Guns Up (Kevin James)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Peanut butter. It just fills the cracks of the heart.
Welcome to Kevin James. Never start a complete retrospective vul
Kevin James movies past, present, and unfortunately future Safety never
takes a holiday. I'm Robert Bacon, and with me, as
always are my co hosts.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
Money It looks.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
This time we are watching Guns Up, the film that
was released in July eighteenth of twenty twenty five, starring
Kevin James and Christina Reachie.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
Have you never heard this intro?

Speaker 3 (00:45):
It's been a long time, and and I forget when
we go away from the shitty ones for a while.
When we come back, like what it was, so it
all flooded back to me. But I did forget that
that was.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
I'm so hyped for the intro, and the second it
started like I got like the biggest smile. It's like,
it's just so good.

Speaker 3 (01:09):
I completely forgot about it. It makes me laugh so hard.

Speaker 1 (01:12):
One of my favorite moments in the history of the podcast, actually, Caleb,
is when I was like, oh, I have a new
Adam Sandler Film School intro, and I hope you guys
like it. I spent a bunch of time on it,
really looking forward to it and then I play it
and it's just.

Speaker 3 (01:32):
And it got me because the setup was so good
by you. You're like, I spent a lot of time
on this, and I do a lot of work effort
into it, and I was like I was bought in
hook line, sinker.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
And stinker and stinker. Speaking of yeah, sticky. Here it
is the plot synopsis of guns up on the Brink
of leaving quote the family mob. Henchman's final job goes
off the rails with the clow ticking. The X cop
has one night to get his unsuspecting family out of
the city before he gets snuffed out. Before we get

(02:05):
to it, just want to say, leave a review. If
you love the show, please leave us a review, or
any whatever podcasting platform when you're on really help it.
If you want to reach out to us, leave a
comment on one of our Spotify episodes. I read all those,
and or reach out to us on Instagram. How you
guys doing, How you doing?

Speaker 2 (02:24):
I'm good?

Speaker 3 (02:25):
Good? Yeah? Other than this, yeah, sure, I was better.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
Camel dung all right, all right, So now that we've
set the stage, everyone can read the room. You know
how we all feel about this? Yah, I do have
some reviews to read, so here's one from our Apple podcasts.
It says, even though I like some of the movies,
that's oh, even though I like some of the movies

(02:52):
that the hosts don't, it's always fun to hear what
they think. The format of the show is very well
done and it keeps you engaged. Definitely recommended Venom. Thank
you Venom.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
I don't know if Venom, Yeah, he's put some good he.

Speaker 1 (03:08):
Did nice numb numb numb, Give me num numb numb,
give me more Vendom. There you go. If you don't
know what, if you don't know what to leave for
a review, you're like, I don't want to have to
spend time thinking about it. Say num num numb, give
me that Venom. Yea what that means?

Speaker 3 (03:26):
That's a stinbad I could I could bind with you
know what?

Speaker 1 (03:28):
I also got a Spotify a couple of Spotify comments.
One congratulations Bacon, it's a given that your baby's nickname
is Bacon bits. I think Caleb and Marie will back
me on this. Love you all, love the podcast and
looking forward to hearing more in the future. Mason, Thank you, Mason.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
Thanks Mason, you call your child bacon bits because you should.

Speaker 1 (03:52):
Uh you know what piglet is kind of stuck a
little bit more.

Speaker 2 (03:56):
Interesting pig lit, oh my goodness.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
Or what it really is is whatever. She has a
lot of onesies that are just like uh, fruit, like
peaches or bananas or strawberries. So whatever she's wearing, that's
her nickname for the day. It's like, my little strawberry.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
That's adorable. Do you call her piglet?

Speaker 1 (04:19):
My my mom calls her pikelet, So grandma calls her piglet,
and it's adorable.

Speaker 2 (04:25):
That's really cute. I will I ever think of that?

Speaker 3 (04:29):
Wouldn't either.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
I got another comment. Oh yeah, this one is our
episode with the most comments on Spotify. It's by far
and it's they're all gonna laugh at you episode. Do
you guys remember that? Yeah? Is that just you and me?

Speaker 2 (04:45):
It's what we were doing his stand up.

Speaker 1 (04:49):
Yeah. So I think the problem is for a while
Spotify was like, hey, you listened to that album? You
know what you would like these people shitting all over it?

Speaker 3 (05:03):
Yeah? Yeah, that's a wrong. There's a wrong Rerick Spotify.

Speaker 1 (05:07):
That is the algorithm? Did us dirty? Oh?

Speaker 3 (05:11):
Really?

Speaker 2 (05:11):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (05:12):
Maybe because I'm going numb, give me that venom.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
Yeah, Spotify's algorithm is like known to be not great.
I feel so I.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
Could see why people would be mad. But we have
a lot, but I just I have one. This is
by far the worst one. It's from Oenator at YouTube
owen with a zero and eight with an eight, and
then at twyyet YouTube he said, pretty snobby. It's clear

(05:40):
you guys don't like Adam, so why don't you all
spend your time shitting on someone else? Here?

Speaker 3 (05:46):
We are here, we are, Oenator.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
Here, we are, we are We're sitting on keta and now.

Speaker 1 (05:53):
But also, you know what, that is a great idea, Oenator.
So I went on your YouTube channel.

Speaker 3 (06:01):
Any Sunday afternoon, what are we doing your bacon?

Speaker 1 (06:05):
If you're driving a truck that has like a company
ad all over it, right, you're like, I'm road overuter.
You don't drive like an asshole?

Speaker 2 (06:15):
Right?

Speaker 4 (06:16):
No?

Speaker 2 (06:16):
Because you represent them, because that says how am I driving?

Speaker 1 (06:20):
Exactly literally plastered on Yeah, So Oenator is doing the
Internet equivalent of that. So I just wanted to check out.
I'm like, who's who's yelling at me?

Speaker 2 (06:29):
Who we kind of are too? By saying like leeve
is a comment.

Speaker 1 (06:33):
Yeah. Also, I'll get to that. I'll get to that.
I'm not mad at him, but it's pretty funny. I
went to YouTube channel. I watched all two of his videos.
They're thirty seconds each. He put a little bit more
work into the name than he did with the rest
of the channel, and he has one it's a video
titled what your Energy Drink Says about You? And you know,

(06:55):
I didn't know that the energy drink community had gatekeepers.

Speaker 2 (06:58):
But it's a gamer just like name, so he knows
his community. Well.

Speaker 1 (07:06):
It turns out if you drink red Bull, you're worse
than a beta cock you're a young woman, and if
you drink Monster, you're a lonely goth girl. Sorry, I
don't know. It seems kind of snobby oenator wow.

Speaker 3 (07:21):
Especially because like red Bull is the fine wine of
uh okay of energy drinks, are king all of them.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
Now, Yeah, he's gonna be really man when he finds out.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
Honestly, I think there's something kind of like chic about
every once in a while having like a red Bull
of cocktail when you're like I'm tired and I'm like
out out with friends, Let's have a red buttle cocktail.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
I think Red.

Speaker 3 (07:50):
Boy is the Yeah, I think it is the fine
wine of it all. Yeah, there is no other energy
drink that has an F one are That's what I argue.

Speaker 2 (08:02):
That's so true, and.

Speaker 3 (08:04):
That is high class European it is. You know what
I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 (08:08):
Omenator is getting so mad and this so what I'm
talking about. So go ahead, you know, and thank you
for commenting, Omenator. Sorry, we didn't like the same album.
I really am. You know. There's nothing wrong with that album.
If you like it, awesome And that's the most froasting
that you'll get from us. I didn't. I didn't leave
him a negative commentary. They got his whatever. Good luck
with your YouTube, buddy, hope hope it does well.

Speaker 3 (08:31):
And I hope you don't like this movie because we
are going to trash it.

Speaker 1 (08:36):
Yeah, let's talk. Let's talk about guns up. But first
we got to take a quick break.

Speaker 4 (08:42):
I'm so sorry to interrupt.

Speaker 1 (08:48):
We're back. Have we used that before? Yes, but not live.
So we're recording this. We're recording this live.

Speaker 3 (08:56):
Ever listen to our podcast.

Speaker 1 (08:58):
No, I am trying to do the whole show live
and not edit it. So I also have this stop
count whenever we need it. Okay, things about this movie.
I don't know how much this movie costs to make.
Couldn't get a straight answer online. I also couldn't find
out how much it actually made. I had numbers between

(09:19):
one hundred and forty eight thousand and at least two
hundred and twenty thousand at most at the box office
box office. It did have a box office release, that's shocking.
So it had a limited release in the theaters and
right now you can pay for it on streaming. I
don't know why this feels like a to be original.

Speaker 5 (09:41):
It does?

Speaker 1 (09:42):
It does?

Speaker 2 (09:44):
It really does.

Speaker 1 (09:45):
Here's a fun fact. According to an interview with People magazine,
Kevin James tore his bicep before filming during choreography rehearsal.
He is sixty years old, and he said, the physical
demands are getting harder. How old is he? Sixty? Sixty

(10:06):
years old old? And he can fall flabber And I gotta.

Speaker 3 (10:12):
Say, there are moments in this film where he is
physically active, but for the most part he just stands
and shoots people like.

Speaker 1 (10:21):
Now you know why? Now you know why? Well?

Speaker 3 (10:23):
I was very bored by him for.

Speaker 2 (10:28):
Quick sidebar. There's something in like the air the ether
with people tearing their biceps. This is the third man
I've heard of this year who tore their bicep, and
the other two are my friend and my dad whoa biceps.
What is going on?

Speaker 6 (10:46):
Men?

Speaker 3 (10:46):
Drink water or well?

Speaker 1 (10:48):
Right now, it's really it's really in to try to
lift all with your biceps and one quick jerk motion. Yeah,
that's what's That's what's all the TikTok craze is right now?

Speaker 3 (10:59):
Is that true?

Speaker 2 (11:00):
No, Well, my dad didn't trying to lift a wave
runner by himself, So I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 (11:08):
It's just one of those injuries that when you hear
about it, you're like, oh, but you still got a
wave runner, so I can't really feel bad for you.

Speaker 4 (11:16):
You know.

Speaker 1 (11:16):
It's like I got a slipped and fill and hurt
my knee on my gold toilet.

Speaker 2 (11:23):
Yeah, I mean, it's like it doesn't work very well anymore.
But yeah, I mean, I guess on.

Speaker 1 (11:31):
That wave runner you have, I think that's a good
wave runner. Don't say bad things about that wave runner.

Speaker 2 (11:36):
You were also on it in like twenty twelve one.

Speaker 1 (11:43):
Okay, do wave runers have a short shelf life? Yes?
I agree, I agree you know we're so of course.

Speaker 2 (11:49):
Oh yeah, sorry, let's get back.

Speaker 1 (11:51):
Yeah, Edward Drake, that's the film's writer and director. He
decided to make changes to the script in three during
the writer's strike. That is what we call in the biz,
a no no, And Drake was later expelled from the
writers guilled as of May of twenty twenty five.

Speaker 3 (12:13):
Oh scared for doing this?

Speaker 2 (12:15):
Or yeah for being ab he's a scared.

Speaker 1 (12:18):
Yeah, he's a scab technically so then he argued. So
Drake contested the expulsion, asserting that he only made minor
script adjustments as a director and was being penalized for
refusing to identify other individuals involved in similar activities, IMDb said.
He also claimed that the union's disciplin disciplinary process violated

(12:42):
its own constitution in federal labor law.

Speaker 3 (12:45):
You know, I think ultimately what we have to look
at is I'm glad he did it because look what
it did. The cone that I think is universally adored.
So I mean, at some point, you've got to break
your rules if you want to make good art. And
that's how I I stand by that. I stand on that.

Speaker 2 (13:03):
Caleb stands on Dan standing on that.

Speaker 3 (13:07):
I stand on literally, I have a guns up guns
out counter on this page. That's that's that's worth scabbing for.

Speaker 1 (13:16):
That's how time.

Speaker 3 (13:17):
Can you get the title of the movie in the movie? Now, Yes,
that's that's worth scabbing for.

Speaker 1 (13:24):
Format. We already watched the movie. Obviously, we watched it
separately because this movie doesn't watch it doesn't deserve in person.
We're gonna go through the whole plot of the film.
So there's there's no info on this goddamn thing. I mean,
when it's out on two being like six months, you're
gonna get some info on this. But right now we're
in the dinosaur age of information about this, so I

(13:45):
to scrub through and make my own. So I'm gonna
read this and then as I read the synopsis, please
feel free to stop me. We'll talk about that specific
scene that way, because there's no way anybody's actually ever
seen this. You'll be able to just listen to the
podcast without having to watch this.

Speaker 2 (14:03):
Please don't watch this, don't buy it, don't do it.

Speaker 1 (14:07):
Okay, before we start, I'm going to I'm going to
roast you know, Edward Drake's writing pretty hard, and just
the off chance that he listens to this because I
assume he gets Google alerts for guns Up and we're
going to be like the only content on it. I
just want to say to Edward, Hi, ed I just
want to take a moment to commend you on your
work on Guns Up. It's no small feat to assemble

(14:30):
a cast like Kevin James, Christina Ricci, and Louise Guzman,
Louise GUZMM, Louis JHN, Louise guzmaan. Your ability to bring
such great big names together speaks volume about your vision
and your credibility in the industry. I admire your efficiency
on set as well. Managing a tight schedule with a
budget while me while maintaining some quality is a true

(14:54):
testament to your professionalism and dedication. I think you're being
thrown out of the writer's guilled maybe a blessing in disguise.
You know, you can focus all your what you're good
at on that, and then you know somebody else could
take care of the writing aspect of things. I think
that was well said Bacon. Yeah said all right, let's
shoot on this thing.

Speaker 3 (15:12):
Yeah, let's go. I got two pages of notes, let's go.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
All right. The movie starts with the song from terminator,
but it's remixed to sound worse. I'm gonna go ahead
and play that. Let me see it.

Speaker 7 (15:35):
Take come say cool, let me see it take colo.

Speaker 3 (15:47):
Oh yeah, you hear that? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (15:51):
And then we see one of the worst superimposed New
York skylines that I've ever saw.

Speaker 3 (15:55):
But is that superimposed?

Speaker 2 (15:57):
For the longest time, I would know this says where
are we?

Speaker 1 (16:01):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (16:02):
Itlock, that's me New York.

Speaker 1 (16:06):
I just thought it was wellery.

Speaker 5 (16:09):
I know.

Speaker 2 (16:09):
I finally figured out that they're in New Jersey, but
I did not figure it out for like, way longer
than I should have.

Speaker 1 (16:17):
Well, because it was not filmed in New Jersey. I
think this probably filmed in La maybe this street. Yeah,
but you can see it's really super imposed there. Let's
see here wild. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (16:31):
I watched this movie a week ago. It is it
has slipped from my brain. I don't it's all going
to come flash back to me. But this is like
I forgot this, this opening shock completely.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
Next up, Joey Diaz, you know him of Youngest Nard Fame.
He's in the bar Louis Louis Guzman and they're in
organized crime, but the good kind. One of their organized
crime buddies Danny gives him a call and turns out
he's being robbed at a house after getting a ton
of cash.

Speaker 2 (17:02):
Irish Stanny, Oh, Irish Stanny.

Speaker 3 (17:05):
Honestly, I think he's the best actor in the whole film.

Speaker 1 (17:07):
He is.

Speaker 3 (17:08):
He's the best actor, hands down in the whole film.

Speaker 2 (17:10):
He is.

Speaker 3 (17:10):
I agree, I think he's really good in this.

Speaker 1 (17:12):
I wish he was given something, some sort of meat
on the bone. He was given a setup, you know,
when he's outside at one point where he just makes
fun of the other goons, and there was never like
nothing happened to that, Like I thought, like a fight
would happen. No.

Speaker 3 (17:26):
But that's why I think he's good in this is
because I'm actually like, you're actually pretty memorable, and I
like your choices. I think they're interesting choices. And so
I was like, you've been giving shit, but you are.
I think you are doing the best you can with
why you are given.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
Yes, Louise. Louise Guzman with no urgency, says, I'm calling
the army, and that's Kevin James. Kevin James is the army.

Speaker 3 (17:50):
This whole opening sequence, in the way that it was
pieced together, makes no sense to me. I don't know
why they did it this way. I don't think it's
at all, And I think they just do it to
be like we have to have you know, cold open
and grabs everyone's attention, but then it like flashes back,
but then we have the title card and then it
flashes forward. I'm like, why not just start with the Oh,

(18:12):
why not just start with the scene where he like
we get the whole setup of how he's here, and
then like call in the whatever. Like I don't understand
the sequencing. I don't get it at all.

Speaker 1 (18:21):
Their only reason why it says five years earlier is
because our buddy who wrote the script was just like, oh,
it needs to have a flashback in there, and.

Speaker 2 (18:31):
It needs an old woman with a man's name. Yeah,
that is, it needs an old woman named Michael. That
is so mobster.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
After this, we cut to a quiet kitchen where Alice Hayes,
Christina Ricci, and Ray Hayes Kevin James are cooking together.
Christina Ricci tells Kevin James to stop eating because quote,
it's family night. It literally looked like Kevin James was
eating just like a part of an ingredient. But I
don't know. I guess they need to tell us some

(19:04):
way that it's family night.

Speaker 2 (19:06):
Yes, we're eating, but you can't eat right now. It's
jamily night.

Speaker 1 (19:11):
Yeah, even though it was like a part of a carrot.
We don't even test the food on Family Night. You're
we fast? Everyone, Come, come, everyone, I'll.

Speaker 2 (19:24):
Tell popcorn only for the movie.

Speaker 1 (19:26):
Starting Wednesday night, we fast. We fast till Friday night.
Then when we're we have to be sitting down at
the coffee table in front of the TV. It's Family Night,
coffee table front of the TV. Family Night.

Speaker 3 (19:41):
Hey, no way, Kevin James is fast.

Speaker 1 (19:46):
It's a movie, Caleb, suspend your disbelief.

Speaker 3 (19:51):
A wait, I got fast.

Speaker 1 (19:54):
We cut to the family couch where the youngest Henry,
is reading a book titled Lions a History. This is
to tell us he's smart, because that's what dumb people
think smart people read.

Speaker 3 (20:08):
But I think the whole point is that he they
are a family of lions. Yes, she is the lioness. Yes,
he's the lion that goes and fights, but like doesn't
necessarily provide for the family and just picks fights and
kind of pisses everywhere and sets the perimeter. And she's
the lioness. It's so ham fisted and stupid, but I

(20:30):
think that I saw it. Initially it was like lions,
Uh colon, Uh history, what is going on?

Speaker 1 (20:35):
Yeah, that's the book I want.

Speaker 3 (20:37):
Later he's like explains like the mother is the lion,
and I was like, oh god, this is a metaphor.

Speaker 2 (20:43):
Okay, right, it'd be cooler, even though it'd still be hamphisted,
but it would be cooler if their last name was lions,
like L y O N S.

Speaker 3 (20:52):
Yeah, it'll be great.

Speaker 2 (20:53):
And then it like connects lions Ray.

Speaker 1 (21:00):
I'm pretty sure didn't they got to do that? Does
an empire do something like that? I've never watched the show,
but I thought, isn't somebody named Lions in there?

Speaker 2 (21:08):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (21:08):
Yeah. The older sister, she sits down next to her brother,
takes out her phone and Kevin James says, no phones
on family night. Okay, So I guess we didn't need
that line earlier when he was eating food. Today we
have two times. We know it's family night.

Speaker 3 (21:23):
It's family night.

Speaker 1 (21:24):
It's important we fast again. Everyone come come, come to
the board. I've made a board a family night. No
fasten phones, no fast no phones, and no getting serious
I've broken one of them rules. A side note, this
daughter is supposed to be eighteen, but I looked it

(21:46):
up and she's being played by a thirty year old.

Speaker 3 (21:48):
No way, she's not thirty, she's no way. Yeah you're joking.
Ye uh oh my, she's thirty years old. You're joking.

Speaker 1 (21:58):
No, she's thirty years old.

Speaker 3 (22:00):
Shut down out.

Speaker 2 (22:01):
Scott's bless actually because I mean I didn't think she was,
you know, sixteen, but I didn't think she was thirty.

Speaker 3 (22:10):
I thought it was like twenty four, right.

Speaker 1 (22:13):
You know everyone's older in this movie. You know, Kevin
James is sixty, he's playing a forty five year old. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:19):
Drop the skincare routine, girl, Yeah, drop your routine.

Speaker 8 (22:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:23):
Comment comment on Spotify, Yeah, going to videos.

Speaker 3 (22:30):
Give him a like Yeah, the key for Kevin James
when you hit sixty is just to dye your beard
just one color black. Is that?

Speaker 1 (22:39):
How like you were to shave your head? Yeah, gave
your head, shave your head, black beard, just done.

Speaker 3 (22:45):
It's just at some point I'm like, I know this
is dyed because it's just one full color. It's just
full black dark, And I'm like, I don't you got
to get some blending in there or something right. Otherwise
I feel like you're just taking shoe coloring.

Speaker 2 (23:03):
Yeah, he should be taking notes from Adam, like his
salt and pepper beard is looking really nice.

Speaker 1 (23:09):
Yeah. First of all, I've started getting white hair. I'm
so excited about it. I'm so excited to be full,
like a like a mad scientist or a wizard. Back
to the movie, Christina Ricci, or Casper Girl as I'm
going to call her the rest of the podcast, says
hot stuff coming through as she brings dinner to the

(23:29):
coffee table in front of the TV on Family Night.
And I would like to point out that Casper Girl
is only carrying a bowl of bread and three on
the vine tomatoes.

Speaker 2 (23:41):
What the hell I didn't notice that?

Speaker 3 (23:43):
No, no, I was not interested in like Christina.

Speaker 2 (23:47):
That's why she stays so thin. Tomatoes and a bread.
Are you read?

Speaker 3 (23:56):
Are you?

Speaker 1 (23:56):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (23:56):
Yeah, let's get Let's go to the tape. Let's roll
the tape.

Speaker 1 (23:59):
Baby, She says, hot stuff coming through.

Speaker 3 (24:03):
None of that's hot, that's just that's a fruit.

Speaker 2 (24:08):
Fruit.

Speaker 1 (24:09):
Everyone grab a piece of bread and a whole tomato. Look,
we all know the rules for Family Night. Fast for
seventy two hours. Then we eat a hole loaf of
bread and a whole tomato. Then after that we order pizza.
It's an old Italian tradition. Oh my god, Kevin James
gets a phone call. It's uh Louise on screen text

(24:32):
five years earlier. Man, how could you ban this guy
from the writers? Gulp? Man, he knows all the best tricks.

Speaker 3 (24:40):
Stupid. And then we go into the title garden with
the opening credits. Why would you do it this way?
It makes them stense. No, just make this the opening.
Just make the whole.

Speaker 9 (24:50):
Sequence of him.

Speaker 3 (24:51):
You green to this John the opening. It's the whole
premise of the film. Why do you have to that
start with us in the flashbay? It makes no sense.

Speaker 1 (24:58):
Oh my god, it's so stupid.

Speaker 3 (25:00):
Also, that is not him.

Speaker 8 (25:03):
It is.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
Kevin James is in his car. Kevin James is in
his car looking at his phone screen, which is a
poorly photoshop photo of him and his family that AI.

Speaker 3 (25:18):
I also love, like the just stupid show like show
don't tell here where it's just like, let me look
at my badge, like what are we doing?

Speaker 1 (25:29):
I like to think he's looking at his phone at
his bed and he's like which one of these texts,
which one do I call my wife badge?

Speaker 2 (25:40):
This is we see an iPhone other than the daughter's
iPhone in the film. The rest of the people have
phones from like two thousand and.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
Five, flip phones. Yeah, everybody's got phone. Yea, yeah, they
all watch Breaking Bed. You know you want to be
in that. So anyway, Kevin James is looking at his
phone with a picture of his family and his badge,
and he throws his badge in the glove compartment. This again,
so the lion thing. Here's a little bit of symbolism.

(26:11):
There's a little bit of symbolism through this movie.

Speaker 3 (26:13):
He has to choose a family or being a cop.
That's the hard decision every cop in America has had
to miss. We can't have both. You can't have a
family and be a cop in America. You can't do it.

Speaker 1 (26:27):
It's impossible, possible.

Speaker 3 (26:30):
They make terrible money.

Speaker 1 (26:32):
Kevin James enters a bar where he walks up to
Luis Guzman and he says, hey, my wife said you
might have some work for me. He is immediately attacked
and we get a horrible, horrible fight scene and it's
revealed that it's just a test you know, another writing
a trope of like the opening fight, where either they're
friends who are just like having a fun time or

(26:54):
it's a test to like open a door or something.

Speaker 3 (26:58):
Yeah, she's also not bad in this film. I enjoyed
her performance. I don't think he's great, but I enjoyed
her performance.

Speaker 1 (27:06):
Kevin James is then introduced to the Kingpin, a woman
named Michael. She says vague garbage about how they have
a code and you know, this is all really just
to tell the audience that, hey, these are the bad guys,
but these are the good bad guys.

Speaker 2 (27:20):
Yeah, they're the Robin Hoods of mobsters.

Speaker 3 (27:23):
Yeah, it's a poor business plan in general. Yeah, as
we find out it's a business plan, it's it's not
gonna work.

Speaker 1 (27:32):
Kevin James is all like, yeah, but I'm not like you,
And they're all like, well, well how are you not?
Like aren't you like us? And he's like, because I'm
a I'm doing this to start a.

Speaker 2 (27:43):
Diner, a freaking diner, A diner in this economy failing
left and right, My dream is to open a diner.
I don't live in this twenty twenty five. I live

(28:03):
in an alternate reality. Twenty twenty five, where diners do
super well.

Speaker 3 (28:09):
I'm tired the.

Speaker 2 (28:10):
Fuck My dream is I have a diner.

Speaker 3 (28:12):
I'm tired of not making any money being a cop.
I gotta make all the money owning a diner. It's
gotta be what I gotta do with my life.

Speaker 1 (28:22):
I'm gonna sell coffee for a dollar.

Speaker 3 (28:24):
Yeah, I'm gonna be a millionaire.

Speaker 2 (28:28):
That says the world's best cup of coffee just kind
of an okay cup of coffee.

Speaker 3 (28:34):
I need a place where my wife can make tomatoes
and serve brand I need a place. Now.

Speaker 1 (28:39):
Here's the thing. The one good thing about this is
I thought about a Kevin James diner, and just all
the items on the menu are Kevin James movie references.
So I got a few, a few, Okay. We got
Blart cakes. Those are pancakes smothered in segue syrup.

Speaker 3 (29:00):
Good.

Speaker 1 (29:01):
We've got Kevin creams. Those are a custard filled donut
with his signature confused glaze. We got grown ups egg Sizzler.
It's got everything you loved as a kid, but it's
got too much cheese. Heo, I got I now pronounce
you chuck and linguini. That's pasta that's pasta tossed and

(29:26):
a spicy sausage Barrenera. I have the super bart. This
soup of the day is our signature chili, the King
of Beans. There is a spicy Haavennero cheese omelet called

(29:51):
here comes the Boom. And finally there's grilled cheez Oh yeah,
group with Ray Romano Devora.

Speaker 2 (30:07):
You forgot, you forgot Dessuri, forgot blackened banana pudding.

Speaker 1 (30:15):
See that's why I needed you. Gotta handle all the
bank items.

Speaker 3 (30:21):
Oh I'd like to add item. Yeah, Becky's burrito. It's
a burrito, but it's made by a Nazi in the pack.

Speaker 4 (30:34):
So sorry to interrupt.

Speaker 1 (30:38):
Oh my god. Okay, So moving on. That were then
treated with an opening title sequence that looks like somebody
who just watched an after effects tutorial on YouTube.

Speaker 3 (30:49):
Yeah yeah, this is like this guy got rejected so
many times for doing the opening credits for Sensity. They're like,
stop in your work, you have like mad men.

Speaker 1 (31:01):
This shot that I'm showing, I mean this a podcast,
so you guys can't see, but I'm showing the first
of all the teeth that are also falling with them
are the size of their feet. It's totally roped off
from mad Menu. It's not the worst thing I've ever seen.
I think I was just upset because I was I
was just like Caleb, where I was like the structure

(31:21):
in the first three minutes and I'm so mad. I
hate it so much because.

Speaker 3 (31:25):
You're about to go right back and I'm like, you
could have that doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 1 (31:29):
So many false starts because we have to sit through this.
It could have been the best opening in the world,
but I was. We finally get to the phone call
and what feels like forever, but what are we at? Here?

Speaker 3 (31:39):
We are at We're like ten minutes in and it's.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
Not a long movie. So to have a false start.

Speaker 3 (31:45):
Like this, dude, the best word about it is it's not.

Speaker 2 (31:47):
A long movie. It's still too long though, Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (31:54):
So we come back to present day. Kevin James, he's
got a phone call. This is the phone call we
talked about, and he relucted leaves his family and family night,
oh my god, family night at the fasting, and his
wife tells him that they have something to talk about
right before he leaves, and you know, that's what that's
what you want to do, right before he's going away
on something they could die on. Why don't you put
a curse on him? Can you wait? Can it wait?

Speaker 2 (32:17):
Okay? But and this is maybe like revealing something too soon,
But like, I do appreciate that the movie didn't do
the thing where he's hiding this from his wife.

Speaker 1 (32:30):
Oh yeah, that's annoying the liars reveal.

Speaker 2 (32:32):
Yeah, she's aware of the situation that he's in, that
he works for the mob. She's on board. She's pro
pro working for the mom because she needs that sweet,
sweet diner money.

Speaker 1 (32:46):
She's like anything. We went to the bank and we
told him our plans to make money, and they said, no,
are you stupid? And we all show them. You go
off murder people, and we're going to start this murder diner.

Speaker 3 (32:57):
Yeah, that bank did not appreciate my cooking. And I
brought several tomatoes.

Speaker 1 (33:01):
Yes, I slaved away ripping. I didn't even take the
vines off the tomatoes.

Speaker 2 (33:08):
Yeah, I just clipped it.

Speaker 3 (33:10):
Well, And I agree with your point, Marie, I do. Ultimately,
I'm not gonna I'm not gonna we're I talk about
this now because I'm sure we're gonna talk about later. Ultimately,
I'm like but it's also because it's not his movie,
like and I like that. I was like, okay, I
like that too, and then later on I was like,
oh my god, I hate this movie for this twist reason. Yeah,

(33:34):
get in a second.

Speaker 2 (33:35):
Yeah, the twist is.

Speaker 1 (33:37):
Yeah. Anyway, Kevin James shows up to where Danny is
being shot at, and it's got to be like an
hour after the shooting start, like how long before he
gets there, you know, and I hope, let's hope Danny's alive.
Kevin James notices that there's a getaway driver waiting outside,
so he walks up and punches him in the face

(34:00):
through a car window.

Speaker 3 (34:01):
This is my favorite part of the movie. They are
deliberately dressing him like Ryan Gosling from Drive.

Speaker 1 (34:07):
Yes, and I don't know if you know this, so yeah,
he reaches and pulls him out. He's dressed exactly like
Ryan Gosling from Drive. He's even in the same car.
And this is the director writer, This is Edward Drake.

Speaker 3 (34:22):
Of course it is. Of course it is. Of course
this is this dude loves Drive. Drive is his favorite movie.

Speaker 2 (34:33):
That's the writer director.

Speaker 1 (34:35):
Right now, I'm showing our writer director. It's actually the
best scene in the whole movie as them doing a
parody of something that came about fourteen years ago.

Speaker 3 (34:44):
I think he ronically, I think this is I don't
I think this is unironic. Oh no, I mean he's
doing this.

Speaker 1 (34:50):
I think he he looks cool. Oh yeah, he thinks
this is awesome. I mean it does. I think this
is my favorite scene in the whole movie. And the
fact that he had the balls to put himself in
there as the driver and he does a pretty good
job of acting in it too.

Speaker 3 (35:05):
It just made me laugh so much because I'm like,
it is such it's so spot on drive, like yo
oh it's wild now, it's just like not hiding it
at all. It's totally just ripping off drive.

Speaker 1 (35:20):
I wish the movie did more of that. I wish
it did.

Speaker 3 (35:23):
Well it is. It's ripping off John Wick, well.

Speaker 1 (35:27):
In a better way.

Speaker 2 (35:27):
I guess, no dog though.

Speaker 1 (35:29):
Anyway, he punches him through, he interrogates him. He interrogates
the driver. The driver says there's four people inside. This
is basically the only like, uh, cop work that Kevin
James does in the whole movie. He's like, oh, I'll
interrogate somebody to find out information before I go in,
even though it doesn't really make any sense. Kevin James

(35:51):
goes inside and easily shoots all four guys. He just
slowly walks in. It's small, one by one.

Speaker 2 (35:58):
It's not a problem. He world's greatest cop obster.

Speaker 1 (36:02):
Yeah, I don't think he needed that intel at the beginning,
you know, anyway, Danny saved. But now Danny is the
sidekick character that will be randomly sprinkled in like a
little bit of salt in your you know, in your soup.

Speaker 2 (36:18):
Salt in soup.

Speaker 1 (36:20):
I don't know. I was trying to trying to get
to an improvised uh. I used off my good Kevin
James foods. I don't have them all out.

Speaker 3 (36:30):
This was a boring scene, especially as if I'm like,
when are we going to actually get the action? And look,
I get it, he's sixty, but Keanu Reeves is sixty two,
so like what sixty as well? Like I don't think
I think that. I think the difference between Keanu Reeves
and Kevin James is just pure discipline.

Speaker 1 (36:50):
You think you think that is you think that's.

Speaker 3 (36:55):
He's Keanu for his acting necessarily it is pure discipline.
That is the that is the absolute difference between whether
whether this gets pulled off or not.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
Anyway, Next, we go to a restaurant where Michael is
eating and unexpectedly she sees the villain of this film,
Lonnie cast again, and Lonnie looks like he's in the
middle of an eye exam. We're not sure why, but
I'm sure we'll find out later. He has a he's
wearing glasses where one is a sunglass and the other

(37:27):
is see through. Lonnie's gonna kill her, but he allows
Michael to take a call where she tells Louise Guzman
not to start a war over this.

Speaker 2 (37:38):
Yeah, you know, there's just the traditional last phone call
you're allowed before you're murdered.

Speaker 3 (37:45):
And I love Louise Guzman, I really do. I love
him that he is phoning it the fuck in. Oh yeah,
you can feel it. You can feel he's like, I'm
for a paycheck on this one, man, Like I ain't
got it on this one. Yeah, like this ain't Boogie Knights.

Speaker 1 (38:02):
Louise, Well, rarely do you get that level totally.

Speaker 3 (38:08):
But I'm like, but I'm like, Louise, you a better
actor than this guy. It just doesn't feel like you
try it on this one.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
Well, I'll also say that I think he's only in
like one or two locations, true, right, Like you might
have not learned all his lines until like right before.

Speaker 3 (38:26):
And like truly it is like a lot of scenes
with him just on a phone being like what.

Speaker 2 (38:36):
Okay, all right, let me put in the span.

Speaker 3 (38:45):
All his scenes are just like him, like realizing something
on the phone.

Speaker 2 (38:51):
He's doing so much phone acting, that phone acting.

Speaker 3 (38:55):
I know the movie is good when there's a lot
of phone acting.

Speaker 1 (38:58):
Oh tell my god, the phone acting in this movie.
Oh my god. So Annie Luis Guzman calls all the
good bad guys together by the docks and tells them
all that it's cool. Lani is their new boss. Now
that's it. They literally let Michael get murdered by another
person and they're like, you know what, everything's cool.

Speaker 2 (39:21):
Hey, she said don't start a ward, so.

Speaker 1 (39:26):
We're not there. You go. You said, no war no warseys.

Speaker 3 (39:31):
It's literally a hostile takeover.

Speaker 1 (39:33):
That's what it is. You know what that is. That's
I don't want to write, you know. Yeah, the complexity.

Speaker 3 (39:38):
It's like my whole business and my whole philosophy was
built on a code and I'm willing to throw that
code away immediately when I die.

Speaker 1 (39:49):
It's like, well, that's part of the code, Caleb. Yeah,
part of the code is if somebody usurps you, you
take their code.

Speaker 2 (39:57):
The code dies with her.

Speaker 1 (40:00):
Oh, she's the code keeper.

Speaker 3 (40:03):
When they go low, we go high until I die.

Speaker 2 (40:08):
I'm gonna say whether they go a little week.

Speaker 3 (40:10):
No code when code, when they go high.

Speaker 1 (40:17):
We die. Sorry, Yeah, we got to take a break.
If you hate commercials, just hit the skip button a
couple of times. We got to have them.

Speaker 4 (40:25):
Sorry, So sorry to interrup.

Speaker 1 (40:32):
We're back on the code anyway. Kevin James comes home
after all this, finds out the news that Casper Girl
was going to tell him. Turns out that they have
enough money for the diner. That diner. Money really sneaks
up on you, you know.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
Yeah, five years hey for the diner.

Speaker 1 (40:53):
Yeah, and he never checks the account.

Speaker 3 (40:56):
He's just like, I'll just keep working till you tell
me not.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
Okay, I just realized this. They all so. He also met,
if this timeline is correct, he also met Michael twenty
twenty in the of the pandemic. Yeah, he wanted to
open a diner. God damn it.

Speaker 3 (41:14):
Yeah, now's the time.

Speaker 2 (41:17):
The time, I don't think that now.

Speaker 3 (41:19):
The time I got to make the switch from being
a cop to.

Speaker 1 (41:23):
I was thinking of a breakfast buffet.

Speaker 2 (41:27):
Anyway, Sorry, continue anyway.

Speaker 1 (41:30):
The next day, I really just want to ignore that
Kevin James went and picked up Danny and then he
had to go to his kid's school because his thirty
year old daughter punched somebody. But this is actually the
part I really want to talk about. How the music
in this movie is constant. It's it never stops. It's

(41:54):
poorly mixed that it's like not it clips on sometimes
sometimes it fades in dramatically.

Speaker 3 (42:00):
Bacon, you're the only person that I've watched movies with
where you will at least five times, well, Jesus Christ,
and then turn the music down or up like you
you are. You are very specific about this. I agree
with you. Let me be very clear, like the music
is not mixed. Well, all I do with you is

(42:21):
watch shitty movies, so all I hear all the time.

Speaker 2 (42:26):
That was a really good, Bacon, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 3 (42:29):
I've had a lot of experience with it.

Speaker 2 (42:31):
Do it again?

Speaker 3 (42:32):
Oh, I mean you'll be watching it, Jesus clutched.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
God, that's good.

Speaker 3 (42:39):
God, I've gotten it down. I've heard it so many times.

Speaker 1 (42:44):
You've watched so.

Speaker 3 (42:45):
Many of these movies that someone poorly mixed it because
it's probably not a good sound mixer. It's because these
movies don't get released. So whatever version we get is
just kirky.

Speaker 1 (43:02):
Okay, I got it. I'm a little particular.

Speaker 3 (43:05):
I appreciate it. I mean we were watching in expellar.
You have different stories.

Speaker 1 (43:09):
Oh man, yeah, that thing, that's that's it. Yeah. Anyway, Oh,
the family goes to look at the diner and they
decide that they're gonna buy it. They like, this is
the first time they look at it. I don't even
think he looked at like the basement or anything. I
don't think this thing went through any inspections.

Speaker 3 (43:28):
They have no idea it. Also, they literally got here
and they don't have enough money.

Speaker 2 (43:33):
And he's offering over asking.

Speaker 3 (43:36):
Yeah like they're like, I know it's more than we have,
And I'm like, so you didn't save enough, So how
much did you say?

Speaker 1 (43:42):
Where?

Speaker 3 (43:43):
Where are we financially? Are we keeping books or are
we just ballparking? I think we got enough.

Speaker 1 (43:47):
I think we're I put it in a jar and
once it gets to that level.

Speaker 2 (43:52):
Don't do this like take a vacation, don't on vacation
buy something designer. I don't buy it. Diner, goddamn it.

Speaker 3 (44:01):
This is the natural progression of a copy. I gotta
see it, cop mobster, diner owner, the Circle of Life,
Circle of life, maybe if that works.

Speaker 1 (44:15):
Anyway. That night, Kevin James goes to the Bad Bad
Guys how Hideout and tells the new head of the
Bad Bad Guys, Lonnie, that he's quitting the Bad Bad
Guys because he wants to open up a diner, and
Lonnie doesn't care and says that he can't leave. Guess
Kevin can wait.

Speaker 3 (44:36):
Fucking fuck you, fuck you bacon so hard. I know
that you two have watched many Kevin James films, So
I'm gonna throw this out there because I am now
realizing this. This is my journey and now I'm my
journey track than you are. But I did make a

(44:57):
note down here that Kevin James is a very specific
go to comedy move where he gets caught in a lie,
tried to stumble through it, then is bad at it,
gets called out and quickly corrects himself and it admits
the lie. I am just now realizing this. Did you

(45:18):
all know this previous to this movie? This is something that
you just do with.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
Yes, we call this his stumblely bumblies.

Speaker 1 (45:28):
Yeah if you fall ha ha.

Speaker 3 (45:35):
I really got to listen to this podcast podcast like
oh Enator gets on this podcast, you know, I gotta
start listening and reviews of my opinions.

Speaker 1 (45:50):
Yeah, this is where we also find out about how
our main bad guy Lonnie lost his eye. It's the
story called Lonnie cast again and the butcher's can't can
you guess what it's about? I wrote the story down
word for word, or we could watch it.

Speaker 3 (46:06):
What do you want When you say word for word,
does that mean you were going to read it?

Speaker 2 (46:10):
I could read it in an ir accent.

Speaker 1 (46:15):
I Legend has it that once upon a time, then
there was a couple of butchers. We already have it.
Legend has it that once upon a time there was
a couple of butchers.

Speaker 2 (46:24):
Yeah, a double once upon a time basically in a
different form, there's a couple of butchers that moonlighted as
enforces for Lannie.

Speaker 1 (46:35):
One day, the butcher said they wanted to leave the game,
but Lannie was paranoid that the butchers were going to
work for another outfit. Why don't you just wait and see.
Why don't you wait and see if somebody does come
and they do start working for that other outfit, you
kill that outfit, You take over their territory.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (46:54):
You get nothing from murdering butchers called for Baby the Chest.

Speaker 2 (47:01):
Also, butchers are like the friend backbroones of our society.

Speaker 1 (47:05):
Yes, how dare you?

Speaker 2 (47:07):
We're taking on a mom and pop shop.

Speaker 1 (47:10):
Well, that's why he's the bad guy.

Speaker 3 (47:12):
And shakes him down, shakes down them and pop.

Speaker 1 (47:14):
So Lonnie sent a message to everyone that works for him,
and then they throw some motov cocktails through the butcher's window,
and then two people from Pink Floyd's Wish You Were
Here album come out, And then only Lonnie didn't realize
the butcher had a kid, the kid they trained to
become a little murder monster or a little murder machine,

(47:37):
and the kind that didn't take kindly to seeing mommy
and daddy roosted alive. And then the kid throws a
butcher's knife at the guys.

Speaker 3 (47:44):
I want to meet the child that does take kindly.
I want to see the story of the child that
does take kindly to their parents being oh.

Speaker 9 (47:54):
Thanks so much, mister oh Man, my mom and dad
really good would be the business you came in and
burn them? Well that was great because now I'm an orphan.
I've always wanted to be an orphan. Everyone always says
how great it is. And I'm going to sleep with
all my friends at the orphanage. Got a cold, itchy blanket.

Speaker 3 (48:16):
Anyway, thank you. Guess what you need to keep both
your eyes today?

Speaker 1 (48:22):
Guess it's your.

Speaker 2 (48:22):
Lucky day your eyes?

Speaker 1 (48:26):
Do you know where I can get a pay per job?

Speaker 2 (48:27):
Also, the guy that I'm playing, young Lonnie, is like
a low budget Sebastian Stan. Motherfucker. Wow wow, like she
and Sebastian Stan.

Speaker 1 (48:43):
You gotta be a real film buff to listen to
this podcast. So after listening to this story, Kevin and Louise,
they hatch a plan for Kevin James to get out
of the bad bad guys. Louise tells them that there's
another bad bad guy, Antonio, dealing drugs behind the main
bad guy, Lonnie's back. If Kevin James kills that guy,

(49:05):
then maybe he'll let Kevin go. How does that make
any sense? Antonio is Lonnie's nephew. They are related.

Speaker 3 (49:16):
I honestly, I'm gonna be honest, I forgot all this.

Speaker 2 (49:19):
I was gonna say, I'm just now remembering this whole
side I mean, maybe it's not a side plot, but.

Speaker 3 (49:26):
Like it's to your point. It is a side plot
that becomes important later. And even watching it, I was like,
that's gonna be a fucking thing later, isn't it. You know,
like yeah, okay, all right, fine, like all of this
was just like I'm.

Speaker 1 (49:43):
Gonna have to it doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 2 (49:46):
Okay, it's so dumb and predictable.

Speaker 1 (49:51):
They just told us that if you try to leave,
you'll get killed. Why does do they think that this
plan will work at all? It doesn't make any sense.
It's bad advice. At first, I thought that Louise was
setting him up to fail. I don't know. Anyway, there's
no time to think. The movie's only ninety minutes. Let's
go ninety moonites. I was singing a Barnyard.

Speaker 2 (50:15):
I wish this was Barnyard at this point.

Speaker 1 (50:17):
I wish. I mean, I'd rather we watch Barnyard every time,
you know, every time I knew Kevin James who becomes
I just watched Barnyard again I.

Speaker 3 (50:23):
Think that's my biggest problem with this movie is it's
like Kevin James gets really exposed in this movie. When
you strip him of any of his humor, he is boring.
He's really boring, boring, and he's like no choices made here.

Speaker 2 (50:38):
He's also not funny. No, no, there's not even other
than like one stumblely bumbly. I feel there's nothing for him.

Speaker 3 (50:49):
But that's my point is it's like, oh, when you
strip that of him, he has nothing because he doesn't
make interesting choices. He's not like again, he's not a
Keanu Reeves who you're just like, oh wow, this is
precision action, right. Like I'm kind of watching this being
like what exactly you really are leaning on that that

(51:12):
humor element and really thinking, well, you can be an
action star. But he was boring. This whole movie out
there on him, so profoundly boring.

Speaker 1 (51:21):
And you can't do this after we saw Becky because
he did it slightly better. He did something in Becky.
He made a choice in Becky.

Speaker 2 (51:29):
Yeah, I mean, I guess being pure evil gives him
a little bit more like I don't know license to
try to act. U Uh, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (51:41):
I feels like there's a little bit more intention especially
because like, and we'll get to it, but this isn't
his movie either. Like that's the big problem I have
with it. Not only is he boring and making boring
choices and it just is not an interesting character and
not a great actor, but this also is not his movie,
Like it ultimately becomes not about him.

Speaker 1 (51:58):
Yeah, that's true for the better of the movie. Uh,
we could to the diner at night and Casper girl
has already bought it. That was really fast. She calls
Kevin to tell him that it's done, but he says
that he's got one last thing to do, the last mission,
you know, before retirement. Yeah, another cliche.

Speaker 2 (52:20):
Oh, also, this movie is clearly sponsored by a BT
eight a b T.

Speaker 3 (52:27):
I wrote it. I wrote it. I wrote it too, because.

Speaker 2 (52:29):
They mentioned it like three times security systems.

Speaker 3 (52:33):
I wrote ADT product placement. Yes, I wrote it. Yes,
I noticed that as well.

Speaker 2 (52:40):
Yes, because and then the real order they don't even
show her face, but she's like, she's like, do you
have a security system? You're going to really need one.
I work with a d T reversed like product placement line.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
I was waiting for the you know, the the costs
X to show up on screen, right, you know. So
then we cut to a club or the outside of
frat house. I don't know. I'm not sure. It's fucking
it's disgusting. Uh. We see Antonio and you know all
they did for We saw Antonio earlier, and the only
way that they made him like look bad was they

(53:19):
made him as simp, you know, because they made a vape.
That's the main bad guy has a cigar, you know.
So he's a manly and cool he's a real alpha
boomer and he smokes things like cigars, you know. But
by Antonio is some beta cuck who vapes while selling
his bitcoin on Facebook. Anyway, they forgot to make him

(53:39):
a bad guy, so they quickly just show him hitting
women and yelling at women. This guy is as dead
as can be.

Speaker 3 (53:45):
Dude, if I worked out this is my role, you'd
have real fun with this guy. This guy is just
a much better looking in shape Caleb. It's kind of.

Speaker 1 (54:02):
You're better looking than this have large nose.

Speaker 3 (54:04):
That's not true. We both have large noses, that's it.
We both have large that's.

Speaker 2 (54:13):
Similarity.

Speaker 1 (54:14):
I think you could I think you could pull this.
I would love to see you in this role.

Speaker 3 (54:19):
Kay, I can't and no one would take me seriously
in it. But we both have large noses and that
makes us similar and I get it. U.

Speaker 1 (54:32):
So Kevin James walks up grabs Antonio by the neck.
This is what we call a bad move. Why well,
because if somebody has a gun, they could just point
it out and shoot you in the head. But Antonio
can't do that because the safety's on, and instead of
turning it off, he just yells safeties on and then
Kevin James disarms him. Other goons join in start fighting

(54:54):
Kevin James, and while this is happening, Antonio takes the
time to call all his uncle and tell him how
he's a changed man. This the fight is the fight
just started, and then he immediately calls his uncle. Do
you remember this part?

Speaker 2 (55:10):
I actually don't.

Speaker 3 (55:11):
I don't remember most of this movie.

Speaker 1 (55:14):
I want to show the scene where he starts talking
and we talk about like bad phone acting. I hate
it in a movie where you're like, there's nobody on
the other end of that phone, like the dialogue is
the dialogue isn't even written.

Speaker 3 (55:27):
It's like you're talking on the supervisor just saying it
to them off screen.

Speaker 1 (55:32):
Like just reading their lines. So here's here's what in
the middle of a fight Antonio does when a man
who walked in and started choking him out.

Speaker 3 (55:39):
Does go on, I don't I have the luckiest man
lives to get that good the bald would he just
like to light me up?

Speaker 2 (55:46):
Me?

Speaker 4 (55:47):
Hey, I wasted so much time.

Speaker 3 (55:53):
When I could have from you uncle on this night
I could the ideal I'm a changed man. I want
to be a version of me.

Speaker 1 (56:04):
Doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 3 (56:06):
I'm gonna chease men.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
He do.

Speaker 3 (56:10):
It, man, cheese me.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
And I'm cool.

Speaker 3 (56:12):
See I can nail this part. They didn't call me.

Speaker 1 (56:15):
You would have done such a better job. I hated
that part.

Speaker 3 (56:17):
And then this guy gets blasted right in the head
and Kevin James somehow thinks he's gonna walk away from this.
I just the stupidity from this guy is like wild,
Like what did you think was going to happen? Man?
You went home and was like what's for dinner? Like
this dude doesn't understand that. It's like you're dealing with criminals,
my guy.

Speaker 1 (56:37):
Well, they it's the code though, don't cold.

Speaker 2 (56:42):
They don't.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
It also doesn't make any sense that he comes in,
starts to choking, Antonio fights a few people and then
decides to leave.

Speaker 3 (56:49):
Why and this is the kmart john wickfart like fight, Yeah,
like it is right, that is john wickfart.

Speaker 1 (56:58):
It is a cart wait for it?

Speaker 3 (57:01):
How can we get some screens on in the background.
And then Kevin will heave over after like a few
punches and he has ripped.

Speaker 2 (57:11):
He totally ripped his bicep like rehearsing for that, dude.

Speaker 3 (57:15):
I also think this actor played kaream Up Jewel Javar
in the in the I do I think this is
the real I think he did play in the the
Showtime series. No, the HBO series about the La Lakers Showtime,
That's what it was called.

Speaker 1 (57:30):
I think cream Up.

Speaker 3 (57:32):
I think that's the same.

Speaker 10 (57:33):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (57:33):
I've actually kind of liked him. I barely see him.

Speaker 3 (57:37):
Yeah, I thought he was one of the better actors
in this film.

Speaker 1 (57:41):
So, as Kevin James is leaving the Giant Goon, this
really tall man points a gun in Kream of Jewel Jabbar,
Kevin James grabs his wrists and Antonio gets shot in
the head. Oopsie doodles, Antonio is dead now even though
that was kind of the plan all along. Also, it
doesn't really make any sense to kill him because it's
the guy's nephew, is just gonna make him met. Also,

(58:02):
how come that guy isn't just gonna shoot Kevin James
in the back of the head right now because he
just killed Come on, guys, he could shoot Kevin James
and be like, hey, Kevin James killed Antonio and I
killed Kevin James. Yeah done.

Speaker 3 (58:15):
There's no way to any of them. It's just like whoops,
all right, see you like there.

Speaker 1 (58:19):
It was like, oh, it's like he accidentally knocked over somebody's.

Speaker 2 (58:23):
Drink, yeah, but murdered someone.

Speaker 3 (58:27):
But straight up murdered somebody. And it's like the guy's
a psychopath. You know, he's a psychopath. I just it's
like completely lack of awareness from Kevin James's character, you
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (58:37):
We got to take a quick commercial break me back
in a minute.

Speaker 4 (58:42):
So sorry to interrupt.

Speaker 1 (58:46):
Back, we're back back to the bad bad Guys hideout,
which used to be the good bad guy's hide out,
but that's a bad bad guys out. We found out
that Lonnie is pretty upset about Kevin James, killing his nephew.
Shocked Pikachi. The bad bad guys are talking about how
Lonnie is going to kill Kevin James and our sidekick
friend Danny hears about it, and then he takes off

(59:09):
to tell Kevin this is what I talk about. This
is the scene where he's The other bad bad guys
are out there and then he just like insults them
to their face and nothing happens.

Speaker 2 (59:17):
Yeah, nothing, just crickets.

Speaker 1 (59:20):
But he makes such interesting choices he does.

Speaker 3 (59:22):
I think he's a great actor. I think he's really good.

Speaker 1 (59:24):
I think he does a good job. I don't think
it's his fault that. I think it's the writing. It's
really bad.

Speaker 3 (59:29):
I mean, they got some good actors in.

Speaker 1 (59:32):
This, and they don't know how good well they're directed. Also,
I don't know. It seems that this reeks of something
that was shot really really fast. Yeah, you know, to
save as much money as possible. Now we get to
the scene that you see in all these I'm a
Secret assassin or a secret FBI agent or a secret
drug lord scene where they have to tell their loved

(59:54):
ones about this because the fights come into the protagonists home.
That's what happens here now in Nobody the movie Nobody
that this movie is trying to be. This is done
extremely well with Bob Odenkirk opening a secret panic room,
ushering his family in, and he kissed his wife goodbye,

(01:00:15):
and earlier in that movie they had a heart heart
to heart where he points out that they haven't kissed
in years. It's like it's it scenes. So it's the
writing equivalent of a scene of just like lighting a match,
watching it go down the fuse and then boom. And
you could see in this film those beats are there,

(01:00:37):
but they aren't.

Speaker 3 (01:00:38):
Hit man big. And that's such a good, such a
good reference because I think it just speaks to volumes
of the film. Bob Odenkirk had a heart attack shooting
Nobody Too. This is true. He had a heart attack
shooting Nobody Too. And he and he said in interviews
afterwards that he might not have survived that heart attack

(01:01:00):
if he hadn't done the training and the population for
the film that it took. And so he like was like,
I'm so grateful I did all the work in the
training to make sure that I could do the film
because it might have saved my life. Meanwhile, Kevin Biceps
in these fights.

Speaker 1 (01:01:17):
It is.

Speaker 3 (01:01:17):
You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying.
You know what I'm saying. It's a difference between the discipline.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (01:01:26):
Bob Odenkirk is a trillion times funnier than Kevin James
and a way better actor. And nobody is so awesome
at first, Nobody, It's so well done. Nobody too. I
had a fun time, but it's nobody goes on vacation too.
If you haven't seen it, it's a fake Wisconsin Dell's.

(01:01:48):
He even says like duck boats and like water parks,
and there's a shot like of four seconds of an
aerial shot of actual Wisconsin El's. But the rest of it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:59):
Is bacon noses duckboats.

Speaker 2 (01:02:01):
I was gonna say, bacon noses Dell's.

Speaker 1 (01:02:04):
I know my Dells, I know my duckboats. They don't
have real duck boats in the movie. It's just a joke.
I was very disappointed. I was so excited. I'm like,
how did they get duck boats to wherever they are?
And they didn't. Very man.

Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
Devastating.

Speaker 1 (01:02:17):
Yeah, I had a sad day about that. I had
a good cry that night. I had a good cry anyway,
and guns up. In this movie, it is lame the
family hides in a closet and Kevin James turns off
the main circuit breaker. Darkness is somehow always advantaged Kevin James.

(01:02:38):
Kevin james police training apparently gave him the ability to
see in the.

Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
Dark night vision.

Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
Yeah, it's also stupid because we find out later that
Casper girl is more of a badass hit man and
she hides in the closet during this scene for unknown reasons.

Speaker 3 (01:02:56):
It really this is the part that pisses me off.
Why is she withholding the information from him?

Speaker 1 (01:03:01):
For the twist?

Speaker 3 (01:03:03):
I understand, I understand that there's a twist.

Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
Right, I don't think you get it from the point
of view of like, this is clearly a couple that's
on the same page. They're like honest with each other.
Why would she be keeping that And you're right, it
doesn't make sense in the world.

Speaker 3 (01:03:21):
Right, But just for reasons, I don't understand why she's
keeping that secret. Yeah, for all the reasons you mentioned,
I don't understand it.

Speaker 1 (01:03:28):
So now we get into the what's supposed to be
the big boom, right, the big action are finally We're
supposed to get our big action sequence to start stuff off,
so much like a sperm whale, Kevin James disposes of
the bad guys using his Kevin James sona. During this
fight sequence, we see that Kevin James has no special
fighting abilities and he's just depending on the bad bad

(01:03:51):
guys to completely standstill. Well, he just knifes them all.
At one point, Kevin James is one foot away from
another bad guy and he just starts throwing knives at
him from a butcher block until he goes through the
whole butcher's block set of knives and then he realizes
on the last knife that he could just stab him
in the leg.

Speaker 3 (01:04:11):
It is so dumb, dude, Oh my god. And John
wick can find John Wicky assembols a gun, that's the difference.
He symbols a gun from spare parts in a museum
about guns and shoots people. Then this guy's like what
do I do with these knives? Like what are we doing?

(01:04:31):
What are we doing?

Speaker 1 (01:04:33):
He's supposed to be this badass hit man and he
doesn't know how to stab somebody with a knife from
one foot away.

Speaker 3 (01:04:38):
And again, I just don't understand why. Christina Ricci isn't
like my family. I'm going into this killer mode sooner, like,
fuck my husband. He doesn't know what doing he's a moron,
So I'm going to kick in a gear. And I
just again like, don't understand why that hasn't been I
don't know hasn't been discussed. I don't understand.

Speaker 1 (01:04:57):
I'm now showing can you see this how close he is?
And then yeah, and nice.

Speaker 2 (01:05:00):
Stuff is honestly reminiscent of the room, like them throwing the.

Speaker 1 (01:05:05):
Football problem the same distance.

Speaker 2 (01:05:11):
Like I'm chopet. I'm just throwing knives into a body.

Speaker 1 (01:05:15):
Oh so stupid. Anyway, I just wrote down Kevin James,
John Wicks everyone, and then they leave. The family goes
to their new diner to hang out.

Speaker 2 (01:05:26):
They're hungry.

Speaker 1 (01:05:27):
Yeah yeah, and they go and then they have you know,
some some conversations or whatever. Let's see here. The first
thing Kevin, what's the first thing Kevin James does when
they walk in eat food? He turns off the circuit breaker.
Oh sperm whale sonar engaged on Kevin James.

Speaker 3 (01:05:47):
Dude, moron. He gets really caught like he doesn't know
what he's doing there.

Speaker 1 (01:05:53):
It is no we're safe, the lights are off. You
don't understand anyway. This is the part where they have
a bunch of empty conversations to try to give the
movie some sort of weight. Kevin James comes clean to
his lion expert son and his eighteen year old daughter
that's currently in a freaky Friday situation with a thirty
year old teacher. Everyone's instantly cool with their father, who

(01:06:15):
they thought was a police officer their whole lives. They're
instantly cool a being like, oh, you kill people for
a living, all right, This officer's a code. Code's all
you need? Dad, Like, I.

Speaker 3 (01:06:25):
Also don't understand what kind of police officer was he,
because he's never he's not in uniform.

Speaker 2 (01:06:32):
Jersey. Yeah, he's a Jersey officer.

Speaker 3 (01:06:38):
Hey, I forgot the Jersey officer's uniform is just a
black jacket.

Speaker 1 (01:06:45):
And a cigarette and.

Speaker 3 (01:06:47):
Fucking jeans that are ten years old don't fit much anymore.

Speaker 1 (01:06:52):
And they issue you a gun, a badge, and a
phone with a photoshopped picture of your family on it.

Speaker 2 (01:07:00):
Don't forget the Canol's in the glove depot loc apartment.

Speaker 1 (01:07:11):
Oh no, you guys, the bad guys are already here,
but they're in a world. They're in for a world
of hurt because they don't know that they're going against
going up against Paul bat mall coop.

Speaker 2 (01:07:24):
He instantly wait, we can't, we can't shoot. It's dark
in here.

Speaker 8 (01:07:29):
I can't see it pants he's a ghost. Bosh, we
don't know where he is. He moves so slow it's fast.

Speaker 1 (01:07:41):
Oh my, oh my god. Anyway, he easily disposes of
all the bad bad guys using the sonar. I assume
that it is kept in his belly. Dude. Anyway, right
when you think he's home free, the tall henchman walks
in and not him.

Speaker 3 (01:08:00):
Out well, And another really frustrating element is like the
irishman is like, go save your family. I've got them.
I'll sacrifice myself. You saved me at the top of
the film in a really sequential order that makes no sense,
but I appreciate you, So you go save your family.
He's like, I got it. And then he turns around

(01:08:20):
and fucks them like the family over it gets caught,
and then I'm like, what happened to the Irish guy?
Where did he go? Did he save the family and
what did he do? I don't understand. It's a self
sacrificial moment that ultimately gets undercut by James being like, shit,
shouldn't it turned right here? Like, it's just.

Speaker 1 (01:08:40):
It's it was in there because it was supposed to
be in there again, there was like a placeholder for
something to happen there, and he just didn't have the
time to write it because the writers strike was going.

Speaker 3 (01:08:49):
Well, we don't see the Irish guy for the rest
of the film.

Speaker 1 (01:08:51):
Practically he comes back and right, not too long.

Speaker 2 (01:08:56):
Also he goes back.

Speaker 1 (01:09:00):
Yeah, definitely.

Speaker 2 (01:09:00):
Yeah, why are the streets of Jersey so empty?

Speaker 1 (01:09:06):
COVID It's happening right now.

Speaker 3 (01:09:15):
Right now?

Speaker 1 (01:09:20):
Oh yeah, by Joey's that met life. Everything's wiped out,
everything's close, nobody's here, tumbleweed of cigarette packets.

Speaker 2 (01:09:30):
No, but every time like those like the goons were
like shooting in the street, just like completely empty, not
a car in sight.

Speaker 3 (01:09:38):
Well, it's because they'll pick the good diner location, right, yeah, No,
you're gonna love this place, every graphic area.

Speaker 1 (01:09:49):
Yeah, you know what. And it's also tell you this,
I've driven by this dinner probably every day of my
life and I've never even knew it was there. It's
kind of in like a blind spot. It's great, great.

Speaker 3 (01:10:00):
Great location, great vacation.

Speaker 1 (01:10:04):
Oh man. Anyway, Kevin James and Casper Girl wake up
after being knocked out and they're handcuffed talking to Louise Guzban.
It's clear that Louise is on their side, you know,
it's very clear. He's making it very clear, and he
tries to help them by slipping them a key and
a carton of cigarettes. It's very obvious, but they're both
too dumb to put it together.

Speaker 3 (01:10:25):
Well. Kevin definitely.

Speaker 1 (01:10:30):
Eventually, eventually. Meanwhile, Lonnie is in another room monologuing in
front of Kevin James's kids. And here's that lion metaphor.
I have it.

Speaker 10 (01:10:44):
It's Antonio when he was your age, I took him
to the Serengeti and it was there I realized a
real lion doesn't row. A real lion just knows when
the bite.

Speaker 2 (01:11:06):
What the fuck does that mean?

Speaker 3 (01:11:08):
It doesn't mean anything, because real lions do roar. That's
their whole fucking thing.

Speaker 2 (01:11:15):
We love doing it.

Speaker 1 (01:11:15):
They love doing it.

Speaker 3 (01:11:17):
They love doing the love pissing and roaring.

Speaker 1 (01:11:21):
It is the lion pissing and run.

Speaker 3 (01:11:24):
Literally their job, sleeping, sleeping, just chasing the perimeter, making
sure nobody's getting in their territory. They piss along the way,
they find someone, they're like, hey, don't come here, and
then they go back to sleep.

Speaker 1 (01:11:40):
They like to sing about how they're going to be
king one day.

Speaker 3 (01:11:42):
Totally right. A lot is all about roaring. That is
all they got.

Speaker 1 (01:11:48):
They're just like, how we need to have lion in here,
you know again, and I'll fix it later, you know,
just not during the writer strike.

Speaker 2 (01:11:58):
Should I forgot to this editor the.

Speaker 3 (01:12:03):
This is such a good line.

Speaker 1 (01:12:04):
It sucks.

Speaker 3 (01:12:05):
I can't write it during the writers strike. I'm gonna
do it anyway, because it's brilliant.

Speaker 1 (01:12:12):
You know. It's really hard. Every time I go to
the grocery store, I don't know what I need. I
haven't written a single thing this whole writers strike, and
all of a sudden, I touch up my film a
little bit and it's a big deal.

Speaker 3 (01:12:24):
Come on, Yeah, oh man, I gotta get to Riccie.
Let's get to the Ricci.

Speaker 1 (01:12:34):
Yeah. After he's done intimidating children, Lonnie Mcwhen I visits
the Handcuffed Casper Girl and Kevin James, after a little
back and forth, it's revealed that Casper Girl is the
butcher's kid that took his eye? Kevin James is Pikachu
face again?

Speaker 3 (01:12:52):
What so from a mile away, a little mile away,
I spotted this.

Speaker 1 (01:12:58):
I could tell you he wasn't a detective. I'll tell
you that's what kind of cop. Kevin James wasn't.

Speaker 3 (01:13:03):
Not a coff any mark.

Speaker 2 (01:13:04):
Well. Also, when Christina Ricci finds out that Michael died,
there there's the most pathetic like, oh really they killed Michael? Wow?

Speaker 1 (01:13:22):
Wow?

Speaker 2 (01:13:24):
Well, anyway, the diner.

Speaker 1 (01:13:27):
Sorry, I can't focus on anything but our new diner.

Speaker 2 (01:13:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:13:31):
I like Christina Ricci, but I oftentimes play the game
of like, is she gonna be good in this? Ricci
like game, Like I really like her in some performances,
and then sometimes I really don't like her. I love
her in Yellow Jackets, I love her as Wednesday Adams.
I think she's incredible as that, Like I liked her
in Black Snake Moan like, but I just there as

(01:13:54):
sometimes where I watch and I'm like, I don't think
I like her in this.

Speaker 1 (01:13:57):
Well, it's hard with this scripts this one.

Speaker 3 (01:14:01):
I think everybody's gotta work a little harder with this one.

Speaker 1 (01:14:04):
During this time, Casper Girl finally takes the Louise guzban
size hint and opens up the cigarette carton to discover
the key to the handcuffs. She uncoffs her uncuffs herself
like right in front of everybody. Louise Guzman is in
the back unscrewing a cane that he reveals as a dagger,

(01:14:24):
and then he goes to stab Lonnie in the back.
Lonnie's got his back to him, to him, and he
has the drop and he somehow can't do it. He
gets knocked out of the way, he misses, then he
whips out his gun shoots somehow misses from feet away.
Once again, what he had a gun?

Speaker 3 (01:14:42):
What was the point, right, you had a gun?

Speaker 2 (01:14:46):
You need the dagger.

Speaker 3 (01:14:50):
The movie's called Guns Up. Why did you go dagger up?

Speaker 1 (01:14:53):
Dagger first? Dagger knife?

Speaker 3 (01:14:55):
When they go dagger, we go guns.

Speaker 1 (01:14:58):
Yes, that's what they do say. They say that.

Speaker 2 (01:15:00):
This show we go.

Speaker 1 (01:15:08):
Okay, now it's an all out war on both sides.
So now this is the real heightening moment. It's just
gunfight stuff. It is so boring. Please, guns are up,
Guns up, Guns are up. Guns are up now, and
you know it's the name of it, and it's so boring.
There is one just one okay scene, and I think

(01:15:28):
it's just because Kevin James has a ripped bicep, But
it's where they go to leave a room, and it's,
you know, right after it's revealed that Casper girl is
a badass, and then she just goes out and instantly
kills a whole room of men by herself.

Speaker 3 (01:15:45):
This is why I say when I say, like, this
is her movie, and so now it's her movie. Now
it's her movie. She takes over entirely, she does the
actual action sequences, and he just stands here and like
occasionally shoots a guy like could help, could help, could help?

Speaker 2 (01:16:00):
He stands there is like like like hands in the pockets,
like shrun.

Speaker 3 (01:16:07):
What women shouldn't be able to do this? This doesn't
make any sense, like could help, could help? Could help?

Speaker 1 (01:16:18):
Could help? Wow? And she's an amazing cookto and she
buys us grocery thread from the grocery store. That's so good,
Like I.

Speaker 3 (01:16:32):
Like, truly, she takes over and this is her film
and she's like I got this, You're fine. Just just
just stay out of the way, just don't fuck with me.

Speaker 1 (01:16:40):
That happens. Now we have to have a scene where
the kids are in another room and the daughter has
to shoot a henchman and kill him. And after she
shoots and kills him, immediately Christina Ricci and the dad
come in and Kevin James come in and she's like,
I don't feel anything. Is that okay? You know?

Speaker 3 (01:17:03):
Thirty We're we're all numb, sweetie. Oh no, after thirty,
it's all it's all numb.

Speaker 1 (01:17:13):
It's just it's such a weird moment to like try
to shoehorn into this movie. Yeah, you know, like up,
they're all killers. This whole family is just a bunch
of killers. It looks like murdering runs in the family.

Speaker 3 (01:17:29):
Meanwhile, the child is locked in us safe.

Speaker 1 (01:17:31):
That's how you build character. I wonder why they're all murderers.
Were they all locked in a safe and left alone?
At one point? There's also cool scene where Louis Guzman
is using different guns and then at one point just
pulls out a rocket launcher. You guys remember that?

Speaker 3 (01:17:43):
Yeah, like this is it really does? Oh yeah, in
the end, it really does pick up a little bit
in ter action sequences, but it's only because Ricci actually
steps up in this.

Speaker 1 (01:17:54):
Right and it's kind of a waste the whole time
being like, why is Kevin James even the star of
this They should have switched it.

Speaker 3 (01:18:01):
He's not interesting, he's not a good actor, and he's
not good at action. Season. The least I thought I
was gonna get with this film is like half decent
action sequences. But all the half decent ac action sequences
Riachi does.

Speaker 1 (01:18:14):
Now we're going to get to my favorite scene.

Speaker 2 (01:18:20):
Yeah, somehow, folks, it's still not over.

Speaker 1 (01:18:22):
Nope, Casper Girl, which is there's all this fighting that
goes on, and it ends up where Casper Girl is
in the middle of the road with a butcher's knife.
Uh oh, butcher's knife. Oh oh.

Speaker 3 (01:18:36):
Yeah, I had history with butcher's knives.

Speaker 1 (01:18:39):
It's his kryptonite, they say. Lonnie one Eye is in
a car about twenty feet from Casper Girl and he
slams on the gas and the car barrels towards her.
She side steps the car like a bullfighter and cuts
Lonnie's neck just a little. And apparently that was the
dry being part of his neck because it causes him

(01:19:02):
to wreck the car.

Speaker 2 (01:19:04):
Well, that's that's what he's using. He has no depth percession,
so he needs his neck.

Speaker 1 (01:19:13):
Help you, like he's like a chicken.

Speaker 3 (01:19:15):
How did he pass the driver's license test?

Speaker 1 (01:19:20):
And I don't know how it's it happens in a
blurry background. But I slowed it down and the car
they make a sound effect. Let the car hit something,
and then it flips for no reason. But then when
the shot pulls out, you see that there's nothing there
for it to hit. It doesn't make any sense. She
cuts his neck, he just flips the car, and a
storm rolls in. Casper Girl walks up to the car.

(01:19:43):
Lonnie says, you have your mother's eyes and your father's
and then boom, Casper Girl butcher's knife to the face, lightning.
And then right at this moment, I was hoping that
Lonnie would turn into a ghost and she would fall
in love with him. Oh man, we're going to watch
it together. I just want to show you do it.
If you remember how nonsensical this says. Are she standing

(01:20:06):
in the middle of the road. He is not far away.

Speaker 3 (01:20:09):
In like an eighty eight though you know what I'm saying,
what are we driving?

Speaker 1 (01:20:13):
Zero to sixty and four blocks sidestep, cuts his neck,
hits nothing, flips over dramatic pullback. Of course, and she
slowly stands up. I mean, you could get into the
just the physics of it, because I.

Speaker 3 (01:20:33):
Don't know how she because it just zooms. It's just
a quick cut to just you see his neck get cut. Right,
But like how she he's in a car.

Speaker 1 (01:20:44):
How can you as a car is driving by, you
take a butcher's knife, swing in through the window and
be able to pull your hand out in time, right,
just slicing his neck just a little bit enough.

Speaker 3 (01:20:56):
And then of course you don't have the budget, so
we can't see the car flip in.

Speaker 1 (01:21:01):
Focus, right, but you see, so here I'll slowing it
down and you can see it doesn't hit anything. There's
nothing there.

Speaker 2 (01:21:10):
But it does make a noise like it hits something.

Speaker 1 (01:21:13):
Yes, it makes a crash sound, because that's cheap. And
then get a nic nick you know. So yeah, and
now the car they already have. That car has already
been in the shot the whole time, you know, like
the real cars back there already sitting there. They just
cgi the car and but if you pull back you
could see there's nothing for that car to hit.

Speaker 3 (01:21:32):
Yeah, they you're exactly correct. This is the shot, like
this is what they shot. And then They basically just
pulled out and CEGI the car flipping. Ye, but they
didn't have the budget to be able to actually flip
a car, so they had to pre.

Speaker 1 (01:21:50):
Like flip this up. Yeah, And they show this shot
in the trailer.

Speaker 3 (01:21:55):
It is the best shot in the film.

Speaker 2 (01:21:57):
Right, It's not.

Speaker 3 (01:21:59):
A great shot, but it is the best shot in
the film.

Speaker 1 (01:22:01):
The kids come out, everyone talks for a bit, the
fucking car explodes behind them, and uh, then we see
a title card. Oh my god, thank god, a title card.
Three months and a lot of therapy later, only three
months of therapy? Are you serious?

Speaker 3 (01:22:16):
Lot of therapy?

Speaker 1 (01:22:17):
Speed run? So, guys, guess what the family has fixed.

Speaker 2 (01:22:22):
Up the diner, diner's purpose and they're uh, you know,
logging into their adyt app.

Speaker 1 (01:22:31):
There it is. We get a shot of her locking
into an adt app. So much product placement, insane, insane, blatant. Now,
I think I speak for everybody. Would have loved to
see them serving a crowded diner with characters from earlier
in the film, you know, would have been really fun,
have a great button, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:22:48):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (01:22:49):
Instead, they open up and the first customer walks in
and we barely see for like a half a second
that he had. He has three tattoos, one of which
is two butcher's knives ross and you could barely see
the gun in his hip When this happened. I had
to go back to see how this movie ended, Like,
who who came in? Who's coming in to kill them?

(01:23:09):
Is this somebody we know?

Speaker 2 (01:23:11):
Another mobster?

Speaker 1 (01:23:14):
Is that it?

Speaker 2 (01:23:16):
It's not it's unclear.

Speaker 3 (01:23:17):
Guns up too?

Speaker 2 (01:23:19):
Oh no, you're going up though, Hey, now that he
sloaded down. The child is holding ketchup.

Speaker 3 (01:23:27):
Ye, yes, okay, daughters holding up, daughters holding up bot
of coffee yes. And the Irish guy has a wrench.

Speaker 2 (01:23:36):
Honestly, I like that.

Speaker 3 (01:23:38):
What is the gusman holding?

Speaker 1 (01:23:40):
Oh his cane his cane dag.

Speaker 3 (01:23:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:23:46):
Well, Kevin James and Christina Ricci have guns, so I
think they're fine. And this kid is obviously holding a
ketchup bottle that's filled with water because you could see
the water.

Speaker 3 (01:23:55):
You can see the water wars. Oh my god, that's
so funny.

Speaker 2 (01:24:01):
I mean, the movie needed a button, so I'm kind
of fine with it. It was a little it's a
little chaotic, like they needed to sit in like the
person coming in more.

Speaker 3 (01:24:15):
Maybe well, I need to understand who the person was, right,
I don't understand what's going on here? Is it like
just somebody comes in, Like I think to your point baking,
like why are there the two butchers? Like what is
going on here? Like I get so that that there's
still this ominous press, like they're still a family of
killers essentially, So there's this threat. And obviously with like

(01:24:36):
things like John Wick, it's like when you kind of
open that Pandora's box, you don't know who you're gonna get.
But it's like, what, why.

Speaker 1 (01:24:44):
Who is this person? It's not a long enough shot.
I have a feeling that they had a different scene
and they just like ran out of time or ran
out of and they're like, we just got to film this.
There's an end. Haha. Did not enjoy it? Did not
enjoy it. That's the the whole synopsis I have written out.
We have to take a quick break. We'll be right back.

(01:25:06):
We have to do our rankings.

Speaker 4 (01:25:09):
I'm so sorry to interrupt.

Speaker 1 (01:25:13):
Before we get to the rankings and our last final
thoughts about the film. I forgot when I was doing
some research on Kevin James that Kevin James was in
a meme from like two thousand and seven that I
think a lot of people have forgotten about and I
don't know if we covered it on the show, and
I've just forgotten about it. But I'm gonna play this.

(01:25:36):
This is from when Kevin James was promoting I now
pronounce you, Chuck and Larry in two thousand and seven.
And this is when you go to do the NASCAR
thing and you do, gentlemen, start your engines. I remember this,
so listen to this.

Speaker 6 (01:25:50):
I just got three things to say, God bless our troops,
God bless America, and gentlemen stop.

Speaker 1 (01:26:09):
Now imagine that's Kevin James screaming that with a Chuck
and Larry hat on ear lease like the release date.
Oh boy, do you guys remember that.

Speaker 2 (01:26:20):
I don't remember that meme. I just think about him
his little like King of Queen's like shrug like.

Speaker 1 (01:26:27):
Oh that's a great It's such hid me. I did
find one variation of this meme that I really enjoyed.
So here you go.

Speaker 6 (01:26:36):
I just got three things to say, God bless rue,
God bless America.

Speaker 1 (01:27:03):
There you go.

Speaker 3 (01:27:04):
That's the hardest Kevin's ever been.

Speaker 1 (01:27:08):
That was pretty awesome. I enjoyed that name.

Speaker 3 (01:27:10):
Yeah, that's pretty dope.

Speaker 2 (01:27:11):
I feel like we covered everything. I do not have
more notes. I don't even know how to rank this
because it and honestly doesn't really feel like a Kevin
James film, like he is there in most of the.

Speaker 1 (01:27:25):
Scenes, but just almost like he's a ghost. Yeah, like Casper.

Speaker 3 (01:27:32):
Yes, Christina, Yeah, I don't have a Kevin James list.

Speaker 1 (01:27:37):
You two do, Yeah, And I don't know where I'm
going to put this one. Marie, do you have your list?

Speaker 2 (01:27:45):
So I'm trying to find it now.

Speaker 1 (01:27:47):
This will be the time I point out that I
am currently working on Adam Kevin James movie rankings YouTube
video where I'm going to do a brief talk about
each one of the movies, put him in the rankings,
you know, talk about our podcast, you know, talk about Barnard,
all the Monster House, all the fun that we had

(01:28:08):
watching those. But this is I find this really difficult.

Speaker 3 (01:28:12):
And you both have said before that Barnard is worth
a watch because it's nuts.

Speaker 2 (01:28:20):
It's so insane.

Speaker 1 (01:28:23):
You take a few edibles, start watching it, and then
at one point you.

Speaker 3 (01:28:29):
Could have stopped to take a few edibles.

Speaker 1 (01:28:32):
Take a few edibles, watch Barnard done, you have a
great night. It takes itself so seriously. At one point,
don't back Down is Sam Elliott singing, don't back down
as a cow yes the Tom Petty song. As a
fight's going on and he dies, and otis Kevin James

(01:28:53):
cow uh watches his dad die in front of him.
Also later in the movie, Kevin James is in love
with a pregnant cow whose father's dead or out of
the picture, we don't know. She gives birth and a
donkey sings like a reggae song.

Speaker 3 (01:29:11):
It's it, this is this is this is a mad lib.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 (01:29:17):
I think maybe the hardest I've ever laughed with Bacon
was us watching Barnyard together, Like there were tears streaming
down our face, and like we laugh hard a lot,
but like Barnyard was another Like I think it made

(01:29:39):
us high, like we had like a little bit of week,
but then we got more high watching the film.

Speaker 3 (01:29:44):
You know what I'm gonna propose, because we've each come
in in like different ways, right, like we we've gotten
to this point. But it was like YouTube first, then
it was like then Marie went to China, China while
and then Marie came Baggers the three of us, and
then Bacon went to Boston right and right, and then

(01:30:06):
we're all back again.

Speaker 1 (01:30:07):
So it's like we've had all the combinations. So it's great.

Speaker 3 (01:30:10):
So I propose that we have a retro where it's like,
because I would love Marie to watch Deuce Bigelo two
with us. Oh god, that was a wild ride. It's
still one of my favorite thing we ever did. Like
and I remember crying laughing at that one. And I
wonder if there's one combination of each where it's like

(01:30:31):
we all got to do that one together again.

Speaker 2 (01:30:33):
Yeah, we can't do it for album, but there should be,
like we should pick one, yes, one.

Speaker 1 (01:30:38):
I think out of all Kevin James movies, I think
Barnard is the one that we all watched together.

Speaker 3 (01:30:44):
I think we could each do one combination of Like
you weren't here for this, but I need your opinion
on it. I need to know what you think.

Speaker 2 (01:30:53):
Oh those are so good too, because like Barnyard was
a long time ago, and then it feels like just
Bigelow was like a long time ago for you guys too.

Speaker 3 (01:31:03):
I think it was too, I mean years ago.

Speaker 1 (01:31:08):
I just remember there was on a houseboat, lived in
the house boat.

Speaker 3 (01:31:12):
Yeah, yeah, there's a I could revisit that one because
I remember it not being it's all set in like
Italy or something like that, but it's very obviously Amsterdam, Amsterdam. Yeah,
it's very obviously not No, they did shoot it in Amsterdam,
but there are like that's not Amsterdam, that's not Amsterdam

(01:31:32):
at all.

Speaker 1 (01:31:34):
I'd be totally down for that. You guys we watched
Barnyard and Duce Bigelow two together because that, like, I
think those are Lynchpin movies.

Speaker 3 (01:31:40):
Where is there a film that you and I watched?
It was batshit crazy that we were like, bacon, you
go to watch this one.

Speaker 2 (01:31:46):
I'm trying to think.

Speaker 3 (01:31:47):
We go back through the list. We watched some garbage,
We watched some garbage, We watched really bad.

Speaker 1 (01:31:53):
A listener on Spotify did point out that we haven't
done Lost and Found with.

Speaker 3 (01:31:59):
Uh David stab Yeah, oh wow, oh yeah that was
on our list and we never got to it.

Speaker 2 (01:32:05):
Okay, Yeah, we need to more of.

Speaker 1 (01:32:07):
An Adam Sandler film school. Yeah, there's also this movie
does remind me of another stinker, Kevin James film True
Memoirs of an International Assassin Assassin Assassin, and I remember
hating that movie. It was so much more boring than
this one, even because it was toothless. So I'd say

(01:32:30):
guns Up is better than that. I say Guns Up
is better than Grilled. That's as boring as can be.
Is guns Up better than Home Team?

Speaker 2 (01:32:41):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (01:32:41):
I thought my rakings, you know I can and this
is hard. No, it's below Home Team, So there you go.
It's bottom three, bottom three movie for me. I'll go
from my least favorite to my favorite. So the worst film,
True Memoirs of an International Assassin, then Grilled, then Guns Up,

(01:33:03):
Home Team. Here comes the boom, grown Ups, Grown Ups two,
Zoo Keeper, I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry, Monster House,
Paul Blart, Mall Cop, Hitch Dilemma, Paul Blart, Mall Cop two,
Barnard Becky. That's my list, Marie, where are you putting

(01:33:25):
guns Up?

Speaker 2 (01:33:28):
That's a great question. I am going to above Grilled,
but it's also my bottom three. I think our bottom
three are the exact same.

Speaker 1 (01:33:39):
So what are your bottom three? From worst to at
least go to you go through your whole list. I'd
love to hear.

Speaker 2 (01:33:44):
I think I'm missing one though, okay, true memoirs. I'm
an international assassin. Grilled guns up. Oh wow, same bottom
grown ups two zoo Keeper Chuck and Larry grown up.
Here comes the boom all part cop Dilemma, pitch, I'll.

Speaker 3 (01:34:09):
In bartyard.

Speaker 1 (01:34:11):
All right, so you have Becky and Home Team.

Speaker 2 (01:34:14):
Missing and Home Team missing.

Speaker 1 (01:34:16):
Okay, those are from you know that would explain Those
were COVID times every time to open up a diner.

Speaker 3 (01:34:21):
Right, Yeah, those are the ones I've seen with you.

Speaker 2 (01:34:25):
I can't tell you a single thing about Home Team.
I cannot remember it at all.

Speaker 1 (01:34:29):
It's the one that's about Sean Payton, the head coach
of Yeah, now is the Broncos coach. That one's a
stinker and that one's propaganda. Maybe that one is worth no,
you know what, we have the same bottom three. I
bet you. I think you also liked Becky Murray.

Speaker 2 (01:34:47):
I did?

Speaker 8 (01:34:47):
I do?

Speaker 2 (01:34:48):
Remember?

Speaker 3 (01:34:49):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:34:50):
So yeah, just figure out what those are whatever. Anyway,
stay subscribed that we got. There's more movies coming out.
Thank you guys so much for listening again. Please leave
a review. You know, we'll try to like release something
like once a month, you know, not clog your feed.
We'll give you one big long one that sounds god
damn it.

Speaker 3 (01:35:09):
Whether it's an Adam Sandler and the George Clooney one,
John Kelly or whatever.

Speaker 1 (01:35:13):
Yes, about that. I cannot wait to watch.

Speaker 3 (01:35:18):
That.

Speaker 1 (01:35:19):
One's in a theater, right, that's gonna be a theater
one it.

Speaker 3 (01:35:22):
Is, but I think it's also getting released on Netflix.

Speaker 1 (01:35:25):
Oh all right, if it's a Netflix, we'll just watch
it at my place. If not, we go to the theaters. Man,
I'd love to go to the Alamo Draft House watch
this bad Boy together. Be so much fun.

Speaker 2 (01:35:36):
It'd be so fun.

Speaker 3 (01:35:38):
Yeah, okay, yeah, all right, we'll see.

Speaker 1 (01:35:41):
We'll see. But then there's a and then Kevin James
has a movie coming out next year where he wrote
a film where he goes on a vacation to Italy.

Speaker 2 (01:35:49):
I actually I've said this before. I am excited for
that one. Yeah, he's like jilted and he goes on
the honeymoon. Anyway, I like little rom com.

Speaker 1 (01:36:01):
Okay, right, I'm excited for all of this. Yeah, Jacob,
I'm loving that we're recording again, you guys.

Speaker 3 (01:36:07):
Jakey comes out in theaters Select theaters in November fourteenth
and Netflix December.

Speaker 1 (01:36:12):
Fifth, Select theaters. We'll see.

Speaker 3 (01:36:14):
You think it's going to be a music box? Can
it gives me a music box? It'll be limited release.
Netflix just wants to. They want to put it up
for consideration for the Oscar. So okay, it has to
get a release in theaters.

Speaker 1 (01:36:25):
December fifth, you said, is.

Speaker 3 (01:36:27):
When it's on Netflix. Otherwise November fourteenth, the limited release.

Speaker 1 (01:36:30):
All right, we'll keep an eye on those. We'll see.
I would like to maybe just watch it on Netflix
because then we could do the thirty minute at a
time thing, right. But I would also because like, how
many times have we been able to go to the theaters?

Speaker 2 (01:36:41):
Not a lot, not many times, not many times.

Speaker 1 (01:36:45):
And one time, one time I had to take my
mom and dad to go see Uncut Gems.

Speaker 2 (01:36:55):
Hated it.

Speaker 1 (01:36:57):
Yeah, oh man, I still feel bad about doing that too.

Speaker 2 (01:37:01):
Great movie though, fantastic film.

Speaker 1 (01:37:04):
Yeah, anybody anything, anybody has anything to plug, anything that
you want to say? Anything? Can we leave here?

Speaker 3 (01:37:11):
I will say, if you're in Chicago in October, my production,
my improp production company, High Stakes, is putting up Clued
In Where There's a Will, There's a Way, a ninety
minute fully improvised murder mystery and the style of Agatha
Christie at Second City will be in the up Theater
every Thursday and Sunday, Thursdays at seven and Sundays at four,
So if you're in Chicago area you want to check

(01:37:32):
it out. Tickets are online at Second City right now?

Speaker 1 (01:37:35):
Cool anything?

Speaker 2 (01:37:38):
Uh? No? I had a stand up show last week,
so I won't have another one for a month.

Speaker 1 (01:37:42):
Get a time machine. Do you know when your next one?
Next month is?

Speaker 2 (01:37:46):
Am not sure when it will be month, but I'll
let you guys know.

Speaker 1 (01:37:50):
I say, check out the Chicago Bacon channel on YouTube.
I'm making new videos. I have a new I as
Kitty Cat coming out cartoon that I've drawn that's going
to be out soon. Excited about that. And Kevin James
drinking Hell yeah, all right, so we're gonna say Kevin
James never start. Would we agree?

Speaker 2 (01:38:09):
Yeah, we'd agree, Kevin James never start.

Speaker 5 (01:38:17):
My first question for both of you guys is a
character in this film at one point asks are you
John Wick? Which I think is a perfectly valid comparison,
especially for audiences to make. How would you both say
that this is both similar yet different to those films?

Speaker 8 (01:38:32):
You know?

Speaker 11 (01:38:33):
I think that Yeah, there's like there there are similarities
to be found, in comparisons to be drawn. I do
think that this film is more comedic and a little
maybe warmer. At its core, it's about family and about

(01:38:53):
you know, two parents that are really trying to pull
pull their kids and themselves into a better life. And
I just think it's it's.

Speaker 2 (01:39:04):
Got a lot of heart.

Speaker 11 (01:39:07):
So yeah, I guess that's how I would say it's different.

Speaker 1 (01:39:10):
That's pretty much it. This is why she goes first,
because she takes everything from me and then I'm left
with nothing and I look a little ridiculous, and then
I have to say it was for my paycheck.

Speaker 3 (01:39:22):
I got to say it was just but she was.

Speaker 1 (01:39:24):
We definitely know it wasn't in this

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