Love Is Ghetto: Navigating Today's Wild World of Dating

Cuffing Season? Ghosting? Situationships? It's time for everyone to make up their minds because love seems quite ghetto these days. Join Dr. Imani and Meg Scoop as they break down the ins and outs of dating, ensuring you don't end up sidelined. They also delve into the pop culture diagnosis of Joseline Hernandez during her appearance on the BET+ Original series 'College Hill: Celebrity Edition'.

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We love reading your letters and having YOU be a part of the show. If you'd like to submit a listener letter, please visit imanistateofmind.com or email us at [e-mail].

Episode Transcript

(00:08):
Hey everybody, Hi, welcome tothe Money Said Podcast. I'm Dondre,
are you I am? Well today? I am tomorrow it might be some
money, okay, okay, allright, well there's a diagnosis for that.
I know. Okay, I begscoop. Hey, so what's the
buzz? What's going on? Waseverybody talking about let's get into a few

(00:29):
hot topping Yes, okay, letme see. So this check on TikTok
messed some dude at the bar andtold him that the cost of her koochie
is a rat. Yeah, shewould say it was one thousand dollars.
So then of course everybody's in anupward because some people are like basically your
prostitute and you just went to thatbar to get to find you know,

(00:52):
basically turn a trick okay. Andshe was like so, and I'm like
okay. She was like, yeah, I'm sorry that I have a price
on my coochie. And you knowthat work is work, it's work.
But now he's her husband, Imean, well, pretty woman, Well
I wonder how much he gave herto marry her. Then you know what
I'm saying, she got a coupleof bags. I looked on her page.

(01:15):
I was like, nosy, yesee she got a couple of bags.
I mean, this is gonna soundthis is gonna sound messed up.
But like, so I started watchingthe video and she was just talking and
talking. I was like, Iwish this. I wish this bitch would
get to the fucking point. Andso I went to the comments and somebody
said they were like, is hewhite because her wig is kind of stiff.
So then I got derailed, andthen I kept scrolling down and somebody

(01:38):
said, yeah, I went togo check her TikTok, and yeah he
is white. He is, andhe's old el not ill like but but
like, but now it tracks right, it tracks. It makes a lot
of sense because in the beginning ofthat video she was like, yeah,
I was my favorite bar in Boston, and I was like Boston already.
I was like, oh no,there's nothing wrong with that. But then
I was like, I kind ofunderstand where this is going. I know

(02:00):
there's something wrong with Boston. Ihave issues with Boston. Like, I
don't fuck with Boston like at all. I mean, unless you're black from
Boston, or you're a new additionor the only space I really hold in
my heart for like, non peopleof color from Boston is new kids on
the block. Everybody else can likekick rocks. Sorry, but yeah,

(02:22):
she said she was from Boston,and like as messed up as it sounds,
I was like, I was like, yeah, her voice is a
little lilty, like a little whitelitlty, you know, like and and
blah blah blah blah. So Iwas like, okay, let me,
let me like see what's what's up? And I was like, her wig
is kind of stuff like that isnot moving. Yeah, you can tell

(02:43):
like it's not it's giving. Idon't have a lot of black friends,
yeah, which is Look that's howyour life is. Yeah. But it
was like the writing was on thewall. I already knew what this man
and who he was and what helooked like. And then when I went
to her page to like see,I was like, oh, I was
right, Well, how much olderis he? She doesn't show his face,
but you can see the wrinkles hegot and you see the old spots,

(03:06):
the age spots. Now he malhe's probably like I would assume like
maybe sixty plus, seventy plus possibly, but definitely sixty plus. I mean,
well hopefully if anything like she introducedmoisturization into his life. And I
mean, look here, it's onething to be you know a girl who
was like she says that she wasat the bar and he you know,

(03:29):
he paid for her and her girl'sdrink and you know, he was talking,
he was with his friend, hewas talking to them, and then
you know, he wanted to goback to his room. Hey, would
you mind, and you know,you want to do this and she was
like, oh, it's one thousanddollars and he was like, well,
I don't have like like that cashon me, right, So he was
like, but I'd like to takeyou to dinner. And she was like,
okay, do you take me todinner night tomorrow or whatever? And
then I guess it just went fromthere. But like, obviously there was

(03:52):
something that happened. Because if you'rea man of means and you meet a
girl and she's like, no,I'm not having sex with you tonight.
You don't have a thousand dollars that'show much it would cost, and then
you continue to see her. Yeah, I mean, more power to her.
She lucked up. She found onethat was willing to right. More
power to both of them, Likelike I know so many people I think

(04:14):
we all do who would be like, bitch, please, But she was
able to find somebody who was ableto cater to what. I have a
lot of friends that's actually like wherecan I find me one of those?
I need a sugar daddy. Thingsare expensive in place was hot, but
I was like, wait, that'swhat I'm supposed to do. And I'm
like, oh yeah, no,I mean because my whole thing about like
about that is and this is justmy personal view. I have no problem

(04:38):
with like sex workers, Like it'swork, Like you doing work, you
should be you should be getting paidfor that work. But my thing is
that, I mean money is nice, and yes, money makes the world
go around and all of that,but like, you know how like okay,
I think I said this before,Like you know what I'll be thinking
about Like sometimes like think about Beyonceand jay Z, right, and like

(05:00):
they've been married for a while andlike you know, like they be sleep
in the same bed and you know, Beyonce be waking up and she'd be
looking over at jay Z and likeyou know, like when people this is
my personal thing, like when peoplelike somebody can be cute, but like
I need to know how you lookwhen you sleep, Oh my god.
And I'm just like, I don'tthink jay Z probably look cute when he
sleep, like with his mouth fallopen. I don't think that's why she's

(05:21):
with And I don't, well know, I think she's with him because she
like, well, he a billionaire. He wasn't when she wasn't, but
he had he had a lot ofmoney, and he had more swager than
probably any other dude she had.Sure, but it's just like like malthfall
open. I'm like, yeah,I don't know, like I mean,
because at that point it's like Igot my own money. I don't really

(05:44):
know if I need to be youknow what I'm saying, Oh, we
got to talk about separate. Butalso there's a lot of women who don't
have their own buddy, and thathere in lies the problem. Yeah,
what you're willing to do a littlemore and put up with more wrinkles on
your hands and spots, dragging ballsand all, apparently because guess what,
this girl obviously wanted a certain lifestyleand this man provided it. But there's

(06:09):
always a catch with that, That'sall I'm saying. Oh, yeah,
yeah, there's always a catch right, but like for her, the pros
were worth Yeah, Like I gotsome air mez bags and I got some
more stiffish with and I go,I get to go travel the world.
And like some people are like,how else would I have gotten these things?
I would never have been able toget hermez bags on my own,
go to Paris this week, Monicathe next, like I would have.

(06:30):
So some people, some women feellike, Okay, well I'll put up
with them Saggi balls for a littlebit because one day he's gonna be dead
and then I'll just take all this. I feel like that's a story that's
old as time, right. Youknow what else is well, other stories
all thet time that man being grownenough to have grown ass kids, probably
so that when he kicks the bucket, they're gonna be like, no,
bitch, you get no money.And I've seen that happen. Hell yeah

(06:51):
that's Anna Nicole Smith shit. Soanyway, that's what that's what I found
this week. What did you have? Well, when I was on the
TikTok, there's a guy talking abouthow like when you're dating, you should
set the bar like ridiculously low.Yeah, and I concur yeah, like

(07:11):
like first date, you should justlike expectation, tell them your flaws.
He said. This guy was actuallytalking about it in business, but he
was like, it applies to relationships. He was like, yeah, that
first date, tell them all thehorrible things about yourself. Yeah, very
first date. I concur Let metell you why. I used to always
say this, Like I remember anydudes that I would date, I would
purpose and like at the time,I didn't always wear a bonnet to sleep,

(07:36):
certain hairstyles. I will absolutely alwayswear a bound it now that my
hair is curly most of the time, always a bondit. But like I
would purposely put my bonnet on thefirst time, like I stayed with my
man because I need you to see. This is what I'm about. And
I remember to me, I saidsomething about her and Grant Hill. She
was like, he never saw mybonnet for like a year. To MEA

(07:57):
said that about like when she wasdating Grant Hill was like, girl,
why you gonna see the ugly fromthe jump if you're okay with that,
because because one thing you're not gonnaaccuse me of is changing. You used
to be so cute when we wereto sleep. Now you got on this
bonnet. No, bro, you'regonna see this bard from the beginning.
You may get a fart. I'mvery far positive. I'm a far I'm

(08:18):
very far positive. I love.I'm like listen, I'm like you should
be. I'm a human being.I'm a person. I got a dog,
Hoiro will my dog Horol will eatand then come right in front of
me and burp dead in my face. Okay. Now I'm not saying I'm
gonna burn, I mean not burbI'm not gonna fart nobody face. But
it's like I mean, I eat, my my digestion does things. I

(08:41):
got ibs. If you can't getwith that, you can't fuck with me.
So I am with it. Yeahokay. And also I'm farts are
hilarious. Let's just fart it upand just giggle and be like ha haha,
like that shit is funny to me. So yeah, like okay,
And so people are like, ohmy gosh, I like you look,

(09:01):
I'm glad I don't have to numbertwo in front of you, because if
I gotta go, I'm gonna go. And so like, I just believe
you should be set the barlow tellthem everything you're fas so there's no,
so they're not surprised later on,and then they don't accuse you of switching
it up. You know, I'myeah, I'm like, look I got
ibs and you know, my stomachbe fucked up. So I just need

(09:22):
for you to know, like especiallybecause if like I go up, not
now, but if I've gone outwith somebody and we're going out to eat,
there's certain things I just can't eat. Yeah, so it's like I
can't eat for this reason. Butthen it's like, all right, look
here's the thing. All right,these are all my problems right right,
okay, And if you still likeme or you think I'm cute after this,
then great, and if not,then like whatever. Like I have

(09:45):
a friend who's married. She's beenmarried like seven years, and she's never
She says she's never farted or donenumber two in front of her husband.
And I was like, girl,and you go every and she's vegan,
which means she eats, Like thatmakes you go back a lot, and
she was just I was like,he's like never, and she was like
no, girl, Like I can'teven imagine doing that in front of my
husband. I was like, that'skind of how she said when she was

(10:07):
pregnant that she fighted and she feltlike, oh my gosh, like the
world. She fighted in front ofhim and he was like, it's okay,
right, Like I was like,oh my gosh, I f I
was like, girl, girl,you know what, baby's about to come
out your vagina like in months likeit that is. I mean, it's
kind of gross and like that's naturalthough, Like what the fuck? Like

(10:28):
what that reminds me of Like womenwho like you know, back in the
fifties and sixties, like their husbandsnever saw them without makeup. They have
to wake up and like put makeup, Like what the fuck is wrong with
y'all? Like that is crazy?It sounds so that sounds like jail.
It does, jail within your ownskin. I mean that's the patriarchy though,
Like women, like like women don'tsweat, we perspire. I'm like,

(10:50):
well, bitch, I'm high,okay, so I'm sweating because these
the way these arm pits are setup, I mean, okay, the
way my body is set up,it'd be makes it sounds and all kinds
of things and fluids and if Imean and also I will readily say or
have said like I'm a doctor,like I don't really give a ship about
like your personal like in fact,I might look at it like I can

(11:16):
take I can take a peck atit, like let me say, got
a stick, like hold on,move that? Okay, all right,
well that that wouldn't suspect, butthis one's all right, Like I don't
mind. I'm seeing people. Please, I've seen all kinds of ship because
at some point they gonna yes fromthe beginning, right, yeah, you

(11:39):
need to see what I look like, no makeup, get it on in
my house because I don't feel bad. I'm walking around looking like that,
like well, and I feel likedudes, and I mean like heterosexual dudes
are like notorious for like they'll takea ship and then like not spray it
out, and I'm like, it'sright there, it's right there, Like

(12:01):
yes, I want to imagine thatyour shit smells like lemon pledge. Yeah
yeah, I do, like forreal. Anyway, welcome to say to
minds again. Okay, so lookme and neither me nor MegaR single.
But from the letters that you willwrite and share, I understand that modern
day dating is the ghetto. It'sthe hood that ghetto is. Okay,

(12:22):
the ghetto. It's not for theweek, and today we're doing a deep
dive into the wild world of moderndating. So from situationships to ghosting,
bread crumbing, huh, bread crumbing, getting cuffed and benching, which is
another thing that I only recently foundout about. We're discussing strategies to not
just survive, but thrive in thisever evolving dating work because I felt the

(12:46):
rules keep changing. Well, seewhen to dating, I've never been on
a dating I don't know like stilllike when you swipe right, it means
this when it swaps like, Idon't know that because I've never been on
an app. So I'm I'm woefullybehind when it comes to all that shit
because there's like hinge, there's allcomb ye, a bunch of them.

(13:07):
There's something I saw an app forlike it was like black you if you
specifically are, if you black,you want date other black people, we
have this app for you. Ohyeah, there's a bunch of those.
Oh okay, I'm like there's alsoone for like wealthy like celebrities and stuff
like oh I had I did seethat. Yeah, one of my friends
is on that one, and shewas just like she's like She's named some

(13:30):
like NBA players that were on there, and I was like, did you
get like matched with them? Andshe was like not a girl like I
was the one. I was like, oh, like no, yeah.
I kind of feel like, Imean, especially with like celebrities, I
kind of feel like, I mean, I understand why it's like, oh,
we need to be like, youknow, remain exclusive like to this
within that circle, but I kindof feel like that sets you up to
be with a bunch of cornballs.Yeah, you know, because I mean,

(13:54):
because I just feel like the mentalityof those people is going to be
like I have to protect my stuff, yeah, you know, and it's
not it doesn't really lend itself tooh I want to let you in,
you know, but I wouldn't know. I don't know. I don't know
that it is the ghetto though itwell that sounds hell of ghettoll. So

(14:15):
anyway, if you guys like theImani State of Mind podcast, which of
course you do, please rate andreview us on your favorite podcast app,
And if you're watching us on theYouTube's comment and like the video and smash
that subscribe button so you can subscribeto our channel. We have it so
much to discuss per use. Solet's get right into it after this break.

(14:37):
Okay, you guys, it's timefor one of our favorite segments,
Ask Doctor Emii anything, and welove reading your letters and we're ready for
some more questions. So Meg,who is our first letter from today?
Okay, so we are going totake a deep dive into dating and I
pulled two letters specifically asking us datingquestions. So the first one is from
a listener by the name of Lynette, Hey Lynette, and it reads,

(15:01):
dear Doctor Emani and Meg. Ihave been flirting with this guy for about
a year now, but he hasn'tasked me to go out on an official
date yet. He has invited meout with his friends, and I've invited
him to events I attend and healways rolls through. All his friends have
told me he is feeling me,and all my friends say we totally have
a vibe. But if all thisis true, why hasn't he invited me

(15:24):
on a solo moment without our friends. I've given him several hints that I
am crushing on him. I'm aboutready to just ask his ass out myself,
but I feel like the man shouldbe the one to initiate the first
date. I don't want him thinkingI like him more than he does me,
because then I open myself to getplayed. Right, What advice do
you have to get this man toask me out? Oh my god,

(15:46):
Lenna, ask him out, hesays, like, for real, girl,
ask him out? All like,okay, what's up playing? When
a year? Let's just go Donnie. Don't even say like, okay,
it's been a year, Like whenyou're gonna ask me out like it's been
a year? Would you like tomeet up and go out on like an
official date? No, I wouldn'tsay that. Why I would do it

(16:07):
a different way? Okay, Ihave asked the past. I mean,
please, if you knew how Iasked us out in the past, girl,
i'd be like you to drop thatzero. Get with this hero.
Oh my god, stay with Peter. You're gonna pud like that twenty yo.
One time I was at this partya long ass time ago, and

(16:27):
we like this was this was likethe there was a night where I drank
too much Jaeger, mister. Iwant to say this was like in the
early aughts when I was living inNew York still and so I was drunk
okay. And I remember going upto this dude, I mean I had
met him, like I knew hisbrother, and I was like yo,

(16:48):
I was like, you need toshake that Agian chick get with me.
He was like that Asian chick ismy girlfriend. I was like oh,
and I just like danced away andI was like okay, fine. I
was like drop her. He waslike like she's my girlfriend. I was
like, oh, I feel cool. I was like yeah, like yeah,

(17:11):
what would you do? Because don'tdon't follow. I would just be
like quip, like Bobby stopped playing? When are we going out? Like
it's been a year when we're differentthan like yo, like do you want
to go out? Sometimes that's aquestion about like your preferences. No,
I've skipped past that. You dowant to go out with me? Do
you like me? When are wegoing out? Well, here's here's the

(17:33):
reason why I posy as a questionbecause I kind of feel like either like
either this dude is married and shedoes and Lynette doesn't know, or he's
like there's someone that he's like waitingon that maybe isn't like like he he
has unrequired he has loved that hasn'tbeen like requited by somebody and he's waiting

(17:53):
around for that person. But Idon't know, or maybe I don't know,
maybe he just doesn't like her,maybe he's gayer, I don't know.
Well, let her still get it, like if she's known his friends,
like you know, it seems likethey have mutual friends, right,
if y'all hang out together. Ifeel like there will always be a homeboy
that's like, I mean, likehe do like you, like you know,
like I would go ask the homeboys, like does he have a girlfriend,

(18:15):
Like if he does, it's fine, Like we can be quiet,
like I can just I feel likethey'd be like I mean, they may
not tell on them, but theywould give the like a will And that
would mean, oh, he hassomebody that he's like in some kind of
situationship with, right, So thenthat would like me go, okay,
well that makes sense why he's neverasked me out, But it's cool.
Then you have two routes. Eitherleave them alone, keep larning with him,

(18:36):
or you can just be like,hey, no, you got a
situationship. When it's over and done, let me know, right, and
if I'm available still, let's makeit happen like it's gonna take. But
outside of that, I feel likeI don't know. The more I'm talking
about this, I probably would justlike be like I think I would just
tell him, like, hey,you like me. I like you,
So let's go somewhere, right,you tell me where we're going to.

(19:00):
But I guess you know in theletter when Lynette was like, well,
I just feel like a man shouldask me out, and what if I
do? And like he says no, And then I play myself. I'm
like, girl, that's party andthat's and guess what? And now you
can move on to the next friendwho's probably available his friends. Yes,
right, how about you questioning youthe whole time? Thank you? And
you're wasting your time because I aPlease look at dating like a line.

(19:22):
Right, there's a line and ofendless men women whoever in front of you,
right, Okay, the person that'sright there, they may not be
that right, may not be rightfor you, but guess what. As
soon as they exit the line,there is another person. Exactly after they're
gone, there's another, So yougotta you don't know if your person is
the tenth, fifteenth, thirtieth thousandthperson or if it's the one right in

(19:45):
front of you, but you're notgonna know unless you move through and be
like this is the thing. Obviouslyyou can't move forward if you don't even
go on a date. So like, look, we've been flatting, what's
up? And also I feel likethe more like the quicker you get,
like the longer that it takes foryou guys to go out, Like if
he is like, yeah, no, I'm not interested, then you end

(20:07):
up like hurt. Whereas if fromthe from jump it was like yo,
like I mean, let's say amonth or two had passed and it's like,
yo, what's up? Like Ilike you? You like me,
Like, let's go out and he'slike, oh no, sorry I can't
because of filling the blank. Thenshe can be like all right, then
poop and then like I move onyeah, like a year, like that's

(20:27):
that's a long time. Yeah,but I would. And if he's just
says he's like still pussy fitting aroundand be like buy a nigger, Like
anyway, next right, I'm tryingto so okay, well, Lynette,
you gotta you gotta get you gottasure get it, get off exactly.
So what are we doing? Yeah? Okay, next yeah, yeah,

(20:48):
all right. The next letter comesfrom Sha Sha and it reads, hey,
doctor Irmanni and Meg. I havenever had a boyfriend and I am
twenty five years old. I literallyattract fuck boys. Oh no. Recently
I met a guy online and everythingwas going great for the first five months,

(21:10):
but recently he started pulling back.At the beginning, he was planning
dates. I met his son andwe were planning for me to go with
him on one of his business tripsto London. I was really starting to
fall for him and thought he's gonnabe my very first boyfriend. About a
week ago, we finally had sex, and I pulled out all the good
tricks too. I purposely waited fivemonths to make sure it was real this

(21:33):
time. Then things got weird.Now I call and he will always be
too busy to talk. I texthim asking when will I see him again,
and he tells me he isn't surebecause he has a lot going on.
He literally is icing me. Ireally don't get it this time around.
I am really sad about it too, because I feel like I'm gonna
be single forever. Do y'all thinkI should stop reaching out? What do

(21:56):
you think happened? Should I justmove on to the next so confused.
I mean I used to it soundlike he likes somebody else to me,
or I mean he's not interested inyou. What do you think happened?
Though? She said everything's going goodand then she had sex. Maybe she
put her finger in his bootyholl hedidn't like it, she says, she

(22:18):
pulled out all the stops. Maybehe was like, oh, okay,
now hold on. Maybe he likedit too much and he was like,
yeah, I can't have her knowingthat shit. And then he was like,
yeah, I'm too busy because nowhe like, now I have all
kinds of things at my booty hallbecause I know I could do it myself,
So he is too busy for her. Yeah, I would say,

(22:40):
what that is a good point tobring up because random over here dialapic,
because everybody says pull out the stops, you know, there's a booty hall
of all. Yeah, like likelike I pulled out all the stops,
Like I was like, well,that's there. So maybe that was it

(23:00):
went from like being just like Holdomand Sweden and like all this stuff.
It was too much for him.That might have been it. Yeah,
Or because you because in my head, I don't pull out all the stops.
Yeah. Yeah, she went hard, but so so I think she
may have done too much. Andhe was like WHOA, Like I'm not
she was like lady Eloise and Boomerangwas like, this is way too far

(23:23):
for Yeah, I don't want todo all that. I just want to
you know, Banks, you hada sex Dungeons. I wasn't ready for
that exactly. Yeah, So I'mnot sure what all the stops were,
So that could be one reason thathe pulled back. I mean, and
if it happened right after the sex, yeah, perhaps y'all weren't on the

(23:45):
same level mindset when it came tosex, and for him it was like,
yeah, this ain't worth it.Yeah. If that's the case,
yeah, yeah, I think.I mean, and it's not your fault.
It is not your fault. It'snot your fault. You may just,
you know, next time, youmay just want to like build up
to the booty hole. I havea conversation about Yeah, what is so

(24:08):
you get to get an idea ofmaybe where he is at. Yeah,
because when you first have said somebodyyou like really you just want to see,
like, Okay, is this persongood in bed because if you go
full, if you go like ballsto the wall, he gonna be like,
I don't even know where else they'relike, where else is there where?

(24:30):
It's like, okay, this isgood, right, you know,
but you don't want to go yourabbit, you can't do it. Don't
pull out the rabbit first, bendover like oh no, okay, yeah
no, that's that's a lot.So he might have been scared, or
you might it might be the oppositespectrum, opposite end of the spectrum,
which is like you weren't his y'alldidn't match sexually meeting. He didn't like

(24:55):
it, like he he liked it, but he was like, now I
feel ashamed. Maybe he like possibly, yeah right, there's a booty all
involved. Girl, Okay, Iused to tell us, I mean if
you can like was there was thelike I feel like, you know,
some things got spicy? Yeah?Or he I mean he just something about

(25:18):
it he didn't like and he's justoh no, he liked it, girl,
No, he liked it, buthe was like, but he was
like, I don't know if Icould do all that again. I don't
want her knowing like that, youknow, like if she go to the
left. You know what I'm saying, Like, I'm gonna just be like
so hopefully that they can have aconversation. Hopefully, I mean he's iced
her out, but hopefully she canjust say, hey, and I was

(25:38):
her first time. If there wasanything uncomfortable, maybe she needs to just
have that mature conversation, right,did I do something wrong? Like and
and if so, be specific,don't be like, oh well, I'm
too busy right now, Like didyou not want your booty haull play with
or not? Or what? Like? Tell me, I'm serious. I'm

(25:59):
like, tell me because I mean, because that is a lot. I
mean, that's a lot even youknow what I'm like, even for me,
Like we're not we're not choking outin booty whole play the first time,
no matter what you know, Twitterand all these you know, young
people be eating booties and I mean, no one's saying there's anything wrong with
that, but like, you don'twant to go that hard. I don't

(26:22):
think the first time, especially ifit's five months and you're like it's gonna
be special, and then here youcome with like you know appliances, Yes
it's my girl. Why you looklike you got the little shock things look
good. That's what I'm madined shegirl. When I used just said I
went, I told out all thestops. I was like, mm hmm,
oh gosh, you don't bust theball out the first. So here's

(26:45):
the other thing. The other caveatto this story because you said you're thirty
five and you've never had a boyfriend. So now is it like, are
you like far into kinks where it'slike it's it's a very specific type of
man you have to find exactly right. Again, nothing wrong with that,

(27:06):
but the reason that he was like, oh, like he was like,
I didn't know the average man isnot going to write you know, be
okay with that, appreciate that.So you may have to join a certain
group. But girl, I don'teven know what the average man quote unquote
is because every year when Pornhub becoming out with those surveys, not surveys,
but like those results of like ineach state what the top search is,

(27:30):
and like in the South it belike it be like interracial, like
like beatings, like this wild shitthat's like interesting for the region, Like
like maybe he really liked that shit, but he didn't know. And now
he's like, he's like, Idon't I don't know how to process that.
Well. Either way, you're yourworth is not dependent upon him exactly,

(27:55):
and he must have liked you ifhe allowed you to meet his son
exactly. But I think now you'relike, oh my god, like every
time I look at my son andshe with me, I think about what
she did in my booty hole.And now I don't know what to do
girl. So I mean, Ijust, I just, I mean,
there's a there's more questions I guessthat we have for you, Ayisha.
But I think if anything, whatever, I don't you did nothing wrong,
right, correct. It's just unfortunatethat he you know, so at least

(28:19):
just you know, even if it'sa text, because he's not responding to
you and say hey, I knowit's been a while since we talked,
but you know the picture of likea black dot and a question mark and
like a little finger and just belike, hey, I don't know what
happens, but if you'd like tohave a conversation about it, let me
know. If your booty hole didn'tlet me know, okay, I'm sorry,
Ayisha, if you didn't. Ifthe booty hall was not involved.

(28:42):
I apologize, but I feel likeit was and like mag said it,
maybe you know he just wasn't kinkyenough for you, and that's okay.
The time you live and learn.Or maybe you weren't kicky enough for him.
Maybe he's way way maybe maybe maybewhen you know you're maybe that might
be the reason to Lynette, likewhen you say you're thirty five and you're

(29:03):
you've never had a boyfriend. Maybeher idea of pulling all the stops was
like strapmoms and shit, no,no, no, no, you're thinking
way kicker. I'm saying she maythink, like, so, guess what
I'm gonna lay on my side insteadof my shut up and like oh right,
no wait, so that's what I'msaying. So there's the tubes and

(29:23):
the spectrum. We don't know whereyou're at on this spectrum, little so
like you could be way over here, super keky side or not kicking up.
And he probably was like, okay, she's a reverse calgirl. He
was like, oh my god,he's sort of seeing all kinds of questions.
You're again getting way to advance.I'm saying she may have thought what
she's doing is very advanced and verylike, ooh fulls put all the stops,

(29:48):
when it really was like you hadmaybe lingerie on, but you was
like, I'm gonna lay on myback and then it was like, but
I have lingerie on all the stops, right, So we don't know where
you're falling in this spectrum, butapparently there it seems like there was a
mismatch of sexual like maybe her versionof lingerie is granny panties. You know
what I'm saying. He was like, girl, Okay, I'm hit it,

(30:11):
bye bye. Maybe perhaps so eitherway, you know, I just
send him a text, yeah,say hey, obviously something would rye.
I'd like to talk about it,or if you want to talk about it,
let me know. And then youneed to You've got to move on
because if anybody doesn't want you intheir space and won't make the time for
you, that's saying something about howthey value you. And you should never

(30:33):
waste your time with someone that doesn'tvalue And it sucks because you don't have
the answers to your question like whathappens right right? But just know whatever
it was, he doesn't value youthe way he used to, which means
you got go, girl, Yeah, you go right, like, Okay,
you did it, and unfortunately thathe wasn't he wasn't a man for
you. Yeah, and I havea friend that actually this kind of happened
to recently. Really, she said, she went on a vacation with her

(30:53):
man, this man that she hadbeen dating for a few months, and
it was everything. They were talkingabout the future and they live in two
different places, and then when theycame home, she says she has not
heard from him in like a month. Oh, and she's been like,
what's going on. I thought wewere like moving forward, everything went good.
I have no clue and he won'trespond to her at all, and
I was like, these niggas aredirty. I'm dirty at least say something

(31:18):
raggedy. But then, but likeMeg said, if at the end of
the day, he's like, no, it's cool. I just want to,
you know, remain friends. Andit's like all right then bye.
I mean like that's like I'm notspending any more of my mental energy on
this, Like this is stupid.Yeah, so sorry, Ayisha, but
you know what, You're fine.Yeah, you're fine. Whatever, you're
whatever you did, you're fine.And just because you haven't had a boyfriend

(31:41):
does not mean that there's something wrongwith you. No, it just means
you gotta fine, like or youmight have just had you might be very
picky, which is okay because youletting everybody. You don't need this trauma
with a trail of failed relationships.You don't need that. So who were
just talking about setting the barlow?Yeah, it's not low. You're fine,
You're fine. Yeah, you're fine. There's nothing wrong with you.

(32:04):
There's nothing wrong with you. There'ssomething wrong with him because he's not willing
to be an adult and discuss it. There you go. So there it
is okay. Well, thanks everybody. Yes, oh sorry, Thanks Ayisha,
and thanks Lynette for sending in thoseletters. They were great. So
if you have a problem or aquestion, or you just need a say
space to share and get advice,please hit us up by sending an email

(32:27):
to hello Atdimani stateivemind dot com.So let's get to our deep dive segment
after this short break. Yep,yay, welcome back. Let's get right
into it. We're talking about lovebeing ghetto and navigating the dating world because
it is ghetto, right, There'sa lot going on, especially in this

(32:49):
day and age. So let's talkabout how what are the what are the
things they're supposed to be doing datingin twenty twenty four? What are some
of the terms and how do youget out of it? Doctor HARMANI unscathed.
I mean, you know what,I don't even know if how about
that girl? These terms? Okay, so they're there. I know what

(33:09):
ghosting is, Okay, Okay,I think that's like the easiest one.
You know what a ghost is,right, Okay, when they was in
your face and now they're gone,now they're gay, and you don't know
what happened to them. They justa ghosts. I mean essentially what happens
to Ayisha and Lynette? They gotghosted? They got ghosted. Yeah,
so I mean we know what ghostingis. I mean I've done it.
It's whack, Like, don't doit. It's terrible. Like just be

(33:30):
an adult about it and explain like, hey, it's not you, it's
me, right, I mean,it's something right, just like the default.
Yeah, but people do deserve to, you know, be given an
explanation exactly. Now there's other terms. Okay, So breadcrumbing, which is
providing a partner with just enough affectionto maintain their attention while never progressing the

(33:51):
relationship, which honestly, it's probablyLynette When she said that, the guy
like like they keep flirting, Yeah, but he's not like moving forward.
Yeah yeah, I guess see.I was gonna say that sounds a lot
like a situationship. But a situationshipinvolves sex, does it? And my
I mean I just like like,oh, we like we not together.

(34:13):
We just because you wouldn't call someYou wouldn't say, oh, I'm in
a situationship with somebody, you justbe texting. Oh that is true.
Yeah, you know, like therehas to be like genitals mingling, like
co mingling. Okay, so okay. So then there's situationships, which I
basically described, it's a it's aromantic or sexual relationship. I would say
more so sexual that remains undefined,and that can easily lead to challenges and

(34:37):
uncertainties like with Aisha. Yeah,because there was but play where that's my
hypothesis. Then there's cuffing, whichcuffing season. No, I mean we
didn't call it cuffing season back whenI was in my twenties. But would
you call it going steady? No? Shut over? Bas this ain't no,

(35:01):
no, I would I used tolike I personally would be like,
okay, it's getting cold outside,like once October hit, I mean back
when like in the Northeast that reallywere like for real, for real seasons,
like when they were supposed to happen, because now it'll be like hot
in October and New York and shit. Once October hit, it was like,
bitch, this bed is cold.It is freezing in here. I

(35:23):
need a body. Like personally,I was never I've never been into like
like vibrators and shit. Like somepeople are like, oh, just give
me a vibrator and like it's cool. I'm like, no, I need
a body next to me. It'sfreezing in here. So people called the
cuffing like cuffing season is like essentiallylike fall to spring. Yeah, and

(35:45):
being a little more serious with them, they're like you're your person and they're
like I used to call them bedbuddies, like like he's my bed buddy,
Like we not together, but likewe together now. Yeah, until
it gets warm and then it's likeokay, what happened. Oh I died,
so I'll see you later. Thenthere's benching. Yeah that's okay.

(36:06):
I haven't heard of benching, butthat's when someone continues to casually date a
partner without committing, and that meansthey essentially keep the individual and the possibility
of relationship as an option. Sovery close to breadcrumbing. Yeah, it's
like you give them a little tokind of keep them around. Fact,
it's probably go hand in hand.Yeah, because you know, if you
think about a team, you knowthe person that's on the bench, their

(36:28):
bench. Yes they're waiting to getback in the game, but they're still
on the team, right, Soit's kind of the same thing. It's
like, oh, I've got ateam, but you know, now you're
in the game. Now you gottaget benched. This one's in the game.
You kind of just rotate the players. Yeah, in your game.
I mean, I guess the ideasaren't new, but the terms are new,
which is good because it's good tobe able to, you know,
label something so that you can,you know, really give it weight because

(36:52):
words mean words are words mean things, they hold meaning. All Right,
Now, I, as I saidearlier, I've never I haven't dated in
years, so and I've never beenon a dating app, so I definitely
don't know a lot of these terms. Like I'm not familiar with them,

(37:14):
But I would say that I thinkyou know how to survive and thrive in
this new dating age. I mean, social media is completely different now because
there's first of all, there's somany platforms. I mean I think,
yeah, I mentioned on the showbefore, like I met Peter on MySpace.
That's a social media platform. Thoughit is, but it's but it

(37:36):
wasn't like swiping left and right likewe basically like we we had we DMed
and it wasn't even called DM backthen. It was like I am.
It was like yeah, it waslike an instant message or something. And
then he was like, yeah,I'm having this event if you want to
come. And then I went likeit like we were not like what are
you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah,

(37:58):
and like like it was it wasa Actually he did slide in your DMS.
He did. That's the twenty twentyfour terms what he did. He
did slide on my DMS. AndI was like, I would like to
slide on you. Thank you,let's meet up. I mean, I
guess the main thing you know whenit comes to dating in this quote unquote
new age is that you just haveto be I mean, the easiest way
to do it is just to belike I mean, in an ideal world,

(38:20):
this is going to sound really naive. It's just to be honest about
what you want. Yes, Ithink I don't even know if that's just
for this new world that we're inor this. I think it's just always
how it should be. You needto set your boundaries and be very clear
what it is that you want.I had this conversation one of my friends.
She was married for twenty years,she's her and her husband are getting

(38:42):
a divorced, and we were talkingabout dating, like she doesn't even know
how to date because she was like, this is literally who I've been with
my whole adult life, right.So she's like, well, what am
I supposed to do? Like Igotta get on like I gotta make a
profile, not like what are thethings I'm supposed to be doing. So
she's getting ready to get on adating app and she's like, well what
do I And I was like,just be honest, what are you what
are you looking for? She waslike, oh, I guess I don't

(39:04):
really want to be in another relationship, but I want companionship and I want
somebody who wants to like hang outone sometime he wants to have, you
know, maybe fun in the bedand fun. You don't say that,
I said, so say that.I mean, say what it is that
you want, because if you exist, there's somebody else that wants the same
thing that you want. So don'tplay with people's feelings and be like I'm
looking for my special someone when you'renot. You're not. She was like,

(39:28):
I guess, okay, but likeand I guess she felt like,
will there be some judgment or youknow. I was like, girl,
you're going to waste time. You'reat this point and stage in your life.
You should get what you want right. You should always do that.
You shouldn't waste your time or anyoneelse. And so if that's what you're
looking for, you're literally like,I do not want to be in another
long term relationship. If that's whoyou are, please go away from me.
Like you need to be clear aboutthat. And so people should just

(39:51):
be more honest and not worry abouthow it will be received and more so
care about like this is how whatI need, was what I want and
if you can't fulfill that, it'sokay, yeah, like move move on,
but be very clear about your boundariesand then communicate them. Yeah,
I'm I'm I'm remembering what you saidbecause I want to say that to my

(40:12):
like twenty year old self, rightright, same, same, because back
then it was like like, oh, you're just out here just like having
fun yuaha, oh whatever. AndI mean this was a long time ago,
but I think for your friends who'snow getting back into the date well,
getting into the dating scene after beingdivorced or getting divorced, like we

(40:34):
I guess I remember growing up withthis sense of like you have to like
make this person feel like they're You'relike I want to be with you and
I want you to be my oneand only and even saying like no,
I just want to have fun waslike, ugh, like you're gross,
and it's not gross. It's justlike be open and honest about it.
I mean. But also I wouldsay that when it comes to like some

(40:58):
of these terms we mentioned, there'sa point for everyone where you like if
when you start to feel like uncomfortableor things seem to be a little bit
shady. Yeah, I think likewhen you start thinking of these terms to
describe whatever you're involvement, then it'stime to like either have a conversation with
the person or attempt to have aconversation, and then, based upon their

(41:21):
reaction, be like, all right, you know what, I'm actually looking
for this or I'm not looking forthat, and it's probably best that we
just remain friends and move on.And it's so hard for people to do
that. I know it's because youthink about like it's one of those things
that's like, I'd rather I knowthe issue. I'd rather keep the issues
that I have than to explore thepossibility of of maybe getting something better or

(41:45):
something worse. Right, And somepeople would rather deal with the demon they
already have. You know what I'msaying, Like it's terrible, but I'll
just I don't know if you likeme. I don't know if it's gonna
work. You don't make me feelgood on the inside. But I'd rather
have this because it's something. Yeah, but that sad, that breathe resentment,
it does, yeah, and it'slike, yeah, I don't like
first of all, don't settle rightever, don't settle ever and if that

(42:08):
and and that means I'm not sayinglike, oh well, I need to
find a husband. And this guyseems to be cool, so I'm gonna
just I'm gonna just be with him. I mean, like if you are,
if you really feel like I justwant to have a good time and
I want to like hang out andmaybe go on a trip like we you
know, like I just want tolike have fun, then say that and

(42:28):
mean that and do that. Butdon't you know, don't make it out
to be like, well, youknow, I was hoping that, you
know, it could be like justI feel like everybody first of all,
set the barlow. Set the barlow. I'm totally about setting the barlow when
it comes to having new people inyour life because I mean, it's it's

(42:49):
less about that person not meeting yourexpectations, but it's it's but it's more
about also like when you when youdate someone else, you also need to
be kind of like getting to knowyourself at the same time. Yeah,
like, how am I reacting inthis in these situations, Because it's one
thing to say, Okay, Ihave I have self love, I'm ready
to go out there, But thenwhen you're around another person that you're potentially

(43:13):
interested in, then you also haveto evaluate what's your interaction with them?
Are you are you being honest withthem are or are you projecting past beliefs
and notions of how dating what issupposed to be in your you know,
developing potentially developing relationship. So youhave to do a lot of like examination,

(43:34):
self examination. But yeah, alot of these terms, you know,
unfortunately are you know, they're theterms have been developed because a lot
of people are immature. And Iactually told this to my son not that
long ago. I'm like, please, I'm like, Idris, I'm almost
fifty years old, and if youknew how many people are immature as fuck
at my age still, like alot of people do not like they just

(43:58):
they don't want to deal with realshit, and so they're just kind of
like continue just you know, walkingalong, just leaving destruction in a path
when it's like if you were justhonest and just told people how how you
really feel. But I also understandfor a lot of people, including myself
in the past, that was likethat was a deal breaker, like I
am not telling you how I feelbecause that is that brings on too many

(44:22):
emotions and now I feel uncomfortable andnow I'm going to cry, and I'm
going to run away and leave andnever talk to you, and I'm still
working through that, Like I'm stilllearning at this ripe old age of I'm
going to be forty this year.I'm learning to open my mouth and there's
nothing wrong with There's nothing how Iyou know, and even though I'm married.
Like my husband even said to methe other day, he was like,

(44:45):
he's like, why would you justbe quiet about that? Why wouldn't
you just tell me like that's whatyou thought about it? I don't know.
And it goes back to like megrowing up trying to be a people
pleaser, right right, So nowit's just like, oh, I'd rather
just be quiet and just like,well, I guess that's what it is.
Instead of being like, no,I don't like that. I would
like to do this and just dealwith whatever happens as a result, right

(45:06):
right, and not being afraid ofthat even if it's a conflict. But
it's also you know, I haveto learn how to say things, not
just to say them, because there'san art of your your message plus the
delivery of your message right exactly,and that delivery changes with whoever you're talking
to. There you go check yourcheck, your you know, there's just

(45:27):
so it's like okay, well,I'm not even getting the practice of delivery
because I won't even say the messageright. So now I'm over here like,
well, now I'm I'm just delayingthe amount of work I got to
do, right, And then youmad at the other person. Really,
you need to be mad at yourself. Yes, it's like I need to
practice. I need to start sayingwhat I think and feel so that the
delivery can adjust based on the whoever'slistening is exactly. And I'm not getting

(45:50):
that practice. So it's like itbenefits you to go date and go say
the things that you feel, setthose boundaries, and then allow it to
be fun, because I think peopleare so caught up with what do you
think of me? Right? Whatdo you think of my What do you
think of the of the me thatI'm presenting to you? This represented eight
as opposed of what do I thinkof you? Right? Are you worthy

(46:13):
to be in my space? Doyou deserve my time? Should I share
my body with you? Are youthe person that can respect me? Should
I put my finger in your bootyhull or not? It's real question,
It's real, real, real,this hard hitting question, real question.
The hard hitting questions on the showand then have fun at with it,

(46:35):
because I think I would. I'llbe honest. When I was single,
I love dating. I love datingbecause I loved the high of meeting new
people, getting to know them,telling them about me, like what's in
your work? Like it just andbeing an extrovert like this was. I
thrived on meeting new people. Andso like day when I talk to people

(46:57):
who are like, well, Ijust want to, you know, be
with this person, and no boo. Dating should be made the best man
or woman win, right right,Like look, hey, you're not the
only person i'm talking to right now. I'm talking to X y Z.
This is how I do things rightnow. If you're not okay with that,
that's cool. Again, you gota line, knock them out the
line, but keep going. Maybethe best man win. That's however I

(47:19):
always looked at it. I rememberhaving a conversation I think I was twenty
two. Yeah, I was twentytwo, and I had just I moved
back to New York from Louisiana,where I was living, and my mom
was like, damn, like youalways be out and I was like,
oh, yeah, well you know, I have like five guys in rotation
right now, and My mom waslike, what are you saying? And
I was like, well, there'sthis one dude that's a model, he's

(47:40):
done, but he cute. There'sanother dude who do this. There's another
dude who take me out to eat. There's nothing. And she was just
like, oh my. She waslike that is too much. But I'm
like, no, it's not rightbecause then you're also worse also to me,
I'm not having all these people.And it's your researching, right Rose,
I really like, you don't knowwhat you like? Do I want

(48:00):
somebody dumb, cute, don't takeme out to eat? Right? Right?
What do I want? Somebody whowants the booty button pushed? What
do I want? What do Ineed? Exactly right? So now I'm
like, I actually was correct inthat, and that is because not I

(48:20):
mean I didn't think that I internalizedthat, but I think after that I
definitely kind of reverted back to Okay, I need to like, I think
this guy is cute. I thinkthis guy has things going on for himself.
I'm gonna I'm gonna go on dateswith him and I'm gonna try to
lock him down. And it's like, no, like for what, like
you need time to be able tofigure out if that's the person that you

(48:45):
like. And it's also nice forboth people to come into a situation and
be like I do like spending timewith you. But there's also others in
rotation, meaning like, if youwant to get with me, just know
that you're going to have to suspendlike you're gonna have not suspend this belief,
but you're gonna have to like charmme enough that I feel that you're

(49:09):
worthy for me, as opposed totrying to change yourself to or a lot
of cases, minimize yourself so thatyou can fit what you think this person
that you think you want to bewith forever, even though you don't really
know that. Like it's just Iremember one time telling this guy, I

(49:30):
was like, you know, Iguess because he was fine and he was
a you know, all the girlsa wanted him, and he couldn't believe
that I was talking to other guysand talking to him at the same time,
and I was just like, well, I was a backup. I'm
amazing, right, because you wouldn'tbe talking to me if I was.
First of all, So if younotice how amazing I am, why would
you think you don't think these otherthiggas do too, and they're not.

(49:52):
I'm not trying to keep them ona roster. I would love to be
in a monogamous, like fully committedrelationship. But if you feel like you're
the man, then do something.Okay, do something these other men out
the way. Men love a goodcompetition, now, Okay, he was
like, okay, let me stapit out, let me stab it.
It didn't work out, but youknow, so whatever, Like, Okay,

(50:12):
still it was cool to be like, hey, like you could be
the only one if you want itto be. But like, do you
feel like you want to just bewith me? Right? Because if so,
then we can start working on knockingthe roster down. But you're gonna
have to put in some work boot, right. But if this is just
about your ego, then you know, like say that and then just say
like, okay, well let's havefun because sometimes fun can lead to a

(50:34):
relationship. But you just got tobe open and honestly is the key,
right, right, But what youwant exactly what you're willing to put up
with? All Yeah, and youknow, like you could set the barlow
if should you should you choose to. You could also I mean we're we're
kind of hypothesizing that Ayisha, youknow, has a lot of uh what

(50:54):
was it? What am I tryingto say that our earlier uh uh listener
letter right, that she has alot like she has a lot of like
what word am I trying to find? She has a lot of standards that
she wants. And I think that'sfine too. I just think that if
that's the case, whatever, whetheryou have low standards or high, you

(51:15):
just have to be honest. OhI don't think that's when I when you're
saying set the barlow, I thoughtyou were talking about for yourself, meaning
I'm gonna show you everything. OhI thought it because the guy said,
like tell them all your flaws upfront. Oh yeah, i's Barlow.
I what are like? I mean, like, I like you, but
I'm not gonna sit here and likeinvest all of this time. That my

(51:38):
bar is high for what I expectout of a relationship, right, and
if you don't meet that, that'sokay, onto the next. But like
I set the barlow as far astelling you about like you're gonna know everything,
you need to know everything. Thisis what you get it, So
forget the last part I said,I'm again, standards, have standards,
have standards. Okay, stick toyour Yeah, so enclosing, be honest,

(52:02):
be open, set set the barlow whatever that means for you.
I'm just kidding, No, setthe bar low and make sure these people
really know, like the real you, and then if they don't want to
fuck with you, then you couldjust be like all right them bye,
like move because I'm about to goout with the next nigga. And that's
it. So that's all the timewe have for a deep dive segment today.

(52:22):
Yes, well, then let's switchgears now and get into our last
segment, pop culture Diagnosis, rightafter this break. Okay, so Meg,
let's get into our pop culture diagnosisfor the week. And I'm looking
kind of exasperated because it's gonna bea lot, So please give our listeners
a quick synopsis of the BT plusoriginal series College Hill Celebrity Edition and who

(52:47):
will be diagnosing today? Shout outto College Hill. It's been on,
It has been on before I wasin college. It was great. I
love culture. I don't remember whenit came out, but it's been off
for a minute. Yeah, Idefinitely was not in college. Okay,
so colege Chill is back, andnow iconic celebrities are ditching their lavish lifestyles
for the HBCU Experience. The secondseason stars Stacy Dash, Parker McKenna,

(53:10):
Dream Doll, Jocelyne Ray j TiffanyPollard, Amber Rose, and Nini Leaks
and Big Freda to name a few. Now, doct Rmina, I like
for you to diagnose Joselyn Hernandez.I feel like she's always a Puerto Rican
princess of course, babbe. Ifeel like she's always at the center of
confrontation, and we've seen a lotof highs and lows over the span of

(53:32):
her fame, and the recent fightshe had with Amber Rose went viral.
So what's your diagnosis of Jocelyne?Oh my god, Okay, So,
I mean I saw the little fightthe Jocelyn had with Amber Rolls. I
mean it was I don't know,like I mean, I was kind of
like, okay, Jocelyn like becauseessentially she said to Amber Rose like,

(53:53):
well, I just feel like youreally want to be you really won't be
white. Yeah. And then whenyou trigger Amber because she's a mixed heritage,
yeah, like for her blackness.Yeah, I mean she's black and
white, but I mean, youknow, okay whatever, Like I was
like Jocelyn, I guess, like, I mean, we all know that
Joscelyn is a you know, it'sa little fire brand. She's a ship

(54:15):
starter. Yeah, I know that. You know. I haven't watched every
show that Joscelyn's been on. Iwill say that I am. I am
proud of my very kind of fleetinguh dalas celebrity career because Joscelyn Hernandez follows

(54:37):
me on Twitter. Okay, soyeah, I mean she might. She
might. I love Joscelyn like like, she's just unapologs when we talk about
honest being honest, she is honest, like she is like this is me.
I am raggedy at heart, butI'm I'm the baddest bitch Puerto Rican
prices, right, Like, No, I love Joscelyn, but I think,

(55:00):
you know, more so than anything. One of the reasons why I
really liked Jocelyn as a I guessa pop culture I don't know. I
wouldn't say an icon, but apop culture person is because she had she
In order to make it big inreality TV, you do have to be

(55:21):
very transparent and she has been reallytransparent, like I will never forget.
I think it was the first seasonthat she was on Love and Hip Hop
and like they had her in abathroom stall like peeing on a stick,
but to show that like she waspregnant and she was like, oh,
it's Stevie baby, and I waslike, oh my god, Stevie,
Like it's Stevie's I was just like, oh my god, Like this is

(55:44):
like she's she's she will fight andshe has like she has all the comebacks.
But she's also been very transparent aboutlike a lot of trauma that she's
had in the past. Yeah.Yeah, And so you know, for
that, I can definitely respect her. Now as far as her delivery,
which we were we discussed delivery earlierto the show, her delivery is terrible,

(56:07):
and she's really because she because there'sno tact with it. It's just
I'm gonna say what I want tosay exactly, and then if you want
to say we want to say sometimesthat comes with consequences because of how you
said it, of course. ButI will say that there have been times
when she has apologized to the personthat she has hurt, which shows a

(56:29):
lot of like growth, I like, I like Jocelyn. I do.
I'm just like she is. I'mlike, look, she is who she
is. She like, I'm stripper, I got a bad body, I
have this cabaret and that show isfucking crazy, that ship is fucking wild.
So I mean, I would say, I mean, I'm kind of

(56:52):
hesitant to diagnose Joscelyn with anything,you know, like she she I don't.
I don't know. Well, Iwill say this, I do think
there's probably a little bit of depressionin there, because when she did talk
about like her story and some ofthe things that have happened to her,
I don't know how you get outof that without being a little bit of
anxiety or depression. Yeah. Yeah. I also think the fact that like

(57:15):
she's triggered very easily. Oh yeah, for sure, that's anxiety all day.
Yeah. And for Jocelyn, atleast at least from what we see
on television, like she's either ina super great mood or she's really really
in a terrible mood. Yeah,and there isn't kind of an in between.

(57:35):
Yeah, I mean, I reallywould. I mean for purpose,
I mean, for purposes of thisconversation, I would really love to see
like how she interacts with her herdude, like when they're one on one.
I mean we've seen a little biton like Joscelyn's Cabaret, but like,
I mean, come on this realityTV, like that's like stage and
shit. But you know, Ithink that I think that, you know,

(57:57):
she's she's great for television, Ohfor sure, I think she's.
You know, the fact that shewent from you know, essentially ashy to
classy is I mean, she's stilla little ashy, but I mean,
you know, to respect that.Yeah, she came from a Puerto Rico
and very impoverished and like now madeher way doing whether you agree with her

(58:17):
way or not, she's now herown person. She can afford whatever she
wants. You know, she madeher own way in this world. She
can take care of her child byherself like that. Yeah, you know,
I respect that exactly. Like shehas her own own shows, like
she's producer on those shows. Hername is in the title, Like she
came from nothing and now look ather on what's the name of that network?

(58:44):
Zeus girl. That's a whole notherstory. I can't even watch that
shiit no more. That shit iscrazy. You got the subscription. I
mean, like when it first starWARSS, like when it was like Johnson's
Cabaret, I was like, bitch, you know I'm watching that. And
then and then after her time,I mean over amount of time, I
was like, yeah, this thisis a little toot, a little too

(59:06):
raggedy for me. But I am. I ain't gonna hate on nobody's yeah,
exactly. Respect. So I mean, you know, Jocelyn, I
mean, look real talk amber Rosetoo. She can't. I mean,
same thing. I feel like theyhave their very similar It's probably why they
fought. Yeah, yeah, similarways of reacting, same type of triggers
and yeah, trauma. And alsoI mean I'm sure the producers and I'm

(59:27):
sure Jocelyn knew that too, Likethey pretty much came up on they can't.
Their initial come up was you know, via a dude, like a
more famous dude, and they wereable to transcend that. So I you
know, I respect both. Theyhustle, and you know, I'm like,
good job for y'all being able totake care of your own shit without
you know, these raggedy men thaty'all was with before, So you know,

(59:52):
good job. So if I haddiagnosed Jocelyn. I would say that
she I'm sure she has a historyof depression and anxiety, and I'm sure
she has some anxiety now, atleast from her on her television persona.
Yeah. So I don't know Jocelyn, but you know I love her in
theory. Hi Jocelyn, Hi JocelynSibby. Yeah, sorry, you will

(01:00:13):
never forget that. What does she? What does she say to? What's
her name? She was like,oh, I thought she was the maid?
Oh yeah, okay, I willOh my god, So yes,
Milly made Miledy Maid. Yes.So anyway, that's it for a pop
culture diagnoses this week. So we'regonna have another character to analyze next week

(01:00:37):
for our next episode. And ifyou guys have any character suggestions that you
would like for me to diagnose,hit me up on Twitter at Doctor Underscore
Emani, hit Meg up on Instagramat Meg Scoop One Whole Word, or
email us both at Hello ANYMANI Stateoffmind dot com. And if you love
the show, which we know youdo because we love you, make sure
you rate and review us on yourfavorite podcast at If you're watching us on

(01:01:00):
YouTube, like this video, comment, subscribe to our channel. We appreciate
you. Thank you so much fortuning in every week guess. Thank you, Bye,