In this episode of Youth Inc, hosts Greg Olsen and Dr. Michael Gervais dive into one of the most crucial yet challenging moments in youth sports: the car ride home. They explore how this time can shape young athletes’ mental and emotional growth, focusing on positive reflection over performance critiques. Greg and Dr. Gervais offer insights into guiding kids with open-ended questions, promoting resilience, and reinforcing that self-worth isn’t tied to scores or stats. Discover how to make the car ride home a safe space that empowers kids to learn, grow, and enjoy their sports journey.
MaxU - Visit our partners at maxu.co to learn more and register, use code YouthInc24 for $10 off a yearly subscription.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What's up everybody, Greg Olson here and if you're just
listening, you're missing half the experience.
Head over right now to You thinkon YouTube.
Follow us on all of our social media for daily must see content
that is made specifically for parents, coaches and athletes.
Stay informed. Stay engaged with us here at you
think the game is over. But for many young athletes and
(00:25):
their parents, the most important part of their
experience is just beginning thecar ride home.
In this episode, we explore how this simple car ride can become
a powerful moment to both support and encourage your young
athlete. According to a survey by the
National Alliance for Youth Sports, nearly 70% of children
involved in youth sports drop out by the time they turn 13,
(00:48):
often citing negative experiences such as pressure
from parents or coaches during or after games.
We'll discuss how to strike the right balance between feedback
and listening, how to celebrate the small victories, and how to
turn challenges into learning opportunities.
It's not just a ride home. It's a moment to nurture
confidence, resilience, and joy in your young athlete.
(01:10):
Join us as we explore how these everyday moments can have a
lasting impact, turning the ridehome into a journey of growth
and support. There is that moment after those
games you love getting in the car with your parents after a
win, after you're the star, you score 20, you are the man.
Everyone's patting you on the back.
(01:31):
You get in the car, man. You are so good.
Mike. Let's, let's go.
Those are the dream. Car rides best practice
according to science is to not is to not address the game on
the car ride home. And I don't know if it sounds
like you would flat out disagreewith that.
And the reason it's best practice is to ask the kid, give
(01:53):
them some sort of invitation, doyou want to talk about it or
not, which is a deeper level of control.
I know that and I don't follow that practice the way that you
might think I do. So what I do when I get in the
car is I say, how was it? And that's still alluding to the
game. And then if there's not a whole
(02:14):
lot of response, I'll say any unlocks.
And so I'm just looking for the top level kind of opening that
he he might go into and he says,no, no, there's nothing.
And I'll say, all right, do you want to talk about now or later?
Later, Dad. So then I got to find my moment.
He says, yeah, let's talk about it now.
(02:34):
Let's talk about now. Then I'm asking the same types
of questions. Did you have fun?
No, I, I got, I got my tail handed to me.
OK, So what, what do you think? How did, how can you put
yourself in a better position next time?
So that's back to preparation. So it's the same thing.
And I will, I will recommend that well before any car ride
(02:55):
home. The message is very clear.
I love you for who you are, not what you do.
But the role there is for our kids to be able to find a bit of
a sanctuary. That's our role as a parent, and
the car ride is such a nice little bubble.
Hopefully there's two main variables to work from.
Support, then challenge, supportand challenge.
(03:19):
And knowing which role to inhabit is really important in a
highly emotionally charged car ride home after.
We're talking about difficulty motions, not the easy ones that
you mentioned earlier, with highly charged difficulty
motions that are flowing. The way the brain works is that
when we're flooded with emotions, it pulls resources
(03:39):
from critical thinking. That's a good evolutionary
design. When I've got to really respond
emotionally, I lose some of my faculty to think clearly and
creatively and and critically. So when we're asking our kids
about what happened, they don't know they're the part of their
brain that's flooded with emotions.
Don't allow them to think clearly.
(04:01):
So when they say they don't know, they really mean it.
When they say I don't want to talk about it, they really mean
they don't have the words to talk about it.
So it's the right time is the place to support.
And I don't know what what are the ways that you found best to
support your kids in this? Where I find it the hardest to
like have that kind of debrief and like settle down and then
(04:25):
have like positive conversationswhen I'm just the dad.
I am not responsible for the team.
I have not been at practices allweek.
I'm not living and dying. I want the team to win.
I want the team to play well. I want your kid to do well.
I want my kid to do well. I want the team to have success.
That's just my nature. But I'm not responsible for the
(04:46):
product on the field. I'm not responsible for the
product on the court. I'm not responsible even
necessarily for my own kids performance necessarily.
Like that's the coach's role. I'm in the stands.
Yes, I'm and when we get in the car, like I'm going to give my
kid my feedback. Hey, you didn't hustle.
It's going to, but it's always going to start with.
Did you prepare your most leading into this competition?
(05:09):
Did you give all of your energy and focus and did you do what
you're a coach to do? That's where all my stuff's
going to start with. We're not going to talk about
why you jumped off the wrong foot on your layup or hey, you
got to hold the ball higher on your shot or whatever the sport
is. I'm not going to start there.
Everything I start with is did you have a good attitude, were
you a good teammate and did you give incredible effort that
(05:30):
takes no ability. And the principle there is that
you're going to focus on the controllables.
That's it. Those, those three elements you
just mentioned are 100% under the kids control.
And so when you do those types of questions, you're putting
them back into a power seat that, oh, I have responsibility
for the way that I do it, that directly can relate to the
(05:50):
outcome. So it in the long game of life,
we want our children, we want our team mates, we want our
loved ones to feel like they have a sense of power in this
topsy turvy world. And so how do you have a sense
of power? By knowing what you can control
and committing to mastering those very few elements.
So as a as a parent coach, thereyou go.
(06:12):
Like that's a great strategy. Yeah, I don't wear my kids out
at practices. I'm not out.
I I asked them like 3 questions how'd practice go and I can
always tell by their every kid. What do they say?
It was good. It was good.
I can tell based on how they saythe words, it was good whether
it was good or not. Yeah, right.
How'd you do? And then the only really
(06:34):
question I asked them every single time is did you get any
feedback from your coach that you thought was worthwhile that
I should know? And it could be, hey, we're
going to try you at a new position this week.
It could be I like the way you're throwing.
I don't like the way you're hitting.
I don't like where your. Glove is whatever.
Just is there something that didthe coach say anything to you
(06:56):
today that seemed like would be worthwhile for me to know that
we can keep in mind as we prepare on our own?
This episode of You Think is brought to you by Max You, a
youth sports training program focused on mindset development
in young athletes. Instead of reading an ad to you
today, I decided to sit down with Dan Greco and Brian
(07:17):
Kornfeld, the founders of Max You Drills and tools.
To really work on the mental side of athletics is very
difficult and it seems like you guys are on to something here at
Max. You we're using a series of
personality assessments that arethe gold standard in the
industry as our backbone, backbone for the product.
So that's really the genesis of everything.
(07:38):
We're trying to take something that's very highly complex,
that's scientifically based, andbreak it down very simply for
our athletes from ages 8 and above.
The whole focus on mental fitness, mental skills, mental
performance, it is something that tends to be very, very
reactive. Those skills are being worked on
all the time. But we're just really, really
excited about what this can meanfor our mission and what it can
(07:59):
mean to honestly change a generation.
What is the more common thread that you guys see across this
whole spectrum? Yeah, I know for, for what I've
seen, Greg, it's it's really confidence, resilience, coping
skills. Those are kind of the three big
ones that we see very common across the board at different
stages. And it's interesting when you go
through the program, it grows with you.
(08:19):
So what you need at 12 is not what you're going to need at 13
or 14. And that's really the magic
behind it as you continue to grow and you garner those skills
and helps, you know, grow with you as well.
We need to give them the guidance, but in your case, give
them the tools, like an actual tool, a strategy, a program that
they can follow. I think what you guys are onto
(08:41):
is pretty special, yeah. And all of these tools, they
matter even far beyond the field.
I mean I think we're similar ishin age and remember the
commercial of there is however many college athletes and 99%
are going pro and something other than sports.
Yeah, it's interesting too, Greg, because ages 12 to 18 is
such a foundational age range where children are really
(09:04):
amassing a lot of their key personality traits that they're
going to have for the rest of their lives.
And so we focus a lot of our energy and effort specifically
in that age range because we know for the science says to us
that it's really, really important.
So we do direct a lot of these tools and that way to be able to
help the kids garner their own personal toolbox for their own
success moving forward and whatever they want to do in the
(09:24):
community or society moving. Forward no doubt.
Well, I appreciate it Dan Brian founders of of Max U.
You guys are on to something here.
Check out Max U today and let them know that you think sent
you. Now back to the episode.
When you're watching something and you're intimately connected,
when you're watching your son ordaughter go for it and maybe in
(09:46):
that moment come up short, thereis so much immediate energy that
flows through. There's the, oh, no, it's going
to fall apart. Oh, this might be great because,
you know, this is a moment for resilience.
You can go two different ways onit that I think the most
important thing for us as parents to do is to think
through sport in this way. And I don't know if you'll agree
(10:08):
or not, sport is a way to betterunderstand who you are and who
you're becoming. It's a great way to understand.
But in and of itself, it's not aforever game.
Maybe at some point you in our 50s, we return back to some
recreation. Maybe if we if we're, if we, if
we're able. But it's not a for everything.
(10:29):
There's a short term nature to it.
And if we can get down to the principles, what are the core
principles that I, as the adult in the relationship, want to
hydrate for my child? What are those core seeds and
principles? And when I'm really clear with
those and I've done that work ahead of time, then when there's
that moment where it's not goingthe way we hoped, a pick is
(10:51):
thrown at the last minute. Whatever the kind of tragedy
that seems to be taking place, Ineed to fall back to the
principles and not be swept in the emotions.
And I'll just this word is overused for adults and for
kids, Resilience. So let's just hit this square on
resilience only comes when we face adversities.
(11:13):
So when you see something not gowell, there's a moment of
potential adversity to work through.
It is the gift to be able to build a resilient human.
What does resilience mean? When I get knocked back, I know
how to put my foot in the groundand keep going forward to the
thing that I, I care about. If we get knocked back, which we
all do, and we don't have that tensile strength, we don't have
that, that ability to put your foot in the ground and keep
(11:36):
fighting forward. And the world is not a safe
place. The world is, you know, it's not
designed for your son's or your daughter's success.
It it's not designed for our success.
We have to figure out how to navigate tricky, emotional,
challenging moments so that we can do it for the rest of our
lives. And we try to remind our kids
(11:57):
all the time that a good game does not make you a better kid.
A bad game does not make you a worse kid.
It doesn't make us love you, more or less.
Best player in the team, worst player on the team.
And again, does that always comeacross in our emotions and how
we handle the moment? I'd be probably not, right?
Like we all, at least I'll speakfor myself, maybe not everyone.
Here's a couple principles that I think will inform what I would
(12:19):
consider and if I'm standing on good science and ideal car ride
home. One is if you think about that
mechanism of support and challenge them, this is a time
to support. They're not able to think
clearly and critically because they're often times flooded with
emotions. So listen for the emotions,
createspace for them to share and process.
(12:42):
And if they don't want to or if it's overwhelming, that's OK.
It doesn't mean that the conversation evaporates and goes
away forever. Just you'll find another time
later after a shower, whatever it might be, they just need a
little time to process. And then if you can ask
questions about things that theyare ultimately in control of
100% under their control, you'reputting them back in the
(13:05):
driver's seat in life. And if you can, if you can
figure out with them any sort ofunlock about the long game of
life, great. But sometimes you're using the
unlock in the game to better understand a first principle
that you're trying to create, which is like, did you go for
it? Did you have high energy?
(13:26):
Did were you a great teammate? You know, and then there's some
information and, and perspectives you can share from
there. I think that's the beauty of the
sport though, right? Like that's the part of the
sport I love is like they get back on the horse and and go.
Like I want to see how my team responds after a bad weekend
tournament. I want to see how my team, how
(13:46):
my kids come back to practice after we lose or after we fumble
or like those are the moments that I love.
Like that's where I feel like the most growth comes.
You come and beat everybody by 100.
We show up to practice the next week.
I'm like, just keep doing what we're doing, I guess.
Like how do I get you to be convinced that we need to
continue to elevate when all youfind is success?
(14:11):
I asked a four time Olympian, Carrie Walsh Jennings, one of
the greatest volleyball players to ever play the game, how she
thought about when mistakes would happen in the game for
her. And she says no different than
when mistakes happen in practice.
So the point there and then I'llI'll give you the take away that
I think is brilliant that she said.
But the point there is the way you practice ought to be the
(14:34):
same way that you play, which I think you would nod your head
to. And I'm gonna I'm gonna reduce
this down to something very simple in a moment.
But the the take away was that she was looking at the mistake
as a a radical gift. It's an immediate gift of
information about what she needsto get better at.
Oh, I need to, I need to be ableto open my first foot to be able
(14:55):
to pass better. I need to be able to track the
ball better. So, So what coaches can do is
coach the thing immediately, theskill if they can and support
the child at the same time. So on what I practice or on game
day, I think there's like a three second window where you
can make or break confidence if the kid makes a mistake and it's
(15:19):
not framed as like, Oh my God, this is great.
There's really good information here.
I'm going to keep your, keep your left arm open or whatever
the, the, the, the technical skill might be.
If it's seen as like, oh man, you just let everybody down and
eyes roll, clipboard gets throwndown.
Even those 3 seconds when they look to the sidelines, which is
(15:40):
a problem. You want them to look inward or
look to their team mates before they look to the adult, before
they look to the authority figure to see if they're OK.
It's about a three second windowwhere you make or break their
confidence. And so as it all the way reduces
down to these moments, if we canframe it in a way that's an
opportunity to get better because the information is rich,
(16:01):
that kid is going to forever look for the for the Nuggets to
help him or her get better. It's such a good point that that
that's that's super helpful. I'm because I'm a big in the
moment corrector. I know a lot of people say like,
yeah, we'll talk about it later.Like what I've seen with young
kids. If I wait for an hour for
practice to be over and then I pull you aside and say, hey,
(16:22):
remember on that whatever play you stepped with your right
foot, we got to step with our inside foot because we got to
get, they don't even know what I'm, they can't even remember
what play we ran. So like there is the the I, I do
believe like in the moment, the correct way, but like in the
moment, real time, especially inpractice when we can kind of
stop, OK, reset, run it again. Here's why.
(16:46):
Now in the game, we can't in thegame, we got to go on to the
next play. The clock's running the clock.
It's just it's a different element.
But I'm with you about practice.Like our practices should be
harder than the games. They should be more intense than
the games. It should feel more pressure
packed in the games. So when when they get to the
games, it's like, let's go, we're good.
So there's two parts there, likeif you want your teams or
(17:10):
athletes to respond after a quote, UN quote bad game.
I don't even frame games as goodand bad because I think it's
information. It's different information.
So after a tough game, let's call it right now, if you want
them to respond, well, that's taught in how they respond to a
mistake in practice. And if it's like, yeah, yeah,
yeah, great. This is I'm so glad this is
(17:30):
happening. Now.
I'm going to tell you an interesting story.
This is just got back from Parissupporting an Olympic team,
women's speech volleyball. And it was win or go home one of
those matches. So we're in the end game in the
in the finals. I think this was just before
quarter finals actually. And the athlete I would always
(17:51):
ask about four hours before the game.
Is there anything that we need to bring up?
So we do an activation where they get loose, get warm, and
then we do a little mindset work.
Let's call that 11:00 AM. And then they play like, I don't
know, 9:00 PM. It's a it's a late tournament
and I say, is there anything else or is there anything that
we need to bring forward to workwith as a team?
And one of the athletes just breaks out into tears.
(18:14):
This is one of the best athletesin the world.
We're going into a finals type of of moment and she breaks out
into tears and she says, you know, everyone here has put so
much work into it. Everyone here has dedicated so
much time for this team. I'm afraid I'm going to let
everybody down. You felt this.
Our kids feel this and one of the best in the world at the
(18:37):
Olympics feels this. And one of our coaches is ESL.
He's he doesn't speak English very well.
He's one of the best coaches in the world.
And the whole room, there's about six of us.
The room is like full with emotions.
You could feel everybody's else's emotions and everyone's
like, we got you, you know, thattype of thing.
Don't like, let it cut it loose,be free.
(18:58):
We'd rather go down if you did it like we got you, no matter
how this goes. And he didn't understand all the
nuances and he looked at her andhe said this.
This level of honesty happening now is better than happening in
the game. Do the work ahead of time so
that you can get free during thegame.
(19:20):
Do the work in practice to coachresilience, to coach mistakes to
coach, you know, BBL, bad body language.
Coach that stuff in an excellentway, in a caring way, in a
strong way in practice so they know how to conduct themselves
when there's a little bit more intensity.
That's applicable to every levelof yeah sport.
(19:42):
Every athlete at some point, whether it's 5th grade
basketball or Olympic gold medalgame, everyone has that feeling
at some point. And as a coach, you're spending
in some respects more time with my son than I am.
For sure. And so the role that the coach
takes is so incredibly important.
And what I'm counting on you, ifyou will, if you were coaching
(20:04):
my son, is to teach him how to be a man.
That is my job, right? That is our community's job.
But you hold. And if it's not a boy, it's a
girl like. Whatever.
Yeah, right. To teach them how to be a great
adult and what that means more than anything, more than
touchdowns, more than whatever is Do you have care in your
life? Do you care about people and
(20:27):
about people's future? Do you have compassion?
Do you have strength? Are you kind and strong are the
two variables and the principles.
I'm always grounding my my kids with kind and strength.
And that's so I when I'm choosing a club or a coach for
my son or we're choosing as a family, those two variables must
(20:48):
be in place from the coach that he's going to support core
principles that maybe I can't teach or that are really
important to the family. Our conversation continues.
We are super happy to really talk to a family that's seen the
power and the impact of Max U Roger and Ike German Rodger, the
father, Ike the son. So having you both here
(21:10):
together. Welcome you welcome you guys
appreciate you joining us here at U think so Rodger, I'm I'm
going to start with you. Just how'd you come across match
you and and and when you first saw it, like how did you
recognize that this might be a tool, this might be something
that that could serve your family and and specifically your
son Ike well. It's been just a great
complimentary way for me as a parent to talk to my son on the
(21:32):
mental side, but also have that backing because it's hard to be
a prophet in your own land some days of really grounded
information that helps Ike and helps me actually work with Ike.
I'm feeling. Probably like a better athlete
than I was before. I found out about.
Max, Hugh. Rodger what?
What have you seen? So what it?
Really helped me do honestly, Greg was, you know, get a chance
(21:53):
to one, watch his results and mine.
How do I ground truth that I'm doing the right thing, right?
That, that what I've been doing so far, you know, you know, was
the right way to go that it helped reinforce.
So I knew what Ike was hearing. I knew what Ike was thinking.
I, I pivoted and adjusted. And I think, I hope that I can
say that, you know, it became a better supporter, especially in
the mental growth of, of, of life, and not just it's dad on
(22:15):
the way home telling me something.
Can you start picking out moments when he's working
through some of these practices?It was a different kid and that
was, we just started, he's really started diving into Max U
and I could just see the processof how that situation and he
went in there and did what he needed to do.
And you know, it was lights out the remainder of the game.
But I watched all those synapsesso kind of go off and it made me
(22:37):
feel really good because while Iknew I felt I coached him
enough, while I knew Max U was giving him, you know, the tools
he needed. Appreciate you guys taking the
time. Appreciate you guys coming on
and sharing about your experience with Max U and Ike.
Best of luck to you buddy. Keep keep working hard and keep
developing and Rodger, dad to dad, I appreciate you coming on
(22:57):
and and sharing a little bit of insight on this whole journey.
Happy to do so. I appreciate what you do and for
you think as well. Check out Max U today and let
them know that you think sent you.
Now back to the episode. We've talked so much about the
role as like as a parent coach. So now take the coach part out
of it. Let's just talk about like the
the role of an of a young athlete and just the parent.
(23:20):
My rule is I coach each one of my kids teams one season of
each. So I do like my son's football
team and do my other son in the Springs baseball team and then I
do my daughter's winter basketball team at school.
I'm in charge of one sport a season.
Each one of my kids gets me for one season, then the other
seasons you go play for somebodyelse and I'm dad.
(23:43):
They need someone to help, great.
If not, it's up to them. What I find then is in those
seasons I'm like, OK, I'm alwaysaround.
I'm always the guy at practice. You're all over your kid.
I'm like, you know what? Today at baseball practice, I'm
just going to drop my kids off and I'll come back and pick you
up. But then I'll be like, alright
guys, I'll be back in a little bit.
Like you're not staying. I'm like, so here I am.
(24:04):
I'm like, I think I'm giving youa little space 'cause I feel
like sometimes everything you ever do, I'm there at practice
running it and you need a littlespace.
Go play without me. I'm not looking over your
shoulder. You don't need to look in the
stands. Go to two hours of practice,
tell me how it is after. And then they kind of look at
me. They're like, why aren't you
going to stay and watch? So I don't know, like, so I
(24:24):
guess that's my question. You like is there the right mix
of always being around? Never being around obviously is
a whole different conversation and like finding a middle ground
like what does that relationship?
Look like Zamboni parenting, which is that the parents get
out in front of the kid, get theice real smooth so there's no
(24:45):
divots. It's an easy glide in life.
There's problems with this helicopter parenting, which
we're familiar with, always hovering over and making sure
that safety is of paramount. And then there's a quote UN
quote Tiger parenting, which is the pushing, pushing, pushing.
What do you mean a minus? Like that's not going to get it
done? How are you going to get to a
top five university in an A minuses?
(25:06):
OK, so those are three differentstyles that are all quite
problematic. The theory would suggest that
there's authoritative, authoritarian, and laissez
faire. These are all three different
types of parenting styles, not the fun names I just mentioned
before. Sounds like you're describing
like governments. Pretty much.
(25:28):
So laissez faire parenting is like 8 gig.
Go do whatever you're going to do.
Like I've got my hobbies, I've got my things and my things are
actually really important to me and I I don't care what you do.
Like you're going to figure out life like I figured out life.
So lazy, fair parenting. That's not you.
No, you are not. And there the research is not
(25:50):
supportive. They're laughing off camera.
Yeah, that is not you. You're not that.
Then there's authoritarian and authoritative.
Authoritarian. It's just what it sounds like.
Kind of like a dictator. Sit down, don't talk.
This is not good enough. That's not good enough.
Like these are the rules. You're going to follow them no
matter what. There's a dogma, there's a
strictness. It's an imposement of will on
(26:12):
the child. Research does not support that
parenting style much either. They tend to have later in life
more deeper and more problems. Authoritative is your style that
you're describing. So when the listener is feeling
this right now, they're feeling and listening to how you're
speaking as an authoritative parent, which is it's, I'm going
(26:35):
to be clear, I'm going to be direct.
I'm going to have passion in it.I see you, kid, but I'm still
bringing some intensity in the way that I think is right.
And so the research would suggest that that is the best
parenting style. So the first and foremost is a
know your parenting style. OK, Everyone wants to be the
authoritative like I just described.
(26:56):
But the most important thing is to know your child.
What does your child need? Support And then challenge them
in an uncommon way. Support, support, support, then
challenge, support, support, support, then challenge.
And if they don't want you to bethere, great.
If they want you to be there, great.
The thing that's weird is I'm thinking, Oh my God, you're
going to be thrilled that Dad's not at every.
(27:17):
And they look, and here I'm thinking like, oh, a great idea.
Just pick me up in two hours. And then they, and then I'm, I
pull away and I'm like, they look at me like, why are you not
staying? And I'm like, 'cause I didn't
think you wanted me to be at every practice.
And. They're like, it's a little.
Stay and watch. I'm like, OK, I guess I will,
you know, like. Well, maybe they feel safe.
Maybe you get crazy if you're not around and you're like, how
was practice? Maybe this is not a blind spot
(27:39):
for you. No, no, I you know this about
me. There's one thing I hang my hat
on is self-awareness. No one has to point out my my
shortcomings. I have a very good grasp of
them. You are very good at this and
this, this is one of the great skills that you're going to pass
on to your kids that I hope eachlistener can do is like the
(27:59):
whole thing. The whole thing in life rests on
self-awareness. How aware are you of your
thoughts, your feelings, your Physiology?
Your shortcomings. All of that, that's like how
aware are you? Because if you're unaware you're
it's a hard going life. The second thing that's the
whole, the whole world is run onrelationships.
(28:21):
Your relationship with yourself first, your relationship with
others, your relationship with experience, both easy and hard
success or failure, whatever. So this whole game inside the
game is really about increasing awareness, increasing skills,
and increasing the quality of relationships.
If we thought about those three,we're going to help build great
(28:43):
humans. It's a really.
Good way to summarize it. Thanks for tuning in today.
Let's take a few minutes to go over some specific takeaways to
help make the car ride home a more positive experience.
One that supports our kids not just as athletes, but as growing
resilient people. One thing we've learned today is
that the car ride should be a time of reflection, not a
(29:05):
rundown of the mistakes or misplays.
Instead of diving into performance feedback right away,
use this time to just listen. Often just simple open minded
questions like how did the game feel for you?
What did you enjoy the most? Open the door for your child to
share their experience, but in their words and in their terms.
When it comes to providing feedback, one of the most
(29:26):
powerful things that we can do as parents is focus on the
controllables. Instead of zeroing in on
specific plays or stats, encourage your young athlete to
think about aspects that they control.
Their effort, their attitude, maybe how they supported a
teammate. Something else we can take away
from today's episode is the importance of setting a calm and
supportive tone. We know it's tough to switch off
(29:49):
our own competitive energy, especially if we're also the
coaches. This is something that hits
directly at home with me. But in the car, we're there in
that safe space, but we're not there as their coach.
Be calm, be steady. In those moments.
We can teach our kids that it's OK to have big feelings and that
home, or in this case the car, is where they can express them
(30:11):
without judgement. We're modeling emotional
resilience for them just by being there in a supportive, non
critical role. Lastly, keep in mind that each
car ride home is an opportunity to reinforce the message.
I love you for who you are, not for how you perform, and I think
that's such a powerful message that all kids need.
We put so much pressure on them to play well and to work hard,
(30:33):
and while that's fine, it cannotbecome their identity.
Let them know a good game doesn't make them a better
person, and a tough game doesn'tmake them any less.
This simple message is one of the most valuable gifts we can
give, helping kids understand that their worth isn't defined
by wins, losses, or stats. So to sum it up, as parents and
(30:54):
coaches, we can turn the car ride home into one of the best
parts of youth sports. Make it a moment to listen,
celebrate in what they control, and remind them that your
support is unconditional. This is the journey that we're
all on together, helping our kids become not just better
athletes, but more resilient, joyful, and confident people.
Thanks again for joining us, andhere's to making that car ride
(31:17):
home a meaningful part of the game.
What's up everybody, Greg Olson here and if you're just
listening, you're missing half the experience.
Head over right now to You thinkon YouTube.
Follow us on all of our social media for daily must see content
that is made specifically for parents, coaches and athletes.
Stay informed. Stay engaged with us here at you
think the game is over. But for many young athletes and
(00:25):
their parents, the most important part of their
experience is just beginning thecar ride home.
In this episode, we explore how this simple car ride can become
a powerful moment to both support and encourage your young
athlete. According to a survey by the
National Alliance for Youth Sports, nearly 70% of children
involved in youth sports drop out by the time they turn 13,
(00:48):
often citing negative experiences such as pressure
from parents or coaches during or after games.
We'll discuss how to strike the right balance between feedback
and listening, how to celebrate the small victories, and how to
turn challenges into learning opportunities.
It's not just a ride home. It's a moment to nurture
confidence, resilience, and joy in your young athlete.
(01:10):
Join us as we explore how these everyday moments can have a
lasting impact, turning the ridehome into a journey of growth
and support. There is that moment after those
games you love getting in the car with your parents after a
win, after you're the star, you score 20, you are the man.
Everyone's patting you on the back.
(01:31):
You get in the car, man. You are so good.
Mike. Let's, let's go.
Those are the dream. Car rides best practice
according to science is to not is to not address the game on
the car ride home. And I don't know if it sounds
like you would flat out disagreewith that.
And the reason it's best practice is to ask the kid, give
(01:53):
them some sort of invitation, doyou want to talk about it or
not, which is a deeper level of control.
I know that and I don't follow that practice the way that you
might think I do. So what I do when I get in the
car is I say, how was it? And that's still alluding to the
game. And then if there's not a whole
(02:14):
lot of response, I'll say any unlocks.
And so I'm just looking for the top level kind of opening that
he he might go into and he says,no, no, there's nothing.
And I'll say, all right, do you want to talk about now or later?
Later, Dad. So then I got to find my moment.
He says, yeah, let's talk about it now.
(02:34):
Let's talk about now. Then I'm asking the same types
of questions. Did you have fun?
No, I, I got, I got my tail handed to me.
OK, So what, what do you think? How did, how can you put
yourself in a better position next time?
So that's back to preparation. So it's the same thing.
And I will, I will recommend that well before any car ride
(02:55):
home. The message is very clear.
I love you for who you are, not what you do.
But the role there is for our kids to be able to find a bit of
a sanctuary. That's our role as a parent, and
the car ride is such a nice little bubble.
Hopefully there's two main variables to work from.
Support, then challenge, supportand challenge.
(03:19):
And knowing which role to inhabit is really important in a
highly emotionally charged car ride home after.
We're talking about difficulty motions, not the easy ones that
you mentioned earlier, with highly charged difficulty
motions that are flowing. The way the brain works is that
when we're flooded with emotions, it pulls resources
(03:39):
from critical thinking. That's a good evolutionary
design. When I've got to really respond
emotionally, I lose some of my faculty to think clearly and
creatively and and critically. So when we're asking our kids
about what happened, they don't know they're the part of their
brain that's flooded with emotions.
Don't allow them to think clearly.
(04:01):
So when they say they don't know, they really mean it.
When they say I don't want to talk about it, they really mean
they don't have the words to talk about it.
So it's the right time is the place to support.
And I don't know what what are the ways that you found best to
support your kids in this? Where I find it the hardest to
like have that kind of debrief and like settle down and then
(04:25):
have like positive conversationswhen I'm just the dad.
I am not responsible for the team.
I have not been at practices allweek.
I'm not living and dying. I want the team to win.
I want the team to play well. I want your kid to do well.
I want my kid to do well. I want the team to have success.
That's just my nature. But I'm not responsible for the
(04:46):
product on the field. I'm not responsible for the
product on the court. I'm not responsible even
necessarily for my own kids performance necessarily.
Like that's the coach's role. I'm in the stands.
Yes, I'm and when we get in the car, like I'm going to give my
kid my feedback. Hey, you didn't hustle.
It's going to, but it's always going to start with.
Did you prepare your most leading into this competition?
(05:09):
Did you give all of your energy and focus and did you do what
you're a coach to do? That's where all my stuff's
going to start with. We're not going to talk about
why you jumped off the wrong foot on your layup or hey, you
got to hold the ball higher on your shot or whatever the sport
is. I'm not going to start there.
Everything I start with is did you have a good attitude, were
you a good teammate and did you give incredible effort that
(05:30):
takes no ability. And the principle there is that
you're going to focus on the controllables.
That's it. Those, those three elements you
just mentioned are 100% under the kids control.
And so when you do those types of questions, you're putting
them back into a power seat that, oh, I have responsibility
for the way that I do it, that directly can relate to the
(05:50):
outcome. So it in the long game of life,
we want our children, we want our team mates, we want our
loved ones to feel like they have a sense of power in this
topsy turvy world. And so how do you have a sense
of power? By knowing what you can control
and committing to mastering those very few elements.
So as a as a parent coach, thereyou go.
(06:12):
Like that's a great strategy. Yeah, I don't wear my kids out
at practices. I'm not out.
I I asked them like 3 questions how'd practice go and I can
always tell by their every kid. What do they say?
It was good. It was good.
I can tell based on how they saythe words, it was good whether
it was good or not. Yeah, right.
How'd you do? And then the only really
(06:34):
question I asked them every single time is did you get any
feedback from your coach that you thought was worthwhile that
I should know? And it could be, hey, we're
going to try you at a new position this week.
It could be I like the way you're throwing.
I don't like the way you're hitting.
I don't like where your. Glove is whatever.
Just is there something that didthe coach say anything to you
(06:56):
today that seemed like would be worthwhile for me to know that
we can keep in mind as we prepare on our own?
This episode of You Think is brought to you by Max You, a
youth sports training program focused on mindset development
in young athletes. Instead of reading an ad to you
today, I decided to sit down with Dan Greco and Brian
(07:17):
Kornfeld, the founders of Max You Drills and tools.
To really work on the mental side of athletics is very
difficult and it seems like you guys are on to something here at
Max. You we're using a series of
personality assessments that arethe gold standard in the
industry as our backbone, backbone for the product.
So that's really the genesis of everything.
(07:38):
We're trying to take something that's very highly complex,
that's scientifically based, andbreak it down very simply for
our athletes from ages 8 and above.
The whole focus on mental fitness, mental skills, mental
performance, it is something that tends to be very, very
reactive. Those skills are being worked on
all the time. But we're just really, really
excited about what this can meanfor our mission and what it can
(07:59):
mean to honestly change a generation.
What is the more common thread that you guys see across this
whole spectrum? Yeah, I know for, for what I've
seen, Greg, it's it's really confidence, resilience, coping
skills. Those are kind of the three big
ones that we see very common across the board at different
stages. And it's interesting when you go
through the program, it grows with you.
(08:19):
So what you need at 12 is not what you're going to need at 13
or 14. And that's really the magic
behind it as you continue to grow and you garner those skills
and helps, you know, grow with you as well.
We need to give them the guidance, but in your case, give
them the tools, like an actual tool, a strategy, a program that
they can follow. I think what you guys are onto
(08:41):
is pretty special, yeah. And all of these tools, they
matter even far beyond the field.
I mean I think we're similar ishin age and remember the
commercial of there is however many college athletes and 99%
are going pro and something other than sports.
Yeah, it's interesting too, Greg, because ages 12 to 18 is
such a foundational age range where children are really
(09:04):
amassing a lot of their key personality traits that they're
going to have for the rest of their lives.
And so we focus a lot of our energy and effort specifically
in that age range because we know for the science says to us
that it's really, really important.
So we do direct a lot of these tools and that way to be able to
help the kids garner their own personal toolbox for their own
success moving forward and whatever they want to do in the
(09:24):
community or society moving. Forward no doubt.
Well, I appreciate it Dan Brian founders of of Max U.
You guys are on to something here.
Check out Max U today and let them know that you think sent
you. Now back to the episode.
When you're watching something and you're intimately connected,
when you're watching your son ordaughter go for it and maybe in
(09:46):
that moment come up short, thereis so much immediate energy that
flows through. There's the, oh, no, it's going
to fall apart. Oh, this might be great because,
you know, this is a moment for resilience.
You can go two different ways onit that I think the most
important thing for us as parents to do is to think
through sport in this way. And I don't know if you'll agree
(10:08):
or not, sport is a way to betterunderstand who you are and who
you're becoming. It's a great way to understand.
But in and of itself, it's not aforever game.
Maybe at some point you in our 50s, we return back to some
recreation. Maybe if we if we're, if we, if
we're able. But it's not a for everything.
(10:29):
There's a short term nature to it.
And if we can get down to the principles, what are the core
principles that I, as the adult in the relationship, want to
hydrate for my child? What are those core seeds and
principles? And when I'm really clear with
those and I've done that work ahead of time, then when there's
that moment where it's not goingthe way we hoped, a pick is
(10:51):
thrown at the last minute. Whatever the kind of tragedy
that seems to be taking place, Ineed to fall back to the
principles and not be swept in the emotions.
And I'll just this word is overused for adults and for
kids, Resilience. So let's just hit this square on
resilience only comes when we face adversities.
(11:13):
So when you see something not gowell, there's a moment of
potential adversity to work through.
It is the gift to be able to build a resilient human.
What does resilience mean? When I get knocked back, I know
how to put my foot in the groundand keep going forward to the
thing that I, I care about. If we get knocked back, which we
all do, and we don't have that tensile strength, we don't have
that, that ability to put your foot in the ground and keep
(11:36):
fighting forward. And the world is not a safe
place. The world is, you know, it's not
designed for your son's or your daughter's success.
It it's not designed for our success.
We have to figure out how to navigate tricky, emotional,
challenging moments so that we can do it for the rest of our
lives. And we try to remind our kids
(11:57):
all the time that a good game does not make you a better kid.
A bad game does not make you a worse kid.
It doesn't make us love you, more or less.
Best player in the team, worst player on the team.
And again, does that always comeacross in our emotions and how
we handle the moment? I'd be probably not, right?
Like we all, at least I'll speakfor myself, maybe not everyone.
Here's a couple principles that I think will inform what I would
(12:19):
consider and if I'm standing on good science and ideal car ride
home. One is if you think about that
mechanism of support and challenge them, this is a time
to support. They're not able to think
clearly and critically because they're often times flooded with
emotions. So listen for the emotions,
createspace for them to share and process.
(12:42):
And if they don't want to or if it's overwhelming, that's OK.
It doesn't mean that the conversation evaporates and goes
away forever. Just you'll find another time
later after a shower, whatever it might be, they just need a
little time to process. And then if you can ask
questions about things that theyare ultimately in control of
100% under their control, you'reputting them back in the
(13:05):
driver's seat in life. And if you can, if you can
figure out with them any sort ofunlock about the long game of
life, great. But sometimes you're using the
unlock in the game to better understand a first principle
that you're trying to create, which is like, did you go for
it? Did you have high energy?
(13:26):
Did were you a great teammate? You know, and then there's some
information and, and perspectives you can share from
there. I think that's the beauty of the
sport though, right? Like that's the part of the
sport I love is like they get back on the horse and and go.
Like I want to see how my team responds after a bad weekend
tournament. I want to see how my team, how
(13:46):
my kids come back to practice after we lose or after we fumble
or like those are the moments that I love.
Like that's where I feel like the most growth comes.
You come and beat everybody by 100.
We show up to practice the next week.
I'm like, just keep doing what we're doing, I guess.
Like how do I get you to be convinced that we need to
continue to elevate when all youfind is success?
(14:11):
I asked a four time Olympian, Carrie Walsh Jennings, one of
the greatest volleyball players to ever play the game, how she
thought about when mistakes would happen in the game for
her. And she says no different than
when mistakes happen in practice.
So the point there and then I'llI'll give you the take away that
I think is brilliant that she said.
But the point there is the way you practice ought to be the
(14:34):
same way that you play, which I think you would nod your head
to. And I'm gonna I'm gonna reduce
this down to something very simple in a moment.
But the the take away was that she was looking at the mistake
as a a radical gift. It's an immediate gift of
information about what she needsto get better at.
Oh, I need to, I need to be ableto open my first foot to be able
(14:55):
to pass better. I need to be able to track the
ball better. So, So what coaches can do is
coach the thing immediately, theskill if they can and support
the child at the same time. So on what I practice or on game
day, I think there's like a three second window where you
can make or break confidence if the kid makes a mistake and it's
(15:19):
not framed as like, Oh my God, this is great.
There's really good information here.
I'm going to keep your, keep your left arm open or whatever
the, the, the, the technical skill might be.
If it's seen as like, oh man, you just let everybody down and
eyes roll, clipboard gets throwndown.
Even those 3 seconds when they look to the sidelines, which is
(15:40):
a problem. You want them to look inward or
look to their team mates before they look to the adult, before
they look to the authority figure to see if they're OK.
It's about a three second windowwhere you make or break their
confidence. And so as it all the way reduces
down to these moments, if we canframe it in a way that's an
opportunity to get better because the information is rich,
(16:01):
that kid is going to forever look for the for the Nuggets to
help him or her get better. It's such a good point that that
that's that's super helpful. I'm because I'm a big in the
moment corrector. I know a lot of people say like,
yeah, we'll talk about it later.Like what I've seen with young
kids. If I wait for an hour for
practice to be over and then I pull you aside and say, hey,
(16:22):
remember on that whatever play you stepped with your right
foot, we got to step with our inside foot because we got to
get, they don't even know what I'm, they can't even remember
what play we ran. So like there is the the I, I do
believe like in the moment, the correct way, but like in the
moment, real time, especially inpractice when we can kind of
stop, OK, reset, run it again. Here's why.
(16:46):
Now in the game, we can't in thegame, we got to go on to the
next play. The clock's running the clock.
It's just it's a different element.
But I'm with you about practice.Like our practices should be
harder than the games. They should be more intense than
the games. It should feel more pressure
packed in the games. So when when they get to the
games, it's like, let's go, we're good.
So there's two parts there, likeif you want your teams or
(17:10):
athletes to respond after a quote, UN quote bad game.
I don't even frame games as goodand bad because I think it's
information. It's different information.
So after a tough game, let's call it right now, if you want
them to respond, well, that's taught in how they respond to a
mistake in practice. And if it's like, yeah, yeah,
yeah, great. This is I'm so glad this is
(17:30):
happening. Now.
I'm going to tell you an interesting story.
This is just got back from Parissupporting an Olympic team,
women's speech volleyball. And it was win or go home one of
those matches. So we're in the end game in the
in the finals. I think this was just before
quarter finals actually. And the athlete I would always
(17:51):
ask about four hours before the game.
Is there anything that we need to bring up?
So we do an activation where they get loose, get warm, and
then we do a little mindset work.
Let's call that 11:00 AM. And then they play like, I don't
know, 9:00 PM. It's a it's a late tournament
and I say, is there anything else or is there anything that
we need to bring forward to workwith as a team?
And one of the athletes just breaks out into tears.
(18:14):
This is one of the best athletesin the world.
We're going into a finals type of of moment and she breaks out
into tears and she says, you know, everyone here has put so
much work into it. Everyone here has dedicated so
much time for this team. I'm afraid I'm going to let
everybody down. You felt this.
Our kids feel this and one of the best in the world at the
(18:37):
Olympics feels this. And one of our coaches is ESL.
He's he doesn't speak English very well.
He's one of the best coaches in the world.
And the whole room, there's about six of us.
The room is like full with emotions.
You could feel everybody's else's emotions and everyone's
like, we got you, you know, thattype of thing.
Don't like, let it cut it loose,be free.
(18:58):
We'd rather go down if you did it like we got you, no matter
how this goes. And he didn't understand all the
nuances and he looked at her andhe said this.
This level of honesty happening now is better than happening in
the game. Do the work ahead of time so
that you can get free during thegame.
(19:20):
Do the work in practice to coachresilience, to coach mistakes to
coach, you know, BBL, bad body language.
Coach that stuff in an excellentway, in a caring way, in a
strong way in practice so they know how to conduct themselves
when there's a little bit more intensity.
That's applicable to every levelof yeah sport.
(19:42):
Every athlete at some point, whether it's 5th grade
basketball or Olympic gold medalgame, everyone has that feeling
at some point. And as a coach, you're spending
in some respects more time with my son than I am.
For sure. And so the role that the coach
takes is so incredibly important.
And what I'm counting on you, ifyou will, if you were coaching
(20:04):
my son, is to teach him how to be a man.
That is my job, right? That is our community's job.
But you hold. And if it's not a boy, it's a
girl like. Whatever.
Yeah, right. To teach them how to be a great
adult and what that means more than anything, more than
touchdowns, more than whatever is Do you have care in your
life? Do you care about people and
(20:27):
about people's future? Do you have compassion?
Do you have strength? Are you kind and strong are the
two variables and the principles.
I'm always grounding my my kids with kind and strength.
And that's so I when I'm choosing a club or a coach for
my son or we're choosing as a family, those two variables must
(20:48):
be in place from the coach that he's going to support core
principles that maybe I can't teach or that are really
important to the family. Our conversation continues.
We are super happy to really talk to a family that's seen the
power and the impact of Max U Roger and Ike German Rodger, the
father, Ike the son. So having you both here
(21:10):
together. Welcome you welcome you guys
appreciate you joining us here at U think so Rodger, I'm I'm
going to start with you. Just how'd you come across match
you and and and when you first saw it, like how did you
recognize that this might be a tool, this might be something
that that could serve your family and and specifically your
son Ike well. It's been just a great
complimentary way for me as a parent to talk to my son on the
(21:32):
mental side, but also have that backing because it's hard to be
a prophet in your own land some days of really grounded
information that helps Ike and helps me actually work with Ike.
I'm feeling. Probably like a better athlete
than I was before. I found out about.
Max, Hugh. Rodger what?
What have you seen? So what it?
Really helped me do honestly, Greg was, you know, get a chance
(21:53):
to one, watch his results and mine.
How do I ground truth that I'm doing the right thing, right?
That, that what I've been doing so far, you know, you know, was
the right way to go that it helped reinforce.
So I knew what Ike was hearing. I knew what Ike was thinking.
I, I pivoted and adjusted. And I think, I hope that I can
say that, you know, it became a better supporter, especially in
the mental growth of, of, of life, and not just it's dad on
(22:15):
the way home telling me something.
Can you start picking out moments when he's working
through some of these practices?It was a different kid and that
was, we just started, he's really started diving into Max U
and I could just see the processof how that situation and he
went in there and did what he needed to do.
And you know, it was lights out the remainder of the game.
But I watched all those synapsesso kind of go off and it made me
(22:37):
feel really good because while Iknew I felt I coached him
enough, while I knew Max U was giving him, you know, the tools
he needed. Appreciate you guys taking the
time. Appreciate you guys coming on
and sharing about your experience with Max U and Ike.
Best of luck to you buddy. Keep keep working hard and keep
developing and Rodger, dad to dad, I appreciate you coming on
(22:57):
and and sharing a little bit of insight on this whole journey.
Happy to do so. I appreciate what you do and for
you think as well. Check out Max U today and let
them know that you think sent you.
Now back to the episode. We've talked so much about the
role as like as a parent coach. So now take the coach part out
of it. Let's just talk about like the
the role of an of a young athlete and just the parent.
(23:20):
My rule is I coach each one of my kids teams one season of
each. So I do like my son's football
team and do my other son in the Springs baseball team and then I
do my daughter's winter basketball team at school.
I'm in charge of one sport a season.
Each one of my kids gets me for one season, then the other
seasons you go play for somebodyelse and I'm dad.
(23:43):
They need someone to help, great.
If not, it's up to them. What I find then is in those
seasons I'm like, OK, I'm alwaysaround.
I'm always the guy at practice. You're all over your kid.
I'm like, you know what? Today at baseball practice, I'm
just going to drop my kids off and I'll come back and pick you
up. But then I'll be like, alright
guys, I'll be back in a little bit.
Like you're not staying. I'm like, so here I am.
(24:04):
I'm like, I think I'm giving youa little space 'cause I feel
like sometimes everything you ever do, I'm there at practice
running it and you need a littlespace.
Go play without me. I'm not looking over your
shoulder. You don't need to look in the
stands. Go to two hours of practice,
tell me how it is after. And then they kind of look at
me. They're like, why aren't you
going to stay and watch? So I don't know, like, so I
(24:24):
guess that's my question. You like is there the right mix
of always being around? Never being around obviously is
a whole different conversation and like finding a middle ground
like what does that relationship?
Look like Zamboni parenting, which is that the parents get
out in front of the kid, get theice real smooth so there's no
(24:45):
divots. It's an easy glide in life.
There's problems with this helicopter parenting, which
we're familiar with, always hovering over and making sure
that safety is of paramount. And then there's a quote UN
quote Tiger parenting, which is the pushing, pushing, pushing.
What do you mean a minus? Like that's not going to get it
done? How are you going to get to a
top five university in an A minuses?
(25:06):
OK, so those are three differentstyles that are all quite
problematic. The theory would suggest that
there's authoritative, authoritarian, and laissez
faire. These are all three different
types of parenting styles, not the fun names I just mentioned
before. Sounds like you're describing
like governments. Pretty much.
(25:28):
So laissez faire parenting is like 8 gig.
Go do whatever you're going to do.
Like I've got my hobbies, I've got my things and my things are
actually really important to me and I I don't care what you do.
Like you're going to figure out life like I figured out life.
So lazy, fair parenting. That's not you.
No, you are not. And there the research is not
(25:50):
supportive. They're laughing off camera.
Yeah, that is not you. You're not that.
Then there's authoritarian and authoritative.
Authoritarian. It's just what it sounds like.
Kind of like a dictator. Sit down, don't talk.
This is not good enough. That's not good enough.
Like these are the rules. You're going to follow them no
matter what. There's a dogma, there's a
strictness. It's an imposement of will on
(26:12):
the child. Research does not support that
parenting style much either. They tend to have later in life
more deeper and more problems. Authoritative is your style that
you're describing. So when the listener is feeling
this right now, they're feeling and listening to how you're
speaking as an authoritative parent, which is it's, I'm going
(26:35):
to be clear, I'm going to be direct.
I'm going to have passion in it.I see you, kid, but I'm still
bringing some intensity in the way that I think is right.
And so the research would suggest that that is the best
parenting style. So the first and foremost is a
know your parenting style. OK, Everyone wants to be the
authoritative like I just described.
(26:56):
But the most important thing is to know your child.
What does your child need? Support And then challenge them
in an uncommon way. Support, support, support, then
challenge, support, support, support, then challenge.
And if they don't want you to bethere, great.
If they want you to be there, great.
The thing that's weird is I'm thinking, Oh my God, you're
going to be thrilled that Dad's not at every.
(27:17):
And they look, and here I'm thinking like, oh, a great idea.
Just pick me up in two hours. And then they, and then I'm, I
pull away and I'm like, they look at me like, why are you not
staying? And I'm like, 'cause I didn't
think you wanted me to be at every practice.
And. They're like, it's a little.
Stay and watch. I'm like, OK, I guess I will,
you know, like. Well, maybe they feel safe.
Maybe you get crazy if you're not around and you're like, how
was practice? Maybe this is not a blind spot
(27:39):
for you. No, no, I you know this about
me. There's one thing I hang my hat
on is self-awareness. No one has to point out my my
shortcomings. I have a very good grasp of
them. You are very good at this and
this, this is one of the great skills that you're going to pass
on to your kids that I hope eachlistener can do is like the
(27:59):
whole thing. The whole thing in life rests on
self-awareness. How aware are you of your
thoughts, your feelings, your Physiology?
Your shortcomings. All of that, that's like how
aware are you? Because if you're unaware you're
it's a hard going life. The second thing that's the
whole, the whole world is run onrelationships.
(28:21):
Your relationship with yourself first, your relationship with
others, your relationship with experience, both easy and hard
success or failure, whatever. So this whole game inside the
game is really about increasing awareness, increasing skills,
and increasing the quality of relationships.
If we thought about those three,we're going to help build great
(28:43):
humans. It's a really.
Good way to summarize it. Thanks for tuning in today.
Let's take a few minutes to go over some specific takeaways to
help make the car ride home a more positive experience.
One that supports our kids not just as athletes, but as growing
resilient people. One thing we've learned today is
that the car ride should be a time of reflection, not a
(29:05):
rundown of the mistakes or misplays.
Instead of diving into performance feedback right away,
use this time to just listen. Often just simple open minded
questions like how did the game feel for you?
What did you enjoy the most? Open the door for your child to
share their experience, but in their words and in their terms.
When it comes to providing feedback, one of the most
(29:26):
powerful things that we can do as parents is focus on the
controllables. Instead of zeroing in on
specific plays or stats, encourage your young athlete to
think about aspects that they control.
Their effort, their attitude, maybe how they supported a
teammate. Something else we can take away
from today's episode is the importance of setting a calm and
supportive tone. We know it's tough to switch off
(29:49):
our own competitive energy, especially if we're also the
coaches. This is something that hits
directly at home with me. But in the car, we're there in
that safe space, but we're not there as their coach.
Be calm, be steady. In those moments.
We can teach our kids that it's OK to have big feelings and that
home, or in this case the car, is where they can express them
(30:11):
without judgement. We're modeling emotional
resilience for them just by being there in a supportive, non
critical role. Lastly, keep in mind that each
car ride home is an opportunity to reinforce the message.
I love you for who you are, not for how you perform, and I think
that's such a powerful message that all kids need.
We put so much pressure on them to play well and to work hard,
(30:33):
and while that's fine, it cannotbecome their identity.
Let them know a good game doesn't make them a better
person, and a tough game doesn'tmake them any less.
This simple message is one of the most valuable gifts we can
give, helping kids understand that their worth isn't defined
by wins, losses, or stats. So to sum it up, as parents and
(30:54):
coaches, we can turn the car ride home into one of the best
parts of youth sports. Make it a moment to listen,
celebrate in what they control, and remind them that your
support is unconditional. This is the journey that we're
all on together, helping our kids become not just better
athletes, but more resilient, joyful, and confident people.
Thanks again for joining us, andhere's to making that car ride
(31:17):
home a meaningful part of the game.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.