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May 19, 2023 • 29 mins
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(00:01):
The views and opinions expressed in thefollowing programmer those of the speaker and don't
necessarily represent those of the station it'sstaff, management or ownership. Thanks for
tuning in to clear View Hudson Valleyon your favorite local iHeart radio station,
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(00:22):
FG insurance dot com for more info. Hey, it's Uncle Mike and joining
me this week in the studio fromBig Brothers Big Sisters of Orange County is
Mary Kate Lowe, who's the executivedirector. Good morning, Mary Kate,
how are you kid morning, I'mdoing well. Thanks for having me,
Thanks for coming out. We're goingto talk about Big Brothers Big Sisters here
in Orange County and a lot that'sgoing on. Your biggest part of your

(00:44):
organization as mentoring young people. Andwhen we get into this, you're gonna
tell us about the shortage you havea mentors. Then we need people to
get involved in this. You're anonprofit and you need donations like any charity
does to keep going. But beforewe get started, Mary Kate I always
like the listeners to find out alittle bit about the voice behind microphone.
So if you could just give usa little bit about your background and how

(01:04):
you got involved with Big Brothers BigSisters. Sure. So I actually worked
with the organization for about five anda half years as a mentoring manager.
So I was a staff member withthe agency from twenty twelve to about twenty
seventeen, and I loved my position. I fell in love with the mission.

(01:26):
I fell in love with mentoring,fell in love with prevention and the
understanding of that we don't do enoughprevention in our world. So I really
just loved that position and I hadto move on for personal reasons. But
then I spent about four years infoster care and I was a family clinician
and very quickly realized that it wasnot where I wanted to stay and I
wanted to get back into prevention.So my education background, I have a

(01:49):
master's in social work and a master'sin nonprofit management, and the master's in
nonprofit management led me back to someof my relationships that I had with my
colleagues and co workers at Big Brothers, Big Sisters. And the executive director's
position was vacant, and I wasinvited to apply and had a really good
conversation with the board and walked throughthe interviewing process for the executive director's position

(02:12):
last fall, and I started inJanuary of this year, and I'm just
here. I am in my ninthmonth of my position. So it's been
a really interesting journey so far.No, I always believe things happened for
a reason, and obviously the storyyou just told it happened for a reason.
I'm Asluly. What you were,what you were trained to do,
really is what you're doing, whichis great. That doesn't often happen,
right, So that's interesting that youended up back, you know, kind

(02:35):
of full circle, which is alwaysa great thing when it happens. Mary
Kate. First of all, thewebsite that you're going to go to to
find out more about his mentor achild all one word mentor a child dot
org and that will take you tothe Orange County Big Brothers Big Sisters Organization,
correct, And there are some linkson there. You are part of
a national you're affiliated with the nationalorganization, but are Big Brothers Big Sisters

(03:00):
of Orange County. Correct? Sowe are an independent agency. We're an
affiliate to the Big Brothers Big Sistersof America, which means that the mentoring
one to one mentoring model that weuse is the branding of the national office.
So all of the service delivery modeland how we implement one to one
mentoring is dictated or implemented from ournational office. So we kind of use

(03:24):
their guidelines and their foundation here inOrange County to serve the community here.
And it's very important. As Imentioned earlier, they're a nonprofit and they
need financial help, they need donations, but any donation you make to the
Big Brothers Big Sisters of Orange Countystays right here in Orange County. The
money is applied to this mentoring programbasically is where most of the money goes.

(03:44):
So again, if you're if you'rethinking about helping him, your money
is going to stay right here inOrange County, which is very important,
right, So I think the biggestthing for to share out to the community
is that the money, if you'rea financial supporter or the money definitely goes
directly to the one to one mentoring. So we have community based programming or
we have school based programming, andthe money is to use to support the

(04:09):
building and the creation of a mentoringrelationship. But it's also to support the
development of that relationship once it's designedand once it's established. So any donation
really goes to the heart and thesoul of the mission in terms of the
work that's put into building those mentoringrelationships and then making sure that that mentor

(04:30):
and that child get off on agood foot and be able to be successful
in their mentoring relationship. Again,I'm speaking of Mary Kate Lowe, who's
the executive director of Big Broll's BigSisters of Orange County. The website is
Mentor a Child dot org. They'vegot an event coming up on November twelfth,
which we're going to talk about ina few minutes. It's a fundraiser
that's just ahead of us here.But before we get into that, Mary

(04:54):
Kate, So, mentoring is thebiggest part of your program, and I
say it all the time. Unfortunately, especially the last couple of generations,
of our children have been left totheir own devices in a lot of ways.
And what I mean by that isanyone who has children in this economy
especially knows both parents have to workjust to survive. And with both parents
working, there isn't a parent homeall the time. It's just not possible.

(05:18):
And unfortunately, I think when childrenget to a certain age that there
are kind of left to their owndevices and they kind of raise themselves,
and that's a problem and it's becomea big problem. And that's where your
program really is filling a void becausethe mentoring that's going to take place not

(05:39):
going to replace the parent, butit's going to help that gap, bridge
that gap. And you've got ashortage of mentors right now. So first
of all, let's explain to peoplewhat they what kind of qualifications, qualifications
that they need to have to bea mentor. Sure, So mentoring.
One of the things I love aboutmentoring is because it's a we have such

(05:59):
a variety in terms of who ourmentors are. Our mentors have to be
eighteen years and older, they haveto have a valid driver's license, and
they have to walk with us inthe enrollment process. We want to ensure
that all of our volunteers that comethrough our Positive are healthy, are able
to build relationships with children that havesuch broken lives and have inconsistency in their

(06:23):
life with the family that they're growingup in. So we go through a
full enrollment process. To ensure thatthe volunteers that are coming to us are
coming to us for the right reasonsand they're able to commit to the experience.
We do a within the enrollment process. We do reference checks, we
do training, We talk to ourvolunteers about the different types of families that

(06:44):
we work with, and then oncethey're in the match, they are supported.
They're not just matched and let go. They do connect with a staff
member and they do have a mentoringmanager that they'll connect you once a month
to just talk about goals and talkabout the relationship development and talk about the
challenges that they might be facing,but also the joys and the accomplishments of

(07:04):
that relationship that they're having them withthat young child. So in terms of
profession, we like all types ofprofessions. In terms of background, ethnicity,
demographics, we like all types ofbackgrounds. We are an organization that
really is open to diversity and welcomea variety of different people to join our

(07:25):
mission to mentor the children because thebiggest thing is being able to provide those
children opportunity to new experiences and learndifferent lifestyles and kind of have a little
bit of a door or window towalk through outside of the environment that they're
living in, outside of the familiesthat they're growing up in. So it
makes sense that the people that you'reinterested in becoming bringing on as mentors need

(07:50):
to be from all different backgrounds andvery well rounded, because the children that
you're dealing with are exactly that.They have all different backgrounds, they have
everything you could imagine they've gone through, and so there isn't really any criteria
other than the basic that you justtalked about, and then they're going to
receive training moving forward. And likeyou said, they're not thrown to the

(08:13):
wolves. They're you know there theyhave a professional staff member who they report
too, but who they have ifthey run into something that they don't know
how to handle, they immediately havea resource to go to. So that's
important so people understand that it's it'ssomething anybody can do. Really, I
mean, if you're interested in helpingchildren, which what this is all about,

(08:33):
and not only helping them but helpingthem grow and helping them through some
troubled times, this is a greatjob for you, right absolutely, And
I think the biggest thing to mentionis commitment. Again, because we work
with families that are so inconsistent andwe have children that have adults going in
and out of their life. Traditionally, Big Brothers Big Sisters is based off
of single parent households, but we'reseeing a lot of different family makeup,

(08:56):
so we do have families that weserve that are two parent households. The
commitment piece in terms of our volunteers, we ask one to two times a
month that they're spending with that child, so it works out to be about
four to six hours a month,and really thinking about it in terms of
very simplistic activities. So if you'respending your Saturday morning doing chores and going

(09:20):
food shopping and going to the bankand having to drop things off at different
places, going to the laundry matter, or whatever you do on a Saturday
morning, take your little with you, because that's going to teach them responsibility.
It's going to teach them that weneed to do all of these little
mundane things in our lives to kindof make ourselves successful and organize ourselves and
be a successful adult. In thebeginning of that mentoring relationship you're spending,

(09:46):
we ask that volunteers be mindful ofthe time that they're spending and we don't
want to kind of come out ofthe gate from the very beginning. So
you are sticking to that one totwo times a month, four to six
hours a month. Over time,you might be able to increase that depending
on how the relationship is going.And thinking about it in the sense of
how do you build your own friendshipsin your own life. You don't just

(10:09):
spend all this time with this oneperson that you just met all upfront.
Over time, you get to knowthem and then down the road maybe a
year later, two years later,even maybe that's when you're going on the
family vacation together, or maybe that'swhen you are spending a long weekend together
with that friend. Think about itthe same way with that little you're intertwining
your lives with this little to givethis little, this child, this young

(10:33):
youth, an opportunity to see somethingdifferent from the experiences that they're going through.
So it's interesting because in the veteranworld, most veterans after they serve,
to come all the way home isvery difficult because of what they've been
through and PTS with them is ahuge problem. But the only thing that
works in the veteran world is peerto peer mentoring. That's the only thing

(10:54):
that really works. Even if you'rea very talented clinical psychologist, you were
never in the situation they were in, and a veteran just won't trust you.
Now, I would think with yoursituation with your mentors and the children,
the initial part is you've got toYou've got to establish a bond and
a trust because not only sharing differentexperiences with them, but giving them the

(11:16):
ability maybe to talk to an adultin a different way than they can their
own parents or anyone who's in theirlife. That it's got to be a
huge advantage. And if if thementor can establish that bond and get their
trust or they'll talk to them,that's got to be part of the process.
I would think absolutely. I thinkthat's a huge component of what we
do as a big brothers Big sisters. It's again we're working with children that

(11:39):
have had a lot of trauma,have had a lot of inconsistencies and people
coming in and out. Majority ofour young little brothers don't have any fathers
in their lives. You know,because of the environment that the county is
in, Newburgh has a high rateof gang violence, and Orange County is
one of the highest in our regionfor opioid addictions. So these young children

(12:03):
are seeing so many negatives around them, and the adults in their lives are
not positive and they don't really trustvery easily. So we do have to
ensure that the volunteers that come inare going to commit to building that trust
with that youth. And it's notgoing to happen overnight. It's not going
to happen within the first couple ofmonths. It may not even happen within
the first year of that relationship.But it's so important for the commitment piece

(12:26):
for that volunteer to stay with thatlet little and really help them learn,
because we are an organization that istrying to develop the potential of these young
children. So trust is one ofthose qualities that people need to have to
have successful lives, among other qualitiesfor sure, But if they don't trust
anybody, they're not going to beable to lead healthy lives in their future.

(12:52):
Well, I mean, obviously,if a child gets to a point
where they think that they're completely ontheir own, they got to fend for
themselves and they've got to make allthe decisions we all know. You know,
at an age of you know,ten to eleven, twelve, thirteen
years old. They shouldn't be inthat position. They should have somebody who
is directing them, for lack ofa better word. And if they don't

(13:13):
have that, that's where your organizationcomes in. That's going to put somebody
in that place eventually hopefully that willfill that role. And so I see
your your your point about commitment ishuge because you don't want to have a
child going through that to start tomake a connection and all of a sudden
have that person not there anymore.That's gonna be that's going to be another

(13:33):
setback that they don't need. Soit's got to be difficult with what you
described with the gang violence and thedrug addiction and everything that's going on what
children today. You know, Ican think about when I was that age,
there was nothing like that going onin Orange Country. I grew up
in Monroe and I you know andNewburgh. When I was a kid,

(13:56):
was I remember going on my mother'sshopping in Newburgh, you know, on
you know, down on waters downin the main water drag where all the
problems and I would we would goshe would go dress shopping and you know,
we would leave the car unlocked.There wasn't, so you're not talking
about a large expanse of time.I mean, I am getting old,
but I'm not that old where itwasn't that long ago. But now it's
come to a point where it isa bad situation. And like you said,

(14:18):
a child children are, you know, not having both parents. I
think a lot of people would tryto tell you, well, that's that's
the way life is, but itis a big deal not having both parents.
For a young male not having afather is huge, and for a
young female not having a mother ishuge because we've raised kids and you can't

(14:39):
be both. And God bless thesingle parents. A lot of them do
their best at it, and alot of them are very successful, but
you can't. There's no way youcan be both. So in that situation,
I would think the parents that you'reinvolved with these are happy to have
the help as well, because thesingle parents are probably really struggling. Yeah,
I'm glad that you brought that up. I think that in terms of
the commitment part, also work tomake sure that we have a relationship with

(15:01):
those parents and the guardians that aretaking care of those children in the homes
on a regular basis, and weneed their buy in so that they can
develop a relationship with that volunteer.In the community based programming, we allow
that volunteer and that parent a guardianto speak on their own and to schedule
time that that volunteer is going tospend with that little majority of the time,

(15:24):
volunteers will go to the little homesand pick them up from the home
and then go out into the communityand do some type of activity. So
there is a lot of autonomy inthe relationship between the volunteer and that parent
a guardian, and they're really alsobuilding a relationship. And so it's not
just about building a relationship with thatchild in the mentoring relationship, it is

(15:45):
also about connecting with that parent andthat guardian. And as much as the
volunteer focus is on that child andencouraging and motivating that child, they're also
kind of looking out for the familyand if they recognize anything that child is
going through some of the challenges thatthey're seeing, observing, hearing about,
they can always bring it to theagency and we have the opportunity then to

(16:08):
possibly provide some resources to that familythat could be helpful. So again the
volunteers focus is that child and thatone to one mentoring. Again, that
child is their main priority in termsof developing and working towards positive youth development.
But they're also there to support thefamily indirectly, and they have that

(16:29):
really good opportunity. And that's whywe connect the volunteers and then the parent
and guardians once a month with astaff member so that we can see the
whole picture. We can really getto know that family and put the place
to put the resources in place thatare that are needed. Sure, I'm
speaking with Mary Kate Lowe, who'sthe executive director of Big Brothers Big Sisters
of Orange County. We're talking aboutthe mentoring program, which is the real

(16:52):
main part of Big Brother's Big Sisters. You know, Mary Kate, I
would think you're making the point thatthe whole family has to be involved,
and your counselors are involved with thefamily, but to a certain extent.
I would think for the parent,it's going through this to eventually establish someone
they can trust their child to bewith. It gives them, for lack

(17:12):
of a better word, a break. I mean, if you're a single
parent working two or three jobs andtrying to do the best you can to
raise your child's it's exhausting and atsome point you're not ever going to admit
it, but you do need abreak. And your big brother, big
sister mentor is going to eventually,once the trust is made, is going

(17:33):
to give them that break. Yeah, I think that's so true. I
think that as the parent and theguardian get into the experience and they recognize
the benefit that that mentor has fortheir child, that child then has leaps
and bounds. You know, ifwe can get the buy in from the
parent and guardian and we can getthe commitment to develop that relationship with them,
not only as an agency, butagain with the volunteer and that parent

(17:57):
or guardian whoever that child that's beingused by. The more they're open to
conversation and the more they're open andwilling to allow that mentoring relationship to develop
naturally, the more successful that mentoringrelationship can be. So it is on
the agency's side and our professional workthat we work with the parents and the
guardians and the family is to helpthem understand the purpose and the meaning of

(18:19):
the mentoring relationship. And it reallyis a blessing when we do see those
parents that are invested, and itis really a really awesome outcome when those
parents and those guardians are able toreally allow that mentoring relationship to flourish.
Um. And unfortunately there are somefamilies that are struggle in that mentoring relationship

(18:41):
and um, you know, it'sjust a matter of allowing them and helping
them through or explaining and helping themunderstand the purpose of that mentor. Yeah.
So if if you're interested in whatwe're talking about with brothers, Big
cicis in Orange County. The websiteis mentor a Child all one word,
mentor a Child dot or very simplyyou go there and everything we're talking about

(19:02):
will be on the side and morethan we're talking about Mary Kay. I
think one of the other interesting thingsis you talk about the family buying in
so in today's world, reality isthat it's not just parents that are raising
it's grandparents, aunts and uncles,maybe close friends. You know, children
aren't always in this situation because oftrauma. In other words, because of

(19:23):
problems. They may have lost bothparents and they may being raised by their
grandparents and ian or an uncle ormaybe a foster situation. And that's even
more of a reason to have somebodystable. And I'm not saying the grandparents,
but their grandparents are. They're ata point in their life where they're
not really used to raising children.So I'm sure for the child to have

(19:45):
someone closer to a parents' age.And let's not get I don't want any
call phone calls. You're being agedto scrimin because I'm not because a lot
of grandparents do a great job,but they're just not in that position to
raise a child. They've done thatalready. Or it may be an aunt
or an uncle who never had children, or it may be a stranger,
for lack of a better word,a close friend that's raising them. And

(20:07):
I would think does even more ofa need for big brother's big sisters.
Right, So oftentimes the environment isthe concern that that child is in.
We know for a fact, andpeople can argue this up and down all
day, but we know for afact that the parents love their children and
they only want the best for them. But sometimes life doesn't allow them to

(20:33):
give them what they want, sothey might have to have an answer.
Or an uncle raised that child,or that grandparent raised that child, or
a foster care parent raised that child, so Big Brothers, Big Sisters is
here to allow that child to havethat one special adult in their life to
really be there and listen and carefor them. So I think that with

(20:53):
the parents and the guardians, there'sopportunity in giving them the space to to
feel like they are doing a goodjob and that they are putting the resources
in that child's life and feel likethey're making good decisions for that child.
So for everyone listening to is ifyou're a mother and father with a healthy

(21:18):
family and everything is going great,and you're listening to this saying well,
it doesn't apply to me, Well, it does because we need you to
become mentors. Now, if you'relistening to us and you're struggling with a
child for whatever reason, you alreadyknow what we're talking about because you're living
it. So everyone listening has astake in this. If you're if you
have a healthy family, you arean asset the Big Brothers Big Sisters,

(21:41):
you're someone if you have the timeand the inclination to get involved, you're
invaluable because you're already in that modelthat you're hoping for. So yeah,
this does apply to you too,because we need your help. But if
you're struggling. Obviously, you alreadyknow what we're talking about, and you
need it from another angle, youneed to help. So I think it's
a porn for everyone listening. Thisdoes affect you in one way or another

(22:03):
and your children. And I thinkthat regardless of your your family makeup,
your family background, wherever you arein life, whatever challenges that are presented,
there's always room for positive adults inchildren's lives. I grew up in
a very well rounded home. Ihad two parents that gave me a lot

(22:25):
of positive encounters in experiences and valuesand ethics, and I also had a
lot of family members that I lookedup to. I had a lot of
positive adult role models that I lookedup to through all of the organizations and
clubs and dancing that my parents wereable to put me in, even my

(22:48):
faith, my church. So Iknow what it's like to have that positivity
in my life. I know whatit's like to have other adults other than
my mom and my dad to looktowards and to see different examples of healthy
relationships. And that's what I wantfor the children of Orange County. I
want the children in Orange County toknow that there are positive adults in our

(23:11):
world, because so often they're notseeing those positive decisions and those healthy decisions,
and they're not seeing how to builda good life for yourself. And
the negativity, the gangs, theviolence, the drugs are overpowering them and
they're they're not being given the choiceor they're not beginning the chance to choose

(23:32):
something different. So I think thatif we can all work together and just
recognize in ourselves that there's possibility injust spending one on one time with a
child, we really could build abetter Orange County and we can really build
a better world. Sure, Andwith everything we're talking about, the reality
is they are a nonprofit and theyneed funding and they need your help.

(23:55):
They need donations. If you're notable to donate your time or to become
a mentor, you still and helpby donating financially. They have a fundraiser
coming up on November twelfth. That'sa Thursday evening. I don't know,
I'm sorry. November twelfth is aSaturday, I think, yes, a
Saturday evening from four to six thirtyat the Jewish Community Center in Newburgh.
It's a trivia evening which will bea lot of fun and you can find

(24:18):
out all about that on the websitementor a child dot org. The information
is up there about it. Sohere's an opportunity maybe to go to a
fun night with your family and findout a little bit more about Orange County's
Big Brothers Big Sister's program. Youknow, it's just it's incredible when you
think about how many children are inthis situation. And I think one of
the big points is before we runout of time, is you know,

(24:42):
your children have a lot of childrenthey're friends with, and you may it's
important if they're getting feedback from thosechildren. You know, the children.
The kids will talk to each otherall the time, so you may if
you hear your children talking about,you know, someone next door or someone
they go to school with they thinkis really struggling, you're really having a

(25:02):
hard time, get involved, youknow, don't you know, maybe reach
out to Big Brothers Big Sisters andsay, listen, we're hearing this about
this child and we think there mightbe a problem. Do you think you
can and then you can get involvedbecause sometimes you know, the parents are
doing the best they can, theybelieve, and they don't want any outside
help because they think they can doit, and there's a lot of them

(25:22):
that can't, not through their ownfault, but they can't. So if
you see a child struggling, whetherthrough your children, or if you notice
a child somewhere, maybe a teamit's working somewhere that seems troubled. Don't
you know that that old cliche.But if you see something, say something
that's real and it can be ahuge help for a child. I think
also so many parents the guardians thatstruggle, they don't know what resources are

(25:45):
available to them. So the morethat we can share this particular program and
other types of nonprofits that are workingfor youth positive development, the more parents
and guardians have opportunities to place experiencesin our children's lives to give them the
most opportunity to become their biggest potential. So I think a lot of it
is sharing of resources, and likeyou said, if you if you see

(26:08):
a family struggling, just offer theopportunity to call big for those big sisters.
We do talk with our school districtsin the county and a lot of
the school liaisons, the social workers, or the family engagement counselors in the
school districts are our referral source,but oftentimes we do like to speak with
the parent and guardian directly. Sowe will absolutely talk with a referral source

(26:30):
and gather the basic information, butwe encourage that parent and guardian to call
us directly because we do engage thatparent and that guardian, that whole family
in the mentoring relationship. And thebottom line is, if there's nothing wrong,
then there's nothing wrong. It's okay. But if there is, then
there's an opportunity to help, andthat's an opportunity we never want to miss
with a child if we don't haveto. And I think even just if

(26:55):
we have a child that is stableand is doing okay, a mentor can
also help that child stay stable andallow and that's true prevention right there,
allowing that child to know that they'redoing okay and know that they can reach
for the stars. So that sobasically what I'm trying to say here is
that we don't just need to workwith the children that are so heavy in

(27:18):
trauma and facing so many different challenges. We can also work with those children
that do possibly come from a goodhome, but they just need that extra
little comfort and that encouragement to knowthat they're doing okay, and that they
are going to be successful in theirlife. So because Big Bro, those
Big Sisters is prevention. The mentoringmodel can work in a prevention model or
a prevention aspect as well. MarryKatie is the fastest thirty minutes in radio.

(27:41):
Actually was, you know, Ithink it's very important and one of
the I'm sure one of the realjoys for you is to have a child
go through the program and become anadult and come back and help. That's
got to be so gratifying, andI'm sure that happens. We've seen a
few We've seen a lot of longterm relations and ships. We've seen a
lot of long term stories kind ofcome back to us. I actually was

(28:04):
just in touch with the previous executivedirector who Nancy Kozlowski was the first one
that started the program and she wasthe ED for thirty eight years and she's
still in touch with a lot ofher matches that she built and she kind
of supported throughout her years. Andone of the little sisters stayed in touch
with her big sister and they thelittle sister and her family were living down

(28:26):
in Florida and got hit by thehurricanes recently, so Nancy and the Big
Sister had created a go fundme pageand kind of spread the word, and
we shared it on our Big BrothersBig Sisters Facebook page, and so stories
like that kind of come back tous and to kind of see the impact
in the long run. But yeah, we've seen over the years, we've

(28:47):
seen some little little sisters a littlebrothers. Then we'll step up themselves and
become mentors in the long run,which is amazing to see. Fantastic when
that happened. So again, MaryKay, thank you for coming out.
November twelve. They need your help. It's a trivia evening from four to
six thirty pm at the Jewish CommunityCenter in Newburgh, New York. To
find out about that and more aboutBig Brothers Big Sisters of Orange County,

(29:07):
go to mentor a Child dot org. That's Mentor a Child all one word
dot org. Mary Kate, thanksfor coming out. I enjoyed the conversation.
We'll have you back again real soonbecause we didn't get to some of
the things we wanted to get toright. Absolutely, I would love to
come back and share more about theprogram. So thank you for having me
and allowing me to share about bigbrothers, Big sisters. All righty,
thank you. I hope you enjoyedthis week's episode of A clear View of

(29:29):
Hudson Valley, and I want toremind you that all the episodes are available
on a clear View Hudson Valley podcastavailable at iHeartRadio dot com. Hi'm Uncle
Mike, and if I don't seeyou out and about, I'll catch you
on the radio. Have a greatweek, everyone,
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