July 3, 2025 • 38 mins
You're a bitch and that's why we lack community. A brutal essay has exposed how we've all become selfish in the name of self-care, and some of us are feeling a little bit attacked. Mia, Jessie and Em Vernem discuss the idea of the small favour economy and why asking your friend for a rise to the airport is more valuable than you realise.
Plus, is anyone else feeling increasingly tricked by artificial intelligence? You're not alone. We tell you the sneaky ways even real estate agents are using AI for marketing tactics. And Em Vernem shares her own hilarious experience of being fooled by AI.
Also, it's time to 'lock in' and 'crash out'. We explain the new vocab you're about to see everywhere.
Support independent women's media
Recommendations
Mia recommends Ms Rachel on Youtube.
Jessie recommends American Manhunt: Osama Bin Laden on Netflix
Em recommends TBH skincare body spritz
What To Listen To Next:
- Listen to our latest episode: When Your Family Is The Problem
- Listen: A Child Care Worker, An Arrest & The Backlash Against Male Educators
- Listen: The Leaderboard Of Cool
- Listen: The Bezos Wedding Was A Very Rich Text
- Listen: Absolutely Everything Is Feminism’s Fault!
- Listen: An Inheritance Dilemma and A Surprise Third Baby
- Askers v Guessers: The Bully, The Mum & The Aftermath Of A Viral Video
- Parenting Out Loud: The Ms Rachel Controversy & The Great Kids Vs Friendships Debate
- Connect your subscription to Apple Podcasts
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Mama Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded on.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Welcome to mommea out loud where women come to debrief.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
I am Jesse Stevens, I'm mea Friedman, and I'm m Burnham.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
And here's what we're talking about today, Friday, the fourth
of July. The trick being used by real estate agents
that renters have had enough of.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Plus, you're a bitch and that's why we lack community.
We are going to unpack the idea of this small
favor economy and an essay that we all read that
punch me in the herd a little bit and it
could change how you think about loneliness and friendship and
what you're doing with your life.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
And recommendations. Jesse is busting to tell us about a
documentary with significantly less poop than the last one. Mia
has just discovered Miss Rachel, and I need to tell
you about a thirty dollars beauty product that I should
have tried months ago.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Before we start the show, though, I want to call
a little meeting to discuss bitch diesel. We spoke about
it on the show last week. I can't remember how
it came up. I don't think you were even here.
Speaker 4 (01:22):
So let's forget who started.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
We gave you credit, Okay, you stated give me credit,
so to catch people up who might have missed the show.
Bitch diesel is what people call just what.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
People I can't coin the term. I guess I made
a FROs.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
You made it famous in our live show. You did
a little bit and you'd referred to rose, and men
called cool.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
People call it bitch diesel.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Okay, So then we started talking about how all these
celebrities have their own.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Megan Markle brand new rose coming. I think just this
week she dropped it.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Kylie's got a rose. I think Brad Pitt's got a rose.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
That all the cool people have a rose, which got
us thinking.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Should we have a rose? And we kind of just said, hey,
maybe we should. So then we got inundated winemakers, alcohol companies,
people saying we would like to make this dream come
true and make out loud bitch diesel. Yes, do you
think we should do it?
Speaker 3 (02:21):
I'm totally on board. I think this is a community assignment.
I think what could be fun is that only one
of us here has any business have we and I
think I'm going to keep forgetting. Yes, I'll bring the
vibes and the energy. What are you going to bring them?
Speaker 2 (02:34):
I brought the name, so I'm quite interested in the
splitting of the.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Profits Bitch Diesel and the tasting and has some questions
about IP I think, yeah, I should have had this
conversation before we did this.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Clearly true.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
So there's all these things to consider. Also whether the
word bitch is a problem or are we reclaiming it? Oh?
Speaker 4 (02:55):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Okay, we've reclaimed it.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Let's bring me out loud.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
That's going to taste good, So let's out loud. As
We're going to venture ahead into this new world of
Bitch Diesel and launching our own rose potentially. We will
keep you updated with regular installments, and I'm going to
teach these bitches how to start a business.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
So oh, free learning.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Maybe by the end of it, Jesse, you will be
able to pronounce the word entrepreneur.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
No, I still can't.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
In case you miss it, there is some new lingo
in twenty twenty five that I need to talk to
you guys about because I'm tired of saying phrases and
neither of you two understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
I thought we did very good fake faces where we
act like we're going along with it, but we have
no idea what you're talking about.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
I like to make this some regular segment because you know,
when you become aware that you are not using current lingo, Yeah,
like the word lingo for example. So I'm here for
this to learn some more some language.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Okay, So in today's lesson, we're going to go over
two phrases. And now I don't want you to take
because I know what you guys do. You take these
phrases and you just run wild with them and you
use them all the time until they become uncol and
you keep using them.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Like skibbity toilet. I've only guess stoped. We're done.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
We're done with skimney toilet. We're done with that.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
The first phrase I want to go over is crashing out.
Have you heard of this term?
Speaker 3 (04:16):
On TikTok they're always talking about crashing out.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
Yes, you're close.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
So crashing out is the new nervy bee, like a
nervous breakdown. So it means when you're about to have
some sort of emotional or physical breakdown. It's basically crashing out,
not to be So the tense is really important here
because you know how sometimes I'll be like, hey, Mia,
what did you do when you got home last night?
And you're like, oh, I just went to bed and
crashed out.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
That's different. That means I'm just going to bed. I'm tired.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
But if you were to say I went home and
I was crashing out or I'm about to crash out,
I'm like, oh, burnout. If you don't address this right now, something.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
Could go right.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
So this is when jen z have a feeling, Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
I'm crashing out. I think I've been crashing out for
almost twenty years. Is that a thing that could be true?
Speaker 4 (05:01):
No, I think that's just burnout.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I think crashing out is like really in the.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Moment, like it's happening right now, and you're running on
an empty tank, and if you don't address it right now,
then something bad.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
All right, So millennials would call this losing your shit, wigging.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
Out, I'm having a breakdown.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Yeah, yeah, all that, and some of the language that
we use around this not very politically correct, not very
sensitive to people with legitimate mental illnesses. So I think
crashing out is a way to say it that is sensitive.
Speaker 4 (05:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
And so instead of saying I'm having a mentibe having
a nerve bee, we say I'm crashing yeah. H.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
You can say about someone else like oh, I feel
like you're crashing out right now, and you'll be like, yeah,
I feel it.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
The next phrase I want to go over is locking in.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
I've been hearing this one around quite a bit.
Speaker 4 (05:42):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
So locking in means putting extreme focus on a single
task and ignoring all other distractions.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Is when gen Z puts their phone down. I feel
like gen.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Z ONCEHD takes their meds yes, yes, or is just
very interested in something even if you haven't taken your medal.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
I was reading about this though, and it's like I
locked in and cleaned my room. I was like, no,
you just did a job. You just put your phone
out and you made a meal, and now in a
locked in.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
No, it actually works like locked into something I tell
myself all the time. If I'm meant to be writing
an article, don't tell my boss, ma'am, don't listen. If
I'm meant to be writing an article but I'm scrolling
my phone, I literally go to myself lock in, bitch.
Speaker 4 (06:19):
And then I'll just start writing my article like that.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
And you're on your computer and someone comes up to
talk to you, I'll be like, she's locked in.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Doesn't matter what tense I use, doesn't matter. I can
say locked in, locking.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
In, locking in, yeah, lock in, Okay, So now I'm
going to lock in and continue the rest of this episode.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Love it.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
There's a new kind of selfishness that masquerades as healing.
It wears skin care and cancelations like armor. It calls
everything a boundary and nothing a bridge. You know, the type.
They won't come to your dinner because they're listening to
their body, but they'll watch three hours of tiktoks alone
and call it self care. They believe they're owed the
fruits of community without ever touching the soil. No awkward
(06:57):
small talk, no showing up early or staying late, just vibes.
They think putting themselves first is some kind of moral
high ground. But what they don't realize is that when
everyone chooses themselves, no one chooses each other. And that's
how the world ends, not with a bang, but with
a thousand unopened invitations. These are the words of a
(07:18):
writer called Maser who has a newsletter called Personal Scriptures,
and producer Ruth put this into our consideration set to
talk about on the show.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Do you think she's trying to tell us that we're
a bitch?
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Well, the newsletter was called You're a bitch, that's why
we lack community.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Yeah, I don't want to get sent back.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
It immediately got me and it is the most extraordinary
piece about Yeah, this idea of we all complained about community.
We all complain that we're lonely, but none of us
want to inconvenience ourselves to show up for someone else
or help someone else, or do anything that's out of
our comfort zone. You know.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
We have a lot of.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Talk about boundaries. And after I read that, there were
two other things that I saw this week which sort
of I want to unpack all of them together. One
was a TikTok about the small favor economy, which also
relates to this idea of community.
Speaker 5 (08:09):
Listen, I think it's okay to ask your friends for
ride to the airport, even lax, even at rush hour.
And actually it's more than okay. It's radical because there's
this thing called the small favors economy and the idea
is essentially that in the past, people used to rely
on their community, their network, their neighbors for small favors,
things like rides to the airport, things like a cup
of sugar, things like borrowing a dress for an event.
But now with late stage capitalism, those things all seem
(08:32):
like rude for us to ask, because we could just
do them ourselves, Like we could just call an uber
instead of inconveniencing a friend, or we could order a
dress on Amazon and have it get there tomorrow, or
we could like post made our groceries instead of like
asking around if anyone has anything. And that's actually really
bad because it drives us further into isolation from each
other and from our friends, which is good for literally
no one except for the people who are trying to
sell us stuff on our phones.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
It's a little bit longer, but that's just the crux
of it. That's a digital strategist and content cretic called
Amelia Montooth. And then I read this story in The
Atlantic about how a wedding is a real test of
how many people will help you and how big events
in life, whether it's you know, a breakup or funeral
law or a wedding. You then really see people will
(09:16):
offer help, and it's a really good idea to accept
that help.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
So the TikTok In particular, what she's talking about is
a studied psychological phenomenon called the Ben Franklin effect. The
Ben Franklin effect is the idea that people like you
more when they do you a favor. So it's like
a psychological trick.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Right.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
I walk into work and I say, am, I am
running so late. I've got this segment that I meant
to prepare for. Can you just write me a few notes?
They wonder if it's because of cognitive dissonance, which is,
if you're sitting at your desk doing my notes for me,
then you're thinking, I must really like Jesse, Like, if
I'm doing this, I must really like her.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Can I say I must really like Jesse while also
saying God, this lazy bitch.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Well, that's the thing is, I think we all assume
that people are going to resent us because we've asked
them to do a favor.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Surely, resentment kicks in after a certain.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
Pouse, exactly after a certain inflection point, but generally speaking.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
That inflection point's called married.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
We really enjoy doing favors for each other. People really
enjoy it. They like feeling helpful. There's also something called
reciprocity of liking is what the phenomenon's called. And basically,
if mea thinks I like her, then she's more likely
to like me. And when you ask someone for a favor,
often it suggests that they like you.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
So it's an intimacy.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
It's a real level of trust.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
It is. And what I thought was amazing about both
the essay by Maser and this TikTok by Amelia was
this idea of how capitalism is robbing us of this,
how we've commoditized community air Tasker to Uber, to Amazon,
to all of these enormous corporations, and so we've stopped
(10:53):
asking each other for favors, and we've stopped offering to
do things for other people. Yeah, even making a meal.
We now can just go and buy something.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
I wonder if the essay is less about capitalism but
more about just how society has changed in the way
where at a point we used to be embarrassed for
having to cancel plans or not want to go out
and not want to see people, and now it's just
so common to accept an excuse like, Hey, I'm actually
feeling really really tired, do you mind if I just
(11:23):
stay home today? Like people are just being so so
honest to why they don't want to go out.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
But don't you think that that has been I'm going
to say selfishness in air quotes. But this idea of
putting yourself first always has become this moral high ground,
as if by putting myself first, I'm actually doing something
really great.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
As a person.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
If you're going to do that exactly what you said
before me, and when you do it over and over again,
because it's good to put yourself first, but that means
you're putting someone else last, and it's usually the person
that you're either canceling on or you said you're going
to make plans with and you don't want to see anymore.
I feel like everyone will have a person in their
life who they used to be friends with, and then
the same person will just cancel and cancel and cancel,
(12:03):
and you might keep inviting them out again, but you're
less likely to coming to the wedding example, you're less
likely to lean on them for help because you're so
scared that they're going to cancel on you and not
show up, you're less likely to If you have an
extra ticket to an event, you're less likely to invite
them because it's also that same fear of constant rejection
you're getting from a person. And I think it also
comes down to when you are canceling plans and like
(12:26):
the essays said, you will cancel and you'll stay at
home and either doom scroll TikTok, or you'll just watch
the TV show and repeat. If you are still living
with other people, like if you live with a partner,
or you have pets, or you have kids, or you
have housemates, you're still inadvertently getting that sense of community.
The person who's not getting that sense of the community
is a person who lives alone that you could have
(12:47):
canceled on. And this is something that I've had to
go over and over in my head because I do
live alone. Around twenty eight percent of the Australian population
lives alone, and it's more common for people who live
alone to have depression. That for me, whenever I cancel
plans because I want to be alone at home, it's
a signal for me that I'm going into that depressive state,
especially if I repeat it over and over again. And
(13:08):
whenever someone cancel plans on me constantly to hang out
by themselves at home, even though they might be with
other people that they live with, they don't realize that
I don't have that sense of community, and I actually
need to physically keep going to achieve that and find that.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
That's so true because we're also not very good at
knowing or predicting what will make us happy. So I've
talked before. I remember we did a no Filter probably
two years ago now Maya, where I spoke about depression
and how the nature of depression is that you feel
pulled towards doing things that are going to make you
more unhappy. And people in my family who who the
(13:43):
truth depression for a long time say the trick is
doing the opposite of what you feel like doing. So
if you feel like laying in bed all day, get up.
If you don't feel like eating, eat that sort of thing.
And so when we sit at home and we think
I really don't want to go out, I think I'm
gonna put myself first or whatever that language is, then
often that's just going to lead to us feeling worse.
(14:05):
And I don't think that any of this is because
you're a bitch. That's the one thing that I kind
of took issue. I know that it's a really great headliner.
I don't think anyone is a bitch. Well, I do.
I could probably name a few bitches, but not generally.
I just think we live in a culture that privileges
self reliance and independence, and any studies that are done
on cultures that have more of a collectivist approach and
(14:29):
understand themselves to be part of a whole, they approach
it really differently. They do feel more comfortable asking for favors,
and there's often greater satisfaction and happiness because we don't
feel so isolated.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
I have never had a plan that I didn't want
to cancel. I've never had a holiday that I didn't
want to cancel or come home early from like almost never.
And I wonder if it's a symptom. Particularly lately, I've
found myself more and more shut in, and I wonder
if there's it's probably no coincidence that the world feels
(15:03):
very scary at the moment, both from a big picture
sort of geopolitical sense and wars and what's going on
in Gaza and Israel and Iran and everything, and just
also there's the general situation around America and Trump and
the way he's turned the world into chaos. But also
closer to home, I've experienced some sort of a lot
(15:25):
of scrutiny and attention lately, and sometimes everything feels quite unsafe,
so I want to just stay home. It's like my
body goes into fight or flight and it's like it's
not safe out there. Just stay home, just stay contained
in a small space. But when I do push myself
to go out, I always I am so glad that I did.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
And the question is what you then do when you
are at home alone, is pick up the phone and
look at things that are going to reinforce the sense.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
It's not like I sit home and meditate or look
at the garden, or read a book or enrich myself.
You're right, I end up doom scrolling and perpetuating. Well,
I do perpetuate this fight or flight response.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Do you think as well that we're addicted, quite literally
addicted to convenience. So what we were saying before about
you don't have milk, I'll jump onto an app. You
can get it in fifteen minutes. This is if you
live in cities there's a lot of listeners who don't
have that. But even like addicted to the control of
knowing what the weather's going to be tomorrow, all that
kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Our muscle for dealing with inconvenience or discomfort or delayed gratification.
So we is so flabby.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
So I have someone who's very close to being and
I will say, hey, I want to go visit this
friend over the weekend, and this person will go, oh,
abo's thirty minutes in the car. That's inconvenient. And I
keep saying relationships are inconvenience.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
That's all out.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
They are incredibly inconvenient. And a relationship built just on
mutual convenience isn't really a relationship with any depth. There
was a great line in that article that was as
if connection isn't made of small, tiring and glamorous acts,
And that's so true. It's like you've got yourself out.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Inconvenience is the tax that you pay for community and relationship, right,
whether it's friendship or whatever. If you're never ever doing
something that makes you uncomfortable or inconvenienced, you may as
well just live in solitary confinement.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Surely, it's also.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Like really sad that it always comes with an element
of surprise when someone does want to do something for you,
like yeah, with weddings and funerals, like you're always so shocked,
like I can't believe she sent so many flowers. I
can't believe she just took over the booklet and the
planning and everything, when sometimes I'm just like, that should
be a given.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Do you know that the people in your life should
be doing research around this? People dramatically underestimate others' willingness
to help exactly what you say, by as much as
fifty percent.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
That seems like a lot.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Yeah, And we always overestimate how inconvenient a requests will be. Fathers.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
I have a friend who just had a baby, and
she had a commitment that she had to do, and
she messaged me and said, is there any way they'd
come around and just hold the baby for an hour?
I was so excited because I was so desperate to
help her, and I'd been doing the thing you're not
meant to do, which is how can I help? Because
I didn't know. I know sometimes you can put your
foot in it, but I was like, I'm actually desperate
to do that for you, and I will feel closer
(18:11):
to you at the end of Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Yeah, what's hard though. Also, I know we talk a
lot about askers and guesses when you factor that in
and askers and guesses, and asker is someone who asks
for what they want, and a guesser is someone who
wants you to guess what they want. And sometimes that
can be challenging because it doesn't occur to a guesser
to ask what someone else would want, and it doesn't
(18:33):
occur to an asker to have to guess.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
Yeah, they're walking around going, well, what do you want
from me?
Speaker 1 (18:38):
So that's why you've got an one pretty well. Like Jesse,
I know that you're a guesser, so I don't ask
you what you want. This could come across as an
imposition I just do things.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
Send me links to what Luna for her bathday?
Speaker 2 (18:51):
You make yourself a guesser because you know, Jessie.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
No, I just I don't wait to be asked that.
I don't wait to be asked because I think that
you can kid yourself and go, oh, they haven't asked,
therefore they don't need anything.
Speaker 4 (19:03):
Yeah, And I.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Also think love languages come into this as well, like,
for example, I have a friend who was really sick
and she was in hospital, and my love language is gifting, Like,
I think the best thing I could do is sent
her flowers, And then I remember that her love language
is acts of service, So for her, she's probably like,
just help.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Me go to the bathroom. I don't know what to.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Deal with your shitty flower. Then my question is, what's
the difference between paying someone to go and clean your
house or paying for a meal to be delivered versus
making the meal yourself, or going over and stacking her
dish washer and vacuuming her house yourself. How would you
feel differently if Sam I sent over a voucher for
(19:49):
a meal or got something delivered that I hadn't made,
or I made something myself. The end of the day
you're eating both ways, would you feel differently?
Speaker 2 (19:59):
I would feel differently, which is kind of shitty because
I think it's like kind of this, you're doing the
same thing essentially. But I also think it comes down
when in your head you're seeing how much time that
person put into it. We're dinner voucher such a beautiful gift,
But at the same time, if you had made something
and given it to me, I'm like, she went up
and bought the grocery, she spent time in the kitchen,
she spent time driving to my house to give it
(20:20):
to me. If you're at my house, you might also
help me clean and serve me. Like it's the extra
little things I feel like in your head makes it
feel like it's more, And it kind of is more
if you think about it.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
It's back to that inconvenience, right, It's the inconvenience that
says to someone you matter.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
It's also existing in a productivity kind of centered society
and also an outcome centered society where it's like whatever
the outcome or the results or the thing that sits
on the table, it's like, we don't even want to
think about kind of I've had this argument with a
friend too about whether it's the thought that counts, and
I'm like, I actually think all of the thought and
all of the effort does count for a lot, But
sometimes I don't think it's seen that way. Recently, there
(20:56):
was someone in our community who was sick and they
cooked all day and went and dropped off food, and
I was like, what, Like it didn't even occur. I
would do the dinner ladies about her. That's what I
do mostly because I can't cook, and I wouldn't put
that off it.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Maybe you could write them some You could write poem.
You could write a poem because cooking is not something
that you're good at, the same with me, like I
would not burden someone by cooking.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
So the conclusion is, write more poems out louders in
a moment. Have you ever turned up to an open
house or inspection and it looks nothing like the photos?
You're not imagining it. We unpack the trick being used
to lure renters, and we've got recommendations coming up. You're
(21:38):
scrolling through potential properties, either to rent or to buy
right and you look at just a stunning property. We're
talking stunning light. That living room looks very spacious, the
carpet so soft.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
So I can't afford it.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
No, you definitely can't to it. Goodness, both bedrooms fit
a double bed. Can you even imagine luxury? There's even
a fireplace. Look, it's burning in the corner fireplace.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
It's on the bottom.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Can you even believe it?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
There's a fire peer that's crazy.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
Where's it going?
Speaker 3 (22:12):
No one asked questions. I'm going to register for an inspection.
But then you get there, there's only one window and
it looks like something out of a jail cell. Oh no,
you can touch both walls while standing in the center
of sor then the carpet is actually a rug and
that belongs to the owners and they'll be taking it back.
That second bedroom it might only fit a kid's single
(22:33):
trundle bed, and the fireplace is actually a hole in
the wall left by the previous tenant.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
It had a very raging note what happened.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
What happened is AI Like, if you have a sense
that you're being personally victimized by the marketing of real
estate agents, you are not imagining it. I have personally
been to that inspection where I go, this is simply
not what I saw online. I'm being you know what
I'm being I'm being gasolate lit. I'm being gas lit
by real estate agents, by the fake fire and there
(23:02):
are currently calls for an Australian wide crackdown on real
estate ads that use AI. So the New South Wales
state government has cited examples of real estate agents using
AI generated furniture that showed a double bed in a
room that could literally only fit a single bed and
modifying photos to obscure property damage. It is not that
unusual for them to put a fire like an actual
(23:26):
like lip fire in a fireplace that either doesn't work
like isn't functional, and it's just literally like an AI
generated image stuck in there. And for a long time
they've been allowed to do that. Is anyone else finding
themselves increasingly tricked by AI? I thought I was savvy,
and I no longer feel savvy.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
This really surprised me to hear, because of course, now
that you say it, I can see it. But about
fifteen years ago, I was the chair of the then
federal government's National Body Image Advisory Board, and we were
tasked by the government at looking at a whole lot
of things that we could do, guidelines and initiatives for
the fashion industry, the advertising industry, the media industry that
(24:05):
would improve body image. And one of the things that
we proposed was that there be mandatory declaration when images
had been photo shopped, because you know, back in the day,
now it's of course pandemic, but magazine covers and magazine
images and advertising images had always been retouched. You didn't
have to declare it. And at the time it was
(24:26):
compared to someone made the point that with real estate images,
if you show like a view of Bondai Beach and
there's not an actual view, but it just is in
you used to have to have a discrimus saying not
actual view. Really Yeah, so there was that was really
strict around truth in advertising. The reason I brought that
(24:49):
up is that we made the point that it was
absurd that you could have a picture of a human
but you didn't have to say not actual human. It
was created essentially by photoshop, which is a version of AI.
So I'm so surprised that all of those things have
I think probably industries just haven't caught up with technology,
haven't caught up with AI.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
You're talking about. It sounds so archaic that you would
have to declare because now I imagery is totally ubiquitous.
You'll see aiimage that's allegedly from a war zone, or
an AI image of Donald Trump doing something he simply
did not do, like that's everywhere. And what that does
to the human race when you can't look at an
(25:29):
image and trust it is something I don't like to
think about too much.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
I wonder if it's also because especially with rents. We
are in a rental crisis right now. People are desperate
to find somewhere to live. And I wonder if it's
just real estate going well, people will come no matter what.
So what's the point of doing all this extra legwork
when we just know there'll be hordes of lines for
people to see this place?
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Well, the argument is that what you're essentially doing is
like you're really wasting people's time. So if someone is
in and I've been in this position between rental properties
where I've been kicked out of A and I need
to move into B, there's only so many properties I
can visit. And I was the person who I was
in a room clearing my sister and her boyfriend were
in a room. Did two rooms that could have humans
in them?
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Right?
Speaker 3 (26:11):
And so you'd go and say this place is unlivable.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
For two bed yas, you've wasted our time.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
Yeah, you've wasted our time when I could have gone
and seen this property that actually offers me somewhat what
I want. So I think that that's the crackdown too,
is just going You can't do that to people. It's
incredibly manipulative.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Have you been tricked by.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
AO Okay, look, I wasn't gonna bring this up, but
this only happened a few weeks ago, which makes me
even more shameful.
Speaker 4 (26:37):
I was on.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
TikTok and I was watching this video and it was
one of those like mini documentary videos about this really
rare fish that these fishermen found, and it was like
this huge, huge I think it was like a five
minute video. Entire video was generated by AI. I sat
there and watched it for five minutes.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Did it have when you looked in the captions? Did
it have an AI hashtage? That happened to me? I
watched a funny video last night and it was like
this woman getting sort of eaten by her couch and
this thing, and I was like, this is amazing, and
I showed my kids and they're like, d No, I
don't think it is.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
I think I Cash really did eat her.
Speaker 4 (27:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
One of the girls in our office is some pointing
around the spot. She went to get a really drastic haircut,
like one of those like long hair to a bob.
She went to a hair dress and she's like, I
want something like this, and he was like, babe, that's
not a real person.
Speaker 4 (27:25):
Hair doesn't flow much hairdressers.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
This is a real problem for hairdressers. People are rocking up,
not just with shots of celebrities that look nothing like them.
And Holly won't mind me telling the story of her,
and I think me who went with photos of l
Lara Bingle as she was then said we just want
to look like this or Gwyneth Paltrow and sliding doors.
I just want this pixie cut. And I mean, that's
one thing, but now people are showing hair that doesn't
(27:49):
exist and saying I want that hair.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
After the break, we have some recommendations for you, including
something to watch, a new discovery, and something smelly for
your body.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Every Tuesday and Thursday we drop new segments of Mummy
Are Out Loud just for Mummy A subscribers. Follow the
link in the show notes to get your daily Joseph
out Loud and a big thank you to all our
current subscribers.
Speaker 5 (28:19):
Vibes ideas atmosphere, something casual, something fun.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
This is my best recommendation.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Okay, it is Friday and we want to help you
set up your weekend with our very best recommendations.
Speaker 4 (28:31):
Mia, do you want to get first?
Speaker 1 (28:32):
I have been plummeted back into the world of children's
entertainers and videos. Now that Luna is almost two and
she's allowed a little bit of screen time, we're having
a little bit of screen time. So I am back
in the Wiggles. Gosh, the wiggles have changed.
Speaker 4 (28:48):
Yeah, there's so many of them now.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
There's one of the yes, one of them is very buff.
One of them is a magical tree that dances like
he's in a rave and I'm obsessed with him.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
I bet you don't know that he's married to Dorothy.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
I've forgotten how much you love a bit of wiggles,
got them to gossip about. And Anthony, the blue Wiggle
of the he's still there. Queen Adam's daughter, Lucia, his daughter.
She the ballerina Neppo wiggle. Yes, yeah, she's also blue.
She's also the blue Wiggle. Well she has to actually beautiful.
It's a lovely thing anyway. Something that I've just learned
(29:23):
about a children's entertainer called Miss Rachel. She has a
YouTube channel. If you've got little kids, I'm sure you'll
have heard of Miss Rachel. But I learned about Miss
Rachel because I was listening to Jesse and Amelia talk
about her on parenting out loud last week. She's got
like fifteen million subscribers on YouTube, where there's about one
(29:44):
hundred and twenty free videos. Fifteen million subscribers.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
They believe that she's the biggest children's entertainer in the world.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Oh, and she just records they're very low fight. She
records these videos in front of green screen in her laundroom.
I think she started Jesse because her son had speech delay,
and so she was making these videos. They're lovely because
one of the things, and one of the reasons that
you're not meant to have little kids watching screens too
much is the fast cuts. The way TV's made now.
It's very fast, a lot of movement, and it's hugely
(30:12):
stimulating and it can be hard for them to process.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
This is very slow, So it's.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
For babies and photography.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
She sounds things out, which is really good for speech.
And have you ever heard of miss Rachel.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
I've heard this name everywhere.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Do you know her face?
Speaker 1 (30:23):
No, have a little listen.
Speaker 3 (30:25):
Hi, Frabs, I'm so excited to learn about zoo animals
and chuckle animals with you today.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
It's going to be so much fun. Can you do
this rhyme with me a tweet aor and oh whoa, whoa,
who's in the zoo planing big girl. What's interesting about
this story and why you were talking about it, is
that lately she's become the target of a lot of
pretty outrageous criticism for her advocacy of the children in Gaza,
(30:56):
and she's also spoken about her concern for the children
in Israel. But some people have said that she's been
being paid by Hamas and some pretty wild accusations.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
So she's had to turn off all comments on Instagram
and YouTube because of the hate that she was getting,
and she came out and just basically said, no child
should have their crucial brain development interrupted by trauma. That's
what I believe. We had this really interesting discussion about
what it is about children's entertainers because of the intimacy
(31:27):
having them in your home, you know, often late at night,
the middle of the night, like people feel this kind
of ownership over her, like a a real parasocial relationship.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
But is it also Jesse. I haven't watched too many
for videos, but it was it that people were objecting
to her talking about the plight of children in Gaza
to children.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
No, that's what's interesting is over on Instagram where she's
got all these followers, that's where she will post and
she'll say, I, you know, want to look after these children.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Off and she's raising money because that's where the parents are.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
Because that's where the parents are. Whereas on YouTube, which
is a totally different platform, she's going brushy teeth, can
you say, mama? Like? They're the kind of things that
she's doing. But it highlights to me, I think it's
such an interesting story. Is it highlights the different especially
in this crisis, about what someone says and what people
here are like. So she can say I really care
about the well being of children, and it might be
(32:20):
perceived by some in the community as being anti Semitic
because of where they are and what, you know, who
they see. Miss Rachel is standing alongside and it's just
this big, mucky mess. The New York Times has done
a brilliant profile on it, this whole story, which will
link to it in our show notes, because it's really
interesting and if you're a parent of a kid under
about five, you have heard Miss Rachel's voice.
Speaker 4 (32:40):
Jesse, what do you have today?
Speaker 3 (32:42):
I have a documentary which I'm really on the documentary train. Please,
there's not a single pooh in this documentary. There's a
series on Netflix called American man Hunt. They did one
on the Boston bomber and this new one which remember
I recommended Titan recently, and a bunch about louders slid
into my DMS and said, you have to watch American
man Hunt. Osama bin Lighten. You have to watch that
(33:04):
is just come out. You'll really enjoy it.
Speaker 5 (33:08):
Where war, we will find those who did it and
we'll bring them to justice.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Call for Black chief of counter terrorism said, if you'll
let me do it, I'll have flies walking on their
eyeballs in six weeks.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
That's what I'm talking about. I was working with the
representative from the FAA trying to.
Speaker 4 (33:27):
Track some of the conspirators. We knew this was Masamo
bin Laden.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
We were going to war full out against inn Lodon.
Speaker 3 (33:37):
And the reason why is because so I was born
in nineteen ninety when September eleven happened, I would have
been eleven, and my whole adolescence the image of bin
Laden was like the villain, like he was such a bit.
He loomed so large in my kind of childhood adolescence
and what this documentary does is it tracks nine to
(33:58):
eleven and then the subsequent manhunt by the US Army
to try and find him. And I remembered parts of it,
but the details I completely missed. And because they're able
to get members of the CIA, this is Barack Obama's
speech writer, They're able to get the Navy seal who
actually found Bin Laden, like, they're able to interview all
(34:19):
of these people in a way that it puts it
in the context of history. There is a lot of
criticism from a lot of the people in the inside
ranks about Guantanamo and some of the lengths they went
to to quite literally torture people to try and get intel.
There are a lot of parallels with what's going on
at the moment, with the US claiming to have inverted
(34:40):
Commas achieved something that they have not achieved, and how
politics works in these kind of geopolitical moments. It is fascinating.
It is called American Manhunt O. Some have Bin Laden
and it is on Netflix.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
And what are you recommending?
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Okay, I'm putting my body out there for the greater
good because I have really.
Speaker 4 (34:58):
Bad back me.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
Oh, I've had that before.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
I think it's one of those things where you stop
the pill and then your whole body just goes. I'm
a new person.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
Have you got front me as well? Or just back
me on my chair? I used to get it on
my my nipples.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
Weird.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
It also is really weird when you're dating.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Yeah, yeah, You're like, yeah, you got to undo a
button and you're like, never mind.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
And because it's like, my back knee is on my back,
so I don't really I don't really see it right
until I was wearing a backless dress one so my
dad saw my backnee and he was like, I do
think you should get that checked out? And then I
got a checked out and it was just backnee checked
Do think it.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Was that bad?
Speaker 2 (35:36):
He generally got something was wrong with hey. He was
very concerned for my health and well being. So anyway,
I've been treating it, even though I can't see it
and I feel like anything on your back is none
of my business, but I've been treating it. I've been
using this little skincare toool from TBH Skincare. They're so good,
so good, so affordable. I got this from Priceline for
thirty dollars. It's the Breakout Hack Body Spirit and it's
(35:58):
basically just like an exfoliant spray that you can spray
on your back on. So and I actually don't need
a friend to help you if you live alone, because
like you can spray it upside down to the side.
You can get your whole back even if you have
like acne on your barm.
Speaker 3 (36:12):
That's what I was going to say.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
A lot of people like it's just like the thighs
aren't as difficult to get to as bad.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
It's the top of yeah, And I'm like, we need
more body skin care because you get like little spots everywhere.
And already it's been like I think three weeks now,
all my little spots have like lost their redness. I
have much less. It's so so good. So if you
have a little backning problems like me, it's totally normal.
But you can fix it, can I?
Speaker 3 (36:38):
Before we go, I just remembered I have a little
identical twin fun fact, would you too? Late tonight is.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
A creepy one, you know I feel about creature fact
about you and it's just interesting, right, you know how
on this show six months ago, I've got a skin cancer.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Removed on my hairline, and I've had to go back
and get it checked out. The other day, Claire looks
at me and goes, look at this, and she's had
a skin camper on to the centimeter exactly the same
spot on her hairline. And what's interesting is that it's
obviously nature and nurture, like the intersection of the two things,
but it's clearly like the gene are predisposed.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
That's uncanny because because you would think, I mean.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
It's environmental.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
If you were to get would they say that your
chance of skin cancer is very much determined by your
son exposure when you're younger, So I guess you would
have been exposed to the same things, but you don't
have the same hair. No, you don't even have the
same texture of hair exactly.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
So she's got really creep.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Has she gone and got that checked out?
Speaker 3 (37:33):
She's about to she's about to and it looks exactly
the same as mine did. And I was like, oh, well,
maybe because HER's an earlier stage. I'm like, maybe you
won't need to get it chopped out. You could just
do the cream or whatever. But it's weird identical.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
It's so weird. I'll tell you, you'll be concerned.
Speaker 3 (37:48):
That's all we have time for today. A big thank
you to all of you the out louderst for listening
to today's show. We will be back in your ears
next week.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
Big thank you to our team, our group executive producer
Root Divine, our executive producer Emmeline Gazillis.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Our audio producer Leah Porges, our video producer Josh Green,
our junior content produces Coco and Tessa. Out Louders, take
care of yourself and others this weekend. Don't be a bitch,
don't convenience yourself.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Bye Aye, out Louders. If you're not ready to say goodbye,
then you can listen to yesterday's subscriber episode. It's a
chat that Amelia m and I had.
Speaker 4 (38:25):
Well.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
We unpacked some family drama dilemmas. We've all been there
in one way or another. Follow the link in the
show notes to listen.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
Shout out to any Mum and Maya subscribers listening. If
you love the show and want to support us as well,
subscribing to Mother and Maya is the very best way
to do so. There is a link in the episode
description
You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Mama Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded on.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Welcome to mommea out loud where women come to debrief.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
I am Jesse Stevens, I'm mea Friedman, and I'm m Burnham.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
And here's what we're talking about today, Friday, the fourth
of July. The trick being used by real estate agents
that renters have had enough of.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Plus, you're a bitch and that's why we lack community.
We are going to unpack the idea of this small
favor economy and an essay that we all read that
punch me in the herd a little bit and it
could change how you think about loneliness and friendship and
what you're doing with your life.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
And recommendations. Jesse is busting to tell us about a
documentary with significantly less poop than the last one. Mia
has just discovered Miss Rachel, and I need to tell
you about a thirty dollars beauty product that I should
have tried months ago.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Before we start the show, though, I want to call
a little meeting to discuss bitch diesel. We spoke about
it on the show last week. I can't remember how
it came up. I don't think you were even here.
Speaker 4 (01:22):
So let's forget who started.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
We gave you credit, Okay, you stated give me credit,
so to catch people up who might have missed the show.
Bitch diesel is what people call just what.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
People I can't coin the term. I guess I made
a FROs.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
You made it famous in our live show. You did
a little bit and you'd referred to rose, and men
called cool.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
People call it bitch diesel.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Okay, So then we started talking about how all these
celebrities have their own.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Megan Markle brand new rose coming. I think just this
week she dropped it.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Kylie's got a rose. I think Brad Pitt's got a rose.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
That all the cool people have a rose, which got
us thinking.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Should we have a rose? And we kind of just said, hey,
maybe we should. So then we got inundated winemakers, alcohol companies,
people saying we would like to make this dream come
true and make out loud bitch diesel. Yes, do you
think we should do it?
Speaker 3 (02:21):
I'm totally on board. I think this is a community assignment.
I think what could be fun is that only one
of us here has any business have we and I
think I'm going to keep forgetting. Yes, I'll bring the
vibes and the energy. What are you going to bring them?
Speaker 2 (02:34):
I brought the name, so I'm quite interested in the
splitting of the.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Profits Bitch Diesel and the tasting and has some questions
about IP I think, yeah, I should have had this
conversation before we did this.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Clearly true.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
So there's all these things to consider. Also whether the
word bitch is a problem or are we reclaiming it? Oh?
Speaker 4 (02:55):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Okay, we've reclaimed it.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Let's bring me out loud.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
That's going to taste good, So let's out loud. As
We're going to venture ahead into this new world of
Bitch Diesel and launching our own rose potentially. We will
keep you updated with regular installments, and I'm going to
teach these bitches how to start a business.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
So oh, free learning.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Maybe by the end of it, Jesse, you will be
able to pronounce the word entrepreneur.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
No, I still can't.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
In case you miss it, there is some new lingo
in twenty twenty five that I need to talk to
you guys about because I'm tired of saying phrases and
neither of you two understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
I thought we did very good fake faces where we
act like we're going along with it, but we have
no idea what you're talking about.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
I like to make this some regular segment because you know,
when you become aware that you are not using current lingo, Yeah,
like the word lingo for example. So I'm here for
this to learn some more some language.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Okay, So in today's lesson, we're going to go over
two phrases. And now I don't want you to take
because I know what you guys do. You take these
phrases and you just run wild with them and you
use them all the time until they become uncol and
you keep using them.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Like skibbity toilet. I've only guess stoped. We're done.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
We're done with skimney toilet. We're done with that.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
The first phrase I want to go over is crashing out.
Have you heard of this term?
Speaker 3 (04:16):
On TikTok they're always talking about crashing out.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
Yes, you're close.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
So crashing out is the new nervy bee, like a
nervous breakdown. So it means when you're about to have
some sort of emotional or physical breakdown. It's basically crashing out,
not to be So the tense is really important here
because you know how sometimes I'll be like, hey, Mia,
what did you do when you got home last night?
And you're like, oh, I just went to bed and
crashed out.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
That's different. That means I'm just going to bed. I'm tired.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
But if you were to say I went home and
I was crashing out or I'm about to crash out,
I'm like, oh, burnout. If you don't address this right now, something.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
Could go right.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
So this is when jen z have a feeling, Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
I'm crashing out. I think I've been crashing out for
almost twenty years. Is that a thing that could be true?
Speaker 4 (05:01):
No, I think that's just burnout.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I think crashing out is like really in the.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Moment, like it's happening right now, and you're running on
an empty tank, and if you don't address it right now,
then something bad.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
All right, So millennials would call this losing your shit, wigging.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
Out, I'm having a breakdown.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Yeah, yeah, all that, and some of the language that
we use around this not very politically correct, not very
sensitive to people with legitimate mental illnesses. So I think
crashing out is a way to say it that is sensitive.
Speaker 4 (05:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
And so instead of saying I'm having a mentibe having
a nerve bee, we say I'm crashing yeah. H.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
You can say about someone else like oh, I feel
like you're crashing out right now, and you'll be like, yeah,
I feel it.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
The next phrase I want to go over is locking in.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
I've been hearing this one around quite a bit.
Speaker 4 (05:42):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
So locking in means putting extreme focus on a single
task and ignoring all other distractions.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Is when gen Z puts their phone down. I feel
like gen.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Z ONCEHD takes their meds yes, yes, or is just
very interested in something even if you haven't taken your medal.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
I was reading about this though, and it's like I
locked in and cleaned my room. I was like, no,
you just did a job. You just put your phone
out and you made a meal, and now in a
locked in.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
No, it actually works like locked into something I tell
myself all the time. If I'm meant to be writing
an article, don't tell my boss, ma'am, don't listen. If
I'm meant to be writing an article but I'm scrolling
my phone, I literally go to myself lock in, bitch.
Speaker 4 (06:19):
And then I'll just start writing my article like that.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
And you're on your computer and someone comes up to
talk to you, I'll be like, she's locked in.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Doesn't matter what tense I use, doesn't matter. I can
say locked in, locking.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
In, locking in, yeah, lock in, Okay, So now I'm
going to lock in and continue the rest of this episode.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Love it.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
There's a new kind of selfishness that masquerades as healing.
It wears skin care and cancelations like armor. It calls
everything a boundary and nothing a bridge. You know, the type.
They won't come to your dinner because they're listening to
their body, but they'll watch three hours of tiktoks alone
and call it self care. They believe they're owed the
fruits of community without ever touching the soil. No awkward
(06:57):
small talk, no showing up early or staying late, just vibes.
They think putting themselves first is some kind of moral
high ground. But what they don't realize is that when
everyone chooses themselves, no one chooses each other. And that's
how the world ends, not with a bang, but with
a thousand unopened invitations. These are the words of a
(07:18):
writer called Maser who has a newsletter called Personal Scriptures,
and producer Ruth put this into our consideration set to
talk about on the show.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Do you think she's trying to tell us that we're
a bitch?
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Well, the newsletter was called You're a bitch, that's why
we lack community.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Yeah, I don't want to get sent back.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
It immediately got me and it is the most extraordinary
piece about Yeah, this idea of we all complained about community.
We all complain that we're lonely, but none of us
want to inconvenience ourselves to show up for someone else
or help someone else, or do anything that's out of
our comfort zone. You know.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
We have a lot of.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Talk about boundaries. And after I read that, there were
two other things that I saw this week which sort
of I want to unpack all of them together. One
was a TikTok about the small favor economy, which also
relates to this idea of community.
Speaker 5 (08:09):
Listen, I think it's okay to ask your friends for
ride to the airport, even lax, even at rush hour.
And actually it's more than okay. It's radical because there's
this thing called the small favors economy and the idea
is essentially that in the past, people used to rely
on their community, their network, their neighbors for small favors,
things like rides to the airport, things like a cup
of sugar, things like borrowing a dress for an event.
But now with late stage capitalism, those things all seem
(08:32):
like rude for us to ask, because we could just
do them ourselves, Like we could just call an uber
instead of inconveniencing a friend, or we could order a
dress on Amazon and have it get there tomorrow, or
we could like post made our groceries instead of like
asking around if anyone has anything. And that's actually really
bad because it drives us further into isolation from each
other and from our friends, which is good for literally
no one except for the people who are trying to
sell us stuff on our phones.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
It's a little bit longer, but that's just the crux
of it. That's a digital strategist and content cretic called
Amelia Montooth. And then I read this story in The
Atlantic about how a wedding is a real test of
how many people will help you and how big events
in life, whether it's you know, a breakup or funeral
law or a wedding. You then really see people will
(09:16):
offer help, and it's a really good idea to accept
that help.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
So the TikTok In particular, what she's talking about is
a studied psychological phenomenon called the Ben Franklin effect. The
Ben Franklin effect is the idea that people like you
more when they do you a favor. So it's like
a psychological trick.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Right.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
I walk into work and I say, am, I am
running so late. I've got this segment that I meant
to prepare for. Can you just write me a few notes?
They wonder if it's because of cognitive dissonance, which is,
if you're sitting at your desk doing my notes for me,
then you're thinking, I must really like Jesse, Like, if
I'm doing this, I must really like her.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Can I say I must really like Jesse while also
saying God, this lazy bitch.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Well, that's the thing is, I think we all assume
that people are going to resent us because we've asked
them to do a favor.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Surely, resentment kicks in after a certain.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
Pouse, exactly after a certain inflection point, but generally speaking.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
That inflection point's called married.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
We really enjoy doing favors for each other. People really
enjoy it. They like feeling helpful. There's also something called
reciprocity of liking is what the phenomenon's called. And basically,
if mea thinks I like her, then she's more likely
to like me. And when you ask someone for a favor,
often it suggests that they like you.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
So it's an intimacy.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
It's a real level of trust.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
It is. And what I thought was amazing about both
the essay by Maser and this TikTok by Amelia was
this idea of how capitalism is robbing us of this,
how we've commoditized community air Tasker to Uber, to Amazon,
to all of these enormous corporations, and so we've stopped
(10:53):
asking each other for favors, and we've stopped offering to
do things for other people. Yeah, even making a meal.
We now can just go and buy something.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
I wonder if the essay is less about capitalism but
more about just how society has changed in the way
where at a point we used to be embarrassed for
having to cancel plans or not want to go out
and not want to see people, and now it's just
so common to accept an excuse like, Hey, I'm actually
feeling really really tired, do you mind if I just
(11:23):
stay home today? Like people are just being so so
honest to why they don't want to go out.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
But don't you think that that has been I'm going
to say selfishness in air quotes. But this idea of
putting yourself first always has become this moral high ground,
as if by putting myself first, I'm actually doing something
really great.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
As a person.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
If you're going to do that exactly what you said
before me, and when you do it over and over again,
because it's good to put yourself first, but that means
you're putting someone else last, and it's usually the person
that you're either canceling on or you said you're going
to make plans with and you don't want to see anymore.
I feel like everyone will have a person in their
life who they used to be friends with, and then
the same person will just cancel and cancel and cancel,
(12:03):
and you might keep inviting them out again, but you're
less likely to coming to the wedding example, you're less
likely to lean on them for help because you're so
scared that they're going to cancel on you and not
show up, you're less likely to If you have an
extra ticket to an event, you're less likely to invite
them because it's also that same fear of constant rejection
you're getting from a person. And I think it also
comes down to when you are canceling plans and like
(12:26):
the essays said, you will cancel and you'll stay at
home and either doom scroll TikTok, or you'll just watch
the TV show and repeat. If you are still living
with other people, like if you live with a partner,
or you have pets, or you have kids, or you
have housemates, you're still inadvertently getting that sense of community.
The person who's not getting that sense of the community
is a person who lives alone that you could have
(12:47):
canceled on. And this is something that I've had to
go over and over in my head because I do
live alone. Around twenty eight percent of the Australian population
lives alone, and it's more common for people who live
alone to have depression. That for me, whenever I cancel
plans because I want to be alone at home, it's
a signal for me that I'm going into that depressive state,
especially if I repeat it over and over again. And
(13:08):
whenever someone cancel plans on me constantly to hang out
by themselves at home, even though they might be with
other people that they live with, they don't realize that
I don't have that sense of community, and I actually
need to physically keep going to achieve that and find that.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
That's so true because we're also not very good at
knowing or predicting what will make us happy. So I've
talked before. I remember we did a no Filter probably
two years ago now Maya, where I spoke about depression
and how the nature of depression is that you feel
pulled towards doing things that are going to make you
more unhappy. And people in my family who who the
(13:43):
truth depression for a long time say the trick is
doing the opposite of what you feel like doing. So
if you feel like laying in bed all day, get up.
If you don't feel like eating, eat that sort of thing.
And so when we sit at home and we think
I really don't want to go out, I think I'm
gonna put myself first or whatever that language is, then
often that's just going to lead to us feeling worse.
(14:05):
And I don't think that any of this is because
you're a bitch. That's the one thing that I kind
of took issue. I know that it's a really great headliner.
I don't think anyone is a bitch. Well, I do.
I could probably name a few bitches, but not generally.
I just think we live in a culture that privileges
self reliance and independence, and any studies that are done
on cultures that have more of a collectivist approach and
(14:29):
understand themselves to be part of a whole, they approach
it really differently. They do feel more comfortable asking for favors,
and there's often greater satisfaction and happiness because we don't
feel so isolated.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
I have never had a plan that I didn't want
to cancel. I've never had a holiday that I didn't
want to cancel or come home early from like almost never.
And I wonder if it's a symptom. Particularly lately, I've
found myself more and more shut in, and I wonder
if there's it's probably no coincidence that the world feels
(15:03):
very scary at the moment, both from a big picture
sort of geopolitical sense and wars and what's going on
in Gaza and Israel and Iran and everything, and just
also there's the general situation around America and Trump and
the way he's turned the world into chaos. But also
closer to home, I've experienced some sort of a lot
(15:25):
of scrutiny and attention lately, and sometimes everything feels quite unsafe,
so I want to just stay home. It's like my
body goes into fight or flight and it's like it's
not safe out there. Just stay home, just stay contained
in a small space. But when I do push myself
to go out, I always I am so glad that I did.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
And the question is what you then do when you
are at home alone, is pick up the phone and
look at things that are going to reinforce the sense.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
It's not like I sit home and meditate or look
at the garden, or read a book or enrich myself.
You're right, I end up doom scrolling and perpetuating. Well,
I do perpetuate this fight or flight response.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Do you think as well that we're addicted, quite literally
addicted to convenience. So what we were saying before about
you don't have milk, I'll jump onto an app. You
can get it in fifteen minutes. This is if you
live in cities there's a lot of listeners who don't
have that. But even like addicted to the control of
knowing what the weather's going to be tomorrow, all that
kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Our muscle for dealing with inconvenience or discomfort or delayed gratification.
So we is so flabby.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
So I have someone who's very close to being and
I will say, hey, I want to go visit this
friend over the weekend, and this person will go, oh,
abo's thirty minutes in the car. That's inconvenient. And I
keep saying relationships are inconvenience.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
That's all out.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
They are incredibly inconvenient. And a relationship built just on
mutual convenience isn't really a relationship with any depth. There
was a great line in that article that was as
if connection isn't made of small, tiring and glamorous acts,
And that's so true. It's like you've got yourself out.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Inconvenience is the tax that you pay for community and relationship, right,
whether it's friendship or whatever. If you're never ever doing
something that makes you uncomfortable or inconvenienced, you may as
well just live in solitary confinement.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Surely, it's also.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Like really sad that it always comes with an element
of surprise when someone does want to do something for you,
like yeah, with weddings and funerals, like you're always so shocked,
like I can't believe she sent so many flowers. I
can't believe she just took over the booklet and the
planning and everything, when sometimes I'm just like, that should
be a given.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Do you know that the people in your life should
be doing research around this? People dramatically underestimate others' willingness
to help exactly what you say, by as much as
fifty percent.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
That seems like a lot.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Yeah, And we always overestimate how inconvenient a requests will be. Fathers.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
I have a friend who just had a baby, and
she had a commitment that she had to do, and
she messaged me and said, is there any way they'd
come around and just hold the baby for an hour?
I was so excited because I was so desperate to
help her, and I'd been doing the thing you're not
meant to do, which is how can I help? Because
I didn't know. I know sometimes you can put your
foot in it, but I was like, I'm actually desperate
to do that for you, and I will feel closer
(18:11):
to you at the end of Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Yeah, what's hard though. Also, I know we talk a
lot about askers and guesses when you factor that in
and askers and guesses, and asker is someone who asks
for what they want, and a guesser is someone who
wants you to guess what they want. And sometimes that
can be challenging because it doesn't occur to a guesser
to ask what someone else would want, and it doesn't
(18:33):
occur to an asker to have to guess.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
Yeah, they're walking around going, well, what do you want
from me?
Speaker 1 (18:38):
So that's why you've got an one pretty well. Like Jesse,
I know that you're a guesser, so I don't ask
you what you want. This could come across as an
imposition I just do things.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
Send me links to what Luna for her bathday?
Speaker 2 (18:51):
You make yourself a guesser because you know, Jessie.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
No, I just I don't wait to be asked that.
I don't wait to be asked because I think that
you can kid yourself and go, oh, they haven't asked,
therefore they don't need anything.
Speaker 4 (19:03):
Yeah, And I.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Also think love languages come into this as well, like,
for example, I have a friend who was really sick
and she was in hospital, and my love language is gifting, Like,
I think the best thing I could do is sent
her flowers, And then I remember that her love language
is acts of service, So for her, she's probably like,
just help.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Me go to the bathroom. I don't know what to.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Deal with your shitty flower. Then my question is, what's
the difference between paying someone to go and clean your
house or paying for a meal to be delivered versus
making the meal yourself, or going over and stacking her
dish washer and vacuuming her house yourself. How would you
feel differently if Sam I sent over a voucher for
(19:49):
a meal or got something delivered that I hadn't made,
or I made something myself. The end of the day
you're eating both ways, would you feel differently?
Speaker 2 (19:59):
I would feel differently, which is kind of shitty because
I think it's like kind of this, you're doing the
same thing essentially. But I also think it comes down
when in your head you're seeing how much time that
person put into it. We're dinner voucher such a beautiful gift,
But at the same time, if you had made something
and given it to me, I'm like, she went up
and bought the grocery, she spent time in the kitchen,
she spent time driving to my house to give it
(20:20):
to me. If you're at my house, you might also
help me clean and serve me. Like it's the extra
little things I feel like in your head makes it
feel like it's more, And it kind of is more
if you think about it.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
It's back to that inconvenience, right, It's the inconvenience that
says to someone you matter.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
It's also existing in a productivity kind of centered society
and also an outcome centered society where it's like whatever
the outcome or the results or the thing that sits
on the table, it's like, we don't even want to
think about kind of I've had this argument with a
friend too about whether it's the thought that counts, and
I'm like, I actually think all of the thought and
all of the effort does count for a lot, But
sometimes I don't think it's seen that way. Recently, there
(20:56):
was someone in our community who was sick and they
cooked all day and went and dropped off food, and
I was like, what, Like it didn't even occur. I
would do the dinner ladies about her. That's what I
do mostly because I can't cook, and I wouldn't put
that off it.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Maybe you could write them some You could write poem.
You could write a poem because cooking is not something
that you're good at, the same with me, like I
would not burden someone by cooking.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
So the conclusion is, write more poems out louders in
a moment. Have you ever turned up to an open
house or inspection and it looks nothing like the photos?
You're not imagining it. We unpack the trick being used
to lure renters, and we've got recommendations coming up. You're
(21:38):
scrolling through potential properties, either to rent or to buy
right and you look at just a stunning property. We're
talking stunning light. That living room looks very spacious, the
carpet so soft.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
So I can't afford it.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
No, you definitely can't to it. Goodness, both bedrooms fit
a double bed. Can you even imagine luxury? There's even
a fireplace. Look, it's burning in the corner fireplace.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
It's on the bottom.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Can you even believe it?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
There's a fire peer that's crazy.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
Where's it going?
Speaker 3 (22:12):
No one asked questions. I'm going to register for an inspection.
But then you get there, there's only one window and
it looks like something out of a jail cell. Oh no,
you can touch both walls while standing in the center
of sor then the carpet is actually a rug and
that belongs to the owners and they'll be taking it back.
That second bedroom it might only fit a kid's single
(22:33):
trundle bed, and the fireplace is actually a hole in
the wall left by the previous tenant.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
It had a very raging note what happened.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
What happened is AI Like, if you have a sense
that you're being personally victimized by the marketing of real
estate agents, you are not imagining it. I have personally
been to that inspection where I go, this is simply
not what I saw online. I'm being you know what
I'm being I'm being gasolate lit. I'm being gas lit
by real estate agents, by the fake fire and there
(23:02):
are currently calls for an Australian wide crackdown on real
estate ads that use AI. So the New South Wales
state government has cited examples of real estate agents using
AI generated furniture that showed a double bed in a
room that could literally only fit a single bed and
modifying photos to obscure property damage. It is not that
unusual for them to put a fire like an actual
(23:26):
like lip fire in a fireplace that either doesn't work
like isn't functional, and it's just literally like an AI
generated image stuck in there. And for a long time
they've been allowed to do that. Is anyone else finding
themselves increasingly tricked by AI? I thought I was savvy,
and I no longer feel savvy.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
This really surprised me to hear, because of course, now
that you say it, I can see it. But about
fifteen years ago, I was the chair of the then
federal government's National Body Image Advisory Board, and we were
tasked by the government at looking at a whole lot
of things that we could do, guidelines and initiatives for
the fashion industry, the advertising industry, the media industry that
(24:05):
would improve body image. And one of the things that
we proposed was that there be mandatory declaration when images
had been photo shopped, because you know, back in the day,
now it's of course pandemic, but magazine covers and magazine
images and advertising images had always been retouched. You didn't
have to declare it. And at the time it was
(24:26):
compared to someone made the point that with real estate images,
if you show like a view of Bondai Beach and
there's not an actual view, but it just is in
you used to have to have a discrimus saying not
actual view. Really Yeah, so there was that was really
strict around truth in advertising. The reason I brought that
(24:49):
up is that we made the point that it was
absurd that you could have a picture of a human
but you didn't have to say not actual human. It
was created essentially by photoshop, which is a version of AI.
So I'm so surprised that all of those things have
I think probably industries just haven't caught up with technology,
haven't caught up with AI.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
You're talking about. It sounds so archaic that you would
have to declare because now I imagery is totally ubiquitous.
You'll see aiimage that's allegedly from a war zone, or
an AI image of Donald Trump doing something he simply
did not do, like that's everywhere. And what that does
to the human race when you can't look at an
(25:29):
image and trust it is something I don't like to
think about too much.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
I wonder if it's also because especially with rents. We
are in a rental crisis right now. People are desperate
to find somewhere to live. And I wonder if it's
just real estate going well, people will come no matter what.
So what's the point of doing all this extra legwork
when we just know there'll be hordes of lines for
people to see this place?
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Well, the argument is that what you're essentially doing is
like you're really wasting people's time. So if someone is
in and I've been in this position between rental properties
where I've been kicked out of A and I need
to move into B, there's only so many properties I
can visit. And I was the person who I was
in a room clearing my sister and her boyfriend were
in a room. Did two rooms that could have humans
in them?
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Right?
Speaker 3 (26:11):
And so you'd go and say this place is unlivable.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
For two bed yas, you've wasted our time.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
Yeah, you've wasted our time when I could have gone
and seen this property that actually offers me somewhat what
I want. So I think that that's the crackdown too,
is just going You can't do that to people. It's
incredibly manipulative.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Have you been tricked by.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
AO Okay, look, I wasn't gonna bring this up, but
this only happened a few weeks ago, which makes me
even more shameful.
Speaker 4 (26:37):
I was on.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
TikTok and I was watching this video and it was
one of those like mini documentary videos about this really
rare fish that these fishermen found, and it was like
this huge, huge I think it was like a five
minute video. Entire video was generated by AI. I sat
there and watched it for five minutes.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Did it have when you looked in the captions? Did
it have an AI hashtage? That happened to me? I
watched a funny video last night and it was like
this woman getting sort of eaten by her couch and
this thing, and I was like, this is amazing, and
I showed my kids and they're like, d No, I
don't think it is.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
I think I Cash really did eat her.
Speaker 4 (27:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
One of the girls in our office is some pointing
around the spot. She went to get a really drastic haircut,
like one of those like long hair to a bob.
She went to a hair dress and she's like, I
want something like this, and he was like, babe, that's
not a real person.
Speaker 4 (27:25):
Hair doesn't flow much hairdressers.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
This is a real problem for hairdressers. People are rocking up,
not just with shots of celebrities that look nothing like them.
And Holly won't mind me telling the story of her,
and I think me who went with photos of l
Lara Bingle as she was then said we just want
to look like this or Gwyneth Paltrow and sliding doors.
I just want this pixie cut. And I mean, that's
one thing, but now people are showing hair that doesn't
(27:49):
exist and saying I want that hair.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
After the break, we have some recommendations for you, including
something to watch, a new discovery, and something smelly for
your body.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Every Tuesday and Thursday we drop new segments of Mummy
Are Out Loud just for Mummy A subscribers. Follow the
link in the show notes to get your daily Joseph
out Loud and a big thank you to all our
current subscribers.
Speaker 5 (28:19):
Vibes ideas atmosphere, something casual, something fun.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
This is my best recommendation.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Okay, it is Friday and we want to help you
set up your weekend with our very best recommendations.
Speaker 4 (28:31):
Mia, do you want to get first?
Speaker 1 (28:32):
I have been plummeted back into the world of children's
entertainers and videos. Now that Luna is almost two and
she's allowed a little bit of screen time, we're having
a little bit of screen time. So I am back
in the Wiggles. Gosh, the wiggles have changed.
Speaker 4 (28:48):
Yeah, there's so many of them now.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
There's one of the yes, one of them is very buff.
One of them is a magical tree that dances like
he's in a rave and I'm obsessed with him.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
I bet you don't know that he's married to Dorothy.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
I've forgotten how much you love a bit of wiggles,
got them to gossip about. And Anthony, the blue Wiggle
of the he's still there. Queen Adam's daughter, Lucia, his daughter.
She the ballerina Neppo wiggle. Yes, yeah, she's also blue.
She's also the blue Wiggle. Well she has to actually beautiful.
It's a lovely thing anyway. Something that I've just learned
(29:23):
about a children's entertainer called Miss Rachel. She has a
YouTube channel. If you've got little kids, I'm sure you'll
have heard of Miss Rachel. But I learned about Miss
Rachel because I was listening to Jesse and Amelia talk
about her on parenting out loud last week. She's got
like fifteen million subscribers on YouTube, where there's about one
(29:44):
hundred and twenty free videos. Fifteen million subscribers.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
They believe that she's the biggest children's entertainer in the world.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Oh, and she just records they're very low fight. She
records these videos in front of green screen in her laundroom.
I think she started Jesse because her son had speech delay,
and so she was making these videos. They're lovely because
one of the things, and one of the reasons that
you're not meant to have little kids watching screens too
much is the fast cuts. The way TV's made now.
It's very fast, a lot of movement, and it's hugely
(30:12):
stimulating and it can be hard for them to process.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
This is very slow, So it's.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
For babies and photography.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
She sounds things out, which is really good for speech.
And have you ever heard of miss Rachel.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
I've heard this name everywhere.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Do you know her face?
Speaker 1 (30:23):
No, have a little listen.
Speaker 3 (30:25):
Hi, Frabs, I'm so excited to learn about zoo animals
and chuckle animals with you today.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
It's going to be so much fun. Can you do
this rhyme with me a tweet aor and oh whoa, whoa,
who's in the zoo planing big girl. What's interesting about
this story and why you were talking about it, is
that lately she's become the target of a lot of
pretty outrageous criticism for her advocacy of the children in Gaza,
(30:56):
and she's also spoken about her concern for the children
in Israel. But some people have said that she's been
being paid by Hamas and some pretty wild accusations.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
So she's had to turn off all comments on Instagram
and YouTube because of the hate that she was getting,
and she came out and just basically said, no child
should have their crucial brain development interrupted by trauma. That's
what I believe. We had this really interesting discussion about
what it is about children's entertainers because of the intimacy
(31:27):
having them in your home, you know, often late at night,
the middle of the night, like people feel this kind
of ownership over her, like a a real parasocial relationship.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
But is it also Jesse. I haven't watched too many
for videos, but it was it that people were objecting
to her talking about the plight of children in Gaza
to children.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
No, that's what's interesting is over on Instagram where she's
got all these followers, that's where she will post and
she'll say, I, you know, want to look after these children.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Off and she's raising money because that's where the parents are.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
Because that's where the parents are. Whereas on YouTube, which
is a totally different platform, she's going brushy teeth, can
you say, mama? Like? They're the kind of things that
she's doing. But it highlights to me, I think it's
such an interesting story. Is it highlights the different especially
in this crisis, about what someone says and what people
here are like. So she can say I really care
about the well being of children, and it might be
(32:20):
perceived by some in the community as being anti Semitic
because of where they are and what, you know, who
they see. Miss Rachel is standing alongside and it's just
this big, mucky mess. The New York Times has done
a brilliant profile on it, this whole story, which will
link to it in our show notes, because it's really
interesting and if you're a parent of a kid under
about five, you have heard Miss Rachel's voice.
Speaker 4 (32:40):
Jesse, what do you have today?
Speaker 3 (32:42):
I have a documentary which I'm really on the documentary train. Please,
there's not a single pooh in this documentary. There's a
series on Netflix called American man Hunt. They did one
on the Boston bomber and this new one which remember
I recommended Titan recently, and a bunch about louders slid
into my DMS and said, you have to watch American
man Hunt. Osama bin Lighten. You have to watch that
(33:04):
is just come out. You'll really enjoy it.
Speaker 5 (33:08):
Where war, we will find those who did it and
we'll bring them to justice.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Call for Black chief of counter terrorism said, if you'll
let me do it, I'll have flies walking on their
eyeballs in six weeks.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
That's what I'm talking about. I was working with the
representative from the FAA trying to.
Speaker 4 (33:27):
Track some of the conspirators. We knew this was Masamo
bin Laden.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
We were going to war full out against inn Lodon.
Speaker 3 (33:37):
And the reason why is because so I was born
in nineteen ninety when September eleven happened, I would have
been eleven, and my whole adolescence the image of bin
Laden was like the villain, like he was such a bit.
He loomed so large in my kind of childhood adolescence
and what this documentary does is it tracks nine to
(33:58):
eleven and then the subsequent manhunt by the US Army
to try and find him. And I remembered parts of it,
but the details I completely missed. And because they're able
to get members of the CIA, this is Barack Obama's
speech writer, They're able to get the Navy seal who
actually found Bin Laden, like, they're able to interview all
(34:19):
of these people in a way that it puts it
in the context of history. There is a lot of
criticism from a lot of the people in the inside
ranks about Guantanamo and some of the lengths they went
to to quite literally torture people to try and get intel.
There are a lot of parallels with what's going on
at the moment, with the US claiming to have inverted
(34:40):
Commas achieved something that they have not achieved, and how
politics works in these kind of geopolitical moments. It is fascinating.
It is called American Manhunt O. Some have Bin Laden
and it is on Netflix.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
And what are you recommending?
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Okay, I'm putting my body out there for the greater
good because I have really.
Speaker 4 (34:58):
Bad back me.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
Oh, I've had that before.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
I think it's one of those things where you stop
the pill and then your whole body just goes. I'm
a new person.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
Have you got front me as well? Or just back
me on my chair? I used to get it on
my my nipples.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
Weird.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
It also is really weird when you're dating.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Yeah, yeah, You're like, yeah, you got to undo a
button and you're like, never mind.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
And because it's like, my back knee is on my back,
so I don't really I don't really see it right
until I was wearing a backless dress one so my
dad saw my backnee and he was like, I do
think you should get that checked out? And then I
got a checked out and it was just backnee checked
Do think it.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Was that bad?
Speaker 2 (35:36):
He generally got something was wrong with hey. He was
very concerned for my health and well being. So anyway,
I've been treating it, even though I can't see it
and I feel like anything on your back is none
of my business, but I've been treating it. I've been
using this little skincare toool from TBH Skincare. They're so good,
so good, so affordable. I got this from Priceline for
thirty dollars. It's the Breakout Hack Body Spirit and it's
(35:58):
basically just like an exfoliant spray that you can spray
on your back on. So and I actually don't need
a friend to help you if you live alone, because
like you can spray it upside down to the side.
You can get your whole back even if you have
like acne on your barm.
Speaker 3 (36:12):
That's what I was going to say.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
A lot of people like it's just like the thighs
aren't as difficult to get to as bad.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
It's the top of yeah, And I'm like, we need
more body skin care because you get like little spots everywhere.
And already it's been like I think three weeks now,
all my little spots have like lost their redness. I
have much less. It's so so good. So if you
have a little backning problems like me, it's totally normal.
But you can fix it, can I?
Speaker 3 (36:38):
Before we go, I just remembered I have a little
identical twin fun fact, would you too? Late tonight is.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
A creepy one, you know I feel about creature fact
about you and it's just interesting, right, you know how
on this show six months ago, I've got a skin cancer.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Removed on my hairline, and I've had to go back
and get it checked out. The other day, Claire looks
at me and goes, look at this, and she's had
a skin camper on to the centimeter exactly the same
spot on her hairline. And what's interesting is that it's
obviously nature and nurture, like the intersection of the two things,
but it's clearly like the gene are predisposed.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
That's uncanny because because you would think, I mean.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
It's environmental.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
If you were to get would they say that your
chance of skin cancer is very much determined by your
son exposure when you're younger, So I guess you would
have been exposed to the same things, but you don't
have the same hair. No, you don't even have the
same texture of hair exactly.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
So she's got really creep.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Has she gone and got that checked out?
Speaker 3 (37:33):
She's about to she's about to and it looks exactly
the same as mine did. And I was like, oh, well,
maybe because HER's an earlier stage. I'm like, maybe you
won't need to get it chopped out. You could just
do the cream or whatever. But it's weird identical.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
It's so weird. I'll tell you, you'll be concerned.
Speaker 3 (37:48):
That's all we have time for today. A big thank
you to all of you the out louderst for listening
to today's show. We will be back in your ears
next week.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
Big thank you to our team, our group executive producer
Root Divine, our executive producer Emmeline Gazillis.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Our audio producer Leah Porges, our video producer Josh Green,
our junior content produces Coco and Tessa. Out Louders, take
care of yourself and others this weekend. Don't be a bitch,
don't convenience yourself.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Bye Aye, out Louders. If you're not ready to say goodbye,
then you can listen to yesterday's subscriber episode. It's a
chat that Amelia m and I had.
Speaker 4 (38:25):
Well.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
We unpacked some family drama dilemmas. We've all been there
in one way or another. Follow the link in the
show notes to listen.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
Shout out to any Mum and Maya subscribers listening. If
you love the show and want to support us as well,
subscribing to Mother and Maya is the very best way
to do so. There is a link in the episode
description
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