September 30, 2024 • 36 mins
Today on the podcast, we dive into the Heart Triad—Types 2, 3, and 4—and explore their Enneagram lines and arrows, or as we like to call them, their Enneagram Paths.
In this episode, we cover Types 2, 3, 4’s:
- The Stress and Growth Path: Understand what it means to move along these lines during times of stress and growth.
- The Blind Spot and Converging Points: Discover the often overlooked paths in your Enneagram type and how recognizing them can lead to powerful personal development.
- Parts of a Whole: Learn how each line and arrow is a path to essential parts of your heart, revealing the full complexity of your personality.
Understanding the lines and arrows offers insights into the patterns of behavior that can either propel us forward or hold us back. Whether you’re a 2, 3, or 4, or you know someone who is, this episode sheds light on how these types can navigate life more effectively.
Bonus: As a special gift, download our free PDF on Lines and Arrows to deepen your understanding and put these insights into practice.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1J105GMmZJzBwmSlEpFnqzPAOyn3oOOID/view?__s=avmj32602vkus0m24hmz
Thank you to our guest:
Adam Breckenridge - https://myenneagramcoach.com/coach/adam-breckenridge/
We have many more amazing Enneagram for Moms resources at www.enneagramformoms.com.
FREE Enneagram resources here: https://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/podcastresources
Find an Enneagram Coach - https://myenneagramcoach.com/
Become an Enneagram Coach Course - https://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/bec
#Enneagram #PersonalityTypes #EnneagramCoach
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Adam (00:00):
Well, if you've ever looked at the Enneagram symbol
(00:02):
and you've wondered what allthese lines and arrows are all
about, um, you're not alone andyou have come to the right
place.
Welcome to Your Enneagram Coach,the podcast.
We have helped millions ofpeople around the world to
discover, explore, and becomethe person you've always longed
to I'm Adam Breckenridge,director of coaching here at
(00:23):
YEC.
And I am joined by my goodfriend, the co founder and CEO,
dare I say, uh, handsome devil,fearless leader of your
Enneagram coach.
The one, yeah, the one and onlyJeff McCord.
Welcome
Jeff (00:39):
See, I don't have the beard to pull that
Adam (00:43):
Being a handsome devil.
Jeff (00:45):
Yeah, oh man,
Adam (00:46):
bet, I bet there are plenty of clean shaven men.
I mean, Brad Pitt's
Jeff (00:51):
I don't know about You know, I've always wanted to, I
think I could grow a remarkablythick mustache.
I have, at times, left mymustache unshaven for like a day
and Beth, uh, freaks out.
She's like, you need to go shaveyou.
(01:11):
No.
Adam (01:12):
see, Carrie is right the opposite because we have been
married 18 years.
We have been dating.
We just celebrated 21 years lastweek of dating and she's only
ever I mean, she's known me, wegrew up together, but she's,
we've only ever been in, inrelationship, dating or married,
uh, with me having a beard.
So she's actually given me therule that I'm not allowed to
(01:34):
shave.
It would be too shocking
Jeff (01:37):
Beth's dad had a mustache for a while and I mean he, it
was quite a bit differentwhenever he finally shaved.
I mean it, it was, it was athing.
Adam (01:46):
really.
Jeff (01:46):
ever shaved?
Adam (01:49):
So when Lucy, my oldest was around two years old, I
didn't shave all the way, but Iwent into the bathroom without
telling anyone and came out withalmost no beard.
I mean, it was like a fullbeard.
It was like a five o'clockshadow thing that I had going
on.
I mean, it was, I took, I tookit down to almost nothing and,
and Lucy did not have a goodreaction to it.
(02:10):
Um, yeah, I think she was like,I, I can, I, you look, you sound
like my dad and I can, I cantell you're my dad, but you
don't look like my dad.
So it was really off
Jeff (02:22):
That's great.
Adam (02:24):
So if Jeff and I have not piqued your interest yet, uh,
Jeff (02:28):
Yeah.
I mean, we promised them we'regoing to talk about lines and
arrows and now we're talkingabout male facial hair.
That's great.
Adam (02:34):
All because I referred to you as a handsome devil.
Jeff (02:37):
and you know what happens when Beth is no longer around.
Bet
Adam (02:43):
That's right.
Our,
Jeff (02:44):
that before.
Adam (02:45):
our, our good friend, Beth McCord, um, co founder with you,
obviously Jeff is on sabbatical.
And, uh, and so Jeff and I areleading the podcast in this
season and you know, this is And
Jeff (03:00):
And the great news, uh, so just before I came up to the
studio to record our episode fortoday, Beth was, uh, recording a
cameo appearance, uh, in thenext episode, Beth will be
interviewing Chuck DeGroatregarding his new book, Healing
What's Within.
And, um, it's been instrumentalin her during her sabbatical.
And so I asked her if she'd bewilling to do the interview and,
(03:24):
uh, she came out just beamingwith.
fun and insightful it.
was to spend some time withChuck talking in a very personal
way.
so Beth will be back.
She's around.
Um, but, uh, she's off doingsome good, good, good, uh, deep,
deep And, it's paying off, uh,in dividends for her right now.
Adam (03:46):
Yeah, I'm so excited for her to share that with our
broader going to be so fun.
Well, in this series, our goalis to help you better understand
the lines and arrows in theEnneagram symbol, and to learn
how to practice self leadership.
In this episode, we werespecifically discussing the
heart triad.
We're talking about the linesand arrows for types two, three,
(04:07):
and four.
So each main type on theEnneagram has two other
connecting types and you seethem in those lines or sometimes
The line and arrow, uh, meansthe same thing.
you know, the arrow highlightsthe dynamic relationship that we
are not static.
The arrows we, we move, wemigrate, we gravitate.
(04:29):
Um, we're not static creatures.
One way to think about the linesand arrows, uh, you can
illustrate this in the movieinside out.
Jeff and I love talking aboutthis movie.
Um, both, both parts, one andtwo of the inside out, uh, in
the inside out, Dynasty, I guessyou'd say, cause I think they're
going to make more, um, havebeen really,
Jeff (04:49):
at Early adulthood, in middle adulthood, Riley in
retirement,
Adam (04:55):
That's right.
Riley retired.
Yeah.
Or in one of our earlierepisodes, I was trying to
describe the movie and I meantto say, you know, middle school
Riley and I said, middle agedRiley.
And that, that's when you and Iwere like, Oh, they need to make
that film.
You know, they, they need tobring someone to the,
Jeff (05:12):
Riley.
I'm telling you there'd be,there's a lot there, man.
Adam (05:21):
Hey, there's a lot there, There's a lot there Uh,
Jeff (05:25):
I mean, what happened to the male version of this thing?
I mean, we just get a glimpse ofthe dad, uh, here and there with
rock band, inner team, inner,inner family.
Adam (05:36):
that's right.
They need to, they need to makea whole version Uh, but I do
think that the movie illustrateswell, what we're trying to talk
about, you know, each of thenumbers in the lines and arrows
is kind of like the charactersin Riley's inner world, her
inner family and inside outthose characters represent
emotions and they also havetheir own personalities.
(05:57):
You know, they have.
Their own core motivations.
They're all trying to takecontrol of Riley's life out of
their own interest.
They have roles.
They're playing to try toprotect her and help her
navigate her life and all itschallenges.
And.
The same is true about each ofthese connecting types in the
lines and arrows.
Um, they don't necessarilyrepresent one singular emotion,
(06:21):
but they do have their own kindof personalities and gifts and
liabilities that they bring.
And they, they have their ownresponses.
They have their own coremotivations.
They're all trying to.
Take over the driver's seat orthe control board out of their
own interest.
They have roles they're playingto try to help your main type,
uh, live and survive your life.
(06:42):
And, um, and so each of the twoEnneagram types that we are
connected to by the lines theycan show up in healthy ways.
They can show up in unhealthyUm, now remember this, this is
important.
We've said this in each episode.
We don't become these types.
We simply take on the coremotivations and the relational
(07:03):
strategies of these types inorder to meet our Um, there are
four terms Jeff and I are goingto be using that describe how
these two connected types showup in how we relate to ourselves
and There's the stress path.
which is adopting the unhealthyattributes, um, of a, of a
(07:24):
connecting type.
And then there's the growthpath, which is adopting the
healthy attributes of aconnecting type.
The two, two other terms thatyou don't see as often, but they
are just as true and relevant isthe blind spot and the
converging path.
So the blind spot a way ofrelating that we are just that.
(07:45):
Blind to, uh, it's usuallysomething that shows up with
close family and friends.
We let our guard down andthere's a certain blind spot
that we have.
And then there's a convergingUh, this is when we are most
free from the limitations of ourpersonality constraints, and
this is when all of ourconnecting types and our main
type are converging together thehealthiest attributes of all of
(08:06):
them, and it's.
Kind of forming our best, mostmature self.
So stress path, growth path,blind spot path, and converging
path are the four terms that wewill be working with.
And with that set up, Jeff, doyou want to kick us off talking
about type two?
Jeff (08:23):
Yeah, I'd love to.
Hey, let's talk about uh, thetype 2.
And the two?
numbers that the type 2 isconnected to are type 4 and type
8.
Um, I've, yeah, uh, love twos.
Twos have been such a gift in mylife.
And, um, and they can show up ina lot of different ways.
Our daughter's a two and um, hername is Libby.
(08:46):
Uh, her given name is Elizabeth,but she calls her the eight part
of her heart, Queen uh, becauseshe, she says that it can, um,
be a benevolent, uh, ruler.
Or a hostile dictator, um, but,uh, it's a strong part of her,
but yeah, let's talk aboutthese, uh, two connecting types
for the type two.
(09:06):
So how do you recognize thegrowth parts, the growth traits
of your connecting type four?
Well, do you enjoy resting inbeauty of nature, allowing,
create, Tivity feelings andneeds to surface and can you
temporarily set aside helpingothers in order to practice Do
(09:27):
you intentionally schedule atime to process your feelings,
uh, and intuitive Uh, and thenlastly, can you sit with others
and their difficulty, emotionsproviding support without
offering unsolicited help?
Uh, the four part of your heartis there and accessible to you
to be able to provide thesethings in your relationships
(09:47):
from a healthy.
Place in your own but it's alsoa blind stop path, which is
always surprising about the twobecause it can be so
contradictory, uh, in their Butit usually means that there are
certain needs that aren't beingmet, and these are the
strategies in order to havethose needs met.
And so it's.
Reasonable for a child to butthey become self sabotaging in
(10:10):
adulthood relationships.
Do you ever feel rejectedbecause others are not listening
to you or accepting of you?
Do you withdraw when you'refeeling moody, melancholy, or
misunderstood?
Do you daydream about becomingfree of always needing to be
helpful and Now do you feel thatothers don't understand you and
that, how difficult it is to beconstantly others focused?
(10:32):
And does self pity or envy ofothers make you increasingly
self focused?
these are ways that the blindspot Well, not only is the two
connected.
It's also connected to Type 8,and the 8 part of you gives you
the ability to become moreindependent and self affirming.
But, and it can also cause youto be irritable and defensive,
(10:55):
uh, if your love and support areignored or rejected.
So, let's first talk about thestress Stress traits that show
up whenever we the type eightpart of a two is activated.
Well, do you becomeconfrontational?
Irritable angry or defensive arethere times that you're more
controlling demanding anddominating in your Do you
(11:18):
sometimes struggle to staytender patient and gracious in
your efforts to help?
Uh, do you, uh, become overlyprotective and aggressive when
you think someone about, orsomeone you care about is being
harmed in And do you avoid beingvulnerable, fearing that others
may take advantage of you you?
(11:39):
That's how you know whenever thestress traits of this eight part
of your heart Well, at typeeight, This is also the
converging path.
This is the healthiest traits ofthe Type II when there's freedom
from all the limitations of allthe first personality actually
just kind of fade away.
(11:59):
Well, knowing that you're loved,provided for, and safe in God's
care, can you humbly help otherswith God's strength and
tenderness?
Do you have the ability tovulnerably share your own
emotions and your own needs?
Do you see that you are shiftingyour focus from people pleasing
to doing what's best forthemselves, or not just
everyone, but also for yourself?
(12:21):
And are there times that youbecome more independent and self
affirming?
Do you find yourself feelingcourageous, strong, and self
confident in the abilities thatyou've been given?
Now, one way that you can beginto identify and set aside time
in order to identify all ofthese traits of the stress and
growth path and the blind spotand converging path is to
(12:43):
practice this exercise that wecall AWARE.
And AWARE stands for AWAKEN,WELCOME, CREATE.
Ask, engage.
Awaken to what part of you isactive in the moment.
Now that may come to you becauseyou're getting feedback from
other people.
Uh, that may come to you becauseyou have sensations in your body
or you're finding yourselfreflecting on or thinking and
(13:05):
ruminating over But simplyawaken to what's happening.
Are you getting tired becauseyou've been selflessly giving
yourself so much?
That's something that you needto awaken Welcome it.
Rather than holding yourself incontempt, uh, or holding the
other person in contempt andgetting defensive, actually
welcome the feedback that you'rereceiving, because we want to be
(13:26):
curious about these parts,because these parts of us have
developed over time to meet Andso they have a message for us.
They have an invitation for usif we'll Next is to ask.
To simply ask yourself, andmaybe even ask these parts, to
simply What it is that you needright now.
What's happening in thesituation that's caused this
part to come up.
You may actually notice overtime that there's actually a
(13:48):
pattern of how when these partsshow up whenever you have a need
Next is to receive.
Receive the gift that you aremore than one thing.
So although this one part of youmay be active in the moment,
that doesn't mean that the otherparts are simply sidelined and
not available to but rather youcan ask these other what their
perspective Well, now that I'mThe eight part of my heart is
(14:13):
showing up.
What is the four part of me?
What does it have to say and howcan And then lastly is to
engage.
Engage in a new way.
Engaging with yourself.
First and primary, engaging withothers and then engaging with
the so that you can move towardsthings in a healthier way and a
much more vulnerable and honestway about where you're at,
(14:34):
making sure that your versusexpending yourself for the sake
of others out of a need that youto feel loved Adam, what do you
take us into type three?
Adam (14:45):
Absolutely.
I'd love to.
So type threes are connected tosix and nine in the lines and
arrows.
And we'll start with that typesix.
Connecting type.
This is the blind spot and thegrowth path for the type three.
And we'll, we'll talk firstabout that blind spot.
So this is the misaligned of thetype six and how you might
(15:08):
notice it showing up for you maynotice that you're expressing
frustration and dissatisfactionand self doubt, uh, and, and,
and Maybe even as carrying asense of dread in you, you know,
type threes have an innate fearof failure or appearing as And
(15:28):
you may notice a sense of dreadaround that, a growing,
increasing anxiety, a certain.
Feeling of self-doubt.
You know, threes have a naturalconfidence of like, I, I'm gonna
walk up to the plate and hit ahome run.
You know?
But if, if you notice all of asudden a, a, a wave of
self-doubt or imposter syndrome,uh, dread, this is that type
(15:51):
six, uh, blind spot path, youmay, you may notice yourself,
uh, struggling with confusion.
leading you to seek out guidanceand support from others.
Whereas, uh, you know, normallyyou're just, just have a certain
intuition of, I just know what Iwant and what I need to do.
And you go for it.
You may notice yourself seekingexternal support.
(16:13):
Um, you may notice strongreactions.
If you're blamed or accused ofsomething, you may even notice a
part of you that's becomingincreasingly suspicious of
others.
You may notice this tendency totest loyalties.
Um, and then you may noticeyourself avoiding things.
If you think you might fail,this is all kind of classic
(16:36):
examples of how the type sixblind spot can show up and how
to notice it showing up ifyou're a type but speaking as a
six, a fellow six with you,Jeff, that's, Obviously not all
that a six is.
There are tremendous gifts thattype sixes bring to the world.
And if you're a three connectedto a six, that the six brings
(16:59):
you.
And you see that in your growthpath.
Um, you'll notice.
Uh, if you notice yourselftaking your anxieties, for
example, and your insecuritiesinto safe relationships to
process them, you may be takingyour anxieties to God and, and,
or taking them to, you know,your spouse or a confidant and,
(17:20):
and instead of letting themcontrol you and run wild in you,
you sort of take your life back.
You, this is called selfleadership.
We're now you're leading theanxious part, um, and you know,
trusting that God's going tocare for you and give you what
you need.
Uh, you may notice yourselfbecoming less competitive and
(17:42):
more cooperative.
You may notice yourself, uh,instead of striving to have to
be the best.
You may notice yourself simplyseeking to do your best.
And there's a massive differencebetween those two things.
I'm going to do my best versus Ihave to be the best.
One is compulsively competitiveand the other is just called
(18:05):
faithful.
I'm going to do my best.
I'm going to do the best I can.
And that's a gift that the typesix can bring To the type you
may notice yourself having a,uh, part of that is a, more of a
team player mindset.
So less of a, I need to beLeBron James on this team.
(18:27):
Um, and more of a, okay, I canbe a role player on this team.
I can still be the leader onthis team, but this is a team
and I have a team playermindset.
So that means I'm going to deferto other team members.
I'm going to ask for help.
I'm going to seek their advice.
I'm going to maximize theirtalents.
Not just to help or promotemyself, but to promote them and
(18:50):
the greater good, the bottomline of whatever we're trying to
Uh, and then you may noticeyourself showing up relationally
being more warm, vulnerable,witty, uh, sixes have a certain
wit about them.
You noticed, Maybe some of thatsilliness on the front end of
this conversation aboutmustaches and beards and
handsome devils, you know, likethat's, if you see a three start
(19:14):
to lighten up a little bit andnot take themselves so seriously
and their image so seriously,the ability to relax and be
lighthearted and a witty, uh,and a little more vulnerable
taking off the mask, you know,this is a way that that type six
growth path shows up Now let'stalk about type nine.
(19:36):
This makes up the stress andconverging path for the type and
we'll start talking about that,talking about that stress This
is the misaligned traits of atype 9 that you'll see Coming
into play for a type And so, youknow, some of the ways you may
notice that is you, um, youappear really busy to avoid
(19:59):
looking lazy when actuallyyou're not able to focus.
but you, you, you need tomaintain the image of.
You may notice yourselfwithdrawing, losing interest in
accomplishing.
You may notice yourself wantingto be left alone and unbothered.
You may notice yourself kind offalling asleep to your desires,
(20:19):
which is really out of three.
Threes know what they want.
And they're going after whatthey want.
But if you find a part of yousort of, uh, falling asleep, you
know, to what it is you want, ormaybe numbing out to, to your
desires, you may notice yourselfengaging in inoculating
activities.
(20:40):
TikTok, social media, playinggames, watching TV, shopping,
eating, some other outlet ofescape, you know, again, in, in,
in IFS terms, we call thesefirefighters.
This is like daydreamingfantasy.
I'm getting out of my, I'mgetting, I'm getting out of my
body.
I'm just, I'm getting out ofhere.
So if you start to notice that,that sort of dissociating.
(21:00):
Uh, you know, relationalnarcolepsy, I'm sort of falling
asleep to other people, tomyself.
This is an example of that typenine stress path that could be
showing up.
You may also.
Notice like a stubborn, astubborn part of your heart
began to show up where I'm notgoing to receive from others.
(21:22):
I'm going to resist the help ofothers.
Um, I'm not even going to hear,you know, you, it's like kind of
this stubborn, immovable, Typeof a part that wants to, you
know, hold your ground evenagainst better judgment or
whatever.
So if you notice that as athree, these are all evidences
that you could be in your typenine stress path.
(21:45):
Obviously that's not all a typenine is, you know, Jeff, you and
I are both married to nine.
So we better, we better honorthe gift of a nine here nines
are amazing.
I mean, all types are, and, butnines have a particular gift
that they bring.
And if, if you're a three.
connected to nine, this is yourconverging path.
This is actually your best is,is whenever you, uh, borrow the
(22:08):
blessings and the gifts of anine.
And what happens is you begin tobe less concerned with
efficiency and which, which isvery fast.
And you slow down and you'remore, you're more relationally
engaged.
So Jeff, a lot of people talkabout this as like the pace of
(22:30):
the, the, the, the pace ofrelationship is the pace of
love, which is slow.
Jeff (22:35):
Mm
Adam (22:35):
And, um, you know, love is spelled T I M E.
It's like, You can't dorelationships in a hurry.
Uh, you, you can't do love in ahurry.
And so threes are kind of in ahurry to get there.
You know, it's like, and thatcan be good and it can be, it
can be a liability, but it'slike, I know where I want to go.
I know the end result.
(22:56):
I've got a path to get there.
I'm working the path and I'm ina hurry to get there.
But.
Your healthiest self begins toslow down and be more present.
You still have your path.
You still know where you want togo.
You're still moving thatdirection, but you're enjoying
the moment.
You're present relationally.
You're, you're, you're, you'remore of a human being and less
(23:20):
of a human doing.
So it's like, I'm not justachieving and performing as a
three.
I am, Very connectedrelationally to the people that
matter to They know me.
I'm allowing myself to be known,not just the image of me, but
me.
Um, this is a gift that the nineUm, you value the viewpoints of
(23:40):
others and appreciate theircontributions.
So it's no longer, you know,it's not just a, a my way or the
highway.
I know what I want out of myway.
I'm moving forward.
You know, it's, it's, it'sactually against that.
It's like, I'm, I'm, I'mobjective.
I'm thinking about what otherpeople want and how other people
feel and what it's like to be onthe other side of me.
(24:01):
And I'm considering otherpeople's thoughts and their
contributions.
There's a collaborative spirit.
There's a, I'm, I'm not justconcerned about my success, but
the success of the team.
Um, I don't even have to be themain one that stands out.
You know, I just want us to Um,by the way, I know, I know
sometimes that.
(24:22):
This is just being polite, likeplaying a role, but you hear
the, the, the most matureathletes when like the stars on
the team, they're like thethrees on the When you hear them
interviewed after the game, ifyou notice Jeff, like they
don't, they, the reporterstrying to give them a bunch of
honor and credit and they keep,they keep bringing it back to
the team.
(24:42):
You know, they're just, yeah,man, everybody showed up and we,
we, everybody knew theirassignment and we work,
everybody worked really hard andit's not that they're deflecting
the praise, which would be animmature response.
It's like, they're receiving it,but, but they're, they're also
distributing it where it belongsto say like, yeah, but I
couldn't be here You know,
Jeff (25:03):
hmm.
Adam (25:03):
and, and so that's a, that's an objective spirit that
the nine brings to see all theparts and to see all the value
And lastly, you notice thisability to just relax, to rest
again.
It's like, I'm slowing down.
My identity is not tied and whatI accomplish, you know, the
quality of life is notachievements.
(25:25):
The quality of life is thequality of relationships.
So it's like, okay, I'm allowingmyself to be loved.
I'm loving other people.
I'm moving through life at adifferent pace.
And this is a real gift that theconverging path and nine brings
to the Let's talk about aware,um, which again, stands for
awake and welcome, ask, receive,engage.
And so if you're a three andyou're asking how do I begin to
(25:47):
notice or what do I, you Um,what's an exercise in self
leadership where I can awaken tothese parts?
We, we talk about the AWAREexercise and the A stands for
awaken.
That's this, this call to wakeup.
Every journey starts withnoticing and naming where you
are.
And so, you know, if you want tomove forward, You've got to
(26:08):
first notice where you are andnotice what's going on.
And so pay attention to howthese parts of you are showing
up.
A lot of times it's in physicalsensations.
Sometimes it's in your emotions.
Sometimes it's in your thoughts,thought patterns.
Sometimes it's in yourreactivity.
You notice, Oh, wow, I just gotsuper competitive with a guy.
Um, I don't even know where thatcame from, but I found myself
(26:28):
trying to one up him or beathim.
And, and it's like, okay, thisis something, this is a part of
me that's showing up.
And then welcome.
The W is welcome.
So whatever you're noticing,rather than denying it,
Justifying it, judging it, uh,you befriend it, you welcome it
with kindness and gentleness,and then you become curious
(26:51):
about it, which leads us intothe ask, the A.
So ask this part of you that'sshowing up, you know, what,
what, what does it mean?
What role is it trying to play?
What are its needs?
What is it protecting?
How is it trying Um, and thenthe R is receive.
Receive the gift that you haveother parts of you that can help
you, that can point you to yourneeds, uh, that can point you to
(27:14):
what you need from others.
And, and then the last thing isthe E stands for engage.
And this is, okay, with thisself awareness, how do I engage
myself?
In my relationships and mycircumstances, my vocation, all
of this stuff in a new way withthis self awareness.
Um, and so that is the awareexercise for the type three.
(27:37):
Jeff, you want to take us intotype four?
Jeff (27:39):
Yeah, this will be, uh, this will be fun.
I have so benefited from foursin my life.
I've had a number of differenttype fours in my life that have
shown up in all the variousways, and they've been a
tremendous, tremendous gift toUh, well, fours, I have two
connecting types, uh, not justtheir wings, but also two lines,
(28:00):
and, uh, they are connected totype one and they are connected
to type two, and so we're firstgoing to focus on the type one.
And the.
Type one part of their heartgives them more emotional
balance and helps them to bemore objective and principled.
And it can also cause you tofocus on flaws and be more
judgmental and critical ofyourself and or others.
(28:22):
But how do you recognizewhenever this type one part of
you is showing up, uh, As yourgrowth path.
What are the traits related toyour growth?
Well, one, are you moreemotionally balanced, objective
and grounded in yourrelationships?
Do you embrace mundane task asopportunities to be good
stewards and be responsible anddisciplined and organized?
(28:44):
Do you recognize that yourfeelings are not always the
reality and focus more on doingwhat is best for the good of
everyone?
And then are you more reliablecompleting what needs to be done
before moving on to othercreative interests?
That's how you'll know, uh,particularly in the aware
exercise awakening, those arequestions to be asking yourself,
(29:05):
what's showing up for me?
Are these growth traits?
But the type one part of thefour's heart is also a blind
spot.
Because that, uh, what thatlooks like and how you would
recognize that is that do youfocus on flaws becoming more
judgmental and critical ofothers?
Are you more vocal about yourfrustrations and disappointments
and visibly display thosedisappointments in your body
(29:27):
language?
Are you impatient, picky,controlling when you feel others
are incorrect and irresponsibleor not being authentic?
And then are you more selfcritical?
Are you hyper aware of yourimperfections and feel that, uh,
you need to improve yourself inorder, uh, to reach an idea that
you have in your mind?
(29:48):
These are ways for you torecognize that the type one part
of your heart is being activatednow as a blind spot trade That
means if these are with yourprivate relationships or closest
relationships that may not bewith everyone But for those that
you're closest to they'reprobably going to notice this as
a tendency and show up Uh, hereand there.
(30:08):
Well, the next part is that, uh,not only are fours connected to
one, they're also connected totype twos.
And so the two part of yourheart gives you the ability to
recognize your value and to loveyourself unconditionally.
And it can cause you to defendyour hurt feelings by
withdrawing or removing yourattention But how would you
recognize it?
Well, when, how do you recognizewhen the stress traits of the
(30:32):
type two is showing up in yourlife?
Well, do you fend your hurtfeelings by describing how your
intrusive, helpful advice of orcare was from a good place and
that they should accept it?
Or, um, do you remove youraffection?
So, I'm going to go through acouple of different ways that
you can use affection tomanipulate others to tend to
your own hurt emotions.
Do you discuss the currentcondition of your relationship
(30:54):
and how you're special andunique so others will see their
need for you?
So there's a little bit ofboasting and arrogance.
Do you manipulate and createdependencies through helping,
giving attention, or doingfavors for others?
Or do you use flattery or actpossessively in your social
groups because you are scaredSecretly fear that you don't
(31:14):
belong or that you'll berejected.
That's how you know whenever thestress traits related to type 2
are as a And then lastly are theconverging traits.
The healthiest of all traits forthe type 4 and that shows up at
type 2 as well.
Have you learned to recognizeyour full value and to feel the
(31:34):
unconditional love that youhave?
Do you acknowledge the positivequalities in others and
generously affirm, encourage andsupport them?
Do you instinctively know how tomake others feel special, seen,
cared for, and supported inextending emotional friendship,
compassion, and support to Andthat knowing that you've cared
(31:56):
for yourself, are you able tothen extend that care to other
people?
people.
Now, if you practice aware as atype four?
to notice when the type one andtype two are showing up in your
life, you're going to use thesequestions as you walk through
the aware exercise.
But first you'll just need toawaken to what's actually
happening.
And as with all the other types,you can look for feedback from
(32:17):
other people, from your body,from your thought patterns, but
simply what's actually happeninginside of you.
I do that through just a typicalUh, morning team meeting, uh,
what's active inside of metoday?
What am I thinking about?
What am I ruminating on?
Uh, when did this start?
Um, usually, uh, sometimes it'scarryovers from the previous
day.
How am I feeling, uh, in themoment?
(32:39):
Am I melancholy?
Now, fours would be great atidentifying feelings, but what
are you inclined to do withthem?
Next would be to welcome them,uh, rather than to deny them or
justify them, simply to welcomewhat's being presented to you
and to be curious about it.
Ask the question, ask yourself,ask these parts of you, what is
it, what needs are you needingright now from others?
(33:02):
What are you needing fromyourself?
To receive the feedback that youdo get from others, to receive
the feedback that comes to mindwhen you ask yourself these
questions, and to recognize thatyou are more than just one
thing.
You're a lot of different Andthen lastly, using this
information and this newawareness in order to engage
yourself and your relationshipsand these circumstances in a new
(33:25):
way.
Adam (33:25):
Well, thanks for joining us for our discussion on lines
and arrows.
This rounds out the triads.
We've talked in these episodesabout, we did it.
We did it, Jeff.
We talked about all of them.
We did, we did the head triad.
We did the gut triad and here weare wrapping heart triad.
So it's been, it's been a lot offun.
If you found this helpful, besure to like, and subscribe.
(33:48):
Don't forget to ask us yourquestions.
Jeff and I enjoy interactingwith you and your questions.
So reach out to us anytime inthe comments or email us at info
at urinagram coach.
com.
And if you'd like to know moreabout the lines and arrows, be
sure to check out our book morethan your number.
The last section of the booklays out the specifics for each
type and provides you with someself coaching exercises to help
(34:10):
you get to know yourself betterand practice self leadership.
Jeff (34:14):
Well, everybody, I hope you'll join us next time because
Beth is going to be back.
She's making a cameo appearancecoming out of sabbatical because
she has been significantlyimpacted by Chuck DeGroat, Dr.
Chuck DeGroat's new book,Healing What's Within.
And she's going to beinterviewing Chuck and talking
about her experience of goingthrough the book and dealing
(34:34):
with her own woundedness.
And so it's a special interview.
It's going to be very intimate,very meaningful conversation.
And I know you all love Beth.
Beth and I know you appreciateAdam and I, but let's be honest,
we all love Beth.
We all need a little bit ofvitamin B, right?
We're vitamin B deficient rightnow and we're trying to make it
in order to give Beth the break.
(34:55):
I was just, we were justreflecting the other day on a
drive, man, I mean, seven yearsand uh, helping thousands of
people, training 2000 coaches,writing 12 books.
I mean, that was a, that was,That was a sprint and uh, we're
grateful that we're able toprovide her with a break, but
she's back.
And so be sure to check out thenext episode, uh, with Chuck
(35:16):
DeGroat.
And then, uh, Adam will be, andI will be back, uh, for future
episodes.
We're going to be actuallytalking about the role and
experience of anxiety for eachof the Enneagram types because,
uh, uh, we are a very anxiouscommunity.
culture right.
now and anxious people.
I think it was like 60 percentof people say that they are at
their max right now.
(35:38):
And our window of tolerance isshrinking because of the anxiety
that we carry.
And it's not just sixes thatcarry anxiety.
All types do.
And we're going to talk abouthow that shows up for each of
us, but be sure to join us.
And if you're new to lines andarrows, Be sure to check out the
three previous episodes in thisepisode.
Share it with some friends thatyou might find it helpful.
(35:59):
Uh, as always, we are gratefulthat you've chosen to listen and
support your Enneagram coach.
And so we'll see you on, on.
the next episodes.
Thanks a lot for joining us.
Well, if you've ever looked at the Enneagram symbol
(00:02):
and you've wondered what allthese lines and arrows are all
about, um, you're not alone andyou have come to the right
place.
Welcome to Your Enneagram Coach,the podcast.
We have helped millions ofpeople around the world to
discover, explore, and becomethe person you've always longed
to I'm Adam Breckenridge,director of coaching here at
(00:23):
YEC.
And I am joined by my goodfriend, the co founder and CEO,
dare I say, uh, handsome devil,fearless leader of your
Enneagram coach.
The one, yeah, the one and onlyJeff McCord.
Welcome
Jeff (00:39):
See, I don't have the beard to pull that
Adam (00:43):
Being a handsome devil.
Jeff (00:45):
Yeah, oh man,
Adam (00:46):
bet, I bet there are plenty of clean shaven men.
I mean, Brad Pitt's
Jeff (00:51):
I don't know about You know, I've always wanted to, I
think I could grow a remarkablythick mustache.
I have, at times, left mymustache unshaven for like a day
and Beth, uh, freaks out.
She's like, you need to go shaveyou.
(01:11):
No.
Adam (01:12):
see, Carrie is right the opposite because we have been
married 18 years.
We have been dating.
We just celebrated 21 years lastweek of dating and she's only
ever I mean, she's known me, wegrew up together, but she's,
we've only ever been in, inrelationship, dating or married,
uh, with me having a beard.
So she's actually given me therule that I'm not allowed to
(01:34):
shave.
It would be too shocking
Jeff (01:37):
Beth's dad had a mustache for a while and I mean he, it
was quite a bit differentwhenever he finally shaved.
I mean it, it was, it was athing.
Adam (01:46):
really.
Jeff (01:46):
ever shaved?
Adam (01:49):
So when Lucy, my oldest was around two years old, I
didn't shave all the way, but Iwent into the bathroom without
telling anyone and came out withalmost no beard.
I mean, it was like a fullbeard.
It was like a five o'clockshadow thing that I had going
on.
I mean, it was, I took, I tookit down to almost nothing and,
and Lucy did not have a goodreaction to it.
(02:10):
Um, yeah, I think she was like,I, I can, I, you look, you sound
like my dad and I can, I cantell you're my dad, but you
don't look like my dad.
So it was really off
Jeff (02:22):
That's great.
Adam (02:24):
So if Jeff and I have not piqued your interest yet, uh,
Jeff (02:28):
Yeah.
I mean, we promised them we'regoing to talk about lines and
arrows and now we're talkingabout male facial hair.
That's great.
Adam (02:34):
All because I referred to you as a handsome devil.
Jeff (02:37):
and you know what happens when Beth is no longer around.
Bet
Adam (02:43):
That's right.
Our,
Jeff (02:44):
that before.
Adam (02:45):
our, our good friend, Beth McCord, um, co founder with you,
obviously Jeff is on sabbatical.
And, uh, and so Jeff and I areleading the podcast in this
season and you know, this is And
Jeff (03:00):
And the great news, uh, so just before I came up to the
studio to record our episode fortoday, Beth was, uh, recording a
cameo appearance, uh, in thenext episode, Beth will be
interviewing Chuck DeGroatregarding his new book, Healing
What's Within.
And, um, it's been instrumentalin her during her sabbatical.
And so I asked her if she'd bewilling to do the interview and,
(03:24):
uh, she came out just beamingwith.
fun and insightful it.
was to spend some time withChuck talking in a very personal
way.
so Beth will be back.
She's around.
Um, but, uh, she's off doingsome good, good, good, uh, deep,
deep And, it's paying off, uh,in dividends for her right now.
Adam (03:46):
Yeah, I'm so excited for her to share that with our
broader going to be so fun.
Well, in this series, our goalis to help you better understand
the lines and arrows in theEnneagram symbol, and to learn
how to practice self leadership.
In this episode, we werespecifically discussing the
heart triad.
We're talking about the linesand arrows for types two, three,
(04:07):
and four.
So each main type on theEnneagram has two other
connecting types and you seethem in those lines or sometimes
The line and arrow, uh, meansthe same thing.
you know, the arrow highlightsthe dynamic relationship that we
are not static.
The arrows we, we move, wemigrate, we gravitate.
(04:29):
Um, we're not static creatures.
One way to think about the linesand arrows, uh, you can
illustrate this in the movieinside out.
Jeff and I love talking aboutthis movie.
Um, both, both parts, one andtwo of the inside out, uh, in
the inside out, Dynasty, I guessyou'd say, cause I think they're
going to make more, um, havebeen really,
Jeff (04:49):
at Early adulthood, in middle adulthood, Riley in
retirement,
Adam (04:55):
That's right.
Riley retired.
Yeah.
Or in one of our earlierepisodes, I was trying to
describe the movie and I meantto say, you know, middle school
Riley and I said, middle agedRiley.
And that, that's when you and Iwere like, Oh, they need to make
that film.
You know, they, they need tobring someone to the,
Jeff (05:12):
Riley.
I'm telling you there'd be,there's a lot there, man.
Adam (05:21):
Hey, there's a lot there, There's a lot there Uh,
Jeff (05:25):
I mean, what happened to the male version of this thing?
I mean, we just get a glimpse ofthe dad, uh, here and there with
rock band, inner team, inner,inner family.
Adam (05:36):
that's right.
They need to, they need to makea whole version Uh, but I do
think that the movie illustrateswell, what we're trying to talk
about, you know, each of thenumbers in the lines and arrows
is kind of like the charactersin Riley's inner world, her
inner family and inside outthose characters represent
emotions and they also havetheir own personalities.
(05:57):
You know, they have.
Their own core motivations.
They're all trying to takecontrol of Riley's life out of
their own interest.
They have roles.
They're playing to try toprotect her and help her
navigate her life and all itschallenges.
And.
The same is true about each ofthese connecting types in the
lines and arrows.
Um, they don't necessarilyrepresent one singular emotion,
(06:21):
but they do have their own kindof personalities and gifts and
liabilities that they bring.
And they, they have their ownresponses.
They have their own coremotivations.
They're all trying to.
Take over the driver's seat orthe control board out of their
own interest.
They have roles they're playingto try to help your main type,
uh, live and survive your life.
(06:42):
And, um, and so each of the twoEnneagram types that we are
connected to by the lines theycan show up in healthy ways.
They can show up in unhealthyUm, now remember this, this is
important.
We've said this in each episode.
We don't become these types.
We simply take on the coremotivations and the relational
(07:03):
strategies of these types inorder to meet our Um, there are
four terms Jeff and I are goingto be using that describe how
these two connected types showup in how we relate to ourselves
and There's the stress path.
which is adopting the unhealthyattributes, um, of a, of a
(07:24):
connecting type.
And then there's the growthpath, which is adopting the
healthy attributes of aconnecting type.
The two, two other terms thatyou don't see as often, but they
are just as true and relevant isthe blind spot and the
converging path.
So the blind spot a way ofrelating that we are just that.
(07:45):
Blind to, uh, it's usuallysomething that shows up with
close family and friends.
We let our guard down andthere's a certain blind spot
that we have.
And then there's a convergingUh, this is when we are most
free from the limitations of ourpersonality constraints, and
this is when all of ourconnecting types and our main
type are converging together thehealthiest attributes of all of
(08:06):
them, and it's.
Kind of forming our best, mostmature self.
So stress path, growth path,blind spot path, and converging
path are the four terms that wewill be working with.
And with that set up, Jeff, doyou want to kick us off talking
about type two?
Jeff (08:23):
Yeah, I'd love to.
Hey, let's talk about uh, thetype 2.
And the two?
numbers that the type 2 isconnected to are type 4 and type
8.
Um, I've, yeah, uh, love twos.
Twos have been such a gift in mylife.
And, um, and they can show up ina lot of different ways.
Our daughter's a two and um, hername is Libby.
(08:46):
Uh, her given name is Elizabeth,but she calls her the eight part
of her heart, Queen uh, becauseshe, she says that it can, um,
be a benevolent, uh, ruler.
Or a hostile dictator, um, but,uh, it's a strong part of her,
but yeah, let's talk aboutthese, uh, two connecting types
for the type two.
(09:06):
So how do you recognize thegrowth parts, the growth traits
of your connecting type four?
Well, do you enjoy resting inbeauty of nature, allowing,
create, Tivity feelings andneeds to surface and can you
temporarily set aside helpingothers in order to practice Do
(09:27):
you intentionally schedule atime to process your feelings,
uh, and intuitive Uh, and thenlastly, can you sit with others
and their difficulty, emotionsproviding support without
offering unsolicited help?
Uh, the four part of your heartis there and accessible to you
to be able to provide thesethings in your relationships
(09:47):
from a healthy.
Place in your own but it's alsoa blind stop path, which is
always surprising about the twobecause it can be so
contradictory, uh, in their Butit usually means that there are
certain needs that aren't beingmet, and these are the
strategies in order to havethose needs met.
And so it's.
Reasonable for a child to butthey become self sabotaging in
(10:10):
adulthood relationships.
Do you ever feel rejectedbecause others are not listening
to you or accepting of you?
Do you withdraw when you'refeeling moody, melancholy, or
misunderstood?
Do you daydream about becomingfree of always needing to be
helpful and Now do you feel thatothers don't understand you and
that, how difficult it is to beconstantly others focused?
(10:32):
And does self pity or envy ofothers make you increasingly
self focused?
these are ways that the blindspot Well, not only is the two
connected.
It's also connected to Type 8,and the 8 part of you gives you
the ability to become moreindependent and self affirming.
But, and it can also cause youto be irritable and defensive,
(10:55):
uh, if your love and support areignored or rejected.
So, let's first talk about thestress Stress traits that show
up whenever we the type eightpart of a two is activated.
Well, do you becomeconfrontational?
Irritable angry or defensive arethere times that you're more
controlling demanding anddominating in your Do you
(11:18):
sometimes struggle to staytender patient and gracious in
your efforts to help?
Uh, do you, uh, become overlyprotective and aggressive when
you think someone about, orsomeone you care about is being
harmed in And do you avoid beingvulnerable, fearing that others
may take advantage of you you?
(11:39):
That's how you know whenever thestress traits of this eight part
of your heart Well, at typeeight, This is also the
converging path.
This is the healthiest traits ofthe Type II when there's freedom
from all the limitations of allthe first personality actually
just kind of fade away.
(11:59):
Well, knowing that you're loved,provided for, and safe in God's
care, can you humbly help otherswith God's strength and
tenderness?
Do you have the ability tovulnerably share your own
emotions and your own needs?
Do you see that you are shiftingyour focus from people pleasing
to doing what's best forthemselves, or not just
everyone, but also for yourself?
(12:21):
And are there times that youbecome more independent and self
affirming?
Do you find yourself feelingcourageous, strong, and self
confident in the abilities thatyou've been given?
Now, one way that you can beginto identify and set aside time
in order to identify all ofthese traits of the stress and
growth path and the blind spotand converging path is to
(12:43):
practice this exercise that wecall AWARE.
And AWARE stands for AWAKEN,WELCOME, CREATE.
Ask, engage.
Awaken to what part of you isactive in the moment.
Now that may come to you becauseyou're getting feedback from
other people.
Uh, that may come to you becauseyou have sensations in your body
or you're finding yourselfreflecting on or thinking and
(13:05):
ruminating over But simplyawaken to what's happening.
Are you getting tired becauseyou've been selflessly giving
yourself so much?
That's something that you needto awaken Welcome it.
Rather than holding yourself incontempt, uh, or holding the
other person in contempt andgetting defensive, actually
welcome the feedback that you'rereceiving, because we want to be
(13:26):
curious about these parts,because these parts of us have
developed over time to meet Andso they have a message for us.
They have an invitation for usif we'll Next is to ask.
To simply ask yourself, andmaybe even ask these parts, to
simply What it is that you needright now.
What's happening in thesituation that's caused this
part to come up.
You may actually notice overtime that there's actually a
(13:48):
pattern of how when these partsshow up whenever you have a need
Next is to receive.
Receive the gift that you aremore than one thing.
So although this one part of youmay be active in the moment,
that doesn't mean that the otherparts are simply sidelined and
not available to but rather youcan ask these other what their
perspective Well, now that I'mThe eight part of my heart is
(14:13):
showing up.
What is the four part of me?
What does it have to say and howcan And then lastly is to
engage.
Engage in a new way.
Engaging with yourself.
First and primary, engaging withothers and then engaging with
the so that you can move towardsthings in a healthier way and a
much more vulnerable and honestway about where you're at,
(14:34):
making sure that your versusexpending yourself for the sake
of others out of a need that youto feel loved Adam, what do you
take us into type three?
Adam (14:45):
Absolutely.
I'd love to.
So type threes are connected tosix and nine in the lines and
arrows.
And we'll start with that typesix.
Connecting type.
This is the blind spot and thegrowth path for the type three.
And we'll, we'll talk firstabout that blind spot.
So this is the misaligned of thetype six and how you might
(15:08):
notice it showing up for you maynotice that you're expressing
frustration and dissatisfactionand self doubt, uh, and, and,
and Maybe even as carrying asense of dread in you, you know,
type threes have an innate fearof failure or appearing as And
(15:28):
you may notice a sense of dreadaround that, a growing,
increasing anxiety, a certain.
Feeling of self-doubt.
You know, threes have a naturalconfidence of like, I, I'm gonna
walk up to the plate and hit ahome run.
You know?
But if, if you notice all of asudden a, a, a wave of
self-doubt or imposter syndrome,uh, dread, this is that type
(15:51):
six, uh, blind spot path, youmay, you may notice yourself,
uh, struggling with confusion.
leading you to seek out guidanceand support from others.
Whereas, uh, you know, normallyyou're just, just have a certain
intuition of, I just know what Iwant and what I need to do.
And you go for it.
You may notice yourself seekingexternal support.
(16:13):
Um, you may notice strongreactions.
If you're blamed or accused ofsomething, you may even notice a
part of you that's becomingincreasingly suspicious of
others.
You may notice this tendency totest loyalties.
Um, and then you may noticeyourself avoiding things.
If you think you might fail,this is all kind of classic
(16:36):
examples of how the type sixblind spot can show up and how
to notice it showing up ifyou're a type but speaking as a
six, a fellow six with you,Jeff, that's, Obviously not all
that a six is.
There are tremendous gifts thattype sixes bring to the world.
And if you're a three connectedto a six, that the six brings
(16:59):
you.
And you see that in your growthpath.
Um, you'll notice.
Uh, if you notice yourselftaking your anxieties, for
example, and your insecuritiesinto safe relationships to
process them, you may be takingyour anxieties to God and, and,
or taking them to, you know,your spouse or a confidant and,
(17:20):
and instead of letting themcontrol you and run wild in you,
you sort of take your life back.
You, this is called selfleadership.
We're now you're leading theanxious part, um, and you know,
trusting that God's going tocare for you and give you what
you need.
Uh, you may notice yourselfbecoming less competitive and
(17:42):
more cooperative.
You may notice yourself, uh,instead of striving to have to
be the best.
You may notice yourself simplyseeking to do your best.
And there's a massive differencebetween those two things.
I'm going to do my best versus Ihave to be the best.
One is compulsively competitiveand the other is just called
(18:05):
faithful.
I'm going to do my best.
I'm going to do the best I can.
And that's a gift that the typesix can bring To the type you
may notice yourself having a,uh, part of that is a, more of a
team player mindset.
So less of a, I need to beLeBron James on this team.
(18:27):
Um, and more of a, okay, I canbe a role player on this team.
I can still be the leader onthis team, but this is a team
and I have a team playermindset.
So that means I'm going to deferto other team members.
I'm going to ask for help.
I'm going to seek their advice.
I'm going to maximize theirtalents.
Not just to help or promotemyself, but to promote them and
(18:50):
the greater good, the bottomline of whatever we're trying to
Uh, and then you may noticeyourself showing up relationally
being more warm, vulnerable,witty, uh, sixes have a certain
wit about them.
You noticed, Maybe some of thatsilliness on the front end of
this conversation aboutmustaches and beards and
handsome devils, you know, likethat's, if you see a three start
(19:14):
to lighten up a little bit andnot take themselves so seriously
and their image so seriously,the ability to relax and be
lighthearted and a witty, uh,and a little more vulnerable
taking off the mask, you know,this is a way that that type six
growth path shows up Now let'stalk about type nine.
(19:36):
This makes up the stress andconverging path for the type and
we'll start talking about that,talking about that stress This
is the misaligned traits of atype 9 that you'll see Coming
into play for a type And so, youknow, some of the ways you may
notice that is you, um, youappear really busy to avoid
(19:59):
looking lazy when actuallyyou're not able to focus.
but you, you, you need tomaintain the image of.
You may notice yourselfwithdrawing, losing interest in
accomplishing.
You may notice yourself wantingto be left alone and unbothered.
You may notice yourself kind offalling asleep to your desires,
(20:19):
which is really out of three.
Threes know what they want.
And they're going after whatthey want.
But if you find a part of yousort of, uh, falling asleep, you
know, to what it is you want, ormaybe numbing out to, to your
desires, you may notice yourselfengaging in inoculating
activities.
(20:40):
TikTok, social media, playinggames, watching TV, shopping,
eating, some other outlet ofescape, you know, again, in, in,
in IFS terms, we call thesefirefighters.
This is like daydreamingfantasy.
I'm getting out of my, I'mgetting, I'm getting out of my
body.
I'm just, I'm getting out ofhere.
So if you start to notice that,that sort of dissociating.
(21:00):
Uh, you know, relationalnarcolepsy, I'm sort of falling
asleep to other people, tomyself.
This is an example of that typenine stress path that could be
showing up.
You may also.
Notice like a stubborn, astubborn part of your heart
began to show up where I'm notgoing to receive from others.
(21:22):
I'm going to resist the help ofothers.
Um, I'm not even going to hear,you know, you, it's like kind of
this stubborn, immovable, Typeof a part that wants to, you
know, hold your ground evenagainst better judgment or
whatever.
So if you notice that as athree, these are all evidences
that you could be in your typenine stress path.
(21:45):
Obviously that's not all a typenine is, you know, Jeff, you and
I are both married to nine.
So we better, we better honorthe gift of a nine here nines
are amazing.
I mean, all types are, and, butnines have a particular gift
that they bring.
And if, if you're a three.
connected to nine, this is yourconverging path.
This is actually your best is,is whenever you, uh, borrow the
(22:08):
blessings and the gifts of anine.
And what happens is you begin tobe less concerned with
efficiency and which, which isvery fast.
And you slow down and you'remore, you're more relationally
engaged.
So Jeff, a lot of people talkabout this as like the pace of
(22:30):
the, the, the, the pace ofrelationship is the pace of
love, which is slow.
Jeff (22:35):
Mm
Adam (22:35):
And, um, you know, love is spelled T I M E.
It's like, You can't dorelationships in a hurry.
Uh, you, you can't do love in ahurry.
And so threes are kind of in ahurry to get there.
You know, it's like, and thatcan be good and it can be, it
can be a liability, but it'slike, I know where I want to go.
I know the end result.
(22:56):
I've got a path to get there.
I'm working the path and I'm ina hurry to get there.
But.
Your healthiest self begins toslow down and be more present.
You still have your path.
You still know where you want togo.
You're still moving thatdirection, but you're enjoying
the moment.
You're present relationally.
You're, you're, you're, you'remore of a human being and less
(23:20):
of a human doing.
So it's like, I'm not justachieving and performing as a
three.
I am, Very connectedrelationally to the people that
matter to They know me.
I'm allowing myself to be known,not just the image of me, but
me.
Um, this is a gift that the nineUm, you value the viewpoints of
(23:40):
others and appreciate theircontributions.
So it's no longer, you know,it's not just a, a my way or the
highway.
I know what I want out of myway.
I'm moving forward.
You know, it's, it's, it'sactually against that.
It's like, I'm, I'm, I'mobjective.
I'm thinking about what otherpeople want and how other people
feel and what it's like to be onthe other side of me.
(24:01):
And I'm considering otherpeople's thoughts and their
contributions.
There's a collaborative spirit.
There's a, I'm, I'm not justconcerned about my success, but
the success of the team.
Um, I don't even have to be themain one that stands out.
You know, I just want us to Um,by the way, I know, I know
sometimes that.
(24:22):
This is just being polite, likeplaying a role, but you hear
the, the, the most matureathletes when like the stars on
the team, they're like thethrees on the When you hear them
interviewed after the game, ifyou notice Jeff, like they
don't, they, the reporterstrying to give them a bunch of
honor and credit and they keep,they keep bringing it back to
the team.
(24:42):
You know, they're just, yeah,man, everybody showed up and we,
we, everybody knew theirassignment and we work,
everybody worked really hard andit's not that they're deflecting
the praise, which would be animmature response.
It's like, they're receiving it,but, but they're, they're also
distributing it where it belongsto say like, yeah, but I
couldn't be here You know,
Jeff (25:03):
hmm.
Adam (25:03):
and, and so that's a, that's an objective spirit that
the nine brings to see all theparts and to see all the value
And lastly, you notice thisability to just relax, to rest
again.
It's like, I'm slowing down.
My identity is not tied and whatI accomplish, you know, the
quality of life is notachievements.
(25:25):
The quality of life is thequality of relationships.
So it's like, okay, I'm allowingmyself to be loved.
I'm loving other people.
I'm moving through life at adifferent pace.
And this is a real gift that theconverging path and nine brings
to the Let's talk about aware,um, which again, stands for
awake and welcome, ask, receive,engage.
And so if you're a three andyou're asking how do I begin to
(25:47):
notice or what do I, you Um,what's an exercise in self
leadership where I can awaken tothese parts?
We, we talk about the AWAREexercise and the A stands for
awaken.
That's this, this call to wakeup.
Every journey starts withnoticing and naming where you
are.
And so, you know, if you want tomove forward, You've got to
(26:08):
first notice where you are andnotice what's going on.
And so pay attention to howthese parts of you are showing
up.
A lot of times it's in physicalsensations.
Sometimes it's in your emotions.
Sometimes it's in your thoughts,thought patterns.
Sometimes it's in yourreactivity.
You notice, Oh, wow, I just gotsuper competitive with a guy.
Um, I don't even know where thatcame from, but I found myself
(26:28):
trying to one up him or beathim.
And, and it's like, okay, thisis something, this is a part of
me that's showing up.
And then welcome.
The W is welcome.
So whatever you're noticing,rather than denying it,
Justifying it, judging it, uh,you befriend it, you welcome it
with kindness and gentleness,and then you become curious
(26:51):
about it, which leads us intothe ask, the A.
So ask this part of you that'sshowing up, you know, what,
what, what does it mean?
What role is it trying to play?
What are its needs?
What is it protecting?
How is it trying Um, and thenthe R is receive.
Receive the gift that you haveother parts of you that can help
you, that can point you to yourneeds, uh, that can point you to
(27:14):
what you need from others.
And, and then the last thing isthe E stands for engage.
And this is, okay, with thisself awareness, how do I engage
myself?
In my relationships and mycircumstances, my vocation, all
of this stuff in a new way withthis self awareness.
Um, and so that is the awareexercise for the type three.
(27:37):
Jeff, you want to take us intotype four?
Jeff (27:39):
Yeah, this will be, uh, this will be fun.
I have so benefited from foursin my life.
I've had a number of differenttype fours in my life that have
shown up in all the variousways, and they've been a
tremendous, tremendous gift toUh, well, fours, I have two
connecting types, uh, not justtheir wings, but also two lines,
(28:00):
and, uh, they are connected totype one and they are connected
to type two, and so we're firstgoing to focus on the type one.
And the.
Type one part of their heartgives them more emotional
balance and helps them to bemore objective and principled.
And it can also cause you tofocus on flaws and be more
judgmental and critical ofyourself and or others.
(28:22):
But how do you recognizewhenever this type one part of
you is showing up, uh, As yourgrowth path.
What are the traits related toyour growth?
Well, one, are you moreemotionally balanced, objective
and grounded in yourrelationships?
Do you embrace mundane task asopportunities to be good
stewards and be responsible anddisciplined and organized?
(28:44):
Do you recognize that yourfeelings are not always the
reality and focus more on doingwhat is best for the good of
everyone?
And then are you more reliablecompleting what needs to be done
before moving on to othercreative interests?
That's how you'll know, uh,particularly in the aware
exercise awakening, those arequestions to be asking yourself,
(29:05):
what's showing up for me?
Are these growth traits?
But the type one part of thefour's heart is also a blind
spot.
Because that, uh, what thatlooks like and how you would
recognize that is that do youfocus on flaws becoming more
judgmental and critical ofothers?
Are you more vocal about yourfrustrations and disappointments
and visibly display thosedisappointments in your body
(29:27):
language?
Are you impatient, picky,controlling when you feel others
are incorrect and irresponsibleor not being authentic?
And then are you more selfcritical?
Are you hyper aware of yourimperfections and feel that, uh,
you need to improve yourself inorder, uh, to reach an idea that
you have in your mind?
(29:48):
These are ways for you torecognize that the type one part
of your heart is being activatednow as a blind spot trade That
means if these are with yourprivate relationships or closest
relationships that may not bewith everyone But for those that
you're closest to they'reprobably going to notice this as
a tendency and show up Uh, hereand there.
(30:08):
Well, the next part is that, uh,not only are fours connected to
one, they're also connected totype twos.
And so the two part of yourheart gives you the ability to
recognize your value and to loveyourself unconditionally.
And it can cause you to defendyour hurt feelings by
withdrawing or removing yourattention But how would you
recognize it?
Well, when, how do you recognizewhen the stress traits of the
(30:32):
type two is showing up in yourlife?
Well, do you fend your hurtfeelings by describing how your
intrusive, helpful advice of orcare was from a good place and
that they should accept it?
Or, um, do you remove youraffection?
So, I'm going to go through acouple of different ways that
you can use affection tomanipulate others to tend to
your own hurt emotions.
Do you discuss the currentcondition of your relationship
(30:54):
and how you're special andunique so others will see their
need for you?
So there's a little bit ofboasting and arrogance.
Do you manipulate and createdependencies through helping,
giving attention, or doingfavors for others?
Or do you use flattery or actpossessively in your social
groups because you are scaredSecretly fear that you don't
(31:14):
belong or that you'll berejected.
That's how you know whenever thestress traits related to type 2
are as a And then lastly are theconverging traits.
The healthiest of all traits forthe type 4 and that shows up at
type 2 as well.
Have you learned to recognizeyour full value and to feel the
(31:34):
unconditional love that youhave?
Do you acknowledge the positivequalities in others and
generously affirm, encourage andsupport them?
Do you instinctively know how tomake others feel special, seen,
cared for, and supported inextending emotional friendship,
compassion, and support to Andthat knowing that you've cared
(31:56):
for yourself, are you able tothen extend that care to other
people?
people.
Now, if you practice aware as atype four?
to notice when the type one andtype two are showing up in your
life, you're going to use thesequestions as you walk through
the aware exercise.
But first you'll just need toawaken to what's actually
happening.
And as with all the other types,you can look for feedback from
(32:17):
other people, from your body,from your thought patterns, but
simply what's actually happeninginside of you.
I do that through just a typicalUh, morning team meeting, uh,
what's active inside of metoday?
What am I thinking about?
What am I ruminating on?
Uh, when did this start?
Um, usually, uh, sometimes it'scarryovers from the previous
day.
How am I feeling, uh, in themoment?
(32:39):
Am I melancholy?
Now, fours would be great atidentifying feelings, but what
are you inclined to do withthem?
Next would be to welcome them,uh, rather than to deny them or
justify them, simply to welcomewhat's being presented to you
and to be curious about it.
Ask the question, ask yourself,ask these parts of you, what is
it, what needs are you needingright now from others?
(33:02):
What are you needing fromyourself?
To receive the feedback that youdo get from others, to receive
the feedback that comes to mindwhen you ask yourself these
questions, and to recognize thatyou are more than just one
thing.
You're a lot of different Andthen lastly, using this
information and this newawareness in order to engage
yourself and your relationshipsand these circumstances in a new
(33:25):
way.
Adam (33:25):
Well, thanks for joining us for our discussion on lines
and arrows.
This rounds out the triads.
We've talked in these episodesabout, we did it.
We did it, Jeff.
We talked about all of them.
We did, we did the head triad.
We did the gut triad and here weare wrapping heart triad.
So it's been, it's been a lot offun.
If you found this helpful, besure to like, and subscribe.
(33:48):
Don't forget to ask us yourquestions.
Jeff and I enjoy interactingwith you and your questions.
So reach out to us anytime inthe comments or email us at info
at urinagram coach.
com.
And if you'd like to know moreabout the lines and arrows, be
sure to check out our book morethan your number.
The last section of the booklays out the specifics for each
type and provides you with someself coaching exercises to help
(34:10):
you get to know yourself betterand practice self leadership.
Jeff (34:14):
Well, everybody, I hope you'll join us next time because
Beth is going to be back.
She's making a cameo appearancecoming out of sabbatical because
she has been significantlyimpacted by Chuck DeGroat, Dr.
Chuck DeGroat's new book,Healing What's Within.
And she's going to beinterviewing Chuck and talking
about her experience of goingthrough the book and dealing
(34:34):
with her own woundedness.
And so it's a special interview.
It's going to be very intimate,very meaningful conversation.
And I know you all love Beth.
Beth and I know you appreciateAdam and I, but let's be honest,
we all love Beth.
We all need a little bit ofvitamin B, right?
We're vitamin B deficient rightnow and we're trying to make it
in order to give Beth the break.
(34:55):
I was just, we were justreflecting the other day on a
drive, man, I mean, seven yearsand uh, helping thousands of
people, training 2000 coaches,writing 12 books.
I mean, that was a, that was,That was a sprint and uh, we're
grateful that we're able toprovide her with a break, but
she's back.
And so be sure to check out thenext episode, uh, with Chuck
(35:16):
DeGroat.
And then, uh, Adam will be, andI will be back, uh, for future
episodes.
We're going to be actuallytalking about the role and
experience of anxiety for eachof the Enneagram types because,
uh, uh, we are a very anxiouscommunity.
culture right.
now and anxious people.
I think it was like 60 percentof people say that they are at
their max right now.
(35:38):
And our window of tolerance isshrinking because of the anxiety
that we carry.
And it's not just sixes thatcarry anxiety.
All types do.
And we're going to talk abouthow that shows up for each of
us, but be sure to join us.
And if you're new to lines andarrows, Be sure to check out the
three previous episodes in thisepisode.
Share it with some friends thatyou might find it helpful.
(35:59):
Uh, as always, we are gratefulthat you've chosen to listen and
support your Enneagram coach.
And so we'll see you on, on.
the next episodes.
Thanks a lot for joining us.
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