Home Team (Kevin James)

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Adam standing there, please stop allthis. Actually, Kevin James never start
Home Team. Okay, it's okayfor me to go. I got a
couple more things. A copyright twentyJesus Christ, who is this for?
It's for me later. You needto know that you copyr wrote it,

(00:21):
trademark copyright produced by At this pointjust feels egotistical. Well it is whenever
you're ready. Okay, Okay,I'm ready to go. Okay, all
right, Pet Butter. It justfills the cracks of the heart. Safety

(00:54):
never takes a holiday. Welcome toKevin James, Never Start. A complete
retrospective of all Kevin James's movies past, present, and unfortunately future. I'm
Marie Maloney and with me as alwaysare my co hosts Caleb George and Robert
Bacon. This week, we arewatching the movie Home Team, released on

(01:15):
Netflix on January twenty eighth. Sothat was just a couple of days ago.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Andthis is a happy Madison movie and
it also stars our mortal enemy,Rob Schneider a prominent role. Caleb,
we have to decide if this isa Rob Schneider movie and put it on

(01:38):
our list of rankings. Oh,because he is pretty prominent throughout it.
I mean, I hate to sayit, but I feel like it might
be a Rob Schneider film. Ithink in my count Do you guys want
to say the plot synopsis? BecauseI'm not a sports scale, so I'll

(02:00):
read the PLoP synopsis right here offthe letterbox. The thing is, I
love seeing the tagline, Like afterI see the movie, do you guys
want to do you know what thistagline is? Could? You couldn't tell
you? It has a period?It has a period in it at the
end of it. Most do,yeah, most do. As someone who
writes honestly hundreds of taglines right nowfor school, they all have periods at

(02:24):
the end. Oh there it isall right. Yeah, I just didn't
know what you meant by that.If if you were expecting like an exclamation
point, because it's that good,like okay, well that is a hint.
It's definitely not a question, andit's not an exclamation. It would
be something that somebody, an oldperson says to you. I would assume
I was gonna say, it's somethinglike fruit for them the home team.

(02:47):
Oh, actually, that's a goodYou have been practicing. You haven't writing
these that's pretty good. I betit's even better than what we're actually gonna
hear. Yeah, it's a lifedoesn't have a playbook. Oh my god,
life doesn't have a playbook. Taglinefor also Silver Linings Playbook. Here's

(03:14):
the PLoP synopsis. Two years afterthe Super Bowl, when when the NFL
head coach Sean Payton is suspended,he goes back to his hometown and finds
himself reconnecting with his twelve year oldson by coaching his Pop Warner football team.
Period also barely reconnecting with his son. Yeah, but we'll get into

(03:35):
that. Let's just do you guysjust want to get into it? Or
are there do we have VEX aboutthis? Marie? I actually, you
know what, I actually did alittle research because I was truly like,
how and I this is going tobe a main sticking point for me the
entire discussion. But like, howaccurate is this fucking film? Like there's
no ways even close to accurate?Right, look us up? Because I
looked it up a little bit.I just wanted to call out some co

(03:59):
stars in this film. Okay,so this stars Kevin James, obviously RAPS
writer who we've said Gary Valentine whois Kevin's brother. Oh yeah, also
a comedian, the Old Spice Guy. Yes, Chloe Feineman who's on SNL.

(04:21):
And also this is someone we've seenbefore, but we've never actually like
talked about him that much. JaredSandler, Yes, who is Adam Sandler's
nephew. He always plays like atotal goober goof. He's the hotel clerk.
Yes, so Adam Sayler's nephew.His wife Jackie Schandler, and his

(04:44):
daughter the main love interest of achild, Wayne Love and Taylor Lautner.
Also of grown Ups fame. AndI also want to throw this out there,
it reeks of nepotism because the writeris the brother in law of Adam
Sandler as well. Wow wow,I mean this is a Sandler joint.

(05:08):
It has his fingerprints all over it. Yeah, I mean, and it's
a Happy Madison film. I meanwhat my first note is actually again,
just every time I see this happyMadison logo, like something happens inside of
me, Like yeah, like horriblegeneric rap music that's sort of play every

(05:29):
time that Yeah, every time thatterrific thing comes on. It's like that
moment in Jaws when Roy Schneider likerealizes that there's the shark out there and
the camera kind of pans in,and I feel like that happens to me
where I'm like, oh god,here it begins, Like, wasn't it
another episode of this podcast where wefound it? It was supposed to be

(05:51):
like Adam Sandler's dad's voice was something. I mean, we've been doing the
podcast for so long. It hurtmy rankings of ranking this film because I
can't remember the old films anymore andI'm kind of memory and before when we
were making the lists and we werewatching these movies so close together, I

(06:13):
was really like sure about my list, And now when you take that time,
it's it's really hard. So Idon't remember what we said. You
said you had some you had somefacts pulled up about the authenticity of this
movie. Is that when you saidBacon, Well, I just as soon
as it was happening, I'm like, how much of this is real and

(06:35):
how much of this doesn't? Isnot any part of it because none of
it felt real. All of itfelt like stuff from Hey, we already
had a kid's movie about football,and like we're going to attack on this.
Sean Payton thing. Uh, andthen but like not dive deep into
anything. Everything was so surface leveland everything was like not talked about.

(06:56):
We talked about that until we finishthe facts, but it was just as
it was happening. I had itopen on my phone even. Yeah,
and so one the team that hetook over did make it to the championship
game, and they did lose thechampionship game, and they did lose to
a team called the Porcupines, andtheir team is the Warriors. The difference
is they only lost one game thatyear and it was to the Porcupines.

(07:20):
They had won every other game beforethen. That's why they made the championship.
But yet all the kids names apparentlyare the same because they wanted to
honor the kids. That was abig thing, and I don't know,
just using the same name and butnot anything about them is right, right,
And there's so many things that areso absurd in this film that it's

(07:41):
like, I mean, my bigproblem with this film is that it's towing
such a line between like, amI really supposed to believe this is a
true story because it goes so insaneat moments that I'm like, this is
like true story or based on truestory, then Sean Payton's an asshole.
This was absolutely insane, all thethings that happened, And like, this

(08:01):
is seemingly feeling like it's so AdamSandler a fied that I don't believe it
as a story at all. Youcan kind of just sweep under the rug
any semblance of like me believing thisisn't actually inspired because it's so crazy at
moments where I'm like, what whatwhat? What? What? Really?

(08:22):
Yeah, So as I read throughit, Caleb, I found out basically
none of it's true. Basically thisis just the framework of like what I
said of like the team lost thechampionship game, and yes, Sean Payton
did get suspended from the NFL,and yes he did coach his kids team,
and yes they use dumb down versionsof the place that he uses with

(08:43):
the Saints. But besides that,nothing else is true. Like his wife
wasn't his ex wife wasn't. Theyweren't even fully divorced yet definitely wasn't seeing
somebody yet, Like the kids didn'tthrow up all over each other. Rob
Schneier's character didn't exist, like oh, his repeat character from Grown Ups?

(09:05):
Yes, yes, yes, isthat who you're referring to just grown ups
guy coming back talking about the movie. Any other facts that come up,
Let's just talk about the movie.Well, I have a quote from one
from the writer, who again oneof the writers is Adam Sandler's brother in
law, his wife, his wife'sbrother. Okay, and this is what

(09:26):
he said. He said in thesame interview to Tone said, while changes
were made to play up the team'slosing record for comedy, other elements were
true. I wanted all the namesto be real. To Tone said,
it was important to me because oncethe names are the same, we have
real life people to pull from whenwe're searching from character, which, by
the way, that that doesn't comethrough at all. But anyway, my
sister Jackie Sandler actually does dress likereal life Beth in the movie, which

(09:48):
I was like, I didn't thinkanything about her dress was unique that you
would draw attention to, Like,she just looks like a woman living in
the world exactly. So I waslike, Okay, doesn't seem hard,
but all right, Sean Payton isreally that funny kind of sounds like a
dig at Sean Payton's humor. Harlanwas and still is Connor's best friend.

(10:11):
That's probably the only true thing here. And lastly, the porcupines really were
twice the size of the warriors,and I'm like, literally probably could not
be true, Like, I don'tunderstand this idea. We wanted to keep
it real and then make three statementsthat are kind of like that doesn't justify
any anything you said about it itbeing real at all. Nope, No,

(10:31):
And nothing that you said I sawactually in the movie, right,
except for the fact that like thesepeople think that like just dressing like the
person in real life is their character. Yeah, but it also wasn't even
like Jackie Sandler, Like it wasn'tlike she was like a Texas woman with
like a huge font like goody jewelry. It wasn't like that at all.

(10:54):
It was just just looked like,oh, dressed like a woman like yeah,
and her carrying modern clothes. Right. Her character was just a bad
actor. And I have to say, it feels like making a comment,
fine, but it feels like JackieSandler just dressed as Jackie Sandler and then
you went, oh, look,they kind of look dress alike, right,
It's not like you matched her tomeet Beth Peyton. And I also

(11:18):
have to say, like, sadly, this is Jackie Sandler's best film yet
it actually because she is trying toact and isn't overacting. Yeah, I
actually agree with that assessment. It'snot it's still not good, but I
do agree with that assessment. It'sstill really bad. She should never be
a leading lady in any movie.He's not. She was a model model

(11:43):
Adam's movie. She's supposed to behot, that's it. She has to
be. What is she on thecall sheet in this movie? Like,
and also, why are we expectedto believe she would marry anyone who looks
like Robed Schneider? Right? Whyare we He's into both Kevin James's body

(12:03):
and Rob Schneider's body. It doesn'teither one of those. I don't think
there's a crossover between women who loveboth of those. And just like the
whole thing with Rob Schneider feels likebecause he's this vegan like weirdo who's just
like oddly commenting on how much hehates his vegan lifestyle while at also the

(12:24):
same time like exemplifying it, andit just feels like it's like, I,
for a second, there was like, did Sean Payton write this character,
Like, why the fuck would youwrite this character like this, because
it seems like it's just like anod to Middle America, being like can
you believe these vegans? Like thisis obnoxious, isn't it? And it's
so fucking weird and unnecessary to me. It would be better if they were

(12:46):
like making some sort of point withlike, first of all, like vegan
jokes. Everyone's heard vegan jokes,like, I get it. Sometimes they're
funny, Oh last twenty years,it's so old. It's like at this
point, if you're gonna do veganjokes, you have to do like something
different, something that other people haven'tsaid a billion times. Right, Yes,

(13:09):
we all know vegan food doesn't tasteas good as as normal food,
Like that's not the argument that vegansare trying to make, like vegan like
everyone knows it. Every it's it'sthe easier thing to do to not be
vegan. So what you're what areyou fucking saying? It tastes like ass?
Of course it tastes like ass.This makes me upset. Yeah,

(13:33):
it's just like it's not surprising.And also like someone saying they're vegan today,
you're just like, oh, right, transcendental meditation is a pretty commonly
accepted thing among society. It's notthat weird, and no one's clanging bells
and writing and like lighting candles likethat's it's such like, I don't know,

(13:54):
it's just so absurd. Also,if you're making fun and you're poking
fun with a sort of character,like, what are you trying to say,
because like Rob Schneider's character is doingno harm to anybody. Yeah,
he is being himself. He's likeone of the only characters in the movie
who is fear fearlessly being himself.Yea, as everybody else pretends to be

(14:18):
cool and awesome and meanwhile, SeanPayton is just a dildo. Yeah,
he's a really First of all,I'm not a big fan of Sean Payton
before now I'm really not a bigfan of Sean Payton. Yeah, it
makes him out to be kind ofsexist because like his assistant in the beginning
is again I don't understand why theymade the assistant in the beginning dumb.

(14:39):
Any assistant would know exactly who RogerGoodell is. If you don't, you
don't get that job, Like,I'm sorry you don't. If Roger Goodell
calls you know who the fuck RogerGoodell is, like, you know,
and so I was like, okay. Immediately we're already seeing he doesn't give
a shit about of his assistant andthat she's dumb, and later he doesn't

(15:00):
even know her name, which makesme go, you're a piece of shit,
who don't you don't even know youremployees and your assistants name. And
then that combined with this a strangerelationship that never really ever gets addressed,
like is he never around with hisson? Like does he never see his
kid? Yeah? I don't.I don't get that at all, And
like even like sorry, we're goingto bounce around a little bit. But

(15:22):
even at the end when the sunlike stands up to him and he's like,
the only reason you're here is becauseyou got suspended, Like nothing really
gets solved with that. Also,this is his chance, Like, so
let's just throw this out of theway. None of this is really real.
They just wanted to do an AdamSandler movie with kids in football,
and they lashed into the Sean Paytonthing. But at the same time,

(15:46):
like this is supposed to be likea Sean Payton story and it's his name's
all over it, and he's aclear endorsement. At the end, he
makes a cameo and that always feelslike an endorsement of the film, right,
Yeah, But so then this ishis moment, like there's all this
stuff about bounty Gate. So justso everybody knows, one Roger Goodell is

(16:06):
uh of the NFL. He's thewhat is he the president? No um
title? I think he is thepresident Commissioner's yeah, I think of the
name for some reason. Anyway,He's the NFL commissioner. And Sean Payton

(16:26):
is the coach of the New Orleanswas was the coach he just retired this
year of the New Orleans Saints.They won the Super Bowl. They got
in trouble for a thing called bountyGate, in which his defensive quarter coordinator
openly was paying players and targeting,hurting opposing team's quarterbacks and wide receivers and
other things. It's like a hugeblack eye to the NFL. This actually

(16:48):
happened, and this is the reasonwhy he is suspended. So and he
is it like he endorsed this orit just was like, well, he
found out about what we thought wemight get a little bit in this movie
because that's what everybody is like one, if you're an NFL head coach,
it doesn't matter if he didn't know. He's in charge of all these guys.

(17:11):
He is the main guy at thetop, and that his defensive coordinator
is like second or third in command. So that's so either he's either incompetence
or it's or it's gross like negligence. Yeah, yes, but it's or
he knew what was going on andopenly was involved in it and the other
guy took the fall. Yeah.Here, So that's huge. That's massive.

(17:34):
If you're going to talk about thatin this movie, which is barely
talked about, then why even haveit in there? Why as someone who
is not of sport um. Theway it is alluded to but isn't really
talked about is very confusing and getswe get a moment, sorry, don't

(17:57):
go ahead, get a moment wherehis kid asks him, yeah about it?
Hey, did you know about this? Did you do it? And
the and this is you guys,this was written down. They've had time
to think about this. This couldhave been a pr statement for him,
Yes, it could have been wordedperfectly, but instead it was worded very

(18:21):
vaguely He didn't answer the question,and he didn't answer him the second time
either. About it. I forgothis other one of like you wouldn't really
be here, none of it reallyfelt real, and what it told me
was holy shit, Sean Payton hastotally knew everything about Yeah, knew him.
The hunt question is if you didit, if you did it right,

(18:42):
then why are you appealing? Right, which is a valid question,
was a valid question. Yeah,if you didn't either, if you didn't
do anything wrong, then then Iget it. But like, if you
did it and you're owning up toit, then why are you appealing?
And his answer is because I can'tget away from football. That it's not
a valid answer answer. And again, they had time to This isn't like

(19:04):
we caught him in the moment orthey've had time to think about this.
This is a huge thing in themovie. This is like, I guess
I'm upset about it because the wholemovie is such garbage and it's so boring
and I hated it and it's unfunnyand it's tired. And then we got
to that moment and I kind ofI guess I was just kind of hoping

(19:25):
that maybe I would get some something, some sort of reasoning, some sort
of answer from this, and Ididn't. The other thing it's super frustrating
about it is like this is clearlyan attempt, at least slightly at like
NFL propaganda to humanize him. Andby the way, this isn't his only
scandal is apparently some other scandal withthe local in twenty twenty, some people

(19:48):
that are executive team of the NFLof the New Orleans Saints got caught up
in covering up a local diocese likesexual assault case. So and he's kind
of tied up in that as well, and so like this feels like a
little bit of like a propaganda machineto kind of humanize him in a way.
And so my problem with is youhave that scene that you could have

(20:11):
nailed. You could have stuck thelanding there, and I maybe I'm like,
Okay, then I'm finally on SeanPayton side, or at least I
understand a little bit of what happened. But instead that answer happens, and
then the rest of the film isjust utterly pulverizing children on a field,
like like we're supposed to forget aboutbounty Gate by watching children just get fucking
lit up on a football field.It's also just crazy because, like you

(20:37):
know, a lot of times,the beginning of these films are so meandering
and we're like, get to thepoint. Yeah, this film does get
to the point, like we getinto the thick of it quick, but
it's so lazy and so boring andso surface level. Yeah yeah, well,
I don't even it's funny that youbrought up the point of like all
the kids had to have the samenames as the real life kids because I

(21:00):
don't know anything about any of thesechildren. Yes, I don't know what
they're I don't know what they like, I don't know what they dislike.
I don't know their names. Theyhave no personality, and they had nothing
a part of that movie, ina kid's movie about this, it's all
about the character, absolutely the LittleGiants, yes might yes, is different

(21:22):
for the character in this one.I can't tell you a kid's name.
I can't tell you a kid becauseHarland does have one of the most endearing
moments and like, I'm sorry,being fat is not a personality, Like
that's just not like you was thelittle guy. Oh totally, I'm just
saying that, Like the fat kid. You can't just be like this kid

(21:47):
loves food. I'm like, that'sfirst of all kind of insulting and like
like we're past that now, Likecan we be past it's like fat kid,
loser kid? Right? Yeah,we're almost defined by their parents more
than they are by themselves. Right, Yes, And don't get mad at
fat kid for ordering a pizza duringpractice. Practice looked pretty Laci dating.

(22:10):
I'd be upset at Werewolf boy forbeing in charge of this whole situation.
Yeah, we didn't even talk abouthim. The other coach that just immediately
gets put out, put pushed backafter Sean Payton's apparently the offensive coordinator aka,
yeah, it's in charge of thewhole fucking team. Yeah. Yeah.

(22:32):
Can I say what? I forgotone fact that I looked up to
and I don't know why I didn'trealize this during the movie. Um,
this is based these his kid?Please it's a private you know, expensive
of course these are other expensive privatekid school kids going at it in Uh.

(22:52):
I think it's what's at sixth gradefootball school is what I read,
completely worthless. Nobody even cares aboutfootball until varsity high school. Maybe you
know? Yeah, why was ESPNcovering this. Nobody was Dan Patrick wasn't
talking about this shit. He's notgonna waste airtime like that, Are you
kidding me? It's so funny thatthey even pretend to like that. It's

(23:17):
so hilarious. I wanted more ofthat though. I wanted more of like
when he was getting grilled by likeESPN about his little league team losing games.
I wanted that to go harder andlike more just be like, what's
wrong with this moron? Can't evenget these kids to do stuff right?
And the fucking again, this justgoes to show that, like if this

(23:40):
is like Sean Payton propaganda, areyou fucking kidding me? The fragile ego
of a man who has to winhis middle school son's football team at any
cost, any cost, like atthe cost of the at the physical well
being of his own child. Heis like, I'm prepared to do it

(24:02):
against old spice. You bet it, you get it. Like I was
like this, No, this doesn'tpaint you in a good light. It
paints you like a really really shallow, fragile egoed Man, I don't this
is the best face that they putforward with Sean Payton. He's an asshole
at best, A psychopath, yeapycho. B I fucking I'm so glad

(24:27):
they lost. I'm so glad theylost. And Old Spice deserve to win
game. Yes, they didn't haveto serve the NFL head coach. That's
cheating. That is cheating. Oh, I guess I should win because my
dad just happens to coach uh anNFL team. Yeah, if you couldn't

(24:48):
win a middle school uh, youknow, high school or middle school championship,
I have no doubt you you endorsebounty gate fuck off? They you
needed it. I mean, yeah, he clearly did. I mean,
just such a first. Also,why do we have Gary Valentine playing a

(25:14):
pure alcoholicctioning alcohol these children and theyall know it and they make fun of
him for it, which like mademe feel sad because I'm like, that's
like a functioning alcoholic that they're allmocking. But like, is anyone getting
that? Dude? Help, what'sgoing on here? Can I tell you
guys that I think I missed thepart where they brought up that he was

(25:40):
an alcoholic. So Ruth told methis later, right, because we're talking
to She's like the alcoholic guy andI'm like the alcoholic guy. I'm like,
you mean the guy who's just anidiot. I just thought he was
dumb. I didn't know it's anAdam Sandler movie. There was a dumb

(26:00):
guy, which he has a linewhere he's like, I can't drive a
car anymore. Yeah, I thinkI did write that's why he rides the
bicycles because he has a d becausehe's had too many DUI. Yeah,
the bicycle. Can we talk abouthow there was no jokes about the bicycle
besides like that he couldn't ride it. Well, yeah, there's one.

(26:22):
There's one point where they say hesays like he stole it from his dead
neighbor. Yeah, but like that'snot even a joke. It's like that
that probably happened. He's an alcoholic. He probably killed his neighbor. Maybe,
yeah, accidentally. I think hewas blacked out. Probably, yeah,
probably he tries to steal that bikefrom what was that an Applebee's?

(26:45):
Where were they? Oh? Ohyeah they were at something. They were
at that that restaurant that he goesto. Yeah, it's like mcgillicutt,
Yeah, something like that. Reallysurprised it wasn't a chain because I mean
we also had a straight up juicyfruit ad. Yeah we didn't first five
minutes. I don't think you guysremember. And I'm sure that's like a
nod. Maybe he loves juicy fruitor something like it might be like a
little I don't know, it wasmuch of an Easter egg or like a

(27:07):
little tribute to the fans or something. I don't know if if it's full
frame on juicy fruit, I meanit's definitely. It's definitely product placement.
And there are several product placement moments, like when they paned the first time
he goes to his son's football practiceand they pan through all the trucks.
It's obviously to establish like where fuckingin Texas where there are trucks, but

(27:29):
also they were Fords, Like youknow, it's just like product placement like
that. Well, it wouldn't bea Happy Madison movie unless they made some
money on the side, right,I mean, he's already keeping all the
money in the family. He's whoshould be the leading woman? My wife,
you should be the love interest ofa kid? My daughter? My
daughter? Who should be the hotelguy? My cousin, Yeah, there's

(27:52):
my other daughter is a boom op. So yeah, she's get to my
brother in laws the writer and everyonegets a producer credit like it's it's yeah,
it's it's a horrible film. Ireally hate watched this a lot because
there's just nothing endearing about it.I mean, spake it to your point,

(28:15):
like none of the kids are reallythat endearing or interesting, Like Little
Giants is so written so well,and that each kid has a personality,
so then all you do is justfeed that character, like let's bring in
John Madden to feed the kid,right, Like that's really super obsessed with
like developing plays and like bring inyou know, football players and things like
that. It's it's endearing in away that the kids like evolve and change

(28:37):
and grow and you're rooting them on. I gave it two fucks about whether
these kids won these games because Iwas like, that just proves a rump
paid it's a bigger asshole, LikeI just don't you don't root for anyone
in this because it's like, whothe fuck am I supposed to root for?
I didn't. I hated every singleone of them. Also, now
that I know that they're all justlike private school kids doing their own thing,

(28:59):
and it's made me care even less. I mean, also, let's
just not even say about kids movies. This is any sports movie is about
the characters of the people playing thesports a league of their own. It's
not is all about these individual characters. It's so easy to write a sports
movie when you have the template,and instead we focused on Sean Payton,

(29:25):
who's just kind of a dick inthis movie. So I guess I get
why they got Paul Blart mall coopto play him, because Paul Blart mall
Coop's a fucking dick. So yeah, they definitely. I mean it's kind
of just like, oh, weknow the formula of how sports movies go,

(29:45):
and they did the absolute laziest halfasked version they possibly could and got
all of their friends and family paidout of it. I mean, like
Alan Covert half cameo, Chris Farley'sbrother has a cameo, Like this is

(30:07):
just like how to like, onceagain, how do I get my friends
and family paid in an easy way? Netflix? This is what I discovered
watching this film is that now essentiallyHappy Madison is a genre right. We
are we are, we are,we are genre mixing. Here we took
a biopic and we Adam Sandler fiedit right, And so that's the way

(30:30):
I had to view the film becauseI can't really take it seriously as a
biography because it's not, because there'sno way that these that these things were
real. But it has all theelements of an Adam Sandler flick, which
is like bodily fluids, dumb jokes, physical bits. It won't make any
sense, poor acting, It's it'snepotism at its best. You know,

(30:51):
it's an ego driven engine of ofKevin James. Because the whole film truly
does center around Sean Payton's character,and it seems like if you're gonna make
a pr statement, maybe make astatement of like that's not self involved?
Is this? So it really can'tSean Payton can't be attached to it as
a biopic. But he can't makethat claim it's a biopic, but he

(31:11):
doesn't probably want to attach it tolike an Adam Sandler elements there, So
it lives in this netherland of likeI don't know what this is, but
I do know that now Adam Sandleris attempting to essentially merge genres and I
fucking hate it. I think it'sI think it makes I think it makes
everything worse. A great example onething that I'm pretty sure I didn't read

(31:33):
this, but I think that Godof like when remember when, because he's
a millionaire, Sean Payton just goessomewhere and just lives at a hotel,
Yeah, like the in whatever,and he has a problem with the hot
tub that's in the room and thatit makes a noise at night, and
that he calls it like it's thehaunted hot tub essentially, and I think,

(31:56):
like, so Sean Payton was inthis room and it probably just it
had like that filtered like side thingwhere like if the water goes over it
kind of makes a sound. Andthen he complained it, complained about it
like an asshole, and the personat the front desk was like, no,
then we could really do about it. And then the person of the
front desk was also and I wantto be very clear about this, was
also cracking boiled eggs. That wasa fucking madman that he's going out there.

(32:21):
That was the best part about thewhole movie is the front desk guy
opening up hard boiled eggs all overhis keyboard. Yeah, all are definitely
getting inside those keys, like andthe like little skin the eggs. Everyone
disgusting, What an insane human being. That's because they had had a standler

(32:45):
fire. They're like, he's like, hey, you know one time I
was at a hotel and I hada hot tub in the middle and it
kept making sound all night and Icouldn't sleep. And they're like, all
right, how can we make thisfunny? Okay, thet the hot tub
is haunted and the guy who whenyou call him, he's just eating hard
boiled eggs over the hot tub wasgreen. It was green with either it
was I I'm a whore for ahot tub. And if there's a hot

(33:09):
tub in my room that is bankthat's not annoying to me, that's incredible
to me. I'm gonna be inthat thing every night. I don't care
that's making gurgle gurgle gurgle noises.Well, also, from what I've learned
in this movie is Sean Payton's nofun, so he would not like a
hot tub. And yeah, yeah, you know, um, can we

(33:32):
talk about that we are young moment? Oh oh, I mean the moment
that'll stay with me forever, thehaunting moment where their solution to this kid's
crush was to go to a homethat they didn't even really verify and sing
funds we are Young the whole song, or the whole first part of it,

(33:57):
the whole first part of it,to the wrong house, and then
they set a tree on fire,and then it's a neighbor's minivan, like
this is where you take the Sandlin'sa neighbor's minivan. The girl, yeah,
the girl, the love interests minivan. And then the line after that

(34:17):
is the mom being like, howam I gonna get to work? Yes,
that was the payoff of the joke, and then the off they ran
off someone losing their job because theydon't have a way to get to work.
And also the second the lantern isn'tintroduced, I'm like, oh,
cool, that's gonna start a fire. Yeah, that's gonna blow into a

(34:38):
tree and start a fire like that. Our brains are so melted by happy
Madison ships that the second something likesomeone just comes on screen, I can
like tarot card read what's about tohappen next? Yeah, And sometimes they're
wrung like me, I'm like,are we I thought we're gonna hear the
whole song? I thought for sure, because I'm like, how comes she

(34:59):
hasn't come out yet? Yeah,singing for like thirty seconds. See,
that's that's that's the that's the valley. We're walking here between these two mountains
of genre, right, isn't It'slike it's like Marie's in Adam Sandlerville and
I keep being like, well,it's a biopic, they're not gonna go
there because now, like now I'mgoing to that happened after he gets like

(35:24):
a few lines into the song.I was like, Oh, it's going
to be the wrong house and they'regonna set something on fire because of those
lanterns. And I get that nowlooking back at it, because I was
expecting, because it was a biopic, it to be better. But then
that moment just let me down andI was like, this is an Adam
Sandler film. Like I don't knowwhat to do about this, Like you

(35:47):
were you knew you you just identifiedearly that they weren't going to go high
on this, Like they weren't goodachieve a level of any sort of artistic
measure. They're not doing Ray here, right, They're doing they do in
there Adams Family. Ray. Ilove to see Adam Sandler's ray. I'm
sure Sandler's ray like, is itnot? I mean he was trying to

(36:13):
make it his rate. I wouldhave I would have been happy with a
Paul Blart football coach version of this. That's what I was hoping for football
coach. Yeah, and it wasnot Paul Blart. Football coach. Paul
Blart is way more fun. Icould have done with a you know,
like a weird rotten banana uh comingback, maybe they on it like that

(36:39):
would have been so fun even ifthey weren't going to do then for Kevin
James, he could have just beenon the sidelines. And Yeah, that's
what I wanted from this. Ohmy god, no one gets what they
want from this movie. It's nota if you're a Sean Payton fan,
it doesn't tell you anything that youdon't already know. I think you'd lose

(37:00):
information from John Payton if you like. If you like football, good luck
watching this because there's absolutely zero actualfootball in this and the things that they
say are just completely random. They'relike, you, you defensive backs,
I wrote this down. You defensivebacks need to drop into coverage, and
it's like that's what they always do. I thought the same thing, Adge

(37:23):
Man, exactly. I thought thesame thing. Coach who told you with
this movie put in real football stuff. Yes, because here's a line that
he says that QD doesn't check hisblind side when he's in the pocket,
you should be bringing the safeties,which sounds seemingly profound. But first of
all, he's in sixth grade,he start checking his blind side, he's

(37:45):
just happy like to throw the ball. Like that's that's a little bit of
thought person there. But the secondis it's like what he's saying there sounds
profound, but really what he's sayingis they should try an attempt to sack
the quarterback. Like that's all he'ssaying. And it's just like there's language
like that. It's like seemingly like, yeah, that's that's not, that's
not he's a brilliant mind and that'sthat's what he comes up with. Yes,

(38:07):
if you watch this movie and youknow anything about football, it's like,
I don't know, maybe a doctorwatching one of those doctor shows when
they just like kind of throw outvague terms. Yeah, you know,
it was annoying, and so likewho's it for. This isn't a kids
movie. This isn't a kid's sportsfilm, This isn't a biopic, This
isn't Kevin James doing anything. There'sno one. There's really not a lot

(38:30):
of fun. There's just a fewhard swings. But like they're even their
uniforms. They just wear the sameuniforms over away. Their uniforms are lame.
They play other teams with lame uniforms. I want to see some interesting
uniform m Yeah, Bacon, youknow, I was like the uniforms were

(38:51):
like the least of this movie's problema problem for me. Now, Bacon's
like the line down the side ofthe uniform represents the old old times of
warriors. And I'm like, what, Yeah, well they have two They
have lines on their sleeves and lionsgoing up their armpits. It doesn't make
any sense. God watches but watchesvideos. Yeah, watches uniform of videos

(39:14):
here for you, Mike. I'llsay this, and it's a subtle thing,
but it goes to it like itto me is like a small thing
of like, ah, this isbad filmmaking. But when Sean Payton decides
he's gonna he's gonna give his sona rest, you know, because he's
been wearing out his son, andhe benches three players because not very good,

(39:37):
because he's lost side of the ideathat this is meant to be fun,
it's meant to be sports like he'staking it too seriously because again he
we're projecting the image that Sean Paytonis a fragile, egoed man who can't
just accept that he won a SuperBowl. He has to beat a middle
school coach in order to prove hisworth to the world. But all that
aside, he benches his son andthey start to turn it around a little

(39:59):
bit, right, And when theydo that, the music they use is
Creden's Clearwater's Silver Spoon, which isabout people getting out of It's about the
privilege of people getting out of themilitary service who have rich parents. So
I'm like, again, what's themessage here? And it's and it's traditionally

(40:22):
used in war films, so right, fuck is the point? Why use
that song in this moment? Itfeels so out of place that song and
fun about the same Just that wasso odd to me. I was like,
why are they playing silver Spoon inthis moment? Tone deaf? It's

(40:43):
why? Yeah, you know,Adam Sandler's brother in law was just like
I love CCR, you know,and just like put it in so bad
a film. I really hated thisone. I wrote down, this is
not a football movie, this isnot a comedy, this is not a

(41:04):
kid movie. This, oh Iput this is just paint by numbers.
Yeah, yeah, it really wasreally paint by numbers. I have so
many notes there. I'll just saywhat we already covered. Does anybody else
have anything? I'm just reacting atthis point. I have not like,
I just have notes. After hewhen he's like his kid asked, did

(41:25):
you do it? Yeah? Downygate and he said it's complicated, right,
it means he did. I dowant to call out one thing I
thought was just like a smidge funnywhen Um, the like one player on
the team's mom is hitting on KevinJames Um and she invites him more for

(41:51):
gumbo and she's like flirting with himand he's kind of like denying it.
But she like she goes like makeface and her eyeball get stuck because she
has fake eyelashes on and like theglue is like sticking that to me as
a makeup gale. I was like, that's funny. That is funny,

(42:13):
because that can't happen I there.I will just say that there was I
did enjoy the alcoholics physical bits.I think the yeah, and they do
kind of let him go, Likethe bike was always a bit a fun
bit of him trying to get onthe bike again. This is all made

(42:34):
super sad to me and the factthat he essentially is an alcoholic and it
doesn't seem like anyone's gonna help him, so he's probably most likely dead in
a few years, and like everyonewill just be like, well, yeah,
I guess there was a drunk allthe time, And I'm like,
but you knew, and you couldhave helped. That's that's all. That's
sixth grade champion exactly. But likethe bits of getting on the on the
bike they do. They did likeshowcase the enough space in the fire with

(43:00):
his nephew. That's kind of funnywhen he flips the table. There's a
lot of fun physical bits there thatI did like, and I didn't think
he was timing was terrible, andso I did kind of enjoy the humor
there, But other than that,I didn't laugh a whole lot. I
don't think I laughed. Gary getValentine the funnier, the funnier of the

(43:21):
brothers. I think he might befunnier. I mean, I'd like to
see if he give him any lines. I mean didn't say anything funny,
but like, I don't know,his acting was fine for an I mean,
like an alcoholic. Maybe he wasdrunk on set. I don't know.
I mean there's enough nepotism that maybe. Yeah. Also, all of
his lines just felt like total utternonsense, like yeah, I think he

(43:44):
was just told to improvise. Idon't think they wrote a single thing for
him that was improv I'm guessing.I mean, it wasn't great, but
the yeah, I would agree thatthe physical the physicality was fine. You
know who we haven't talked about whoTaylor Latner. He was so boring and

(44:07):
forgettable in this It was you forgetthat he's in this movie. They don't,
Yes, they don't. They kindof push him off. Now I
feel how that coach feels like that. That's how I like, you see
him and then all of a suddenhe's like gone. But I can kind
of see why he was running practicesreally horrible. Which also but again I'm

(44:27):
to understand that Sean Payton like basicallyusurped a middle school high school football or
middle school coach, and he neededto be the coach of this this football
team, and so he was anasshole to Lattner too, So again,
what do you do? Latner atleast seemed like he had kind of that

(44:50):
like kindly yes, teacher, yes, like vibe going, and I did
appreciate that he constantly had to bethe like it's kind a shitty ted Lasso,
right, He constantly had to bethe heart and remind to remind people
and kids like remember, we wantto have fun, like remember this is
like, hey, don't go toohard on him, like and just she

(45:10):
was always the kind of one tocome in after, like Sean Payton kind
of clean up and keep these kidsegos in tact. Because remember Sean Payton's
solution for the kid that was afraidto get contact was like essentially, or
we're gonna traumatize him enough to gethim over it, Like we're going to
force him to be tackled so thathe just kind of gets over it.

(45:30):
And like I'm like, yeah,that's so fucked up. That's super fucked
up. And again, doesn't paintSean Payton in a good light here.
No. Also, like just thinkabout it, you guys, who cares
about middle school football? Yes,you're just learning. It's not about winning.
It's everyone should get to play.Everyone should like learn and like see

(45:51):
if they like this sport. Noone cares what happens during it. Like
I played middle school football. Noone, no one even came to the
games. Like it's not a bigdeal. It's basically practice. Now,
I totally agree with you. Igrew up in Texas, and I'm gonna
tell you right now that middle schoolfootball was, especially private school, was

(46:13):
an incredibly big deal. Now amI saying that that's that's good? No,
that's really bad because because Texas,you know, football is second to
church in terms of godliness in Texas, Like it is something that your kids
do. Like I get the dadsin stand that essentially threatened Sean Payton to
like put their kids like those peoplefor exactly cowboys all the way practices.

(46:37):
Did they go to the practices?Yes? Are you serious? Oh my
god? There are crazy parents thatwant their kids because it's a long term
investment. Do you have to understandAnd I'm not justifying it, but I'm
saying it's a long term investment.For a lot of people, it's football
or bust. And like school footballgets them to high school stall high school

(47:00):
football is kids and in the ageand the age that we live in,
like kids get scouted in eighth gradefor football, college teams and pros,
Like they have eyes on great playersat a young age. So once you
get to high school, that's whenyou're really getting scouted, like you really
truly are. And so this ison the brink of like weeding out between
whether my kid's going to be astar or not. So yeah, there

(47:22):
are a lot of parents that aresuper into it. Again, I'm not
saying that's okay because essentially I'm watchingthis movie being like future CTE, Future
CTE right, Like, yeah,me too. So I was just like
every sack, I was like,oh, the kids exactly. So you're
the sweet little brains and they're gettingrocked. They're getting I'm like, oh

(47:44):
my god, they're developing brains.Boyfriends. No, if you missed the
part where they ate that gross logthing, they could have just all been
throwing up because they concussed. That'sa sability. I mean, sure there's
causation there, but there's also correlation. Yeah, yeah, I didn't even

(48:06):
really believe it was the log's fault, the health blog, the healthy log,
calling them the health flogs. Itwas a health flog, the vagrant
health loogs. That vagrant health flocksdid just as much damage. Yes,

(48:30):
I imagine those health flocks and oncethey did exactly what the vagrant log they
did in the opening scene to theirintestines just lip just bounced down their intestines
suicide. Oh my god, thevisuals so fucking funny. I want to

(49:05):
see that magic school bus when they'regoing to kids just bouncing around. This
is more than I even kid laughing. And oh my god, oh man,
what else we got? Bill Cowersucks at acting. Oh my god,

(49:28):
I didn't. I don't even knowwho that is. It's an old
Steelers head coach, um consider oneof the grades. I also love this
in movies of like when the coachhas some sort of game plan or game
or new player or whatever, hewaits until like right before he's calling it

(49:49):
to explain it to everybody, nottrying to run it through. So that
happens a few times in this movie. Also, he has like people change
position mid game. Yeah, likeI have that children that was so weird,
and he acted like it was totallynormal and like, yeah, the
kids should just like do it likethat would be that would be so jarring.

(50:12):
Yeah, here's here's one of myfavorite moments is Taylor Lautner comes over
in the middle of the game wherehe does like start to take over the
defensive game plan and Terry L.Lattner, who I think actually has written
as like the nicest coach and heshould definitely be the coach of football teams
because he understands the concept of likekids were playing. He comes over to
Sean Payton and says, don't youthink your hands are full with the offense.

(50:36):
It's such a polite, non confrontationalway to see, like, I'm
the coach of this team, reallyappreciate if you didn't step on my toes.
Too polite. But my favorite partis like he's Sean Payton, he
won a Super Bowl. I don'tthink a peeee like middle school football team
that he's gonna have his hands toofull from the officer. So it's such

(51:01):
a polite way to phrase that thatI was like, really, yeah,
yeah, it is so weird thatlike Taylor Lautner's character was just so like
milktoast. Yeah, yeah, justlike there. But I think that it's
like it's not like he did abad job, like he did what he

(51:22):
was supposed to do. I justfeel like that was written very poorly.
Yeah, the whole movie has tonsof potential if you wanted to make a
kid's uh sports movie, I think, and then sprinkle on top the Sean
Payton stuff. It has potential andit has everything that it needs to succeed
except for the good writing and anybodywho's good at acting at this So,

(51:45):
like, besides that, and nowI'm also looking. I've seen half of
Taylor Lautner's movies. Half of themreally, because a bunch of them Happy
Medicine. So I've seen all theTwilights because Quarantine. And I've seen grown
Ups too because of Adam Sandler pleasestop, Home Team and Ridiculous Six.

(52:06):
Oh yes, so that's you know, So you're Twilight, Twilight, New
Moon, Eclipse, breaking Down One, breaking Down two grown Ups too,
Ridiculous six, Home Team. I'vereally haven't seen. I haven't seen Shark
Boy and Lava Girl. I haven'tseen Valentine's Day. I haven't seen Cheaper
by the Dozen two, even thoughyou know it's on the list A Goat

(52:29):
abduction. I'm never never going tosee that. I don't care. I've
seen tracers, definitely not going tosee that. Don't care, Shadow Fury,
No thanks, Run the Tide,also Hard Pass. And then he's
in some sort of Charlie Brown.He's a bully. He's a bully Charlie

(52:50):
Brown from two thousand and six.What the fuck? Yeah, says Taylor
Latner must be one of the voices. Well, I say, get to
work, Bacon. This is notbecoming a Taylor Latiner. No thanks.
I don't know anything about him.He might be a nice guy. He's
also in like maybe a grand totalof four minutes of Valentine's Day. Oh

(53:15):
really, Yeah, okay. Valentine'sDay is one of those you know,
day movies where there's twenty five differentplots going on and the characters are like
intersecting and ever we inter Yeah.This is like the yeah, what's the

(53:35):
famous Christmas movie that that everyone loveslove actually love actually like that type of
scenario. Similar Mother's Day. Theyyeah, the day movies. Third thing,
Independence Day is one of them.Yeah yeah, And confusing plotlines,
but they do all come together.Yeah for sure? Which later? When's

(53:58):
that one? Twenty? Again confusingplotline, but really happy to see everyone
gets together in the end. Traininganother one, Yeah, Terminator two,
Judgment Day, day after tomorrow.You know what? This has become a

(54:23):
day podcast? Yeah, not inline for the Latner podcast, but I'm
here on the day podcast. We'llcall it this day has come or the
day is. There's something I don'tknow Meason charge of names. Yeah,
she's better at names. Does anybodyelse have any other notes? All my
stuff I think we basically talked about. Just have a lot of werewolfy stuff.

(54:47):
Sean Payton is a bad father.Yeah, he really is. Never
this moment. Do you think thatthey like patch it up? I mean
he never even apologizes to his kidfor not being there, Like never,
really he doesn't. No, henever never apologizes. He never apologized.
Yeah, he could have easily saidI'm sorry i haven't been there for you

(55:07):
and I'm sorry I've been a baddad and I'm gonna make it up to
you and we're gonna get this right, and he never does because he really
seemingly is estranged from his son.The entire time, and they never really
spend much time developing their relationships.In the end, I'm like, I
truly don't think he's learned his lessonand gotten any All he really says is
like, hey, I talked toyour mom about maybe coming to see me

(55:30):
exactly watching some games, right,because I guess it'd be too toxic to
tell his son that he's sorry andhe feels bad for not being a good
father. Like, that's too toxicof an idea. Gross. Yeah,
I just agree with you. Yeah, I mean that's just like a gross

(55:50):
way to think about happy Madison thinkingabout this. Yeah, I mean,
here's the thing. This is areal life thing like NFL head coaches who
have families or you don't even needto be a head coach if you're if
you're a coach in Pro football duringthe season, like you're yeah, you're
they own your life essentially, you'rebarely home. It's always in your mind.

(56:15):
It's so competitive. Yeah. Ijust know that. I know that
from Real Housewives, Yes, RealHousewives of Salt Lake City. Yeah,
this is a real thing that happens, and we could have gotten a little
peek into, you know, likethe trade off because everyone knows this,
Like everyone knows that these coaches andplayers families during this time make a great

(56:37):
sacrifice. So how does he justifyit to his son? How does he
explain it to his son to belike, hey, you know, we
wouldn't have all this if I didn'tdo this, And I'm lucky enough to
have this job that only thirty twopeople can have at a time in the
entire world, and I run thesepeople and I was able to win a
super Bowl. So many coaches havenever been able to say that, And

(56:59):
yeah, come out of our familylife. I don't get to spend this
whole time with you, and Iknow I'm missing out on this and it's
awful and I'm so sorry. Buthopefully you know this isn't going to last
forever, and when this is alldone, you'll be glad that I did
all this hard work. And Ihope one day that you could do this
or oh my god, Bacon,that's so powerful, like you were mind

(57:19):
to add, we're just there,And then instead he says, I just
can't get away from football, likethat's it. Yeah, that's the whole
fucking reason, Like like I can'thelp the situation. I just he made
it about himself. I just cannotleave the game of football. I don't
give a shit about anybody else.This is the reason I can't do it

(57:40):
is because of me. I justdon't want to prioritize anything else. I
feel like Happy Madison really suffers fromlike not letting in slightly younger comics and
people who kind of have this perspectiveon like how people who like boomerage and

(58:01):
then slightly younger than that, likedon't really have the language to speak like
this, like the way they canjust like verbalize very well, like a
real thing in football. And Ifeel like the more heat Adam leans into
like just keeping this in the familyand like keeping his choke hold, it's

(58:22):
just like the worst these movies get. Yeah, you're right, it's really
wild. It's the there's social they'rewritten by socially stunted people, and yes,
you can only comedy. Comedy isalways changing and evolving and whatever,
and there's always things that are differentfunny. But if we're talking about in
general, comedy is going more towardsfeelings and characters and real problems and real

(58:45):
solutions, mining mining the funny fromtruth. They think, oh, father
son, relationship can be funny ifthe father farts all the time and the
son doesn't like him and he doesthis, and it's like, No,
there's a billion different father son relationshipstyles and each of them can be very

(59:06):
personal to each individual character that youwrite. How about you take the time
to write fully fleshed characters where youcould pull jokes from that instead of every
scene, you're basically starting with theseblank characters, so you need to invent
a situation that is funny in yourown stupid mind. None of the situations
are funny. They're all lazy andboring and stupid. Well, and and

(59:29):
to Mariad, to your point,I think that there is this probably an
ego here, right of like wedon't need to or maybe they can't attract
young comedians to come in here.But I do think that financially there's an
incentive here, Like if you're onlyplaying in Middle America, that's a that's
a that's a dying breed. Likeyeah, that's so true. And you

(59:49):
know, to see a film likeI just saw a spider Man, The
New Spider Man, and like I'mlike, this is actually smart, progressive
humor that appeals to an enormous outof you know, people, and it's
and it's smart. I think leadingthat way is gonna make you more money
and it's becoming one of you know, this New Spider Man is becoming one
of the highest grossing movies of alltime. I think leaning that way,

(01:00:12):
it's also nostalgic and many other thingsand triple a budget and way more talented
people. There are many things thatare going on that's gonna help that movie
succeed. But I do think ingeneral, it's important to continue to reach
to as many people as possible.And you can be funny and progressive and
loloop in some of those concepts,like you could do veganism funny and point
out the absurdities, but you doinga caricature that you've held onto for twenty

(01:00:37):
years, so now it's not funnyanymore. Yeah. And in his stand
up special, Adam Sandlers like themost recent one, Um, we know,
I can't his name is escaping meright now, but writers, yeah,
yeah. The guy that's playing thepiano for him the whole time is
a comedian. He started out inChicago, moved to LA and kind of

(01:00:58):
like became part of Adams and InnerCircle but I feel like people like that
are kind of like they're brought inbut kind of held at arm's length.
Yea too, Like that guy wasgreat, really funny, Kevin James's brother,
you know, Yeah, well yeahthey're bringing that. Yeah, and
Adam Sandler's nephew, so right,but yeah, it is. It's just

(01:01:19):
kind of a bumber And we'll see, like in the future, like if
you know, this continues to workout for him, or if he eventually
him in Netflix eventually part ways,because these just stopped doing as good as
they used to be. They can'tkeep this way. And also, I
don't know, I don't know ifI want younger, more talented people being

(01:01:39):
sucked into the Sandler verse, becauseit just seems like anybody, even if
they're awesome, who gets sucked intothat makes bad movies. Andy Samberg made
Palm Springs. Yeah, and thatmovie is hilarious and incredible. You put
Adam, you force him in withAdam Sandler and you that's my boy.

(01:02:00):
Yeah, And we walk we walkthis too, especially YouTube more than me,
but we walked this too, ofbeing like he was a hero to
us at one point, right,like he I grew up with his films.
I loved his films growing up.And so if you're Annie Sandberg and
you're kind of you know, mygeneration, you did the same thing,
like and he comes knock on thedoor, Like if Adam Sandler knocked on

(01:02:20):
your door and said, I wantyou to be in my movie, Like,
would you take it? First?I have to find out if he
knew about the podcast, right,that might be. It's true, that
is true, you know what,I might do it anyway, even if
it is a trap, because Iwould do it for the podcast. Yeah
that's true. Past so I couldtalk about it afterward. Yeah, yeah,

(01:02:44):
that's true. But I just wonder, like he's your hero and you
get to you get to be costar against against Adam Sandler, Like I
get it. I don't know ifyou turn that down and maybe you know
yeah, yeah, no, Iget it. I get the point.
It's just like I don't know.It makes me wander, like can you
bring in young talent? Because Ithink you could. I just think the
choices they're not doing it. No, because the wife who's craving, who

(01:03:13):
saw any of the movies that haveAdam Sandler's wife in him and said,
oh my god, please more ofAdam Sandler exactly bring so much to the
table. She really has a stylethat one, and it's exactly the same
style of fifty year old women incluthing. I can't take my eyes off

(01:03:37):
her when she's on screen. She'sjust electric. No, no one says
that she is gorgeous for being inher fifties. Hey, that cool,
good, good on her. Sowe agree this is a yeah, we
agree, this never start. Butwe have to rank them, do I?

(01:03:58):
I don't, No, no,no, Caleb, you have to
rank it in your Rob Schneider's Ohmy, this is ab So we'll get
to you in a second. Sohate you for this, Bacon. Try
to find your your rankings. They'reprobably in some episode notes if you got
them. Awesome, Marie. I'llgo first because I know you were having

(01:04:23):
a hard time to put these mI've already done it. I'm gonna say
so. We have. We havereviewed sixteen Kevin James films, his whole
filmography. The highest I have rankedany of his movies. Well, technically,
the highest I ranked one of hismovies is five stars. But that's

(01:04:44):
Pinocchio two thousand and two. Um, the Pinocchios aren't in my rankings that
I pulled up from our drive,So well my Pinocchio should be removed then
probably let's let's yeah, because Idon't think that really counted as a Kevin
James did it. I don't know. Yeah, all right, So the
highest I have is Becky at numberone, and that's two stars if you

(01:05:10):
remember the yeah okay, yeah,I recall I have this one down at
number fourteen, or it's going tobe thirteen out of fifteen when I removed
that other one. So it's justbelow here comes the Booms, and it's
just above Grilled. Okay. I'dsay I would never want to watch Grilled

(01:05:30):
ever again with Ray Romano and KevinJames bumbling about as salespeople. But I'd
say, like, at least andhere comes the boom. He lost all
that weight and he was I feltlike he was he was way more of
an ultimate fighter in that movie,Like he actually did the training and he
looked you know when he did hedid some moves, it looked pretty great,

(01:05:54):
but overall pretty disappointing. And thenin Home Team, I didn't see
any of Sean Payton and him.All he did was dressed like Sean Payton,
so third to last movie. WhenI originally looked at this list,
and it's missing Becky, But um, I would agree that Becky was strong.
I don't remember where I put it. I put it at one.
I think you did too, orI, oh, you might have put

(01:06:15):
it below Barnyard. Yeah, Ithink so, because Barnyard is like the
best thing in the world. Yeah, that's the best thing I've ever seen.
Um. When I when before Iheard you speak, I was going
to put it after Here Comes theBoom and in front of grown ups.

(01:06:36):
But the more I think about it, this is just so forgettable. It's
just so like me, like surfacelevel, nothing really good or important about
it. I'm going to put itunder grown Ups two and above Gray grilled

(01:06:59):
for a Rob Schneider vehicle. We'veseen this character before. Unfortunately, where
would you put it in the list? We have eleven Rob Schneider movies.
Yes, we do fucking life,so I mean number twelve for me with
this with this uh film added isinappropriate comedy And that's one of the worst

(01:07:21):
movies I've truly ever seen in myentire life. It is it is,
It is just abysmal on any measureof critiquing a movie. Then there's Big
Stand just above that. This iswhere, even hearing you both talk about
the reasoning behind your list, Islowly started to change. I was going

(01:07:42):
to have it. I was goingto have it after bench Warmers because it
felt like a good good Scott,I think bench Warmers is a little bit
better. And then I had SurfNinjas after that, the Home Team,
then Surf Ninjas. But was it'sthe truly insane at least that you're saying,
I know, so what's gonna haveit? Benchwarmer's Home Team, Surf

(01:08:04):
Ninja's Big Stand, And so Ican't believe I'm saying all this. I
can't believe I'm treating this as absolutesincerity. So but but Murray said,
you know, it just wasn't anenjoyable film, and I and it's not
very memorable, and so I waslike, yeah, you know what,
I surf Ingjas will be more memorablefor me than Home Team. So I

(01:08:26):
put it after Home Team, eventhough I felt it it probably liked it
more between bench Warmers and Surf Ninjas. But actually I think it's like probably
the third worst Rob Schneider film I'veI've watched Wow, So you have it
at number ten. I do,Yeah, okay, I mean, yeah,
I would. I would agree withthat that assessment I am going to
put it. I agree that it'snot better than Surf Ninjas because here's here's

(01:08:54):
the thing. When I woke up, I watched this movie with Ruth and
then you know, going like,oh, what are you doing. I'm
like, well, we're gonna I'mgonna record Adam Sandler please stat or Kevin
James never start tonight. And thenshe's like, oh, I don't know
what you're gonna say about that movie. I don't remember anything from it,
Like we just watched that the nightbefore, like yeah, and I barely

(01:09:17):
remember anything. Thanks to my notes. It started it kept everything together.
I'm gonna forget about this movie,you know, in tomorrow. But Surf
Ninjas will always remember Moto Surf andhow they just stood in cars and Moto
surfed. So yeah, incredibly dangerous. But yeah I didn't. So that's

(01:09:40):
below. So I put it atnumber nine. I say it's better than
norm of the North and below SurfNinjas. Wow, I have Normal the
North. We're We're Normal the North. On your list, it's number ten
for me, oh, I hadit at seven. I actually enjoyed it,

(01:10:00):
well relative everybody's relative at this point. Yeah, because then I knock
I have knock Off right above it, and I was like, that was
a really bad movie, but Iguess I enjoyed it. I have Knockoffs
number two, Oh my god.Yeah. Number one is deuced Bigelow European
Gigglow. That's number one for you. That's that's my second Okay, yeah,

(01:10:20):
let's oh, here we go theRobsteiners from from one to the worst.
Uh, Deuced Bigelow European Gigglow.Then at number two it's Knockoff.
Then at number three it's the originalDeuce Bigelow male Jigglow. Then at number
four it's the Animal. Five isJudge Dread, six is the Hot Chick,
seven is bench Warmers, eight SurfNinja's nine, Home Team, ten

(01:10:45):
Norman, The Norman, eleven,Big Stand, twelve in appropriate comedy,
What do you have? Number oneis deuced Bigelow, the original male giggolo.
That's different. That's what we did. We had a discussion about how
I think Bigo is just a betterfilm, and you had more fun with
European j glow. I remember that, and I think it's a better film.

(01:11:09):
I mean, I guess no jobjust nose job, what is it,
dick facecot nos job. Yeah,I mean I get it. I
remember listening to that and being likethis sounds wild, freaking wild. At
some point, at some point,I do think that what we have to
do, and and I'm throwing thisout there, and if people want to

(01:11:30):
see this or hear this, youknow, let us know. But I
do think we have to sit downand have a crossover between Marie and I
because there are some films that it'slike, Marie, you have to fucking
see this film, if at thevery least, so that we can be
like, remember this moment altogether.Do we all remember sharing this fucking cuz

(01:11:51):
and I want you to see PaulBart two so bad. Yeah. So
maybe when I make it back toChicago we do a couple dealer's choice episodes
where we make the other person watchit. I'm fine with that because there
are some we I mean, baky, we watched his historically bad films after

(01:12:13):
you all ripped through Adam Sandler andKevin James, like The Happy Madisons and
the David Spades and the Rob Schneider'sum you know, in those films in
those collections were just batshit crazy moments. I mean, strange Wilderness and the
turkeys, you know, sucking onSteve Zons cock Like, there's just like
crazy fucking moments that I'm like,Marie, you, I have to know

(01:12:36):
what your thoughts are on this.Yeah, like it just kind of so
I do think that like some tradesoffs would be and and like if Adam
Sandler, you know, people,folks, the listeners, if you want
to see that, like let usknow because and which ones you want to
see? Because I would love toto to get to Marie's reaction on that.
I mean, look looking at hislist of movies that we've had to

(01:12:58):
watch, Like even Becky was likemiddling at which wasn't good Barnard out of
all the films, out of allhis things. Maybe Barnard and Paul Blart
Mall Cop two had some sort oflike lasting impact on me and worked crazy.
I haven't seen either one of those. Oh really, no, oh

(01:13:18):
shit, you haven't seen Barnard.No, and y'all talk about it all
the time as well. I'm talkingabout you know. I mean I'd watch
I'd rewatch Barnard altogether. I meanI would too, but I would definitely
because that I watched that film.We watched that film sober, but it
made us high, so I wouldlike to watch it high and see what
happened. It's gonna make a soberI'm gonna be doing taxes during me filing

(01:13:44):
on tax d over the edge andthen background. I'm just imagining you with
like you don't even wear glasses,but you're wearing glasses and they're on the
tip of your nose and you're spendthat much at a walk. I'm going
through a CVS. Yeah, yeah, you have one of those old timey

(01:14:09):
calculators that give like the receipts topull. All right, Mary Kay,
I thought you could see me Forsome reason, I was doing that motion.
I felt it though we all knowthere, we all know. We
all know Caleb doesn't have pants onright now. Absolutely, I'm about to
walk out and click the door behindme. We do have, uh,

(01:14:38):
little boy, We might have aRob Schneider movie. It's called Dead Wrong.
The expected release date is May fifteenth, twenty twenty two. The plot
is a narcissist concocs a get quickscheme that ignites a violent chain reaction and
overwhelms the lives of those around him. That's so vague, it could be

(01:15:01):
about anything. Yeah, it's themain. Rob Schneider is not the main
character. He is third build onhere we have Derek Smith is the lead,
and Katrina Bowden is the second,and then Rob Schneider. He plays
Ethan Boggs. Okay, so thatmight be the next one that we watch.

(01:15:24):
Gross, so keep that on yourcalendars. So we all agree,
Kevin James never start. He shouldnot start, right. We'll try to
do this remotely, which is basicallyimpossible. So counter three, Kevin James
never start. One two three Jamesnever start. The National Football League is

(01:15:55):
caught up in one of its biggestscandals, storry about Sean Payton in the
year he was suspended from the NFLand he took that year to reconnect with
the sun Bountygate newspapers. Radio.It's online too, yep. I know
you know the Internet. No,I know what the internet is. My
girlfriend, Megan Peyton did an NFLNetwork feature on this story. Send it

(01:16:16):
to Sandler. Sandler called me andsays, where I go? Once I
heard what the story was I wasin. We found that a lot of
the stuff that really happened with Sewanwhat was funny. You know. It
was a hard felt and moving andit was all the good stuff. It's
crazy because we've grown up watching happymass and movies and now here we aren't

(01:16:36):
at mass and set felt electric.You can feed off that energy. It's
been a super fun set with thisbig, happy family. It's that comfort
level of being with these guys beforean They're going to allow you to be
funny and goofy and just have somefun within the scenes. We got our

(01:16:57):
z chip over here, but we'regonna send our z chip and and then
I throw it to the open tortillachick. Yes, there you go.
They are incredible directors, but it'snot the love

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