December 9, 2025 • 23 mins
Episode Summary:
We live in a culture that equates Volume with Value. We believe the lie that if we aren't giving 100% intensity, we shouldn't show up at all. This "All-or-Nothing" mindset is killing our consistency and fueling an epidemic of burnout.
In this episode, Jim Burgoon tackles the "Guilt of Doing Less" head-on. Whether you are navigating a health flare-up, grief, or just plain exhaustion, Jim offers a specific framework to stop the shame spiral. You’ll learn the 5 Guilt Triggers that keep you trapped, the theology of the Widow’s Mite (and why Jesus valued her "low volume" offering), and the "Minimum Viable Strategy" to keep moving forward on your "C-Minus" days.
If you are tired of feeling like you have to earn your rest, this episode is your permission slip to lower the bar and increase your peace.
Key Takeaways:
- Intensity ≠ Consistency: We often believe that if we can't hit a home run, we shouldn't step up to the plate. True consistency isn't about perfection; it's about refusing to quit.
- The 5 Guilt Triggers: Jim diagnoses the five lies fueling your guilt: Busyness as Identity, Misinterpreting Servanthood, Fear of Judgment, The Comparison Trap, and Unhealed Beliefs about Worth.
- Self-Neglect is Not Holy: "Dying to self" does not mean destroying yourself. Even Jesus took time to sleep and pray.
- The Widow's Mite Model: Jesus praised the widow not for the volume of her gift, but for the faithfulness of it. God measures your "yes," not your production value.
- The Minimum Viable Strategy: How to define your "A+ Days" vs. your "C- Days." On a low-energy day, a simple prayer or a text post counts as an "A+" offering if it's done in faithfulness.
Favorite Quotes:
- "Intensity equals consistency... is a lie. It's this massive black and white, all or nothing thinking that if we can't hit the home run, we shouldn't show up to the plate."
- "Self neglect is not holy work."
- "You compare your behind the scenes with their highlight reel."
- "He can do more with a weak but faithful yes than he can with a year of burnt out over performers."
- "We need to stop trying to be the best version of ourselves... We need to start being the healthiest version of ourselves."
Resources:
- Join the Newsletter: www.leadwithjim.com/nl
- Full Episode Show Notes & Transcript: www.leadwithjim.com/podcast
Connect with Jim
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- 🎙️ Ask a Question: leadwithjim.com/ask
- 📱 Instagram: @leadwithjim
- ▶️ YouTube: Lead with Jim
- Facebook: @leadwithjim
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Have you ever felt guilty forwanting to take care of yourself,
to focus on you, to upholdyour boundaries, to do the things
that you know you need to dofor you?
Well, you're not alone.
There is this pervasive guiltthat we have every time we try to
focus on us.
And it's a lie within theentrepreneur and leadership spaces
(00:20):
that is killing us.
And it's the belief thatintensity equals consistency.
Like, if we don't show up andgive 100% of the time, all the time,
then we shouldn't show up at all.
It's this massive black andwhite, all or nothing thinking that
if we can't hit the home run,we shouldn't show up to the play.
(00:42):
My friends, that is perfectionism.
And that's one of the leadingcauses of why we're burning out at
exponential rates.
So today, I'm going to divedeep into this and, you know, navigate
the five reasons why you'refeeling guilty and give you a tip
on how to fight through that.
But first, cue it, band.
(01:03):
This is the Unshakable Life.
Mindset, Resilience, action.
No stride.
Break free from the burnout.
Find your true north.
With your guy Jim Burgoonstepping forward.
(01:26):
This is the Unshakable life.
Hey, friends.
Welcome back to the UnshakableLife podcast.
And today we are tackling asilent killer in the life of a leader.
And it's not about being incompetent.
It's not about failure.
It's not about making mistakes.
(01:47):
It's about the guilt of doing less.
It's about the guilt of takingtime for self and doing the things
you and I need to do in orderto be healthy.
Because there's a gnawingfeeling in our gut when we take a
day off or if you work fromhome, when we sit in front of there
in front of, like a game orwatch Netflix, there's this giant
(02:08):
shame that goes around that wedon't send the email on time.
We don't choose to do thething over taking time for sleep
or doing what we need to do tofill us up.
And there's even this toxicthing within the entrepreneur space.
If you listen to some of the.
Some of the alpha gurus,they're going to be like, have no
friends, cancel Netflix.
(02:29):
Only do your work, make the money.
And I think there's such anunhealthy thing about that, because
what I know is that we live ina culture that equates volume with
value, that creates productwith identity, and.
And those things couldn't beFar as, far from the truth.
(02:49):
Because if I do more, it saysI am more.
If I do less, I must befailing or I must be less, or if
my product isn't as quality,we go, I must not be as good as I
think I am.
People won't like me.
And then we get into all thesefear of rejections and things like
that.
But the reality of this comesback to the fact is, is if.
(03:11):
Is that we're dealing withthis inside the entrepreneur and
leadership spaces.
And I want to give you thefive guilt triggers that you and
I have and to really kind ofdiagnose, like, hey, what are these
things and why are we feeling this?
And you may find that you haveone of these five, or you may find
that you have all five ofthese, but we have to deal with them
(03:33):
because the object is not tobe a great leader.
The object is to be a healthyleader, because healthy leaders are
great leaders.
And what we see, andregardless of where you're leading
or how you're leading, what wesee in the leadership space is that
there is an epidemic ofunhealthy leadership where leaders
who are hurt are hurtingothers or causing trauma or rewounding
(03:57):
and all these things.
We need to stop trying to bethe best version of ourselves because
we don't know what that looks like.
We need to start being thehealthiest version of ourselves,
because I promise you, thehealthiest version is the best version.
And if you are the bestversion, you're going to be the healthiest
version.
So let's be healthy and let'sstart with these five guilt triggers.
(04:17):
And the first one is yourbusyness as an identity.
And first, many of us feelthis, and I think I felt this really
deeply somehow, that the moreon my calendar, the more value I
think I had the I'm busymantra or the.
The I'm busy statement ofeverything I'm doing, I'm doing,
I'm doing, even if it's not productive.
(04:38):
Doing busyness.
Regardless of productivity, efficiency.
Busyness equated to somethingthat meant I matter because people
wanted me on their schedules.
People were looking at mycontent, so I mattered.
But here's the ruse.
If I stop producing, I stopfeeling valuable.
If you take away the work, you.
You're left with the question,who am I?
(05:00):
And for a lot of leaders, thatsilence is terrifying.
Matter of fact, there's manyof us who can't even sit in silence
because the silence is sodeafening, because we're.
The busyness feels unsafe to us.
And that is a Trauma response,that is an identity issue.
We want to feel safe, so wetry to be busy.
And the busyness becomes two things.
(05:22):
It becomes a way to run awayfrom your problems and.
And it becomes a way toencapsulate yourself in a falsehood
that says, I have valuebecause I'm busy.
The second thing comes intomisinterpreting servanthood.
Now, as a Bible believingChristian, we're called to service,
right?
And you may believe in Jesus.
And if you're not somebody whobelieves in Jesus and you're listening
(05:44):
to this podcast, we welcomeyou as well.
And I promise you're going toget something out of this.
But when we sit there and weread the Bible, we think dying to
self, this is something thatwe have to.
Dying to self, pick up yourcross, follow after me.
That is the essence of true discipleship.
But dying to self does notmean destroying, destroying oneself.
And we think that if we haveneeds, we're being selfish because
(06:07):
everybody else's need comesbefore my knee, right?
That's what we've been conditioned.
But I want you to hear me.
Self neglect is not holy work.
It's not, Jesus served the world.
But we also read where Jesustook time to sleep and pray.
And if you are the savior ofthe world, being Jesus and he had
(06:28):
boundaries, then so do you andso do I.
And we've got to stopmisinterpreting servanthood as we
have to completely denyourselves to the point of destroying
ourselves.
Because what that reallyequates to my friends is people pleasing.
And it's people pleasing in anutshell, to, to do for others.
So much so that we think thatby serving them we're validating
(06:51):
our existence and they'regetting something out of it while
we're living this holy piouslife of completely emptying ourselves
of all things and serving tothe point of where it hurts, because
that's what we think.
You couldn't be so far fromthe truth.
That is not how this works.
That is an absolute deceptionand an absolute lie.
You're not to be a people pleaser.
(07:13):
You're supposed to please Godthrough faith.
And serving means havingstrong boundaries, healthy living
and giving.
In the midst of that, thethird one comes into a fear of judgment.
This is a big one for a lot ofus because I will also lump in the
fear of judgment with the fearof rejection.
Because oftentimes those of uswho have rejection sensitivity on
(07:34):
any level also fear judgmentbecause they're, they're linked.
Because we want to say in ourheads, like, there's a voice, right?
There's so many voices outthere and every.
The world is so loud.
And everybody's looking to beperfect, everybody's looking to be
viral and all this stuff.
And then we start asking a lotof times, especially when you live
in this and you're gettinginto the places of perfectionism,
(07:56):
what will they think of me?
How will I be received?
Like, before you post, beforeyou do the podcast, before you do
the YouTube, before you do anyof this, we get to this place where
it says, how will I be received?
Will they forget me if I don't post?
Will they do all these thingswe struggle with this, is that we
want to think that if I don'tdo, then I'm going to be rejected,
(08:20):
I'm going to be judged, andthey will think I'm lazy.
They'll think I have no value.
They think that I'm not worth something.
And we're leading for, for the.
For the approval of anaudience rather than the audience
of one.
And the audience of one is Jesus.
And I think that because welive in this place and we're struggling
so much on a depth of whatwill they think of me?
(08:43):
Our content tends not to be authentic.
It tends to be in a place ofoverly polished.
Because if it's perfect, ifit's overly polished, then nobody
is going to be able tocriticize me because that's where
a fear of judgment andrejection is.
We don't want to be criticized.
And I'm telling you, this isan unhealthy place.
And because it's unhealthy, itpushes us to burnout.
(09:05):
It pushes us to constantlyserve, constantly do these things,
constantly overwork, with noboundaries, no self care.
And then at the end of theday, we're living in this anxious
mess of what everybody else thinks.
And now the fourth one comesin with the comparison trap.
And this one again, as we gothrough the five.
If you open your Instagram, ifyou even still use Instagram now,
(09:27):
maybe you're on TikTok or someother place, whatever you open, right?
And you're sitting there andyou're like, man, everyone else I'm
following is crushing it.
They're launching, they'rescaling, they're making money, they're
grinding, they've gotinfluence, they've got followers.
And when you rest, it feelslike you're losing ground.
But I want you to remembersomething, friends, is that you're
(09:49):
not comparing yourself to thembecause you're only comparing yourself
to you, because here is atruth that they don't tell you about
social media.
I've been doing social mediafor a while.
Here's the truth.
What happens is, is you startto compare your behind the scenes
with their highlight reel.
They're giving you their best stuff.
(10:10):
There's very few people, ifanyone, who is truly authentic and
vulnerable in front of the camera.
They want the views, they wantthe clout, they want the influence,
they want the money.
And.
And you're sitting here withyour life falling apart, your messy
room, your chronic illness andeverything else, and you're like,
man, I would love that life.
Right?
This is how the trap begins.
(10:30):
Because you don't see theirburnout, you don't see their loneliness,
you don't see their depression.
You just see their polished output.
And this is a trap thatconstantly draws us and sucks us
in.
Because one of the things thatI think we have to really remember
is that a lot of us followpeople who are at level 10, and we
may be at a level 7, and ifwe're at a level 7 trying to be a
(10:52):
level 10, we haven't grown tothat level yet, and we're overly
doing it, and we're still.
It's stealing our joy, it'sstealing our life, it's stealing
everything that makes us us sothat we can play the game and be
who they want us to be.
You see how this is allstarting to kind of go together.
And I'm sure at this pointthat maybe you've got one or two,
if not all four.
And number five, we come intoone that I've coached a bunch on
(11:14):
and I'm even writing a book on.
It's unhealed beliefs about worth.
You know, I. E. The.
You're the.
You're the wage earner oryou're the content creator of these
things.
And this one hits hard becauseit's the deepest one.
Because many of us secretlybelieve we're on God's payroll, that
somehow we work for God.
We think that we have to earn,we have to work, and we have to do
(11:37):
it every single day.
That if somehow we have a lowoutput day.
And as somebody who has achronic illness, and maybe you have
one, there are days where theflare is so high you don't have a
high output, but we want toignore that, beat our bodies up and
then keep pushing forward.
And when we feel like we can'tkeep pushing forward, we get into
the shame hole, the shame andguilt, because we have a belief that
(11:59):
says, I'm trying to earn myway and my right and my Respect and
everything.
And if I can't earn it, thenI'm going to displease God.
I'm going to displease people.
And that's not what, whatneeds to happen.
I need to work until I fall, right?
No, that's not the gospel.
The gospel brings us life.
The gospel brings us a new heart.
You are a son and daughter.
You're not an employee.
(12:21):
You're not somebody who showsup, punches a clock and leaves after,
after the day is done.
You are a son and daughter 24hours a day, seven days a week.
And I got you.
I need you to hear this factbecause you are not your earnings,
you are not your product, youare not your business.
You are not any of those things.
And we have unhealed beliefsystems and lies that we've believed
(12:43):
about tying our worth to our output.
And that's pervasive.
It sucks.
But I, I promise you that manyof us are dealing with it, but it
needs to be healed.
So let's kind of dive in alittle deeper and, and give you a
little strategy and stuff.
But before we do that, I wantto talk about the one, the woman
with the widow's might.
We want to counteract the lies.
(13:04):
Those five things were lies.
And now we want to get, startgetting into some truth.
And I think is there's a placein us that we think that God wants
us at a plus intensity 24.
7.
But the problem is, is most ofus are doing a plus intensity 24.
7 and we're burning out, we'redepressed, we're anxious, we're giving
up.
We, we don't understand whyGod isn't blessing us.
(13:26):
We don't understand why it'snot doing the thing we thought it
should have done three years ago.
But the Bible doesn't teach that.
The Bible teaches us to war,to work from a place of rest.
The Bible calls us to love Godwith all of our heart.
But he also calls us to builda Sabbath with rest and limits.
The two are not exclusive,they are inclusive.
(13:49):
They need to be together.
You can't build a life thatloves God completely if you're not
following what he tells us.
Not only do we have to serveand disciple others and, and get
out there and do the thing,build the business or whatever God's
called you to, you also haveto build in Sabbath rest with limits.
And I will even so much goforth and say boundaries because
people want to walk all over those.
(14:10):
That's another conversationfor another day.
This is where you know, manyof us will slip into the working
for God mantra.
Like, we're going to be like,we're working for God, but we're
not working with God.
We serve like we're hiredhands instead of sons and daughters
who.
Who were invited to sit at the table.
And.
And this is where all thetrouble starts.
(14:30):
I mean, and I mentioned thewidow's bite.
So let's look at that.
And for you guys who want togo check it out, It's.
It's Luke 21.
Go read it.
But the story really kind ofgoes, is that there's people there
and it's a giving.
And I know there's a lot ofpastors and all go out there and
says, look, they give out of aplace of sacrifice and they use this
as a tithing.
And I don't.
And I think there is somevalidity to that, but I don't think
(14:51):
that this is what this is all about.
I don't think this is a sermonon tithing with this widow's might.
Because here we got the two.
The rich people, they'regiving large amounts and big, you
know, bags of gold or whatevermoney they had at the time.
And it looked impressive.
But here's the poor widow that.
That walked up and dropped twosmall coins.
(15:11):
And from a human angle, her gift.
Her gift looked tiny.
It was forgettable.
It was like nothing.
It was like, oh, whatever, atthose guys.
Because we have thispropensity to look at those guys
with a big amount of money.
But here's the thing.
Jesus stopped and said, he,she put more in than anybody else.
And we ask ourselves why?
(15:32):
Because they gave fromabundance and she gave from sacrifice,
and she gave from what shedidn't have.
They gave from what they did have.
It didn't hurt them.
It hurt her.
So there's this place of sacrifice.
And I'm going to tell you this.
The kingdom of God is notmeasured in visible volume.
It's measured in faith and faithfulness.
(15:54):
She showed both faith and faithfulness.
They showed volume.
And now we don't know theirheart in the end, but that's okay.
But we could just look at thestory and what Jesus said and how
he brought attention in theworld's eyes.
Her offering is insignificant.
And how many of us would saythe same thing if we gave so little,
we would question or criticizeour little offering versus somebody
(16:15):
else who's giving to, like,building wells in Africa.
And we can't even give to thepoor homeless guy on the side of
the road.
We're going to be like, wow,this is insignificant and we shame
and guilt ourselves.
But here's the deal.
In God's eyes, her sacrificewas an A plus because it was offered
in trust.
It wasn't offered in abundance.
It wasn't offered in somethingthat those rich people would never
(16:38):
even miss.
It was offered in.
I don't have, but I trust Godto provide.
So I'm going to give.
Right.
Because God does not want orneed production value.
He wants you, your presence,your honest yes.
Even if your yes today feelssmall and fragile, he still wants
it.
He can do more with a weak butfaithful yes than he can with a year
(17:01):
of burnt out over performers.
So how do we fix this?
How do we kind of get backinto this reframing if we want to
create a framework where wecan start navigating our guilt?
Because this is going to be,first and foremost, we need to have
a minimum viable strategy forour A plus days and our C minus days
because they're going tohappen to both.
(17:23):
Now if your business, youknow, minimal viable product, well,
this is a minimum viablestrategy so that we can live in these
things.
Right now you're A plus days.
Look, A plus is A plus.
These are your best days.
Now you're going to have theenergy, you're going to have the
time, you're going to haveeverything you need to do.
You're going to crush it,you're going to crush your list,
you're going to get thingsdone, you're going to record the
(17:43):
video, you're going to do thepodcast, you're going to do all the
things, you're going to studythe word, you can do all these things.
We love these days.
These are our favorite days.
But we can't live herebecause, you know, especially if
you have any level of nervoussystem challenges, trauma, chronic
illness, mental illness, ifyou have any of these things, there
are not going to be a lot of Aplus days.
(18:04):
And this is where we need tomove into a place of acceptance and
reframe when the A plus day comes.
Thank you, Jesus.
Let's get all the things wecan get done.
But on the C plus, C minusdays, this is where grace comes in.
This is where we have toaccept that I may have to understand
I am not going to be who Iused to be because of the illness
(18:26):
I'm dealing with now.
This is when, like for me,when a flare happens or when for
you, maybe when a flare orgrief hits or fatigue sets in.
These are these days where wejust want to quit because we don't
have the energy, we don't havethe desire, we don't have anything.
The tank is empty, the body isscreaming and you're like, that's
it.
And these are days where youcan't do A plus work on a C minus
(18:50):
day.
You just can't.
I've tried.
I've tried and I tried and Ifail miserably.
We need to reframe it anddefine it as minimum viable, which
means on my C minus days, whatcan I consider A plus work on a C
minus day.
Now, I may not be able to getall the things done, but I can get
something done, right?
Even if that something is rest.
(19:11):
Because rest is healthy andrest is active.
So I've got to look at that asa part of the C minus plan.
So an A plus strategy is anhour of deep work, praying and journaling,
right?
A minimum viable or a C minus day.
Your A plus could be, Jesus, Ilove you, help me today.
It still counts.
It's just not as deep.
You may not have an hour ofenergy, but you sit there and cry
(19:33):
out and be like, jesus, help.
You know, on your A Plus days,you can get a fully edited 4K YouTube
video podcast and everything going.
But on your minimum viabledays, maybe all you do is you post
a Facebook post with a textand that's it.
Or you do an audio note tosomebody that counts.
All of those count.
(19:54):
Now, I don't want you to thinkthat this is a C minus mindset, but
what it is is a mindset of acceptance.
This is a mindset that says onmy C minus days where my body just
doesn't want to do what an Aplus day body wants to do, I'm dealing
with the fatigue and all that.
You can sit there and say, I'mstill a winner if I accomplish this,
does it.
Is it a lot less?
(20:15):
Yes.
And what it does is it allowsyou to feel like you're accomplishing
something even when your bodydoesn't want you to.
And I think that if we havethis balanced strategy of on your
A plus days, go crush it.
And on your C minus days, whatcan be considered an A plus thing,
like, these are going to bethings that create health, that prevent
(20:37):
burnout, that allows you tomove out of that shame and guilt
hole of I've got to do, do,do, and I feel so guilty, guilty,
guilty, and into the I'm okay.
I may not feel okay, but thisis okay.
And this is what I can do inthe midst of this and accepting that
for what it is.
I Think that's going to be ahuge part of all of this, is the
learning to accept all of it.
(20:58):
So let's just kind of bringthis home.
Let's just say that we put theall or nothing lie on the shelf and
say, you know what that thingis now dead that goes with, you know,
the dead gym, the one that,that Jesus didn't resurrect, that
stays with the old gym, thepre Jesus gym, the all or nothing
mentality because it's killingyour consistency, it's stealing your
(21:18):
joy and, and it's creating alot of guilt.
So here's my challenge to you.
Identify the area where youfeel the most guilt right now.
Not all the areas, butwhatever area that is.
And then ask yourself a simple question.
Is this because of comparison?
Identity, fear.
And then you can check the topfive and see where that comes in.
And then number three, definewhat the minimum viable looks like
(21:41):
for that day.
And then you're going to haveto walk in the acceptance and the
compassion of that.
You don't have to be perfectguys, but you do have to be healthy.
And I think we live in a worldthat has been unhealthy for so long
that you would be a beacon oflight walking in health towards a
perfect Jesus, being animperfect person.
And that is just livingfaithfully, biblically, as you build
(22:01):
your thing, you lead yourpeople and you do all the things
that you were supposed to doand you're going to do and God is
gifting and strengthening youto do.
But I want to give you thepermission to breathe.
I want to give you thepermission to put it on the shelf,
to have that self compassion,start challenging those things, those
lies, your little or what youconsider little is enough.
(22:21):
Your little is enough when youplace it in God's hands.
So with that being said, I'llsee you next week.
Thank you for spending thistime with me on the Unshakable Life
podcast.
My prayer is that today'sconversation helps you to build resilience,
reclaim peace, and step withcourage into your God given calling.
If this episode has encouragedyou, challenged you, or impacted
(22:43):
you in any way, could you dome a favor?
Share it with a friend, leavea review and hit the follow so you
don't miss what's next.
And if you want more tools andencouragement for your journey, head
over to leadwithjim.com you'llfind resources to help you grow as
a healthy, authentic Christianleader, entrepreneur and creator.
(23:04):
And until next time, rememberyour foundation is Christ.
Your calling is Unshakable andyour life can make eternal impact.
This is the unshakable life.
Mindset.
Resilience.
Action.
No.
Strive.
Break free from the burnout.
Find your true north with your God.
Jim Burgoon stepping forward.
(23:35):
This is the unshakable life.
Have you ever felt guilty forwanting to take care of yourself,
to focus on you, to upholdyour boundaries, to do the things
that you know you need to dofor you?
Well, you're not alone.
There is this pervasive guiltthat we have every time we try to
focus on us.
And it's a lie within theentrepreneur and leadership spaces
(00:20):
that is killing us.
And it's the belief thatintensity equals consistency.
Like, if we don't show up andgive 100% of the time, all the time,
then we shouldn't show up at all.
It's this massive black andwhite, all or nothing thinking that
if we can't hit the home run,we shouldn't show up to the play.
(00:42):
My friends, that is perfectionism.
And that's one of the leadingcauses of why we're burning out at
exponential rates.
So today, I'm going to divedeep into this and, you know, navigate
the five reasons why you'refeeling guilty and give you a tip
on how to fight through that.
But first, cue it, band.
(01:03):
This is the Unshakable Life.
Mindset, Resilience, action.
No stride.
Break free from the burnout.
Find your true north.
With your guy Jim Burgoonstepping forward.
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This is the Unshakable life.
Hey, friends.
Welcome back to the UnshakableLife podcast.
And today we are tackling asilent killer in the life of a leader.
And it's not about being incompetent.
It's not about failure.
It's not about making mistakes.
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It's about the guilt of doing less.
It's about the guilt of takingtime for self and doing the things
you and I need to do in orderto be healthy.
Because there's a gnawingfeeling in our gut when we take a
day off or if you work fromhome, when we sit in front of there
in front of, like a game orwatch Netflix, there's this giant
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shame that goes around that wedon't send the email on time.
We don't choose to do thething over taking time for sleep
or doing what we need to do tofill us up.
And there's even this toxicthing within the entrepreneur space.
If you listen to some of the.
Some of the alpha gurus,they're going to be like, have no
friends, cancel Netflix.
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Only do your work, make the money.
And I think there's such anunhealthy thing about that, because
what I know is that we live ina culture that equates volume with
value, that creates productwith identity, and.
And those things couldn't beFar as, far from the truth.
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Because if I do more, it saysI am more.
If I do less, I must befailing or I must be less, or if
my product isn't as quality,we go, I must not be as good as I
think I am.
People won't like me.
And then we get into all thesefear of rejections and things like
that.
But the reality of this comesback to the fact is, is if.
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Is that we're dealing withthis inside the entrepreneur and
leadership spaces.
And I want to give you thefive guilt triggers that you and
I have and to really kind ofdiagnose, like, hey, what are these
things and why are we feeling this?
And you may find that you haveone of these five, or you may find
that you have all five ofthese, but we have to deal with them
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because the object is not tobe a great leader.
The object is to be a healthyleader, because healthy leaders are
great leaders.
And what we see, andregardless of where you're leading
or how you're leading, what wesee in the leadership space is that
there is an epidemic ofunhealthy leadership where leaders
who are hurt are hurtingothers or causing trauma or rewounding
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and all these things.
We need to stop trying to bethe best version of ourselves because
we don't know what that looks like.
We need to start being thehealthiest version of ourselves,
because I promise you, thehealthiest version is the best version.
And if you are the bestversion, you're going to be the healthiest
version.
So let's be healthy and let'sstart with these five guilt triggers.
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And the first one is yourbusyness as an identity.
And first, many of us feelthis, and I think I felt this really
deeply somehow, that the moreon my calendar, the more value I
think I had the I'm busymantra or the.
The I'm busy statement ofeverything I'm doing, I'm doing,
I'm doing, even if it's not productive.
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Doing busyness.
Regardless of productivity, efficiency.
Busyness equated to somethingthat meant I matter because people
wanted me on their schedules.
People were looking at mycontent, so I mattered.
But here's the ruse.
If I stop producing, I stopfeeling valuable.
If you take away the work, you.
You're left with the question,who am I?
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And for a lot of leaders, thatsilence is terrifying.
Matter of fact, there's manyof us who can't even sit in silence
because the silence is sodeafening, because we're.
The busyness feels unsafe to us.
And that is a Trauma response,that is an identity issue.
We want to feel safe, so wetry to be busy.
And the busyness becomes two things.
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It becomes a way to run awayfrom your problems and.
And it becomes a way toencapsulate yourself in a falsehood
that says, I have valuebecause I'm busy.
The second thing comes intomisinterpreting servanthood.
Now, as a Bible believingChristian, we're called to service,
right?
And you may believe in Jesus.
And if you're not somebody whobelieves in Jesus and you're listening
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to this podcast, we welcomeyou as well.
And I promise you're going toget something out of this.
But when we sit there and weread the Bible, we think dying to
self, this is something thatwe have to.
Dying to self, pick up yourcross, follow after me.
That is the essence of true discipleship.
But dying to self does notmean destroying, destroying oneself.
And we think that if we haveneeds, we're being selfish because
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everybody else's need comesbefore my knee, right?
That's what we've been conditioned.
But I want you to hear me.
Self neglect is not holy work.
It's not, Jesus served the world.
But we also read where Jesustook time to sleep and pray.
And if you are the savior ofthe world, being Jesus and he had
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boundaries, then so do you andso do I.
And we've got to stopmisinterpreting servanthood as we
have to completely denyourselves to the point of destroying
ourselves.
Because what that reallyequates to my friends is people pleasing.
And it's people pleasing in anutshell, to, to do for others.
So much so that we think thatby serving them we're validating
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our existence and they'regetting something out of it while
we're living this holy piouslife of completely emptying ourselves
of all things and serving tothe point of where it hurts, because
that's what we think.
You couldn't be so far fromthe truth.
That is not how this works.
That is an absolute deceptionand an absolute lie.
You're not to be a people pleaser.
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You're supposed to please Godthrough faith.
And serving means havingstrong boundaries, healthy living
and giving.
In the midst of that, thethird one comes into a fear of judgment.
This is a big one for a lot ofus because I will also lump in the
fear of judgment with the fearof rejection.
Because oftentimes those of uswho have rejection sensitivity on
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any level also fear judgmentbecause they're, they're linked.
Because we want to say in ourheads, like, there's a voice, right?
There's so many voices outthere and every.
The world is so loud.
And everybody's looking to beperfect, everybody's looking to be
viral and all this stuff.
And then we start asking a lotof times, especially when you live
in this and you're gettinginto the places of perfectionism,
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what will they think of me?
How will I be received?
Like, before you post, beforeyou do the podcast, before you do
the YouTube, before you do anyof this, we get to this place where
it says, how will I be received?
Will they forget me if I don't post?
Will they do all these thingswe struggle with this, is that we
want to think that if I don'tdo, then I'm going to be rejected,
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I'm going to be judged, andthey will think I'm lazy.
They'll think I have no value.
They think that I'm not worth something.
And we're leading for, for the.
For the approval of anaudience rather than the audience
of one.
And the audience of one is Jesus.
And I think that because welive in this place and we're struggling
so much on a depth of whatwill they think of me?
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Our content tends not to be authentic.
It tends to be in a place ofoverly polished.
Because if it's perfect, ifit's overly polished, then nobody
is going to be able tocriticize me because that's where
a fear of judgment andrejection is.
We don't want to be criticized.
And I'm telling you, this isan unhealthy place.
And because it's unhealthy, itpushes us to burnout.
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It pushes us to constantlyserve, constantly do these things,
constantly overwork, with noboundaries, no self care.
And then at the end of theday, we're living in this anxious
mess of what everybody else thinks.
And now the fourth one comesin with the comparison trap.
And this one again, as we gothrough the five.
If you open your Instagram, ifyou even still use Instagram now,
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maybe you're on TikTok or someother place, whatever you open, right?
And you're sitting there andyou're like, man, everyone else I'm
following is crushing it.
They're launching, they'rescaling, they're making money, they're
grinding, they've gotinfluence, they've got followers.
And when you rest, it feelslike you're losing ground.
But I want you to remembersomething, friends, is that you're
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not comparing yourself to thembecause you're only comparing yourself
to you, because here is atruth that they don't tell you about
social media.
I've been doing social mediafor a while.
Here's the truth.
What happens is, is you startto compare your behind the scenes
with their highlight reel.
They're giving you their best stuff.
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There's very few people, ifanyone, who is truly authentic and
vulnerable in front of the camera.
They want the views, they wantthe clout, they want the influence,
they want the money.
And.
And you're sitting here withyour life falling apart, your messy
room, your chronic illness andeverything else, and you're like,
man, I would love that life.
Right?
This is how the trap begins.
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Because you don't see theirburnout, you don't see their loneliness,
you don't see their depression.
You just see their polished output.
And this is a trap thatconstantly draws us and sucks us
in.
Because one of the things thatI think we have to really remember
is that a lot of us followpeople who are at level 10, and we
may be at a level 7, and ifwe're at a level 7 trying to be a
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level 10, we haven't grown tothat level yet, and we're overly
doing it, and we're still.
It's stealing our joy, it'sstealing our life, it's stealing
everything that makes us us sothat we can play the game and be
who they want us to be.
You see how this is allstarting to kind of go together.
And I'm sure at this pointthat maybe you've got one or two,
if not all four.
And number five, we come intoone that I've coached a bunch on
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and I'm even writing a book on.
It's unhealed beliefs about worth.
You know, I. E. The.
You're the.
You're the wage earner oryou're the content creator of these
things.
And this one hits hard becauseit's the deepest one.
Because many of us secretlybelieve we're on God's payroll, that
somehow we work for God.
We think that we have to earn,we have to work, and we have to do
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it every single day.
That if somehow we have a lowoutput day.
And as somebody who has achronic illness, and maybe you have
one, there are days where theflare is so high you don't have a
high output, but we want toignore that, beat our bodies up and
then keep pushing forward.
And when we feel like we can'tkeep pushing forward, we get into
the shame hole, the shame andguilt, because we have a belief that
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says, I'm trying to earn myway and my right and my Respect and
everything.
And if I can't earn it, thenI'm going to displease God.
I'm going to displease people.
And that's not what, whatneeds to happen.
I need to work until I fall, right?
No, that's not the gospel.
The gospel brings us life.
The gospel brings us a new heart.
You are a son and daughter.
You're not an employee.
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You're not somebody who showsup, punches a clock and leaves after,
after the day is done.
You are a son and daughter 24hours a day, seven days a week.
And I got you.
I need you to hear this factbecause you are not your earnings,
you are not your product, youare not your business.
You are not any of those things.
And we have unhealed beliefsystems and lies that we've believed
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about tying our worth to our output.
And that's pervasive.
It sucks.
But I, I promise you that manyof us are dealing with it, but it
needs to be healed.
So let's kind of dive in alittle deeper and, and give you a
little strategy and stuff.
But before we do that, I wantto talk about the one, the woman
with the widow's might.
We want to counteract the lies.
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Those five things were lies.
And now we want to get, startgetting into some truth.
And I think is there's a placein us that we think that God wants
us at a plus intensity 24.
7.
But the problem is, is most ofus are doing a plus intensity 24.
7 and we're burning out, we'redepressed, we're anxious, we're giving
up.
We, we don't understand whyGod isn't blessing us.
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We don't understand why it'snot doing the thing we thought it
should have done three years ago.
But the Bible doesn't teach that.
The Bible teaches us to war,to work from a place of rest.
The Bible calls us to love Godwith all of our heart.
But he also calls us to builda Sabbath with rest and limits.
The two are not exclusive,they are inclusive.
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They need to be together.
You can't build a life thatloves God completely if you're not
following what he tells us.
Not only do we have to serveand disciple others and, and get
out there and do the thing,build the business or whatever God's
called you to, you also haveto build in Sabbath rest with limits.
And I will even so much goforth and say boundaries because
people want to walk all over those.
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That's another conversationfor another day.
This is where you know, manyof us will slip into the working
for God mantra.
Like, we're going to be like,we're working for God, but we're
not working with God.
We serve like we're hiredhands instead of sons and daughters
who.
Who were invited to sit at the table.
And.
And this is where all thetrouble starts.
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I mean, and I mentioned thewidow's bite.
So let's look at that.
And for you guys who want togo check it out, It's.
It's Luke 21.
Go read it.
But the story really kind ofgoes, is that there's people there
and it's a giving.
And I know there's a lot ofpastors and all go out there and
says, look, they give out of aplace of sacrifice and they use this
as a tithing.
And I don't.
And I think there is somevalidity to that, but I don't think
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that this is what this is all about.
I don't think this is a sermonon tithing with this widow's might.
Because here we got the two.
The rich people, they'regiving large amounts and big, you
know, bags of gold or whatevermoney they had at the time.
And it looked impressive.
But here's the poor widow that.
That walked up and dropped twosmall coins.
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And from a human angle, her gift.
Her gift looked tiny.
It was forgettable.
It was like nothing.
It was like, oh, whatever, atthose guys.
Because we have thispropensity to look at those guys
with a big amount of money.
But here's the thing.
Jesus stopped and said, he,she put more in than anybody else.
And we ask ourselves why?
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Because they gave fromabundance and she gave from sacrifice,
and she gave from what shedidn't have.
They gave from what they did have.
It didn't hurt them.
It hurt her.
So there's this place of sacrifice.
And I'm going to tell you this.
The kingdom of God is notmeasured in visible volume.
It's measured in faith and faithfulness.
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She showed both faith and faithfulness.
They showed volume.
And now we don't know theirheart in the end, but that's okay.
But we could just look at thestory and what Jesus said and how
he brought attention in theworld's eyes.
Her offering is insignificant.
And how many of us would saythe same thing if we gave so little,
we would question or criticizeour little offering versus somebody
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else who's giving to, like,building wells in Africa.
And we can't even give to thepoor homeless guy on the side of
the road.
We're going to be like, wow,this is insignificant and we shame
and guilt ourselves.
But here's the deal.
In God's eyes, her sacrificewas an A plus because it was offered
in trust.
It wasn't offered in abundance.
It wasn't offered in somethingthat those rich people would never
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even miss.
It was offered in.
I don't have, but I trust Godto provide.
So I'm going to give.
Right.
Because God does not want orneed production value.
He wants you, your presence,your honest yes.
Even if your yes today feelssmall and fragile, he still wants
it.
He can do more with a weak butfaithful yes than he can with a year
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of burnt out over performers.
So how do we fix this?
How do we kind of get backinto this reframing if we want to
create a framework where wecan start navigating our guilt?
Because this is going to be,first and foremost, we need to have
a minimum viable strategy forour A plus days and our C minus days
because they're going tohappen to both.
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Now if your business, youknow, minimal viable product, well,
this is a minimum viablestrategy so that we can live in these
things.
Right now you're A plus days.
Look, A plus is A plus.
These are your best days.
Now you're going to have theenergy, you're going to have the
time, you're going to haveeverything you need to do.
You're going to crush it,you're going to crush your list,
you're going to get thingsdone, you're going to record the
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video, you're going to do thepodcast, you're going to do all the
things, you're going to studythe word, you can do all these things.
We love these days.
These are our favorite days.
But we can't live herebecause, you know, especially if
you have any level of nervoussystem challenges, trauma, chronic
illness, mental illness, ifyou have any of these things, there
are not going to be a lot of Aplus days.
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And this is where we need tomove into a place of acceptance and
reframe when the A plus day comes.
Thank you, Jesus.
Let's get all the things wecan get done.
But on the C plus, C minusdays, this is where grace comes in.
This is where we have toaccept that I may have to understand
I am not going to be who Iused to be because of the illness
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I'm dealing with now.
This is when, like for me,when a flare happens or when for
you, maybe when a flare orgrief hits or fatigue sets in.
These are these days where wejust want to quit because we don't
have the energy, we don't havethe desire, we don't have anything.
The tank is empty, the body isscreaming and you're like, that's
it.
And these are days where youcan't do A plus work on a C minus
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day.
You just can't.
I've tried.
I've tried and I tried and Ifail miserably.
We need to reframe it anddefine it as minimum viable, which
means on my C minus days, whatcan I consider A plus work on a C
minus day.
Now, I may not be able to getall the things done, but I can get
something done, right?
Even if that something is rest.
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Because rest is healthy andrest is active.
So I've got to look at that asa part of the C minus plan.
So an A plus strategy is anhour of deep work, praying and journaling,
right?
A minimum viable or a C minus day.
Your A plus could be, Jesus, Ilove you, help me today.
It still counts.
It's just not as deep.
You may not have an hour ofenergy, but you sit there and cry
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out and be like, jesus, help.
You know, on your A Plus days,you can get a fully edited 4K YouTube
video podcast and everything going.
But on your minimum viabledays, maybe all you do is you post
a Facebook post with a textand that's it.
Or you do an audio note tosomebody that counts.
All of those count.
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Now, I don't want you to thinkthat this is a C minus mindset, but
what it is is a mindset of acceptance.
This is a mindset that says onmy C minus days where my body just
doesn't want to do what an Aplus day body wants to do, I'm dealing
with the fatigue and all that.
You can sit there and say, I'mstill a winner if I accomplish this,
does it.
Is it a lot less?
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Yes.
And what it does is it allowsyou to feel like you're accomplishing
something even when your bodydoesn't want you to.
And I think that if we havethis balanced strategy of on your
A plus days, go crush it.
And on your C minus days, whatcan be considered an A plus thing,
like, these are going to bethings that create health, that prevent
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burnout, that allows you tomove out of that shame and guilt
hole of I've got to do, do,do, and I feel so guilty, guilty,
guilty, and into the I'm okay.
I may not feel okay, but thisis okay.
And this is what I can do inthe midst of this and accepting that
for what it is.
I Think that's going to be ahuge part of all of this, is the
learning to accept all of it.
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So let's just kind of bringthis home.
Let's just say that we put theall or nothing lie on the shelf and
say, you know what that thingis now dead that goes with, you know,
the dead gym, the one that,that Jesus didn't resurrect, that
stays with the old gym, thepre Jesus gym, the all or nothing
mentality because it's killingyour consistency, it's stealing your
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joy and, and it's creating alot of guilt.
So here's my challenge to you.
Identify the area where youfeel the most guilt right now.
Not all the areas, butwhatever area that is.
And then ask yourself a simple question.
Is this because of comparison?
Identity, fear.
And then you can check the topfive and see where that comes in.
And then number three, definewhat the minimum viable looks like
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for that day.
And then you're going to haveto walk in the acceptance and the
compassion of that.
You don't have to be perfectguys, but you do have to be healthy.
And I think we live in a worldthat has been unhealthy for so long
that you would be a beacon oflight walking in health towards a
perfect Jesus, being animperfect person.
And that is just livingfaithfully, biblically, as you build
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your thing, you lead yourpeople and you do all the things
that you were supposed to doand you're going to do and God is
gifting and strengthening youto do.
But I want to give you thepermission to breathe.
I want to give you thepermission to put it on the shelf,
to have that self compassion,start challenging those things, those
lies, your little or what youconsider little is enough.
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Your little is enough when youplace it in God's hands.
So with that being said, I'llsee you next week.
Thank you for spending thistime with me on the Unshakable Life
podcast.
My prayer is that today'sconversation helps you to build resilience,
reclaim peace, and step withcourage into your God given calling.
If this episode has encouragedyou, challenged you, or impacted
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you in any way, could you dome a favor?
Share it with a friend, leavea review and hit the follow so you
don't miss what's next.
And if you want more tools andencouragement for your journey, head
over to leadwithjim.com you'llfind resources to help you grow as
a healthy, authentic Christianleader, entrepreneur and creator.
(23:04):
And until next time, rememberyour foundation is Christ.
Your calling is Unshakable andyour life can make eternal impact.
This is the unshakable life.
Mindset.
Resilience.
Action.
No.
Strive.
Break free from the burnout.
Find your true north with your God.
Jim Burgoon stepping forward.
(23:35):
This is the unshakable life.
Host
Jim Burgoon
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