November 6, 2024 • 10 mins
Being second in someone's life, waiting for love and an adult child of addicts... Everybody's got something, can I help? ~ Delilah
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast. Hey it's Delilah.
Come on in and make yourself at home as we
(00:22):
share some of the most interesting dilemmas. Delilah's dilemmas when
people get themselves into a bind, into a mess, and
need a little wisdom to find their way out. Stay
tuned for that coming up next. Tonight's letter comes from
a gentleman named Jesse, who says, my name is Jesse,
(00:44):
and I'd like to share my story, hoping you can
give me some advice. My story is a little complicated.
I was dating a married woman for a long time.
Her being married was not such a problem. I loved
her so much and I was all, he's there for her.
Her husband is physically and verbally abusive to her, and
(01:05):
I was there wiping her tears, lending a shoulder to
cry on. I have been asking her to leave him
for the sake of her and her children. Now suddenly
she pushes me away and tells me that her husband
is a new man and he's going to fix every
mistake he ever made. After so many years of being
there for her and going through all this with her,
she now treats me like a stranger. The worst part
(01:29):
is she doesn't even realize how broken hearted she has
left me. The more I think back in wonder what
it is I did wrong, I just can't find an answer.
What can I do with this broken heart of mine?
I can't give up on her. Please advise me, Jesse.
I'll have my words for you coming up next. Tonight's
(01:56):
Delilah's dilemma is from a sweetheart named Jesse who has
such a tender heart. Jesse, It's not going to be
easy to hear what I'm going to say, but I'm
going to say it to you anyway, And this comes
from my heart. You were in love with her. She
was not in love with you. She was in need
(02:16):
of you. She needed you to lean on to dry
her tears. She needed you to fix her and to
make her life bearable. But she is addicted to the
pain of abuse. If her husband truly is physically and
(02:36):
emotionally and verbally abusive to her, and she is allowing
her children to stay in this sick dynamic, she is
a very sick woman. Healthy people cannot stay in unhealthy relationships,
it goes against the fiber of their being. In order
(02:57):
to stay and allow yourself to be abused, you got
to be pretty unhealthy, and she is. But you aren't superman, honey,
and you're not God, and it's not your job to
rescue her. Perhaps there will come a day in her
life when she wakes up and says enough is enough,
(03:19):
and I am going to break free of this. But
until that day comes, there's nothing you can do but
walk away. That's all I can say. Walk away. Tonight's
Delilah's Dilemma is from Kevin, who says, I mean recently divorced,
(03:42):
twenty three year old man. I wear my emotions on
my sleeve, and I'm tired of being continuously hurt. I
always hear my friends that are young women say that
their dream guy would be strong and protective but be
able to laugh and cry with them. I'm that guy
I am, but no woman sees it. I either find
(04:06):
cheaters or beaters, and I'm exhausted emotionally. Just need to
know that there is a girl out there wanting what
they say they want. Please help me from mister brokenhearted.
Mister broken hearted, I will have my Mother, Delilah Words
for you coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Kevin,
(04:35):
who's only twenty three and already divorced and says that
when it comes to women, he finds cheaters or beaters,
and he wants to know when he can find somebody
who will truly appreciate him. Kevin, you're young, You're very
very young, and you have a very very broken picker.
(04:58):
Outer use to get involved with people who are cheaters
or beaters or liar, liar, pants on fire or whatever.
So you need to spend a little time, Kevin, figuring
out what is broken in you that you are attracted
to dishonest, disrespectful, unkind, unloving women. Because you're the one
(05:24):
choosing to get involved with these knuckleheads, nobody is forcing
you to. So you need to figure out, Kevin, what
is broken in your heart that has you choosing to
get involved with these kind of women. Okay, and then
and only then, once your heart has been healed, will
(05:44):
it be time for you to enter once again into
a relationship. Good luck, God bless you. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma
is from Tom. He says, I'm twenty eight years old.
I have two kids who are four and nine, and
(06:05):
a wonderful wife. I grew up in a bad neighborhood.
My parents weren't much better. Many many times they were
too drunk to care for me, or they would just
leave me alone for days with little food and no
idea on how to reach them. I was only, I
don't know, ten or eleven while this was going on.
(06:26):
When I graduated high school at seventeen, I moved out
on my own and started working right away. My parents
and I barely talked after that. It's been four years
since I've even seen them or spoken with them. This
last Saturday, I got a phone call from my mom
asking how I was doing. She said that she wishes
we could forget the past and move on, but for me,
(06:49):
it's not that easy. My parents abused me physically and mentally,
and they kicked me out a few times when I
had done nothing wrong. I didn't do drugs, I didn't
drink alcohol, and I still don't to this day. I'm
happy with my life and I feel like I don't
need them, But for some reason, I still kind of
want to talk to them. I'm afraid to trust them.
(07:13):
Maybe it's because my daughters asked me why they don't
know them and when they can meet them. I'm just
not sure what to do. Signed Tom, Tom, I will
share my words with you and with anybody who is
an adult child of a drug addict or an alcoholic,
or a gambling addict or a sex addict. That's coming
(07:35):
up next Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Tom, who's twenty
eight years old and basically raised himself because his parents
were extremely abusive alcoholics. Now they want him to forget
the past and just move on and let them back
(07:55):
in his heart. And Tom, here's what I would say
to you. Loving somebody doesn't mean trusting them. You can
look at your parents, your mother for the alcoholic that
she is, and know that if she is still acting out,
if she is not in recovery, if she's not got
(08:16):
a sponsor, if she's not going to meetings, she is
still highly toxic. And then you can decide how far
you want to let that toxicness into your life. There
are wonderful, wonderful books, wonderful meetings for children called ACOA
adult children of alcoholics, and for any person who was
(08:39):
raised by an abusive person by an addict or an alcoholic.
There is help and you can learn to sort through
your feelings to process them. You can learn how to
set healthy boundaries, when to trust somebody, when not to
trust somebody. You get to decide how far you're going
to let them into your life, if at all. If
(09:00):
your mom is still drinking, if she is still a
practicing alcoholic, I would not let her near your children.
Why would you? Forgiving her and releasing her into God's
care does not mean you have to open yourself up
to being wounded or letting your children be abused. On
(09:21):
the other hand, if she has changed her ways, and
if she is willing to move forward, if she is sober,
then you can go along and feel it out and
see what is safe and what is good. But get
some books, go to some meetings, find some help, and
know that you are not alone. I so hope you
(09:44):
have enjoyed these radio moments as much as I enjoy
bringing them to you. I'll share more with you each
weekday on Hey It's Delilah. Do
Hey it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast. Hey it's Delilah.
Come on in and make yourself at home as we
(00:22):
share some of the most interesting dilemmas. Delilah's dilemmas when
people get themselves into a bind, into a mess, and
need a little wisdom to find their way out. Stay
tuned for that coming up next. Tonight's letter comes from
a gentleman named Jesse, who says, my name is Jesse,
(00:44):
and I'd like to share my story, hoping you can
give me some advice. My story is a little complicated.
I was dating a married woman for a long time.
Her being married was not such a problem. I loved
her so much and I was all, he's there for her.
Her husband is physically and verbally abusive to her, and
(01:05):
I was there wiping her tears, lending a shoulder to
cry on. I have been asking her to leave him
for the sake of her and her children. Now suddenly
she pushes me away and tells me that her husband
is a new man and he's going to fix every
mistake he ever made. After so many years of being
there for her and going through all this with her,
she now treats me like a stranger. The worst part
(01:29):
is she doesn't even realize how broken hearted she has
left me. The more I think back in wonder what
it is I did wrong, I just can't find an answer.
What can I do with this broken heart of mine?
I can't give up on her. Please advise me, Jesse.
I'll have my words for you coming up next. Tonight's
(01:56):
Delilah's dilemma is from a sweetheart named Jesse who has
such a tender heart. Jesse, It's not going to be
easy to hear what I'm going to say, but I'm
going to say it to you anyway, And this comes
from my heart. You were in love with her. She
was not in love with you. She was in need
(02:16):
of you. She needed you to lean on to dry
her tears. She needed you to fix her and to
make her life bearable. But she is addicted to the
pain of abuse. If her husband truly is physically and
(02:36):
emotionally and verbally abusive to her, and she is allowing
her children to stay in this sick dynamic, she is
a very sick woman. Healthy people cannot stay in unhealthy relationships,
it goes against the fiber of their being. In order
(02:57):
to stay and allow yourself to be abused, you got
to be pretty unhealthy, and she is. But you aren't superman, honey,
and you're not God, and it's not your job to
rescue her. Perhaps there will come a day in her
life when she wakes up and says enough is enough,
(03:19):
and I am going to break free of this. But
until that day comes, there's nothing you can do but
walk away. That's all I can say. Walk away. Tonight's
Delilah's Dilemma is from Kevin, who says, I mean recently divorced,
(03:42):
twenty three year old man. I wear my emotions on
my sleeve, and I'm tired of being continuously hurt. I
always hear my friends that are young women say that
their dream guy would be strong and protective but be
able to laugh and cry with them. I'm that guy
I am, but no woman sees it. I either find
(04:06):
cheaters or beaters, and I'm exhausted emotionally. Just need to
know that there is a girl out there wanting what
they say they want. Please help me from mister brokenhearted.
Mister broken hearted, I will have my Mother, Delilah Words
for you coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Kevin,
(04:35):
who's only twenty three and already divorced and says that
when it comes to women, he finds cheaters or beaters,
and he wants to know when he can find somebody
who will truly appreciate him. Kevin, you're young, You're very
very young, and you have a very very broken picker.
(04:58):
Outer use to get involved with people who are cheaters
or beaters or liar, liar, pants on fire or whatever.
So you need to spend a little time, Kevin, figuring
out what is broken in you that you are attracted
to dishonest, disrespectful, unkind, unloving women. Because you're the one
(05:24):
choosing to get involved with these knuckleheads, nobody is forcing
you to. So you need to figure out, Kevin, what
is broken in your heart that has you choosing to
get involved with these kind of women. Okay, and then
and only then, once your heart has been healed, will
(05:44):
it be time for you to enter once again into
a relationship. Good luck, God bless you. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma
is from Tom. He says, I'm twenty eight years old.
I have two kids who are four and nine, and
(06:05):
a wonderful wife. I grew up in a bad neighborhood.
My parents weren't much better. Many many times they were
too drunk to care for me, or they would just
leave me alone for days with little food and no
idea on how to reach them. I was only, I
don't know, ten or eleven while this was going on.
(06:26):
When I graduated high school at seventeen, I moved out
on my own and started working right away. My parents
and I barely talked after that. It's been four years
since I've even seen them or spoken with them. This
last Saturday, I got a phone call from my mom
asking how I was doing. She said that she wishes
we could forget the past and move on, but for me,
(06:49):
it's not that easy. My parents abused me physically and mentally,
and they kicked me out a few times when I
had done nothing wrong. I didn't do drugs, I didn't
drink alcohol, and I still don't to this day. I'm
happy with my life and I feel like I don't
need them, But for some reason, I still kind of
want to talk to them. I'm afraid to trust them.
(07:13):
Maybe it's because my daughters asked me why they don't
know them and when they can meet them. I'm just
not sure what to do. Signed Tom, Tom, I will
share my words with you and with anybody who is
an adult child of a drug addict or an alcoholic,
or a gambling addict or a sex addict. That's coming
(07:35):
up next Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Tom, who's twenty
eight years old and basically raised himself because his parents
were extremely abusive alcoholics. Now they want him to forget
the past and just move on and let them back
(07:55):
in his heart. And Tom, here's what I would say
to you. Loving somebody doesn't mean trusting them. You can
look at your parents, your mother for the alcoholic that
she is, and know that if she is still acting out,
if she is not in recovery, if she's not got
(08:16):
a sponsor, if she's not going to meetings, she is
still highly toxic. And then you can decide how far
you want to let that toxicness into your life. There
are wonderful, wonderful books, wonderful meetings for children called ACOA
adult children of alcoholics, and for any person who was
(08:39):
raised by an abusive person by an addict or an alcoholic.
There is help and you can learn to sort through
your feelings to process them. You can learn how to
set healthy boundaries, when to trust somebody, when not to
trust somebody. You get to decide how far you're going
to let them into your life, if at all. If
(09:00):
your mom is still drinking, if she is still a
practicing alcoholic, I would not let her near your children.
Why would you? Forgiving her and releasing her into God's
care does not mean you have to open yourself up
to being wounded or letting your children be abused. On
(09:21):
the other hand, if she has changed her ways, and
if she is willing to move forward, if she is sober,
then you can go along and feel it out and
see what is safe and what is good. But get
some books, go to some meetings, find some help, and
know that you are not alone. I so hope you
(09:44):
have enjoyed these radio moments as much as I enjoy
bringing them to you. I'll share more with you each
weekday on Hey It's Delilah. Do
Host
Delilah
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