November 25, 2025 • 54 mins
Greg sits down with the Holderness family for an honest, funny, and practical conversation about raising kids in today’s youth sports world. They dig into coaching philosophies, the value of supportive adults outside the home, and what kids actually need from parents on the sidelines and at home. The group also talks about navigating academic pressure, the differences in coaching boys vs. girls, and finding the right balance between ambition, family life, and letting kids simply enjoy the game. A warm, thoughtful episode for any parent, coach, or family in youth sports.Sign up for our newsletter at https://www.youth.inc/newsletterFor more, visit https://www.youth.inc/
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
We drive home, We're like 20 minutes from our house.
It's snowing, the roads are busy.
My wife made dinner and he goes,Dad, I don't have my backpack.
And I'm like, like you left it at, like you left it in your
locker. I.
Left it on, I left it on the football.
Field. Youth sports in America are at a
crossroads, and I'm here to helplead the conversation forward.
(00:20):
I'm Greg Olson. Each week we're sitting down
with top athletes, coaches and more to talk about what's
working, what's broken and what's next.
Welcome to you think. Well, the holiness family you
were, you were kind enough to have me on your incredible
channel. The the work that you guys do,
the videos you put out, the amazing family content, and now
(00:41):
your lifelong dream of being on a show where we talk about all
things youth sports and parenting.
So I know this is something you guys have really been anxious
and eager to join me here on, You think.
Your joke. I know you're joking, but you
realize my son wanted to call insick today so he could just be
here to be a production assistant.
(01:01):
And and he would be fine talkingabout youth sports or the
Panthers or Greg Olson or or. Whatever.
Yeah, whatever you needed him to.
He is not happy to be at school.Right.
Yes, correct. How is he feeling about the
Panthers? You know what?
I actually, Kim, can I quote youreally quickly.
She had an amazing quote about the Panthers that I think works
(01:22):
well for this podcast, she said.I really wish that AAU coaches
had as much patience with their players as the Panthers are
having now with Bryce Young. So I will say this, my son plays
AAU basketball. He misses 13 pointer out, you
know, and that's, and it's, it'sfrustrating as a parent, 'cause
you're like, yeah, you get it. And I would, nobody makes every
(01:44):
shot. But they, they, they RIP those
kids out and they, they lose. It's, it's hard, right?
This sweet boy, Bryce Young, bless his heart, is getting a
lot more chance. And I'm not a football like I
don't, I watch the Panthers because my son's obsessed.
But I was like, God, I feel likeif he played AAU basketball as a
(02:05):
15 year old boy, he wouldn't getthis many chances.
That might be the best line I'veheard in a really long time.
Right? And it's an yeah, I'll just
leave it there. Because I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for the lawyer. I mean, I know my son, my son
doesn't like when I say that he's a loyal Bryce Young fan or.
Yeah, Yeah. So.
(02:25):
We are. My boys are loyal.
There's something about Bryce Young that I think all young
boys love and we all love him because he's like the guy you
want your kid to look up and theway he acts and the way he talks
and his maturity. So I, I get the loyalties.
But yeah, it, it depends on the week, I guess, right?
Like once I had them when they beat the Panther.
I had them when they beat the Packers and then last week
(02:46):
against the Saints at home. But anyway, that's a great
segue. I do want to know because I know
that I'm the crazy parent in theat times, I'm the first one to
raise my hand in the gym. I'm not the coach right now in
basketball season. So I just got done off of
coaching football. We're like, I'm in control, it's
my team. I get to coach everybody and now
(03:08):
I'm not the coach and I'm just the dad sitting in the bleachers
just like living and dying with every possession.
What if I had a hidden camera onyou guys in the gym at a 15 UAAU
basketball tournament? What kind of vibes are we
putting off? Depends, yeah.
I'm on the bench. I've been an assistant for every
for every team it's going to. Be great.
(03:29):
Yeah, so I've been an assistant for every team that my son has
played on in AAU. So he's the one taking him out
of the game. I'm kidding.
I'm. Yeah, I am.
So I have a tough time when he'sin the game.
I am watching him exclusively and I don't do a good job
watching anybody else on the court.
It is impossible not to look at your son because he's trying
(03:53):
something really hard, you know,and I know that his mood is
going to be unfortunately probably fairly attached to what
his performance is like during that game.
And so I, I, I definitely am watching him more than anyone.
I'm trying to be like the hype man outwardly, I'm the hype man.
There is absolutely, it's OK if something goes wrong.
(04:15):
That was amazing. If something goes right, Hey, I
noticed when you did that. And I say it to all the kids,
but in at the meantime, I'm internalizing a lot of feelings
as well, such as, Oh my gosh, hedidn't, he's in the wrong spot.
Oh my gosh, he got scared and hethrew the ball away.
And and that builds up inside a person over a season of or two
of watching basketball. I, I'm a very, I just hope both
(04:38):
teams have fun type of mom. I, if the other team makes a
great shot, I'll clap and peoplelike the parents will look at me
and but I don't know, like they,they should be out there having
fun and they should be out therelike you got to be impressed.
If somebody on the other team makes a great shot, I will and
have I'm like, if a ref isn't, if it isn't calling it and kids
(04:59):
are getting hurt. I have been known to like, raise
my voice and say, like, come on,kids are getting hurt out there.
Like I've been that person too. No way you actually raise your
voice in the gym. I do that.
I know. Like me.
Well. Silent yeah.
And just, I'm listening to you guys because it like it just
(05:25):
every time I talk to people who like give me how they act during
the games, I sit here and I justfeel worse about myself.
When you I'll tell you, it's hard to internalize all the
things you're thinking about your kid.
My advice would be if you just said them out loud, it feels so
much better. Just you're in the wrong spot.
You got to finish. Stop it.
That's what I that's probably the mistakes that I made is I, I
(05:47):
err on the side of just, there'snothing internalized.
It's just it's thrown out there in the real time and sometimes I
go. Probably should have kept that
to myself. Yeah, we, I would say Penn does
a really good job of like letting the coach talk and I
don't know enough about like where he should be to know the
difference. So that's easy for me.
I my, my issue is like, especially in an AAU tournament,
(06:09):
they need to get through those games kind of fast and some, so
sometimes they're not, they're the refs.
But listen, they're working hard.
They swallow the whistle. Yeah.
And they just don't. And kids actually end up getting
hurt. So like, that's the only time
when I raise my voice. But yeah, it's, it's hard.
Yeah. Like watching your kid out there
doing a really hard thing is it's just hard.
I I get it. And I'm not sure what's harder,
(06:32):
the all the emotions and the stress that comes with coaching
it and being responsible for what's going on out there or not
being responsible for it and having no say and no control
over what happens. I'm not sure which one.
I'm still torn on which one I like better and which one drives
me more crazy. At times I say I never want to
coach, I just want to sit in thebleachers like everybody else
(06:54):
because this is a lot of stress.And then at other times I'm
like, I can't sit in the bleachers and watch this.
I need to go out to coach. So I go back and forth.
All right. So there is, I believe strongly
there is a period between about 13 and 16, right?
That's, that's when you first start kind of developing
hormones and you start going to like real travel tournaments.
And then 16 is when you've got alicense and you just kind of go
(07:15):
to your own tournaments and yourparents sometimes don't even
show up. And in a lot of cases like the
recruiting has already worked itself out and the pressure is
off. But there's a period, an
athletic period between 13 and 16 that I think is the most
important period for a child athlete to have an adult role
model who was not their parent. Yeah.
And so that's totally agree. That's one of the reasons that I
(07:38):
keep doing this anytime they ask.
Like I know I said I mostly watch my kid, but it's also my
job at the end of the bench whena kid comes off of the, of the
court and they are completely dejected and are flooded.
And I, I assume, even though it's not always case that
they're going to hear it from their parents because that's
like on a highly competitive team that happens.
Like, you know, they, the parentgets in the car and was like,
(08:01):
what was going on out there? And so I, I, I think that kids
like that are feeling so deeply,I think they flood emotionally
and are in, in a time of real despair.
And if you can be a, a force of support, understanding and
empathy for a kid like that on that part of the bench.
And I've seen it with other adults too.
(08:23):
I just think it's incredibly important to have a non parent
support system when it comes to that.
And we've been really lucky our the basketball coaches, they've
been great. They've been, they've been
really good for my son and that he's going to listen to them
more than he'll listen to eitherof us.
Right, but they like me at the end because I'm like the.
For the other kids. Yeah, I'm the I'm the, the grief
(08:43):
counselor basically at the end of the bench.
And I try to keep it light and positive.
But like, I've seen, I've seen coaches like that be that person
for my son and I've seen how that's helped kind of get him
through tough times. I just, I think that's so well
said and we joke about our all our shortcomings as parents.
At least I'm very outward about my shortcomings and whatnot.
(09:04):
And I just think it's so cool tojust see your perspective and
you're just big picture view of not only your kid, but then just
how your role can complement thestyles of the other coaches and
help other people's kids. And I think that's probably the
biggest thing when you coach your kids team.
I think all of us, all we want is for the other parents to say,
(09:24):
yes, he's there with his his ownson or daughter, but he
genuinely is there for our children too.
Like he loves our children too. And I, I guess if at the end of
the season that was all the other families take away, I
think I'd be pretty happy with that.
Yeah, yeah, and I'm sure you did.
Kudos to you. Kudos to you.
I do want, I know millions and millions of people.
(09:46):
I want to take a step back here and take a wider view at at
everything that you guys do and represent.
And you know, millions and millions of people follow your
content, your videos, all the stuff that you guys make is is
just is is really incredible. Take us back, though, to the why
behind it. For anyone not familiar with
your channel, for anyone who's maybe new to just rediscovering,
(10:07):
just discovering you recently, like why put your lives out
there? Why put your vulnerabilities,
your strengths, your weaknesses,your family, each other?
What was give us the idea of theinspiration for why you guys
even built this channel to have these conversations to share
your lives with millions and literally millions and millions
of people all across the. World yeah, the actual Genesis
(10:31):
story might be relatable to people with kids because here in
the South, you send Christmas cards to to you take a picture
of your family and you send a Christmas card out and you mail.
It I, I think that's pretty universal because.
OK. So it's everywhere.
Great. That's wonderful to hear.
And and so our kids wouldn't sitstill.
They were like 6-4 and six yearsold.
(10:52):
And so we decided to make a music video about our year
instead of like the letter of what's been going on.
And we put it on YouTube also announcing that I was quitting
my job because my wife wanted totry something new.
And, and so we put the video outand it was called Christmas
Jammies and it went like viral. It got 20 million views or
(11:15):
something like that and was on abunch of national TV networks.
And we were already quitting to,to start a production company.
But we, this sort of new platform presented itself to us,
YouTube and Facebook, where people were looking for content
like that. And we sort of slowly started
making more and more videos likeit.
And that's evolved over 11 yearsinto just really like a family
(11:37):
storytelling business that largely involves us and not our
children. Right.
And Greg, I'll be super honest. We put out that first video in
2013 and sort of closed the laptop and walked away and then
opened it the next day and like Good Morning America was calling
the Today she was calling. We had no idea that you could do
(11:59):
like whatever it is. This is that what we do like for
a job. So it wasn't a business plan.
Our business plan was to go makevideos for other people to be
behind the scenes. So it even took us a couple
years after that before we started routinely doing our own
content. We didn't even know that this
could be a thing, but we both came from a news business, a
(12:22):
journalism background. We love writing.
We love putting like my favoritething is just like put something
really goofy together. And right now instead, you know,
like the vehicle. We live at this really cool time
where the vehicles, the Internetand so we can just like the, the
process of creating and making has like we were doing that
before, but now we're just doingit on the Internet.
(12:44):
So that's how and we continue tolearn and we continue to fail
and we continue to try things that don't work.
So I mean, obviously we have people that work with us now and
there is the business plan and there are all these plans.
But yeah, we're still trying to figure it out everyday.
And so many of your videos are fun and they're light and
they're humorous and they're family.
(13:05):
But like, what would you say that?
Do you want them to be like anchored in, like when people
watch, aside from the entertainment value, aside from
people laughing, or maybe they're having a tough day and
they come across one of your videos and it brings them a
little joy. Like at the end, at the real
core of it, like, what would yousay is like the anchor of your
process, your the anchor of yourvideos?
(13:25):
Like what do you want your family, your channel to be known
as? We are doing the best we can,
and we know that most parents are doing the best we can.
That leads to, as Kim said, failure and a lot of times,
humor. And when we laugh at ourselves,
about our foibles and mistakes and things that go on in our
(13:46):
life, we want the people who watch us to have permission to
also laugh at their own. Yeah, so we sort of came up with
an an, an internal sort of mission statement, which is
permission to laugh. So if our content strays from
that, if it punches down, if it seems like mean or it's making
fun of somebody. I mean, we've shot plenty of
(14:07):
videos and we looked at them. We're like, that's coming off a
little mean spirited and we've hit the delete button.
So at the end of the day, it's just giving people permission to
laugh. Would your kids say your
parenting style aligns with the two people we sit here that are
so light and fun and casual? Like is that exact?
Would that be your household if one of your kids came home with
(14:30):
AD on his report card or he camehome and he was out past his and
he came out because he was out past his curfew?
Like, are you parenting in the same capacity as these videos?
I hope that our general baselineis positive and encouraging and
energetic and self aware and self deprecating.
I hope that that's we, I, I believe yes to that.
(14:53):
But if you come home with AD, you're going to hear about it
because that's a lack of effort.The things that we don't really
tolerate in our house are a lackof effort and dishonesty.
Like those are the two things that you see mom voice or dad
voice. Yeah, I but I do we have a lot
of like there's a lot of laughing like this guy that
didn't he makes the dinner tablereally fun.
There's a lot of laughing and I mean, I feel pretty lucky to be
(15:19):
a part of a family that has thatmuch fun.
But exactly what Penn said. Because in my experience, if if
you have AC, sometimes you're really, really trying to get AC
and we'll, we'll get cookies andmore celebrate, but you have ADI
think that's a lack of effort. So that's no bueno.
What's up guys, do you want custom fan wear like this
cricket shirt for Charlotte Christian School?
We've got premium apparel from your favorite brands.
(15:42):
The best part about it is I don't have to just wear it to
Charlotte Christians events. I can wear it to golf.
I can wear it to lunch. It's turned into my uniform.
Go right now over to Youth dot, Inc Sign up for our newsletter.
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Our interview guests all the breaking news across the
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(16:03):
And remember, itsnot.com, It's Youth dot, Inc.
Now back to our episode. It goes to so much more than
just school or whatever, whatever it is, because the same
thing in the sports world, you know.
So we got three young kids. I have an eighth grade boy and
two 7th graders. And they're all three wrapped up
in their own sport right now, intheir own training and their
own, you know, practices or whatever.
(16:24):
And some of the games go well, some of the times they strike
out, sometimes they get a hit, they miss shots, they turn the
ball over in basketball, whatever it is.
And the hardest thing we find for our kids, so I'd love to
hear like your approach towards like parenting on this is I try
to beat them over the head with just focus on the work.
Like stop worrying about how many hits you had, how many
(16:45):
points you scored. Are you a starter?
Are you the 6th man? Like whatever all of that is
will take care of itself. But like, if you didn't have a
good game, let's really evaluatewhat did you do leading up to
that game and should you have expected to play well?
And if the answer is, I did everything in my possible,
everything in my power that was possible, I just the ball
(17:07):
wouldn't go in or it just wasn'tmy best day, I did.
We can live with that. Like where I get frustrated is
you're upset you didn't play well in the car, you didn't get
a hit in baseball or you missed your 3 point, you know, whatever
it was. And then I asked him and I say,
well, when was the last time outside of your team practice?
When was the last time you went outside and worked on your shot
(17:29):
or went downstairs and worked onyour bat?
You know, your bat path and yourhands or your fielding or
whatever skill it is. Like if you're not going to put
in the work, why are you expecting to do well at it?
And the same thing in school. Are all your assignments turned
in on time? Do you have all your stuff
checked off? They have these like I'm sure
everybody has it now, but like you can literally go into like a
portal and see all of your kids assignments.
(17:51):
My wife is like, and my wife is much better following it than I
am. And like if you have a one that
means like there's a placeholderbecause you haven't turned in a
homework assignment or something.
So we say to him like you don't have a good grade in that class
or you have AB or whatever, but you got like 3 assignments that
have been turned in late. Like that's just laziness.
Like so how do you guys parent that?
(18:12):
Like how do we get the kids to focus on the process of the work
and not be so reliant on the outcome?
I think it's interesting with sports, we have similar
conversations and I think now heknows not if he has a not ideal
(18:33):
game or tryout or something, he actually knows not to complain
too much because we he knows we will like what the answer is,
which is first of all, watch theprofessionals, not Steph Curry.
Doesn't make every shot like youtry your best and you do this
for a living and sometimes it just the ball does not go in.
And did you actually do all the work you could have?
(18:55):
Probably not I can say. So he actually knows that now
he's been trained but with school we are pretty like he's
very self aware he has ADHD and dude he is.
That kid is trying so hard but there is a lot to keep up with
for a sophomore in high school taking advanced classes with
ADHD. So what he's got better about is
(19:19):
asking for help. And so like that, like for a
while he was just kind of suffering by himself.
And our biggest thing was, dude,this has to be hard for your
type of brain. Ask for help.
So now he's doing a better job. Yeah, so.
With that ADHD it, there's a component of it where like your
working memory is, is a challenge, right?
Working memory is like what is in the forefront of your brain
(19:41):
and what's in the what's in the back.
And because of that, that deficit that you have in your
brain. Kids with ADHD famously finish
entire projects and then forget to turn them in because it's
left their working memory. And it's, it's one of the most
common complaints that we've heard from parents because we've
written two books about it. We hear a lot from parents about
(20:02):
it. And like, that's a tough one to
parent, right? Like if it's if if it's a kid
who decides that they want to goout with their buddies and just
like. You know what, it's not that
important to me. I guess that's different, but
you kind of it it to me. We do make try to make a
connection before we get on them.
We try to say, hey man, I know this is hard for you.
(20:24):
I know you're trying really hard.
What what can then then ask the question like, what can we do to
to fix this? What upstream solution can we
come up with to solve this? Because the average ADHD child
gets either scolded or corrected10,000 times in his childhood.
(20:45):
And that I mean, and then you had sports on to that.
So like it might be more. Efficient.
It's probably a whole different stressor.
That's a whole different stress.So in our family, sports is like
this fun thing you do. It's it's probably not a path to
College in our family. So we really are hardcore on
school. Like if he's not at practicing
(21:06):
thing like his shot, I care a little.
I care a lot less than if he's not turning like the student
after the part. Like the student part is more
important in our house. So quick aside but I'm just
young teenage boy brains my 14 year old.
So after after school these lastcouple weeks I help out with the
(21:28):
varsity football team at the kids school.
So it's K through 12. So they all, they're all at this
same school regardless of what grade you're in.
And so my, my one son's not doing a winter sport.
So he comes home after school with my wife and then the, my
daughter and my older son, they play on the school basketball
teams respectively. And so they I go help with the
varsity football team and then they get out of practice, they
(21:49):
come out and then we come home together.
So I'm out there yesterday, it'ssnowing in Charlotte.
We're practicing. It's it was like a really cool
moment. It's dark, the lights are on.
We're getting ready for the state semifinals and the
football playoffs. Like it was a cool thing.
Take my my older son Tate comes out there.
It's snowing. The kids are yelling and running
around like, like a lot of like snow energy down South.
(22:11):
You don't get a lot of snow, as you guys know.
Well, Long story short, we drivehome, we're like 20 minutes from
our house. It's snowing, the roads are
busy, it's traffic. And when we pull into the
driveway, all we want to do is get inside and warm up.
And my wife made dinner and he goes, Dad, I don't have my
backpack. And I'm like, like you left it
(22:31):
at, like you left it in your locker.
He's outside I. Left it on.
I left it on the football on thefield. 100%.
It is. It's like snowing slash raining.
So it's wet and nasty and it's 20 minutes away and we just got
home and it's 30°. I think a year ago I would have
been pissed. Like I would have given him the
(22:52):
whole like you got a lot, you know, you got to have more
attention, you got to lock in. Just you're too old for this.
But like what I've learned and listening to you guys say, it's
like I'm really no different. I'm super scatterbrained anyway.
So like I'd be more. So I was like, all right, here's
what we're going to do. We're going to go in mommy made
dinner. We're going to sit down and eat
(23:13):
dinner, whether it's for 5 minutes or 20 minutes.
We'll see how long it takes. I'll go back and get it so you
can make sure you take care of. But when I go back and get your
homework, mom's not going to be happy that you're not starting
your homework till 8:00 at night.
You might want to like get in the shower, do all your night
time stuff like get rolling. Don't just sit around and watch
Monday Night Football because I'm, like, giving you a little
(23:35):
bit of a hall pass here, but like, come on, man.
Like, yeah, in my mind, I want to be like, you left your
backpack on the football field. Oh yeah, the snow.
But he's like, I learned it fromyou, Dad.
It's really nice to hear that we're going through the same
stuff as an NFL Hall of Fame tight end, yeah.
(23:56):
The same life, yeah. Yeah, it like it is a little
refreshing. To me and I've heard, I've heard
the parents that are like, well,just going to sit there, you
know, I'm you forgot your lunch.I'm not going to bring it to
you. I'm with you, Greg.
I forget stuff all the time. It is really, I do believe
especially a student athlete andhow rigorous the demands of
(24:17):
school is. No matter what level you are
like right now, I think it's hard to be a teenager.
So we if if you are willing to do the work, we will supply
endless grace. But you have to show me you're
doing the work. Like your son had to get in the
shower. He had to help mom with dishes.
He had to be ready. So when you brought the wet
backpack back. That soaking wet.
(24:38):
Soaking wet that he could lock in.
And he needed to lock in. Yeah.
And I guess it, yeah, I'm with you on that.
I do have a question because I know in our house the answer,
but I'm curious in your house like say your son does something
wrong. I'm not saying something like
critically serious, just a typical boy, something dumb, bad
test grade, something at school,whatever.
(25:01):
He needs to break some level of news to the family who who's
who's getting the news first because he knows it's going to
be received maybe the easiest orit is.
Or is this like a family at all at once discussion?
Like how is it in your house? There's a text message.
Yeah, he sends a text to both ofus.
(25:21):
Expect that. Soften the blow.
Yeah, and and he falls on the sword.
Yep. And he's like, listen, I messed
up and I'm gonna this is what I'm doing to make it right.
And it's not a behavior thing because he's he's such a good
kid. But like, if it's a school grade
situation, he's like, I've already talked to the teacher.
(25:44):
Yeah. It's interesting with Lola.
She comes, she comes to me. Yes. 1st.
Yes. Right.
And that's Greg's nodding his head, and I think we know why.
Yeah, no, it's just it is interesting.
She tells me certain things and then it if.
She tells you about kissing boys.
She's. Going to kill you for saying and
she tells me I mean she's in college now we're OK and she
(26:07):
tells me about I. Was I was like, OK, we're good.
Yeah, I'm sitting here. I'm like.
She's 18. My daughter.
My daughter kisses boy. She's only 13, no.
She's 18. She's 18.
She. Knows not to come to me with
that. That's going to be a mom
conversation. Yeah.
Sure, I will not handle that well.
I'm I'm very straightforward with that conversation is not
(26:27):
going to be a strength of mine. A lot of change.
A lot of things change between 13 and 18.
With your girl, it'll change. She, I make her like every day.
We have like this running joke now because she's like getting
big and she's tall and like whenshe was little, like you'd want
to sit on dad's lap and you'd want to read a book and watch a
movie. But now she's like 5-10.
(26:48):
Like she's just like a big, you know, tall getting older.
I my wife always says don't refer to her as big.
I'm like, I mean it in like a good thing.
Like she's tall and healthy. When I say big, I mean as like a
positive, but apparently to a teenage girl that's not bad.
Dude. Honestly want their dad calling
them big. Same thing, same thing happened
to me and Kim had to explain it to me.
And it's that's tough for us to understand, right?
(27:09):
Because we're, we're. It is good to you guys and but
so our daughter's also 510 and she was 5-10 in the 7th grade
when all the boys were like 411 still, right?
And she actually, I think she got measured and she sorry about
that. She actually grew another half
an inch last year. So I think she's 5, 510 1/2.
(27:30):
She wears her cowboy boots to the football game.
She's over 6 feet tall and she loves it.
But when daddy and, you know, was calling her big in the 7th
grade, she like, she's like, stop calling me big.
He's like, you are big. It's great.
Like people celebrate big. She's like, you can say tall but
not big. And that's just.
That's exactly. Yeah, yeah, like.
(27:52):
Why isn't there a book that theyhand dads when their daughter
turned 13 that says here's what you should and.
Should and there's so much to unravel because big is not bad.
But there's a whole separate podcast about girls and body
image and what's programmed intoour heads and that because big
is not bad, you know, but yeah, it's the language we have to use
(28:13):
around our girls, especially that don't fit into the five
foot two petite teeny, you know,weeny like clothing sizes that
are in every mall. It's it's it's just harder and
I'm factored 4. So she's I she's she's always
been taller than I am. So I think it's also hard when
like you're taller than your momand you can't share clothes and
(28:35):
stuff like that. Anyway, separate podcast.
No, I, I, I'm learning it. I grew up with all boys.
I had no sisters and my daughter, my, my wife had just a
sister. So she grew up in a house where
it was all girls. I grew up in a house that was
all boys. Yeah.
So like, the conversations at the dinner table that my wife is
(28:55):
accustomed to her whole life, and the conversations at my
dinner table were very different.
And like, she's having these all, like, these intimate, deep
conversations. I'm like, we're supposed to talk
about all this. Yeah.
I didn't think we were supposed to talk about, share all of
this. She's like, yeah.
I was like, well, it's news to me.
Just push those feelings deep down inside Greg.
Just push them down. Just figure it out.
(29:17):
Just figure it out. Rub some dirt on it, figure it
out. Yeah.
But I but I do but I do make my daughter for like and it's
getting let like it used to be like I get her for like a couple
minutes and now I get it for like 5 seconds.
But I have a rule like every dayshe has to come sit by me.
But like it's lasting like less and less and less.
I get it. Like what teenage girl wants to
(29:38):
go sit by their dad on the couchand like, snuggle, you know,
like she doesn't want to do thatanymore?
Well, she'll come back, yes. She'll come back, she will come
back. So like the when, when, when
they're this may be too much information when their body
changing. Love it when their when their
body changes. It's it's a transition that
they're very uncomfortable with.I mean, if they're uncomfortable
with it around boys, they're going to be uncomfortable around
their dad. I had like the side, the one arm
(29:59):
butt out side hug from her from about 13 to 17.
And now she's back. She's like, you know, it, it, it
just takes a while to get back to that comfort and she's she's
back to snuggling with me. She you know, she'll, she'll
just come put her head on my shoulder and it's it's
heartbreaking when it stops. But once you understand what's
happening, like she's becoming awoman, right, it makes it more
(30:22):
understandable. So I think the fact that you're
like making yourself available and and you're that safe spot
like it, it's gonna, it may evenhappen quicker for you than it
does for other people because you're doing all the right
things. Yeah, I'm, I'm, it doesn't
offend me. Like I joke that it hurts my
feelings but like they know I'm joking.
(30:42):
Yeah, you're safe. You're safe.
Funny, like funny. You guys used to really want to
spend time with your dad. Now you want to sit in your room
like I'll make my passive aggressive comments and they're
like, dad, stop, we see you all day.
I'm like, you're right. I'm always around another thing.
Can I give you another thing that Kim all the advice I'll.
Take it all. So Kim taught me this.
You're. A dad, you think that it's your
job to be your daughter's hero and to solve any problem that
(31:04):
she might have. You are.
That is how we are programmed asmen to like, if there's
something wrong, you want to solve it, Sweep them off their
feet, whatever. So Lola would come and start
talking to us about her feelings.
And I would stop and interrupt her in the conversation and say,
well, why don't I just do this? Or maybe you should just do
this. And Kim was like, honey, if you
just shut up and let her talk, she's going to tell you so much
(31:27):
more. So just hush.
Don't try to solve everything. Listen and say, man, that's
really hard. And I learned that good advice
while being married to her. But I never really applied it to
my daughter until she became a young woman and it became really
important. And now she tells him
everything. Now she tells.
Me everything. I want her to tell me.
Everything to a degree Yep, I got you understand and she.
(31:47):
Will she'll know the line. And then she'll like turn to
mom. You're gonna go talk to mom and
then. She'll be like, oh I have AI,
have a. Crush on this boy yeah.
Like that'll go to mom. That's a mom.
Yeah, no, I'm kidding. I.
That's really good advice. Shutting up and listening is
probably something I can improveon.
I do. I have one more piece of
parenting advice that I am goingto ask you guys.
I think it's really interesting.Parents that have boys and
(32:09):
girls, yeah, like sons and daughters, like parenting
styles. My boys always give me a hard
time because they say I'd give Talbot like so much more grace
and I'm so much more. Talbot is my daughter.
That's yeah. And they say I'd give her like
so much. I'm much more patient.
They're like, oh, if that was me, oh, if that was us, oh, you
would never do that to us. And like, I kind of chuckle, but
(32:32):
then I do. I do.
I don't know if this is good parenting or not, so I'm just
going to throw it out there. And I was like, all right.
I said, you guys want me to treat you like a 13 year old
girl. I will.
Like I I just, I always tell them I said the boy, the world
doesn't need any more soft boys.So like, I don't know, like I
probably am wrong. This is probably like a parent,
like a psychologist who probablygoing to listen to this and be
(32:53):
like, this guy's messing it up. But like I do kind of think
there's a little difference in how you parent boys and girls.
Like it's different when I coachmy daughter's basketball team
people like how do you coach your daughter's 5th grade girls
basketball team? Because they just watched me
coach 7th and 8th grade boys in football.
And like we get after it and we coach them hard and we love them
hard and it's demanding and it is a little bit different.
(33:16):
I don't know if that's good or bad, but like there is a little
bit more understanding. There is a little bit of a
lighter atmosphere, a little bitmore of a looser.
We're not, you know, we're not on these young girls like we
maybe do with the boys. Like am I crazy?
I think it's worth. Zooming out and taking a look
because as AI was a dancer so asa 13 year old girl I was getting
(33:41):
yelled at plenty and I accepted it and I I feel like it made me
pretty It pretty tough. So I don't think you necessarily
need to hold back to protect girls.
I also I also feel like there isroom in this world for dudes
(34:02):
that know how to like rationallyprocess feelings.
And I don't know if and I think like a a lot of what's happening
in the world is like a whole bunch of men that don't know how
to process their feelings. So there's probably we do
parent. I think it's a birth order
thing. My daughter would say my son
(34:22):
gets away with everything. So I think that's more birth
order. I think we were first time
parents. We call her our first pancake.
Like we didn't know what we weredoing.
So we do, we do parent differently, but I don't know if
it's because of gender. Well, we also had.
Yeah, she's younger than him, sothat could that.
Could be That's fair, 'cause we probably.
Yeah. And she?
(34:43):
Has a twin brother. Who we probably are a little bit
easy now that I think about, we're probably a little bit more
patient easy on him than we are the older boy.
So maybe that's more of it as well.
Yeah, it's, it's going to get interesting.
For you too, Greg, because like,what happens when your, if your
daughter decides, OK, she's 510 now, she like, really wants to
make, you know, varsity sports and a potential like, college
(35:03):
career. Yeah, we go hard.
Don't get wrong, we we treat hersports just like the boys, OK?
We treat her school. So I want to be clear here, like
when we coach this, I don't meanour our level of expectations,
our demand, what we ask the girls to do.
I would tell all the family likeI tell all the girls just
because I tell all the parents like I'm going to coach your
(35:24):
daughter to the same high demands to the same as I do the
boys. My delivery might be a little
bit different. I and I and I think the.
Demands aren't anywhere. And I think that's fair.
Because also you can get into the gender roles of that, like
being screamed at by an adult man when you're 13.
(35:44):
Might be a little, might be a little.
Yeah, yeah. Like, that might be a little
harsh. I think there is a lot.
Listen, like both of my kids have been screamed at by
coaches, but they've like, I, I think there's a way to do it.
Like there's, there are certainly examples, especially
for my daughter who played tennis and her coach would say
(36:05):
like, just get your first serve in.
And she's like, oh, really? Like there are things you can,
oh, is that what you're supposedto do?
So like, I think there are ways you can like, you can, you can
do it and make sense. Yeah, it for me.
I think like we are in a lot of ways, we're coaches, right?
We're coaching our kids and trying to to develop them the
(36:27):
best as best as we can in life. And I think you coach your kid
as hard as they want to be coached in some in some
situations, like our daughter made it clear she wanted to be a
four year starter. She thought about wanting to
play tennis in college and she wanted to go to a high tier
academic school. And so in order to make those
things happen, we had to like, Imean, she required very little
(36:51):
she. She did require very.
Little that's a good point, but I mean, like we, we, you know,
when I played tennis with her and things weren't going well,
like this is I, I made some veryclear corrections and she like,
you know, they may not love the feedback, but it's your job to
to try to get your kid to what whatever it is that they want to
(37:12):
be. And so like, asking them about
those goals, I think isn't superimportant part of of life.
And I'm sure when we talked on our last podcast, you made it
clear that you talked to your kids about goals too.
So that's I think that's to me, the difference isn't gender.
It's like, how how far do you want to take this?
Because I can't take you any farther than you want to take
(37:35):
it. Like trying to coach a kid who
doesn't really want to do, you know, they don't want to play
varsity basketball. I'm not going to like they're
going to scream to this kid. Yeah, exactly.
Who just wants to play wreck ball?
Yeah, yeah. There's a, there's a, there's.
A style for everyone, right? There's a pot.
There's a top for every pot. Yeah.
And I'll tell you what, to just finish on this coaching thing
and I'll let you guys go. I actually, and my wife would
(37:57):
say it all the time. She's like, coaching Talbot's
team is so good for you. And I was like, you're right.
Like. Now when I coached them, they
were in 5th and 6th grade, so they were young.
This was very introductory levelbasketball, so most of the girls
had never seen a basketball. This was very.
School, Church league. Basketball and coming off
(38:18):
football where we've had these kids for years and they're 1415
year old boys like they've played for me before.
They're used to me. They've been around me.
I've known that, you know, I've been coaching the boys team
since they were little. My daughter was later to getting
into sports and now she loves it.
She she made her school basketball team.
She runs track and field. So like it was just a little bit
of a later. She was not the girl who grew up
(38:40):
in that, you know, when she was a little girl was on the in the
driveway playing basketball withher brothers.
That was not her. It was, it was a little bit
later into school, but I say allthat because I feel a little
more like self-conscious. So maybe this is more of like a
me problem. I feel a little bit more
self-conscious in the gym and I'm the guy on the bench because
(39:01):
it just happened to be basketball.
Like what I'm able to do at a football game and be in the loud
and the instruction. It's outdoors.
The kids are far away, people are far away.
It's a different environment of coaching.
There's an intensity that the sport demands that anyone like
it's the only way to do it. Like there is no other path.
(39:23):
Now I walk into a basketball gymof 6th grade girls and it's
like, am I really going to be that guy now talking about we
are coaching everything they do.We are instructing, Our
practices are highly demanding, organized girls.
We're going to pay attention. But like my wife jokes, my first
ever girls practice that I had with Talbot, they were in fifth
grade and I came home and I was like Kara, this is driving me
(39:48):
insane. Like all the girls hair is down.
Like no one puts their hair in aponytail because it makes their
forehead look. Weird.
Yeah. Next practice I.
Go. And I'm like, girls, I know
you're just, you don't know me. I'm Talbot's dad.
Everybody, every practice. We are going to start with
putting our hair in a ponytail. And then it became like a joke
(40:10):
and it became like a tradition, like, all right, practice is
starting. And like, everyone would joke,
like, all right, coach, look, myhair is in a ponytail.
It was like a light way of getting them going.
But like, we coach them hard. We demanded high things.
I think our style, like our delivery was 100% different
while still being demanding and still holding them to high
(40:32):
standards and still saying, hey,listen, just we're going to, if
this was the boys team, we'd askthem to do this.
So why would we not do it for the girls?
Like we're not going to ask lessof you because you guys can do
this. I don't want my daughters
friends at school being like, damn that your dad's crazy.
Your dad yelled at me. Your dad is meat.
Like I don't want 1112. Year old girls thinking.
(40:54):
I'm the boys. I'm like, I'm gonna kick you in
the ass. Like let's go, we're fine.
Let's go for pizza, you know, like it's I don't know, I just I
think that's the difference in like the.
Gender thing, too, like I would feel, I feel so comfortable with
my daughter's friends. Like, you know, I feel so
comfortable with my son's friends.
And there's like, I think it's just like a gender thing.
I'm definitely the mom. Yeah.
It's just different. Yeah, Greg can.
(41:17):
I ask like you can cut this out of the podcast, but can I ask
you like a semi personal question?
Open book, OK. How?
How far do you want to take this?
Coaching thing like you're Penn thinks you should be coaching
the Panthers. I I didn't say that, but.
You can cut this out, but. You're like everything I'm
hearing. From you, like you're learning
all these valuable lessons, coaching your kids.
(41:38):
I know you love coaching your kids.
You know so much about football.There's like everyone's getting
fired. Like have have you, have you
given that any thought in your life?
I have. I love coaching.
It is by far the favorite, my favorite thing that I do.
Like, I don't get me wrong, I love calling the games.
(41:59):
I love being a part of broadcasting games on Fox.
Like that's a fun job and it's challenging and I love it so.
But on a personal level, like nothing fills my bucket more
than like being on the field or in the gym or whatever the sport
is like, especially with the with this age of kids, like
middle school to high school hasbeen by far the most fun ages.
(42:23):
Like they're old enough to connect with them.
They're old enough to do it. They're they're not just little
kids. You're not babysitting anymore.
Like we're playing real sports now with these kids and the last
couple weeks like being with thehigh school kids on the field.
These kids are 18 years old. They're men.
They're going, you know, some ofthese kids are going to Army and
Air Force and Naval Academy and they're going to like major
(42:45):
institutions in a couple months.Like these are like grown men
out there. Like the way you can speak to
them, the way you can connect with them.
You can hold that. You talk about holding kids to
high standards, like 18 year oldgrown men, boys like you, you
can ask a lot of them and they love it and they love to be held
accountable and they love to be told that they're better than
they think they are. Like that's the part that I
(43:06):
love. The football is the easy part.
Like you can teach kids coverages and blocking.
I love the grind of it. I love spending time on the
field. I love that it was 30° snowing
and we're out there telling the boys like.
I have. A joke.
I, I was saying to the boys lastnight, I said, hey, you know
who's not cold or you know, all the kids hands are in their
pockets. I said, hey, you guys can be
(43:27):
complaining that you're cold, but all the teams that lost, all
the teams that seasons are over,they're playing basketball and
the gym's not cold. So if you guys are tired of
being cold, you can just lose onFriday night and your season
will be over and you don't have to worry about practicing in the
cold. Like and they look at you and
they're like, all right, I get that.
Like we should probably stop being, you know, like, I love
(43:49):
it. So to answer your question, I'm
always going to coach this age. Like as my kids continue to get
older, I will be as involved in the school with their teams, the
boys, the girls. Like I'll be as involved in the
school wants me to be, allows meto be anything beyond that.
Like what I love coaching in theNFL?
(44:11):
Yes. What I love coaching college?
Probably not more about just thedynamics stuff.
Not. For me, like I'm I'm not in the.
Business of like telling 17 yearold kids that the it's just not
my style, recruiting, all that. But I gave up like my lifestyle
for my entire life of being gone, of being all consumed in
(44:31):
my industry was fine. My kids were little.
My wife understood it. We met in college, she knew the
deal. But like now to go back and do
it again and give and move around the country and be at the
office till midnight and never see my kids and never see them
play sports because you're so locked in on coaching and in so
high demand. I'm not willing from a lifestyle
(44:53):
standpoint to make that commitment.
The job I would love, the job I could do, no question.
I'm not willing to do that from a lifestyle standpoint.
I want to be around to my kids. I want to pick them up from
school. I want to go do pizza on Friday
afternoons before the varsity games.
Like I live for that Monday through Friday experience with
everybody. You're not getting that if
(45:14):
you're coaching in the NFL. It's just not.
That's just not your life. So it's more of a lifestyle
thing that the demands of the job and what it takes to do it
at a competitive level, I would love.
I love. That answer because I think
that, and you can obviously cut this from the podcast, but I
think there's a lot of people who sell their souls because
(45:34):
you're like, that is what you'resupposed to do.
Like we get up, like we get phone calls for opportunities
that would require us to move ordo that.
And we're like, why? Like we have a really nice life
here. We get to go to the basketball
like we're good. So you're setting a great
example. And maybe when you're an empty
nester, maybe that's when NFL comes calling and you're what?
Empty when I'm an empty nester. My wife is going to.
(45:57):
I don't have a resume. I've never applied for a job,
but if I did, my wife, I think when the kids go off to college
and I'm following her around thehouse Monday through Friday
because I have no teams to coach, I have no kids, she's
going to send, She's going to be.
Sending my resume to. Every high school, Little
League, Pop Warner team, she's like, you should go coach the
team around the around. That's so, that's my so.
(46:19):
My dad was my high school football coach for 40 years.
He coached me. Both of my brothers all went on
to play college football and butthat that's all my dad did.
Both my parents were school teachers and they were both
coaches. Then my mom had us and she just
ended up doing like 40 years of teaching and my dad was a 40
plus year varsity football coachin New Jersey where we grew up.
(46:42):
But now obviously they're grandparents.
They live a stone's throw away from us around the corner.
He's coaches with me football and no one is happier than my
mom when no. One is happier.
Like he'll go up and sit in his office for she'll call me and
she'll be like, I haven't even seen your dad today.
I'm like, why? What's he doing?
Well, he played a little golf this morning, but then since
(47:03):
he's come home before practice, all he's done is sit up in his
office and watch film and draw. Then he's going to go to.
Practice. She's like.
It's so nice. The house is quiet.
So that's gonna be I could get that's in a handful of years.
That's gonna be you're like I have a LinkedIn page.
That's weird I never made it, I just got an e-mail.
Thank you for. Volunteering to coach the South
(47:25):
Charlotte Patriots 12 U Pop Warner team and I look, I'm
gonna look. My wife's gonna be.
Like I don't know how that happened.
I love it though, like it. Honestly is it's a lot of work
and it's frustrating and at times you're like, why do I do
this? This is so aggravating.
But then once that initial once that wears off and like you come
(47:46):
back to reality, it's like, I cannot wait to go back to
practice tomorrow. I cannot wait to see.
And then you see the boys and they see at school and coach.
I can't wait for next year. And like to your point about
like the boy thing, like you're comfortable, you give them a
hug, you grab them. I I have one last funny story
for you. I.
(48:07):
Don't know how much you guys. Like these stories?
I love them, love them, love them.
So I'm used. To this was another big thing
about like me learning how to coach boys versus girls, right?
So since my boys were little coaching their teams, you could
like, I need the kid to move. You could grab him by the arm
and you'd be like, hey, so standhere now look and like we're
demonstrating and I put my handson them and we're talking about
(48:29):
like, all right, when we block, here's how we tackle and like
you net like it's a very like hands on.
We're coaching, We're punching bags.
I'm showing them how to hold it back, like whatever the sport,
you know? And then I found myself at my
daughter's basketball gym and I'm like Talbot.
So I, and I was so uncomfortable, like just trying
(48:52):
to be respectful of like these young girls and like, I don't
even know them. And like, I'm not going to like
grab her arm and like turn her. Hey, no, this is where you need
to stand. Put your hands here.
Like, so I was like really having a hard time, like
interacting and demonstrating physical skills.
So finally I was just like, you know what, it has to be my
(49:13):
daughter. And then I had like this like,
and I say it as like a joke, butit became like something I would
like stress about. Like it was really like
stressing me out because I'm like, I'm not getting my point
across and I'm not able to like really show them out of respect
for these young girls. But I was like, I can do it to
my daughter. So like Talbot then became like
(49:34):
the and it became like a joke. All the girls would like laugh.
They'd be like, all right, Talbot, come here.
They're like, all right, Coach Greg needs to show us something.
And I'd be like, here's how we defend box out.
We got to get, you know, whatever The thing is because
I'm like, she's my daughter. If I grab her arm to lift her
arm up and teach her how to catch the ball or move her hips
this way because she's not denying the pass or whatever it
(49:55):
is. Like that was so foreign to me,
'cause even now when I see the girls, I'm like high fives.
Everyone's getting high fives. And then with the boys.
I can like put them in a headlock and I can hold them.
And it's been, but it's been such a fun challenge connecting
with young girls who I've never been around.
(50:19):
I never had sisters. So like I and that's why my wife
says she's like, this is the best thing for you.
And she's right. Like I would coach my daughter's
team all day, every day. I'm not her coach.
If I could be, I would. I think they're a blast.
I think they're adorable and they're very they're much better
listeners than the boys. I will.
I was sorry. When my daughter played middle
(50:41):
school basketball, it was like prison ball.
The girls were so much rougher than the boys, which is why I
was like these girls. They were my daughter fouled out
of every game. She was like clotheslining
people. It was.
They were so much rougher than the boys.
OK. I will say there, Greg.
I, I know it's been good for you.
(51:01):
It's good for the girls too. I'm going to like, I, we started
with this, but I'm going to quote doctor Lisa Damore, who's
been on our podcast Infinity times and she has said this
every time she comes on. She's like for that middle age
grade for women, girls who are getting older, like science has
shown the most important mental health element for them, not
parents. It's what they, what they call
(51:22):
caring adults. Having caring adults outside
your family that you can make connection with that kind of
show them the norm of what it's like to grow up and, and a human
being. So like what you're doing is
such a great service for those girls is the reason I do middle
school. I have the by the way, I have
the same problem the first day of middle school practice.
We have to show them how to box out.
And for guys, boxing out is not a comfortable, pleasant thing to
(51:45):
learn in practice. No.
Oh. I'm sure as hell a lot more
comfortable boxing my son out than my daughter, Right, That's
true. Like there is a coach who I
heard yelling during a game but to nut like that's what that's
what he yelled for. Boxing out.
I was like, it was, yeah, that'stough.
And I was. You're not screaming at the
girls. No, don't.
Scream at the girls. No, you can definitely cut that
(52:07):
out if you definitely. That's real, that it's.
All I just think it's cool that everyone understands like
there's no science, This is not,there's no rule book, there's no
playbook. Everyone's just kind of figuring
this out as they go. And I think that's the beauty of
it. That's the fun part.
Like I've been around sports my entire life.
(52:27):
It's really all I know. And like, I'm laying in bed
because I'm saying I'm doing a bad job teaching 5th grade
girls. Whatever.
The element. Of the game is like, I got to
just figure it out because I've never taught 5th grade girls how
to do it. In my brain, I know what it
looks like and I know, but it doesn't matter what I know.
It's what we get them to know. And every kid, every age, they
(52:51):
all take things at different levels.
And that's coaching, right? Like coaching is figuring out
how to connect with each individual kid appropriately.
Some kids need to be kicked in the ass and some kids need to be
talked to quietly in the corner because it's the only way to get
through to them. And the art is figuring out
who's who. And then you got to bring them
(53:12):
all together and do it as a collective unit.
Like that's the part of it that I love.
You're a good coach. Those kids are lucky to have
you. I'm not a good coach, I feel.
Like I at least can recognize what I'm bad at.
Something self-awareness is. A skill, self-awareness, is a.
Skill fair. All right, well, I can't thank
you guys enough. These are like therapy sessions
(53:32):
for me. I get to bounce ideas off
parents who are living similar but a little further down the
head as far as some of these challenges we face as parents.
And so many of the so much of the work you guys do that I know
it's fun and it's humorous at times, but it's real and your
videos are real and they make animpact on people.
And I know first hand I've come across a bunch of your content
and it makes me at least take a stop a laugh.
(53:54):
And then I also go, all right, Igot to evaluate like, am I doing
these things right? So I appreciate you guys for
coming on you think, and it's been really cool to get to know
you guys. Tell tell all the kids we say hi
and hope the Panthers have a better week.
Thanks for. Having us, this has been.
So fun.
We drive home, We're like 20 minutes from our house.
It's snowing, the roads are busy.
My wife made dinner and he goes,Dad, I don't have my backpack.
And I'm like, like you left it at, like you left it in your
locker. I.
Left it on, I left it on the football.
Field. Youth sports in America are at a
crossroads, and I'm here to helplead the conversation forward.
(00:20):
I'm Greg Olson. Each week we're sitting down
with top athletes, coaches and more to talk about what's
working, what's broken and what's next.
Welcome to you think. Well, the holiness family you
were, you were kind enough to have me on your incredible
channel. The the work that you guys do,
the videos you put out, the amazing family content, and now
(00:41):
your lifelong dream of being on a show where we talk about all
things youth sports and parenting.
So I know this is something you guys have really been anxious
and eager to join me here on, You think.
Your joke. I know you're joking, but you
realize my son wanted to call insick today so he could just be
here to be a production assistant.
(01:01):
And and he would be fine talkingabout youth sports or the
Panthers or Greg Olson or or. Whatever.
Yeah, whatever you needed him to.
He is not happy to be at school.Right.
Yes, correct. How is he feeling about the
Panthers? You know what?
I actually, Kim, can I quote youreally quickly.
She had an amazing quote about the Panthers that I think works
(01:22):
well for this podcast, she said.I really wish that AAU coaches
had as much patience with their players as the Panthers are
having now with Bryce Young. So I will say this, my son plays
AAU basketball. He misses 13 pointer out, you
know, and that's, and it's, it'sfrustrating as a parent, 'cause
you're like, yeah, you get it. And I would, nobody makes every
(01:44):
shot. But they, they, they RIP those
kids out and they, they lose. It's, it's hard, right?
This sweet boy, Bryce Young, bless his heart, is getting a
lot more chance. And I'm not a football like I
don't, I watch the Panthers because my son's obsessed.
But I was like, God, I feel likeif he played AAU basketball as a
(02:05):
15 year old boy, he wouldn't getthis many chances.
That might be the best line I'veheard in a really long time.
Right? And it's an yeah, I'll just
leave it there. Because I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for the lawyer. I mean, I know my son, my son
doesn't like when I say that he's a loyal Bryce Young fan or.
Yeah, Yeah. So.
(02:25):
We are. My boys are loyal.
There's something about Bryce Young that I think all young
boys love and we all love him because he's like the guy you
want your kid to look up and theway he acts and the way he talks
and his maturity. So I, I get the loyalties.
But yeah, it, it depends on the week, I guess, right?
Like once I had them when they beat the Panther.
I had them when they beat the Packers and then last week
(02:46):
against the Saints at home. But anyway, that's a great
segue. I do want to know because I know
that I'm the crazy parent in theat times, I'm the first one to
raise my hand in the gym. I'm not the coach right now in
basketball season. So I just got done off of
coaching football. We're like, I'm in control, it's
my team. I get to coach everybody and now
(03:08):
I'm not the coach and I'm just the dad sitting in the bleachers
just like living and dying with every possession.
What if I had a hidden camera onyou guys in the gym at a 15 UAAU
basketball tournament? What kind of vibes are we
putting off? Depends, yeah.
I'm on the bench. I've been an assistant for every
for every team it's going to. Be great.
(03:29):
Yeah, so I've been an assistant for every team that my son has
played on in AAU. So he's the one taking him out
of the game. I'm kidding.
I'm. Yeah, I am.
So I have a tough time when he'sin the game.
I am watching him exclusively and I don't do a good job
watching anybody else on the court.
It is impossible not to look at your son because he's trying
(03:53):
something really hard, you know,and I know that his mood is
going to be unfortunately probably fairly attached to what
his performance is like during that game.
And so I, I, I definitely am watching him more than anyone.
I'm trying to be like the hype man outwardly, I'm the hype man.
There is absolutely, it's OK if something goes wrong.
(04:15):
That was amazing. If something goes right, Hey, I
noticed when you did that. And I say it to all the kids,
but in at the meantime, I'm internalizing a lot of feelings
as well, such as, Oh my gosh, hedidn't, he's in the wrong spot.
Oh my gosh, he got scared and hethrew the ball away.
And and that builds up inside a person over a season of or two
of watching basketball. I, I'm a very, I just hope both
(04:38):
teams have fun type of mom. I, if the other team makes a
great shot, I'll clap and peoplelike the parents will look at me
and but I don't know, like they,they should be out there having
fun and they should be out therelike you got to be impressed.
If somebody on the other team makes a great shot, I will and
have I'm like, if a ref isn't, if it isn't calling it and kids
(04:59):
are getting hurt. I have been known to like, raise
my voice and say, like, come on,kids are getting hurt out there.
Like I've been that person too. No way you actually raise your
voice in the gym. I do that.
I know. Like me.
Well. Silent yeah.
And just, I'm listening to you guys because it like it just
(05:25):
every time I talk to people who like give me how they act during
the games, I sit here and I justfeel worse about myself.
When you I'll tell you, it's hard to internalize all the
things you're thinking about your kid.
My advice would be if you just said them out loud, it feels so
much better. Just you're in the wrong spot.
You got to finish. Stop it.
That's what I that's probably the mistakes that I made is I, I
(05:47):
err on the side of just, there'snothing internalized.
It's just it's thrown out there in the real time and sometimes I
go. Probably should have kept that
to myself. Yeah, we, I would say Penn does
a really good job of like letting the coach talk and I
don't know enough about like where he should be to know the
difference. So that's easy for me.
I my, my issue is like, especially in an AAU tournament,
(06:09):
they need to get through those games kind of fast and some, so
sometimes they're not, they're the refs.
But listen, they're working hard.
They swallow the whistle. Yeah.
And they just don't. And kids actually end up getting
hurt. So like, that's the only time
when I raise my voice. But yeah, it's, it's hard.
Yeah. Like watching your kid out there
doing a really hard thing is it's just hard.
I I get it. And I'm not sure what's harder,
(06:32):
the all the emotions and the stress that comes with coaching
it and being responsible for what's going on out there or not
being responsible for it and having no say and no control
over what happens. I'm not sure which one.
I'm still torn on which one I like better and which one drives
me more crazy. At times I say I never want to
coach, I just want to sit in thebleachers like everybody else
(06:54):
because this is a lot of stress.And then at other times I'm
like, I can't sit in the bleachers and watch this.
I need to go out to coach. So I go back and forth.
All right. So there is, I believe strongly
there is a period between about 13 and 16, right?
That's, that's when you first start kind of developing
hormones and you start going to like real travel tournaments.
And then 16 is when you've got alicense and you just kind of go
(07:15):
to your own tournaments and yourparents sometimes don't even
show up. And in a lot of cases like the
recruiting has already worked itself out and the pressure is
off. But there's a period, an
athletic period between 13 and 16 that I think is the most
important period for a child athlete to have an adult role
model who was not their parent. Yeah.
And so that's totally agree. That's one of the reasons that I
(07:38):
keep doing this anytime they ask.
Like I know I said I mostly watch my kid, but it's also my
job at the end of the bench whena kid comes off of the, of the
court and they are completely dejected and are flooded.
And I, I assume, even though it's not always case that
they're going to hear it from their parents because that's
like on a highly competitive team that happens.
Like, you know, they, the parentgets in the car and was like,
(08:01):
what was going on out there? And so I, I, I think that kids
like that are feeling so deeply,I think they flood emotionally
and are in, in a time of real despair.
And if you can be a, a force of support, understanding and
empathy for a kid like that on that part of the bench.
And I've seen it with other adults too.
(08:23):
I just think it's incredibly important to have a non parent
support system when it comes to that.
And we've been really lucky our the basketball coaches, they've
been great. They've been, they've been
really good for my son and that he's going to listen to them
more than he'll listen to eitherof us.
Right, but they like me at the end because I'm like the.
For the other kids. Yeah, I'm the I'm the, the grief
(08:43):
counselor basically at the end of the bench.
And I try to keep it light and positive.
But like, I've seen, I've seen coaches like that be that person
for my son and I've seen how that's helped kind of get him
through tough times. I just, I think that's so well
said and we joke about our all our shortcomings as parents.
At least I'm very outward about my shortcomings and whatnot.
(09:04):
And I just think it's so cool tojust see your perspective and
you're just big picture view of not only your kid, but then just
how your role can complement thestyles of the other coaches and
help other people's kids. And I think that's probably the
biggest thing when you coach your kids team.
I think all of us, all we want is for the other parents to say,
(09:24):
yes, he's there with his his ownson or daughter, but he
genuinely is there for our children too.
Like he loves our children too. And I, I guess if at the end of
the season that was all the other families take away, I
think I'd be pretty happy with that.
Yeah, yeah, and I'm sure you did.
Kudos to you. Kudos to you.
I do want, I know millions and millions of people.
(09:46):
I want to take a step back here and take a wider view at at
everything that you guys do and represent.
And you know, millions and millions of people follow your
content, your videos, all the stuff that you guys make is is
just is is really incredible. Take us back, though, to the why
behind it. For anyone not familiar with
your channel, for anyone who's maybe new to just rediscovering,
(10:07):
just discovering you recently, like why put your lives out
there? Why put your vulnerabilities,
your strengths, your weaknesses,your family, each other?
What was give us the idea of theinspiration for why you guys
even built this channel to have these conversations to share
your lives with millions and literally millions and millions
of people all across the. World yeah, the actual Genesis
(10:31):
story might be relatable to people with kids because here in
the South, you send Christmas cards to to you take a picture
of your family and you send a Christmas card out and you mail.
It I, I think that's pretty universal because.
OK. So it's everywhere.
Great. That's wonderful to hear.
And and so our kids wouldn't sitstill.
They were like 6-4 and six yearsold.
(10:52):
And so we decided to make a music video about our year
instead of like the letter of what's been going on.
And we put it on YouTube also announcing that I was quitting
my job because my wife wanted totry something new.
And, and so we put the video outand it was called Christmas
Jammies and it went like viral. It got 20 million views or
(11:15):
something like that and was on abunch of national TV networks.
And we were already quitting to,to start a production company.
But we, this sort of new platform presented itself to us,
YouTube and Facebook, where people were looking for content
like that. And we sort of slowly started
making more and more videos likeit.
And that's evolved over 11 yearsinto just really like a family
(11:37):
storytelling business that largely involves us and not our
children. Right.
And Greg, I'll be super honest. We put out that first video in
2013 and sort of closed the laptop and walked away and then
opened it the next day and like Good Morning America was calling
the Today she was calling. We had no idea that you could do
(11:59):
like whatever it is. This is that what we do like for
a job. So it wasn't a business plan.
Our business plan was to go makevideos for other people to be
behind the scenes. So it even took us a couple
years after that before we started routinely doing our own
content. We didn't even know that this
could be a thing, but we both came from a news business, a
(12:22):
journalism background. We love writing.
We love putting like my favoritething is just like put something
really goofy together. And right now instead, you know,
like the vehicle. We live at this really cool time
where the vehicles, the Internetand so we can just like the, the
process of creating and making has like we were doing that
before, but now we're just doingit on the Internet.
(12:44):
So that's how and we continue tolearn and we continue to fail
and we continue to try things that don't work.
So I mean, obviously we have people that work with us now and
there is the business plan and there are all these plans.
But yeah, we're still trying to figure it out everyday.
And so many of your videos are fun and they're light and
they're humorous and they're family.
(13:05):
But like, what would you say that?
Do you want them to be like anchored in, like when people
watch, aside from the entertainment value, aside from
people laughing, or maybe they're having a tough day and
they come across one of your videos and it brings them a
little joy. Like at the end, at the real
core of it, like, what would yousay is like the anchor of your
process, your the anchor of yourvideos?
(13:25):
Like what do you want your family, your channel to be known
as? We are doing the best we can,
and we know that most parents are doing the best we can.
That leads to, as Kim said, failure and a lot of times,
humor. And when we laugh at ourselves,
about our foibles and mistakes and things that go on in our
(13:46):
life, we want the people who watch us to have permission to
also laugh at their own. Yeah, so we sort of came up with
an an, an internal sort of mission statement, which is
permission to laugh. So if our content strays from
that, if it punches down, if it seems like mean or it's making
fun of somebody. I mean, we've shot plenty of
(14:07):
videos and we looked at them. We're like, that's coming off a
little mean spirited and we've hit the delete button.
So at the end of the day, it's just giving people permission to
laugh. Would your kids say your
parenting style aligns with the two people we sit here that are
so light and fun and casual? Like is that exact?
Would that be your household if one of your kids came home with
(14:30):
AD on his report card or he camehome and he was out past his and
he came out because he was out past his curfew?
Like, are you parenting in the same capacity as these videos?
I hope that our general baselineis positive and encouraging and
energetic and self aware and self deprecating.
I hope that that's we, I, I believe yes to that.
(14:53):
But if you come home with AD, you're going to hear about it
because that's a lack of effort.The things that we don't really
tolerate in our house are a lackof effort and dishonesty.
Like those are the two things that you see mom voice or dad
voice. Yeah, I but I do we have a lot
of like there's a lot of laughing like this guy that
didn't he makes the dinner tablereally fun.
There's a lot of laughing and I mean, I feel pretty lucky to be
(15:19):
a part of a family that has thatmuch fun.
But exactly what Penn said. Because in my experience, if if
you have AC, sometimes you're really, really trying to get AC
and we'll, we'll get cookies andmore celebrate, but you have ADI
think that's a lack of effort. So that's no bueno.
What's up guys, do you want custom fan wear like this
cricket shirt for Charlotte Christian School?
We've got premium apparel from your favorite brands.
(15:42):
The best part about it is I don't have to just wear it to
Charlotte Christians events. I can wear it to golf.
I can wear it to lunch. It's turned into my uniform.
Go right now over to Youth dot, Inc Sign up for our newsletter.
It talks about our podcast for that week.
Our interview guests all the breaking news across the
landscape of youth sports. And you can win one piece of
merch for your school by going to Sign up today.
(16:03):
And remember, itsnot.com, It's Youth dot, Inc.
Now back to our episode. It goes to so much more than
just school or whatever, whatever it is, because the same
thing in the sports world, you know.
So we got three young kids. I have an eighth grade boy and
two 7th graders. And they're all three wrapped up
in their own sport right now, intheir own training and their
own, you know, practices or whatever.
(16:24):
And some of the games go well, some of the times they strike
out, sometimes they get a hit, they miss shots, they turn the
ball over in basketball, whatever it is.
And the hardest thing we find for our kids, so I'd love to
hear like your approach towards like parenting on this is I try
to beat them over the head with just focus on the work.
Like stop worrying about how many hits you had, how many
(16:45):
points you scored. Are you a starter?
Are you the 6th man? Like whatever all of that is
will take care of itself. But like, if you didn't have a
good game, let's really evaluatewhat did you do leading up to
that game and should you have expected to play well?
And if the answer is, I did everything in my possible,
everything in my power that was possible, I just the ball
(17:07):
wouldn't go in or it just wasn'tmy best day, I did.
We can live with that. Like where I get frustrated is
you're upset you didn't play well in the car, you didn't get
a hit in baseball or you missed your 3 point, you know, whatever
it was. And then I asked him and I say,
well, when was the last time outside of your team practice?
When was the last time you went outside and worked on your shot
(17:29):
or went downstairs and worked onyour bat?
You know, your bat path and yourhands or your fielding or
whatever skill it is. Like if you're not going to put
in the work, why are you expecting to do well at it?
And the same thing in school. Are all your assignments turned
in on time? Do you have all your stuff
checked off? They have these like I'm sure
everybody has it now, but like you can literally go into like a
portal and see all of your kids assignments.
(17:51):
My wife is like, and my wife is much better following it than I
am. And like if you have a one that
means like there's a placeholderbecause you haven't turned in a
homework assignment or something.
So we say to him like you don't have a good grade in that class
or you have AB or whatever, but you got like 3 assignments that
have been turned in late. Like that's just laziness.
Like so how do you guys parent that?
(18:12):
Like how do we get the kids to focus on the process of the work
and not be so reliant on the outcome?
I think it's interesting with sports, we have similar
conversations and I think now heknows not if he has a not ideal
(18:33):
game or tryout or something, he actually knows not to complain
too much because we he knows we will like what the answer is,
which is first of all, watch theprofessionals, not Steph Curry.
Doesn't make every shot like youtry your best and you do this
for a living and sometimes it just the ball does not go in.
And did you actually do all the work you could have?
(18:55):
Probably not I can say. So he actually knows that now
he's been trained but with school we are pretty like he's
very self aware he has ADHD and dude he is.
That kid is trying so hard but there is a lot to keep up with
for a sophomore in high school taking advanced classes with
ADHD. So what he's got better about is
(19:19):
asking for help. And so like that, like for a
while he was just kind of suffering by himself.
And our biggest thing was, dude,this has to be hard for your
type of brain. Ask for help.
So now he's doing a better job. Yeah, so.
With that ADHD it, there's a component of it where like your
working memory is, is a challenge, right?
Working memory is like what is in the forefront of your brain
(19:41):
and what's in the what's in the back.
And because of that, that deficit that you have in your
brain. Kids with ADHD famously finish
entire projects and then forget to turn them in because it's
left their working memory. And it's, it's one of the most
common complaints that we've heard from parents because we've
written two books about it. We hear a lot from parents about
(20:02):
it. And like, that's a tough one to
parent, right? Like if it's if if it's a kid
who decides that they want to goout with their buddies and just
like. You know what, it's not that
important to me. I guess that's different, but
you kind of it it to me. We do make try to make a
connection before we get on them.
We try to say, hey man, I know this is hard for you.
(20:24):
I know you're trying really hard.
What what can then then ask the question like, what can we do to
to fix this? What upstream solution can we
come up with to solve this? Because the average ADHD child
gets either scolded or corrected10,000 times in his childhood.
(20:45):
And that I mean, and then you had sports on to that.
So like it might be more. Efficient.
It's probably a whole different stressor.
That's a whole different stress.So in our family, sports is like
this fun thing you do. It's it's probably not a path to
College in our family. So we really are hardcore on
school. Like if he's not at practicing
(21:06):
thing like his shot, I care a little.
I care a lot less than if he's not turning like the student
after the part. Like the student part is more
important in our house. So quick aside but I'm just
young teenage boy brains my 14 year old.
So after after school these lastcouple weeks I help out with the
(21:28):
varsity football team at the kids school.
So it's K through 12. So they all, they're all at this
same school regardless of what grade you're in.
And so my, my one son's not doing a winter sport.
So he comes home after school with my wife and then the, my
daughter and my older son, they play on the school basketball
teams respectively. And so they I go help with the
varsity football team and then they get out of practice, they
(21:49):
come out and then we come home together.
So I'm out there yesterday, it'ssnowing in Charlotte.
We're practicing. It's it was like a really cool
moment. It's dark, the lights are on.
We're getting ready for the state semifinals and the
football playoffs. Like it was a cool thing.
Take my my older son Tate comes out there.
It's snowing. The kids are yelling and running
around like, like a lot of like snow energy down South.
(22:11):
You don't get a lot of snow, as you guys know.
Well, Long story short, we drivehome, we're like 20 minutes from
our house. It's snowing, the roads are
busy, it's traffic. And when we pull into the
driveway, all we want to do is get inside and warm up.
And my wife made dinner and he goes, Dad, I don't have my
backpack. And I'm like, like you left it
(22:31):
at, like you left it in your locker.
He's outside I. Left it on.
I left it on the football on thefield. 100%.
It is. It's like snowing slash raining.
So it's wet and nasty and it's 20 minutes away and we just got
home and it's 30°. I think a year ago I would have
been pissed. Like I would have given him the
(22:52):
whole like you got a lot, you know, you got to have more
attention, you got to lock in. Just you're too old for this.
But like what I've learned and listening to you guys say, it's
like I'm really no different. I'm super scatterbrained anyway.
So like I'd be more. So I was like, all right, here's
what we're going to do. We're going to go in mommy made
dinner. We're going to sit down and eat
(23:13):
dinner, whether it's for 5 minutes or 20 minutes.
We'll see how long it takes. I'll go back and get it so you
can make sure you take care of. But when I go back and get your
homework, mom's not going to be happy that you're not starting
your homework till 8:00 at night.
You might want to like get in the shower, do all your night
time stuff like get rolling. Don't just sit around and watch
Monday Night Football because I'm, like, giving you a little
(23:35):
bit of a hall pass here, but like, come on, man.
Like, yeah, in my mind, I want to be like, you left your
backpack on the football field. Oh yeah, the snow.
But he's like, I learned it fromyou, Dad.
It's really nice to hear that we're going through the same
stuff as an NFL Hall of Fame tight end, yeah.
(23:56):
The same life, yeah. Yeah, it like it is a little
refreshing. To me and I've heard, I've heard
the parents that are like, well,just going to sit there, you
know, I'm you forgot your lunch.I'm not going to bring it to
you. I'm with you, Greg.
I forget stuff all the time. It is really, I do believe
especially a student athlete andhow rigorous the demands of
(24:17):
school is. No matter what level you are
like right now, I think it's hard to be a teenager.
So we if if you are willing to do the work, we will supply
endless grace. But you have to show me you're
doing the work. Like your son had to get in the
shower. He had to help mom with dishes.
He had to be ready. So when you brought the wet
backpack back. That soaking wet.
(24:38):
Soaking wet that he could lock in.
And he needed to lock in. Yeah.
And I guess it, yeah, I'm with you on that.
I do have a question because I know in our house the answer,
but I'm curious in your house like say your son does something
wrong. I'm not saying something like
critically serious, just a typical boy, something dumb, bad
test grade, something at school,whatever.
(25:01):
He needs to break some level of news to the family who who's
who's getting the news first because he knows it's going to
be received maybe the easiest orit is.
Or is this like a family at all at once discussion?
Like how is it in your house? There's a text message.
Yeah, he sends a text to both ofus.
(25:21):
Expect that. Soften the blow.
Yeah, and and he falls on the sword.
Yep. And he's like, listen, I messed
up and I'm gonna this is what I'm doing to make it right.
And it's not a behavior thing because he's he's such a good
kid. But like, if it's a school grade
situation, he's like, I've already talked to the teacher.
(25:44):
Yeah. It's interesting with Lola.
She comes, she comes to me. Yes. 1st.
Yes. Right.
And that's Greg's nodding his head, and I think we know why.
Yeah, no, it's just it is interesting.
She tells me certain things and then it if.
She tells you about kissing boys.
She's. Going to kill you for saying and
she tells me I mean she's in college now we're OK and she
(26:07):
tells me about I. Was I was like, OK, we're good.
Yeah, I'm sitting here. I'm like.
She's 18. My daughter.
My daughter kisses boy. She's only 13, no.
She's 18. She's 18.
She. Knows not to come to me with
that. That's going to be a mom
conversation. Yeah.
Sure, I will not handle that well.
I'm I'm very straightforward with that conversation is not
(26:27):
going to be a strength of mine. A lot of change.
A lot of things change between 13 and 18.
With your girl, it'll change. She, I make her like every day.
We have like this running joke now because she's like getting
big and she's tall and like whenshe was little, like you'd want
to sit on dad's lap and you'd want to read a book and watch a
movie. But now she's like 5-10.
(26:48):
Like she's just like a big, you know, tall getting older.
I my wife always says don't refer to her as big.
I'm like, I mean it in like a good thing.
Like she's tall and healthy. When I say big, I mean as like a
positive, but apparently to a teenage girl that's not bad.
Dude. Honestly want their dad calling
them big. Same thing, same thing happened
to me and Kim had to explain it to me.
And it's that's tough for us to understand, right?
(27:09):
Because we're, we're. It is good to you guys and but
so our daughter's also 510 and she was 5-10 in the 7th grade
when all the boys were like 411 still, right?
And she actually, I think she got measured and she sorry about
that. She actually grew another half
an inch last year. So I think she's 5, 510 1/2.
(27:30):
She wears her cowboy boots to the football game.
She's over 6 feet tall and she loves it.
But when daddy and, you know, was calling her big in the 7th
grade, she like, she's like, stop calling me big.
He's like, you are big. It's great.
Like people celebrate big. She's like, you can say tall but
not big. And that's just.
That's exactly. Yeah, yeah, like.
(27:52):
Why isn't there a book that theyhand dads when their daughter
turned 13 that says here's what you should and.
Should and there's so much to unravel because big is not bad.
But there's a whole separate podcast about girls and body
image and what's programmed intoour heads and that because big
is not bad, you know, but yeah, it's the language we have to use
(28:13):
around our girls, especially that don't fit into the five
foot two petite teeny, you know,weeny like clothing sizes that
are in every mall. It's it's it's just harder and
I'm factored 4. So she's I she's she's always
been taller than I am. So I think it's also hard when
like you're taller than your momand you can't share clothes and
(28:35):
stuff like that. Anyway, separate podcast.
No, I, I, I'm learning it. I grew up with all boys.
I had no sisters and my daughter, my, my wife had just a
sister. So she grew up in a house where
it was all girls. I grew up in a house that was
all boys. Yeah.
So like, the conversations at the dinner table that my wife is
(28:55):
accustomed to her whole life, and the conversations at my
dinner table were very different.
And like, she's having these all, like, these intimate, deep
conversations. I'm like, we're supposed to talk
about all this. Yeah.
I didn't think we were supposed to talk about, share all of
this. She's like, yeah.
I was like, well, it's news to me.
Just push those feelings deep down inside Greg.
Just push them down. Just figure it out.
(29:17):
Just figure it out. Rub some dirt on it, figure it
out. Yeah.
But I but I do but I do make my daughter for like and it's
getting let like it used to be like I get her for like a couple
minutes and now I get it for like 5 seconds.
But I have a rule like every dayshe has to come sit by me.
But like it's lasting like less and less and less.
I get it. Like what teenage girl wants to
(29:38):
go sit by their dad on the couchand like, snuggle, you know,
like she doesn't want to do thatanymore?
Well, she'll come back, yes. She'll come back, she will come
back. So like the when, when, when
they're this may be too much information when their body
changing. Love it when their when their
body changes. It's it's a transition that
they're very uncomfortable with.I mean, if they're uncomfortable
with it around boys, they're going to be uncomfortable around
their dad. I had like the side, the one arm
(29:59):
butt out side hug from her from about 13 to 17.
And now she's back. She's like, you know, it, it, it
just takes a while to get back to that comfort and she's she's
back to snuggling with me. She you know, she'll, she'll
just come put her head on my shoulder and it's it's
heartbreaking when it stops. But once you understand what's
happening, like she's becoming awoman, right, it makes it more
(30:22):
understandable. So I think the fact that you're
like making yourself available and and you're that safe spot
like it, it's gonna, it may evenhappen quicker for you than it
does for other people because you're doing all the right
things. Yeah, I'm, I'm, it doesn't
offend me. Like I joke that it hurts my
feelings but like they know I'm joking.
(30:42):
Yeah, you're safe. You're safe.
Funny, like funny. You guys used to really want to
spend time with your dad. Now you want to sit in your room
like I'll make my passive aggressive comments and they're
like, dad, stop, we see you all day.
I'm like, you're right. I'm always around another thing.
Can I give you another thing that Kim all the advice I'll.
Take it all. So Kim taught me this.
You're. A dad, you think that it's your
job to be your daughter's hero and to solve any problem that
(31:04):
she might have. You are.
That is how we are programmed asmen to like, if there's
something wrong, you want to solve it, Sweep them off their
feet, whatever. So Lola would come and start
talking to us about her feelings.
And I would stop and interrupt her in the conversation and say,
well, why don't I just do this? Or maybe you should just do
this. And Kim was like, honey, if you
just shut up and let her talk, she's going to tell you so much
(31:27):
more. So just hush.
Don't try to solve everything. Listen and say, man, that's
really hard. And I learned that good advice
while being married to her. But I never really applied it to
my daughter until she became a young woman and it became really
important. And now she tells him
everything. Now she tells.
Me everything. I want her to tell me.
Everything to a degree Yep, I got you understand and she.
(31:47):
Will she'll know the line. And then she'll like turn to
mom. You're gonna go talk to mom and
then. She'll be like, oh I have AI,
have a. Crush on this boy yeah.
Like that'll go to mom. That's a mom.
Yeah, no, I'm kidding. I.
That's really good advice. Shutting up and listening is
probably something I can improveon.
I do. I have one more piece of
parenting advice that I am goingto ask you guys.
I think it's really interesting.Parents that have boys and
(32:09):
girls, yeah, like sons and daughters, like parenting
styles. My boys always give me a hard
time because they say I'd give Talbot like so much more grace
and I'm so much more. Talbot is my daughter.
That's yeah. And they say I'd give her like
so much. I'm much more patient.
They're like, oh, if that was me, oh, if that was us, oh, you
would never do that to us. And like, I kind of chuckle, but
(32:32):
then I do. I do.
I don't know if this is good parenting or not, so I'm just
going to throw it out there. And I was like, all right.
I said, you guys want me to treat you like a 13 year old
girl. I will.
Like I I just, I always tell them I said the boy, the world
doesn't need any more soft boys.So like, I don't know, like I
probably am wrong. This is probably like a parent,
like a psychologist who probablygoing to listen to this and be
(32:53):
like, this guy's messing it up. But like I do kind of think
there's a little difference in how you parent boys and girls.
Like it's different when I coachmy daughter's basketball team
people like how do you coach your daughter's 5th grade girls
basketball team? Because they just watched me
coach 7th and 8th grade boys in football.
And like we get after it and we coach them hard and we love them
hard and it's demanding and it is a little bit different.
(33:16):
I don't know if that's good or bad, but like there is a little
bit more understanding. There is a little bit of a
lighter atmosphere, a little bitmore of a looser.
We're not, you know, we're not on these young girls like we
maybe do with the boys. Like am I crazy?
I think it's worth. Zooming out and taking a look
because as AI was a dancer so asa 13 year old girl I was getting
(33:41):
yelled at plenty and I accepted it and I I feel like it made me
pretty It pretty tough. So I don't think you necessarily
need to hold back to protect girls.
I also I also feel like there isroom in this world for dudes
(34:02):
that know how to like rationallyprocess feelings.
And I don't know if and I think like a a lot of what's happening
in the world is like a whole bunch of men that don't know how
to process their feelings. So there's probably we do
parent. I think it's a birth order
thing. My daughter would say my son
(34:22):
gets away with everything. So I think that's more birth
order. I think we were first time
parents. We call her our first pancake.
Like we didn't know what we weredoing.
So we do, we do parent differently, but I don't know if
it's because of gender. Well, we also had.
Yeah, she's younger than him, sothat could that.
Could be That's fair, 'cause we probably.
Yeah. And she?
(34:43):
Has a twin brother. Who we probably are a little bit
easy now that I think about, we're probably a little bit more
patient easy on him than we are the older boy.
So maybe that's more of it as well.
Yeah, it's, it's going to get interesting.
For you too, Greg, because like,what happens when your, if your
daughter decides, OK, she's 510 now, she like, really wants to
make, you know, varsity sports and a potential like, college
(35:03):
career. Yeah, we go hard.
Don't get wrong, we we treat hersports just like the boys, OK?
We treat her school. So I want to be clear here, like
when we coach this, I don't meanour our level of expectations,
our demand, what we ask the girls to do.
I would tell all the family likeI tell all the girls just
because I tell all the parents like I'm going to coach your
(35:24):
daughter to the same high demands to the same as I do the
boys. My delivery might be a little
bit different. I and I and I think the.
Demands aren't anywhere. And I think that's fair.
Because also you can get into the gender roles of that, like
being screamed at by an adult man when you're 13.
(35:44):
Might be a little, might be a little.
Yeah, yeah. Like, that might be a little
harsh. I think there is a lot.
Listen, like both of my kids have been screamed at by
coaches, but they've like, I, I think there's a way to do it.
Like there's, there are certainly examples, especially
for my daughter who played tennis and her coach would say
(36:05):
like, just get your first serve in.
And she's like, oh, really? Like there are things you can,
oh, is that what you're supposedto do?
So like, I think there are ways you can like, you can, you can
do it and make sense. Yeah, it for me.
I think like we are in a lot of ways, we're coaches, right?
We're coaching our kids and trying to to develop them the
(36:27):
best as best as we can in life. And I think you coach your kid
as hard as they want to be coached in some in some
situations, like our daughter made it clear she wanted to be a
four year starter. She thought about wanting to
play tennis in college and she wanted to go to a high tier
academic school. And so in order to make those
things happen, we had to like, Imean, she required very little
(36:51):
she. She did require very.
Little that's a good point, but I mean, like we, we, you know,
when I played tennis with her and things weren't going well,
like this is I, I made some veryclear corrections and she like,
you know, they may not love the feedback, but it's your job to
to try to get your kid to what whatever it is that they want to
(37:12):
be. And so like, asking them about
those goals, I think isn't superimportant part of of life.
And I'm sure when we talked on our last podcast, you made it
clear that you talked to your kids about goals too.
So that's I think that's to me, the difference isn't gender.
It's like, how how far do you want to take this?
Because I can't take you any farther than you want to take
(37:35):
it. Like trying to coach a kid who
doesn't really want to do, you know, they don't want to play
varsity basketball. I'm not going to like they're
going to scream to this kid. Yeah, exactly.
Who just wants to play wreck ball?
Yeah, yeah. There's a, there's a, there's.
A style for everyone, right? There's a pot.
There's a top for every pot. Yeah.
And I'll tell you what, to just finish on this coaching thing
and I'll let you guys go. I actually, and my wife would
(37:57):
say it all the time. She's like, coaching Talbot's
team is so good for you. And I was like, you're right.
Like. Now when I coached them, they
were in 5th and 6th grade, so they were young.
This was very introductory levelbasketball, so most of the girls
had never seen a basketball. This was very.
School, Church league. Basketball and coming off
(38:18):
football where we've had these kids for years and they're 1415
year old boys like they've played for me before.
They're used to me. They've been around me.
I've known that, you know, I've been coaching the boys team
since they were little. My daughter was later to getting
into sports and now she loves it.
She she made her school basketball team.
She runs track and field. So like it was just a little bit
of a later. She was not the girl who grew up
(38:40):
in that, you know, when she was a little girl was on the in the
driveway playing basketball withher brothers.
That was not her. It was, it was a little bit
later into school, but I say allthat because I feel a little
more like self-conscious. So maybe this is more of like a
me problem. I feel a little bit more
self-conscious in the gym and I'm the guy on the bench because
(39:01):
it just happened to be basketball.
Like what I'm able to do at a football game and be in the loud
and the instruction. It's outdoors.
The kids are far away, people are far away.
It's a different environment of coaching.
There's an intensity that the sport demands that anyone like
it's the only way to do it. Like there is no other path.
(39:23):
Now I walk into a basketball gymof 6th grade girls and it's
like, am I really going to be that guy now talking about we
are coaching everything they do.We are instructing, Our
practices are highly demanding, organized girls.
We're going to pay attention. But like my wife jokes, my first
ever girls practice that I had with Talbot, they were in fifth
grade and I came home and I was like Kara, this is driving me
(39:48):
insane. Like all the girls hair is down.
Like no one puts their hair in aponytail because it makes their
forehead look. Weird.
Yeah. Next practice I.
Go. And I'm like, girls, I know
you're just, you don't know me. I'm Talbot's dad.
Everybody, every practice. We are going to start with
putting our hair in a ponytail. And then it became like a joke
(40:10):
and it became like a tradition, like, all right, practice is
starting. And like, everyone would joke,
like, all right, coach, look, myhair is in a ponytail.
It was like a light way of getting them going.
But like, we coach them hard. We demanded high things.
I think our style, like our delivery was 100% different
while still being demanding and still holding them to high
(40:32):
standards and still saying, hey,listen, just we're going to, if
this was the boys team, we'd askthem to do this.
So why would we not do it for the girls?
Like we're not going to ask lessof you because you guys can do
this. I don't want my daughters
friends at school being like, damn that your dad's crazy.
Your dad yelled at me. Your dad is meat.
Like I don't want 1112. Year old girls thinking.
(40:54):
I'm the boys. I'm like, I'm gonna kick you in
the ass. Like let's go, we're fine.
Let's go for pizza, you know, like it's I don't know, I just I
think that's the difference in like the.
Gender thing, too, like I would feel, I feel so comfortable with
my daughter's friends. Like, you know, I feel so
comfortable with my son's friends.
And there's like, I think it's just like a gender thing.
I'm definitely the mom. Yeah.
It's just different. Yeah, Greg can.
(41:17):
I ask like you can cut this out of the podcast, but can I ask
you like a semi personal question?
Open book, OK. How?
How far do you want to take this?
Coaching thing like you're Penn thinks you should be coaching
the Panthers. I I didn't say that, but.
You can cut this out, but. You're like everything I'm
hearing. From you, like you're learning
all these valuable lessons, coaching your kids.
(41:38):
I know you love coaching your kids.
You know so much about football.There's like everyone's getting
fired. Like have have you, have you
given that any thought in your life?
I have. I love coaching.
It is by far the favorite, my favorite thing that I do.
Like, I don't get me wrong, I love calling the games.
(41:59):
I love being a part of broadcasting games on Fox.
Like that's a fun job and it's challenging and I love it so.
But on a personal level, like nothing fills my bucket more
than like being on the field or in the gym or whatever the sport
is like, especially with the with this age of kids, like
middle school to high school hasbeen by far the most fun ages.
(42:23):
Like they're old enough to connect with them.
They're old enough to do it. They're they're not just little
kids. You're not babysitting anymore.
Like we're playing real sports now with these kids and the last
couple weeks like being with thehigh school kids on the field.
These kids are 18 years old. They're men.
They're going, you know, some ofthese kids are going to Army and
Air Force and Naval Academy and they're going to like major
(42:45):
institutions in a couple months.Like these are like grown men
out there. Like the way you can speak to
them, the way you can connect with them.
You can hold that. You talk about holding kids to
high standards, like 18 year oldgrown men, boys like you, you
can ask a lot of them and they love it and they love to be held
accountable and they love to be told that they're better than
they think they are. Like that's the part that I
(43:06):
love. The football is the easy part.
Like you can teach kids coverages and blocking.
I love the grind of it. I love spending time on the
field. I love that it was 30° snowing
and we're out there telling the boys like.
I have. A joke.
I, I was saying to the boys lastnight, I said, hey, you know
who's not cold or you know, all the kids hands are in their
pockets. I said, hey, you guys can be
(43:27):
complaining that you're cold, but all the teams that lost, all
the teams that seasons are over,they're playing basketball and
the gym's not cold. So if you guys are tired of
being cold, you can just lose onFriday night and your season
will be over and you don't have to worry about practicing in the
cold. Like and they look at you and
they're like, all right, I get that.
Like we should probably stop being, you know, like, I love
(43:49):
it. So to answer your question, I'm
always going to coach this age. Like as my kids continue to get
older, I will be as involved in the school with their teams, the
boys, the girls. Like I'll be as involved in the
school wants me to be, allows meto be anything beyond that.
Like what I love coaching in theNFL?
(44:11):
Yes. What I love coaching college?
Probably not more about just thedynamics stuff.
Not. For me, like I'm I'm not in the.
Business of like telling 17 yearold kids that the it's just not
my style, recruiting, all that. But I gave up like my lifestyle
for my entire life of being gone, of being all consumed in
(44:31):
my industry was fine. My kids were little.
My wife understood it. We met in college, she knew the
deal. But like now to go back and do
it again and give and move around the country and be at the
office till midnight and never see my kids and never see them
play sports because you're so locked in on coaching and in so
high demand. I'm not willing from a lifestyle
(44:53):
standpoint to make that commitment.
The job I would love, the job I could do, no question.
I'm not willing to do that from a lifestyle standpoint.
I want to be around to my kids. I want to pick them up from
school. I want to go do pizza on Friday
afternoons before the varsity games.
Like I live for that Monday through Friday experience with
everybody. You're not getting that if
(45:14):
you're coaching in the NFL. It's just not.
That's just not your life. So it's more of a lifestyle
thing that the demands of the job and what it takes to do it
at a competitive level, I would love.
I love. That answer because I think
that, and you can obviously cut this from the podcast, but I
think there's a lot of people who sell their souls because
(45:34):
you're like, that is what you'resupposed to do.
Like we get up, like we get phone calls for opportunities
that would require us to move ordo that.
And we're like, why? Like we have a really nice life
here. We get to go to the basketball
like we're good. So you're setting a great
example. And maybe when you're an empty
nester, maybe that's when NFL comes calling and you're what?
Empty when I'm an empty nester. My wife is going to.
(45:57):
I don't have a resume. I've never applied for a job,
but if I did, my wife, I think when the kids go off to college
and I'm following her around thehouse Monday through Friday
because I have no teams to coach, I have no kids, she's
going to send, She's going to be.
Sending my resume to. Every high school, Little
League, Pop Warner team, she's like, you should go coach the
team around the around. That's so, that's my so.
(46:19):
My dad was my high school football coach for 40 years.
He coached me. Both of my brothers all went on
to play college football and butthat that's all my dad did.
Both my parents were school teachers and they were both
coaches. Then my mom had us and she just
ended up doing like 40 years of teaching and my dad was a 40
plus year varsity football coachin New Jersey where we grew up.
(46:42):
But now obviously they're grandparents.
They live a stone's throw away from us around the corner.
He's coaches with me football and no one is happier than my
mom when no. One is happier.
Like he'll go up and sit in his office for she'll call me and
she'll be like, I haven't even seen your dad today.
I'm like, why? What's he doing?
Well, he played a little golf this morning, but then since
(47:03):
he's come home before practice, all he's done is sit up in his
office and watch film and draw. Then he's going to go to.
Practice. She's like.
It's so nice. The house is quiet.
So that's gonna be I could get that's in a handful of years.
That's gonna be you're like I have a LinkedIn page.
That's weird I never made it, I just got an e-mail.
Thank you for. Volunteering to coach the South
(47:25):
Charlotte Patriots 12 U Pop Warner team and I look, I'm
gonna look. My wife's gonna be.
Like I don't know how that happened.
I love it though, like it. Honestly is it's a lot of work
and it's frustrating and at times you're like, why do I do
this? This is so aggravating.
But then once that initial once that wears off and like you come
(47:46):
back to reality, it's like, I cannot wait to go back to
practice tomorrow. I cannot wait to see.
And then you see the boys and they see at school and coach.
I can't wait for next year. And like to your point about
like the boy thing, like you're comfortable, you give them a
hug, you grab them. I I have one last funny story
for you. I.
(48:07):
Don't know how much you guys. Like these stories?
I love them, love them, love them.
So I'm used. To this was another big thing
about like me learning how to coach boys versus girls, right?
So since my boys were little coaching their teams, you could
like, I need the kid to move. You could grab him by the arm
and you'd be like, hey, so standhere now look and like we're
demonstrating and I put my handson them and we're talking about
(48:29):
like, all right, when we block, here's how we tackle and like
you net like it's a very like hands on.
We're coaching, We're punching bags.
I'm showing them how to hold it back, like whatever the sport,
you know? And then I found myself at my
daughter's basketball gym and I'm like Talbot.
So I, and I was so uncomfortable, like just trying
(48:52):
to be respectful of like these young girls and like, I don't
even know them. And like, I'm not going to like
grab her arm and like turn her. Hey, no, this is where you need
to stand. Put your hands here.
Like, so I was like really having a hard time, like
interacting and demonstrating physical skills.
So finally I was just like, you know what, it has to be my
(49:13):
daughter. And then I had like this like,
and I say it as like a joke, butit became like something I would
like stress about. Like it was really like
stressing me out because I'm like, I'm not getting my point
across and I'm not able to like really show them out of respect
for these young girls. But I was like, I can do it to
my daughter. So like Talbot then became like
(49:34):
the and it became like a joke. All the girls would like laugh.
They'd be like, all right, Talbot, come here.
They're like, all right, Coach Greg needs to show us something.
And I'd be like, here's how we defend box out.
We got to get, you know, whatever The thing is because
I'm like, she's my daughter. If I grab her arm to lift her
arm up and teach her how to catch the ball or move her hips
this way because she's not denying the pass or whatever it
(49:55):
is. Like that was so foreign to me,
'cause even now when I see the girls, I'm like high fives.
Everyone's getting high fives. And then with the boys.
I can like put them in a headlock and I can hold them.
And it's been, but it's been such a fun challenge connecting
with young girls who I've never been around.
(50:19):
I never had sisters. So like I and that's why my wife
says she's like, this is the best thing for you.
And she's right. Like I would coach my daughter's
team all day, every day. I'm not her coach.
If I could be, I would. I think they're a blast.
I think they're adorable and they're very they're much better
listeners than the boys. I will.
I was sorry. When my daughter played middle
(50:41):
school basketball, it was like prison ball.
The girls were so much rougher than the boys, which is why I
was like these girls. They were my daughter fouled out
of every game. She was like clotheslining
people. It was.
They were so much rougher than the boys.
OK. I will say there, Greg.
I, I know it's been good for you.
(51:01):
It's good for the girls too. I'm going to like, I, we started
with this, but I'm going to quote doctor Lisa Damore, who's
been on our podcast Infinity times and she has said this
every time she comes on. She's like for that middle age
grade for women, girls who are getting older, like science has
shown the most important mental health element for them, not
parents. It's what they, what they call
(51:22):
caring adults. Having caring adults outside
your family that you can make connection with that kind of
show them the norm of what it's like to grow up and, and a human
being. So like what you're doing is
such a great service for those girls is the reason I do middle
school. I have the by the way, I have
the same problem the first day of middle school practice.
We have to show them how to box out.
And for guys, boxing out is not a comfortable, pleasant thing to
(51:45):
learn in practice. No.
Oh. I'm sure as hell a lot more
comfortable boxing my son out than my daughter, Right, That's
true. Like there is a coach who I
heard yelling during a game but to nut like that's what that's
what he yelled for. Boxing out.
I was like, it was, yeah, that'stough.
And I was. You're not screaming at the
girls. No, don't.
Scream at the girls. No, you can definitely cut that
(52:07):
out if you definitely. That's real, that it's.
All I just think it's cool that everyone understands like
there's no science, This is not,there's no rule book, there's no
playbook. Everyone's just kind of figuring
this out as they go. And I think that's the beauty of
it. That's the fun part.
Like I've been around sports my entire life.
(52:27):
It's really all I know. And like, I'm laying in bed
because I'm saying I'm doing a bad job teaching 5th grade
girls. Whatever.
The element. Of the game is like, I got to
just figure it out because I've never taught 5th grade girls how
to do it. In my brain, I know what it
looks like and I know, but it doesn't matter what I know.
It's what we get them to know. And every kid, every age, they
(52:51):
all take things at different levels.
And that's coaching, right? Like coaching is figuring out
how to connect with each individual kid appropriately.
Some kids need to be kicked in the ass and some kids need to be
talked to quietly in the corner because it's the only way to get
through to them. And the art is figuring out
who's who. And then you got to bring them
(53:12):
all together and do it as a collective unit.
Like that's the part of it that I love.
You're a good coach. Those kids are lucky to have
you. I'm not a good coach, I feel.
Like I at least can recognize what I'm bad at.
Something self-awareness is. A skill, self-awareness, is a.
Skill fair. All right, well, I can't thank
you guys enough. These are like therapy sessions
(53:32):
for me. I get to bounce ideas off
parents who are living similar but a little further down the
head as far as some of these challenges we face as parents.
And so many of the so much of the work you guys do that I know
it's fun and it's humorous at times, but it's real and your
videos are real and they make animpact on people.
And I know first hand I've come across a bunch of your content
and it makes me at least take a stop a laugh.
(53:54):
And then I also go, all right, Igot to evaluate like, am I doing
these things right? So I appreciate you guys for
coming on you think, and it's been really cool to get to know
you guys. Tell tell all the kids we say hi
and hope the Panthers have a better week.
Thanks for. Having us, this has been.
So fun.
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