Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
It's the after show decompression session,doing what they do best, flapping their
gums. Okay, notice how wejust get right into the after show as
soon as we shut up on thereal show. That means we craving a
nap out of here. Have aperfect day for a nap, cloudy,
and we're expecting some thunderstorms a littlelater. Well, but to tell you
(00:23):
the truth, any day is agood day for a nap. This is
true. But the old Robert's Household, I'll tell you this specially. Does
your room get super dark? Likedo you pull the shades and it's still
super dark when you take a napin the daytime? Oh yeah, oh
yeah, that's the thing of beauty. I have to have the noise of
a fan blowing. I don't carenot to blow on me to cool me
(00:45):
off. I just want to hearthe noise because I really have a trouble
falling asleep in absolute quiet. Forseven dollars on Amazon, I bought one
of those little baby sound machines thatthey can hook up to a crib.
Yes, it and it's like thesound of waves. Oh it's so nice
to go to say to that stuff. Seven bucks on Amazon. So you
(01:07):
think you're laying on a beach.Yeah, just don't pee yourself when you
think I'm in the wall. Turnover every thirty minutes so you don't get
sunburned. Yeah, Now you don'tgo so far as to put foil over
your windows and stuff to your bow. No, no, okay, all
right, only when the government's tryingto look in the I You know they
(01:29):
are, you know they are.They're tracking us on our phone, watching
everything we do. Man, andour cars too. Did you see that
report this week how they get allthis data from us just driving our cars?
Oh? Yeah, Where what grocerystores we go to, what drive
throughs we go through? Bank?Everything care? I mean, they look
at my shit and they're just Man, he's boring. All he does is
(01:52):
take naps. And you know it'sinteresting because there's also been a news report
about that too. The earlier reportsare, hey, you're getting g ocash,
you're getting your data is being noted. You know, you're you're getting
everywhere snooped at. At the sametime, there was another story that came
out last year that said, yes, they're they're they're looking at your data
and they're gathering your information. Butthey're not doing anything radical with it.
(02:15):
You're really not that interesting of aperson. I know. They're just like
trying to build statistics now they're tryingto do If I had some classified documents
or some friends with some Russian oligarchs, then maybe they would have something on
me. But I ain't got nothingfor you. Oligarch. Yeah, that's
ten rich masters. That's a tendollars word on a five dollars show exactly
(02:37):
what it is. You can putthat money in the jar over there.
Yeah, like a swear job.Everybody always talks about Russian oligarchs, but
we have oligarchs in Mexico. There'soligarchs right here in the United States.
What is an oligarch? Oligarchs arereally rich people who have their fingers and
everything and help uh decide the governmenthow like lobbyists and stuff. They'll hire
(02:59):
lobby so that things go their way. Like this whole TikTok thing I saw
where the former Secretary of Commerce whatwas his name? He wants to buy
TikTok. Really yeah, Mark Zuckerbergis like salivating over it. So if
they're forced to sell, all thesepeople are already in line to buy TikTok
(03:21):
because it makes so much money andit's so popular. What do you think
a price tag is billions in thebills? Probably so probably some guys like
Zuckerberg that don't mean shit to them. Oh hell no. And you know,
for a long time, I thinkrecently he got something nicer. But
for a long time him and hiswife lived in the most normal freaking house.
(03:42):
Is just a middle class house.I think maybe it had two stories.
And that's about his fancy as agout. That's the Warren Buffett way
of life. Because he still hestill like drives a car that he's had
for the past twenty years. Helives in the home that he and his
wife lived in with their kids.No, wait, correct me if I'm
wrong. Wasn't he married to JerryHall at one time? No, you're
(04:03):
thinking of Murdoch was married to hischildhood sweetheart. All those rich assholes look
alike to me. Yeah, RupertMurdoch is married to Jerry Hall. And
now I think he went younger thanJerry Hall. So when oligarch is someone
with money power and they'd like tomanipulate and leverage with those things and marry
(04:25):
younger, prettier women. Well whynot? Why would you marry an old
hag if you can afford it?Yeah, sorry, honey, I got
to buy me some newt. Itis just when I think this show makes
me dumber, every day I endup learning something cool. My stock goes
back up, hopefully like Oligark.Oligark. That sounds like a lady from
(04:47):
Thervey that comes to cook your dannerver you it sounds dirtier than that oldig
He'll be here at need. Sowe got Josh Wall tomorrow and stand up
comedy. Great, it's live inthe studio. And then we're also getting
fed. Oh dog, Yeah,Patty's Day, aren't they bringing some kind
(05:08):
of Saint Patrick's kind of ruben sandwichPatty's Day melt because it is Ruben Sandwich
Day. Yeah, it is CreakstoneFarms one angus beef smashed Patty with American
cheese, pastrami, grilled sour kraut, and secret sauce not to be confused
with those middle school students you hadin the free Yeah that put gems and
(05:32):
pea in some pancake butter and servedit to teachers. That's not this secret
sauce. And also bringing us somehouse dogs, chili and an old town
Yeah, bacon and sausage, breakfast, burritos, fries, tots and onions.
They are taking care of us asthey always damn as we get ready
for our Saint Patrick's day part.Well, let's don't piss them off,
(05:54):
because I like him to keep thatchip coming, man, keep that coming.
Yeah, it's such a sweetheart.Yeah. Over there at doghouse,
I'm gonna have dreams about that foodduring my afternoon nap, which will come
in shortly. Well, long asyou don't masturbate to a Reuben sand Yeah,
then if I'm getting that way withfood porn, then I probably need
therapy. Oh, man, wouldprobably be the best thing. I have
(06:15):
to go look for a new dishwasher. Oh no, did your dishwasher take
a shit? It did? AndI found out that dishwashers, I guess
according to this guy, they lastaround twelve to fifteen years and then they
start cracking. That's it. Yeah, I know I'm due for ours to
break down. Then, well,I thought so. It costs like one
(06:38):
hundred and thirty nine dollars for themto just come out and check, and
then you still have to pay thateven if they don't do the repairs,
and he wasn't and he says,you know it's dead because we can't fix
it. Every time I look atappliances at home Depot, there's like markdown,
markdown, markdowns. Well, Iwas just seeing that they're having a
sale of sales forty percent off atNebraska there. So, now, did
(07:01):
you really have to pay one hundredand fifty dollars just for the guy to
come out and say can't fix it. Well, so if you pay the
one hundred and thirty nine dollars servicecharts for them to come out, if
they do the repairs, that goestowards the old care. But since I
didn't do the repair, it's justfor Hey, nice to meet you,
Thank you for coming out. Bye. Jeez. Well he was a really
(07:23):
nice guy. So, well,while you're here, check my sink and
my toilet, make sure everything's working. Good luck with all that, and
I hope you get it all downbefore it starts to piss down rain on
us today. Yeah, that getsout of the way. It's not gonna
be no fun unloading a new dishwasherin the rain. Well, I would
have them install it. Trust me, I can't do it. There you
go. I'll probably electrocute myself ifI tried. Well, we don't want
(07:46):
that, now, do it.What's the matter? A little shot collar?
Sound like an intimidation? Do you? I don't know what you're talking
about. I don't know what I'mtalking about. It I never heard about
that. He snack. Oh,So I got a caller special caller for
Jasper early on because he used toalways just cast such a ruckus and when
(08:09):
you wake up early, you don'twant your neighbors. And I tried it
out on him at the lowest settingyou got it at PetSmart, and it
sounded so bad. I felt likeI was burst into tears because Jasper's whale
just broke my heart. And itwas at the lowest setting, vibrating like
(08:30):
a little like it's supposed to makethem stop barking, teach them to stop
barking. But the whale that cameout of my poor little animal, I
felt like the worst dog owner ever. And what was bad about it is
that it was the sound coming outof my dog was so bad that the
neighbors started coming out of their homerunning towards my house. It's justper okay.
(08:52):
It made it worse on the neighbor. It was horrible. He will
horrible. I threw that thing inthe trash, you did? I did?
I was like, I'm not gonnagive it away because no animals should
have to be put through this.Yeah, the rescue places aren't crazy about
those either. If you, Godforbid, you ever need to call a
(09:15):
rescue and go, I need youto come pick up this dog, they're
gonna ask you like, has thedog been through this? Has it experienced
shot collar or vibranting collar? Stuff? That's a very serious matter with them
because that's a whole different level oftherapy and recovery. I guess when Yeah,
you can freak them out for sure. Good for you for throwing it
away though, but totally. Butyeah, I just And when you wake
(09:37):
up and you take your dog outat three o'clock in the morning or before
three am, the last thing youwant is for your dog to be barking
and waking up the whole neighborhood.Yeah. I struggled with that too.
Both of my boys are having behaviorproblems right now, and I haven't been
bringing them out of the house asmuch. And then the small one on
top of them both being bad boysand not behaving. Well, the small
(09:58):
one has swollen pop pads really bad. I think from running around out in
the lake, you know, thethe greenery around the lake shore and all
that. It's really kicked his ass. Maybe he walked through some fire ants.
Those are starting to pop up onthe ground. Maybe he was beating
off too much. Yeah, maybehe was doing that. I'll tell you
what he does do, and it'skind of dirty. He sits there and
(10:18):
just performs what is practically a blowjobon his paw pads. He just slurps
and licks away on him like hislife depended on it. Well, maybe
he's got a foot fetish, Yeah, pawfettish. Right, Maybe he's like
getting some I don't know, butyeah, that's what I'm working on too.
I'm working on the dogs and somethinggreen to wear Saturday. Well,
(10:39):
look look at all the green shitin here. Man. Yeah, I
know, I want something like onmy head or on my back. I
want to like a hoodie or ahat or I don't I done. Stalt
and his little St Patrick's had youalready took it home. I got it
in the rum, dammit. NowI'm gonna take it to the parade.
On Sedday. Did you all inviteany family? I invited a couple of
(11:01):
cousins and some people to join us. I invited Dever to go. How
early are you going? Oh it'sworth it, I know. I like
to get there like early early,like before eight, because that way you
might actually stand a chance of findinga parking place. True, well,
they want us there super early.So well, but you know some of
(11:24):
those people get there about that timeand they start drinking immediately. And what's
wrong with that? Oh there's peopleon the side of the Greenville over there
setting up camping and cooking, andthey've been drinking since the night mare.
And I that guy that made thefajita tacos last year, Oh yeah,
because that was one of the bestfajidas. Come on, now, don't
(11:46):
forget about your boys. If yousee those guys out, I don't forget
about it. I know right whereit is. Yes, that Mexican grocery
store where the million dollars saloon tittybar used to be. Okay, that's
how he remembers. That's right.I know exactly where that place is because
on nine eleven, all of usat the radio station up the Roadkzyps katiege
all of us after that long,crazy nine to eleven day, about twenty
(12:09):
of us went a million dollar saloonand got wasted. Well, nothing to
cheer you up like kitties. Itworked. Yeah, and the Cafe Brazil
after closing wasn't bad either, anda good shit. Well it's clear yet.
That was the next morning. Itworked. I didn't need to hear
that. I should just shut upabout No, we think you're funny,
man. You're gross as hell sometimes, but it's funny as shit. Well,
(12:33):
I've been that way for too long. You should just stick with it.
I can't change it works for you. Yes, how many days has
it been now since Bo turned aroundtowards the security camera and became an only
fan celebrity. I think that wasyes day, two, three days it
was? It was this week.We have got to pull the footage of
that. Yeah, for some reason, the cameras came up security care.
(12:58):
We're talking about how you're out andabout. You always have to think someone's
videotape, one's watching it, andboth spun around and face that camera up
in the corner and then went intothe stirrups. Go ahead, doctor,
(13:18):
get your food. Congratulations Roberts.You take to my pilates. You're not
only a loco celebrity, you're nowan only fans celebrity to congratulates. That's
a scary thought. Oh my god, Hey, you could quit this job
with your only fans face. I'mgonna have to hire you. Bound,
I ain't, ain't flipping my nutsout. I'm sorry, slipping deep.
(13:43):
All right, let's go, Let'sgo to bed. One of the crabs
might let you. Guys, we'llsay you to Barakay that
It's the after show decompression session,doing what they do best, flapping their
gums. Okay, notice how wejust get right into the after show as
soon as we shut up on thereal show. That means we craving a
nap out of here. Have aperfect day for a nap, cloudy,
and we're expecting some thunderstorms a littlelater. Well, but to tell you
(00:23):
the truth, any day is agood day for a nap. This is
true. But the old Robert's Household, I'll tell you this specially. Does
your room get super dark? Likedo you pull the shades and it's still
super dark when you take a napin the daytime? Oh yeah, oh
yeah, that's the thing of beauty. I have to have the noise of
a fan blowing. I don't carenot to blow on me to cool me
(00:45):
off. I just want to hearthe noise because I really have a trouble
falling asleep in absolute quiet. Forseven dollars on Amazon, I bought one
of those little baby sound machines thatthey can hook up to a crib.
Yes, it and it's like thesound of waves. Oh it's so nice
to go to say to that stuff. Seven bucks on Amazon. So you
(01:07):
think you're laying on a beach.Yeah, just don't pee yourself when you
think I'm in the wall. Turnover every thirty minutes so you don't get
sunburned. Yeah, Now you don'tgo so far as to put foil over
your windows and stuff to your bow. No, no, okay, all
right, only when the government's tryingto look in the I You know they
(01:29):
are, you know they are.They're tracking us on our phone, watching
everything we do. Man, andour cars too. Did you see that
report this week how they get allthis data from us just driving our cars?
Oh? Yeah, Where what grocerystores we go to, what drive
throughs we go through? Bank?Everything care? I mean, they look
at my shit and they're just Man, he's boring. All he does is
(01:52):
take naps. And you know it'sinteresting because there's also been a news report
about that too. The earlier reportsare, hey, you're getting g ocash,
you're getting your data is being noted. You know, you're you're getting
everywhere snooped at. At the sametime, there was another story that came
out last year that said, yes, they're they're they're looking at your data
and they're gathering your information. Butthey're not doing anything radical with it.
(02:15):
You're really not that interesting of aperson. I know. They're just like
trying to build statistics now they're tryingto do If I had some classified documents
or some friends with some Russian oligarchs, then maybe they would have something on
me. But I ain't got nothingfor you. Oligarch. Yeah, that's
ten rich masters. That's a tendollars word on a five dollars show exactly
(02:37):
what it is. You can putthat money in the jar over there.
Yeah, like a swear job.Everybody always talks about Russian oligarchs, but
we have oligarchs in Mexico. There'soligarchs right here in the United States.
What is an oligarch? Oligarchs arereally rich people who have their fingers and
everything and help uh decide the governmenthow like lobbyists and stuff. They'll hire
(02:59):
lobby so that things go their way. Like this whole TikTok thing I saw
where the former Secretary of Commerce whatwas his name? He wants to buy
TikTok. Really yeah, Mark Zuckerbergis like salivating over it. So if
they're forced to sell, all thesepeople are already in line to buy TikTok
(03:21):
because it makes so much money andit's so popular. What do you think
a price tag is billions in thebills? Probably so probably some guys like
Zuckerberg that don't mean shit to them. Oh hell no. And you know,
for a long time, I thinkrecently he got something nicer. But
for a long time him and hiswife lived in the most normal freaking house.
(03:42):
Is just a middle class house.I think maybe it had two stories.
And that's about his fancy as agout. That's the Warren Buffett way
of life. Because he still hestill like drives a car that he's had
for the past twenty years. Helives in the home that he and his
wife lived in with their kids.No, wait, correct me if I'm
wrong. Wasn't he married to JerryHall at one time? No, you're
(04:03):
thinking of Murdoch was married to hischildhood sweetheart. All those rich assholes look
alike to me. Yeah, RupertMurdoch is married to Jerry Hall. And
now I think he went younger thanJerry Hall. So when oligarch is someone
with money power and they'd like tomanipulate and leverage with those things and marry
(04:25):
younger, prettier women. Well whynot? Why would you marry an old
hag if you can afford it?Yeah, sorry, honey, I got
to buy me some newt. Itis just when I think this show makes
me dumber, every day I endup learning something cool. My stock goes
back up, hopefully like Oligark.Oligark. That sounds like a lady from
(04:47):
Thervey that comes to cook your dannerver you it sounds dirtier than that oldig
He'll be here at need. Sowe got Josh Wall tomorrow and stand up
comedy. Great, it's live inthe studio. And then we're also getting
fed. Oh dog, Yeah,Patty's Day, aren't they bringing some kind
(05:08):
of Saint Patrick's kind of ruben sandwichPatty's Day melt because it is Ruben Sandwich
Day. Yeah, it is CreakstoneFarms one angus beef smashed Patty with American
cheese, pastrami, grilled sour kraut, and secret sauce not to be confused
with those middle school students you hadin the free Yeah that put gems and
(05:32):
pea in some pancake butter and servedit to teachers. That's not this secret
sauce. And also bringing us somehouse dogs, chili and an old town
Yeah, bacon and sausage, breakfast, burritos, fries, tots and onions.
They are taking care of us asthey always damn as we get ready
for our Saint Patrick's day part.Well, let's don't piss them off,
(05:54):
because I like him to keep thatchip coming, man, keep that coming.
Yeah, it's such a sweetheart.Yeah. Over there at doghouse,
I'm gonna have dreams about that foodduring my afternoon nap, which will come
in shortly. Well, long asyou don't masturbate to a Reuben sand Yeah,
then if I'm getting that way withfood porn, then I probably need
therapy. Oh, man, wouldprobably be the best thing. I have
(06:15):
to go look for a new dishwasher. Oh no, did your dishwasher take
a shit? It did? AndI found out that dishwashers, I guess
according to this guy, they lastaround twelve to fifteen years and then they
start cracking. That's it. Yeah, I know I'm due for ours to
break down. Then, well,I thought so. It costs like one
(06:38):
hundred and thirty nine dollars for themto just come out and check, and
then you still have to pay thateven if they don't do the repairs,
and he wasn't and he says,you know it's dead because we can't fix
it. Every time I look atappliances at home Depot, there's like markdown,
markdown, markdowns. Well, Iwas just seeing that they're having a
sale of sales forty percent off atNebraska there. So, now, did
(07:01):
you really have to pay one hundredand fifty dollars just for the guy to
come out and say can't fix it. Well, so if you pay the
one hundred and thirty nine dollars servicecharts for them to come out, if
they do the repairs, that goestowards the old care. But since I
didn't do the repair, it's justfor Hey, nice to meet you,
Thank you for coming out. Bye. Jeez. Well he was a really
(07:23):
nice guy. So, well,while you're here, check my sink and
my toilet, make sure everything's working. Good luck with all that, and
I hope you get it all downbefore it starts to piss down rain on
us today. Yeah, that getsout of the way. It's not gonna
be no fun unloading a new dishwasherin the rain. Well, I would
have them install it. Trust me, I can't do it. There you
go. I'll probably electrocute myself ifI tried. Well, we don't want
(07:46):
that, now, do it.What's the matter? A little shot collar?
Sound like an intimidation? Do you? I don't know what you're talking
about. I don't know what I'mtalking about. It I never heard about
that. He snack. Oh,So I got a caller special caller for
Jasper early on because he used toalways just cast such a ruckus and when
(08:09):
you wake up early, you don'twant your neighbors. And I tried it
out on him at the lowest settingyou got it at PetSmart, and it
sounded so bad. I felt likeI was burst into tears because Jasper's whale
just broke my heart. And itwas at the lowest setting, vibrating like
(08:30):
a little like it's supposed to makethem stop barking, teach them to stop
barking. But the whale that cameout of my poor little animal, I
felt like the worst dog owner ever. And what was bad about it is
that it was the sound coming outof my dog was so bad that the
neighbors started coming out of their homerunning towards my house. It's justper okay.
(08:52):
It made it worse on the neighbor. It was horrible. He will
horrible. I threw that thing inthe trash, you did? I did?
I was like, I'm not gonnagive it away because no animals should
have to be put through this.Yeah, the rescue places aren't crazy about
those either. If you, Godforbid, you ever need to call a
(09:15):
rescue and go, I need youto come pick up this dog, they're
gonna ask you like, has thedog been through this? Has it experienced
shot collar or vibranting collar? Stuff? That's a very serious matter with them
because that's a whole different level oftherapy and recovery. I guess when Yeah,
you can freak them out for sure. Good for you for throwing it
away though, but totally. Butyeah, I just And when you wake
(09:37):
up and you take your dog outat three o'clock in the morning or before
three am, the last thing youwant is for your dog to be barking
and waking up the whole neighborhood.Yeah. I struggled with that too.
Both of my boys are having behaviorproblems right now, and I haven't been
bringing them out of the house asmuch. And then the small one on
top of them both being bad boysand not behaving. Well, the small
(09:58):
one has swollen pop pads really bad. I think from running around out in
the lake, you know, thethe greenery around the lake shore and all
that. It's really kicked his ass. Maybe he walked through some fire ants.
Those are starting to pop up onthe ground. Maybe he was beating
off too much. Yeah, maybehe was doing that. I'll tell you
what he does do, and it'skind of dirty. He sits there and
(10:18):
just performs what is practically a blowjobon his paw pads. He just slurps
and licks away on him like hislife depended on it. Well, maybe
he's got a foot fetish, Yeah, pawfettish. Right, Maybe he's like
getting some I don't know, butyeah, that's what I'm working on too.
I'm working on the dogs and somethinggreen to wear Saturday. Well,
(10:39):
look look at all the green shitin here. Man. Yeah, I
know, I want something like onmy head or on my back. I
want to like a hoodie or ahat or I don't I done. Stalt
and his little St Patrick's had youalready took it home. I got it
in the rum, dammit. NowI'm gonna take it to the parade.
On Sedday. Did you all inviteany family? I invited a couple of
(11:01):
cousins and some people to join us. I invited Dever to go. How
early are you going? Oh it'sworth it, I know. I like
to get there like early early,like before eight, because that way you
might actually stand a chance of findinga parking place. True, well,
they want us there super early.So well, but you know some of
(11:24):
those people get there about that timeand they start drinking immediately. And what's
wrong with that? Oh there's peopleon the side of the Greenville over there
setting up camping and cooking, andthey've been drinking since the night mare.
And I that guy that made thefajita tacos last year, Oh yeah,
because that was one of the bestfajidas. Come on, now, don't
(11:46):
forget about your boys. If yousee those guys out, I don't forget
about it. I know right whereit is. Yes, that Mexican grocery
store where the million dollars saloon tittybar used to be. Okay, that's
how he remembers. That's right.I know exactly where that place is because
on nine eleven, all of usat the radio station up the Roadkzyps katiege
all of us after that long,crazy nine to eleven day, about twenty
(12:09):
of us went a million dollar saloonand got wasted. Well, nothing to
cheer you up like kitties. Itworked. Yeah, and the Cafe Brazil
after closing wasn't bad either, anda good shit. Well it's clear yet.
That was the next morning. Itworked. I didn't need to hear
that. I should just shut upabout No, we think you're funny,
man. You're gross as hell sometimes, but it's funny as shit. Well,
(12:33):
I've been that way for too long. You should just stick with it.
I can't change it works for you. Yes, how many days has
it been now since Bo turned aroundtowards the security camera and became an only
fan celebrity. I think that wasyes day, two, three days it
was? It was this week.We have got to pull the footage of
that. Yeah, for some reason, the cameras came up security care.
(12:58):
We're talking about how you're out andabout. You always have to think someone's
videotape, one's watching it, andboth spun around and face that camera up
in the corner and then went intothe stirrups. Go ahead, doctor,
(13:18):
get your food. Congratulations Roberts.You take to my pilates. You're not
only a loco celebrity, you're nowan only fans celebrity to congratulates. That's
a scary thought. Oh my god, Hey, you could quit this job
with your only fans face. I'mgonna have to hire you. Bound,
I ain't, ain't flipping my nutsout. I'm sorry, slipping deep.
(13:43):
All right, let's go, Let'sgo to bed. One of the crabs
might let you. Guys, we'llsay you to Barakay that
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