a visual picture of how you drop.

Speaker 3 (01:17:33):
Me avent diagram.

Speaker 4 (01:17:36):
People add they could buy my using what you know?
The l A O F things are doing well?

Speaker 2 (01:17:49):
No, I thought you meant the band.

Speaker 4 (01:17:54):
What that song?

Speaker 2 (01:17:55):
I like Girls and Wear?

Speaker 4 (01:17:59):
You remember that?

Speaker 2 (01:18:00):
Oh wow?

Speaker 3 (01:18:01):
But what the fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 5 (01:18:02):
So it's like Only Fans is trying to sort of
rebrand its We do more than six work. So it's
like they're paying comedians at like all levels to do
specials that are like ten minutes on Only Fans and
then and the contract you have to have an only

(01:18:25):
fan for six months.

Speaker 4 (01:18:28):
Post whatever you want on there. But like that's what
you have to do to get the money.

Speaker 5 (01:18:34):
So they're offering people like four to seven grand to
do it. They came to me and I said no,
and then they came back with ten. I said no,
and then they came back with fifteen and I was like,
and I'm broke, like I don't have money at yeah, you.

Speaker 3 (01:18:54):
Just started ramping up shameless plug for your podcast.

Speaker 2 (01:18:59):
Nice Karen, Nice.

Speaker 4 (01:19:01):
Then I saw the fucking Lily Phillips.

Speaker 5 (01:19:07):
Do you know, no, this sweet twenty three year old
girl in uh England or something. She was the first
one to do that.

Speaker 4 (01:19:18):
I'm gonna fuck a hundred guys on a day.

Speaker 3 (01:19:21):
At that girl. Okay, I'm not her, but we talk
about the blue who's now brought a thousand guys.

Speaker 4 (01:19:33):
I don't know, and I'm.

Speaker 5 (01:19:34):
Very pro sex for all, but but this specifically, this
Lily girl. She's so young, there's no she They did
like a documentary style thing after the hundred guys, and
she is like clearly fucking Like she comes out of
the bathroom and has been crying like she's not okay.

(01:19:57):
She's like, no, I'm fine, what do you mean?

Speaker 4 (01:20:00):

Speaker 5 (01:20:01):
And anyways, this is all in onlyw fans. She's like
being told this is great by like all these people,
and it's like destroying her and so seeing that she's
just so young, and I don't know background, and like
like the she her goal in life is to be

(01:20:23):
a mom and a wife had just eaten.

Speaker 2 (01:20:26):
Me up bad start.

Speaker 4 (01:20:29):
I don't stand on.

Speaker 5 (01:20:31):
The platform, right, it's like promoting like this is good
for a woman to be there. Yeah, and I understand,
like you know, it's her choice. It's YadA, YadA, YadA.
But like, there's a lot of shit I did in
my past that I just digcause I was scared of
I said, no, that would turn into breathe.

Speaker 3 (01:20:51):
Yeah, right, well yeah, I just had a bunch of flashbacks.
Say but if I mean, I know, fifteen brand is
a lot of money, but this is where I tegrity
comes in and you'll you'll get okay, yeah, all right,
you'll get it back. Yeah, you'll get it back to Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:21:07):
That's management said to mean too. They were kind of
like and then.

Speaker 3 (01:21:13):
Well if they're not pushing you and they take fifteen
percent and they.

Speaker 5 (01:21:16):
Don't like the cash grab is gonna be Yeah, that's
gonna be nothing to eventual.

Speaker 2 (01:21:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:21:24):
I mean, you've only had an agent and manager for
what six months?

Speaker 5 (01:21:28):
Eight months management, I think eight And I've had an
agent for not even a month.

Speaker 4 (01:21:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:21:36):
Oh, okay, so yeah, it's just the beginning to be
doing that stuff. It's just the beginning. This is like
where you get to build the kind of brand that
you want and the way you want your career to go,
you know, And it'll.

Speaker 2 (01:21:50):
Be different if you're like started out like that.

Speaker 1 (01:21:51):
It's different for when people like you're known for that,
Like if you were like known for being like a
like a like a comedian like on OnlyFans, like you
were like sexual person and you like people are like, oh,
this is just this girl's thing.

Speaker 2 (01:22:04):
Right, and then you kind of rolled with that, but like, yeah,
do that and then dive into that.

Speaker 3 (01:22:09):
I'm not sure if anybody that is like super respectable
that you respect will have a ten minute special and
only fans.

Speaker 2 (01:22:18):
Oh okay, oh that's.

Speaker 3 (01:22:19):
Why I'm like, well you know exactly how much they
got paid like that?

Speaker 2 (01:22:24):
Oh yeah? Well yeah yeah. Also, what does your gut
tell you? What does your heart tell you?

Speaker 4 (01:22:28):
Yeah, don't do it.

Speaker 5 (01:22:29):
That's my biggest thing with all this everything I have,
including Matt. You know, it's like it's been me following
my gut.

Speaker 1 (01:22:39):
Mean, keep doing keep following it. Yeah, yeah, it will
never steer your wrong ever.

Speaker 4 (01:22:44):
Ever.

Speaker 2 (01:22:45):
No, no really, because that's you, that's your truth. And yeah,
and when you do things that you're nuts, you're like,
oh oh my god, this doesn't feel right. Yeah, you're
like selling yourself to the fucking devil.

Speaker 4 (01:22:54):
Yeah, you know, for cash, which is and it's not
enough cash.

Speaker 2 (01:22:58):
Yeah, exact, really not.

Speaker 4 (01:23:00):
Ye.

Speaker 1 (01:23:02):
If I'm gonna roll over your dick, it's gonna be
for fifty k fifty k I said twenty before that
was too love fi fifty k.

Speaker 2 (01:23:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:23:12):
Let me ask you a question about beauty. What do
you feel like in beauty like you struggle the most
with that would make doing your own glam easier? Do
you think because remember we talked about those heatless curls.

Speaker 4 (01:23:26):
I'm my hands, okay, I can't okay.

Speaker 3 (01:23:30):
Okay, because I'm gonna figure something out.

Speaker 5 (01:23:32):
But doing my hair, like I'm grateful, this is like
I just blowed dry it.

Speaker 4 (01:23:37):
Yeah that's what looks like. But I'm like, hell yeah,
like thank god.

Speaker 5 (01:23:41):
Yeah, like you have good hair, yeah, really good dude's
and no one's like, why is her mang of done er? Yeah? Yeah,
but curling my hair maybe doing something to it. I
was thinking maybe I should get one of the one.

Speaker 2 (01:24:01):
Of those ones that's just like spin up air yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:24:03):
Yeah, yeah, like a diceon wrap, a dice rap.

Speaker 2 (01:24:06):
Yeah, because all you have to do is just take
it and we'll just go.

Speaker 5 (01:24:08):
Because the issue is like minute movement. So the heatless
one is kind of out because I can't.

Speaker 3 (01:24:16):
Yeah, I know, I was staying well. I thought if
she could get the heatless rollers in, then she would
just go to sleep, wake up and look like a
fucking princess. But the clips, now that I'm thinking about,
the clips are just too hard. But it is something
that if you're on the road with somebody, they could.

Speaker 2 (01:24:32):
Put them in for you, Dyce, even though I don't
even know how to use them.

Speaker 4 (01:24:37):
I know.

Speaker 3 (01:24:37):
The Dyson's a little tricky. There's something. There's got to
be something. What about the the blow dry brush?

Speaker 4 (01:24:44):
I have one of those.

Speaker 3 (01:24:46):
It doesn't chrom okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 5 (01:24:49):
Yeah, trying to be I recently just switched all of
my makeup from like I don't know what the term is,
like a hard makeup. I have like liquid everything, yeah,
like my blush, my contorm yeah, obviously foundation.

Speaker 3 (01:25:08):
Which is powder cream yeah, powder power. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:25:14):
Yeah. That has been really nice because I can like
fuck it up and like spirit.

Speaker 3 (01:25:18):
Ins, yes, and it'll just make you look dewy.

Speaker 2 (01:25:21):
And it yeah, it like that's a makeup term to
pack it on.

Speaker 5 (01:25:28):
Now on.

Speaker 3 (01:25:31):
Yeah, but that's it's so easy to like. It's it's
like fool proof and like it just absorbs into your
skin even like the longer you wear it, you're like, oh,
I look, how do I look better?

Speaker 4 (01:25:42):
You're right? I I love makeup.

Speaker 5 (01:25:46):
I think doing makeup as a disabled person is I
mean it's hard. It's like I used to be only
like liquid island or liquid black Island or.

Speaker 3 (01:26:00):
Yeah, you're wearing a brown liner. I'm noticing that's different.

Speaker 2 (01:26:03):
It's pretty.

Speaker 5 (01:26:04):
It is really pretty thing.

Speaker 4 (01:26:06):
It's an eye shadow with.

Speaker 5 (01:26:11):
Get up.

Speaker 2 (01:26:11):
Yeah, there's a there's a a person that I follow now.
Just found it. Just my algorithm is really weird. And
he is was born a guy and.

Speaker 1 (01:26:24):
Now transitioned into a female but has no limbs. So
it's just like torsa, oh yeah, rolls in.

Speaker 4 (01:26:34):
Her.

Speaker 3 (01:26:35):
We follow each other. I love her.

Speaker 2 (01:26:38):
Beats a face like better people make me down.

Speaker 4 (01:26:46):
And like my hands work but not that great.

Speaker 2 (01:26:50):
And then and then she rolls in.

Speaker 3 (01:26:53):
What the what the yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:26:56):
What the there is no there's no no excuses anything.

Speaker 3 (01:27:03):
There's no excuses.

Speaker 1 (01:27:05):
That was an impressed That was the most impressive thing
I've seen really long time.

Speaker 5 (01:27:09):
Ye, Scot, I was just watching a video like that
today and I was like, dang, I guess.

Speaker 4 (01:27:16):
Also not to be like, but I'm worse.

Speaker 5 (01:27:20):
I'm not, but like my your neck muscles and ship
my head like moves like involuntarily. Yeah, so I'll be like,
I gotta really like doing me as scare as the
worse and my head full jolt. I'm the fuck because
I'll live be everywhere. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:27:42):
I wonder if you getting your lashes tinted and your
brows like laminated and colored would help your.

Speaker 4 (01:27:50):
Those are the hardest birds for me.

Speaker 3 (01:27:53):
Your brows well, yeah, because you can get your lashes
tinted and lift lifted and it looks like you have
mass scarrow on all the time.

Speaker 5 (01:28:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:28:00):
I need to do that because the mess scaret kills me.
Matt does it for me.

Speaker 3 (01:28:05):
Oh, I should teach him how to do shit.

Speaker 4 (01:28:10):
Yeah, and he wants to learn. I will teach herl
my hair for me one time, and yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:28:16):
I'll teach him how to do it better.

Speaker 1 (01:28:18):
Could you imagine he like kills it, and then all
of a sudden he's like, you know what, I'm taking
a different path.

Speaker 3 (01:28:23):
Yeah, and then he's just he's the sweet as boy, dude.

Speaker 5 (01:28:27):
This is what I'm gonna tell you earlier. It's a
little ship like he's gone right now. He left town
last night for comedy. He's on the road, but with
that singer guy right, Rodney Carrington, Rodney Carrington. And I
was going to bed and I go in the room
and suddening he does for me every night when he's there,

(01:28:50):
as he pulls back my side of the bed so
I can just get in.

Speaker 4 (01:28:55):
He had already done that for me this morning. I
get up, he.

Speaker 5 (01:28:58):
Set up the coffee machine for me, or and he
laid this alphab out for me because I knew I
had this.

Speaker 4 (01:29:12):
When I was young.

Speaker 2 (01:29:14):
I never needed anyone.

Speaker 5 (01:29:18):
Making love was just a fun.

Speaker 6 (01:29:21):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (01:29:22):
What a gorgeous human. Oh, I'm so excited to glam
you for the way because I'm gonna cry. I'm also
inviting myself to you.

Speaker 1 (01:29:36):
You deserve all that, And thank you for like sharing
your story and like everything that I heard, like that's
your you deserve it.

Speaker 2 (01:29:42):
Yeah, I've been through a lot, You've been through a lot.
That's a lot. That's a lot for one person. That's
a lot. That's a lot of things.

Speaker 4 (01:29:51):
Yeah, and I'm not in therapy, so great, don't don't
brag about it.

Speaker 2 (01:29:57):
Okay, No, Are you a happy person overall?

Speaker 4 (01:30:06):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:30:06):
Yeah, on a scale of one to ten, Like what
you're like, here you go, let's go.

Speaker 5 (01:30:12):
Let go.

Speaker 2 (01:30:14):
Nine.

Speaker 3 (01:30:15):
Yeah, I'm like eight nine I just had to get
out of my first time, but maybe maybe a ten.
Some days it's like, yeah, really fucking happy when I'm
in with food, eat snack?

Speaker 2 (01:30:25):
Yeah, what what's better than eat food? Was better than
eat food?

Speaker 4 (01:30:30):
Watch? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:30:31):
What's better than eat food?

Speaker 4 (01:30:32):
Washing food?

Speaker 5 (01:30:34):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:30:34):
Yeah, there's nothing better. Yeah, I'm full.

Speaker 4 (01:30:36):
Ten.

Speaker 2 (01:30:37):
Yeah, Oh I love I love that Eat Watch Eat.
It's so like inspiring and like really.

Speaker 5 (01:30:42):
Just well, I think it's like, you know, when you're
sick and then you're like, oh my god, life is
the worst, never get better. And then you're not sick, Yeah,
like grateful Suddenly you can breathe through yours they're not
vombed or whatever. That's how I feel every day. I'm like,
I'm it's the words. Recently, I feel better. Now I'm

(01:31:02):
gonna be so grateful for all this. Yeah, it's gonna
be grateful.

Speaker 2 (01:31:08):
Changing your mindset. It's all about perspective.

Speaker 1 (01:31:11):
It's all about perspective, which is like, you're like, I
got one fucking chance at life, I got one shot,
Like how what how do I choose to live?

Speaker 3 (01:31:18):
So go see Fiona May seventh and Zany's. This will
definitely be out before then, So go get fucking tickets
and come with us and join us. Join us to
watch Fiona at Zany's. Yeah you're of course, you know,
I know yourpe and follow her podcast ramping up with

(01:31:41):
her uh gorgeous Matt Taylor boyfriend fiance fiance so weird,
so ramping, ramping, ramping, ramping up, crap, creep, ramping up, creep.
You're just getting started, you're just ramping in.

Speaker 4 (01:32:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:32:01):
Follow her on Instagram at just Fiona Coli, right, not just,
but it's.

Speaker 5 (01:32:05):
Just your name.

Speaker 2 (01:32:07):
And if anyone out there wants their dick run over,
there's a price, a very expensive price one there.

Speaker 3 (01:32:17):
Yeah, let's shoot for the start. You would pay you
one hundred and.

Speaker 2 (01:32:22):
We want ten percent.

Speaker 3 (01:32:23):
I would pay for the wedding.

Speaker 2 (01:32:24):
Yeah, yeah, I'll be there too. Well, videotape it yeah,
it make sure everything goes smoothly.

Speaker 4 (01:32:32):
Just one roll.

Speaker 2 (01:32:35):
Broke curious Yeah I am too. I want hard curious.

Speaker 3 (01:32:41):
Yeah, thanks for coming by. We love you man you
me Yeah, see you later. Bye bye bye bye

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