Pillow Talks

Pillow Talks

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!

Episodes

December 11, 2025 64 mins
Every week on Instagram we host “Ask Us Anything” question boxes… and every week we’re hit with hundreds of incredible questions we can’t possibly get to in Stories. So today we’re pulling back the curtain and taking some of those unanswered Qs and going deep — giving you the nuance, context, tips, reassurance, and real-talk sex ed you wish you got in health class. This episode is a true mixed bag: libido, orgasm, aging, mens...
Mark as Played
Having more sex isn’t actually about libido. (We know — that’s what everyone thinks the issue is.) In today’s episode, we’re breaking down what really gets in the way of wanting sex more often — and what you can do about it that doesn’t feel forced, pressured, or performative. We share the exact strategies we teach inside Deeper, all built around making connection feel easier, pleasure feel better, and intimacy feel more acce...
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It’s the season of gratitude, family time… and figuring out how to have sex quietly. 😅 This Thanksgiving, we’re throwing it back to one of our most iconic early episodes — all about having sex when other people are around. Whether you’re hosting the in-laws, crashing at your parents’ place, or sharing a wall with your roommates, this one’s for you. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: Whether it’s actually okay to have sex wh...
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What if the biggest barrier to intimacy in your relationship isn’t stress, exhaustion, or mismatched libidos… but your phone? In this week’s episode, we’re trying something that might feel a little controversial (and honestly, uncomfortable): no screens before sex. Yep — for seven days, we challenged ourselves to put down the devices before any kind of intimacy, whether that meant sex, cuddling, or even a deep conversation. And l...
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This week we’re bringing back one of our favorite games, Tie-Breakers! You sent in the recurring arguments that pop up again and again in your relationship — the ones that never seem to die no matter how many times you talk about them — and now we’re stepping in to make the final call. From sharing phone passwords to whether it’s really that big of a deal to be 5–10 minutes late, we’re tackling the everyday debates that drive cou...
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Whether you’ve been with us from the start or just found the podcast, this episode is basically a cheat sheet for a better sex life. We pulled together the best of the best from hundreds of episodes — the tips, tools, and “aha” moments that have completely transformed our community’s sex lives. From the rule that saved our date nights to the mindset shifts that made intimacy feel easy again, we’re revisiting the advice that star...
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October 30, 2025 63 mins
This week’s episode is a little spooky, a little silly, and a whole lot of sexy. Since Halloween is tomorrow, we’re bringing you a “Trick or Treat: Smash or Pass” edition of Pillow Talks. We’re running through a list of playful, sometimes weird, and definitely conversation-starting ideas for you and your partner to try in the bedroom (or… maybe not). From holding water in your mouth during a BJ to wrapping your partner up lik...
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We’ve always promised to keep things real with you — the good, the messy, and everything in between. And lately… life has been life-ing. In this episode, we’re opening up about what’s been going on behind the scenes — especially with Vanessa’s dad’s health — and how we’ve been navigating this season both personally and as a couple. We’ll talk about what’s next for our family, the emotional rollercoaster of managing grief w...
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Let’s talk about oral. We’ve all had those moments where oral feels way more awkward than arousing. You’re lying there, overthinking everything: Do I smell weird? What do I do with my hands? Is my partner secretly counting down the seconds until it’s over? Sound familiar? Yeah… you’re definitely not alone. In this episode, we’re getting into the real, raw, and sometimes ridiculous reasons people struggle to fully relax and...
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Every week on Instagram, we host “Ask Us Anything” sessions. And honestly? We get way more questions than we could ever answer in stories. So today, we’re bringing some of those unanswered Qs straight to the podcast to give you deeper answers, real stories, and the honest, judgment-free advice you’ve been waiting for. Get ready, because we’re tackling some of your biggest, wildest curiosities about sex, intimacy, and relationship...
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You’ve been there: the dreaded text fight. One message gets misread, emotions spike, and suddenly you’re both typing paragraphs instead of actually talking. In this episode, we’re breaking down a real-life text fight between a couple navigating mismatched sex drives, rejection, and the heavy mental load of parenting. You’ll hear the raw back-and-forth and get our thoughts on what worked, what didn’t, and how to move these con...
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Hot take: when you finally get initiation right, your entire sex life opens up. Think about it. No more awkward “was that supposed to be a signal?” moments. No more pressure on just one person to get things started. And no more cycle of rejection and resentment. When initiation feels fun, confident, and mutual, everything else in your sex life starts to feel easier, more connected, and a lot more exciting. We’re back with a r...
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Did you know that 64% of people say they want more foreplay than they currently get? And most people say they wish it was part of every sexual experience. No wonder foreplay frustrations are so common. Maybe it feels too short, too routine, or like your partner just doesn’t quite “get it.” The truth? Foreplay isn’t just a warm-up. It’s one of the most powerful ways to feel connected, build anticipation, and experience more pleasu...
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Aging is inevitable. But letting your sex life fade away? Nope. This week, we’re tackling one of our most requested topics ever: sex and aging. We’re answering your biggest questions about how intimacy shifts as the years go by: from libido changes, to navigating menopause, to keeping things hot. 💛 In this episode, we cover: How old is too old to have sex (spoiler: never) What to do if your libido and your partner’...
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There is absolutely zero shame in using toys in the bedroom. In fact, they can be a game-changer for pleasure, intimacy, and just plain fun. Whether you’re curious about where to start, nervous about how your partner might react, or worried about your kids (or pets!) discovering your stash, we’re covering it all in today’s episode. We’re also sharing some of the funniest (and most relatable) real-life sex toy stories you sent us....
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The postpartum stage can be one of the hardest (and least talked about) seasons a couple will ever go through. Your relationship changes. Your body changes. Your sex life changes. And with all of that comes a swirl of feelings you might not have expected: Resentment toward your partner A crushing imbalance in the mental load Feeling “touched out” 24/7 Nervousness (or fear) about having sex again Worri...
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Imagine this: your partner sits you down and says they want to open your marriage… Not for a real-life person. But for their AI companion. Sounds like a Black Mirror episode, right? But it’s real. In today’s episode, we’re diving into the wild, complicated, and very real intersection of AI and relationships. From romantic connections with chatbots to emotional venting with AI companions, technology is evolving faster than most...
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Ever wondered why you have a certain kink? Or if it’s OK to fantasize about someone else during sex? Or maybe you’ve been curious about cuckolding, breeding kinks, or pegging… but didn’t know who to ask. Well some of you asked us! And today, we’re answering your questions about kinks and fantasies. From the psychology of desire to navigating mismatches with your partner, we’re tackling the wild, the vulnerable, and the deeply hum...
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The female orgasm: we’ve talked about it a lot over the years, but it never stops being one of the most requested, most misunderstood, and most fascinating topics we cover. In this episode, we’re flipping the script and looking at orgasm through a partner’s eyes. What does it mean to be supportive? How can you tell if she’s actually orgasming? And why is it so inconsistent? We’re answering your most Googled questions, plus the one...
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You’ve probably heard people say, “Oh, you’ll just know.” But what if… you don’t know? 👀 This week, we’re diving deep into one of Vanessa’s all-time favorite topics (and the one she first became known for as a sex therapist!): the female orgasm. Whether you’re wondering if you’ve ever actually had one, struggling to feel much of anything, or just desperate to experience the kind of toe-curling, body-melting release you’ve seen i...
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