April 30, 2025 • 20 mins
On today's show, one mum reveals the delicious deception she orchestrated when her health-conscious friend's child discovered her secret chocolate stash. We also hear from a mum whose piñata party blunder left a group of expectant children staring at... absolutely nothing. And we hear how a make-believe game went hilariously wrong when a toddler took her fish transformation a little too literally!
You can share your best worst parenting stories by leaving us a voice note, email us at tgm@mamamia.com.au or for super shame super anonymous you can pop them in this form.
Check out Hello Bump, a podcast about what you’re not expecting when you’re expecting.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
You're listening to a MoMA Mea podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded on.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Welcome to this glorious mess. I'm Analse Todd.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
I'm a single parent to one teen one tween aged sons,
and as I sit here today in the studio, I
am wearing ug boots.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Fears for anals. In the ug boots, he's trying to
meet them cool people.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
I'm not trying, i am, but fears, thoughts and prayers.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Yes, yes, we're very concerned to you. And I'm Stacey Hicks.
I'm the deputy editor here at Mamma Mea and I
might be wearing a blazer, but I'm hanging by threat.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
But when you wear a blazer, you just look put together.
That's right, fashion rule.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Well, the weird thing is you're also wearing a blazer
that's teemed with the ugs.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
That's why I'm pulling it off. It looks intentional, okay
if you say so. Yes, Welcome back to Parents Anonymous,
where each week you share your worst parenting moments for
everyone else's entertainment, especially ours.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yes, we love it so much. We love hearing that
you're all stuffing up as much as us when it
comes to parenting. And just in case you needed more
incentive to confess, the worse your confessions are, the higher
will rate you so you'll feel better too, And extra
points for public shame.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
We do appreciate public shame.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
We're really coming off well with this intro, aren't we.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
We are judging each other, judging these people before they've
even regard but so that we don't come off as
so judging judge, judge, judge face.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
In each episode we actually kick off by sharing one
of our little mini confessions of the week of where
we have failed as humans as parents, and I would
like to hear yours this week.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Look, I had a laundry list to choose from this week,
say not one of my best Sweet No, I've eaten
all my daughter's Easter chocolate that remained from the other way.
It's God, she doesn't know that yet, she'll know that soon. Look,
as we all know. With a threat, if you make
a threat to take something away if they don't.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Do what you need, like an iPad, yes you have.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
To, Well my daughter doesn't have an ipada. Goodness screen free. No,
not so screen free as you'll hear. If you make
a threat, you need to follow through. And this week
I stuffed up with the parameters of the threat. My
daughter wasn't getting ready for school. I need her to
get ready for school so I can get on the
train to get to work. We're trying to rush her.
(02:35):
There's no rushing her. Doesn't understand what time is.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
She doesn't respect that you're busy.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
No trying the lovely encouraging, tried the fun and games.
Nothing was working. Got to the point where it was
so frustrated that I said, if you don't just put
your pants on, you will never watch Pepper Pig again.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Why would you do that?
Speaker 1 (02:53):
It was the most extreme thing I could think of
that would bother her, like might snap her into action.
As the words ever again came.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Out of my mouth, not this week, week, that's I
would have run with that.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
That's what I should have done. As my eyes connected
with my husbands, he looked back at me, like.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
What are you doing?
Speaker 1 (03:13):
You know that this isn't going to work, and you
have now made a threat that you will have to
follow everyone. She did not listen. The pants did not
go on. After that command, she didn't care. That shows
how afraid of me she is, which is zilch. But
I had to then commit to that. So I rang
the grandparents and said, guys, no pepper Pig. If she
(03:35):
comes to your house she asked for pepper Pick, she
will tell you it's fine. It's not fine. She can't
watch any ever again.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
The thing that's coming up for me is punishment and
fitting of crime, because now your parents there's more collateral damage.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
My dad is very upset with this decision, because my
dad actually quite enjoys watching pepper Pick with my daughter.
My argument is, there's a million other better shows that
you can be watching. Bluey Great watch Blue Watch Miss Rachel.
There's so many more educational programs she can be watching that.
Aren't that bratty little.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
Pig still punishment fitting of crime.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yes, look, it was a big extreme, but she wasn't
bothered by it at all. She has asked a few
times if it can go back on, and I've had
to stick with it. But it didn't work.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
That's a big fail because it's actually just more headache
for you.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yeah, look, no it's not. We're broadening our viewing horizons.
She doesn't need a little British accent when we're Australian
and it was veering into that territory. So really, I've
done us all a favor. Stick with blueye and what's
your fail this week?
Speaker 2 (04:41):
So my oldest son, he got bolstered up into a
higher division, like the highest division of afloty team for
his age. Very impressive, but now the stakes are higher.
So not only is their training in training time, but
they're expected to go for runs on my time.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
I know cardio voluntary cardio.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Yes, And seeing as he'd been in sort of holiday
mode and he was a bit tired, it was a
real struggle to get him to go for a run.
Bribed him by letting him wear my brand new sneakers
that the same size is just yes, that I hadn't
even worn. So that was one thing. And I said,
I'll ride the bike next to you, your brother can
(05:21):
scoot and you can run, and that will be how
will all do this five kilometer run?
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Cute community right encouragement.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
So got out the door. The bike chain wouldn't work,
so I couldn't get the bike working. He was like,
why don't you just run with me? I was wearing
not a supportive enough bra A and B. I don't
think I can currently run five kilometers, so that was
going to be too hard. So I ended up scooting
with my ten year old son. But what I didn't
realize is that scooting is actually really hard. Ye like
(05:50):
a razor blade two will scooter.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Like a kid's one, So you're then lean over as.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Well, and it goes really fast and it's bumps and
it's scary. So I think we got to one kilometer. Okay, okay,
so that's bad, but that's okay. He did some running, yes,
at least he did some cardios and then I got
before I've heard now that he's at his dad's house.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
He's doing the full five k's and doing very well.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Oh there you go. He just needed a proper support.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Ye as fit as him.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
So maybe you and I need to go for a
run after this week and start training. So this show
does not exist without your guilty confessions, So please leave
us a voice note if you want full anonymity. See
I took one for the team for you this week
and I said the difficult word, or you can email us.
We take great pride and joy in reading them out.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
So it's not your voice it's ours, and thank you
to the people who continue to send us their confessions.
They are literally the highlight of our otherwise bleak existence.
They are, and you can have a look in the
show notes for all of your confession options.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
And on today's show, our mystery confessions that we have
not heard yet are called sugar crash. Something I know
very well pinata problems.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
They can be problematic.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Dangerous, yes, and gone fishing. Okay, So our first confession
sugar crash. My seven year old had a playdate with
the son of an impossibly perfect mom at the school.
Very organic everything, no screen time. Oh that's tough, she does,
sound in stuff. Tough date, We're with you. When she
(07:24):
dropped him off, she mentioned that he'd never had processed
sugar and please respect those values.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Seven years.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
That's impressive, so she says. Two hours later, while I
was on an unexpected work call, the kids discovered my
secret chocolate stash behind the rice cooker and devoured everything.
Oh no ah. When she arrived for pickup and saw
her sugar high child literally bouncing off the walls with
chocolate smeared all over his face, I panicked and blamed
(07:55):
her son. Oh, I said, he taught my child to
climb up in the pantry. They got into my backing supplie.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
I was in, like Coco, I was in like I
wouldn't have chocolate.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
I wouldn't have here for an emergency baking situation. Yes,
so she says, So she lied and said that, and
she she apologized profusely and left quickly with her son. Oh,
my son now has extra dessert privileges for maintaining our blood.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Oath of silence. Wow, the irony is her son has
requested three more play dates at our house since then.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Well, you would it's the sugar house.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
It's not baby's first sugar at seven year old's first sugar.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
That's a long time.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Most kids are hyperactive on sugar at the best of times.
But imagine if you're.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Never having time. There's a lot to unpack here.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
How this individual has survived seven years of life on
Earth birthday parties and what seven they're at school?
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Yeah, cucake day. Yeah, icy poles? Never had one?
Speaker 3 (09:03):
Oh, that's sad.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Organic everything that's healthy. He I mean, it's yeah, very healthy.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Halloween. What do they do collect grapes?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
You know, Like there's just there's so many fundamental rituals
that this individual human has missed out on.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Not anymore.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
He's got the good taste for it.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
He got some chocolate stash and can you imagine those
little boys faces when they found that chocolate. Look, they
would have been so excited.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
I just don't think that they needed the additional lie
of blaming the sugar free child. That's unnecessary. They could
have just been like, you know what, their kids. I
was on a work call and they broke in, and
I'm really sorry they're not.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
I love it. I love the double down because you
know what she would have instantly seen rushing through her head,
public humiliation that this perfect mum was going to start
yap yap, yapping at the gates and telling all the
other parents, well, I'd made it seven years. I'd got
through the Halloweens and the Christmases and the birthday parties
and all at talk was one play at this mom's
(10:10):
house to undo all of that.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
I think she'll still be doing that.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
No, but now she's covered it with that child's bad behavior,
or as she was led to believe her child's bad behavior.
So now it's like she's blackmailed her essentially into not
saying anything about what happened, because really her child was
the one that was a bad influence on this woman's child.
I a case, judge, goodbye.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
We're not completely aligned on this, No we're not.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
She's controversial someone like us, all right, So what are
you going to score it.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
It's a big opportunity for embarrassment when this happened, that
this could have gotten around the school.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
It's a pretty big deal. Seven years.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Yeah, it's very impressive that she made it that far
and you've let that slide. So I do see why
you panicked. I see why you had to cover the
lie and say, well, it was your child who was
a bad influence climbing my pantry. Her kid is now
getting double dessert to keep his mouth.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Just don't know if I'm comfortable with someone being rewarded
for lying.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
I'm alright with it.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I actually think it's hilarious.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
I'm feeling hilarious, which is funny for us because I'm
more of the type a rule follower. In this combo,
you're more fast and loose.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
But you know what, it always comes back to people.
You know what words she's going to say. If you've
listened to.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
This podcast for a while, authenticity. That's right.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
So I am going to reward you nine secret chocolates
out of ten.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
It is really bad the rules of the rules.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Yes, it's going to get a high score because it's
really bad. There's a lot of badness, a lot of lies.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Stop saying it's bad. It's fun.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
So I'm going to reward nine point five blocks of Stevia,
which is for those playing at home, a sugar substitute.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
You should be rewarding them nine point five sad little grapes.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
All right.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Confession number two pinata problems. I ordered a pinata for
my four year old's birthday party. As several people told me,
kids love them.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
They're very annoying.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
The party was great and the kids hit the pinata
with gusto, but when it broke open, there was a
dead silence.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
I was like, where are the sweets? Where are the lollies?
Where's the sugar topical? I had no idea.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
I was the one who needed to feel the bloody
thing the kids. So I've actually heard like a friend
of mine this happened to It was the son's birthday
and the same thing happened.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
They didn't know that yet. To put the little loise in.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
But the favorite part of my story is that they
her and her husband ran in with handfuls of lollies
and started throwing them in.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
The air wild Bird's Child.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
Which is one of my favorite visions and stories.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
I was about to say, well, that's what you would
have had to do in this scenario is just act
fast and start throwing cupcakes or lollies.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
From like their pigeons. Yeah, how did.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
They not feel that this was okay? Maybe you don't,
you do you.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Would just do shake shakes. It's feeling a bit live,
not hearing any rattles. No, clearly not that's okay. Maybe
they thought it was full of marshmow We all make mistakes.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
The lights and silence would have been palpable like nothing
anoise a kid more than thinking they're about to get
a tree.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Yes, and they've gone all that effort to maim that thing.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
They had to smash it open, and no reward.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Oh I think it's silly. I don't think it's bad parenting.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
No, you've just made a mistake.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
So I'm only going to give it to marshmallows out
of ten because you would assume that they would have
thought it was full of marshmallows, given that marshmallows are
quite silent.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Yes, yeah, look I think that this is pretty harmless.
So I'm giving you three little snakes out of ten
for the public embarrassment in front of the kids and
probably a few.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Adults four year olds. That's not dropping. Go No, that
adds to the shame. Yeah, that's true, witnesses.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Yes to your idiocy.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
I'm going to tell my friend you said that he's
also done it.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Oh no, okay, three out of ten and our last
confession so gone. Fish And so, my three year old
daughter asked me to turn her into a fish. Being
a fantasy loving mum, I picked up my wooden spoon,
waved it over her head like a magic wand, and
(14:50):
said you are now a fish. She ran along to play,
and soon after the house went completely quiet. That's when
you know they're doing something that. Yes, I went looking
for her, and lo and behold, I found her completely
naked and attempting to climb into our almost two hundred
liters fish tank with walk filling everywhere.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Wow. Wow, okay, just let's circle back. This is not
bad parenting.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
She produced magic, She was creative, She had a wand
there was props. Yep, this is encouraging of creativity, which
you know any sort of parent expert would say is
great parenting.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
And solo play like gold be a fish now.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Used your imagination, yes, imaginary wars, imaginary fish land and
sea mermaid tendencies.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
And also a good parent for picking up the number
one rule that when they go silent, yes, something bad
is happening, something naughty is happening.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
A drawing on the walls is never golden.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
They are sticking their hand down the toilet, and you
stopped your child from jumping into a two hundred liter
fish tank.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
I didn't even know what two hundred liter tank would
look like. Would they fit in it?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
We'll think of the two liters milk, and this is
two hundred.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
That's quite big.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
It's massive.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
How did they get up there?
Speaker 1 (16:16):
And if out of water, that would have come out
once this child's body will hope that this three year
old could swim if it had gotten to that. But
thank god you got there.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
When you're splashing at this point, yes.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
You would have heard the fish flopping, the actual fish
flopping on the ground of your kitchen.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I do like this the sound of this kid the
commitment to the fish, you're getting naked.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
I appreciate method. It was very method acting.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
So I think this is a really brilliant creative genius
in the making. Yep, you're raising a prodigy winning an oscar. Yes, yeah,
I love it. Look, it could have been very bad, Yes,
very bad, but it wasn't. You got there before that happened.
And I would also probably suggest implementing some sort of
(17:03):
system where they can't take the lid off the tank
for future reference.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Well, it says attempting to climb hope that it was closed.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
There was flashing, so there was some access to the water.
That's true, so that is good.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
We need to.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Rectify that with safety, thank you. Yes, yes, but otherwise
no harm done. You've been a fabulous creative parent. Maybe
just tell them not to take it so, like Daniel
day Lewis, next time, like don't go so method with
the role play.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Or you could do like a supervised bath, take them
to the beach. Yeah, there's a few good that don't
involve the fish tank, which is gross. You know how
they smell and they're slimy, yuck. So what are we
rating this one? Then? Well, we have to go by
the lens of not being a good parent. And when
(17:56):
we compare this to say you doing a lifelong ban
on paper pig or me not being able to run
with my son who needs encouragement, that's bad. This person
is being creative and can spells with props. It's brilliant. Yeah,
I wish I was this good at my parenting job.
(18:17):
So they have to actually be scored even lower than
the pinata.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Because I'm giving you one goldfish out of ten.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Yeah, but well done.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
It scoring so low.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
And I'm giving you one Academy Award Oscar out of
ten because that is the future of your genius creative child.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
So then circling back to.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
The three, today we had sugar crash and this was
the web of lies.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
This is the clear winner this week, be coubling down
on the lie.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
The pinana was just a bit silly.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Yeah yeah, harmless fish tank, harmless.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Great parenting in that instance. Creative geniuses all round. But
in terms of the scientific system, although do you reckon
they're worse than the pepper pinck No, then they're actually
the winner out of all three of us. That's how
you can really do that lens like we should really
put ours in.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
There, and we're in the running to be the worst.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Yes, like the time where my thirteen year old asked
if I was right to drive?
Speaker 3 (19:17):
That's right. I would have won that week.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
You should have won that week.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
So that's a new thing we're going to implement.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Well this week, Sugar Crash, you are the winner. Yes,
well done.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
Weber flies terrible and that brings.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Us to the end of this week's parents Anonymous but
Anelys will be back on Monday for another episode of
This Glorious Mess and if you've.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Got a confession, we'd love to hear it. Please send
us your secret shame. All the details are in the
show notes. And a very special new podcast reco for
anyone who's pregnant or thinking about being pregnant, Hello Bump.
It's hosted by the former This Glorious Mess producer Grace Rubray,
who is pregnant currently, and also Yana Pittman, who's a
(19:56):
mum of six and training obstetrician, and they walk you
through pregnancy week by week, from peeing on the stick
to understanding all the changes in your body and the
growing baby. It's pregnancy real talk, and we think that
you'll love it. Share with your friends.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
Highly highly recommended, and will put a link in the
show notes.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
See you later.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
Hi,
You're listening to a MoMA Mea podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded on.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Welcome to this glorious mess. I'm Analse Todd.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
I'm a single parent to one teen one tween aged sons,
and as I sit here today in the studio, I
am wearing ug boots.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Fears for anals. In the ug boots, he's trying to
meet them cool people.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
I'm not trying, i am, but fears, thoughts and prayers.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Yes, yes, we're very concerned to you. And I'm Stacey Hicks.
I'm the deputy editor here at Mamma Mea and I
might be wearing a blazer, but I'm hanging by threat.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
But when you wear a blazer, you just look put together.
That's right, fashion rule.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Well, the weird thing is you're also wearing a blazer
that's teemed with the ugs.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
That's why I'm pulling it off. It looks intentional, okay
if you say so. Yes, Welcome back to Parents Anonymous,
where each week you share your worst parenting moments for
everyone else's entertainment, especially ours.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yes, we love it so much. We love hearing that
you're all stuffing up as much as us when it
comes to parenting. And just in case you needed more
incentive to confess, the worse your confessions are, the higher
will rate you so you'll feel better too, And extra
points for public shame.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
We do appreciate public shame.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
We're really coming off well with this intro, aren't we.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
We are judging each other, judging these people before they've
even regard but so that we don't come off as
so judging judge, judge, judge face.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
In each episode we actually kick off by sharing one
of our little mini confessions of the week of where
we have failed as humans as parents, and I would
like to hear yours this week.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Look, I had a laundry list to choose from this week,
say not one of my best Sweet No, I've eaten
all my daughter's Easter chocolate that remained from the other way.
It's God, she doesn't know that yet, she'll know that soon. Look,
as we all know. With a threat, if you make
a threat to take something away if they don't.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Do what you need, like an iPad, yes you have.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
To, Well my daughter doesn't have an ipada. Goodness screen free. No,
not so screen free as you'll hear. If you make
a threat, you need to follow through. And this week
I stuffed up with the parameters of the threat. My
daughter wasn't getting ready for school. I need her to
get ready for school so I can get on the
train to get to work. We're trying to rush her.
(02:35):
There's no rushing her. Doesn't understand what time is.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
She doesn't respect that you're busy.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
No trying the lovely encouraging, tried the fun and games.
Nothing was working. Got to the point where it was
so frustrated that I said, if you don't just put
your pants on, you will never watch Pepper Pig again.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Why would you do that?
Speaker 1 (02:53):
It was the most extreme thing I could think of
that would bother her, like might snap her into action.
As the words ever again came.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Out of my mouth, not this week, week, that's I
would have run with that.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
That's what I should have done. As my eyes connected
with my husbands, he looked back at me, like.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
What are you doing?
Speaker 1 (03:13):
You know that this isn't going to work, and you
have now made a threat that you will have to
follow everyone. She did not listen. The pants did not
go on. After that command, she didn't care. That shows
how afraid of me she is, which is zilch. But
I had to then commit to that. So I rang
the grandparents and said, guys, no pepper Pig. If she
(03:35):
comes to your house she asked for pepper Pick, she
will tell you it's fine. It's not fine. She can't
watch any ever again.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
The thing that's coming up for me is punishment and
fitting of crime, because now your parents there's more collateral damage.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
My dad is very upset with this decision, because my
dad actually quite enjoys watching pepper Pick with my daughter.
My argument is, there's a million other better shows that
you can be watching. Bluey Great watch Blue Watch Miss Rachel.
There's so many more educational programs she can be watching that.
Aren't that bratty little.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
Pig still punishment fitting of crime.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yes, look, it was a big extreme, but she wasn't
bothered by it at all. She has asked a few
times if it can go back on, and I've had
to stick with it. But it didn't work.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
That's a big fail because it's actually just more headache
for you.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yeah, look, no it's not. We're broadening our viewing horizons.
She doesn't need a little British accent when we're Australian
and it was veering into that territory. So really, I've
done us all a favor. Stick with blueye and what's
your fail this week?
Speaker 2 (04:41):
So my oldest son, he got bolstered up into a
higher division, like the highest division of afloty team for
his age. Very impressive, but now the stakes are higher.
So not only is their training in training time, but
they're expected to go for runs on my time.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
I know cardio voluntary cardio.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Yes, And seeing as he'd been in sort of holiday
mode and he was a bit tired, it was a
real struggle to get him to go for a run.
Bribed him by letting him wear my brand new sneakers
that the same size is just yes, that I hadn't
even worn. So that was one thing. And I said,
I'll ride the bike next to you, your brother can
(05:21):
scoot and you can run, and that will be how
will all do this five kilometer run?
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Cute community right encouragement.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
So got out the door. The bike chain wouldn't work,
so I couldn't get the bike working. He was like,
why don't you just run with me? I was wearing
not a supportive enough bra A and B. I don't
think I can currently run five kilometers, so that was
going to be too hard. So I ended up scooting
with my ten year old son. But what I didn't
realize is that scooting is actually really hard. Ye like
(05:50):
a razor blade two will scooter.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Like a kid's one, So you're then lean over as.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Well, and it goes really fast and it's bumps and
it's scary. So I think we got to one kilometer. Okay, okay,
so that's bad, but that's okay. He did some running, yes,
at least he did some cardios and then I got
before I've heard now that he's at his dad's house.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
He's doing the full five k's and doing very well.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Oh there you go. He just needed a proper support.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Ye as fit as him.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
So maybe you and I need to go for a
run after this week and start training. So this show
does not exist without your guilty confessions, So please leave
us a voice note if you want full anonymity. See
I took one for the team for you this week
and I said the difficult word, or you can email us.
We take great pride and joy in reading them out.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
So it's not your voice it's ours, and thank you
to the people who continue to send us their confessions.
They are literally the highlight of our otherwise bleak existence.
They are, and you can have a look in the
show notes for all of your confession options.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
And on today's show, our mystery confessions that we have
not heard yet are called sugar crash. Something I know
very well pinata problems.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
They can be problematic.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Dangerous, yes, and gone fishing. Okay, So our first confession
sugar crash. My seven year old had a playdate with
the son of an impossibly perfect mom at the school.
Very organic everything, no screen time. Oh that's tough, she does,
sound in stuff. Tough date, We're with you. When she
(07:24):
dropped him off, she mentioned that he'd never had processed
sugar and please respect those values.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Seven years.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
That's impressive, so she says. Two hours later, while I
was on an unexpected work call, the kids discovered my
secret chocolate stash behind the rice cooker and devoured everything.
Oh no ah. When she arrived for pickup and saw
her sugar high child literally bouncing off the walls with
chocolate smeared all over his face, I panicked and blamed
(07:55):
her son. Oh, I said, he taught my child to
climb up in the pantry. They got into my backing supplie.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
I was in, like Coco, I was in like I
wouldn't have chocolate.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
I wouldn't have here for an emergency baking situation. Yes,
so she says, So she lied and said that, and
she she apologized profusely and left quickly with her son. Oh,
my son now has extra dessert privileges for maintaining our blood.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Oath of silence. Wow, the irony is her son has
requested three more play dates at our house since then.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Well, you would it's the sugar house.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
It's not baby's first sugar at seven year old's first sugar.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
That's a long time.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Most kids are hyperactive on sugar at the best of times.
But imagine if you're.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Never having time. There's a lot to unpack here.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
How this individual has survived seven years of life on
Earth birthday parties and what seven they're at school?
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Yeah, cucake day. Yeah, icy poles? Never had one?
Speaker 3 (09:03):
Oh, that's sad.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Organic everything that's healthy. He I mean, it's yeah, very healthy.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Halloween. What do they do collect grapes?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
You know, Like there's just there's so many fundamental rituals
that this individual human has missed out on.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Not anymore.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
He's got the good taste for it.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
He got some chocolate stash and can you imagine those
little boys faces when they found that chocolate. Look, they
would have been so excited.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
I just don't think that they needed the additional lie
of blaming the sugar free child. That's unnecessary. They could
have just been like, you know what, their kids. I
was on a work call and they broke in, and
I'm really sorry they're not.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
I love it. I love the double down because you
know what she would have instantly seen rushing through her head,
public humiliation that this perfect mum was going to start
yap yap, yapping at the gates and telling all the
other parents, well, I'd made it seven years. I'd got
through the Halloweens and the Christmases and the birthday parties
and all at talk was one play at this mom's
(10:10):
house to undo all of that.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
I think she'll still be doing that.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
No, but now she's covered it with that child's bad behavior,
or as she was led to believe her child's bad behavior.
So now it's like she's blackmailed her essentially into not
saying anything about what happened, because really her child was
the one that was a bad influence on this woman's child.
I a case, judge, goodbye.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
We're not completely aligned on this, No we're not.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
She's controversial someone like us, all right, So what are
you going to score it.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
It's a big opportunity for embarrassment when this happened, that
this could have gotten around the school.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
It's a pretty big deal. Seven years.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Yeah, it's very impressive that she made it that far
and you've let that slide. So I do see why
you panicked. I see why you had to cover the
lie and say, well, it was your child who was
a bad influence climbing my pantry. Her kid is now
getting double dessert to keep his mouth.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Just don't know if I'm comfortable with someone being rewarded
for lying.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
I'm alright with it.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I actually think it's hilarious.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
I'm feeling hilarious, which is funny for us because I'm
more of the type a rule follower. In this combo,
you're more fast and loose.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
But you know what, it always comes back to people.
You know what words she's going to say. If you've
listened to.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
This podcast for a while, authenticity. That's right.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
So I am going to reward you nine secret chocolates
out of ten.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
It is really bad the rules of the rules.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Yes, it's going to get a high score because it's
really bad. There's a lot of badness, a lot of lies.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Stop saying it's bad. It's fun.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
So I'm going to reward nine point five blocks of Stevia,
which is for those playing at home, a sugar substitute.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
You should be rewarding them nine point five sad little grapes.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
All right.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Confession number two pinata problems. I ordered a pinata for
my four year old's birthday party. As several people told me,
kids love them.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
They're very annoying.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
The party was great and the kids hit the pinata
with gusto, but when it broke open, there was a
dead silence.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
I was like, where are the sweets? Where are the lollies?
Where's the sugar topical? I had no idea.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
I was the one who needed to feel the bloody
thing the kids. So I've actually heard like a friend
of mine this happened to It was the son's birthday
and the same thing happened.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
They didn't know that yet. To put the little loise in.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
But the favorite part of my story is that they
her and her husband ran in with handfuls of lollies
and started throwing them in.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
The air wild Bird's Child.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
Which is one of my favorite visions and stories.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
I was about to say, well, that's what you would
have had to do in this scenario is just act
fast and start throwing cupcakes or lollies.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
From like their pigeons. Yeah, how did.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
They not feel that this was okay? Maybe you don't,
you do you.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Would just do shake shakes. It's feeling a bit live,
not hearing any rattles. No, clearly not that's okay. Maybe
they thought it was full of marshmow We all make mistakes.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
The lights and silence would have been palpable like nothing
anoise a kid more than thinking they're about to get
a tree.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Yes, and they've gone all that effort to maim that thing.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
They had to smash it open, and no reward.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Oh I think it's silly. I don't think it's bad parenting.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
No, you've just made a mistake.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
So I'm only going to give it to marshmallows out
of ten because you would assume that they would have
thought it was full of marshmallows, given that marshmallows are
quite silent.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Yes, yeah, look I think that this is pretty harmless.
So I'm giving you three little snakes out of ten
for the public embarrassment in front of the kids and
probably a few.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Adults four year olds. That's not dropping. Go No, that
adds to the shame. Yeah, that's true, witnesses.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Yes to your idiocy.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
I'm going to tell my friend you said that he's
also done it.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Oh no, okay, three out of ten and our last
confession so gone. Fish And so, my three year old
daughter asked me to turn her into a fish. Being
a fantasy loving mum, I picked up my wooden spoon,
waved it over her head like a magic wand, and
(14:50):
said you are now a fish. She ran along to play,
and soon after the house went completely quiet. That's when
you know they're doing something that. Yes, I went looking
for her, and lo and behold, I found her completely
naked and attempting to climb into our almost two hundred
liters fish tank with walk filling everywhere.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Wow. Wow, okay, just let's circle back. This is not
bad parenting.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
She produced magic, She was creative, She had a wand
there was props. Yep, this is encouraging of creativity, which
you know any sort of parent expert would say is
great parenting.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
And solo play like gold be a fish now.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Used your imagination, yes, imaginary wars, imaginary fish land and
sea mermaid tendencies.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
And also a good parent for picking up the number
one rule that when they go silent, yes, something bad
is happening, something naughty is happening.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
A drawing on the walls is never golden.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
They are sticking their hand down the toilet, and you
stopped your child from jumping into a two hundred liter
fish tank.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
I didn't even know what two hundred liter tank would
look like. Would they fit in it?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
We'll think of the two liters milk, and this is
two hundred.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
That's quite big.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
It's massive.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
How did they get up there?
Speaker 1 (16:16):
And if out of water, that would have come out
once this child's body will hope that this three year
old could swim if it had gotten to that. But
thank god you got there.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
When you're splashing at this point, yes.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
You would have heard the fish flopping, the actual fish
flopping on the ground of your kitchen.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I do like this the sound of this kid the
commitment to the fish, you're getting naked.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
I appreciate method. It was very method acting.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
So I think this is a really brilliant creative genius
in the making. Yep, you're raising a prodigy winning an oscar. Yes, yeah,
I love it. Look, it could have been very bad, Yes,
very bad, but it wasn't. You got there before that happened.
And I would also probably suggest implementing some sort of
(17:03):
system where they can't take the lid off the tank
for future reference.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Well, it says attempting to climb hope that it was closed.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
There was flashing, so there was some access to the water.
That's true, so that is good.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
We need to.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Rectify that with safety, thank you. Yes, yes, but otherwise
no harm done. You've been a fabulous creative parent. Maybe
just tell them not to take it so, like Daniel
day Lewis, next time, like don't go so method with
the role play.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Or you could do like a supervised bath, take them
to the beach. Yeah, there's a few good that don't
involve the fish tank, which is gross. You know how
they smell and they're slimy, yuck. So what are we
rating this one? Then? Well, we have to go by
the lens of not being a good parent. And when
(17:56):
we compare this to say you doing a lifelong ban
on paper pig or me not being able to run
with my son who needs encouragement, that's bad. This person
is being creative and can spells with props. It's brilliant. Yeah,
I wish I was this good at my parenting job.
(18:17):
So they have to actually be scored even lower than
the pinata.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Because I'm giving you one goldfish out of ten.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Yeah, but well done.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
It scoring so low.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
And I'm giving you one Academy Award Oscar out of
ten because that is the future of your genius creative child.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
So then circling back to.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
The three, today we had sugar crash and this was
the web of lies.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
This is the clear winner this week, be coubling down
on the lie.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
The pinana was just a bit silly.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Yeah yeah, harmless fish tank, harmless.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Great parenting in that instance. Creative geniuses all round. But
in terms of the scientific system, although do you reckon
they're worse than the pepper pinck No, then they're actually
the winner out of all three of us. That's how
you can really do that lens like we should really
put ours in.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
There, and we're in the running to be the worst.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Yes, like the time where my thirteen year old asked
if I was right to drive?
Speaker 3 (19:17):
That's right. I would have won that week.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
You should have won that week.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
So that's a new thing we're going to implement.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Well this week, Sugar Crash, you are the winner. Yes,
well done.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
Weber flies terrible and that brings.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Us to the end of this week's parents Anonymous but
Anelys will be back on Monday for another episode of
This Glorious Mess and if you've.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Got a confession, we'd love to hear it. Please send
us your secret shame. All the details are in the
show notes. And a very special new podcast reco for
anyone who's pregnant or thinking about being pregnant, Hello Bump.
It's hosted by the former This Glorious Mess producer Grace Rubray,
who is pregnant currently, and also Yana Pittman, who's a
(19:56):
mum of six and training obstetrician, and they walk you
through pregnancy week by week, from peeing on the stick
to understanding all the changes in your body and the
growing baby. It's pregnancy real talk, and we think that
you'll love it. Share with your friends.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
Highly highly recommended, and will put a link in the
show notes.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
See you later.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
Hi,
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