February 9, 2025 • 21 mins
Today we're diving into a little know concept from the Montessori method called the "7-7-7 Rule" - which outlines 3 phases of your parenting journey. Each lasting 7 years, and each phase with unique perspective on your child's needs and your role as a parent in meeting them. Plus, just for fun we discovered ANOTHER 7-7-7 rule aimed at spicing up your relationship, but is it achievable?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Mama Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded on Hello and welcome to
this glorious mess. We are embracing the chaos together, ditching
the judgment. I feel like I've been mumming for eternity,
but I'm still in the early days in the scheme
(00:36):
of things. My twin girls are freshly seven years old,
my son is freshly six years old.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I feel like there's still some solid parenting.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Yes, you have too many kids. That's even wrong.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
I'm annually's to odd single parent to assume to be
thirteen year old.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Oh, ten years old tomorrow? Wow, my boys.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
So I look like I're all in double digits. I
know it's happening God Grandma, and.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Yet I haven't aged a day.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
So look, I'm one step ahead of you in the era,
but I find I never stopped learning in this ever
evolving beast that is the parenting game. Yes, and I'm
so glad you brought up eras because that's what we're doing.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
We're basically Taylor Swift and we're going on an eras tour. Today.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
We're talking about the three different eras of parenting. So
this is also known as the seven seven seven rule.
And you sent me an article about this eneas and
it made me really think about how our kids obviously
need different parenting styles at different ages, and that's what
the seven seven rule does. It basically breaks well the
(01:46):
parenting requirements needs recommendations down into different year groups. Yeah,
it's broken into seven year chunks. And it's not like
a you know, hard and fast rule. I guess putting
the word rule after seven seven seven makes it a
bit Maybe it should be seven seven seven recommendation. Oh
the vibe kid wants around this age group. Yeah, and
(02:08):
so it's breaking it down into the three neat seven
year eras. So we've got zero to seven that's the
play stage of parenting yea. Then we move into our
teaching era from seven to fourteen years, and from fourteen
to twenty one we move into our advising stage and
final era. So we're going to dissect this a little
bit more later in the show so we can understand
(02:30):
what this actually looks like.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Right, Yes, but.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
There's another way this can be used.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
There's another seven seven.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
And it's all about how it can help out romantic
relationships and not in my.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Case have a better marriage, but for market.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Yes, girl, he's what's happening in my group.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Chap so teags.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
You know that my favorite Instagram account in the universe
is guy with the eclist. Oh god, you love X
anything to do with an it. You're like your love
for X. Well, like you don't love X, you love
icking EX.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
I ike for its.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, is like my love for gender reveal it is, yes,
so go on. Okay, So Guy with the List he
published a survey and study which again you know I
love and is the least attractive hobbies for men according
to women. Okay, yes, So what do you think was
number one in the least attractive most ickworthy?
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Oh well, I don't. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
A hobby, yes, okay, maybe like video games.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Or gaming gaming number one?
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Number one, yeap, closely followed by collecting figurine. Oh yes,
I was going to say, there was a shop when
I was younger where I lived where then all the
boys would be playing figurines. And that's fine, which is
fine if you're a boy. And I thought if I
saw men like older men, maybe.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Get a little.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Then we've got magic tricks online trolling. That's not an egg.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
That's just like.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
That's like illegal. I'm pretty sure, like.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Bare minimum of what I said, you're not to do.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Hate magic tricks.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Oh, I think there's an element of cuteness with a
magic trick, like imagine if he was actually really good
David Copperfield maybe, but anyone else, you know, abricadabra and
then pulling a little flat. But that's because you're instantly
imagining like a dweeby little like nerdy magician. Just like
imagine he was a hot magician and was like, I
(04:35):
can pull a coin from behind your ears?
Speaker 3 (04:39):
No, okay, what if he did it?
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Really well? Okay, sorry, what else is on here?
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Okay, so we've got taxidermy.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
What's taxiderm?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
That's when they stuffed dead animals, you know where they've
got the crazy stop it. Yes, that I think that
is beyond a nick and comic book collecting.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
I'm not too offended by that.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
But node watching is probably I mean maybe if you're
in your sixties or seventies, Yeah, watching's cool for that.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Are they really watching birds?
Speaker 4 (05:12):
I don't know, Mom, hungry Okay, historical historian, take me
through the three stages of sevens.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
The seven seven seven rule, or vibe as we've renamed. Yeah,
we're going to say the vibe it is because it's
less Yeah, it's less bossy bossy. So it is from
the Montessory framework teams. Yes, so this is the article
and this is how we wanted to explore this because
we were like, oh, this sounds really cool and so
really it just splits everything down into our kids' ages
(05:48):
and stages into seven year chunks. Got you, which is
really easy. So you're in the first stage all three, yes,
zero to seven, you're A to seven. Okay, I say
you're on the cut.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
I'm on the cut.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
You're on the of two eras.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Oh God save me.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
I've got a quickly backtrack for the last seven years
and catch up for the next You're basically Taylor Swift
and you I'm You're leaving the lover Zerra. You're into that, okay,
So tell me about the one I'm in now. So,
if you have a child between zero to seven years old,
it's all about play play. Yeah, it's getting down on
(06:24):
the floor. It's imaginary plates, storytelling, it's role playing. It's
really encouraging that imagination stuff and developing that creativity. Yeah,
and research shows it's crucial for cognitive, social, and emotional development.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Do you feel that you are nailing this?
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
No.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
I think I've really got my ears mixed up.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
I'm in reputation.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
I'm like, I'm like, I'm twenty three and I should
be zero to seven.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
I'm like Nolanilla.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Then when I should be like singing on a piano
in a fern gully. Yeah, okay, good to know I
have screwed up the last zero to seven years. Anyway,
let's move on to your era. It's the middle phase.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Okay, thank god, I'm nearly.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Tough way, but this is firmly I'm firmly in this era.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Yes, okay.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
And that is the teaching era.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Okay. I feel like this is what I've accidentally tried
to do in the first phase. When I should have
been sitting on the floor playing game. You're on the cusps.
So I feel like it's okay. It's not like you go, oh,
happy birthday. Time to move into the next era.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
We're changing tactics. Get off the floor. Get off the floor.
I will not play with you.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
It's about homework now, yes, okay, Oh god, I'm nervous.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
No, like, that's why we said it's not a rule
to vibe.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Okay, that's right, and just a vibe. It's just a vibe.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
So the teaching era, it's not about just homework, and
it is said that, you know, it is recommended to
help them with their homework and learning, but it's not
so much the academics. No, it's guiding kids in ethics,
teaching them right from wrong, developing the social skills, and
really teaching them how the world works.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
I love this era.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Yes, you are.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
You are like Taylor and Travis era, Like you are
just like loving life right now, go for the teacher era.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Okay, you are you are?
Speaker 3 (08:18):
I'm so fearless.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Give God. There's way too many tailor references in this whole.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Giving clear boundaries and consequences is a big part of
this teaching era, very much so because that they are
not able to really clearly understand the consequences of their
actions just yet.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Yes, so does that mean that, like we need to
do that?
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Yes, t told me so.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Are you a good consequence implementer?
Speaker 3 (08:47):
I'm a good threat?
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Yes, that's what I was gonna say.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
I was going to be like, if you don't, I
will yourself do I Ever, No, I don't. I am
an as my husband was an absolute pushover. Oh look,
I reckon if mine have really pushed me over the edge,
I will take their screens off them. Yeah, for a
limited time, but not like until it gets annoying for
you yet, not like a week or something. But I
definitely say, okay, I warned you guys, give me devices. Yeah,
(09:13):
and just for like ten minutes. Yeah, because this is
the thing. I was with a girlfriend the other day
whose daughter has maybe come just ventured into the final phase,
which we'll talk about next. But her daughter had been
a little bit naughty and she'd been grounded, right, but
that like, and she's a single mom also, so she
by that afternoon, like all this had happened the night
(09:34):
before and she's like, oh, she's grounded. So by that
afternoon her daughter was like, hey, Mom, can I go
to such as us how She's like, no, you're grounded.
And by the end of that phone call, she's like, Okay,
well just let me know when you get there. And
I said to her when she got off the phone,
my girlfriend, that's way easier because the grounding the consequence
is almost harder on us than it is on the kid. Yeah,
(09:56):
so I'm a bad consequence and up to fourteen, because
I feel like then the consequences shouldn't be as bad
because they're not that naughty up until like this teaching year,
they're not as naughty, So the consequences it's not like
you're for a week because you went somewhere. Hopefully they
haven't peaked that early and are doing really naughty.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Okay, well not if we're following.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
This vab, the seven seven seven VABs.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
You basically this is helping set them up to be
hopefully good humors this year.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Osh, the pressure.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Well, I've already effed up the first phase, so they're
only going to be two thirds of good human Okay,
final phase this is the.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Advisory e Oh god, it's some suverius s. Else I'm
looking forward to this year.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
I bet you are a wise one historical historian.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
You're going to impose all your logic and theories and
values upon your offspring.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Yes, okay, go what is it inale?
Speaker 2 (10:58):
It's fourteen to twenty one years. I love that it
doesn't stop at eighteen.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
I bring that on.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Never luck be on the eighteen by the way. I
think this should be a four year phase, to be
honest with you.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
No never ends.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
So this is really about encouraging teenagers to express their
own views. And one of the ways that you can
do that is in family discussions. I love that, just
sitting around expressing views my family, like as in my
brother and my mum and dad, like we are brutal,
like I would not want this to be encouraged.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
In my household.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Like even my sister in law and gets uncomfortable like
at a dinner table with us because we are just
like brutal, brutally honest, and like we poke each other
like emotionally. I think that's robust discussion. Yeah well maybe yeah,
Maybe it's because it was suppressed and we didn't have
(11:50):
big chats at the teenage era. Maybe it's all coming
out now as adults.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
You haven't been advised.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Now you're wayward.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Oh god, you were never advised.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
I was always the rebel, gypsy child, okay.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
And it's also it's very much about respecting their growing
autonomy and independence, because this is that oh the letting go,
oh god, you know you've got to like our jobs
is literally to make them independent and not need us.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
To go and to go away.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
We're going to go away, the final face, literally going away.
But you still need to in this phase and probably
I guess twenty months a bit long in the tooth,
but I would hope to think that I'll never stop
being in my advisory era with my children.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
It's providing guidance, so you will allow them to make
their own choices, but you're still providing that guidance. You're
that soundboard, You're that little voice in their head, like
hopefully encouraging better.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
And you're right.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I feel like I even probably use that era from
my parents now, like I'm like, oh, you know, if
I'm not sure, you know, if I'm not grounded or
knowing what to do in my own decisions, I'll always
revert back to my parents or you know, touch base
with them and.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Be like, give me your guidance.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Up. Next, we have deconstructed how the seven seven seven
rule slash can help your marriage or relationship, and.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
It's completely different.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Well, is that because if you think about the stages
you've got, you want to have a play era, you
want to have a teaching I need a teaching era,
and then you just.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Step back in your ear like the play area.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
I'll just stay in the play era seven years, seven years,
seven years.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Wouldn't that be a who honeymoon phase? Seven years? Bring
it on?
Speaker 2 (13:40):
So please don't tell me, like you know, I'm only
married for just over seven years. So is the seven
by seven by seven in relationships still by seven years?
Speaker 3 (13:51):
No?
Speaker 2 (13:51):
It is completely different. Okay, it's not divided by agent stage. Okay,
is my husband this year's this many years old? I'm
in the teaching stage seven years.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
You could still look at relationships and that way.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
This is more about time dividing and prioritizing in a
relationship to keep connection. And it's a little controversial, and
I'd love to hear your thoughts, and later on we're
gonna also, you know, hear everyone's thoughts. Is this actually
achievable because it's it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Look again, I think it's just meant to be a framework.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Right frame, a vibe, framework, a vibe, So like if
we can all just keep it in our minds, like,
it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
If it goes.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Off according to this framework it is. It is something
that needs to be locked in. Oh goodness, So every
seven days first seven rule, every seven days, go on
a date with your partner.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Yeah, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Second seven stands for every seven weeks, spend a night
away together and that is out of the house.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Yeah okay.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
And the last seven is every seven months take a
romantic vacation. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Do you think this is achievable.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
In the minutia and busyness and hecticness of life?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Okay?
Speaker 5 (15:20):
So I've always heard a different version of this date
night every two weeks, night or weekend away every two months,
and a week away every two years. A little more achievable,
but still a lot for parents with no grandparents support
in this economy.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Love the idea, though.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
God who created this unachievable rule clearly someone with no kids,
who's got unlimited funds and doesn't have a job.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
I'm lucky to even talk to my wife every seven days.
Speaker 5 (15:48):
I think they consider date night to also be a
home date night, in case that helps it all.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
This rule is meant to be interpreted with some leniency.
You can even just do a hike as a getaway.
Just do what works for you.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Sounds like a wonderful rule for people with many responsible
family members close by. For the rest of us, that's
surely a joke. Oh look, I think it's achievable.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
I just also think it's expensive, yes, and it's a
lot of planning. But obviously it's your relationship, so you know,
like the first thing I think is like, oh, that's
a lot of babysitters, and.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
But do you know what's more expensive divorce?
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Yeah? Yeah, well exactly.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
And it's an emotionally puniant so I think, yeah, worth
it definitely, you know, get your thirty five dollars an
hour babysitter out. And also I think once you do it,
you realize that you really wanted it, and you really
needed it.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
It's kind of like a massage when you're pregnant.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
You're like, oh god, I didn't realize how sore I
was until.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I rubbed it out.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
Okay, we went there.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Not I rubbed it out, the therapist rubbed it out.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
But like even with your relationship, you might be fine,
and you know, I think we all go through it,
and until you're kind of sitting there, you know, with it,
no kids, no distractions, you really realize how much you
haven't connected lately. And I think by keeping the framework
in mind, it reminds you even when you don't think
(17:15):
you need it, or even when you haven't remembered to
kind of put it on and it's like, oh, we
haven't done that for a couple of weeks, like we're
letting things slip.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
I think that's good.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
I've got some cozy lives kind of alternate options.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Yes, great.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
So if you don't have family, because obviously, if you've
got grandparents, ditch the kids with the grandparents. That's the
most free and easy option. If you don't have family
that lives nearby, which I don't, and this is something
I often do, and it's it's kids swap, so it's
like I'll have your kids for at night and you
(17:50):
guys can go away, which is past a certain age
as well, Like I feel like my kids are just
getting to that age with the sleepovers and stuff. But yeah,
and that's the hard thing as well, like when when
parents have got little ones, that's the hardest.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
And like or even if.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
A mother is breastfeeding, like stuff like that, Like it's
easier said than done sometimes some of these things. I
think this is difficult to achieve in the trenches of
new parenting unless you've got a mum and dad that
live around the corner. Parents, kids are happy to go
there and beans so jealous of people that have that. Yeah,
(18:27):
I never had it, Like raising young kids, Yeah that
would be easy. So if you don't babysitter, but then
maybe kids swap if that does acquire a certain age,
And then I think a night away. What could you
do that's Cozi lives, that's not staying in like a hotel.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Can you do a little house swap?
Speaker 3 (18:44):
House swap a house swap, just not with the key
swap in the bowl.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
If a friend, if you know a friend's going away,
we need to be like, hey, well do you mind
if we have a night at your house?
Speaker 3 (18:54):
And they probably got a dog, you can say that's it.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
I also had an idea like even with the date
night things, sorry just stepping back for a second, Like
that doesn't have to be a fancy restaurant, expensive dinner.
That can be a beach walk, Yeah, a beach walk,
a homemade picnic, fish and chips at the park, like whatever.
Just and one thing I know that my husband and
I desperately try to do when we are on date
(19:19):
night because we just so naturally go there is like logistics,
like parenting logistics. Conversation off the table like we almost
have to remind each other, like it becomes like a whip,
like like a family whip, like, Okay, what are you
doing this week for work?
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Where's the kids?
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Where are the kids at roma?
Speaker 2 (19:39):
That's it, And so we have to kind of go, hey,
this isn't the family business meeting update, this is a
date like this is you and I dating?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
So ground, Yeah, this is within the seven seven and there's.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Rules within the rules, the vibes within the vibe, like
the no logistical family business talk like no tax.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
Return discussion, no dry cleaning.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
No, none of that.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
I think toilet yeah, no, no grocery, no need fix
up the house, drop offs of things to do, so
the last one teakes every seven months. Take a romantic
v all for this. Yeah, yes, but I've got help,
so help as in my mom and my mother in law. Yeah,
they're all I've got. I've got local family which enables
(20:26):
us to do this. Yeah, I just I think it's
really difficult if you don't have family help to be
able to take a kid free holiday unless you are
divorced like me, and then you get them so then
you can work on your marriage work.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
So there you go.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Yeah, so if you're if your marriage is in trouble,
implement these rules with your next partner.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
You'll have a hoot. Literally.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Well, thank you so much for listening to this glorious mess.
We hope you enjoyed the episode and we would love
to hear from you if you can leave us a
raining or review, or just tell us a little bit
about how you work the seven seven seven that into
your life.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Poor relation, chariting and relationship.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Yeah, leave us a.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Voice note by following the link in the show notes,
or get in touch with us at TGM at momamea
dot com dot au, or you can jump on socials.
This episode was produced by Tom Lyon with audio production
by Jacob Brown.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Will see you next time, Joao,
You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Mama Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded on Hello and welcome to
this glorious mess. We are embracing the chaos together, ditching
the judgment. I feel like I've been mumming for eternity,
but I'm still in the early days in the scheme
(00:36):
of things. My twin girls are freshly seven years old,
my son is freshly six years old.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I feel like there's still some solid parenting.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Yes, you have too many kids. That's even wrong.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
I'm annually's to odd single parent to assume to be
thirteen year old.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Oh, ten years old tomorrow? Wow, my boys.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
So I look like I're all in double digits. I
know it's happening God Grandma, and.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Yet I haven't aged a day.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
So look, I'm one step ahead of you in the era,
but I find I never stopped learning in this ever
evolving beast that is the parenting game. Yes, and I'm
so glad you brought up eras because that's what we're doing.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
We're basically Taylor Swift and we're going on an eras tour. Today.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
We're talking about the three different eras of parenting. So
this is also known as the seven seven seven rule.
And you sent me an article about this eneas and
it made me really think about how our kids obviously
need different parenting styles at different ages, and that's what
the seven seven rule does. It basically breaks well the
(01:46):
parenting requirements needs recommendations down into different year groups. Yeah,
it's broken into seven year chunks. And it's not like
a you know, hard and fast rule. I guess putting
the word rule after seven seven seven makes it a
bit Maybe it should be seven seven seven recommendation. Oh
the vibe kid wants around this age group. Yeah, and
(02:08):
so it's breaking it down into the three neat seven
year eras. So we've got zero to seven that's the
play stage of parenting yea. Then we move into our
teaching era from seven to fourteen years, and from fourteen
to twenty one we move into our advising stage and
final era. So we're going to dissect this a little
bit more later in the show so we can understand
(02:30):
what this actually looks like.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Right, Yes, but.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
There's another way this can be used.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
There's another seven seven.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
And it's all about how it can help out romantic
relationships and not in my.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Case have a better marriage, but for market.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Yes, girl, he's what's happening in my group.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Chap so teags.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
You know that my favorite Instagram account in the universe
is guy with the eclist. Oh god, you love X
anything to do with an it. You're like your love
for X. Well, like you don't love X, you love
icking EX.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
I ike for its.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, is like my love for gender reveal it is, yes,
so go on. Okay, So Guy with the List he
published a survey and study which again you know I
love and is the least attractive hobbies for men according
to women. Okay, yes, So what do you think was
number one in the least attractive most ickworthy?
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Oh well, I don't. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
A hobby, yes, okay, maybe like video games.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Or gaming gaming number one?
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Number one, yeap, closely followed by collecting figurine. Oh yes,
I was going to say, there was a shop when
I was younger where I lived where then all the
boys would be playing figurines. And that's fine, which is
fine if you're a boy. And I thought if I
saw men like older men, maybe.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Get a little.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Then we've got magic tricks online trolling. That's not an egg.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
That's just like.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
That's like illegal. I'm pretty sure, like.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Bare minimum of what I said, you're not to do.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Hate magic tricks.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Oh, I think there's an element of cuteness with a
magic trick, like imagine if he was actually really good
David Copperfield maybe, but anyone else, you know, abricadabra and
then pulling a little flat. But that's because you're instantly
imagining like a dweeby little like nerdy magician. Just like
imagine he was a hot magician and was like, I
(04:35):
can pull a coin from behind your ears?
Speaker 3 (04:39):
No, okay, what if he did it?
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Really well? Okay, sorry, what else is on here?
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Okay, so we've got taxidermy.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
What's taxiderm?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
That's when they stuffed dead animals, you know where they've
got the crazy stop it. Yes, that I think that
is beyond a nick and comic book collecting.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
I'm not too offended by that.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
But node watching is probably I mean maybe if you're
in your sixties or seventies, Yeah, watching's cool for that.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Are they really watching birds?
Speaker 4 (05:12):
I don't know, Mom, hungry Okay, historical historian, take me
through the three stages of sevens.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
The seven seven seven rule, or vibe as we've renamed. Yeah,
we're going to say the vibe it is because it's
less Yeah, it's less bossy bossy. So it is from
the Montessory framework teams. Yes, so this is the article
and this is how we wanted to explore this because
we were like, oh, this sounds really cool and so
really it just splits everything down into our kids' ages
(05:48):
and stages into seven year chunks. Got you, which is
really easy. So you're in the first stage all three, yes,
zero to seven, you're A to seven. Okay, I say
you're on the cut.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
I'm on the cut.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
You're on the of two eras.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Oh God save me.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
I've got a quickly backtrack for the last seven years
and catch up for the next You're basically Taylor Swift
and you I'm You're leaving the lover Zerra. You're into that, okay,
So tell me about the one I'm in now. So,
if you have a child between zero to seven years old,
it's all about play play. Yeah, it's getting down on
(06:24):
the floor. It's imaginary plates, storytelling, it's role playing. It's
really encouraging that imagination stuff and developing that creativity. Yeah,
and research shows it's crucial for cognitive, social, and emotional development.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Do you feel that you are nailing this?
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
No.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
I think I've really got my ears mixed up.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
I'm in reputation.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
I'm like, I'm like, I'm twenty three and I should
be zero to seven.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
I'm like Nolanilla.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Then when I should be like singing on a piano
in a fern gully. Yeah, okay, good to know I
have screwed up the last zero to seven years. Anyway,
let's move on to your era. It's the middle phase.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Okay, thank god, I'm nearly.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Tough way, but this is firmly I'm firmly in this era.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Yes, okay.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
And that is the teaching era.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Okay. I feel like this is what I've accidentally tried
to do in the first phase. When I should have
been sitting on the floor playing game. You're on the cusps.
So I feel like it's okay. It's not like you go, oh,
happy birthday. Time to move into the next era.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
We're changing tactics. Get off the floor. Get off the floor.
I will not play with you.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
It's about homework now, yes, okay, Oh god, I'm nervous.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
No, like, that's why we said it's not a rule
to vibe.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Okay, that's right, and just a vibe. It's just a vibe.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
So the teaching era, it's not about just homework, and
it is said that, you know, it is recommended to
help them with their homework and learning, but it's not
so much the academics. No, it's guiding kids in ethics,
teaching them right from wrong, developing the social skills, and
really teaching them how the world works.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
I love this era.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Yes, you are.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
You are like Taylor and Travis era, Like you are
just like loving life right now, go for the teacher era.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Okay, you are you are?
Speaker 3 (08:18):
I'm so fearless.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Give God. There's way too many tailor references in this whole.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Giving clear boundaries and consequences is a big part of
this teaching era, very much so because that they are
not able to really clearly understand the consequences of their
actions just yet.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Yes, so does that mean that, like we need to
do that?
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Yes, t told me so.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Are you a good consequence implementer?
Speaker 3 (08:47):
I'm a good threat?
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Yes, that's what I was gonna say.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
I was going to be like, if you don't, I
will yourself do I Ever, No, I don't. I am
an as my husband was an absolute pushover. Oh look,
I reckon if mine have really pushed me over the edge,
I will take their screens off them. Yeah, for a
limited time, but not like until it gets annoying for
you yet, not like a week or something. But I
definitely say, okay, I warned you guys, give me devices. Yeah,
(09:13):
and just for like ten minutes. Yeah, because this is
the thing. I was with a girlfriend the other day
whose daughter has maybe come just ventured into the final phase,
which we'll talk about next. But her daughter had been
a little bit naughty and she'd been grounded, right, but
that like, and she's a single mom also, so she
by that afternoon, like all this had happened the night
(09:34):
before and she's like, oh, she's grounded. So by that
afternoon her daughter was like, hey, Mom, can I go
to such as us how She's like, no, you're grounded.
And by the end of that phone call, she's like, Okay,
well just let me know when you get there. And
I said to her when she got off the phone,
my girlfriend, that's way easier because the grounding the consequence
is almost harder on us than it is on the kid. Yeah,
(09:56):
so I'm a bad consequence and up to fourteen, because
I feel like then the consequences shouldn't be as bad
because they're not that naughty up until like this teaching year,
they're not as naughty, So the consequences it's not like
you're for a week because you went somewhere. Hopefully they
haven't peaked that early and are doing really naughty.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Okay, well not if we're following.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
This vab, the seven seven seven VABs.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
You basically this is helping set them up to be
hopefully good humors this year.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Osh, the pressure.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Well, I've already effed up the first phase, so they're
only going to be two thirds of good human Okay,
final phase this is the.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Advisory e Oh god, it's some suverius s. Else I'm
looking forward to this year.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
I bet you are a wise one historical historian.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
You're going to impose all your logic and theories and
values upon your offspring.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Yes, okay, go what is it inale?
Speaker 2 (10:58):
It's fourteen to twenty one years. I love that it
doesn't stop at eighteen.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
I bring that on.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Never luck be on the eighteen by the way. I
think this should be a four year phase, to be
honest with you.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
No never ends.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
So this is really about encouraging teenagers to express their
own views. And one of the ways that you can
do that is in family discussions. I love that, just
sitting around expressing views my family, like as in my
brother and my mum and dad, like we are brutal,
like I would not want this to be encouraged.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
In my household.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Like even my sister in law and gets uncomfortable like
at a dinner table with us because we are just
like brutal, brutally honest, and like we poke each other
like emotionally. I think that's robust discussion. Yeah well maybe yeah,
Maybe it's because it was suppressed and we didn't have
(11:50):
big chats at the teenage era. Maybe it's all coming
out now as adults.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
You haven't been advised.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Now you're wayward.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Oh god, you were never advised.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
I was always the rebel, gypsy child, okay.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
And it's also it's very much about respecting their growing
autonomy and independence, because this is that oh the letting go,
oh god, you know you've got to like our jobs
is literally to make them independent and not need us.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
To go and to go away.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
We're going to go away, the final face, literally going away.
But you still need to in this phase and probably
I guess twenty months a bit long in the tooth,
but I would hope to think that I'll never stop
being in my advisory era with my children.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
It's providing guidance, so you will allow them to make
their own choices, but you're still providing that guidance. You're
that soundboard, You're that little voice in their head, like
hopefully encouraging better.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
And you're right.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I feel like I even probably use that era from
my parents now, like I'm like, oh, you know, if
I'm not sure, you know, if I'm not grounded or
knowing what to do in my own decisions, I'll always
revert back to my parents or you know, touch base
with them and.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Be like, give me your guidance.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Up. Next, we have deconstructed how the seven seven seven
rule slash can help your marriage or relationship, and.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
It's completely different.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Well, is that because if you think about the stages
you've got, you want to have a play era, you
want to have a teaching I need a teaching era,
and then you just.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Step back in your ear like the play area.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
I'll just stay in the play era seven years, seven years,
seven years.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Wouldn't that be a who honeymoon phase? Seven years? Bring
it on?
Speaker 2 (13:40):
So please don't tell me, like you know, I'm only
married for just over seven years. So is the seven
by seven by seven in relationships still by seven years?
Speaker 3 (13:51):
No?
Speaker 2 (13:51):
It is completely different. Okay, it's not divided by agent stage. Okay,
is my husband this year's this many years old? I'm
in the teaching stage seven years.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
You could still look at relationships and that way.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
This is more about time dividing and prioritizing in a
relationship to keep connection. And it's a little controversial, and
I'd love to hear your thoughts, and later on we're
gonna also, you know, hear everyone's thoughts. Is this actually
achievable because it's it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Look again, I think it's just meant to be a framework.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Right frame, a vibe, framework, a vibe, So like if
we can all just keep it in our minds, like,
it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
If it goes.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Off according to this framework it is. It is something
that needs to be locked in. Oh goodness, So every
seven days first seven rule, every seven days, go on
a date with your partner.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Yeah, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Second seven stands for every seven weeks, spend a night
away together and that is out of the house.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Yeah okay.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
And the last seven is every seven months take a
romantic vacation. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Do you think this is achievable.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
In the minutia and busyness and hecticness of life?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Okay?
Speaker 5 (15:20):
So I've always heard a different version of this date
night every two weeks, night or weekend away every two months,
and a week away every two years. A little more achievable,
but still a lot for parents with no grandparents support
in this economy.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Love the idea, though.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
God who created this unachievable rule clearly someone with no kids,
who's got unlimited funds and doesn't have a job.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
I'm lucky to even talk to my wife every seven days.
Speaker 5 (15:48):
I think they consider date night to also be a
home date night, in case that helps it all.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
This rule is meant to be interpreted with some leniency.
You can even just do a hike as a getaway.
Just do what works for you.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Sounds like a wonderful rule for people with many responsible
family members close by. For the rest of us, that's
surely a joke. Oh look, I think it's achievable.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
I just also think it's expensive, yes, and it's a
lot of planning. But obviously it's your relationship, so you know,
like the first thing I think is like, oh, that's
a lot of babysitters, and.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
But do you know what's more expensive divorce?
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Yeah? Yeah, well exactly.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
And it's an emotionally puniant so I think, yeah, worth
it definitely, you know, get your thirty five dollars an
hour babysitter out. And also I think once you do it,
you realize that you really wanted it, and you really
needed it.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
It's kind of like a massage when you're pregnant.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
You're like, oh god, I didn't realize how sore I
was until.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I rubbed it out.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
Okay, we went there.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Not I rubbed it out, the therapist rubbed it out.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
But like even with your relationship, you might be fine,
and you know, I think we all go through it,
and until you're kind of sitting there, you know, with it,
no kids, no distractions, you really realize how much you
haven't connected lately. And I think by keeping the framework
in mind, it reminds you even when you don't think
(17:15):
you need it, or even when you haven't remembered to
kind of put it on and it's like, oh, we
haven't done that for a couple of weeks, like we're
letting things slip.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
I think that's good.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
I've got some cozy lives kind of alternate options.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Yes, great.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
So if you don't have family, because obviously, if you've
got grandparents, ditch the kids with the grandparents. That's the
most free and easy option. If you don't have family
that lives nearby, which I don't, and this is something
I often do, and it's it's kids swap, so it's
like I'll have your kids for at night and you
(17:50):
guys can go away, which is past a certain age
as well, Like I feel like my kids are just
getting to that age with the sleepovers and stuff. But yeah,
and that's the hard thing as well, like when when
parents have got little ones, that's the hardest.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
And like or even if.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
A mother is breastfeeding, like stuff like that, Like it's
easier said than done sometimes some of these things. I
think this is difficult to achieve in the trenches of
new parenting unless you've got a mum and dad that
live around the corner. Parents, kids are happy to go
there and beans so jealous of people that have that. Yeah,
(18:27):
I never had it, Like raising young kids, Yeah that
would be easy. So if you don't babysitter, but then
maybe kids swap if that does acquire a certain age,
And then I think a night away. What could you
do that's Cozi lives, that's not staying in like a hotel.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Can you do a little house swap?
Speaker 3 (18:44):
House swap a house swap, just not with the key
swap in the bowl.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
If a friend, if you know a friend's going away,
we need to be like, hey, well do you mind
if we have a night at your house?
Speaker 3 (18:54):
And they probably got a dog, you can say that's it.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
I also had an idea like even with the date
night things, sorry just stepping back for a second, Like
that doesn't have to be a fancy restaurant, expensive dinner.
That can be a beach walk, Yeah, a beach walk,
a homemade picnic, fish and chips at the park, like whatever.
Just and one thing I know that my husband and
I desperately try to do when we are on date
(19:19):
night because we just so naturally go there is like logistics,
like parenting logistics. Conversation off the table like we almost
have to remind each other, like it becomes like a whip,
like like a family whip, like, Okay, what are you
doing this week for work?
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Where's the kids?
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Where are the kids at roma?
Speaker 2 (19:39):
That's it, And so we have to kind of go, hey,
this isn't the family business meeting update, this is a
date like this is you and I dating?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
So ground, Yeah, this is within the seven seven and there's.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Rules within the rules, the vibes within the vibe, like
the no logistical family business talk like no tax.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
Return discussion, no dry cleaning.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
No, none of that.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
I think toilet yeah, no, no grocery, no need fix
up the house, drop offs of things to do, so
the last one teakes every seven months. Take a romantic
v all for this. Yeah, yes, but I've got help,
so help as in my mom and my mother in law. Yeah,
they're all I've got. I've got local family which enables
(20:26):
us to do this. Yeah, I just I think it's
really difficult if you don't have family help to be
able to take a kid free holiday unless you are
divorced like me, and then you get them so then
you can work on your marriage work.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
So there you go.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Yeah, so if you're if your marriage is in trouble,
implement these rules with your next partner.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
You'll have a hoot. Literally.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Well, thank you so much for listening to this glorious mess.
We hope you enjoyed the episode and we would love
to hear from you if you can leave us a
raining or review, or just tell us a little bit
about how you work the seven seven seven that into
your life.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Poor relation, chariting and relationship.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Yeah, leave us a.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Voice note by following the link in the show notes,
or get in touch with us at TGM at momamea
dot com dot au, or you can jump on socials.
This episode was produced by Tom Lyon with audio production
by Jacob Brown.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Will see you next time, Joao,
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