August 4, 2025 • 36 mins
Comedian & U Up? podcast co-host Jared Freid is back and breaking down the wild world of modern dating. He’s decoding texts, ghosting patterns, and what it actually means when "he" watches every IG Story but doesn’t text back. And is it a red flag or just a situationship with a cute filter?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello, my love, Welcome back to the bonus episode of
Give Them All a Podcast. I am here with comedian.
And also, you produce, produce your.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Podcast, produce you uce content.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Yeah, produce content. You produce your podcast. And are you
you said you.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Had Jerry Bruckheimer, I'm talking.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
You said you had a like Netflix special content.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
I made the special. I got a book coming out.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
See like you're you wear money hats, I wear them all.
So when you do, because you have the thirty seven
and still single. But you said you just filmed something
with your parents.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
I filmed a new special, stand up special called The
Family Plan.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
And that's what you are hoping goes to a streamer. Yeah,
so you very much produce, like you have a hand
in making the content that's going to streamer.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Yeah. When you're a stand up comedian, you got to
be the writer, the performer, the the clown. You know,
you got to do it all.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
That feels like I was talking to my brother the
other day. The writing aspect sounds like so much work.
The way a comedian can talk about something, go on
a tangent and be able to wrap it back to
the beginning is a skill that I don't think I
could ever conquer.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Well. It took me years to like get better at
stand up. I'm still you know, stand up is you
have to love it, yeah, to do it. You can't
do it because if you don't love it, you don't
want to work at it. And it's a lot of
hard work, right, and it's also done very slowly. It's
like chipping away at a you know, at a statue.
You're trying to like get a joke, you know, and
(01:47):
you only get one chance to do it because you
need the audience to hear how they react, and you
got to say it the right way, and you got
to believe even if it doesn't work well. I said
it that way last night and the work last night.
So it's a slow process, you know. Bill Burr I
heard him say, He's like, if you get a new
minute a week, by the end of the year, you'll
have fifty two minutes, which is as special And I
(02:10):
kind of think that's a perfect way to think about it,
because new minute a week would be really writing. Okay,
so I think it takes two years to have a
special be pretty good.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Who is your favorite comedian?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
I love Kevin James, The King of Queens, and he
has a standing. He had a stand up special that
I like love called Sweat the Small Stuff. It's on YouTube,
it was on Comedy Central that it's so good it
still works. It's like a late nineties like he's doing
bits that like some of them aged out because you know,
technology and life, but a lot of them really are
(02:48):
like classic bits. He's just he's not known as much
as a stand up as he is like Paul Blart
or like yeah, King of Queens, but like he is
a stand up, So that's like a special. And then
like current like David Tel's like the Comedians comedian, like
everyone loves Dave, like Dave's like amazing. There's people I
love just that I'm friends with that are like great,
(03:11):
you know, Michelle Wolf and Michael Chay, Nimesh Patel, these
are all like close friends of mine that are all
like so good, you know.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I like Andrew Santino that I've just recently, well I
shouldn't say recently in the past year. I watched Cheeseburger
on Netflix.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Yup, I saw he's very funny. I've been on his
podcast A Great Guy.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Yeah, wait, the Bad Friends podcast. Now, I went on
his solo one.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I love this.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Yeah, he's a great guys, very funny.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
For the bonus, I want to ask you some rapid
fire questions.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Let's do it and advice.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
I don't know how rapid you are, but I just
a player.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
What do you do when preseason ends? And should you
go to the games? I didn't. I don't know. I'm
still guessing. You know.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
No, he says he's not ready to date but still
text me every night? What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (04:08):
That means he's attracted? It's a mess. Let's just start.
It's a mess because the words matter here. He's not
ready to date, but he texts me every night? Okay,
so what does date mean? Like? Have you gone out
and hooked up and he doesn't want to be your
boyfriend and you'd like a boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Or.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
You want to go on a date and he won't
even go on a date?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Yeah, because if he's only texting you at night, that
sounds like he's trying to get all up in it.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yeah, but that's like not even This person's problem is
they're not really zoning on what they want. Take it
back a step. I would like a date is way
simpler and more defined. Then I'm not ready to date.
I don't even know what the fuck that means. Like,
I've never even said that sentence to a woman. So
(04:59):
if I've said it, then he's just trying to keep
the ball in the air. When someone keeps texting you
and says I don't want to date and that's a
vague thing. I'm not ready to date, but I keep
texting you, they're just trying. Men love vague options. We
were told from a young age approach approach, approach, pursue
(05:22):
or supersue. That involved a lot of losing, like a
lot of being turned down. Yeah, so when your whole
life you're told pursue approach, they like it. They want
you to go up and ask them on a date.
When you have someone who's agreed to like that, they
think you're hot and they want to text you back,
(05:45):
you kind of hold on to it because you're afraid
that you'll go without and you'll never have like another
woman who will say yes to It's like a survival thing,
all right. I'm not trying to apologize for it. I'm
just giving a reason to it. So, like, why does
he keep texting is because we'd like to put leftovers
in the fridge. We don't want to like and I
know that grosses you out, but I'm saying, like, you
(06:08):
don't want to go without you don't want to be hungry.
So I got to make sure there's someone who I got,
someone who I'm texting, because at some point maybe I'll
be like in the mood for all right.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
So you would tell this woman to just stop even in.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
GEI I wouldn't say that, because that's not how I
give advice. I would say to them, what do you
want and make it specific, say it out loud.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
So let's say I would like to go on dates,
but not be exclusive.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Make it smaller. What do you want next week?
Speaker 1 (06:46):
I want to go out with you.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
I want to go on a date.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
I want to go on a date. Well guess what,
So I was already said he's not ready to date.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Well that's but this is my point. You can't tell
people what to do. They got to find it out
on their own.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
So to this person who's texting and tech texting with
someone who says they don't want to be dating because
they don't they're whatever the fuck is wrong with them,
I would say them they should write to them. Hey,
I just want to go. I'm looking to go out
and get drinks next week. Make a plan. I'm in.
But if you can't, that's what I'm looking for in
a partner right now. And if you can't do that,
(07:19):
we have to stop text.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
And then he will probably won't want us for the
first time and just say I don't I'm well, he won't.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Say anything, he'll probably disappear, he'll probably make an excuse. No,
he won't be honest. Oh he'll he'll he'll text you
in three weeks. But I'm trying to get the person
who's texting with the guy who keeps texting, they need
help to right. You know, this question doesn't come from
a place of power. This question comes from a place
of weakness and not acknowledging that they are doing something.
(07:49):
They're like, they're you know, they're insane. They keep texting
with someone that they're getting mad at if they if
they were able, they would just stop. They wouldn't write
at us.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Well, that's why I'm excited for the next question.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
That's my point. You know what I mean? Do you
get what I mean? Like, yes, I know what you mean,
Like I just like I don't like when someone gives
rules like, it's.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Just like, I think it's much easier to give the
advice that you're giving because I've given this advice to
my friends, and in the moment I'm put in that
same situation, I suddenly have zero rules. I don't know
how to go about anything right.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Any advice is easier to give them take no question.
But I'm saying for this person, if I say to them, hey,
what do you want and they can't answer that question,
it's more there. It's it's now their fault, like they
gotta they have to like be a participant in this.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Of course. Yeah, he watches every story but hasn't texted
in two weeks. Does that mean anything?
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Really, what does it mean?
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Watching someone's story means you're attracted to them? That's it. Okay,
So that's the problem with the stories thing. People are like,
it doesn't matter. It does, but it doesn't. Watch your
stories mean something. But it doesn't mean they like you.
It just means they're attracted you. I it's like looking
at someone walking down the street. I've checked out a
(09:12):
woman's ass as she passed me on the street. Of course,
that doesn't mean I want to go on a day with.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Them, So it's just like looking at you.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Well, because the reason they're looking at your stories all
the time is because the stories that go to the
front are the people's pages you're interacting with the most.
So acknowledge that.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Wow, you just taught me something I had no idea.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
I mean you knew that. No, I just think you're
not looking at someone's stories that like of a paid
your friends that you would interact the most with on
Instagram don't come up front, front and center. They do.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
I thought it just posted the story that's most recent.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
No, it's an account you've interacted with, and it's account
you've touched, an account you've searched, an account you've liked.
Those come up first. The ones that are at the
way end are the ones you've stopped really caring about.
So they're looking at you, they're interacting with you, even
(10:10):
if they're not liking your page is on the front
end of their their views. Yeah, so it means they're attracted.
So it's hard to say to someone they keep watching
my stories and you're like when you say it's nothing, like, well,
that's not true. It means they're attracted you. I mean,
I if it really affects you and you're getting annoyed
(10:30):
by it. How about you block them? If that's too
much for you, that's okay. How about you mute them?
How about you block them from your stories? Like, we
can take actions, right, you can take actions to get
rid of this. Is it if it's because and we
have to acknowledge, is it bothering me? Like there are
points where I'm watching all these stories, I'm like, what
(10:50):
the fuck am I doing here? And you have to
be you know I'm gonna and these are ways. There
are ways to do it without letting them know. And sometimes,
but sometimes that hurts people to do.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
To mute someone, Yeah, you.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Feel bad that you're they don't even care. They don't
even know that I muted them, Like you just lose
like they're again seeing their face watching your stories. It
does hit you in a place. At least someone cares,
at least they're looking. So I get why people ask
about it. Think about it people.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
By the way, there's so many of my friends who
always say he watched my stories. I don't understand why
he takes back They're right, I met someone on vacation.
Now what Well, that one's hard because the long distance
thing is like fun for five seconds.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I would need to know more to the story. But
based on this, if I have to answer this question now, what, hey,
what's that?
Speaker 1 (11:49):
I'm just I have a good one for you, going.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Well, the vacation didn't answer that quick? I would say
if you met someone on vacation, I would ask what
the plan is next? You know, and if you can't
answer that and you don't want to put yourself out there,
then it's not worth your doing.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
I think it's just like you had fun and call
it a day.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
I mean, that's not for me to say, like, this
is why.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
I can't do what you do, because I love having
control and telling pody. I would say it's my most
favorite thing to do.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
If a friend of mine was like, I went on vacation,
I met this guy or I met this girl and
they're awesome and I really like there's something there, I
would go, Okay, if that's the case, what's happening next
month for you two to get to know each other more?
At a basis, all you want to do is get
to know them more. You're not asking for more than that. Okay,
(12:36):
so hey, I really and you have to be vulnerable
like you don't. You can't have it all. You can't
have an amazing time and cobo with someone and then
you know, and then they you know. Then it's easy
from then on there on out. And I don't care
what romantic comedy you saw that told you what was
(12:56):
going to happen. That way, you got to lose something
and sometimes losing like you know, losing the ability to
like guard yourself. Hey, I it was a great time meeting. Hey,
what happened this weekend? What really surprised me? This is
the text I was saying, what happened this weekend really
surprise me? I don't know. I'm not seeing anyone right now,
(13:18):
and I feel like I really want to get to
know you more. If you're up for that, let's make
a plan for a few weeks out and again to
like meet safely and or you come to me, or
I come to you, and we see if we like
each other again. Maybe it's not, Maybe maybe it is,
(13:40):
Maybe it's not. I mean I've done this where I've
gone to.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Like, would you take a friend or go solo?
Speaker 2 (13:46):
I think you take a friend. Yeah, I think you
take a friend. I think you make it as easy
as get your own room. Totally make it as easy
as possible. Again, you can't have it. All these things
cost money, right, you can't afford it. Don't make your
life a detriment. Maybe it's now's not the time, but
if you can afford to get your own room and
go with a friend to like, I mean, I've been
in that situation where like I've been on the road
(14:07):
and then like you know, the person came with their
friend and got their own room and you know, had
their own weekend and then we got to hang out again. Yeah,
and see if this is worth and worth is a
tough word because I'm not saying they're not worth it,
but like the idea, like can this be something we
try and that's all you're trying to do. Keep it small,
(14:31):
keep the stake small.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Okay. I like that, especially because I'm into finding people
who don't live near me, which I don't know, I
don't understand that.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Yeah, because that's because well, everyone's nice when you're leaving.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Yeah, it's also nice to be like right, it's like easy.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
You know, I'm so nice to people and they're like,
oh I'm going I'm like, oh, I see you. You
were great, you know, you know who I'm mean to.
I don't know when I'm leaving. Oh really, Oh yeah,
it's the same as like a woman in your town.
You know what I might move here?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Really no, no, no, I sent a naughty riskue text
after a few drinks. He didn't respond. Am I blocked
or just humbled the no response? You know when you're blocked.
If you have an iPhone, by the way, deal breaker,
If my text goes through green, it's and you text like,
(15:25):
if you have an Android, we're good. Here goes back
to the khaki pants.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Listen, that's your ex or your own. I would say
two things. Sometimes let me let me give some empathy
to the guy who doesn't get back to your dirty text.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
What gets looked over is that you have to be
in the right mind space to send a dirty text.
You also have to be in the right mind space
to receive a dirty text. So I have gotten text
from women where it's like this hot, awesome text and
I'm like in an uber going to a podcast, and
(16:06):
I'm like, I don't have the ability the mindset I
am not in right back to this mode. So and
this happens with like when you're like distance with someone
like their time zone is eight pm and you're like
four and you're like, how do I write titty at
four pm? You know, like I you know, like it's
(16:27):
like it's way harder than it gets credit for. So
I would say to this person, I don't know if
they're blocked. I don't know if they should be. I
don't think they should be humbled. Maybe you hit the
other person at an hour that wasn't the same for
them as it was for you. Okay, that's my one thing.
Now if you write to them, hey, that was pretty
(16:50):
I think it's okay to be turned off again. Don't
be confused, be turned off. Like I said in the
other episode, Okay, hey, it really kind of annoyed me
that you never got back to the text. I was
really like feeling you that night, and I think they're
going to write back either. That's you. We call it
the reveal on the podcast. Ok So, it's like the
(17:10):
talk is stupid, Like when should we have the talk?
I think that's never worked. It's not good. If you
have to have the talk, it's gone. I think the
reveal is a better option. So the reveal is letting
someone know that you how you feel and then just
shutting the fuck up.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
So, hey, I sent you a I sent you some
nudes and a fun text the other night. It really
let me down that you never got back to it.
Now shut the fuck up, okay, because at that point
they're gonna come back with a response. It's either caring
(17:49):
or it's like it's an it's a breakup because they
know that you're farther ahead than maybe they are, or
it's an explanation. Hey, I gotta be honest with you,
and I would say to the person who wrote this,
have some empathy for the explanation. It might be you
caught me out like the worst time, because a sexy
text getting back to it isn't just everything's nothing much,
(18:12):
you know, and.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
It's very a lot of pressure on the receiving end.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
We have to have empathy for the receiving end of
a dirty text because that end of it is not
as easy because everyone thinks, well, you should feel lucky
you're seeing my titty, and you go, I am lucky.
That's why I want to give a response that's deserving
of this titty. But I'm not in the place to
write a response to the titty. So This is where
(18:40):
I think we get like. I think this is a
more layered answer than maybe they would.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
It is. In the last time I sent like dirty
text messages, it was kind of a while ago, but
I just remember it's almost like for play, right, Like
you're wanting to each text that's going back and forth,
trying to one up the other person because you want
to get to the climax, right, It is a lot
of pressure. The first person to send off the dirty
(19:08):
text actually has to be easiest.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Right because they are all you have to do it
in their undies feeling west and.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
All you have to do is I'm feeling wet right now, right.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
And now now, and it's like okay, and now you've
got to go to like the mindset of like, okay,
how do I get her? You know.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
It's a lie. This is why I I sometimes wish
I could be a lesbian, because that would be easy.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
I know, I don't think you want that. Really, you
want to date a woman, I can tell you right now,
A lot of work. It can be a lot of work.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Okay. The next one I have for you is we've
been dating for six months and he still hasn't introduced
me to a single friend. Is this low key secret girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Energy you're dating in the back alleys.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Oh, it's kind of the best kind.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Though, Listen. It's everything serves its own purpose. Yeah, but
this person you're dating in the alleys, you're not on
main street. The biggest issue they have isn't that they're
being hidden, it's that the breakup is just easier. Yeah,
you have to weave someone into your life to make
(20:17):
you know, like to make it go any further. So
you that, listen, they're dating six months, six months may
as well be one month.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
When do you think is a good time to like
what I mean, is there like a limit on? Okay,
we've been out three times? Why am I not being introduced?
Speaker 2 (20:38):
No?
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Or is it kind of like maybe you guys don't
know each other well enough? Do you find that it's
all in the communication.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
It's all in the communication, like all things, Like I
talk about.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
This all the time. It's such a simple concept, but
it's actually very complex.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
No. Well, it's also like, listen, I've dated people for
six months and like it's it's hovered in this one
spot really like this person, And the reasoning was, you know,
I wasn't really ready to make it more than it was.
And I also didn't. There's a little scheduling aspect to it.
(21:15):
If I'm going to be which sounds like bullshit, but
it's like, I'm looking at my schedule. I'm not going
to be in the same city for this long. How
could I get to know someone? You know, when you're
getting to know someone over text, it's just not the
same and you get bored, right and and for me personally,
and I think like you as well, and I think
(21:35):
the audience can relate to this more than they would
maybe admit. But honestly, there's dating pre social media, and
then there's post social media. So like if you and
your you know, the third basement that you're dating, put
it on Instagram, Okay, there's a different responsibility. If this ends,
(21:58):
you have to undo it. You have to answer to
a greater world. Same with the listeners. Even if you're
not a person who posts on social media, you have
two hundred followers that are your friends that care about
your life, that would are watching.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Yeah, that are wonder right.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
So like six months, you go, do I feel confident enough?
And I think with my dating life, I want to
be like I want to be sprinting, and I think
when if you're holding up at all, you're like, Okay,
let me keep this pre social media or keep this
pre meeting my friends, because then I'd have to undo
(22:35):
that if it doesn't go right. And so I don't
think that's a good thing for this person's scenario. Like
I don't think that they're in a good spot if
they want more.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Well, and we see and I operate off of ego,
which is hard to believe when I'm in the AA
program because we try to silence that. But for me,
like I wouldn't say anything to him because I would
be afraid of the response and feeling rejected. So I
lead with ego.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Here's my question of the person and my question to you, Okay,
how would you feel if you were writing this email
a year from now, If you were writing I haven't
met his friends yet and it was a year.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
In Oh, now you've now, I would be like, I
wish I would have been more forward, because now I've
wasted a year when I could have cut this off
in six months.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
And here's how I help this person. Okay, go out
with your friends, have some spritzes. Yeah, text this guy,
hay him out with my friends. I want you to
come hang out and see if they'll come.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
That's cute. I like that. And then that way, it
still feels okay if he doesn't come, because you're with
your girls and you're a little buzz.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
And vulnerability produces vulnerability. Now you have a right to
say if he does come, great, he's meeting your friends.
You've inched forward. If he doesn't come, you can say, hey,
I made an effort today. I tried to get you
to hang with my friends and I and you just
basically and you were doing nothing. Yeah, you didn't really
(24:02):
have a great excuse. I feel let down by that,
right if and if he and so that's a conversation.
So now you're getting deserving of a conversation. I think
she deserves to have a conversation anyways, but maybe this
helps her have that. You know, Hey, I try to
do something fun and you just didn't. Really you weren't.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
You gave me nothing.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Yeah, or he comes and you go, hey, you met
my friends and that was so much fun. I want
to do that with your friends now too. So now
it makes that conversation easier.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Okay, I love all of this. I'm implementing it all
into my.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
There you go. Last question you're dating?
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Okay, I wanted to ask you the IG one.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
He's in sidelinebacker.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
He never compliments me, but he compliments other women on
ig Call him on it or just dump him.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
You gotta dump him.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
I think that guy sounds like a fucking dick.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Yeah, and it's a lack of beyond not comment on you, like,
forget that social media is a public place. And would
he feel comfortable with your friends seeing that he's like commimenting, Like,
is that who you want to date? I don't know, No,
that's that's that would be a turn off to me.
But I'm saying like, I also don't like to tell
(25:16):
people what to do, but I just think like you
have a leg to stand on if you were to, like,
but you're not going to fix this guy? Is No?
Speaker 1 (25:24):
I think this is a hymn issue when you I
don't know this.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Yeah, Like, you're not going to fix a guy who
thought so little of you that they didn't care about
this being seen.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Yeah, it's fucked up. Okay, this happens to me all
the fucking time. I'm seeing someone new but still dreaming
about my ex. Is that just emotional lag.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
What the fuck is I don't know what emotional lag is.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
I don't know what that is either, But what is that?
I know you're not some like dream interpreter, but like
I feel like that isn't normal.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
I would say, if they're not muting and blocking an X,
you're doing yourself at a service. She's dreaming about it,
I know, but the dreams happened, right, You're subconsciously coming
across things. You have the listen. It's not you used
to before social media. I remember, like what there was
one time my dad, mom and I, like I was
(26:18):
like a young kid, and we like went for ice cream,
and then we left the ice cream place and we
got in the car and my dad was like my
mom was like, that was your dad's ex girlfriend, you know,
Oh my god, oh my god, and she was giving
them ship. That was the only time you could really
see an ex like you didn't have to, Like you
had no ability to because like if I saw an
ex at ice cream and I'm with my kids and family,
(26:41):
I would already know everything about their lives. I would
know that they were going to be at ice cream,
like you know, like because there's some sort of there's
a level of knowledge I would have that I'm not
like proud of it, Like that's kind of how it goes.
It is such like a funny thing to think about,
like my dad being like yeah I was an X
and like oh in them catching up and like the moment,
like having no idea what they've been up to, and
(27:03):
this is so different today. So it's like, I don't know,
I think we should want a little more of what
my parents had and a little less give right, So
like why don't we create that world for ourselves and
be an active participant in our life and our health
and be like, Okay, I'm gonna block my X on everything.
And it's not because I hate them.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
You can because there's no reason.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
Self, you know, making yourself feel good. This is all
mental health, Like it's not. And here's the scenario that
never happens. Tell me the X going, hey you blocked me. No,
that never happened, Never happens, and never afraid of It's like,
you know, you ever see those videos of like what
you what people think is going to happen when friends
(27:43):
come over and they're like you haven't cleaned your you know,
the duster you're like, yeah, like that never happens. People
don't act that way. When you see your block, you go,
I'll get away. Obviously I bothered them. I need to like.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Yeah, but I'm still so I.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Have sex dreams. I'm saying, like, get spurred by something, right,
but like, are something from your current? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
I think sometimes it's it's the uni. I see I'm
a little bit deeper than you on this. I think
it's your I think it's the universe trying to implant something.
So I'm gonna tell you a very brief story and
then we can move on. Because this question was like
one of my favorites because it happens to me relatable.
I had this boyfriend and we were very very young. Okay,
(28:28):
he was still in college. He lived in La, I
lived back in Utah. We met through social media, and
we were together for quite a long time, I would say,
and then on and off once I moved out to LA. Anyway,
cut to he gets married, has kids, I find my
person and we have a baby, and I want to say,
(28:51):
maybe like two three years ago, I see that, and
I was still hooked on this guy, like I've always
been hooked on him. I can shake the fucking feeling.
It's been years, it's been over a decade. I cyberstock him.
I'm done with my X now. And he's deleted all
(29:12):
of his photos of his wife and he's changed, changed
that he's not married, like she's taken out of his bio.
So I slide in the DM. We start talking. I
go out to Vegas and he wants to link up.
He apologizes for everything that he put me through years ago.
I should have been there for you in a different way.
(29:34):
I want to say that I'm sorry. I asked him
about the wife, and he goes, well, I wanted to
tell you that we're going to try to work it out.
And I was like, I totally respect that you have children.
You should fucking do that. I go back to La.
He sends me a message a few weeks later. He's like, Hey,
I'm in LA. I'd love to get lunch with you.
And I said, I'm not going out with someone who
(29:55):
has a wife. I'm just not telling it. He said,
it's ended. He portrays four months now that he and
his wife got a divorce because of my trauma. I
am not buying it. I need to see paperwork. I
keep having dreams every night of his wife coming in
and catching us together. Even though he's saying they're done,
(30:18):
it just keeps coming up. So I plan to go
to Vegas to see him because I'm like, okay, like,
if you're saying like I want to believe you, I'm
holding on to his apology because it was just like
the most beautiful and necessary for my soul apology. My
friend says to me, so, you're gonna see him while
you're out there. I said yeah, And she did he
(30:38):
send you the proof of his divorce? And I said no?
And she goes, you're not hanging out with him. I
will not allow it. So I don't see him. I
continue to dream about him all the livelong day. I
literally over the weekend had another fucking dream about him
and the wife. I get onto social media to cyberse
(31:00):
talk again. She's got her ring on, he's got his
ring on, They've got pictures together, and I'm like, the
universe fucking did that for me?
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Is that not wild?
Speaker 2 (31:13):
It's wild? I think it's there's one part of the
story that like, I would like never acknowledge what the apology?
What do you mean you wouldn't acknowledge, Like I wouldn't
think of that as like a plus.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
No, well, it's all been what.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
I'm saying before you got to the you know, when
you're telling the story, Yeah, you're like the apology, you know,
hit me so hard because he apologized for all the
things he did. I kind of live in a world
of like what else was he gonna say? Like that's
the only way to start with you is to acknowledge
the past. Yeah, Like I don't think that's like a
heroic apology. No, No, the apology coming.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
That's actually new. No one has ever said that to
me before, right, Like.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
I think the apology is like the easiest, most self
serving thing for him to do because you're in Vegas, right,
You're in Vegas. He's got to make you feel happy
to be there. He's got to acknowledge the past. Like
that's like a maneuver more than it is like twelve steps.
Who Yeah, but I'm with you on the universe and like, yeah,
(32:21):
like something in your body told you, like there's something
off here, and it's probably your body saying like because
your mind is going that apology meant so much to me,
but your body's going. Anyone could have done. That's like,
I don't think there's just nothing to lose from the apology. Totally,
no risk taken. That's my two cents for wow that.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
No one has ever pointed that part out. That is
the only opener.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Right, What else is it gonna say? Hey, been a while,
Like you acknowledge that you fucking cheated on me and
we had this weird, fucking bast and it's crazy that
we're here right now, like acknowledge what I was because
usually with an X the last text is like some
sort of anger, Like it's like being like happy birthday
after someone's like, well fuck you, and you can like
(33:10):
scroll up and you're like, wait a minute, I just
yelled at you. The next thing can't be happy birthday.
You have to acknowledge the thing above.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
It's right, Oh my gosh, I needed that.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Yeah, I'm happy that could help out all and wed
something came in the way, but I came in the way.
But I think you knew in your heart that that
apology was bullshit. Yeah, or was just easy to me.
That's an easy apology.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
You know, most people, they can be shitty at a
certain time in their life, and you hope as they
get older, they become you know, nicer people. I'm like, wow,
age actually made you a shittier person.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Well, I mean if I was to give him empathy
when people you know, when people are lonely, yeah, they
are men generally, to go back to something we talked
about before, men people generally go the easiest route, right.
In general, people take the easier route as opposed to
(34:09):
the harder route. So when you're lonely, who do you
go back to? What you're familiar with and the list
of people who have said yes to your naked body
before so and sometimes it's an X from way way
far ago or way way long ago, or sometimes as
the person you just left. That's why people go back
to their significant others. When you break up with someone,
(34:31):
there's one less person to hug, text and hold okay,
and you have a void and your whole next step
is to try and fill that void because it feels bad.
And a lot of times people do it with the
person that they just left. That's why you get back
with an X or it's someone from your past right
(34:52):
that there's less to explain, you know, what do they say?
There's an economic I was an economics major in college.
I really put that to use. It's more expensive to
hire someone new than it is to retrain an old employee.
So that is the same for data. Yeah, so it's
(35:15):
way more expensive to go on hinge and go on
a first date and meet new person and get them
to trust you. That costs way more money than it
is to go back to someone who's already working at
the company. And you worked at his company. You knew him,
you trusted him, you had a familiarity with him, you
knew how the penis worked, you knew that he could fuck.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Yeah, like all these things that like aren't important, but
you knew.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
You know who the hero is in this the front
my friend, your friend.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Yeah, your friend is a true hero because they reminded
you of what you had already said.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Yes, yeah, damn. Thank you for doing the boner episode.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
I got you you, guys. I do well with a boner.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
We love a good boner. Thank you guys for listening
to another episode of the Give Them All Up Podcast
Bonus episode I'm gonna catch you guys on Wednesday and
again next week. Bye.
Hello, my love, Welcome back to the bonus episode of
Give Them All a Podcast. I am here with comedian.
And also, you produce, produce your.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Podcast, produce you uce content.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Yeah, produce content. You produce your podcast. And are you
you said you.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Had Jerry Bruckheimer, I'm talking.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
You said you had a like Netflix special content.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
I made the special. I got a book coming out.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
See like you're you wear money hats, I wear them all.
So when you do, because you have the thirty seven
and still single. But you said you just filmed something
with your parents.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
I filmed a new special, stand up special called The
Family Plan.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
And that's what you are hoping goes to a streamer. Yeah,
so you very much produce, like you have a hand
in making the content that's going to streamer.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Yeah. When you're a stand up comedian, you got to
be the writer, the performer, the the clown. You know,
you got to do it all.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
That feels like I was talking to my brother the
other day. The writing aspect sounds like so much work.
The way a comedian can talk about something, go on
a tangent and be able to wrap it back to
the beginning is a skill that I don't think I
could ever conquer.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Well. It took me years to like get better at
stand up. I'm still you know, stand up is you
have to love it, yeah, to do it. You can't
do it because if you don't love it, you don't
want to work at it. And it's a lot of
hard work, right, and it's also done very slowly. It's
like chipping away at a you know, at a statue.
You're trying to like get a joke, you know, and
(01:47):
you only get one chance to do it because you
need the audience to hear how they react, and you
got to say it the right way, and you got
to believe even if it doesn't work well. I said
it that way last night and the work last night.
So it's a slow process, you know. Bill Burr I
heard him say, He's like, if you get a new
minute a week, by the end of the year, you'll
have fifty two minutes, which is as special And I
(02:10):
kind of think that's a perfect way to think about it,
because new minute a week would be really writing. Okay,
so I think it takes two years to have a
special be pretty good.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Who is your favorite comedian?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
I love Kevin James, The King of Queens, and he
has a standing. He had a stand up special that
I like love called Sweat the Small Stuff. It's on YouTube,
it was on Comedy Central that it's so good it
still works. It's like a late nineties like he's doing
bits that like some of them aged out because you know,
technology and life, but a lot of them really are
(02:48):
like classic bits. He's just he's not known as much
as a stand up as he is like Paul Blart
or like yeah, King of Queens, but like he is
a stand up, So that's like a special. And then
like current like David Tel's like the Comedians comedian, like
everyone loves Dave, like Dave's like amazing. There's people I
love just that I'm friends with that are like great,
(03:11):
you know, Michelle Wolf and Michael Chay, Nimesh Patel, these
are all like close friends of mine that are all
like so good, you know.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I like Andrew Santino that I've just recently, well I
shouldn't say recently in the past year. I watched Cheeseburger
on Netflix.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Yup, I saw he's very funny. I've been on his
podcast A Great Guy.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Yeah, wait, the Bad Friends podcast. Now, I went on
his solo one.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I love this.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Yeah, he's a great guys, very funny.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
For the bonus, I want to ask you some rapid
fire questions.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Let's do it and advice.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
I don't know how rapid you are, but I just
a player.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
What do you do when preseason ends? And should you
go to the games? I didn't. I don't know. I'm
still guessing. You know.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
No, he says he's not ready to date but still
text me every night? What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (04:08):
That means he's attracted? It's a mess. Let's just start.
It's a mess because the words matter here. He's not
ready to date, but he texts me every night? Okay,
so what does date mean? Like? Have you gone out
and hooked up and he doesn't want to be your
boyfriend and you'd like a boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Or.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
You want to go on a date and he won't
even go on a date?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Yeah, because if he's only texting you at night, that
sounds like he's trying to get all up in it.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yeah, but that's like not even This person's problem is
they're not really zoning on what they want. Take it
back a step. I would like a date is way
simpler and more defined. Then I'm not ready to date.
I don't even know what the fuck that means. Like,
I've never even said that sentence to a woman. So
(04:59):
if I've said it, then he's just trying to keep
the ball in the air. When someone keeps texting you
and says I don't want to date and that's a
vague thing. I'm not ready to date, but I keep
texting you, they're just trying. Men love vague options. We
were told from a young age approach approach, approach, pursue
(05:22):
or supersue. That involved a lot of losing, like a
lot of being turned down. Yeah, so when your whole
life you're told pursue approach, they like it. They want
you to go up and ask them on a date.
When you have someone who's agreed to like that, they
think you're hot and they want to text you back,
(05:45):
you kind of hold on to it because you're afraid
that you'll go without and you'll never have like another
woman who will say yes to It's like a survival thing,
all right. I'm not trying to apologize for it. I'm
just giving a reason to it. So, like, why does
he keep texting is because we'd like to put leftovers
in the fridge. We don't want to like and I
know that grosses you out, but I'm saying, like, you
(06:08):
don't want to go without you don't want to be hungry.
So I got to make sure there's someone who I got,
someone who I'm texting, because at some point maybe I'll
be like in the mood for all right.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
So you would tell this woman to just stop even in.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
GEI I wouldn't say that, because that's not how I
give advice. I would say to them, what do you
want and make it specific, say it out loud.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
So let's say I would like to go on dates,
but not be exclusive.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Make it smaller. What do you want next week?
Speaker 1 (06:46):
I want to go out with you.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
I want to go on a date.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
I want to go on a date. Well guess what,
So I was already said he's not ready to date.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Well that's but this is my point. You can't tell
people what to do. They got to find it out
on their own.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
So to this person who's texting and tech texting with
someone who says they don't want to be dating because
they don't they're whatever the fuck is wrong with them,
I would say them they should write to them. Hey,
I just want to go. I'm looking to go out
and get drinks next week. Make a plan. I'm in.
But if you can't, that's what I'm looking for in
a partner right now. And if you can't do that,
(07:19):
we have to stop text.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
And then he will probably won't want us for the
first time and just say I don't I'm well, he won't.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Say anything, he'll probably disappear, he'll probably make an excuse. No,
he won't be honest. Oh he'll he'll he'll text you
in three weeks. But I'm trying to get the person
who's texting with the guy who keeps texting, they need
help to right. You know, this question doesn't come from
a place of power. This question comes from a place
of weakness and not acknowledging that they are doing something.
(07:49):
They're like, they're you know, they're insane. They keep texting
with someone that they're getting mad at if they if
they were able, they would just stop. They wouldn't write
at us.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Well, that's why I'm excited for the next question.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
That's my point. You know what I mean? Do you
get what I mean? Like, yes, I know what you mean,
Like I just like I don't like when someone gives
rules like, it's.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Just like, I think it's much easier to give the
advice that you're giving because I've given this advice to
my friends, and in the moment I'm put in that
same situation, I suddenly have zero rules. I don't know
how to go about anything right.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Any advice is easier to give them take no question.
But I'm saying for this person, if I say to them, hey,
what do you want and they can't answer that question,
it's more there. It's it's now their fault, like they
gotta they have to like be a participant in this.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Of course. Yeah, he watches every story but hasn't texted
in two weeks. Does that mean anything?
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Really, what does it mean?
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Watching someone's story means you're attracted to them? That's it. Okay,
So that's the problem with the stories thing. People are like,
it doesn't matter. It does, but it doesn't. Watch your
stories mean something. But it doesn't mean they like you.
It just means they're attracted you. I it's like looking
at someone walking down the street. I've checked out a
(09:12):
woman's ass as she passed me on the street. Of course,
that doesn't mean I want to go on a day with.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Them, So it's just like looking at you.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Well, because the reason they're looking at your stories all
the time is because the stories that go to the
front are the people's pages you're interacting with the most.
So acknowledge that.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Wow, you just taught me something I had no idea.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
I mean you knew that. No, I just think you're
not looking at someone's stories that like of a paid
your friends that you would interact the most with on
Instagram don't come up front, front and center. They do.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
I thought it just posted the story that's most recent.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
No, it's an account you've interacted with, and it's account
you've touched, an account you've searched, an account you've liked.
Those come up first. The ones that are at the
way end are the ones you've stopped really caring about.
So they're looking at you, they're interacting with you, even
(10:10):
if they're not liking your page is on the front
end of their their views. Yeah, so it means they're attracted.
So it's hard to say to someone they keep watching
my stories and you're like when you say it's nothing, like, well,
that's not true. It means they're attracted you. I mean,
I if it really affects you and you're getting annoyed
(10:30):
by it. How about you block them? If that's too
much for you, that's okay. How about you mute them?
How about you block them from your stories? Like, we
can take actions, right, you can take actions to get
rid of this. Is it if it's because and we
have to acknowledge, is it bothering me? Like there are
points where I'm watching all these stories, I'm like, what
(10:50):
the fuck am I doing here? And you have to
be you know I'm gonna and these are ways. There
are ways to do it without letting them know. And sometimes,
but sometimes that hurts people to do.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
To mute someone, Yeah, you.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Feel bad that you're they don't even care. They don't
even know that I muted them, Like you just lose
like they're again seeing their face watching your stories. It
does hit you in a place. At least someone cares,
at least they're looking. So I get why people ask
about it. Think about it people.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
By the way, there's so many of my friends who
always say he watched my stories. I don't understand why
he takes back They're right, I met someone on vacation.
Now what Well, that one's hard because the long distance
thing is like fun for five seconds.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I would need to know more to the story. But
based on this, if I have to answer this question now, what, hey,
what's that?
Speaker 1 (11:49):
I'm just I have a good one for you, going.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Well, the vacation didn't answer that quick? I would say
if you met someone on vacation, I would ask what
the plan is next? You know, and if you can't
answer that and you don't want to put yourself out there,
then it's not worth your doing.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
I think it's just like you had fun and call
it a day.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
I mean, that's not for me to say, like, this
is why.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
I can't do what you do, because I love having
control and telling pody. I would say it's my most
favorite thing to do.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
If a friend of mine was like, I went on vacation,
I met this guy or I met this girl and
they're awesome and I really like there's something there, I
would go, Okay, if that's the case, what's happening next
month for you two to get to know each other more?
At a basis, all you want to do is get
to know them more. You're not asking for more than that. Okay,
(12:36):
so hey, I really and you have to be vulnerable
like you don't. You can't have it all. You can't
have an amazing time and cobo with someone and then
you know, and then they you know. Then it's easy
from then on there on out. And I don't care
what romantic comedy you saw that told you what was
(12:56):
going to happen. That way, you got to lose something
and sometimes losing like you know, losing the ability to
like guard yourself. Hey, I it was a great time meeting. Hey,
what happened this weekend? What really surprised me? This is
the text I was saying, what happened this weekend really
surprise me? I don't know. I'm not seeing anyone right now,
(13:18):
and I feel like I really want to get to
know you more. If you're up for that, let's make
a plan for a few weeks out and again to
like meet safely and or you come to me, or
I come to you, and we see if we like
each other again. Maybe it's not, Maybe maybe it is,
(13:40):
Maybe it's not. I mean I've done this where I've
gone to.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Like, would you take a friend or go solo?
Speaker 2 (13:46):
I think you take a friend. Yeah, I think you
take a friend. I think you make it as easy
as get your own room. Totally make it as easy
as possible. Again, you can't have it. All these things
cost money, right, you can't afford it. Don't make your
life a detriment. Maybe it's now's not the time, but
if you can afford to get your own room and
go with a friend to like, I mean, I've been
in that situation where like I've been on the road
(14:07):
and then like you know, the person came with their
friend and got their own room and you know, had
their own weekend and then we got to hang out again. Yeah,
and see if this is worth and worth is a
tough word because I'm not saying they're not worth it,
but like the idea, like can this be something we
try and that's all you're trying to do. Keep it small,
(14:31):
keep the stake small.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Okay. I like that, especially because I'm into finding people
who don't live near me, which I don't know, I
don't understand that.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Yeah, because that's because well, everyone's nice when you're leaving.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Yeah, it's also nice to be like right, it's like easy.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
You know, I'm so nice to people and they're like,
oh I'm going I'm like, oh, I see you. You
were great, you know, you know who I'm mean to.
I don't know when I'm leaving. Oh really, Oh yeah,
it's the same as like a woman in your town.
You know what I might move here?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Really no, no, no, I sent a naughty riskue text
after a few drinks. He didn't respond. Am I blocked
or just humbled the no response? You know when you're blocked.
If you have an iPhone, by the way, deal breaker,
If my text goes through green, it's and you text like,
(15:25):
if you have an Android, we're good. Here goes back
to the khaki pants.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Listen, that's your ex or your own. I would say
two things. Sometimes let me let me give some empathy
to the guy who doesn't get back to your dirty text.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
What gets looked over is that you have to be
in the right mind space to send a dirty text.
You also have to be in the right mind space
to receive a dirty text. So I have gotten text
from women where it's like this hot, awesome text and
I'm like in an uber going to a podcast, and
(16:06):
I'm like, I don't have the ability the mindset I
am not in right back to this mode. So and
this happens with like when you're like distance with someone
like their time zone is eight pm and you're like
four and you're like, how do I write titty at
four pm? You know, like I you know, like it's
(16:27):
like it's way harder than it gets credit for. So
I would say to this person, I don't know if
they're blocked. I don't know if they should be. I
don't think they should be humbled. Maybe you hit the
other person at an hour that wasn't the same for
them as it was for you. Okay, that's my one thing.
Now if you write to them, hey, that was pretty
(16:50):
I think it's okay to be turned off again. Don't
be confused, be turned off. Like I said in the
other episode, Okay, hey, it really kind of annoyed me
that you never got back to the text. I was
really like feeling you that night, and I think they're
going to write back either. That's you. We call it
the reveal on the podcast. Ok So, it's like the
(17:10):
talk is stupid, Like when should we have the talk?
I think that's never worked. It's not good. If you
have to have the talk, it's gone. I think the
reveal is a better option. So the reveal is letting
someone know that you how you feel and then just
shutting the fuck up.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
So, hey, I sent you a I sent you some
nudes and a fun text the other night. It really
let me down that you never got back to it.
Now shut the fuck up, okay, because at that point
they're gonna come back with a response. It's either caring
(17:49):
or it's like it's an it's a breakup because they
know that you're farther ahead than maybe they are, or
it's an explanation. Hey, I gotta be honest with you,
and I would say to the person who wrote this,
have some empathy for the explanation. It might be you
caught me out like the worst time, because a sexy
text getting back to it isn't just everything's nothing much,
(18:12):
you know, and.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
It's very a lot of pressure on the receiving end.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
We have to have empathy for the receiving end of
a dirty text because that end of it is not
as easy because everyone thinks, well, you should feel lucky
you're seeing my titty, and you go, I am lucky.
That's why I want to give a response that's deserving
of this titty. But I'm not in the place to
write a response to the titty. So This is where
(18:40):
I think we get like. I think this is a
more layered answer than maybe they would.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
It is. In the last time I sent like dirty
text messages, it was kind of a while ago, but
I just remember it's almost like for play, right, Like
you're wanting to each text that's going back and forth,
trying to one up the other person because you want
to get to the climax, right, It is a lot
of pressure. The first person to send off the dirty
(19:08):
text actually has to be easiest.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Right because they are all you have to do it
in their undies feeling west and.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
All you have to do is I'm feeling wet right now, right.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
And now now, and it's like okay, and now you've
got to go to like the mindset of like, okay,
how do I get her? You know.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
It's a lie. This is why I I sometimes wish
I could be a lesbian, because that would be easy.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
I know, I don't think you want that. Really, you
want to date a woman, I can tell you right now,
A lot of work. It can be a lot of work.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Okay. The next one I have for you is we've
been dating for six months and he still hasn't introduced
me to a single friend. Is this low key secret girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Energy you're dating in the back alleys.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Oh, it's kind of the best kind.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Though, Listen. It's everything serves its own purpose. Yeah, but
this person you're dating in the alleys, you're not on
main street. The biggest issue they have isn't that they're
being hidden, it's that the breakup is just easier. Yeah,
you have to weave someone into your life to make
(20:17):
you know, like to make it go any further. So
you that, listen, they're dating six months, six months may
as well be one month.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
When do you think is a good time to like
what I mean, is there like a limit on? Okay,
we've been out three times? Why am I not being introduced?
Speaker 2 (20:38):
No?
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Or is it kind of like maybe you guys don't
know each other well enough? Do you find that it's
all in the communication.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
It's all in the communication, like all things, Like I
talk about.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
This all the time. It's such a simple concept, but
it's actually very complex.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
No. Well, it's also like, listen, I've dated people for
six months and like it's it's hovered in this one
spot really like this person, And the reasoning was, you know,
I wasn't really ready to make it more than it was.
And I also didn't. There's a little scheduling aspect to it.
(21:15):
If I'm going to be which sounds like bullshit, but
it's like, I'm looking at my schedule. I'm not going
to be in the same city for this long. How
could I get to know someone? You know, when you're
getting to know someone over text, it's just not the
same and you get bored, right and and for me personally,
and I think like you as well, and I think
(21:35):
the audience can relate to this more than they would
maybe admit. But honestly, there's dating pre social media, and
then there's post social media. So like if you and
your you know, the third basement that you're dating, put
it on Instagram, Okay, there's a different responsibility. If this ends,
(21:58):
you have to undo it. You have to answer to
a greater world. Same with the listeners. Even if you're
not a person who posts on social media, you have
two hundred followers that are your friends that care about
your life, that would are watching.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Yeah, that are wonder right.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
So like six months, you go, do I feel confident enough?
And I think with my dating life, I want to
be like I want to be sprinting, and I think
when if you're holding up at all, you're like, Okay,
let me keep this pre social media or keep this
pre meeting my friends, because then I'd have to undo
(22:35):
that if it doesn't go right. And so I don't
think that's a good thing for this person's scenario. Like
I don't think that they're in a good spot if
they want more.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Well, and we see and I operate off of ego,
which is hard to believe when I'm in the AA
program because we try to silence that. But for me,
like I wouldn't say anything to him because I would
be afraid of the response and feeling rejected. So I
lead with ego.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Here's my question of the person and my question to you, Okay,
how would you feel if you were writing this email
a year from now, If you were writing I haven't
met his friends yet and it was a year.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
In Oh, now you've now, I would be like, I
wish I would have been more forward, because now I've
wasted a year when I could have cut this off
in six months.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
And here's how I help this person. Okay, go out
with your friends, have some spritzes. Yeah, text this guy,
hay him out with my friends. I want you to
come hang out and see if they'll come.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
That's cute. I like that. And then that way, it
still feels okay if he doesn't come, because you're with
your girls and you're a little buzz.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
And vulnerability produces vulnerability. Now you have a right to
say if he does come, great, he's meeting your friends.
You've inched forward. If he doesn't come, you can say, hey,
I made an effort today. I tried to get you
to hang with my friends and I and you just
basically and you were doing nothing. Yeah, you didn't really
(24:02):
have a great excuse. I feel let down by that,
right if and if he and so that's a conversation.
So now you're getting deserving of a conversation. I think
she deserves to have a conversation anyways, but maybe this
helps her have that. You know, Hey, I try to
do something fun and you just didn't. Really you weren't.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
You gave me nothing.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Yeah, or he comes and you go, hey, you met
my friends and that was so much fun. I want
to do that with your friends now too. So now
it makes that conversation easier.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Okay, I love all of this. I'm implementing it all
into my.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
There you go. Last question you're dating?
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Okay, I wanted to ask you the IG one.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
He's in sidelinebacker.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
He never compliments me, but he compliments other women on
ig Call him on it or just dump him.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
You gotta dump him.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
I think that guy sounds like a fucking dick.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Yeah, and it's a lack of beyond not comment on you, like,
forget that social media is a public place. And would
he feel comfortable with your friends seeing that he's like commimenting, Like,
is that who you want to date? I don't know, No,
that's that's that would be a turn off to me.
But I'm saying like, I also don't like to tell
(25:16):
people what to do, but I just think like you
have a leg to stand on if you were to, like,
but you're not going to fix this guy? Is No?
Speaker 1 (25:24):
I think this is a hymn issue when you I
don't know this.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Yeah, Like, you're not going to fix a guy who
thought so little of you that they didn't care about
this being seen.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Yeah, it's fucked up. Okay, this happens to me all
the fucking time. I'm seeing someone new but still dreaming
about my ex. Is that just emotional lag.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
What the fuck is I don't know what emotional lag is.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
I don't know what that is either, But what is that?
I know you're not some like dream interpreter, but like
I feel like that isn't normal.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
I would say, if they're not muting and blocking an X,
you're doing yourself at a service. She's dreaming about it,
I know, but the dreams happened, right, You're subconsciously coming
across things. You have the listen. It's not you used
to before social media. I remember, like what there was
one time my dad, mom and I, like I was
(26:18):
like a young kid, and we like went for ice cream,
and then we left the ice cream place and we
got in the car and my dad was like my
mom was like, that was your dad's ex girlfriend, you know,
Oh my god, oh my god, and she was giving
them ship. That was the only time you could really
see an ex like you didn't have to, Like you
had no ability to because like if I saw an
ex at ice cream and I'm with my kids and family,
(26:41):
I would already know everything about their lives. I would
know that they were going to be at ice cream,
like you know, like because there's some sort of there's
a level of knowledge I would have that I'm not
like proud of it, Like that's kind of how it goes.
It is such like a funny thing to think about,
like my dad being like yeah I was an X
and like oh in them catching up and like the moment,
like having no idea what they've been up to, and
(27:03):
this is so different today. So it's like, I don't know,
I think we should want a little more of what
my parents had and a little less give right, So
like why don't we create that world for ourselves and
be an active participant in our life and our health
and be like, Okay, I'm gonna block my X on everything.
And it's not because I hate them.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
You can because there's no reason.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
Self, you know, making yourself feel good. This is all
mental health, Like it's not. And here's the scenario that
never happens. Tell me the X going, hey you blocked me. No,
that never happened, Never happens, and never afraid of It's like,
you know, you ever see those videos of like what
you what people think is going to happen when friends
(27:43):
come over and they're like you haven't cleaned your you know,
the duster you're like, yeah, like that never happens. People
don't act that way. When you see your block, you go,
I'll get away. Obviously I bothered them. I need to like.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Yeah, but I'm still so I.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Have sex dreams. I'm saying, like, get spurred by something, right,
but like, are something from your current? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
I think sometimes it's it's the uni. I see I'm
a little bit deeper than you on this. I think
it's your I think it's the universe trying to implant something.
So I'm gonna tell you a very brief story and
then we can move on. Because this question was like
one of my favorites because it happens to me relatable.
I had this boyfriend and we were very very young. Okay,
(28:28):
he was still in college. He lived in La, I
lived back in Utah. We met through social media, and
we were together for quite a long time, I would say,
and then on and off once I moved out to LA. Anyway,
cut to he gets married, has kids, I find my
person and we have a baby, and I want to say,
(28:51):
maybe like two three years ago, I see that, and
I was still hooked on this guy, like I've always
been hooked on him. I can shake the fucking feeling.
It's been years, it's been over a decade. I cyberstock him.
I'm done with my X now. And he's deleted all
(29:12):
of his photos of his wife and he's changed, changed
that he's not married, like she's taken out of his bio.
So I slide in the DM. We start talking. I
go out to Vegas and he wants to link up.
He apologizes for everything that he put me through years ago.
I should have been there for you in a different way.
(29:34):
I want to say that I'm sorry. I asked him
about the wife, and he goes, well, I wanted to
tell you that we're going to try to work it out.
And I was like, I totally respect that you have children.
You should fucking do that. I go back to La.
He sends me a message a few weeks later. He's like, Hey,
I'm in LA. I'd love to get lunch with you.
And I said, I'm not going out with someone who
(29:55):
has a wife. I'm just not telling it. He said,
it's ended. He portrays four months now that he and
his wife got a divorce because of my trauma. I
am not buying it. I need to see paperwork. I
keep having dreams every night of his wife coming in
and catching us together. Even though he's saying they're done,
(30:18):
it just keeps coming up. So I plan to go
to Vegas to see him because I'm like, okay, like,
if you're saying like I want to believe you, I'm
holding on to his apology because it was just like
the most beautiful and necessary for my soul apology. My
friend says to me, so, you're gonna see him while
you're out there. I said yeah, And she did he
(30:38):
send you the proof of his divorce? And I said no?
And she goes, you're not hanging out with him. I
will not allow it. So I don't see him. I
continue to dream about him all the livelong day. I
literally over the weekend had another fucking dream about him
and the wife. I get onto social media to cyberse
(31:00):
talk again. She's got her ring on, he's got his
ring on, They've got pictures together, and I'm like, the
universe fucking did that for me?
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Is that not wild?
Speaker 2 (31:13):
It's wild? I think it's there's one part of the
story that like, I would like never acknowledge what the apology?
What do you mean you wouldn't acknowledge, Like I wouldn't
think of that as like a plus.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
No, well, it's all been what.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
I'm saying before you got to the you know, when
you're telling the story, Yeah, you're like the apology, you know,
hit me so hard because he apologized for all the
things he did. I kind of live in a world
of like what else was he gonna say? Like that's
the only way to start with you is to acknowledge
the past. Yeah, Like I don't think that's like a
heroic apology. No, No, the apology coming.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
That's actually new. No one has ever said that to
me before, right, Like.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
I think the apology is like the easiest, most self
serving thing for him to do because you're in Vegas, right,
You're in Vegas. He's got to make you feel happy
to be there. He's got to acknowledge the past. Like
that's like a maneuver more than it is like twelve steps.
Who Yeah, but I'm with you on the universe and like, yeah,
(32:21):
like something in your body told you, like there's something
off here, and it's probably your body saying like because
your mind is going that apology meant so much to me,
but your body's going. Anyone could have done. That's like,
I don't think there's just nothing to lose from the apology. Totally,
no risk taken. That's my two cents for wow that.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
No one has ever pointed that part out. That is
the only opener.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Right, What else is it gonna say? Hey, been a while,
Like you acknowledge that you fucking cheated on me and
we had this weird, fucking bast and it's crazy that
we're here right now, like acknowledge what I was because
usually with an X the last text is like some
sort of anger, Like it's like being like happy birthday
after someone's like, well fuck you, and you can like
(33:10):
scroll up and you're like, wait a minute, I just
yelled at you. The next thing can't be happy birthday.
You have to acknowledge the thing above.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
It's right, Oh my gosh, I needed that.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Yeah, I'm happy that could help out all and wed
something came in the way, but I came in the way.
But I think you knew in your heart that that
apology was bullshit. Yeah, or was just easy to me.
That's an easy apology.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
You know, most people, they can be shitty at a
certain time in their life, and you hope as they
get older, they become you know, nicer people. I'm like, wow,
age actually made you a shittier person.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Well, I mean if I was to give him empathy
when people you know, when people are lonely, yeah, they
are men generally, to go back to something we talked
about before, men people generally go the easiest route, right.
In general, people take the easier route as opposed to
(34:09):
the harder route. So when you're lonely, who do you
go back to? What you're familiar with and the list
of people who have said yes to your naked body
before so and sometimes it's an X from way way
far ago or way way long ago, or sometimes as
the person you just left. That's why people go back
to their significant others. When you break up with someone,
(34:31):
there's one less person to hug, text and hold okay,
and you have a void and your whole next step
is to try and fill that void because it feels bad.
And a lot of times people do it with the
person that they just left. That's why you get back
with an X or it's someone from your past right
(34:52):
that there's less to explain, you know, what do they say?
There's an economic I was an economics major in college.
I really put that to use. It's more expensive to
hire someone new than it is to retrain an old employee.
So that is the same for data. Yeah, so it's
(35:15):
way more expensive to go on hinge and go on
a first date and meet new person and get them
to trust you. That costs way more money than it
is to go back to someone who's already working at
the company. And you worked at his company. You knew him,
you trusted him, you had a familiarity with him, you
knew how the penis worked, you knew that he could fuck.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Yeah, like all these things that like aren't important, but
you knew.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
You know who the hero is in this the front
my friend, your friend.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Yeah, your friend is a true hero because they reminded
you of what you had already said.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Yes, yeah, damn. Thank you for doing the boner episode.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
I got you you, guys. I do well with a boner.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
We love a good boner. Thank you guys for listening
to another episode of the Give Them All Up Podcast
Bonus episode I'm gonna catch you guys on Wednesday and
again next week. Bye.
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