#117: What to prioritise when big behaviours bubble up in the lesson.

You're in the middle of a lesson, focused on delivering content, when a student walks in displaying behaviours that signal things are about to escalate. Maybe they look angry, and you know they have the potential to become physical. Maybe they’re swearing, laughing, and trying to draw in the rest of the class. Maybe they walk in and tip over a chair.

Your brain immediately goes into survival mode. You feel the pressure to fix the situation, regain control, and keep the lesson on track. It’s completely understandable—you’re being observed, you have content to cover, and you want a calm classroom.

But here’s the thing: your goal in that moment is not to fix the behaviour, but to de-escalate it.

In this episode, I break down the difference between pushing students further up the escalation cycle (Door #1) and creating pathways down (Door #2). I’ll share practical strategies for staying calm, using non-threatening language, and guiding students toward a place where they can self-regulate—so that meaningful behaviour conversations can happen later, when they’re actually ready.

Listen in as I discuss:

• Why fixing behaviour in the moment is not the goal. Understanding the brain’s stress response.
• The two doors we open during de-escalation. One escalates behaviour, the other creates a pathway down.
• Practical strategies for de-escalating big behaviours. Non-verbal cues, connection-based responses, and avoiding common mistakes.

MASTERCLASS: REAL CONSEQUENCES, REAL CHANGE

Have a question, comment, or just want to say hello? Drop us a text!

RESOURCES AND MORE SUPPORT:

• Shop all resources
• Join The Behaviour Club
• My book! It’s Never Just About the Behaviour: A holistic approach to classroom behaviour management
• The Low-Level Behaviour Bootcamp
• Free guide: 'Chats that Create Change'

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• Follow on Instagram @the.unteachables
• Check out my website

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Oh, hi there, teachers, welcome to the
Unteachables podcast.
I'm your host, claire English,and I am just a fellow teacher,
a toddler mama and a big oldbehavior nerd on a mission to
demystify and simplify thatlittle thing called classroom
management.
The way we've all been taughtto manage behavior and classroom
manage has left us playingcrowd control, which is not

(00:22):
something I subscribe to,because we're not dancers, we're
teachers.
So listen in as I walk youthrough the game, changing
strategies and I mean the thingsthat we can actually do and
action in our classrooms thatwill allow you to lean into your
beautiful values as acompassionate educator and feel
empowered to run your room witha little more calm and, dare I

(00:43):
say it, a lot less chaos.
I will see you in the episode.
Hi, hello, welcome.
Thank you for joining me herefor the Unteachables podcast.
I'm Claire, I'm your host, ifyou don't know that already, if
you haven't listened before, andif you have listened before,
then welcome back.
It is so lovely to have youhere Today.

(01:04):
I'm going to be talking aboutwhen behaviors are happening in
the middle of a lesson.
What do we do?
How do we deescalate?
How do we resolve it in themoment, like, what do we
actually do, and I'm going tostart by giving you a bit of a
scenario.
So you're in the middle of alesson and you're trying to get
through content and a studentwalks in displaying some

(01:25):
behaviors that are clearlygetting ready to bubble up and
bubble over.
Maybe they're just lookingreally angry and you don't know
what the student's going to donext.
But you know, this student canvery quickly become physical.
Maybe they're trying to drawthe rest of the class in by
swearing and laughing and justgetting really over the top.
Maybe you're teaching and theywalk in and they tip over a

(01:46):
chair.
So your brain immediately goesinto I need to fix it.
I need to get back in control.
After all, your brain is goingto be in survival mode too.
So what happens is you try tofix the situation as quickly as
possible.
You try to stop that behaviorfrom happening.
After all, it's your job, right, it's what's expected of you.
So you tell them to go backoutside and try again.

(02:09):
You try to explain why speakingto you like that is not
appropriate and for them toapologize and take
accountability for what they'vedone.
Maybe your go-to is to try toreason with the student.
Maybe you try to reason forthem to sit down and start
working, otherwise they're notgoing to learn what they need to
learn in your class for theexam that's coming up.
Maybe you go down the route ofwarning them.

(02:29):
You warn them if they don't sitdown and get started then they
will need to stay after class orcatch up after school, or
they're going to get a phonecall home.
You might ask them what's goingon.
You might reinforce yourexpectations.
You might have them to reflect,you know, get them to reflect
on why they're acting like thatand what the impact might be.
All the while you're trying todo all of these things whatever

(02:49):
you're trying to do to fix thesituation as quickly as possible
, you try to resolve thebehavior.
You try to get them back towork.
All the while that student isprobably still sitting there
with their big behaviors thatare escalating and escalating,
and escalating.
You are trying to stop thatbehavior and get back to
learning as quickly as possible.
Of course you are.
Your principal might be lurkingaround judging your practice on

(03:11):
your ability to keep everybodycalm and compliant.
You're trying to get throughcontent.
Your stress response isprobably firing.
So what happens is we need.
We think, as teachers, that weneed to fix it all, we need to
address it all, we need to closethe book on that big behavior.
Right then and there, there'sthis immense pressure and this
immense responsibility that wefeel in order to do that.

(03:32):
And if you're thinking like,yes, I do feel that pressure, I
do feel that responsibility.
When behaviors are happening inmy classroom, I do feel like I
need to fix things, then andthere I need to resolve things,
I need to get them back on track.
I really hope, I really reallyhope this episode takes a bit of
pressure off, because I needyou to know that the goal in the
moment when it comes to bigbehaviors is not to fix it, it's

(03:52):
not to address it.
The goal in the moment needs tobe just to deescalate it.
Brains that are absolutelyflooded with stress, like
because of the big behaviorsyou're seeing, like the students
who have these big behaviors,it's likely their brains are
flooded with stress.
They cannot respond to reason.
If a student is dysregulated,they're not going to be

(04:14):
listening to you.
When you try to get them to getback on with their work or to
talk about their behavior or toreflect, those pathways in their
brain are literally shut downwhen they're right at the top of
that escalation cycle.
Instead, what we need to bedoing is finding pathways down
and out of escalation.
But when you open door numberone, which is trying to reason

(04:35):
with them, trying to threatenthem, trying to get them back on
track and resolve things,sometimes what we're doing is
just pushing them further up theescalation cycle, which is
stopping us from getting theresult we're after, which is
just to be able to crack on withteaching for the rest of the
class as well.
So the goal in the moment mustbe to deescalate the behavior,

(04:56):
so then you can work with them.
You don't need to make them seehow wrong their behavior was.
You don't need to get aresolution, you don't need to
give them a consequence in themoment in the lesson, you just
need de-escalation.
All of that other stuff isgoing to be important.
If these behaviors are bigbehaviors, of course you're
going to need time to resolve it, but it's not when it's in the
middle of the lesson.

(05:16):
It's not going to be productive.
Instead, here's what door numbertwo looks like to open First up
non-threatening body language,not standing over the student,
avoiding threats.
They're going to furtherescalate things, trying to
connect, saying something likewhoa tough day, mate.
I can see you're not in a goodplace.
What do you need right now?
Are you okay?

(05:37):
What can we do right now to getyou in a place for learning?
Are you able to manage in thisclassroom?
Are you able to manage thislesson?
Do you think getting a drinkand just taking five outside
might be a good idea?
Something's going on, I can seethat.
Is it something I can help with?
Is it something we need to dohere Now?
Some people will say thatopening door number two is
permissive, especially whenthere are some big behaviors

(05:59):
going on.
Some people will say it's soft.
Some people will say that it'snot going to get you the results
you want.
That is not correct.
It is smart, it is strategic,it is strong and it is backed by
neuroscience.
It allows you to get thatstudent back on track in the
lesson.
At the very least, it allowsyou to start to de-escalate the
behaviors from that student andit gives you the buy-in to then

(06:21):
authentically resolve thebehavior at a time that is more
appropriate, not when it's inthe classroom, because you can't
resolve big behaviors asthey're happening when the
student's still escalated.
So next time big behaviors arehappening in your classroom, I
want you to stop and think howcan I create a pathway down for
this student?
Because then, and only then,can you work with that student

(06:46):
on the behavior itself.
And if you want to learn moreabout working on the behavior
itself, you should definitelycheck out my masterclass Real
Consequences, real Change, whereI take you through an entire
roadmap for deescalating andresolving challenging behaviors
and using consequences thatactually get buy-in and actually
work.
It's my goal through thismasterclass to get you feeling

(07:07):
super confident, leading oneffective behavior chats.
And these effective behaviorchats don't happen in the middle
of the lesson, when studentsare still escalated.
So in this masterclass, Iactually take you through in the
moment when things areescalated.
What do we do Then?
What do we do to get themprepared for these discussions,
if need be?
And then how do we do this inthe most effective, time

(07:29):
sensitive way possible andactually reach really meaningful
resolutions that create change,moving forward, not just for
the moment.
So the behavior cycle continues.
I'm talking authenticallyresolving behavior and giving
students the opportunities andthe skills to resolve things in
the long term.
So for this episode, teachers,your action point is just to

(07:50):
remember that in the heat of themoment, when things are really
challenging, when behaviors arereally big, you can simply focus
on de-escalation.
You don't need to resolvethings.
You don't need to get studentsto think about how bad their
behaviors were.
You don't have to get them toapologize, you don't have to get
them to do anything necessarily.
We're just focusing onde-escalation because then, when

(08:10):
the time comes to meaningfullyresolve the behavior, you will
have far more buy-in for thestudent to do what needs to be
done, which is takeaccountability and make changes
moving forward.
Have a wonderful week ahead andI will see you in the next
episode.