October 27, 2023 • 46 mins
Wearing sweatpants to brunch? That’s all you, mama! Wearing jeans while working from home? They say it helps with focus. Did you know that the clothes we wear have the power to shift our moods? Join Dr. Imani and Meg Scoop as they take a deep dive into their closets, plus they perform a pop culture diagnosis on Miranda from the timeless classic ‘The Devil Wears Prada.'
If you'd like to submit a listener letter, please email us at hello@imanistateofmind.com.
If you'd like to submit a listener letter, please email us at hello@imanistateofmind.com.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:17):
Hey, everybody, welcome to theEmani State of My Podcast. I'm doctor
Emani and I am megs Goop nodoctor. But you know it's okay,
it's okay girl, I'm still extraraggedy. I'm a doctor to street.
Okay, Okay, I heard thatme too. Shit. So you know
what's I get mine? Which what'sbeen going on? Well? You know,
(00:39):
let's see, it's like a fall. It's officially fall. My favorite
season, by the way. Yeah, I love fall fashions. Yeah,
I just yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean even though I was born
in the winter, Like, myfavorite season is summer. Even when I'm
complaining about how hot it is,I'm just like, oh my god,
I'm so naked. I love itso hot. What let me see what
(01:03):
is the webinen buzzing about. Ifeel like even though it's kind of old,
you know how little kids be like, oh that was so old?
That was like yeah, yeah,I'm like, bitch, like what do
you anyway? What's kind of old? But it's still kind of a meme.
Is like, uh, it wasoffset and a bunch of people.
I'm too old to even know whoany of these people are. They.
(01:23):
I mean, it was like thegang gang got together and they all just
like it was like sixty seconds ofjust black boy joy. Yes, he
was on Kay Sinat's twenty four hourtwitch. Is he the one who got
in trouble recently in New York?Yeah, he'd be getting in trouble all
the time because he had all thesepeople coming. Yeah, that's him.
But yeah, I think it wasjust beautiful. Baby. They had a
(01:45):
good time. Okay, it wasjust them. It's like, you know
what, it reminds me of seeinglike little black boys get together for a
sleepover. Okay, because like whenyou first saw him come in, comes
up with his bags and drops itdown and was like, yeah, yeah,
this is probably what little boys do. What it is it is?
And then like off set, likepeople started coming in and Offset turned around
(02:07):
and he was like, yes,they're doing the latest dances. And then
his CARDI B his wife called yes, and then kuy is talking about like
hey, can I get at yoursister. I feel like this is exactly
what boys do at sleepover. Yeah, this is it. It's just so
good to see. We don't Ifeel like we don't see that enough for
black men. Yeah, No,I mean I feel like we don't see
(02:28):
that enough period and granted we seeit enough. I'll say this, if
I were a non black person,I'd be like, well, yeah,
like you guys are always having agood time, but at the same time,
I mean, slow down, butat the same time, like I
can also legit say that I've readlike four articles this week about like violence
(02:51):
done against black people. Yeah,and like one time is enough to put
me in a place, and soI need like I need black joy.
Yeah, we should celebrate it.Yeah. It just reminds me of like
being a little kid. Really,it reminds me of cause we were just
talking about my son and he's goingto go to school in a couple of
years. It reminded me of college. Like I was telling my son.
(03:14):
He was like, well, Ikind of want to stay in Cali for
school. And I was like,okay, you I went to Xavier.
I'm like, I went to aHBCU. I'm like, you're gonna go
to Xavier. And I was like, look, I was like, you
know how you feel when you atschool and you surrounded bout all the white
people and like something will happen andthey'll all look at you like, Ohdris,
we're so sad that you have togo through that as a black person.
(03:34):
I'm like, and then imagine iflike everybody at your school was black,
right, we have to deal withthis again. No, but all
of us together, right, Butit's like we don't even have to do
with it. Yeah, Like we'reall just learning, we're just learning,
we're just having a good time,like we're just being And I was like,
that's what it would be like,and he was like oh, and
I was like yeah. So whenI saw that video, I was like,
(03:55):
this reminded me of college so hard. Wait are you are you doing?
Like, are you going to dolike a black school tour for him
or just like No, I toldhim that we'd go around in some schools.
But of course I'm a little partialto Xavier because like my family is
there and my parents are going tobe retiring there, like they're going to
(04:15):
be moving there. So I'm kindof like, I'm like, you should
probably just go and just have agood time. And even though it won't
be like my experience of you know, no Limit and master p and oh,
that probably was the best time tobe there freaknik all that. But
I mean, but I was like, look, I'm sure y'all will come
(04:36):
up with something just as ratchet andhave a good time. And because I'm
like, boy, you've been inla y'all whole life. You need to
like, yeah, you need tolike, you know, get down and
be of these streets, be adoptedthese streets like you. Yeah. Yeah.
Although I didn't go to an HBCU, that's I was sad about that.
But I went to a white schooljust down the street from an HBCU,
(04:58):
so I was always and I usedto take road chips to other HBCUs
to the point where people there,like my friends there, they had other
friends that went to the school,and was just like, wait, you
don't go here, like that's howOh my god, I be at an
HBCU. Yeah, I should havejust went, but you know, the
white skull pay me to go toschool. That's the only reason I went.
Okay, I mean, well,listen, you better get that money
(05:20):
my little slice of might as well. Hpcus woo woo o guys. So
anyway, so look, so todayI'm not dressed in my favorite outfit,
which is basically pumpum shorts. Andyes I have pumpom shorts in every color.
Uh so in order of our deeptime topic. Today, we're gonna
be digging into our closets discover howthe clothes we wear can have the power
(05:44):
to shift our moods. Oh,that is the truth. And you know,
Deon Sanders once said, if youlook great, you feel great.
Okay, so that's true. Ifeel like every time I because I'll be
in my sweats and then I'll putone make up hair cloth. Can you
tell me mean nothing? Yeah,I'm not really. I think that's part
of the reason why I'm not reallylike a sweatpants person. Is this food
(06:08):
or something a pack Oh it's packaged. Good job, high roll. You
did it. You guarded the house. You so you're so great. It's
probably I just ordered a bunch ofclothes. Yeah, it's probably clothes.
It's actually funny that you bring thatup because when I was young, I
remember, and I'm dating myself,uh, the veat ou sassoon commercials,
(06:30):
and it was like, if youif what is it? If you don't
look good, we don't look good. It's something like yeah, and I
really internalize that, like I neverreally wear sweats because I'm always I'm always
like, okay, let me goto the mirror and like, check myself
out. And if I'm just like, you know, look good, then
I'm like, I know that I'mprobably sick bo girl. Even I'd be
(06:51):
wearing these platform clocks in the house, but they it's so fashionable. I
just yeah, because you always lookfashionable. We're in your house and you
over here looking like a million dogs. I know, and I feel terrible,
todir, but but I feel terriblephysically, but I feel awesome.
So so that being said, ifyou're loving the emani State of My podcast,
(07:14):
please rate and review us on yourfavorite podcast app. If you're watching
us on YouTube, comment how you'refeeling you like the video and smash that
subscribe button and share with your friendsand your friends brands and your friends fans
brands, and your family and yourfamily family and your family family family.
So we have so much to discuss, so let's get right into it after
the break. Okay, you alreadyknow how we start off the show where
(07:39):
we get to hear from you,So it's time for ask soft remany anything.
We love reading your letters and we'reready for some more questions. So
Meg, who's our first letter fromtoday? Before I do that, I
feel like we need a little themesong for this. I know we do
need like a theme song. Weneed to, you know, and have
a little competition. If y'all havesome jangle jangle ideas, I know you
(07:59):
got. I know what's up withyour beats? Drop your beat? Send
the show beats at hello at Imanistateomind dot com. There you go.
Okay, okay. Our first letteris from Mika hegerl. It reads Dear
doctor Emani and Meg. I findmyself in a chaotic work environment and it's
become increasingly clear that we need ourleadership to step up and be true leaders.
The chaos at our workplace seems tohave reached new heights. Projects are
(08:22):
constantly behind scheduled communication is a mess, and it feels like we're constantly putting
out fires rather than making any realprogress. It's affecting morale, productivity,
and our overall job satisfaction. What'sfrustrating is that I believe we have a
team with great potential. We havetalented and dedicated individuals who really do care
about the work we do. However, without strong leadership, this feels like
(08:45):
we're in a constant storm, lackingdirection and guidance. My day to day
work is absolutely draining me mentally.I am to the point I am ready
to quit with no job or savingslined up. What advice would you give
me and my employees to address ourleadership team and our need for them to
step up and actually lead. So, Micah, honestly you need to have
(09:09):
a conversation with them like they're feelingyou, but like, how can we
please set a meeting because there aresome things that we'd like to discuss,
as you know, we'd like thereare things that we like this, there
are things that we specifically would liketo discuss with the leadership team. What
if they say no? Because firstof all, I was like, oh
(09:31):
my god, what if they sayno? They're like, no, that's
okay. Think so well, well, first of all, this is what
I would say to Micah, keepit vague. There are things, there
are some things we'd like to discusswith the leadership team. We will discuss
more of that when like, whyare they gonna say no? What I
mean she said they oh they tripping? Maybe they just say no. I
(09:56):
mean if they if they say no, then I'll be like, Okay.
First of all, Micah, I'mguessing that you probably already have some feelers
out. I would I would thinkthat you might, you might start need
to start circulating your resume. Yeah, because if it's that bad, I
don't know if they're really are theyreally going to change if you come to
them and say we hate it you, well, it's on record, right,
(10:16):
So it's so half half the battle. When I mean, I'm I'm
in a leadership position at my job, but I still answer to to someone.
I still answer to the CEO.There are times when it's just good
to have a meeting to just documentwhat the response is because then if they're
like no, then you can justsay okay, well on this time,
(10:39):
at you know, on this date, at this time, we had a
meeting and the response was not veryit wasn't very helpful. Leadership was not
particularly wanting to actually listen to ourinput and what we need. And then
when it's time for you to quit, you know, you can get into
that. What if the leadership thatshe's recurring to is like the CEO,
(11:01):
like I mean, the founder CEOthe top of the top, I would
still suggest that you tell that personthat because they I mean, they're just
they're on like cruise control they don'tknow. Okay, you know what I'm
saying. It's always nice when youare working for someone and they have great
leadership qualities, but sometimes, Imean everybody, everybody could benefit from criticism
(11:24):
and it's and it's not like,oh you suck, it's more like,
okay, so with this given project, we were having problems with this,
and I think in the future itwould be more helpful if so. When
I when I have gone into meetingslike this and even like okay, like
I kind of had to recently firesomebody, so I didn't go into it
(11:46):
with emotion, I just went intoit with facts. You have to yeah,
right, so it's like boom,I don't want to hear about anything
else about how you feel or like. This isn't about feelings, this is
about facts like this is this iswhat the problem is. Yeah, and
if you can either choose to addressit or not. And if you choose
to not, I'm not saying saythis to them, but if you if
(12:07):
they choose not to address it,then you know what your next course of
action should be, which is tobelieve. And if they say she doesn't
have any like job, any backup, but she well you gotta. I
mean you gotta, you gotta getyour resume out there, girl. I
would say start doing that now.Ye yeah, like first and foremost,
like get your resume. Let's startpushing it out there before you have this
meeting, because there's no telling whathappens after this. Yeah exactly. And
(12:30):
what I was You just reminded mewhat I was gonna say, is that
when I go into these meetings,I go into these meetings with my solution
already, like in mot like,here's the issue, this is how I
feel we could rectify it. Yeah, and this is what I believe the
solution could be. What do youthink? Yeah, you know, like
I kind of go into it likeI'm running the meeting, because if you
(12:52):
leave it up to leaders, theseparticular people who are in a leadership position,
they clearly don't know what they're doing. Yeah, so you have to
show them the way. And honestly, Micah, if it's like that,
maybe you should go for a leadershipposition someone else, or maybe you should
just post everybody and leave you togo be consulting somewhere. Yeah, exactly,
like they're there. Don't limit yourselfand don't limit yourself to this job.
(13:15):
I mean I would say you gavereally good advice. I don't have
no good advice for this except possiblywhatever you write in that meeting or you
have as far as like, here'sthe issues, here's the solution. Needs
to be very detailed, and itneeds to be very like actual and like
not like I didn't like it.How when you said no, very factual,
(13:37):
we weren't able to get this donebecause this is and this was out
of order. As a result,profitability went down. Blah blah blah,
Like you need to be very detailedin that kind of way for them to
be like. Okay, she's makingsense and not just to We don't like
your leadership style. You need tochange right exactly so you want you want
quantitative data, not really qualitative.Yeah. Yeah. In the meantime,
(14:01):
circle your resume around Yeah, girl, like it. Get it out there.
Also, I don't know what lineof work you work in, Micah,
but there's always remote jobs. There'sso many remote jobs right now,
so you know you might need toget your remote one. There you go
if you haven't already. So thanks, Micah. Okay. Our next letter
comes from Rakesha, and here's whatshe said. Dear doctor Iumani and Meg.
(14:24):
I recently found out a group ofmy friends have been gossiping about me
to a newer friend. The newfriend said, my friends are calling me
arrogant and confrontational. My friends toldmy new friend that she would be drained
mentally eventually from being my friend.I was really hurt by this news and
angry. Your friends shouldn't be sayingthings like that behind your back. Part
(14:46):
of me wants to confront them andreally tell them each what I think of
them, but I'll come off confrontationaland refuse to give them that satisfaction of
thinking they were right. Another partof me wants to sit them down and
share how this really hurt my feelingsand see how we can move past this
in our friendship. My sister thinksI need to just cut them loose as
friends without any explanation, just straightghost them. I really don't know what
(15:07):
to do. I'm hurt, angry, and confused. Okay, I know
this is this is really like Iknow. My initial thought, because I'm
that petty person, is to belike, fuck all these broads. Oh
yeah, like oh it's like that. Well then guess what, Like everyone's
(15:30):
blocked, don't fucking call me likeokay, but anyway, EMII calmed down.
I do think though, that it'sthat it is important and this is
me being reflective upon my life.I think it is important for you to
be able to share that you arehurt by what they said. And look,
maybe they're right, maybe there aretimes where you do be widling.
I don't know, but you needto be able to say, yo,
(15:54):
okay. First of all, youneed to be able to say, don't
put keep my name out keep myname out your with this new person,
like you'll all have known me longerthan that, Like that's fucked up.
But and that really kind of leadsto like, yo, like that really
hurt my feelings, Like you reallyput this person above me and you couldn't
(16:15):
like you couldn't say this to me, Like like what is that? I
have some questions about that? Okay, but I am conversational, so you
are, yes, but that sometimesit's necessary, right, is this new
person starting up stuff? Let's startthere, okay, Because the reason I
say this is is this, firstof all, check this new person's motive.
(16:37):
Are they really a genuine good friendand they're like, hey, just
want to let you know like,this is what's been happening. They told
me to like not talk to youand be friends with you, and here's
why. And I just wanted youto know because if that new friend reveal
that information, then I'm assuming shewould be okay with you bringing it back
to the group and telling them,because there was no mention of you saying,
well, she told me not tosay nothing to them, blah blah
blah, which means she too doesn'treally care about being friends with these for
(17:02):
other friends, right, Because ifyou're like, oh, I'm gonna tell
you this information and I know you'regonna go tell them now, they're gonna
look at me sideways like are youwen' supposed to say nothing? Right?
So I feel like she's not reallyfeeling them too much. If she doesn't
care that you go back and tellthem what she told you, that's number
one and number two. If that'sthe case, she's probably right. Yeah,
she don't want to really be friendswith them because she see how they're
(17:22):
doing you, right, So youprobably do need to just cut your losses.
But before you do, I wouldsay, definitely tell them that you're
hurt. I wouldn't even go theroute of like keep my name at you
mout all this stuff. It wouldbe like, yo, I will see.
I would just be like we weresupposed to be friends. And that's
really hurt my feelings that y'all woulddo that, And like, if we're
really friends, you should be likeyou're confrontational and I might be confrontational and
(17:44):
I might be all those things thatyou said, but I'm also this.
I'm also a good friend. I'malso loyal. I took you to the
airport when I put you know,I let you see on my cauch.
You know what I'm saying. Likewe all have flaws. Our friends are
not perfect. But it's like,you know, I think you should at
least give let them know how thathurts you before you peace out. Yeah.
Like and personally, I don't knowif I could go back to being
friends with all these people, youknow, Like, oh, so y'all
(18:07):
was really talking about me with thisbrand new person. Yeah, it's just
like, you know, part ofme wants to sit down and see how
we can move past this. AndI'm like, I don't know, that's
a lot. That's a lot.I mean, that's very mature. That's
a very mature way it's mature,but it also seems like these are a
bunch of people who are not mature. Yeah, And I don't know how
you're gonna make them change. Andif they were that free, felt that
(18:30):
free to talk negatively about you tothis new person, what's gonna keep them
from doing the same. Girl.Sorry, Yeah, I mean tell them
how you feel, but just belike and so, just so you know,
I'm not fucking with none of y'allif you feel like it. But
I say the same thing that was, like, see, we knew we
said that about y'all ain't adults becausey'all can't deal with fucking confrontation like it's
(18:53):
gonna happen during like it's gonna happenon I think it's the way the way
you approach conf mtation. Because Ihave a friend that used to be very
This actually kind of happened that Ihad some lifelong friends I moved out here
years ago, and they had afriend that they knew like from college,
and they were just kind of like, yeah, she's cool, but like
(19:15):
watch out for her. And Ihad met her through somebody else, and
I was like, Okay, thanksfor the warning, but like I like
to watch people on my own tokind of get like, I like to
give people the benefit of the doubt. Well, thank you for like raising
the little flag. But like I'mgonna just learn from myself. Is it
cause this was years ago? Isthat person still the same whatever? Whatever?
So I understand as I got toknow this girl, I saw what
they were saying and why they feltthat way. But also I saw a
(19:38):
different side of her. I sawsome growth in her. So I was
like, Okay, well I canbe friends with her. And I think
back if I had told her likeyour old friends in sayings and stuff about
you, I think things would haveturned out a lot messier. And I
just feel like her confrontation that theywere talking about was like they didn't understand
where it came from, right,So I said that to say, you
(20:00):
know, confrontation sometime is needed.But I think how you confront things,
because how she confronted things with themin the past when she was younger and
less mature was definitely like yeah,but how she confronted things as she got
older, and you know, whenI got to know it was a little
bit better. So yeah, Idon't know, just you know, anyway,
I don't know how you go backfrom that. Yeah, I don't
know either. I mean, I'venever really been in that situation, but
(20:22):
I feel like if I were inthat situation, me being older, I
would be like, okay, solisten, so let me tell you all,
y'all why I'm hurt and all ofyou are trifling and honestly, I
can't fuck with you no more.Yeah I haven't. Look, that was
conversational tones, right, Yeah,but I could have shouted that and it
would have said the same thing.Yeah, but I but nowadays I choose
to just be like, so,the thing about you is that your trash
(20:47):
and your mom's trash and your family'strash. And that's why I, as
a organization and a record company,I cannot fuck with none of y'all.
You know, I meaneve yes,there you go. And I think the
biggest, what the biggest like fyou that you could do to them is
just just be like, hey,I'm no longer friends with you, have
a great life, and leave andthey do not exist to you. That's
(21:08):
the biggest. Because I've noticed thatabout people. There's been a couple of
people in my life that did somethinglike that and like said something like they
just were petty people and they saidsomething to about me to another friend and
it was just like like I wentmy heart on my sleeve, like why
would you say that? My feelingswere so hurt. And I remember I
told that girl like, hey,I understand now how you move. So
(21:29):
this is the end of our friendshipbecause I really thought a good friends.
And when I look back at that, like, yo, she was grasping
for like she was trying to makeother people like, you know, don't
talk to meacka, And they werejust like, why I don't move like
that, Like yeah, that don'tmake sense. Like she really tried to
bad mouth me to other people,and they were like, yeah, she
don't move like that. But okay, and now who knows what that girl
(21:51):
is. I'm thriving boo. Ihad somebody talk shit about me to my
own mom, and my mom wentback to me and I was like,
I didn't I didn't say anything toher. I just stopped responding to her.
And then she hit me up,I want to stay like I don't
know, like probably three or fouryears later, she was like yeah,
like I know that. You know, I didn't get a chance to really
talk to you past certain point,and I was like, like, when
(22:15):
it's that agreeious, I'm like,you know what you said? And she
never admitted to it. I didn't. I did not bring it up.
I was like, we're I didn'teven say we're done. I was just
like, really, that's it.Like I was so livid. I was
just like, you know what youdid? You went to my mom?
Why would you? Why did shethink your mom wasn't gonna se'm sa And
(22:37):
that's by the person who, like, you know, gave birth to me,
and shit, yeah, she's gonnafully come to me and be like,
Yo, this bitch is talking shitabout you. Your momola always ride
for you, right, I waslike, girl, okay, So anyway,
that's our advice for Keisha, AndI'm really sorry that happened too.
That's really whacked. And there's nothingwrong with being conversational because I'm conversational too,
so we can be friends. Soanyway, we always love hearing from
(23:00):
you guys and receiving your letters.So thank you. Yeah, so thanks
again to Micah and Rakesha, andsend us some more of these letters.
If you've got a problem, aquestion, you just want to release some
stame hit us up send that emailto hello Atdimani statefmind dot com. Okay,
now let's get on our deep divesegment after this short break. Okay,
(23:25):
So, one thing I know forsure, doctor Emioni, is that
when I get out of my sweats, I do my hair, do my
makeup, I'm looking good, I'mfeeling good. My mood for real shifts.
And I need to do that moreoften because I'd be at home looking
a hot mess, and then like, once I go somewhere, I'd be
like, oh my god, awhole different persona yeah comes about. I
see you to got your fashion onetoday, girl. I got this dress
(23:45):
on sale. I got these littlefake Balenciaga claws Amazon, so cute ya
and thank you. Y'all know I'mcheap. So tell me what's the connection
between looking good and feeling good?Well, you know, it's interesting that
talking about this because, like alot of things this year, there have
been so many TikTok trends. Yeah, and one of the trends was dopamine
(24:10):
dressing. Dopamine dressing. Yeah,but on what wait did you say something,
Leslie, No, that was justthe Yeah, that was just a
little oh sorry, I was like, who's it? Okay, sorry,
dopamine let me go back. Wait, what what is dopamine dressing? Okay,
so, so dopemine dressing. It'ssomething I had to look up.
Apparently, dope meine dressing is somethingthat I think a lot of us have
(24:33):
been doing. I know I've beendoing it. Okay, it's really dressing
to boost your mood. So alot of things that I saw that were
tagged dopamine dressing or you know variationsthereof were like women, mostly women who
dressed in like really like brighter likebrighter colors. Okay, Like okay,
maybe it's great outside, or maybeI don't feel like my best today,
(24:56):
I'm going to dress so that whenI look down at myself or I see
myself in a mirror, like mymood, Like my clothes are going to
kind of help me boost my mood, okay. And I was like that's
cute. I was like, that'sthat's interesting. And like today, like
right now, it's kind of sunny, but when we first started today it
was it was gray. So Iwas like, whatever, I'm just gonna
(25:18):
put on this army green dress.I don't really care or whatever. But
now I'm like, oh my god, I want to wear something like orange
because it's like more sunny. Yeah, so it's it's kind of like that's
that's one recent example, but Ithink in general, like I remember my
grandfather telling me and this, wellI'll get to that in a little later.
I remember my grandfather telling me like, Okay, look, anytime you
(25:41):
go, anytime you leave the house, you need to look appropriate. Yes,
like you need to look good andeven to the even to the point
of even to the point of Iremember when I moved to Harlem, like
for good when I was thirteen,and I remember like seeing like men who
like take their jeans to the drycleaners, and like people who would like
(26:03):
iron their shirts every day. Imean, like I we all wore like
casual clothes, but like when itcame to like black and brown folks in
my neighborhood, like what we wore. I mean, obviously we we valued
it because we spend money on it. But it's like when I leave the
house, like this is who Iwant people to like know, Like this
is like I'm representing myself, LikeI'm freshly starched, I'm freshly ironed,
(26:29):
I smell good, I look good. I am good. And so that's
that was something that I always justlike took to heart. So I maybe
took it a little bit too farbecause I like, I really am,
like I don't wear sweatpants. Ijust really I love a good sweatpants,
honey. I mean I love agood I love some good leggings. I
(26:51):
love like the little tummy controller whatevertummy top thing. But in general,
I'm just kind I just kind oflike what I will do is and this
might be the same thing as likeyou know, dope, mean dressing.
Is that if I find like anitem of clothing that I like, I'll
buy it in like every color.Oh yeah, because I'm just like this
looks good, this looks good,and then I don't have to think about
(27:11):
it, and I'm just like Okay, I look cute, Okay, fine,
bye, then leaving. So there'sthat. But also for I mean
for a lot of us, ifyou think about it, just culturally,
like fashion is a sense of ourexpression. Yeah. So like even right
now people can't see, but yougot on like the A delta, the
ADULTA slippers, and that's like selfexpression, Like yeah, like I'm ADULTA,
(27:32):
Like this is you know what's importantto me, and this is,
you know what I want to projectout there. You know when you said
that, when you were like,okay, when I was in Harlem and
everybody just took like super took alot of pride in how they dressed.
And you know what it made methink of. It made me think of
the old photos and like the forties, yeah, thirties and forties of black
people. They always were dressed tothe nine nines. Okay, they had
(27:53):
their suit, they had the head, the shuit. I has to be
like, why don't we do thatanymore? Black people be dressed like that?
Okay, I just I'll go tothe store, see somebody in the
bonnet, like I don't care,And like back then, our ancestors are
cringing, but we weren't there,like we didn't see the day to day
so you know, we didn't bonnetno, okay. So I mean,
(28:15):
and I know they was outside inthe street with like a bonnet with like
rollers on like underneath, but Ifeel like they were going from the salon
back to the house. I feellike you just didn't go out with your
bonnet one, okay. I distinctlyremember growing up in New York in the
nineties, and back then there wasthere was a hairstock called the doobey,
and the doobie well, yes,you would wrap it around and it got
(28:37):
it got like the doobie got sopopular that I remember seeing girls get doobies
and like they would use these reallybig and then I remember seeing a fashion
magazine and they had and because thedoobey, like you would wrap your hair
for the sole purpose of taking itout, so it was super straight.
(28:57):
But then I remember seeing like likegirls really rocking that shit right right,
like leaving in like this, likebecause because sometimes you get either the black
bobby pants or the gold one,and if you had the gold ones,
it really popped. So like,there there are so many ways that just
we as black folks, I meanobviously like we push the culture forward,
(29:18):
but even with something as simple asthat, like that was that's clearly a
hairstyle meant to be worn from thefrom the salon to your house and then
when it dries, you can takeit out. But there were people that
were like, I'm gonna wrap myhead up and I'm a rock this ship
to the club tonight, so whatever, and then our grandmothers was not okay.
With that, it was like,we did not fight this hard for
(29:38):
you to be going to the club, which y'all do beyond Yeah they did,
yes, they but they did becauseyou know what I'm saying because nowadays,
like you you know, if Ithink back, like okay, if
you go back to slavery when youdidn't have a lot, but on Sundays
when the mass massa would let youlike you were off that day, they
would take whatever they had and startsit. They would press it just had
(30:00):
the church and they as best asthey could because it did make them feel
better. But you know, goingthrough that and now we have the freedom
to do whatever. You know whatI'm saying, I understand that, but
like what would it be like ifwe just always wore our best of the
best wherever we went right? Well, well, okay, but let me
tell you so this reminds me oflike we were talking about bonnets. This
(30:22):
reminds me of there were laws inplace in New Orleans and I don't remember
the name, like what the lawswere like collectively known as but because there
were like black women and you know, they would like go on to categorize
them as like you know, mulattosquadrun quadrums. Yeah. Yeah, but
these were women who would wear theirhair up, like they would wear their
(30:44):
hair up in these like beautiful likelike like head wraps. Yeah, and
they would put all kinds of likejewelry and stuff in there, and they
would walk around like you know,walk around the city like yes, like
hello, like this is me,Like this is how I'm saying to myself,
to the to the point where NewOrleans passed a law that black women
(31:04):
could not wear for real, yeah, because the men so obviously wherever there's
black women, like men are goingto be like, oh my god,
I'm trying to get with that,And how did we get octoroons and quadroons
and malattos because there was a whiteperson in the mix. So these white
men were really attracted to that.And because it was detracting so much from
(31:26):
the white women, they actually enactedlaws saying that black women could not walk
around with their hair up. Sothat being said, black people despite all
the despite despite the fact that likelet's think of like a Rachel dolosol,
right, or like somebody who onlyequates like being black with with like the
(31:48):
joy found through suffering, Like we'realways joyful, and we're always gonna put
like it's it's almost innate for usto want to put our best self forward
even when we don't have a lot. Yeah, Like, it doesn't take
a lot to be fashionable or tobe cute. You just have to feel
good about it. You just haveto feel good about it, which is
why I specifically was like, Okay, this dress was thirty dollars and these
(32:09):
clocks were twenty four dollars, LikeI don't really care about labels. I
just care about like how does itlook on me? How does it make
me feel? Like? I don'twant about that. I got this little
fashion over the top of my show. Okay, my back is out too,
and my booty looks like it's okay, let me tell you about some
Fashion nov But when that ship firstcame out, I was like, oh
my god, y'all make jeans forpeople who have hips, Yes, thank
(32:32):
you. Oh my god. Ihad Squirrel please, I had like four
Fashion Nova jeans. I was like, I do not care. This is
for twenty dollars, and yeah,my booty is popping. So I mean
so the main thing is, Imean, look, wanting to want,
wanting your outside to feel as goodas your inside and sometimes fake and it
(32:52):
till you make it, till youmake it, like like I don't feel
that great today, but I'm gonnadress as though I can feel better later.
Not new, but it's definitely somethingthat we're talking about more. And
I think we're really talking about itmore mainly because like of TikTok and like
you know, like certain like thereare certain trends that will never die yea,
(33:12):
and dressing good to feel good issomething that will never go away.
And I think that's also an indicatorof how to like approach people, because
I think if you see somebody that'salways in a hoodie, always covered up,
always like it seems like they don'tcare, then I feel like you
should approach someone a little more likegrace and love, you know, because
that might be an indicator of howthey found the inside. Yeah, like
(33:32):
hey girl, as opposed to like, oh what's up? Yeah exactly,
Like you know what I'm saying,because I get it, like you know,
someone who's out here dressing to thenines and somebody who's just like I
don't really want people to see me, right. But the other thing,
the other caveat is that there arepeople who are ship people inside and they
feel that dressing only in labels isgiving them like it's giving them confidence.
(34:00):
I'm not going to take that awayfrom you, but I mean, I
don't know, but also don't knocksomebody who don't have that on right.
I also don't know if Chanel makesunderwear, so that might be a knockoff.
And if you're really into into labels, you know, that's kind of
like a no no. So youknow, I'm I'm not that person.
I mean in high school, Imean, we all have our periods,
(34:21):
Like I definitely have like a timbulandcoach Polom time. Okay, maybe even
a little bit of Iceberg for allof those you know who are age south
Pole anyway, So that's all wereally have for a deep bugle. I
want to say, Oh, I'msorry, let me just because this reminds
(34:44):
me of like after I had myson and how is in postpartum depression.
I didn't literally I wore sweats likeevery day, I didn't wear anything.
I'd wear like my pajamas all daylong. Like I just didn't feel like,
you know, the outside was matchingthe inside. Yeah, you know
what I'm saying I didn't get myhair done, I didn't get get facials,
nails nothing like. I started doingthat more. Once I started doing
(35:07):
that more, I was like,oh, I do feel better. Like
I need to keep this up tothe point where now like, if I
feel bad, I still got togo get my nails done. Okay,
at least my nails gonna be popping. I might not feel that great on
the inside, but my nails myhair, Like, yeah, well,
that's actually a really good point becauselike interest, like having a having decreased
(35:28):
interest in your usual activities, whetherthat includes like you know, gardening or
like meeting up with your friends oreven like dressing a certain way is can
it can be a symptom of depression. Yeah, And my mom had to
point that out to me. Shewas just like regular, right, Nobody
even at the time I found hedidn't say nothing to me. Well,
(35:49):
yeah, but he's just you know, he's loving, But he didn't he
didn't say. My mom was justlike, oh, you gotta put some
clothes on, yeah, yeah,wear these all day. And I was
just like and it kind of likebrought to my attention, like oh yeah,
why am I like, right,wearing my pajama salta long. Yeah,
it needs to do better. Wellyeah so that yeah, that makes
sense. That's but that's a goodpoint. Yeah. Can you scroll it
(36:12):
down a little bit, I meanthe other way towards the end. Okay,
there we go. No, thatwas a super good point. So
thank you for pointing that out,and everybody. That's all the time we
have for our deep dive conversation today. So let's get into our last segment,
pop culture diagnosis. Okay, sowe're going to get into our pop
(36:40):
culture diagnosis for this week, andin honor of our discussion on fashion,
Meg, please give the listeners aquick synopsis of the classic movie The Devilwaar's
Product and which character we're diagnosing today. Oh, this is a good movie.
I remember when it first came out, The Devil Wares Product. Yes,
a very witty and entertaining exploration ofthe fashion world and as well as
(37:01):
some of the harsh realities of it. So it's centered around the fashion industry
in New York City, fashion journalismand some of the sacrifices and how hard
it can be for some of thepeople in that industry. The main character
is played by Anne Hathaway. Hername is Andy, and not Emily,
not Emily, not Emily, asMiranda Priestley always calls her. Yes.
(37:22):
Yes, she's a recent college grad. She has big dreams of being this
fashion journalist and she lands this hugeopportunity to be the assistant to the feared
but respected Miranda Priestley, who's playedby the wonderful Maryle Street. So from
the outside, Miranda is like coldand ruthless. Uh, she's the boss
that nobody wants to work for,but everybody really respects her. So I'm
(37:44):
curious, how would you diagnose MirandaPriestley. Okay, so here, okay,
there's one line in this movie thatsums up Miranda Priestley for me,
and it's at the very end ofthe movie. Oh yeah, at their
very end. They're in the carand they're in like, you know,
like beautiful as class Mercedes, andthey're they're in Paris. I believe they're
(38:04):
in Paris. I think for ParisFashion Week. And Andy has finally like
come into her own, let's say, as far as the fashion world,
and she has on all these labelsand she looks great, and she's sitting
next to Miranda Priestley, and Mirandawas like, oh Andy or Emily,
she was like you know, shewas like, but everybody wants to be
(38:27):
us, yeah, and and soAndy's like, no, they don't,
and she was like what are youkidding? She was like, everybody wants
to be just like us, andthen she steps out of the car.
Now that is narcissism, right,Like that's that's a narcistic trade. It's
like because I was like, bitch, and are you like twelve? Like
(38:47):
are you in eighth grade? Likeeverybody wants to be us? Like are
you like at the popular girl's table? Like what is that? Like?
It just seems so out of placefor like a woman in her fifties two
sets, right, And and thatcan be I mean, it's a whole
that's a that's a whole other topicas far as like our whole other conversation,
as far as like what the fashionworld is like cliquish and just narcissistic.
(39:13):
But okay, we've talked about narcisisma lot on the show. That's
no surprise. Why do we talkabout narcism so much in pop culture diagnosis?
Because narcissts are really dramatic and fordrama for entertainment, you need drama.
Yeah. But here's what was whatI thought about a little bit more
beyond that, is that because MirandaPriestley is supposed to be essentially in a
(39:36):
winter from Vogue, it got methinking about like women who are in positions
of power like that, like womenwho are executives, let's say, and
what you have to do and howyou have to be right. The compete
in the man's world is agally exactly. So remember back in like, like
I just remember like looking at likeold magazines from the seventies and eighties,
and there was always this talk aboutlike a woman's power suit, oh yeah,
(40:00):
yeah, And essentially a power suitwas like it was it was modeled
after a man's suit with a skirt, and it just looked like a bunch
of like women drones kind of walkingaround. And so it also reminded me
of this notion that like, sofor example, I think back to like
(40:20):
like shows like Mad Men, whenin order to be successful during that era,
you had to embody these very selfishattitudes. Yeah, and being very
very selfish is very indicative of someonewho can go on to develop narcissistic personality.
Traits, and so it got methinking about like women executives, I
(40:44):
know, like like people that I'vemet, even like people like my mom
that have had to like basically findtheir own place in these white male dominated
spaces. And so for Miranda Priestley, during the movie, we see her
at a very vulnerable time when she'sin her home and Andy has to deliver
a manuscript for her daughters for thenew Harry Potter book, and Miranda,
(41:08):
like, you know, even atthe office, she's like, do not
come to my house, Like ifyou come to my house, I cannot
be there. This is the wayyou enter. Do not come anywhere near
my house. I mean, whatwe end up seeing is Andy seeing Miranda
in this vulnerable place where she's arguingwith her husband about how busy she is.
And for Miranda that's like, ohmy god, Like you saw me
(41:29):
at this vulnerable moment, Like I'mactually like being vulnerable in my own home
with my own husband. And itjust reminds me of like the ways that
women have been made to feel thatthey have to contort themselves to behave just
like white men in order to surviveor in order to feel like they can
(41:54):
even make it in a world orin like a professional spear like that,
right, And it makes me sadbecause it's like that is actually what a
lot of women have have had todo and still have to do, right,
not everybody. I feel like thingshave gotten a little bit better,
but yeah, this still makes mesad, Like, oh, that's like
real life. There's a lot ofwomen who deal with like, oh,
(42:15):
I have to be on one hundredwhen I'm at work, I have to
be like this and this like verylike hard. But then you go you
go home and you're expected to turnthat off. Like what men want to
be bossed around? Like that?Like really what husbands to be bossed around?
Or it's like you don't have timefor anything because usually those type of
jobs required to take the work homeyou don't get to not have, Like
(42:37):
you work twenty four seven. That'show you have become so successful. And
so that kind of like goes againsttraditional male female roles. When a woman
goes home, she's supposed to bea homemaker essentially, right, supposed to
be so of course, you know, arguing with her husband like right,
I don't have the time and allthis stuff. So it's like, oh,
that makes me sad, But it'slike, what change is like in
(43:00):
this world? What changes so thatwomen don't have to be like that but
still make it to the top.Well, one thing I'll say is that
I'm really happy, at least inmy career sphere that the majority of people
graduating from medical schools are women.Oh yeah, and female doctors have been
shown to actually have better patient outcomesbecause we do stay time, we do
(43:23):
care, We care, we spendtime with our patients, like we really
want to know what's going on.And that's been shown like across countries,
like women are we just really arelike in terms of like quantitative measures,
we're just better physicians. Yeah.And now now that doesn't mean that some
of us don't internalize that white male, that white supremacy of like I have
(43:46):
to be super hard and like aball buster and da da da, And
then there's people who aren't like that. Like I'll just use myself as this
example, Like I'm a boss atmy job. Like I not like I'm
a boss, but I'm saying somepeople's boss, and I say to them
whenever they come to work, I'mlike to start out, I'm like,
all you have to do is benice and do your job. I do
(44:08):
not care what I don't care whatelse you do. I do not care.
Now, if you don't do yourjob and you would dick and I
hear about it, then it's goingto be a problem, right because when
I'm here, I'm here to havea good time. I'm here to do
my job and take my ass home. That's all you have to do.
But you know, like but ofcourse you know work culture and you know
(44:28):
all that stuff. It's it's itmade me really feel for the character of
Miranda Priestley because she really doesn't knowhow to turn it off. And even
when she's at home and she feelslike she can turn it off, she
really can't because she has to havethings delivered to her house so that like,
like I remember Andy and the moviehad to deliver like the the the
(44:51):
U. I guess it was likethe mock up of the New Issue.
And she's like going through like Iremember my mom who used to work for
TV stations, like having to likego through all this stuff like on the
weekends at times, and I wouldjust like that looks whack as fun.
So it's just it just Yes,Miranda preseason arsist we all know that,
but it just really made me thinkabout a little bit more, just a
(45:14):
little bit deeper, and honestly,I mean to answer a question you asked
a little while ago, I thinkthe best way to kind of get out
of this is to just have morewomen in positions of power who don't give
in too white supremacy area. Ilike it. Yeah, me too,
because I said it. So Anyway, anyway, listen, I'm a doctor.
(45:35):
This doctor wants to hear from you, guys. If y'all have any
fictional character suggestions that you'd like forme to diagnose, hit me up at
Imani excuse me, Hit me upon X or Twitter or whatever at Doctor
Underscore Imani, hit meg up onInstagram at meg scoop, or email us
both at Hello Animani, stateomind dotcom. You know, and if you
(45:57):
love the show, you might aswell just race review us in your favorite
podcast app or if you're watching uson YouTube, Hello, like this video,
comment and subscribe to our channel andshare it with a friend. Of
course, we appreciate the love andwe appreciate YouTube. Thank you, guys,
So thanks for tuning in, everybody, See you next time. Bye.
Hey, everybody, welcome to theEmani State of My Podcast. I'm doctor
Emani and I am megs Goop nodoctor. But you know it's okay,
it's okay girl, I'm still extraraggedy. I'm a doctor to street.
Okay, Okay, I heard thatme too. Shit. So you know
what's I get mine? Which what'sbeen going on? Well? You know,
(00:39):
let's see, it's like a fall. It's officially fall. My favorite
season, by the way. Yeah, I love fall fashions. Yeah,
I just yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean even though I was born
in the winter, Like, myfavorite season is summer. Even when I'm
complaining about how hot it is,I'm just like, oh my god,
I'm so naked. I love itso hot. What let me see what
(01:03):
is the webinen buzzing about. Ifeel like even though it's kind of old,
you know how little kids be like, oh that was so old?
That was like yeah, yeah,I'm like, bitch, like what do
you anyway? What's kind of old? But it's still kind of a meme.
Is like, uh, it wasoffset and a bunch of people.
I'm too old to even know whoany of these people are. They.
(01:23):
I mean, it was like thegang gang got together and they all just
like it was like sixty seconds ofjust black boy joy. Yes, he
was on Kay Sinat's twenty four hourtwitch. Is he the one who got
in trouble recently in New York?Yeah, he'd be getting in trouble all
the time because he had all thesepeople coming. Yeah, that's him.
But yeah, I think it wasjust beautiful. Baby. They had a
(01:45):
good time. Okay, it wasjust them. It's like, you know
what, it reminds me of seeinglike little black boys get together for a
sleepover. Okay, because like whenyou first saw him come in, comes
up with his bags and drops itdown and was like, yeah, yeah,
this is probably what little boys do. What it is it is?
And then like off set, likepeople started coming in and Offset turned around
(02:07):
and he was like, yes,they're doing the latest dances. And then
his CARDI B his wife called yes, and then kuy is talking about like
hey, can I get at yoursister. I feel like this is exactly
what boys do at sleepover. Yeah, this is it. It's just so
good to see. We don't Ifeel like we don't see that enough for
black men. Yeah, No,I mean I feel like we don't see
(02:28):
that enough period and granted we seeit enough. I'll say this, if
I were a non black person,I'd be like, well, yeah,
like you guys are always having agood time, but at the same time,
I mean, slow down, butat the same time, like I
can also legit say that I've readlike four articles this week about like violence
(02:51):
done against black people. Yeah,and like one time is enough to put
me in a place, and soI need like I need black joy.
Yeah, we should celebrate it.Yeah. It just reminds me of like
being a little kid. Really,it reminds me of cause we were just
talking about my son and he's goingto go to school in a couple of
years. It reminded me of college. Like I was telling my son.
(03:14):
He was like, well, Ikind of want to stay in Cali for
school. And I was like,okay, you I went to Xavier.
I'm like, I went to aHBCU. I'm like, you're gonna go
to Xavier. And I was like, look, I was like, you
know how you feel when you atschool and you surrounded bout all the white
people and like something will happen andthey'll all look at you like, Ohdris,
we're so sad that you have togo through that as a black person.
(03:34):
I'm like, and then imagine iflike everybody at your school was black,
right, we have to deal withthis again. No, but all
of us together, right, Butit's like we don't even have to do
with it. Yeah, Like we'reall just learning, we're just learning,
we're just having a good time,like we're just being And I was like,
that's what it would be like,and he was like oh, and
I was like yeah. So whenI saw that video, I was like,
(03:55):
this reminded me of college so hard. Wait are you are you doing?
Like, are you going to dolike a black school tour for him
or just like No, I toldhim that we'd go around in some schools.
But of course I'm a little partialto Xavier because like my family is
there and my parents are going tobe retiring there, like they're going to
(04:15):
be moving there. So I'm kindof like, I'm like, you should
probably just go and just have agood time. And even though it won't
be like my experience of you know, no Limit and master p and oh,
that probably was the best time tobe there freaknik all that. But
I mean, but I was like, look, I'm sure y'all will come
(04:36):
up with something just as ratchet andhave a good time. And because I'm
like, boy, you've been inla y'all whole life. You need to
like, yeah, you need tolike, you know, get down and
be of these streets, be adoptedthese streets like you. Yeah. Yeah.
Although I didn't go to an HBCU, that's I was sad about that.
But I went to a white schooljust down the street from an HBCU,
(04:58):
so I was always and I usedto take road chips to other HBCUs
to the point where people there,like my friends there, they had other
friends that went to the school,and was just like, wait, you
don't go here, like that's howOh my god, I be at an
HBCU. Yeah, I should havejust went, but you know, the
white skull pay me to go toschool. That's the only reason I went.
Okay, I mean, well,listen, you better get that money
(05:20):
my little slice of might as well. Hpcus woo woo o guys. So
anyway, so look, so todayI'm not dressed in my favorite outfit,
which is basically pumpum shorts. Andyes I have pumpom shorts in every color.
Uh so in order of our deeptime topic. Today, we're gonna
be digging into our closets discover howthe clothes we wear can have the power
(05:44):
to shift our moods. Oh,that is the truth. And you know,
Deon Sanders once said, if youlook great, you feel great.
Okay, so that's true. Ifeel like every time I because I'll be
in my sweats and then I'll putone make up hair cloth. Can you
tell me mean nothing? Yeah,I'm not really. I think that's part
of the reason why I'm not reallylike a sweatpants person. Is this food
(06:08):
or something a pack Oh it's packaged. Good job, high roll. You
did it. You guarded the house. You so you're so great. It's
probably I just ordered a bunch ofclothes. Yeah, it's probably clothes.
It's actually funny that you bring thatup because when I was young, I
remember, and I'm dating myself,uh, the veat ou sassoon commercials,
(06:30):
and it was like, if youif what is it? If you don't
look good, we don't look good. It's something like yeah, and I
really internalize that, like I neverreally wear sweats because I'm always I'm always
like, okay, let me goto the mirror and like, check myself
out. And if I'm just like, you know, look good, then
I'm like, I know that I'mprobably sick bo girl. Even I'd be
(06:51):
wearing these platform clocks in the house, but they it's so fashionable. I
just yeah, because you always lookfashionable. We're in your house and you
over here looking like a million dogs. I know, and I feel terrible,
todir, but but I feel terriblephysically, but I feel awesome.
So so that being said, ifyou're loving the emani State of My podcast,
(07:14):
please rate and review us on yourfavorite podcast app. If you're watching
us on YouTube, comment how you'refeeling you like the video and smash that
subscribe button and share with your friendsand your friends brands and your friends fans
brands, and your family and yourfamily family and your family family family.
So we have so much to discuss, so let's get right into it after
the break. Okay, you alreadyknow how we start off the show where
(07:39):
we get to hear from you,So it's time for ask soft remany anything.
We love reading your letters and we'reready for some more questions. So
Meg, who's our first letter fromtoday? Before I do that, I
feel like we need a little themesong for this. I know we do
need like a theme song. Weneed to, you know, and have
a little competition. If y'all havesome jangle jangle ideas, I know you
(07:59):
got. I know what's up withyour beats? Drop your beat? Send
the show beats at hello at Imanistateomind dot com. There you go.
Okay, okay. Our first letteris from Mika hegerl. It reads Dear
doctor Emani and Meg. I findmyself in a chaotic work environment and it's
become increasingly clear that we need ourleadership to step up and be true leaders.
The chaos at our workplace seems tohave reached new heights. Projects are
(08:22):
constantly behind scheduled communication is a mess, and it feels like we're constantly putting
out fires rather than making any realprogress. It's affecting morale, productivity,
and our overall job satisfaction. What'sfrustrating is that I believe we have a
team with great potential. We havetalented and dedicated individuals who really do care
about the work we do. However, without strong leadership, this feels like
(08:45):
we're in a constant storm, lackingdirection and guidance. My day to day
work is absolutely draining me mentally.I am to the point I am ready
to quit with no job or savingslined up. What advice would you give
me and my employees to address ourleadership team and our need for them to
step up and actually lead. So, Micah, honestly you need to have
(09:09):
a conversation with them like they're feelingyou, but like, how can we
please set a meeting because there aresome things that we'd like to discuss,
as you know, we'd like thereare things that we like this, there
are things that we specifically would liketo discuss with the leadership team. What
if they say no? Because firstof all, I was like, oh
(09:31):
my god, what if they sayno? They're like, no, that's
okay. Think so well, well, first of all, this is what
I would say to Micah, keepit vague. There are things, there
are some things we'd like to discusswith the leadership team. We will discuss
more of that when like, whyare they gonna say no? What I
mean she said they oh they tripping? Maybe they just say no. I
(09:56):
mean if they if they say no, then I'll be like, Okay.
First of all, Micah, I'mguessing that you probably already have some feelers
out. I would I would thinkthat you might, you might start need
to start circulating your resume. Yeah, because if it's that bad, I
don't know if they're really are theyreally going to change if you come to
them and say we hate it you, well, it's on record, right,
(10:16):
So it's so half half the battle. When I mean, I'm I'm
in a leadership position at my job, but I still answer to to someone.
I still answer to the CEO.There are times when it's just good
to have a meeting to just documentwhat the response is because then if they're
like no, then you can justsay okay, well on this time,
(10:39):
at you know, on this date, at this time, we had a
meeting and the response was not veryit wasn't very helpful. Leadership was not
particularly wanting to actually listen to ourinput and what we need. And then
when it's time for you to quit, you know, you can get into
that. What if the leadership thatshe's recurring to is like the CEO,
(11:01):
like I mean, the founder CEOthe top of the top, I would
still suggest that you tell that personthat because they I mean, they're just
they're on like cruise control they don'tknow. Okay, you know what I'm
saying. It's always nice when youare working for someone and they have great
leadership qualities, but sometimes, Imean everybody, everybody could benefit from criticism
(11:24):
and it's and it's not like,oh you suck, it's more like,
okay, so with this given project, we were having problems with this,
and I think in the future itwould be more helpful if so. When
I when I have gone into meetingslike this and even like okay, like
I kind of had to recently firesomebody, so I didn't go into it
(11:46):
with emotion, I just went intoit with facts. You have to yeah,
right, so it's like boom,I don't want to hear about anything
else about how you feel or like. This isn't about feelings, this is
about facts like this is this iswhat the problem is. Yeah, and
if you can either choose to addressit or not. And if you choose
to not, I'm not saying saythis to them, but if you if
(12:07):
they choose not to address it,then you know what your next course of
action should be, which is tobelieve. And if they say she doesn't
have any like job, any backup, but she well you gotta. I
mean you gotta, you gotta getyour resume out there, girl. I
would say start doing that now.Ye yeah, like first and foremost,
like get your resume. Let's startpushing it out there before you have this
meeting, because there's no telling whathappens after this. Yeah exactly. And
(12:30):
what I was You just reminded mewhat I was gonna say, is that
when I go into these meetings,I go into these meetings with my solution
already, like in mot like,here's the issue, this is how I
feel we could rectify it. Yeah, and this is what I believe the
solution could be. What do youthink? Yeah, you know, like
I kind of go into it likeI'm running the meeting, because if you
(12:52):
leave it up to leaders, theseparticular people who are in a leadership position,
they clearly don't know what they're doing. Yeah, so you have to
show them the way. And honestly, Micah, if it's like that,
maybe you should go for a leadershipposition someone else, or maybe you should
just post everybody and leave you togo be consulting somewhere. Yeah, exactly,
like they're there. Don't limit yourselfand don't limit yourself to this job.
(13:15):
I mean I would say you gavereally good advice. I don't have
no good advice for this except possiblywhatever you write in that meeting or you
have as far as like, here'sthe issues, here's the solution. Needs
to be very detailed, and itneeds to be very like actual and like
not like I didn't like it.How when you said no, very factual,
(13:37):
we weren't able to get this donebecause this is and this was out
of order. As a result,profitability went down. Blah blah blah,
Like you need to be very detailedin that kind of way for them to
be like. Okay, she's makingsense and not just to We don't like
your leadership style. You need tochange right exactly so you want you want
quantitative data, not really qualitative.Yeah. Yeah. In the meantime,
(14:01):
circle your resume around Yeah, girl, like it. Get it out there.
Also, I don't know what lineof work you work in, Micah,
but there's always remote jobs. There'sso many remote jobs right now,
so you know you might need toget your remote one. There you go
if you haven't already. So thanks, Micah. Okay. Our next letter
comes from Rakesha, and here's whatshe said. Dear doctor Iumani and Meg.
(14:24):
I recently found out a group ofmy friends have been gossiping about me
to a newer friend. The newfriend said, my friends are calling me
arrogant and confrontational. My friends toldmy new friend that she would be drained
mentally eventually from being my friend.I was really hurt by this news and
angry. Your friends shouldn't be sayingthings like that behind your back. Part
(14:46):
of me wants to confront them andreally tell them each what I think of
them, but I'll come off confrontationaland refuse to give them that satisfaction of
thinking they were right. Another partof me wants to sit them down and
share how this really hurt my feelingsand see how we can move past this
in our friendship. My sister thinksI need to just cut them loose as
friends without any explanation, just straightghost them. I really don't know what
(15:07):
to do. I'm hurt, angry, and confused. Okay, I know
this is this is really like Iknow. My initial thought, because I'm
that petty person, is to belike, fuck all these broads. Oh
yeah, like oh it's like that. Well then guess what, Like everyone's
(15:30):
blocked, don't fucking call me likeokay, but anyway, EMII calmed down.
I do think though, that it'sthat it is important and this is
me being reflective upon my life.I think it is important for you to
be able to share that you arehurt by what they said. And look,
maybe they're right, maybe there aretimes where you do be widling.
I don't know, but you needto be able to say, yo,
(15:54):
okay. First of all, youneed to be able to say, don't
put keep my name out keep myname out your with this new person,
like you'll all have known me longerthan that, Like that's fucked up.
But and that really kind of leadsto like, yo, like that really
hurt my feelings, Like you reallyput this person above me and you couldn't
(16:15):
like you couldn't say this to me, Like like what is that? I
have some questions about that? Okay, but I am conversational, so you
are, yes, but that sometimesit's necessary, right, is this new
person starting up stuff? Let's startthere, okay, Because the reason I
say this is is this, firstof all, check this new person's motive.
(16:37):
Are they really a genuine good friendand they're like, hey, just
want to let you know like,this is what's been happening. They told
me to like not talk to youand be friends with you, and here's
why. And I just wanted youto know because if that new friend reveal
that information, then I'm assuming shewould be okay with you bringing it back
to the group and telling them,because there was no mention of you saying,
well, she told me not tosay nothing to them, blah blah
blah, which means she too doesn'treally care about being friends with these for
(17:02):
other friends, right, Because ifyou're like, oh, I'm gonna tell
you this information and I know you'regonna go tell them now, they're gonna
look at me sideways like are youwen' supposed to say nothing? Right?
So I feel like she's not reallyfeeling them too much. If she doesn't
care that you go back and tellthem what she told you, that's number
one and number two. If that'sthe case, she's probably right. Yeah,
she don't want to really be friendswith them because she see how they're
(17:22):
doing you, right, So youprobably do need to just cut your losses.
But before you do, I wouldsay, definitely tell them that you're
hurt. I wouldn't even go theroute of like keep my name at you
mout all this stuff. It wouldbe like, yo, I will see.
I would just be like we weresupposed to be friends. And that's
really hurt my feelings that y'all woulddo that, And like, if we're
really friends, you should be likeyou're confrontational and I might be confrontational and
(17:44):
I might be all those things thatyou said, but I'm also this.
I'm also a good friend. I'malso loyal. I took you to the
airport when I put you know,I let you see on my cauch.
You know what I'm saying. Likewe all have flaws. Our friends are
not perfect. But it's like,you know, I think you should at
least give let them know how thathurts you before you peace out. Yeah.
Like and personally, I don't knowif I could go back to being
friends with all these people, youknow, Like, oh, so y'all
(18:07):
was really talking about me with thisbrand new person. Yeah, it's just
like, you know, part ofme wants to sit down and see how
we can move past this. AndI'm like, I don't know, that's
a lot. That's a lot.I mean, that's very mature. That's
a very mature way it's mature,but it also seems like these are a
bunch of people who are not mature. Yeah, And I don't know how
you're gonna make them change. Andif they were that free, felt that
(18:30):
free to talk negatively about you tothis new person, what's gonna keep them
from doing the same. Girl.Sorry, Yeah, I mean tell them
how you feel, but just belike and so, just so you know,
I'm not fucking with none of y'allif you feel like it. But
I say the same thing that was, like, see, we knew we
said that about y'all ain't adults becausey'all can't deal with fucking confrontation like it's
(18:53):
gonna happen during like it's gonna happenon I think it's the way the way
you approach conf mtation. Because Ihave a friend that used to be very
This actually kind of happened that Ihad some lifelong friends I moved out here
years ago, and they had afriend that they knew like from college,
and they were just kind of like, yeah, she's cool, but like
(19:15):
watch out for her. And Ihad met her through somebody else, and
I was like, Okay, thanksfor the warning, but like I like
to watch people on my own tokind of get like, I like to
give people the benefit of the doubt. Well, thank you for like raising
the little flag. But like I'mgonna just learn from myself. Is it
cause this was years ago? Isthat person still the same whatever? Whatever?
So I understand as I got toknow this girl, I saw what
they were saying and why they feltthat way. But also I saw a
(19:38):
different side of her. I sawsome growth in her. So I was
like, Okay, well I canbe friends with her. And I think
back if I had told her likeyour old friends in sayings and stuff about
you, I think things would haveturned out a lot messier. And I
just feel like her confrontation that theywere talking about was like they didn't understand
where it came from, right,So I said that to say, you
(20:00):
know, confrontation sometime is needed.But I think how you confront things,
because how she confronted things with themin the past when she was younger and
less mature was definitely like yeah,but how she confronted things as she got
older, and you know, whenI got to know it was a little
bit better. So yeah, Idon't know, just you know, anyway,
I don't know how you go backfrom that. Yeah, I don't
know either. I mean, I'venever really been in that situation, but
(20:22):
I feel like if I were inthat situation, me being older, I
would be like, okay, solisten, so let me tell you all,
y'all why I'm hurt and all ofyou are trifling and honestly, I
can't fuck with you no more.Yeah I haven't. Look, that was
conversational tones, right, Yeah,but I could have shouted that and it
would have said the same thing.Yeah, but I but nowadays I choose
to just be like, so,the thing about you is that your trash
(20:47):
and your mom's trash and your family'strash. And that's why I, as
a organization and a record company,I cannot fuck with none of y'all.
You know, I meaneve yes,there you go. And I think the
biggest, what the biggest like fyou that you could do to them is
just just be like, hey,I'm no longer friends with you, have
a great life, and leave andthey do not exist to you. That's
(21:08):
the biggest. Because I've noticed thatabout people. There's been a couple of
people in my life that did somethinglike that and like said something like they
just were petty people and they saidsomething to about me to another friend and
it was just like like I wentmy heart on my sleeve, like why
would you say that? My feelingswere so hurt. And I remember I
told that girl like, hey,I understand now how you move. So
(21:29):
this is the end of our friendshipbecause I really thought a good friends.
And when I look back at that, like, yo, she was grasping
for like she was trying to makeother people like, you know, don't
talk to meacka, And they werejust like, why I don't move like
that, Like yeah, that don'tmake sense. Like she really tried to
bad mouth me to other people,and they were like, yeah, she
don't move like that. But okay, and now who knows what that girl
(21:51):
is. I'm thriving boo. Ihad somebody talk shit about me to my
own mom, and my mom wentback to me and I was like,
I didn't I didn't say anything toher. I just stopped responding to her.
And then she hit me up,I want to stay like I don't
know, like probably three or fouryears later, she was like yeah,
like I know that. You know, I didn't get a chance to really
talk to you past certain point,and I was like, like, when
(22:15):
it's that agreeious, I'm like,you know what you said? And she
never admitted to it. I didn't. I did not bring it up.
I was like, we're I didn'teven say we're done. I was just
like, really, that's it.Like I was so livid. I was
just like, you know what youdid? You went to my mom?
Why would you? Why did shethink your mom wasn't gonna se'm sa And
(22:37):
that's by the person who, like, you know, gave birth to me,
and shit, yeah, she's gonnafully come to me and be like,
Yo, this bitch is talking shitabout you. Your momola always ride
for you, right, I waslike, girl, okay, So anyway,
that's our advice for Keisha, AndI'm really sorry that happened too.
That's really whacked. And there's nothingwrong with being conversational because I'm conversational too,
so we can be friends. Soanyway, we always love hearing from
(23:00):
you guys and receiving your letters.So thank you. Yeah, so thanks
again to Micah and Rakesha, andsend us some more of these letters.
If you've got a problem, aquestion, you just want to release some
stame hit us up send that emailto hello Atdimani statefmind dot com. Okay,
now let's get on our deep divesegment after this short break. Okay,
(23:25):
So, one thing I know forsure, doctor Emioni, is that
when I get out of my sweats, I do my hair, do my
makeup, I'm looking good, I'mfeeling good. My mood for real shifts.
And I need to do that moreoften because I'd be at home looking
a hot mess, and then like, once I go somewhere, I'd be
like, oh my god, awhole different persona yeah comes about. I
see you to got your fashion onetoday, girl. I got this dress
(23:45):
on sale. I got these littlefake Balenciaga claws Amazon, so cute ya
and thank you. Y'all know I'mcheap. So tell me what's the connection
between looking good and feeling good?Well, you know, it's interesting that
talking about this because, like alot of things this year, there have
been so many TikTok trends. Yeah, and one of the trends was dopamine
(24:10):
dressing. Dopamine dressing. Yeah,but on what wait did you say something,
Leslie, No, that was justthe Yeah, that was just a
little oh sorry, I was like, who's it? Okay, sorry,
dopamine let me go back. Wait, what what is dopamine dressing? Okay,
so, so dopemine dressing. It'ssomething I had to look up.
Apparently, dope meine dressing is somethingthat I think a lot of us have
(24:33):
been doing. I know I've beendoing it. Okay, it's really dressing
to boost your mood. So alot of things that I saw that were
tagged dopamine dressing or you know variationsthereof were like women, mostly women who
dressed in like really like brighter likebrighter colors. Okay, Like okay,
maybe it's great outside, or maybeI don't feel like my best today,
(24:56):
I'm going to dress so that whenI look down at myself or I see
myself in a mirror, like mymood, Like my clothes are going to
kind of help me boost my mood, okay. And I was like that's
cute. I was like, that'sthat's interesting. And like today, like
right now, it's kind of sunny, but when we first started today it
was it was gray. So Iwas like, whatever, I'm just gonna
(25:18):
put on this army green dress.I don't really care or whatever. But
now I'm like, oh my god, I want to wear something like orange
because it's like more sunny. Yeah, so it's it's kind of like that's
that's one recent example, but Ithink in general, like I remember my
grandfather telling me and this, wellI'll get to that in a little later.
I remember my grandfather telling me like, Okay, look, anytime you
(25:41):
go, anytime you leave the house, you need to look appropriate. Yes,
like you need to look good andeven to the even to the point
of even to the point of Iremember when I moved to Harlem, like
for good when I was thirteen,and I remember like seeing like men who
like take their jeans to the drycleaners, and like people who would like
(26:03):
iron their shirts every day. Imean, like I we all wore like
casual clothes, but like when itcame to like black and brown folks in
my neighborhood, like what we wore. I mean, obviously we we valued
it because we spend money on it. But it's like when I leave the
house, like this is who Iwant people to like know, Like this
is like I'm representing myself, LikeI'm freshly starched, I'm freshly ironed,
(26:29):
I smell good, I look good. I am good. And so that's
that was something that I always justlike took to heart. So I maybe
took it a little bit too farbecause I like, I really am,
like I don't wear sweatpants. Ijust really I love a good sweatpants,
honey. I mean I love agood I love some good leggings. I
(26:51):
love like the little tummy controller whatevertummy top thing. But in general,
I'm just kind I just kind oflike what I will do is and this
might be the same thing as likeyou know, dope, mean dressing.
Is that if I find like anitem of clothing that I like, I'll
buy it in like every color.Oh yeah, because I'm just like this
looks good, this looks good,and then I don't have to think about
(27:11):
it, and I'm just like Okay, I look cute, Okay, fine,
bye, then leaving. So there'sthat. But also for I mean
for a lot of us, ifyou think about it, just culturally,
like fashion is a sense of ourexpression. Yeah. So like even right
now people can't see, but yougot on like the A delta, the
ADULTA slippers, and that's like selfexpression, Like yeah, like I'm ADULTA,
(27:32):
Like this is you know what's importantto me, and this is,
you know what I want to projectout there. You know when you said
that, when you were like,okay, when I was in Harlem and
everybody just took like super took alot of pride in how they dressed.
And you know what it made methink of. It made me think of
the old photos and like the forties, yeah, thirties and forties of black
people. They always were dressed tothe nine nines. Okay, they had
(27:53):
their suit, they had the head, the shuit. I has to be
like, why don't we do thatanymore? Black people be dressed like that?
Okay, I just I'll go tothe store, see somebody in the
bonnet, like I don't care,And like back then, our ancestors are
cringing, but we weren't there,like we didn't see the day to day
so you know, we didn't bonnetno, okay. So I mean,
(28:15):
and I know they was outside inthe street with like a bonnet with like
rollers on like underneath, but Ifeel like they were going from the salon
back to the house. I feellike you just didn't go out with your
bonnet one, okay. I distinctlyremember growing up in New York in the
nineties, and back then there wasthere was a hairstock called the doobey,
and the doobie well, yes,you would wrap it around and it got
(28:37):
it got like the doobie got sopopular that I remember seeing girls get doobies
and like they would use these reallybig and then I remember seeing a fashion
magazine and they had and because thedoobey, like you would wrap your hair
for the sole purpose of taking itout, so it was super straight.
(28:57):
But then I remember seeing like likegirls really rocking that shit right right,
like leaving in like this, likebecause because sometimes you get either the black
bobby pants or the gold one,and if you had the gold ones,
it really popped. So like,there there are so many ways that just
we as black folks, I meanobviously like we push the culture forward,
(29:18):
but even with something as simple asthat, like that was that's clearly a
hairstyle meant to be worn from thefrom the salon to your house and then
when it dries, you can takeit out. But there were people that
were like, I'm gonna wrap myhead up and I'm a rock this ship
to the club tonight, so whatever, and then our grandmothers was not okay.
With that, it was like,we did not fight this hard for
(29:38):
you to be going to the club, which y'all do beyond Yeah they did,
yes, they but they did becauseyou know what I'm saying because nowadays,
like you you know, if Ithink back, like okay, if
you go back to slavery when youdidn't have a lot, but on Sundays
when the mass massa would let youlike you were off that day, they
would take whatever they had and startsit. They would press it just had
(30:00):
the church and they as best asthey could because it did make them feel
better. But you know, goingthrough that and now we have the freedom
to do whatever. You know whatI'm saying, I understand that, but
like what would it be like ifwe just always wore our best of the
best wherever we went right? Well, well, okay, but let me
tell you so this reminds me oflike we were talking about bonnets. This
(30:22):
reminds me of there were laws inplace in New Orleans and I don't remember
the name, like what the lawswere like collectively known as but because there
were like black women and you know, they would like go on to categorize
them as like you know, mulattosquadrun quadrums. Yeah. Yeah, but
these were women who would wear theirhair up, like they would wear their
(30:44):
hair up in these like beautiful likelike like head wraps. Yeah, and
they would put all kinds of likejewelry and stuff in there, and they
would walk around like you know,walk around the city like yes, like
hello, like this is me,Like this is how I'm saying to myself,
to the to the point where NewOrleans passed a law that black women
(31:04):
could not wear for real, yeah, because the men so obviously wherever there's
black women, like men are goingto be like, oh my god,
I'm trying to get with that,And how did we get octoroons and quadroons
and malattos because there was a whiteperson in the mix. So these white
men were really attracted to that.And because it was detracting so much from
(31:26):
the white women, they actually enactedlaws saying that black women could not walk
around with their hair up. Sothat being said, black people despite all
the despite despite the fact that likelet's think of like a Rachel dolosol,
right, or like somebody who onlyequates like being black with with like the
(31:48):
joy found through suffering, Like we'realways joyful, and we're always gonna put
like it's it's almost innate for usto want to put our best self forward
even when we don't have a lot. Yeah, Like, it doesn't take
a lot to be fashionable or tobe cute. You just have to feel
good about it. You just haveto feel good about it, which is
why I specifically was like, Okay, this dress was thirty dollars and these
(32:09):
clocks were twenty four dollars, LikeI don't really care about labels. I
just care about like how does itlook on me? How does it make
me feel? Like? I don'twant about that. I got this little
fashion over the top of my show. Okay, my back is out too,
and my booty looks like it's okay, let me tell you about some
Fashion nov But when that ship firstcame out, I was like, oh
my god, y'all make jeans forpeople who have hips, Yes, thank
(32:32):
you. Oh my god. Ihad Squirrel please, I had like four
Fashion Nova jeans. I was like, I do not care. This is
for twenty dollars, and yeah,my booty is popping. So I mean
so the main thing is, Imean, look, wanting to want,
wanting your outside to feel as goodas your inside and sometimes fake and it
(32:52):
till you make it, till youmake it, like like I don't feel
that great today, but I'm gonnadress as though I can feel better later.
Not new, but it's definitely somethingthat we're talking about more. And
I think we're really talking about itmore mainly because like of TikTok and like
you know, like certain like thereare certain trends that will never die yea,
(33:12):
and dressing good to feel good issomething that will never go away.
And I think that's also an indicatorof how to like approach people, because
I think if you see somebody that'salways in a hoodie, always covered up,
always like it seems like they don'tcare, then I feel like you
should approach someone a little more likegrace and love, you know, because
that might be an indicator of howthey found the inside. Yeah, like
(33:32):
hey girl, as opposed to like, oh what's up? Yeah exactly,
Like you know what I'm saying,because I get it, like you know,
someone who's out here dressing to thenines and somebody who's just like I
don't really want people to see me, right. But the other thing,
the other caveat is that there arepeople who are ship people inside and they
feel that dressing only in labels isgiving them like it's giving them confidence.
(34:00):
I'm not going to take that awayfrom you, but I mean, I
don't know, but also don't knocksomebody who don't have that on right.
I also don't know if Chanel makesunderwear, so that might be a knockoff.
And if you're really into into labels, you know, that's kind of
like a no no. So youknow, I'm I'm not that person.
I mean in high school, Imean, we all have our periods,
(34:21):
Like I definitely have like a timbulandcoach Polom time. Okay, maybe even
a little bit of Iceberg for allof those you know who are age south
Pole anyway, So that's all wereally have for a deep bugle. I
want to say, Oh, I'msorry, let me just because this reminds
(34:44):
me of like after I had myson and how is in postpartum depression.
I didn't literally I wore sweats likeevery day, I didn't wear anything.
I'd wear like my pajamas all daylong. Like I just didn't feel like,
you know, the outside was matchingthe inside. Yeah, you know
what I'm saying I didn't get myhair done, I didn't get get facials,
nails nothing like. I started doingthat more. Once I started doing
(35:07):
that more, I was like,oh, I do feel better. Like
I need to keep this up tothe point where now like, if I
feel bad, I still got togo get my nails done. Okay,
at least my nails gonna be popping. I might not feel that great on
the inside, but my nails myhair, Like, yeah, well,
that's actually a really good point becauselike interest, like having a having decreased
(35:28):
interest in your usual activities, whetherthat includes like you know, gardening or
like meeting up with your friends oreven like dressing a certain way is can
it can be a symptom of depression. Yeah, And my mom had to
point that out to me. Shewas just like regular, right, Nobody
even at the time I found hedidn't say nothing to me. Well,
(35:49):
yeah, but he's just you know, he's loving, But he didn't he
didn't say. My mom was justlike, oh, you gotta put some
clothes on, yeah, yeah,wear these all day. And I was
just like and it kind of likebrought to my attention, like oh yeah,
why am I like, right,wearing my pajama salta long. Yeah,
it needs to do better. Wellyeah so that yeah, that makes
sense. That's but that's a goodpoint. Yeah. Can you scroll it
(36:12):
down a little bit, I meanthe other way towards the end. Okay,
there we go. No, thatwas a super good point. So
thank you for pointing that out,and everybody. That's all the time we
have for our deep dive conversation today. So let's get into our last segment,
pop culture diagnosis. Okay, sowe're going to get into our pop
(36:40):
culture diagnosis for this week, andin honor of our discussion on fashion,
Meg, please give the listeners aquick synopsis of the classic movie The Devilwaar's
Product and which character we're diagnosing today. Oh, this is a good movie.
I remember when it first came out, The Devil Wares Product. Yes,
a very witty and entertaining exploration ofthe fashion world and as well as
(37:01):
some of the harsh realities of it. So it's centered around the fashion industry
in New York City, fashion journalismand some of the sacrifices and how hard
it can be for some of thepeople in that industry. The main character
is played by Anne Hathaway. Hername is Andy, and not Emily,
not Emily, not Emily, asMiranda Priestley always calls her. Yes.
(37:22):
Yes, she's a recent college grad. She has big dreams of being this
fashion journalist and she lands this hugeopportunity to be the assistant to the feared
but respected Miranda Priestley, who's playedby the wonderful Maryle Street. So from
the outside, Miranda is like coldand ruthless. Uh, she's the boss
that nobody wants to work for,but everybody really respects her. So I'm
(37:44):
curious, how would you diagnose MirandaPriestley. Okay, so here, okay,
there's one line in this movie thatsums up Miranda Priestley for me,
and it's at the very end ofthe movie. Oh yeah, at their
very end. They're in the carand they're in like, you know,
like beautiful as class Mercedes, andthey're they're in Paris. I believe they're
(38:04):
in Paris. I think for ParisFashion Week. And Andy has finally like
come into her own, let's say, as far as the fashion world,
and she has on all these labelsand she looks great, and she's sitting
next to Miranda Priestley, and Mirandawas like, oh Andy or Emily,
she was like you know, shewas like, but everybody wants to be
(38:27):
us, yeah, and and soAndy's like, no, they don't,
and she was like what are youkidding? She was like, everybody wants
to be just like us, andthen she steps out of the car.
Now that is narcissism, right,Like that's that's a narcistic trade. It's
like because I was like, bitch, and are you like twelve? Like
(38:47):
are you in eighth grade? Likeeverybody wants to be us? Like are
you like at the popular girl's table? Like what is that? Like?
It just seems so out of placefor like a woman in her fifties two
sets, right, And and thatcan be I mean, it's a whole
that's a that's a whole other topicas far as like our whole other conversation,
as far as like what the fashionworld is like cliquish and just narcissistic.
(39:13):
But okay, we've talked about narcisisma lot on the show. That's
no surprise. Why do we talkabout narcism so much in pop culture diagnosis?
Because narcissts are really dramatic and fordrama for entertainment, you need drama.
Yeah. But here's what was whatI thought about a little bit more
beyond that, is that because MirandaPriestley is supposed to be essentially in a
(39:36):
winter from Vogue, it got methinking about like women who are in positions
of power like that, like womenwho are executives, let's say, and
what you have to do and howyou have to be right. The compete
in the man's world is agally exactly. So remember back in like, like
I just remember like looking at likeold magazines from the seventies and eighties,
and there was always this talk aboutlike a woman's power suit, oh yeah,
(40:00):
yeah, And essentially a power suitwas like it was it was modeled
after a man's suit with a skirt, and it just looked like a bunch
of like women drones kind of walkingaround. And so it also reminded me
of this notion that like, sofor example, I think back to like
(40:20):
like shows like Mad Men, whenin order to be successful during that era,
you had to embody these very selfishattitudes. Yeah, and being very
very selfish is very indicative of someonewho can go on to develop narcissistic personality.
Traits, and so it got methinking about like women executives, I
(40:44):
know, like like people that I'vemet, even like people like my mom
that have had to like basically findtheir own place in these white male dominated
spaces. And so for Miranda Priestley, during the movie, we see her
at a very vulnerable time when she'sin her home and Andy has to deliver
a manuscript for her daughters for thenew Harry Potter book, and Miranda,
(41:08):
like, you know, even atthe office, she's like, do not
come to my house, Like ifyou come to my house, I cannot
be there. This is the wayyou enter. Do not come anywhere near
my house. I mean, whatwe end up seeing is Andy seeing Miranda
in this vulnerable place where she's arguingwith her husband about how busy she is.
And for Miranda that's like, ohmy god, Like you saw me
(41:29):
at this vulnerable moment, Like I'mactually like being vulnerable in my own home
with my own husband. And itjust reminds me of like the ways that
women have been made to feel thatthey have to contort themselves to behave just
like white men in order to surviveor in order to feel like they can
(41:54):
even make it in a world orin like a professional spear like that,
right, And it makes me sadbecause it's like that is actually what a
lot of women have have had todo and still have to do, right,
not everybody. I feel like thingshave gotten a little bit better,
but yeah, this still makes mesad, Like, oh, that's like
real life. There's a lot ofwomen who deal with like, oh,
(42:15):
I have to be on one hundredwhen I'm at work, I have to
be like this and this like verylike hard. But then you go you
go home and you're expected to turnthat off. Like what men want to
be bossed around? Like that?Like really what husbands to be bossed around?
Or it's like you don't have timefor anything because usually those type of
jobs required to take the work homeyou don't get to not have, Like
(42:37):
you work twenty four seven. That'show you have become so successful. And
so that kind of like goes againsttraditional male female roles. When a woman
goes home, she's supposed to bea homemaker essentially, right, supposed to
be so of course, you know, arguing with her husband like right,
I don't have the time and allthis stuff. So it's like, oh,
that makes me sad, But it'slike, what change is like in
(43:00):
this world? What changes so thatwomen don't have to be like that but
still make it to the top.Well, one thing I'll say is that
I'm really happy, at least inmy career sphere that the majority of people
graduating from medical schools are women.Oh yeah, and female doctors have been
shown to actually have better patient outcomesbecause we do stay time, we do
(43:23):
care, We care, we spendtime with our patients, like we really
want to know what's going on.And that's been shown like across countries,
like women are we just really arelike in terms of like quantitative measures,
we're just better physicians. Yeah.And now now that doesn't mean that some
of us don't internalize that white male, that white supremacy of like I have
(43:46):
to be super hard and like aball buster and da da da, And
then there's people who aren't like that. Like I'll just use myself as this
example, Like I'm a boss atmy job. Like I not like I'm
a boss, but I'm saying somepeople's boss, and I say to them
whenever they come to work, I'mlike to start out, I'm like,
all you have to do is benice and do your job. I do
(44:08):
not care what I don't care whatelse you do. I do not care.
Now, if you don't do yourjob and you would dick and I
hear about it, then it's goingto be a problem, right because when
I'm here, I'm here to havea good time. I'm here to do
my job and take my ass home. That's all you have to do.
But you know, like but ofcourse you know work culture and you know
(44:28):
all that stuff. It's it's itmade me really feel for the character of
Miranda Priestley because she really doesn't knowhow to turn it off. And even
when she's at home and she feelslike she can turn it off, she
really can't because she has to havethings delivered to her house so that like,
like I remember Andy and the moviehad to deliver like the the the
(44:51):
U. I guess it was likethe mock up of the New Issue.
And she's like going through like Iremember my mom who used to work for
TV stations, like having to likego through all this stuff like on the
weekends at times, and I wouldjust like that looks whack as fun.
So it's just it just Yes,Miranda preseason arsist we all know that,
but it just really made me thinkabout a little bit more, just a
(45:14):
little bit deeper, and honestly,I mean to answer a question you asked
a little while ago, I thinkthe best way to kind of get out
of this is to just have morewomen in positions of power who don't give
in too white supremacy area. Ilike it. Yeah, me too,
because I said it. So Anyway, anyway, listen, I'm a doctor.
(45:35):
This doctor wants to hear from you, guys. If y'all have any
fictional character suggestions that you'd like forme to diagnose, hit me up at
Imani excuse me, Hit me upon X or Twitter or whatever at Doctor
Underscore Imani, hit meg up onInstagram at meg scoop, or email us
both at Hello Animani, stateomind dotcom. You know, and if you
(45:57):
love the show, you might aswell just race review us in your favorite
podcast app or if you're watching uson YouTube, Hello, like this video,
comment and subscribe to our channel andshare it with a friend. Of
course, we appreciate the love andwe appreciate YouTube. Thank you, guys,
So thanks for tuning in, everybody, See you next time. Bye.
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