A list of "People I Want to Punch in the Face" was found in a grocery store parking lot

A list of "People I Want to Punch in the Face" was found in a grocery store parking lot

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
One O seven nine KBP I andyour show time for stupid Stories. Stop
y'all all stop. Yeah you arestuper Stories brought to you by steal on
Steel Dealers dot Com. Yeah,all right, don't get tomorrow. If
you're at about eleven thirty one thirtyit's a weird time actually, but eleven
thirty one thirty one would be atMavericks. So Mavericks. It's the rebranding

(00:24):
Coming Goes. You know, theyrebranded all Coming Goes. Maverick took him
over, uh put basically a newlittle flip on the uh the old gas
station comedian still are planned. Theygot a really cool rewards program. Look,
I'm being out there from eleven thirtyto one thirty tomorrow with a lot
of tickets five that punching corns,So stop by, put your name in
hat again. Just north to twentyfive and park a road, all right,

(00:48):
stupid store Japan. Ooh, Japanis all of a sudden experiencing an
outbreak of flesh eating bacteria. Ooh, look, this will never happen in
the United States. I don't youknow why we're talking about it? Why
because after one American bacteria be full, they'd be like, oh, I'm
good. Couldn't possibly eat a oneAmerican? We're good? That's good.

(01:12):
I wonder if you have to eatwhen Japanese perger, you probably hungry again
just a few minutes later if you'rethat bacteria yep, y have Surge in
general wants social media platforms to comewith their warning labels, basically saying,
you know, the kids, thatthere's potential harm the children's mental health.
Because look, I thought this wasbrilliant. Everybody knows the one thing that

(01:36):
makes a website seem less attractive tokids as a warning label, Like,
man, that's a brilliant idea.God, uh, yesterday I covered this.
Vin Diesel invited Vladimir Putin the dinnerto solve conflict between Russia and Ukraine.

(01:57):
Apparently flat Putin turned them down.Oh how rude. I know,
I know never where a thing worldpeace was just one Vin Diesel meeting away.
God. Well, then if you'relonely in the Caribbean, send an
invite my way. I'll come havedinner with you. We won't solve any

(02:19):
world problems, but right, we'llhave dinner, bro, And if you
invite him I'll tag along. Wecould talk mopars There you go. That's
funny. Although if what would bewild if Vladimir Putin actually was meeting Vin
Diesel. I feel like at thatpoint you need two interpreters. Uh.

(02:40):
And arsen has caught himself on firewhile attempting to burn down his ex girlfriend's
house. Dummy ben drinking, Sothere you go. You know what goes
good with whiskey? Bad decisions?He dumb ass, Like, how do
you call yourself an arsonist when youcatch your own ass on fire trying to
light a fight? Like a failedArsenist? Maybe right? You can't call

(03:01):
yourself an arsonist until you complete thetask successfully. Definitely not a professional.
I would even call him amateur atthis point, I'd say he's anything but
at arsonist. A twenty eight yearold man in Michigan accidentally shot himself with
his own gun and the Kroger parkinglot all right, the only pass I'm

(03:24):
gonna give him here as it wasin Michigan. However, he was trying
to put the gun his waistband forsome reason. This is what's even funnier.
His friend ran off with the gunafter a discharge. Oh, nothing
suspicious there. Yeah, And here'swhat's crazy his friends in all kinds of

(03:44):
trouble because he's on pro he's notallowed to have a gun. Oh so
now he's facing all kinds of issueswell, trying to hide the gun for
his buddy, Are you dumb ass? Technically probably wouldn't have been in trouble
at all had he hung on toit right right. See that, This
is where I like to emphasize they'recalled stupid stories, not smart stories.

(04:06):
And if you have a gun inyour waistband right now, reposition it.
I had a cop man, Iwant to bring him on the show.
I was. I wish I hadhis number, Kim murri if, I
said, but anyway, he wasa law enforcement dude, and he listens,
and he said, I would loveto come on the air and talk
about why I carry one, youknow, in the chamber, because I

(04:30):
was always to me if I docarry, I never have one in the
chamber. I rarely carry you knowaround around here. Obviously people would freak
out if I came to give me. But at the same time, I
tend to you know, I tendto think we don't really need one in

(04:50):
the chamber, you know, oneready to row. I tend to Yes,
you can carry a gunloaded, youknow, the cliploaded. I don't
think it's smart idea to carry onein the chamber because you every day you
can read a story about stupid stufflike this, You dumb ass. Even
with the slowest gun, How longdoes it take to move one from the

(05:14):
clip the chamber. It's like thatmovement that so at worst two seconds.
I mean, if you're slow andhave a very you know, weak and
feeble grip, maybe two seconds okayyou know, uh yeah, man,
like I mean, yeah, it'sreally one Mississippi and it should be right

(05:38):
right, so so right if you'rein the if you're in the air force,
it takes you two seconds? Uhno, if yeah, I mean
I guess there's reasons for it that. The former cop law enforcement guy that
was texting us was like, man, I'd like to be on the air
and give the reasons. But didyou just say former cop? I think

(06:00):
it was a former coup. Okay, anyway, he said, yeah,
I got this for years in lawenforcement. Okay, okay, all right,
Uh this is well you get wepaid for. People want to see
a coal mine, they got firstin experience having a Pennsylvania more than fifty
people got trapped in a coal minefor hours when they were there taking a

(06:20):
tour, and it looks like ittook about four hours for everybody get brought
back up to safety. At thebottom of coal mine. You gonna have
some pist off people there. Hey, you wanted the real experience, By
God, we gave it to you. I feel like you can see everything
there is in a coal mine inabout a half an hour. You imagine
a third hour of being down there, like, that's when that's when you

(06:46):
really testing the couple of strength.Sure, right, couples start fighting.
I never loved you anyway. We'reall gonna die. I'm not as looking
fast this. You suck in bedh like, all right, we're gonna
bring everybody up now, psych Iwould imagine not a lot of great cell

(07:06):
phone reception in a coal mine.I'd saved me somewhat limited. You know,
it'd be one thing if you're like, okay, I could score Facebook
for four hours, no problem,right, no cell phone service for four
hours? You got an extension coredown here? All right? Apparently the

(07:28):
subway is diving headfirst in all thisfoot long arsenal of deliciousness. They just
debuted a new snack called Dippers.It's like flatbed with rolled up meats and
cheeses. But dippers are available inthree types Pepperoni and cheese, chicken and
cheese, and double cheese inserts hotwith dippering sauce and only three bucks.

(07:49):
Oh okay, sounds pretty good,right. It's a foot long uh huh
okay. It's part of the newsack Kicks menu, which includes those damn
foot long cookies. Oh it waspretty good, chirous sot pretzels like damn.
Remember sebe used to be healthy,eat fresh, Remember that they were.

(08:11):
There was a minute where they were, you know, actually considered healthy.
I think, right, I meanJared from subway that's the deal,
right, he lost all that weightbecause he'd walked a subway, have a
six inch and walk home. Yeah, until they found out he was walking
by you know playground. Is thatJared chasing after Yeah? Loser, what

(08:37):
are rather the guys? He's stillin jail right down the street, Oh
is he? Yeah? Well soJared, if you listen to us,
you suck. Yeah. If youdrive by those softball fields at uh Kipling
in Hamden. Oh okay, yeah, he's just federal prison right over there.
You have just tucked right up behindthere. Last I checked, and
this is right. Somebody posts aphoto a piece of pa they found on

(09:00):
the ground outside of a local grocerystore. Thought it was a shopping list
at first, had preprinted font onthe top said people I want to punch
in the face, and it listedspecific times as well. Times. Yeah,
I said, Emma at noon,somebody named Hunt three pm, Joe
at four pm. Three other peoplenamed Sophia, Donna, and Sam were

(09:22):
also listed, but then now attimes they were gonna get punched in the
face. Those are a surprise,right, But no last names. No,
can't track him down and be likewarning, Emma, he's coming for
you at one point fifteen, right, I feel like he's gonna hit a
lot of girls in the face.I don't know who this person is,

(09:43):
but Emma, Sophia, Donna.Look, I know it's not right for
me to assume, but I'm assumingthose are females. Probably wrong in this
day and age, but people,I want to punch it in the fight.
Let's getting right down to it,you know. And you know what,
I I'm kind of jealous of thisguy just because he's so orderly about

(10:05):
it. I mean, you gottaadmit that's pretty You know, we might
all have a list in our head, but to actually write it down right,
I'm like, wow, that's reallyyou know, here's what we're gonna
get done today. People won't needto punch in the face like that.
He's so orderly about it. That'syou got admit this kind of impressive.

(10:26):
And now he's like, where isthat list? If I only had the
list, I know who to punch. It's one fifteen. I forgot who's
up at one fifteen? Damn wasthat Derek Sophia? Who was that?
All right, So, how funnyis this? Well it's kind of sad,
but a US Secret Service agent let'srob that gunpoint. This happened over

(10:46):
the weekend. Uh. President JoeBiden was in southern California over the weekend
for a glitchy campaign start with PresidentBarack Obama. Because you know Joe Blagden
can't talk anymore, He'll do Uh, he's got it. You see the
rules of that debate, kid,Lord, that's CNN debate. You talk
about one sided Jake Tapper another girldoing it. And Biden's people said,

(11:11):
you gotta shut off to Mike whenwe're not talking or when it's not a
turn. They're sitting down. Hewouldn't do it standing up, like all
these crazy rules. So it's gonnabe so lopsided. But anyway, apparently
No Name agent was off duty whenhis bag was stolen Saturday night about nine
o'clock. According to police Department,the agent did discharge his weapon during the

(11:33):
incident. However, the suspect managedto get away. Police said it's unknown
with his suspect or suspects were injured, and then it just goes on and
talk about the Wow. The eventraised thirty million dollars for Biden's re election
campaign. Scoop and I have thisone hundred dollars bet that Biden's not gonna

(11:54):
run. Scoop's dad is in onmy side too, right, I'm like,
oh, all right, I thinkhe's gonna be replaced at the DNC.
We'll see what your dad. Yourdad think it's gonna happen to the
DNC too. I don't know ifhe thinks it's gonna happen there. He
thinks they're gonna swap him out,though at some point it's gonna be wild

(12:16):
you'll see him disappear before the debatenext week. He'll just vanish because a
guy get him all hopped up onthe drugs and the adderall and everything else.
You gotta get the time right becausehe's gonna be, you know,
on at night, and he's gotthe do you know, cognitive skills of
a drawer liner most times. Uh, it's uh yeah, it's one of
those things they always do. Hedisappears several days before they they rearrange the

(12:37):
schedule and get him all hopped up. He practices, practices practices and he
just shows up mad. So heget a good nap in beforehand. Oh
god, yeah, they redo hiswhole sleep schedule everything. It's wild,
all right. Cops in Lakeland,Florida, they got to call him out
of the disturbance on a Saturday.Suspect was gone by the time they get
there. They did I DD thisguy, thirty eight year old Joshua Carrot.

(13:00):
But it turned out Joshua well,he was already wanted for violating his
probation and connection with a burglary caseanother one, so they decided to track
him down at his workplace. Hisworkplace confirmed that he walked inside but nobody
had seen him leave, so theystarted searching the building. Imagine the cops
rolling here and they're looking for somebodyhiding in the building. Like, oh,

(13:22):
cops are here, and they saythey're looking. They're definitely looking for
Scoop. Oh sure, yeah,for all them burglaries. He's out there
doing for giving, you know,knockoff dragons, the fall apart when he
sneeze on him, the little threeyear olds, so you uh, you
imagine that'd be wild. Right,Well, this guy is in the workplace.

(13:46):
They started searching the building. Eventuallythey found him hiding in the ceiling
after his phone started ringing. Theywere just about to give up the search.
They searched the building or just aboutwell, I guess he's snuck out.
Nobody saw leave, blah blah blah, and then they heard a cell
phone ringing the ceiling tile. SomehowJoshua climb up in the ceiling tile and

(14:09):
was hiding up there until his phonerang. They did see a couple of
ceiling tiles that were displaced. Theysaw his hands to get through the ceiling
tower trying to correct one of them. After his phone was ringing. They
booked him on that warrant tacked ontwo more charges of criminal mischief and resisting
the rest. You dummy like manof all things to get you busted your

(14:33):
cell phone all and they were justcalling to extend your warranty, right,
no doubt. Some spam call.Oh, man, this is Google to
let you know that you're listing isno longer up on our website. We're
in our neighborhood. Give him freehell estimates? How about you? Uh,
that would suck all right. Finally, somebody in Iowa was driving down

(14:56):
town about seven forty five pm onFriday in the spot of a three year
old boy walking down the street.Well, it appeared to be a handgun,
and sure enough they pulled over andtook this loaded handgun away from a
three year old. Then his mom, a thirty one year old woman named
Samantha Hall, showed up and tookhim home. She told police she was

(15:20):
cleaning and didn't realize that he'd walkedoff, and she left the gun on
a night stand where he was ableto reach it. Man Like, there's
a whole lot of whoops going onright here. Thankfully nobody was hurt.
She faced the charge of child engagementand making firearms available to a miner.

(15:41):
Oh damn. You imagine seeing threeyear old just strolling down the road with
a handgun, Like, is thata damn what is going on? I'd
look for cameras. This gotta bea movie scene or something. Somebody's pranking
me, right, what the hell? Turn around? Yeah, I thank
god Rider wouldn't have something like that. I don't trust Rider with handguns.

(16:03):
I've seen what he does with knives. All right, coming up, do
you even know what ultra processed foodsare? Most people don't, so it's
unfortunate. But look, there's areason cancer rates are so damn high.
I'll be honest, we all knowif somebody affected by it. There's also
an online discussion about people talking abouthow they won the genetic lottery. Yeah,

(16:30):
yeah, that's could be funny becauseyou know, we didn't. Did
you win the genetic lottery? Yeah? Somebody said I look like Ryan Reynolds
in Deadpool.