Jay DeMerit - Rise Up to Any Challenge

This is a true-life Ted Lasso story, taped in front of a live audience at the Canadian Federation of Independent Grocers Conference. I love every word of what Jay DeMerit has to say about life, sports, ego, and leadership.

Jay's journey extends beyond athletic supremacy to becoming a role model for youth, an entrepreneur, and a sought-after keynote speaker. Jay DeMerit shares his journey from being overlooked in the MLS Draft to making his way to England and then playing his way to Premier League stardom. 

Jay also earned a place on America's World Cup Team, playing every minute in the South African World Cup and becoming the Vancouver Whitecaps' Captain.

Jay emphasized the significance of perseverance and self-actualization. Discover how DeMerit's unique approach to leadership and focus on holistic development helped shape his career and inspire future generations. Gain insights into the pressures of youth sports and the importance of dreaming big while taking small steps.

I close the show talking to Sam Effah, one of the fastest Canadian Sprinters ever, and who today is one of the stewards of RBC's Training Ground, on what it takes to dream and do.

 

To learn  about Jay DeMerit's entrepreneurial venture: RiseXShine https://www.risexshine.com

To book Jay as a speaker:  https://speakerscanada.com

To learn more about RBC Training Ground: https://www.rbctrainingground.ca

 

 

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
If you're a fan of Chatter Than Matters, you know that I'm doing more of
these live tapings. It's just electric to be in front of an audience,
and especially this audience, the Canadian Federation of Independent Grocers.
And this story is a true life Ted Lasso. Guys have
underestimated me my entire life. And for years, I never understood
why. I used to really bother one day, I was driving my little boy

(00:23):
to school and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman. It was painted on
the wall there. It said, be curious, not judgmental.
I like it. Associated Grocers and my friends at
Bilo Foods are excited to bring you a live taping of Tony
Chapman's popular podcast, Chatter That Matters. He delves
into what drives his guests to achieve success.

(00:45):
Enjoy.

(01:21):
How many people saw that movie, 8 Mile?
It should be taught in every school
in the world, especially every business school.
How many times in life we had that one that?
In the case of this movie, that's Eminem. Lives in a trailer

(01:41):
park. The headwinds are unbelievable against him.
Dysfunctional family. He sees no way out as one shot
as he wants to become a rapper. He goes into a competition. He's
the only white Key, and he chokes.
And to me, that's a metaphor for what's going on in the world right now.
A lot of young people battling headwinds

(02:03):
and feeling like the world's impossible. But the difference with Eminem,
he decided to make his his destiny a matter of choice, not Chatter.
And he makes a comeback, and he goes on, and I would argue to become
the greatest rapper and hip hop artist ever.
I would also say that history will mark him as one of the great poets
of our time. That that's what Chatter the Matters is all about. It's

(02:26):
about journeys. It's about heroes' journeys, people that
overcome circumstances to chase their Three,
and when they do, they change the world and often ours.
And today, my guest embodies the hero's
journey. Born with incredible, extraordinary
athletic prowess in Wisconsin, and he wants to

(02:49):
get to be the best in the world. Now he was a football player, he'd
be looking at the Grey Cup or the Super Bowl. Hockey player, he'd be looking
at playing. For his country, he'd be looking at a Stanley
Cup. NBA, he'd be looking to bring home that
beautiful gold trophy. But he's a soccer player in
Wisconsin, and he sets his sights on a

(03:11):
destiny that includes making it to the Premier League in
England and playing for his country in the World Cup,
one of 7 players that played every minute of the tournament.
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Jay Demeritt.
That is Chatter That Matters that Tony Chapman,
presented by RBC. And if you're a

(03:34):
Vancouver Whitecap fan, the former captain of the Vancouver
Whitecaps as well. Let's get into
it. I talked about
the one shots in life. That you know, when they when they
the door opens, and and you got a one shot to go through that door.
And before we get into the story, I wanna I wanna play a piece of

(03:57):
film that this goal not only carried you
to man in the match, it carried a team,
and it carried a nation. Let's watch this goal.

(04:51):
Toss the
Do you ever get tired of listening to that? It's funny. I

(05:14):
can't even see it here, but I I know those words, like, the back of
my head. But, yeah, it never gets old. In all honesty, you know, you when
you put yourself in those environments and, again, there's 67,000 people in that
stadium and that was the first time in a long time I had my whole
family and a lot of the people that were involved in the long journey to
get to that moment. You know, again, that whole that whole line of it takes

(05:35):
that took me 7 years to be an overnight success and and sleeping on
attic floors and doing a lot of things that no one saw so I could
stand with the man of the match ball in front of 62,000 and say, you
know, that these things matter. And 2 years earlier, I was a bartender in
Chicago and a design student wondering if I'd ever get picked to even play in
the professional game. And so, you know, these are the moments, and I know this

(05:55):
is why it matters because most of us have to go through it the hard
way. Most of us have to do the the difficult part to get to those
moments. So just set up for the audience because Hollywood
scripts these Cinderella stories. How
important was that goal, not just for you, not
for just your family, the audience, but for the owners, the

(06:16):
team, and the fans? Well, that goal in that game,
and, again, I don't know how many soccer fans are in the room, but that
that game, the it's called the championship, which is the league below the Premier League.
It's called the championship playoff final, and that goal is the most
lucrative game in that in the world, mainly because
the TV money, because of the worldwide prowess that the Premier League

(06:38):
has. It's the most expensive game in all of sports. And so it's
bigger than the Super Bowl. It's bigger than, you know, the Stanley Cup final. And
I think even now, it's about a 130 or a $140,000,000
for one game. Now the players don't really get to see that as much, but
the club gets to see that because when you go to the Premier League, you
have to build new rosters. You have to you have to improve your stadium because

(06:58):
now you're the best in the world that that thing. And so with that
money comes the pressure. But that by winning that game,
your team got to graduate to the Premier League. That's correct. Yes. I mean,
before and not that it was playing in in in, you know, some
backyard with, you know, tires for nets. I mean, it's still a
incredible league, but you went this is what Ted Lasso was all about. You got

(07:20):
to move up. That's right. How did it feel? I mean and for and the
other thing I loved about this, and I did some background, the guy that had
your marker that should have been all over you when you came out of
nowhere and put that goal in, It was kind of a payback too.
Yeah. The the karmic story of that is the guy that's marking me on that
corner, the guy that's that's basically guarding me on that in that corner.

(07:41):
Earlier that season, he got me sent off. I don't know if you guys know.
You get a sent off, you get you get a red card, and you can
get that from 2 yellow cautions. And so he was a forward that
played for Leeds again, massive club in England. They were due to go right back
up to the Premier League, and, so he kind of embellished. He he knew I
was on a on a yellow card, and so he kinda fakes. And just like
all you guys have seen, they fake they've kinda fake fall down to get you

(08:04):
a penalty. And so he got me sent off earlier in that year. It got
my the only red card I ever had in my whole career, 11 year career,
and so, you know, karma's a bitch sometimes I think is what they
say and you can see him cheating and and again I just knew his
personality and generally, I'm a near post run, so I would've run to the front
post. And so he would've he he would've kind of seen the game tape on

(08:25):
me, and that's the general run that I get. So I see him cheating. You
you could see if you watch it. He takes a step towards the front post,
and I'm like, he's cheating again. I know this guy. He's a
cheater. So I just fake I I fake one step, and
then it came around the back. And sure enough, he would already predict that I
was in the front, and I lost him that the back post and gave me
a free free chance to put that ball on net. And so, again, we we

(08:47):
we all we are is is is Chatter in this life, and I think that
was my biggest chance to to hop a lot of people and to and and
to get to where I wanted to go to, which started, you know, a a
journey 7 years previous. Yeah. Let's go back in time a bit because, I mean,
you're you got a lot of athletic prowess, but you don't have size. I mean,
I think your growth spurt came later in life. I wouldn't say soccer in
Wisconsin would naturally roll off your list. I mean, you got the cheese

(09:10):
heads. You've got, you know, you've got you've got there's a lot of great sports
around, but but you start playing soccer. You go to the University of Illinois.
You're not getting playing time in your 1st year, and then another door opens up
when your coach says, does anybody know how to play defense?
Yeah. I mean, it's an interesting story because as anyone knows, I'm sure there's a
lot you know, again, there's a lot of grocers in this in this room, and

(09:31):
that's what we have in Wisconsin is the Green Bay Packers and a lot of
cheese and a lot of Three, and so with that, that's where I grew up.
I grew up as a 3 sport athlete. Both my parents were gym teachers, and
so I grew up in a very middle class family. Both my parents were coaches
and and athletic people, but nothing in in specific to to the
sport of soccer. And so as I kinda came out of high school, I was
a 3 sport athlete. I didn't I had one scholarship offer out of high school,

(09:54):
and that was to, to play at my local university in Green Bay,
Wisconsin. And so I chose not to take it. Chicago was an,
a team that offered a very light $2,000 a year semester
scholarship, so I had to pay a bunch of money Key 1st year. And as
I came in as a freshman, I didn't know anything. I just was a decent
athlete and a good competitor and willing to listen and be coachable, and that was

(10:16):
kind of my upbringing of kind of my foundation as an Three. But yet,
1st tournament, of course, defender gets red card, defender gets injured, and I have
a coach that says, hey. I know you don't maybe know how
to play this position but we don't have anyone right now would you be interested
in maybe trying to back? And, I think a lot of times in
leadership and just in personal journeys, we have to take chances not only in ourselves,

(10:38):
but also in the chances that somebody might see something in you that you don't
see. And that was kind of my first big example of that. And and and
a leader going, Key, I can see this kid's athleticism over the 1st couple weeks
of training. I don't know if he knows how to defend, but I can see
that maybe he could he could be my best choice at the moment. And so
the way that he presented the question, as well as my ability to say,

(10:59):
I just wanna play. I know I'm new. I have a bit of humility built
into my story, so I'll say yes because I wanna play. And and and I
think a lot of times, his ability to kinda frame the question in the
right way to test my ego again, that's a big ego conversation when you
spent 19 years of your life being one thing, and then all of a sudden
in one instant, it goes, hey. Do you wanna be that other thing? And it's

(11:20):
a hard thing to take, I think, from an ego perspective. But in a way,
when you can drop those things and you can you can get back to the
priority is that I wanna see the field and and maybe this person sees something
in me that I don't see, you know, then you can make some better decisions.
And I think that turned out to be one of the most important decisions I've
ever I've ever made. So when why is it that so many people,
when faced with this, might go back and play, but their switch is, I I

(11:43):
don't belong here. I shouldn't be here, and therefore, I'm gonna fail being
here. And you went on to say, I want playing
time. I wanna learn and grow. What's what's the difference in
mentality? Because so often, if the past doesn't turn out
how it's supposed to, people just get caught and tangled in
the weeds and never get through it. Yeah. And what I think is that that

(12:05):
that fight between again self identity, which is what do you think you are, who
do you think you are, and we all have that. Again, you could you could
even, you know, drain that down to to an ego conversation, but I think ego
is just kind of a sometimes it's a it's a word people don't like to
use because it seems so negative, but it's it's actually not. It's just that confidence
is ego too. It's just where do you live, you know, where do you live
in that in that line of are you acting so much in an ego or

(12:28):
are you being who you are in a confidence level? And I think I was
able to kinda manage those things, a, from coming from humble beginnings, so I didn't
have this ego where I thought I was better than everybody else because I had
to stand in line for most of my life. And that's okay because that's where
we learn a lot about what's in front of us, but we also learn about
ourselves, patients, things that we we actually don't put a
lot of emphasis on in development, but yet end up serving you

(12:51):
the most in the end. And I think that was an example of that. Being
able to kinda stand in that fire early, take criticism, or take, like,
a constructive advice from a coach to go, hey. I know you
came in as a forward and I know we recruited you, but why don't you
go play to the back of the field and because I think maybe you're, you
know, they've been that conversation is is opposite, but in a way

(13:11):
because I had those invaluable of, you know, again, humility built
into an ego, but also confidence in my own abilities that made me say
yes and helped me say yes. So you go and have 4 stellar years, University
of Illinois. I get an industrial design degree, but you go and draft it. That
alma s SC comes in, they don't even look at you. Again, this
is an interesting lesson in life because a lot of people would say,

(13:33):
well, I guess my athletic career is over. I'm fascinated by industrial
design. I'm gonna move on. But you take $1500 in a
backpack and decide that instead of the MLSC, which I would argue in
those days, there is no comparison to what was happening in
Europe. And you head over and you say, I wanna actually play in England. Mhmm.
And I know you've met some people and they encourage you to do it, and

(13:54):
there's, you know, people you meet along the way. They're Yodas and stuff. But inside
of you, you said, why not? Take us through
the 1st couple of months in England because when I
read that about you, and I'm a pretty driven person, I
probably would have quit. Well, I think the the first thing we always have to
understand is where we're that, you know, and and and we always have big

(14:16):
dreams and they're always there in the future, but where we are on the line
of that accomplishment I think is the first step in the right direction is to
actually understand where you are in that line. And I say this a lot and
I see a lot of young players, we develop a lot of young pros and
and we do a lot of leadership programs for the next generation. And of the
things we first have to understand about your own pathways is where you are in
that path. You know, where where are you as far as where where

(14:38):
you're trying to accomplish? If you have a bigger dream, we know that you may
be the line is longer. And so for me, I I knew where I was
on that path. I knew I wasn't gonna, as an undrafted American, gonna
land on English shores and be at the top of the line. That
just doesn't exist. And so I think having the the ability to know where I
was in that line, to be patient, to know that it was gonna take me

(14:59):
a long time to kinda start hopping people in that environment, especially England, which
is the biggest soccer jungle on the planet. Again, very concentrated.
You know, you can get to the tip to the to the to the bottom
of England in 6 hours, but there's 96 professional teams, 48
divisions. So if you think about the scale of one place, but you
should think about the concentration of opportunity, that's where my brain went.

(15:21):
It wasn't that is the longest dream and it's too far away. It's
can I get myself into that jungle, figure out where I am on the line
of that jungle, and then figure out how to just very slowly
start chopping my way into that environment? And so one of the ways we talk
about is this concept of being a dreaming big but thinking small. So we all
have these dreams of what we wanna do, and usually they're pretty far away.

(15:42):
But then thinking small says, okay. What's the one's one step by step
environment to actually start to get me to that big goal, that dream over there?
But then the thinking small is, first, you gotta land in English shores, then you
gotta make a team. Mine started in the 9th division. That was my first opportunity.
I played in the 9th division for £40 £40 a game. I was playing under
my friend's name because I didn't have a work visa, and I would get a

(16:02):
little envelope with £40 in it. But for me, that that bought my food for
the week. I was living in an attic, my friend my friend who is English.
And that got me food for the week, and it got me a beer
on Saturday night after the game with the But even the food for the week,
I mean, just unless it's been exaggerated, it was a lot of canned
spaghetti and Oh, yeah. And The spaghetti and beans on toast is quite cheap.

(16:24):
But you keep going. How did the first break come along?
Because, again, I think when people start feeling
like it's never gonna happen I mean, I love your idea of the dream in
small moments, but when those small moments don't unfold the way you want, a
lot of people do get discouraged and quit. Well, I think for me it was
at the end of that first season. So, again, as an American that

(16:46):
was 23 years old, I'm a way beyond the back and I'm way too
old. Like, from an English perspective, if you haven't made it by the time you're
18, 19 through the youth programs above all those teams, you're generally not
really gonna get looked at. And so for me to come in 4 years older
than your traditional person that gets picked, let alone
being American, which at that time in in in 2002, they didn't really

(17:07):
have respect for American players. There was only 8 players in the history of the
game that I ever played in England before then. And so again, I knew what
I was walking into, but I also knew based on that 1st year of
experience, I was playing against guys that have been released from Arsenal. I was playing
against 23 year olds that been released from Chelsea. These big clubs we've all
seen and all watched on TV. Now I'm playing against that 22 year

(17:29):
old and I'm doing really well against that player. I'm I'm marking him out of
the game. He did 2 shots in 90 minutes, stuff like that is the way
I'm looking at it. I'm looking at those little little stats of saying do I
belong here? A, you gotta look at that with a humble view and go, do
I actually belong there? And then you gotta get the feedback, and the feedback is,
hey, coach. You know that coach the other player that you used to coach that

(17:49):
played for that team, you just played against him, like, what do you think? Like,
if I'm gonna make a pro to that next level, and I wasn't talking Chelsea's.
I was talking, like, 2nd division, 3rd division, 4th division pros. I knew that that
was the next stepping stone for Key. And then I talked to players
that had been in those environments. I talked to coaches who had coached in those
environments, and that's where the feedback really becomes important. And when all of them

(18:10):
are confirming, yeah, you've you've really come along this year that forward that
you just marked out of the game. He was at Arsenal 2 years ago playing
in the Premier League. Keep doing what you're doing. And so those are the little
pieces within my journey that kept me staying, that kept me giving me that little
bit of hope, moving into that next echelon of of environment and then
still in training and still getting that feedback. Coach says But is there a couple

(18:32):
of rocky moments when you're out pounding meat in a in a in a locker?
I mean, are you how do you because you're not in an infrastructure that
has professional trainers and stuff. You're still in the you know, like, how did you
keep yourself physically and mentally fit knowing that if that shot came,
you're ready for it? Oh, well, I think, again, it's it's it's it's getting good
feedback of where the where the improvements need to happen. I think we all know

(18:54):
what we're good at. I think a lot of us push up against the things
that we're not because it's Chatter. And so for me, I was just trying to
manage that relationship, always continuing to gain confidence in what my skill sets
were innately inside of me and the work that I had done to be the
player that I wanted to Key. But then that critical feedback of what do I
actually need to learn. And and I can I still remember to this day that
the the the main feedback I got in season 1 was my left foot passing

(19:17):
out of the back wasn't good enough? I couldn't hit a long diagonal ball to
my wingers. Right? And as a center back, so I played in the middle of
the defense. Those are the 2 balls that really keep keep
the ball for the team, and it keeps you guys into space, which allows us
as a back line to clear up and gain space in our in our field.
And so those are the 2 things as a center back that I needed to
get better at, but I wouldn't hit them in the game. I'd hit 30 of

(19:40):
them after training, and then I'd go to the wall and I'd hit the ball
500 times and work on my left foot passing. So none of that stuff was
in the light. I always say, show your skills in the light
and learn your skills in the dark. The skills you don't like, the skills, the
things that are gonna, like, trip you up in your in your pathway. And I
think asking those things but actually practicing my way out of those

(20:01):
things in year 1 was what got me to my second opportunity, and that was
when I came back for preseason year 2 to play against Watford. And then
Watford comes up afterwards and says, who the hell is this kid? We want him
in our team. That's correct. Yeah. And so that's what happened. I ended up, my
coach in that year 1, he moved to another 9th division team,
but they Chapman to play Watford in a preseason friendly that following preseason. So

(20:21):
he's calls me up, and he's like, hey. We got this team, Northwest
London, Watford, famously owned by Elton John,
Premier League team. They've just come down into the 1st division, so they're like, they're
looking to offload a lot of their their big money players and bring in some
new blood. He's like, why don't you just come play that game with us and
see what happens? And so I came in with the full full full knowledge that

(20:43):
it was just a one off trial. I'm gonna play against Watford and see what
happens, and sure enough, they needed a center back. Timing is of the
essence, I think, in most people's journeys, but they needed a center back and they
needed a free center back. And so I provided both of those things,
as they offloaded all their big money guys, And, so all those pieces fit,
but there the 2 guys that played in front of me in year 1 were

(21:03):
Three and 34, and I came in as a 23 year old, again, young,
hungry, and and that needed good mentors. I know I know the ladies earlier talked
a lot about mentorship and how this being all walks of life is important, and
those guys really became my mentors for year 1. Famously
and not one got injured in my first Three games of the season and I
ended up playing 30 games my first season and as a as a

(21:24):
Key, to play 30 games is is basically unheard of, and and,
I kept that spot and they sold him at Christmas. And so they brought me
in to be a men an an apprentice, but they sold the mentor,
middle of the season. You know, you talked about how unusual it was for an
American to be over there. I listened to a lot of tapes from the
your teammates just talking about how gifted you were, not

(21:47):
only as a leader, but as as a human being. Like, you
know, I'm sure they probably thought all Americans, this guy's gonna come in and
have this sort of Trump esque wasn't around, but have a sort of that persona.
But how do you take that on as well? Because you're trying to improve.
You're trying to get this team back to their Premier League, but at the same
time, you know, you're the first one on the field, and there's 67,000 people.

(22:10):
That's a lot of responsibility. Yeah. It is. And I think it's again, I think
leadership is a learned trait. I think it's also an innate ability to to want
to relate to people, and I think leadership is is is both of those things.
Your experience will help you relate, but then your
ability to want to learn about people's story, want to lead, want to be
the of an environment that's pretty chaotic. I've

(22:31):
always wanted that. I've always been in the middle of of chaos, and That and
I and I thrive in those environments. And and, again, I knew that about myself
as you move into leadership roles. And I think as I moved into the leadership
role at Watford, you know, one of the things I really learned of
because of my first season, I got it taken away right before we get to
the playoffs. And I tell the story a lot in leadership because we when we

(22:52):
sold our our our captain that my year Three, and
now all of a sudden, I'm thrusting this leadership role. I don't really know what
I'm doing, but I love people, and I love staying in the fire. I love
standing in the fire in the mix with my teammates and going, Key. How can
we figure this stuff out? And that's relatability because I had stood in so many
fires in my life, because I hadn't been the one pick, because I had to
work for most of the things I've had in this life. It creates this relatability

(23:15):
to all. And so when you have the guy on the bench who's pissed off
because he hasn't played in 5 games and his and his his bonuses are drying
up and he's really starting to becomes, you know, self reflective and, you
know, losing confidence and all those things, I can actually take that and go, hey.
I could sit him down and go, do you know what it's like to be
on the bench as a 23 year old making $5 a game?

(23:37):
$40 a game? These are the types of relatability that I can now take
as a leader and go, you're making $5 a week right now, and you're bringing
being disruptive to this group. And I know you're upset that you're not playing. We
all get upset when we don't play. We're here to play. We're players. That is
this is is pro this is a pro show. But why don't we take a
step back and realize how fortunate we are to be in this situation? You have

(23:58):
a contract. You have an ability to have 25,000
people cheer for you even when you're on the bench. So isn't that good
enough? Isn't that something that should be relatable to the point of how you can
still give your best to this team even though you're on the bench right now?
And I say right now. And so with that, I did a lot of those
management relatable skills that I had had built into my story over 20 years

(24:19):
of trying to, you know, make it. And so with that became that leader
leadership ability to relate, and that's what leadership is in my opinion.
It's it's just this ability to take all of the moving parts,
figure out how they're subjective to all the players, and then
relate in between. And so that's kind of where I where I lived and and
and for the rest of my career, I was I was chosen captain by my

(24:40):
by my managers of of of a 12 year career. And
within, it became it becomes an honor. It becomes this ability to use all
that experience, good, bad, and ugly, to become
a goal centered moving forward, you know,
achievable results. And and so I think for Key, being in the middle of that,
learning so much about the personalities within a club. And, again, soccer is one of

(25:03):
those unique things just like it is in business. If you look at any 28
person roster on any international or high end club,
you're gonna see 15 different flags of a 28 person squad.
You're gonna see Scotland, Ireland, Sierra Leone, Ghana,
you know, America, Canada, you name it. If you look at any any soccer team
in a way, that's that's a challenge in relatability.

(25:26):
But the first thing I always did in any of the the teams is that
we create exercises so we get to know each other's stories. If I don't know
that that kid from Sierra Leone had a and this is a true
Tony. Him and his his dad got murdered and his mom and him
had machine guns pointed at that them as they were
getting shot that, leaving on a raft

(25:47):
to safety. He doesn't tell that story until
I learned that that's his story. He doesn't want to say that. He doesn't wanna
stand in front. He doesn't wanna be a victim. That wasn't the point. The point
is he made it so far to get to the point where he was a
player on that environment. But until
the team knows, until all of that squad knows what he has been through, we

(26:08):
don't know how to fight for him. When we know what he's fought for to
get here, now I can fight for that. And I think in any teamwork environment,
especially in my experience and unless we learn that true stories of the
individual only then can we collectively bring that into the group
and use it as a catalyst for good, not as a something that we should
feel sorry for or that we should we should not put themselves in that

(26:30):
leadership role. For me, it was always about making sure that the management of 1
to 1 was always where it needed to be from a storytelling
version because then I know who I am and I know who you're fighting for.
If I know those two questions as a leader and I know it from 28
different people and those 28 know it too, now we got a really good chance
to build something. Now we have a good foundation to build on because if I

(26:51):
know why you're here based on your own intention and I know who you're fighting
for and why, now we can actually fight for each other. Let's talk
about the World Cup. You never got drafted or even thought
about with the junior teams, and we know that
being the best in the world is very important to both Canada
and that United States. And yet you you find your way on the

(27:13):
team, you go to the World Cup in South Africa, I think
think it's 2010, you play every minute of the game. Did you ever step on
that field and go, what am I doing here? Or you just get to the
point in your life that goes, this is just part of the
dream and that moment in time where I'm supposed to RBC. Yeah. I
I mean, I definitely the questions come in, but the second

(27:35):
part is is is is where you need to live, in my opinion. You know,
the the questions will always come in. You know, we all have doubt. We all
have to second guess certain things or somebody else is gonna second guess us.
That is a guarantee for all walks of of of situations
in my opinion. And so and in my experience, it's just
about deciphering which one is which and then which one to live, which

(27:57):
is your truth, and which Tony one is the future or the past.
And I think when we live in the future in the past that becomes dangerous
because then we live in indecision. We're living in a place that's not ours
in the future or something that happened is something I'm living on in the past,
but what we have is the present. And so, you know, when I would walk
into those situations, I would have a little, I call it the

(28:19):
tunnel mentality when I explain kind of, like, the laws of
what I did in that moment. And that's like, you can very
easily and this is kinda what the TED talk was about too. It's called, are
you ready for your sunny day? And so we fundamentally think about when
it's gonna go wrong. When we're in those tunnels and I got Ronaldo
and I have, like, the best players in the world standing right here, Messi,

(28:41):
Ronaldo, like, all these guys that I got to be so fortunate to play against,
Do you know how easy it is to look to your right and be like,
wow. That's Ronaldo. Like, he is really he really is that good
looking. And and and so I'm like, this guy, you
know, he's bigger, stronger than me. He's faster than me. I can see his athleticism.
I can see his prowess. I can see the badge he's wearing. Manchester United,

(29:03):
England, Portugal. Like, these these are the Argentina for Messi. Like, these
are these are the best teams in the world for a reason. History explains that.
But it's also you gotta you actually gotta go out there and compete against these
guys now. But if you let that reputation beat you before that tunnel
even walks out, then you are not doing your job to be
president. And so I would do this little checklist, and the checklist was for me

(29:23):
in the tunnel. As I walked out there, I would give myself a little smile,
one that I was so fortunate to be there and that I deserve to get
there because when you deserve to be there, that takes that
creates a small amount of confidence, but then when you also realize that somebody
else picked you to be Three, you don't pick yourself. It's the same as a
Chapman. You don't pick yourself as captain just like you don't pick yourself into the

(29:44):
starting lineup. You don't you don't get the job. Somebody else picks you to get
the job, and so there's confidence that should be built into that environment.
But I think when we live to the reputation too early, and I don't
even test his reputation. So that was my idea. It's like I need to be
a reputation tester and a reputation killer, not a rep not
not not a not a, oh, I just get to play against Ronaldo, and he's

(30:06):
gonna crush me today. Like, because that would end up not very well.
Generally, when I would go in those environments and I would live to the reputation
of the team or the other person that I'm trying to mark all game, generally,
it wouldn't go very well because I'm living in somebody else's terms. But if I
say when I stand in that tunnel and I'm like, somebody else picked me to
be here, somebody else picked me to be the leader of this

(30:26):
environment, and it's my job to go out there and test him for 92
minutes and give him everything I got and know exactly what I bring to this
table as much as I know what in my preparation, what that person brings to
the table. That's why we have scouts. That's why we do our prep. That's why
I know exactly what Ronaldo's gonna do for the most part. I
know the kind of player he is. I know how he likes the ball. I
know where he likes to take his shots. I know how he likes to sit

(30:48):
on my shoulder because he's fast. He wants to get it behind. That's just prep
work, and that's me being prepared. Me being confident, you know, that somebody else picked
me to go out there and lead the way that I that I could. Now
you gotta go out there and be fortunate enough to be one of the players
that do that. So when you start looking at the 80, 90,000, and you're like,
they're all yelling at you and throwing batteries at you or you play in Mexico,
and, like, they're throwing bags of pee at you, and, like, they just wanna beat

(31:10):
you so badly because, you know, America is this this kinda
country that people really they love they love Americans,
but they also love love to beat us. Mhmm. And so that kinda came
with the reputation as well, but managing all those things is is was
was an honor. It wasn't something that was Three. And and so for me, it
was just managing all of those pieces, but then as I walked out to

(31:32):
con I had somebody else choose me to be here, take confidence in the fact
that you're one of those players, how do you go out there and try to
kill reputations? And so for me, those are the Three things that I would think
about as I walked out, and then you just do good to go and join
the experience. In my opinion,
it made me push to the next level. And I think, don't get me wrong,
it's great to have, you know, celebrate participation. But

(31:55):
I think at the end of the day, it's if you wanna get to that
next level, sometimes it is nice to have a little bit more competitive
juices, some some some push. You just heard a few words from
Sam Effa, who's gonna join the show after I wrap up my conversation with Jay
Demeritt and my 3 takeaways. Sam and I are gonna
chat about what it takes to become an elite athlete. He should

(32:15):
know he's one of Canada's fastest human beings.
But Mitchell, hold on. She dies. It's a goal for Kelsey Mitchell in Canada.
RBC Training Ground identifies raw talent and then works to help
athletes reach the top. At an RBC training ground event, cycling
Canada took notice of the power of Key Mitchell's legs. Placed on a lot bike,
it's 6 seconds of furious pedaling. She exceeded the national standard and

(32:38):
she hadn't owned a bike since she was 12. Today, Kelsey Mitchell is a gold
medalist. What is it with women's sprinters in Canada? Wow.
Her success and yours matter to RBC.
They say that loves the international language, and I'm sure it is. But football
is the real international language because you can go anywhere and you can

(33:00):
play. I mean, it's beautiful. Just everyone around one pool of air in there.
It's a piece of leather, but it just brings everyone together even if you're from
a different Three. And I think it unites everyone irrespective of what color
you are. Everybody loves soccer. Everyone loves soccer. You're listening to Chatter
That Matters with Tony Chapman presented by RBC. I
just love the electricity of an audience and especially this audience, the

(33:21):
Canadian Federation of Independent Grocers. Those heroes from
the pandemic to the worst snowstorms find a way to keep their doors
open and provide you the very best product at the very best price.
And our guest is Jay Demeritt. Today, his pursuit
is helping our youth rise up to any challenge that they face.

(33:43):
That I wanna do now is just talk a little bit about the work
you're doing now because through this
journey, you overcame injuries, you you know,
you dealt with the perceptions of being, you know, American in the wrong place,
all of the things that we've talked about. But a lot of your work now
is to try to lift the spirits of youth and

(34:05):
I try to do that so often in my podcast as well because I really
feel that their world, they're seeing so much negativity and
with it a growing sense of impossibility where I think this
world always has and always will offer us
possibility and positivity. So talk to us a little bit
about what you learned as a captain in all these different clubs

(34:28):
with all these different flags. We talked about storytelling, but some of the things that
you bring to youth because everybody in this audience has to find
a way to attract, retain, and inspire youth. That's the lifeblood of
capitalism. That's us going forward as our the Canadian the youth have to come in
and inherit this country. So talk to us about that. Yeah. And, you know, I
I think for me, when you become a leader in these in these

(34:50):
fields, especially sports being a huge market, but with that now,
especially in Europe, you know, even for the white cabs, we start our youth programs
at 14. In the UK, you start youth you start signing youth
to contracts at 9 or 10 years old now in Europe,
and so you got contracted 10 year olds now. And so you think
about the pressure that comes with that. You think about the parents now that think

(35:12):
that their kids make it at 10. And I'm sitting there going
I'm it's Sunday. We're walking out for our cool down after a Saturday
game, and I'm talking to 9 year old dads that are, like, thinking their kid
made it already. And it happens in all youth sports all across North America here
and now too, and that's concerning because
what happens is is is data, and the data says that 99% of

(35:33):
those kids will not make it pro to a fully sustainable career.
5% of those kids are actually gonna get the university scholarship that becomes the
Kool Aid that they sell to youth programs starting at 9, 10 years
old. Your kid's gonna be a pro or this kid's gonna get a scholarship that's
gonna save you a $100 later so you can pay us
1,000 to $5,000 a year for this academy program. And so

(35:55):
in a way, it still becomes institutionalized. And so my fear with
institutions isn't the fact that they exist because they they should exist
but how we can complement the 99 to 95%
instead of the 5 to the 1% for me became a priority because I come
from the 99%. I come from the 95%. That had to do it the hard
way, that wasn't picked, but had great support. And and and and and

(36:17):
and with that support, I got to learn who I was earlier because I
was I was I was supported in my endeavor to be more holistic in
my approach to development. So when I came out of the game,
I realized that that was a big problem for me. I was starting to work
for the Whitecaps. I still work for for Watford as an ambassador, but
I go out and I try to sell that Kool Aid, and I'm like, I

(36:37):
don't wanna sell that Kool Aid because that's Kool Aid, and I don't wanna drink
it. And and so I stopped working for the clubs, and I and I started
my own program, and so because I came from a holistic world, I
can't tell you how many times the design world has helped me as a professional
athlete being trained in industrial design, being trained in the design mindset.
How do I look at look at a product and improve it, take feedback, reapply

(36:58):
it, make another prototype? That's design mindset, product
design thinking all day long. But I I use that in sport for my
own story, but I also use it in development for for young people because
as you look at the next generation, and we work in Gen z, so that's
15 to 20 fives. Again, huge workforce. You guys all know this,
and it's a huge, very untouched market because

(37:20):
a lot of these young young people social media
drives their opinion on themselves. Most of the social media that they have is not
validated in their experience. It's validated from somebody else that tells them now
you should be this. You should be that. When, really, we're we're being more fragile
inside because we're not we're getting validated on the outside.
And so as I came out, I was like, okay. I wanna build more of

(37:41):
a holistic program that allows people to learn more holistically within the already existing
walls of the institution. And so I created these camps. They're called Rise
and Shine, but every day, I have a professional at
something that comes to the camp and spends the day with us. And so though
I we have Three programs now, DJ camps, soccer camps, and leadership camps for all
kids. And so the idea is you come, you learn from the masters of the

(38:03):
class in that subject. So in soccer camps, they learn from me. I bring another
coach that played professionally. And then once a day, we have a fire chief that
comes up, talks about fire safety. Then the next day, we have a CEO that
sold the company for a $100,000,000. And how do they do that? Then the next
day, we have a chef from the famous restaurant downtown that comes up, and we
teach the kids how to cook really easy and cheap meals. And so within that,

(38:23):
you'd only you don't just get somebody else's story of professionalism and
how they got there. You actually get to practice on a micro level that
allows you to just seed plant in that person's environment a
little bit and, you know, learn something new where without being out of the
safety of these walls that that, like, becomes more holistic in the approach
to the development. And then so lastly, I saw this working after about 3 or

(38:45):
4 years. I only do 30 kids at a time because it's just you have
200 kids in a field. That's just me trying to make money. It's not actually
trying to develop anybody. So I saw that that version of
the story, but I realized that 20, 30 kids is not scalable. And so
two and a half years ago, I approached Key, where they were the founding partner
of the Whitecaps when I came in as the founding company. It was originally Canadian

(39:06):
based, one of the largest video game companies in the world. Yes. So Electronic Arts
is they they started here, moved to Redwoods, California, but their biggest video game
motion capture office is here in Vancouver. And so I knew all those execs, and
and so I pitched them two and a half years ago about this master class
idea, but doing it in a gamified way online through
an app that allows you to learn through a lot of different people,

(39:28):
but doing it in a gamified and fun way that's bite sized short
form content, but gamified and fun for the next generation. There's no one
want no no 14 year old wants to watch a 28 minute video. It just
doesn't work that way, But imagine if you clipped your life into 5 episodes that
were 3 minutes long. And you could ask anyone in this room. If you clipped
your life into 5 episodes that were 3 minutes long, one of them is about

(39:49):
where you're from and what makes you who you are. The other one is about
what makes you professional and what it it makes you really good at your job.
The third one is actually how you actually do your job and go into the
details of what that entails, and that last piece is what your
greatest adversity is. What was your greatest struggle in this life because all of us
have that. Every person in this planet has adversity, but we don't talk about

(40:09):
it enough and we don't normalize it enough, and I think that's the last piece
of the story. From there, it goes, how do you practice that story? And that's
the interactive piece. So TikTok was invented to interact. I do a dance, you
do a dance. Key chose socially trend that, and it becomes something
cool. Now at the end of that, you don't get
anything for it except for social credit. And so the last layer that we're building

(40:30):
into this app is that reward programs, and so now you get free coffees. You
know, you get a Zoom call with that celebrity you just learned from or you
get the free video game once you learn how that video comes made from EA.
So it contextualizes a lot of learning, but it's all done through the device
and it's done through, for free. So what's interesting to me is that
when you stood up and you said, is Ronaldo or Messi, and I'm not

(40:52):
gonna live in their reputation, I think what you're also
saying is that youth today are living within the reputations of people in
social media, none of which is validated. Exactly. And
so, therefore, they're lost in translation because they don't know where they stand.
So is part of the the advice for people
that are trying to inspire youth is to to

(41:15):
sort of peel back the veneer and get people back to almost
what you did when you when you learned the story of the person that had
the machine gun to their head, that we just as as more we learn the
human in humanity, the more people can feel that they can
belong there versus feel like they can never belong in the social
media world where there's always somebody richer or wealthier or having

(41:36):
more likes. Yeah. And I think those are the big toxicities we live in, and
and and one thing to note for us is is, again, this is a this
is a core value of of creating a better mental health for for the self
actualization of you. When I know who I am and I know how to bring
nice my greatest self into the world, I will have a much better opportunity
to participate in that world. But what happens now is that we're creating an external

(41:57):
validation and an internal self valuation second.
So I'm always trying to be like somebody else, being told that I gotta pay
to be like somebody else, and then at the same time I'm not self actualating
at all. And And so the idea is is our our our profiles are built
around the brain, and so it's not your face, it's your brain split into the
9 forms of intelligence. And so as you learn from celebrities,

(42:17):
brands, cool stories of education, your brain is growing
the whole time and yourself actualizing the whole time. So, therefore, you're gaining a great
self confidence of of yourself, but you're also grading creating a better
mental health for yourself. Because if you have more confidence as to know who you
are based on the data that you are actually receiving from online,
then you can give a more authentic version of yourself to

(42:39):
that reaction. And so with that, it creates a better mental
health, but it's also creating a a greater self actualization of
confidence that allows me to live in the world that I choose. And now I
can go and choose if I wanna learn about a leader in business. I can
go and choose if I wanna learn from an athlete. I can go and choose
if I wanna learn from a scientist, but every time I'm creating those
opportunities and I'm cashing out my points and I'm earning free coffees

(43:02):
or a North Face jacket from a skier, I'm getting greater
confidence in myself, but I'm also realizing that all of us have a great story
and all of us should give that back to a community. Because when you when
you live in a community where everyone just gets to give their best version of
themselves to that community, and I'm sure a lot of you guys that run teams
in this environment right now, The greatest teams will ever be on are when we
can just say this is what you do, this is what you do, and we're

(43:25):
all on the same table knowing that and then all you gotta do is give
your authentic self to this table, and that's when things
happen. That's when results happen. That's when this whole idea of trophies and winning and
hitting end of the year targets actually result in that way because
all we're doing is just self actualize self
actualizing in the beginning, knowing what I'm given to that team,

(43:47):
communicating that through through feedback and results and goal setting and all the other things,
and then in the end everyone gets to win, everybody, and that is
very rare in today's society. It doesn't happen. It's it's it's the team
wins or that they make all the money or the social media. Mark
Zuckerberg is on Congress apologizing because his algorithms
produced an environment that they won, not the kid that committed

(44:10):
suicide or the parents that were in the audience he had to apologize to at
congress to say I'm Three. Our algorithms were not good for your
son. And so this is we wanna be the opposite of that. You know, Jay,
I always end with my Three takeaways. Your lessons in
life were ordered through the entire podcast, but the first one is, I think, so
simple, train in the dark and shine in the light. And I think this is

(44:30):
a lesson in life for so many people because we somehow or other
you know, in that social media world, they take a 1,000 pictures to put one
up there. What really matters is am I improving myself
for when I have that shot? I think the second one is just that it's
so powerful for us to all realize that if we hire
people and they're just doing a transactional job, they're gonna think of

(44:53):
themselves as a transaction. But if they're part of the team, Chatter transformation,
that that everybody's shared each other's story. If people
understand what it took for that person to be in that room, I
think the mental well-being of that team just rises because
we are truly all in it together. And to me, that's one of the reasons
why you're such a a gifted leader. And the third thing is

(45:14):
that I started off by showing that goal, which to many
people would live in the past the rest of their life because of
what that goal meant for so many people, including the fans,
including Elton John, including everybody else that was part of it. But you
your biggest lesson today is do not live in the past, do not live in
the future, live and own your moment. And for that and so

(45:36):
much more, I think this gentleman, State of America, deserves an incredible
round of applause. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Just a minute. Thank you,
guys. Virus. And thank you. No. Thank you, guys, for the opportunity. You know, like,
you know, for me for me, it's just it's important to continue to share Three,
to continue to live in environments where experience Matters,

(45:57):
but also where community Matters. And I think, you know, these types of things
are are great for the community. I think it's great for us to always share
our stories and to to stand in front of them, both good, bad, and ugly,
but use them in a way to move forward. And and and, again, this is
another fantastic way to do that. And, again, so thanks again for having me. And,
well, if you guys ever have any questions or anything that, for me, or youth
development stuff, we do a lot of mentorship things. I'm very easy to find. I'm

(46:20):
sure a lot of you guys have kids in this audience and wanna help in
their futures, and and this is where we live now. So we're very collaborative. We
we love people, and we love, we love giving back to the next generation.
So again, thank you guys for having me. And Jay, what's that app called for
all the, parents called Rise and Shine. Like myself of preteens that would like
to download it? It's called Rise and Shine. It's based around that story,

(46:41):
which is my story got turned into a documentary film, but Rise and Shine is
what it's called. We'll hopefully launch by q 4, maybe q 1 of next year.
Amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your Three, and Tony for sharing yet another
inspiring journey.
Joining me now is Sam Effa, represented Canada Three world
championships, 3 world university games, and 2 Commonwealth games.

(47:04):
He's a volunteer, a mentor of youth, placed second on the amazing race
Canada season 7. He's worked at RBC as an
Olympic intern with Future Launch. That's their $500,000,000 10
year plan to help youth find and pursue their path in life that has
now landed a role full time working with RBC Training Ground. Sam, welcome
to chat if it matters. Awesome. Thank you for having me. So, Jay Demeritt's a

(47:26):
Cinderella story. In fact, it became an actual documentary.
He has a stellar college career, but he gets it undrafted. So he
says, what the hell? I'm gonna make my way over to England. That's where the
best soccer is played. He can barely feed himself, but he finds his way into
the gauntlet called English soccer and eventually makes his way to the Premier
League. So my first question is is about athletes in general,

(47:47):
because you're certainly one of the elite group. Are you
wired a certain way that you just no matter what, you keep pursuing your
dream? Is that or is that a switch that anybody can find inside and
to say, if it matters that much to you, it's worth the effort? Yeah. I
definitely think it's something that's that's within you. I think anybody can can kinda
unlock it, but it's a matter of just finding out what that is for you.

(48:09):
For me, that's that's track and field. I always liked running. I have 3
older brothers and a younger Chatter, so I was always running away from my brothers.
And I realized, you know, sprinting fast was something that I I
started with in my household, and then it just grew to wanting to to be
the best on the world stage. So it just depended on what that is for
you. And when you started to realize success, what I

(48:29):
also understand, though, is your parents being newcomers saying, yes,
but you also need to make sure you're setting yourself up for a
future, the right education, and the right job. How do you
balance all Three when you know that you have the potential to
be the fastest in the world, and, certainly, you became one of the fastest in
the world. I think having parents who continuously push

(48:50):
you. You know, when I was younger, I'll be honest. I didn't like it at
first. I thought it was too harsh. You know, when you you come home from
school and you do an exam and you got 95%, and, of course, the
last word is at 5%. You know, those were things that that did bother me
in the beginning, but they made me stronger. And I think when I bring that
to sport, I I definitely just have this now never settle

(49:12):
mentality, but it's these are the small lessons and values that I've learned that just
kinda, like, propel me. So when it came to being on the world stage,
you know, I now had this vision of everybody. It doesn't matter if you're the
fastest in the world or you're just pretty good. We all started from somewhere.
So at the end of the day, I never put anybody on a pedestal, and
I just from from Chatter, 17 all the way up until I I

(49:33):
retired years later, it's just you give your a game every single time
you you step on the track, but also in anything else that you do in
life, whether that's school, looking for a job, or we're looking for that next
step. Today in society, we don't seem to have the mentality of your
parents, which is keeping pushing to be the best, to do more.
It's almost like we're settling for the middle. Do you think that's

(49:55):
something that Key need to maybe bring back in life, that
competition's a good thing because it can prepare you for what will
an undoubtedly be a very competitive life? Yeah. I would say it's something we definitely
need to bring back. I think, you know, without being
too harsh, I think some of that added pressure is
important. You know, pressure makes you in my opinion, it

(50:18):
made me push to the next level. And I think, don't get me wrong, it's
great to have, you know, celebrate participation. But
I think at the end of the day, it's if you wanna get to that
next level, sometimes it is nice to have a little bit more competitive
juices, some some some push. And, ultimately, I
know for myself, you know, had I not had, you know, a little bit of

(50:38):
expectation on me, what would have pushed me. Right? So I think that's something that,
is is definitely beneficial. But, obviously, as long as it comes with, like,
you know, love behind it and and and also, like, kind of a healthy
healthy competition. Sam, my final question to you is
you're a successful keynote speaker. The audiences you
speak to range from young adults that need to be inspired to

(51:00):
organizations and corporations. I've read your reviews,
and they're outstanding. So that what's the key message you like to deliver
so that when you get off the stage, people have something to think about
and talk about? I think for me, one of the key pieces that I try
to leave with people is, you know, really find
your purpose. And I know that sounds cliche, but from my experience

(51:22):
in track and field, I was always so focused, on getting on the
podium, and I thought that's all I was. You know, I'm a 100 meter sprinter.
I run-in a straight line, and I try and do it under 10 seconds. What
I've realized in my my journey, in sport, whether that
was, like, getting injured or having all these things sidetrack Key, is Tony realize that
I'm more than just that athlete running in a straight line. You know, find

(51:43):
find what what you represent. Find what you value. Key you find ways
that you can sort of give back. And I think, again, for me, it was
I thought I wanted to just get on the podium, but in my kind of
my quest for for gold, I realized I love giving back to communities. I
love helping people out. You know, I like to to sort of
unlock people's potential within them that they don't even know they have. So

(52:05):
a big piece is just be more than sort of that career
or that one thing that defines you. Don't let anything hold you back.
Chatter that matters has been a presentation of RBC. It's
Tony Chapman. Thanks for listening. Let's chat soon.