When talking more makes things worse… try this.
Ever felt like the more you say, the more defiant your students become?
Yeah. Been there.
This episode is all about the subtle magic of nonverbal strategies — those tiny, calm, game-changing tools that help you shift students out of defiance and into direction without saying a word.
Whether you're dealing with low-level defiance, overwhelm, shutdowns or full-blown phone battles, this is your gentle reminder that sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is say nothing at all.
Instead, I'm walking you through 3 of my favourite nonverbal classroom tools:
✅ Choice Cards
✅ Post-it Prompts
✅ Movement Tasks
Each one is designed to help you preserve your calm, keep your credibility intact, and create safety — for your nervous system and theirs.
These tools are gold. They’ve saved my sanity. And I want them to do the same for you.
What You’ll Learn:
- Why “shutting your mouth” can sometimes be the best classroom strategy
- How to give students ownership without surrendering the boundary
- The psychological reason these tools reduce defiance (spoiler: it’s about safety)
- Exactly what to write on post-it notes to de-escalate without saying a word
- How a simple movement prompt can act as a nervous system reset
- What to do when you want to build rapport without people-pleasing
Resources Mentioned:
- Join the Waitlist for The Behaviour Club: https://www.the-unteachables.com/tbc
Have a question, comment, or just want to say hello? Drop us a text!
RESOURCES AND MORE SUPPORT:
- Shop all resources
- Join The Behaviour Club
- My book! It’s Never Just About the Behaviour: A holistic approach to classroom behaviour management
- The Low-Level Behaviour Bootcamp
- Free guide: 'Chats that Create Change'
Connect with me:
- Follow on Instagram @the.unteachables
- Check out my website
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Claire English (00:01):
Oh, hi there, teachers, welcome to the
Unteachables podcast.
I'm your host, claire English,and I am just a fellow teacher,
a toddler mama and a big oldbehavior nerd on a mission to
demystify and simplify thatlittle thing called classroom
management.
The way we've all been taughtto manage behavior and classroom
manage has left us playingcrowd control, which is not
(00:22):
something I subscribe to,because we're not dancers, we're
teachers.
So listen in as I walk youthrough the game, changing
strategies and I mean the thingsthat we can actually do and
action in our classrooms thatwill allow you to lean into your
beautiful values as acompassionate educator and feel
empowered to run your room witha little more calm and, dare I
(00:43):
say it, a lot less chaos.
I will see you in the episode.
Hello, welcome back to theUnteachables podcast.
Thank you for joining me hereagain.
If you are a long-term listener, if you're a newbie, then hello
, I'm Claire, lovely to have youhere.
Make sure you're followingalong so you get all the
(01:04):
episodes.
Or, better yet, go back in thevault and find some episodes
that are going to help you withwhatever challenge you're
specifically dealing with,because we've got over a hundred
episodes and there is so muchgoodness there for you to go
back and listen to.
Today's episode, I will betalking about three classroom
management strategies that arejust brilliant for calmly
(01:26):
shifting students from defianceto direction.
Remember, this month I'mfocusing on defiance inside of
the behavior club, so I thoughtI'd bring you some really great
tidbits here to be able toimmediately apply in the
classroom and to make things alot easier when it comes to
these nonverbal tools.
They really are game changing,because I used to think that I
(01:47):
had to say something all of thetime.
Every single time a studentrefused an instruction or wasn't
doing their work or, you know,did anything else that was
defiant in nature, I felt like Ineeded to say something, I
needed to respond, I needed tostand there, I needed to talk to
them about it, I needed topause the lesson and do all of
(02:09):
these things just to be able toaddress that behavior.
And I thought that if I didn'tdo that, I was not a strict
enough teacher, a strong enoughteacher.
I thought that I was weak.
I didn't think that thestudents would take me seriously
, but, shockingly, that stuffdidn't help.
I realized that the best thingthat I could do in some moments
(02:29):
of defiance or moments where itdoesn't have to be defiance, it
can just be if a student's notgetting on with the work or not
doing what I've asked.
The best thing that I could dosometimes, I realized, was just
shut my mouth and I really meanthat I'm not trying to be, you
know, like funny or silly, likeI really just needed to shut my
(02:51):
mouth.
I've had so much more successwith these three nonverbal tools
than any redirection that Ihave tried to give a student,
delivered with frustration.
I have had so much more success.
So if I was ever feeling like,oh my gosh, I just need to get
through the lesson and theywon't stop talking, or they're
on their phone or, you know like, they're not getting started
(03:11):
with their work, these threestrategies have been life-giving
as a teacher, so I will go intothem now.
These might be things, by theway, you already use in the
classroom and that's fantastic,or you've used before, you're
familiar with.
Uh, just treat this episodelike a good reminder to be using
them more often, because theseare the kind of things that
(03:31):
sometimes we can get really um,really into, and then it ends up
being a strategy that's kind oflike just put to the side and
we don't use it as much.
But please, this week, if youhear these strategies and you're
like, okay, really need to givethese a go, go and use them
immediately so they become apart of your practice.
Okay, the first thing are choicecards.
Just say that you've got astudent and they're incredibly
(03:54):
dysregulated and their behaviorsare defiant.
It can be so helpful to turndown the volume on what we're
saying and provide options thatare nonverbal, that they can see
, that they can point to andthey can take ownership of.
These choice cards reduce powerstruggles, they are dignity
preserving, they promoteautonomy, and all of these
(04:14):
things are happening whileyou're keeping your calm
credibility intact.
When they choose one of thesechoices, it's almost like a
non-verbal contract between youand the student and you've
automatically shifted that nointo a yes just by them giving
that tick.
So, for example, a student isstruggling to get started and
you have a choice card ready togo that you have for those
(04:37):
specific moments with someoptions.
You can have choice cards foreverything Like.
If you want to have blankchoice cards, you can write
three things on in the moment.
That's fine, I have choicecards for everything Like.
If you want to have blankchoice cards.
You can write three things onin the moment.
That's fine.
I have choice cards for thingslike students being on their
phones, a choice card for whatI'm about to talk to you about
now, which is when students arestruggling to get started.
I have choice cards whenstudents are feeling
(04:59):
dysregulated and I can see theirbehaviors bubbling up, and
they're just choices for a break.
There are choice cards you cancreate for any situation, or you
can just create them on the flyby scribbling on a piece of
paper.
So the choice card that I woulduse in this situation, if a
student is struggling to getstarted with their work, I would
have some choices.
(05:20):
So the title would be I willstart by choices underneath that
underline tricky words, writingone sentence, brainstorming
ideas, asking for help.
So there's four choices therethat students can choose from to
get started and that will justhelp them to gain some momentum.
Obviously, that's not going tobe appropriate for every single
class, for every single context,so you might create a choice
(05:44):
card for different age groupsthat are based on your subject.
That are more natural ways ofstarting a task for yourself.
If you're in the behavior club,by the way, I have some
pre-made ones of these and atemplate that you can use to
make your own in this month'sresource bundle for dealing with
defiance.
So I just wanted to make thatclear.
So if you are in the behaviorclub and you're listening to
this, I don't want you to bereally excited and go out and
(06:05):
make choice cards when there aresome there for you already
ready to go.
Okay.
The second thing, the secondnonverbal tool that I absolutely
love to use in these momentswhen students are overwhelmed or
defiant or frozen or theirnervous system you know, I know
it's going to interpret any kindof verbal instructions as like
(06:27):
a bit of a threat, especially ifit's in front of their peers.
I love using post-it notes.
That bypasses that reaction.
It bypasses that idea that I'mpublicly shaming them by giving
them certain instructions,because it's private, it's
non-threatening, it's justneutral.
I just love using post-it notesto create little prompts.
(06:48):
So, for example, if a studentis on their phone, I might just
drop a little post-it note ontheir desk saying bag or my desk
, your call, and then just walkaway.
So I'm not stuck in a you know,head to head with them.
I'm not stuck there trying tohold my hand out and get them to
put the phone in my hand andyou know, standing over them and
I'm caught in this back andfront.
(07:08):
I'm not giving you my phone,give me your phone, blah, blah,
blah, blah.
I'm not stuck in that, I'm justgiving them a really clear
instruction, non-verbally, andthen I'm walking away and then I
can continue teaching thelesson.
Some other examples of thingsthat you can write are things
like you know.
Start with question one.
If they are sitting therelooking around and they're not
doing their work, you mightwrite down regulate, then rejoin
(07:29):
.
If someone's really strugglingand you can see that they're
having a hard time, their head'sin their hands and they don't
know how to start their work.
Another one maybe time for abreak or circle the ones you can
do, or circle the ones youcan't do.
Break or circle the ones youcan do or circle the ones you
can't do.
One question equals win.
Just start with a name and date.
One sentence then break.
(07:50):
You can say want help, space ora break.
You can say what's tricky,write it or circle it.
You can just write down can Ihelp?
And maybe they'll, you know,get you to help them.
Phone away, thank you.
As I said, bag on my desk yourcall, probably the one that I do
the most.
I'll check back in in oneminute or back on track.
(08:11):
Thank you, you can just do this.
Obviously endless the amount ofthings that you can write on
here, but just really short.
You don't want it to be toolong, because then you're
spending a lot of time writingit as well.
You want it to be short, sharp,to the point, something that's
(08:32):
very, very clear, very conciseand very obvious.
That that's what you're askingthem to do.
So use a post-it note, grabthem out, have them on your desk
, get them ready to go and justtry one or two a lesson and just
see how it can help to redirectstudents who are exhibiting
challenging behaviors orstruggling a little bit.
And then, um, yeah, let me knowhow you go with that one.
The third one that I absolutelylove is just giving them a bit
(08:56):
of a task, giving them somemovement options.
So when students are, you know,defiant or the disengaged, or
you can see them spiralingtowards a bit of a shutdown mode
, their nervous system oftenneeds one thing, which is a bit
of a pattern interrupt.
When you do a pattern interrupt, you're helping to re-engage
their prefrontal cortex.
(09:17):
You're stopping that.
I don't know if you've everfelt that way either, but you
know, sometimes you just needsomething to distract your mind,
to do something different, toget up and move.
I do it all the time at my deskwhen I'm feeling a little bit
stressed about something.
That's where movement can comein, something that's purposeful,
low stakes, just a releasevalve for built-up energy or
emotion.
(09:37):
It's a circuit breaker for thatfight, flat or freeze mode.
It's a way for students tocomply without losing face.
It's a chance for them to feeltrusted and not punished if
they're doing something you'renot happy with.
It's just a redirection.
Without calling it a redirection, a few examples of calming
movement prompts are things likehey, can you take this to the
(09:58):
office for me?
Can you deliver this note tosir next door?
Can you please take this backto the library?
Can you fix that stack ofpapers for me?
Can you write today's date onthe board?
Can you plug the laptops in thelaptop trolley?
Do you mind handing out thefolders?
Do you mind collecting thepencils?
How about you grab a quickdrink and come straight back?
Quick walk to the bin and back.
(10:19):
Or quick walk to the bubblersand back.
I only just realized that therest of the world probably
doesn't say bubblers when I waslistening to a podcast.
Bubblers are water phantoms.
Does any other country callthem bubblers?
Pop into the hall and have a 30second breather and I'll meet
you there.
Just anything.
Where they're getting up andmoving and you're tasking them
with something that's really lowstakes and something that's not
(10:41):
like a punishment.
You're not saying, hey, go downto the principal's office.
You're saying, hey, can youjust plug the laptops in?
So, for example, right, if astudent is getting upset about
the work and they're saying theydon't want to do it, this work
is dead, this work is crap, I'mnot doing it.
I'll say, okay, james, listen,how about you hand the folders
out and then we can talk aboutthe work after?
Or how about you?
I've got a task that I reallyneed done.
(11:02):
How about we give you a breakfrom the work?
I can hear that it's reallyfrustrating for you.
How about you take these booksdown to the library, come back
up and then we can maybe thinkabout what we can do next,
because I can see that you'rereally frustrated by something
and we can talk about it after.
Okay.
I find it really helpful just tocreate that break for the
(11:22):
students that they need.
You're preserving all of thesestrategies, by the way, are just
rapport preserving.
What I find really difficult is, you know, when people talk
about building the relationship.
But the advice build therelationship.
It's so hard for us to dobecause the students who they're
(11:43):
talking about when it comes tolike the biggest behaviors,
building a relationship withthem can be quite challenging
because we're constantly havingto withdraw from their emotional
piggy bank, because we'rehaving to address more of their
behaviors, we're having to talkto them about more things and
it's more of a negative kind ofinteraction we're having with
them.
So the more that we can replacethose negative ways that we're
(12:05):
interacting with them abouttheir behaviors, of course we
need to talk to them about theirbehaviors, but if we can do
that in a way that is preservingthe relationship and not
withdrawing from their emotionalpiggy banks, we are just we're
winning If you can do that anddo even like one swap a day
where, instead of going Jamesoff your phone right now, come
on back to the big group,instead of doing that, you can
(12:26):
just put a little post-it noteon his desk and say, you know
bag, or my desk, or you know,whatever it might be, it's just
so helpful to be able topreserve the relationship,
preserve the rapport, and thenyou can just start to balance
that with investments into theiremotional piggy bank.
So maybe one day James gets anice note on his desk saying
(12:46):
great work, or you know, thankyou for coming in today, or it's
really nice to see you.
Are you okay, like you know,just to kind of balance those
things out so we are actuallyable to build the relationship
with the most complex andvulnerable students and the
students who do display thebiggest and most difficult
behaviors, because we havestrategies to be able to
(13:08):
withdraw from their piggy bank.
Because that's what's happeningwhen we're addressing their
behaviours, but doing so in away that's not putting us 10
steps back.
It's actually either keeping usstationary or because it's
really a neutral response totheir behaviour, or it's
actually moving us forward andcreating opportunities for those
discussions.
So just to wrap up, just yourgentle reminder sometimes the
(13:29):
most powerful thing, when astudent is stuck in defiance or
isn't ready to talk or all ofthose things, sometimes the most
powerful thing you can do isjust to talk less, you know, to
give them a way out, withoutmaking it a power struggle to
meet their needs, withoutletting go of that boundary,
because you're not go of theboundary.
It's not a weak response, it'snot a soft response.
It is strong, it is boundaried,it is strategic.
(13:52):
So, whether it's a choice card,they can point to a post-it
note that lets them save face,or a quick movement prompt that
helps reset their nervous system.
These tiny tools can make ahuge difference and, honestly,
that's what's going to help youstay calm too, because you're
not winging it.
You're leading with clarity andconfidence and compassion, even
when things get hard.
(14:12):
If you're inside the behaviorclub, remember that your
resource bundle this monthincludes pre-made choice cards
and editable templates, so youcan just crack on without having
to do it yourself.
And if you're not in yet, don'tworry, the doors are reopening
soon and I would love to supportyou inside.
But until then, pick one ofthese strategies, try it this
week and just yeah, just see howawesome it can be to not have
(14:35):
to worry about using your voiceand getting caught in those
head-to-head battles.
Okay, lovely teachers, have agreat day and I will see you
next time.
Oh, hi there, teachers, welcome to the
Unteachables podcast.
I'm your host, claire English,and I am just a fellow teacher,
a toddler mama and a big oldbehavior nerd on a mission to
demystify and simplify thatlittle thing called classroom
management.
The way we've all been taughtto manage behavior and classroom
manage has left us playingcrowd control, which is not
(00:22):
something I subscribe to,because we're not dancers, we're
teachers.
So listen in as I walk youthrough the game, changing
strategies and I mean the thingsthat we can actually do and
action in our classrooms thatwill allow you to lean into your
beautiful values as acompassionate educator and feel
empowered to run your room witha little more calm and, dare I
(00:43):
say it, a lot less chaos.
I will see you in the episode.
Hello, welcome back to theUnteachables podcast.
Thank you for joining me hereagain.
If you are a long-term listener, if you're a newbie, then hello
, I'm Claire, lovely to have youhere.
Make sure you're followingalong so you get all the
(01:04):
episodes.
Or, better yet, go back in thevault and find some episodes
that are going to help you withwhatever challenge you're
specifically dealing with,because we've got over a hundred
episodes and there is so muchgoodness there for you to go
back and listen to.
Today's episode, I will betalking about three classroom
management strategies that arejust brilliant for calmly
(01:26):
shifting students from defianceto direction.
Remember, this month I'mfocusing on defiance inside of
the behavior club, so I thoughtI'd bring you some really great
tidbits here to be able toimmediately apply in the
classroom and to make things alot easier when it comes to
these nonverbal tools.
They really are game changing,because I used to think that I
(01:47):
had to say something all of thetime.
Every single time a studentrefused an instruction or wasn't
doing their work or, you know,did anything else that was
defiant in nature, I felt like Ineeded to say something, I
needed to respond, I needed tostand there, I needed to talk to
them about it, I needed topause the lesson and do all of
(02:09):
these things just to be able toaddress that behavior.
And I thought that if I didn'tdo that, I was not a strict
enough teacher, a strong enoughteacher.
I thought that I was weak.
I didn't think that thestudents would take me seriously
, but, shockingly, that stuffdidn't help.
I realized that the best thingthat I could do in some moments
(02:29):
of defiance or moments where itdoesn't have to be defiance, it
can just be if a student's notgetting on with the work or not
doing what I've asked.
The best thing that I could dosometimes, I realized, was just
shut my mouth and I really meanthat I'm not trying to be, you
know, like funny or silly, likeI really just needed to shut my
(02:51):
mouth.
I've had so much more successwith these three nonverbal tools
than any redirection that Ihave tried to give a student,
delivered with frustration.
I have had so much more success.
So if I was ever feeling like,oh my gosh, I just need to get
through the lesson and theywon't stop talking, or they're
on their phone or, you know like, they're not getting started
(03:11):
with their work, these threestrategies have been life-giving
as a teacher, so I will go intothem now.
These might be things, by theway, you already use in the
classroom and that's fantastic,or you've used before, you're
familiar with.
Uh, just treat this episodelike a good reminder to be using
them more often, because theseare the kind of things that
(03:31):
sometimes we can get really um,really into, and then it ends up
being a strategy that's kind oflike just put to the side and
we don't use it as much.
But please, this week, if youhear these strategies and you're
like, okay, really need to givethese a go, go and use them
immediately so they become apart of your practice.
Okay, the first thing are choicecards.
Just say that you've got astudent and they're incredibly
(03:54):
dysregulated and their behaviorsare defiant.
It can be so helpful to turndown the volume on what we're
saying and provide options thatare nonverbal, that they can see
, that they can point to andthey can take ownership of.
These choice cards reduce powerstruggles, they are dignity
preserving, they promoteautonomy, and all of these
(04:14):
things are happening whileyou're keeping your calm
credibility intact.
When they choose one of thesechoices, it's almost like a
non-verbal contract between youand the student and you've
automatically shifted that nointo a yes just by them giving
that tick.
So, for example, a student isstruggling to get started and
you have a choice card ready togo that you have for those
(04:37):
specific moments with someoptions.
You can have choice cards foreverything Like.
If you want to have blankchoice cards, you can write
three things on in the moment.
That's fine, I have choicecards for everything Like.
If you want to have blankchoice cards.
You can write three things onin the moment.
That's fine.
I have choice cards for thingslike students being on their
phones, a choice card for whatI'm about to talk to you about
now, which is when students arestruggling to get started.
I have choice cards whenstudents are feeling
(04:59):
dysregulated and I can see theirbehaviors bubbling up, and
they're just choices for a break.
There are choice cards you cancreate for any situation, or you
can just create them on the flyby scribbling on a piece of
paper.
So the choice card that I woulduse in this situation, if a
student is struggling to getstarted with their work, I would
have some choices.
(05:20):
So the title would be I willstart by choices underneath that
underline tricky words, writingone sentence, brainstorming
ideas, asking for help.
So there's four choices therethat students can choose from to
get started and that will justhelp them to gain some momentum.
Obviously, that's not going tobe appropriate for every single
class, for every single context,so you might create a choice
(05:44):
card for different age groupsthat are based on your subject.
That are more natural ways ofstarting a task for yourself.
If you're in the behavior club,by the way, I have some
pre-made ones of these and atemplate that you can use to
make your own in this month'sresource bundle for dealing with
defiance.
So I just wanted to make thatclear.
So if you are in the behaviorclub and you're listening to
this, I don't want you to bereally excited and go out and
(06:05):
make choice cards when there aresome there for you already
ready to go.
Okay.
The second thing, the secondnonverbal tool that I absolutely
love to use in these momentswhen students are overwhelmed or
defiant or frozen or theirnervous system you know, I know
it's going to interpret any kindof verbal instructions as like
(06:27):
a bit of a threat, especially ifit's in front of their peers.
I love using post-it notes.
That bypasses that reaction.
It bypasses that idea that I'mpublicly shaming them by giving
them certain instructions,because it's private, it's
non-threatening, it's justneutral.
I just love using post-it notesto create little prompts.
(06:48):
So, for example, if a studentis on their phone, I might just
drop a little post-it note ontheir desk saying bag or my desk
, your call, and then just walkaway.
So I'm not stuck in a you know,head to head with them.
I'm not stuck there trying tohold my hand out and get them to
put the phone in my hand andyou know, standing over them and
I'm caught in this back andfront.
(07:08):
I'm not giving you my phone,give me your phone, blah, blah,
blah, blah.
I'm not stuck in that, I'm justgiving them a really clear
instruction, non-verbally, andthen I'm walking away and then I
can continue teaching thelesson.
Some other examples of thingsthat you can write are things
like you know.
Start with question one.
If they are sitting therelooking around and they're not
doing their work, you mightwrite down regulate, then rejoin
(07:29):
.
If someone's really strugglingand you can see that they're
having a hard time, their head'sin their hands and they don't
know how to start their work.
Another one maybe time for abreak or circle the ones you can
do, or circle the ones youcan't do.
Break or circle the ones youcan do or circle the ones you
can't do.
One question equals win.
Just start with a name and date.
One sentence then break.
(07:50):
You can say want help, space ora break.
You can say what's tricky,write it or circle it.
You can just write down can Ihelp?
And maybe they'll, you know,get you to help them.
Phone away, thank you.
As I said, bag on my desk yourcall, probably the one that I do
the most.
I'll check back in in oneminute or back on track.
(08:11):
Thank you, you can just do this.
Obviously endless the amount ofthings that you can write on
here, but just really short.
You don't want it to be toolong, because then you're
spending a lot of time writingit as well.
You want it to be short, sharp,to the point, something that's
(08:32):
very, very clear, very conciseand very obvious.
That that's what you're askingthem to do.
So use a post-it note, grabthem out, have them on your desk
, get them ready to go and justtry one or two a lesson and just
see how it can help to redirectstudents who are exhibiting
challenging behaviors orstruggling a little bit.
And then, um, yeah, let me knowhow you go with that one.
The third one that I absolutelylove is just giving them a bit
(08:56):
of a task, giving them somemovement options.
So when students are, you know,defiant or the disengaged, or
you can see them spiralingtowards a bit of a shutdown mode
, their nervous system oftenneeds one thing, which is a bit
of a pattern interrupt.
When you do a pattern interrupt, you're helping to re-engage
their prefrontal cortex.
(09:17):
You're stopping that.
I don't know if you've everfelt that way either, but you
know, sometimes you just needsomething to distract your mind,
to do something different, toget up and move.
I do it all the time at my deskwhen I'm feeling a little bit
stressed about something.
That's where movement can comein, something that's purposeful,
low stakes, just a releasevalve for built-up energy or
emotion.
(09:37):
It's a circuit breaker for thatfight, flat or freeze mode.
It's a way for students tocomply without losing face.
It's a chance for them to feeltrusted and not punished if
they're doing something you'renot happy with.
It's just a redirection.
Without calling it a redirection, a few examples of calming
movement prompts are things likehey, can you take this to the
(09:58):
office for me?
Can you deliver this note tosir next door?
Can you please take this backto the library?
Can you fix that stack ofpapers for me?
Can you write today's date onthe board?
Can you plug the laptops in thelaptop trolley?
Do you mind handing out thefolders?
Do you mind collecting thepencils?
How about you grab a quickdrink and come straight back?
Quick walk to the bin and back.
(10:19):
Or quick walk to the bubblersand back.
I only just realized that therest of the world probably
doesn't say bubblers when I waslistening to a podcast.
Bubblers are water phantoms.
Does any other country callthem bubblers?
Pop into the hall and have a 30second breather and I'll meet
you there.
Just anything.
Where they're getting up andmoving and you're tasking them
with something that's really lowstakes and something that's not
(10:41):
like a punishment.
You're not saying, hey, go downto the principal's office.
You're saying, hey, can youjust plug the laptops in?
So, for example, right, if astudent is getting upset about
the work and they're saying theydon't want to do it, this work
is dead, this work is crap, I'mnot doing it.
I'll say, okay, james, listen,how about you hand the folders
out and then we can talk aboutthe work after?
Or how about you?
I've got a task that I reallyneed done.
(11:02):
How about we give you a breakfrom the work?
I can hear that it's reallyfrustrating for you.
How about you take these booksdown to the library, come back
up and then we can maybe thinkabout what we can do next,
because I can see that you'rereally frustrated by something
and we can talk about it after.
Okay.
I find it really helpful just tocreate that break for the
(11:22):
students that they need.
You're preserving all of thesestrategies, by the way, are just
rapport preserving.
What I find really difficult is, you know, when people talk
about building the relationship.
But the advice build therelationship.
It's so hard for us to dobecause the students who they're
(11:43):
talking about when it comes tolike the biggest behaviors,
building a relationship withthem can be quite challenging
because we're constantly havingto withdraw from their emotional
piggy bank, because we'rehaving to address more of their
behaviors, we're having to talkto them about more things and
it's more of a negative kind ofinteraction we're having with
them.
So the more that we can replacethose negative ways that we're
(12:05):
interacting with them abouttheir behaviors, of course we
need to talk to them about theirbehaviors, but if we can do
that in a way that is preservingthe relationship and not
withdrawing from their emotionalpiggy banks, we are just we're
winning If you can do that anddo even like one swap a day
where, instead of going Jamesoff your phone right now, come
on back to the big group,instead of doing that, you can
(12:26):
just put a little post-it noteon his desk and say, you know
bag, or my desk, or you know,whatever it might be, it's just
so helpful to be able topreserve the relationship,
preserve the rapport, and thenyou can just start to balance
that with investments into theiremotional piggy bank.
So maybe one day James gets anice note on his desk saying
(12:46):
great work, or you know, thankyou for coming in today, or it's
really nice to see you.
Are you okay, like you know,just to kind of balance those
things out so we are actuallyable to build the relationship
with the most complex andvulnerable students and the
students who do display thebiggest and most difficult
behaviors, because we havestrategies to be able to
(13:08):
withdraw from their piggy bank.
Because that's what's happeningwhen we're addressing their
behaviours, but doing so in away that's not putting us 10
steps back.
It's actually either keeping usstationary or because it's
really a neutral response totheir behaviour, or it's
actually moving us forward andcreating opportunities for those
discussions.
So just to wrap up, just yourgentle reminder sometimes the
(13:29):
most powerful thing, when astudent is stuck in defiance or
isn't ready to talk or all ofthose things, sometimes the most
powerful thing you can do isjust to talk less, you know, to
give them a way out, withoutmaking it a power struggle to
meet their needs, withoutletting go of that boundary,
because you're not go of theboundary.
It's not a weak response, it'snot a soft response.
It is strong, it is boundaried,it is strategic.
(13:52):
So, whether it's a choice card,they can point to a post-it
note that lets them save face,or a quick movement prompt that
helps reset their nervous system.
These tiny tools can make ahuge difference and, honestly,
that's what's going to help youstay calm too, because you're
not winging it.
You're leading with clarity andconfidence and compassion, even
when things get hard.
(14:12):
If you're inside the behaviorclub, remember that your
resource bundle this monthincludes pre-made choice cards
and editable templates, so youcan just crack on without having
to do it yourself.
And if you're not in yet, don'tworry, the doors are reopening
soon and I would love to supportyou inside.
But until then, pick one ofthese strategies, try it this
week and just yeah, just see howawesome it can be to not have
(14:35):
to worry about using your voiceand getting caught in those
head-to-head battles.
Okay, lovely teachers, have agreat day and I will see you
next time.
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