#109: Quick Win Challenge! When behaviour happens, stop and ask this one question.

In today’s episode, I’m sharing a personal story that shaped how I approach behaviour and relationships in the classroom, and how a single moment of connection can shift everything.

IN THIS EPISODE, I DISCUSS:

• A deeply personal story from my school days: How one teacher’s unexpected response broke down my tough exterior.
• Why connection is key: The profound impact of showing care and curiosity over control.
• Practical ways to connect with your students: Simple phrases to use when addressing challenging behaviour.
• A powerful reminder: Why “connection is never the wrong answer” and how it can guide your approach.

This Week’s Quick Win: Start with connection.
Take a moment to pause and ask: Are you okay? or What’s going on?
 
Building connection in those tough moments may not always lead to immediate change, but it will always give you the best shot at creating buy-in and trust.

Remember:

Behaviour is nuanced and complicated, but connection simplifies the approach. Write it down somewhere you’ll see it: Connection is never the wrong answer.

Have a question, comment, or just want to say hello? Drop us a text!

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RESOURCES AND MORE SUPPORT:

• Shop all resources
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• The Low-Level Behaviour Bootcamp
• Free guide: 'Chats that Create Change'

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• Check out my website

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to your weekly Classroom Management
Quick Win Challenge.
True classroom management isnot how we address behavior when
it pops up.
Instead, it is a compoundingeffect of many, many micro
decisions we make in ourteaching practice before the
behavior even pops up.
In these Quick Win episodes I'mhanding over one actionable,
small but mighty tool to helpyou move the needle every single

(00:24):
week to stop crowd controllingand to start calmly classroom
managing like a pro.
Let's dive into this week'sgame changing challenge.
Hello, lovely teachers, welcomeback to Quick Wins, where I
just give you one small thingyou can immediately action every
single week.
That's going to compound andcompound over time to incredible

(00:46):
change.
I have probably mentioned it afew times on this podcast, but
in high school things were quitetough for me.
I had a lot going on.
I had to grow up quite quickly.
I didn't feel very safe or seenor heard, and my behaviors at
school definitely told thatstory.
I was disruptive.

(01:06):
I was sent out of class a lot.
I'd skip class just to go andsmoke in the bushes.
Our school was in the middle ofnowhere and it was surrounded
by bushland, so there wereplenty of places to run away to.
During school time I'd be toldoff by my teachers constantly
and I did not give a single crap.
You know how you try to talk tostudents about their behavior

(01:29):
and they just say I don't careor maybe F off.
That was definitely me, and oneteacher stuck in my mind as
clear as day and this episode isdedicated to her.
But once I was out in thebushes smoking instead of being
in art, and my year advisor cameout and busted me and she
started giving me a hard timeand I said, oh, fuck off.
And she could have done anumber of things when she busted

(01:51):
me smoking in the bushes and Isaid fuck off to her.
She could have.
By the way, this is anotherexplicit episode, if you didn't
realize, because I think whenwe're talking about behaviors, I
don't want to sense that, Idon't want to gloss over that,
because we need to be able toknow, like I don't know.
It just seems silly if I'mtrying to support you through
challenging behaviors, but Ican't even say what they say or

(02:14):
what I said in this situation.
But this teacher, she could havejust read me the right act.
She could have, you know,threatened to call my mom or
given me a detention or a scabduty.
Did everyone else have scabduties or was that just an
Australian thing where you weretold to go and pick up rubbish?
But she just said, claire, whatis going on?

(02:36):
And I was taken aback and Iremember that moment so clearly
because I was tough and I was abit of a shit.
Clearly because I was tough andI was a bit of a shit.
And she was the first teacherto not make that about them and
recognize that something wasgoing on with me and it was the
mid 2000.
So there was not a lot ofsocial emotional work in this
happening in schools at thattime, trust me.

(02:59):
But in that moment she choseconnection and my walls
immediately dropped and my toughexterior that I had worn like a
shield for many years, it justmelted away and I sat in the
dirt sobbing and I sought herout the next day to apologize
for swearing at her and she wasable to address my behavior when
I felt calm, seen and hadbuy-in.

(03:19):
So, yes, she said what the hellwas going on there, like you
told me to fuck off and you werein the bushes smoking when you
should have been in class.
Like what was happening she wasable to talk to me about my
behaviors, but she was able todo so in a way that I had
complete buy-in to, rather thanme just completely shutting off,

(03:40):
which I did most of the time.
I was just shut off when peoplewere talking to me about my
behaviors Cause I'm like youdon't give a crap about me, you
don't care what's going on.
And I actually listened to her.
I listened to her lecture meabout the dangers of smoking and
how I shouldn't swear, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
because she followed the mantrathat I spoke about in that last
episode.
She made a decision in thatmoment that brought us closer

(04:02):
together rather than driving usfurther apart.
She made a decision to connectwith me over disconnect with me.
So today's quick win is thisjust start with connection.
So if you see a behaviorhappening to say hey, you, okay,
what's going on that's unlikeyou.
Is something going on?
Like whoa, that was unexpected.
What's happening?
Are you all right?

(04:23):
If there's a behavior thathappens, you know every student
is not going to respond the waythat I did.
Not.
Every student is going to droptheir walls and immediately have
this big breakthrough with theteacher, but it will give you a
far better chance every singletime of getting buy-in, that you
need to make the changes thatare needed.
Every single time, I mean everytime it is going to be the best

(04:45):
option for you to start withconnection.
So this week, what I'd like youto do is write it in your diary
, on a sticky note, on the backof the toilet door, wherever
you're going to see itConnection is never the wrong
answer.
Behavior is complicated,behavior is nuanced, it's
complex, it's all of the things,but that one sentence just

(05:05):
makes it so much easier.
Connection is never the wronganswer.
Start with connection.
Are you okay?
Hey, what's going on?
That's unlike you.
Is there something going on?
Whoa, that was an unexpectedcomment that you just made
towards me.
What's happening?
You're right, cause thatdoesn't sound like you.
Again, not every student willhave that response.
However, it's always going togive you the best chance of

(05:27):
buying, of connection, of change.
Have a wonderful weekend,teachers, and don't forget to
take care of yourself, becausethis work is a hell of a lot
harder.
If you don't, I shall speak toyou next week.