December 17, 2024 • 8 mins
WOULD YOU LIKE TO CUT BACK ON YOUR DRINKING? But don't want to completely quit? I've got a guest today who coaches people through that very thing. I've Erica Mallery at 2:30 to talk about her coaching program that helps people have a more mindful relationship with alcohol. Find out more about it here.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So I guess with us now, who is doing something
(00:03):
that's a little bit different than what you might think
of when you hear someone talking about helping people with
their alcohol problems.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
She is.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Excuse me, I'm trying not to cough really really hard
as I introduced Erica Mallory to the show. Erica, welcome
to the show. I'm going to turn my mic off
and cough for just a second. So tell people about
Shameover dot me.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hellow, thank you, and I have been cough and NonStop,
so I totally get it. I'm Erica, and Shameover is
basically a program designed to help people, specifically women, but
I do work with both to be able to drink
less without having to say bye to the moos entirely.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
So where did this come from? How did you decide
to start this?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
So, like many I found myself during the pandemic drinking
a little bit more than I had been used to.
It turned into kind of a daily drinking type thing
and just didn't necessarily.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Like where it was.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
I went online because you know, it's not necessarily a
fun thing to talk about, and everything that I found
was basically saying, if you're looking at ways to drink less.
You're an alcoholic, you should never drink again. I did
not feel like I was there. I never wanted to
be there. So I figured I had the coaching certificate
from my life coaching, Let's see if I can create
something myself.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
I did, and it's been helping people ever since.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
I've talked on the show. I'm not a huge fan
of mommy wine culture and the fact that it's sort
of become this cultural phenomena. And I say that even
as a person who enjoys wine. I'm not anti wine,
but it seems like it got amplified into this lifestyle
that is not necessarily healthy when in long term. So
(01:45):
how do women come to you, How do they begin
to recognize that maybe mommy wine culture has become a
culture that they need to ratchet back.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Yes, I was the first to like send the memes
by the towels.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
You know, I totally get it and created some of it.
I do sell chuckle at.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
But I actually had a point where my daughter, this
is Darren Covid again, she was maybe eighteen months at
the time.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
She brought me a wine glass and you.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Know, here's an eighteen month old there's nothing in it.
But she just saw a wine glass at a friend's
house and credit to me like, oh here your mom,
and I'm like this I don't.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Like So that was actually kind of a big part
of it.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
But I think for a lot of us women, I've
noticed that it is the first time that we've made
any time for ourselves during the day. And that is why, mommy,
wine culture has become such a big thing, as we're
prioritizing ourselves for that one moment, for us to have
a drink, make a drink, whatever that looks like.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
So being able.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
To still keep that as part of the ritual but
not necessarily making around alcohol is kind of a big thing.
But as far as when people are coming to me,
it's kind of a tricky thing because again, no one
wants to talk about alcohol. If you have a problem
with it, you feel the shame, the judgment that all
of that. Yet it's everywhere we look and you're never
supposed to have a problem with it. So it's that
very fine balance of really, are you asking yourself like,
(03:00):
am I drinking too much?
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Could I stop if I wanted to? What does that
look like? And that's kind of how people typically find me.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
How do you know, if you are a person who
can reasonably cut back on your alcohol, or if you're
a person who really needs to not be drinking.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Yeah, that's a great question, I am the biggest flavor.
Moderation is not for everyone. There are absolutely people who
should never touch a substance or other substances. That being said,
a lot of us it is just become a very habitual,
very mindless thing. And that's where you can kind of
determine if moderation is possible for you or not ingranted.
(03:38):
Whatever we practice, we get really good at and we've
been practicing drinking for excuse me, practicing drinking for a
long time. But if you're waking up, you know, drinking
all day long, then yeah, my program, that type thing
moderation probably is not for you, at least not at
this point. But if it's just at a point to
where maybe it's harder to find your off button, maybe
your daily drinker, and you're trying to cut back and
(03:59):
it's just it's a little bit more challenging, that's when
moderation a lot of times still is possible.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
It's not all encompassing, all consuming.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
So what does your program look like for someone someone
calls you and says, I really feel like I'm drinking
more than I want to. What is this? How does
this work?
Speaker 3 (04:17):
So there's a couple of different things.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I have a boot camp called Lose the Hangar boot
Camp where you can it's kind of self paced type thing.
So a lot of times that's a great place for
people to start, because again, if your judgment around this
is such a big thing. And then I also work
with women in a membership that's kind of group coaching.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
It is so powerful when you realize that you're not
alone in this whole thing.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
But the biggest thing, and this is whether it's with alcohol,
whether it's with eating, consumptions, consumption at the end of
the day, and when people are starting to work on
their drinking, a lot of times if they're not really
doing the work, they're just like white knuckling it.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
It goes to eating, it goes to the amount.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Of time they spend on social media or spinning on
Amazon or whatever. So it really is all about understanding yourself,
your triggers, why you're drinking, when you're drinking, what you're
beliefs are around alcohol, and that's where you can really
start to make the difference because you have that self
awareness and that's what leads to kind of a mindfulness
with it.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
That mindfulness part, I think is very interesting is because
I've now reached a point in my life where physically
alcohol is not my friend. It prevents me from sleeping,
I don't feel well after it, but I still enjoy
like a really good glass of wine, I still enjoy it.
So I have to kind of strategically plan that. Right,
if I have anything to do the next day, I'm
(05:29):
not drinking anything. If I have anything important, it has
to be a mindful choice because for me physically it
just doesn't work anymore. Is that kind of what you're
looking at? Like, are you promoting strategies or you know
you're going to a Christmas party? So maybe I mean
how the practicality, I guess is what I'm asking.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Yeah, absolutely, and that is I mean all of us
are different, especially women as we're aging, it is impacting
us differently than it did.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Yes, it impacts men too, but just women in our carmones.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
It's a completely different beast. But it really depends wherever
you are on the journey. And if it is that
you just don't want to drink at all, if you
just want to be able to have better conversation or
know that you can socialize and still have fun without it,
or maybe it's still being able to have that glass
of wine when you're out, but being able to stop
at one or two. So it really just depends where
you are, and a lot of times that's understanding where
(06:19):
you are, because when things like dry January, for example,
which is right around the corner.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
People just isolate.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
They keep themselves at home, they shut off any triggers,
try to reduce all stress, and they're either white knuckling
it or they're just you know, avoiding everything. But come
the first weeknd in February, everything is back and it's
almost like they're making up for lost time, right, And
that is so detrimental for our help physically, mentally, all
of that. So this is where it's really again, understanding.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Where you are and meeting yourself where you.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Are instead of having these completely unrealistic goals, then falling short,
feeling like a failure again, and then the vicious cycle
just keeps going.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Do you have people that come to you and after
working the program and doing the program, they decide, I
do need to quit drinking.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, and I've had to make that recommendation to a
person or too, just letting them know.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
You know, for me, we all know deep down.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
If it's possible for us. Sometimes we do need help
understanding that. But it needs to be from someone that
you trust, that you know truly has your back, not
you know. A lot of times family that's too close,
there's too much that it has been mixed there. But
a lot of times when people are coming to me,
they aren't at that point to where they need just
completely to stop, but they never wanted to get there.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Right right, My guest has a wonderful program, shameover dot Me.
I put a link to Eric Mallory's website. So if
you're hearing yourself in this situation and you're hearing you
know what, maybe she's got a point. Maybe I'm drinking
more than I'd like to, and I'm not quite sure
how to do that, I would strongly recommend you click
over and taking control of any sort of substance use
(07:56):
is a very empowering thing to do. And if you
want to really like tackle twenty twenty five where there
you know, a vengeance and make it your year, then
perhaps this might be a program to help you do that.
I love this. I mean I've I've been very lucky
in that I've never felt like I had a drinking problem.
I'm just I don't have that particular addictive personality. But boy,
(08:19):
I've seen what it can do to so many other
people in my life. So anything like this, that babystep
can help you get it. I support it.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Eric.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
I really appreciate you giving us time today about.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
This we alsome. Thank you so much. Appreciate you for
having me. All right.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
That's Erica Mallory. You can find her website shameover dot me,
shameover dot m E and I put a link to
it on the blog today as well.
So I guess with us now, who is doing something
(00:03):
that's a little bit different than what you might think
of when you hear someone talking about helping people with
their alcohol problems.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
She is.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Excuse me, I'm trying not to cough really really hard
as I introduced Erica Mallory to the show. Erica, welcome
to the show. I'm going to turn my mic off
and cough for just a second. So tell people about
Shameover dot me.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hellow, thank you, and I have been cough and NonStop,
so I totally get it. I'm Erica, and Shameover is
basically a program designed to help people, specifically women, but
I do work with both to be able to drink
less without having to say bye to the moos entirely.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
So where did this come from? How did you decide
to start this?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
So, like many I found myself during the pandemic drinking
a little bit more than I had been used to.
It turned into kind of a daily drinking type thing
and just didn't necessarily.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Like where it was.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
I went online because you know, it's not necessarily a
fun thing to talk about, and everything that I found
was basically saying, if you're looking at ways to drink less.
You're an alcoholic, you should never drink again. I did
not feel like I was there. I never wanted to
be there. So I figured I had the coaching certificate
from my life coaching, Let's see if I can create
something myself.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
I did, and it's been helping people ever since.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
I've talked on the show. I'm not a huge fan
of mommy wine culture and the fact that it's sort
of become this cultural phenomena. And I say that even
as a person who enjoys wine. I'm not anti wine,
but it seems like it got amplified into this lifestyle
that is not necessarily healthy when in long term. So
(01:45):
how do women come to you, How do they begin
to recognize that maybe mommy wine culture has become a
culture that they need to ratchet back.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Yes, I was the first to like send the memes
by the towels.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
You know, I totally get it and created some of it.
I do sell chuckle at.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
But I actually had a point where my daughter, this
is Darren Covid again, she was maybe eighteen months at
the time.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
She brought me a wine glass and you.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Know, here's an eighteen month old there's nothing in it.
But she just saw a wine glass at a friend's
house and credit to me like, oh here your mom,
and I'm like this I don't.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Like So that was actually kind of a big part
of it.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
But I think for a lot of us women, I've
noticed that it is the first time that we've made
any time for ourselves during the day. And that is why, mommy,
wine culture has become such a big thing, as we're
prioritizing ourselves for that one moment, for us to have
a drink, make a drink, whatever that looks like.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
So being able.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
To still keep that as part of the ritual but
not necessarily making around alcohol is kind of a big thing.
But as far as when people are coming to me,
it's kind of a tricky thing because again, no one
wants to talk about alcohol. If you have a problem
with it, you feel the shame, the judgment that all
of that. Yet it's everywhere we look and you're never
supposed to have a problem with it. So it's that
very fine balance of really, are you asking yourself like,
(03:00):
am I drinking too much?
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Could I stop if I wanted to? What does that
look like? And that's kind of how people typically find me.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
How do you know, if you are a person who
can reasonably cut back on your alcohol, or if you're
a person who really needs to not be drinking.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Yeah, that's a great question, I am the biggest flavor.
Moderation is not for everyone. There are absolutely people who
should never touch a substance or other substances. That being said,
a lot of us it is just become a very habitual,
very mindless thing. And that's where you can kind of
determine if moderation is possible for you or not ingranted.
(03:38):
Whatever we practice, we get really good at and we've
been practicing drinking for excuse me, practicing drinking for a
long time. But if you're waking up, you know, drinking
all day long, then yeah, my program, that type thing
moderation probably is not for you, at least not at
this point. But if it's just at a point to
where maybe it's harder to find your off button, maybe
your daily drinker, and you're trying to cut back and
(03:59):
it's just it's a little bit more challenging, that's when
moderation a lot of times still is possible.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
It's not all encompassing, all consuming.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
So what does your program look like for someone someone
calls you and says, I really feel like I'm drinking
more than I want to. What is this? How does
this work?
Speaker 3 (04:17):
So there's a couple of different things.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I have a boot camp called Lose the Hangar boot
Camp where you can it's kind of self paced type thing.
So a lot of times that's a great place for
people to start, because again, if your judgment around this
is such a big thing. And then I also work
with women in a membership that's kind of group coaching.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
It is so powerful when you realize that you're not
alone in this whole thing.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
But the biggest thing, and this is whether it's with alcohol,
whether it's with eating, consumptions, consumption at the end of
the day, and when people are starting to work on
their drinking, a lot of times if they're not really
doing the work, they're just like white knuckling it.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
It goes to eating, it goes to the amount.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Of time they spend on social media or spinning on
Amazon or whatever. So it really is all about understanding yourself,
your triggers, why you're drinking, when you're drinking, what you're
beliefs are around alcohol, and that's where you can really
start to make the difference because you have that self
awareness and that's what leads to kind of a mindfulness
with it.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
That mindfulness part, I think is very interesting is because
I've now reached a point in my life where physically
alcohol is not my friend. It prevents me from sleeping,
I don't feel well after it, but I still enjoy
like a really good glass of wine, I still enjoy it.
So I have to kind of strategically plan that. Right,
if I have anything to do the next day, I'm
(05:29):
not drinking anything. If I have anything important, it has
to be a mindful choice because for me physically it
just doesn't work anymore. Is that kind of what you're
looking at? Like, are you promoting strategies or you know
you're going to a Christmas party? So maybe I mean
how the practicality, I guess is what I'm asking.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Yeah, absolutely, and that is I mean all of us
are different, especially women as we're aging, it is impacting
us differently than it did.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Yes, it impacts men too, but just women in our carmones.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
It's a completely different beast. But it really depends wherever
you are on the journey. And if it is that
you just don't want to drink at all, if you
just want to be able to have better conversation or
know that you can socialize and still have fun without it,
or maybe it's still being able to have that glass
of wine when you're out, but being able to stop
at one or two. So it really just depends where
you are, and a lot of times that's understanding where
(06:19):
you are, because when things like dry January, for example,
which is right around the corner.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
People just isolate.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
They keep themselves at home, they shut off any triggers,
try to reduce all stress, and they're either white knuckling
it or they're just you know, avoiding everything. But come
the first weeknd in February, everything is back and it's
almost like they're making up for lost time, right, And
that is so detrimental for our help physically, mentally, all
of that. So this is where it's really again, understanding.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Where you are and meeting yourself where you.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Are instead of having these completely unrealistic goals, then falling short,
feeling like a failure again, and then the vicious cycle
just keeps going.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Do you have people that come to you and after
working the program and doing the program, they decide, I
do need to quit drinking.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, and I've had to make that recommendation to a
person or too, just letting them know.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
You know, for me, we all know deep down.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
If it's possible for us. Sometimes we do need help
understanding that. But it needs to be from someone that
you trust, that you know truly has your back, not
you know. A lot of times family that's too close,
there's too much that it has been mixed there. But
a lot of times when people are coming to me,
they aren't at that point to where they need just
completely to stop, but they never wanted to get there.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Right right, My guest has a wonderful program, shameover dot Me.
I put a link to Eric Mallory's website. So if
you're hearing yourself in this situation and you're hearing you
know what, maybe she's got a point. Maybe I'm drinking
more than I'd like to, and I'm not quite sure
how to do that, I would strongly recommend you click
over and taking control of any sort of substance use
(07:56):
is a very empowering thing to do. And if you
want to really like tackle twenty twenty five where there
you know, a vengeance and make it your year, then
perhaps this might be a program to help you do that.
I love this. I mean I've I've been very lucky
in that I've never felt like I had a drinking problem.
I'm just I don't have that particular addictive personality. But boy,
(08:19):
I've seen what it can do to so many other
people in my life. So anything like this, that babystep
can help you get it. I support it.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Eric.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
I really appreciate you giving us time today about.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
This we alsome. Thank you so much. Appreciate you for
having me. All right.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
That's Erica Mallory. You can find her website shameover dot me,
shameover dot m E and I put a link to
it on the blog today as well.
The Mandy Connell Podcast News
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