Caleb Watches the Hotel Transylvania Trilogy

In preparation for Hotel Transylvania: Transformania Caleb sat down and watched the first three films back to back to back. How does he feel about the series and is he looking forward to the 4th film?

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Here, he goes in on.Hey, yep, there it is.
It's working. Hey everybody, RobertBacon here. Just wanted to give you
some show updates before we started thisspecial episode. Caleb, Marie and I
have watched the newest Hotel Transylvania movieHotel Transfermania, and we'll be recording later

(00:20):
today and hope to release that episodenext week. Until then, we wanted
to share with you Caleb's thoughts onthe whole Hotel Transylvania series because he wasn't
on those episodes and he never hadto watch them, so he sat down,
he watched them all, which Ido not recommend in one sitting,
and he recorded his thoughts. Soenjoy this special episode and stay tuned for

(00:44):
another new episode. This year hasa few releases that are going to fall
under the Adam Sandler please stop slash, Kevin James, never start banner,
So keep an eye out for thosenew episodes as those movies release. That's
all I needed to say. Enjoythe special episode with Caleb, but wrap
your minds around this. Gentlemen,come we come closed. I hate cursions

(01:11):
and I hate all of you.Have your last it is just give each
other a kiss and make up man. The guys talking about it, so
it's not funny to guy Ne's help. Ryce is wrong, bit, I
get it, you don't like Iex blowed. I award you no points
and may God have mercy on yoursoul. Welcome to Adam Sandler. Please

(01:34):
stop. I am your host thisevening. Caleb Georgian with me as always
is my co host, also KableGeorge. This is a very special episode
of Adam Sander. Please stop.Thank you for joining, Thank you for
being patient as we sporadically drop newepisodes on you based on content that comes
out related or equal to Adam Sandler. So with that being said, we

(01:56):
do have a Transylvania Hotel transplerin youor coming out on Prime is out on
Prime probably by the time that you'relistening to this. In light of that,
I will be joining Marie and Baconon that podcast to talk about the
movie. However, I have notseen the original three because I don't want
to. If I am not requiredto watch an Adam Sandley movie, I'm

(02:19):
not gonna watch it Adam Sandley movieunless it's uncut gems or some shit.
So this is a very special episodewhere I'm going to watch the original three
and I'm going to give my thoughtsnow a couple of quick prefaces to this
whole thing here. My whole goalis to keep this whole podcast underneath an
hour. Do you have some amazingpodcasts where Marie and Bacon break down all

(02:40):
those movies and forty five minute hourlong segments, and they're going to do
way more deep dive into that thanI will. I'm just here to give
my thoughts and get caught up.With that being said, the second part
of this, I haven't listened tothe other two podcasts, so I have
no idea what Marie said, Ihave no idea what Bacon said. I'm
sure the thoughts might line up withmine, but I kind of wanted to

(03:00):
go into it with a third,fresh perspective, and I'm going to watch
them all back to back, sothat'll kind of be interesting for my journey
will probably be a little bit differentthan theirs. I think. Also,
they watched the third one in movietheaters. I'm going to be sitting at
home. I purposely decided not tolisten to their episodes because I did want
a fresh take. So if Irepeat anything that they've already said, or
I make a joke that they've alreadymade. I'm sure when I listen to

(03:22):
their podcast after this, I'll belike, Oh, okay, so we
doubled up on that, you knowobservation, or oh we think the same
thing about that. That's great.So the breakdown how this is going to
work is I hope to keep thisunder sixty minutes, and the first third
or twenty minutes will be about thefirst movie, the second third will be

(03:43):
about the second movie, and thenthe final third will be about the final
movie. And I'm gonna probably keepit around twenty minutes. I mean,
I could write a thousand notes onthis, but I only wrote three pages
worth. Now that also being said, I'm stone cold sober right now.
I just finished the first one.It's getting later and later into the day,
and so I'm gonna be probably beless and less sober as each one
of these movies hits me full force. So that's also the final preface I'll

(04:06):
say to this. So with allof that said, facts about this movie.
No, I don't tell who factsabout this movie. If you want
to hear facts about this movie,listen to the podcast with bay Ken and
Marie. Also, there are nofacts about this movie. There's nothing factual
about this movie. So let's justdive right into it, shall we.
I did this with Jack and Jill, just kind of watched it and gave

(04:26):
my thoughts. That turned into awhole big thing. I think this is
gonna hopefully be less of a bigthing because it's a better movie. So
that being said, here are mythoughts. Caleb George's thoughts about Hotel Transylvania.
Wow, Hey, are we ata funeral right now? Oh?
Wait no, it's your bed socreepy and cool. Wow, I know

(04:49):
her. I've seen that picture.At the Ruins of lu Beau. That's
my favorite castle. There's a wholelegend around that lady, a legend,
Lady lou Bove. The story isthat a lonely count met her by chance,
and they say that no two soulswere ever more meant for each other.

(05:09):
Eventually they settled down at Castle Lubovand had a child. But then
a horrible tragedy happened. A firestarted mysteriously one night and it killed both
of them. When I was atthe castle, I could still feel their
powerful love. They say it's asif a soul is still trapped in the

(05:30):
ruins themselves. The legend is wrong. It was only the wife that died,
and it was no mystery who killedher. We start the movie.

(05:55):
First of all, the movie justgeneral immediate impression after watching it is it's
not a bad movie. Is itgood? No? But it's not a
bad movie. And so I thinkthat's kind of where I came away from
it. So I'm really interested tosee the final two or the next two,
because I don't quite know where theygo from here. I know probably

(06:16):
a lot of you already familiar withthe stories. I'm not going to talk
about the plot too much, butessentially, it's a vampire raising a kid
in a hotel that he builds toget away from humans. You all probably
know that. So he is raisinga child, which he clearly lost his
loved one, his wife Marble orMissus Marble or Missus Maple or the marvelous

(06:38):
Missus Maple or whatever it is her. She had a kid and then she
died, clearly because she's not thereanymore. I made a note of that.
I was gonna say, I wasgonna call it and say she was
half human. I was wrong onthat, but I made that note on
thirteen minutes and forty nine seconds,and I was like, I bet she's
half human, but she's not.She's a full blown vampire. It was
straight up murdered. And so I'mto understand and that this father is now

(07:01):
raising this kid in a small roomwith an open window and no blinds or
shades, a small child that isa vampire, which essentially deathly allergic to
sunlight. And you don't even gotany fucking curtains up. My dude,
Like, I don't you know,I'm not a dad or anything, but
you're really putting a poor stereotype ondad's not being good father's and I think

(07:21):
we got to correct that. It'sit's twenty twenty two. At this point,
I was a little upset because Isee he stole my undead vanity plate.
That's unfortunate. I have tried toapply for that and Nolinois for a
long time and cannot get that undeadvanity plate. I'm really upset that Dracula
got it. You know this setupprecedent here, and so I'm gonna try

(07:44):
and guide you through it if Ican. So he sets up this hotel,
you all know this and so it'slike the first hustle and bustle scene,
he kind of set the tone forthe way this movie is going to
be, which is zany, outof control poop joke scolore. That's really
what it like is poop and farkjokes, And they really set the own
early of like guess what you're gonnaget shit and fart jokes and everything's gonna

(08:05):
be gross. Everything's just gonna begross. But it's zany gross, right,
Everyone's flying around and they're everything.That's one problem with a lot of
like children's animation films, because thisis definitely geared towards kids, and it
occasionally throws like a dirty joke toan adult that like goes wink wink,
but it's not particularly clever, soyou just kind of roll your eyes and
go, okay, whatever. Butbut my problem with a lot of animation

(08:28):
films is that they're so zany andcrazy and off the wall and there's no
gravity to any of the characters.But that's just like bad animation films that
this has the symptom of that,where it's just like everyone's bouncing off the
walls. Everything's insane, that it'sjust like it's just like a d D
acid, Like it just drives mecrazy because I'm like everything's ten to one,

(08:52):
like everything is that, everything's insane, and then it's small again.
Right, It's like he goes nutsand he has angry vampire face and then
he's back to norm and there's alot of that everything's suddenly crazy and then
not, and it just it getstiring really quickly. But we definitely set
the tone in this first scene byhaving the big Foot basically talk about a

(09:13):
giant fucking dump that he took,right, And so it's like very much
nudge nudge, wink wink. Twoadults' guests and maybe kids like this of
like big Foot takes of big shit, you know, like and I just
don't. It's not funny to me, and so I'm like, okay,
all right, sure, sure whatever. But then we have like fart jokes

(09:35):
and Frankenstein farts behind the Mummy.I think I think he's the Mummy,
but it's unfortunate because because it's SeeloGreen, and I just want to stay
for the record, like fuck SeeloGreen. But I guess he's the mummy.
I guess Seelo Green is the Mummy, which seems really odd to me.
I mean, it's not his firstfilm debut by any means, but

(09:56):
it's still odd. He was amystery man, just a cameo there in
case you were wondering with that beingsaid, everything's going crazy. But but
he has this monster haven. Soevery year he celebrates Mavis's birthday. She
turns one hundred and eighteen, whichI don't know legal legalities wise for vampires.
If one hundred and eighteen is suddenlylike she's legal, but apparently there's

(10:18):
some element to that. You justtack on a hundred years and that's the
legal system of vampires converting to toyou know, a modern legal system.
I don't even know what the legalsystem is like in Transylvania. You know,
they could you may you may bean adult at twelve Transylvania. I
don't know. I don't know howthat works, but um, but we
definitely set the tone kind of earlywhat's going on. Mavis is his daughter.

(10:41):
He loves her very much, she'svery protective of her. But he
made this promise that when she turnedone hundred and eighteen that she got into
the world. Whatever. Helicopter dadla so I wrote, I wrote down
Zombie and it definitely fucked that mannequin. Which again, there're gonna be a
lot of comments like that. Idon't know what they mean, but I
think this is a moment where oh, okay, so I understand now,

(11:01):
So he lets his daughter. Hedecides he's you know, he's made the
promise he's gonna let his daughter groundin the world. But of course he
has to prove that the world isevil, and so he sets up this
fake thing where she goes into thetown, which is a fake town,
and all the zombie bellhops and hotelattendants dress up in human masks, and

(11:24):
there's a part where they, youknow, they become awful creatures to show
her that humans are bad and youshould stay away. And therefore her father
wins and she stays in the castleand she never explores life because because she's
so terrified of it, which isthe general theme of the film. Um
Anyway, there's a part where amannequin is definitely taking I'm sorry as zombie
dressed up as a bellhop is definitelydragging a mannequin like he is about to

(11:46):
fuck it. And that's all I'mgonna say about that. It definitely looks
like the insinuation there is. Yeah, that zombie is definitely gonna fuck that
mannequin. Um, it's very It'sit's another another wide nudge nudge, wink
wink where you're kind of like,you mean that you know what you're doing.
You know, you're like, no, fuck our mannequin. But kids

(12:07):
don't know that, but adults arelike, is he gonna fuck that mannequin?
So then we were still meeting abunch of different characters, right,
We're still meeting like Wolfman, whichis voiced by Steve Bushemy. You all
know this, but I'm just reiteratingit so that I don't sound like a
complete insane person. Frankenstein, KevinJames, you've got Invisible Man, David
Spade. I mentioned CeeLo Green,fux CeeLo Green. If you don't know

(12:28):
why Fox seal Green, look up, you know, look up Selo Green.
But sincerely, fucking he drugged womenand took advantage of them, which
is why he's not on the voiceanymore, it hasn't been for years,
and why his career's tank. Butclearly, clearly this was before then.
But we're meeting a bunch into differentcharacters, and this is where I'll like
start to get into a little bitmore. But this is where I'm like,

(12:50):
the themes of these characters don't makesense and the jokes aren't clever enough
for these characters that it's like someof them just doesn't making sense to me.
And I bring it up for thispoint right here, John Lovetz plays
a chef that I believe is Quasimoto, and in some sort of Ratitui style
relationship, he is a chef,a French chef, because I get it.

(13:16):
Quasimoto is French and Esmeralda is therat in this Rattatui situation where where
Quasimoto is a chef. And againthis is where I talk about mapping and
where I'm trying to figure out whyQuasimoto is the chef, Like there are
certain things you could do that likemap really well, Like it would be

(13:37):
funny if like a cannibal was thechef, right, because you couldn't eat
anything he made. But I don'tunderstand why Quasimoto is a chef and why
that matters. I almost feel feellike Quasimoto should be, you know,
the guy that rings the bell everytime it's dinner, Like that makes more
sense, right, so there's jokeslike this where I'm like, first of

(13:58):
all, the character itself was absolutelydiscussing the beads of sweat, you know,
streaming down his face was the mostdisgusting animation thing I've seen since like
one of those culse ups of randand stimpy. And so I just don't
quite get it with that. Andthere's a couple of characters I don't quite
get We're meeting all these characters andall these monsters feel like this hotel,

(14:20):
Hotel Transylvania, name of the movie, is like a safe haven. Well
then somebody shows up. His nameis Andy Samberg, and I don't know
his name in the movie. Idon't know his name in the movie.
I don't give a shit. Andso he shows up on the doorstep and
is like a dumb traveler. He'sme when I was nineteen and went across
Europe and was just like I'm justhappy to find a hostel. And so

(14:45):
he walks in and immediately like Draculais like, oh shit, that's a
human, and so he starts tohide him, but then he dresses him
up and makes him look like Frankenstein. Later ends up being Frankenstein's right hands
cousin, which again is kind ofclever, like that's when we dip into
a little bit of cleverness. Butthen he has to mock himself up as
a monster and parade around town.Well in the process of Andy Samberg his

(15:11):
name will be Andy Samberg. Idon't know his name. I'm not looking
it up. He slowly begins torealize that they're all monsters, and he
discovers this by reaching his hand intothe rib cage of presumably woman. We
don't know because there are no reproductiveorgans, so it essentially at this point
is just a skull and bones,and he reaches into the rib which,

(15:33):
let me say this, if youdid not know that it was a monster,
and you presumed it to be ahuman, why would you Why would
you still reach in and grab someone'srib? Doesn't make any sense there.
So I'd also be pissed off ifskeleton husband, like the skeleton husband was
just like, don't touch my wife. You were inside of my wife,

(15:54):
which I think is a line hesays again another moment where you're just like,
okay, is this kids, orjust make dirty jokes for the audience
every once in a while, youknow, And so so now we are
struggling with like, obviously we've setup this love We're gonna set up this
love interest between Andy Samberg and Mavisplayed by Selena Gomez, but she will

(16:18):
be Mavis because I say Mavis athousand times in this movie. Maybe this
is like one of the only fewnames aside from like That's Wolfman that I
know. But there is just somethingvery odd about this movie, and it
kind of falls on line with withSandler's you know motifs here, which is
like, there are so many momentsin this movie where I'm like, Okay,
what's gonna be the punchline here?Like a moment happens and then you're

(16:40):
like, okay, what's gonna bethe funny punchline here? And then the
punch line severely under delivers, Like, for instance, there is a moment
where in trying to get him awayand Dracula's trying to get you know,
Andy Samberg away from his daughter,Mavis shows up and wants to engage with
him because she's got the zing,which they explain later is like being in

(17:00):
love. I'm pretty certain and soand then Adam Standley wraps about it,
which just absolutely fucking blow my brainsout. But um, because he just
sang the words zing and then thefour words that rhyme was zing, which
there are way more many words thatrhyme with that, but apparently it's just
sing thing zing, and like,I don't know ring right, it's just

(17:23):
the same funck thing. But itdoesn't matter anyway. So there is a
night in the room that he hidesAndy Sandber again, and then later when
they leave, the night costumes stillon him and they take it off and
they and they run off, andthe night head kind of rolls, but
the night talks. I think thenight I need to be famous. I
don't as famous as hotel trans transferwhen the actors get and so it rolls

(17:49):
off, and then you expect thismoment. You expect the cap to the
scene and the line is boy thatkid smelled, which isn't a funny line.
It's not clever, it's not you. It's just kind of that mean
spirited bullshit that comes with Adam Sandlermovies. Boy that kid smelled? Why
that's not a funny line. Idon't get it. So anyway, then

(18:11):
Dracula pulls Andy Samberg and like kindof brings him to the castle and decides
he's gonna help help this Guy's AndySamberg's gonna help with this party because he's
gonna give a fresh take because Draculais a little bit of a control freak.
So then they're running around and youget to see a little bit more
of the castle we saw or andhe starts opening up brooms. We saw

(18:32):
some flea fucking, which is whatthat scene insinuated a bed with two fleas
on it. They interrupted something,clearly, they interrupted some flea fucking,
and that's all I'm gonna say aboutthat. Oh yeah, this is another
thing that's just kind of driving mecrazy. So you know, they basically
are now on the track with AndySamberg is gonna spice this place up a
little bit for maybe this is birthday, because he's starting to fall in love
with their right. But there's somany moments where Dracula gets upset and has

(18:56):
this red face. But he getsutilized so many times in that aspect of
what I mentioned earlier, where thingsjust go to ten and then back to
one suddenly, and it seems tobe a common trophe amongst this, and
I feel like this might even getworse as movies gone where it's just more
zanier, more ten to one,back to ten again. But I really,
really really am already just like donewith this Dracula angry red face and

(19:21):
then that's it. But it's alreadyhappened so many times. I feel like
it's going to keep happening during thefilm, and it ultimately kind of did.
So now we're kind of stumbling upongetting this party ready, and this
is where Andy Samberg's cool personality andoutside world has really starting influence. And
I'm being reminded also of when thismovie came out in twenty twelve. So

(19:41):
we're just getting like red food andlike party rock and auto tune, which
is driving me crazy. First ofall, I want to say this very
quickly, fuck Celo Green. Afterhaving said that, let me understand this
correctly. So there's a part wheretheir band is preparing for Mavis's birthday.
The band is made up of SteveBushemy, who's on the ivories. You've

(20:03):
got you've got Frankenstein slap in thebass, and then you've got CeeLo Green.
I think also maybe slap in thebass, or maybe Frankenstein has a
guitar and Celo Green slap into bass, and then you have You've got invisible
man on the drums. They Letme just remind you Celo Green was at
this point a Grammy Award winning artist. He was half of Narles Barkley.

(20:30):
He did Crazy, which Rolling Stonesaid was the song of the decade for
the odds. This dude has anamazing voice. Again, I want to
very clearly stipulate fuck Celo Green.But that being said, you decided to
make a song, and then youmake the lead singer of the band of
which Celo Green is in, KevinJames. You give him a verse,

(20:52):
you give Steve Bushemy, who doesnot have a good voice, a verse,
and then you auto tune the fuckout of Sea Low Green. Are
you kidding me? You have seeLittle Green, He's the lead singer.
Don't even bother with Kevin James,don't even bother with Steve Bushemy. David
Spay doesn't even need to be inthe band. You have Sea Low Green

(21:12):
anyway, again, fuck him?Okay, the bingo balls whispering the number.
There's a part where they're playing bingo, kind of simulating how Drackett was
kind of boring. It needs toget up with the times and this old
woman who probably died the moment thescene was over. She pulls out a
little skull, and the skull whispersnumbers, and actually I was like,

(21:33):
that's a funny bit. That's actuallythe funniest bit here. I'm confused about
the jello mold. I don't understandwhat monster this is within the cannon of
monsters. There's apparently some jelly isit slimer? What is it? It
looks like just it's a jello mold. That's what that's it. It is,
So name me a film or alore. We're an entire town.
Maybe maybe blob maybe blob blop.But that was like it was just a

(21:56):
jello mold. So I'm really notdigging the jello monster. I have no
idea what that is. Again,we're meeting more and more monsters. Okay,
So there's a scene where we're settingwe're continuing set of the party.
There's a scene where Andy Sandberg andAdam Sandler are really connecting over setting up
all the tables for the party forthat evening. All the tables table cloths
have faces on them, which Idon't know why. I don't know why

(22:19):
they have faces on them, AndI was incredibly disturbed the entire time.
You don't need faces on the tablecloths. You could just be could be
a faceless thing. They could justbe flying around on tables with tablecloths.
There's no need to make Why dothey have to I don't need faces.
I don't want it. I don'tknow, I don't I don't want it.

(22:41):
Um this is where I got backinto the doesn't make any sense.
So Quasimodo then realizes that what's AndySamberg is a human? So so now
you got to shut Quasimodo up becausehe's going to ruin the whole game here,
which Quasimodo was again French, andJohn Lovett is voicing it. But
again I don't understand why he's achef. I don't get that. I
don't understand at all. And again, so much of like this is my

(23:03):
big beef is like when you takea look at shows like or movies even
like what We do in the Shadows, the idea is taking them the extraordinary,
making it mundane. And so there'sso many beautiful plays on words and
understanding, right like in the moviewhat We Do in the Shadows, such
a great moment of like you know, you go out and enjoy the night.

(23:25):
I'm gonna I'm gonna stay on theweb and do my dark bidding and
then like, what are you biddingon? And he's like, Oh,
it's on the table on eBay.Like that's such a funny moment because you
take the extraordinary, you reduce itto the mundane. Or in what we
do in The Shadows, the televisionshow where that they try and send an
email and they get mailer demon,right, and now they have to play
off the idea of the examic demonsexists in this world? Who's this mailer

(23:47):
demon. There's so many moments likethat in clever lore that makes fun of
this, whereas this film, I'mlike the you reduce it to fart jokes,
Like there's clever moments and clever charactersthat you could you could create here,
but you're just lazy. And sothat also makes me wonder what two
and three you're going to be like, because you really burned all your jokes

(24:10):
here, So you're probably going tohave to change locations because you can't just
use the same jokes in the samelocation. So the easiest way to heighten
is take them somewhere. Now,let's put them in a different location.
They'll have to interact with the environmentthe way these characters do. So you
create you know, their choices throughrose tinted glasses or through their tinted glasses
of the world, and reintroducing todifferent environments will create the joke. We'll

(24:30):
see what happens. I imagine itprobably is. I think there's even one
that's on a boat if I remembercorrectly briefly. So again, fuck see
lo Green. But I don't understandwhy you'd auto tune him into oblivion.
That makes no sense. Eventually,Andy Saber gets upset or is told like,
don't date my daughter and runs offin order to avoid being attacked by

(24:52):
the father he says. He saysto Mavis like, I don't I think
I hate monsters. I think you'refreak or whatever. So he runs off.
Adam Sandler its bad, Counterracula feelsbad, and besides, he's going
to go get them, so hegrabs his buddies. They get in the
car and they chase off after him, but they lose his track and so
they have to they have to trackhim. So you know, obviously Steve
Bushemi is that guy, because he'sa werewolf, but he can't do it

(25:15):
because he's been smelling so many shitshis entire life, because he has like
thirty were pups and so um.He point blank says this, like,
I can't smell or track anymore becauseI've been smelling so many of my children's
shits that my nose doesn't work anymore. I need you all to sit with
that for a moment. He issaying, I can't smell anymore because I've

(25:38):
smelled so many shits. So hisbest top wear pup comes up, and
I'm going to be willing to betthat this wear pup is a Sandler.
And and the fact that I saidthat statement is really weird. I really
did write down is this where pupis Sandler, And that's that's that's that's
that's fuck. I've already talked aboutthis for twenty five minutes and I don't

(25:59):
want to talk about it anymore.But I'm on my third page of notes
and I'm almost done. So sowhat happens then is Adam Sandler finds out
he follows his track, which thenhe goes through the small town that's celebrating
monsters and they're all wearing masks andstuff. But this town never comes back
to fruition. It's just kind ofthere. I guess maybe set up the
idea that monsters aren't as scary andmaybe we should be friends with them.

(26:22):
But it's really a moment that kindof is there for a second and then
leaves us because he runs across theairport runway and he sees at Andy Samberg
in a plane taking off, sohe turns into bat. Now, mind
you, this is day. Sohe's then turns into a bat and chases
after the plane. And I wantto be clear about that. This bat,
this Andy Samberg bat. And Iknow I'm living in a world of

(26:45):
zaning this or this Adam Sandler bat. And I know I'm living in the
world of zaning this. But thisAdam Sandler bat, Dracula bat Julila is
flying in the air and catching upto this plane, which is easily going
five hundred miles per hours. Thatmeans, especially when they meet a high

(27:06):
altitude, they may be going sixhundred miles per hour. This bat is
going over five hundred miles per hour. That's the fastest fucking bat. And
he's also burning up's directly in thesun, so the rules don't even apply
here anymore. The one thing,the one thing that applies in this world
that could give it weight of beinga bat, and in sunlight it doesn't

(27:26):
rally matter. It just gets burneda little bit, whereas you could really
actually put some emotional weight on it, but you don't. So then he
tries to get Andy Samberg's attention,and he flies into the cockpit and he
mesmerizes the captain and then speaks overthe captain's phone, which actually, I
think is the most interesting part ofthe film. I think actually is a
really clever way to communicate and kindof use his bat powers to help him

(27:52):
achieve his own goals. So actuallykind of like this moment. So then
he gets the guy to come backto Mavis and and you know, kind
of repair the whole situation. Thenwe get down to the final song.
You know they talk about there's zingthere. Zing is like just really a
moment where they fell in love.And then I knew all along, You
fucking knew all along. Everybody knewalong, Marie knew along, Bacon knew

(28:15):
all along, every motherfucker who'd everseen this film. The moment it turned
on and you saw that opening scene, You're like, this song is gonna
end with a song like you justknew it was. You just knew that
somebody was gonna fucking sing it thisshit, and it was most likely going
to be Adam Sandler. So theysing a goddamn song where Andy Sandberg raps
lonely Island style only just ten timesdumber, and then see low Green comes

(28:41):
on and sings, and they autotune the fuck out of him. They
don't even tea pain auto tune him, which is actually an understanding of auto
tune. They just just obliterate hisvoice into nothingness, and he has one
of the most unique voices in theworld. Again, I can't at stress
this enough, Fuckee lo Green.But at the time, you're just being

(29:03):
lazy. You're just being lazy.You had a guy here who was a
great singer. You didn't know aboutthe allegations, you know, So putting
that aside for just a moment,I'm going to talk about how lazy that
fucking shit is. You have ClowGreen who could easily probably write you a
song if you paid him for it, and it would be better than this
absolute trash garbage, and so that'show the whole fucking movie ended up on
a song, because we knew itwould because it's an animated thing. I

(29:25):
kind of half expected all the creditsto roll and we see like outtakes or
some shit like that. It's beenoverdone a thousand times. So that is
That is the first That's the firstpart of this series. I'm going to
watch the second part. Now,I will not be sober, and you
can take that for what it's worth. You'll know immediately what kind of sober
I mean when I hop back on. But I'm gonna watch the second part

(29:48):
and I'm gonna be not sober forthe second one. And I'm not quite
sure how this is going to bedifferent in terms of, well, how
do you heighten this? They mightgo someplace, but I do wonder how
you heighten it a little bit hereand what the process is, because you
already played out a lot of thejokes that involve these characters and these monster

(30:11):
jokes. So I really am curiousto know how the second one gets better
or it gets worse. So thisfirst one I had a forty five percent
on Rotten Tomatoes with seventy two audiencescore, which means that I think feels
a lot. It feels very right. It's a little little bit worse than
okay, you know, and Ithink that's probably an accurate assessment of the

(30:33):
film. I think animation wise,it's it's it's it's fairly impressive, and
there are physical bits, there arevisual gags that really work. Um,
But as far as animation goes,I think it's well done. I just
don't think it's particularly funny, andit feels too often like it's trying to

(30:53):
cater to little kids. And andI just watched The Mitchell's Versus Machines and
like, that is one of thebest animated films I've ever seen, and
there never feels like they're pandering tochildren. But it's a it's a kid
it's a film that kids can watch, and it's engaging in terms of visually
stunning and interesting. And then Ithink it's well written and the characters and

(31:15):
themes are present, like it's justreally well done. And then you watch
this and kind of this being alittle bit of a back to back,
I'm like, yeah, this isreally lazy. It's really, really,
really, really lazy. And AdamSandler's fine, but Adam Sandler isn't a
voice that's like particularly convincing or overwhelming. Like I feel like you could sub
in any actor for Dracula and itwouldn't have mattered. So I'm not sure

(31:37):
that that's a testament to Adam Sandler. But you know, he's Adam Sandlers,
so he's a name. And thenhe brings all his friends in and
yeah that's the first third. Okay, Wayne, it's your turn. Go
kill something, Denise. What Itold you? Come on, If we
don't inspire Denis, how's he goingto find these the monsters? No?

(32:01):
Body just hear have an avocado?Yeah, your mommy says it's a good
fat whatever they having. That meanslisten, I'm not going to set monsters
back again just to make your grandkidlike vampires. Anyway, there's nothing to
kill here. It's all been Ah, what a cutie, but kill him?

(32:24):
Well, come back to Adam Sandler. Please stop. This is your
host, Caleb George, and I'mhere with me. It's just me.
Um, you know how this works. But just a review. I just
watched Hotel Transylvania two after watching HotelTransylvania one, and so h yeah,

(32:46):
you know the setup we're just gonnaget right into it. I did mention
that I am I Am, IAm, I was under the influence,
so this was a different journey forme. I'll be really honest about that.
Um cool, So let's just streakit into it. First of all,
A hotel transplanted too. I'm alongfor the ride. It is one

(33:07):
hundred is an hour and twenty nineminutes long. My favorite part about these
films is that they are barely featurelength films. I mean barely. We
are knocking them out because there's liketwelve minutes of credits. The credits are
like ten minutes. It's it's athirteenth of the film is just credits,

(33:28):
so you really only watching a filmfor like an hour twenty watching an eighty
minute film. In my opinion,that's the best part of these films.
They're fucking short. Get them outaway, okay. Cool. Where the
first one was a journey of afather kind of letting his chart his child
into the world and not trying tocontrol her anymore or trying take care of

(33:52):
her all that that did it suchon a low scale. I think they
could have heightened it and made itbetter and made that point more direct.
But in this one they did getThey really rallied around the idea of like
it's okay to be weird, likeit's okay to be a little different,
and you know, with metaphors oflike otherisms and racism and like acceptance and

(34:16):
like LGBT motifs and things like that. It's just like very interesting that we
went from a very simple idea tonow this kind of complex understanding of what
family is. And that's interesting.I'm gonna go ahead and throw it out
there for this round and say thatI really enjoyed this one way more than

(34:39):
I enjoyed the first one. AndI don't know if that's because of the
substances that I'm on or if thatis just I think it's a better film.
I hope, I hope it's abetter film. Okay, So just
to get into it, and againI use the plot to kind of drive

(35:00):
me forward, so I don't soundlike a crazy person. But and I
say that because I know y'all haveseen this, or maybe you have,
maybe you haven't. But so here'show it works. The we can't pick
up where we left off, AndySamberg, I don't even I still don't
know his name. I got awhole other film to understand and hear his

(35:21):
name, and I do not knowwhat it is Andy Samberg. He's marrying
Mavis. We see. I knowthat because it's all over the place.
And so they get married, andyou know, then they have a kid.
The opening kind of song, theopening kind of song. I was
like, this fucking slaps this monsterlike in love with the Monster song?

(35:44):
Fucking slaps? Is this? Christina? Who is this? I've tried to
shazam it, but it's shazam.I think got an update and I didn't
know how it worked, so Istopped. But that is but I would
like to and probably will look upthat song later because it freakin slapped um.
Anyway, so they got the party. They kind of set up that

(36:05):
we've been here for a few yearsnow and and and there wasn't like this,
I'll go on a rehibit, butthe one off jokes and this one
work like way better. They actuallyleaned into the characters and like used the
character tropes to inform the joke,which the first one didn't do at all.
And so and there's cutaway jokes likeit was vastly improved in terms of

(36:31):
the writing for this film, Sothat alone is like awesome. So this
is kind of the first moment righthere, I'm about to describe where I
was like, Oh, I thinkwe upped our game. I think we're
a little better. And a littlesharper is that there was a piece that
I'm not an artist, so peopleare gonna yell at me, who are?
But Dracula was drawing a paint ora painting and it was like really

(36:54):
super abstract, maybe like maybe Godwith its name. I'm too high for
this. I mean, I'm tooof substance for this. Um so I
don't know what, but it lookedit looked odd and abstract and weird.
And then you see the model andit looks exactly like the model because the
model's abstract and strange and weird.And that was the first joke where I

(37:15):
was like, Okay, this mightbe better. This might be a better
this might be a better film.So then they go the mom and the
or not the mom. The mom'sbeen dead, the mom died, The
dad and the Mavis go on alittle bad flight, and then it was

(37:36):
a very odd reveal of the baby, the pregnancy. It's a very odd
reveal because it's like she's got likesexy pregnancy glow and then like I don't
know, like she had a giantbump, but that bump wasn't there.
It's not gonna go. But it'slike she's like, damn, she's pregnant.

(37:57):
I don't know why I didn't likethis, but it's a weird moment.
Did Marie bring this up? HasMarie talked about this? Maybe she
has, but I didn't like it. I didn't like the pregnancy reveal.
It was hot. Maybe Marie's talkedabout it. Maybe that's influencing my opinion
here. But I just wrote thisten minutes in, already funnier than the

(38:19):
original, already ten minutes in,already funnier than the original, way funnier.
And I said, I wrote thistoo because it essentially becomes Adam's family
values. It became Adam's family thesecond one. It became the idea.
They really leaned into it. Andit's the same themes as Adam's family,
right, only Adam's family does itbetter. Because Adam's Family's purposely counterculture.

(38:42):
Everything about the way the characters andthe tropes are designed are to signal account
counter culture. Even much as tosay, like during the nineteen fifties when
you had when you had you know, these leave it to beaver in these
perfect families, but the husband alwayshated the for like, oh, marriage
sucks. The counter culture that hasAdam's family in which the two leads absolutely

(39:06):
adore each other to no end.And so there's like really strong themes in
Adam's family of counterculture and a reallybeautiful metaphor there. And it came out
at the time of kind of countercultureto the rise of counterculture. This is
not exploring those things, these themesin quite as clever way, but it
is a little bit. And sothat was kind of interesting. It's like

(39:28):
having a kid and where does thiskid kind of fit in? And this
is where the jokes started to reallyhits. When you infuse their perspective into
the real world, you take whatI was saying in the first one,
the ordinary, you make it mundane, which is why some of these jokes
were landing like way harder. Sofor instance, like I wrote down the
Invisible Man, had a bunch ofjokes actually worked because it was playing to

(39:49):
the tropes, was playing to thetaking the extraordinary, making it mundane,
like the invisible man, fake girlfriendbit or the workout video bit that's just
a cutaway joke where he just islike, you know, oh this is
I have a best selling, youknow, workout video. And it cuts
away and it's him doing a workoutvideo and he's and the two people following
him with no idea what he's doing, and I'm like, that's it.
That's that's the joke. That's that'sfinding the trope and flipping on his head,

(40:14):
and like those moments are actually cleverand very fun. The first film
didn't have those, not that Iremember, And so it's really odd to
jump from one to the next becauseit just feels like it took a huge
leap in terms of quality. AndI think the animation changed. I think
the animation is a little different.It feels more stop motion e this one

(40:36):
does than the first one. AndI don't know if that's just cleaned things
up or what do they do,but like, it just feels different.
This one feels a lot. Ittexture really wise, feels very different.
And so I think I like theanimation in this one way better than the
first one, and it feels moreold school animation, and I kind of
really like that. Another trope,Yeah, sorry, real quick. Another

(40:57):
tripe that like I thought was prettycool is like the Wolfman, Like,
now he's a dog and he's tastingtennis balls. That's why he could never
be a tennis instructor. Like that'splaying into the trip. It's not hilariously
funny, and I think there's moreclever ways to do it, and you
could see those in like movies likewhat we do in the Shadows, but
it's at least a little bit better. There's at least a punchline here,

(41:20):
and like there's an attempt at kindof a cleverness here, and so that
makes this movie already like way better. Anyway, there's this whole premise that
they've set up that essentially the babyhas to fang, and once the baby
fangs, then you'll know if it'sgoing to be a human or a vampire.
Obviously, if the fangs, it'sa vampire. So the baby's not
fanging yet, right, there's nofangs on this little b boy, And

(41:42):
so essentially the father Dracula Adam Stanleydecides, well, I'm gonna I'm gonna
fucking he's gonna fang this weekend,bro, And so he gets a plan
to have him Mavis and whatever thefucking fuck his faces go off to California
where I think he's families from whofucking knows. They don't exist in real
life. It's all bullshit, butlike they go over to whatever, and

(42:06):
she really made us really loves theidea of like bringing a kid in wondering
about her place in the world andblah blah. Meanwhile, old granddaddy,
a granddaddy, grandpa a drag decideshe's gonna scare this kid. So he
like does a bunch of weird things, like takes him to like old like
camp to like kind of get toscare him. So they so one of

(42:29):
the first things they do is liketry and each show their strengths, each
one of these monsters. And sothey're like taking off into like the woods,
and I didn't like. They're alsoI think beginning to discover what the
strengths of the characters are for specificjokes, like the Blob is just cutaway
jokes. It's just visual cutaway jokes. If you need a good like there's

(42:52):
an event happening here, then immediatelycut to the blob and the blob can
do something where it shakes or doessomething dumb like. And I have to
say, I didn't know what theblob did for me in the first one.
The BLOB's doing a lot for me. In the second one, I
think I actually liked the blob.He's really growing on me funny bits.
I don't know what it fucking isand why dead squirrels die in it,

(43:13):
you know, but like, I'mon board with the blob. Now it's
not even blob. It's like,get Jello moled whatever. I was also
watching this and suddenly was like,whoa, that's a different voice for the
mummy guy, Murray I think hisname is. That's a different voice for
the mummy guy. That's not CeloGreen, thank god, fuck CeeLo Green.
But I was like, that's notthe same mummy guy. And then

(43:37):
I realized it's keeking Michael Key.So I got very angry at this moment
for this reason, and this reasonalone, is that I got angry because
I was like Sue, So,first one, like CeeLo Green barely got
any lines because he wasn't a goodactor, right, But now you got
keeking Michael Key, who's hilariously funnyand amazingly talented. Although this is a

(43:58):
character that I hope they find moreof his voice. Maybe he's like on
the cusp of being really famous atthis time twenty fifteen. I mean he
was pretty well known, like atthat point, but like maybe he hasn't
exploded to the extent that he hasnow, but still like he's immensely talented,
and some of the lines I wrotefrom are kind of dumb. Anyway,
This is where I got super frustrated. I was like, Okay,

(44:20):
so they're writing more lines for himbecause I think he's funnier in this because
you have a better talented actor there, which means that he wasn't Celo grim
wasn't even really good at the partyou underwrote him, had to get rid
of him because of the scandal.And then like even in the first one,
his strength was his voice. That'swhat he's known for, and you
didn't even let him sing you youfucked that up, And so I got

(44:45):
really angry for a moment, beinglike why do you fucking hire him?
Like what the point? What wasthe point? You then to replaced him
with Keegan Michael Key, who's veryfunny, and there's a moment where he
does like his thing where he summonsa curse or whatever because he's a mummy,
And Dad asked, oh, Dadasked oh, And then I wrote,

(45:07):
yeah, I think I'm liking it. I think I'm actually enjoying it.
I I there were bits I wasgenuinely laughing pretty hard at um.
There's a part where they're going tolike I mentioned, they're going to the
camp where he learned to like bea vampire Adam Sandler did, And there's
driving directions and they're they're ridiculous,but it's like, that's what I wanted

(45:30):
from the first one. It's like, how are you going to make jokes
out of this world? Because Ifelt like you had used them up,
but you expanded the world and youactually discovered the tropes in your characters,
which is why this is a betterfilm I think, in my opinion,
it's just all the jokes are orbetter. They're better written, they're clever,

(45:51):
they're smarter cool. So then whathappens is the mom gets when that
like, oh shit, I thinkthat dad's not doing the kid right because
he kind of hasn't. And thewhat's Andy Sandberg has been like now a
baby, it's all good. Soshe's like, then it's like, no,
we gotta go home. She callsgranddad. He doesn't have the baby,

(46:14):
and she's like, if you're nothome, then whatever. So she
literally turns into the bat and fliesall the way back to Transylvania because she
can't get a flight because there's onlyone flight out of Chicago, which,
being from Chicago, this is themost accurate part of the film. So
then she flies all the way backto Transylvania, and then the dad shows
up at the exact time, exactsame time, and so whatever, she

(46:37):
gets mad. They have his fifthbirthday party. Grandpa comes legend, comedic
legend mel Brooks shows up and isseverely underused, and so then mel Brooks
is like a essentially like Nazi vampire, which is kind of redundant in a
lot of ways, but he's likesuper like, guy, keep to the

(46:57):
white Aryan race or whatever, youknow, white vampirean race or that's kind
of the motif were getting here.So he's very like, you can't mix
I hate people, you can't mixpure bloods. Whatever. So they're playing
that whole fucking game. But yo, mel Brooks has like an entire army
of basically Ferngalie bats, but likeripped steroid furngalie bats. And so this

(47:23):
whole kind of battle goes down atthe end with these giant army of bats,
and the kid fangs and becomes avampire in his of saving his like
pup girlfriend is where pup girlfriend Andso I am saying all this and it's
absolutely insane, but it's true cool, So I wrote this down. So

(47:46):
it's just like totally accepted within thesociety that like people are fucking monsters.
Like I don't mean they're fucking monsters. I mean they are literally having sex
with monsters. They are fucking monsters. Like they had this one scene where
where the normal mom, the momof Andy Samberg, like invites the family

(48:06):
over and she invites like another couplethat's like an intermixed couple. Intermixed meaning
like monster human, And like,first of all, she could do way
better because this dude was like,uh, she was gorgeous, stunning,
animated woman and the monster was likea squid goood, but like didn't clearly
work out, like wasn't really takingcare of It's kind of boring. So

(48:27):
I'm like, you could do better, lady, but like but just in
that moment we accepted, like thosetwo go home and fuck and and like
subtly we've accepted that. Just I'mgonna just let that sit. So yeah,
So basically, I mean that's thefilm. That's the film. In
the end, it's all about familyacceptance, no matter what he turns to
be, whether he turns out tobe a vampire or not, We're going
to accept my grandkid. And likethe grandpa got a little looser, probably

(48:50):
still says racist stuff, you know, holidays, but like got a little
looser and Loma, our understanding familybrings us together right again, It's Adam's
family. It's that's the whole plotof it. So I did get a
little frustrate because I was like,we're getting a little liberal with the vampire
powers here, aren't we. We'rejust kind of like, like I even
said it in the end, it'slike I'm not a vampire. I'm a
superhero. I'm like, yeah,you're more superheroan you're a vampire, because

(49:14):
like I don't know what these powersare, but like it just kind of
like you were given them powers whenit suits the moment, aren't we?
But whatever? And then I wrote, of course it ends with a song
because it always ends with the fuckingsong. But this song fucket slapped.
It slapped the first time I heardit. It slapped the second time I
heard it, which is at theend, and I was like, this
song fucking slaps. Oh, I'mgonna go ahead and say it right now.

(49:38):
I regret doing it this way becauseI don't watch a third one.
I don't want to watch a thirdone, but I know I have to
watch a third one. And I'mon some sort of trajectory here. So
this next segment, which I'm we'refifty minutes now, which is a little
more than I wanted to be.But this next segment, which would be
trans Hotel Translivna three, which Ithink this one takes place on a boat.

(50:01):
I'm pretty certain it does. Ihaven't seen it, but I'm pretty
certain it takes place in a boatbecause I remember seeing clips from it being
on a boat. So I guessthe way we heighten this is we go
on vacation, which translated two couldbe the peak we'll see. We'll see
um. And I gotta say,Adam Sandlers thinks better in this. I
think everybody's better in it. Everybodythere's less phoning it in on this one.

(50:23):
It feels like it feels like theyactually wrote a good script this time,
and they pulled in bigger names,and I mean bigger names. I
think I'm mel Brooks and um,you know Mega Mallowey and Ron Offerman and
all that Ron Offerman. Yeah.Anyway, so it's a it's it was

(50:43):
a better film, and so Idon't know if the third one is going
to get any better, but we'llhave to see. I'm again, I'll
probably be a little bit more breadless sober so for the third, but
we'll see. I think it's theonly way to get through three. That's
four and a half hours of HotelTransylvania. So we'll be back for the

(51:07):
third and final installment of Hotel Transylvania. So, and does Captain Erica have
a last name? Uh? Oh? Guacamole Erica guacamole. That's so international.

(51:28):
No guacamole for us to share thefood here is to die for.
Yeah, holy mole. That wasa lot of guacamole. Are you feeling

(51:51):
all right? Totally? Five?Why? Reason must have been the Oh
no, isn't that deadly for you? No? No, no, it's
just a garlic intolerant. All right, welcome back to Adam Sandler. Please

(52:16):
stop. Um, I have watchedthe first two Hotel Transylvania's and now I've
watched the final third. Um,I shouldn't have done this. I just
shouldn't have. It was a badidea. Yeah, I've lost this movie
lost me, I've lost interest.Um. And and even some of these

(52:37):
notes also a bad idea that continueto get inebated. Um. Just multiple
poor decisions all around. UM.So I didn't care for this film,
and I'll tell you why. Umit's not great. It's a big one.
Um, but I just it justI don't know why we're just still
doing this anymore. Um So let'sjust start with let's start from the beginning.

(53:00):
God, some of these notes arerandom, too, so so just
I apologize for that. Anyway,this is Hotel Transylvania three, how Dracula
got his groove back. So thisis gonna be fun. So again,
I'm gonna try to do my bestto summarize the plot of the film,
although I tuned out right in themiddle of this. So we're going to

(53:21):
see what I remember, what Idon't and kind of drive it forward.
And I've got a couple of noteswere already at fifty three minutes. So
I told you I keep it underan hour, and I knew I lied
to you at the moment I saidit. But all right, So we're
picking up pretty much where we leftoff. The kids about from the second
one. The kids about the sameage, and they're living in this hotel

(53:43):
and Dracula's overworked. So you know, his daughter's like, okay, let's
get you to a ship and getyou relaxed. I've got an idea.
I'm gonna take you on a ship. Right, So I already wrote salmon
fish head of maitre D, whichis very interesting. I don't know what
that means. I don't know whatthat means. We had an appearance of

(54:05):
the voice, and so that's fun. I guess whatever. Um So,
the whole point is, he goeson this cruise ship. He meets uh,
this woman. She seems too goodto be true. She's running the
cruise ship. Dracus zinged with heror fall in love with her. I
don't know if it's a zing,if they if it's just one of them

(54:27):
feels a zing. I think it'sa zing. If they connect. I
can't believe that's a statement that cameout of my mouth. I'm reasoning the
word sing anyway, So he seeshere he kind of fall he's kind of
starting to fall for her. UmI wrote singing McLamore and downtowns and downtown
Oh yeah see, oh yeah,Okay. So there's a moment on the

(54:49):
on the ship that's actually kind offunny when so Dracula is going to go
to the ship. It's like amonster cruise ship. They're getting all these
monsters on this cruise ship and Draculais going along. It is bringing his
whole cruise. So yeah, wholecruise there, whole cruise there. Fantastic
love this crew really become attached tothis crew. So they go on this
boat. Then we meet the womanwho's running the boat. She's dressed in
all white. I don't know hername's like Becky or some shit, and

(55:09):
so I don't know her name isBecky. She's Becky now, so Becky
van Helsing. We'll find out thatlater though, Becky van Helsing, like
he's running this cruise ship. Wefind out that she is the granddaughter of
Van Helsing and that this is abig ruse to get all these monsters on
this ship ultimately to destroy them.Van Helsing is played by Jim Gaffigan,

(55:29):
who's doing his best. Honestly,it's not he doesn't have a whole lot
to work with, but but Gaffiganis doing his best with this character,
which Van Helsing is. Now likehe's like the great grandfather of Becky van
Helsing. He's like a hundred yearsold at this point. So he has
like an accordion for a body.I guess that's he's got some sort of
steampunk accordions the system going here tokeep him alive. Um, you know,

(55:54):
I don't know, some sort ofsomething or other. So he is,
you know, using his daughter tokind of manipulate these monsters to to
to do his bidding. So anyway, there's a part where a bunch of
mackerels. I realized it's after thefact, but the mackerels sing mac lemore.
So that's fun. Oh God killme. Okay, So we have

(56:17):
Grandpa. Okay, so I said, get get some grandpa. Um,
so Grandpa comes on the trip.This is Milbrooks And this is a part
where he was seductively like turning onhis body is thousands of years old and
it's clear every wrinkle you can see. Um, you know, I don't
know. So he's like doing alittle dance for the witches and they're all

(56:38):
like boo, so I getting Grandpaokay? Jim Jim Geffkin van Helsing fun
cool A wrote Dracula looked good though. There's a whole sequence where Dracula is
like trying to be hunted by Beckyvan Helsing. That's so not her name,
is it? I don't know,And like Dracula takes a shirt off
and I'm like, damn Jack lookgood though. M Keegan Michael Key he

(57:02):
is the Mummy still. And Isaid this last when I was talking about
Hotel Transylvania too. Um he is. He's like kind of finding his voice
a little bit. But I don'tthink he was quite Keygan Michael Key.
Maybe he was may or wrong onthat. I don't think he's quite the
Key Michael Key. That has kindof the comedic presence. And and grottis

(57:22):
that he now has Grottis that right? I don't fucking care. And anyway,
so they can't definitely write him upand punch him up a lot more
in this and the third one.Um, you know, I think he's
absolutely fantastic. He is elevating thisrole. But again they gave him a
song. So at this point theonly movie he Ceelu Green sings in the

(57:45):
first. I know I'm driving thispoint at home, but Seelu Green sings
in the first one. They autotune the fuck out of him and they
barely have him sing. They havethey have given James attempt to sing,
and this one they have like keikingMichael, he like do a number.
I cannot believe that. And againfox see Lo Green. But I cannot
believe in the first Hotel Translovenia thatthey did not just let see log division,

(58:07):
unleash that dragon and just let himsing. And then everything else they're
like, well we gotta work inas a mummy number. What the fuck
is going on? Being spit onnot my favor. Someone someone spits and
it's like it feels like you're beingspit on. Um, yeah, I
wrote jokes aren't as good. Idon't know what it was. The second

(58:29):
one's really my favorite of the three. I think the second one is actually
not bad. I think it's prettystrong as in terms of a film.
The start one just doesn't do.I just don't think the jokes are as
good. Like the second one understoodthe tropes and they played it up as
this film doesn't do that. Sothe jokes that aren't nearly as good in
this one, they're not nearly asclever and as smart, and I just

(58:51):
it's they're just not good. Andlike this is an example, I wrote,
Chop a Copper. Why, Like, there's no like the first one.
There's a couple of like poopy,dirty humor in the second one,
for sure, But the first onewas all of that, Like it was
just farts and farts and jokes andblah blah blah and and just boring shit

(59:12):
that that was like kind of infantilehumor, and then the second one actually
got clever. I felt like thesecond one was actually had some good jokes
in it because they think they discovered, you know, these characters tropes.
But then the third one just kindof goes back to the to the bullshit
they were doing before. I'm MIC'sgrowing up here did the bullshit that they
were doing before? So I don'treally get it. I don't really get

(59:37):
it. Um So the third onejust didn't do it for me. I
wrote fart joke, hilarious, qutetoot. So we just kind of went
back a little bit to those jokesI just don't really think are very funny.
I did write where a lady ispregnant and doing flips in shit in
shit, um. Yeah, there'sa whole storyline of the I do kind

(01:00:00):
of think this is a little cuteat the best. At best, they'll
give them cute as the where wherepeople or you know, they're so busy
being parents that they drop them offof the daycare and then they don't know
what to do with themselves, andso they just kind of do dog things,
which is kind of funny. Butshe was pregnant just doing flips and
ship flips, inch it. Iput an apostrophee in shit flips inch it

(01:00:22):
um, and so I just reallyI thought that was actually kind of funny.
But death dance sequence is fun.Oh there's a little number with the
yeah, there's like that is myfavorite part of this film is that little
death dance sequence. It's just suddenlyin the middle of the film that you're
like, oh, that was kindof cool. And then this is where
it really goes off the fucking rails. So Essentially, what happens is Dracula

(01:00:45):
falls in love with Becky van Helsing. Becky van Helsing is trying to kill
Dracula the entire film, but she'sslowly starting to fall in love with them.
So while and fall in love withthem, she's kind of breaking the
oath that she made to her grandfather. Somehow they get some sort of scrolls
bullshit. I don't know. She'slooking for something important. I can't really
remember, and I wasn't really payingattention that. I don't really care.

(01:01:05):
Again, it was bad to doHotel Transylvania all three in one go.
But here's what happened. She fellin love with him, and and then
towards the end she finds some sortof I don't know, a Kia like
octopus case and to have set somebitch open and in it, wouldn't you
know it? It's some sort ofyou know, D level scrilic song.
I don't really know what's going on, but it's a bunch of notes,

(01:01:27):
and so doctor van Helsing takes overthis DJ. I'm all over the place
here. Dracula is in love withPecky van Helson, but she has to
betray him for her grandfather van Helsingvan Helsing. He has a first name,
but I don't know what it is. So they she tries to kill
the whole thing, and then eventuallythey decide they're going to use the They're
going to find this tool to destroyall the monsters. So they go to

(01:01:53):
I think the last city of Atlantisif I remember correctly, and they are
having like a DJ party, andand the daughter's kind of getting involved a
little bit because the daughter doesn't suspectsthat Becky van Helsing is like maybe doing
something, you know, not cool. But Becky Vanhilsing goes out on a
date with Dracula to kind of seducehim so that maybe she can betray him

(01:02:14):
or get close to him or whateverso that she can kill him. She
tries to kill him the garlic.This is also dumb, but eventually they
decide to kind of kill them ata party with a DJ. So there's
DJ there and they're all dancing,and the daughter comes over and she's like,
you know what, go like,go be with Becky. Clearly you're
happy with her, you know,go with you with heck, Becky,
who am I to stand in yourway? A what a grown up thing?

(01:02:36):
To do. What a lovely moment. So then there's a DJ about
a well. Then Van Helsing takesover the DJ. He pulls out this
little squirrel thing with a bunch ofnotes on it, starts playing the song
and that brings the monster the Kraken, who was sleeping in his bed.
I mean that literally, he wassleeping in a bed, and so he

(01:02:57):
wakes up and becomes possessed by thismusic that's like a D level scrillic song.
It's it's, it's, it's,it's awful. And so they spent
one afternoon, some music composer spentone afternoon on this song, and so
he plays that and that possesses theKrack and to want to just destroy the
ship, which again which I don'tI don't really understand because Van Helsing is

(01:03:21):
on the ship, so I don'tknow what's going on here, but it
seems like you're destroying a ship thatultimately has to take you home. I
mean, what was the game planhere? Um? So this crack and
is destroying the ship that everyone ison just outside the Lost City of Atlantis,
which has a Vegas theme to it, fun clever mapping. So there's

(01:03:42):
all this going so then the sunAndy Sandberg, I just still don't know
his name. I'm never going toknow his name. Um, he gets
turned into a human the next one. But he decides, okay, I'm
a DJ. I'm gonna get outmy DJ Steff and we're gonna DJ off,
which again this is bat shit andsane. So they dj off and

(01:04:03):
Andy Sainberg is like, we gotto play good music, cool music that's
gonna chill them out. So theyplay good Vibrations by the by the Beach
Boys, right, and so theyplay that whatever sudden they play, don't
worry to be happy whatever. Thenand this is where the shit gets absolutely

(01:04:27):
nuts balls And I even wrote fuckingDJ battle. Finally I definitely checked out.
I'm sorry, what's the plot here? Now? Is that's what I
wrote? And then oh I saidthis, and this is true. This
is true. They're again throwing superpowershere, whey nilly unearned right when they're
playing these songs. Basically, AndySaandberg picks a song and then Dracula touches

(01:04:50):
the laptop and then the laptop lightsup and just plays music aloud. I'm
like, what superpower? Where we'rein bram Stoker's Dracula was the superpower enshrined
in Dracula that he can touch laptopsand don't Worry, Be Happy, plays

(01:05:12):
louder. I don't understand the superpowershere anyway. They play beach Boys,
they play don't Worry, Be Happy, and then to really convince the monster
the crack and not to destroy theship, they play the Macarena. They
play the Macarena like it's nineteen ninetyseven, like what the fuck are we
doing? And they do the Macarenaand I don't understand it. I don't

(01:05:41):
understand why the Macarena, which,by the way, is a song about
a woman who cheats on her boyfriendwho enlisted in the army with two of
his buddies because she was bored onenight. That is straight up what the
song is about. I don't knowif you've been seen any of this,
but that I sound like Johnny Carson. You heard about this, you heard

(01:06:02):
about us, you heard about thismack Rhana song. But that is true.
That's true, that's what that songis about. And not that it
matters really, you know, itjust feels like it's a moment that they're
totally catering to Middle America. Likethe most. It's not cliche, it's
just the most, Like, yeah, you would do that, you would

(01:06:23):
try to appeal to the most audiences, like you would try to peel the
middle down the road. Anyway,I didn't like it, And then then
the movie drags on for another twentyminutes, and then the end he asks
Becky van Helsing to marry him,and she hesitates for some reason I don't
know why, and then she saysyes the end and there's like a moment
of acceptance where Dracula has to sayvan Helsing and say you you idea like

(01:06:46):
everybody is or whatever Adam's Dracula voice, it sounds like, so that's it.
I don't I did this thinking I'lljust watch these two films forgetting that
then I have to watch a fourth. I'm not done yet. I was
like, knock those out. I'mabout to watch six hours in less than
seventy two hours. What is that? One twelfth of my next three days,

(01:07:15):
or in one twelfth of my threedays will be dedicated to Hotel Transylvania.
So the next time you hear metalk, I will be doing it
with Marie and Bacon and we're goingto all deep dive into Hotel Transylvania four.
This has been a long one.It's just over an hour sixty seven
minutes. But I thank you forriding with me. I'm sorry if I'm

(01:07:39):
a little too inebriated from substances,but this is wild ride got me caught
up. As always, love tohear your thoughts, love to hear your
opinions. You can shoot us anemail at our email. God, sorry
Bacon, I don't know what theemail is. Adam staying there. Please
stop at gmail dot com. I'mgonna take it. Get said it then.

(01:08:00):
But you can also find us onall the socials, so reach out
to us. Let us know.You can also call us at our phone
number one eight hundred yard. Bagan'sgonna kill me. It's not that.
Don't call no, do call it. Do call it though one eight I

(01:08:21):
as always have been Caleb, George, and thank you for listening to Adam
Samler. Please stop. Hey,everybody, Robert Bacon here, I just
wanted to thank you so much forlistening to this very special episode of Adam
Sandler. Please stop. Hope youenjoyed Caleb's thoughts and feelings on the hotel
Transylvania's looks like he had different thoughtsthan us, so that's great. We'd

(01:08:43):
love to have a different mix inthere. Make sure to listen to our
next episode on Hotel Transfermania coming outsoon. Also, I will be announcing
a really awesome special thing on thatepisode, so make sure to check that
one out. Latest Wouldn't Matter,Wouldn't Matter. You can matter, you

(01:09:09):
can't maginet Wax