Three Bean Salad

Hailey of Guildford offers up hiking as a topic for the beans this week which is nothing to be ashamed of. Just as the cardinal rule of the hiker is to leave no trace of themselves on the landscape, the lukewarm banter of the beans will pass through your mindscape with the firm promise to leave no memorable impression of any kind. 

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Queen Vic, Lil’ Drina, Granny Europe, The Windsor Widow, The Saxe-Coburg Slicker, Big Bo Peep. Whatever you call her, Queen Victoria still holds the record for the monarch with the most pubs and Spice Girls named after them. No wonder Pete from Derby wanted a lukewarm lens cast over her - and he knew just the beans for the job.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Match Of The Day. Big Break. Bullseye. All of the major British sports have been comprehensively covered by television for decades - except archery. Looks like it’s time for the beans to pick up where television couldn’t be arsed. Ta very much to Charis of Los Angeles for this week’s topic (which is archery btw).

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Dr G has the beans get all lukewarm under the collar about seagulls this week. Voted the animal least likely to be of any use in warfare four years running and Time Magazine’s “Worst Pet Experiment” (2003), the seagull is largely unloved by its human neighbours. Indeed a major survey by Ipsos MORI discovered that 99.23% of seagull based anecdotes cast the seagulls as the villain of the piece (and the remaining 0.77% were believed t...

The presumably unreconstructed Nick of Chicago feeds “Old Wives’ Tales” into the Bean Machine which spew-jects it just at the moment the beans are after a topic so that’s what it is. Is there no such thing as an “Old Husbands’ Tale” because husbands have no tales? Or because they typically die younger and therefore before reaching tale-telling maturity? The beans don’t know and make no effort to go into it whatsoever.

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They say if you remember the 60s then you didn’t really do yourself any serious brain damage in the 60s. Perhaps someone in that situation would be well placed to offer some thoughts on arguably the most famous decade of all time. Gabby of Worthing eschews such a source and instead seeks definitive banter on the 60s from the three beans who, between them, own almost one Lovin’ Spoonful CD.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

Jo...

The beans have avoided it for as long as possible but Roddy of London has spoken and what he spake is “Moths”. This could be a fearsomely difficult listen for anyone with a loathing of moths or this podcast. The beans, however, are inexorably drawn to lukewarm banter just as the badger is drawn to the dual carriageway and so they chat the chat that must finally be chatted.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Sean of Exeter kicks off a hot summer of lukewarm banter by suggesting the beans discuss wild camping. Sub-topics could but don’t include how to make a tent out of your own trousers, evading predators by setting them against each other and if “north” is effectively the top of a huge ball, will your compass still work if that ball rolls a bit?

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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George is a native of Stockport, birthplace of The Renaissance, and so it is little wonder he has chosen that very topic for this week’s episode. Are we on the cusp of another renaissance? Might we be better of with a de-renaissance to make everything simpler just for a bit. It’s chunky fodder to be sure so why not let the beans mince it down smooth for you while you expend your mental energy on inventing whatever it is that will e...

Ella from Cambridge but currently in Cuba has offered up language as this week’s topic. Could she have known that the beans would not only take on this crucial subject with rigour and courage but they would use actual language to do so!!!

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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You will no doubt have a strong opinion on ham. It has been a muse to poets, a justification for war lords, a promise between lovers. It is mankind’s cornerstone. But ham salad? That’s something many of us have never truly got to grips with in theory or practice. Thanks then to Michigan-based wildcard Douglas for giving the beans this urgently needed topic for this week’s episode. Hocks away.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw...

It’s Helen of Bristol’s turn to feed the bean machine this week which has led to the topic being festivals. Of course there’s a festival for bloody everything these days and they’re not like they used to be even the ones that didn’t exist previously probably but you can’t even say that in public most likely and so and so forth.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Evidence that Vikings used toothpicks has been found in Eastern Sweden according to Big Archaeology. And who would dare to disagree with them, let alone needlessly argue the toss just for the sake of it? The beans, that’s who. Maybe be these so called ‘toothpicks’ were in fact used to score games of Nordic cribbage? Maybe they were used to stop complex burgers falling apart? Or maybe they were tiny spears for skewering mini-monks? ...

What are the beans really but gardeners of knowledge? For the benefit of all mankind they nurture the seeds of data, strip away the weeds of untruth and, from time to time, obscure everything in a great steaming pile of donkey shit. Thank you then to Matt from Chester-upon-Bremen for choosing the highly apposite topic of gardening for this week’s podcast.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Samuel of 84A High Street chooses giants as this week’s topic and no doubt he has his reasons. Should you wish to know those reasons the beans are unable to help but you could always spend the rest of your days ringing on the doorbell of every 84A High Street on Earth until you track down Samuel so you can ask the man himself unless he’s given us a false name or a false address or has moved during your quest or is simply out.

With t...