The Power of Love: A Feeling So Good, It Can Be Bad

Love is in the air, and your favorite podcast duo is back with a fresh new season of Imani State of Mind! With Valentine's Day right around the corner, Dr. Imani and Meg Scoop are talking about the good and bad of L-O-V-E... why it occupies our minds, keeps us up at night, and makes us feel so damn special. The ladies also perform a pop culture diagnosis on the remake of 'The Color Purple' and its lead character, Celie.

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We love reading your letters and having YOU be a part of the show. If you'd like to submit a listener letter, please visit imanistateofmind.com or email us at [e-mail].

Episode Transcript

(00:13):
Oh it's my time. Hi everybody. Happy new Year? Yeah, twenty
twenty four? Oh when when dowe stop saying happy New Year? For
real? I think you have liketwo weeks in January, so we're past
that. That's what I thought.And then somebody at my job was like,
I think you're supposed to stop sayingit by like January sixth. Well
show me where that it's written inthe Okay, all right, I will

(00:37):
definitely tell her that. Meg waslike, first of all, no,
is it are you still happy?Is it still another year? It is
a new year. I you knowwhat. I am happy? I am
happy. It's a new year.Also, welcome to season seven of the
Money Saying of Mine podcast. Yeahwe did it. Yeah we did it.
Yay, we made it. Wemade it. So season seven so

(00:59):
excited? Yeah, yeah, I'mwe're here. What you what have you
been talking about? What have you? What have I been utter? What
have I been? What have Ibeen into? What have I been talking
about? Okay? For this newyear in twenty twenty four? For this
new year? Okay, So firstof all, I'll start with like the
well, it's always gonna be pettybecause that's me. I'm gonna say,

(01:19):
Okay, this is what I've beensaying like this entire year, which has
basically been like for the past fewweeks, twenty twenty four is going to
be like amazing for those of uswho have gotten our shit together. For
those of us who are like intoaccountability, not getting my shoes together,
like oh, I'm about to takea trip and like, ooh, I
got all my que clothes. Imean, like for people that are like

(01:41):
I did the work, yeah,and I'm holding myself accountable and I'm holding
other people accountable. Twenty twenty fouris going to be the shit, I
believe it. But for all y'allother raggedy ass niggas who have not been
having getting your shit together, didnot work on yourselves, decided to eat,
like dig your heels in and beextra just raggedy petty, twenty twenty

(02:02):
four year twenty four year, twentytwenty four is going to be just abysmal
for y'all. I mean, andit doesn't mean it has to stay abysmo,
but it does mean that, youknow, like the accountability the accountability
train is here. Yeah, it'sa ride, and anybody who is like

(02:22):
doing things in the dark and wantthem to stay hidden on Baby. It
is coming out of the woodworks,and I'm here for it. I'm so
here for it, here for it. Let all them a little dirty old
secrets come out. That's why I'mactually really happy that it's going to be
an election year like this is becausepolitics and all that type of stuff is

(02:43):
if nothing but smoking mirrors. Yeah, and I'm just like I need to
know every everything, but okay beforewe get okay, because there's so many
things we can talk talk about regardingthat. But we were just talking about
something really like random, which wasyeah, because you know, it's like
the month of Love, and sowe were talking about how Common and Jennifer

(03:05):
Hudson are like officially an item.Yeah, not that an I don't know.
I wasn't new. I mean we'veseen them at like basketball game,
like we've seen them out, butthis was like a few weeks ago.
They actually came out and said likelike he came on her show as a
guest. He was like, hewas like, oh, let me try
to do Common. He was like, well, you know, you know,
I met a woman. She sheloved God, and she got a

(03:29):
e got she got got. Everybodywas like whoopy gold. She said,
that's what it wasn't because like shotgot you are so dumb. He said,
that's what we even was saying.I was like, okay, you
know, everybody Common likes is likedifferent from the last chick. I mean,

(03:50):
okay, now pause, because wewere just talking before we started recording,
and this is what I said.Okay, now y'all beat y'all listening
can be mad, but I'm gonnago ahead and say it. Shut up,
Peter, Okay, so y'all gonnago ahead and say it. I
think the men. I think thewomen that Common has have dated as far

(04:14):
as like stars like I love SerenaWilliams. I like Jennifer Hudson a lot,
especially because Beyonce got mad at herand dream Girls and I don't love
the way that other people love her. But I'm always he stated Tiffany Hattish
like none of these women are thesay no, damn yeah, it was

(04:34):
a lot. No, they wastogether. I know. He I mean,
I know I've seen it, butyou see what I'm saying. None
of these like he first of all, I'm glad he dates beautiful black women.
They're all beautiful and don't even Ididn't say anything. I didn't say
nothing, but no, I'm notOkay, this is what I'm saying.
I really believe and I mean,okay, I'm gonna just say it.

(04:55):
I really believe that Tiffany Hattish ispotential gay. I don't think like that's
like a big deal to say.But she also could not be. I
don't know, but her energy,her energy gives that. That's all I'm
gonna say. What I mean.I saw Tiphany Hattish. Okay, this

(05:15):
chick she was. She was like, Okay, it's New Year's y'all,
I'm gonna film my mom. I'mgonna do a photo shoot on the beach.
And her poses were very you know, like you know how they'd be
doing prison poses and ship. Yeah, but like it was like it was
like that very Hume girl like chickfrom the I mean, I mean,

(05:36):
I'm just saying he's very much anInglewood girl. I will say that.
I mean, you know who elsethe Inglewood girl, Brandy nor would and
they nothing posed about no Brandy Norwood. But see, Brandy also had money
early in life. I mean,so it makes a difference because she was
in Beverly hsing. I'm talking aboutTiffany Hattish was legit like she's a comedian.

(06:00):
I'm like, girl on the Beach, she's a comedian. You can't
be posed like that on No Dadbeach. Okay, So okay, so
all right. So that being said, I kind of feel like what I
was trying to say is I kindof feel like Common and Siphony had I
kind of feel like that was aHollywood relationship because I was like, I
just don't see it, Like Ididn't feel that. But here's that you
said. You don't feel like thatabout him and any like him and Serena

(06:21):
Williams, him and Jennifer Hedd.Okay, I feel like Serena, he
was with her. I was like, I could see this. I could
see this because I mean Common rightwell yeah, but also Common is not
like the tallest dude, you knowwhat I'm saying, So I can kind
of see him with Erica Baddu Serenalike whatever they was into. I'm like,

(06:44):
y'all, I could I could.I could feel some energy between them,
you know what I'm saying. LikeI could even feel the energy between
Serena and Drake. I just don'twhat, yeah, because I know that
that's what I'm saying. So allI'm feeling is lost. Well, all
I'm saying is I don't feel theenergy. So like when when so of
course common like IM was like,well, you know, I'm with some

(07:06):
I'm with this really gray woman sheloved God and whatever. And I was
like, okay, I mean,I guess, I don't know. I
just don't. I don't feel it. Here's what I think. I don't
feel it. I don't. Idon't know if I feel it with him
or in anybody outside of erica'body.I feel like that was the one thing
that I was he was saying.But he was like, I want to

(07:26):
but she does that to every man. But he was like, I won't
to lock you down. That's whatshe does to every man she dates.
I know Andre three thousand him,not all of the thousands because he left.
Oh no, but he left.But did you notice how his style
changed when he started dating her.He didn't need to dress like that.
He was very much Atlanta, likean Atlanta he did. But then look,
but then he kept thatt out andthen he like dug deep into it.

(07:47):
Look at Common now he looking allregular Doguta. Well here's here's my
point, I no crochet remember whencommon was crocheted down right, But that's
what I'm saying. That's what Ericadoesn't her dues. But then so I
feel like he's very there's there's something. I'm gonna say, something wrong with
him. Something, there's an issuewith him to be a man of that
age, never having been married.Does he have kids? He has a

(08:11):
daughter, but she's wrong, sosomething is wrong with him. I'll just
say that. I don't know ifwhy does that be wrong? Why he's
that old and he's never been inlike a he's never been engaged. Maybe
it's better than he you know whatI'm saying, because he could get that's
that's okay. I could. I'mnot saying. I'm not saying he has
to be married or has to beI'm just saying there's something wrong with him.
Okay, okay, but he's whycounterpoint counterpoint. He do like brown

(08:35):
skinned girls, which I love.So that's amazing, that's amazing. But
I just don't feel it. Ijust don't see the I think it's him,
okay, but can I say it? Say something else? When I
when he was with Angela Ry,I could, I could, I could
see it, even though I feltlike she was like this Nigga is really
dumb on the law. I don'tknow why these are things that like I

(08:56):
have in my head. And thenthey really weren't together for very long.
They weren't right, but I waslike, Okay, y'all, look cute.
It's him. He just yeah,I don't know, he just I
don't know what it is. Idon't know if it's just like he's a
commitment bobe or if he's like boring. I don't even imagine someone that because
he can act, he can raplike girls pause, he cannot act.

(09:16):
Remember when he was in Just LikeGirls Like, I was like, you
are not you play? But eitherway, my point is I feel like
it's just something going on with him. I hope him and Jennifer Hudson say
together, because I really like them, the two Chicago Wins, Like I

(09:37):
like it, but no, Ilike the Chicago cannot. I just I
do like that. But I meanI also will say personally, and this
was decades ago, watch Peter beall like get out of here. I
like, I thought Common was socute. Oh my god, when he
was an alcoholic girl. Oh hewas alcoholic. I was like, Okay,
that's what it is. Yeah,But then like you know, he

(09:58):
got his life right, and nowI'm like, well whatever, I'm just
kidding. I'm just kidding. I'mglad that he got his life together.
Here's another thing. So he wason the Kelly Clarksons Show and he was
asked, can you stay? Areyou friends with your exes? Why didn't
we ask him all this relationship stuff? No? No, no, So
let's ask that question. Are youfriends with your exes? Like? What

(10:18):
are the are you allowed? Likeis it okay if you're in a relationship
to be friends with your exes?And to what extent it's a I would
say recent exes like within the lastlike ten years. No, Like that's
kind of like no. But likeif you all were like together, like

(10:39):
why like decades like twenty thirty yearsago? Like is that was that really
a relationship? Like I would believe? I mean no, I'm talking about
like high school. Oh okay,okay, like shit like that. Here's
my thing, here's my take onit. I don't know that I don't
think it's wrong to have like Idon't know if it's wrong to date your
I mean still be friends with yourex as long as your partner has to

(11:01):
be aware of it, and Isince I'm married to meet them. Yeah,
and since I'm married now, Ireally believe, like, oh,
we're friends now, Like I can'treally if you're my ex and I'm with
someone new, like he got myhusband, gotta know you and now we
all hanging at you and your girllike we're we're friends and not just you
and me. Like so in thatcase, I'm like, Okay, it

(11:22):
makes sense. But outside of that, I don't know if you Well,
if that's the case, then nota lot of people are going to be
friends with their exes, and Idon't think they should, right, No,
I mean that's what I'm saying.Like I could, like I could
definitely say like, Okay, Ihave an ex from decades ago. Yeah,
we're friends. He married, I'vetalked to his wife. We're all
cool and like I would love forlike them to meet Peter. And there's

(11:46):
no it's like there's no type oflike I'm not no, but I'm just
saying my ex Peter. He saidabsolutely not no, no, no,
but but but wait, but lastlast didn't last Saturday? You say you
went to our show where you raninto some girl you used to date,
but I wouldn't you know, wouldhave happened. I'm just kidding, nothing

(12:09):
would have happened. And I don'treally care. Okay, I don't.
I don't really care about But what'syour name? I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, girl, please,he not mentioned you and I don't
even know who you are. Butokay, like, all right, why
don't you just you know, hopyour assle stay with me on exes?
Yeah, I have kids, obviouslyyou have to talk to them, but
I mean, yeah, side ofthat, it's not that small one.

(12:33):
What do y'all need to linger for? Well? Also it depends on like
how often are you talking? Likewhat are you talking about? Right?
Because because I think a lot ofwomen are like this, which is like
when you talk and you are,I feel like you're building a connection with
somebody. A lot of women likethat, they like to talk to somebody,
And so I don't know if it'ssafe to be doing that with your

(12:54):
ex who you knew intimately. Well, right, that's like if y'all talk
once a year, Yeah, yeah, you know, and it's not like
okay, so what she was doing? What she went like texting right like
no, yeah, yeah, noI would I would say no. So,
oh my god, what else ishappening? That's that's in raggedy news.

(13:16):
I read this whole article, actually, I finished it this morning about
Diddy, and I'm so happy.I am so happy that all this shit
came out, yes the Year ofaccountability. He is the raggedyest person outside
of like a Harvey Weinstein, outsideof like, what's who's that man that

(13:37):
quote unquote killed himself? Epstein?Yeah, I mean, I'll put it
to you. I was you likethis when I lived in New York.
I knew he was raggedy, butI didn't but it was more like business
dealings. Yeah. When I gotto LA, I've never met him.
I've never met Diddy. I can'ttell you how many people have told me,
oh, you know, you havingthese wild gay parties. And then

(13:58):
all that news came out of tdj'sbeing a bottom girl. I was like,
I was like and and so thenlook, so I read this article
about how Diddy was like, itwas like he was being an extra raggedy
with it. If it's true,he was like, okay, boom,
so I'm gonna sue Diagio because theysaid that they were gonna give me more

(14:20):
money for marketing and that I wasgoing to be the spokesman. But then
he was like so he sued themand then accused them of racism. And
then what came out later is thatwhen Diagio, when Puffy was like when
Diddy was like, okay, I'mnot available, like the day before he
was scheduled to do all these appearancesfor the liquor brand for Sarak, they

(14:43):
actually so they pivoted Diagio, pivotedaway from him being the spokesman, and
they did their own marketing and thenthey sold more without him, and then
Puffy gonna come back two weeks laterlike oh, I'm so glad that,
like we were able to make abig impact, and they was like,
nigga, who is we? Yeah? Yeah we did, like we we
Diagio did. So all that shitcame out with Cassie and then three other

(15:07):
girls. And you heard about AaronHall, all right, how Aaron Hall
is evolved? Oh yeah, girl, I was like, Aaron Hall,
have you listened to the lyrics thatDon't be Afraid recently or do you remember
them? No? It's it's oneof them carols like I say no,
you like I say you say no, I say yes. Oh gosh,
Like he really crazy because now,like back in the day, like all

(15:30):
of this was just acceptable and itwas just like that's just what it is.
And now when we look back,we're like, oh my gosh,
how do we allow all this inour society and our music and the people
that we like look up to.Why would we be okay? The whole
time, I'm saying that Diddy wasshitty for I mean since the nineties.
So I'm just yeah, I've heardabout it stuff about him too, like

(15:52):
and I've never met him, butI just always heard very negative things about
like business, and I just heardwild Ship. And then when that ship
with Cassie came out, I waslike, that's that's what I heard.
It makes sense, that's part ofwhat I heard. I was like,
why do I know this ship?You don't be going nowhere? I'm like,
why do I know about like youdrugging Cassie and then you you ordering

(16:15):
I get male processuits for her tohave sex with, to you to like
get like jack off to yuck.Anyway, Hi, everybody, welcome to
a new season Stenough Hot we startedoff hot hot hot, Okay. So
anyway, there's a lot of stuffgoing on, and I'm really excited that
it's a new year, and I'mreally excited that it's February. February,

(16:38):
it's thirty two months into the newI know it's Black History Month. Black
History not in Florida though apparently apparentlynon in Florida. Okay, sorry Florida,
Sorry Floridians. But happy Black HistoryMonths, I know, happy Black
History Month, happy month of loveand everything. And I hope that all

(16:59):
your all you got was listening outthere. Get what you would like to
get for Valentine's Day? Do youdo you get? Do you get mad
if you don't get anything? Ordo you like are you one of those
girls that are like I need somethingor you don't care? So until I
got with Peter, honestly, Ireally like like I set the bar and
unusually low, well not, Imean, I was really depressed for the

(17:22):
majority of my adult life. SoI was just like, I don't know,
I don't really care about Valentine's Yeah, but Peter's super into Valentine's So
he's like he's like, I gotyour president, I got your present.
So ever like it, so wedefinitely do Valentine's Valentine's well, say that
you do Valentine's Day. And helike last year, he like he got

(17:44):
someone to uh he like commissioned somebodyto write a poem. It was so
nice. Like I was in therestaurant, like because it's so amazing.
Wait somebody was reading it to oryou were reading it? No, no,
like he like I was. Iwas reading it like he presented it
to me over dinner, and Iwas like, see, that's very thoughtful.

(18:06):
It's very thoughtful. So I liked. I mean, I like all
that stuff. Now it's growing up. My parents would give me something like
my mom would sometimes, but yeah, it was I wouldn't say my parents,
it was my mom that she justput their both their names, but
like they would, you know,because I'd be like I'd look around and
I didn't have I never really hada boyfriend growing up, and so it
was just like, oh, we'llsend you like flowers or we'll send you

(18:26):
something to your school. And Iused to be like, I got flowers,
reach a card. No, it'sfor me because it's really like and
dad, like you don't need toread my card I got balloons and a
beer or whatever shot up. Appreciatethat. I'm gonna see that for my
kids, get them stuff for Valentine'sto Day. I'm not really big on

(18:48):
gifts. I think like my husbandwill get he will give me stuff.
But I'm just like thanks, likeedible arrangement, Like just like the typical
soul I loved it works for me. You know. Oh my god,
the pineapples dips in dark chocolate.Oh my god. I don't even like
chocolate, but I love those.I don't like chocolate either, but there's
an edible arrangement on the corner.Okay, calm down, Okay, So

(19:12):
we're talking about love and guess what. This is a teaser for this week's
episode. Excuse really start that over? So anyway, Meg, this all
this love stuff is a bit ofa teaser for this episode's deep dive segment.
Yeah, okay, but I wantto know what would you say is
the greatest love song of all time? There's like, how do you even

(19:33):
pick one? Oh? I justpicked one in my head. Okay,
mine, Well, I would saythis comes to mind love my music soul
childs love is Yes, that isyes, that's a that's a good one,
the one that I mean it's I'mjust I just went it's one popped
in my head. And I don'tknow if this is what I consider to
be the best of all time,but it's definitely when I think a lot

(19:56):
of people will agree on I willalways love you. But what you used
to? I mean, as cornyas it is, it's I mean,
it's still a bomb ass song.It is. Anytime that should come on,
I'm like, everybody stop so manythere's like when I think about it,
like, uh, what else?There's what is love? I mean,
that's not a love song. Itis. It has loving it I

(20:18):
mean it does. But I meana lot of songs have love in them,
but they're not about love. Nogirl, And that is a no.
Yeah. It's such a love songthough, But that's a remake and
the original to me is better originalfrom I forgot this is? This is
this black dude like an R andB singer from the seventies. What I

(20:38):
don't know that? No? Yeah, that's that's a remain How that bet
your love for me? Huh?Tell me what it's gone? Iby?
What if you don't get the fuckout of here? You are so dumb?
Who is that? Yeah? Girls, shut up? No, no,

(20:59):
let's stay to get it. Yeah. But I mean I guess like
they played that song so much butthey don't. That's probably Isn't that a
qualifier for like the best love song? I mean kind of, I would
say, yeah, Crazy in Loveby Beyonce. This was a suggestion there's
just a lot of love from Leslieour producer, from who from Google?

(21:25):
That's because these people that are children. Oh sorry sorry, Brandon added that
one. I'm like, that's that'sokay. There's just a lot of love
songs. That last is nice too, But I guess I got kind of
tired of that because I kept goingto weddings and everybody, everybody's using it,
and it was like, yes,like that is a nice you know,
that's a that's a nice. Onehas a lot of love songs,

(21:48):
even though we don't support him,but I know beautiful love songs. Remember
when Brian McKnight tried to be onNasty that one time. Oh that didn't
work. It was like back toyour formula, sir, What else?
Well, I can't think of anymore. But anyway, what is love?
Not by Hataway? What is love? But what is love? Is

(22:10):
one of the most searched phrases onGoogle every year, Okay, and especially
during the month of February. OfFebruary the month of l Ove. So
for today's deep dive, we're talkingabout the power of love. They say
it's a force that transcends boundaries,But have you ever wondered about its impact
on your mental health? We knowabout the transformative power of love and its
profound effects on your well being,but how often do we consider the possibility

(22:33):
of its negative impact in the wrongsituations? Oh? Please, I consider
I've considered it because I've been insome wrong love situations. Please, please,
please please, But if you lovethe Amani State of Mind podcast,
you do please rate and review uson your favorite podcast app. We thank
you so much for tuning in tous, And if you're watching on YouTube,

(22:53):
go ahead and subscribe, share withyour friend and your mama and your
mama's friends and all that. Yeah, and thanks for the new reviews we
got on Apple Podcasts. I waslike, oh, thank you guys for
listening. Okay, so, soyeah, So, with so much to
discuss, it's time to get tothe show. Okay, y'all. So

(23:15):
it's time for our favorite segment,or one of them at least a time
when we get to be all ofbeing your business. And that's asked doctor
Emiani. Anything. We really lovereading the letters we receive, and we're
ready for some more questions. SoMeg, who's our first letter from today?
It comes from Bevy, Hey,Bevy, and it reads, dear

(23:36):
doctor Emani and Meg, I amwondering if you can diagnose me, Doctor
Emani. I have a problem withlying. I just be lying to lie
girl. I could be it couldbe little stuff like what I did this
weekend, and I'm gonna lie.Not that my lies are ever big lies.
They are always little white lies.I try to stop, but I
literally can't. I don't lie aboutbig things, but it's always little things

(23:59):
to enhance my truths, to makethem sound better. What can I do
to stop lying? How would youdiagnose me a bitch of a lie?
I know? Manby Okay, Bevy, here's the thing I would I mean,
I kind of wish you would havegiven an example of like a little
lie, Like was it like,oh I went hiking? She said?
She said, Yeah, like stufflike I did this weekend? Like she

(24:22):
said, if they're little like like, oh, I went hiking in Griffith
Park, but no, really,I went to the Grand Canyon. Like
I don't you know what I'm saying, Like I don't know like what little
versus big lie is to her,like I would like I listened to the
new Beyonce album Versus, like Iran into Beyonce at Starbucks, Like you
know what I'm saying. I thinkI don't think it's that I mean that

(24:45):
big. I think it's more likemaybe she was at home and she was
doing nothing and she was like,oh, yeah, I went hiking at
Griffith Park. Bro. You know, I'm trying to lose weight, so
I think stuff like that. Somaybe this is kind of like and when
you were reading this, I wasthinking, maybe this is kind of like
Bevys like fomo like coming out likelike to use your example, oh I

(25:07):
spent all weekend on the couch,but ooh I really went hiking. Well,
maybe the lies, the little thequote unquote little lies that you're that
you're telling, maybe you should likemake them happen. Yeah, I feel
like she said something in her shesaid, it's always little things to enhance
my truths, to make them soundbetter. So that to me means like

(25:30):
she just isn't happens yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. So she wants to
make herself some more important and morelike how she wishes she could be instead
of actually just going to be thatperson. Yeah, I mean, I'm
not gonna. I can't. I'mnot going to diagnose you. I mean
that's I mean, I would needso much more information. But I'm all,
but I am wondering if perhaps youmaybe grew up around people that told

(25:55):
little white lies, like and youknew they were lies, and you knew
they were lies, but like y'allall did it and just as a point
of like like all of y'all likedid it because it was like he was
being mischievous, but like no oneever like held anyone accountable for it.
I mean, it's it's like this, Bevy. I think that either you
need to like like stop lying,like just really make it a conscious a

(26:18):
conscious effort to stop, or someone'sgonna like catch you and hold you accountable
and then you're gonna have to stopbecause then people are gonna be like that'd
be lying. But she says shefeels like she can't stop, So how
do you stop if you feel likeyou can't. I mean, that's what
i'm You're a compulsive liar. Well, that's what I'm saying. Either you

(26:38):
stop yourself before you get busted,or somebody's gonna bust you and then you're
gonna look dumb. Well that happenedto me in a situation like a friend
of mine like she I didn't knowshe was a compulsive liar, and then
I found out and busted her withlike three huge lies. Yeah, and
it just wasn't the same. Andwhen I asked her, she was just
like, you know it, thismight be her. Actually, I don't

(26:59):
know, girl, because the wayshe explained it to me was like what
did she? Like? What didshe When I confronted her and I was
like these things. I was like, so I know you lied about this
because of this. I know you, like you know I told you that.
And I was like, why wouldyou lie to me like about these
things? These things don't even matter? And she's like, well, it's
like when okay, I'll give youan example. Like when I was when
I was younger, and I wouldgo to my grandpa's house and like have

(27:22):
I got outside and plan come inand I'd be like, oh my gosh,
Grandpa, I saw a groundhog anda hedgehog and a squirrel and a
giraffe back there, and a badger. Oh my gosh. Right, and
then and I was looking at herlike, I was like, you mean
like when little kids like pretend.She was like, yeah, it's like
that. So you're telling lies asan adult because you're a pretender. Well,

(27:49):
it also sounds like like when littlekids do that because they want attention.
So it sounds like Bevy like needsmore attention. Yeah, And then
I did realize that the lies thatshe was telling is because she again was
she was a person who didn't godo these things. She didn't have a
lot of friends. She didn't Iwas very extroverted, so I could go
hang out with people and have alife. I'm in this club, this

(28:10):
organization. Like. She just wasn'tlike that, and so she wanted to
appear like that. She wanted tobe like that, so she would make
up lies and be like me andthis person were talking about this and blah
blah blah. Meanwhile, this person'snever talked to her, so yeah,
so I realized it was like almostI wish I could be that I'm not
brave enough. Perhaps I'm I don'thave that much courage, so I'd rather

(28:30):
just lie about it. Still wrong, Yeah, I mean there's something about
Bevy's desire to like her desire tobasically craft this revisionist history like that,
Like there's something lacking. I wouldsay, ask yourself why you're not doing
the things that you're lying about,And ask yourself like like go back to

(28:53):
when you were like younger, likelike were you lying then you probably we
were, and why were you lying? Like were right? Right? Like
obviously she got positive like like exactlybecause of these little eyes like instead of
being like, oh I stayed inthe house all weekend and watched like my

(29:15):
favorite TV shows because that's what Iwant to do, it was like,
oh I did this and I didthat, Like why do you feel the
need to make yourself look better toother people when in fact these people like
no one's really gonna care exactly,Like no one's gonna care, right,
just be honest. So I meanthat's the thing, Bevy. Either you

(29:37):
either you see like yo, Igotta stop doing this shit before like somebody
like catches me or you're gonna getcaught and then you're gonna look dumb,
and then you're really like, evenif you tell the truth in people,
I'm not gonna believe you. SoI mean, how like that's I don't
know how to make you stop lying. You're gonna have to want it for
yourself because then you're gonna ruin alot of relationship. I mean, that's

(30:02):
what happened with this friend. AndI felt bad because like, now I
can never trust her because everything shesays is a lie, right, even
if she doesn't mean to think she'sa bad person. No, I just
was like, I can't really bea friend because this is a I'm a
I'm a very vulnerable like I justwill tell my friends whatever. I don't
have a gate up, a fenceup, so now I can't. It's
a it's very scary and it's almosta liability to have a friendship with somebody

(30:25):
who you is going, what areyou gonna do with this information? Who
are you like? Whos are youtelling me? So it just kind of
sucks, you know, So ifyou don't want that to be a future
Beavy, Yeah, stop lying atI remember I said early earlier in the
episode twenty twenty five twenty twenty fouris a year of accountability. Accountability,
so either stop line or you gonnaget You're gonna play us off? Okay,

(30:48):
and our next one comes from Izzy. Here's what they wrote. Hey,
doctor, Amani and Meg. Ihave been with my man for about
eight months, and I told himaround five months that I loved him.
When I told him, he freakedout and said it was too soon for
all of that. Well, atour seventh anniversary dinner, this man proposed
to me. I said yes,because I really do love that man.

(31:11):
But he has never, ever oncesaid I love you to me? Is
that odd? I know he lovesme because his actions say it for him,
but it is strange because he literallycan't physically say it. Hell,
I had men who didn't really loveme say the words to me, so
I respect him showing versus saying it. When I ask him why he can't

(31:32):
tell me he loves me, healways avoids the conversation. It's the oddest
thing. I'm so confused if Ishould continue the wedding plans or walk away?
Is it just three little words?Can his actions be stronger than hearing
the three words? He is thesweetest man, and I absolutely want to
spend the rest of my life withhim? But is this a deal breaker?
Hmm? Okay, is he kindayeah, it's a deal breaker.

(31:59):
Like why that's weird to me?Is it? Yeah? I mean because
like when I think about when Ithink about two people getting married and there
had like and one person hasn't saidI love you to the other person,
it kind of sounds like like itreminds me of like arranged marriages, you
know what I mean, where it'slike, well, I'm gonna love you.

(32:21):
But what if it's like he neverhe grew up with people who never
said it. He didn't say tothem, they didn't say to him.
They showed him, but like,we don't say that, we just well,
in an ideal situation, I feellike he would have gone to therapy
to work on that but prior butobviously this is not ideal, so I
would I mean, yeah, Ithink it's I mean cause first of all,

(32:43):
it's like, oh, I ishe says I love you to him
five months into their relationship, whichI think is like a very appropriate amount
of time to get to know somebodyand be like, yes, I do
love you, I do care foryou. But then he was like yo,
chill, chill, chill, andthen two months it's like, oh,
I want to marry you, Likehe does he need like his visa
or something like. I just feellike I just got like, like I

(33:07):
just got red flags when it waslike, I'm like it and you say
his actions, you know, speakfor him, but saying I love you
is an action as well. Andif it's important to you and he felt
that it was important that the loveyou guys have is important enough for him
to ask you to marry him,then I feel like this is like maybe

(33:29):
it's a big thing for him,but like so is getting married. So
like he's gonna have to put inthe work. Yeah, And to me,
that's the biggest red flag is likethere's I don't think I don't necessarily
say that you definitely shouldn't marry thisman, Izzy, but I think that
there might be it's an indication ofsomething bigger. Yeah, why won't he

(33:50):
tell you, Like, when you'remarried to somebody that is your partner,
that's your significant other, y'all init for life, Like that's what the
mentality going into a marriage is,right, So if if that's the case,
why does he not feel comfortable tellingyou there's something going on there,
there's a story there, some kindof trauma there that he doesn't want to
talk to you about. And tome, that seems like a bigger issue

(34:10):
because that may make you understand whyhe does certain things the way he does
them, because the story could honestlybe something like, oh, like,
you know, I never say thatbecause every time I said it, somebody
in my family died, and soI just don't say it. Like it
could be something as simple, likenot simple, but something as little as
that, and I'm like, let'ssay that, but but he that's what
I'm saying, So like, it'suntil he can until you can get to

(34:32):
the bottom of that, I don'tknow if it's safe to continue planning,
not that you, Yeah, I'mnot a fiances. Y'all might need to
be fiances for a long time.Okay, it's okay. You might need
to just like, okay, we'lljust be fiances and let's just you know,
and then if he starts to prodand push like well, why aren't
you doing like wedding planning, thenyou can get into it, like,
well, I think there's probably otherthings we need to talk about to make

(34:53):
sure this wedding lasts. I meanhis marriage lasts, not just the wedding.
Yeah. And also I'm like,I'm a really big proponent of,
like people having couples counseling before theyget married. And I will say this,
that helped me and my husband tremendously. We were engaged for like five
years, yeah, mind you inthat span of time, and then you
and then you was right. Hewas like, yeah, I'm not gonna

(35:15):
be I'm not with him no more. Yeah. And then the month before
I was about to walk out andmove away, oh yeah, to get
an apartment I was I was lookingfor. And then I just was like,
but I will tell you that thetherapy helped us. The couple's therapy
helped us so much because it helpedme understand why he does and thinks the
way he does. And it hasallowed me to give him more grace for

(35:37):
stuff, right, because before Iwas just like offended and hurt. But
then I was like, oh,he does that because of this, right,
Okay, it's not like personal tome, yeah exactly. And that's
the big question looming in like Izzy'srelationship, like why why would you propose
to me when you can't tell methat you loved yeah, yeah, yeah,
and that's it definitely sounds like it'sgoing to require a third party's intervention

(35:59):
and getting to that point. Yeah, so just you know, don't don't,
don't date, but like definitely y'allcan say fiance is just yeah,
spend some more time, because Iwill say too, that's not a lot
of time to really get to knowsomebody to be you might want to spend
more time, just as fiance.It's like, we know we want to
spend our life together, but likelet's and also like when somebody proposes to

(36:20):
someone else, isn't it like,oh my god, I love you so
much? You know? And likethey like they say a little like there's
a little prefacing before, like willyou marry me? Maybe he didn't say
I love you so much? Itdoesn't sound like you say that. Maybe
it's like, like, you know, you've changed my life. You're the
most important person in the world tome. I like never thought I would
spend my life with anybody, butyou will you marry me? There was

(36:44):
no I love you in that,but that's still very that is it was
probably like, oh my god,I love you, and he was like,
oh no, no, I can'there you go. Yeah, I
don't know. I just take itto the bottom of it. It's not
necessarily like I'm not so yellow flagsyellow flax. It's a yellow flag.
But like definitely I would say,like, listen, we need to we
really should consider talking to somebody sowe can not just for this. Yeah,

(37:07):
like I don't want to make Idon't want for him to feel like,
oh my god, like we're goingto therapy because something's wrong with you.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, let'sjust go because hey, matter of
fact, let's like not plan anythinguntil we go to therapy and make sure
both of us like understand each otherso we have the best marriage ever,
you know, right, exactly,Yeah, and then bring that up in
therapy exactly. Yeah. Well,thanks Izzy, and thanks Bevy yes for

(37:32):
sending those letters in. And ifyou have a problem, a question,
a concern, or you just wantto be nosy about your mama cousin friend
is just please hit us up bysending an email to hello at Emani state
of mind dot com. All right, now let's get into this break welcome

(37:52):
back. Let's get right into it. So we're talking about l V E
and we've all heard that love ishell of a drug because it is,
all right, and it's gonna makeyou do some crazy things. I can
say it has for me, whetherit's platonic or romantic, it's human nature
to want to be loved or givelove. The power of love can literally

(38:13):
make someone's day or ruin it.So, doctor Rimoni, what is it
about love that has a hold onour mental health for the good and the
bad, Because I need to knowwhy love has the power to drive a
person crazy. Oh my god.Okay, Well, first of all,
when you said power of love,I started thinking about Luther power love and

(38:36):
oh no, I was saying aboutMariah Carey. I had a vision.
But that's vision. Okay anyway,Sorry, messed that up. It doesn't
matter, okay. So yeah,there's there's so many different kinds of love.
I mean we all know that,yeah, right, But what it's
not. I don't think it's thelove that makes people crazy. It's the
person's mind state when they love someoneor something. Yeah, and a lot

(39:00):
of times what they feel is lovemay not be like love because love is
unconditional, right, like love islike I mean, all right, there
can be conditions like I love you, but if you come to my house
and you a crackhead, then Ican't love you no more unless I'm also
a crackhead, and then we canhave crackhead love. I mean, I
don't like you gotta. I meanI'm saying like, like now where Chris

(39:23):
Rock says, you know, likea like a crackhead and a Christian can't
be together. But two you knowwhat I'm saying, like like if y'all
both in the same shit, y'allcould both be in love. Right.
But I guess so anyway, Iguess what I'm saying is some people will
say, oh my god, Ilove this person, But then I've seen
I've had patience who said that aboutpeople they were stalking, and that's not

(39:43):
love, Like that's just like okay, So then how do you know what
the difference is between like is itreal love? Is it just like us?
Is its obsession? Like how wouldyou have a difference? Well,
if it's if it's real love,of huh, that's I mean you know
what I thought. I was preparedfor this, like for you to ask

(40:05):
me questions about this, But I'mlike, look, if it's real love,
it's something that's going to lift youup. It's something that doesn't make
you worry. Some people will saylike, oh, this feels so easy.
You know now, that doesn't meanthat that person is going to be
the love of your life, becausesomeone being the love of your life is
going to entail that they're willing tolove you and also make adjustments to themselves

(40:30):
that y'all can continue to love togetherand move forward in a relationship. But
when it gets to the point wheremaybe the love isn't requited right, like
it's unrequited love, then like youcould love that person, but if the
other person doesn't love you back,it's kind of like what are you going

(40:50):
to do? Some people can getobsessive and can become stalkrish, like if
only they if only I could showhow much I love them by sending these
flowers, is them every day withme? These dead goat heads to them,
then the go days, Then they'llbe able to understand, look at
the lengths I've gone too for you. I went and killed this goat and

(41:10):
had to evade detection and everything else. Anyway, So there's like that obsessive
kind of love lust I mean lustful, like you're gonna have lust in the
beginning of a relationship, provided you'renot an asexual person, because you know,
having sexual intercourse is how a lotof people choose to you know,

(41:34):
like want to show the person physically, outside of gifts or hugs or whatever,
that they love them. I mean, I guess, you know,
I guess what I'm saying is there'sthere's like true love that is like I
don't want to use the word wholesome, but it's it's something that other people
can see, like like you're notlike one person if the couple's together and

(41:59):
one person's like I love this personand the other person's looking at like,
you know, the a third partyand is like screaming help with their eyeballs.
Like it's something you know, it'ssomething that other people can be healthy.
It's healthy, it's a healthy relationship. It's healthy, lifts both people
up, they're in a good place. But unfortunately, sometimes unhealthy people get,
you know, into a relationship likeI don't know, like making Mallory

(42:22):
like like a fucking natural born killers. Like they were crazy, but I
do believe they loved each other.But I don't know if they really knew
what real true love was about.Because no one had ever really showed them
yeah to love. But I willsay that I think a lot of people
don't necessarily have the tools to knowhow to love, and so a lot

(42:46):
of us are just kind of leftlike trying to figure And that's what makes
it so sad, trying to figureit out. And it's like, oh
my god, because I mean thefirst time I was in love and it
all crumbled of course because of me, I was like, why is this
happening? Yes, And then Igot really like, well, if I
can just show him, I canjust Okay, yesterday I sent him one

(43:08):
go ahead. Maybe if I sendhim oh, you're the go ahead story.
You know, I was not sattingout. I'm not sending go aheads
but sending dead goats to people,y'all. But I definitely was like,
why did he just hug that girl? Oh? Yeah? Who is?
Like who is that? Who isthis? So? I don't know.
I mean, love is it's it'sit's it's hard to it's hard to to

(43:34):
it's hard to quantify, but it'seasy to qualify, like you know,
like you know what it is.But also like other people I think have
to agree, like yes, youguys, do love each other and it
is healthy and you're not like puttingeach other through trauma and turmoil and abuse
and calling it love because that ain'tthat ain't love? What is it?

(43:58):
Why does it do so much toour mental health? Like, because I
mean, love involves so many likethe thoughts that we have are at the
root of it. It's it's it'srooted in like chemicals. Yeah, like
neurotransmitters, chemicals in our brain,oxytocin and dopamine. Is serotonin, And

(44:22):
I can definitely say when my serotoninis low, I am a crazy person.
Like I am just not in agood place. It's called prosac.
I took mind this morning. Prozacpros that. No, it's it's it's
a it's it's a selective serotonin reuptakeinhibitor. And in other words, it

(44:44):
it blocks the serotonin receptors in yourbrain and also the rest of your body,
so that more serotonin can accumulate inin the in the space in between
like your your brain cells, yourneural cell neurons, and having more serotonin
available is actually what causes you tolike be like stable as far as like

(45:08):
your mood and stuff like that.Yeah, yeah, yeah, so but
when those things are off, youknow. I mean, look, I've
even seen like serial killers, notpersonally. I haven't interviewed any personally,
but like when I see documentaries,they're like, oh, well I went
you know, yes, I didthis woman and I loved her body in
the forest. But I love herand so that's why I went back to

(45:30):
have sex with her body after shewas dead. I mean, like it's
yeah, like obviously they're not right. Obviously their chemicals are off, or
there are some other stuffs and seelike if you do have low zerotonin levels,
not no, like there are Imean, there are definitely studies you

(45:51):
can have done, but they're veryexpensive and they're not readily available to like
the average person. So like maybelike a functional MRM that like can measure
how much serotonin is present in likecertain parts of your brain. Like it's
kind of like a live like theylike they introduce they'll they'll have someone in

(46:13):
an MRI machine. They'll introduce likean external stimulus. Maybe it's like some
pictures or maybe it's like something theyinject into the bloodstream and they'll kind of
see you can see that. Butthat's it's a very expensive thing to do,
and it's more so done in likeresearch, so basically like, well,
let's try these pills and see ifthey were yeah, essentially okay,
yeah, I mean and enough peoplehave taken you know, antidepressants that we

(46:37):
do know that they're like there,they work like they're efficacious as as we
would say in medicine. But butyeah, I mean there's all kinds of
there's all kinds of love. Sometimesthere's love that turns, you know,
into you know, it's one kindof love turns to another kind of love
like putonic. Some people you know, are like, oh, this parton
is my friend, like I meancountless rom coms. Yeah, yeah,

(47:00):
sometimes oh this is my friend.But now like oh now I really want
to like be with you and whatever. Then there's like, you know,
there's mania. I mean, okay, perfect example. Did you see Kanye
West and his and his well let'sjust call him her wife, I mean
his wife. I mean they're notactually they're not legally married, but like

(47:20):
no, they had like a theydidn't get legally married. They had a
ceremony, but for all intents andpurposes, his wife, right, But
I mean I don't know what's goingto happen if they break up, Like
does she get half his ship?I don't, you know, I don't,
I don't know. I doubt it. But he was walking with her.
I don't remember her name, andcensory is that her something? Yeah,

(47:42):
she's Italian and she was walking aroundIt looked like a casino or some
shit with no shoes and socks onand and just her titties, sing on
her titties. I was like,I mean, so Kanye, as we
know, as he said several timesbefore, is bipolar. And you know,
he had a falling out, ifthat's what you can call it,

(48:05):
with his now ex wife Kim Kardashian, and he went and found him somebody
else who looked just like her.Yeah. Yeah, so that's obsession,
that's It's well, I use thatas an example because he does have a
history of mania, which is justlike a it's like can be characterized by
like euphoria and irritability or uh notsleeping, like intense emotions and jealousy.

(48:28):
And remember there was that whole thingon Keeping Up with the Kardashians where Kim
was getting ready for a met galaand Kanye was like, well, I
don't really think you should be dressinglike that. And she was like,
Okay, first of all, youthe one that was gonna that was putting
me up up in all these latextight ass shit. So I don't know
what the fuck You're gonna sit upin here and tell me. If this

(48:51):
is too much, you can getthe fuck out of my face. I'm
paraphrasing, but she was like,you get the fuck up out of here,
and he was just like, well, I just don't think that my
wife should. She was like,shut up and get my face. So
you know, there's that I mean. And also speaking of love that can
that can you know, go fromone to the other, there's you know,
familial love that you know can illegallyturn into incestuous yea, which is

(49:15):
gross. Yeah, there's still likethere's some group I forgot the the the
name of the group, but likethere's a group of people, like an
association where they like people that havemarried their their cousins, like their first
cousins and yeah group, yeah,it's like the association of cousin fuckers or

(49:39):
something. I don't I don't know, I don't know, but but like
I was reading this article a longtime ago and they were talking about how
I guess like some researcher did tostudy to find out like when they had
kids, like what's the occurrence oflike genetic abnormalities their kids. I don't

(50:00):
remember. This was years ago,but I think most importantly, right,
a lot of us don't know howto love because we have not engaged in
enough self love. Ooh, thatpart right there. Self love. I
mean if I can definitely say nowat forty eight that I have a lot

(50:21):
of self love, but because Ididn't grow up knowing what love was from
like my biological father. Let's sayI went, you know, when I
became of age, I went lookingfor love elsewhere, Like I just went
looking for love in boys. Andit's not it's not like an uncommon story,

(50:44):
but it's just like it's it's arecipe for disaster. Yeah, like
you just like you have to yougotta be shown love by like your parent
or your parental figures. It's socrazy. I was just having this conversation
this morning, and I was talkingabout a friend who like her life and
how she grew up and how therewas just a big absence of love.

(51:06):
There was a lot of like likephysical emotional abuse, in her family,
and it's just like we were talkingabout how that carries through life and how
that affects you today she said,thousands of hours of therapy, Oh yeah,
there's still things that happen that Ijust can't of. Like she's like,
I'm trying to revert back to whathow I was because I didn't get

(51:27):
that love as a kid. Andmind you, I have thousands of hours,
like thousands of year's worth of therapy, but still there's always some little
things. But now I can likeidentify and go, Okay, clearly that
right, that's where it stems from. There's something I need to work on.
And she's like, usually what happensis I need to spend more time
loving myself and then then I'll getback to a good place. But if
I don't, then I'll go I'lljust revert back to where I was,

(51:51):
right exactly. Yeah, I mean, because for those of us who you
know luckily have have self love,we're capable of spending time with ourselves.
And I mean it doesn't mean thatlike, oh I can be by myself
forever. It just means that you'renot like, oh, I have like
a chunk of time. I needto go find somebody to latch onto so

(52:15):
that I can get the love that'smissing in me. Yeah, Like that's
why I always hated the I guessthe idea of like, oh, like
we got together two halves becoming awhole. It's like, no, I'm
a whole and you whole, andthen we come together and now we two
people together exactly Like I'm not halfof nothing. I mean I believe that

(52:37):
at one point, but you no, like that's not that's not how you
do it. I honestly can saythat I've been thinking about a lot.
I've been thinking about that a lotthis year because it's so interesting to see
like my son where he is now, because he just turned seventeen, and
he's just like happy, you know, and he's he's just like really happy

(53:00):
and just like just he's just somuch different than I was at that age.
Like I was like, I mean, it was a different time,
don't get me wrong, but Iwas like, oh God, I need
to get out of this house,Like I need to get away from my
parents, Like I just want tojust be on my own so I can
just like you know, live mylife. But a lot of what I

(53:21):
thought quote unquote. Living my lifewas was like trying to find the love
that I wanted and needed. Butfor him, he's like I'm fine.
And you know when he hangs outwith his friends, like he's like he's
like all they want to do islike do drugs and hook up and I'm
like, yeah, like you know, he saw me the other day they
had they had a school dance,like a semi formal earlier this week,

(53:45):
and he was like, yeah,I got invited to the after party.
And I was like, why don'tyou go to the after party? Like
you could have just taken it goingto the after party and like you know,
taking an uber home and he waslike, hmmm, I don't want
to do all that. I waslike, how are you right? I
mean I was going to the afterparties, but I had a curfew,
like I had to go back home. But I was like, Idris,

(54:05):
I am not tripping. And plusI know him, so he'd be like
all they want to do is likemake out with each other and just like
smoke things, and like I don'twant to do that. And I was
like I need to learn this recipefor parents. Let me tell you the
recipe. The recipe is apparently thesmoke weed every day in front of your
child and listen to the wildest shitand curse without abandon and now you can

(54:29):
have you a very well adjusted Imean, I'm just like, how did
I do it? Like I amlike literally like the most I don't know.
I'm like, is this street parenting? Because I just I'm just like,
I don't, like, why areyou not out with your friends at
the after party? Like go togo to aunt party? He was like,

(54:50):
no, I just want to gohome. I was like, all
right, nerd anyway, but selflove is super important, and I think
the fact that I had a lotof help with raising because raising a child
need a village, you do,I mean, and you need a village.
And I'm just happy that he hasthat love because whenever, like I
guess he feels like I don't needto get it from anywhere else. Yeah,

(55:13):
so like he's like, yeah,I might have a crush on somebody,
but like all right, like whatever, Like I guess, I guess
he's kind of like, you gotto show me what what you're working with,
which is that is a sign ofhealthy self love. I know I
can't, but I'm telling you Icannot believe it. I'm like, I
can't believe it. I'm like Iand I just want to say that.

(55:34):
Like in my family, I'm Ireally like, I'm I got I've been
doing therapy out the ashaw, Igot individual therapy. I just started family
therapy with my mom like late lastyear, like I got there. I
have therapy sessions all the time.And it takes so much to be that
person to to reverse intergenerational like trauma. And I feel like my family,

(56:01):
like the majority of them are kindof like what is up with Emani?
Like why like she don't really betalking to us, she don't really be
and I'm just like, well,I don't really need to, like I'm
happy, like this is I'm great, Like everything in my house is cool,
and y'all keep doing that right becauseI don't want that anymore, Like

(56:23):
I worked to get rid of that. So but it's nice to be able
to see, you know, mychild just being like, yeah, I'm
fine, like I'm cool, Sobe more like my kid. I'm just
kidding. No, I mean,well, but you but honestly love yourself.
You gotta love yourself or you cango through thousands of hours of therapy,
which I'm now doing, Like,look, you gonna have to pay

(56:45):
you wanna pay for it at somepoint? Yeah, you might as well
just handle it down right, payfor it with money, don't pay for
it with like you know, yourhurt feelings and goat heads. Yeah,
that's not cool. I think that'sone of the because it's always hard,
you know, like when you're inthe thick of life, what you feel
like is love or you know arelationship with somebody and you're and then you're
like, why did they call meright? And you're sad, And I

(57:08):
think that's when you have to reevaluate, like you're right, like what am
I going? Like? What amI looking for? And you have to
reevaluate your own self love because ifyou love yourself enough, then you won't
allow somebody to treat you like that. Then you'll be like why would you
You don't want to call me right? Instead of why wouldn't you call me?
Exactly? Because you think you ina relationship and really you in a

(57:30):
situationship, you know, but youknow, but like you said, the
dopamine, serotonin, oxy to allthe stuff that you get when you're on
that love high, like you wantto keep it there, so you'll say
things that you're like, when youlook back, kind sac you're like,
what was I thinking? Oh mygirl, I remember being in it.
You would have thought I was ina music video. I remember one time
I was like I had got myheart broke. I was taking the shower.

(57:52):
My hand was on the wall.I was crying, hand on a
wild shower, just water just comingdown. I really looked like I was
an RMBD. I definitely feel likeI've done an R and B moment in
a video, like the wall slide, like like you hit the wall and
then you just to be like,yes, I've definitely wall slid definitely.

(58:15):
So you know, like like anythinganything that's happened in a Mary Day Block
video I've done would have come tolove, even even being on top of
like a roof and spinning around likelike like when I'm like yes, yes,
and then you know yeah, thennext week about the dancery, and
then the week after I'm thinking abouthis child, and this girl came and

(58:40):
the baby eyes would have yours andgirl all kinds of shit, my gosh,
I mean not really that didn't happento me. I'm glad it never
did. But yeah, so inany case, whether it's the love you
share with others or the love thatwe have for ourselves, I want you.
I want you to embrace and celebratethe love that surrounds you today because
it's super important, y'all. Soeverybody, that's all the time we have

(59:02):
for our deep dive segment. Yes, let us switch gears and get into
our last segment of the day.Pop culture diagnosis will be right back,
he said, love, So Meg, let's get into our pop culture diagnosis

(59:22):
for this week. So can youplease give our listeners a quick synopsis of
the cult classic the Color Purple.The color purple? You we're going to
diagnose today, Yes, if you'venever seen the color purple? Who has
never seen the color purple? Girl? I found a few people and I
was like, are they white?They're black? What do you are?
They like? You excited me toyell into the microphone. Are they like

(59:45):
younger? They are like late twenties, early thirties? Okay, so yeah,
but no, you still had lifetimegrowing up on your TV and that
they used to show that NonStop.No, they I mean the color purple
is like everything's giving our Christmas islike it's some saying you've seen it.
You had cable growing up, soyou've seen it. I don't know.

(01:00:06):
I don't know. I was justlike, what's so anyway, hopefully you're
not one of those people, andyou have seen the Color Purple, you
know what it's about. There wasa new remake that was just made at
the end of last year write aroundChristmas, and came out amazing. I
loved it. It's more of amusical than the original. But the Color
Purple. For those of you,those three of you in the world who
haven't seen this movie is about ablack teenager named Seely growing up in rural

(01:00:30):
Georgia in the early nineteen hundreds andin the book, because the TV show
and the move I mean sorry,both movies were adapted from a book.
In the book, she writes theseletters to God and she's kind of telling
her story, right. We followher through her struggles with an abusive father,
teenage pregnancy, and abusive marriage,and you kind of go through her

(01:00:52):
life and see how things were backthen for her. We also see the
close bond she has with her sisterNeddie. You and me must have that
part A missed. Oh my god, so you know what I will say,
I love the color. I lovethe original color purple. Yeah,
there's so many like quotables everything,but so I had to, like I

(01:01:15):
ran to go watch The Color Purplewith my homegirls, like okay, guys,
we gotta go. We had agreat time. And the New Color
Purple. I like that it's amusical. There's a lot of music,
a lot of singing. Fantasia's thenew Ceily. And she did an amazing
well, I mean amazing job shewas. She was yeah, I mean

(01:01:35):
see first of all, Fantasia,I mean she did she did a very
good job. And then Taraji pHenson plays Shug Avery. Was she singing
yeah, and which is crazy becauselike because she saying yes, oh ship,
which I remember like when she didEmpire, she sang some stuff,
but like it didn't register to me. When she started singing, I realized,
I don't know what her singing voicesounds, like, like I can

(01:01:57):
hear Fantasia's singing voice, right,I knew when she was singing. I
knew it a sanda like when Tarajiwas singing in the movie. I was
like, wait, is this avoiceover or this is her? And my
friend's like, no, girl,that's how that's what she sounds like.
I was like, I have noidea, I have no understanding or recollection
of how her voice sounds when shesings. But she's amazing. She's really
good. Okay, okay, good, she did great. Sierra was in

(01:02:21):
the movie for a brief moment.Girl. She was, uh, what's
her name? She was grown Netty? What grown Nettie that came back from
Africa? Pause? Stop, okay, wait a minute. That is because
who was young? Who was youngNatdy? Halle Bailey? Oh, Hallie

(01:02:43):
Bailey was the young Natty and theSierra and they I was like, oh,
yeah, okay, they favor youknow man oh Conna. I mean
what like enough to where they putthe makeup on. They looked like that
could be true. Okay, randomside, No, I saw yesterday that
Tana Taylor is supposed to play.I was like, yes, yes,

(01:03:05):
exactly the same. I feel it. And now I will say this I
didn't. I haven't seen the newcolor purple yet. Part of me that's
gonna sound so stupid. I sawsomebody write this on like, not Twitter,
on Instagram, but somebody said,well, my my aunt said she
didn't want to go see it onChristmas Day because because all the white people
knew that that's where all the blackpeople was gonna be at. So I

(01:03:28):
was like, I can't. I'mnot gonna go see it that day.
I mean for real, I'm like, what if they know and then they
go and boond the theaters? Youknow what I'm saying. I'm like,
I don't want to. I don'twant to be that person. I think
it's a stretch. I do understandthe sentiment, but they can do that
on any any of the week.They could, but I really wanted to
do I was like, you knowwhat, First of all, I can
quote the entire original Color Purple movie, so like, I'm fine, but

(01:03:52):
I remember Peter's sister was like,she was like, hey, you guys,
let's all go see Color Purple andthen we can all dress in purple.
And then my friends tried to saythat, so I'm gonna wear my
Christmas weater Christmas. Peter was like, no, but it is, but
it's a really good I think youshould. You know, if you haven't

(01:04:13):
seen the remake, you absolutely know. I want at some point, maybe
not in the theaters, maybe justwatching when it gets on your TV.
But like it's really good, andI like how there was some details that
I feel like the original movie kindof left out and I didn't even realize
I needed those details until the newmovie showed it. So I do like
that. I like that it wasa musical. Certain situations that were acted

(01:04:34):
out in the first movie, theyjust turned that situation into a musical.
So for example, like the situationwith oh when Sugar Avery, you know,
Sugar Avery and Seely have like alesbian moment right in the book goes
into way more detail the original movie, which came out in the eighties,
obviously, yeah, they couldn't reallygo into it. It's just the times

(01:04:57):
were different and this musical. Yeah, in this movie they decided to make
that like a that moment, likea musical moment, and then you just
saw them like wake up together thenext morning, so you kind of knew,
you see what I'm saying. Soit's like there was different details the
same storyline, but different details thatI really liked. The music. There
was dancing, the vibrancy that itwas just stay black. It was very

(01:05:21):
us it was Yeah, it wasbeautiful. I heard people, I heard
a couple of people say on socialmedia that like somebody's grandma, somebody's auntie
was in the movie, and whenCelly and shook Avery kiss, they was
like that is now what's supposed tohappen to Somebody was like it's in the
book, right, Like you didnot read the book at all, I

(01:05:42):
know, like we and apparently thatlittle peck was such a big deal back
in the eighties. Yeah for surethat like they almost didn't make it into
the movie and all this other shit. But in any case, we're here,
yes, so diagnosed Cely. Weare here to diagnose. And then
I really like how her you knowher story that you see the abuse and
all the stuff that she went through, and then towards the end of the

(01:06:03):
story she's there's a lot of selflove. You can see how she sees
yeah differently. So let's diagnose her. How would you diagnose Seely? Well,
first I would say that when itcomes to Cely, I think the
key to her loving herself, orthe first I guess catalyst for her loving
herself really is sugar Avery. Yeah, which is wild because like in the

(01:06:26):
I mean, if for the threeof you who haven't seen the movie,
you're gonna have to watch the movie. But the fact that like sugar Avery
treated Ceely like shit, yeah,yeah, yeah, horribly, and mister
was just like, oh, suggaverythis, No, she'll gavey that and
just running around the house, andCely basically was like, well, I
mean obviously this is my you know, abusive husband's like love interest. You

(01:06:47):
know, I'll just cook her foodand do whatever. But sug saw sug
knew how raggedy mister was. Yeah, exactly. And I mean that's that's
a story for another day. Yeah, but and I and you know,
like we never see Sugar and misterever like interact romantically, at least in

(01:07:09):
the first movie. No, theydid, didn't they He came and got
like he he was he was fawningover her. Oh so, but he
went and got her like when shewas like when she she's like you show
ugly right, that was yeah,but he but it was always like he
Like I kind of felt like inthe original movie that that Sugar Avery was

(01:07:31):
at least like leading him on.Yeah, and then and he and then
when he came and got her andshe was like recovering I guess from whatever
she was recovering from at the housethat he was like, Okay, if
I'm nice enough to her, thenshe's gonna be nice to me, and
then maybe she'll give me some Yeah, but you know, I don't know.
In any case, a lot ofthe self love is really it starts

(01:07:55):
with Sugar Avery because sug Avery andCeely's world was so beautiful and she was
glamorous and she could sing. Andthen the fact that this you know,
glamorous woman took interest in her wasreally big for Ceely because Celi was always
told that she was, you know, ugly. She was actually the consolation
prize for mister because Mister wanted Nettie, but Eddie was didn't want to have

(01:08:19):
anything to do with him. Butit was I guess, you know,
it was through Shook Avery showing Celithat she could be loved and that she
was beautiful and that she was worthy, that she was able to learn to
love herself and ultimately, you know, have the strength to walk away from
yeah, walk away from mister,which I mean was Coleman Domingo was He

(01:08:44):
was he like a scary mister.He was. He was he was like
when I compare him and Danny Glover, he was. Okay, so Danny
Glover just he will always be like, oh, yes he was, Yes
he did that. But Coleman Domingodid a very good job. And you
were like a scene where Seely isshaving him at that seat. I remember,
like I wanted her to like slicehis next so bad, the same

(01:09:06):
as the original movie. So comaDimino did his job as a sister.
Okay, yeah, okay, nice, nice, nice. I mean Cely
at the end of the day,is you know she was she was.
She was pregnant as she was pregnantas a teenager by her own father,
who I'm assuming was beating the shitout at her for being born, for

(01:09:30):
being quote unquote ugly. I don'tremember in the movie or in the book
if Nettie was ever subjected to thesame treatment. I don't think she was.
I think it was in the newmovie. I'm not mistaken because it
was long. I believe it.We find out that that was Nettie's real
dad, but not Seely's real dad, which makes more sense. I was

(01:09:53):
like, oh, that's why hedidn't abuse Nettie the way he abused Seely.
Right, Sometimes you know, abusersdo that, Yeah, no,
exactly, like they their own likelike actual children, but they'll abuse other
children with narcissists apparently, like ifthere's if a narcissist has more than one
child, they'll be like those there'susually like a golden child, like a

(01:10:16):
child that like they that person willput all of their attention and like love
quote unquote love onto that kid,and then every and then there'll be one
child that's just like just abused relentlessly. And I guess that would have been
Seely. I mean, Ceely's depressed. I don't think that's a stretch.

(01:10:36):
Cely definitely is just somebody who wasnever really shown love as a kid and
had two kids from her dad,and I mean just it's just it's it's
so it's so horrible what she hadto go through, but it's so also
nice to see that Neddie was ableto find her voice and that she was

(01:11:01):
able to find that self love andby finding her voice, she was able
to speak up for herself and walkaway from mister her and then ultimately like
she got to be reunited with herkids. Yeah, which is like it
was so oh my god, theway and the way it was presented in
the new movie, which was like, oh my goodness, it was beautiful.

(01:11:21):
At the end, everybody had ontheir white the Easter, you know,
they having a dinner that Seeli wasposting for everyone. And even though
you know, even though mister Herand mister Him had been divorced, she
had moved on, she had asuccessful business, she still invited him.
And I'm like, no, heseemed like very different than he was at

(01:11:43):
the beginning of the movie. Imean, I think it's nice, you
know, for redemption purposes and stuff, but I also, I mean,
I haven't seen the movie, soI mean, everybody can take this with
a grain of salt. I justthink it's sending the wrong message. Like
he beat the shit out and hedid. He was he was an abuser,
right, and I'm I mean,personally, I just don't think that's

(01:12:03):
a good message to have, Likeif you want to be you can you
can have redeeming qualities eventually if youchange your life as an abuser. But
it's not going to come from well. I think that's what what had changed,
because he was the reason in themovie why Nettie and her family could
come back, because he got aletter. But he was having a letter.

(01:12:24):
No, no, no, no, this was after So this was
after Seely had left him, Iknow, you know, and she she
moved on, she had her littlepants business. And then the letter came
that they needed He read the letterfrom from Neddie that was like, hey,
we need like basically help from theimmigration office. You were gonna have

(01:12:44):
to go there to help us orwhatever. Yeah, and so he could
have been the same, like shittyperson he was, but then he actually
went there and you know, madeit happen, which he he didn't have
to do that, he couldn't.But that's a to me, that's the
least you could have and for thelifetime, least at least you could have
done. So I'm glad that thatwas at least that happened. And no,

(01:13:09):
it happened. But he's but hecan't come over to the house and
eat. No, get the funkout of here. Like remember he was
beating mass me too. So yeah, that I don't know how you get
past that. Yeah, that takesa whole lot of straight I don't I
don't know if I would have that. Yeah, Like we can be cool,
but you can't be around me likehere. No, no, you

(01:13:30):
can go back to your raggedy housethat looked like ship. Now that I'm
not cleaning up after you and makingit all nice and neat, so whatever.
So insummation. Cely is depressed,and she also isn't a is a
domestic abuse survivor. Yeah, andgood for you, Cely, you did
it. Oh and she is sexualabuse yeah survivors. Well yeah, because

(01:13:57):
because mister rapes her too. Yeah. There was just and then that movie
just made me really think about itbecause my friend was like, you know,
I want to bring my daughter,and her daughter is ten, and
I was like, I see thecolor purple when I was ten. I
mean I did different tens. Ididn't even get a lot. I mean
I got enough of it. LikeI was crying throughout the whole movie.
I was like, oh my god. I was like, what is happening.

(01:14:18):
That's probably why you should have beenwatching it at ten. I mean
no, it was too late forme. Girl. I've seen all kindship,
but I was just like, ohmy god. I was like,
oh my. It was just Iwas like, you know, if you're
ready to have the conversation, becauseyou're gonna have to have a home,
you're gonna have to have a conversationpregnancy like incest abuse, physical abuse like
sexual abuse. If you're ready tohave those conversations with your ten year old,

(01:14:41):
then for sure. She was like, now, girl, never mind.
Yeah, I would say like maybetwelve thirteen. Yeah, like you
know, gauge your child. Butlike that made me really think, like,
oh my goodness, Like we wasreally watching the nineteen eighties Color Purple,
and we weren't really we like weknew all this stuff had happened to
Sealy, but we were just like, oh, yeah, her dad like
impregnated her and then like mister beadher and stuff like it was terrible.

(01:15:02):
Girl. I was like ten.I remember going to the movies and being
like, oh my god, likethe gravity of this. Yeah, then
I read it. Then I readthe book and when I was eleven,
and I was like, you readthe book? Yeah. I was like,
I was like, god, damn, because I figured I saw the

(01:15:23):
movie. I was like, letme read the book, and I was
like it's way more like, man, oh my god. I was like,
what is happening in here? ButI mean, I love the color
purple. I love the color purplefor so many reasons. But I also
love the color purple because when SugarAvery was singing, God is trying to

(01:15:43):
tell you something. They made ahouse house music version of that. And
that ship, Oh for real,that ship is so tight. And I
think the other thing, the storylineof Sophia was very interesting. Yes,
like she didn't thanks as Oprah Winfrey'scame character. She did. She did
it justice. Good job, DanielleBrioks. But Sophia is Oh my god,

(01:16:05):
And I think that's another thing.So so Celi has examples throughout her
life of women of who are likestronglves and they're strong, and Sophia is
one of them. Oh, shesure is Sophia, you know, yes,
the way that Missa was beating,so it was just kind of like,
oh and in the movie you seethat she's not taking it. And

(01:16:27):
so as soon as Harpo puts hishands on Sophia, Sofia is out of
there. She's like, you putyour hands on me, We're done.
And there's a whole musical selection andshe grabs a baby. She just out
of here, and then she alsoends up so you know, uh,
in the original movie, he's withSqueak squeak, and so Sophia comes back
to the little joint that he's turnedtheir house into her with her new husband,

(01:16:54):
and you can just say like she'slike, I'm not living like that.
I'm not doing it now. Eventuallythey get back together in the movie,
but it was cool to see like, oh, you did this to
me, I'm not gonna allow youto I'm moving on. That's reseemption,
Like okay, like you hit meone time and then look what I did
see face, and then I leftyou, and then years past, obviously
you got your mind right, andnow we can, you know, like

(01:17:15):
talk be in a relationship, notlike I'm beating. I was beating y'all
ass raped. You brought in thisnext woman that that called you ugly,
and now I'm gonna invite you becauseyou ended up helping my family with the
visus. I'm like, no,it's a little too optimistic. But in

(01:17:36):
any case, that's it for popculture Diagnosis this week. I hope you
guys enjoyed it. Yes, sowe're gonna have another fun character to analyze
next week and talk about it inour next episode. So if you have
any character suggestions you'd like me todiagnose, hit me up on Twitter.
It's Twitter now it's not X Imean it is. I don't give a

(01:17:58):
fuck though. It's Twitter at doctorUnderscore Emani, hit meg up on Instagram
at meg scoop All One Word,or email us both at Hello at emanistateofmind
dot com. And if you'll loveus and the show, please remember to
rate and review us in your favoritepodcast app or if you're watching on YouTube,
like this video, comment and subscribeto our channel. We appreciate you,

(01:18:20):
we love you, We thank youso much. Thank you everybody.
See you next time. Bye,