September 10, 2025 • 20 mins
Dealing with a colleague who clearly can't stand you? Managing a scattered team across multiple cities? Or trying to function at work while your heart is completely shattered?
This week, we're diving deep into three workplace situations that test your emotional intelligence - from navigating hostile colleagues to building team cohesion across state lines, plus surviving the office when you're going through the worst breakup of your life.
What you'll learn:
• Hostile Colleague Survival Guide: When "kill them with kindness" isn't working, how to recognise when workplace tension crosses into bullying territory, and the exact conversation to have with HR when it's affecting your performance
• Multi-City Team Management Reality Check: Why your company might be setting you up to fail, the team leader structure that actually works across Melbourne, Sydney, Perth and Adelaide, and how to push back when you're not given the tools for success
• Heartbreak at Work Handbook: The surprising difference between pre and post-COVID heartbreak recovery, why taking mental health leave for relationship breakdown is completely valid, and how being honest with colleagues can turn them into your support network
Welcome to BIZ Inbox, your go-to workplace advice podcast where awkward career questions get real-world solutions.
Got office politics nightmares or boss-from-hell situations? Send us a voice note or email us at podcast@mamamia.com.au. You can remain completely anonymous!
SHOW MENTIONS:
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HOSTS: Sarah Davidson and Em Vernem
SENIOR PRODUCER: Sophie Campbell
AUDIO PRODUCER: Leah Porges
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
You're listening to I'MM with mea podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Hello, and welcome back to Biz Inbox.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
I'm M Vernon and I'm Sarah Davidson.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
And today we are tackling some awkward workplace situations, like
when your colleague just doesn't like you to the point
where it affects your work. And we're also talking about
the nightmare of managing a team spread across multiple cities
when everyone's forming their own little cliques and you can't
be everywhere all at once.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Oh my god, nightmare material.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
And later we're helping someone who's going through the worst
breakup ever but still has to show up to the
office and pretend to be a functioning human being.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
But first, I have a little PSA that kind of
hooks off an episode we did a few weeks ago.
Do you remember when Sarah, you were telling me about
that stat how women are less likely to apply for
a job if they don't meet all their requirements compared
to men. Well, I've got some news for you, and
not good news. Oh so chat GPT and other chatbots
research has found that they're literally telling women to ask
(01:13):
for lower salaries than men, even if they have identical qualifications.
No isn't that insane. I use chat GPT to help
me with performance reviews and stuff like that, and like
salary negotiation. She's been lying to me this whole time
like I could be a billionaire by now.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
I am for sure.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
So this is just a little reminder that yes, AI
is helpful, but do not rely on it for your
entire career advice. You know your self worth more than anything,
including AI, because AI basically just takes resources and sources
from all the information that's out there, and obviously the
(01:55):
information is out there is that men get paid more
than women, So AI is like, oh, men get paid
more than women, so women should ask for lower salaries.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
It's like they're trained on data that like real world
bias and is just perpetuating it over and hoes. And
this has me really shook because I rely on CHATDPT
for way too much in my life, and I think
I need to just like check myself before I wreck
myself and remember that it doesn't have the final say
on everything.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Yeah. I wonder what.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Our chat shepts will do if we told them that,
be like, hey, I heard you've been doing something. You've
been telling women to us for lower salaries for men.
That's not cool. Don't ever do that with me or
any other woman ever. Again, I think that would help.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I think you would have to say, by the way,
I have noticed you are taking into account current existing biases,
and I want you not to do that and give
me fresh advice.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
I think you'd have to get a bit sassy.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah, but then it would learn from that. But it's
actually horrifying that unless you did that, it wouldn't know.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Yeah, we all have to untrain our aibots so they
can be feminists. Like God, all right, let's how am
I going? I feel like that's just going to open
up a whole new wave of dilemmas coming ourway.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
I know, and I'm actually embarrassed how much I delegate
like decision making in my entire life.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
What's the most embarrassing thing you think you've asked your
chat GPT. Oh, I'm actually working on a piece from
a mer about this because I asked it a really
embarrassing question.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Okay, mine has definitely got to be about I'm in
that era where I'm still postpartum, where either myself or
my son has some kind of bodily fluid at most times. Yeah,
and so I have uploaded some imagery of different consistencies
of bodily fluid to ask if it's normal and that
(03:48):
doesn't need to be seen by anyone else in the world.
And my poor chat GPT has had to cope with
all of that. It's like basically me asking web MD
how I always have except chat GBT massive overshare bodily functions.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
That's really smart. Your chat GBT is going to the
other chain, GPT is going mine keeps uploading these crazy photos. Guys,
can we swap like this is crazy?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Yeah, like literally just like fluids. I'm like, tell me
what about the color whatever? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Anyway, Oh my god, I love that.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
I was seeing this guy and I asked it to
decipher text messages from him and he was ghosting me,
and I gave it like all the history, like all
the text messages, and I was like, do you think
it's over between us? Please tell the truth?
Speaker 3 (04:30):
And I was like, yes, I love that.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
It was really good. Then I asked it, what's the
most embarrassing question you think I've asked you? And it
gave me a whole list, which was completely uncalled for.
But because I thought it was gonna be like that situation,
like getting it to decipher text messages from men, but
instead it said that time when you asked me do
I need the seasoned chicken?
Speaker 3 (04:56):
And I was like, touche. You're such a basic bitch.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
I love it so basic, Like I'm way to rely
on AI. So but I think we can all take
a breather from asking it some questions.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Some of mine is like how many days after like
having spinach in my fridge?
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Can I delete it?
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Like really things where it's like you're an adult, babe,
like you should already know.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
It's like is it moldy? Then yeah, don't eat it.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
I wish I could upload a smell and be like,
can you smell it for me and tell me if
it's still in date or not.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
I always think about, like, imagine my AI compared to
like an AI of some tech bro coder who's asking
it these really big questions, and mine's just.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Does he still like me? It's my butler cheens.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Okay, let's jump into it. So our first question has
come from Lisa, and she dmd us with a situation
that's making her question everything. She says, there's a colleague
who clearly doesn't like me. She gives one word answers,
avoids eye contact, and goes quiet when I join conversations.
We have to work together on projects, but the tension
(06:00):
is affecting our output. I've tried being friendly, but she
seems annoyed by my effort. I generally don't know what
I did wrong. How do I navigate working with someone
who obviously can't stand me?
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Oh, Lisa, I have so much empathy for you, because
I am the least confrontational person and the biggest people
pleaser of anyone who I've met, And this would actually
ruin me. I already am having an internal meltdown on
Lisa's behalf. It's not even happened to me.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Happening to me, and I'm like, I can't deal with it.
I would have to make it right.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Yeah, have you ever felt like you worked with someone
who didn't like you.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
I've definitely had times where I'm like, look, we're not
best friends. I wouldn't say there's been hostility in this
kind of you know, vein, and I would definitely find
this very distracting. It would absolutely affect my output because
I would need to know why and how I could
fix it, and especially if it was affecting my performance,
I just wouldn't be able to, Like I would start
to dread going to work every day. And I think
(06:58):
my first reaction was, you know, kill them with kindness.
You can only be the bigger person. But if you've
tried that and it isn't working, it's hard. I mean,
sometimes you're never going to change someone's mind. Sometimes you
just not each other's people, and you have to work
around that professionally. But if it's kind of turning into
like you know, bullying, workplace hostility that is affecting the
(07:19):
entire team, I think that's a situation perhaps even FORHHR
or even to have a conversation between you before you do,
make it more formal and just say like, look, is
there anything I've done again? I would never be able
to say that because I'm too awkward, but like, go
you go off, queen, you should ask her?
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Oh my god, I yeah, I one hundred percent agree
with you. I have had a similar situation, not exactly
the same where the person was hostile, but more like
I knew I was working with someone who didn't like me,
and I was fine with it, but then it's exactly
what you said. It started turning into this nasty behavior
where it was like bullying, like they were bullying me
(08:00):
in the workplace. And it got to a point where
because I've grown up not thinking that you'll always work
with people you don't like, and to me, in my head,
I was thinking, that's the extreme, because that's what you
see in like TV and movies and stuff. I didn't
know it's not normal to work with someone that really,
really hates your guts for absolutely no reason. And I
(08:21):
kept going. I kept working, and then my manager noticed
that my output when this person was on leave or
on sick leave was so much better compared to when
she was working at the company I was at, and
we had a conversation, and I was having conversations with
people in HR about wanting to move to a different
team and stuff. It's like I didn't even want to
(08:41):
address the situation myself, or it was like a subconscious
inkling in the back of my head where I thought
it was such a normal behavior that I wanted to
work at a different team and I was more happy
when she wasn't here that I didn't even put two
and two together. It was my manager who put it
together and then they had a talk with her and
eventually she left the company. But after the talk with her,
(09:01):
it immediately got better. So I do think it's one
of those situations where I feel like, if you really
can't work and starting to get hostile, where she's like
literally not replying to you and you need to talk
about work things, then that is a hr thing that
you need to bring into because it's also impacting the
whiter company as well. If both of you can't work
to the best of your abilities, it's like not only
(09:22):
a mental health thing, but it's like a physical health
thing as well, Like it manifests in so many different ways,
and your company with one hundred percent want to sort
this out. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
I think as a chronic people pleaser, you do have
to accept that you won't love everyone who you work with,
and that you could even maybe actively dislike some people.
But if you can overcome that professionally, it's fine. You
don't have to be best friends, but if you're not
able to communicate, like it says that that person goes
quiet when Lisa joins conversations, like if that's affecting a
(09:52):
work productivity conversation and is stopping people actually getting results
as a team. Yeah, that goes beyond just the two
of you, and you definitely need some support in working
out what the best way is to cope with that.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
And I'm so sorry that you face that. Yeah, there
every day. That's so tough.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
The next question we have is from an anonymous person
who submitted this to us. They said, I manage eight
people across Melbourne, Sydney, Perth and Adelaide. That's a lot
of cities. The Melbourne crew makes decisions without consulting others,
Perth feels left out, Sydney seems disengaged in video calls.
The team cohesion scores are low. I'm struggling to build
(10:37):
genuine relationships when every interaction is scheduled and on screen.
The company won't pay for face to face meetups, and
I can't be everywhere at once. How do I manage
effectively across multiple cities while keeping everyone connected and accountable.
This one's hard because I've actually never worked with people
across different cities before. But I have managed people who
(10:59):
were in different cities, but they were all in the
same city and I was the one in the different city,
and that seemed a bit easier. Oh, I think it's
when you're managing people in like multiple different cities. I
also feel like this is a question for leadership to
be like, is this the most effective way to structure
a team if like they're all split up across multiple
different cities, it just seems very, very difficult.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
When I was working through this, in my mind, I
was like, that obviously sounds enormously challenging and not ideal.
I kind of thought like, what are the ways that
you could keep working on engagement? How could you kind of,
I don't know, spice up the online interactions that everyone has,
but it is it is an enormous barrier to cohesion,
to not being able to be in the same room.
And I think that it is probably something that you
(11:44):
do go back to the company about before, Like it's
kind of not on you to help build a barrier
when that is the structure of the business. Yeah, and
you can only do what you can do to make
people engage when they live in all different states, and
something that does work really well in situations like the
firm I used to work in did have lots of
different officers and we weren't always working in teams together.
But when we were there would be in person and meetings,
(12:06):
even if it was just a kickoff and then a
closer But you have to get everyone in the same
room to build that kind of team morale. And so
I think I would go back to the company and
the decision makers first and pitch to them and say,
this is really not building the cohesion that this team.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
Needs to be able to work together. There's only so
much you can do.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Like you could try maybe things like trivia with the teams,
but you know, if people are already disengaged, they're just
going to think that's lame.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Especially if they made their own like cliques right in
their own cities. And it seems like your company also
is in setting you up for success, saying that they
won't fly people over for face to face. I'm going
to give you a business plan right here. I think
there should be a team leader in each one of
the cities. So if the company still wants you to
like work this way, they need to assign a team
(12:54):
leader for each one of the cities, and then you're
only dealing with like four people while I'm assuming you're
own one of the cities, so you're only dealing with
three people versus like teams of people, and then any
of the issues of like communitas and stuff, that's up
to the team leader to fix. So it's up to
the team leader in Melbourne to fix it. With a
team leader in Adelaide, it's not up to you. You're
like the point person up the top and you're just
(13:14):
dealing with the team leaders. Because this sounds super super hectic,
and also like you're just kind of setting up an
environment where it can just go horribly wrong, where like
Melbourne starts like really attacking Adelaide, where it sounds like
a war of the world's like war, national war in
this one little company. But I feel like when so
many things are said but also unsaid because you're living
(13:36):
in so far apart, things get read weirdly across messages,
Like things that you say online is different to things
you say in person. It's all so so different. But
that does sound like a really hard situation to be in.
I definitely think because you haven't been set up with success,
you do have every right to talk about this situation
(13:57):
with your manager or with leadership because it is really hard,
And yeah, I just feel like there's so many better
ways to work this out that I feel like your
company isn't really providing.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
You with especially if you're going to get blamed for
any drop in performance, then you definitely need to say, hey, guys,
unless you are going to give me more budget for
in person cohesion activities.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
I can't get through this.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
This is a blockage that you're not helping me fix,
so you can't blame me if it all goes pear shaped.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Our last question, Grab the tissues, because this one's really sad.
It's from an anonymous person and it says I'm going
through the worst breakup ever four years down the drain
and I'm absolutely wrecked, can't sleep, can't stop crying the
whole thing. But my company just made us come back
to the office, so I can't hide at home anymore.
(14:54):
I'm literally trying not to sob at my desk and
being snappy with everyone because I'm so exhausted. People keep
asking if I'm okay, which just makes it worse. I
have zero energy to fake being fine. How do I
survive work when I'm this much of a mess. Do
I tell my boss what's happening? And how do I
stop being awful to my colleagues who are actually trying
to help.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Oh, heartbreak.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
It is truly one of those things that it sounds
sort of whimsical or trivial when you say to someone else,
but when you're going through it, this is like it
is your entire life. The emotions are all consuming, and
like I personally would look at if it was, you know,
disrupting me to this level, I would maybe consider taking
some manual leave.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Yeah, I was literally going to say the same thing.
I feel like, if you're comfortable with your boss and
you trust them, this is one of those situations that
I would bring up because even though it exactly what
you said, heartburg can be so trivial, but it's actually
so like manifest so physically sometimes like people get actually sick.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Oh, they don't eat, they don't sleep.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Divorce that is taken so seriously. Like I feel like
people are more likely to talk about I'm going through
a divorce and I need time away. But just because
it's not set on paper doesn't mean it's not as bad.
And I think you can treat this as bad. So
I would one hundred percent say tell your boss if
you trust them, and then take the leave, take time
to be with yourself. With your feelings, do whatever it
(16:20):
takes to help you feel better. But at that same time,
I will say I've experienced heartbreak pre and post COVID,
and there is a huge, huge difference.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Pre COVID.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
When I experienced heartbreak, it was so hard coming into
work and having to do my job every single day
and talk to my colleagues and pretend everything was okay
because I didn't want too many people to know. But
in doing that, it actually helped me get over the
heartbreak much much quicker. Because I was so busy with
work and with talking to people and being with people
(16:52):
around me, I physically didn't have time to think about
it and to sit in it for too long. The
only times I felt really really awful was the times
I was alone at home. I've also been through heartbreak
during COVID, and it was so much better not having
everyone know my shit, like been able to just deal
with on my own and being able to work on
(17:12):
my computer and have no one really like talk to
me or really see me going through it. Physically, it
took way too long to get over that. It was
really really hard to get over it because I was
just by myself all the time. Constantly thinking about it,
and it is so shit because it's one of those
situations where you have to do it hard before it
(17:32):
gets good. And I just remember, like that was the
biggest difference about being alone in heartbreak versus being forced
to continue with your life while going through it. It
does suck initially, but eventually I think it is better.
Like I think no one's going to be looking at
you going, oh my god, what a sad little bitch, Like,
no one is it going to be doing that. I
(17:54):
promise you no one's doing that. We've all experienced heartbreak.
Every single person has had their heartbroken, and every single
person knows what it feels like. Just be yourself. I've
had people like literally bite my head off when they
were going through a heartbreak, and I've been like, you
know what, fair enough, they're going through it. You will
always come out on the other side of it. Like
(18:14):
it's not something that you sit in forever, and it's
just one of those things that it's the shittest device,
but it is true. It's one of those things that
just takes time.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Yeah, one hundred percent. Sometimes the distraction is really cathartic
and gets you through another day without you just sort
of moping at home and feeling horrible. But yeah, I
think in that situation, if you are going to stay
in the workplace, then definitely communicating it so people know
that you do have something going on, because I think
it can be really easy to go, Okay, I'm going
(18:41):
to stay here, but I'm also not going to tell anyone.
Then you might affect relationships without giving them the context
of why you're being an asshole.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Like especially since you've seen it like yourself, like you, yeah,
and you know that you are being snappy with colleagues,
so you know that you're already doing it. Yeah, just
own it, just say it like we've all gone through it.
And in fact, it kind of makes you the main
character and a bit cooler than everyone else.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
A one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
And it also gives them the chance to kind of
be on the journey with you. Like sometimes you do
want your colleagues, they might want to rally around you
and say, Okay, well do you need us to have
your favorite diet coke ready for your lunch break, because
that's what's going to help you get through today, Like
it can be a little group therapy effort to get
you back to being you.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
You want allies.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
You don't want to push people away because they're confused
about why you're suddenly being mean to them. I think
if you trust them and same with your boss, like
let everyone know what's happening, you might be given some
grace while you need it.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Yeah, after you take your leave, of course, after you
take your leave.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Yeah, your hot Gail Summer or just like find a
hot eye and get over it that way.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
I mean.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
We've done an episode and looking over the colleague and
you have permission to do this, we'll look at it.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Well.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
That is another biz inbox rapped.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Keep the questions flowing through our show notes links. Sometimes
we get a little bit unhinged with our advice, but
I think we're just being honest.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
You know, real life experience anonymous and are perfect when
you're spiraling about work stuff and need some help.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
They don't have to be anonymous though.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Whatever feels comfortable for you, and we will be back
next week to solve more Korea chaos.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Do not forget to follow us on TikTok and Instagram.
Were at Beierz by Mama Mia for both of them,
and sign up to our news whether there's a link
in our show notes.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
It's so so good.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
This episode of Beers was produced by Sophie Campbell with
audio production by Leah Porges. We will see you next week.
Bye bye, Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land
(20:46):
and waters that this podcast is recorded on
You're listening to I'MM with mea podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Hello, and welcome back to Biz Inbox.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
I'm M Vernon and I'm Sarah Davidson.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
And today we are tackling some awkward workplace situations, like
when your colleague just doesn't like you to the point
where it affects your work. And we're also talking about
the nightmare of managing a team spread across multiple cities
when everyone's forming their own little cliques and you can't
be everywhere all at once.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Oh my god, nightmare material.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
And later we're helping someone who's going through the worst
breakup ever but still has to show up to the
office and pretend to be a functioning human being.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
But first, I have a little PSA that kind of
hooks off an episode we did a few weeks ago.
Do you remember when Sarah, you were telling me about
that stat how women are less likely to apply for
a job if they don't meet all their requirements compared
to men. Well, I've got some news for you, and
not good news. Oh so chat GPT and other chatbots
research has found that they're literally telling women to ask
(01:13):
for lower salaries than men, even if they have identical qualifications.
No isn't that insane. I use chat GPT to help
me with performance reviews and stuff like that, and like
salary negotiation. She's been lying to me this whole time
like I could be a billionaire by now.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
I am for sure.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
So this is just a little reminder that yes, AI
is helpful, but do not rely on it for your
entire career advice. You know your self worth more than anything,
including AI, because AI basically just takes resources and sources
from all the information that's out there, and obviously the
(01:55):
information is out there is that men get paid more
than women, So AI is like, oh, men get paid
more than women, so women should ask for lower salaries.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
It's like they're trained on data that like real world
bias and is just perpetuating it over and hoes. And
this has me really shook because I rely on CHATDPT
for way too much in my life, and I think
I need to just like check myself before I wreck
myself and remember that it doesn't have the final say
on everything.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Yeah. I wonder what.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Our chat shepts will do if we told them that,
be like, hey, I heard you've been doing something. You've
been telling women to us for lower salaries for men.
That's not cool. Don't ever do that with me or
any other woman ever. Again, I think that would help.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I think you would have to say, by the way,
I have noticed you are taking into account current existing biases,
and I want you not to do that and give
me fresh advice.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
I think you'd have to get a bit sassy.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah, but then it would learn from that. But it's
actually horrifying that unless you did that, it wouldn't know.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Yeah, we all have to untrain our aibots so they
can be feminists. Like God, all right, let's how am
I going? I feel like that's just going to open
up a whole new wave of dilemmas coming ourway.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
I know, and I'm actually embarrassed how much I delegate
like decision making in my entire life.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
What's the most embarrassing thing you think you've asked your
chat GPT. Oh, I'm actually working on a piece from
a mer about this because I asked it a really
embarrassing question.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Okay, mine has definitely got to be about I'm in
that era where I'm still postpartum, where either myself or
my son has some kind of bodily fluid at most times. Yeah,
and so I have uploaded some imagery of different consistencies
of bodily fluid to ask if it's normal and that
(03:48):
doesn't need to be seen by anyone else in the world.
And my poor chat GPT has had to cope with
all of that. It's like basically me asking web MD
how I always have except chat GBT massive overshare bodily functions.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
That's really smart. Your chat GBT is going to the
other chain, GPT is going mine keeps uploading these crazy photos. Guys,
can we swap like this is crazy?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Yeah, like literally just like fluids. I'm like, tell me
what about the color whatever? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Anyway, Oh my god, I love that.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
I was seeing this guy and I asked it to
decipher text messages from him and he was ghosting me,
and I gave it like all the history, like all
the text messages, and I was like, do you think
it's over between us? Please tell the truth?
Speaker 3 (04:30):
And I was like, yes, I love that.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
It was really good. Then I asked it, what's the
most embarrassing question you think I've asked you? And it
gave me a whole list, which was completely uncalled for.
But because I thought it was gonna be like that situation,
like getting it to decipher text messages from men, but
instead it said that time when you asked me do
I need the seasoned chicken?
Speaker 3 (04:56):
And I was like, touche. You're such a basic bitch.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
I love it so basic, Like I'm way to rely
on AI. So but I think we can all take
a breather from asking it some questions.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Some of mine is like how many days after like
having spinach in my fridge?
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Can I delete it?
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Like really things where it's like you're an adult, babe,
like you should already know.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
It's like is it moldy? Then yeah, don't eat it.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
I wish I could upload a smell and be like,
can you smell it for me and tell me if
it's still in date or not.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
I always think about, like, imagine my AI compared to
like an AI of some tech bro coder who's asking
it these really big questions, and mine's just.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Does he still like me? It's my butler cheens.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Okay, let's jump into it. So our first question has
come from Lisa, and she dmd us with a situation
that's making her question everything. She says, there's a colleague
who clearly doesn't like me. She gives one word answers,
avoids eye contact, and goes quiet when I join conversations.
We have to work together on projects, but the tension
(06:00):
is affecting our output. I've tried being friendly, but she
seems annoyed by my effort. I generally don't know what
I did wrong. How do I navigate working with someone
who obviously can't stand me?
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Oh, Lisa, I have so much empathy for you, because
I am the least confrontational person and the biggest people
pleaser of anyone who I've met, And this would actually
ruin me. I already am having an internal meltdown on
Lisa's behalf. It's not even happened to me.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Happening to me, and I'm like, I can't deal with it.
I would have to make it right.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Yeah, have you ever felt like you worked with someone
who didn't like you.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
I've definitely had times where I'm like, look, we're not
best friends. I wouldn't say there's been hostility in this
kind of you know, vein, and I would definitely find
this very distracting. It would absolutely affect my output because
I would need to know why and how I could
fix it, and especially if it was affecting my performance,
I just wouldn't be able to, Like I would start
to dread going to work every day. And I think
(06:58):
my first reaction was, you know, kill them with kindness.
You can only be the bigger person. But if you've
tried that and it isn't working, it's hard. I mean,
sometimes you're never going to change someone's mind. Sometimes you
just not each other's people, and you have to work
around that professionally. But if it's kind of turning into
like you know, bullying, workplace hostility that is affecting the
(07:19):
entire team, I think that's a situation perhaps even FORHHR
or even to have a conversation between you before you do,
make it more formal and just say like, look, is
there anything I've done again? I would never be able
to say that because I'm too awkward, but like, go
you go off, queen, you should ask her?
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Oh my god, I yeah, I one hundred percent agree
with you. I have had a similar situation, not exactly
the same where the person was hostile, but more like
I knew I was working with someone who didn't like me,
and I was fine with it, but then it's exactly
what you said. It started turning into this nasty behavior
where it was like bullying, like they were bullying me
(08:00):
in the workplace. And it got to a point where
because I've grown up not thinking that you'll always work
with people you don't like, and to me, in my head,
I was thinking, that's the extreme, because that's what you
see in like TV and movies and stuff. I didn't
know it's not normal to work with someone that really,
really hates your guts for absolutely no reason. And I
(08:21):
kept going. I kept working, and then my manager noticed
that my output when this person was on leave or
on sick leave was so much better compared to when
she was working at the company I was at, and
we had a conversation, and I was having conversations with
people in HR about wanting to move to a different
team and stuff. It's like I didn't even want to
(08:41):
address the situation myself, or it was like a subconscious
inkling in the back of my head where I thought
it was such a normal behavior that I wanted to
work at a different team and I was more happy
when she wasn't here that I didn't even put two
and two together. It was my manager who put it
together and then they had a talk with her and
eventually she left the company. But after the talk with her,
(09:01):
it immediately got better. So I do think it's one
of those situations where I feel like, if you really
can't work and starting to get hostile, where she's like
literally not replying to you and you need to talk
about work things, then that is a hr thing that
you need to bring into because it's also impacting the
whiter company as well. If both of you can't work
to the best of your abilities, it's like not only
(09:22):
a mental health thing, but it's like a physical health
thing as well, Like it manifests in so many different ways,
and your company with one hundred percent want to sort
this out. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
I think as a chronic people pleaser, you do have
to accept that you won't love everyone who you work with,
and that you could even maybe actively dislike some people.
But if you can overcome that professionally, it's fine. You
don't have to be best friends, but if you're not
able to communicate, like it says that that person goes
quiet when Lisa joins conversations, like if that's affecting a
(09:52):
work productivity conversation and is stopping people actually getting results
as a team. Yeah, that goes beyond just the two
of you, and you definitely need some support in working
out what the best way is to cope with that.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
And I'm so sorry that you face that. Yeah, there
every day. That's so tough.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
The next question we have is from an anonymous person
who submitted this to us. They said, I manage eight
people across Melbourne, Sydney, Perth and Adelaide. That's a lot
of cities. The Melbourne crew makes decisions without consulting others,
Perth feels left out, Sydney seems disengaged in video calls.
The team cohesion scores are low. I'm struggling to build
(10:37):
genuine relationships when every interaction is scheduled and on screen.
The company won't pay for face to face meetups, and
I can't be everywhere at once. How do I manage
effectively across multiple cities while keeping everyone connected and accountable.
This one's hard because I've actually never worked with people
across different cities before. But I have managed people who
(10:59):
were in different cities, but they were all in the
same city and I was the one in the different city,
and that seemed a bit easier. Oh, I think it's
when you're managing people in like multiple different cities. I
also feel like this is a question for leadership to
be like, is this the most effective way to structure
a team if like they're all split up across multiple
different cities, it just seems very, very difficult.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
When I was working through this, in my mind, I
was like, that obviously sounds enormously challenging and not ideal.
I kind of thought like, what are the ways that
you could keep working on engagement? How could you kind of,
I don't know, spice up the online interactions that everyone has,
but it is it is an enormous barrier to cohesion,
to not being able to be in the same room.
And I think that it is probably something that you
(11:44):
do go back to the company about before, Like it's
kind of not on you to help build a barrier
when that is the structure of the business. Yeah, and
you can only do what you can do to make
people engage when they live in all different states, and
something that does work really well in situations like the
firm I used to work in did have lots of
different officers and we weren't always working in teams together.
But when we were there would be in person and meetings,
(12:06):
even if it was just a kickoff and then a
closer But you have to get everyone in the same
room to build that kind of team morale. And so
I think I would go back to the company and
the decision makers first and pitch to them and say,
this is really not building the cohesion that this team.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
Needs to be able to work together. There's only so
much you can do.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Like you could try maybe things like trivia with the teams,
but you know, if people are already disengaged, they're just
going to think that's lame.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Especially if they made their own like cliques right in
their own cities. And it seems like your company also
is in setting you up for success, saying that they
won't fly people over for face to face. I'm going
to give you a business plan right here. I think
there should be a team leader in each one of
the cities. So if the company still wants you to
like work this way, they need to assign a team
(12:54):
leader for each one of the cities, and then you're
only dealing with like four people while I'm assuming you're
own one of the cities, so you're only dealing with
three people versus like teams of people, and then any
of the issues of like communitas and stuff, that's up
to the team leader to fix. So it's up to
the team leader in Melbourne to fix it. With a
team leader in Adelaide, it's not up to you. You're
like the point person up the top and you're just
(13:14):
dealing with the team leaders. Because this sounds super super hectic,
and also like you're just kind of setting up an
environment where it can just go horribly wrong, where like
Melbourne starts like really attacking Adelaide, where it sounds like
a war of the world's like war, national war in
this one little company. But I feel like when so
many things are said but also unsaid because you're living
(13:36):
in so far apart, things get read weirdly across messages,
Like things that you say online is different to things
you say in person. It's all so so different. But
that does sound like a really hard situation to be in.
I definitely think because you haven't been set up with success,
you do have every right to talk about this situation
(13:57):
with your manager or with leadership because it is really hard,
And yeah, I just feel like there's so many better
ways to work this out that I feel like your
company isn't really providing.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
You with especially if you're going to get blamed for
any drop in performance, then you definitely need to say, hey, guys,
unless you are going to give me more budget for
in person cohesion activities.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
I can't get through this.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
This is a blockage that you're not helping me fix,
so you can't blame me if it all goes pear shaped.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Our last question, Grab the tissues, because this one's really sad.
It's from an anonymous person and it says I'm going
through the worst breakup ever four years down the drain
and I'm absolutely wrecked, can't sleep, can't stop crying the
whole thing. But my company just made us come back
to the office, so I can't hide at home anymore.
(14:54):
I'm literally trying not to sob at my desk and
being snappy with everyone because I'm so exhausted. People keep
asking if I'm okay, which just makes it worse. I
have zero energy to fake being fine. How do I
survive work when I'm this much of a mess. Do
I tell my boss what's happening? And how do I
stop being awful to my colleagues who are actually trying
to help.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Oh, heartbreak.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
It is truly one of those things that it sounds
sort of whimsical or trivial when you say to someone else,
but when you're going through it, this is like it
is your entire life. The emotions are all consuming, and
like I personally would look at if it was, you know,
disrupting me to this level, I would maybe consider taking
some manual leave.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Yeah, I was literally going to say the same thing.
I feel like, if you're comfortable with your boss and
you trust them, this is one of those situations that
I would bring up because even though it exactly what
you said, heartburg can be so trivial, but it's actually
so like manifest so physically sometimes like people get actually sick.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Oh, they don't eat, they don't sleep.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Divorce that is taken so seriously. Like I feel like
people are more likely to talk about I'm going through
a divorce and I need time away. But just because
it's not set on paper doesn't mean it's not as bad.
And I think you can treat this as bad. So
I would one hundred percent say tell your boss if
you trust them, and then take the leave, take time
to be with yourself. With your feelings, do whatever it
(16:20):
takes to help you feel better. But at that same time,
I will say I've experienced heartbreak pre and post COVID,
and there is a huge, huge difference.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Pre COVID.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
When I experienced heartbreak, it was so hard coming into
work and having to do my job every single day
and talk to my colleagues and pretend everything was okay
because I didn't want too many people to know. But
in doing that, it actually helped me get over the
heartbreak much much quicker. Because I was so busy with
work and with talking to people and being with people
(16:52):
around me, I physically didn't have time to think about
it and to sit in it for too long. The
only times I felt really really awful was the times
I was alone at home. I've also been through heartbreak
during COVID, and it was so much better not having
everyone know my shit, like been able to just deal
with on my own and being able to work on
(17:12):
my computer and have no one really like talk to
me or really see me going through it. Physically, it
took way too long to get over that. It was
really really hard to get over it because I was
just by myself all the time. Constantly thinking about it,
and it is so shit because it's one of those
situations where you have to do it hard before it
(17:32):
gets good. And I just remember, like that was the
biggest difference about being alone in heartbreak versus being forced
to continue with your life while going through it. It
does suck initially, but eventually I think it is better.
Like I think no one's going to be looking at
you going, oh my god, what a sad little bitch, Like,
no one is it going to be doing that. I
(17:54):
promise you no one's doing that. We've all experienced heartbreak.
Every single person has had their heartbroken, and every single
person knows what it feels like. Just be yourself. I've
had people like literally bite my head off when they
were going through a heartbreak, and I've been like, you
know what, fair enough, they're going through it. You will
always come out on the other side of it. Like
(18:14):
it's not something that you sit in forever, and it's
just one of those things that it's the shittest device,
but it is true. It's one of those things that
just takes time.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Yeah, one hundred percent. Sometimes the distraction is really cathartic
and gets you through another day without you just sort
of moping at home and feeling horrible. But yeah, I
think in that situation, if you are going to stay
in the workplace, then definitely communicating it so people know
that you do have something going on, because I think
it can be really easy to go, Okay, I'm going
(18:41):
to stay here, but I'm also not going to tell anyone.
Then you might affect relationships without giving them the context
of why you're being an asshole.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Like especially since you've seen it like yourself, like you, yeah,
and you know that you are being snappy with colleagues,
so you know that you're already doing it. Yeah, just
own it, just say it like we've all gone through it.
And in fact, it kind of makes you the main
character and a bit cooler than everyone else.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
A one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
And it also gives them the chance to kind of
be on the journey with you. Like sometimes you do
want your colleagues, they might want to rally around you
and say, Okay, well do you need us to have
your favorite diet coke ready for your lunch break, because
that's what's going to help you get through today, Like
it can be a little group therapy effort to get
you back to being you.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
You want allies.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
You don't want to push people away because they're confused
about why you're suddenly being mean to them. I think
if you trust them and same with your boss, like
let everyone know what's happening, you might be given some
grace while you need it.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Yeah, after you take your leave, of course, after you
take your leave.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Yeah, your hot Gail Summer or just like find a
hot eye and get over it that way.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
I mean.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
We've done an episode and looking over the colleague and
you have permission to do this, we'll look at it.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Well.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
That is another biz inbox rapped.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Keep the questions flowing through our show notes links. Sometimes
we get a little bit unhinged with our advice, but
I think we're just being honest.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
You know, real life experience anonymous and are perfect when
you're spiraling about work stuff and need some help.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
They don't have to be anonymous though.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Whatever feels comfortable for you, and we will be back
next week to solve more Korea chaos.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Do not forget to follow us on TikTok and Instagram.
Were at Beierz by Mama Mia for both of them,
and sign up to our news whether there's a link
in our show notes.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
It's so so good.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
This episode of Beers was produced by Sophie Campbell with
audio production by Leah Porges. We will see you next week.
Bye bye, Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land
(20:46):
and waters that this podcast is recorded on
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