July 30, 2025 • 51 mins
Dating feels like a full-time job and straight men aren’t exactly out here making it easy. Lucky for us, Jared Freid, comedian and co-host of Betches' U Up? Podcast, is breaking down the cryptic language of bros everywhere. From DMs to texts to full-on screen grabs, he’s decoding what “heyyy” really means and helping you figure out what you actually want before wasting your precious energy. Is he obsessed with you or just bored? Are you even that into him or just into the attention? Come for the dating tea, stay for the LOLs.
Watch U Up? on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@uuppodcast
GTL video episodes available Fridays at 9am Pacific on YouTube: https://youtube.com/@GiveThemLalaPodcast?si=9oETguBpysJbttBz
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Laala. Is that a Lauren?
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Yeah? How did you know?
Speaker 3 (00:03):
Because we had a Lala in my high school, the
girl with a I mean, I'm referencing someone I haven't
thought about in like one hundred years, But there was
a la La that was Lauren.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Yeah, that's exactly right. They called me Laala Bee in
high school.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Lala b Yeah, that's hilarious in Utah.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
That's like out of a movie about Utah High School.
You know.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Yeah, Hello, gorgeous. It is Laala Kent. Today's guest is
fucking hilarious, brutally honest, which I love, and completely relatable.
Jared Freed. He is a voice behind the U Up
and Jay Train podcast, a killer stand up comic, and
basically the dating translator slash guru that we all really need,
(00:51):
especially well especially me. We're talking about the games guys
play and why your screenshots to the group chat are
valid therapy, So let's jump right into it. Is that true?
I'm so terrified of screenshots being sent that, like, when
I get text messages, I will literally call you on
the phone. And that happened after legal stuff happened, okay,
(01:15):
And I was like, but even like amongst my friends,
I'm like, I'm not saying shit in this text because
you're not going to pull this up.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
I guess.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
You know, when we talk about screenshots, it's usually on
the UU podcast, it's a you know, just eight out
of ten times it's a woman who's writing in being like,
what does this exchange mean? It's not to like get someone,
it's more like, because that's where I come in. I'm
ten percent away from every guy someone is dating, so
(01:48):
I can I'm not one hundred percent Like if you
think of the math of it, like, yeah, whatever you're
going through, you're dating, and you're dealing, you're confused about something,
you're dealing with a guy who's straight.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Dude, who I am.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
I've done what he's doing, you know, in my own life,
and not because I'm trying to be mean or trying,
but because it's uncomfortable to date someone in you know.
And there's another side. I think a lot of women
in dating think that there's this like this guy who
doesn't know how to text them back, but also as
a master manipulator, like they kind of like and that
can't be true. Maybe it's someone with their own insecurities,
(02:22):
just like you. That's trying to figure out getting themselves
to the best place.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
That they can be. We all live in the key
of me. We all live the story. We're the main characters.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
So like a lot of times people when they write
in they're like they're looking at these text messages, They're like,
I don't understand what's going on here, And then I
look at it and I go, I can tell you
exactly what's going on because I can see what this
person's trying to angle at, what they're trying to do.
Because again, like the guy you're seeing, if you're listening,
if you have an issue with dating, I'm not one
(02:53):
hundred percent different than that person. None of us are, right,
I'm within one bell curve. I'm with than one standard
deviation of your the guy you're seeing, and most of
us are very close to one another and how we
feel and how smart we are, and you know, it's
not that much difference between one person and the next.
So I my job on the Up podcast is to
(03:15):
be is to try and give voice to the straight
male perspective that I do think is missing. I think
you know, when straight men talk about dating and they
generally get a platform online, they sound like assholes.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
They it's the worst people.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
It's bad actors that are looking to get a following
that get the platform. And the reason you up is
kind of like just like been around. We've been around
for seven years and we have people that love our show.
I'm not saying that we're not a big show, but
like we've kind of just like flown by because a
lot of the stuff is diet and exercise, and that's
really the most.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Boring advice no one wants to hear that no one
wants to hear.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
It's like die, Yeah, well they're not texting because they're
you know, they're just trying to like they want to
keep you as an opt.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Like that's not really like a fun dating take, but it.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Is the take are most Do you ever get people
that write in that are maybe texting communication is all
they have, Like we know that like meeting in the
DMS or meeting in an app that's kind of like
the norm.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Now that's totally fine, there's no shame on that. I
think that's great. But you don't get to know someone
unless it's in person.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
So so do you do you tell people do a
bort mission?
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Then if like no, I would I don't tell people
what to do. I give them. I give them a
strategy that would work on me. You know, when I
give someone advice, it's what it's something to do and
if you do.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
It, it'll work because it would work on me.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
So if you give me an example like the one
you're talking about right now, Hey, i've been texting with
this guy for three weeks, he won't make a plan.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Okay, I want him to ask me out.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
I want him to make a plan because to most women,
that is attractive. When a guy makes a plan, I
know that he knows that there's a reason he's not
making the plan.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
He might just want to be.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Building trust with you so that you guys can meet
up in more casual settings.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
He might be texting and texting and texting because he
has someone else he's dating.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
I don't know, but.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
These are all on the spectrum. On the spectrum, there's
a spectrum of answers. Yeah, I can't tell you what
it is, but I can get I can say to
that person who's been texting with a guy for three weeks,
you let's look in the mirror and say, hey, what
do I want?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Well, I want a first date.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Okay, that's simple. I would go text that guy. Hey,
it's been really fun communicating here. You got to be
positive and you got to ask for what you want.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
So, hey, it's been really fun talking to you. Live
in the reality because it has been fun. You have
enjoyed the three weeks of texting, even though you want
something else, right, Okay, so acknowledge I've had a really
good time texting the last three weeks. I think it's
time for me to meet in person. I'd love to
get together, make a plan, and I'm in I'm free
(05:56):
Tuesday and Wednesday next week.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
All right, So you give him the days you let
him know I'm down for the cause. Here's the days
i'm free.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Let me know I have given And again, we all
want to be all women want, most women want to
be pursued. So what you've done is now given him
all the tools, the wood, the hammer, the nails to
build the house. Okay, so it can feel It doesn't
feel as good as you wanted, but you're nothing's gonna
feel as good as you wanted.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Three weeks in text and they haven't made a plan.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
So I'm getting it to Like the point if you're
gonna sit there and text him for three weeks.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
It's because you want a date.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
So let's put out the hammer, put out the nails,
put out the wood, and now he can build that house.
This is an adult who had the ability to match
with you on an app and make you believe there
were a fun person enough to go out with them
and spend time with them. So they have the ability
to make that plan. They will either make that plan
when you say, hey, I'm free Tuesday and this has
(06:47):
been fun.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
I'm free Tuesday or Wednesday, make a plan. I'm in.
If they do anything but make a plan for Tuesday
or Wednesday, that's it.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Call it a day.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
At that point, it's make a plan or I'm done.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
And you don't have to say anything because you're not
gonna teach anybody, right, You're not teaching someone who doesn't
want to be taught. So a lot of times it's
a lot of women that write in, and I say
women because I'm in the position of like speaking, you're
you're the I'm responding to their emails, so like, I
don't want to group women together.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
If this doesn't apply to you, that's fine. My point is.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
That when women write into the showy they're looking, They're like,
I'm They're They're like, I'm so confused.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
You're not confused, you're turned off.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
If you the more, every time you say confused, just
say turned off and they'll answer all your questions.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Oh I like that because I would much rather be
turned off than confused.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah, because you're not confused. You're a smart woman.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Used leaves me vulnerable. Turned off means you're giving me
the ick and I'm kind of like working my way out.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
Here's the thing about turned off doesn't mean it's over.
You know, being turned off and communicating that that's a
real motivator to someone that really wants to get to
know you. Any woman who has ever told me, ah,
that thing you're doing kind of turns me.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Off, made hit me in the core.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
So if you really want to and it also it's
a person with taste, it's a person I respect, a
person who respects themselves. And I'm not here to be
a motivator. Like I'm not here like tell you you're
great and wonderful. Like I'm just saying, like how I
hear these things? Okay, you know, Like I'm not trying
to say like like I do, like think everyone is fine,
everyone's for someone, but like I just hear a lot
(08:21):
of bullshit from smart people. You know, I'm confused. Well,
you're college educating. You got to this point.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Well, it's not confused about anything but this.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Yeah, I know. But that sounds like you want to.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Fucking have a It sounds like you want to put
confusion in the way of having taste.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Well, you can't talk about having this is something where
like the heart is speaking right and like you could
be a Harvard graduate and the heart just fixates on
what it wants. I continue, at the age of thirty four,
almost thirty five, to be attracted to men who make
(08:56):
me work really, really fucking hard.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Who are you dating right now? Laala? Nobody? Nobody? Are
you texting with anybody?
Speaker 2 (09:02):
So I like to say that I'm yes. My whole
thing is when you say are you dating? That puts
me in a box of potential, whereas when you say
are you talking to this person? It leaves me to be.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
I didn't ask those questions though.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
No, you said are you dating?
Speaker 1 (09:18):
I said, no, you're seeing anyone? Are you like talking
to anyone that's talking?
Speaker 2 (09:21):
I like talking better? Well, I think I never I've
never talked about this at all.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Well, I think what you're doing like to me, like
when people ask why their dating issues, I've kind of like,
you know, you try to make this edible for people,
like conversation, especially because again, like this is all marketing.
Dating dating talk is very it can be. It's the same,
it's not. There's not a lot to say. But I
do believe there's such a.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Thing as back alley dating and main street dating.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Okay, what's the back alley?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Back alley dating is meeting someone on an app, having
no friends in common, and going out for drinks. That's
something that no one knows about, no one cares about.
There's no there's no repercussions, no will ask questions how
to go with Jake?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Okay, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Like and again I used a fake name. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I have gone about my life saying I don't date
right now, I don't talk to anybody such a woman.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Women, Women do this on off switch.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
You're always dating, You're always out there. If you're single,
you're always out there. Okay, if you're unspoken for, you're
always looking. That is that is a thing people say
to themselves to not be feel like they failed. You're saying,
I'm not dating right now, so that you'll never feel
like a night when Red Dreid ray rejection. That is
(10:42):
like to me, like, I get it, I get it,
like I wish I I'm in my whe fase, so
you don't feel bad about fucking some dude. That's why
men don't do that. I've never heard a guy in
his whole phase. I've never I'm not dating right now.
Every guy's always dating, always looking, always not looking. And
this is something that you don't have to do. Like
(11:03):
I know you, but like you're like.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
On the podcast, I say I'm not dating right now, Well,
you're always dating.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
And the thing that I always get put in the
position of saying is that men are not naive idiots.
We are more emotionally intelligent than women give us credit for.
So the idea that he would hear this and go
you like me is crazy.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
That'd be him. He'd be an asshole for doing that.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
Okay, because you're hitting on something that like has been
a big piece of advice that I've said to people
is if you're going out with your friends and getting
like a daytime.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Sprits or whatever.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Yeah, hey, and this is who that that's the exact
hang you want. Hey, I'm with my friends. We're having
a sprits. If you and if you're with any friends
want to come, m you're more than welcome, open invitation,
no harm, no foul.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
You know you don't come, that's okay, you got other
things going on.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
But what you're doing when you say I'm out with
my friends and having fun and would love for you
and your friends to come to again, that's the that's
the main street date that you want because friends are there. Yeah,
that is you seeing them again.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
This is about you seeing.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
If they're the right partner for you, you seeing them
interact with your closest and best. Of course it is,
but we all talk about it hypothetically. You know, Oh,
I they gotta get along with my friends, and I
gotta be able to leave them alone at a party. Well,
you haven't invited them to a fucking party. You never
invite them out with your friends because you're afraid of
your friends going what happened to Jason and then you go,
(12:33):
well bo bo work out? Well fuck off, that sucks.
Deal with it, you know, like you know, take the chance,
you know, so if you like them again, that's what
makes me go, do I like the person? I do
this all the time in my life. Oh, I would
love to invite someone to come hang with my friends
if we're out, But I'm like, do I like them
(12:53):
enough to give that part of my life to them?
That's hard too, That's a that's taking responsibility from me,
you know, like I back away from a lot of
like really nice people that I go. It wouldn't be
fair of me to because when I was younger, I
didn't really care, you know, hang with my friends, meet
my parents.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Who cares? They don't care because I.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Didn't deal with what women have to deal with a lot, right,
I didn't have to deal with like what happened to
them and did they end it with you?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
And so the societal stuff. Ok of like the pressure.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
A lot of women feel that, like you're a failure
if it doesn't work out with the person you brought
home to your friends and family.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
I do understand that's a different game.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Well, it's a lot of pressure because I think especially
for women who start getting older, of course they want
it to work out. And there's that whole thing. If
I'm still single at thirty, like I'm going to marry
my best friend. That's our deal. So to come home
again and again to be like, oh, it didn't work
out with this one, it didn't work out with that one.
(13:53):
I think that we are programmed to think that others
are going, what's wrong with you? That none of this
is working now.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Listen, I don't envy it.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
I only started feeling what's wrong with you, like the
last couple of months, Like I'm forty. When you turn forty,
I think men get that, like forty, never marry, no kids.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
I think that becomes more, but never like it is
for women. I mean, like I anyone have a.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Biological clock as well for women where it's like I'm
in my thirties.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Yeah, that's all shit I don't have to deal with, right,
But also that's like sewn into the fabric of society.
Like it's stuff that like I don't envy you know,
Like but if anyone this is where like the online
voice for men is so gross because they never seem
to acknowledge that, like it's a different battle for women,
(14:44):
Like all those guys that are like pieces of shit
online that like right give like hot takes on dating.
They all just kind of have this like they never
really acknowledge that, like the pressures are different on the
other side, they're way different, right I And that's something
that like I fully acknowledged.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
That's like I've you know.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
But also that's why like the messaging that I you know,
or my perspective, I try to let people know, like, yeah,
that doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
To me as much as it does to you. Okay,
Like that's good to know.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Like what's that the age range of women who are
reaching out to you?
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Oh, we get you know, it's weirdly getting wider.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
Because there's so many women in their you know, fifties
and sixties who are like getting single now and people
in there in that age group who have never dated
with the internet and now they're like single. So we're
getting that. But you know, mostly twenty we were like
a twenty seven to like you know, if I'm to
(15:43):
give it a ten year at twenty seven to thirty seven,
but like again I'm forty, there's people around my age
who look that reach out and we have I mean
it's really just mostly women. Well yeah, but I love
when men listen too, because like, of course, like I'm
not like, you know, I do stand up. I go
around the country. When I first started doing stand up
or started going on the road, I've been doing stand
(16:04):
up for fifteen years. And then I, you know, kind
of like stumbled upon I wanted to do a podcast,
and then I like basically was like, hey, and here's
my email, email in and all the email questions were
from men looking for dating advice, but all the male
dating advice was.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Like this, chick, how do I fuck? And it was like.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Very like, so, do you think men think with their
dick more so than like anything else?
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Yes, and no I do.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
But I'm I'm saying at the time, there was like
a young group of men listening because you were because.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
I was twenty seven when I started.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
You were young.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
Started doing the podcast, and then when women started listening
to podcasts, I started getting all these emails from women,
and that's when the show got interesting. And then you
up started with Betches and we did the male female counterpoint.
You know, I do the show with Jordana Abraham. She
started Betches with her, you know, with Sammy and Aleen.
They're you know, three friends that went to college together.
(16:59):
So like I've been kind of so we have had
this podcast like the last seven years, and it's it's
just very like and now you have people that listen
with their spouses, that listen with their boyfriend them and
that I always know the couples like good because like
we're talking about things, like we're bringing up subjects live.
(17:20):
We tape, no, we tape, but like it's Wednesday and Friday, but.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
The couples are calling in. You're not answering questions from
a video that they said.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
We got emails, mostly emails. We've got voicemails in the past.
We just had a couple on our Benefits episode come
on to have a fight where.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
We were like judge Jay and Jay where we.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
Played like couples court and they had a dispute like
an argument about like he had a friend that was
reaching out to go to the zoo together, and we
like talked it out. It was really fun and it
was like really like really good, Like maybe.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Told m to not go to the zoo. Did he
do it?
Speaker 3 (17:53):
He wasn't going, but they like he couldn't understand why
she was upset that he would go to the zoo with.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
A female friend.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
Yeah, and how why the zoo was like such a
sticking point.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
So it was all it's a good conversation.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
But I did like that guy and her like they've
been together like three years, you know, like and they're.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Calling it what zoo did they go to? Dear mind?
Speaker 3 (18:13):
He was in Amsterdam, I think because they were from Amsterdam. Okay, yeah,
they've been to my show in Amsterdam.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
So she was upset that he reached was going to
go to the zoo with That's a little weird to
me too.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
It is weird.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
They acknowledged it like they were way more again, like
they were way more cool. Like this sounds like he's
going to the zoo to fuck this woman, you know,
but it's not.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
It wasn't like that at all. Like it was.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
Actually like I did understand his perspective. It turns out
the friend there's a deeper thing going on there, like
where the friend is kind of having issues in their
life and he was kind of being he kind of
felt like he was helping them by being a friend
of them. So like it was like that stuff was
working and it was just interesting.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
What's like the most intense message that you've gotten where
you're like, I don't think that I could help you
with this.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
I those are the hard ones because you're like, I'm
no therapist, I have no y.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
I try to say it to.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
You, I'm like, well, I have to imagine that people
do kind of look at you as a therapist when
they come to you.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Well, I always say they should go.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
We try to, you know, you try to push people
like get a professor, because professional can give you the
tools like to get through these things.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Like I can't do that.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
I can just give an opinion, like I'm not gonna like,
you know, I'm there to have fun with the subject, right,
so when it gets into.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
That territory, it's hard for us to even do it.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
I I kind of like you stick to like breaking
down the dms and you keep it light and you
just stay in your male perspective.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
And also like yeah, and also telling people like hey,
this is like sometimes people write in about this like
story they think is not that serious, and you're like, eh,
this is serious, right. I think those are like sometimes
like even just hearing like that from someone who's not
your friend, Like you know, I think people why to
people write into a podcast. They go, we the beauty
(20:09):
of giving advice on a podcast. I don't have to
make eye contact with the person.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Yeah, you know, your friends.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
When your friends give you advice, they soften, you know,
they and they also give advice from the perspective.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Of knowing you from high school when you were La
La B. You know, like you know, like that's a
different you.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
And then you don't trust the advice because you go, well,
you're just saying that's a La La B.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
You don't know me now.
Speaker 3 (20:31):
So when I get an email, I'm reading what they
wrote to me.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
And I also, like, you know, I like reading the
emails because the answers are sometimes in them, you know,
the things people point out to us, it says a
lot about them.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
You know.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
Sometimes you can tell someone's trying to like get you
on their side before they've even asked a question, and
like I can see it in the email. I'm like,
you don't have to fucking make yourself a victim to me,
right right? And oh, they dump me on a Tuesday?
Can you believe it was a Tuesday? I get that,
you know, they describe the dump and I'm like, yeah,
you were dumped, okay, move on, right, But you see
(21:10):
that in emails because when you go a brunch with
your friends and you're like, and it was six weeks
after my birthday and your friend goes, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
We love to right, we love to rub each other up.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
You do, And that's okay. I get the fun in that,
But like when I see that, I have to be
the person that's like no one because the fuck.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Right, you know, like six weeks ago, okay, move on.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Move on my birthday.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
You didn't make me take your side more.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
He can still be a dick without it being your
birthday six weeks ago.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
I think that's the other thing that's really hard is
just because someone breaks up with you. Like, I've never
understood why people fixate on like how the person broke
up with them. I'm totally fine with an email, post
it note, text message in person. In fact, i'd actually
rather you send me a text because I don't want
to fucking see you after.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
Well, that goes to the societal stuff. I'm starting to
up I because it's like they're trying to show you.
I think a lot of people want to vilify the
other person for ending it so that they're not seen
as the loser that they were. You know, when you're
dumped and your friends are getting married. You don't want
(22:21):
to be the scene as the person who fucked up
a relationship, so they need a reason why And okay,
why did you break up?
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Well, he ca can you believe this type of person?
Speaker 3 (22:33):
He broke up with me at my house at three
o'clock on a Tuesday?
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Can you even believe?
Speaker 3 (22:39):
And they're trying to build them up as like this
villain so that you go, you have no more questions,
You don't question if it was them at all. You
know that's kind of the move.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
And how do you feel about ghosting?
Speaker 3 (22:51):
I'm against it. I don't think that's I think it's rude.
I mean I've ghosted. I don't I'm not proud of it,
like right like. And also think the problem with ghosting
is that the definition has become so vague that no
one even again. You just said, send me a text.
Some people go, don't text me at all. We've been
on one day. Why would you dump me?
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Yeah? Some people go, I was ghosted. We went on
one day. You never text it again. So it gets confusing,
you know, right and wrong.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
The minute we give names and we make everything a
victim plea is the minute we don't know what to
do so, like, listen, I have we kind of like
on our show the ghosting thing, where like if someone
is asking you to go on a date again and
you are going away, like maybe you should say, hey,
(23:42):
this Isn't you have.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
To send an uncomfortable text?
Speaker 3 (23:44):
Yeah, I no one text you asking for that day,
Like maybe there's no reason to send that text.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
No. I think ghosting is for me when I've been ghosted,
it's like we were straight fucking kicking it. We were dating,
you were around my friend, you were we were in
each other's beds, and then you just fall off the
face of the earth like that as well, right, Like
there's a little more at stake, right if you're just
(24:10):
texting dming and then they just never respond.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
I just this is why words matter, you know, Like
because people talk about I got ghosted on the dating app.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Then they've with someone they've never met and they spoke
to No.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
I don't call it, but I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
People do, so I'm with you.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
To me, ghosting is someone had sex with you and
then they never spoke to you again, even and especially
when you try to speak to them and say hey,
where you've been and they don't answer.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Like you had.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
It takes two to be ghosted, right, you know, like
if you just wait for someone to text you and
they don't do it.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Were you ghosted or did you?
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Were you afraid of getting an answer and both people
became afraid and one person became afraid to text you
and you became afraid to ask for an answer.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Honestly, I just think that people are terrified of the
word like forever. Right, people are so much everything is
so accessible. You're swiping right, you can literally change your location.
You can have a one night stand in a matter
have that connected in a matter of seconds, right, Like
people are too accessible now where I think men are
(25:20):
more guilty of this than women. I think women crave
companionship and family and stability more so than men, And
I think that's why you probably get a plethora of
messages because it's very, very hard to get inside the
mind of a dude.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
I agree with what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
I think also on that subject, like men don't want commitment, well,
I think it's also where does that fear come from?
The way you are judged as a man is like
can you provide do you have the ability?
Speaker 1 (25:55):
You know? Are you going to be.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
There for that family, Like, are you like all those things,
all those life things that come up, Someone is now
your responsibility. Yeah, when a man, when I fail on
my own, I can fail in the dark, I can
fail in quiet. Yeah, I do feel in me the
fear of like failing and telling someone that has now
(26:20):
made my pursuits theirs as well when you're in a partnership,
Like that's really hard to like, I can't imagine, you know,
sharing those failures with someone. I think that's really hard
to do because you know, when you're three months in
with someone, you can kind of fake it your all potential, right,
(26:42):
you know. And I think that's a very male thing
to me, Like I feel it, like and I think
when I've dated someone, their lack of fear of like
let's just be in a relationship and see what happens
is like crazy to be. Yeah, like there's no thought
(27:02):
of like like they're just like, yeah, of course, I'm right.
Every woman has been every woman I've ever dated has
been ready to be you know, settled down since twenty two.
You know, I'm just saying like that generally, and you go,
you have no fear of this, You've never thought twice,
you know, and then it's funny because now you get
and now I'm at the age where you start hearing
(27:25):
from the people who settle down quickly that.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Go, ah, you know, we never you know, maybe that
was you know, like.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
The second guest, the third party is coming in out
a marriage.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
That's extreme. That's what people like to hear.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
I don't know they like to hear about that, But
I don't know how much that's happening.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
At least, I'm not getting a lot of offers to
be the third you know.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
I think it's more women, right, Like I only like men,
Like I've hooked up with chicks. But if I were
in a marriage, there's no way that I would want
a second dude.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Oh why I'm saying dude on the side, that's what
I would more like open marriages, like I you hear
about all these things, lots you hear about all these things.
I think there they take up space in the room.
Like I was thinking more like, well he doesn't care,
come with me, you know, you go, that's not really happening,
(28:21):
like you know, like like swinging. Yeah, like you hear,
I think it's taking up space in the room where
it's not really deserved. I think like this whole like
like it's like we had this whole thing in we
did our you podcast on the road, so we went
and did a dating show. Yeah, we did a dating
show on the road. Fifty city or fifty twenty something cities.
(28:43):
Everywhere was bad, the worst dating place. Everyone's claimed their
city was the worst for dating, which means there's no
good city for dating.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Okay, there's nobody.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
You say, though, really quickly, what would you say is
the hardest city to date in?
Speaker 1 (28:57):
They all have their different problems, Okay.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
Like like New York, there was like disposability, there's always
another you could swipe and never run out of people.
Totally San Francisco. The women in San Francisco had a
saying the goods are odd, but the odds are good,
meaning there's a lot of men, yeah, but they are weird.
They're like tech bro coder types. So that was their issue,
(29:24):
is that you're dealing with a lot of people on
the spectrum and you know or that was like the
Silicon Valley area, you know that area of the country. LA.
The problem was that Peter Peter Pans and the pursuit
is something else that was major city stuff. They're pursuing
something else but a relationship. You know here when people
(29:47):
in La everyone's got dreams that are bigger than and
different than family and.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Settling down, so that takes priorities.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
So yeah, But the one thing that I noticed in
San Francisco was like E and M, ethical non monogamy
was like a big thing that they had an issue with.
And it's funny, like a subject like that you hear
about ethical non monogamy because it's like if you're in
a liberal leaning city, like ethical non monogamy, and it
(30:17):
was just like weird. It was funny to see the
predicament of a very liberal crowd in San Francisco have
this issue.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
They were like I don't fucking want that. I want
a boyfriend.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
But these guys would put this like liberal kind of
wall up because you couldn't be like against someone's lifestyle.
But it was like, ethical nominogamy is a thing, but
it's a thing for there are less people doing it
than you would think, like that are.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Able to do it.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
To say you're on a dating app looking for ethical nominogamy,
like that can happen, so you have to acknowledge it.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
But it's not happening as much as people are just.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Using that so they don't get blamed for when you
guys break up and you know, it makes you half
a boyfriend's instead of a full boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
It's all like bullshit. It's just the fuckery of dudes,
you know.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
Like it's like and I look at it a nice
smile because I don't give a fuck, right Like, I'm
not that I don't. I don't not give a fuck,
But I'm not like, I'm not sold that this is
some high minded individual.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
I think this is just a new word you've given
to I want to fuck a bunch of people, you know,
so I so I laugh at it because and it's like.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
A lot of these like swingers and this, it's all
stuff people bring up that avoids diet and exercise, that
avoids the reality of dating is really very normal, and
it's hard and you're looking for someone, and those aren't
your problems, you know, the problems aren't everyone's swinging.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
I I think that everyone's swinging. I think a lot
of people more more people are cheating than not cheating.
And I think that health.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
More people are cheating than not cheating.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Yes, I think most peopleship want me. I've never cheated before.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Know what I'm saying is that your problem in dating
right now?
Speaker 2 (32:07):
You know, I would have a really really hard time
being committed to someone because I don't know that I
could wholeheartedly I believe that they weren't fucking around on me.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
I would hope, I think we all would hope that
you meet someone that makes you feel so good and
safe that that won't be the reality. I can understand
from the outside looking in. Listen, I'm cynical about dating too.
I would hope that the person that I end up
with that's not even.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
Like a thought a thought in your mind.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Yeah, I would hope, But I understand what you're saying.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
A lifetime is a really long time together.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Listen. I am not I am not naive.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
I am That's why this iszar and there's good times
and bad times and all those things. But if you're
going into dating being like I'll never trust anyone, and
you probably won't.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Let's put it this way. If I were dating somebody
and I trusted him and we were solid and we
had a beautiful relationship, and someone came to me and said, law,
I really need to tell you something I have been
hearing that he's doing this behind your back. Sure I
(33:26):
wouldn't defend him. I would say that, but that's.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Different than what you said. I listen, I'm with you.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
If someone said that to me about my brother, I go,
I'll take that into account and now I'm gonna have
a talk. Yeah, that sucks, But like if you're living,
if you're going into dating expecting that to happen with everybody,
like I think you're.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Probably going to expect it. At some point. People who
have been married for twenty five years are now coming
forward being like I just found out that he's fucking around.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
I'm with you, But anything can happen.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
That's very like any like you know, a huge fire
can come over Los Angeles and take out half the homes,
and that's.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
What I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
So so like if you said that your whole life
and then it happened, you go, you go around going, well,
I was right, Well you didn't really live life.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
I fully agree with.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
You, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
So it kind of to bring it back to dating
and not to like not to use someone's pain that
people are like currently going through to make a point.
But like if you're going into dating like, well, it's
gonna be there's gonna be cheating, Like I like, I
think you're fucked Like I I, I don't think you're
gonna like be in love.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
I don't think you're gonna you gotta let go like
that stuff is like I don't know, I I you know,
and I have that. I have my own version of that.
Speaker 3 (34:50):
Like, you know, if I go into a relayship thinking like, oh,
I'm gonna get bored of any relationship, of course you.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Bring the third party, that's right, see, but that's healthy.
I feel like if you're in a marriage and you're like, oh,
we got together at like you know, twenty five, because
that's young depending on where you live. We've been together
a long fucking time, and I know I want to
be with them forever, but like it's a little stuffy.
How do we spice it up while still you know,
(35:21):
you always I don't know, porn, nipple, yeah, do that
whole thing, do.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
Some weird shit together? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
These are the questions that I would probably call you with,
as you.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Can listen, I've given that.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
I've always thought I've always had this great idea that
there should be a monthly check in with relationships where
every month you sit, you have a date night, you
have a dinner, yeah, and then you write on a
letter something that you've like. It was like I think
it was. I gave this idea a long time. I'm
always going to get creative. I'm always going to get creative.
I have the right, I have the ability to because
(35:56):
I'm not in it. When you're in it, you kind
of get less creative because there's someone else there and
you know them and you're like, I can't. But I
always thought it was a good idea to write three
things on a card, something something that made you happy
about them, something that really made you happy this month,
something that really annoyed you this month, and something you'd
like to try together, and you put it on a
(36:18):
card and then you slide across the table and they
slide theres across the table and you fill it out
and then you trade them and then you have this
like nice dinner where you're getting a little fucked up
and or you have your dinner whatever.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
And I think that's like a very sweet thing.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
Again, I'm saying that while alone, single, not in relayship,
I you know someone might look at me and go,
that's never gonna happen. Maybe you do it once a year.
I don't know, it'd be a sexy night. Wouldn't be
sexy and exciting for a relationship. You're twenty five years in,
you get that card and they're like, yeah, I want
you to like, you know, put the nipple clamps on
to night and they're in the in the fucking back
(36:54):
seat of the car, Like that'd be fucking.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Cool or cool? Right?
Speaker 3 (36:57):
So, And you know, you really made me angry when
you did this, and I never told you that, and
I'm happy I'm getting the release to do it now.
And it really turned me on when you did this,
and I never would have told you that.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
And you should create a game.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
I think it's a well listen, it's just a card.
It's a piece of paper.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
No, you should make money off.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
Of right, Well, listen, if you do that, send me
money or come to my show.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
I have I do stand up. This isn't I'm not
being very funny now, but I know, but let's.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Talk about your stand up. Where are you next?
Speaker 3 (37:27):
When does this come out? I'm in Braya this weekend,
so I'm doing shows in Bray.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Was that in California.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
How do you not know that? I don't know any
It's an hour away from here. That's why I'm here.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
Oh, that's why you're in town.
Speaker 3 (37:37):
Well, we did some other podcasts for the U up
to like promote the U Up.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
I'm here to promote the U podcast and.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
Then I'm in Braya this weekend, so I'm like an
hour away and then I go back to Delray Beach
on Sunday night.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
No, I don't know what a surfer.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
It looks like not like me.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
But you know you live in Florida now, No, this is.
Speaker 3 (38:02):
More like lay on the beach and complain about my
body beach, not like surf beach.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Yeah, that's what we do in Florida.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
Everyone's getting eaten and by sharks in Florida right now.
Speaker 3 (38:12):
So you're the second person to tell me this. I
haven't heard a watch shark. I haven't seen one shark.
I go in the ocean every day. I'm there every day.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
Just a matter of time. Well, this is where we
see you.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
I'll send it your love.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
Well, let me just tell you, because I am actually
concerned about it. What you're supposed to do.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
Punch it in the nose. That's what they say.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
You're not supposed to swim away from it at all,
so you keep your feet planted. You look like a
big guy. Punch it right in the night.
Speaker 3 (38:37):
I am not going to do anything. I'm gonna scream.
If you ever saw me with seaweed, you'd be like,
like I touched seweed. I'm like, I'm the worst.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
No, you're getting eaten, there's no.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
Way, and you're breaking off soon. Florida is going bye bye,
so you know what you're.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Getting as it floats away.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
Yeah, we can only hope that you're not there. When
it happens, we'll see I'm not there a lot.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
I'd love to I can't wait to go back. I
really liked being in Delray Beach. I'm like, I'm just.
Speaker 3 (39:08):
Like enjoying because New York it's so hard to do
anything right. When you're living in New York. It's like
I would have shows at night, and it's like if
you want to, like go to a beach in New York,
it's like far planned for six months, Like it's far.
There's like the Rockaways, but like even that, it's just
everything is exhausting. Like I love living in New York.
(39:29):
Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those like
hate on it because I left.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
Like I love New York City. It's just a different lifestyle.
Speaker 2 (39:37):
Do you have you started dating in Florida.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
I've gone on some dates in Florida.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Do you talk about them? On the Uup podcast.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
I talk about my dating life. I try to.
Speaker 3 (39:48):
I don't talk about people specifically. I try to be
as classy as I can be. But I mean, if
anyone's ever gone on a day with me, I'd assume
they know what I do.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
And I've talked about what I do, and.
Speaker 3 (39:59):
I try to be but like, and I do understand
like if I talk about a date just hypothetically or
in general, and I can understand someone being like like
hearing that and going, oh my god, what are they
gonna say? Because I'm being honest. But like I've I've
never felt the need to like make someone else look
(40:20):
you feel bad.
Speaker 1 (40:21):
That's okay, That's not my goal. It's for me to relate.
Speaker 3 (40:26):
I want people to like like, like, I can say
that the dates that I've been on in Florida. It's
the difference is driving. I think driving puts a pressure
on a date that I never really thought it would.
That's something I feel in my body and my soul
is no I know how to drive driven my whole life.
It's just the idea that like, this is an important
(40:48):
thing I'm going to.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
I'm going New York.
Speaker 3 (40:50):
You walk to the date, you go into a bar,
you walk home. It's just I don't know. I think
it's just one of those things that makes it feel
different for me. It feels like it's like we are
heading to an event. And also, I think in New York,
La is similar. Everyone's trying to chase something. Everyone's looking
to do something. You don't go to LA or New
(41:12):
York to not do something right.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
We came to chase the dream.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
Ye dream or career or just a hustle.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
I think when you're in Florida, and this isn't even
just dating, just the people you meet. Everyone's got a story,
everyone's done something, everyone's been somewhere. Everyone's got how they
ended up in Florida. That's their story, not what they're
gonna do, it's where they've been. So that's a difference.
(41:45):
The mindset is different.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
So it's like you go on a date in Florida, it's.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
Like, well, I was dating this person. I lived with
them there. I did you know I used to work here.
I moved here because it's all those stories right New York.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
The stories are different. I'm here to do this.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
That feels like very sex in the city to me.
Like when I picture people dating in New York, it
literally I can only picture sex in the city or girls.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Well that show that show nailed.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
It, Sex and the City or girls Sex and the City.
Speaker 3 (42:15):
I know that show nailed it. Like they there's so
many things that I talked about. They are like, that's
sex and the City was like I had no idea,
but they nailed it.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Yeah, because you talking about like walking to the date,
going into a bar, leaving and walking home like it
just sounds very I lived in the West Village. Yeah,
way less pressure. You're right, like the whole car situation,
and that adds another level of pressure. I think for
a dude, because it's like I have to pick her up.
I can't her to uber like that's gonna be a
(42:46):
red mark. If someone not for me, I would actually
prefer to driver uber Like I'm not trying to have you.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
I'd rather be the date that's me. But listen, this whole.
Speaker 3 (42:56):
Like a lot of people look for rules so that
they don't have to have their own opinion.
Speaker 1 (43:02):
I just I meet there, meet me there at eight,
meet me there at six.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
Also understand that the girls, we all like to talk.
We asked the details. Did he pick you up? Now
you have the pressure of no, he had me uber?
Ew he had you uber? What you We didn't think
that that was a big deal. I didn't think that
was a big deal. But now they're putting it in
my head that that's fucking lame. But I'm not concerned
(43:28):
with that, right and I am.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
Dating is a different beast for women.
Speaker 3 (43:34):
And if a guy doesn't acknowledge that he's trying to
beat you in a conversation, he's a real piece of shit.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
To me.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
Yeah, if you can't acknowledge that we're If you can't acknowledge,
it's different.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
And because you have all these like sad boys, I
don't know. I hate to acknowledge like online people, but
like you see it online, like the comments are like
I put up like my special.
Speaker 1 (43:57):
I have a special on Netflix.
Speaker 3 (43:59):
It's a thirty seven in single and it's there's a
part where I talk about the ick. I started talking
about the ick in twenty twenty one. Yeah, and I
was like it was because a friend of mine. She
was like she wouldn't fuck a guy who wore khakis.
And I was like, that was it khakis? That's why
you're out. And she's like, yeah, it's like one thing
and you're out. And then I was like, oh, that's crazy.
(44:20):
I was like I would never have that. And then
so then I started asking people on the road what's
the one thing? And then I found out the ick
from Love Island, UK. They were saying that and I
was like, oh, I'll use that and I was like,
does anyone have like an ick? And like people, I
was like, it's one thing where you were like I'm done.
So I went around the country collecting ix and you know,
so I had the bit. The bit had the beginning
(44:41):
and an end and in the middle. It was a
fun way to like interact with the crowd.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
I love that, so I kept doing it. I started
collecting them.
Speaker 3 (44:47):
So on the special like I talk about like these
very specific ones that I heard on the road, but
also my perspective of like I have no relation to it,
Like there isn't one thing a woman could do to
make me, not like want to fuck her, you know,
Like so that's the whole bit.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
But you know, I forgot why we were talking about this.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
Just women the way women think and men acknowledging like different.
Speaker 3 (45:15):
Right the comments for men being like, yeah, these losers
would be like any woman who wouldn't have sex with
you for sitting crisscross apple sauce, this.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
Is real, is a real uh elitist you know they
do all. You know, it's a real you know, shallow person.
Speaker 3 (45:33):
Any all, you won't have sex with me because I
have a you know, anyone who would get the ick
from a velkral wall is a shallow person. I'm like, no,
you're not acknowledging that when women go on dates, they
don't have to be attracted to you, Like the ick
comes from giving chance after chance for someone that checks
(45:53):
a lot of boxes for you, and then they do
the one thing that they're like, I'm I'm out. And that's
a funny predict because I don't go on a day
with a woman that I'm not attracted to.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
That's just my penis won't let me leave the house.
Speaker 3 (46:07):
Oh, it's just the way it is, you know, I mean,
like you said, do men think with their dick in
for dating to go on the day with you.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
Yeah, my penis is a very strong dictator.
Speaker 3 (46:19):
You cannot leave the house unless my penis wants to
leave the house. But that's also that's good and that's bad.
It's good because you're on a day with a guy
you know is attracted you.
Speaker 2 (46:30):
Right.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
It's bad because that might be the only reason I'm
on the day with you.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
Right, And then you go at the back alley dating happening, right.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
And now they're trying to fuck. But like then then
you're on the date.
Speaker 3 (46:39):
Being like, well, you know, they they seem to have
friends and they have a good job, and my friends said,
they really are cool, but it takes a minute for
them to open up.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
And now you're three dates in with someone you've hated.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
Can I tell you a funny meme I saw?
Speaker 1 (46:52):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (46:55):
It says these girls won't date a man because he
lives with his mom, but they'll date a man that
lives with his wife.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
Right.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
It seems pretty on part of me not saying all
women are like that, but we just have we're complex creatures.
I feel like the men are very simple, yeah, and
we are very.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Complex, am I attracted, so I go.
Speaker 3 (47:19):
So that's like when those guys are saying your shallow,
it's like, no, you're not acknowledging. Like, no one's saying
you that a guy who he has a Alkir wallet.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
Shouldn't be fucked.
Speaker 3 (47:29):
We're saying that this woman didn't want to fuck a
guy who had an Alkir walt.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
One woman's is another woman's husband.
Speaker 2 (47:37):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (47:38):
That's like, that's what makes a bit fun, That's what
makes X fun.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
Like, you guys do have it easier, though.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to.
Speaker 2 (47:46):
You know, we have to step in with all of
these things happening, and you guys get to step in
and kind of just like yam who I am, and
we have to just accept it. Whereas like we go
through this constant it's like you have to be independent,
but you have to make me feel like you're actually
that I'm taking care of you. You need to have
a full time hustle, but like, come home, take care
(48:06):
of these kids.
Speaker 1 (48:09):
You need a full time hustle and cook and clean.
That's kind of kind of nineteen fifties.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
You would think we evolved, but we haven't. And by
the way, if you don't feel this way like congratulations,
like I would listen to.
Speaker 3 (48:22):
No, I mean, like listen, there's pros and cons to everything.
I'm not trying to, you know, compare plights. I don't
think that's helpful. I acknowledge. Yeah, it's a different game
you're playing. You know, this is chest and checkers.
Speaker 2 (48:36):
I'm going to call in with my next DM.
Speaker 1 (48:38):
Please and do it right now. Tell you whether.
Speaker 2 (48:43):
I'm already sitting day five.
Speaker 1 (48:45):
I want five.
Speaker 2 (48:46):
I want to see dat five shitting bricks.
Speaker 3 (48:50):
This guy who plays for you know, he's got training
camp right now. I don't know what type of sport Hockey, no, baseball.
Speaker 2 (48:59):
No, I'm not telling you any skateboarding. Where can people
find you before we sign off at.
Speaker 3 (49:05):
Jared Freed on Instagram Wizard of ha on TikTok if
you search, Yeah, I was given the nickname the Wizard
of Hawes and it's become I give to say it
all the time.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
I like it.
Speaker 3 (49:19):
Jared Freed on Everything, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok is Wizard of
hop But if you search Jared Freed, I come up
and I'm on the road. Okay, so all over this
country I'm doing a so my specials out on Netflix
thirty seven.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
In a single.
Speaker 3 (49:35):
I have a new special I just taped in December
that is an hour story about going to the beach
with my parents.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
Amazing.
Speaker 1 (49:41):
I hope that's going to be on a streamer. We'll see, Okay.
Speaker 3 (49:45):
And now I'm touring a new hour that I've been
working on since December and it's getting better. That's not
there yet, but it's getting better. And it's about going
to Europe alone and being forty in single, it's I'm
talking more about dating because that's what's going on in
my life and how much I hated going to Europe
alone and I didn't fuck one woman.
Speaker 1 (50:08):
Uh so my sad ten day alone journey.
Speaker 3 (50:13):
So it's called the Table for One Tour and I
think it's a very fun hour.
Speaker 2 (50:19):
It sounds amazing.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
Yeah, it's just like my parents are like, why would
you go to Europe alone? That was like the first question.
Speaker 3 (50:24):
I'm like, you get went down, that didn't do anything.
Speaker 1 (50:30):
So that's the stand up.
Speaker 3 (50:32):
And when I do stand up, it's for the whole room,
Like I want everyone to have funk, so like I'm
not there to like fuck with you. It's just a
fun show and bring your friends. I always tell people
bring their friends because.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
And your parents.
Speaker 3 (50:44):
You can bring your parents great. I love when people
bring their parents to my shows.
Speaker 1 (50:48):
And uh, the U podcast.
Speaker 3 (50:51):
I think everyone listening to this show would get value
from subscribing to the UP podcast, whether that be on
YouTube or any podcast app.
Speaker 1 (51:00):
We're really good at what we do, so.
Speaker 2 (51:03):
I think I'm obsessed with anything that beches does.
Speaker 3 (51:06):
So Betches is the best I you know, listen, that's Uh.
That's been the greatest pleasure of my life is working
with Betches and being able to like be with, like,
you know, three friends that I've gotten to watch their
careers grow and they've been a part of making my
career grow. So it's really a sweet familial thing.
Speaker 2 (51:26):
So good. I'm very congratulations on everything that you're doing.
You guys, Thank you for listening to another episode of
the Give Them a La Podcast. I'm going to catch
you guys on Monday for the bonus and again next week. Bye.
Laala. Is that a Lauren?
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Yeah? How did you know?
Speaker 3 (00:03):
Because we had a Lala in my high school, the
girl with a I mean, I'm referencing someone I haven't
thought about in like one hundred years, But there was
a la La that was Lauren.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Yeah, that's exactly right. They called me Laala Bee in
high school.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Lala b Yeah, that's hilarious in Utah.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
That's like out of a movie about Utah High School.
You know.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Yeah, Hello, gorgeous. It is Laala Kent. Today's guest is
fucking hilarious, brutally honest, which I love, and completely relatable.
Jared Freed. He is a voice behind the U Up
and Jay Train podcast, a killer stand up comic, and
basically the dating translator slash guru that we all really need,
(00:51):
especially well especially me. We're talking about the games guys
play and why your screenshots to the group chat are
valid therapy, So let's jump right into it. Is that true?
I'm so terrified of screenshots being sent that, like, when
I get text messages, I will literally call you on
the phone. And that happened after legal stuff happened, okay,
(01:15):
And I was like, but even like amongst my friends,
I'm like, I'm not saying shit in this text because
you're not going to pull this up.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
I guess.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
You know, when we talk about screenshots, it's usually on
the UU podcast, it's a you know, just eight out
of ten times it's a woman who's writing in being like,
what does this exchange mean? It's not to like get someone,
it's more like, because that's where I come in. I'm
ten percent away from every guy someone is dating, so
(01:48):
I can I'm not one hundred percent Like if you
think of the math of it, like, yeah, whatever you're
going through, you're dating, and you're dealing, you're confused about something,
you're dealing with a guy who's straight.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Dude, who I am.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
I've done what he's doing, you know, in my own life,
and not because I'm trying to be mean or trying,
but because it's uncomfortable to date someone in you know.
And there's another side. I think a lot of women
in dating think that there's this like this guy who
doesn't know how to text them back, but also as
a master manipulator, like they kind of like and that
can't be true. Maybe it's someone with their own insecurities,
(02:22):
just like you. That's trying to figure out getting themselves
to the best place.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
That they can be. We all live in the key
of me. We all live the story. We're the main characters.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
So like a lot of times people when they write
in they're like they're looking at these text messages, They're like,
I don't understand what's going on here, And then I
look at it and I go, I can tell you
exactly what's going on because I can see what this
person's trying to angle at, what they're trying to do.
Because again, like the guy you're seeing, if you're listening,
if you have an issue with dating, I'm not one
(02:53):
hundred percent different than that person. None of us are, right,
I'm within one bell curve. I'm with than one standard
deviation of your the guy you're seeing, and most of
us are very close to one another and how we
feel and how smart we are, and you know, it's
not that much difference between one person and the next.
So I my job on the Up podcast is to
(03:15):
be is to try and give voice to the straight
male perspective that I do think is missing. I think
you know, when straight men talk about dating and they
generally get a platform online, they sound like assholes.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
They it's the worst people.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
It's bad actors that are looking to get a following
that get the platform. And the reason you up is
kind of like just like been around. We've been around
for seven years and we have people that love our show.
I'm not saying that we're not a big show, but
like we've kind of just like flown by because a
lot of the stuff is diet and exercise, and that's
really the most.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Boring advice no one wants to hear that no one
wants to hear.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
It's like die, Yeah, well they're not texting because they're
you know, they're just trying to like they want to
keep you as an opt.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Like that's not really like a fun dating take, but it.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Is the take are most Do you ever get people
that write in that are maybe texting communication is all
they have, Like we know that like meeting in the
DMS or meeting in an app that's kind of like
the norm.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Now that's totally fine, there's no shame on that. I
think that's great. But you don't get to know someone
unless it's in person.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
So so do you do you tell people do a
bort mission?
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Then if like no, I would I don't tell people
what to do. I give them. I give them a
strategy that would work on me. You know, when I
give someone advice, it's what it's something to do and
if you do.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
It, it'll work because it would work on me.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
So if you give me an example like the one
you're talking about right now, Hey, i've been texting with
this guy for three weeks, he won't make a plan.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Okay, I want him to ask me out.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
I want him to make a plan because to most women,
that is attractive. When a guy makes a plan, I
know that he knows that there's a reason he's not
making the plan.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
He might just want to be.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Building trust with you so that you guys can meet
up in more casual settings.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
He might be texting and texting and texting because he
has someone else he's dating.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
I don't know, but.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
These are all on the spectrum. On the spectrum, there's
a spectrum of answers. Yeah, I can't tell you what
it is, but I can get I can say to
that person who's been texting with a guy for three weeks,
you let's look in the mirror and say, hey, what
do I want?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Well, I want a first date.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Okay, that's simple. I would go text that guy. Hey,
it's been really fun communicating here. You got to be
positive and you got to ask for what you want.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
So, hey, it's been really fun talking to you. Live
in the reality because it has been fun. You have
enjoyed the three weeks of texting, even though you want
something else, right, Okay, so acknowledge I've had a really
good time texting the last three weeks. I think it's
time for me to meet in person. I'd love to
get together, make a plan, and I'm in I'm free
(05:56):
Tuesday and Wednesday next week.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
All right, So you give him the days you let
him know I'm down for the cause. Here's the days
i'm free.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Let me know I have given And again, we all
want to be all women want, most women want to
be pursued. So what you've done is now given him
all the tools, the wood, the hammer, the nails to
build the house. Okay, so it can feel It doesn't
feel as good as you wanted, but you're nothing's gonna
feel as good as you wanted.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Three weeks in text and they haven't made a plan.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
So I'm getting it to Like the point if you're
gonna sit there and text him for three weeks.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
It's because you want a date.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
So let's put out the hammer, put out the nails,
put out the wood, and now he can build that house.
This is an adult who had the ability to match
with you on an app and make you believe there
were a fun person enough to go out with them
and spend time with them. So they have the ability
to make that plan. They will either make that plan
when you say, hey, I'm free Tuesday and this has
(06:47):
been fun.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
I'm free Tuesday or Wednesday, make a plan. I'm in.
If they do anything but make a plan for Tuesday
or Wednesday, that's it.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Call it a day.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
At that point, it's make a plan or I'm done.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
And you don't have to say anything because you're not
gonna teach anybody, right, You're not teaching someone who doesn't
want to be taught. So a lot of times it's
a lot of women that write in, and I say
women because I'm in the position of like speaking, you're
you're the I'm responding to their emails, so like, I
don't want to group women together.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
If this doesn't apply to you, that's fine. My point is.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
That when women write into the showy they're looking, They're like,
I'm They're They're like, I'm so confused.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
You're not confused, you're turned off.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
If you the more, every time you say confused, just
say turned off and they'll answer all your questions.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Oh I like that because I would much rather be
turned off than confused.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah, because you're not confused. You're a smart woman.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Used leaves me vulnerable. Turned off means you're giving me
the ick and I'm kind of like working my way out.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
Here's the thing about turned off doesn't mean it's over.
You know, being turned off and communicating that that's a
real motivator to someone that really wants to get to
know you. Any woman who has ever told me, ah,
that thing you're doing kind of turns me.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Off, made hit me in the core.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
So if you really want to and it also it's
a person with taste, it's a person I respect, a
person who respects themselves. And I'm not here to be
a motivator. Like I'm not here like tell you you're
great and wonderful. Like I'm just saying, like how I
hear these things? Okay, you know, Like I'm not trying
to say like like I do, like think everyone is fine,
everyone's for someone, but like I just hear a lot
(08:21):
of bullshit from smart people. You know, I'm confused. Well,
you're college educating. You got to this point.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Well, it's not confused about anything but this.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Yeah, I know. But that sounds like you want to.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Fucking have a It sounds like you want to put
confusion in the way of having taste.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Well, you can't talk about having this is something where
like the heart is speaking right and like you could
be a Harvard graduate and the heart just fixates on
what it wants. I continue, at the age of thirty four,
almost thirty five, to be attracted to men who make
(08:56):
me work really, really fucking hard.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Who are you dating right now? Laala? Nobody? Nobody? Are
you texting with anybody?
Speaker 2 (09:02):
So I like to say that I'm yes. My whole
thing is when you say are you dating? That puts
me in a box of potential, whereas when you say
are you talking to this person? It leaves me to be.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
I didn't ask those questions though.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
No, you said are you dating?
Speaker 1 (09:18):
I said, no, you're seeing anyone? Are you like talking
to anyone that's talking?
Speaker 2 (09:21):
I like talking better? Well, I think I never I've
never talked about this at all.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Well, I think what you're doing like to me, like
when people ask why their dating issues, I've kind of like,
you know, you try to make this edible for people,
like conversation, especially because again, like this is all marketing.
Dating dating talk is very it can be. It's the same,
it's not. There's not a lot to say. But I
do believe there's such a.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Thing as back alley dating and main street dating.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Okay, what's the back alley?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Back alley dating is meeting someone on an app, having
no friends in common, and going out for drinks. That's
something that no one knows about, no one cares about.
There's no there's no repercussions, no will ask questions how
to go with Jake?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Okay, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Like and again I used a fake name. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I have gone about my life saying I don't date
right now, I don't talk to anybody such a woman.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Women, Women do this on off switch.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
You're always dating, You're always out there. If you're single,
you're always out there. Okay, if you're unspoken for, you're
always looking. That is that is a thing people say
to themselves to not be feel like they failed. You're saying,
I'm not dating right now, so that you'll never feel
like a night when Red Dreid ray rejection. That is
(10:42):
like to me, like, I get it, I get it,
like I wish I I'm in my whe fase, so
you don't feel bad about fucking some dude. That's why
men don't do that. I've never heard a guy in
his whole phase. I've never I'm not dating right now.
Every guy's always dating, always looking, always not looking. And
this is something that you don't have to do. Like
(11:03):
I know you, but like you're like.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
On the podcast, I say I'm not dating right now, Well,
you're always dating.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
And the thing that I always get put in the
position of saying is that men are not naive idiots.
We are more emotionally intelligent than women give us credit for.
So the idea that he would hear this and go
you like me is crazy.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
That'd be him. He'd be an asshole for doing that.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
Okay, because you're hitting on something that like has been
a big piece of advice that I've said to people
is if you're going out with your friends and getting
like a daytime.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Sprits or whatever.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Yeah, hey, and this is who that that's the exact
hang you want. Hey, I'm with my friends. We're having
a sprits. If you and if you're with any friends
want to come, m you're more than welcome, open invitation,
no harm, no foul.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
You know you don't come, that's okay, you got other
things going on.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
But what you're doing when you say I'm out with
my friends and having fun and would love for you
and your friends to come to again, that's the that's
the main street date that you want because friends are there. Yeah,
that is you seeing them again.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
This is about you seeing.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
If they're the right partner for you, you seeing them
interact with your closest and best. Of course it is,
but we all talk about it hypothetically. You know, Oh,
I they gotta get along with my friends, and I
gotta be able to leave them alone at a party. Well,
you haven't invited them to a fucking party. You never
invite them out with your friends because you're afraid of
your friends going what happened to Jason and then you go,
(12:33):
well bo bo work out? Well fuck off, that sucks.
Deal with it, you know, like you know, take the chance,
you know, so if you like them again, that's what
makes me go, do I like the person? I do
this all the time in my life. Oh, I would
love to invite someone to come hang with my friends
if we're out, But I'm like, do I like them
(12:53):
enough to give that part of my life to them?
That's hard too, That's a that's taking responsibility from me,
you know, like I back away from a lot of
like really nice people that I go. It wouldn't be
fair of me to because when I was younger, I
didn't really care, you know, hang with my friends, meet
my parents.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Who cares? They don't care because I.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Didn't deal with what women have to deal with a lot, right,
I didn't have to deal with like what happened to
them and did they end it with you?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
And so the societal stuff. Ok of like the pressure.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
A lot of women feel that, like you're a failure
if it doesn't work out with the person you brought
home to your friends and family.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
I do understand that's a different game.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Well, it's a lot of pressure because I think especially
for women who start getting older, of course they want
it to work out. And there's that whole thing. If
I'm still single at thirty, like I'm going to marry
my best friend. That's our deal. So to come home
again and again to be like, oh, it didn't work
out with this one, it didn't work out with that one.
(13:53):
I think that we are programmed to think that others
are going, what's wrong with you? That none of this
is working now.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Listen, I don't envy it.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
I only started feeling what's wrong with you, like the
last couple of months, Like I'm forty. When you turn forty,
I think men get that, like forty, never marry, no kids.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
I think that becomes more, but never like it is
for women. I mean, like I anyone have a.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Biological clock as well for women where it's like I'm
in my thirties.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Yeah, that's all shit I don't have to deal with, right,
But also that's like sewn into the fabric of society.
Like it's stuff that like I don't envy you know,
Like but if anyone this is where like the online
voice for men is so gross because they never seem
to acknowledge that, like it's a different battle for women,
(14:44):
Like all those guys that are like pieces of shit
online that like right give like hot takes on dating.
They all just kind of have this like they never
really acknowledge that, like the pressures are different on the
other side, they're way different, right I And that's something
that like I fully acknowledged.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
That's like I've you know.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
But also that's why like the messaging that I you know,
or my perspective, I try to let people know, like, yeah,
that doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
To me as much as it does to you. Okay,
Like that's good to know.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Like what's that the age range of women who are
reaching out to you?
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Oh, we get you know, it's weirdly getting wider.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
Because there's so many women in their you know, fifties
and sixties who are like getting single now and people
in there in that age group who have never dated
with the internet and now they're like single. So we're
getting that. But you know, mostly twenty we were like
a twenty seven to like you know, if I'm to
(15:43):
give it a ten year at twenty seven to thirty seven,
but like again I'm forty, there's people around my age
who look that reach out and we have I mean
it's really just mostly women. Well yeah, but I love
when men listen too, because like, of course, like I'm
not like, you know, I do stand up. I go
around the country. When I first started doing stand up
or started going on the road, I've been doing stand
(16:04):
up for fifteen years. And then I, you know, kind
of like stumbled upon I wanted to do a podcast,
and then I like basically was like, hey, and here's
my email, email in and all the email questions were
from men looking for dating advice, but all the male
dating advice was.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Like this, chick, how do I fuck? And it was like.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Very like, so, do you think men think with their
dick more so than like anything else?
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Yes, and no I do.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
But I'm I'm saying at the time, there was like
a young group of men listening because you were because.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
I was twenty seven when I started.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
You were young.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
Started doing the podcast, and then when women started listening
to podcasts, I started getting all these emails from women,
and that's when the show got interesting. And then you
up started with Betches and we did the male female counterpoint.
You know, I do the show with Jordana Abraham. She
started Betches with her, you know, with Sammy and Aleen.
They're you know, three friends that went to college together.
(16:59):
So like I've been kind of so we have had
this podcast like the last seven years, and it's it's
just very like and now you have people that listen
with their spouses, that listen with their boyfriend them and
that I always know the couples like good because like
we're talking about things, like we're bringing up subjects live.
(17:20):
We tape, no, we tape, but like it's Wednesday and Friday, but.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
The couples are calling in. You're not answering questions from
a video that they said.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
We got emails, mostly emails. We've got voicemails in the past.
We just had a couple on our Benefits episode come
on to have a fight where.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
We were like judge Jay and Jay where we.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
Played like couples court and they had a dispute like
an argument about like he had a friend that was
reaching out to go to the zoo together, and we
like talked it out. It was really fun and it
was like really like really good, Like maybe.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Told m to not go to the zoo. Did he
do it?
Speaker 3 (17:53):
He wasn't going, but they like he couldn't understand why
she was upset that he would go to the zoo with.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
A female friend.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
Yeah, and how why the zoo was like such a
sticking point.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
So it was all it's a good conversation.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
But I did like that guy and her like they've
been together like three years, you know, like and they're.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Calling it what zoo did they go to? Dear mind?
Speaker 3 (18:13):
He was in Amsterdam, I think because they were from Amsterdam. Okay, yeah,
they've been to my show in Amsterdam.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
So she was upset that he reached was going to
go to the zoo with That's a little weird to
me too.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
It is weird.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
They acknowledged it like they were way more again, like
they were way more cool. Like this sounds like he's
going to the zoo to fuck this woman, you know,
but it's not.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
It wasn't like that at all. Like it was.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
Actually like I did understand his perspective. It turns out
the friend there's a deeper thing going on there, like
where the friend is kind of having issues in their
life and he was kind of being he kind of
felt like he was helping them by being a friend
of them. So like it was like that stuff was
working and it was just interesting.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
What's like the most intense message that you've gotten where
you're like, I don't think that I could help you
with this.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
I those are the hard ones because you're like, I'm
no therapist, I have no y.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
I try to say it to.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
You, I'm like, well, I have to imagine that people
do kind of look at you as a therapist when
they come to you.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Well, I always say they should go.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
We try to, you know, you try to push people
like get a professor, because professional can give you the
tools like to get through these things.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Like I can't do that.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
I can just give an opinion, like I'm not gonna like,
you know, I'm there to have fun with the subject, right,
so when it gets into.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
That territory, it's hard for us to even do it.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
I I kind of like you stick to like breaking
down the dms and you keep it light and you
just stay in your male perspective.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
And also like yeah, and also telling people like hey,
this is like sometimes people write in about this like
story they think is not that serious, and you're like, eh,
this is serious, right. I think those are like sometimes
like even just hearing like that from someone who's not
your friend, Like you know, I think people why to
people write into a podcast. They go, we the beauty
(20:09):
of giving advice on a podcast. I don't have to
make eye contact with the person.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Yeah, you know, your friends.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
When your friends give you advice, they soften, you know,
they and they also give advice from the perspective.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Of knowing you from high school when you were La
La B. You know, like you know, like that's a
different you.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
And then you don't trust the advice because you go, well,
you're just saying that's a La La B.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
You don't know me now.
Speaker 3 (20:31):
So when I get an email, I'm reading what they
wrote to me.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
And I also, like, you know, I like reading the
emails because the answers are sometimes in them, you know,
the things people point out to us, it says a
lot about them.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
You know.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
Sometimes you can tell someone's trying to like get you
on their side before they've even asked a question, and
like I can see it in the email. I'm like,
you don't have to fucking make yourself a victim to me,
right right? And oh, they dump me on a Tuesday?
Can you believe it was a Tuesday? I get that,
you know, they describe the dump and I'm like, yeah,
you were dumped, okay, move on, right, But you see
(21:10):
that in emails because when you go a brunch with
your friends and you're like, and it was six weeks
after my birthday and your friend goes, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
We love to right, we love to rub each other up.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
You do, And that's okay. I get the fun in that,
But like when I see that, I have to be
the person that's like no one because the fuck.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Right, you know, like six weeks ago, okay, move on.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Move on my birthday.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
You didn't make me take your side more.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
He can still be a dick without it being your
birthday six weeks ago.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
I think that's the other thing that's really hard is
just because someone breaks up with you. Like, I've never
understood why people fixate on like how the person broke
up with them. I'm totally fine with an email, post
it note, text message in person. In fact, i'd actually
rather you send me a text because I don't want
to fucking see you after.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
Well, that goes to the societal stuff. I'm starting to
up I because it's like they're trying to show you.
I think a lot of people want to vilify the
other person for ending it so that they're not seen
as the loser that they were. You know, when you're
dumped and your friends are getting married. You don't want
(22:21):
to be the scene as the person who fucked up
a relationship, so they need a reason why And okay,
why did you break up?
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Well, he ca can you believe this type of person?
Speaker 3 (22:33):
He broke up with me at my house at three
o'clock on a Tuesday?
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Can you even believe?
Speaker 3 (22:39):
And they're trying to build them up as like this
villain so that you go, you have no more questions,
You don't question if it was them at all. You
know that's kind of the move.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
And how do you feel about ghosting?
Speaker 3 (22:51):
I'm against it. I don't think that's I think it's rude.
I mean I've ghosted. I don't I'm not proud of it,
like right like. And also think the problem with ghosting
is that the definition has become so vague that no
one even again. You just said, send me a text.
Some people go, don't text me at all. We've been
on one day. Why would you dump me?
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Yeah? Some people go, I was ghosted. We went on
one day. You never text it again. So it gets confusing,
you know, right and wrong.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
The minute we give names and we make everything a
victim plea is the minute we don't know what to
do so, like, listen, I have we kind of like
on our show the ghosting thing, where like if someone
is asking you to go on a date again and
you are going away, like maybe you should say, hey,
(23:42):
this Isn't you have.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
To send an uncomfortable text?
Speaker 3 (23:44):
Yeah, I no one text you asking for that day,
Like maybe there's no reason to send that text.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
No. I think ghosting is for me when I've been ghosted,
it's like we were straight fucking kicking it. We were dating,
you were around my friend, you were we were in
each other's beds, and then you just fall off the
face of the earth like that as well, right, Like
there's a little more at stake, right if you're just
(24:10):
texting dming and then they just never respond.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
I just this is why words matter, you know, Like
because people talk about I got ghosted on the dating app.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Then they've with someone they've never met and they spoke
to No.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
I don't call it, but I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
People do, so I'm with you.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
To me, ghosting is someone had sex with you and
then they never spoke to you again, even and especially
when you try to speak to them and say hey,
where you've been and they don't answer.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Like you had.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
It takes two to be ghosted, right, you know, like
if you just wait for someone to text you and
they don't do it.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Were you ghosted or did you?
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Were you afraid of getting an answer and both people
became afraid and one person became afraid to text you
and you became afraid to ask for an answer.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Honestly, I just think that people are terrified of the
word like forever. Right, people are so much everything is
so accessible. You're swiping right, you can literally change your location.
You can have a one night stand in a matter
have that connected in a matter of seconds, right, Like
people are too accessible now where I think men are
(25:20):
more guilty of this than women. I think women crave
companionship and family and stability more so than men, And
I think that's why you probably get a plethora of
messages because it's very, very hard to get inside the
mind of a dude.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
I agree with what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
I think also on that subject, like men don't want commitment, well,
I think it's also where does that fear come from?
The way you are judged as a man is like
can you provide do you have the ability?
Speaker 1 (25:55):
You know? Are you going to be.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
There for that family, Like, are you like all those things,
all those life things that come up, Someone is now
your responsibility. Yeah, when a man, when I fail on
my own, I can fail in the dark, I can
fail in quiet. Yeah, I do feel in me the
fear of like failing and telling someone that has now
(26:20):
made my pursuits theirs as well when you're in a partnership,
Like that's really hard to like, I can't imagine, you know,
sharing those failures with someone. I think that's really hard
to do because you know, when you're three months in
with someone, you can kind of fake it your all potential, right,
(26:42):
you know. And I think that's a very male thing
to me, Like I feel it, like and I think
when I've dated someone, their lack of fear of like
let's just be in a relationship and see what happens
is like crazy to be. Yeah, like there's no thought
(27:02):
of like like they're just like, yeah, of course, I'm right.
Every woman has been every woman I've ever dated has
been ready to be you know, settled down since twenty two.
You know, I'm just saying like that generally, and you go,
you have no fear of this, You've never thought twice,
you know, and then it's funny because now you get
and now I'm at the age where you start hearing
(27:25):
from the people who settle down quickly that.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Go, ah, you know, we never you know, maybe that
was you know, like.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
The second guest, the third party is coming in out
a marriage.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
That's extreme. That's what people like to hear.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
I don't know they like to hear about that, But
I don't know how much that's happening.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
At least, I'm not getting a lot of offers to
be the third you know.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
I think it's more women, right, Like I only like men,
Like I've hooked up with chicks. But if I were
in a marriage, there's no way that I would want
a second dude.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Oh why I'm saying dude on the side, that's what
I would more like open marriages, like I you hear
about all these things, lots you hear about all these things.
I think there they take up space in the room.
Like I was thinking more like, well he doesn't care,
come with me, you know, you go, that's not really happening,
(28:21):
like you know, like like swinging. Yeah, like you hear,
I think it's taking up space in the room where
it's not really deserved. I think like this whole like
like it's like we had this whole thing in we
did our you podcast on the road, so we went
and did a dating show. Yeah, we did a dating
show on the road. Fifty city or fifty twenty something cities.
(28:43):
Everywhere was bad, the worst dating place. Everyone's claimed their
city was the worst for dating, which means there's no
good city for dating.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Okay, there's nobody.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
You say, though, really quickly, what would you say is
the hardest city to date in?
Speaker 1 (28:57):
They all have their different problems, Okay.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
Like like New York, there was like disposability, there's always
another you could swipe and never run out of people.
Totally San Francisco. The women in San Francisco had a
saying the goods are odd, but the odds are good,
meaning there's a lot of men, yeah, but they are weird.
They're like tech bro coder types. So that was their issue,
(29:24):
is that you're dealing with a lot of people on
the spectrum and you know or that was like the
Silicon Valley area, you know that area of the country. LA.
The problem was that Peter Peter Pans and the pursuit
is something else that was major city stuff. They're pursuing
something else but a relationship. You know here when people
(29:47):
in La everyone's got dreams that are bigger than and
different than family and.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Settling down, so that takes priorities.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
So yeah, But the one thing that I noticed in
San Francisco was like E and M, ethical non monogamy
was like a big thing that they had an issue with.
And it's funny, like a subject like that you hear
about ethical non monogamy because it's like if you're in
a liberal leaning city, like ethical non monogamy, and it
(30:17):
was just like weird. It was funny to see the
predicament of a very liberal crowd in San Francisco have
this issue.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
They were like I don't fucking want that. I want
a boyfriend.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
But these guys would put this like liberal kind of
wall up because you couldn't be like against someone's lifestyle.
But it was like, ethical nominogamy is a thing, but
it's a thing for there are less people doing it
than you would think, like that are.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Able to do it.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
To say you're on a dating app looking for ethical nominogamy,
like that can happen, so you have to acknowledge it.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
But it's not happening as much as people are just.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Using that so they don't get blamed for when you
guys break up and you know, it makes you half
a boyfriend's instead of a full boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
It's all like bullshit. It's just the fuckery of dudes,
you know.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
Like it's like and I look at it a nice
smile because I don't give a fuck, right Like, I'm
not that I don't. I don't not give a fuck,
But I'm not like, I'm not sold that this is
some high minded individual.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
I think this is just a new word you've given
to I want to fuck a bunch of people, you know,
so I so I laugh at it because and it's like.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
A lot of these like swingers and this, it's all
stuff people bring up that avoids diet and exercise, that
avoids the reality of dating is really very normal, and
it's hard and you're looking for someone, and those aren't
your problems, you know, the problems aren't everyone's swinging.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
I I think that everyone's swinging. I think a lot
of people more more people are cheating than not cheating.
And I think that health.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
More people are cheating than not cheating.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Yes, I think most peopleship want me. I've never cheated before.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Know what I'm saying is that your problem in dating
right now?
Speaker 2 (32:07):
You know, I would have a really really hard time
being committed to someone because I don't know that I
could wholeheartedly I believe that they weren't fucking around on me.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
I would hope, I think we all would hope that
you meet someone that makes you feel so good and
safe that that won't be the reality. I can understand
from the outside looking in. Listen, I'm cynical about dating too.
I would hope that the person that I end up
with that's not even.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
Like a thought a thought in your mind.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Yeah, I would hope, But I understand what you're saying.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
A lifetime is a really long time together.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Listen. I am not I am not naive.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
I am That's why this iszar and there's good times
and bad times and all those things. But if you're
going into dating being like I'll never trust anyone, and
you probably won't.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Let's put it this way. If I were dating somebody
and I trusted him and we were solid and we
had a beautiful relationship, and someone came to me and said, law,
I really need to tell you something I have been
hearing that he's doing this behind your back. Sure I
(33:26):
wouldn't defend him. I would say that, but that's.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Different than what you said. I listen, I'm with you.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
If someone said that to me about my brother, I go,
I'll take that into account and now I'm gonna have
a talk. Yeah, that sucks, But like if you're living,
if you're going into dating expecting that to happen with everybody,
like I think you're.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Probably going to expect it. At some point. People who
have been married for twenty five years are now coming
forward being like I just found out that he's fucking around.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
I'm with you, But anything can happen.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
That's very like any like you know, a huge fire
can come over Los Angeles and take out half the homes,
and that's.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
What I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
So so like if you said that your whole life
and then it happened, you go, you go around going, well,
I was right, Well you didn't really live life.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
I fully agree with.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
You, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
So it kind of to bring it back to dating
and not to like not to use someone's pain that
people are like currently going through to make a point.
But like if you're going into dating like, well, it's
gonna be there's gonna be cheating, Like I like, I
think you're fucked Like I I, I don't think you're
gonna like be in love.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
I don't think you're gonna you gotta let go like
that stuff is like I don't know, I I you know,
and I have that. I have my own version of that.
Speaker 3 (34:50):
Like, you know, if I go into a relayship thinking like, oh,
I'm gonna get bored of any relationship, of course you.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Bring the third party, that's right, see, but that's healthy.
I feel like if you're in a marriage and you're like, oh,
we got together at like you know, twenty five, because
that's young depending on where you live. We've been together
a long fucking time, and I know I want to
be with them forever, but like it's a little stuffy.
How do we spice it up while still you know,
(35:21):
you always I don't know, porn, nipple, yeah, do that
whole thing, do.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
Some weird shit together? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
These are the questions that I would probably call you with,
as you.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Can listen, I've given that.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
I've always thought I've always had this great idea that
there should be a monthly check in with relationships where
every month you sit, you have a date night, you
have a dinner, yeah, and then you write on a
letter something that you've like. It was like I think
it was. I gave this idea a long time. I'm
always going to get creative. I'm always going to get creative.
I have the right, I have the ability to because
(35:56):
I'm not in it. When you're in it, you kind
of get less creative because there's someone else there and
you know them and you're like, I can't. But I
always thought it was a good idea to write three
things on a card, something something that made you happy
about them, something that really made you happy this month,
something that really annoyed you this month, and something you'd
like to try together, and you put it on a
(36:18):
card and then you slide across the table and they
slide theres across the table and you fill it out
and then you trade them and then you have this
like nice dinner where you're getting a little fucked up
and or you have your dinner whatever.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
And I think that's like a very sweet thing.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
Again, I'm saying that while alone, single, not in relayship,
I you know someone might look at me and go,
that's never gonna happen. Maybe you do it once a year.
I don't know, it'd be a sexy night. Wouldn't be
sexy and exciting for a relationship. You're twenty five years in,
you get that card and they're like, yeah, I want
you to like, you know, put the nipple clamps on
to night and they're in the in the fucking back
(36:54):
seat of the car, Like that'd be fucking.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Cool or cool? Right?
Speaker 3 (36:57):
So, And you know, you really made me angry when
you did this, and I never told you that, and
I'm happy I'm getting the release to do it now.
And it really turned me on when you did this,
and I never would have told you that.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
And you should create a game.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
I think it's a well listen, it's just a card.
It's a piece of paper.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
No, you should make money off.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
Of right, Well, listen, if you do that, send me
money or come to my show.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
I have I do stand up. This isn't I'm not
being very funny now, but I know, but let's.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Talk about your stand up. Where are you next?
Speaker 3 (37:27):
When does this come out? I'm in Braya this weekend,
so I'm doing shows in Bray.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Was that in California.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
How do you not know that? I don't know any
It's an hour away from here. That's why I'm here.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
Oh, that's why you're in town.
Speaker 3 (37:37):
Well, we did some other podcasts for the U up
to like promote the U Up.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
I'm here to promote the U podcast and.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
Then I'm in Braya this weekend, so I'm like an
hour away and then I go back to Delray Beach
on Sunday night.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
No, I don't know what a surfer.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
It looks like not like me.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
But you know you live in Florida now, No, this is.
Speaker 3 (38:02):
More like lay on the beach and complain about my
body beach, not like surf beach.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Yeah, that's what we do in Florida.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
Everyone's getting eaten and by sharks in Florida right now.
Speaker 3 (38:12):
So you're the second person to tell me this. I
haven't heard a watch shark. I haven't seen one shark.
I go in the ocean every day. I'm there every day.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
Just a matter of time. Well, this is where we
see you.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
I'll send it your love.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
Well, let me just tell you, because I am actually
concerned about it. What you're supposed to do.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
Punch it in the nose. That's what they say.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
You're not supposed to swim away from it at all,
so you keep your feet planted. You look like a
big guy. Punch it right in the night.
Speaker 3 (38:37):
I am not going to do anything. I'm gonna scream.
If you ever saw me with seaweed, you'd be like,
like I touched seweed. I'm like, I'm the worst.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
No, you're getting eaten, there's no.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
Way, and you're breaking off soon. Florida is going bye bye,
so you know what you're.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Getting as it floats away.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
Yeah, we can only hope that you're not there. When
it happens, we'll see I'm not there a lot.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
I'd love to I can't wait to go back. I
really liked being in Delray Beach. I'm like, I'm just.
Speaker 3 (39:08):
Like enjoying because New York it's so hard to do
anything right. When you're living in New York. It's like
I would have shows at night, and it's like if
you want to, like go to a beach in New York,
it's like far planned for six months, Like it's far.
There's like the Rockaways, but like even that, it's just
everything is exhausting. Like I love living in New York.
(39:29):
Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those like
hate on it because I left.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
Like I love New York City. It's just a different lifestyle.
Speaker 2 (39:37):
Do you have you started dating in Florida.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
I've gone on some dates in Florida.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Do you talk about them? On the Uup podcast.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
I talk about my dating life. I try to.
Speaker 3 (39:48):
I don't talk about people specifically. I try to be
as classy as I can be. But I mean, if
anyone's ever gone on a day with me, I'd assume
they know what I do.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
And I've talked about what I do, and.
Speaker 3 (39:59):
I try to be but like, and I do understand
like if I talk about a date just hypothetically or
in general, and I can understand someone being like like
hearing that and going, oh my god, what are they
gonna say? Because I'm being honest. But like I've I've
never felt the need to like make someone else look
(40:20):
you feel bad.
Speaker 1 (40:21):
That's okay, That's not my goal. It's for me to relate.
Speaker 3 (40:26):
I want people to like like, like, I can say
that the dates that I've been on in Florida. It's
the difference is driving. I think driving puts a pressure
on a date that I never really thought it would.
That's something I feel in my body and my soul
is no I know how to drive driven my whole life.
It's just the idea that like, this is an important
(40:48):
thing I'm going to.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
I'm going New York.
Speaker 3 (40:50):
You walk to the date, you go into a bar,
you walk home. It's just I don't know. I think
it's just one of those things that makes it feel
different for me. It feels like it's like we are
heading to an event. And also, I think in New York,
La is similar. Everyone's trying to chase something. Everyone's looking
to do something. You don't go to LA or New
(41:12):
York to not do something right.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
We came to chase the dream.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
Ye dream or career or just a hustle.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
I think when you're in Florida, and this isn't even
just dating, just the people you meet. Everyone's got a story,
everyone's done something, everyone's been somewhere. Everyone's got how they
ended up in Florida. That's their story, not what they're
gonna do, it's where they've been. So that's a difference.
(41:45):
The mindset is different.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
So it's like you go on a date in Florida, it's.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
Like, well, I was dating this person. I lived with
them there. I did you know I used to work here.
I moved here because it's all those stories right New York.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
The stories are different. I'm here to do this.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
That feels like very sex in the city to me.
Like when I picture people dating in New York, it
literally I can only picture sex in the city or girls.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Well that show that show nailed.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
It, Sex and the City or girls Sex and the City.
Speaker 3 (42:15):
I know that show nailed it. Like they there's so
many things that I talked about. They are like, that's
sex and the City was like I had no idea,
but they nailed it.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Yeah, because you talking about like walking to the date,
going into a bar, leaving and walking home like it
just sounds very I lived in the West Village. Yeah,
way less pressure. You're right, like the whole car situation,
and that adds another level of pressure. I think for
a dude, because it's like I have to pick her up.
I can't her to uber like that's gonna be a
(42:46):
red mark. If someone not for me, I would actually
prefer to driver uber Like I'm not trying to have you.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
I'd rather be the date that's me. But listen, this whole.
Speaker 3 (42:56):
Like a lot of people look for rules so that
they don't have to have their own opinion.
Speaker 1 (43:02):
I just I meet there, meet me there at eight,
meet me there at six.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
Also understand that the girls, we all like to talk.
We asked the details. Did he pick you up? Now
you have the pressure of no, he had me uber?
Ew he had you uber? What you We didn't think
that that was a big deal. I didn't think that
was a big deal. But now they're putting it in
my head that that's fucking lame. But I'm not concerned
(43:28):
with that, right and I am.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
Dating is a different beast for women.
Speaker 3 (43:34):
And if a guy doesn't acknowledge that he's trying to
beat you in a conversation, he's a real piece of shit.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
To me.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
Yeah, if you can't acknowledge that we're If you can't acknowledge,
it's different.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
And because you have all these like sad boys, I
don't know. I hate to acknowledge like online people, but
like you see it online, like the comments are like
I put up like my special.
Speaker 1 (43:57):
I have a special on Netflix.
Speaker 3 (43:59):
It's a thirty seven in single and it's there's a
part where I talk about the ick. I started talking
about the ick in twenty twenty one. Yeah, and I
was like it was because a friend of mine. She
was like she wouldn't fuck a guy who wore khakis.
And I was like, that was it khakis? That's why
you're out. And she's like, yeah, it's like one thing
and you're out. And then I was like, oh, that's crazy.
(44:20):
I was like I would never have that. And then
so then I started asking people on the road what's
the one thing? And then I found out the ick
from Love Island, UK. They were saying that and I
was like, oh, I'll use that and I was like,
does anyone have like an ick? And like people, I
was like, it's one thing where you were like I'm done.
So I went around the country collecting ix and you know,
so I had the bit. The bit had the beginning
(44:41):
and an end and in the middle. It was a
fun way to like interact with the crowd.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
I love that, so I kept doing it. I started
collecting them.
Speaker 3 (44:47):
So on the special like I talk about like these
very specific ones that I heard on the road, but
also my perspective of like I have no relation to it,
Like there isn't one thing a woman could do to
make me, not like want to fuck her, you know,
Like so that's the whole bit.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
But you know, I forgot why we were talking about this.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
Just women the way women think and men acknowledging like different.
Speaker 3 (45:15):
Right the comments for men being like, yeah, these losers
would be like any woman who wouldn't have sex with
you for sitting crisscross apple sauce, this.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
Is real, is a real uh elitist you know they
do all. You know, it's a real you know, shallow person.
Speaker 3 (45:33):
Any all, you won't have sex with me because I
have a you know, anyone who would get the ick
from a velkral wall is a shallow person. I'm like, no,
you're not acknowledging that when women go on dates, they
don't have to be attracted to you, Like the ick
comes from giving chance after chance for someone that checks
(45:53):
a lot of boxes for you, and then they do
the one thing that they're like, I'm I'm out. And that's
a funny predict because I don't go on a day
with a woman that I'm not attracted to.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
That's just my penis won't let me leave the house.
Speaker 3 (46:07):
Oh, it's just the way it is, you know, I mean,
like you said, do men think with their dick in
for dating to go on the day with you.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
Yeah, my penis is a very strong dictator.
Speaker 3 (46:19):
You cannot leave the house unless my penis wants to
leave the house. But that's also that's good and that's bad.
It's good because you're on a day with a guy
you know is attracted you.
Speaker 2 (46:30):
Right.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
It's bad because that might be the only reason I'm
on the day with you.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
Right, And then you go at the back alley dating happening, right.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
And now they're trying to fuck. But like then then
you're on the date.
Speaker 3 (46:39):
Being like, well, you know, they they seem to have
friends and they have a good job, and my friends said,
they really are cool, but it takes a minute for
them to open up.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
And now you're three dates in with someone you've hated.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
Can I tell you a funny meme I saw?
Speaker 1 (46:52):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (46:55):
It says these girls won't date a man because he
lives with his mom, but they'll date a man that
lives with his wife.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
Right.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
It seems pretty on part of me not saying all
women are like that, but we just have we're complex creatures.
I feel like the men are very simple, yeah, and
we are very.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Complex, am I attracted, so I go.
Speaker 3 (47:19):
So that's like when those guys are saying your shallow,
it's like, no, you're not acknowledging. Like, no one's saying
you that a guy who he has a Alkir wallet.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
Shouldn't be fucked.
Speaker 3 (47:29):
We're saying that this woman didn't want to fuck a
guy who had an Alkir walt.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
One woman's is another woman's husband.
Speaker 2 (47:37):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (47:38):
That's like, that's what makes a bit fun, That's what
makes X fun.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
Like, you guys do have it easier, though.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to.
Speaker 2 (47:46):
You know, we have to step in with all of
these things happening, and you guys get to step in
and kind of just like yam who I am, and
we have to just accept it. Whereas like we go
through this constant it's like you have to be independent,
but you have to make me feel like you're actually
that I'm taking care of you. You need to have
a full time hustle, but like, come home, take care
(48:06):
of these kids.
Speaker 1 (48:09):
You need a full time hustle and cook and clean.
That's kind of kind of nineteen fifties.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
You would think we evolved, but we haven't. And by
the way, if you don't feel this way like congratulations,
like I would listen to.
Speaker 3 (48:22):
No, I mean, like listen, there's pros and cons to everything.
I'm not trying to, you know, compare plights. I don't
think that's helpful. I acknowledge. Yeah, it's a different game
you're playing. You know, this is chest and checkers.
Speaker 2 (48:36):
I'm going to call in with my next DM.
Speaker 1 (48:38):
Please and do it right now. Tell you whether.
Speaker 2 (48:43):
I'm already sitting day five.
Speaker 1 (48:45):
I want five.
Speaker 2 (48:46):
I want to see dat five shitting bricks.
Speaker 3 (48:50):
This guy who plays for you know, he's got training
camp right now. I don't know what type of sport Hockey, no, baseball.
Speaker 2 (48:59):
No, I'm not telling you any skateboarding. Where can people
find you before we sign off at.
Speaker 3 (49:05):
Jared Freed on Instagram Wizard of ha on TikTok if
you search, Yeah, I was given the nickname the Wizard
of Hawes and it's become I give to say it
all the time.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
I like it.
Speaker 3 (49:19):
Jared Freed on Everything, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok is Wizard of
hop But if you search Jared Freed, I come up
and I'm on the road. Okay, so all over this
country I'm doing a so my specials out on Netflix
thirty seven.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
In a single.
Speaker 3 (49:35):
I have a new special I just taped in December
that is an hour story about going to the beach
with my parents.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
Amazing.
Speaker 1 (49:41):
I hope that's going to be on a streamer. We'll see, Okay.
Speaker 3 (49:45):
And now I'm touring a new hour that I've been
working on since December and it's getting better. That's not
there yet, but it's getting better. And it's about going
to Europe alone and being forty in single, it's I'm
talking more about dating because that's what's going on in
my life and how much I hated going to Europe
alone and I didn't fuck one woman.
Speaker 1 (50:08):
Uh so my sad ten day alone journey.
Speaker 3 (50:13):
So it's called the Table for One Tour and I
think it's a very fun hour.
Speaker 2 (50:19):
It sounds amazing.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
Yeah, it's just like my parents are like, why would
you go to Europe alone? That was like the first question.
Speaker 3 (50:24):
I'm like, you get went down, that didn't do anything.
Speaker 1 (50:30):
So that's the stand up.
Speaker 3 (50:32):
And when I do stand up, it's for the whole room,
Like I want everyone to have funk, so like I'm
not there to like fuck with you. It's just a
fun show and bring your friends. I always tell people
bring their friends because.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
And your parents.
Speaker 3 (50:44):
You can bring your parents great. I love when people
bring their parents to my shows.
Speaker 1 (50:48):
And uh, the U podcast.
Speaker 3 (50:51):
I think everyone listening to this show would get value
from subscribing to the UP podcast, whether that be on
YouTube or any podcast app.
Speaker 1 (51:00):
We're really good at what we do, so.
Speaker 2 (51:03):
I think I'm obsessed with anything that beches does.
Speaker 3 (51:06):
So Betches is the best I you know, listen, that's Uh.
That's been the greatest pleasure of my life is working
with Betches and being able to like be with, like,
you know, three friends that I've gotten to watch their
careers grow and they've been a part of making my
career grow. So it's really a sweet familial thing.
Speaker 2 (51:26):
So good. I'm very congratulations on everything that you're doing.
You guys, Thank you for listening to another episode of
the Give Them a La Podcast. I'm going to catch
you guys on Monday for the bonus and again next week. Bye.
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