November 19, 2021 • 36 mins
Americans struggle with rising gas prices, the politicization of COVID-19 extends to flu shots, and the Staples Center in Los Angeles will be renamed the Crypto.com Arena.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central. I think back for a
moment to spring of Much of the world had ground
to a halt, which meant that people weren't driving, They
weren't visiting friends, or going into the office, or hanging
(00:23):
out of the passenger side of their best friend's ride
trying to hollow at me. If you left your home
at all, it was probably to take a sad walk
around the block. I mean at least until you heard
someone cough down the street and then you ran your
ass back inside. Not because of all of that, that
meant that America's oil industry, which had been producing more
(00:43):
than any country in the world, basically shut down. And
even though society has ramped back up again, the oil
industry hasn't. Early in the pandemic, demand for gasoline dropped
dramatically as workers were told to stay home. That immediately
walloped the oil and industry like nothing ever in its
history has ever hit them before. At one point early
(01:04):
on in the coronavirus crisis, the price of a barrel
of oil it costs less than zero dollars. When prices
dropped abruptly with the pandemic shutdown, US shield producers dramatically slowed.
The drilling of new wells. Briggs were taken out of service.
In oil production in the US dropped off significantly. They
shut down production, They laid off tens of thousands of
(01:26):
workers to try and stay alive during the pandemics. Just
like everything else in our lives, and the oil production
has been impacted by COVID, it can't just splick a
pitch at a refinery and operations and have everything back normal. Yeah,
one of the reasons gas prices are so high is
because America is making less gas than it did before
(01:46):
the pandemic because people may be driving again. But that
doesn't mean that it's easy for gas producers to just
instantly produced as much as they were before. You've got
to grow a whole new dinosaur and then smush it
until the oil comes out. That takes time, and it
makes sense that it's going to take them time to adjust.
I mean, it's been hard for all of us, right,
every single one of us. It's been hard for us
(02:07):
to get back to normal life after the pandemic. Do
you remember the first time you have to make small
talk at the office. Nobody knew what we're doing. Welcome
to the elevator. Do you remember whether, Yeah, I do not.
My wife is leaving me. This is not my floor,
but I'm getting out now. If America isn't making enough
(02:28):
oil to keep up with demand, then why doesn't it
just buy more from the rest of the world. Well,
it could, but it turns out the people who control
the oil in the rest of the world, well, they
just don't feel like sharing. As prices really not being
driven up by that demand on the horizon, It's really
more about the supply. Oil producing nations are actually constricting
the supply a little bit because they're trying to recoup
(02:50):
their pandemic losses. There's a cartel that controls the price
of oil internationally, and that cartel is called opec O pack.
The biggest oil producing nations aren't in increasing the amount
of oil they released into the global economy, so as
demand rebounds in the US, Americans are paying about sixteen
dollars more to fill up their tanks than a year ago.
(03:11):
President Biden recently appealed to Opaque and Russia to boost production,
but received a flat no. Wow, they received a flat no.
I mean, to be fair, every no coming out of
a Russian is a flat. No, have you ever talked
to a Russian person, They're never afraid of a flat No. Hey,
(03:32):
are you having a good day? No, wells, there's always
tomorrow right. No, And look, you can understand opex position.
I mean, how much longer is oil gonna be around? Right?
They need to make money on the ship now before
we're all driving Elon Musk's cars. That curse out Bernie
Sanders when you hounked the horn. And by the way,
(03:53):
you also know what this means, right, you realize that
this is the first time America could openly go to
war for oil, because usually when America goes into the
Middle East, it's always like this isn't about oil. My
son is going over there to fight for freedom. But
if prices go any higher, now Americans can just be
like Kevin, you get your butt in that fighter jet
because your dad is not paying six dollars a gallon.
(04:14):
That's my stake money. Now, the good news is America
is not going to war yet. But asking OPEC nicely
also didn't work. So the big question is what can
be done to lower gas prices. Well, the bad news
for President Biden is not much. The Biden administration is
scrambling for solutions to one of his biggest biggest political liabilities,
(04:36):
soaring gas prices. Like presidents who came before him, Joe
Biden has few options when it comes to combating high
fuel prices. Nearly a dozen Senate Democrats are calling on
Biden to consider all the tools available at your disposal,
even the extreme step of banning American oil exports, which
Goldman Sacks warned would be counter productive and could actually
(04:58):
raise prices. President also considering tapping the Strategic Petroleum Reserve.
The industry experts have warned that would do little to
alleviate the problem. If you ask the energy industry, they
would say, well, the White House could cut environmental regulation
and maybe that would help, and it could maybe for
next winter, but that would take some time. President Biden
does not have a magic wand to dramatically lower gas prices,
(05:22):
and if he did, judging upon his sinking poll numbers,
he would use that magic wand well, I don't know
about that. I mean, I feel like even if Joe
Biden did have a magic wand, he still needs to
recite a spell. Based on what we've all seen, I
do not have confidence that he'd be able to get
it right. Alexander Abrica Abdul Jabbar, one of one of
the great negro You know the thing, you know the thing?
(05:45):
Did it work? What's tough of Biden is that it
doesn't matter what else he does if the price of
gas stays high. That's that he could sign old infrastructure
bill as he wants. He could get everyone to agree
on abortion, but all people care about is how much
is the black goo from the ground higher than before?
Then get the out of here. A surprising new side
(06:08):
effect of COVID nineteen And this isn't a physical side
effect like shortness of breath or loss of smell or
mosque is where the elastic glups make me look like
Obama's secret son. No, this is a side effect of
how COVID has become a political football are as Americans
call it a political soccer. But yeah. Basically, it turns
out that once conservatives got angry about having to protect
(06:30):
themselves from one disease, they decided to do it with
other diseases as a matter of general principle. New polls
out suggest Republicans are much less likely to get a
flu shot now than they were before the COVID pandemic.
Several national polls say there was not much difference between
the number of Republicans and Democrats are getting a flu
shot in the years before the coronavirus pandemic. However, Business
(06:55):
Insider is reporting there's now a gap between the members
of the two political parties. About two thirds of Democrats
say they have or planned to get a flu vaccination,
while for Republicans that number is less than fift These
archers say that indicates a political battle over the covid
vaccine is now affecting flu shots as well. Yeah, that's right.
(07:18):
Many Republicans have turned against the covid vaccine so hard,
then now they're turning against the flu shots. Look what
the covid vaccine, I get it, I get it. It
was new. People didn't trust the technology. But guys, the
flu shot has been around since forever. You can't decide
now to hate it. Like if everyone suddenly decided to
(07:39):
hate Petty White. I mean, we're all cool with her
for a hundred and forty years. What changed? And if
you ask me, this is a selfish decision. Because people
who don't get the flu shot spread the infection to
everyone they sneeze into the air that we breathe. They
grabbed the door knobs that we grabbed. They touched the
subway polls that the rest of us lick. It's disgusting.
That's why I'm getting my flu shot for sure. Well
(08:00):
I'm gonna space it out from my COVID shot. You know,
I don't have two shots close to each other, Otherwise
they're both going to be there in my body at
the same time. They might start a turf war. She
starts popping off in my pancreas. Now it's the cross fire.
I don't want that ship, you know, trying to keep
it safe in my body, which already feels like we're
moving to a place where all of science is going
to become partestant. That's what it feels like like. In
a few years, you're gonna hear news reports like Democrats
(08:22):
are sticking by gravity, but many Republicans say they're not
interested anymore. Poles show that up to forty Republicans are
now floating off into space. And now don't say over
to you in the weather it's not as warm as
this ship, because I gotta wear a coat and put
my toes away, and I don't appreciate it. Just this
(08:44):
COVID flute thing is wild. The only good thing about
this because now if we don't want them to do things,
we can just threaten to vaccinate thom. What do you mean,
like if they try to storm the capital again, just
be a bunch of cops to be a life, sir.
If you come across that line, we will vaccinate you.
Don't make does make this flu shit air box, sir, Sir,
hauled them down, hit him in the net. Ah, Like,
(09:05):
now you just got cops running around with needles. Just
a bunch of rogue nurses out here trying to help
the like, just trying to help the government. I think
you you've just stumbled upon the next wave of American
loin force is actually pretty good. Get him all right,
Let's move on. Let's move on from the war in
science to the war and out of space, because yesterday
Russia woke up and decided to make things much more
(09:27):
dangerous up there than it needs to be. Now to
a conflict in space. The US is slamming Russia for
carrying out a missile test that created a serious amount
of dangerous space debris, which could remain in orbit for decades,
threatening space travel, leave it this morning, outrage from U
S officials after rush Are carried out a missile test
(09:48):
early Monday, firing an anti satellite missile into space, obliterating
one of its own satellites and creating a vast debris
field that's now orbiting Earth. Some of that debris coming
danger really close to the International Space Station, which is
currently carrying for US astronauts. The crew sheltering for more
than two hours until they were finally given the green light.
(10:10):
Secretary of State Anthony Blinken slamming the Russian missile test,
calling it dangerous and irresponsible, and adding that the debris
will remain a threat for decades. Yeah, Russia blew up
a satellite with a rockets and guys, I keep saying this,
but these gender reveals are getting out of hand. But
for real, though, I don't understand why Russia blew up
(10:32):
their own satellites. I mean, maybe it was announcing that
it was running against Putin, who knows. But but there's
gonna be a better way to do this. I mean,
if you want to get rid of something, you just
do what New Yorkers do. Drag it to the sidewalk
and leave a big free sign. On it, you know,
but people blowing it up, so it sends lethal debris
shooting around in orbit. That's unacceptable, guys. And if you
(10:52):
ask me, someone needs to stand up to Russia, Like
maybe America should start some sort of force to like
def in space. You know what's that? Oh? It did?
H And I called it the most pointless thing since
Trump created Don Junior. Nah doesn't sound like me, all right,
thank you, thank you. Well. Look, man, this is one
(11:16):
thing I love about America. America would never launch a
missile at a satellite. I mean, they tried, but it
accidentally hit a wedding in Syria. But the point is
they didn't hit the satellite. All right, let's move on
to a threat that is closer to Earth. Vigilante white
dudes boom. Yesterday, the arguments at the Kyle Rittenhouse trial
wrapped up, and now the jury has to decide whether
(11:36):
he'll go to prison or become Trump's running mates in Meanwhile,
down in Georgia, they've begun the murder trial for the
three men charged with chasing down and killing Armad Aubrey
last year. Now, for obvious reasons, this trial is getting
a lot of national attention. But the lawyer for one
of the defendants. Well, he seems to have a big
problem with who is paying attention and explosive boarding in
(11:59):
the aisle of the three men accused of murdering him.
On are Very with a still smoldering racially charged debate
spurred on by defense attorneys over black pastors in the courtroom.
Defense attorney Kevin gov objecting to Reverend Jesse Jackson's presence
in the gallery. How many pastors does our very family have? Um,
we had the Reverend Al Sharpton here earlier last week.
(12:21):
Which pastors next? Is Raphael Warnock going to make it
be the next person appearing this afternoon? We don't know.
With all due respect your arm The seats in the
public gallery recurtroom are not like courtside seats in the
Lakers game, all right. First of all, of course, this
trial is not like a Lakers game. Right. The jury
has eleven white people and only one black guy. That's
(12:43):
basically the opposite of any basketball team. And secondly, I'm
not saying that this guy is racist, but when you're
representing a guy who killed a black man just for
jogging in the wrong neighborhood, it's not a great look
to be pointing into the gallery and going, Hey, this
black guy doesn't belong here. We should do something about that.
(13:03):
Come on, Jasper, you want to do it again. And Thirdly,
black pastas have been supporting families in need from the
beginning of time. Are you shocked by this? Did they
show up for everything? Whether it's kids killed in gang violence,
whether it's a civil rights issue, it doesn't matter what
it is. Don't show up. Hell, if you need them,
they'll even show up for emotional support at your kids
spelling be Lord Jesus, please show this dumb little kid
(13:26):
how to spell platypus. His family has been through enough. Amen,
and Amen. What I'm confused about? Listen, I grew up
in Georgia. Everybody is a pastor, everybody. What are you
talking about that you don't want pastors here? Everybody George
is a pastor. Also, how am I supposed to trust
(13:48):
a Southern white man that don't want the Lord in
the room. You don't want one of God's servants? Yeah,
you I don't get it. It'd be different if like
Jesse Jackson's in there taking up a collection for a
building fund. So they're not taking up a collection it's
not like they're in they're preaching. Could be worse. It
could have been way worse. They could have brought a
(14:10):
whole choir in there with them, because if I'm a
black pastor coming to that trial, I'm bringing in a
whole black I'm bringing in a whole choir and tambourines.
They're going that guilt, that guilt. That's what I'm doing
about a black pastor down there. I'm bringing a choir
in and being like George, tell y'all, neighbor, and say, neighbor,
this man is guilty. Yeah. I would start a sermon
(14:32):
every time I walked into place. They're just sitting there
being quiet. It's a he said, it's a public gallery. Yes,
they are the public. Anybody can show up, you can
go all right. And finally, yesterday President Biden held a
ceremony on the White House lawn along with Democrats and
(14:54):
Republicans from Congress, and they were doing this to finally
sign his big infrastructure build and guys, I already am
confused about why they have to sign the bill in public.
I mean, I know it's important legislation, but as a
spectator sport, it's pretty bored. You know, like, where's the drama?
You know, maybe the pen will run out of ink
here man. Also, why are they even having a bullsiding celebration?
(15:17):
Passing laws is their job. Nobody else gets to do
that at their job. Like after you make photo copies
for your boss of office, you don't get to post
for pictures while shaking hands. I didn't think you could
get a double sided. Well done, Billy, well done. But look,
I do get why lawmakers are excited about this. It's
the biggest investment America has made in itself in decades.
And there's also some smaller things in this bill that
(15:38):
might do a lot of good. How to stop drunk
drivers before they even put the car into gear. It
has been talked about for decades, but now, thanks to
the Infrastructure Bill passed by Congress last week, it could
finally happen. It includes a mandate for automakers that all
new cars must use technology that prevents drunken people from driving.
It will be as standard as air bags. The U.
(16:00):
S Transportation Department will decide the type of technology that
will be required. It's estimated hundred lives will be saved
every year, the drunk or otherwise and pair driver will
get in their car and it either won't start, won't move,
or pull itself over, depending on what technology is selected.
The sober driver will get in their car and never
even know it's there. All right, I think we can
(16:21):
all agree this is an amazing law, first of all
because it will hopefully save lives, and secondly because some
people will be so drunk they won't even know that
the car hasn't started. Do you realize that, right is
gonna get in and get out of the way, Get
out of all right? I'm home? Now? Why my homeworks?
That's like the bar? Alright, guess a type of around two.
(16:44):
And I know some people are asking, how will they
develop technology to determine if someone is drunk? What does
that mean? Guys? We already have that technology. It's called
the karaoke machine novel. For real. No one is show
what technology they'll actually use to detect if you're drunk driving, right.
It could be something that tracks if your eyes stay open,
or if you're swerving out of your lane, or if
(17:04):
you're just trying to get to a taco bell. I
just hope it's not a breathalyzer. That's the one thing
I hope. I don't want to breathalyze a hook to
the dashboard because I'm sorry. I'm not trying to give
my car every time I want to go somewhere. I
want to save that for special occasions, you know, like
our anniversary or a Toyota thought. There is one huge
loophole in this law, though, and that is it only
(17:26):
needs to be available in new cars. Yeah. I mean
that's still good, but it means if someone really likes
drunk driving, all they're gonna do is drive an old car.
In fact, at some point we're probably gonna be able
to tell who's committed to drunk driving because it's gonna
be like and they'll still be driving a Kia sorrental
from two thousand and five. Yeah, you just can't give
(17:48):
this baby up. Man. You know me, I love vintage cars.
Here today's big basketball story, and no I'm not talking
about everyone dunking on the eternals. I'm talking about an
iconic stadium that's taking on a brand new identity after
twenty two years. Staples Center in downtown Los Angeles is
(18:11):
getting a new name, and it's a real sign of
the times. Beginning Christmas Day, the home of the Lakers, Clippers,
and Kings will be known as Crypto dot Com Arena.
The cryptocurrency training platform reportedly paid with thin seven hundred
million dollars for the naming rights. The Lakers won six
championships in this building. The Sparks won three titles. The
Clippers play here too, you know, to be where this is. Uh,
(18:32):
you know, I grew up this being Staples, and Staples
being you know, the place to play in the place
to be. It's kind of like just stripping the history here. Well,
I mean, I don't know if you need to get
that sentimental poll. You know, It's not like Staples is
a sacred name from the ancestors. It's a store where
you buy fifty packs of binders even though you only
(18:53):
need one, you know, and when you get home you
find out that with the wrong size. Anyway, you don't
need to get that nostalgic about it, like it's a company.
And if you do want to get nostalgic, just wait,
just wait. I promise you soon will get used to
Crypto dot Com Arena. And in twenty years when they
change that name to nanobot x Arena or whatever, your
kids will be upset. About that. Back in my day,
this stadium wasn't about the latest fat It was about
(19:15):
swapping blockchain currencies on a digital market exchange. There was
culture attached to it, you know, n f T s
and look this this shouldn't come as a surprise, but
anywhere a team can advertise, they're gonna advertise, right the stadiums,
the jerseys, the courts. They literally started showing commercials during
free throws. You realize that with two months away from
(19:36):
the NBA selling name rights to the score, it's gonna
be like the game ends with a score of eighty
four to Mountain do a big win for the Lakers
or a big loss. I can't tell what's happening, but
I mean, can you blame the arena though? If people
are offering you a shipload of money to use their name,
you do it. I mean that's what I did. I
sold my naming rights to a guy named Trevor Noah
(19:57):
for forty bucks. What you know this? Come on? Do
I look like a Trevor? My real name is Bert Pakowski.
I'm sorry, I just can't stop picturing them removing the
Staples logo with one of those giant Staples rem just
a giant clock. Sorry, the edibles kicking and I think
(20:19):
I need to know what edibles these are. All right,
let's move on from sports to music and the woman
that everyone is talking about right now, Taylor Swift, pop star, songwriter,
an inventor of the color red. Personally, I love Taylor Swift,
huge fan, really nothing bad to say about her. But
even if I had something bad to say about her,
I wouldn't I wouldn't say it because Taylor Swift fans
(20:40):
are super protective of her, like like they're like one
of those old fashioned dads with a shotgun who doesn't
want you to marry his daughter because he wants to
marry her. You see, Taylor Swift has been re recording
all of her old albums, which means people are really
listening to all of her old songs about her famous
excess and then getting mad at those excess all over
again on her behalf. And while Taylor may be content
(21:04):
to address her old boyfriends with heartfelt lyrics and songs
that are again, I want to stress this perfect in
every way, some of her fans are a lot less subtle.
This is going a little too far. While Jake Joan
Hall is taking incoming fire from the Swifties. Another one
of Taylor's excess is being bombarded with messages now. A
user on Instagram sent John Mayer a direct message telling
(21:26):
him fuck yourself, you ugly bitch. I hope you choke
on something. Mayor then responded to the user, saying that
he'd been getting many messages like that over the past
couple of days, and asking do you really hope I die,
to which the user responded, O MG, what, I don't
want you to die. I'm sorry. The user apologized again
(21:48):
and admitted they didn't really think Mayor would see the message.
You see, people, This is what I hates about social media.
It makes people act shittier than they actually are, which
then makes us think that people are shitty than they
actually are, because social media makes us forget that we're
all human beings. You know, we just see that little
avatar and then we all talk to each other. But
we're all human. Even celebrities are real people, all of them.
(22:11):
I mean, I always obviously accept Timothy shaalom me. He's
got to be c g I no one can be
that good looking. I mean, just look at that person. Now,
I'm craving spice that damn m m m m m.
And I know her fans are like, but he heard her.
Listen to her song. Yes, that's all you're supposed to do.
Listen to the song, you know. Tell us with right
(22:32):
songs to express her emotions in a way that touches
other people, not to order a hit on her ex boyfriends.
So death threats are not the way to go, especially
with someone like John Maya. Don't don't send him death threats.
He gets them all the time. If for anyone upsets him,
tell him that Ed Shearon is a better guitar player
that's going to hit his heart. Russia, the fictional country
(22:55):
depicted and creed too. They're also the real life country
that likes invading other country trees, and now they might
be back on their bullshit overseas. Tonight, in the growing
concern involving Russia, the US is warning Russia maybe weighing
a potential invasion of Ukraine. Satellite images tonight showing Russian
troops and equipment gathering about a hundred and forty two
miles north of the border with Ukraine, despite in estimated
(23:17):
one hundred thousand Russian troops gathering along their border Ukrainian
forces appear confident and prepared for battle. After years of
pushing for membership, the Eastern European country is still not
a part of NATO, meaning they don't have treaty protection
if Russia invades, although this hasn't stopped the Americans, British
and French from offering statements of support. We are going
(23:39):
to watch very closely as the Russian Federation um chooses
its actions in the coming days and weeks. Yeah, that's
what I want from my allies, as for them to
watch very closely as someone whips my ass. Guys, God,
I'm getting attack, I'm getting attacked. Don't worry, man, We're
watching them land every punch donell you're recording, right, Yeah,
(23:59):
we got your we got you. We see them beating
your ass. If you're Ukraine, this situation sucks, man, because
Russia are the bad guys, right, But it doesn't seem
like the world is willing to get into a war
to protect Ukraine. And can I be honest, Can I
be honest with you. I think it's because people don't
have a personal connection to Ukraine, like if Russia was
invading Italy or France or people would do something about it. Oh, no,
(24:21):
the arts, the Colosseum, we have to protect it. Like
if I was Ukraine, I would have bought the worldwide
rights to all the Seinfeld reruns. Then people would care.
If you don't protect us from Russia, you will never
again see crame or open Door like crazy. Also, this
is genius timing from Russia, right you realize it's not
a mistake because anyone who knows history knows you're not
(24:42):
gonna send troops into Russia at the beginning of winter.
So basically Russia has like what five months to do
whatever they want. Yeah, the rest of the world is
gonna be standing by, like this will not stand Russia.
Your ass is gonna pay as as soon as mid
April rolls around. And it it depends on what the ground
a says. And like why does Russia even need more land?
(25:03):
Have you seen Russia? It's huge? Why are you doing this?
Like I would get if Monaco wanted to invade another country.
I mean, they're running out of closet space. But Russia, now,
while Russia is getting ready to invade another country in Europe,
is setting up a different kind of invasion because they're
not using tanks or missiles. They're using immigrants turning out
(25:24):
of the border crisis, this one playing out in Europe
as thousands of migrants trying to enter the European Union
from Belarus. These are the front lines of what the
European Union says is a hybrid war. That you accusing
Belarus's dictator Alexander Lukashenko of using migrants as weapons, purposefully
learning them into Belarus from countries like Iraq and Syria,
(25:44):
by promising them easy access to Europe Poland and refusing
to let them in Belarus, refusing to take them back,
leaving thousands of people stuck in the middle and come on, people,
this is just dirty. Basically, what's going on is that
for a while now, the European Union has been imposing
sanctions on Alexander Lukashenko, the dictator of Belarus and Eastern
(26:05):
Europe's my pillow guy. And you see he's been stealing elections,
he's been cracking down on protesters, jailing journalists, basic dictator ships,
and now Lukashenko is trying to get back at the
European Union by flying in migrants from the Middle East
and then sending them into Poland to create a border crisis.
Which is the most passive aggressive military tactic I have
(26:28):
ever heard of. It's like when your parents start cooking
with peanuts to get you to move out of the
house because they know you're allergic. It's a dick move.
And obviously everyone is really mad about this, not just
because it's inhumane to these migrants, but because unlike Ukraine,
we can't let anything happen to Poland. I mean, that's
where all our water comes from. Because you realize, people,
(26:48):
this is especially cruel, right, It's especially cruel to these migrants.
These are real people who are just trying to live
better lives. It is disgusting to use them as weapons.
I mean, say what you want about Drake and Kanye's beef,
but at least they didn't catapult Mexicans at each other.
But let's move on, because while bus is trying to
destabilize Poland, there's another country that's already on the brink
(27:11):
of collapse, Ethiopia, where a brutal year long conflict has
fourth millions out of their homeland and is threatening to
disintegrate into an all out civil war. Rebels from Tigrai
Province appear to be advancing towards the capital. Artists Ababa,
Ethiopia's Prime Minister, called for national unity and authorities in
artists Ababa rounded up ethnic to grants today. Two weeks ago,
(27:34):
the State Department urge all Americans to leave Ethiopia, but
with echoes of Afghanistan. The State Department doesn't know or
won't say, how many Americans are in the country. Last week,
the State Department did make a point of saying there
would be no Afghan style evacuation for Americans stuck in Ethiopia.
They did, however, offer to help them get on commercial
(27:54):
flights out. Yeah, this is tough news for Ethiopians, and
this is tough news for Americans in Ethiopia because in Afghanistan,
the US government staged an all out and lift. Meanwhile,
in Ethiopia, they're like, Mike, we suggest Priceline dot com. Like,
I don't even know what that means. What do they
mean when they say the State Department will help you
(28:14):
book a commercial flight out? That's not helpful. People know
how to book flights. That's like going, hey, hey, you
do you need a ride? You need to ride? Yeah,
well I'm happy to help. So what you gotta do
is open Uber on your phone, then you hit request
to ride. Best of lock buddy. Also, flying commercial is
the worst way to evacuate a war zone. Can you
imagine that stress? Please please the soldiers, the soldiers are coming.
(28:36):
We need to get out now, sir, you're a Diamond
Medallion member. Okay, please step aside. Anyone in a group
A or above we're boarding you now, sir, please please
stand back, just roash, Thank you, and you know who.
This is a great opportunity for though, right Alexander Lukashenko.
I bet he's already sliding into American d MS like
I can hook you up with the free private flights
(28:56):
to the Polish model. Are you interested? But you've got
feel for Ethiopians, man, because anytime their country is in
the news, it is either because of war or famine
or some long distance round broke the world record, which
are all pretty extreme things if you think about it.
I feel like we need more coverage of just like
regular ass Ethiopians, you know who can't run, I don't
(29:17):
know how to fight, just want to chill. And please
understand this, Please understand this is a really complicated, in
sensitive story, right because for for about a year now,
the government has been at war with a rebel group.
But that's like the simplified version, because there are so
many layers of this conflict that we just don't have
the time to do with justice. This is a huge
beef with a history that goes back decades, involving rival
(29:41):
ethnic groups, different territories, foreign interference. Because African conflicts are
never simple, they're super complicated and everyone has different versions
of events. They're basically like white people conflict, but with
more seasoning. So from Russia's military to migrants and Belarus
and armies in heath Yopia, people everywhere are on the move. Meanwhile,
(30:03):
in India, the only place people might be moving to
is back inside, smothered by small and toxic hayes hanging
over New Delhi and it is raising the level of
air pollution to dangerous levels. Schools in the Indian capital
have shut their doors until further notice and private construction
ban at least for now. India's Environmental Ministry Panel on
(30:23):
Air Pollution has directed Delhi and other states to encourage
private officers to allow work from home, but for street vendors,
staying home is not an option pollution. The pollution is unbearable.
The government must take some steps. We are forced to
work because we can't stay indoors forever. For now, Delhi's
residents will be inhaling this toxic air, which, according to
(30:46):
report by the University of Chicago, is ten times worse
in northern India than anywhere else in the world. God
damn did you hear that the air in New Delhi
right now is ten times worth us than anywhere else
in the world. That means you'd be better off just
(31:07):
sticking your face and that steam that comes out of
the ground in New York City, which, by the way,
what is that ship like? Is there a fire down there?
I've lived here for many years. I still don't understand
what that is like someone dry cleaning a rat? What
what I feel like? It's worth looking into? No one,
just me. You know. One detail I like from the
story is that the Indian government put together an Environmental
(31:28):
ministry panel on air pollution who confirmed that the air
was indeed polluted. You don't need a panel. I don't
know why they did that, Why the government's like doing this.
You just need eyes. Yes, after three years of study,
we have concluded that Delhi's air is brown and that
this is bad. But you see, this is a great
example of why we all need to move to cleaner energy,
(31:50):
because yes, it is expensive to do, but it is
also halla expensive to constantly shut down the economy when
your city turns into a sandstorm from dune. Except this time,
Timothy Shallow mazing there to make you feel better with
that smile, and you might be like, well, Trevor, why
don't they just start car pulling in India? My man,
They're way ahead of you, and it's still not enough.
(32:10):
It's actually a real rough spot for India because as
a nation, you want to keep modernizing, you want to
keep growing, but then the fallout of those effects make
it so that you can't even enjoy the fruits of modernization.
You know. It's almost like someone who gets really into
crossfits to help them attract women, but then they push
everyone away because they can't stop talking about the fact
that they joined CrossFit. Now those ads are useless and
(32:32):
you wouldn't be able to tell this from the story.
But New Delhi is one of the most beautiful places
in the world. I mean, this is what it looked
like last year after months of lockdown and the smug dissipating.
But now it's back to looking like it's stuck on
a permanent CPF filter. All right, But let's move on
to our final international story. And like most things in
(32:54):
the world, the story was made in China, the Royalty
of Professional Tennis expressing concern learn about the welfare of
one of their own. Honestly, it's shocking you know that
that she's missing. Punk twy, a Chinese tennis champion, hasn't
been seen or heard from in weeks. In early November,
Peg published this bombshell post on her Chinese social media
(33:15):
account and open letter to a former top communist leader
named John Gaul now aged seventy five, who pun accuses
of sexually assaulting her after the two had an affair.
Shortly after the controversial post, Punk's online profile more or
less disappeared. Until recently, Peng Shui was one of the
(33:36):
biggest tennis stars in China. But look what happens. When
you try to search for people with her name in
the Chinese Internet, you get the message no results found.
Sensors have all but scrubbed this woman from the Chinese Internet.
Now today a new twist, with Chinese state media releasing
(33:59):
this email purportedly written by punk to the head of
the women's Tennis Association. It completely disavows the previous allegations
of sexual assault, adding I'm not missing, nor am I unsafe,
and I hope Chinese tennis will become better and better. Yo,
(34:19):
this is really disturbing. Someone speaks out about sexual assault
and then China's government just makes them disappear. And then
what's even worse is that they release some bullshit email
pretending like everything is fine. Because come on, people, that
email from the tennis Star was as legit as the
letters I got from my supermodel girlfriend in fifth grade.
She's coming next year, guys, I swear. This is what
(34:41):
makes China so terrifying. Like, if you're on a good side,
things are great. But if you try to tell the
truth about how China is a country that constantly a
Trevor no Le, what the hell is that I'm not
even in China. Look, man, it's one thing for your
(35:01):
government to come after you, it's another thing for them
to just make you never exist. I mean, they scrubbed
the Internet of anything about this tennis player. Do you
know how hard it is to get stuff off the internet.
Only China can do that. In fact, if you have
embarrassing pictures online or problematic tweets. Just moved to China
and talk about the Communist Party. Yeah, we'll clean up
(35:23):
your reputation in no time. I mean, yeah, you'll be
locked in the basement some way, but hey, at least
you can get canceled. And this also really puts into
perspective when people in America complain about being censored by
Big check. Twitter chucked down my tweet. This is a charity, guys.
Penshui literally does not exist on the Internet anymore. Like, yeah,
(35:43):
maybe Trump can't tweet right now, but you can still
google him. Trust me. Just yesterday I searched for Donald
trump big buck photos. I got eighty million hits. And
now I'm not gonna tell you why I googled that,
like big butts, and I cannot lie before we go.
Native American families suffer from food insecurity and hunger daily,
but the Native American Inheritance Association, with the help of
(36:05):
generous donors, is committed to fighting hunger with emergency food
supplies and basic life necessities. So if you can, please
donate at the link below to help Native American families
stay warm, safe, healthy, and fed. This Thanksgiving. What's the
Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on Comedy Central.
(36:26):
In stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has
been a Comedy Central podcast
You're listening to Comedy Central. I think back for a
moment to spring of Much of the world had ground
to a halt, which meant that people weren't driving, They
weren't visiting friends, or going into the office, or hanging
(00:23):
out of the passenger side of their best friend's ride
trying to hollow at me. If you left your home
at all, it was probably to take a sad walk
around the block. I mean at least until you heard
someone cough down the street and then you ran your
ass back inside. Not because of all of that, that
meant that America's oil industry, which had been producing more
(00:43):
than any country in the world, basically shut down. And
even though society has ramped back up again, the oil
industry hasn't. Early in the pandemic, demand for gasoline dropped
dramatically as workers were told to stay home. That immediately
walloped the oil and industry like nothing ever in its
history has ever hit them before. At one point early
(01:04):
on in the coronavirus crisis, the price of a barrel
of oil it costs less than zero dollars. When prices
dropped abruptly with the pandemic shutdown, US shield producers dramatically slowed.
The drilling of new wells. Briggs were taken out of service.
In oil production in the US dropped off significantly. They
shut down production, They laid off tens of thousands of
(01:26):
workers to try and stay alive during the pandemics. Just
like everything else in our lives, and the oil production
has been impacted by COVID, it can't just splick a
pitch at a refinery and operations and have everything back normal. Yeah,
one of the reasons gas prices are so high is
because America is making less gas than it did before
(01:46):
the pandemic because people may be driving again. But that
doesn't mean that it's easy for gas producers to just
instantly produced as much as they were before. You've got
to grow a whole new dinosaur and then smush it
until the oil comes out. That takes time, and it
makes sense that it's going to take them time to adjust.
I mean, it's been hard for all of us, right,
every single one of us. It's been hard for us
(02:07):
to get back to normal life after the pandemic. Do
you remember the first time you have to make small
talk at the office. Nobody knew what we're doing. Welcome
to the elevator. Do you remember whether, Yeah, I do not.
My wife is leaving me. This is not my floor,
but I'm getting out now. If America isn't making enough
(02:28):
oil to keep up with demand, then why doesn't it
just buy more from the rest of the world. Well,
it could, but it turns out the people who control
the oil in the rest of the world, well, they
just don't feel like sharing. As prices really not being
driven up by that demand on the horizon, It's really
more about the supply. Oil producing nations are actually constricting
the supply a little bit because they're trying to recoup
(02:50):
their pandemic losses. There's a cartel that controls the price
of oil internationally, and that cartel is called opec O pack.
The biggest oil producing nations aren't in increasing the amount
of oil they released into the global economy, so as
demand rebounds in the US, Americans are paying about sixteen
dollars more to fill up their tanks than a year ago.
(03:11):
President Biden recently appealed to Opaque and Russia to boost production,
but received a flat no. Wow, they received a flat no.
I mean, to be fair, every no coming out of
a Russian is a flat. No, have you ever talked
to a Russian person, They're never afraid of a flat No. Hey,
(03:32):
are you having a good day? No, wells, there's always
tomorrow right. No, And look, you can understand opex position.
I mean, how much longer is oil gonna be around? Right?
They need to make money on the ship now before
we're all driving Elon Musk's cars. That curse out Bernie
Sanders when you hounked the horn. And by the way,
(03:53):
you also know what this means, right, you realize that
this is the first time America could openly go to
war for oil, because usually when America goes into the
Middle East, it's always like this isn't about oil. My
son is going over there to fight for freedom. But
if prices go any higher, now Americans can just be
like Kevin, you get your butt in that fighter jet
because your dad is not paying six dollars a gallon.
(04:14):
That's my stake money. Now, the good news is America
is not going to war yet. But asking OPEC nicely
also didn't work. So the big question is what can
be done to lower gas prices. Well, the bad news
for President Biden is not much. The Biden administration is
scrambling for solutions to one of his biggest biggest political liabilities,
(04:36):
soaring gas prices. Like presidents who came before him, Joe
Biden has few options when it comes to combating high
fuel prices. Nearly a dozen Senate Democrats are calling on
Biden to consider all the tools available at your disposal,
even the extreme step of banning American oil exports, which
Goldman Sacks warned would be counter productive and could actually
(04:58):
raise prices. President also considering tapping the Strategic Petroleum Reserve.
The industry experts have warned that would do little to
alleviate the problem. If you ask the energy industry, they
would say, well, the White House could cut environmental regulation
and maybe that would help, and it could maybe for
next winter, but that would take some time. President Biden
does not have a magic wand to dramatically lower gas prices,
(05:22):
and if he did, judging upon his sinking poll numbers,
he would use that magic wand well, I don't know
about that. I mean, I feel like even if Joe
Biden did have a magic wand, he still needs to
recite a spell. Based on what we've all seen, I
do not have confidence that he'd be able to get
it right. Alexander Abrica Abdul Jabbar, one of one of
the great negro You know the thing, you know the thing?
(05:45):
Did it work? What's tough of Biden is that it
doesn't matter what else he does if the price of
gas stays high. That's that he could sign old infrastructure
bill as he wants. He could get everyone to agree
on abortion, but all people care about is how much
is the black goo from the ground higher than before?
Then get the out of here. A surprising new side
(06:08):
effect of COVID nineteen And this isn't a physical side
effect like shortness of breath or loss of smell or
mosque is where the elastic glups make me look like
Obama's secret son. No, this is a side effect of
how COVID has become a political football are as Americans
call it a political soccer. But yeah. Basically, it turns
out that once conservatives got angry about having to protect
(06:30):
themselves from one disease, they decided to do it with
other diseases as a matter of general principle. New polls
out suggest Republicans are much less likely to get a
flu shot now than they were before the COVID pandemic.
Several national polls say there was not much difference between
the number of Republicans and Democrats are getting a flu
shot in the years before the coronavirus pandemic. However, Business
(06:55):
Insider is reporting there's now a gap between the members
of the two political parties. About two thirds of Democrats
say they have or planned to get a flu vaccination,
while for Republicans that number is less than fift These
archers say that indicates a political battle over the covid
vaccine is now affecting flu shots as well. Yeah, that's right.
(07:18):
Many Republicans have turned against the covid vaccine so hard,
then now they're turning against the flu shots. Look what
the covid vaccine, I get it, I get it. It
was new. People didn't trust the technology. But guys, the
flu shot has been around since forever. You can't decide
now to hate it. Like if everyone suddenly decided to
(07:39):
hate Petty White. I mean, we're all cool with her
for a hundred and forty years. What changed? And if
you ask me, this is a selfish decision. Because people
who don't get the flu shot spread the infection to
everyone they sneeze into the air that we breathe. They
grabbed the door knobs that we grabbed. They touched the
subway polls that the rest of us lick. It's disgusting.
That's why I'm getting my flu shot for sure. Well
(08:00):
I'm gonna space it out from my COVID shot. You know,
I don't have two shots close to each other, Otherwise
they're both going to be there in my body at
the same time. They might start a turf war. She
starts popping off in my pancreas. Now it's the cross fire.
I don't want that ship, you know, trying to keep
it safe in my body, which already feels like we're
moving to a place where all of science is going
to become partestant. That's what it feels like like. In
a few years, you're gonna hear news reports like Democrats
(08:22):
are sticking by gravity, but many Republicans say they're not
interested anymore. Poles show that up to forty Republicans are
now floating off into space. And now don't say over
to you in the weather it's not as warm as
this ship, because I gotta wear a coat and put
my toes away, and I don't appreciate it. Just this
(08:44):
COVID flute thing is wild. The only good thing about
this because now if we don't want them to do things,
we can just threaten to vaccinate thom. What do you mean,
like if they try to storm the capital again, just
be a bunch of cops to be a life, sir.
If you come across that line, we will vaccinate you.
Don't make does make this flu shit air box, sir, Sir,
hauled them down, hit him in the net. Ah, Like,
(09:05):
now you just got cops running around with needles. Just
a bunch of rogue nurses out here trying to help
the like, just trying to help the government. I think
you you've just stumbled upon the next wave of American
loin force is actually pretty good. Get him all right,
Let's move on. Let's move on from the war in
science to the war and out of space, because yesterday
Russia woke up and decided to make things much more
(09:27):
dangerous up there than it needs to be. Now to
a conflict in space. The US is slamming Russia for
carrying out a missile test that created a serious amount
of dangerous space debris, which could remain in orbit for decades,
threatening space travel, leave it this morning, outrage from U
S officials after rush Are carried out a missile test
(09:48):
early Monday, firing an anti satellite missile into space, obliterating
one of its own satellites and creating a vast debris
field that's now orbiting Earth. Some of that debris coming
danger really close to the International Space Station, which is
currently carrying for US astronauts. The crew sheltering for more
than two hours until they were finally given the green light.
(10:10):
Secretary of State Anthony Blinken slamming the Russian missile test,
calling it dangerous and irresponsible, and adding that the debris
will remain a threat for decades. Yeah, Russia blew up
a satellite with a rockets and guys, I keep saying this,
but these gender reveals are getting out of hand. But
for real, though, I don't understand why Russia blew up
(10:32):
their own satellites. I mean, maybe it was announcing that
it was running against Putin, who knows. But but there's
gonna be a better way to do this. I mean,
if you want to get rid of something, you just
do what New Yorkers do. Drag it to the sidewalk
and leave a big free sign. On it, you know,
but people blowing it up, so it sends lethal debris
shooting around in orbit. That's unacceptable, guys. And if you
(10:52):
ask me, someone needs to stand up to Russia, Like
maybe America should start some sort of force to like
def in space. You know what's that? Oh? It did?
H And I called it the most pointless thing since
Trump created Don Junior. Nah doesn't sound like me, all right,
thank you, thank you. Well. Look, man, this is one
(11:16):
thing I love about America. America would never launch a
missile at a satellite. I mean, they tried, but it
accidentally hit a wedding in Syria. But the point is
they didn't hit the satellite. All right, let's move on
to a threat that is closer to Earth. Vigilante white
dudes boom. Yesterday, the arguments at the Kyle Rittenhouse trial
wrapped up, and now the jury has to decide whether
(11:36):
he'll go to prison or become Trump's running mates in Meanwhile,
down in Georgia, they've begun the murder trial for the
three men charged with chasing down and killing Armad Aubrey
last year. Now, for obvious reasons, this trial is getting
a lot of national attention. But the lawyer for one
of the defendants. Well, he seems to have a big
problem with who is paying attention and explosive boarding in
(11:59):
the aisle of the three men accused of murdering him.
On are Very with a still smoldering racially charged debate
spurred on by defense attorneys over black pastors in the courtroom.
Defense attorney Kevin gov objecting to Reverend Jesse Jackson's presence
in the gallery. How many pastors does our very family have? Um,
we had the Reverend Al Sharpton here earlier last week.
(12:21):
Which pastors next? Is Raphael Warnock going to make it
be the next person appearing this afternoon? We don't know.
With all due respect your arm The seats in the
public gallery recurtroom are not like courtside seats in the
Lakers game, all right. First of all, of course, this
trial is not like a Lakers game. Right. The jury
has eleven white people and only one black guy. That's
(12:43):
basically the opposite of any basketball team. And secondly, I'm
not saying that this guy is racist, but when you're
representing a guy who killed a black man just for
jogging in the wrong neighborhood, it's not a great look
to be pointing into the gallery and going, Hey, this
black guy doesn't belong here. We should do something about that.
(13:03):
Come on, Jasper, you want to do it again. And Thirdly,
black pastas have been supporting families in need from the
beginning of time. Are you shocked by this? Did they
show up for everything? Whether it's kids killed in gang violence,
whether it's a civil rights issue, it doesn't matter what
it is. Don't show up. Hell, if you need them,
they'll even show up for emotional support at your kids
spelling be Lord Jesus, please show this dumb little kid
(13:26):
how to spell platypus. His family has been through enough. Amen,
and Amen. What I'm confused about? Listen, I grew up
in Georgia. Everybody is a pastor, everybody. What are you
talking about that you don't want pastors here? Everybody George
is a pastor. Also, how am I supposed to trust
(13:48):
a Southern white man that don't want the Lord in
the room. You don't want one of God's servants? Yeah,
you I don't get it. It'd be different if like
Jesse Jackson's in there taking up a collection for a
building fund. So they're not taking up a collection it's
not like they're in they're preaching. Could be worse. It
could have been way worse. They could have brought a
(14:10):
whole choir in there with them, because if I'm a
black pastor coming to that trial, I'm bringing in a
whole black I'm bringing in a whole choir and tambourines.
They're going that guilt, that guilt. That's what I'm doing
about a black pastor down there. I'm bringing a choir
in and being like George, tell y'all, neighbor, and say, neighbor,
this man is guilty. Yeah. I would start a sermon
(14:32):
every time I walked into place. They're just sitting there
being quiet. It's a he said, it's a public gallery. Yes,
they are the public. Anybody can show up, you can
go all right. And finally, yesterday President Biden held a
ceremony on the White House lawn along with Democrats and
(14:54):
Republicans from Congress, and they were doing this to finally
sign his big infrastructure build and guys, I already am
confused about why they have to sign the bill in public.
I mean, I know it's important legislation, but as a
spectator sport, it's pretty bored. You know, like, where's the drama?
You know, maybe the pen will run out of ink
here man. Also, why are they even having a bullsiding celebration?
(15:17):
Passing laws is their job. Nobody else gets to do
that at their job. Like after you make photo copies
for your boss of office, you don't get to post
for pictures while shaking hands. I didn't think you could
get a double sided. Well done, Billy, well done. But look,
I do get why lawmakers are excited about this. It's
the biggest investment America has made in itself in decades.
And there's also some smaller things in this bill that
(15:38):
might do a lot of good. How to stop drunk
drivers before they even put the car into gear. It
has been talked about for decades, but now, thanks to
the Infrastructure Bill passed by Congress last week, it could
finally happen. It includes a mandate for automakers that all
new cars must use technology that prevents drunken people from driving.
It will be as standard as air bags. The U.
(16:00):
S Transportation Department will decide the type of technology that
will be required. It's estimated hundred lives will be saved
every year, the drunk or otherwise and pair driver will
get in their car and it either won't start, won't move,
or pull itself over, depending on what technology is selected.
The sober driver will get in their car and never
even know it's there. All right, I think we can
(16:21):
all agree this is an amazing law, first of all
because it will hopefully save lives, and secondly because some
people will be so drunk they won't even know that
the car hasn't started. Do you realize that, right is
gonna get in and get out of the way, Get
out of all right? I'm home? Now? Why my homeworks?
That's like the bar? Alright, guess a type of around two.
(16:44):
And I know some people are asking, how will they
develop technology to determine if someone is drunk? What does
that mean? Guys? We already have that technology. It's called
the karaoke machine novel. For real. No one is show
what technology they'll actually use to detect if you're drunk driving, right.
It could be something that tracks if your eyes stay open,
or if you're swerving out of your lane, or if
(17:04):
you're just trying to get to a taco bell. I
just hope it's not a breathalyzer. That's the one thing
I hope. I don't want to breathalyze a hook to
the dashboard because I'm sorry. I'm not trying to give
my car every time I want to go somewhere. I
want to save that for special occasions, you know, like
our anniversary or a Toyota thought. There is one huge
loophole in this law, though, and that is it only
(17:26):
needs to be available in new cars. Yeah. I mean
that's still good, but it means if someone really likes
drunk driving, all they're gonna do is drive an old car.
In fact, at some point we're probably gonna be able
to tell who's committed to drunk driving because it's gonna
be like and they'll still be driving a Kia sorrental
from two thousand and five. Yeah, you just can't give
(17:48):
this baby up. Man. You know me, I love vintage cars.
Here today's big basketball story, and no I'm not talking
about everyone dunking on the eternals. I'm talking about an
iconic stadium that's taking on a brand new identity after
twenty two years. Staples Center in downtown Los Angeles is
(18:11):
getting a new name, and it's a real sign of
the times. Beginning Christmas Day, the home of the Lakers, Clippers,
and Kings will be known as Crypto dot Com Arena.
The cryptocurrency training platform reportedly paid with thin seven hundred
million dollars for the naming rights. The Lakers won six
championships in this building. The Sparks won three titles. The
Clippers play here too, you know, to be where this is. Uh,
(18:32):
you know, I grew up this being Staples, and Staples
being you know, the place to play in the place
to be. It's kind of like just stripping the history here. Well,
I mean, I don't know if you need to get
that sentimental poll. You know, It's not like Staples is
a sacred name from the ancestors. It's a store where
you buy fifty packs of binders even though you only
(18:53):
need one, you know, and when you get home you
find out that with the wrong size. Anyway, you don't
need to get that nostalgic about it, like it's a company.
And if you do want to get nostalgic, just wait,
just wait. I promise you soon will get used to
Crypto dot Com Arena. And in twenty years when they
change that name to nanobot x Arena or whatever, your
kids will be upset. About that. Back in my day,
this stadium wasn't about the latest fat It was about
(19:15):
swapping blockchain currencies on a digital market exchange. There was
culture attached to it, you know, n f T s
and look this this shouldn't come as a surprise, but
anywhere a team can advertise, they're gonna advertise, right the stadiums,
the jerseys, the courts. They literally started showing commercials during
free throws. You realize that with two months away from
(19:36):
the NBA selling name rights to the score, it's gonna
be like the game ends with a score of eighty
four to Mountain do a big win for the Lakers
or a big loss. I can't tell what's happening, but
I mean, can you blame the arena though? If people
are offering you a shipload of money to use their name,
you do it. I mean that's what I did. I
sold my naming rights to a guy named Trevor Noah
(19:57):
for forty bucks. What you know this? Come on? Do
I look like a Trevor? My real name is Bert Pakowski.
I'm sorry, I just can't stop picturing them removing the
Staples logo with one of those giant Staples rem just
a giant clock. Sorry, the edibles kicking and I think
(20:19):
I need to know what edibles these are. All right,
let's move on from sports to music and the woman
that everyone is talking about right now, Taylor Swift, pop star, songwriter,
an inventor of the color red. Personally, I love Taylor Swift,
huge fan, really nothing bad to say about her. But
even if I had something bad to say about her,
I wouldn't I wouldn't say it because Taylor Swift fans
(20:40):
are super protective of her, like like they're like one
of those old fashioned dads with a shotgun who doesn't
want you to marry his daughter because he wants to
marry her. You see, Taylor Swift has been re recording
all of her old albums, which means people are really
listening to all of her old songs about her famous
excess and then getting mad at those excess all over
again on her behalf. And while Taylor may be content
(21:04):
to address her old boyfriends with heartfelt lyrics and songs
that are again, I want to stress this perfect in
every way, some of her fans are a lot less subtle.
This is going a little too far. While Jake Joan
Hall is taking incoming fire from the Swifties. Another one
of Taylor's excess is being bombarded with messages now. A
user on Instagram sent John Mayer a direct message telling
(21:26):
him fuck yourself, you ugly bitch. I hope you choke
on something. Mayor then responded to the user, saying that
he'd been getting many messages like that over the past
couple of days, and asking do you really hope I die,
to which the user responded, O MG, what, I don't
want you to die. I'm sorry. The user apologized again
(21:48):
and admitted they didn't really think Mayor would see the message.
You see, people, This is what I hates about social media.
It makes people act shittier than they actually are, which
then makes us think that people are shitty than they
actually are, because social media makes us forget that we're
all human beings. You know, we just see that little
avatar and then we all talk to each other. But
we're all human. Even celebrities are real people, all of them.
(22:11):
I mean, I always obviously accept Timothy shaalom me. He's
got to be c g I no one can be
that good looking. I mean, just look at that person. Now,
I'm craving spice that damn m m m m m.
And I know her fans are like, but he heard her.
Listen to her song. Yes, that's all you're supposed to do.
Listen to the song, you know. Tell us with right
(22:32):
songs to express her emotions in a way that touches
other people, not to order a hit on her ex boyfriends.
So death threats are not the way to go, especially
with someone like John Maya. Don't don't send him death threats.
He gets them all the time. If for anyone upsets him,
tell him that Ed Shearon is a better guitar player
that's going to hit his heart. Russia, the fictional country
(22:55):
depicted and creed too. They're also the real life country
that likes invading other country trees, and now they might
be back on their bullshit overseas. Tonight, in the growing
concern involving Russia, the US is warning Russia maybe weighing
a potential invasion of Ukraine. Satellite images tonight showing Russian
troops and equipment gathering about a hundred and forty two
miles north of the border with Ukraine, despite in estimated
(23:17):
one hundred thousand Russian troops gathering along their border Ukrainian
forces appear confident and prepared for battle. After years of
pushing for membership, the Eastern European country is still not
a part of NATO, meaning they don't have treaty protection
if Russia invades, although this hasn't stopped the Americans, British
and French from offering statements of support. We are going
(23:39):
to watch very closely as the Russian Federation um chooses
its actions in the coming days and weeks. Yeah, that's
what I want from my allies, as for them to
watch very closely as someone whips my ass. Guys, God,
I'm getting attack, I'm getting attacked. Don't worry, man, We're
watching them land every punch donell you're recording, right, Yeah,
(23:59):
we got your we got you. We see them beating
your ass. If you're Ukraine, this situation sucks, man, because
Russia are the bad guys, right, But it doesn't seem
like the world is willing to get into a war
to protect Ukraine. And can I be honest, Can I
be honest with you. I think it's because people don't
have a personal connection to Ukraine, like if Russia was
invading Italy or France or people would do something about it. Oh, no,
(24:21):
the arts, the Colosseum, we have to protect it. Like
if I was Ukraine, I would have bought the worldwide
rights to all the Seinfeld reruns. Then people would care.
If you don't protect us from Russia, you will never
again see crame or open Door like crazy. Also, this
is genius timing from Russia, right you realize it's not
a mistake because anyone who knows history knows you're not
(24:42):
gonna send troops into Russia at the beginning of winter.
So basically Russia has like what five months to do
whatever they want. Yeah, the rest of the world is
gonna be standing by, like this will not stand Russia.
Your ass is gonna pay as as soon as mid
April rolls around. And it it depends on what the ground
a says. And like why does Russia even need more land?
(25:03):
Have you seen Russia? It's huge? Why are you doing this?
Like I would get if Monaco wanted to invade another country.
I mean, they're running out of closet space. But Russia, now,
while Russia is getting ready to invade another country in Europe,
is setting up a different kind of invasion because they're
not using tanks or missiles. They're using immigrants turning out
(25:24):
of the border crisis, this one playing out in Europe
as thousands of migrants trying to enter the European Union
from Belarus. These are the front lines of what the
European Union says is a hybrid war. That you accusing
Belarus's dictator Alexander Lukashenko of using migrants as weapons, purposefully
learning them into Belarus from countries like Iraq and Syria,
(25:44):
by promising them easy access to Europe Poland and refusing
to let them in Belarus, refusing to take them back,
leaving thousands of people stuck in the middle and come on, people,
this is just dirty. Basically, what's going on is that
for a while now, the European Union has been imposing
sanctions on Alexander Lukashenko, the dictator of Belarus and Eastern
(26:05):
Europe's my pillow guy. And you see he's been stealing elections,
he's been cracking down on protesters, jailing journalists, basic dictator ships,
and now Lukashenko is trying to get back at the
European Union by flying in migrants from the Middle East
and then sending them into Poland to create a border crisis.
Which is the most passive aggressive military tactic I have
(26:28):
ever heard of. It's like when your parents start cooking
with peanuts to get you to move out of the
house because they know you're allergic. It's a dick move.
And obviously everyone is really mad about this, not just
because it's inhumane to these migrants, but because unlike Ukraine,
we can't let anything happen to Poland. I mean, that's
where all our water comes from. Because you realize, people,
(26:48):
this is especially cruel, right, It's especially cruel to these migrants.
These are real people who are just trying to live
better lives. It is disgusting to use them as weapons.
I mean, say what you want about Drake and Kanye's beef,
but at least they didn't catapult Mexicans at each other.
But let's move on, because while bus is trying to
destabilize Poland, there's another country that's already on the brink
(27:11):
of collapse, Ethiopia, where a brutal year long conflict has
fourth millions out of their homeland and is threatening to
disintegrate into an all out civil war. Rebels from Tigrai
Province appear to be advancing towards the capital. Artists Ababa,
Ethiopia's Prime Minister, called for national unity and authorities in
artists Ababa rounded up ethnic to grants today. Two weeks ago,
(27:34):
the State Department urge all Americans to leave Ethiopia, but
with echoes of Afghanistan. The State Department doesn't know or
won't say, how many Americans are in the country. Last week,
the State Department did make a point of saying there
would be no Afghan style evacuation for Americans stuck in Ethiopia.
They did, however, offer to help them get on commercial
(27:54):
flights out. Yeah, this is tough news for Ethiopians, and
this is tough news for Americans in Ethiopia because in Afghanistan,
the US government staged an all out and lift. Meanwhile,
in Ethiopia, they're like, Mike, we suggest Priceline dot com. Like,
I don't even know what that means. What do they
mean when they say the State Department will help you
(28:14):
book a commercial flight out? That's not helpful. People know
how to book flights. That's like going, hey, hey, you
do you need a ride? You need to ride? Yeah,
well I'm happy to help. So what you gotta do
is open Uber on your phone, then you hit request
to ride. Best of lock buddy. Also, flying commercial is
the worst way to evacuate a war zone. Can you
imagine that stress? Please please the soldiers, the soldiers are coming.
(28:36):
We need to get out now, sir, you're a Diamond
Medallion member. Okay, please step aside. Anyone in a group
A or above we're boarding you now, sir, please please
stand back, just roash, Thank you, and you know who.
This is a great opportunity for though, right Alexander Lukashenko.
I bet he's already sliding into American d MS like
I can hook you up with the free private flights
(28:56):
to the Polish model. Are you interested? But you've got
feel for Ethiopians, man, because anytime their country is in
the news, it is either because of war or famine
or some long distance round broke the world record, which
are all pretty extreme things if you think about it.
I feel like we need more coverage of just like
regular ass Ethiopians, you know who can't run, I don't
(29:17):
know how to fight, just want to chill. And please
understand this, Please understand this is a really complicated, in
sensitive story, right because for for about a year now,
the government has been at war with a rebel group.
But that's like the simplified version, because there are so
many layers of this conflict that we just don't have
the time to do with justice. This is a huge
beef with a history that goes back decades, involving rival
(29:41):
ethnic groups, different territories, foreign interference. Because African conflicts are
never simple, they're super complicated and everyone has different versions
of events. They're basically like white people conflict, but with
more seasoning. So from Russia's military to migrants and Belarus
and armies in heath Yopia, people everywhere are on the move. Meanwhile,
(30:03):
in India, the only place people might be moving to
is back inside, smothered by small and toxic hayes hanging
over New Delhi and it is raising the level of
air pollution to dangerous levels. Schools in the Indian capital
have shut their doors until further notice and private construction
ban at least for now. India's Environmental Ministry Panel on
(30:23):
Air Pollution has directed Delhi and other states to encourage
private officers to allow work from home, but for street vendors,
staying home is not an option pollution. The pollution is unbearable.
The government must take some steps. We are forced to
work because we can't stay indoors forever. For now, Delhi's
residents will be inhaling this toxic air, which, according to
(30:46):
report by the University of Chicago, is ten times worse
in northern India than anywhere else in the world. God
damn did you hear that the air in New Delhi
right now is ten times worth us than anywhere else
in the world. That means you'd be better off just
(31:07):
sticking your face and that steam that comes out of
the ground in New York City, which, by the way,
what is that ship like? Is there a fire down there?
I've lived here for many years. I still don't understand
what that is like someone dry cleaning a rat? What
what I feel like? It's worth looking into? No one,
just me. You know. One detail I like from the
story is that the Indian government put together an Environmental
(31:28):
ministry panel on air pollution who confirmed that the air
was indeed polluted. You don't need a panel. I don't
know why they did that, Why the government's like doing this.
You just need eyes. Yes, after three years of study,
we have concluded that Delhi's air is brown and that
this is bad. But you see, this is a great
example of why we all need to move to cleaner energy,
(31:50):
because yes, it is expensive to do, but it is
also halla expensive to constantly shut down the economy when
your city turns into a sandstorm from dune. Except this time,
Timothy Shallow mazing there to make you feel better with
that smile, and you might be like, well, Trevor, why
don't they just start car pulling in India? My man,
They're way ahead of you, and it's still not enough.
(32:10):
It's actually a real rough spot for India because as
a nation, you want to keep modernizing, you want to
keep growing, but then the fallout of those effects make
it so that you can't even enjoy the fruits of modernization.
You know. It's almost like someone who gets really into
crossfits to help them attract women, but then they push
everyone away because they can't stop talking about the fact
that they joined CrossFit. Now those ads are useless and
(32:32):
you wouldn't be able to tell this from the story.
But New Delhi is one of the most beautiful places
in the world. I mean, this is what it looked
like last year after months of lockdown and the smug dissipating.
But now it's back to looking like it's stuck on
a permanent CPF filter. All right, But let's move on
to our final international story. And like most things in
(32:54):
the world, the story was made in China, the Royalty
of Professional Tennis expressing concern learn about the welfare of
one of their own. Honestly, it's shocking you know that
that she's missing. Punk twy, a Chinese tennis champion, hasn't
been seen or heard from in weeks. In early November,
Peg published this bombshell post on her Chinese social media
(33:15):
account and open letter to a former top communist leader
named John Gaul now aged seventy five, who pun accuses
of sexually assaulting her after the two had an affair.
Shortly after the controversial post, Punk's online profile more or
less disappeared. Until recently, Peng Shui was one of the
(33:36):
biggest tennis stars in China. But look what happens. When
you try to search for people with her name in
the Chinese Internet, you get the message no results found.
Sensors have all but scrubbed this woman from the Chinese Internet.
Now today a new twist, with Chinese state media releasing
(33:59):
this email purportedly written by punk to the head of
the women's Tennis Association. It completely disavows the previous allegations
of sexual assault, adding I'm not missing, nor am I unsafe,
and I hope Chinese tennis will become better and better. Yo,
(34:19):
this is really disturbing. Someone speaks out about sexual assault
and then China's government just makes them disappear. And then
what's even worse is that they release some bullshit email
pretending like everything is fine. Because come on, people, that
email from the tennis Star was as legit as the
letters I got from my supermodel girlfriend in fifth grade.
She's coming next year, guys, I swear. This is what
(34:41):
makes China so terrifying. Like, if you're on a good side,
things are great. But if you try to tell the
truth about how China is a country that constantly a
Trevor no Le, what the hell is that I'm not
even in China. Look, man, it's one thing for your
(35:01):
government to come after you, it's another thing for them
to just make you never exist. I mean, they scrubbed
the Internet of anything about this tennis player. Do you
know how hard it is to get stuff off the internet.
Only China can do that. In fact, if you have
embarrassing pictures online or problematic tweets. Just moved to China
and talk about the Communist Party. Yeah, we'll clean up
(35:23):
your reputation in no time. I mean, yeah, you'll be
locked in the basement some way, but hey, at least
you can get canceled. And this also really puts into
perspective when people in America complain about being censored by
Big check. Twitter chucked down my tweet. This is a charity, guys.
Penshui literally does not exist on the Internet anymore. Like, yeah,
(35:43):
maybe Trump can't tweet right now, but you can still
google him. Trust me. Just yesterday I searched for Donald
trump big buck photos. I got eighty million hits. And
now I'm not gonna tell you why I googled that,
like big butts, and I cannot lie before we go.
Native American families suffer from food insecurity and hunger daily,
but the Native American Inheritance Association, with the help of
(36:05):
generous donors, is committed to fighting hunger with emergency food
supplies and basic life necessities. So if you can, please
donate at the link below to help Native American families
stay warm, safe, healthy, and fed. This Thanksgiving. What's the
Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on Comedy Central.
(36:26):
In stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has
been a Comedy Central podcast
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