November 13, 2025 • 49 mins
Mamamia ran an article about "women who squirt" and the comment section lost its mind. So, why are men so invested? And... do we all have to learn how to do it?
Also, you're getting up earlier and there's a term for it. 'Dawn Culture' is the reason Australian beaches are packed at 6am. So why the rush, everyone?
And, how many weeks have you got left? Why a motivational tip Em stumbled across on her doom-scrolling freaked her out and made Holly almost order some extraordinarily confronting home decor.
Plus, recommendations and Michelle Obama's uncompromising rule about who gets to give parenting advice.
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Recommendations
Em recommends this Salmon bites recipe from Recipe Tin Eats.
Jessie is recommending something her family did at her grandfather's wake; a shared mic last word celebration, where everybody can take the time to share stories and celebrate the life that was lived.
Holly recommends Down Cemetery Road on Apple TV +
The episode of MID Holly references with Kemi Nekvapil can be found here.
What To Listen To Next:
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- Listen: The 'Australia Effect' & Meghan and Harry's Curious Party Edit
- Listen: A Very Bad Decision & An Imploding Friendship Group
- Listen: Kim Kardashian's Zero-Star Strategy
- Listen: The Great Influencer Exodus & The Sex We Never Talk About
- Listen: Every Single Thing We Have In Our Handbags
- Listen: 'Smellmaxxing' & The New Place We Apparently Stink
- Listen: Uh Oh, Harry & Meghan. The Fallout From Andrew’s Banishment
- Connect your subscription to Apple Podcasts
Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here including the very latest episode of Parenting Out Loud, the parenting podcast for people who don't listen to... parenting podcasts.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Hello, and welcome
to MoMA Mia out Loud.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
It is Friday. The must look down because don't know
the date. It is Friday, the fourteenth of November.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
And I am hollywayen Wright, and.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
I am am Vernham and I'm Jesse Stevens and I
think we had a review recently that asked if we
were all intoxicated on Friday.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And the answer is yes. I got the same thing.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Someone said to me, sounds like day drinking. I'm like, well,
I'm glad we sound like day drinking, but we have
not actually been day drinking. No, that would be in
I don't know what kinds of.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Rules would be broken.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
That's crazy, which is tapping on our.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Agenda for today on MoMA Mia out Loud. The productivity
advice that made me add to cart but then have
a life existential panic attack and canceled by.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
My generation is doing certain things at a certain time
in the morning, and it is ruining my social life.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Okay, and Michelle Obama wants parenting influences to sit down
and listen to their elders, but not everyone is convinced.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
But first, speaking of Friday, topics. It's time we talk
about squirting. This is not gonna help.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
This is not gonna help with the perception that we've
all had bubbles.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Well that's better than the way I was going to
previously introduce this topic, which was, do you guys squirre?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I haven't had a bubbles and she's pregnant. We can't
have that discussion.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
We can, we can, Okay. So an anonymous column was
posted on Mamma Mia earlier this week and the title
was I'm a woman who squirts during sex. We need
to talk about it.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
I saw that headline and I went, do we continue?
Speaker 1 (02:05):
And also you might be getting to this, but when
you say.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
Squirt, yeah, I need way more informations.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Also known as gushing or female ejaculation.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Right, So it's when an orgasm in a woman actually
produces fluid they or may not shoot across the room.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
And where does it come from?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
So it comes from urethra and it's a mix of
different fluid, but it's vaginal fluid. A lot of people
thought it was just urine, but it's like a mix
of everything.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
Wow, And some women can do it and some women can't.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
So this anonymous column she was basically talking about how
she was so embarrassed that she squirt, so she would
always avoid orgasming with partners, and then she got to
a point where she felt comfortable to do so because
with this woman and a lot of like my friends
who I know who are self acclaimed squirters or gushers
say that they can't orgasm without squirting.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
So it's not like, yeah, it's not like you get
a choice or you do it on cue, because it
can be quite it can be something that I have
heard men in my life talk about from porn, like
it's almost like something that some men are really into.
And I've always been like, is that a myth?
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Well, I know that there are some women who also
and this is really popular in porn as well, who
can squirt on command, which is what a lot of
videos see. It was just faking it. Well, there's a
fake videos, but they are like gushes. So I had
a friend when we were around eighteen years old, and
she told me that she gushes. That's what she said.
She gushes, and she has to buy a special blanket.
(03:42):
It's called a love blanket. It was just basically a
waterproof blanket, and hers was like neon purple. She's like,
it's her only color, Like we all need one of them,
and you just put it on your bed and then
you can have sex.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
You know.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
It does occur to me that we should maybe put
a warning at the top.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yeah, sorry, squirting, but I wanted to read because our
post on Facebook had hundreds of comments. Yeah, so this story.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
We put it up on Mamma Mia, as you say,
m and it has gone crazy, which is why we're
talking about it, because it's like, sure, you know, interesting
sex story. But no, everybody is very interested in the squirting,
especially men.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Oh god, I read they can't be half a cup
of fluid, Like that's how much you're talking.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
I think it can be more.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
That's a lot, because that's incredible.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
How much you lose over a period or something. Yeah,
yea yeah, and I think you get quite dehydrated after.
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
Yeah, I beg So it's a curse, not a blessing.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
But some of the men I want to read other
comments because they made me giggle. One of them said,
men don't care if it's urine. Ladies, we're just happy
you had an orgasm strong enough to pee yourself.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
That's rad Okay, it's not Peape, it's not he, so
he needs to take him by the hand.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Had an ex that was like a sprinkler. It never
bothered me, at least I knew I was doing the
job for her. A lot of them saying nothing better.
I love it.
Speaker 4 (04:55):
They are feminist.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
But there were some women in the comments saying, do
we actually need to talk about it? Oh?
Speaker 4 (05:01):
That was probably my mum.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Yeah, And then the replies were other men going, yes,
what you do? I reckon that you can just see.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
And I don't want to cast nostursions, as I would
say on the men in this common thread, but they
clearly see it's a bit of a badge of honor.
So once they have heard us discuss it, because they're like,
I made a woman squirt, That's how they're thinking, when actually, no,
she was gonna squirt.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
She was gonna do it anyway. She was gonna squirt regardless.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
You know what, though, for all the flaws of the internet,
like if you were someone who gushed or squirted or
whatever one hundred years ago, you're probably like, what on
earth is going on? You wouldn't have brought it up
with your friends. If there's one thing maybe porn has
given us. It's normalizing some of the things the body does.
And I'm sure there are squirting communities online subreddits like
(05:51):
minded Squirters and that is a beautiful thing. Who is
allowed to give parenting advice? According to my Instagram and
TikTok feeds literally anyone, but Michelle Obama recently announced that
if you have a three year old, she's not in
I feel personally.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Let's get this Jesse a half year old, w I.
Speaker 4 (06:12):
Have some advice, Michelle.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Here is the former First Lady's take on young parenting influences.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Oh no, lady, Oh wait, let me hear what you
think when they're twenty seven.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
And that's when I'll think your advice. I mean, it's great,
you know, maybe you can tell me about the lady stroller,
but that is it. Otherwise you were insecure and losing sleep.
You don't know what you're doing because I don't.
Speaker 5 (06:38):
Know that you're right.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
You don't want to see the product. I don't know
what your theory is made. Why are listening to the
young mother? I want to talk to a woman that
reads the First Lady. I want to hear what she did.
Speaker 5 (06:54):
But we see we don't do you know, all parent
bloggers should be wrong?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
People interesting interesting Michelle.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
So she was quite adamant in her stand And the
interesting part of this story is that the comments were
firmly divided. Lots of applause, lots of I completely agreem
Mi Sheelle, But equally there were people saying, no, no, no,
I need people that are in the trenches. I ask
my mum or my grandmother for advice and they can't
(07:24):
remember anything about childhood, right, Holly, who should we be
taking parenting advice off?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Look, I don't like to contradict the former first Lady,
because you know, she's amazing in every way. When I've
watched this, I'm like, I wonder what the conversation just
before was, because I.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Haven't seen the whole thing.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
But it depends what advice you're looking for, right Because
if you're like, how to produce an amazing, successful, happy,
well adjusted human, she's correct, right, Like, until you see
the end product, how would we know.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
But if it's how do I get some sleep?
Speaker 2 (07:56):
You ask someone in the trenches, because, as you already
rightly pointed out, Jesse, my kids are teenagers, so we're
not I mean, I don't know if you're ever finished.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
But we're not finished.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
But if you ask me about you know, tea baby
led weening that I can't remember, blocked.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
All that shit out and I don't care.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
So it's like it depends what you want. I think
her point about parenting influences should be grown people. I
think parenting experts should probably be because I think probably
what she's getting at is that big, mushy ocean of stuff,
which is like, if you let your baby cry, they
will be insecure. If you don't let your baby cry,
they will be people pleasers. If you you know that
(08:34):
kind of advice that makes every decision you make in
infant world means something in adult world, then how could
you possibly know until that you've got to the end results.
So she's right, But if it's just like how do
I get them to stop throwing the carrot at my head?
Then you need someone in the trenches.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
Right, Yeah, exactly right.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
I understand her point, but I think what she's missing
is something that I'm going to call like parental amnesia,
which is even with my mum, I've gone, can you
remember sleep?
Speaker 4 (09:04):
And she goes you all slept? Like how much?
Speaker 3 (09:07):
When I've asked her about solids and she insists she
never started us on solids.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
She has no memory of it. And I'm like, I don't.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Eat mush like I do eat sandwiches and stuff, so
at some point solids were introduced. And what you feel
like when you're in this, like you know with little kids,
is you need someone a few months ahead, even years
isn't right. I've got a friend who just had a
newborn baby and he was like, I'm looking at this
basinet blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
And I was like, we never had a battinet. It's
like that was two years.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Ago, and yes, you did, completely forgot. What do you reckon?
M Because look, there are all these different influences. I
suppose some of them don't have kids, aren't experts, aren't researchers,
and they have a lot of thoughts on screen time,
and I must say that riles me up. I go,
you sit down, you sit down, you say something when
(09:57):
you've got like a sick four year old, and then
you're allowed to have an opinion.
Speaker 4 (10:01):
What do you reckon? Who gets to say?
Speaker 1 (10:03):
It's really funny because I think now more than ever,
my mom gets asked for parenting advice all the time.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I would ask your mom for parenting advice. To Michelle
Obama's point, like ask Marian Robinson who raised the first Lady.
I want to ask Missus Vernon who raised Emily Vernon.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
But they don't know. I was such a shitty child.
I was such a brat, like an actual awful child,
to the point where my mom was like, yeah, you were.
You were bad. And I think in what way, like
as a little kid, as a teenager, as what like
a little kid, probably up until the age of like
thirteen fourteen, I was just horrible. I was just one
(10:42):
of those like typical Brady kids you would see on
TV where it was just like all about me. Up
until I was twelve. I wanted to be the one
to blood candles on the cake. And I was twelve.
I was grown.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Okay, So if you were bratty, maybe your parents adopted
Dax Shepherds. Oh yes, because Holly, you were listening to
a Dak's episode the other day.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I actually love it when famous people tell on his
stories about their parenting. But Dax Shepherd was interviewing Reese
with a spoon. You might have heard of her I
don't know. He recently bought a place in Nashville and
so he hangs out there a lot now in the South,
and that's also.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Where Reese lives, where all the cool people live.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
And he was talking about the difference between like La
parenting and Southern parenting, and he told this story about
being out for dinner with.
Speaker 5 (11:24):
His daughters, which is where I'm out to eat with
our really two best friends there and I fucking love them.
You know them now, I do? She says to me,
my friend, they're kind of shook with how our daughters
will talk back to us or to anybody. Okay, because
it's very Unsouthern right down there. Everyone's like, hi, miss Kristen, Hi,
mister Dax.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Yes, this this whole you.
Speaker 5 (11:43):
You're a kid and you and there's value to that.
There's something I appreciate about that. And she's like, yeah,
your kids let it rip. Like they have not seem
to have no kind of respect, is what she was saying.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Oh okay, and.
Speaker 5 (11:56):
Like feeling a little entitled. And I said, you're dead right. Oh,
they do talk back and they are not respectful. And
I can understand where that seems like completely unrelieved, But
I want you to know what I'm prioritizing, which is
like when they're nineteen and their bosses are fucking creep,
I want them to talk back. I want them to
be disrespectful. I want them to always advocate for themselves
(12:19):
whether I think they're right or wrong. And yeah, I'm
willing to deal with this thing that is embarrassing at
a restaurant for y'all. But I can deal with that.
I can handle that, okay, because I want this other
thing for them as women.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Isn't that interesting When I think about that, though I
didn't like that.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
I think I was raised to be respectful, just shitty.
And then I also think that if you're raised to
like talk back at your parents, I can tell the
people now around me as like late twenties who were
definitely allowed to talk back to their parents.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
It's like parenting is a long game, right, Yeah, And
there are definitely moments I was a little bit bratty.
I've all asked four kids, I was the brat pushed
back a lot and could be rude and all that
kind of stuff. But there were things that were said
to me and I was promanded for that in the
moment I didn't respond to, but as an adult stuck.
So I think in fact Dak Shepherd's advice reminded me
(13:15):
of something which is also that you get the kid
you get right, Like he clearly has a particular set
of children, and then you work with them. It's like
your gardening, Holly, right, You're like pouring water on a
particular plant, and the plants are.
Speaker 4 (13:31):
Not all going to grow the same, and you've got
to work with the plants of.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
The god trying hard.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
No, no, exactly, and some kids aren't trying hard.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Look, I think it's interesting advice. Well it's not.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
He's not giving anyone advice. He's just saying this is
what we do. Obviously, nobody wants a brady kid. And
very often what you hear celebrities say is like, my
kids are so polite. It tells you various things. A.
Their kids spend a lot of time in fancy restaurants, yes,
and that they have famous parents, so everyone's falling all
over them all the time. So they're like counterprogramming to
make sure their kids are like thank you, thank you, thank.
Speaker 4 (14:03):
You, and you must tip the weight start.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Yeah, let's remember that their children are growing up in
a particular bubble. But I think he's got a point.
If you raise kids, particularly girls, from the very early
age to say you never talk back to adults, you're
never rude, you never say no.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Like that's where you get to this.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Point of like give uncle so and so a hug
when you know, we're trying to instill in little girls
that they get a choice of what they do with
themselves and their bodies and all those things. And I
know that sounds complicated, but that's what he means, right,
he means I don't want my kids to just feel
like they always have to say yes to every adult
and that they always put their needs last.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
And I get it.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
You know, one person's talking back is just another person's
having a discussion.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Like my kids, they're not allowed to be rude to us,
absolutely not. But it doesn't mean that everything we say
they have to say yes, you know what I mean, yes, mum,
absolutely mum, or anything that any other adults says to them,
they have to go.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Thank you, yes.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Like I think what he's trying to say is I'm
trying to allow them to have autonomy. And this is
why this is also interesting with the Michelle Obama business
is it's like the job of parenting tiny kids is
keep them alive, teach them to eat, teach him to walk,
teach them to be able to get around the world
without bumping their head on stuff.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Yeah, but the long.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Game of parenting is to try and breed an independent
human who can go out into the world and be useful.
And in that lens, I think his advice is solid.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
I also think it changes generation to generation. Like I
was thinking about and I had like a really honest
conversation with my mum about this, and she was saying
that the one thing that she regretted raising me and
my sister was actually wished she talked to us more
like kind of like have discussions with us like as adults,
because I do remember as a kid, and I don't
think this really affected me. But when she said that,
(15:49):
I was like, oh, yeah, I do remember that. It
was very much like the adults are talking now, and
then we were had to being brought into the conversation.
And I think that's so true for that generation because
all my friends had similar experiences. And I think what
Michelle Obama is talking about, she's talking about taking advice
from parents who kind of parented their kids such a
different way to how parents are parenting their kids now.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Yeah, well we all get given a different raw book
and very controversial intellectual I suppose you'd call him, although
since a bit disgraced Jordan Peterson.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Oh, and we're bringing out the Jordan.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
We're bringing up the Jordan Peterson because this advice again
very controversial, but I think it's got some weight, which is,
your job is to raise a kid, and this word
is loaded, but who's likable?
Speaker 4 (16:34):
Like if your kid is.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Being unlikable and antisocial in the playground, part of your
job is to prepare them for That's the question too.
I suppose do you try and change the world for
your kid or do you try and change your kid
for the world? And is it constantly a dance? And
I suppose it's always it's a dance, And parenting it's
(16:56):
zooming in and out right.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
That advice makes me want to lose my mind. Yeah,
because I am a people pleaser who likes people to
like me, and I can see it in my daughter
very much. And there's a bit of you. It's very
unfashionable to be a people pleaser these days. So there's
a bit of you that kind of pushes back against that.
But also the advice I'll give her a lot of
the time is like kill them with kindness, you know,
(17:18):
like turn the other cheek, don't make a fuss, Like
you're much more likely to get what you want, if
you're polite and lovely, whatever, all that kind of stuff,
which is very people please advice.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
But then I have another kid who's completely.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Different, and I'm sure there are plenty of people who
might think he's rude or unlikable in certain situations, but
he's just wired differently, and so all blanket parenting advice
is kind of terrible.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
Really. Yeah, yeah, but.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
I want to know one last thing from m because
you don't have kids yet, and a lot of your
friends don't have kids yet, but soon you're going to
be surrounded by tiny children because all your friends are
going to start having kids because you go to so
many weddings, and that's how it works, is that you're
going to have a lot of thoughts. Yeah, and I
want to know if people who don't have kids are
allowed or I think we're allowed.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Like I'm surrounded by kids, I see your kids, I
see what they're doing.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
I always do you have opinions?
Speaker 1 (18:07):
I do have a pinion. Okay, I love that There's
no way and I'm speaking as a non parent, but
there's no way you can nail parenting from birth to
age eighteen. And I've seen this firsthand, like twenty seven,
Michelle Obama says, or twenty nine like me, who's still
being parented every single day, there's no way you can
nail that. And I feel like even like my parents
would say they were like some years we nailed, like
(18:28):
when you were sixteen, nailed that. When you were eight,
probably didn't nail that as much. So I would say, like,
if I have kids, the advice I would take from
other parents would be the age that I like their
kid the most. I'd be like, oh, my kid's coming
up to nine. I remember I really like Luna when
she was nine, Jesse, how should I do this?
Speaker 3 (18:48):
Well?
Speaker 2 (18:48):
So, ultimately, we always like kids who are nice to us.
Like you always back to that thing about teaching your
kids to be nice to people. People always like, oh,
I love Luna because when I see Luna she likes me.
Speaker 4 (18:57):
Yeah, she's like you, Holly. So I think that you
should lean into.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
That out loud as in a moment two things that
are very two types of people ish, dawn and death.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
We've got a listener dilemma, and we need your collective
wisdom to help us and our partners UI solve it.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Please.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
Here is the problem from our listener. Our school mum's
group is planning an end of year celebration for our
kids finishing primary school, and as someone who split from
my husband earlier this year, I'm more keen than ever
to keep this social connection, so I rsvped straight away.
I've now found out it's a set menu and the
package is eighty dollars per person, and we're all expected
(19:48):
to bring a twenty dollars Chris Kringle present.
Speaker 4 (19:51):
My budget is tighter than ever.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
I cannot justify this kind of spending on a night out.
I didn't realize it was going to be a sit
down set menu. I thought I could eat before and
just come along and buy my own drinks. I feel
embarrassed telling the whole year group I can't afford it,
but I don't know how to get around it now.
Some of the women I don't know very well, but
i'd like to, and many of our children will go
on to high school together, so it's not like I'll
(20:13):
never see them again. Plus I really want to go.
What should I do next? What do we reckon?
Speaker 1 (20:19):
And what did she do? The money thing is so
so tough, But I would say that I feel like
you would feel best not going instead of trying to
go and feeling just really uncomfortable with how much you're paying.
So I would say you can't make this one, but
say that you really love to hang out again, and
plan the next one and make it like a picnic
or going to see a movie or something like that.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
No way, she's got to go. She's one hundred percent
got to go. No, she wants to go. That's the
number one thing she really wants to She really wants
to build these connections. She really thinks it's important she
should go. She should say to them.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
I'm not gonna eat, I'll come a bit later.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Just make something up. If you don't want to tell
people you don't want to pay the ability, you say, oh,
i've got a thing till seven thirty or whatever, so
I'm not gonna eat because I'll eat that and I'll
just come for drinks and they'll deal every social situation
knows how to do that. They just will leave her
off the bill. She can go and buy her own
drinks and it'll be fine. Okay, that you should definitely go,
because I think it would be different if she didn't
(21:15):
want to go and she just felt obligated to go
because you know, these are most school parents blah blah blah,
and I should then I would say stay home, like
save the money, stay home, But she really wants to.
She knows it's socially important. Go.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Don't spend the money. Just say what if all the
inside jokes happened during the dinner?
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Yeah, and then you feel like a blow in and you're.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Just turn up half an hour late, pull a chair
up to the table and join in.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
Okay, no, I'm on board. I quite like that. Out louders,
let us know what you would do next.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
Share your thoughts in the mummeya outloud Facebook group and
if you have a dilemma, you can send it to
us at out loud at mummea dot com. Donna you,
we would love to help.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Motivation and productivity gurus are really pulling out the big
guns to get our lazy asses of the couch.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
What do you mean, your motivation isn't peaking On November
the fourteenth.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
We've got a couple of weeks left of the year
and they're really pulling out, Like you can do serious stuff.
It's so close, And tell me about the productivity advice
that provokes you to put it in the channel of
things we discuss and go Is this a joke?
Speaker 1 (22:23):
It was an article in The Guardian and it was
a collection of seventeen top tips from experts on how
to stay motivated.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
The fact you clicked is really.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
I was like, She's like, have I got the motivation
to click on this story?
Speaker 4 (22:39):
Oh no, it was three pm.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
I was basically just clicking on it to see how
can I do my whole job in two hours?
Speaker 3 (22:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Yeah, I didn't get any of that advice. One piece
of advice came from an author named Austin Kleon, and
he said two things motivate me. Death and deadlines. The
easiest and most enjoyable way to keep death ever present
in the mind is to read the obituaries every morning.
When I read about people who did something with their lives,
it makes me want to do something with mine. So
(23:06):
I put this in our out loud channel, where we
talk about topics you want to discuss on the podcast,
and I was like, isn't this crazy expecting you guys
to all agree.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
And we went, oh, well, it reminded me of something
that I did recently that I need some counseling about
that's in this thing, because suddenly I'm seeing this talked
about a lot in lots of motivational and coaching places
about like keep death close, which I know sounds really dark,
but the idea is is that if you have very
(23:35):
real idea of that deadline, you're more likely to make
the decisions that matter. Right, That's the theory. And I
interviewed this amazing woman recently called Kemy Neck for Pill
and she is an executive coach and she's trained with
Brene Brown, and she's the real deal. She's Aussie and
in her book she talked about these posters you could
buy that kind of give you a literal visual countdown
(23:56):
of how much time you've got left. And the idea
is that every Monday you color in a little square
and it makes you visually see, oh my god, like
time is ticking down. And the idea is it's supposed
to motivate you. And I went and looked at these
posters are called four K weeks, and they're very stylish
and like cool looking. When you put your birthday in,
obviously they don't know when you're going to die, like
(24:17):
they're just some bros on the internet, but they don't
know when you're going to die. But your gender, your birthplace,
obviously a birth date. They give you the estimate and
what you do is you put it in and you
press preview or whatever, and it brings up your poster
and the idea ideally, because the weeks that you've lived
are all colored in black, and the weeks you've got
to live are all white.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
And plain colored and black. Nothing fun like a yellow.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
It's very monochrome because I think it's like supposed to
be cool.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Like a graphic design exactly.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
And I put in my birth date everything, and I
saw how much black there was in my chart and
how there was just this band of white at the bottom,
and I was like, I can't do that.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
I can't do that, and I had like a hyper ventilation.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
But I want to chart a different chart, different chart again.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
I want that.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
Holly was showing me and it was set to nineteen
ninety four and I was like, Holly, that's.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
I'm lying because I get the theory, and you subscribe
to this theory, right.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
Jesse, I am obsessed with this theory. I thought him
saying death and deadlines. I was like, mate, death is
the deadline, Like that is the old deadline deadline. And
we've talked about how there's this pressure or urgency that
deadlines in life give us. That you'll never write a
book if you don't have a deadline, and we'd never
record this podcast. We've enough to sit down in a
(25:36):
particular time. But the knowledge that there's this looming thing,
that everything is finite, I just find it incredibly clarifying.
And I am obsessed with death, Like I think about
it constantly, and my big thing is head down, touch
the pillow, Like I've got some association with it where
(25:57):
I then just go, you can die one day, And
I like, sometimes.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
Does it freak you out?
Speaker 2 (26:01):
I was gonna say, so, does that freak you out?
Or does that make you go so tomorrow I'm going
to be my best?
Speaker 4 (26:07):
Yeah? No, it does both.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
So I was recommended by a psychologist a book to
read called Staring at the Sun, which is all about death, anxiety,
and I read it, and it was meant to make
me feel better. It didn't make me feel better at all.
But I think the anxiety is the point. It's like,
it makes you double down on your values, it makes
you remember what's important. And I think that to avoid
(26:31):
it is to trick yourself into thinking that you have
all the time in the world, Like I can't think
of any other way to motivate myself. Like you know,
when you watch a black and white movie and you go,
they're all dead.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
I do you ever think that someone who loved them?
Speaker 2 (26:46):
I did think that, But I think this is one
of those two types of people think Y's right. Yeah,
And I'm going to ask you and in a minute,
But first I want to play you a little bit
of what Kemmy told me about how she thinks. For example,
the example she was talking about here is quitting a
job that you don't like, right.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
I know that's not the case.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
You love your job, but like she's using it as
a thing of like, if something in your life is
not working for you, it can be a very good
filter to decide whether or not to listen to this bit.
Speaker 6 (27:12):
For some people's success is putting food on the table.
And their identity is not tied to their work. If
your identity is so tied to your work that you
are willing to risk your health, your wellbeing, your mental health,
your relationships, your delight, your fun, your connection to self
and others, that may be a situation where knowing that
(27:34):
you're going to die one day may give you a
bit more clarity.
Speaker 4 (27:38):
What do you think, I don't like it inspiring or
does it make you feel sick?
Speaker 1 (27:41):
It makes me feel sick. And also I feel like
with the like work analogy, we're treating it like death
is literally on our doorstep, like tomorrow. But it could be.
That's that it could be, but it's most likely not.
So what you quit your job, but you're just waiting
everybody touch everyone, touch hoood. You quit your job, and
then what you have like fifty more years.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
But you know, but it's coming.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
There's this thought experiment that says, like, Okay, if I
lived every week like my last week, like the last week.
Speaker 4 (28:10):
Of your life, you run out of money, yes, but
like the last week of your life.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
Just think about it with how much you saw your friends,
how much you worked, how much you blah blah blah,
Like would I be happy. And if the answer is no,
then it's like, well, I might change some things because
this is a holiday that I'm on that's going to
end one day.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Realistically, what can you change?
Speaker 2 (28:30):
You can change those of things. So I think the
point that she's making is like, if there's something in
your life that isn't working, whether it's a job that
you feel really strongly about but actually the stress of
it and what it's costing you is great, and that's
true for lots of people, or whether it's a relationship
that you feel you can't leave because the stakes are
really high, maybe you've got kids, maybe you've been together forever.
(28:51):
The point is kind of for some people, the idea
that like, you're really going to live your whole life
doing something that is making you sick or making you unhappy,
all those things, because if we just live day to
day all the time, you never think about.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
That big picture.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
It's only quite recently and I get this is probably
age right that this has begun to feel urgent for me.
I've always felt when I was in my twenties, when
I was your age, Jesse, like that I had all
the time in the world, and so whatever path they
wanted to be under down was fine, and it was
I had lots of great adventures. But now the idea
of that chart with the white stripe at the bottom,
(29:26):
it does make me in a good way, like not
in a panicky way. It does make me think, well,
how much longer do I want to do X y Z?
Do I really want to hang out with this person
or that person or go and do that thing that
is taking precious days off that chart? I actually do
see the motivation there.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
I think about it with travel too. I go, if
you have always wanted to go to Africa and go
on a safari, like what are we all waiting for?
Like are we waiting for time to just open up,
for the money to just appear? Like those sorts of
things you go One day, it's not gonna be possible anymore.
So I find that kind of urgency incredibly inspiring.
Speaker 4 (30:08):
Like do you feel that?
Speaker 1 (30:10):
No, I love it. Don't talk to me about it.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
I'll ask if you find this motivating.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
There's a comedian named Hannah Burner, and she is she's
very funny, and she says before she gets on stage
every night to our show, she says to herself you're.
Speaker 4 (30:26):
Going to die one day.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
And then she goes out and she says it is
so liberating because she's like, so what, so what.
Speaker 4 (30:33):
This is a risk.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
I'm going to go and take the risks and it's inconsequential,
go and have fun. Life is short, Like can you
see the liberation in that?
Speaker 1 (30:40):
I see it in a way like I very similarly,
not death, but I like, for example, when we did
that out loud live show, I was like, if I
don't do that, you will one hundred percent regret it.
I think I live up that, like, I don't want
to regret anything. Yeah, right, I have tie too much
for me. There is a new type of culture and
it is infecting all my relationships, including my friendships and
(31:04):
my dating life. And it is called Dawn culture. Have
we heard of Dawn culture? Well?
Speaker 2 (31:09):
I think I may have told you guys about dawn
culture yesterday because I went to Yes, we stole us
from you? Yeah yeah, yeah, well ste I stole it
from somebody else. As my grandma used to say, this
now new under the sun. She used to say. Anyway,
I went to a work conference thing and there was
a forecasting trends peace. I love those things. Yeah, and
(31:29):
they're like, these are the things that are happening in
culture that are affecting everybody's buying and what they're doing,
and blah blah blah. And one of them was dawn culture,
and it was about how lots of savvy brands, because
this was about brands and selling things to people, have
moved there, like pop ups and celebrations from evening or
lunchtime to dawn in certain locations. This is not only
(31:52):
in Australia, but like because that's where all the young
people are. They are getting up really early and either
exercising or walking or meeting with their friends at the
crack of dawn instead of at the other end of
the day. And there's a whole movement of it and
it's called dawn culture.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
It's ruining my life. So it's real. So it's real.
It is so real. Everyone in my life around my
age is doing this except for me apparently. So it's
like all my friends have suddenly stopped doing the let's
get drinks after work, Let's go for dinner at seven
thirty eight pm, Let's go watch a show, Let's go
walk the streets of the city at night time. They're
(32:27):
all like messaging me at six thirty in the morning, going,
are you free for a coffee? No, the Sun's not
free for the coffee. I am not free for coffee.
I was on my dating like swiping on my dating apps,
and I saw this profile Dawn Dating. I saw this
profile and this guy said, like he was saying his
what his most typical Sunday is like, and he wrote sunrise, ocean, swim,
(32:47):
breakfast at a cafe, going to the gym house, chores,
going to a spa for a sauna session, meal, prepping
for the week, watching the sunset, and in bed by
nine thirty pm. Oh no, my ideal Sunday is waking
up hoping I don't have a hangover. And that is it.
That is literally it. But it's become this huge thing,
and it's now getting to the point where if I
(33:08):
don't start waking up before eight thirty am, which is
the time I woke up, I'm gonna lose all my friendships.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
On the weekend, the time you wake up is eight
thirty am, and I think it's day. What times you
wake up on a Wednesday?
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Eight fifteen?
Speaker 3 (33:19):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Toime, I'm in all it's so bad.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
Apparently I mean, it's dawn culture, but there is also
something called the morning economy which is booming, which is
about like cafes, yoga classes. Apparently, like Australia is just
our obsession with breakfast has really gotten out of hand.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
And now there are like morning raves you can go
to and they're not ones, they're not no alcohol yees.
So it's not ones from like after parties, which have
always existed obviously that go on from them specifically.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
For the dawn culture crowds.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
So there is an alcohol and it's to start your
day great and then go to work.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
So this is a good thing, right because you're going
people are drinking less. Apparently the biggest days for Dawn
culture Areays and Thursdays, and they think that that's because
people go into the office midweek mostly so they're trying
to get their exercise or they're socializing in before they
go to the office. I also think when we start
work has gotten earlier and earlier. It's not nine o'clock anymore.
(34:21):
A lot of people need to be in the office
before that, in which case they.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
Need to be up at three am.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
The other thing that I read was that I want
you to guess what city in the world is the
earliest to go to bed and the earliest to wake up?
Speaker 1 (34:34):
It might be Sydney, it's.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
Not, but it's an Australian city. You get one more
guess and Perth, No, Melbourne, Brisbane earliest to bed, earliest
to wake up. Apparently it's like ten something there in
bed in the world six something yep. And not only that,
but like they're getting a really good sleep, whereas like
in New York, Japan, even Melbourne they say that the
(34:57):
average is like six hours something. Brisbane, they're sleeping a lot,
They're just getting up really early. And I wonder if
this is also, I hate to bring it up a
bit of a climate change story. I wonder if this
is getting too hot and so if we want to
exercise and get outdoors, we have to do it before
the sun.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Well, you see all the videos I remember last year
Bondai Beach, like swarms of flies in the middle of
the day. Yeah, And I'm like, the only time you
could go was like when there's no sun. Yeah, I reckon.
Speaker 2 (35:24):
There are a few things at work here, because it
is a good thing, Jesse. But one of the things
about it is like I'm an early morning person. I
didn't used to be. It happened to me weirdly, like
after kids.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Really, because do you feel you're better than other people?
Speaker 2 (35:38):
No, not at all, it's just she does. Actually, I
like being outside early in the morning.
Speaker 4 (35:42):
She brings it up a lot.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
And he always looks so fresh and me like morning meeting.
Speaker 4 (35:47):
Yes, yeah, And she's like, I went for a walk
and I had my breakfast and I'm.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Like, oh, and then traveling into States with you, I'll
come to your hotel room and you'd already been out
hour walk, just woken up. I love a walk in
the morning. It's my thing.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
But part of that is because it's the only time
of day, Like you know, you train yourself, that's when
I do my exercise. If I don't do it, then
it's not getting done.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Jesse said.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Going to the gym at night person, I have never
onunderstood going to the gym at night people. That is
so I think you're you know, you're one or the other.
But the thing is is I used to live by
a beach in Sydney for a lot of years. For
twenty years, I lived by a beach in Sydney. And
when you used to go out early in the morning
when I was like pushing a pram and all those
kind of things. The only people around really at that
time were either a small number of boot campers or
(36:27):
people who were still out from the night before who
were like kind of shaking off their hangover, you know.
But now when I stay at that same suburb and
go down to the beach at six six thirty, it
is rammed.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
There are so many.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
People there, and they are all young, and they're all beautiful,
and they're all in their athleisia and some of them
are running and some of them are just catching up
for coffee, and the coffee cues are really long.
Speaker 1 (36:49):
And what time would this be?
Speaker 2 (36:50):
Six thirty?
Speaker 1 (36:51):
Whoa?
Speaker 2 (36:52):
And so I think it's God good in a way.
But it's also meant that all the peace and tranquility
and the loveliness of being out at that time of
day is kind of gone because the hordes are there.
But it's interesting that you brought up bedtime, Jesse, because
there was an article in the Wall Street Journal last
year that said that nine o'clock has become the cool
time to go to bed for young people.
Speaker 4 (37:13):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
And I think about the different things I've been doing
at nine o'clock at different times in my life, you know.
Speaker 4 (37:20):
Life story.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
It really does.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
If you think about your nine pm stories from your life,
Like there was a period when that was bedtime obviously
when you were a kid, and then there's the period
that maybe that was the.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Time you go out, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
It's like you might be heading out at nine o'clock
rather than coming home. And then there's the time when
that's when the kids have finally gone to bed and
you get to sit on the couch and then you
know what I mean. But like going to bed at
nine o'clock seems very early to me, but apparently it's
very cool to do that. And that's why they're saying
that dinner reservations are getting earlier and earlier. And I
(37:53):
was like, I went for a.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
Dinner like at five pm. You're too young for that.
But you can't get a booking anymore. It's five pm
or it's nothing. And then you go there and everyone
else it's like, firstly, they're still setting up the tables,
so I'm like, why are you even open at this time?
And then it'll be like me and like someone's grandma, Yeah, but.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
Apparently not because it's supposed to be when all the
cool people are going. I think you're start getting up early. Yeah,
because that's apparently where all the squeaky clean people are.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Maybe I'll join you for your walks. We won't pick up.
If you're with me, you're not going to pick up.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
I'm going to be that god, not him, Maybe him.
Speaker 3 (38:33):
After the break a TV show, a recipe, and something
death adjacent. It is light and shade on our Fridays.
It is time for recommendations.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
One unlimited out loud access.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
We drop episodes every Tuesday and Thursday exclusively for Mamma
Mia subscribers.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Follow the link of the show notes.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
To get us in your ears five days a week.
And a huge thank you to all our current subscribers.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
Vibes ideas atmosphere, something casual, something far.
Speaker 4 (39:07):
This is my best recommendation.
Speaker 3 (39:10):
It's Friday, so we wanted to help set up your weekend. Holly,
what have you got for us today?
Speaker 2 (39:16):
I've got a TV show that's really good, But I'm
also going to pretend that I haven't been absolutely obsessed
with Celebrity Traders UK.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
Have you watched any of that?
Speaker 4 (39:25):
Why is this already?
Speaker 1 (39:26):
One's talking about it is so good.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
I was going to recommend it, but then I realize
I'm too late because it's just finished. But if you've
managed to avoid the tsunami of like of content about it,
it's all on ten play and you can watch it
from the beginning. So it's the British reality show where
they put a lot of people in the castle and
you have to guess which ones.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Are the trader?
Speaker 4 (39:43):
Are they randoms or are they famous?
Speaker 2 (39:45):
These ones are famous because it's celebrity Traders and it's
such a good cast. It's like Stephen Frye and Celia
Imrie and Alan Carr and like just all these really funny,
brilliant people. And Claudia Winkleman who hosts that show, like
I am so obsessed with her. She's so obsessed with
her anyway, So what I've really been watching is just
that on my laptop because Brent refuses see thinks it's trash,
(40:07):
and I'm.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
Just like, you don't know my life.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
But what we've been watching together that you should all
get on board with because it's dropping week to week
is a new show called Down Cemetery Road.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
It's heavy.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Meal would like it, but she's not here anymore.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
Yes, she's very cool. Yeah, leather jacket.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
So it's based on the first book by the guy
who went on to write the Slow Horses books.
Speaker 1 (40:29):
So it's like blow Horses, Great show, Holly, you should
get on this.
Speaker 3 (40:34):
It's a great it's amazing.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
Similarly, I'm going to.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
Really like one documentary Okay, okay, so down Cemetery Road
written by that guy, so you get a vibe. But
it is amazing because the main woman is called Sarah
Tucker the character, and she's played by Ruth Wilson, who
if you saw her you'd know exactly who she is.
She's a brilliant actress. But she is an art restorer
who's married to this investment Manka, which God knows why,
(41:03):
and they live in this house in Oxford. And anyway,
one night they're having dinner party from hell too much
detail to go into, and their window blows in because
across the road there is an explosion. And this explosion
kills two adults and sends a little kid to hospital.
And when Sarah becomes obsessed with finding out what's happened
to this little girl, she sort of stumbles into.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
A web of intrigue. Right, I guess you'd say.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
And then she goes to get some help from this
private detective agency which is run by this married couple
and the woman is called Zoe Baum and she is
played by Emma Thompson.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
And it is the most glorious show.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
Like how many episodes if there are eight, but only
three have dropped, okay, and they're dropping once a week.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
And the tone of it is so interesting.
Speaker 2 (41:47):
It's kind of slightly surreal, and it's funny and it's dark,
and Emma Thompson is amazing and so Sarah Tucker. And
there's just lots of smart stuff in there about motherhood
and crime and capital. But the actual show is just
so enjoyable. Out loud As are going to fricking love
it if they're not on it already, and you need
to watch it so we can talk about it down road.
Speaker 1 (42:08):
It's on Apple TV. Plus.
Speaker 3 (42:10):
I'm sold, all right, I'm jumping in now, look full transparency.
I was going to recommend this incredible hair brush that's
changed my life, but then I went on the internet
and it's only available for pre order.
Speaker 4 (42:20):
They're out, and I was like, I'm not doing that
too out Louder, we're not pre ordering.
Speaker 3 (42:23):
Once it's back, I'm going to tell you about it
so that you can press and you can buy it.
Speaker 4 (42:26):
I need a good hairr Yes, it's incredible.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
Maybe we'll just share yours help.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
This hair brush is amazing. But anyway, I was like, Okay,
I can't do my hairbrush. So I have a slightly
grim quiet rogue recommendation that is adjacent to the death discussion,
which is it was my grandfather's funeral the other week.
I think I brought it up and we did something
there that people have talked about since and said that's
(42:51):
something I want to do at my funeral. So I
just wanted to plant the seed as something that you
might think about, you know, one day when you find
yourself well.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
And also, like we were being quite flippant when we
were talking about that, like you know, live every day
like it's your last kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (43:05):
But people are losing.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
People all the time. Yeah, and having ideas of how
to remember them well is always really important.
Speaker 4 (43:12):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (43:12):
So what we did was Pop was a Catholic, so
we went to like the actual service was in a
church and it was quite religious, which was really beautiful
because I knew how much that meant to him, so
that was a real part of him. And then afterwards
there was the wake, and what we did at the
wake was hand around a microphone.
Speaker 4 (43:31):
You know.
Speaker 3 (43:32):
There were some eulogies and they talked about his life
and they were really beautiful.
Speaker 4 (43:36):
But it's a little bit more formal in a church, right,
So we did this thing.
Speaker 3 (43:39):
I don't even know how long it went for, but
it was so insightful and funny and beautiful to just
hand this microphone around where a lot of people who
maybe they were inappropriate stories they wouldn't have wanted to
tell in a church.
Speaker 4 (43:53):
Yeah, maybe there.
Speaker 3 (43:55):
Was some like confessions or like I've spoken on this
show about my pop up until he was over the
age of ninety, was caring for my cousin with an
intellectual disability, and their relationship was iconic also hilarious because
they drove each.
Speaker 4 (44:10):
Other mad, and so it was funny to kind of.
Speaker 3 (44:12):
Get there and everyone go, Okay, I know we've romanticized
a relationship, but can we also remember and just tell
these funny stories. Two people, my cousin and his mother,
both have intellectual disabilities, and they got to speak, which
was really nice, and my auntie got up and said
I've never seen a dead body, which was just a
really inappropriate thing to say. But it wouldn't have been
Pop's funeral without that.
Speaker 4 (44:35):
I'm not laughing, so you have to laugh.
Speaker 3 (44:37):
Yeh, that's the thing, right, and especially when it is
such a celebration of life because he lived to ninety eight.
It was the most beautiful ritual to kind of have
everyone share something, and I did. I don't know if
it was in the out louders or where I saw it,
and it reminded me of the Jane Goodall conversation you
guys had a few weeks ago about your last words,
(44:57):
but someone said because we knew Pop was old, he
had dementia. And I heard someone say they asked a parent,
what do you want the last words your funeral to be?
Or whatever, and then they got up and said them,
and I was like, I wish i'd asked him that.
I wish I'd just said to him, what would you
be your last words and then present it in that
kind of format, because it's so weird. You can know
(45:20):
that someone doesn't have all the time in the world
and you still avoid those conversations. So it was a
really beautiful thing to do also.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
With wakes, You're already doing that with people. Yeah, you're
all just talking about that person and how they affected
your life. And a lot of people that I've met,
even at my grandfather's wake, with people I never knew,
and like, how did you know this person? And I
think just having a mic and doing that in front
of everyone's just such a good idea.
Speaker 3 (45:44):
It's like it already doing and it was genuinely really
entertaining and lovely. So yeah, it was a lovely little ritual.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
That's beautiful.
Speaker 4 (45:52):
Jesse M, what is your recommendation?
Speaker 1 (45:55):
Huge news. I've started cooking so happy for you so much.
I realized I was pushing thirty and it's not really
like people don't react the same way when I say
I don't cook. Yeah, you're thirty, you need a cook bad.
I still have this fear of cooking meat, like I
haven't worked my way through it yet. I think I
am always scared of something going wrong. So I started small.
(46:17):
I started with salmon, and I got like the salmon
recipe from recipe and Eats Nagi another great best. It
was like these little salmon bite twelve minutes and it's
like the best tasting fish ever fish, So it's literally okay.
So you literally get like your salmon filets without the skin,
and you dice them up and then you coat them
and all of these spices that you should already have
(46:39):
in your pantry, like I had them in my pan. Yeah,
well I had to buy new ones because mine solidified.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Them and then you have to bang them on the table.
Speaker 1 (46:47):
I get it.
Speaker 4 (46:47):
Did you know you're meant to change your spices like
once a year?
Speaker 1 (46:50):
Yeah, once a year, surely not five years. I don't.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
It is true that often I'll go rabajing for something
and you're like, oh, maybe not.
Speaker 4 (46:58):
I have a question about the salmon. Does it taste fishy?
Speaker 1 (47:01):
It doesn't taste fish. It's fish. It's like it tastes
like salmon, but it's like there's so much how much
spices and it becomes really crispy. And her hack when
you put them in the oven is to like scrunch
up foil and then put the foil on the tray
so it has like these little grooves, because if you
put salmon on a tray, the underneath becomes like a
bit slimy.
Speaker 4 (47:20):
Yes, that's true.
Speaker 1 (47:21):
So if you have the little grooves and the foil.
It acts like a little prong, so this whole salmon
gets crispy and you don't.
Speaker 4 (47:26):
Have to turn them, okay, And.
Speaker 1 (47:28):
So I've been making these little salmon bowls. I have
my salmon that I made myself, and then I have
like some rice and some tomato and some avocado and
some like Perry Perry sauce and some lettuce. And it's
so good. And I've been telling everyone in the office
and healthy and protein, oh soap protein, big one.
Speaker 4 (47:43):
Oh my goodness, you are better than me.
Speaker 1 (47:45):
I love that in the show notes because it's yummyummy me.
Speaker 2 (47:47):
Oh, Jesse, you've got one more thing to tell the
out louders about before we read ourselves out.
Speaker 3 (47:51):
I do if you are looking for something else to
listen to. We did a Subscribe episode yesterday about letters
to juliet which is this kind of practice in Verona,
where you know, the Shakespearean play goes that Juliette lived,
and there's this practice where people write her letters. And
this incredible feature came out recently about the most common
(48:12):
question she gets asked and we attempt to answer it.
It's about love and finding the one.
Speaker 4 (48:18):
It got very deep. It is a lovely conversation. There
is a link in our show notes.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
Massive thank you to all for being here with us.
I want to tempt you over to YouTube to watch
us there, because you know I'll find a hairbrush one day.
I'm sure out louders say things about our YouTube show
like Chad Powers. That was your recommendation last week.
Speaker 1 (48:38):
Everyone loved that one.
Speaker 2 (48:40):
Chad Powers is great as our EM's boobs. It seems
inappropriate that people are.
Speaker 4 (48:45):
Wanted to be out loud as they're just being encouraging.
Speaker 2 (48:48):
Lots of people talked about how they thought that you're
going without a brow is a great idea, and I'm like,
are we really encouraging people to go and watch YouTube
to look at ms boobs?
Speaker 1 (48:56):
And then I remember that I literally did that, which
is fine. I've also today gone brothers. Yeah, oh I
love it.
Speaker 4 (49:02):
I think it'll really increase our numbers out louders.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
So you heard us talking about Michelle Obama refusing to
take parenting advice from young people. If you feel that
in your bones, you would love our sister show Parenting
out Loud. It's not parenting advice, it's the conversations about parenting.
We actually want to have our Amelia Lester, Stacey Hicks,
and Monique Bowley unpacked the week in parenting pop culture.
(49:28):
This week, they talk skin care for toddlers, how Princess
Catherine and Prince William told their kids about her cancer,
and whether we need to stop telling moms it takes
a village search parenting out loud and hit follow. It's
the kind of show Michelle Obama would bloody love.
Speaker 4 (49:44):
Bye Bye, Mamma.
Speaker 2 (49:50):
Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land on which
we've recorded this podcast.
You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Hello, and welcome
to MoMA Mia out Loud.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
It is Friday. The must look down because don't know
the date. It is Friday, the fourteenth of November.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
And I am hollywayen Wright, and.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
I am am Vernham and I'm Jesse Stevens and I
think we had a review recently that asked if we
were all intoxicated on Friday.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And the answer is yes. I got the same thing.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Someone said to me, sounds like day drinking. I'm like, well,
I'm glad we sound like day drinking, but we have
not actually been day drinking. No, that would be in
I don't know what kinds of.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Rules would be broken.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
That's crazy, which is tapping on our.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Agenda for today on MoMA Mia out Loud. The productivity
advice that made me add to cart but then have
a life existential panic attack and canceled by.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
My generation is doing certain things at a certain time
in the morning, and it is ruining my social life.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Okay, and Michelle Obama wants parenting influences to sit down
and listen to their elders, but not everyone is convinced.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
But first, speaking of Friday, topics. It's time we talk
about squirting. This is not gonna help.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
This is not gonna help with the perception that we've
all had bubbles.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Well that's better than the way I was going to
previously introduce this topic, which was, do you guys squirre?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I haven't had a bubbles and she's pregnant. We can't
have that discussion.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
We can, we can, Okay. So an anonymous column was
posted on Mamma Mia earlier this week and the title
was I'm a woman who squirts during sex. We need
to talk about it.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
I saw that headline and I went, do we continue?
Speaker 1 (02:05):
And also you might be getting to this, but when
you say.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
Squirt, yeah, I need way more informations.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Also known as gushing or female ejaculation.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Right, So it's when an orgasm in a woman actually
produces fluid they or may not shoot across the room.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
And where does it come from?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
So it comes from urethra and it's a mix of
different fluid, but it's vaginal fluid. A lot of people
thought it was just urine, but it's like a mix
of everything.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
Wow, And some women can do it and some women can't.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
So this anonymous column she was basically talking about how
she was so embarrassed that she squirt, so she would
always avoid orgasming with partners, and then she got to
a point where she felt comfortable to do so because
with this woman and a lot of like my friends
who I know who are self acclaimed squirters or gushers
say that they can't orgasm without squirting.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
So it's not like, yeah, it's not like you get
a choice or you do it on cue, because it
can be quite it can be something that I have
heard men in my life talk about from porn, like
it's almost like something that some men are really into.
And I've always been like, is that a myth?
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Well, I know that there are some women who also
and this is really popular in porn as well, who
can squirt on command, which is what a lot of
videos see. It was just faking it. Well, there's a
fake videos, but they are like gushes. So I had
a friend when we were around eighteen years old, and
she told me that she gushes. That's what she said.
She gushes, and she has to buy a special blanket.
(03:42):
It's called a love blanket. It was just basically a
waterproof blanket, and hers was like neon purple. She's like,
it's her only color, Like we all need one of them,
and you just put it on your bed and then
you can have sex.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
You know.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
It does occur to me that we should maybe put
a warning at the top.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yeah, sorry, squirting, but I wanted to read because our
post on Facebook had hundreds of comments. Yeah, so this story.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
We put it up on Mamma Mia, as you say,
m and it has gone crazy, which is why we're
talking about it, because it's like, sure, you know, interesting
sex story. But no, everybody is very interested in the squirting,
especially men.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Oh god, I read they can't be half a cup
of fluid, Like that's how much you're talking.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
I think it can be more.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
That's a lot, because that's incredible.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
How much you lose over a period or something. Yeah,
yea yeah, and I think you get quite dehydrated after.
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
Yeah, I beg So it's a curse, not a blessing.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
But some of the men I want to read other
comments because they made me giggle. One of them said,
men don't care if it's urine. Ladies, we're just happy
you had an orgasm strong enough to pee yourself.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
That's rad Okay, it's not Peape, it's not he, so
he needs to take him by the hand.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Had an ex that was like a sprinkler. It never
bothered me, at least I knew I was doing the
job for her. A lot of them saying nothing better.
I love it.
Speaker 4 (04:55):
They are feminist.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
But there were some women in the comments saying, do
we actually need to talk about it? Oh?
Speaker 4 (05:01):
That was probably my mum.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Yeah, And then the replies were other men going, yes,
what you do? I reckon that you can just see.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
And I don't want to cast nostursions, as I would
say on the men in this common thread, but they
clearly see it's a bit of a badge of honor.
So once they have heard us discuss it, because they're like,
I made a woman squirt, That's how they're thinking, when actually, no,
she was gonna squirt.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
She was gonna do it anyway. She was gonna squirt regardless.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
You know what, though, for all the flaws of the internet,
like if you were someone who gushed or squirted or
whatever one hundred years ago, you're probably like, what on
earth is going on? You wouldn't have brought it up
with your friends. If there's one thing maybe porn has
given us. It's normalizing some of the things the body does.
And I'm sure there are squirting communities online subreddits like
(05:51):
minded Squirters and that is a beautiful thing. Who is
allowed to give parenting advice? According to my Instagram and
TikTok feeds literally anyone, but Michelle Obama recently announced that
if you have a three year old, she's not in
I feel personally.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Let's get this Jesse a half year old, w I.
Speaker 4 (06:12):
Have some advice, Michelle.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Here is the former First Lady's take on young parenting influences.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Oh no, lady, Oh wait, let me hear what you
think when they're twenty seven.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
And that's when I'll think your advice. I mean, it's great,
you know, maybe you can tell me about the lady stroller,
but that is it. Otherwise you were insecure and losing sleep.
You don't know what you're doing because I don't.
Speaker 5 (06:38):
Know that you're right.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
You don't want to see the product. I don't know
what your theory is made. Why are listening to the
young mother? I want to talk to a woman that
reads the First Lady. I want to hear what she did.
Speaker 5 (06:54):
But we see we don't do you know, all parent
bloggers should be wrong?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
People interesting interesting Michelle.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
So she was quite adamant in her stand And the
interesting part of this story is that the comments were
firmly divided. Lots of applause, lots of I completely agreem
Mi Sheelle, But equally there were people saying, no, no, no,
I need people that are in the trenches. I ask
my mum or my grandmother for advice and they can't
(07:24):
remember anything about childhood, right, Holly, who should we be
taking parenting advice off?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Look, I don't like to contradict the former first Lady,
because you know, she's amazing in every way. When I've
watched this, I'm like, I wonder what the conversation just
before was, because I.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Haven't seen the whole thing.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
But it depends what advice you're looking for, right Because
if you're like, how to produce an amazing, successful, happy,
well adjusted human, she's correct, right, Like, until you see
the end product, how would we know.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
But if it's how do I get some sleep?
Speaker 2 (07:56):
You ask someone in the trenches, because, as you already
rightly pointed out, Jesse, my kids are teenagers, so we're
not I mean, I don't know if you're ever finished.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
But we're not finished.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
But if you ask me about you know, tea baby
led weening that I can't remember, blocked.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
All that shit out and I don't care.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
So it's like it depends what you want. I think
her point about parenting influences should be grown people. I
think parenting experts should probably be because I think probably
what she's getting at is that big, mushy ocean of stuff,
which is like, if you let your baby cry, they
will be insecure. If you don't let your baby cry,
they will be people pleasers. If you you know that
(08:34):
kind of advice that makes every decision you make in
infant world means something in adult world, then how could
you possibly know until that you've got to the end results.
So she's right, But if it's just like how do
I get them to stop throwing the carrot at my head?
Then you need someone in the trenches.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
Right, Yeah, exactly right.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
I understand her point, but I think what she's missing
is something that I'm going to call like parental amnesia,
which is even with my mum, I've gone, can you
remember sleep?
Speaker 4 (09:04):
And she goes you all slept? Like how much?
Speaker 3 (09:07):
When I've asked her about solids and she insists she
never started us on solids.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
She has no memory of it. And I'm like, I don't.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Eat mush like I do eat sandwiches and stuff, so
at some point solids were introduced. And what you feel
like when you're in this, like you know with little kids,
is you need someone a few months ahead, even years
isn't right. I've got a friend who just had a
newborn baby and he was like, I'm looking at this
basinet blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
And I was like, we never had a battinet. It's
like that was two years.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Ago, and yes, you did, completely forgot. What do you reckon?
M Because look, there are all these different influences. I
suppose some of them don't have kids, aren't experts, aren't researchers,
and they have a lot of thoughts on screen time,
and I must say that riles me up. I go,
you sit down, you sit down, you say something when
(09:57):
you've got like a sick four year old, and then
you're allowed to have an opinion.
Speaker 4 (10:01):
What do you reckon? Who gets to say?
Speaker 1 (10:03):
It's really funny because I think now more than ever,
my mom gets asked for parenting advice all the time.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I would ask your mom for parenting advice. To Michelle
Obama's point, like ask Marian Robinson who raised the first Lady.
I want to ask Missus Vernon who raised Emily Vernon.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
But they don't know. I was such a shitty child.
I was such a brat, like an actual awful child,
to the point where my mom was like, yeah, you were.
You were bad. And I think in what way, like
as a little kid, as a teenager, as what like
a little kid, probably up until the age of like
thirteen fourteen, I was just horrible. I was just one
(10:42):
of those like typical Brady kids you would see on
TV where it was just like all about me. Up
until I was twelve. I wanted to be the one
to blood candles on the cake. And I was twelve.
I was grown.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Okay, So if you were bratty, maybe your parents adopted
Dax Shepherds. Oh yes, because Holly, you were listening to
a Dak's episode the other day.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I actually love it when famous people tell on his
stories about their parenting. But Dax Shepherd was interviewing Reese
with a spoon. You might have heard of her I
don't know. He recently bought a place in Nashville and
so he hangs out there a lot now in the South,
and that's also.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Where Reese lives, where all the cool people live.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
And he was talking about the difference between like La
parenting and Southern parenting, and he told this story about
being out for dinner with.
Speaker 5 (11:24):
His daughters, which is where I'm out to eat with
our really two best friends there and I fucking love them.
You know them now, I do? She says to me,
my friend, they're kind of shook with how our daughters
will talk back to us or to anybody. Okay, because
it's very Unsouthern right down there. Everyone's like, hi, miss Kristen, Hi,
mister Dax.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Yes, this this whole you.
Speaker 5 (11:43):
You're a kid and you and there's value to that.
There's something I appreciate about that. And she's like, yeah,
your kids let it rip. Like they have not seem
to have no kind of respect, is what she was saying.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Oh okay, and.
Speaker 5 (11:56):
Like feeling a little entitled. And I said, you're dead right. Oh,
they do talk back and they are not respectful. And
I can understand where that seems like completely unrelieved, But
I want you to know what I'm prioritizing, which is
like when they're nineteen and their bosses are fucking creep,
I want them to talk back. I want them to
be disrespectful. I want them to always advocate for themselves
(12:19):
whether I think they're right or wrong. And yeah, I'm
willing to deal with this thing that is embarrassing at
a restaurant for y'all. But I can deal with that.
I can handle that, okay, because I want this other
thing for them as women.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Isn't that interesting When I think about that, though I
didn't like that.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
I think I was raised to be respectful, just shitty.
And then I also think that if you're raised to
like talk back at your parents, I can tell the
people now around me as like late twenties who were
definitely allowed to talk back to their parents.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
It's like parenting is a long game, right, Yeah, And
there are definitely moments I was a little bit bratty.
I've all asked four kids, I was the brat pushed
back a lot and could be rude and all that
kind of stuff. But there were things that were said
to me and I was promanded for that in the
moment I didn't respond to, but as an adult stuck.
So I think in fact Dak Shepherd's advice reminded me
(13:15):
of something which is also that you get the kid
you get right, Like he clearly has a particular set
of children, and then you work with them. It's like
your gardening, Holly, right, You're like pouring water on a
particular plant, and the plants are.
Speaker 4 (13:31):
Not all going to grow the same, and you've got
to work with the plants of.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
The god trying hard.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
No, no, exactly, and some kids aren't trying hard.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Look, I think it's interesting advice. Well it's not.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
He's not giving anyone advice. He's just saying this is
what we do. Obviously, nobody wants a brady kid. And
very often what you hear celebrities say is like, my
kids are so polite. It tells you various things. A.
Their kids spend a lot of time in fancy restaurants, yes,
and that they have famous parents, so everyone's falling all
over them all the time. So they're like counterprogramming to
make sure their kids are like thank you, thank you, thank.
Speaker 4 (14:03):
You, and you must tip the weight start.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Yeah, let's remember that their children are growing up in
a particular bubble. But I think he's got a point.
If you raise kids, particularly girls, from the very early
age to say you never talk back to adults, you're
never rude, you never say no.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Like that's where you get to this.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Point of like give uncle so and so a hug
when you know, we're trying to instill in little girls
that they get a choice of what they do with
themselves and their bodies and all those things. And I
know that sounds complicated, but that's what he means, right,
he means I don't want my kids to just feel
like they always have to say yes to every adult
and that they always put their needs last.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
And I get it.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
You know, one person's talking back is just another person's
having a discussion.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Like my kids, they're not allowed to be rude to us,
absolutely not. But it doesn't mean that everything we say
they have to say yes, you know what I mean, yes, mum,
absolutely mum, or anything that any other adults says to them,
they have to go.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Thank you, yes.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Like I think what he's trying to say is I'm
trying to allow them to have autonomy. And this is
why this is also interesting with the Michelle Obama business
is it's like the job of parenting tiny kids is
keep them alive, teach them to eat, teach him to walk,
teach them to be able to get around the world
without bumping their head on stuff.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Yeah, but the long.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Game of parenting is to try and breed an independent
human who can go out into the world and be useful.
And in that lens, I think his advice is solid.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
I also think it changes generation to generation. Like I
was thinking about and I had like a really honest
conversation with my mum about this, and she was saying
that the one thing that she regretted raising me and
my sister was actually wished she talked to us more
like kind of like have discussions with us like as adults,
because I do remember as a kid, and I don't
think this really affected me. But when she said that,
(15:49):
I was like, oh, yeah, I do remember that. It
was very much like the adults are talking now, and
then we were had to being brought into the conversation.
And I think that's so true for that generation because
all my friends had similar experiences. And I think what
Michelle Obama is talking about, she's talking about taking advice
from parents who kind of parented their kids such a
different way to how parents are parenting their kids now.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Yeah, well we all get given a different raw book
and very controversial intellectual I suppose you'd call him, although
since a bit disgraced Jordan Peterson.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Oh, and we're bringing out the Jordan.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
We're bringing up the Jordan Peterson because this advice again
very controversial, but I think it's got some weight, which is,
your job is to raise a kid, and this word
is loaded, but who's likable?
Speaker 4 (16:34):
Like if your kid is.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Being unlikable and antisocial in the playground, part of your
job is to prepare them for That's the question too.
I suppose do you try and change the world for
your kid or do you try and change your kid
for the world? And is it constantly a dance? And
I suppose it's always it's a dance, And parenting it's
(16:56):
zooming in and out right.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
That advice makes me want to lose my mind. Yeah,
because I am a people pleaser who likes people to
like me, and I can see it in my daughter
very much. And there's a bit of you. It's very
unfashionable to be a people pleaser these days. So there's
a bit of you that kind of pushes back against that.
But also the advice I'll give her a lot of
the time is like kill them with kindness, you know,
(17:18):
like turn the other cheek, don't make a fuss, Like
you're much more likely to get what you want, if
you're polite and lovely, whatever, all that kind of stuff,
which is very people please advice.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
But then I have another kid who's completely.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Different, and I'm sure there are plenty of people who
might think he's rude or unlikable in certain situations, but
he's just wired differently, and so all blanket parenting advice
is kind of terrible.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
Really. Yeah, yeah, but.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
I want to know one last thing from m because
you don't have kids yet, and a lot of your
friends don't have kids yet, but soon you're going to
be surrounded by tiny children because all your friends are
going to start having kids because you go to so
many weddings, and that's how it works, is that you're
going to have a lot of thoughts. Yeah, and I
want to know if people who don't have kids are
allowed or I think we're allowed.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Like I'm surrounded by kids, I see your kids, I
see what they're doing.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
I always do you have opinions?
Speaker 1 (18:07):
I do have a pinion. Okay, I love that There's
no way and I'm speaking as a non parent, but
there's no way you can nail parenting from birth to
age eighteen. And I've seen this firsthand, like twenty seven,
Michelle Obama says, or twenty nine like me, who's still
being parented every single day, there's no way you can
nail that. And I feel like even like my parents
would say they were like some years we nailed, like
(18:28):
when you were sixteen, nailed that. When you were eight,
probably didn't nail that as much. So I would say, like,
if I have kids, the advice I would take from
other parents would be the age that I like their
kid the most. I'd be like, oh, my kid's coming
up to nine. I remember I really like Luna when
she was nine, Jesse, how should I do this?
Speaker 3 (18:48):
Well?
Speaker 2 (18:48):
So, ultimately, we always like kids who are nice to us.
Like you always back to that thing about teaching your
kids to be nice to people. People always like, oh,
I love Luna because when I see Luna she likes me.
Speaker 4 (18:57):
Yeah, she's like you, Holly. So I think that you
should lean into.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
That out loud as in a moment two things that
are very two types of people ish, dawn and death.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
We've got a listener dilemma, and we need your collective
wisdom to help us and our partners UI solve it.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Please.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
Here is the problem from our listener. Our school mum's
group is planning an end of year celebration for our
kids finishing primary school, and as someone who split from
my husband earlier this year, I'm more keen than ever
to keep this social connection, so I rsvped straight away.
I've now found out it's a set menu and the
package is eighty dollars per person, and we're all expected
(19:48):
to bring a twenty dollars Chris Kringle present.
Speaker 4 (19:51):
My budget is tighter than ever.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
I cannot justify this kind of spending on a night out.
I didn't realize it was going to be a sit
down set menu. I thought I could eat before and
just come along and buy my own drinks. I feel
embarrassed telling the whole year group I can't afford it,
but I don't know how to get around it now.
Some of the women I don't know very well, but
i'd like to, and many of our children will go
on to high school together, so it's not like I'll
(20:13):
never see them again. Plus I really want to go.
What should I do next? What do we reckon?
Speaker 1 (20:19):
And what did she do? The money thing is so
so tough, But I would say that I feel like
you would feel best not going instead of trying to
go and feeling just really uncomfortable with how much you're paying.
So I would say you can't make this one, but
say that you really love to hang out again, and
plan the next one and make it like a picnic
or going to see a movie or something like that.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
No way, she's got to go. She's one hundred percent
got to go. No, she wants to go. That's the
number one thing she really wants to She really wants
to build these connections. She really thinks it's important she
should go. She should say to them.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
I'm not gonna eat, I'll come a bit later.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Just make something up. If you don't want to tell
people you don't want to pay the ability, you say, oh,
i've got a thing till seven thirty or whatever, so
I'm not gonna eat because I'll eat that and I'll
just come for drinks and they'll deal every social situation
knows how to do that. They just will leave her
off the bill. She can go and buy her own
drinks and it'll be fine. Okay, that you should definitely go,
because I think it would be different if she didn't
(21:15):
want to go and she just felt obligated to go
because you know, these are most school parents blah blah blah,
and I should then I would say stay home, like
save the money, stay home, But she really wants to.
She knows it's socially important. Go.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Don't spend the money. Just say what if all the
inside jokes happened during the dinner?
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Yeah, and then you feel like a blow in and you're.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Just turn up half an hour late, pull a chair
up to the table and join in.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
Okay, no, I'm on board. I quite like that. Out louders,
let us know what you would do next.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
Share your thoughts in the mummeya outloud Facebook group and
if you have a dilemma, you can send it to
us at out loud at mummea dot com. Donna you,
we would love to help.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Motivation and productivity gurus are really pulling out the big
guns to get our lazy asses of the couch.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
What do you mean, your motivation isn't peaking On November
the fourteenth.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
We've got a couple of weeks left of the year
and they're really pulling out, Like you can do serious stuff.
It's so close, And tell me about the productivity advice
that provokes you to put it in the channel of
things we discuss and go Is this a joke?
Speaker 1 (22:23):
It was an article in The Guardian and it was
a collection of seventeen top tips from experts on how
to stay motivated.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
The fact you clicked is really.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
I was like, She's like, have I got the motivation
to click on this story?
Speaker 4 (22:39):
Oh no, it was three pm.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
I was basically just clicking on it to see how
can I do my whole job in two hours?
Speaker 3 (22:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Yeah, I didn't get any of that advice. One piece
of advice came from an author named Austin Kleon, and
he said two things motivate me. Death and deadlines. The
easiest and most enjoyable way to keep death ever present
in the mind is to read the obituaries every morning.
When I read about people who did something with their lives,
it makes me want to do something with mine. So
(23:06):
I put this in our out loud channel, where we
talk about topics you want to discuss on the podcast,
and I was like, isn't this crazy expecting you guys
to all agree.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
And we went, oh, well, it reminded me of something
that I did recently that I need some counseling about
that's in this thing, because suddenly I'm seeing this talked
about a lot in lots of motivational and coaching places
about like keep death close, which I know sounds really dark,
but the idea is is that if you have very
(23:35):
real idea of that deadline, you're more likely to make
the decisions that matter. Right, That's the theory. And I
interviewed this amazing woman recently called Kemy Neck for Pill
and she is an executive coach and she's trained with
Brene Brown, and she's the real deal. She's Aussie and
in her book she talked about these posters you could
buy that kind of give you a literal visual countdown
(23:56):
of how much time you've got left. And the idea
is that every Monday you color in a little square
and it makes you visually see, oh my god, like
time is ticking down. And the idea is it's supposed
to motivate you. And I went and looked at these
posters are called four K weeks, and they're very stylish
and like cool looking. When you put your birthday in,
obviously they don't know when you're going to die, like
(24:17):
they're just some bros on the internet, but they don't
know when you're going to die. But your gender, your birthplace,
obviously a birth date. They give you the estimate and
what you do is you put it in and you
press preview or whatever, and it brings up your poster
and the idea ideally, because the weeks that you've lived
are all colored in black, and the weeks you've got
to live are all white.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
And plain colored and black. Nothing fun like a yellow.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
It's very monochrome because I think it's like supposed to
be cool.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Like a graphic design exactly.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
And I put in my birth date everything, and I
saw how much black there was in my chart and
how there was just this band of white at the bottom,
and I was like, I can't do that.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
I can't do that, and I had like a hyper ventilation.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
But I want to chart a different chart, different chart again.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
I want that.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
Holly was showing me and it was set to nineteen
ninety four and I was like, Holly, that's.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
I'm lying because I get the theory, and you subscribe
to this theory, right.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
Jesse, I am obsessed with this theory. I thought him
saying death and deadlines. I was like, mate, death is
the deadline, Like that is the old deadline deadline. And
we've talked about how there's this pressure or urgency that
deadlines in life give us. That you'll never write a
book if you don't have a deadline, and we'd never
record this podcast. We've enough to sit down in a
(25:36):
particular time. But the knowledge that there's this looming thing,
that everything is finite, I just find it incredibly clarifying.
And I am obsessed with death, Like I think about
it constantly, and my big thing is head down, touch
the pillow, Like I've got some association with it where
(25:57):
I then just go, you can die one day, And
I like, sometimes.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
Does it freak you out?
Speaker 2 (26:01):
I was gonna say, so, does that freak you out?
Or does that make you go so tomorrow I'm going
to be my best?
Speaker 4 (26:07):
Yeah? No, it does both.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
So I was recommended by a psychologist a book to
read called Staring at the Sun, which is all about death, anxiety,
and I read it, and it was meant to make
me feel better. It didn't make me feel better at all.
But I think the anxiety is the point. It's like,
it makes you double down on your values, it makes
you remember what's important. And I think that to avoid
(26:31):
it is to trick yourself into thinking that you have
all the time in the world, Like I can't think
of any other way to motivate myself. Like you know,
when you watch a black and white movie and you go,
they're all dead.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
I do you ever think that someone who loved them?
Speaker 2 (26:46):
I did think that, But I think this is one
of those two types of people think Y's right. Yeah,
And I'm going to ask you and in a minute,
But first I want to play you a little bit
of what Kemmy told me about how she thinks. For example,
the example she was talking about here is quitting a
job that you don't like, right.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
I know that's not the case.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
You love your job, but like she's using it as
a thing of like, if something in your life is
not working for you, it can be a very good
filter to decide whether or not to listen to this bit.
Speaker 6 (27:12):
For some people's success is putting food on the table.
And their identity is not tied to their work. If
your identity is so tied to your work that you
are willing to risk your health, your wellbeing, your mental health,
your relationships, your delight, your fun, your connection to self
and others, that may be a situation where knowing that
(27:34):
you're going to die one day may give you a
bit more clarity.
Speaker 4 (27:38):
What do you think, I don't like it inspiring or
does it make you feel sick?
Speaker 1 (27:41):
It makes me feel sick. And also I feel like
with the like work analogy, we're treating it like death
is literally on our doorstep, like tomorrow. But it could be.
That's that it could be, but it's most likely not.
So what you quit your job, but you're just waiting
everybody touch everyone, touch hoood. You quit your job, and
then what you have like fifty more years.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
But you know, but it's coming.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
There's this thought experiment that says, like, Okay, if I
lived every week like my last week, like the last week.
Speaker 4 (28:10):
Of your life, you run out of money, yes, but
like the last week of your life.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
Just think about it with how much you saw your friends,
how much you worked, how much you blah blah blah,
Like would I be happy. And if the answer is no,
then it's like, well, I might change some things because
this is a holiday that I'm on that's going to
end one day.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Realistically, what can you change?
Speaker 2 (28:30):
You can change those of things. So I think the
point that she's making is like, if there's something in
your life that isn't working, whether it's a job that
you feel really strongly about but actually the stress of
it and what it's costing you is great, and that's
true for lots of people, or whether it's a relationship
that you feel you can't leave because the stakes are
really high, maybe you've got kids, maybe you've been together forever.
(28:51):
The point is kind of for some people, the idea
that like, you're really going to live your whole life
doing something that is making you sick or making you unhappy,
all those things, because if we just live day to
day all the time, you never think about.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
That big picture.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
It's only quite recently and I get this is probably
age right that this has begun to feel urgent for me.
I've always felt when I was in my twenties, when
I was your age, Jesse, like that I had all
the time in the world, and so whatever path they
wanted to be under down was fine, and it was
I had lots of great adventures. But now the idea
of that chart with the white stripe at the bottom,
(29:26):
it does make me in a good way, like not
in a panicky way. It does make me think, well,
how much longer do I want to do X y Z?
Do I really want to hang out with this person
or that person or go and do that thing that
is taking precious days off that chart? I actually do
see the motivation there.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
I think about it with travel too. I go, if
you have always wanted to go to Africa and go
on a safari, like what are we all waiting for?
Like are we waiting for time to just open up,
for the money to just appear? Like those sorts of
things you go One day, it's not gonna be possible anymore.
So I find that kind of urgency incredibly inspiring.
Speaker 4 (30:08):
Like do you feel that?
Speaker 1 (30:10):
No, I love it. Don't talk to me about it.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
I'll ask if you find this motivating.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
There's a comedian named Hannah Burner, and she is she's
very funny, and she says before she gets on stage
every night to our show, she says to herself you're.
Speaker 4 (30:26):
Going to die one day.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
And then she goes out and she says it is
so liberating because she's like, so what, so what.
Speaker 4 (30:33):
This is a risk.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
I'm going to go and take the risks and it's inconsequential,
go and have fun. Life is short, Like can you
see the liberation in that?
Speaker 1 (30:40):
I see it in a way like I very similarly,
not death, but I like, for example, when we did
that out loud live show, I was like, if I
don't do that, you will one hundred percent regret it.
I think I live up that, like, I don't want
to regret anything. Yeah, right, I have tie too much
for me. There is a new type of culture and
it is infecting all my relationships, including my friendships and
(31:04):
my dating life. And it is called Dawn culture. Have
we heard of Dawn culture? Well?
Speaker 2 (31:09):
I think I may have told you guys about dawn
culture yesterday because I went to Yes, we stole us
from you? Yeah yeah, yeah, well ste I stole it
from somebody else. As my grandma used to say, this
now new under the sun. She used to say. Anyway,
I went to a work conference thing and there was
a forecasting trends peace. I love those things. Yeah, and
(31:29):
they're like, these are the things that are happening in
culture that are affecting everybody's buying and what they're doing,
and blah blah blah. And one of them was dawn culture,
and it was about how lots of savvy brands, because
this was about brands and selling things to people, have
moved there, like pop ups and celebrations from evening or
lunchtime to dawn in certain locations. This is not only
(31:52):
in Australia, but like because that's where all the young
people are. They are getting up really early and either
exercising or walking or meeting with their friends at the
crack of dawn instead of at the other end of
the day. And there's a whole movement of it and
it's called dawn culture.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
It's ruining my life. So it's real. So it's real.
It is so real. Everyone in my life around my
age is doing this except for me apparently. So it's
like all my friends have suddenly stopped doing the let's
get drinks after work, Let's go for dinner at seven
thirty eight pm, Let's go watch a show, Let's go
walk the streets of the city at night time. They're
(32:27):
all like messaging me at six thirty in the morning, going,
are you free for a coffee? No, the Sun's not
free for the coffee. I am not free for coffee.
I was on my dating like swiping on my dating apps,
and I saw this profile Dawn Dating. I saw this
profile and this guy said, like he was saying his
what his most typical Sunday is like, and he wrote sunrise, ocean, swim,
(32:47):
breakfast at a cafe, going to the gym house, chores,
going to a spa for a sauna session, meal, prepping
for the week, watching the sunset, and in bed by
nine thirty pm. Oh no, my ideal Sunday is waking
up hoping I don't have a hangover. And that is it.
That is literally it. But it's become this huge thing,
and it's now getting to the point where if I
(33:08):
don't start waking up before eight thirty am, which is
the time I woke up, I'm gonna lose all my friendships.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
On the weekend, the time you wake up is eight
thirty am, and I think it's day. What times you
wake up on a Wednesday?
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Eight fifteen?
Speaker 3 (33:19):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Toime, I'm in all it's so bad.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
Apparently I mean, it's dawn culture, but there is also
something called the morning economy which is booming, which is
about like cafes, yoga classes. Apparently, like Australia is just
our obsession with breakfast has really gotten out of hand.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
And now there are like morning raves you can go
to and they're not ones, they're not no alcohol yees.
So it's not ones from like after parties, which have
always existed obviously that go on from them specifically.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
For the dawn culture crowds.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
So there is an alcohol and it's to start your
day great and then go to work.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
So this is a good thing, right because you're going
people are drinking less. Apparently the biggest days for Dawn
culture Areays and Thursdays, and they think that that's because
people go into the office midweek mostly so they're trying
to get their exercise or they're socializing in before they
go to the office. I also think when we start
work has gotten earlier and earlier. It's not nine o'clock anymore.
(34:21):
A lot of people need to be in the office
before that, in which case they.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
Need to be up at three am.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
The other thing that I read was that I want
you to guess what city in the world is the
earliest to go to bed and the earliest to wake up?
Speaker 1 (34:34):
It might be Sydney, it's.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
Not, but it's an Australian city. You get one more
guess and Perth, No, Melbourne, Brisbane earliest to bed, earliest
to wake up. Apparently it's like ten something there in
bed in the world six something yep. And not only that,
but like they're getting a really good sleep, whereas like
in New York, Japan, even Melbourne they say that the
(34:57):
average is like six hours something. Brisbane, they're sleeping a lot,
They're just getting up really early. And I wonder if
this is also, I hate to bring it up a
bit of a climate change story. I wonder if this
is getting too hot and so if we want to
exercise and get outdoors, we have to do it before
the sun.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Well, you see all the videos I remember last year
Bondai Beach, like swarms of flies in the middle of
the day. Yeah, And I'm like, the only time you
could go was like when there's no sun. Yeah, I reckon.
Speaker 2 (35:24):
There are a few things at work here, because it
is a good thing, Jesse. But one of the things
about it is like I'm an early morning person. I
didn't used to be. It happened to me weirdly, like
after kids.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Really, because do you feel you're better than other people?
Speaker 2 (35:38):
No, not at all, it's just she does. Actually, I
like being outside early in the morning.
Speaker 4 (35:42):
She brings it up a lot.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
And he always looks so fresh and me like morning meeting.
Speaker 4 (35:47):
Yes, yeah, And she's like, I went for a walk
and I had my breakfast and I'm.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Like, oh, and then traveling into States with you, I'll
come to your hotel room and you'd already been out
hour walk, just woken up. I love a walk in
the morning. It's my thing.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
But part of that is because it's the only time
of day, Like you know, you train yourself, that's when
I do my exercise. If I don't do it, then
it's not getting done.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Jesse said.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Going to the gym at night person, I have never
onunderstood going to the gym at night people. That is
so I think you're you know, you're one or the other.
But the thing is is I used to live by
a beach in Sydney for a lot of years. For
twenty years, I lived by a beach in Sydney. And
when you used to go out early in the morning
when I was like pushing a pram and all those
kind of things. The only people around really at that
time were either a small number of boot campers or
(36:27):
people who were still out from the night before who
were like kind of shaking off their hangover, you know.
But now when I stay at that same suburb and
go down to the beach at six six thirty, it
is rammed.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
There are so many.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
People there, and they are all young, and they're all beautiful,
and they're all in their athleisia and some of them
are running and some of them are just catching up
for coffee, and the coffee cues are really long.
Speaker 1 (36:49):
And what time would this be?
Speaker 2 (36:50):
Six thirty?
Speaker 1 (36:51):
Whoa?
Speaker 2 (36:52):
And so I think it's God good in a way.
But it's also meant that all the peace and tranquility
and the loveliness of being out at that time of
day is kind of gone because the hordes are there.
But it's interesting that you brought up bedtime, Jesse, because
there was an article in the Wall Street Journal last
year that said that nine o'clock has become the cool
time to go to bed for young people.
Speaker 4 (37:13):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
And I think about the different things I've been doing
at nine o'clock at different times in my life, you know.
Speaker 4 (37:20):
Life story.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
It really does.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
If you think about your nine pm stories from your life,
Like there was a period when that was bedtime obviously
when you were a kid, and then there's the period
that maybe that was the.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Time you go out, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
It's like you might be heading out at nine o'clock
rather than coming home. And then there's the time when
that's when the kids have finally gone to bed and
you get to sit on the couch and then you
know what I mean. But like going to bed at
nine o'clock seems very early to me, but apparently it's
very cool to do that. And that's why they're saying
that dinner reservations are getting earlier and earlier. And I
(37:53):
was like, I went for a.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
Dinner like at five pm. You're too young for that.
But you can't get a booking anymore. It's five pm
or it's nothing. And then you go there and everyone
else it's like, firstly, they're still setting up the tables,
so I'm like, why are you even open at this time?
And then it'll be like me and like someone's grandma, Yeah, but.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
Apparently not because it's supposed to be when all the
cool people are going. I think you're start getting up early. Yeah,
because that's apparently where all the squeaky clean people are.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Maybe I'll join you for your walks. We won't pick up.
If you're with me, you're not going to pick up.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
I'm going to be that god, not him, Maybe him.
Speaker 3 (38:33):
After the break a TV show, a recipe, and something
death adjacent. It is light and shade on our Fridays.
It is time for recommendations.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
One unlimited out loud access.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
We drop episodes every Tuesday and Thursday exclusively for Mamma
Mia subscribers.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Follow the link of the show notes.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
To get us in your ears five days a week.
And a huge thank you to all our current subscribers.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
Vibes ideas atmosphere, something casual, something far.
Speaker 4 (39:07):
This is my best recommendation.
Speaker 3 (39:10):
It's Friday, so we wanted to help set up your weekend. Holly,
what have you got for us today?
Speaker 2 (39:16):
I've got a TV show that's really good, But I'm
also going to pretend that I haven't been absolutely obsessed
with Celebrity Traders UK.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
Have you watched any of that?
Speaker 4 (39:25):
Why is this already?
Speaker 1 (39:26):
One's talking about it is so good.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
I was going to recommend it, but then I realize
I'm too late because it's just finished. But if you've
managed to avoid the tsunami of like of content about it,
it's all on ten play and you can watch it
from the beginning. So it's the British reality show where
they put a lot of people in the castle and
you have to guess which ones.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Are the trader?
Speaker 4 (39:43):
Are they randoms or are they famous?
Speaker 2 (39:45):
These ones are famous because it's celebrity Traders and it's
such a good cast. It's like Stephen Frye and Celia
Imrie and Alan Carr and like just all these really funny,
brilliant people. And Claudia Winkleman who hosts that show, like
I am so obsessed with her. She's so obsessed with
her anyway, So what I've really been watching is just
that on my laptop because Brent refuses see thinks it's trash,
(40:07):
and I'm.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
Just like, you don't know my life.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
But what we've been watching together that you should all
get on board with because it's dropping week to week
is a new show called Down Cemetery Road.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
It's heavy.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Meal would like it, but she's not here anymore.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
Yes, she's very cool. Yeah, leather jacket.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
So it's based on the first book by the guy
who went on to write the Slow Horses books.
Speaker 1 (40:29):
So it's like blow Horses, Great show, Holly, you should
get on this.
Speaker 3 (40:34):
It's a great it's amazing.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
Similarly, I'm going to.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
Really like one documentary Okay, okay, so down Cemetery Road
written by that guy, so you get a vibe. But
it is amazing because the main woman is called Sarah
Tucker the character, and she's played by Ruth Wilson, who
if you saw her you'd know exactly who she is.
She's a brilliant actress. But she is an art restorer
who's married to this investment Manka, which God knows why,
(41:03):
and they live in this house in Oxford. And anyway,
one night they're having dinner party from hell too much
detail to go into, and their window blows in because
across the road there is an explosion. And this explosion
kills two adults and sends a little kid to hospital.
And when Sarah becomes obsessed with finding out what's happened
to this little girl, she sort of stumbles into.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
A web of intrigue. Right, I guess you'd say.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
And then she goes to get some help from this
private detective agency which is run by this married couple
and the woman is called Zoe Baum and she is
played by Emma Thompson.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
And it is the most glorious show.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
Like how many episodes if there are eight, but only
three have dropped, okay, and they're dropping once a week.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
And the tone of it is so interesting.
Speaker 2 (41:47):
It's kind of slightly surreal, and it's funny and it's dark,
and Emma Thompson is amazing and so Sarah Tucker. And
there's just lots of smart stuff in there about motherhood
and crime and capital. But the actual show is just
so enjoyable. Out loud As are going to fricking love
it if they're not on it already, and you need
to watch it so we can talk about it down road.
Speaker 1 (42:08):
It's on Apple TV. Plus.
Speaker 3 (42:10):
I'm sold, all right, I'm jumping in now, look full transparency.
I was going to recommend this incredible hair brush that's
changed my life, but then I went on the internet
and it's only available for pre order.
Speaker 4 (42:20):
They're out, and I was like, I'm not doing that
too out Louder, we're not pre ordering.
Speaker 3 (42:23):
Once it's back, I'm going to tell you about it
so that you can press and you can buy it.
Speaker 4 (42:26):
I need a good hairr Yes, it's incredible.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
Maybe we'll just share yours help.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
This hair brush is amazing. But anyway, I was like, Okay,
I can't do my hairbrush. So I have a slightly
grim quiet rogue recommendation that is adjacent to the death discussion,
which is it was my grandfather's funeral the other week.
I think I brought it up and we did something
there that people have talked about since and said that's
(42:51):
something I want to do at my funeral. So I
just wanted to plant the seed as something that you
might think about, you know, one day when you find
yourself well.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
And also, like we were being quite flippant when we
were talking about that, like you know, live every day
like it's your last kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (43:05):
But people are losing.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
People all the time. Yeah, and having ideas of how
to remember them well is always really important.
Speaker 4 (43:12):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (43:12):
So what we did was Pop was a Catholic, so
we went to like the actual service was in a
church and it was quite religious, which was really beautiful
because I knew how much that meant to him, so
that was a real part of him. And then afterwards
there was the wake, and what we did at the
wake was hand around a microphone.
Speaker 4 (43:31):
You know.
Speaker 3 (43:32):
There were some eulogies and they talked about his life
and they were really beautiful.
Speaker 4 (43:36):
But it's a little bit more formal in a church, right,
So we did this thing.
Speaker 3 (43:39):
I don't even know how long it went for, but
it was so insightful and funny and beautiful to just
hand this microphone around where a lot of people who
maybe they were inappropriate stories they wouldn't have wanted to
tell in a church.
Speaker 4 (43:53):
Yeah, maybe there.
Speaker 3 (43:55):
Was some like confessions or like I've spoken on this
show about my pop up until he was over the
age of ninety, was caring for my cousin with an
intellectual disability, and their relationship was iconic also hilarious because
they drove each.
Speaker 4 (44:10):
Other mad, and so it was funny to kind of.
Speaker 3 (44:12):
Get there and everyone go, Okay, I know we've romanticized
a relationship, but can we also remember and just tell
these funny stories. Two people, my cousin and his mother,
both have intellectual disabilities, and they got to speak, which
was really nice, and my auntie got up and said
I've never seen a dead body, which was just a
really inappropriate thing to say. But it wouldn't have been
Pop's funeral without that.
Speaker 4 (44:35):
I'm not laughing, so you have to laugh.
Speaker 3 (44:37):
Yeh, that's the thing, right, and especially when it is
such a celebration of life because he lived to ninety eight.
It was the most beautiful ritual to kind of have
everyone share something, and I did. I don't know if
it was in the out louders or where I saw it,
and it reminded me of the Jane Goodall conversation you
guys had a few weeks ago about your last words,
(44:57):
but someone said because we knew Pop was old, he
had dementia. And I heard someone say they asked a parent,
what do you want the last words your funeral to be?
Or whatever, and then they got up and said them,
and I was like, I wish i'd asked him that.
I wish I'd just said to him, what would you
be your last words and then present it in that
kind of format, because it's so weird. You can know
(45:20):
that someone doesn't have all the time in the world
and you still avoid those conversations. So it was a
really beautiful thing to do also.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
With wakes, You're already doing that with people. Yeah, you're
all just talking about that person and how they affected
your life. And a lot of people that I've met,
even at my grandfather's wake, with people I never knew,
and like, how did you know this person? And I
think just having a mic and doing that in front
of everyone's just such a good idea.
Speaker 3 (45:44):
It's like it already doing and it was genuinely really
entertaining and lovely. So yeah, it was a lovely little ritual.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
That's beautiful.
Speaker 4 (45:52):
Jesse M, what is your recommendation?
Speaker 1 (45:55):
Huge news. I've started cooking so happy for you so much.
I realized I was pushing thirty and it's not really
like people don't react the same way when I say
I don't cook. Yeah, you're thirty, you need a cook bad.
I still have this fear of cooking meat, like I
haven't worked my way through it yet. I think I
am always scared of something going wrong. So I started small.
(46:17):
I started with salmon, and I got like the salmon
recipe from recipe and Eats Nagi another great best. It
was like these little salmon bite twelve minutes and it's
like the best tasting fish ever fish, So it's literally okay.
So you literally get like your salmon filets without the skin,
and you dice them up and then you coat them
and all of these spices that you should already have
(46:39):
in your pantry, like I had them in my pan. Yeah,
well I had to buy new ones because mine solidified.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Them and then you have to bang them on the table.
Speaker 1 (46:47):
I get it.
Speaker 4 (46:47):
Did you know you're meant to change your spices like
once a year?
Speaker 1 (46:50):
Yeah, once a year, surely not five years. I don't.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
It is true that often I'll go rabajing for something
and you're like, oh, maybe not.
Speaker 4 (46:58):
I have a question about the salmon. Does it taste fishy?
Speaker 1 (47:01):
It doesn't taste fish. It's fish. It's like it tastes
like salmon, but it's like there's so much how much
spices and it becomes really crispy. And her hack when
you put them in the oven is to like scrunch
up foil and then put the foil on the tray
so it has like these little grooves, because if you
put salmon on a tray, the underneath becomes like a
bit slimy.
Speaker 4 (47:20):
Yes, that's true.
Speaker 1 (47:21):
So if you have the little grooves and the foil.
It acts like a little prong, so this whole salmon
gets crispy and you don't.
Speaker 4 (47:26):
Have to turn them, okay, And.
Speaker 1 (47:28):
So I've been making these little salmon bowls. I have
my salmon that I made myself, and then I have
like some rice and some tomato and some avocado and
some like Perry Perry sauce and some lettuce. And it's
so good. And I've been telling everyone in the office
and healthy and protein, oh soap protein, big one.
Speaker 4 (47:43):
Oh my goodness, you are better than me.
Speaker 1 (47:45):
I love that in the show notes because it's yummyummy me.
Speaker 2 (47:47):
Oh, Jesse, you've got one more thing to tell the
out louders about before we read ourselves out.
Speaker 3 (47:51):
I do if you are looking for something else to
listen to. We did a Subscribe episode yesterday about letters
to juliet which is this kind of practice in Verona,
where you know, the Shakespearean play goes that Juliette lived,
and there's this practice where people write her letters. And
this incredible feature came out recently about the most common
(48:12):
question she gets asked and we attempt to answer it.
It's about love and finding the one.
Speaker 4 (48:18):
It got very deep. It is a lovely conversation. There
is a link in our show notes.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
Massive thank you to all for being here with us.
I want to tempt you over to YouTube to watch
us there, because you know I'll find a hairbrush one day.
I'm sure out louders say things about our YouTube show
like Chad Powers. That was your recommendation last week.
Speaker 1 (48:38):
Everyone loved that one.
Speaker 2 (48:40):
Chad Powers is great as our EM's boobs. It seems
inappropriate that people are.
Speaker 4 (48:45):
Wanted to be out loud as they're just being encouraging.
Speaker 2 (48:48):
Lots of people talked about how they thought that you're
going without a brow is a great idea, and I'm like,
are we really encouraging people to go and watch YouTube
to look at ms boobs?
Speaker 1 (48:56):
And then I remember that I literally did that, which
is fine. I've also today gone brothers. Yeah, oh I
love it.
Speaker 4 (49:02):
I think it'll really increase our numbers out louders.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
So you heard us talking about Michelle Obama refusing to
take parenting advice from young people. If you feel that
in your bones, you would love our sister show Parenting
out Loud. It's not parenting advice, it's the conversations about parenting.
We actually want to have our Amelia Lester, Stacey Hicks,
and Monique Bowley unpacked the week in parenting pop culture.
(49:28):
This week, they talk skin care for toddlers, how Princess
Catherine and Prince William told their kids about her cancer,
and whether we need to stop telling moms it takes
a village search parenting out loud and hit follow. It's
the kind of show Michelle Obama would bloody love.
Speaker 4 (49:44):
Bye Bye, Mamma.
Speaker 2 (49:50):
Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land on which
we've recorded this podcast.
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