Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central. We have to talk about
the big news of the day, and I mean big news.
A man in Australia believes he owns the largest steer
(00:21):
in the country. So this is the herd. Wait for it,
look at this thing. We're gonna see it in just
a second. Oh my god. Whoa His name is Nickers.
He has six ft four inches tall and weighs almost
three thousand pounds. That's almost as tall as Michael Jordan's
and as heavy as a Mini Cooper. Sweet Jesus. I
(00:47):
know there's tons of news happening in the world right now.
I know there's Trump, I know there's things and breasit
with Britain, I know, but look at that thing. What
is going on in Australia? Why is every animal down under?
So it every animal? Their ducks have fur, the kangaroos
have a built in tummy purse. But I feel like
Australia's doping all their animals like the Russian athletes. This
(01:09):
is like some crazy gon on strange like, oh yeah,
I'm finished with my sleeper Spoders Now I'm like a
cow the saws of Michael Jordan's What are you guys
doing down there, And honestly, I like that cow is
so glorious, right, I bet it's so glorious that last
night the Pope converted to Hinduism. He was like, you
know what, they're cows, man, I've been learning with Jesus
(01:31):
for too long now. When I saw this giant cow,
the first thing I thought was, this is some dope weed.
But a lot of other people saw that cow and
they took it to a really dark place. Oh, it's
massive size is also what saved him. Nickers is too
fake for the meat processing facility, so he will live
out the rest of his life with his herd is
(01:53):
so heavy for the abatoir, so he'll live out his
days in the paddock. Unfortunately, some bad news. If you're
like an extra tank tavon steak, why are you trying
to eat the giant cow? The world only has one
giant cow, and your only thought is supersize me. Just
(02:13):
eat two normal cows. It tastes the same white people
trying to kill the cow. You know what. Luckily, even
if they want to, they can't kill him. He cannot
fit inside the abbage bar, which by the way, is
such a white people problems to have because in Africa
they'll be like, no, we can't. We gonna kill that cow.
We're gonna find a way. Don't have about the machine.
We can't kill that cow. But luckily in Australia they
(02:37):
can't kill him. So nick as the cow can do
whatever he wants. Like, what are you gonna do about it?
He's unkillable. Yeah, Like I'm hoping that one day the
farmer is gonna come home. He's gonna find the cow
sitting on his couch watching his TV with his arm
around his wife, and the pharm is gonna be like,
bloody hell, cow, what are you doing in my house?
And the cow is gonna be like, look at me,
look at me. I am the farmer. Now, while we've
(03:02):
been going through this Corona crisis in America, the Daily
Show's Ronnie Chang has been stuck in Australia. There he is,
Ronnie Chang. Hey, what's up forever, oh man, So good
to see you, dude. What's going on? I'm I'm okay.
I was actually visiting Australia when all this went down.
(03:24):
Kid me the pta Quala bear and uh, all this
stuff started happening. So I'm stuck in a hotel room
right now, and I spent like two thou dollars on
minnibob pi nuts damn. Yeah. Yeah, that's you gotta be
careful down them. And there's a lot of Corona cases
down there. Yeah, it's increasing, just like everywhere. But don't worry.
I've I've been tested. What are you being like? Are
(03:46):
you being serious? You've been tested tested? Yeah, I got
tested for the Corona. Yeah. Yeah, I just had to
what content if you're being serious? Did you really get tested? Yeah?
I got tested. Oh okay, like just just because you like,
because like you're on TV or just they're they're just
testing people. I think that just I matched the symptoms
because um I had a cough and I just came
(04:08):
in from America and everything they tested me. They gave
me a pap smear, they gave me a pregnancy test.
I had the whole everything, I did every exam I
could in that place. Wow, okay, so it sounds unnecessary.
I don't know why you did the pregnancy test. Oh,
but you'll be glad to know that I'm not pregnant.
By the way, Well, I mean that's that's obvious, you not.
(04:30):
Whatever the perhaps near tests. I'm not that either. I
don't think it's testing for a thing to be I
think that Well, look anyway, anyway, I'm just I'm just
saying perfectly healthy. The point is I'm perfectly healthy. Yeah.
And the point is it seems like it's really easy
to get tested in Australia, much easier than it is
in America. Yeah, it's like it's impossible to get a
(04:51):
test out here. Yeah, I'm hearing stories again. I haven't
been in America for like four weeks now. But if
it makes you feel any better, the Corona test doesn't
feel right. Okay. They stick that swab way up your nose.
It touches the back of your back, of your nasal passage.
It's it's like an anal probe on your nose. Man,
it's not good. Wait. So they just like stick the
thing up your nose and then stick it up and
(05:13):
then they twist it like that like they're digging your
nose for you. Yeah, but not. It feels like it
feels like someone's trying to scratch your brain. Damn. Well,
that sucks. I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry that you have
to get the test. I'm also sorry that now you're
stuck in a hotel. Social distancing. That must be double
the pain. No, No, I'm fine, man. I love social distansting.
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I love this is my jam. I love this stuff.
I got to watch TV all day. You can eat
whatever I want, to wake up whenever I want. I
didn't have to wear pants. I'm not wearing pants right now.
It's the best. Yeah, but what about all the people
who love you. You You don't get to see them, and
those those people are the worst. By the way, people
who love you are the they hugging and kissing and
rubbing is every form of affection is like corona bomb.
(05:57):
No thanks. Wow. Okay, So if it was up to you,
you'd just be interacting over like video calls and stuff.
That would that would be your life. Absolutely. In fact,
I when this thing is over, I hope this is
the only way we interact. I mean, I don't have
just know your breath, you know, I I don't have
to I don't have to like be in contact with
your bodily fluids. And if I get bored, I can
just pretend I'm having problems with the WiFi. Wow, Okay,
(06:20):
I mean that's one way to look at it. But then, like,
what about like work and hanging out with your friends.
You you always said you loved having lunch with me
every day, so I mean, that's that's already, Trevor. I'm sorry.
The WiFi in Australia is actually really really bad, so
I can't hear you anymore. I'll just talk to you later,
man Sea. Okay, But in sixteen Trump got elective only
(06:45):
a court of eligible voters supporting him. That is a
broken system. Some politics nerds are proposing a solution. Jewry
duty and taxes are mandatory, so why not voting? But
America is the land of the free, where the whole
is to do anything you want, even dress up as
fat Ironman in Times Square on a Tuesday afternoon. So
(07:05):
can you really force Americans to vote? Do you think
in America voting should be compulsory. I think it's should,
but it's not going to happen because people won't even
wear masks. I mean, we were told to do something
at this point exactly we want to do it. Do
you think America would ever accept mandatory voting? Definitely not.
Why not? Americans are lazy in general. America is the
(07:28):
land of the free. People come here, because it's a
free place and that includes the freedom to not yeah,
pretty much. Do you think mandatory voting can happen in America? No? Not,
I do not. I think that American values are like
a toxic version of what freedom is. Isn't that what
(07:48):
makes America great? It's not so great at the moment.
Maybe Americans think it's impossible, But mandatory voting does exist
in twenty two countries, including one that's even drunk crazy,
and why either than the US. I'm talking about Australia,
where they've had it since ninety two. It was quite
a small step for Australians to think, well, we want
(08:10):
the majority of people to be selecting our government and
that gives a greater legitimacy. So basically, in Australia, you
force people to exercise their democratic rights. That's right, Yes,
that's right. I don't think people in Australia regarded as
a particularly big deal. You've got to turn up on
election day, which is a Saturday. You know, it might
take you like fifteen minutes, and the Parents and Teachers
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Association will be they're selling sausages. And that's where we
get the term democracy sausage. Okay, For Americans, the term
democracy sauces has had a bad taste since the Clinton administration.
But for Australians, consuming child and testing meat on bread
has been a voting tradition since the nineteen forties. But
what about the people who don't think a sizzle is
(08:53):
enough incentive to vote? What kind of punishment do you
have to enforce to make it over people and vote?
What jail time, public spanking you have to wear? I
didn't vote, sticker, It's a twenty dollar fine. That's it.
That's a that's a bargain. I think. Look, there's big
(09:15):
advantages in our system because the political parties don't have
to get the vote out, and that means they don't
have to appeal to the base, So you don't get
the same sort of extreme ideological um appeals, and so
it makes our democracy, I think, more moderate. Doesn't that
make that your election process very boring? Well? Make it boring. Look,
(09:40):
I don't know that that's a problem for me. What
democracy means is that the majority of people participate, and
I find the extent of voter suppression in the United
States truly shocking. I don't understand how the Americans can
call themselves to democracy at all. Damn political science World
Star is gonna love this. But how do everyday Australia
and see it? I took a twenty five hour flight
(10:02):
and spent two weeks in quarantine just so I could
talk to them myself in sunny Brisbane, Australia. What do
you feel about the fact that voting is compulsory in Australia.
I feel very proud that it is. And for people
who don't want to vote, as you get only somewhere else.
Everybody has to decide and it's mandatory to vote, so
(10:24):
if the result doesn't go your way, you can't complain.
If we lose, We're said, but at least we've had
a chance to vote. And that's it. Brother, Does you
just do it? It takes five minutes. You just go
in there, vote and get out. No time. Now where
do they just shut the up and vote? What do
you guys think about mandatory voting in Australia? Thanks? Pretty yeah,
(10:46):
inter it. We don't care what we vot. We're just
going there and take a few boxes and then things
crossed we get the right one. Are you guys drunk
right now? Yeah? With Brecky you know, man, that do
think voting is a mandatory in America? Maybe, I mean
now we think it. Actually, maybe there's a purpose for
(11:06):
America Australia which one was doing better. I feel like
I'm a witness to Caveman discovering fire right now. Yea,
even drunk Australian bros can see the benefits of mandatory voting.
But for America, the good news is that voter turnout
is on track to hit record levels. All we needed
to get people to vote was to elect Donald Trump
(11:28):
and then guess what people turn up. We don't need
to force people to vote. Well, that's a pretty big
price to pay. I'd rather pay twenty to fine and
have to put up with President Trump. Foyees to shade Judith.
But hopefully one day Americans will also learn to enjoy
the sweet, sweet taste of democracy sausage as much as
our drunk vote loving mates down under enjoy your drugs.
(11:58):
Next up for run cheng right milligram dera print for
types of last melises I got from my cat. I
got from my cat, So you have to do anything
weird to get it? Okay, you just need to have
touched cat feces and not wash your hands and then
put it in your mouth, which happens more than you think. Okay, okay,
(12:19):
so that'll be nine dollars and ten cents. Wait did
you say forty five th nine dollars and ten cents?
How is that even possible? How did this medicine become
so expensive? I went home to do some research. Yes,
this is how I do research. It's the future. Okay,
deal with it. One tablet of Derra prem used to
cost thirteen dollars fifty cents. The drug maker recently increased
(12:43):
the price to seven hundred and fifty dollars. Apparently, in America,
drug companies can do whatever the hell they want, and
that's exactly what this asshole did. Remember Monstrelli, he was
the one who raised the price of the life saving
drug Derra print in response to all of this attention,
Are you going to change the price? I also found
out that a group in Australia managed to replicate the
(13:05):
same drugs with just two bucks a pill at that price.
Is stupid for me to fly to Australia and then
buy it in America, So I did. And guess what
The scientists responsible work these high school nudes meet the
young chemist from Sydney Grammar's All boys High school. Man,
I love it. All that time you could have wasted
(13:26):
going on dates and having a life, you guys channeled
into your science. What we're trying to do is just
to demonstrate that this drug doesn't deserve to be price hikes.
Seven fifty dollars a pill. I think like people appreciate it.
It's a bit born now, except for one guy who
went on a tweeting rampage against them when the success
started to make headlines. Never ever compare your cook game
(13:48):
to mind highest yield, best purity, most scale. I have
the synthesis game on lock. We were able to do
this in the school lab with shape school equipment compared
to a fully fledged facility that he has, and we
compared the spectroscopy. We got very high yield, very high
purity SOW. Since this game is also unlock, oh snap,
the talk science and trash and just two bucks a pill,
(14:11):
they must be balling. So how did you guys celebrate
your new found wealth. We didn't make money from them.
We're just make hands to proven point. Really, hang on,
wait a second, So you created a drug and you
made no money from it. Now What are they teaching
you at this school science? Well, maybe they should be
teaching some basic economics. Why is this magic stuff you
(14:34):
made there? It is wonderful, little beautiful white pounder. That's it.
That's it. How much is that worth? It's about worth
the bed over a hundred thousand dollars. The stream value
of that is one dred thousand dollars in the U.
S G. Can you show me how to make it?
So we started out with chloro feneralcido nitrial, to which
(14:55):
we added ethel pano potassium toxic to get the keto natural.
Then we did isobudinal and concentrated so pure acid to
get the boutle ether. Then we added quantity hydro chloride
and so really these kids were only in it for
the science and not working on their own. So I
arranged to sit down with the real mastermind behind this operation,
the hardened criminal that was profiting over these students running.
(15:24):
So the drug lords were actually the scientists working for
the open source malaria cartel, and they were cracking the
code behind dozens of drugs, including derrah print. The aim
is to try and make medicines more accessible to people.
It only takes a few steps and high school students
can do it. So why is it so expensive? Why
is it so expensive? Well, Screlly bought the marketing rights.
(15:46):
It's because of a loophole in the States. As loophole
allows this company to charge from whatever it likes for
this drug. Isn't that a good thing? They can put
their money into making the drug itself better. Well, there's
been no development on this medicine for over sixty years,
I mean, and it's off pattern. It was invented in
the fifties, So there seems to be no reason to
raise the price for drug by over five and a
(16:06):
half thousand percent. But you guys are sitting on a
gold mine here. I think you've really misunderstood what's going
on here. I'm not saying for some fifty pill. We're
not animals like five hundred of pill, but we don't
want it. But you could, but we don't want it
for a bunch of genius, those that you don't know
anything about supply and demand. Luckily, I too know small stuff,
(16:28):
which takes us back to where we were. I needed
a large supply of pharmaceuticals to bring back to the
States to make a million I mean save millions of lives,
and I knew just the people to make it happen.
All right, listen to you, Australian genius. Perhaps I need
Brooks lots of drugs. Keep mixing that. Go, why do
you an underwear? Look? I don't know much about chemistry,
(16:48):
but I know you gotta take a pants off when
you do it. That's basic science. What is this? That's
a great beat. But I need a great game. I
mean I want your sentences game on lot. If you
got something for herpies, I want that. You don't have
to do it right now. Just write that down for me,
take it home and figure it out. Science bitch. Now
(17:09):
that I had my product keep working. All I had
to do was smuggler into America and I had a
full proof plan. Okay, so you take this all right
and putting your pocket. It turns out the best drug
mules aren't even mules. Go go and save lives, you
beautiful medical mausuvials. If you make it to America, meet
(17:29):
me in Times Square. Now do any of your fucking kangaroos. No,
I can get huba. Let's talk about animals. They can
sit up, they can roll over, and some of them
can even sing like Beyonce. But when animals pop up
in the news, oftentimes it's because they've done something bad.
(17:50):
So to help us cover the biggest animal stories, we
turn to our very own daily show animal expert, my
Australian cousin, with the segment he calls these animals ye
(18:10):
oh hi, mikes, welcome to the show. I'm Australian Trevor,
and you can tell that I'm Australian because I have
a hat that's a wildlfe expert. I love animals, but
the truth is some of them are Dan Right Dick's animals.
Look this kangaroo. Look at this creature half rabbit, half
funny peck wenka and a paraglider gets a rude awakening
(18:35):
get it while landing in Australia. Take a look? What's up?
All right? Go away? A gold Proke cam catching the
moment the angry kangaroo charges at the man. Thankfully, it
hopped away seconds later, leaving the man with barely a scratch.
(18:56):
Jumping jaguars at a jamboree. This buck is just peacefully paragliding,
and then there's hopping hooligan comes at him like he's
Liam Neeson and this guy took his kid. This kangaroo
has a particular set of skills being a dick. That's
probably why this kangaroo got fled from the job at
the airport. He kept fighting the planes every time they
(19:17):
try to land. And if it's not as old kangaroos
punching paragliders, it's criminal. Bears grabbing yagabage. A bear's attempt
at dumpster diving ended in furry frustration. It walked up
to a Colorado marijuana dispensary looking for some munchies. The
bear broke through a fence and started sniffing around. It
tried to get into that dumpster, but the dumpster was
(19:40):
a bear resistant container. The bear decided right there to
roll it down the street before eventually giving up. What
propping wallabies at a walnut this space. Stealing a dumpster
from marijuana dispensary, that's not only criminal, it's bloody dumb.
Anyone with half a Brian knows that pot snow don't
literally food behind. There's no food, and they might This
(20:03):
would be like searching for Paul Mag's at Mike Pence's house. Yeah,
he doesn't read Paul. He gets off to the yell
old bean windsor catalog. Ah, look at that is for
life ship. But at least that bear had the decency
to do this crazy sheet at night. Animals in Africa
have the unnuded bulls to terrorize you during the bloody day.
(20:24):
What would you do if an angry elephant charge your
jeep during a safari This was the scene when a
raging elephant charged a Safari tour jeep. The studying video
was taken by a tourist sitting at the back of
the safari's jeep. The driver desperately tried to reverse away
from the charging animal, as you can obviously see here
jumping Jeffrey Epstein on a pogo stick. That crazy yella, Finissa,
(20:47):
calm down? Was he chasing them? All these nice people
wanted to do was bodge into his home and snap
photos a name while he's taking a bath. What's the
big deal? If anyone wants to watch me, shall they welcome?
That's why I set up a web cam. Also, what's
of the block? Who's live streaming the whole thing? In
start off? Instead of torning get followers, Mike, he should
(21:07):
be calling your mom, good boy? Yeah, busy out? There.
You've gotta pay attention elephants or you'll end up with
a TuS. Step up your bomb. It becomes an extra
twos Mike. But let me tell you a Safari go
has gone off with just a scare, and Yellowstone National
Park is a bison that got a lot closer and
luckily no one was badly hurt. A harrowing experience of
a nine year old Florida girl who's recovering tonight after
(21:30):
being attacked by a bison at Yellowstone National Park, which
started as your family's awe inspiring encounter, turned to horror.
A crowded curing his tours getting a close look at
a massive bull bison, then suddenly it charges, plowing into
a nine year old girl, launching her several feet into
the air. The girl rushed to a nearby clinic. Rangers
(21:51):
say the child is lucky she was not seriously injured.
Did you ring Dingoes That Boston is a down rod trick?
How you're gonna go to flip a pool? Little girl?
You Boston, you should be going off to her coward parents.
Look at them, they ran away foster than a cheeta
lad on his shaw support. Yeah, I'll tell you what
(22:11):
my after that, you're never getting any respect from your kid. Yeah,
tomorrow night that mom will be like, Kiti, you lift
the dishes in the sink and she'd be like, oh
Canaka you left me for dead. Well that Botson gives
me as a car. There have happy sack Ki Mom.
These animals ff the flag. I've student you got to
investigator just slander was running a pose A skame back
(22:32):
to you, Trevor. Thanks Australia Trouble The Daily Show with
Trevor No ears editions. Subscribe to the Daily Show on
YouTube for exclusive content and stream full episodes anytime on
Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast