May 14, 2025 • 23 mins
On today's show, one mum confesses to the heart-stopping moment she realised she'd driven halfway down the street without her toddler who was cheerfully waving goodbye from the window! We also hear from parents who were forced to hide in their own home when their daughter secretly invited her entire class to a birthday party they knew nothing about, and a mortified mum reveals how her toddler's public bathroom announcement at the checkout line has her doing all her shopping online forevermore!
Check out Hello Bump, a podcast about what you’re not expecting when you’re expecting.
THE END BITS
WIN $10k to use towards a cleaner*
Visit nestlebabyandme.com.au/pausethechores to enter!
*Promotion starts between 24/03/25 (AEDT) – 31/07/25 (AEST). AU residents 18+. Max 1 entry p/person. Draw: Unit 3/2 Cross St, Brookvale NSW 2100 at 10am AEST on 05/08/25. Prize: $10,000 transferred to winner’s bank account. Winner notified and published on nestle.com.au/productnews/winners by 12/8/25. Claim prize by 5pm AEDT on 12/11/25. Unclaimed prize draw occurs 13/11/25. Promoter: Nestle Australia Ltd. Full T&Cs at www.nestlebabyandme.com.au/pausethechores. Permit No's: ACT TP 25/00355 & SA T25/260.
Head here to get a yearly subscription for just $39. and use the code MONTHOFTGM
We’ve compiled all the best resources for new mums in a free newsletter. Join the mailing list.
Gift a Mamamia subscription: Head here to give the best stuff for women.
Tell us what you really think so we can give you more of what you really want. Fill out this survey and you’ll go in the running to win one of five $100 gift vouchers.
CREDITS:
Hosts: Annaliese Todd & Stacey Hicks
Producer: Tina Matolov
Audio Producer: Jacob Round
Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have r
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
You're listening to a Mamma Mia podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded on Parents Anonymous, Welcome to
this glorious mess. I'm Analyse Todd and I am a
non glorious mess.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Oh I sit here last, Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
I was wearing ug boots this week. I have a
giant red iron fiction pink eyes.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
No, it's calling it. It's stress. I okay.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
But what I've done to counteract and balance so I
look intentional is I have smeared some rouge on the
healthy eye, the non stressed eye. So I look like
I have pink blush and rouge on my eyeids.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
And I am Stacey Hicks. I'm the deputyator of Mamma Mia,
and I don't think we call it rouge anymore.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
But if you want to go with that, you go
with that blush, blush.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
A little bit of blush. Look, it is working now.
It looks like you got two big classes cract. We
welcome back to Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
On that note, so each week you share your worst
parenting moments for our entertainment.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Yeah, and we love getting comfort from the knowledge that
we are all hot messes together a parent Esses And
the best part of this podcast is that the worse
your confession is, the higher you'll score, so it's impossible
to lose.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Yes, and we always kick off with one of our
mini confessions of the week just so that you can
feel confident that you're not being judged by anyone who
is any better than you.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Arguably we are worse. We absolutely are. Don't you worry, friends,
we are worse than you. Yes, And today is a
bit of a bittersweet one is it's actually the last
ever Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
I mean ever, that's a strong statement. Yeah, last, just
now for now. Yeah, so watch this space to see
what we've been popping into your ears.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Soon. But we're going out with a bang. We have
some of the truly the most unhinged confessions yet on
this episode we just looked at them. They are nuts.
We love them so much and you will love them
so much. And what we thought.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
We'd do for our mini confession instead of coming up
with something new which would arguably not be as bad
as some of the ones that we've shared, Yes, in
the last I think we've been doing this a year. Yeah,
we thought we would go back into the archives and
think of the worst confession that we brought of our own.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Yes, and retell them. Yes. Oh look, I can't wait
to relivet this trauma again of mine. Mine will win nothing,
you say, well, trump what I did? I actually voluntarily
admitted on this show that in a week moment week
physically and mentally at the time, I had to resort
(03:02):
to using a nappy for myself, one of my daughter's
newborn nappies. I was far away from home, there was
no toilet sight. I had my newborn daughter sleeping in
the back, and with how hard it is to get
her to sleep, there was nothing, truly nothing that was
going to make me wake her and get her out
with me to go to the toilet. So I'm a
(03:23):
guyvied myself, you would say, an adult diaper out of
one of her newborn nappies, and it worked to treat.
Just in case anyone finds themselves in a similar position.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I feel like that's embarrassing for you, but it's not
necessarily a bad parenting moment.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
No, true, my daughter was none the wiser. Yeah, more
of a weak moment for me. It's pelvic floor weakness.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
If anyone was walking past and just watching someone put
a nappy in their plants, That's what I was.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Yeah, look, it was pretty quem. I was in tears
as I did it because I was aware that I
was really sinking to a new low, the lowest. I
was like, this, this is motherhood. Here I go. This
is what's happening, and what's yours? Which of the many
do you feel like is your worst parenting confession? Yeah,
it was difficult to to land on one narrow it down.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
I feel like it's got to be the one where
I confessed. Now, this was years ago, many years ago,
the children were younger. That Sunday night got a little
out of hand. We ended up having a family sleepover
at another friend's house.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Oh cute, it sounds very awesome.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
And then Monday morning arrived. I was a little worse
for wear hour.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
I couldn't face a school drop off or daycare drop
off or work. And this was pre Mumma Mia of course,
of course, so we all had a sick day, the
whole family. We just laid around watching TV and Uber
eatsing McDonald's.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
You know what, I remember you telling us about this
at the time, and me saying I'm taking a mental
note and I shall be doing this with my daughter
because I actually think this is probably, like, in a
weird way, a core memory for your kids of the
day that you let them stay home from school.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
It was like that movie Yesterday. Yeah, it would have
been the bed. They still talk about it. But the
worst thing was when I remember we sort of drove
back up and we lived quite close to the school,
and all the kids and parents were doing the school run,
and then we were sitting in the car in our
pjs with machas and I was like.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Duck, duck, duck, and we were ducking in the current.
Could make a break because you know what, who was
the real winner? You guys, Yes, for sure, for sure.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
But if you really sort of peeled it back to
poor parenting, Yeah, look, it's not your funn it's things
that led up to that decision and how we arrived
there and the consequence of missing out on education because
we borrowed fun.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Yeah that's a good, bad confession. Yeah, look, I think
it's fine line from me. And on today's show, our
mystery confessions are called the Forgotten Child, the go fund Me,
birthday party, and choc Block. Oh Okay, so let's get
into them. Okay. So the first confession is called the
(06:17):
forgotten Child. So it says when I was heavily pregnant
with my third child, I was having one of those mornings.
My four year old choked on breakfast, then had a
coughing fit and vomited everywhere. My husband had just left
for a work trip, and my eighteen month old was
driving me nuts, so I gave her my phone to
go and watch in the corner. Yes, fair, this does
(06:37):
sound like a rough morning. As I rushed out the
door to take the kids to school. En route to work,
I looked up and saw my eighteen month old waving
sweetly to me from our bay window. I cheerily waved
back while reversing down the driveway. It was only when
I got halfway down the street I realized I'd forgotten
said child. Despite all of this, we made it to
(06:58):
daycare and work on time. So she saw.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
The child through the window, Yes, oh, she thought, the
husband stood.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
She just can you remember what being pregnant was like?
You feel like your brain is mashed potato, Like you
cannot function, You can't remember how you got anywhere. You
can barely manage to get yourself dressed. Imagine trying to
do that with two kids and growing a third. And
there was a lot of bodily fluid, and there was
vomit thrown in one hundred percent that she has just
(07:31):
not even realized. Waved back by trooping of the color. Yeah,
the royal moment. Yeah yeah, through the window so cute.
Yeah okay, and just left. Look. The thing that probably
would have twigged me first, which probably says a lot
about me. I would have realized I forgot my phone.
There's no way I would have been backing out that
(07:53):
driveway without my phone. That is always the first thing
I'd checked for. So I probably would have been alerted
by the absence of my phone as opposed to the
absence of the because you wouldn't leave without your phone, no,
no children, maybe phone absolutely not. Halfway down the streets.
F they could have like, that's a few minutes, No yeah,
(08:18):
down the street could be seconds. Really an eighteen month
of twenty four seven, they plod off and do things yeah, yeah, harmless,
no harm done. I wonder whether she told the husband.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Yes, I just thought. I wonder if there was a
little mini confession in the house.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah. Yeah, she might have downplayed it, been like, oh
I as soon as I saw her waving from the
window back and I went not I waved back and
kept leaving.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Or maybe she just told her girlfriends. Yeah, that could
have been something for the group chat.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Yeah yeah, oh look, that would have got so many likes.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Yeah, it would have gone to the group chat. Probably
not the husband, yeah, because then it might like plant
a seed of oh I'm not, you know, doing well.
You know, men don't get it. So that's just for
the group chat.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Yeah. Yeah, so what are we rating it?
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Oh? Look, this is not a terrible in if we
go back to my confession, this is nothing. My children
miss an entire day of education.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Because of my hangover. Yes, it's really.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
If we're kind of comparing it, it's now looking very mild.
I would say, like, I don't know, two embryos out
of ten pregnant, right, that was off.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
The I was like, where are the embryo is coming
from in this scenario? I genuinely could not make the connection.
I was like, where were the embryos in this story?
Speaker 2 (09:48):
To embryos out of ten? Two embryos out of ten?
Love it look because of the vomit. I'm giving you
four buckets out of ten. But it's fine, You're fine.
It was a few seconds funny.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Story compared to me cute little royal moment three eighteen
trooping and buckets are more relevant than embryos, I would argue. Yep,
all right.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Confession number two, go fund me birthday party. My daughter
was seven and had decided that for her eighth birthday
she wanted to go all out on the celebration. So,
without telling myself or her dad, she decided to invite
her whole class, or twenty eight of them, to our house.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
No thank you.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
She organized the whole thing, invitations and all Saturday morning
rolls around, and unbeknownst to us, the self starter party began.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Oh my god, I die. I can't think of anything worse.
People started rocking up on our door. We were in
our pj's and the house was in no safe for
company an entire class. Okay.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Luckily we have a long driveway, so when we saw
a car rolling up, our daughter started squealing people here
for my party. Oh the penny dropped. So we did
what any normal people would do. We hid and we
pretended we weren't Our daughter was pretty traumatized at the start,
(11:18):
explaining she had created the party and she wanted to
let them in, but she agreed to hide in silence.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
When I said she could choose anything at the toister.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
We had to send out a mass text an hour
later to the class covering ourselves, saying a family member
had fallen ill and had to leave in a rush,
and we were forced to buy one very expensive Barbie dream.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Now there is so much gold.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Okay, let's circle back, let's do it unpacked from the top.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I mean, this daughter is a genius. I was about
to say, this girl has a side hustle.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
In events management. Yes, she's going to go places, Yes
she is. She is so organized, she is.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
I love this, and to secretly drop them in the
bags like it's like she's gone, I'm probably going to
get a no. So I'll just ask for forgiveness later.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
And then also she's left off the RSVP no because
they didn't know that. So she's just gone, you know what, We'll.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Just why didn't the parents twig to this when there
was no RSVP, Well there was no RSVP. Well, you know,
seven eight year olds, I don't know, nobody's in the
parents of the other children weren't like, hmmm, we're not
letting anyone know we're coming. It is rocking up.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
It is a Barbie Dreamhouse miracle that a group chat
wasn't created and panicked and the class, the whole class
wasn't involved in the WhatsApp to trying to clarify.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Yeah, but I'm just so shamed with this long driveway
a cononvoy. I'm descending on your house and you're sitting
there without your bra and there's wheat, bios and stained dishes, everything,
and the house is in an absolute a state of chaos.
When someone comes to my house, whether they are someone
I barely know or my mother, I want to pretend
(13:02):
that no one lives there, Yes, Christine, Christine, I shove
everything in a cupboard. No one lives there. A child, no, no,
no dishes, no not feeing them. Are you're going to
go check under my bed? You can, because there's not.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
A speck of dust and I make my bed every day, Yes, definitely,
don't just stroll it on the ground my bed and
there's never ever a pile of clothes and five thousands
of washing never never.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
So the thought of this quenty eight different families that
you don't even know die. But then the best part,
my favorite part, is that they went with the natural
instinct to hide, hide, fight or flight, Fight or flight.
They chose flight.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
They flowed, They flowed, they flowed into their wardrobe shim
and then I'm imagining them like on the ground because
you know, you know, depending on the door and the windows,
you don't want here on the ground.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
And the bribery, the quick thinking that must have happened
here to shut up, if shorter, you have anything you
watch And to be honest, they probably wouldn't have picked
it u because I'm assuming this was her actual birthday date,
so they wouldn't have even picked up that nothing was happening,
because they probably decorated for the morning of her birthday, but.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Not for twenty eight No, no, who would render.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
It because no one has that many kids to their house.
No ever, Yeah, it's a park situation, yes, absolutely, So
then to have to go quick thinking again, Look, we've
chosen our choice. Yep, we flowed, commit to the bit
and now we need to deal with this. And to
then have to buy her a Barbie dream how she's
a smart girl? Are they expensive? I don't have girls.
I imagine I'm not at the Barbie dream House phase,
(14:46):
but I imagine they're not right. No, not a very brilliant,
bright young mind. She raising here.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
She hast nearly everything she wanted. She did not the part,
not the party, party in a Barbie dream house.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Yeah. Look, this is so brilliant. It's the panic, the lie,
and then having to deal with the consequences of that.
It is a web of lie and lie again, like
saying that their family member had fallen ill to the
point where they had to flee.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
The flee the house without so much class WhatsApp cancel?
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Oh no, And then that would have led to follow
up because then at school the next week it would
have been like, how's your family? Oh, how is your family?
Are you guys? Doris and little what's her face? Must
be devastated she didn't get her party? Are you going
to reschedule? They're like, no, No, she's fine, she's.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
But you know, seven and eight year olds are not
very good liars. No, so imagine if she did tell
her friends that they were just hiding behind the cantle.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
You know what, this is no ordinary eight year old.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
No, that's true. She's a genius because otherwise they would
look insane.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Yeah, they really would. You know, no one would believe
the eight year old. They'd be like this dumb child
as if would hide from people and rock up at
the door. I love it so much, Okay, so what
are we rating it? Look, I think it's pretty high
because the scope for you to be embarrassed by this,
for you to get caught out in this way disposed,
(16:16):
for someone to see your thought from out behind your lounge,
through the window.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Movements, shadows or here. Why not, mommy, she.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Just imagined, she just ran. I wanted that to contain
her a lot of variables. There is high risk. This
was high risk reward. It really was, because nothing would
make me want to go through with this party planned.
So look I'm giving you. I'm giving you ten Barbie
(16:47):
dreamhouses out of ten. It's so good. I'm giving you
oh wow, wow, well done.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
It's just so many, so many holes in that that
could come undone. Yes, So thoughts and prayers for you,
and you're raising a very genius.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
And our last confession is called choc block. Oh choc block, wow,
not the other word. Last month, I made the mistake
of taking my four year old daughter grocery shopping when
she was already feral from daycare. Don't we all know
that feeling? As we approached the checkout, she spotted the
chocolate display and immediately began campaigning for retreat. Not today, sweetie,
(17:35):
I whispered desperately, trying to avoid a public meltdown. It'll
make you sick on the stomach, and she says, for
the record, they don't make her sick. I was just
trying to think of an excuse to say no. Without
missing a beat. She turned to the elderly woman behind
us in line and announced, in her loudest voice, my
mummy says I can't have chocolate because it makes me
do explosive poos that go everywhere in the bath. Oh,
(17:58):
the entire checkout when silent, with multiple people holding in laughs,
my daughter stood their hands on hips, nodding solemnly like
she just shared vital public health information. Yes, red face.
I grabbed a chocolate bar, trussed it on the conveyor belt,
and said, just this once, I now exclusively do my
shopping online.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Another child prodigy, genius genius, just genius, couster minds at play.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Notice it's all the daughters who are behind this. The
sons can't come up with this level of no they
execution planning.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
My daughter is capable of something like this. I think
she's at the real four year olds around a real
poo poo wee we face. Everything comes back to poo
in their conversation. So I can very much see how
this would happen.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
My first thought is, I don't know why these people
don't do door dash or milk crun like there are
delivery services for these.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Well, Famously, she's learned a lesson, she said, she now
shops online. Learne she's smart. It is.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
I would never go to the shop at some even
like with my age kids.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Actually I do send.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Them out sometimes car so that's there is light at
the end of the tunnel.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
They can do it themselves.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
But yeah, I would never go into the shop after
like a care with a grumpy kid.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
It's foul. It's a recipe for the disaster. That's a
learning right, Yeah, it really is.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
I you know how, I don't find these things embarrassing,
So I'm not a good barometer for this because I
would find that funny. Famously, you have no shame, not
when it's like I would just find that funny. I'd
probably get out my camera and film it, you know,
so insufferable. I'm not a very good judge of embarrassment
in these situations because I wouldn't feel it. Would you
(19:38):
feel embarrassed?
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Actually, probably not, because I think it's quite fun funny,
like a funny way to say, yeah, yeah, it's funny, exactly.
I actually think this is better than swearing, because when
it's swearing, there's judgment on you because they for your
parenting from you. Exactly, They're like, well, you must say
that at.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Home and the end you do because they don't, they
don't stumble.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
And this elderly woman would have absolutely thought that. But
with this, this is a medical condition, this is early
IBS exactly, you know, and it's not laughing. It's removing
a stigma. It is. She's doing a public health announcement service, yeah,
to the community. So it's a dairy intolerance, is what
it is.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Yes, So I think for the removal of the stigma
of IBS and just you know, ripping off the band aid,
exposing the shopping center and sharing, I think she's done
a great thing.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
And I just again, although.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
So she didn't actually have an issue with the chocolate.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
It was a lie. It was a lie. Okay, so
you've got one last chance to get your little mantra
in here. Anale does not.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Like inauthenticity, and this lacks inauthenticity. And the child has
exposed you. The child knows this. Yes, she's four, she
knows she doesn't pooh from chocolate. And she has exposed
your lie. So really she's done another service, she exposing
your web of life. Yes, that you try and fool
(21:12):
me for me once.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Tell everyone I have diarrhea. Yes, and that is a lesson.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Yes, so I think we have to gain points for
the lying to the child about a stomach condition related
to chocolate that she doesn't have.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
So therefore you will get six diarrheas. Oh it's just
the worst word, so visceral, Hi am going to give
you four chocolate bars out of ten. It's fine, it's funny.
You're off the hook.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Yes, and I think definitely, if we had to look
back at all three, I forgot the first one.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
First one was leaving her child to home few seconds great, yep, yep, yep,
And that was an awful morning. Yeah, it's fine, you're forgiven. Yes,
free on parole. The flying and the chocolate. Other than
the lying. Also find community service, yeah, barely, barely a
(22:16):
chargeable offense.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
And also the child is shamefree. Yeah, so that's some
good parenting exactly. But the winner, I'm the winner. It's clear,
straight to jail.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Do not collect two hundred dollars, even though you need
it to buy more Barbie dreamhouses. Yes, the winner is
hiding from the children's party party. Yeah, well darn.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Because really, even though you're raising a future event manager, yes,
a chief of staff politically, maybe.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Our next female prime minister perhaps correct, I hope.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
There's one before then, But anyway, it's more that you
made her hide.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Yeah, from her own party friends. And then the bargaining
we're assuming we're on the ground. Yeah, the commando crawling
that was involved, and the hush times, the panic, and
also twenty eight people would have got that's so many
cars and.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Everyone would have been out the front and are the
phones on silent? But I've been yeah, this is this
is great. This is one of my favorite parents. Yeah,
there's just so many parts.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Yeah, there really is. There really is. And then the
long game, Now this family member, you have to update
everyone on their programs Beryl is on death's door, or
she's made a remarkable recover, miraculous. Yes, so for that
you be to You are our winner forever. Well done.
You've made it this far.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
We're done, and thank you for coming on the parents
anonymous journey with us, with us.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
If you're after with us, thank you so much for
listening and share it or your step ups with us.
It has been a wild ride. It has Thank you. Bye.
You're listening to a Mamma Mia podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded on Parents Anonymous, Welcome to
this glorious mess. I'm Analyse Todd and I am a
non glorious mess.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Oh I sit here last, Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
I was wearing ug boots this week. I have a
giant red iron fiction pink eyes.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
No, it's calling it. It's stress. I okay.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
But what I've done to counteract and balance so I
look intentional is I have smeared some rouge on the
healthy eye, the non stressed eye. So I look like
I have pink blush and rouge on my eyeids.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
And I am Stacey Hicks. I'm the deputyator of Mamma Mia,
and I don't think we call it rouge anymore.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
But if you want to go with that, you go
with that blush, blush.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
A little bit of blush. Look, it is working now.
It looks like you got two big classes cract. We
welcome back to Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
On that note, so each week you share your worst
parenting moments for our entertainment.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Yeah, and we love getting comfort from the knowledge that
we are all hot messes together a parent Esses And
the best part of this podcast is that the worse
your confession is, the higher you'll score, so it's impossible
to lose.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Yes, and we always kick off with one of our
mini confessions of the week just so that you can
feel confident that you're not being judged by anyone who
is any better than you.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Arguably we are worse. We absolutely are. Don't you worry, friends,
we are worse than you. Yes, And today is a
bit of a bittersweet one is it's actually the last
ever Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
I mean ever, that's a strong statement. Yeah, last, just
now for now. Yeah, so watch this space to see
what we've been popping into your ears.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Soon. But we're going out with a bang. We have
some of the truly the most unhinged confessions yet on
this episode we just looked at them. They are nuts.
We love them so much and you will love them
so much. And what we thought.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
We'd do for our mini confession instead of coming up
with something new which would arguably not be as bad
as some of the ones that we've shared, Yes, in
the last I think we've been doing this a year. Yeah,
we thought we would go back into the archives and
think of the worst confession that we brought of our own.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Yes, and retell them. Yes. Oh look, I can't wait
to relivet this trauma again of mine. Mine will win nothing,
you say, well, trump what I did? I actually voluntarily
admitted on this show that in a week moment week
physically and mentally at the time, I had to resort
(03:02):
to using a nappy for myself, one of my daughter's
newborn nappies. I was far away from home, there was
no toilet sight. I had my newborn daughter sleeping in
the back, and with how hard it is to get
her to sleep, there was nothing, truly nothing that was
going to make me wake her and get her out
with me to go to the toilet. So I'm a
(03:23):
guyvied myself, you would say, an adult diaper out of
one of her newborn nappies, and it worked to treat.
Just in case anyone finds themselves in a similar position.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I feel like that's embarrassing for you, but it's not
necessarily a bad parenting moment.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
No, true, my daughter was none the wiser. Yeah, more
of a weak moment for me. It's pelvic floor weakness.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
If anyone was walking past and just watching someone put
a nappy in their plants, That's what I was.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Yeah, look, it was pretty quem. I was in tears
as I did it because I was aware that I
was really sinking to a new low, the lowest. I
was like, this, this is motherhood. Here I go. This
is what's happening, and what's yours? Which of the many
do you feel like is your worst parenting confession? Yeah,
it was difficult to to land on one narrow it down.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
I feel like it's got to be the one where
I confessed. Now, this was years ago, many years ago,
the children were younger. That Sunday night got a little
out of hand. We ended up having a family sleepover
at another friend's house.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Oh cute, it sounds very awesome.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
And then Monday morning arrived. I was a little worse
for wear hour.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
I couldn't face a school drop off or daycare drop
off or work. And this was pre Mumma Mia of course,
of course, so we all had a sick day, the
whole family. We just laid around watching TV and Uber
eatsing McDonald's.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
You know what, I remember you telling us about this
at the time, and me saying I'm taking a mental
note and I shall be doing this with my daughter
because I actually think this is probably, like, in a
weird way, a core memory for your kids of the
day that you let them stay home from school.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
It was like that movie Yesterday. Yeah, it would have
been the bed. They still talk about it. But the
worst thing was when I remember we sort of drove
back up and we lived quite close to the school,
and all the kids and parents were doing the school run,
and then we were sitting in the car in our
pjs with machas and I was like.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Duck, duck, duck, and we were ducking in the current.
Could make a break because you know what, who was
the real winner? You guys, Yes, for sure, for sure.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
But if you really sort of peeled it back to
poor parenting, Yeah, look, it's not your funn it's things
that led up to that decision and how we arrived
there and the consequence of missing out on education because
we borrowed fun.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Yeah that's a good, bad confession. Yeah, look, I think
it's fine line from me. And on today's show, our
mystery confessions are called the Forgotten Child, the go fund Me,
birthday party, and choc Block. Oh Okay, so let's get
into them. Okay. So the first confession is called the
(06:17):
forgotten Child. So it says when I was heavily pregnant
with my third child, I was having one of those mornings.
My four year old choked on breakfast, then had a
coughing fit and vomited everywhere. My husband had just left
for a work trip, and my eighteen month old was
driving me nuts, so I gave her my phone to
go and watch in the corner. Yes, fair, this does
(06:37):
sound like a rough morning. As I rushed out the
door to take the kids to school. En route to work,
I looked up and saw my eighteen month old waving
sweetly to me from our bay window. I cheerily waved
back while reversing down the driveway. It was only when
I got halfway down the street I realized I'd forgotten
said child. Despite all of this, we made it to
(06:58):
daycare and work on time. So she saw.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
The child through the window, Yes, oh, she thought, the
husband stood.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
She just can you remember what being pregnant was like?
You feel like your brain is mashed potato, Like you
cannot function, You can't remember how you got anywhere. You
can barely manage to get yourself dressed. Imagine trying to
do that with two kids and growing a third. And
there was a lot of bodily fluid, and there was
vomit thrown in one hundred percent that she has just
(07:31):
not even realized. Waved back by trooping of the color. Yeah,
the royal moment. Yeah yeah, through the window so cute.
Yeah okay, and just left. Look. The thing that probably
would have twigged me first, which probably says a lot
about me. I would have realized I forgot my phone.
There's no way I would have been backing out that
(07:53):
driveway without my phone. That is always the first thing
I'd checked for. So I probably would have been alerted
by the absence of my phone as opposed to the
absence of the because you wouldn't leave without your phone, no,
no children, maybe phone absolutely not. Halfway down the streets.
F they could have like, that's a few minutes, No yeah,
(08:18):
down the street could be seconds. Really an eighteen month
of twenty four seven, they plod off and do things yeah, yeah, harmless,
no harm done. I wonder whether she told the husband.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Yes, I just thought. I wonder if there was a
little mini confession in the house.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah. Yeah, she might have downplayed it, been like, oh
I as soon as I saw her waving from the
window back and I went not I waved back and
kept leaving.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Or maybe she just told her girlfriends. Yeah, that could
have been something for the group chat.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Yeah yeah, oh look, that would have got so many likes.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Yeah, it would have gone to the group chat. Probably
not the husband, yeah, because then it might like plant
a seed of oh I'm not, you know, doing well.
You know, men don't get it. So that's just for
the group chat.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Yeah. Yeah, so what are we rating it?
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Oh? Look, this is not a terrible in if we
go back to my confession, this is nothing. My children
miss an entire day of education.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Because of my hangover. Yes, it's really.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
If we're kind of comparing it, it's now looking very mild.
I would say, like, I don't know, two embryos out
of ten pregnant, right, that was off.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
The I was like, where are the embryo is coming
from in this scenario? I genuinely could not make the connection.
I was like, where were the embryos in this story?
Speaker 2 (09:48):
To embryos out of ten? Two embryos out of ten?
Love it look because of the vomit. I'm giving you
four buckets out of ten. But it's fine, You're fine.
It was a few seconds funny.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Story compared to me cute little royal moment three eighteen
trooping and buckets are more relevant than embryos, I would argue. Yep,
all right.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Confession number two, go fund me birthday party. My daughter
was seven and had decided that for her eighth birthday
she wanted to go all out on the celebration. So,
without telling myself or her dad, she decided to invite
her whole class, or twenty eight of them, to our house.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
No thank you.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
She organized the whole thing, invitations and all Saturday morning
rolls around, and unbeknownst to us, the self starter party began.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Oh my god, I die. I can't think of anything worse.
People started rocking up on our door. We were in
our pj's and the house was in no safe for
company an entire class. Okay.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Luckily we have a long driveway, so when we saw
a car rolling up, our daughter started squealing people here
for my party. Oh the penny dropped. So we did
what any normal people would do. We hid and we
pretended we weren't Our daughter was pretty traumatized at the start,
(11:18):
explaining she had created the party and she wanted to
let them in, but she agreed to hide in silence.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
When I said she could choose anything at the toister.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
We had to send out a mass text an hour
later to the class covering ourselves, saying a family member
had fallen ill and had to leave in a rush,
and we were forced to buy one very expensive Barbie dream.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Now there is so much gold.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Okay, let's circle back, let's do it unpacked from the top.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I mean, this daughter is a genius. I was about
to say, this girl has a side hustle.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
In events management. Yes, she's going to go places, Yes
she is. She is so organized, she is.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
I love this, and to secretly drop them in the
bags like it's like she's gone, I'm probably going to
get a no. So I'll just ask for forgiveness later.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
And then also she's left off the RSVP no because
they didn't know that. So she's just gone, you know what, We'll.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Just why didn't the parents twig to this when there
was no RSVP, Well there was no RSVP. Well, you know,
seven eight year olds, I don't know, nobody's in the
parents of the other children weren't like, hmmm, we're not
letting anyone know we're coming. It is rocking up.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
It is a Barbie Dreamhouse miracle that a group chat
wasn't created and panicked and the class, the whole class
wasn't involved in the WhatsApp to trying to clarify.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Yeah, but I'm just so shamed with this long driveway
a cononvoy. I'm descending on your house and you're sitting
there without your bra and there's wheat, bios and stained dishes, everything,
and the house is in an absolute a state of chaos.
When someone comes to my house, whether they are someone
I barely know or my mother, I want to pretend
(13:02):
that no one lives there, Yes, Christine, Christine, I shove
everything in a cupboard. No one lives there. A child, no, no,
no dishes, no not feeing them. Are you're going to
go check under my bed? You can, because there's not.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
A speck of dust and I make my bed every day, Yes, definitely,
don't just stroll it on the ground my bed and
there's never ever a pile of clothes and five thousands
of washing never never.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
So the thought of this quenty eight different families that
you don't even know die. But then the best part,
my favorite part, is that they went with the natural
instinct to hide, hide, fight or flight, Fight or flight.
They chose flight.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
They flowed, They flowed, they flowed into their wardrobe shim
and then I'm imagining them like on the ground because
you know, you know, depending on the door and the windows,
you don't want here on the ground.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
And the bribery, the quick thinking that must have happened
here to shut up, if shorter, you have anything you
watch And to be honest, they probably wouldn't have picked
it u because I'm assuming this was her actual birthday date,
so they wouldn't have even picked up that nothing was happening,
because they probably decorated for the morning of her birthday, but.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Not for twenty eight No, no, who would render.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
It because no one has that many kids to their house.
No ever, Yeah, it's a park situation, yes, absolutely, So
then to have to go quick thinking again, Look, we've
chosen our choice. Yep, we flowed, commit to the bit
and now we need to deal with this. And to
then have to buy her a Barbie dream how she's
a smart girl? Are they expensive? I don't have girls.
I imagine I'm not at the Barbie dream House phase,
(14:46):
but I imagine they're not right. No, not a very brilliant,
bright young mind. She raising here.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
She hast nearly everything she wanted. She did not the part,
not the party, party in a Barbie dream house.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Yeah. Look, this is so brilliant. It's the panic, the lie,
and then having to deal with the consequences of that.
It is a web of lie and lie again, like
saying that their family member had fallen ill to the
point where they had to flee.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
The flee the house without so much class WhatsApp cancel?
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Oh no, And then that would have led to follow
up because then at school the next week it would
have been like, how's your family? Oh, how is your family?
Are you guys? Doris and little what's her face? Must
be devastated she didn't get her party? Are you going
to reschedule? They're like, no, No, she's fine, she's.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
But you know, seven and eight year olds are not
very good liars. No, so imagine if she did tell
her friends that they were just hiding behind the cantle.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
You know what, this is no ordinary eight year old.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
No, that's true. She's a genius because otherwise they would
look insane.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Yeah, they really would. You know, no one would believe
the eight year old. They'd be like this dumb child
as if would hide from people and rock up at
the door. I love it so much, Okay, so what
are we rating it? Look, I think it's pretty high
because the scope for you to be embarrassed by this,
for you to get caught out in this way disposed,
(16:16):
for someone to see your thought from out behind your lounge,
through the window.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Movements, shadows or here. Why not, mommy, she.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Just imagined, she just ran. I wanted that to contain
her a lot of variables. There is high risk. This
was high risk reward. It really was, because nothing would
make me want to go through with this party planned.
So look I'm giving you. I'm giving you ten Barbie
(16:47):
dreamhouses out of ten. It's so good. I'm giving you
oh wow, wow, well done.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
It's just so many, so many holes in that that
could come undone. Yes, So thoughts and prayers for you,
and you're raising a very genius.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
And our last confession is called choc block. Oh choc block, wow,
not the other word. Last month, I made the mistake
of taking my four year old daughter grocery shopping when
she was already feral from daycare. Don't we all know
that feeling? As we approached the checkout, she spotted the
chocolate display and immediately began campaigning for retreat. Not today, sweetie,
(17:35):
I whispered desperately, trying to avoid a public meltdown. It'll
make you sick on the stomach, and she says, for
the record, they don't make her sick. I was just
trying to think of an excuse to say no. Without
missing a beat. She turned to the elderly woman behind
us in line and announced, in her loudest voice, my
mummy says I can't have chocolate because it makes me
do explosive poos that go everywhere in the bath. Oh,
(17:58):
the entire checkout when silent, with multiple people holding in laughs,
my daughter stood their hands on hips, nodding solemnly like
she just shared vital public health information. Yes, red face.
I grabbed a chocolate bar, trussed it on the conveyor belt,
and said, just this once, I now exclusively do my
shopping online.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Another child prodigy, genius genius, just genius, couster minds at play.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Notice it's all the daughters who are behind this. The
sons can't come up with this level of no they
execution planning.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
My daughter is capable of something like this. I think
she's at the real four year olds around a real
poo poo wee we face. Everything comes back to poo
in their conversation. So I can very much see how
this would happen.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
My first thought is, I don't know why these people
don't do door dash or milk crun like there are
delivery services for these.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Well, Famously, she's learned a lesson, she said, she now
shops online. Learne she's smart. It is.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
I would never go to the shop at some even
like with my age kids.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Actually I do send.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Them out sometimes car so that's there is light at
the end of the tunnel.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
They can do it themselves.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
But yeah, I would never go into the shop after
like a care with a grumpy kid.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
It's foul. It's a recipe for the disaster. That's a
learning right, Yeah, it really is.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
I you know how, I don't find these things embarrassing,
So I'm not a good barometer for this because I
would find that funny. Famously, you have no shame, not
when it's like I would just find that funny. I'd
probably get out my camera and film it, you know,
so insufferable. I'm not a very good judge of embarrassment
in these situations because I wouldn't feel it. Would you
(19:38):
feel embarrassed?
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Actually, probably not, because I think it's quite fun funny,
like a funny way to say, yeah, yeah, it's funny, exactly.
I actually think this is better than swearing, because when
it's swearing, there's judgment on you because they for your
parenting from you. Exactly, They're like, well, you must say
that at.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Home and the end you do because they don't, they
don't stumble.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
And this elderly woman would have absolutely thought that. But
with this, this is a medical condition, this is early
IBS exactly, you know, and it's not laughing. It's removing
a stigma. It is. She's doing a public health announcement service, yeah,
to the community. So it's a dairy intolerance, is what
it is.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Yes, So I think for the removal of the stigma
of IBS and just you know, ripping off the band aid,
exposing the shopping center and sharing, I think she's done
a great thing.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
And I just again, although.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
So she didn't actually have an issue with the chocolate.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
It was a lie. It was a lie. Okay, so
you've got one last chance to get your little mantra
in here. Anale does not.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Like inauthenticity, and this lacks inauthenticity. And the child has
exposed you. The child knows this. Yes, she's four, she
knows she doesn't pooh from chocolate. And she has exposed
your lie. So really she's done another service, she exposing
your web of life. Yes, that you try and fool
(21:12):
me for me once.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Tell everyone I have diarrhea. Yes, and that is a lesson.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Yes, so I think we have to gain points for
the lying to the child about a stomach condition related
to chocolate that she doesn't have.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
So therefore you will get six diarrheas. Oh it's just
the worst word, so visceral, Hi am going to give
you four chocolate bars out of ten. It's fine, it's funny.
You're off the hook.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Yes, and I think definitely, if we had to look
back at all three, I forgot the first one.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
First one was leaving her child to home few seconds great, yep, yep, yep,
And that was an awful morning. Yeah, it's fine, you're forgiven. Yes,
free on parole. The flying and the chocolate. Other than
the lying. Also find community service, yeah, barely, barely a
(22:16):
chargeable offense.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
And also the child is shamefree. Yeah, so that's some
good parenting exactly. But the winner, I'm the winner. It's clear,
straight to jail.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Do not collect two hundred dollars, even though you need
it to buy more Barbie dreamhouses. Yes, the winner is
hiding from the children's party party. Yeah, well darn.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Because really, even though you're raising a future event manager, yes,
a chief of staff politically, maybe.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Our next female prime minister perhaps correct, I hope.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
There's one before then, But anyway, it's more that you
made her hide.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Yeah, from her own party friends. And then the bargaining
we're assuming we're on the ground. Yeah, the commando crawling
that was involved, and the hush times, the panic, and
also twenty eight people would have got that's so many
cars and.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Everyone would have been out the front and are the
phones on silent? But I've been yeah, this is this
is great. This is one of my favorite parents. Yeah,
there's just so many parts.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Yeah, there really is. There really is. And then the
long game, Now this family member, you have to update
everyone on their programs Beryl is on death's door, or
she's made a remarkable recover, miraculous. Yes, so for that
you be to You are our winner forever. Well done.
You've made it this far.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
We're done, and thank you for coming on the parents
anonymous journey with us, with us.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
If you're after with us, thank you so much for
listening and share it or your step ups with us.
It has been a wild ride. It has Thank you. Bye.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!