February 5, 2025 • 18 mins
On today's show we hear from a creative mum who found an ingenious solution to tandem breast feeding (involving a juice popper!), discover how an innocent salsa ignited some unfortunate medical appointments, and meet the parent who's innovation cracked the code to sleeping in.
You can share your best worst parenting stories by leaving us a voice note, email us at tgm@mamamia.com.au or for super shame super anonymous you can pop them in this form.
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CREDITS:
Host: Annaliese Todd & Stacey Hicks
Producer: Thom Lion
Audio Producer: Lu Hill
Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
You're listening to a MoMA mea podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded on.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Welcome to this glorious mess. I'm Anlie Todd. I'm a
single mum and the soundtrack to my life is a
constant barrage of YouTube and snack.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Requests that sounds like my soundtrack. We course listening to
the same one. I'm a Stacey Hicks. I'm the deputy
editor at Mamma Maya, and I am one week into
having to make lunchboxes for my daughter for the first
time and I am over it. Welcome, Where do I unsubscribe?
Don't want to do it?
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Yes? If you could opt out of anything, oh, it
would be lunch.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Yes, she's only just turned four, this is prep I'm
not even years.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Thoughts press too soon. Welcome back to Parents Anonymous, your
safe space to confess all your worst parenting moments or
even just like inner thoughts. Yes, shameful thoughts and moments,
and will not only rate them, but we will make
you feel seen, heard and understood.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Yes, this is a safe space for you on Parents Anonymous,
so you share those embarrassing experiences or the thoughts that
you've had in your head, but you don't want to
tell all of your friends. You tell them to us,
give us the tea. Then the worse they are, the
more points you'll get from us. So really, there's no
losing the show, only wins.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
It's win win, and the worst parent you are the
bigger the points. Yes, yes, so really.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Why wouldn't you, Why wouldn't you tell us all the
terrible things you've thought and done?
Speaker 2 (01:50):
And it brings so much joy into our otherwise bleaking existences.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
So really does Look, we are a pair of hot messes,
so we enjoy hearing from other hot messes, so we
feel less.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Alone and better about ourselves. Absolutely, And in each episode,
so that we're not sitting on the top of our
judge mountain, we give you one of our mini confessions.
You are not alone.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Exactly where they're in the trenches with you. But we
really could not do ones that are as juicy as
the ones we get every single week, because quite frankly,
we would be investigated we were doing terrible things every
single week. We just do them. Occasionally, docks would be
at the door, they would they would all right, Stacy.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
What is your confession for the week. I cannot wait.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Look, we've been talking about micro pettiness in the office,
so the little things they were talking about it on
Mama me are out loud. The little things that you
do just to get your one up on someone, Yes,
like holding the door when someone's really far away, so
they have to do that little job to get a
bit closer for someone you don't like. So I confessed
to a few people in the office that my daughter
(02:56):
was annoying me, because they do when they're three turning four,
as they do. And I was making hard lunch. She
was winging at me, which is fine, that's my job
to make her lunch. But I cut her sandwich into
squares instead of triangles because I would annoy her.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Right, So she does not like square sandwich.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
No hates. She had been winging at me all day,
couldn't do anything right, And I went, well, as the
provider of your food, I'll show you. I'm going to
mess it up a little bit. And how did.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
This impact the winging of the data states?
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Yeah, Look, it was a short term win long term
not a smart plan because then she did winch about
it being a square and then I had to have
that battle, so look not smart.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Did you remake the sandwich?
Speaker 3 (03:40):
No?
Speaker 1 (03:40):
I did not. I did not make the sandwich. So
that I did not remake the sandwich. I may have
let her give up on the sandwich and given her
other snacks. Fine, as I said, micro pettiness.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I think it's pretty petty.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Now what was yours? What did you do?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
It's more an inner thought. Okay, it's not like I've done.
It's something I don't like doing, and it's an unpopular opinion.
And it's you're.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Not using your child's friends as your PA's Again.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
I know I've moved on from that. And unfortunately I
don't have underage pas available because the children are back
at school.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Yes, that's unfortunate. Just in case anyone missed that episode,
analyst did send a I want to say, fourteen twelve
year old to get her dry cleaning. If that's where
we're at, and they weren't my children.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
No, the kids are back at school, and I've had
time to process this transition, as have they. And what
I've realized is that I prefer school holidays.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Oh but that's quite nice.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
No, it's not about them. It's about because I don't
like life admin. As I've talked about on this glorious
mess before I mute the sports WhatsApp chats school admin
Stacy Hicks. When you get to this, you will need
to further reduce your actual work hours because you will
(04:58):
need more hours of your day to get through the
amount of emails notifications the school system like there is
constant comms and things that you need to add into
your diary and remember.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
But surely this is not a hot take. Surely no
one likes this. No, but from a few nicaus dotted around.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Not many people would say they prefer the lack of
routine of school holidays. That's true because it's like, well,
the kids are at school, that's done. Whereas when I
had them during the school holidays they're a bit older,
I could drop one at a friend's, leave the other
one at home. They would literally organize their own social
life a day.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I can't wait till I get to that point, and
it's delightful.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
And also you don't have to wake them up in
the morning. They sleep in and there's just not that
rigmarole and the daily grind. What's that movie with you know,
Groundhog Day?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Yeap?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Holidays is not Groundhog Day. It's free range, and it
suits my parenting style and my lack of ability of
managing a school schedule.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
I love that for you. To be honest, I think
you're just looking for an opportunity to gloat about how
easy you found school holidays because every other parent to
was done.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
And I brought this up to you and you went, no,
I love it, and I love it. It's great. I've
got shared custody. It wasn't, you know, big chunks at
a time. It was just I can work from home
a couple of days a week with my job, so
it was actually fine.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Yeah, well, I love that for you. Let's get into
some real confessions, shall we.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Then?
Speaker 2 (06:27):
All right, but you know what, this show doesn't exist
without your guilty confessions, So you can leave us a
voice note, and if you want to be fully anonymous,
you can email us and we will take great satisfaction
in reading them out and bringing the drama for you
on your behalf. You can just have a look in
the show notes for all the confession options.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yeah, and today we have three new confessions which we
have not heard yet. So they are called two bubbs,
one nipple, Right, starting off strong a medical emergency in
inverted commas and working hard or hardly working.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
All right, let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Go.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I have a newborn and a toddler. Oh lots of
breast yes, welcome to hell. My toddler is struggling with
his new family. Addition, when I'm breastfeeding, as he's just
been weaned off, he tries to climb on top of
me and get involved, and will then chuck a tantrum
that I won't breastfeed him too, which is fair enough.
(07:26):
After a few weeks of meltdown, this exhausted mum shoved
a juice popper in her bra Oh okay to fake breastfeed.
And that's while simultaneously feeding the newborn for real, Two birds,
one stone?
Speaker 1 (07:43):
What a genius feed? In engineering? Did this straw go
through the bra? Like? Are we talking at nipple height?
Speaker 2 (07:50):
What's that movie with Ben Steeler? He creates that little
breastfeeding contraption. Oh meat the fockers.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
I melted cat ones and there was this one little run.
I went in and just simply no until a little saucer.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
I had no idea you could milk a cat.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Oh yeah, you can milk anything with nipples.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
You can milk anything.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
But I think this is genius, Like she's figured out
a way to just make the firstborn happy and keep
her peace while she's feeding this new baby.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
I would argue that breast milk is healthier than juice.
I think I think the World Health Organization would agree.
Why wouldn't you just do both? I mean, she's feeding
a newborn on there.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Don't you remember that time you are literally like the cow.
You are so touched out by that baby being on
you twenty four or seven that you don't want another way.
She just got him off.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Yeah. True, I'm ten year she doesn't want.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
To be like John Farnham coming back one last time. La, Yes,
we didn't that happening.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Yes, I backtracked. I'm sorry, that was very judgmental.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
That was very judgmentally.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
I just thought, well, if you've got them there, like
why would you have to create the juice? And then
where does the straw come out? And the baby drive James.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Getting deprived of that milk. I think this is beautiful.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
And the tops on steak they don't need to Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Yeah, no, your time is done. That's the shop is
shut to you exclusively. This is bad at all.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
It's not bad. Do you know what it is? It's
not with a straw. It's one of those pop tops.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Surely more nipples like because the otherwise I was yeah,
because you've got to.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Like pursy lips into a little straw.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
But then, how are you getting the angle? Is what
I want to How is she like I feel like
she's having to gaffer tape this to her booth?
Speaker 2 (09:39):
No, that would hurt. I think it just rests because
you know, your breasts are very in gorgeo when you're
breastfeeding you, So I think it's just resting on the breast.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Okay, And she's got it like a shelf.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Yeah, like a little shelf.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
I don't know about yours. Mine did not get big
enough for them to be a shelf. Mine were measly.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
We're giant oblong football NRL balls even.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Oh god, so what are we rating it? Then?
Speaker 3 (10:03):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (10:03):
You go first? I need to think. I need to.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I think it's really clever. Like I know, I literally
change rating system from week to week and from second
to second. Sometimes I give you high points for thinking
of something genius like this, and sometimes you get really
low points because it's not that bad. And you haven't
been that terrible. I think this is great that you're
doing this, and therefore, if I'm sticking to my og
rating system, you should get a one out of ten
(10:27):
nips because it's so brilliant. So one nip out of ten.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
I'm flipping to the ingeniousness of this.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Yes, very clever.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
So I'm going to actually go the other way and
I'm going to give you nine nurl balls out of ten. Yes,
well done.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Okay, And our second confession today a medical emergency in commerce.
We've had these before, we have and they're always brilliant,
so I can't wait to trade this. My baby had
some red spots on her head for a couple of
days concerning concerning when you're a new mum.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Terrifying, terrible for the Instagram stories.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Yeah, I love that. That's where your mind went. First thought,
that was very reflective about personalities. You went straight to
esthetics and I went straight to pure paddock.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yes that sums u up.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
It really does, it really does. Okay, So my baby
had some red spots on her head for a couple
of days. I'm an anxious mom at the best of
times and very busy, so I alerted my husband and
asked him to take her to the pharmacy. They then
told him to see a doctor to check it out.
Oh yeah, they have to.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
The wait time at the doctor was two hours, which
is a nightmare managing a baby crawling everywhere. The doc
gave us a cream, but didn't actually touch the red
spots as he inspected her head. Plot twist, it was
actually dried hot salsa, Richard Hardened. I'm going to give
it some distance before I tell my hubby how much
(11:58):
time he wasted and my poor baby had her head
examined by two strangers for no reason. Oh I love it.
I love it.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Two hours in a wait room yep. So now for
hot sulfur hot salsa. But now that baby very likely
got actually sick from crawling around a doctor to house
because that is a germ festival. Yeah, a festival to germ. Yep,
that is like the worst place you could be. Yes,
(12:29):
a really crawling baby. You did the right thing, You
were being thorough. Look, you probably could have done with
just a teensy little scratch on the baby's head, just
to double check, or if you worried about scratch marks.
If we're just leaning into esthetics, A little wet flannel, yes,
cold baby wipes.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I'm way out of the baby face. I still use
baby wives everything. Yep. So maybe next time, just check
it first, just check, maybe do a sniff test, see
if it smells like Mexican food.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Sniff tests are very useful with children. They are not
so much adults.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
No no, no no, or even teenagers, just sweet little babies.
Keeping it from your husband smart. He'll see the funny
side soon. He probably wouldn't see it the week of,
but maybe next week.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Here's the thing, right, I feel like the husband is
going to be annoyed because that was a ball ach.
Then to not confess this straight away, and there's no
way in two weeks later she'd go, oh, by the way,
I forgot to tell you, like you'd really forgotten that.
And so I think that keeping it longer makes it
(13:36):
word delaying the inevitable. And then not only will he
be angry about the ball ache of the two hours,
but then of the lie, of the inauthenticity of the
situation and not revealing straight away what she discovered to
be hot source.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Look, what I would say is when you do confess
whether it's tomorrow, whether it's next week. Whether you take
this to your grave, make sure you film it.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Let us as a cautionary tale of the room being
a divorcee. I would probably recommend that that information is
delivered with some cold beer, gift some special cuddles.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
They never go astray. Absolutely throw in some special cuddles
and before you're welcome.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
I think they get a lot of points because it's wasted,
not only the husband's time, the chemist's time, the GP's time.
It's put a strain on our already at capacity overstrained health.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Soon, Oh my god, don't make it feel bad about that.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
On top of taken cream from someone who really needed it,
there might be a cream shortage.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
She's in a dramatic mood today. People, there is not
a topical cream shortage. I think it's okay.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
She didn't specify what the cream was. Look, I just
think there's a lot of people's time wasted. So I'm
going to give you eight baby wipes out of ten,
and the baby wipes is there as a friendly reminder
to next time. He's one.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
First, ye, look, the one thing that's missing from this
before I give my rating, we don't know who put
the saucer there who dropped the hot saucer on the
baby's head. I'm going to guess it's this gorgeous woman.
I agree, because I don't think it just got there
on its own self. No.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
And then also, how did she know that it was
hot sauce? Like, if it wasn't her, did she lick
it and go, oh, yep, that's hot sauce. It must
have been my neighbor Joe.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Look, we don't know, so I'm giving her nine corn
chips out of ten to dip in the little hot,
crusty sulfur.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
All right, bringing at home, it's the last confession of
the day, and it's working hard or hardly working. I've
begun some chore rituals with my five and six year
olds only five minutes here or there, to teach them
responsibility and that they are reticent at the best of times.
(15:59):
They're also both early risers, often waking me up at
five am. That's horrendous.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I relate.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
I feel this so lately I've been telling them that
we'll be doing their five minute chores first thing in
the morning. Oh and behold, they are playing quietly and
avoiding me until I'm well slept, Just to get out
of a little tidying. I'm thirty five, and this is
the biggest win of my life thus far. Oh round
(16:26):
of a purse.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Look, anything that prioritizes your sleep, yes, is a win
from me. I need to take notes.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
And also one little note is that she's retained authenticity.
She's not lying about the time. No, she's not, which
I have telling doesn't work any lies?
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Aren't Kids just so manipulative though, Like they just know, Okay,
she's going to make me pack up things as soon
as I wake up, So therefore I just have to
pretend I'm not awake, and then I won't have to
clean up the things.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
They're genius, the little masterminds. Everyone. We're doing this. We're
starting tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
I might implement this.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
You should, you should? It'd work a treat on teens.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
They won't come to you at all, no till midday. Yeah,
I might try this tomorrow leading into four. Start them young,
and can I get it to do?
Speaker 1 (17:16):
What do they hate at that age? Or just brushing
their brushing their teeth?
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Yeah, the first thing that you do is brush.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
She will just pretend she's asleep forever.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
And then that'll keep her in ment for tomorrowlse, I
would love it.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Okay, so this person is a genius. Do I now
go completely the opposite way on my rating system and
give this person top points or no points?
Speaker 2 (17:37):
What I'm feeling really torn. If we look back at
the juice box breastfeeding, we had the hot sauce rash.
This is I would say, the standout parent.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
It's the standout skill. Yes, but it's not the worst
confession because it's bloody brilliant, because it's just really good.
So from me you get zero out of ten, but
four being brilliant and I am going to do this immediately. Yeah, wow,
what about you?
Speaker 2 (18:07):
I'm going to land on far because the length of
the choor is five minutes. So for some reason, my
vibe is leading me to five like a Oiji board.
But really, out of the three scenarios, you are the
best person. Yes, you are a better human than us.
Yes you are ingenius.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Well done to you.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
So who's the winner of today?
Speaker 1 (18:29):
I feel like we're going off vibe. Our mission is
the worst confession, like as in the cheekiest thing.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Yeah, then in that case it has to be a
salcer head the rash salcer. Yeah, you win because that's terrible.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Yeah, free cornschips for life for you, bottomless corn.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Chips from us, and so much sorcer.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
And that brings us to the end of this week's
parents Anonymous but Aneles will be back on Monday for
another episode of This Glorious Man.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
And if you've got a confession, we would love to
hear it. Please see you later, See you next time.
You're listening to a MoMA mea podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded on.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Welcome to this glorious mess. I'm Anlie Todd. I'm a
single mum and the soundtrack to my life is a
constant barrage of YouTube and snack.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Requests that sounds like my soundtrack. We course listening to
the same one. I'm a Stacey Hicks. I'm the deputy
editor at Mamma Maya, and I am one week into
having to make lunchboxes for my daughter for the first
time and I am over it. Welcome, Where do I unsubscribe?
Don't want to do it?
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Yes? If you could opt out of anything, oh, it
would be lunch.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Yes, she's only just turned four, this is prep I'm
not even years.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Thoughts press too soon. Welcome back to Parents Anonymous, your
safe space to confess all your worst parenting moments or
even just like inner thoughts. Yes, shameful thoughts and moments,
and will not only rate them, but we will make
you feel seen, heard and understood.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Yes, this is a safe space for you on Parents Anonymous,
so you share those embarrassing experiences or the thoughts that
you've had in your head, but you don't want to
tell all of your friends. You tell them to us,
give us the tea. Then the worse they are, the
more points you'll get from us. So really, there's no
losing the show, only wins.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
It's win win, and the worst parent you are the
bigger the points. Yes, yes, so really.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Why wouldn't you, Why wouldn't you tell us all the
terrible things you've thought and done?
Speaker 2 (01:50):
And it brings so much joy into our otherwise bleaking existences.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
So really does Look, we are a pair of hot messes,
so we enjoy hearing from other hot messes, so we
feel less.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Alone and better about ourselves. Absolutely, And in each episode,
so that we're not sitting on the top of our
judge mountain, we give you one of our mini confessions.
You are not alone.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Exactly where they're in the trenches with you. But we
really could not do ones that are as juicy as
the ones we get every single week, because quite frankly,
we would be investigated we were doing terrible things every
single week. We just do them. Occasionally, docks would be
at the door, they would they would all right, Stacy.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
What is your confession for the week. I cannot wait.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Look, we've been talking about micro pettiness in the office,
so the little things they were talking about it on
Mama me are out loud. The little things that you
do just to get your one up on someone, Yes,
like holding the door when someone's really far away, so
they have to do that little job to get a
bit closer for someone you don't like. So I confessed
to a few people in the office that my daughter
(02:56):
was annoying me, because they do when they're three turning four,
as they do. And I was making hard lunch. She
was winging at me, which is fine, that's my job
to make her lunch. But I cut her sandwich into
squares instead of triangles because I would annoy her.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Right, So she does not like square sandwich.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
No hates. She had been winging at me all day,
couldn't do anything right, And I went, well, as the
provider of your food, I'll show you. I'm going to
mess it up a little bit. And how did.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
This impact the winging of the data states?
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Yeah, Look, it was a short term win long term
not a smart plan because then she did winch about
it being a square and then I had to have
that battle, so look not smart.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Did you remake the sandwich?
Speaker 3 (03:40):
No?
Speaker 1 (03:40):
I did not. I did not make the sandwich. So
that I did not remake the sandwich. I may have
let her give up on the sandwich and given her
other snacks. Fine, as I said, micro pettiness.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I think it's pretty petty.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Now what was yours? What did you do?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
It's more an inner thought. Okay, it's not like I've done.
It's something I don't like doing, and it's an unpopular opinion.
And it's you're.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Not using your child's friends as your PA's Again.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
I know I've moved on from that. And unfortunately I
don't have underage pas available because the children are back
at school.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Yes, that's unfortunate. Just in case anyone missed that episode,
analyst did send a I want to say, fourteen twelve
year old to get her dry cleaning. If that's where
we're at, and they weren't my children.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
No, the kids are back at school, and I've had
time to process this transition, as have they. And what
I've realized is that I prefer school holidays.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Oh but that's quite nice.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
No, it's not about them. It's about because I don't
like life admin. As I've talked about on this glorious
mess before I mute the sports WhatsApp chats school admin
Stacy Hicks. When you get to this, you will need
to further reduce your actual work hours because you will
(04:58):
need more hours of your day to get through the
amount of emails notifications the school system like there is
constant comms and things that you need to add into
your diary and remember.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
But surely this is not a hot take. Surely no
one likes this. No, but from a few nicaus dotted around.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Not many people would say they prefer the lack of
routine of school holidays. That's true because it's like, well,
the kids are at school, that's done. Whereas when I
had them during the school holidays they're a bit older,
I could drop one at a friend's, leave the other
one at home. They would literally organize their own social
life a day.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I can't wait till I get to that point, and
it's delightful.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
And also you don't have to wake them up in
the morning. They sleep in and there's just not that
rigmarole and the daily grind. What's that movie with you know,
Groundhog Day?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Yeap?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Holidays is not Groundhog Day. It's free range, and it
suits my parenting style and my lack of ability of
managing a school schedule.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
I love that for you. To be honest, I think
you're just looking for an opportunity to gloat about how
easy you found school holidays because every other parent to
was done.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
And I brought this up to you and you went, no,
I love it, and I love it. It's great. I've
got shared custody. It wasn't, you know, big chunks at
a time. It was just I can work from home
a couple of days a week with my job, so
it was actually fine.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Yeah, well, I love that for you. Let's get into
some real confessions, shall we.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Then?
Speaker 2 (06:27):
All right, but you know what, this show doesn't exist
without your guilty confessions, So you can leave us a
voice note, and if you want to be fully anonymous,
you can email us and we will take great satisfaction
in reading them out and bringing the drama for you
on your behalf. You can just have a look in
the show notes for all the confession options.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yeah, and today we have three new confessions which we
have not heard yet. So they are called two bubbs,
one nipple, Right, starting off strong a medical emergency in
inverted commas and working hard or hardly working.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
All right, let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Go.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I have a newborn and a toddler. Oh lots of
breast yes, welcome to hell. My toddler is struggling with
his new family. Addition, when I'm breastfeeding, as he's just
been weaned off, he tries to climb on top of
me and get involved, and will then chuck a tantrum
that I won't breastfeed him too, which is fair enough.
(07:26):
After a few weeks of meltdown, this exhausted mum shoved
a juice popper in her bra Oh okay to fake breastfeed.
And that's while simultaneously feeding the newborn for real, Two birds,
one stone?
Speaker 1 (07:43):
What a genius feed? In engineering? Did this straw go
through the bra? Like? Are we talking at nipple height?
Speaker 2 (07:50):
What's that movie with Ben Steeler? He creates that little
breastfeeding contraption. Oh meat the fockers.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
I melted cat ones and there was this one little run.
I went in and just simply no until a little saucer.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
I had no idea you could milk a cat.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Oh yeah, you can milk anything with nipples.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
You can milk anything.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
But I think this is genius, Like she's figured out
a way to just make the firstborn happy and keep
her peace while she's feeding this new baby.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
I would argue that breast milk is healthier than juice.
I think I think the World Health Organization would agree.
Why wouldn't you just do both? I mean, she's feeding
a newborn on there.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Don't you remember that time you are literally like the cow.
You are so touched out by that baby being on
you twenty four or seven that you don't want another way.
She just got him off.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Yeah. True, I'm ten year she doesn't want.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
To be like John Farnham coming back one last time. La, Yes,
we didn't that happening.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Yes, I backtracked. I'm sorry, that was very judgmental.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
That was very judgmentally.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
I just thought, well, if you've got them there, like
why would you have to create the juice? And then
where does the straw come out? And the baby drive James.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Getting deprived of that milk. I think this is beautiful.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
And the tops on steak they don't need to Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Yeah, no, your time is done. That's the shop is
shut to you exclusively. This is bad at all.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
It's not bad. Do you know what it is? It's
not with a straw. It's one of those pop tops.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Surely more nipples like because the otherwise I was yeah,
because you've got to.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Like pursy lips into a little straw.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
But then, how are you getting the angle? Is what
I want to How is she like I feel like
she's having to gaffer tape this to her booth?
Speaker 2 (09:39):
No, that would hurt. I think it just rests because
you know, your breasts are very in gorgeo when you're
breastfeeding you, So I think it's just resting on the breast.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Okay, And she's got it like a shelf.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Yeah, like a little shelf.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
I don't know about yours. Mine did not get big
enough for them to be a shelf. Mine were measly.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
We're giant oblong football NRL balls even.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Oh god, so what are we rating it? Then?
Speaker 3 (10:03):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (10:03):
You go first? I need to think. I need to.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I think it's really clever. Like I know, I literally
change rating system from week to week and from second
to second. Sometimes I give you high points for thinking
of something genius like this, and sometimes you get really
low points because it's not that bad. And you haven't
been that terrible. I think this is great that you're
doing this, and therefore, if I'm sticking to my og
rating system, you should get a one out of ten
(10:27):
nips because it's so brilliant. So one nip out of ten.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
I'm flipping to the ingeniousness of this.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Yes, very clever.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
So I'm going to actually go the other way and
I'm going to give you nine nurl balls out of ten. Yes,
well done.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Okay, And our second confession today a medical emergency in commerce.
We've had these before, we have and they're always brilliant,
so I can't wait to trade this. My baby had
some red spots on her head for a couple of
days concerning concerning when you're a new mum.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Terrifying, terrible for the Instagram stories.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Yeah, I love that. That's where your mind went. First thought,
that was very reflective about personalities. You went straight to
esthetics and I went straight to pure paddock.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yes that sums u up.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
It really does, it really does. Okay, So my baby
had some red spots on her head for a couple
of days. I'm an anxious mom at the best of
times and very busy, so I alerted my husband and
asked him to take her to the pharmacy. They then
told him to see a doctor to check it out.
Oh yeah, they have to.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
The wait time at the doctor was two hours, which
is a nightmare managing a baby crawling everywhere. The doc
gave us a cream, but didn't actually touch the red
spots as he inspected her head. Plot twist, it was
actually dried hot salsa, Richard Hardened. I'm going to give
it some distance before I tell my hubby how much
(11:58):
time he wasted and my poor baby had her head
examined by two strangers for no reason. Oh I love it.
I love it.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Two hours in a wait room yep. So now for
hot sulfur hot salsa. But now that baby very likely
got actually sick from crawling around a doctor to house
because that is a germ festival. Yeah, a festival to germ. Yep,
that is like the worst place you could be. Yes,
(12:29):
a really crawling baby. You did the right thing, You
were being thorough. Look, you probably could have done with
just a teensy little scratch on the baby's head, just
to double check, or if you worried about scratch marks.
If we're just leaning into esthetics, A little wet flannel, yes,
cold baby wipes.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I'm way out of the baby face. I still use
baby wives everything. Yep. So maybe next time, just check
it first, just check, maybe do a sniff test, see
if it smells like Mexican food.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Sniff tests are very useful with children. They are not
so much adults.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
No no, no no, or even teenagers, just sweet little babies.
Keeping it from your husband smart. He'll see the funny
side soon. He probably wouldn't see it the week of,
but maybe next week.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Here's the thing, right, I feel like the husband is
going to be annoyed because that was a ball ach.
Then to not confess this straight away, and there's no
way in two weeks later she'd go, oh, by the way,
I forgot to tell you, like you'd really forgotten that.
And so I think that keeping it longer makes it
(13:36):
word delaying the inevitable. And then not only will he
be angry about the ball ache of the two hours,
but then of the lie, of the inauthenticity of the
situation and not revealing straight away what she discovered to
be hot source.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Look, what I would say is when you do confess
whether it's tomorrow, whether it's next week. Whether you take
this to your grave, make sure you film it.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Let us as a cautionary tale of the room being
a divorcee. I would probably recommend that that information is
delivered with some cold beer, gift some special cuddles.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
They never go astray. Absolutely throw in some special cuddles
and before you're welcome.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
I think they get a lot of points because it's wasted,
not only the husband's time, the chemist's time, the GP's time.
It's put a strain on our already at capacity overstrained health.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Soon, Oh my god, don't make it feel bad about that.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
On top of taken cream from someone who really needed it,
there might be a cream shortage.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
She's in a dramatic mood today. People, there is not
a topical cream shortage. I think it's okay.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
She didn't specify what the cream was. Look, I just
think there's a lot of people's time wasted. So I'm
going to give you eight baby wipes out of ten,
and the baby wipes is there as a friendly reminder
to next time. He's one.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
First, ye, look, the one thing that's missing from this
before I give my rating, we don't know who put
the saucer there who dropped the hot saucer on the
baby's head. I'm going to guess it's this gorgeous woman.
I agree, because I don't think it just got there
on its own self. No.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
And then also, how did she know that it was
hot sauce? Like, if it wasn't her, did she lick
it and go, oh, yep, that's hot sauce. It must
have been my neighbor Joe.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Look, we don't know, so I'm giving her nine corn
chips out of ten to dip in the little hot,
crusty sulfur.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
All right, bringing at home, it's the last confession of
the day, and it's working hard or hardly working. I've
begun some chore rituals with my five and six year
olds only five minutes here or there, to teach them
responsibility and that they are reticent at the best of times.
(15:59):
They're also both early risers, often waking me up at
five am. That's horrendous.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I relate.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
I feel this so lately I've been telling them that
we'll be doing their five minute chores first thing in
the morning. Oh and behold, they are playing quietly and
avoiding me until I'm well slept, Just to get out
of a little tidying. I'm thirty five, and this is
the biggest win of my life thus far. Oh round
(16:26):
of a purse.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Look, anything that prioritizes your sleep, yes, is a win
from me. I need to take notes.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
And also one little note is that she's retained authenticity.
She's not lying about the time. No, she's not, which
I have telling doesn't work any lies?
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Aren't Kids just so manipulative though, Like they just know, Okay,
she's going to make me pack up things as soon
as I wake up, So therefore I just have to
pretend I'm not awake, and then I won't have to
clean up the things.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
They're genius, the little masterminds. Everyone. We're doing this. We're
starting tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
I might implement this.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
You should, you should? It'd work a treat on teens.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
They won't come to you at all, no till midday. Yeah,
I might try this tomorrow leading into four. Start them young,
and can I get it to do?
Speaker 1 (17:16):
What do they hate at that age? Or just brushing
their brushing their teeth?
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Yeah, the first thing that you do is brush.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
She will just pretend she's asleep forever.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
And then that'll keep her in ment for tomorrowlse, I
would love it.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Okay, so this person is a genius. Do I now
go completely the opposite way on my rating system and
give this person top points or no points?
Speaker 2 (17:37):
What I'm feeling really torn. If we look back at
the juice box breastfeeding, we had the hot sauce rash.
This is I would say, the standout parent.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
It's the standout skill. Yes, but it's not the worst
confession because it's bloody brilliant, because it's just really good.
So from me you get zero out of ten, but
four being brilliant and I am going to do this immediately. Yeah, wow,
what about you?
Speaker 2 (18:07):
I'm going to land on far because the length of
the choor is five minutes. So for some reason, my
vibe is leading me to five like a Oiji board.
But really, out of the three scenarios, you are the
best person. Yes, you are a better human than us.
Yes you are ingenius.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Well done to you.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
So who's the winner of today?
Speaker 1 (18:29):
I feel like we're going off vibe. Our mission is
the worst confession, like as in the cheekiest thing.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Yeah, then in that case it has to be a
salcer head the rash salcer. Yeah, you win because that's terrible.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Yeah, free cornschips for life for you, bottomless corn.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Chips from us, and so much sorcer.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
And that brings us to the end of this week's
parents Anonymous but Aneles will be back on Monday for
another episode of This Glorious Man.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
And if you've got a confession, we would love to
hear it. Please see you later, See you next time.
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