August 3, 2025 • 15 mins
It's National Missing Persons Week, a time when families, advocates and police come together to remember the Australians who are long-term missing and call for new information that could bring answers.
Plus, Mamamia's cheating survey asked readers why, when and how infidelity happens; and the results reveal some surprising patterns about who cheats and the red flags we wish we weren't so good at spotting.
And in headlines today, Australia will provide an additional $20 million in humanitarian aid for women and children in Gaza, following the pro-Palestine protest on the Sydney Harbour Bridge; At least 27 people were shot dead by Israeli forces while trying to collect food in southern Gaza, and six more died of starvation, according to Palestinian officials; Emergency services are still searching for a 26-year-old woman swept away by floodwaters at Rothbury; Australia’s leading ladies shone at the 2025 Logie Awards, with Lynne McGranger taking home the Gold Logie and Magda Szubanski inducted into the Hall of Fame.
Find out more about National Missing Persons week here
Read more about our Mamamia cheating survey here
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CREDITS
Hosts: Taylah Strano & Tahli Blackman
Guest: Raffaella Ciccarelli, Mamamia's News & Weekend Editor
Audio Producer: Lu Hill
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
You're listening to a Muma Mea podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Mumma Mea acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded on.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Hey, I'm Taylor Strano. This is Mumma MEA's twice daily
news podcast, The Quickie. Yesterday mark the start of National
Missing Person's Week, a time when families, advocates and police
come together to remember those who are still missing, raising
awareness and calling for new information. Plus what really happens
(00:42):
when people cheat or get cheated? On Mamma Mea is
Cheating survey asks readers why, when and how infidelity happens
and the red flags we wish we weren't.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
So good at spotting before we get there.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
He is Tarlie Blackman with the latest from the Quickie
newsroom for Monday, August fourth.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Thanks Taylor, Australia will provide an additional twenty million dollars
in humanitarian aid for women and children in Gaza following
the pro Palestine protests that saw ninety thousand people flood
the Sydney Harbour Bridge on Sunday. The aid will support food,
medical supplies and essential services. It includes six million dollars
for the UN World Food Program five million for UNSEF,
(01:25):
five million for the Red Cross and four million dollars
through UK and Jordan partnerships. The Albanese government has now
committed one hundred thirty million dollars in humanitarian relief since
October twenty twenty three. The protest, which organizers expected to
draw ten thousand people, quickly escalated into what police called
a perilous situation. Protesters were asked to turn back mid March,
(01:48):
leading to confusion as thousands remained stranded on and near
the bridge. Famous figures, including Julian Assange and activist Craig Foster,
joined the rally. Foreign Minister Penny Wong reiterated Australia's call
for immediate ceasefire and increased aid access, saying the suffering
and starvation of civilians in Gaza must end. Sinister Anthony
(02:10):
Alberanizi is resisting pressure to formally recognize a Palestinian state,
despite growing international momentum. At least twenty seven people were
shot dead by Israeli forces while trying to collect food
in southern Gaza on Sunday, and six more died of starvation,
according to Palestinian officials. Witnesses say troops opened fire on
(02:31):
a desperate crowd at a Gaza Humanitarian Foundation site. The
Gaza Health Ministry reported one hundred and nineteen deaths in
the last twenty four hours. In Tel Aviv, tens of
thousands rallied on Saturday to demand the release of hostages
after her Maas and Palestinian Islami g had released videos
of emaciated captives. US nVoy Steve Whitcof visited Hostage Square
(02:54):
as pressure mounts on Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Natanyahu to
reach a ceasepire deal and bring hostages home. Emergency services
are still searching for a twenty six year old woman
swept away by floodwaters at Rothbury near Cessnock, as wild
weather continues to affect parts of New South Wales. The
woman in Australia on a work visa, was in a
(03:15):
small car with another woman and a dog when they
attempted to cross a causeway. One woman escaped and was rescued.
Since Saturday, the New South Wales State Emergency Service has
responded to over one thousand, eight hundred incidents. Dozens of
flood warnings remain in place across the Hunter and New
England regions. Snow, wind and rain have damaged buildings and
(03:36):
left hundred stranded. Major flooding is expected in Temworth, Manila
and Gunada. Australia's Leading Lady is shown at the twenty
twenty five Logie Awards, with Lynn McGranger taking home the
covered Gold Logi and Magda Zabanski inducted into the Hall
of Fame. McGranger, best known for her role as Irene
Roberts on Home and Away, appeared stunned accepting the top prize,
(04:00):
capping off a milestone year, as she announced her retirement
from the long running soap.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
Thirty three years. I've done this amazing show and yeah
it's a soap, but you know what, it gives Australian
actors and crew so much work and we are so.
Speaker 5 (04:19):
Proud of it.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
And thirty eight years, the bloody thing's been going for
it and just won't don't it. It's fantastic.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Earlier, she won her first ever Logi for Best Lead
Actress in a Drama, praising the shows and during success
and its importance to Australian television. The ceremony turned emotional
when Zebanski unable to attend due to a Stage four
blood cancer diagnosis received the Hall of Fame Award. Known
for her role in Katherin Kim, she humorously credited her
(04:48):
award to forty years of hard work rather than illness.
Speaker 6 (04:52):
Hello, my darlings, I'm so sorry that I can't be there.
Speaker 5 (04:58):
I do have a good excuse this time.
Speaker 6 (05:01):
Normally I don't come because I just can't be bother
getting out of my pajamas.
Speaker 5 (05:04):
But you know, this time, there really is a real reason.
I want to say.
Speaker 6 (05:09):
First of all, let's just get this out of the way,
all right. I've not been awarded this honor because I've
got the cancer.
Speaker 5 (05:18):
Okay, like I have. I'm getting this because of forty
years of hard work.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Comedy series Fisk, created by Kitty Flanagan, dominated the night
with five wins, including Best Scripted Comedy and Acting awards.
Other highlights included Ali Langdon winning the inaugural Ray Martin
Award for Journalism Excellence, an Australian Story taking home Best
Current Affairs Program. Tennis star Yolena Docketch won Best Factual
(05:44):
Program for her powerful documentary on Overcoming Trauma. Bluey and
Lego Masters also scored wins, rounding out a night celebrating
Australia's rich TV Dyalent.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Thanks Charlie. Next. National Missing Persons Week.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
It's a week that brings together families, police and communities
in a shared mission find missing Australians, raise awareness and
support those left behind. National Missing Persons Week marks a
critical moment each year for long term missing Australians and
their loved ones.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
The origins of the week go back.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
To nineteen eighty two, when the disappearance of Tony Jones
led his family to start campaigning for change. The first
official National Missing Person's Week was held in Townsville in
nineteen eighty eight. Since then, it's grown into a national
campaign coordinated by the Australian Federal Police's National Missing Persons
Coordination Center and police in every state and territory. About
(06:49):
thirty eight thousand people are reported missing each year in Australia,
and while most of them are found quickly, around two thousand,
seven hundred are long term missing, gone for more than
three months. This year's theme is Forever Loved, focusing on
the enduring impact of missing persons on fabies and friends
(07:11):
and the hope of bringing answers to those waiting for news.
The campaign recognizes the grief and uncertainty loved ones live
with every day, calling on the public to come forward
and help if they know anything. Every year, National Missing
Person's Week highlights eight missing persons cases. I've linked to
the full list and the missing Person's database in our
(07:32):
show notes.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
For you to learn more.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
It's important to remember that behind every missing name, there's
a family desperate for answers.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Campaigns like this.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Encourage people to come forward, no matter how mine of
the information may seem. Often that's what leads to breakthroughs.
Before we switch gears, it's important to note you don't
have to wait twenty four hours to report someone missing,
and going missing is not a crime. If you do
have any information about a missing person, you can contact
crime stoppers or your local police. As Commander John Cameron
(08:06):
from the AFP Forensic Command says, delivering c closure to
the family of a missing person can be everything.
Speaker 7 (08:13):
The families themselves who can finally put closure to their matter.
Speaker 5 (08:17):
That feeling of relief can't be underestimated.
Speaker 7 (08:20):
But I also balance that with the other families that
are still left their waiting, and it can actually be
quite a moment to stop and reflect. Each year for
these families, that unfortunately still don't have any resolution to
the missing case of their loved one.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Just about everyone has a story of infidelity now that
can look different to all of us. Maybe you've been
cheated on, Maybe you've done the cheating or been the
other woman. Perhaps you've comforted a friend who recently discovered
their partner was unfaithful. If none of that sounds like you,
you might be wondering, well, why do people cheat anyway?
(09:02):
Elizabeth Shaw is the CEO of Relationships Australian New South
Wales and a practicing clinical psychologist incount. We asked her
why she thinks people cheap.
Speaker 8 (09:12):
There are some people who, in their heart of hearts
never really are going to be monogamous. They just won't
admit to it or won't admit that to their partner.
And so it's a small proportion in research of people
who are really playing the game, because they often do
really want the person they've committed to and they don't
want to compromise that, but they really don't feel they
(09:34):
can be monogamous. Then there are the majority of people
who might engage in something opportunistically, the you know, the
classic being away at a conference kind of moment, all
the way through to people who have parallel relationships, and
there are people who have an affair, which is the
sort of leaving the relationship affair that is really telling
them I'm out of here and I should have been
out of here before now. So in that middle group,
(09:56):
the majority of people who do something that they perceive
to be a mistake, they often will say, look, there
was nothing wrong with the relationship as such, I got
caught up in something, And there is a seduction in that.
Sometimes there is a real contrast of the person that
they're working with where there is a real intellectual spark
that isn't necessarily where things are out at home, So
(10:19):
there is a seduction in a different part of me
is coming alive. You have to work hard to say
how do I keep this going? And you have to
build a narrative like my partner's busy or my partner's
less interested in sex. You have to come up with
a justification why you don't turn your energies there. It
means then when the affair ends or they feel threatened
(10:40):
by the loss of the relationship, that's a lot of
energy to switch back on because you're suddenly looking at
someone that you haven't invested in.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
We put the call out to hear about your stories
of infidelity, and in return, mumami r readers wrote in
with stories of heartbreak and hard won clarity.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Many people talked about the.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Gut punch sensation of learning a partner has cheated, whether
it was a nagging suspicion confirmed or being suddenly blindsided.
There were some recurring behavior, views and themes that kept
showing up in your answers. Our News and week In
editor Rafaeler Chicarelli has been crunching the numbers from the
cheating survey. Raffaela, there were a couple of consistent things
(11:21):
that kept coming up in survey responses.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
What were they?
Speaker 9 (11:25):
One of the red flags that did feature most prominently
was changes in phone habits, and this could take the
form of becoming more protective of devices, changing lock screens
and putting passwords on certain apps, leaving their devices in
the office away from the reach of kind of that
home setting. I found that very interesting. Another one that
(11:46):
really kind of caught my interest was several readers said
that there were changes to personal grooming, so suddenly becoming
more concerned with their appearance, going out and splashing out
on some new outfits, taking better care with their hair,
and various kind of beauty regimes.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
This is not to say that if your partner is
being a little bit sucks with their phone, or they've
gotten a haircut and have started wearing really nice color,
that's not to say that they are cheating. However, given
our survey responses, that just was a recurring theme.
Speaker 9 (12:14):
Yes, exactly.
Speaker 6 (12:15):
So.
Speaker 9 (12:16):
Look, if you notice one of these things in isolation,
obviously not an immediate cause for alarm bells to start ringing.
But of the responses that we did get, these were
the reoccurring red flags along with the one that you
would expect, such as becoming more distant, more disinterested in
their partner's life, and things like that.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Yeah, what were some of the other things that people
told us about their journey with infidelity if they'd been
cheated on, or maybe if they'd done the cheating themselves.
Speaker 9 (12:42):
One of the things that did come through quite prominently
was just how painful it is having that moment of
that betrayal. And you know, it might come via having
long held suspicions confirmed or being blindsided, but really, when
people took the time to fill out their responses. It
was having to reassess that relationship and that moment of
I should have trusted my gut or looking back, yeah, okay,
(13:04):
maybe there were signs that I did miss. So it's
really kind of that. I think the respondents found having
that retrospective look back kind of cathartic in a way. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
I feel like for anybody who has been cheated on
in the moment, it's like all of the oxygen has
been sucked out of the room. And sometimes it does
take quite a while for you to come to terms
with or to reconcile with what's happened, whether you've chosen
to stay with that partner or you've moved on from
that relationship. But I think you're right when you revisit it,
and I hope for some people who revisited it via
(13:33):
the survey there was a sense of closure almost from that.
Speaker 9 (13:37):
Yeah, or just a sense of being able to help
other people from their own experiences. And look, the experiences
were so varied. We had some people had a six
year relationship that then moved into a long distance relationship
for a couple months, and that's when their partner cheated
or a partner came back from the shops in a
bad mood and they started asking probing questions and that's
(13:58):
when they all I found out that there was another
woman involved. It's so many different experiences, and I really
am grateful to every single person that did take the
time to form because it couldn't have been nice for
visiting all of that.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah, I think you've alluded to it a little bit there, Raphaela.
But there's no real standard size fits all when it
comes to cheating and infidelity.
Speaker 4 (14:19):
Right.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Did you find that there was like a typical age,
or sex or even a relationship duration when people found
out that they were being cheated on? Or is it
really just that it can happen almost at random.
Speaker 9 (14:31):
Look, I think what did come out is just the
random nature of all of this. I mean, the reasons
for cheating that lies with the cheaters. We didn't have
that perspective showcased in this form. The age groups were
pretty split and very varied. The highest percentage of respondents
was thirty eight point five percent across the thirty five
to forty four year old age bracket, but from there
(14:54):
it was a very even twenty percent split across the
remaining age brackets. So there really is no kind of
way to predict it. One of the overarching messages that
we did get was that if you do suspect it,
trust your gut. There's a reason that you're feeling that way.
Don't let your part to dismiss your concerns or your feelings.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
As for the old saying, once a cheater, always a cheater,
well Elizabeth had this warning.
Speaker 8 (15:18):
Look, I think the efforts you have to go to
cheat requires a great deal of mental gymnastics to get
your head around it. So there's a lot of justification
that goes into it in terms of your own position
and reasoning for doing it, and also the reasons you
have against the other for doing it, And so all
(15:39):
the labor that goes into developing that narrative in your
head can obviously be reused for the next situation.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Thanks for taking some time to feed your mind with
us today. Hey, you to read more about our cheating survey,
including some of your stories, there'll be a link in
the show notes. The Quickie is produced by me Taylor Strano,
and Talie Blackman, with audio production by Lou Hill.
You're listening to a Muma Mea podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Mumma Mea acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded on.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Hey, I'm Taylor Strano. This is Mumma MEA's twice daily
news podcast, The Quickie. Yesterday mark the start of National
Missing Person's Week, a time when families, advocates and police
come together to remember those who are still missing, raising
awareness and calling for new information. Plus what really happens
(00:42):
when people cheat or get cheated? On Mamma Mea is
Cheating survey asks readers why, when and how infidelity happens
and the red flags we wish we weren't.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
So good at spotting before we get there.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
He is Tarlie Blackman with the latest from the Quickie
newsroom for Monday, August fourth.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Thanks Taylor, Australia will provide an additional twenty million dollars
in humanitarian aid for women and children in Gaza following
the pro Palestine protests that saw ninety thousand people flood
the Sydney Harbour Bridge on Sunday. The aid will support food,
medical supplies and essential services. It includes six million dollars
for the UN World Food Program five million for UNSEF,
(01:25):
five million for the Red Cross and four million dollars
through UK and Jordan partnerships. The Albanese government has now
committed one hundred thirty million dollars in humanitarian relief since
October twenty twenty three. The protest, which organizers expected to
draw ten thousand people, quickly escalated into what police called
a perilous situation. Protesters were asked to turn back mid March,
(01:48):
leading to confusion as thousands remained stranded on and near
the bridge. Famous figures, including Julian Assange and activist Craig Foster,
joined the rally. Foreign Minister Penny Wong reiterated Australia's call
for immediate ceasefire and increased aid access, saying the suffering
and starvation of civilians in Gaza must end. Sinister Anthony
(02:10):
Alberanizi is resisting pressure to formally recognize a Palestinian state,
despite growing international momentum. At least twenty seven people were
shot dead by Israeli forces while trying to collect food
in southern Gaza on Sunday, and six more died of starvation,
according to Palestinian officials. Witnesses say troops opened fire on
(02:31):
a desperate crowd at a Gaza Humanitarian Foundation site. The
Gaza Health Ministry reported one hundred and nineteen deaths in
the last twenty four hours. In Tel Aviv, tens of
thousands rallied on Saturday to demand the release of hostages
after her Maas and Palestinian Islami g had released videos
of emaciated captives. US nVoy Steve Whitcof visited Hostage Square
(02:54):
as pressure mounts on Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Natanyahu to
reach a ceasepire deal and bring hostages home. Emergency services
are still searching for a twenty six year old woman
swept away by floodwaters at Rothbury near Cessnock, as wild
weather continues to affect parts of New South Wales. The
woman in Australia on a work visa, was in a
(03:15):
small car with another woman and a dog when they
attempted to cross a causeway. One woman escaped and was rescued.
Since Saturday, the New South Wales State Emergency Service has
responded to over one thousand, eight hundred incidents. Dozens of
flood warnings remain in place across the Hunter and New
England regions. Snow, wind and rain have damaged buildings and
(03:36):
left hundred stranded. Major flooding is expected in Temworth, Manila
and Gunada. Australia's Leading Lady is shown at the twenty
twenty five Logie Awards, with Lynn McGranger taking home the
covered Gold Logi and Magda Zabanski inducted into the Hall
of Fame. McGranger, best known for her role as Irene
Roberts on Home and Away, appeared stunned accepting the top prize,
(04:00):
capping off a milestone year, as she announced her retirement
from the long running soap.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
Thirty three years. I've done this amazing show and yeah
it's a soap, but you know what, it gives Australian
actors and crew so much work and we are so.
Speaker 5 (04:19):
Proud of it.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
And thirty eight years, the bloody thing's been going for
it and just won't don't it. It's fantastic.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Earlier, she won her first ever Logi for Best Lead
Actress in a Drama, praising the shows and during success
and its importance to Australian television. The ceremony turned emotional
when Zebanski unable to attend due to a Stage four
blood cancer diagnosis received the Hall of Fame Award. Known
for her role in Katherin Kim, she humorously credited her
(04:48):
award to forty years of hard work rather than illness.
Speaker 6 (04:52):
Hello, my darlings, I'm so sorry that I can't be there.
Speaker 5 (04:58):
I do have a good excuse this time.
Speaker 6 (05:01):
Normally I don't come because I just can't be bother
getting out of my pajamas.
Speaker 5 (05:04):
But you know, this time, there really is a real reason.
I want to say.
Speaker 6 (05:09):
First of all, let's just get this out of the way,
all right. I've not been awarded this honor because I've
got the cancer.
Speaker 5 (05:18):
Okay, like I have. I'm getting this because of forty
years of hard work.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Comedy series Fisk, created by Kitty Flanagan, dominated the night
with five wins, including Best Scripted Comedy and Acting awards.
Other highlights included Ali Langdon winning the inaugural Ray Martin
Award for Journalism Excellence, an Australian Story taking home Best
Current Affairs Program. Tennis star Yolena Docketch won Best Factual
(05:44):
Program for her powerful documentary on Overcoming Trauma. Bluey and
Lego Masters also scored wins, rounding out a night celebrating
Australia's rich TV Dyalent.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Thanks Charlie. Next. National Missing Persons Week.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
It's a week that brings together families, police and communities
in a shared mission find missing Australians, raise awareness and
support those left behind. National Missing Persons Week marks a
critical moment each year for long term missing Australians and
their loved ones.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
The origins of the week go back.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
To nineteen eighty two, when the disappearance of Tony Jones
led his family to start campaigning for change. The first
official National Missing Person's Week was held in Townsville in
nineteen eighty eight. Since then, it's grown into a national
campaign coordinated by the Australian Federal Police's National Missing Persons
Coordination Center and police in every state and territory. About
(06:49):
thirty eight thousand people are reported missing each year in Australia,
and while most of them are found quickly, around two thousand,
seven hundred are long term missing, gone for more than
three months. This year's theme is Forever Loved, focusing on
the enduring impact of missing persons on fabies and friends
(07:11):
and the hope of bringing answers to those waiting for news.
The campaign recognizes the grief and uncertainty loved ones live
with every day, calling on the public to come forward
and help if they know anything. Every year, National Missing
Person's Week highlights eight missing persons cases. I've linked to
the full list and the missing Person's database in our
(07:32):
show notes.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
For you to learn more.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
It's important to remember that behind every missing name, there's
a family desperate for answers.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Campaigns like this.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Encourage people to come forward, no matter how mine of
the information may seem. Often that's what leads to breakthroughs.
Before we switch gears, it's important to note you don't
have to wait twenty four hours to report someone missing,
and going missing is not a crime. If you do
have any information about a missing person, you can contact
crime stoppers or your local police. As Commander John Cameron
(08:06):
from the AFP Forensic Command says, delivering c closure to
the family of a missing person can be everything.
Speaker 7 (08:13):
The families themselves who can finally put closure to their matter.
Speaker 5 (08:17):
That feeling of relief can't be underestimated.
Speaker 7 (08:20):
But I also balance that with the other families that
are still left their waiting, and it can actually be
quite a moment to stop and reflect. Each year for
these families, that unfortunately still don't have any resolution to
the missing case of their loved one.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Just about everyone has a story of infidelity now that
can look different to all of us. Maybe you've been
cheated on, Maybe you've done the cheating or been the
other woman. Perhaps you've comforted a friend who recently discovered
their partner was unfaithful. If none of that sounds like you,
you might be wondering, well, why do people cheat anyway?
(09:02):
Elizabeth Shaw is the CEO of Relationships Australian New South
Wales and a practicing clinical psychologist incount. We asked her
why she thinks people cheap.
Speaker 8 (09:12):
There are some people who, in their heart of hearts
never really are going to be monogamous. They just won't
admit to it or won't admit that to their partner.
And so it's a small proportion in research of people
who are really playing the game, because they often do
really want the person they've committed to and they don't
want to compromise that, but they really don't feel they
(09:34):
can be monogamous. Then there are the majority of people
who might engage in something opportunistically, the you know, the
classic being away at a conference kind of moment, all
the way through to people who have parallel relationships, and
there are people who have an affair, which is the
sort of leaving the relationship affair that is really telling
them I'm out of here and I should have been
out of here before now. So in that middle group,
(09:56):
the majority of people who do something that they perceive
to be a mistake, they often will say, look, there
was nothing wrong with the relationship as such, I got
caught up in something, And there is a seduction in that.
Sometimes there is a real contrast of the person that
they're working with where there is a real intellectual spark
that isn't necessarily where things are out at home, So
(10:19):
there is a seduction in a different part of me
is coming alive. You have to work hard to say
how do I keep this going? And you have to
build a narrative like my partner's busy or my partner's
less interested in sex. You have to come up with
a justification why you don't turn your energies there. It
means then when the affair ends or they feel threatened
(10:40):
by the loss of the relationship, that's a lot of
energy to switch back on because you're suddenly looking at
someone that you haven't invested in.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
We put the call out to hear about your stories
of infidelity, and in return, mumami r readers wrote in
with stories of heartbreak and hard won clarity.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Many people talked about the.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Gut punch sensation of learning a partner has cheated, whether
it was a nagging suspicion confirmed or being suddenly blindsided.
There were some recurring behavior, views and themes that kept
showing up in your answers. Our News and week In
editor Rafaeler Chicarelli has been crunching the numbers from the
cheating survey. Raffaela, there were a couple of consistent things
(11:21):
that kept coming up in survey responses.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
What were they?
Speaker 9 (11:25):
One of the red flags that did feature most prominently
was changes in phone habits, and this could take the
form of becoming more protective of devices, changing lock screens
and putting passwords on certain apps, leaving their devices in
the office away from the reach of kind of that
home setting. I found that very interesting. Another one that
(11:46):
really kind of caught my interest was several readers said
that there were changes to personal grooming, so suddenly becoming
more concerned with their appearance, going out and splashing out
on some new outfits, taking better care with their hair,
and various kind of beauty regimes.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
This is not to say that if your partner is
being a little bit sucks with their phone, or they've
gotten a haircut and have started wearing really nice color,
that's not to say that they are cheating. However, given
our survey responses, that just was a recurring theme.
Speaker 9 (12:14):
Yes, exactly.
Speaker 6 (12:15):
So.
Speaker 9 (12:16):
Look, if you notice one of these things in isolation,
obviously not an immediate cause for alarm bells to start ringing.
But of the responses that we did get, these were
the reoccurring red flags along with the one that you
would expect, such as becoming more distant, more disinterested in
their partner's life, and things like that.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Yeah, what were some of the other things that people
told us about their journey with infidelity if they'd been
cheated on, or maybe if they'd done the cheating themselves.
Speaker 9 (12:42):
One of the things that did come through quite prominently
was just how painful it is having that moment of
that betrayal. And you know, it might come via having
long held suspicions confirmed or being blindsided, but really, when
people took the time to fill out their responses. It
was having to reassess that relationship and that moment of
I should have trusted my gut or looking back, yeah, okay,
(13:04):
maybe there were signs that I did miss. So it's
really kind of that. I think the respondents found having
that retrospective look back kind of cathartic in a way. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
I feel like for anybody who has been cheated on
in the moment, it's like all of the oxygen has
been sucked out of the room. And sometimes it does
take quite a while for you to come to terms
with or to reconcile with what's happened, whether you've chosen
to stay with that partner or you've moved on from
that relationship. But I think you're right when you revisit it,
and I hope for some people who revisited it via
(13:33):
the survey there was a sense of closure almost from that.
Speaker 9 (13:37):
Yeah, or just a sense of being able to help
other people from their own experiences. And look, the experiences
were so varied. We had some people had a six
year relationship that then moved into a long distance relationship
for a couple months, and that's when their partner cheated
or a partner came back from the shops in a
bad mood and they started asking probing questions and that's
(13:58):
when they all I found out that there was another
woman involved. It's so many different experiences, and I really
am grateful to every single person that did take the
time to form because it couldn't have been nice for
visiting all of that.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah, I think you've alluded to it a little bit there, Raphaela.
But there's no real standard size fits all when it
comes to cheating and infidelity.
Speaker 4 (14:19):
Right.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Did you find that there was like a typical age,
or sex or even a relationship duration when people found
out that they were being cheated on? Or is it
really just that it can happen almost at random.
Speaker 9 (14:31):
Look, I think what did come out is just the
random nature of all of this. I mean, the reasons
for cheating that lies with the cheaters. We didn't have
that perspective showcased in this form. The age groups were
pretty split and very varied. The highest percentage of respondents
was thirty eight point five percent across the thirty five
to forty four year old age bracket, but from there
(14:54):
it was a very even twenty percent split across the
remaining age brackets. So there really is no kind of
way to predict it. One of the overarching messages that
we did get was that if you do suspect it,
trust your gut. There's a reason that you're feeling that way.
Don't let your part to dismiss your concerns or your feelings.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
As for the old saying, once a cheater, always a cheater,
well Elizabeth had this warning.
Speaker 8 (15:18):
Look, I think the efforts you have to go to
cheat requires a great deal of mental gymnastics to get
your head around it. So there's a lot of justification
that goes into it in terms of your own position
and reasoning for doing it, and also the reasons you
have against the other for doing it, And so all
(15:39):
the labor that goes into developing that narrative in your
head can obviously be reused for the next situation.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Thanks for taking some time to feed your mind with
us today. Hey, you to read more about our cheating survey,
including some of your stories, there'll be a link in
the show notes. The Quickie is produced by me Taylor Strano,
and Talie Blackman, with audio production by Lou Hill.
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