July 15, 2025 • 29 mins
On this episode of Where's Your Head At?, Matt is talking through his 30th birthday celebrations and Anna & Matt are talking through times they've lost their confidence - and what they're doing to get it back. Ashleigh Paholek of TIER Society to talk through what confidence is, what it takes to takes to manage your mindset and the best tips to be your best/most confident self.
We hope you gained something from this episode and we look forward to chatting next week x
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You know, if you're in the car and no one's
picking up the phone. I don't know. I love just
like crying in the car.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Yeah, unless you're in traffic and the person next to
you is looking at you like yeah, you're like when
good morning, good morning, Anna, where's your head at?
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I mean, my head is just happy to be here.
I had an interesting morning. Yes, I got pooed on
for the first time my life. It's been surreal.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
First, how does that happen? Just out of curiousity, was
he was swayed not in his diaper or no, he was.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I was just burping him and then all of a
sudden my leg felt really warm, like it was kind
of like a nice warm I was like, oh, why
is my legs so warm? And I was like, he's
food all.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Over me, like genuine shit came out of his nappy.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Yeah, but he's like I just love him so much.
I'm like, no one could, no one could poo on me.
And I still like them except Swayed Staples.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Not even Michael Staples.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
No, not Michael Salles, not anyone.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Well, I'm feeling a little bit hungover still from my birthday.
On the weekend, I'll touch on that in a bit,
but I just wanted to say after last week's episode, obviously,
like I said, I didn't touch on anything. I didn't
feel like that was the right thing to do. So
I just expressed what I felt was right and came
(01:25):
in here and talked from the heart. It was very
hard for me to do that.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
I know.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
The morning of the episode getting released, I had a
full blown anxiety attack at well like seven o'clock in
the morning and said to our team to take it down.
I just I gotta be honest, like if I put
something out there, it gets absolutely torn apart. And I
was just like, look, I'm not ready for this today.
I can't I can't do this today. So I asked
(01:50):
to take it down and we released it again. But
once it came out, I was actually overwhelmed by the
messages people were reaching out to me with their support,
and it was just, yeah, very nice to see that.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Did you feel like it was a huge weight off
your shoulders when it came out, because obviously when the
episode first got released, you were just like in Fight
or Flight, you were like, I can't do this. I
don't want to do it. You've had lots of challenges
with your mental health over the past six months. Then
when it was released and we kept it like, did
you feel a sense of relief?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah? I think so. I just tried to like block
it out for the day because I knew the Wednesday
I had some stuff on and I didn't want to
deal with it. So the next day, on the first day,
I just tried to keep myself busy and occupied and
keep my mind off it. Yeah, but yeah, I think
I feel like it was a bit of relief off me.
I feel like now with the podcast, But obviously, when
(02:44):
the time is right, in the right environment, I might
touch on my experiences a lot more. But I feel
like now I just want to continue doing this podcast
in like a happy way.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah. I think. Just focus on your happiness, focus on you,
focus on your confidence, which we're going to talk a
lot about. We've realized recently that your confidence levels have
been that crashing hard, which.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Is hard to save someone like me who's normally so
you know, confident and up.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Yeah, so out there, so out there.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Well I did. If you follow my social media you
would have seen that a couple of was it a
couple of months ago? I literally just stopped going on
social media. I like didn't do anything on there. I
just needed a break from it because, like it's strange
and you share so much on social media. It's such
a different thing that like people can pick up on
stuff real quickly, and I just couldn't. I couldn't do it,
(03:34):
and I just had to take a break from it. Yeah,
step back.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I think it's always important to just put yourself first.
And if you are going through a hard time, you
don't need to be on social media. Let's be real,
Like mental health is so it's so important and you
need to put that as number one priority. Well, look,
let's pivot. We did have a very special celebration on
the weekend we had your thirtieth birthday. It was a
(04:01):
Christmas in July theme and that was very specific that
everyone had to wear their Christmas compulsory compulsory Christmas jumper
and you couldn't say the word compulsory on the nut.
What will you say?
Speaker 2 (04:14):
I can't remember compulsive?
Speaker 1 (04:17):
True match style who could not pronounce compulsory and he
kept saying it over and over again.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Well, it was funny because every message on the Facebook
event or in text message, when someone would message me
about the night, I'd be like, it's compulsory Christmas jump,
but everyone got the memo.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Though it looked good.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
It did look good.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Place that you picked was great as well because there
was Christmas trees like literally everywhere, and then there was
these two huge long tables. Kind of felt like Harry Potter,
you know how it can happen like at Christmas.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
It was a great venue. Yeah, the Commons, they set
it up for Christmas, and then they must sort Christmas
time as well, whe they'll celebrate Christmas in July. There
it was unreal. I was surrounded with my loved ones,
like my friends and family, and it just was like
really good to be with everyone and celebrate.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah. I had two glasses of red wine and I
was flying high. Someone who has not drunk.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Was that the most you've drunk in like nine months
or yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Two two glasses, But I mean, like there's pregnancy is
actually ten months. And then when I was trying, I
was barely drinking because I was like trying to be healthy.
And then after having swayed, I realized, oh yeah, I'm breastweeding.
I can't just drink and then you can't pump and
blah blah blah, anyway boring, But I was having a
(05:31):
great time.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
I haven't drunk like that for a long time. But
I was like, may as well celebrates my thirtieth. I
just now I'm thirty, dude. It takes a couple of
days to fucking shake it off, doesn't it look a bit?
But to be honest, did not leave bed yesterday. Uber Eats,
Hungry Jacks and macas did not leave.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
You know, when you do a double Uber Eat you're
in stripe, that's when you know it's a really dark.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
I'll be back in a couple of days and I'll
be ready to go. I'll be back to stilling my
normal self. Look, it also was a weird time to
celebrate my thirtieth with everything that's been going on. I mean,
it's kind of sad and you actually think about it
that Like I was planning this a lot different. Yeah,
like a lot different plan. This was not the plan.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah, like sometimes life throws your curveballs.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
But still it was great to be with everyone there
and I ended up having a good time.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Well, look, let's talk about your confidence next.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
So we're talking about confidence today. There's a million different
ways of why you could lose your confidence or not
feel confident. But I've obviously been going through a lot recently,
and one of the main things I feel is that
my confidence has taken like a huge knock. Yeah, like
huge knock, Like I don't feel comfortable or confidence should
(06:52):
I say and what I wear, what I post, how
I act? I'm always second guessing myself. It was actually
you who brought it up with me that you feel
like I was second guessing myself. Well, I really started
to second guess myself with last week's episode and all that,
Like I just couldn't Yeah, I didn't want to just
you know, everything that comes with it.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Yeah, I feel like I noticed that you've been extremely indecisive,
like things to me that are basic, like and I'm
like a quick decision maker, this this and this, and
then you're like questioning things and I was asking you.
I was like, why don't you feel like you can
make a decision at the moment? And then you kind
of realized It's kind of like that thing where until
(07:32):
someone points it out, you realize it and then you've
been like, oh, yeah, I'm struggling to make any sort
of decisions.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Yeah, like it's really well, yeah, it's been really when
you pointed it out to me, it was really clear
to me that you know, I've been struggling a lot recently. Yeah,
you've obviously given birth to beautiful Suede Staples Anna. So
coming out the back end of pregnancy in birth, how
do you feel like your confidence is going?
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Yeah, I mean, look, I feel like every day is different,
and it has been a little bit of a rollercoaster.
I think majority of the time, I do feel really confident,
Like I feel way more confident than I thought I
would at just looking after him, like I've never looked
after a baby before, naturally. Yeah, and I think like
when he cries, I feel like I know how to
(08:20):
help him, and look, let's touch wood because that could
definitely change. He's only seven weeks old. But overall, I
feel like I've really taken to it. Well, confidence is
such a broad spectrum, like it really, like, I guess
it's what you define as confident. Like, obviously my body
is not the same as it once was, but I'm
(08:41):
also okay with that because well, yeah, and I feel
like I'm okay with that because I'm like number one,
I'm obsessed and in love with suede and I couldn't
have had him without going through that. And then secondly,
like it's still really an evolution, Like it's still changing
a lot. I think my body will still change a lot,
(09:02):
and if I ever wanted to have another baby, it
will change a lot. So I think it's getting comfortable
with the change.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Yeah, but you'll never go back to how you used
to be. So you've got this sort.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Of like and I'm totally okay with that. Yeah, but
obviously yeah, like did I see a photo of myself
in nikonoss in a bikini recently and go, damn, that's
not never gonna be me again. Yeah, but like it
is what it is, Like I'm not I don't really care.
At the same time, you said.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Before the whole like waves, like I was thinking, then
it does, Like I'm talking from my experiences recently, it
does come and go in waves. Like the other day,
I was sitting in the sauna and I felt so
confident in myself. I thought I was like, you know,
I was invincible. I was like, yeah, I'm feeling better.
I'm feeling good about myself, Like I feel like I can,
you know, start moving forward in a positive way. Got
(09:53):
out the sauna, hopped in the car, drove home, just
cried the whole way home.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
It is you know what the Dean lewis, so it
comes and goes some ways is like wild.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah, literally to be like yeah. And the sauna must
have been just so dehydrated in there that I have
having delusions that I hopped in the car and drove
home and she was bawling the whole way home. I
so fuck, I can't do this, Like I was all
depressed again.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
I had a break up playlist when I went through
my last breakup and that was on That was on
the playlist. It was pretty good.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
It comes. No, we can't sing. We got to pay
royalties if we sing songs.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Okay, Matt. We have been talking to a confidence coach.
Her name is Ash. She's from Tea Society and we've
been talking to her about all things confidence, and so
she has sent us a little voice memo that we're
going to listen to. Now let's play that.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
We're told just to be ourselves. But honestly, sometimes your
default self is anxious overthinks, and sometimes your default self
holds you back, not because you want to, but because
it's who you think you are, or who are the
people expect you to be. You start saying things like, oh,
I've never been good in groups, or I'm not that
(11:04):
kind of person who speaks up, or I'm not very confident.
But that's not the truth. That is conditioning. Confidence isn't
about clinging to the old version of you, the quiet one,
the cautious one, the edited down one. Confidence is about
choosing who you want to be and then showing up
like it, not perfectly, but deliberately. Most people think confidence
(11:28):
is something you're born with, that some people just have it.
But the truth is confidence is a skill. It's something
you can learn, something you can practice, something you can master.
When we think about confident people, they're usually the ones
who speak with ease, who can walk into a room
and carry themselves, who aren't afraid to take up space.
(11:51):
But here's the thing. That's not luck, that's not magic,
that's not just their personality. That is strategy. They're us
body language, they're controlling their tone, they're using conversational tools threading,
bridging to keep things flowing, and their mindset. It's trained
(12:12):
to work with them, not against them. The secret to
confidence is that you are in control of it when
you know how to manage your mindset, shape how others
perceive you, build trust in new rooms, and hold your
own in any conversation. That's when confidence becomes second nature.
And I don't just teach this. I use this every
(12:33):
single day as a TV journalist with over a decade
of experience, I don't get a second chance at a
first impression when I'm approaching someone who has just experienced
something horrific or traumatic, when I've got thirty seconds to
win someone's trust before asking them to speak on camera,
when I am standing in the middle of breaking news life,
(12:55):
no script, no safety net, that is what I lean on,
these exact tools. That's when strategy becomes instinct. Confidence isn't
reserved for a lucky few. Confidence is available to anyone,
and that includes you.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
I am inspired.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
That was very confident. The way she spike it sounded
like one of my audio books I've been listening to.
Really yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Do you know what's interesting is that's the first time
we both listened to that. So that was like a
rale listen for all of us. And some of the
tools and things that she says that works is so true,
is so true? Like I wrote, down that I found
my confidence by the faking it till you make it
type of scenario. So it's like the manifest like who
(13:44):
you want to be, what that person wears, what they say,
what they do? Are they a business woman? Are they this?
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Are they don't dress for the job? You have dressed
for the job you want.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Totally, And I think that is one hundred percent what
confidence is. And I think being comfortable in your own skin.
I think that sometimes when I look back at my life.
I think in my twenties I would second guess myself,
but moving into my thirties, I didn't really care what
other people thought of me because I knew who I was.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Okay, well, I think that's like where I've lost mine,
because I'm really trying to rEFInd myself now and who
I am. I think that she said before, like walking
into a room with confidence, So I don't feel like
I do that anymore.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
But that's because I think you are concerned about like
potentially what are people saying, like you know, And I
think also you're going through a huge life change. So
you had this life that you thought was going to
be your forever life, and now you're kind of like
trying to redefine you as a person Exactly.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
I was on one path and now like I've been
absolutely taken off that path and I've got to try
figure it all out and navigated again.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Well, look, you're not alone. Self esteem issues are common,
with over thirty percent of adults reporting feeling in added
quisy all low confidence. So you're definitely not alone. Man.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Well, if you're listening to this and you feel like
you're in that percentage as well, and you feel like
you've lost your confidence, should we hear from ash on
ways of finding your confidence?
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Let's do it.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
When life knocks you down, whether it's a breakup, losing
your job, or just a season where nothing is going right,
it can feel like your confidence disappears overnight. You start
questioning everything, how you look, what you're worth, whether people
even like you, and suddenly the version of you who
used to feel strong feels like a stranger. But here's
(15:38):
the thing. Confidence might feel fragile, but it is absolutely rebuildable,
and getting it back doesn't happen in one big moment.
It happens in little decisions, small shifts, quiet wins. And
that's where we start. Start by keeping receipts. And by
that I mean save the text that made you feel seen.
(16:01):
Screenshot that email where someone said you killed it right
down the day you showed up even when it felt impossible.
Call it your booster bank. We are literally using cognitive
restructuring to internalize positive proof, and when your confidence dips,
you withdraw a little reminder from your booster bank. You
(16:25):
are not starting from scratch. You have done these things before.
You just need to remember. Next, notice how you are
really talking to yourself. It is not about a magic
mantra or a viral affirmation. Those things are going to
come later, but first we just need to be really honest.
If there's a harsh commentary running in your head, name it,
(16:48):
don't ignore it. Ask what is this voice trying to
protect me from. That's how you start shifting the conversation
by getting curious, not critical. And lastly, confidence isn't about
putting on a show. It's about tuning into your body
and how it feels and giving it permission to relax,
(17:10):
even if your brain isn't quite there yet. Sometimes that
means uncrossing your arms. Sometimes it's taking a full breath.
Sometimes it's just sitting a little bit taller. These things
shape how others perceive you. But body language is a
two way street. It doesn't just show confidence, it builds it.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
So I was thinking while she was talking there some
stuff that I've done to regain my confidence is I
did the trick of sticking some sticky notes on my mirror. Yeah,
with some positive affirmations. I did read something though, to
change them fortnightly or weekly to different colored sticky notes
because your brain sees them. So I've been doing that.
(17:56):
I've been journaling very heavily as well. I found a
lot of peace in doing that. It's a lot of like,
you know what, I went through, my stories, all that
sort of stuff, as well as just how I feel
that day. So I think writing down that, and I've
looked back at some stuff, and to look back from
like a couple of months ago to now, I feel
like even reading back, I can see that I'm like
(18:19):
that gives me not confidence, that that gives me a
feeling of inspiration that like it is getting better and
I am feeling better.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
I mean, I think it's hard enough going through a divorce.
But then with what she was saying, to then do
it publicly just adds like a whole new element. So
you are doing amazing taking it on board, put it
in your bank.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Well, there's a receipt I can keep.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
I love that idea. That is a good idea, having
like all of these like positive like text messages that
people have sent you and having this resource of emails
or texts or I don't know if you want to
print them out and I put it in a book
go to and feel like, oh, like people do care
about me? And did you was there a point that
you felt like no one cares about me? Ah? Yeah, definitely, yeah, definitely,
(19:08):
like even friends and family.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
I wouldn't say that they don't care about me. I
think that what how I would say when I was
in those moments was I feel like everyone is there
until it's like they're not. Do you know what I'm
trying to say, Like until it's three am and you're
awake because your own thoughts or it's you know, you're
stuck in traffic and someone doesn't pick up the phone,
(19:32):
Like everyone's there until they're not there.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
But I think that's why your brain is your best
tool and you're you getting yourself into and I know
this is so easy for me to say, but like
kind of like doing those things that she said, and like,
you know, if you're in the car and no one's
picking up the phone, I don't know. I love just
like crying in the car.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Yeah, unless you're in traffic and the person next to
you is looking at your Yeah, you're like but seeing
my therapist said to me, was she said, when you
are in those situations and you're going through that, she said,
you can't stop your brain from thinking like that. So
she said, just say thanks brain, not today, Well thank
(20:16):
you and acknowledge the thought and.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Just you know, is this therapist me, I told you
that you.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Are No, I told you. My therapist said that, and
I told you that. No, I told you that. And
then you said, yeah, I've told you that. I remember,
I said the therapist.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
I'm sorry. I'm claiming that I told you that.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
And well you didn't tell me. This is another good one.
So she got a piece of paper and she said,
when you got the thoughts, say they're banging in front
of your face like this, right, and you're looking at
it like this. She said, if you push it away,
push pushing it away like this right, you're pushing it away.
That would get tiring. You're pushing something away erectly metaphor
(20:52):
could pushing away the thought. So she said, acknowledge it
and just put it down. Dude, you know you taste.
I remember sitting on the couch and she gave me
an example with the thing I told you just months ago.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Well, anyway, this is not about me.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Well it was, I.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Know you might unpaid therapist. Let's be real.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Yes, well I think maybe you both talking about And
she said, just place it down, and you're like with
the metaphorical paper, just place it down, and that's so
much easier and less exhausting and trying to push it away.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
So in those moments when I was, I felt like
that I just did that.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Love it.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
You're giving me all this therapy stuff. Do you have
any advice for anyone else about going through hard times
to get your confidence? Fact?
Speaker 1 (21:36):
I don't know, Like we were talking about it before,
Like what do you define as feeling confident? Like do
you feel confident if you have a six pack? Do
you feel confident if you like your hair? If you know,
is it physical or is it emotionally like? Is it
how you're feeling? Is it financial? Like if I have
ten grands in the bank, I'm going to feel confident
(21:58):
within myself, or you know, if I'm driving a car,
a specific car or what like, is it that makes
you feel confident? And I feel like a lot of
us are perfectionists and a lot of the time, let's
just say it was okay. When I get ten grand
in the bank, I'm going to feel really confident in myself.
I feel like, you get to those goals or you
(22:19):
get a six pack, and then it's not enough. And
so I think it really does have to come from
within within, Yeah, for sure, But.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
I mean it's hitting your goals is obviously a confidence riser,
and it makes you feel good about yourself that you've
achieved that for sure.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
But I think confidence is so much deeper. Yeah, it
really is. Like I think you really need to know
who you are, know what you want, kind of know
what your passions are, and kind of like explore that
with yourself. And I think that as I've gotten older,
I've done those things and you know, like found my
passion like I've It sounds silly, but like I've always
(22:56):
been the girl who's like the tanning girl. I've always
faked hand and then I've made into my own business,
and I feel really confident that I've been able to
do that and to be able to help people and
give them confidence that I've found. So yeah, like advice
and tips that I have is just find it within,
find your goals and passions and you know, kind of
(23:16):
like what Ash said, show up as the person that
you want to be and don't give a shit about
what other people think. As easy as it is for
me to say. And I know that it's a different
situation with you, but it's outside noise and chatter.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
It's just all noise. You don't need to worry about it.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
Yeah, find yourself again. Find who is Matt, what makes
you happy? What makes you tick? Thrill therapy session here.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
I'll have to skip my therapy.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
L and I mean, look, everyone goes through changes in
their life. We are both going through huge new life stages,
so new environments, new things happening. So Ash has left
us with five things that we can do in new
environments to get our confidence back. So let's hear from her.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
Now, whether you are walking into a networking event, starting
a new job, or going on a first date, it
is easy to feel a little bit out of place.
Unsure of yourself or kind of like you're performing. But
these are five things that will make sure you show
up grounded, warm and confident, whether you're feeling it or not. Firstly,
(24:28):
have a one liner ready to go, something about your
day or something about your job that sparked curiosity. It
makes it easier for the other person to respond, and
it's going to make sure that the conversation can flow
really easily without pressure. Number two, lead with curiosity, ask
(24:49):
questions that actually needs their opinion. It's going to make
sure that they actually start talking, and it's going to
take the pressure off you. Number three us your arms
and relax your face. You are instantly going to come
across more open and inviting, even if you're nervous underneath.
(25:10):
Number four, nod while they are speaking. It shows that
you're listening and encourages them to keep going without interrupting.
Number five, choose who you want to be before you
actually walk in, Confident, calm, curious, Pick one word and
(25:31):
let that guide how you show up.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
As she was reading those steps out, we were doing
them and crossing.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Our arms fully cross. What's your one liner?
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Go, I don't have one? Jeez, you got me after
a big weekend. I'm normally so good with them, but
not on the spot. But yeah, I agree with the nodding.
I've got to do that more when you speak on
this podcast.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
I actually notice it when i's the nodding is too much.
When I was doing Where's Your Bump At for the
first time, stop nodding. You're putting me off. When I
did my first episode of Where's Your Bump At? It
was really interesting because obviously doing a podcast by yourself.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
I'm trying to do it.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
When you're doing an episode by yourself, it's obviously like
a whole different kettle of fish. But then when I
had a guest in, I was saying, to have producer Blake,
I was like, I keep saying yep. When they were talking,
like I would nod so much, and I'd be like yep, yep, yep.
And I was like, I'm driving myself insane. But it's
just funny what you do just to try to make
(26:43):
people feel comfortable more comfortable. But I like the nodding funny.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
She said release your shoulders, and that I remember like
a year ago. I remember like being like at my
desk and like my shoulders were like tense, and I
remember someone said something in the office and I just
released them and I was like.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Fuck, yeah, it's nice. It's nice to release.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
And I was like, dude, how long have I had
these tens for? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (27:07):
I love how she said it choose who you want
to be before you enter a room, like who was
that person? And what's the keyword? What's your keyword of
how you want to be perceived today?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
When I walked into this room, yeah, confident.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
What about when you walked into your thirtieth.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
I wanted to be well. I knew everyone was there
for me, so I wanted to be social. And I
want to have a good time, so I wanted to
project that. And I knew that if I wasn't having
a good time, I'm sure a lot of people that
were there for me wouldn't be having a good time.
And I didn't want it to be as tough as
things are right now. I didn't want it to beat
a negative event or a morning event. I wanted it
to be, you know, like a positive event for everyone
(27:50):
and everyone.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Involved for sure. Charismatic.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Charismatic, yeah, comfortable, comfortable, yeah, happy gat words happy, happy, positive.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Yeah. I think happiness is like literally just what we
all want to be, right, We're all just looking to
be happy exactly and whatever that means, whether that means
all of the things that make you happy a bit. Yeah,
I actually sent you a really good video. It's from
Jay Shetty and he was talking about gratitude. And we
(28:21):
know that when you're feeling a lot of anxiety, how
to combat that is through gratitude. But then he was
talking about if you've had something for a long time,
it's sometimes hard to feel gratitude. So let's just say
we have running water, and then you imagine your life
without having running water and how difficult that.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Would be walking to a well. It's probably like ten
bring back bucket to water.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Then you can feel a lot more gratitude towards it
than if you're just like, oh, I'm grateful for that
water that's in the sick every day. But when you
think about not having.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
It and what you'd have to do, or for instance,
I actually not having a car and you can't get around.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Having a car is a good one, yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Or I don't know, not having a roof over your head,
which would be imagine that.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Yeah, And then you're so grateful for just the walls
around you.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Yeah, take it back to basics, and I did. I
have tried that when I've been writing my gratitudes every day,
my three when after you told me that and send
me that video, I've been trying that.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Yeah. Okay, Matt, Well I better go because my mum
and Swede look like they're about to come in. So
it was lovely chatting to you. And until next time,
yea bye
You know, if you're in the car and no one's
picking up the phone. I don't know. I love just
like crying in the car.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Yeah, unless you're in traffic and the person next to
you is looking at you like yeah, you're like when
good morning, good morning, Anna, where's your head at?
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I mean, my head is just happy to be here.
I had an interesting morning. Yes, I got pooed on
for the first time my life. It's been surreal.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
First, how does that happen? Just out of curiousity, was
he was swayed not in his diaper or no, he was.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I was just burping him and then all of a
sudden my leg felt really warm, like it was kind
of like a nice warm I was like, oh, why
is my legs so warm? And I was like, he's
food all.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Over me, like genuine shit came out of his nappy.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Yeah, but he's like I just love him so much.
I'm like, no one could, no one could poo on me.
And I still like them except Swayed Staples.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Not even Michael Staples.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
No, not Michael Salles, not anyone.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Well, I'm feeling a little bit hungover still from my birthday.
On the weekend, I'll touch on that in a bit,
but I just wanted to say after last week's episode, obviously,
like I said, I didn't touch on anything. I didn't
feel like that was the right thing to do. So
I just expressed what I felt was right and came
(01:25):
in here and talked from the heart. It was very
hard for me to do that.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
I know.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
The morning of the episode getting released, I had a
full blown anxiety attack at well like seven o'clock in
the morning and said to our team to take it down.
I just I gotta be honest, like if I put
something out there, it gets absolutely torn apart. And I
was just like, look, I'm not ready for this today.
I can't I can't do this today. So I asked
(01:50):
to take it down and we released it again. But
once it came out, I was actually overwhelmed by the
messages people were reaching out to me with their support,
and it was just, yeah, very nice to see that.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Did you feel like it was a huge weight off
your shoulders when it came out, because obviously when the
episode first got released, you were just like in Fight
or Flight, you were like, I can't do this. I
don't want to do it. You've had lots of challenges
with your mental health over the past six months. Then
when it was released and we kept it like, did
you feel a sense of relief?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah? I think so. I just tried to like block
it out for the day because I knew the Wednesday
I had some stuff on and I didn't want to
deal with it. So the next day, on the first day,
I just tried to keep myself busy and occupied and
keep my mind off it. Yeah, but yeah, I think
I feel like it was a bit of relief off me.
I feel like now with the podcast, But obviously, when
(02:44):
the time is right, in the right environment, I might
touch on my experiences a lot more. But I feel
like now I just want to continue doing this podcast
in like a happy way.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah. I think. Just focus on your happiness, focus on you,
focus on your confidence, which we're going to talk a
lot about. We've realized recently that your confidence levels have
been that crashing hard, which.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Is hard to save someone like me who's normally so
you know, confident and up.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Yeah, so out there, so out there.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Well I did. If you follow my social media you
would have seen that a couple of was it a
couple of months ago? I literally just stopped going on
social media. I like didn't do anything on there. I
just needed a break from it because, like it's strange
and you share so much on social media. It's such
a different thing that like people can pick up on
stuff real quickly, and I just couldn't. I couldn't do it,
(03:34):
and I just had to take a break from it. Yeah,
step back.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I think it's always important to just put yourself first.
And if you are going through a hard time, you
don't need to be on social media. Let's be real,
Like mental health is so it's so important and you
need to put that as number one priority. Well, look,
let's pivot. We did have a very special celebration on
the weekend we had your thirtieth birthday. It was a
(04:01):
Christmas in July theme and that was very specific that
everyone had to wear their Christmas compulsory compulsory Christmas jumper
and you couldn't say the word compulsory on the nut.
What will you say?
Speaker 2 (04:14):
I can't remember compulsive?
Speaker 1 (04:17):
True match style who could not pronounce compulsory and he
kept saying it over and over again.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Well, it was funny because every message on the Facebook
event or in text message, when someone would message me
about the night, I'd be like, it's compulsory Christmas jump,
but everyone got the memo.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Though it looked good.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
It did look good.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Place that you picked was great as well because there
was Christmas trees like literally everywhere, and then there was
these two huge long tables. Kind of felt like Harry Potter,
you know how it can happen like at Christmas.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
It was a great venue. Yeah, the Commons, they set
it up for Christmas, and then they must sort Christmas
time as well, whe they'll celebrate Christmas in July. There
it was unreal. I was surrounded with my loved ones,
like my friends and family, and it just was like
really good to be with everyone and celebrate.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah. I had two glasses of red wine and I
was flying high. Someone who has not drunk.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Was that the most you've drunk in like nine months
or yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Two two glasses, But I mean, like there's pregnancy is
actually ten months. And then when I was trying, I
was barely drinking because I was like trying to be healthy.
And then after having swayed, I realized, oh yeah, I'm breastweeding.
I can't just drink and then you can't pump and
blah blah blah, anyway boring, But I was having a
(05:31):
great time.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
I haven't drunk like that for a long time. But
I was like, may as well celebrates my thirtieth. I
just now I'm thirty, dude. It takes a couple of
days to fucking shake it off, doesn't it look a bit?
But to be honest, did not leave bed yesterday. Uber Eats,
Hungry Jacks and macas did not leave.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
You know, when you do a double Uber Eat you're
in stripe, that's when you know it's a really dark.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
I'll be back in a couple of days and I'll
be ready to go. I'll be back to stilling my
normal self. Look, it also was a weird time to
celebrate my thirtieth with everything that's been going on. I mean,
it's kind of sad and you actually think about it
that Like I was planning this a lot different. Yeah,
like a lot different plan. This was not the plan.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah, like sometimes life throws your curveballs.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
But still it was great to be with everyone there
and I ended up having a good time.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Well, look, let's talk about your confidence next.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
So we're talking about confidence today. There's a million different
ways of why you could lose your confidence or not
feel confident. But I've obviously been going through a lot recently,
and one of the main things I feel is that
my confidence has taken like a huge knock. Yeah, like
huge knock, Like I don't feel comfortable or confidence should
(06:52):
I say and what I wear, what I post, how
I act? I'm always second guessing myself. It was actually
you who brought it up with me that you feel
like I was second guessing myself. Well, I really started
to second guess myself with last week's episode and all that,
Like I just couldn't Yeah, I didn't want to just
you know, everything that comes with it.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Yeah, I feel like I noticed that you've been extremely indecisive,
like things to me that are basic, like and I'm
like a quick decision maker, this this and this, and
then you're like questioning things and I was asking you.
I was like, why don't you feel like you can
make a decision at the moment? And then you kind
of realized It's kind of like that thing where until
(07:32):
someone points it out, you realize it and then you've
been like, oh, yeah, I'm struggling to make any sort
of decisions.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Yeah, like it's really well, yeah, it's been really when
you pointed it out to me, it was really clear
to me that you know, I've been struggling a lot recently. Yeah,
you've obviously given birth to beautiful Suede Staples Anna. So
coming out the back end of pregnancy in birth, how
do you feel like your confidence is going?
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Yeah, I mean, look, I feel like every day is different,
and it has been a little bit of a rollercoaster.
I think majority of the time, I do feel really confident,
Like I feel way more confident than I thought I
would at just looking after him, like I've never looked
after a baby before, naturally. Yeah, and I think like
when he cries, I feel like I know how to
(08:20):
help him, and look, let's touch wood because that could
definitely change. He's only seven weeks old. But overall, I
feel like I've really taken to it. Well, confidence is
such a broad spectrum, like it really, like, I guess
it's what you define as confident. Like, obviously my body
is not the same as it once was, but I'm
(08:41):
also okay with that because well, yeah, and I feel
like I'm okay with that because I'm like number one,
I'm obsessed and in love with suede and I couldn't
have had him without going through that. And then secondly,
like it's still really an evolution, Like it's still changing
a lot. I think my body will still change a lot,
(09:02):
and if I ever wanted to have another baby, it
will change a lot. So I think it's getting comfortable
with the change.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Yeah, but you'll never go back to how you used
to be. So you've got this sort.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Of like and I'm totally okay with that. Yeah, but
obviously yeah, like did I see a photo of myself
in nikonoss in a bikini recently and go, damn, that's
not never gonna be me again. Yeah, but like it
is what it is, Like I'm not I don't really care.
At the same time, you said.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Before the whole like waves, like I was thinking, then
it does, Like I'm talking from my experiences recently, it
does come and go in waves. Like the other day,
I was sitting in the sauna and I felt so
confident in myself. I thought I was like, you know,
I was invincible. I was like, yeah, I'm feeling better.
I'm feeling good about myself, Like I feel like I can,
you know, start moving forward in a positive way. Got
(09:53):
out the sauna, hopped in the car, drove home, just
cried the whole way home.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
It is you know what the Dean lewis, so it
comes and goes some ways is like wild.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah, literally to be like yeah. And the sauna must
have been just so dehydrated in there that I have
having delusions that I hopped in the car and drove
home and she was bawling the whole way home. I
so fuck, I can't do this, Like I was all
depressed again.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
I had a break up playlist when I went through
my last breakup and that was on That was on
the playlist. It was pretty good.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
It comes. No, we can't sing. We got to pay
royalties if we sing songs.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Okay, Matt. We have been talking to a confidence coach.
Her name is Ash. She's from Tea Society and we've
been talking to her about all things confidence, and so
she has sent us a little voice memo that we're
going to listen to. Now let's play that.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
We're told just to be ourselves. But honestly, sometimes your
default self is anxious overthinks, and sometimes your default self
holds you back, not because you want to, but because
it's who you think you are, or who are the
people expect you to be. You start saying things like, oh,
I've never been good in groups, or I'm not that
(11:04):
kind of person who speaks up, or I'm not very confident.
But that's not the truth. That is conditioning. Confidence isn't
about clinging to the old version of you, the quiet one,
the cautious one, the edited down one. Confidence is about
choosing who you want to be and then showing up
like it, not perfectly, but deliberately. Most people think confidence
(11:28):
is something you're born with, that some people just have it.
But the truth is confidence is a skill. It's something
you can learn, something you can practice, something you can master.
When we think about confident people, they're usually the ones
who speak with ease, who can walk into a room
and carry themselves, who aren't afraid to take up space.
(11:51):
But here's the thing. That's not luck, that's not magic,
that's not just their personality. That is strategy. They're us
body language, they're controlling their tone, they're using conversational tools threading,
bridging to keep things flowing, and their mindset. It's trained
(12:12):
to work with them, not against them. The secret to
confidence is that you are in control of it when
you know how to manage your mindset, shape how others
perceive you, build trust in new rooms, and hold your
own in any conversation. That's when confidence becomes second nature.
And I don't just teach this. I use this every
(12:33):
single day as a TV journalist with over a decade
of experience, I don't get a second chance at a
first impression when I'm approaching someone who has just experienced
something horrific or traumatic, when I've got thirty seconds to
win someone's trust before asking them to speak on camera,
when I am standing in the middle of breaking news life,
(12:55):
no script, no safety net, that is what I lean on,
these exact tools. That's when strategy becomes instinct. Confidence isn't
reserved for a lucky few. Confidence is available to anyone,
and that includes you.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
I am inspired.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
That was very confident. The way she spike it sounded
like one of my audio books I've been listening to.
Really yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Do you know what's interesting is that's the first time
we both listened to that. So that was like a
rale listen for all of us. And some of the
tools and things that she says that works is so true,
is so true? Like I wrote, down that I found
my confidence by the faking it till you make it
type of scenario. So it's like the manifest like who
(13:44):
you want to be, what that person wears, what they say,
what they do? Are they a business woman? Are they this?
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Are they don't dress for the job? You have dressed
for the job you want.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Totally, And I think that is one hundred percent what
confidence is. And I think being comfortable in your own skin.
I think that sometimes when I look back at my life.
I think in my twenties I would second guess myself,
but moving into my thirties, I didn't really care what
other people thought of me because I knew who I was.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Okay, well, I think that's like where I've lost mine,
because I'm really trying to rEFInd myself now and who
I am. I think that she said before, like walking
into a room with confidence, So I don't feel like
I do that anymore.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
But that's because I think you are concerned about like
potentially what are people saying, like you know, And I
think also you're going through a huge life change. So
you had this life that you thought was going to
be your forever life, and now you're kind of like
trying to redefine you as a person Exactly.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
I was on one path and now like I've been
absolutely taken off that path and I've got to try
figure it all out and navigated again.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Well, look, you're not alone. Self esteem issues are common,
with over thirty percent of adults reporting feeling in added
quisy all low confidence. So you're definitely not alone. Man.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Well, if you're listening to this and you feel like
you're in that percentage as well, and you feel like
you've lost your confidence, should we hear from ash on
ways of finding your confidence?
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Let's do it.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
When life knocks you down, whether it's a breakup, losing
your job, or just a season where nothing is going right,
it can feel like your confidence disappears overnight. You start
questioning everything, how you look, what you're worth, whether people
even like you, and suddenly the version of you who
used to feel strong feels like a stranger. But here's
(15:38):
the thing. Confidence might feel fragile, but it is absolutely rebuildable,
and getting it back doesn't happen in one big moment.
It happens in little decisions, small shifts, quiet wins. And
that's where we start. Start by keeping receipts. And by
that I mean save the text that made you feel seen.
(16:01):
Screenshot that email where someone said you killed it right
down the day you showed up even when it felt impossible.
Call it your booster bank. We are literally using cognitive
restructuring to internalize positive proof, and when your confidence dips,
you withdraw a little reminder from your booster bank. You
(16:25):
are not starting from scratch. You have done these things before.
You just need to remember. Next, notice how you are
really talking to yourself. It is not about a magic
mantra or a viral affirmation. Those things are going to
come later, but first we just need to be really honest.
If there's a harsh commentary running in your head, name it,
(16:48):
don't ignore it. Ask what is this voice trying to
protect me from. That's how you start shifting the conversation
by getting curious, not critical. And lastly, confidence isn't about
putting on a show. It's about tuning into your body
and how it feels and giving it permission to relax,
(17:10):
even if your brain isn't quite there yet. Sometimes that
means uncrossing your arms. Sometimes it's taking a full breath.
Sometimes it's just sitting a little bit taller. These things
shape how others perceive you. But body language is a
two way street. It doesn't just show confidence, it builds it.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
So I was thinking while she was talking there some
stuff that I've done to regain my confidence is I
did the trick of sticking some sticky notes on my mirror. Yeah,
with some positive affirmations. I did read something though, to
change them fortnightly or weekly to different colored sticky notes
because your brain sees them. So I've been doing that.
(17:56):
I've been journaling very heavily as well. I found a
lot of peace in doing that. It's a lot of like,
you know what, I went through, my stories, all that
sort of stuff, as well as just how I feel
that day. So I think writing down that, and I've
looked back at some stuff, and to look back from
like a couple of months ago to now, I feel
like even reading back, I can see that I'm like
(18:19):
that gives me not confidence, that that gives me a
feeling of inspiration that like it is getting better and
I am feeling better.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
I mean, I think it's hard enough going through a divorce.
But then with what she was saying, to then do
it publicly just adds like a whole new element. So
you are doing amazing taking it on board, put it
in your bank.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Well, there's a receipt I can keep.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
I love that idea. That is a good idea, having
like all of these like positive like text messages that
people have sent you and having this resource of emails
or texts or I don't know if you want to
print them out and I put it in a book
go to and feel like, oh, like people do care
about me? And did you was there a point that
you felt like no one cares about me? Ah? Yeah, definitely, yeah, definitely,
(19:08):
like even friends and family.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
I wouldn't say that they don't care about me. I
think that what how I would say when I was
in those moments was I feel like everyone is there
until it's like they're not. Do you know what I'm
trying to say, Like until it's three am and you're
awake because your own thoughts or it's you know, you're
stuck in traffic and someone doesn't pick up the phone,
(19:32):
Like everyone's there until they're not there.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
But I think that's why your brain is your best
tool and you're you getting yourself into and I know
this is so easy for me to say, but like
kind of like doing those things that she said, and like,
you know, if you're in the car and no one's
picking up the phone, I don't know. I love just
like crying in the car.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Yeah, unless you're in traffic and the person next to
you is looking at your Yeah, you're like but seeing
my therapist said to me, was she said, when you
are in those situations and you're going through that, she said,
you can't stop your brain from thinking like that. So
she said, just say thanks brain, not today, Well thank
(20:16):
you and acknowledge the thought and.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Just you know, is this therapist me, I told you
that you.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Are No, I told you. My therapist said that, and
I told you that. No, I told you that. And
then you said, yeah, I've told you that. I remember,
I said the therapist.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
I'm sorry. I'm claiming that I told you that.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
And well you didn't tell me. This is another good one.
So she got a piece of paper and she said,
when you got the thoughts, say they're banging in front
of your face like this, right, and you're looking at
it like this. She said, if you push it away,
push pushing it away like this right, you're pushing it away.
That would get tiring. You're pushing something away erectly metaphor
(20:52):
could pushing away the thought. So she said, acknowledge it
and just put it down. Dude, you know you taste.
I remember sitting on the couch and she gave me
an example with the thing I told you just months ago.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Well, anyway, this is not about me.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Well it was, I.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Know you might unpaid therapist. Let's be real.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Yes, well I think maybe you both talking about And
she said, just place it down, and you're like with
the metaphorical paper, just place it down, and that's so
much easier and less exhausting and trying to push it away.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
So in those moments when I was, I felt like
that I just did that.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Love it.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
You're giving me all this therapy stuff. Do you have
any advice for anyone else about going through hard times
to get your confidence? Fact?
Speaker 1 (21:36):
I don't know, Like we were talking about it before,
Like what do you define as feeling confident? Like do
you feel confident if you have a six pack? Do
you feel confident if you like your hair? If you know,
is it physical or is it emotionally like? Is it
how you're feeling? Is it financial? Like if I have
ten grands in the bank, I'm going to feel confident
(21:58):
within myself, or you know, if I'm driving a car,
a specific car or what like, is it that makes
you feel confident? And I feel like a lot of
us are perfectionists and a lot of the time, let's
just say it was okay. When I get ten grand
in the bank, I'm going to feel really confident in myself.
I feel like, you get to those goals or you
(22:19):
get a six pack, and then it's not enough. And
so I think it really does have to come from
within within, Yeah, for sure, But.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
I mean it's hitting your goals is obviously a confidence riser,
and it makes you feel good about yourself that you've
achieved that for sure.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
But I think confidence is so much deeper. Yeah, it
really is. Like I think you really need to know
who you are, know what you want, kind of know
what your passions are, and kind of like explore that
with yourself. And I think that as I've gotten older,
I've done those things and you know, like found my
passion like I've It sounds silly, but like I've always
(22:56):
been the girl who's like the tanning girl. I've always
faked hand and then I've made into my own business,
and I feel really confident that I've been able to
do that and to be able to help people and
give them confidence that I've found. So yeah, like advice
and tips that I have is just find it within,
find your goals and passions and you know, kind of
(23:16):
like what Ash said, show up as the person that
you want to be and don't give a shit about
what other people think. As easy as it is for
me to say. And I know that it's a different
situation with you, but it's outside noise and chatter.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
It's just all noise. You don't need to worry about it.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
Yeah, find yourself again. Find who is Matt, what makes
you happy? What makes you tick? Thrill therapy session here.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
I'll have to skip my therapy.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
L and I mean, look, everyone goes through changes in
their life. We are both going through huge new life stages,
so new environments, new things happening. So Ash has left
us with five things that we can do in new
environments to get our confidence back. So let's hear from her.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
Now, whether you are walking into a networking event, starting
a new job, or going on a first date, it
is easy to feel a little bit out of place.
Unsure of yourself or kind of like you're performing. But
these are five things that will make sure you show
up grounded, warm and confident, whether you're feeling it or not. Firstly,
(24:28):
have a one liner ready to go, something about your
day or something about your job that sparked curiosity. It
makes it easier for the other person to respond, and
it's going to make sure that the conversation can flow
really easily without pressure. Number two, lead with curiosity, ask
(24:49):
questions that actually needs their opinion. It's going to make
sure that they actually start talking, and it's going to
take the pressure off you. Number three us your arms
and relax your face. You are instantly going to come
across more open and inviting, even if you're nervous underneath.
(25:10):
Number four, nod while they are speaking. It shows that
you're listening and encourages them to keep going without interrupting.
Number five, choose who you want to be before you
actually walk in, Confident, calm, curious, Pick one word and
(25:31):
let that guide how you show up.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
As she was reading those steps out, we were doing
them and crossing.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Our arms fully cross. What's your one liner?
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Go, I don't have one? Jeez, you got me after
a big weekend. I'm normally so good with them, but
not on the spot. But yeah, I agree with the nodding.
I've got to do that more when you speak on
this podcast.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
I actually notice it when i's the nodding is too much.
When I was doing Where's Your Bump At for the
first time, stop nodding. You're putting me off. When I
did my first episode of Where's Your Bump At? It
was really interesting because obviously doing a podcast by yourself.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
I'm trying to do it.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
When you're doing an episode by yourself, it's obviously like
a whole different kettle of fish. But then when I
had a guest in, I was saying, to have producer Blake,
I was like, I keep saying yep. When they were talking,
like I would nod so much, and I'd be like yep, yep, yep.
And I was like, I'm driving myself insane. But it's
just funny what you do just to try to make
(26:43):
people feel comfortable more comfortable. But I like the nodding funny.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
She said release your shoulders, and that I remember like
a year ago. I remember like being like at my
desk and like my shoulders were like tense, and I
remember someone said something in the office and I just
released them and I was like.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Fuck, yeah, it's nice. It's nice to release.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
And I was like, dude, how long have I had
these tens for? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (27:07):
I love how she said it choose who you want
to be before you enter a room, like who was
that person? And what's the keyword? What's your keyword of
how you want to be perceived today?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
When I walked into this room, yeah, confident.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
What about when you walked into your thirtieth.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
I wanted to be well. I knew everyone was there
for me, so I wanted to be social. And I
want to have a good time, so I wanted to
project that. And I knew that if I wasn't having
a good time, I'm sure a lot of people that
were there for me wouldn't be having a good time.
And I didn't want it to be as tough as
things are right now. I didn't want it to beat
a negative event or a morning event. I wanted it
to be, you know, like a positive event for everyone
(27:50):
and everyone.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Involved for sure. Charismatic.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Charismatic, yeah, comfortable, comfortable, yeah, happy gat words happy, happy, positive.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Yeah. I think happiness is like literally just what we
all want to be, right, We're all just looking to
be happy exactly and whatever that means, whether that means
all of the things that make you happy a bit. Yeah,
I actually sent you a really good video. It's from
Jay Shetty and he was talking about gratitude. And we
(28:21):
know that when you're feeling a lot of anxiety, how
to combat that is through gratitude. But then he was
talking about if you've had something for a long time,
it's sometimes hard to feel gratitude. So let's just say
we have running water, and then you imagine your life
without having running water and how difficult that.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Would be walking to a well. It's probably like ten
bring back bucket to water.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Then you can feel a lot more gratitude towards it
than if you're just like, oh, I'm grateful for that
water that's in the sick every day. But when you
think about not having.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
It and what you'd have to do, or for instance,
I actually not having a car and you can't get around.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Having a car is a good one, yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Or I don't know, not having a roof over your head,
which would be imagine that.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Yeah, And then you're so grateful for just the walls
around you.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Yeah, take it back to basics, and I did. I
have tried that when I've been writing my gratitudes every day,
my three when after you told me that and send
me that video, I've been trying that.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Yeah. Okay, Matt, Well I better go because my mum
and Swede look like they're about to come in. So
it was lovely chatting to you. And until next time,
yea bye
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