Jonathan Taylor Thomas Pinocchio (Adam Sandler Film School)

Episode Transcript
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(00:06):
Welcome to Adam Sandler Film School,a podcast where we watch every Pinocchio movie
until Adam Sandler stops. I'm RobertBacon, and with me as always is
my co host Caleb George and notMarie. She is tapped out. She
cannot do another Pinocchio. I broughtit up and I saw her soul leave

(00:27):
her body. Yeah. Yeah,you could see her definitely not want to
do this, more than anything I'veever seen her not want to do.
And then Caleb was kind of like, and I'm like, it also has
got our boy Rob Schneider, andit we kind of have to. Yeah.
I actually am kind of enthusiastic aboutthis. I am I'm excited about
this one. I don't think itcould be as bad as Man Man Father.

(00:55):
This movie is not about Pinocchio atall. Horseboy Horse This week we're
looking at Adventures of Pinocchio, releasedin nineteen ninety six. Released in nineteen
ninety six, starring Martin Landau andJonathan Taylor Thomas, and features our boy
Rob Schneider. PLoP synopsis. Oneof wait, one of the puppet maker

(01:18):
Jeppetto's creations comes magically to life.This puppet named Pinocchio has one major,
has one major desire to become areal boy someday, but he has to
learn to act responsibly. That's aterrible description of the film. It's the
most basic, and it's poorly written. Well, also poorly spoken. No,

(01:42):
but it's it's poorly spoken because it'spoorly Yeah, it is hard to
read. I feel like I reallydo have a hard time with a lot
of these plots and Officers says,because so many of them are bad.
Yeah. I don't know who writesthem, but they're bad. Apparently anybody
can and apparently anybody can put inwhatever trivia they want too. So that's
another thing. Any of the triviathat we've ever read is kind of like
the internet, so we don't know. If it's one true. Then I'm

(02:05):
just gonna start writing my own randomput it in there. Please do make
it interesting, because I didn't reallyfind a lot of Before we get to
that new voicemail number, because theold one Google voice is weird. So
it's five one six seven seven eightsix two seven eight. That's five one
six seven seven eight Nard, Andyou can email us at Adam Sandler please
stop at gmail dot com, andyou can find us at Twitter at Sandler

(02:27):
pls stop backs about this movie.It was filmed in Croatia, Czech Republic
and England. Interesting, right,not in Italy at all? Everywhere around
it? Yeah? Yeah really.Oh I've enjoyed as Italian shores and Italian

(02:50):
whales. Oh here's a fun one. The puppet of Pinocchio took Jim Henson's
creature shop nine months to perfect.It was operated by twelve people. Twelve
people. Yeah, so Jim Hensonworked on this movie. So that's the
creature shop. Did I think JimHenson had passed away about this as well?

(03:12):
Against his son hadn't stepped up yet? Well? Ye, Sun leading
in the studios now, I thought, I don't know. I'll have to
check out the I have to lookup my Jim Henson. All right,
trivia about it. It's not truethe way it is. Uh JTT has
a singing double again, I'll alion king. So it doesn't so spoilers.
There's a song in here and oneother thing. A New Line Cinema's

(03:35):
first film with a G rating.It was originally supposed to be released by
Savoy Pictures sa v O Y Savoy. Yeah, Savoy Pictures. Yeah,
but they went out of business,so a new line picked it up.
So that's the reason why it's certainlyg interesting. Yeah, I wonder if
it was profitable for them? Isthat the next segment? Oh? No,

(03:57):
do you want to guess if thiswas a profitable ninety six? Is
that what it was? Yeah,nineteen ninety six JTT Height of JTT Fame,
ninety six Landau. I believe he'san Oscar winner. Mum. The
story of Pinocchio, which has alwaysbeen timeless and hot, Um, I'm
gonna go with I'm gonna it's Gtwo is highly accessible. Yeah, I'm

(04:19):
gonna say this, this film wasprofitable of all the Pinocchios. I think
this is the most profitable. Itmade worldwide, the same as domestic.
Apparently it wasn't released internationally. Fifteenmillion dollars. Oh that's bad. It
was twenty five million dollars. Thismovie lost ten million dollars. Ooo.

(04:41):
What DVD sales? Hello? Okay, let me race, let me check
okay, yeah, four k yeah, four k uhd sales yeah okay,
yeah, totally sixteen billion dollars aswell? This is this is a DVD.
Yeah, No, one rented it, only bought it. Yeah,
you to keep it, you wantto share it for yourself. If you

(05:01):
want to watch this movie, youcan stream this movie on HBO Max.
That's why I'm on there. Thecatalog, the game, they got everything
catalog, you got House of Dragon. Yeah, you got Pinocchio. Yeah
you got Berry, you got Pinocchio, everything, you got it. You
could also rent it for three dollarson Apple, TV, Okay or a

(05:23):
lot of other places, YouTube,other places. So if you've got three
dollars burning a hole in your pocket, this is the movie you watch.
A format that we're gonna do iswe're just gonna watch the whole thing,
and we're gonna come back and talkabout it the whole thing. No stop
card any Yeah, well, okay, stop cards. Stop cards. Stop
cards are on the table. Ifanything happens, like a vagrant log scene,

(05:44):
or you know, some sort ofawkward sexual tension between the Blue Fairy
and Pinocchio, maybe I'll use mystop card. It's just those two reasons.
I mean, I don't know whatelse I would stop it for.
I'll tell you what if if thereis a vagrant log up top, then
we'll know that what's his face wasvery true to the original original, the
script whatever it is. It's aseries of short stories that were released like

(06:10):
weekly. It's kind of like beforecomic strips, they would just release short
stories every week for children. Youtruly have become a pinuki. Yeah.
And I'm gonna watch the newer one. I'm gonna watch all these yeah yeah,
de yeah, yeah, that's good. Oh is it out already?
Well, it was in cans orsomething. It won like an award really

(06:31):
yeah. Oh, I hope it'sgritty. I hope it's dark. Oh.
I hope you kill somebody with hislong nose. I hope, I
hope, I hope. I'm like, I wish you were more than a
jackass. Yeah, I wish therewas more of a punishment than just being
a jackass, because he's straight upmurdered five people. And it had like
hardcore sex on Pleasure Island. Yeah, hard Oh Gilmour's Pleasure Island. Oh
man, right, that's gotta be. That's gonna be, that's gonna be.

(06:54):
There's gonna be a fish person.Yes, oh my god, oh
man, I am excited. Idid I I'll look that up in the
break. Maybe we'll talk about later. But I do think it won and
world. I think it's been gettinglike rave reviews. Okay, well,
it has a lot of heavy liftingto do if it wants to beat the
two thousand and two version, theRoberto Banini Pinocchio. It's got it.

(07:16):
You know, I didn't watch thatone. That is actually the one I
didn't watch with you all. Thefirst one, No, the one where
he's Pinocchio. No, the onewhere he's Geppetto he ends up get later,
the one where he's Geppetto. Yeah, you didn't watch that one,
and that wasn't That wasn't in thetwo thousand and two one. No,
two thousand and two one is theone where he is Pinocchio. Wow,
that's range. He's gonna slowly releaseit where he's every part. I hope

(07:40):
he's cricket, like just the blueWhale. Yeah, just all of it.
He's gonna just Eddie Murphy. Thiswhy it's gonna be the clumps.
It's gonna clump this. God,Roberto, if you're listening, clump this.
That's another podcast idea, Should thisbe clumped? Where you pick your

(08:00):
favorite actor in it and do it. You just pick like uh like Schindler's
List. We gotta clump this?Is that what I'm saying? Ye?
Should we clump Schindler's List? Youknow who plays all the parts Oscar Schindler.
All right, what's his name?Take him guy? Liam Neeson.
I thought you meant the dead body. Oh no, oh no, you

(08:24):
meant liam Neeson. Liam Neeson.He would be great. Yeah, he
could be a little girl with thered jacket. Ye, perfect, great,
that's all you know. That's theRay finds part where he's just like
the horrible Nazi? But have youwatched it more than once? Who watches
that movie more than once? That'sa fun watch. Sit down, watch

(08:46):
Schindler's List for I love to bakeand watch. I'd clump this. I
loved cook I loved it. Justhave it on in the background for movie
setting, you know, if Iwent over to your house, Yeah,
for like a cocktail party. Comeon, he said, you had one
of those old TVs of the kitchenand it was just playing. Yeah,

(09:07):
can I get you guys anything?I got it? So to pop?
Yeah, enjoy award winning Liam Neeson. Don't you have any other liam Neesons?
Do you have that ice road orwhatever? That one. There are
other Liam Neesons. Yeah, there'slike five tickets Ice Roads. Yeah,
that's a bad one. All right, let's watch this dump Pinocchio. All
right, welcome back. We justwatched the Adventures of Pinocchio starring JTT Martin

(09:33):
Landau Rob Schneider, which is believesthe whole reason we're watching it. Yeah,
and Bacon, what what do you? What do you? What do
you think? But that was nota good film. I think Caleb summed
it up perfectly. As soon asit ended, he just would you would
you say as soon as I thinkI said that was not a good film,
you said that was not good orsomething was not good. Yeah,

(09:54):
the puppetry, Oh man, thea lot of stuff is bad. I
have I have so many notes.Let's just go point by point through our
notes, we get backstory of Jeppetto'slove remember that. So this is this
is a fun one to see.Actually is in any of the other ones
Jeppetto is too old to be dating. But in this one he's trying to

(10:20):
get with his brother's wife. Yeah. Yeah, it's like it's like a
Nancy Myers, you know, it'sgot to write romance for the older crowd.
So here we are older gentleman,and I didn't know that he was
courting his brother's wife until the end. Until the end they bring that up?

(10:41):
Did they bring it up the beginning? Now? No, I don't
think. No, I don't understand, like it wasn't really explained why he
wasn't with this woman, because itis sexual attention. Oh, the sexual
attenion, sexual attention between two septegeneers. I mean when Geppetto's on screen with
this woman, I mean, lord, electricity, you were just waiting for

(11:01):
them at any moment, they couldjust start going at their clothes. Yeah,
every line they say is like justdripping with sex. And imagine Martin
Landau a sex icon. Yes,even it known? Whatever is he still
alive? Now he's dead, MartinLandau, He's dead. And his brothers

(11:22):
Walter right, No, I'm thinkinghis brothers. I'm thinking Walter math out.
Well, they're probably related. Ithought they were brothers. They should

(11:48):
at least be in a band.Martin Landau passed away in twenty seventeen.
Yeah, I was like, Ithought he passed away at the age of
eighty nine. Man. So he'sborn in nineteen twenty eight, wow,
and yeah, a handsome man.Can you see this? Can look at
that? Oh my goodness, handsomehandsome man, striking, very striking,
very vincent, pricey looking, youknow, I mean, now it's cool

(12:11):
cool. I could really see whatthat woman was seeing it. Oh,
I saw it. I saw themovie movie like, goddamn when he took
that bath, when he took Ohman, you guys, you get to
see jeppetto take a bath fully clothed. For some reason, we are both
like talking about how dirty his clotheswere. So maybe he's just killing two

(12:33):
birds with one stone. He wasdisgusting. Uh. Then I wrote down
magic log, so we didn't getvagrant log, just a magic log,
but I do appreciate it. Also, I will say that he they very
quickly brought up that the reason he'snamed Pinocchio is because of Pine and it
just made me feel even stupider thatwe discovered that in the middle of of

(12:56):
the last podcast, the other Pinocchiopodcast. It's insane to me how any
of them they bring that up andwe just never we just never got it.
And then we we realized that,like at epiphany, like we were
all like, oh shit, y'alldidn't know this, but everybody never was
like yes, all of it.I'm sure all of you were like,
yes, yes, fucking more.What else would it be? Just some

(13:18):
random Italian words, right, That'swhat it sounds. That's what I thought,
That's what I thought it was.Also, no one in this film
is Italian. No Martin Lando andhis wife or his brother's wife, his
brother's wife are Italian. Everybody else'sFrench or English, very English, British
or Rob Schneider, Yeah, whodoesn't have it like Rob Sneider, but

(13:41):
Baby new Earth does, yes,And Rob Schneider's just like, um,
stupid face, Like that's all RobSchneider is. He kept doing dumb face.
So they're they're they're, um,the Fox and the cat, but
they're not the Fox and the cat. They just look sort of like foxes
and cats. And then the endof the movie they get turned into fox
as it cats. But and RobSchnyder looked significantly more like a fox than

(14:03):
BB new Worth looks. Yes,yes, they gave him like a unibrow
that's bright orange that like coming together. And her she just kind of looks
like she's from the Baroque period.Yeah, Barque yeah, Victorian late.
But Pinocchio in this one is amagic log who is also the exact same

(14:24):
tree that Jeppetto carved his initials andhis love's initials into. And then that
so I don't really want to burnit too. Yeah he put it.
Yeah, he's like, oh,hey, these are the initials I did
a long time ago. Throw itright now? Is that weird? Yeah,
it's like, oh, look atthese showing my love. That's well,

(14:45):
maybe he was trying to get overit. Find that's maybe burning it.
Maybe. Oh right, that's toodeep. We're given too much meaning
in the film. I also,very early my fourth note is already better
than the twenty twenty two Pinocchio withTom Hanks and most of just Tom Hanks.
That movie is so bad. I'mgonna go ahead and say mostly better

(15:09):
than every Pinocchio, with exception maybethe nineteen forty Yeah, nineteen forties Pinocchio
and again two thousand and two orBertopanini Pinocchio where you see he is.
Pinocchio is by far the best Pinocchio. But besides those, it's it's pretty
high up there, I mean,and it's not good. It's not at
all. It's really not good.I mean, no other ones do we
actually get to see Pinocchio's mouth holebeing drilled into his face. This is

(15:33):
oddly sexual at times, So maybeI'm just a no no, but there
were moments where I was like,that's that's sexual. There's no way to
interpret that other than sexual. It'sa very sexual movie. This movie Fox,
Oh, this movie, any otherPinocchio, I'll say that, no
other Pinocchio, Fox, this Pinocchio, Fox, this movie Fox Hard.

(15:58):
So many scenes I have sexual tensionin them? Really does? Yeah?
This is like there are obviously certainthemes within all of the Pinocchio films that
kind of touch on like being alittle bad boys and stuff like that,
but this one's like exceptionally like sexyand oddly perverse in a way that I
can't quite describe. Well. Imean, I kind of just want to

(16:19):
go to try to find my noteswhere I talk about that sexual scene where
Pinocchio goes into a bakery and startseating random thing you were obsessed with,
a woman's. First of all,this is a children's film, and there
is almost full full boop, likeit's the full top part of the boop.

(16:41):
A lot of cleaves it's way toomuch cleave for a children's movie.
Yes, it was disturbing. Andthen her husband's in there and he's holding
a long phallic cream thing filled withcream and he's shooting cream everywhere, and
Pinocchio gets cream all over his faceand they're slapping around and the cakes look

(17:02):
all wet. So the cakes arelike dripping wet. It was endorsed all
that. I do think Bacon wasobsessed about the wet cakes a little too
much that I was like, I'mnot understanding what you mean by wet cake.
Get HBO Max watch this movie.See how what the cakes are.
They're so wet. Those are wetcakes. Wet cakes. That mean they

(17:23):
were like glistening because they were fresh. Oh. We also also a nude
Pinocchio, very sexual Pinocchio. Wesee a full nude Pinocchio. At the
beginning. He didn't carve him closeright dick out, There was no dick
well. He was like a barbie, you know, he's like all down

(17:45):
there, but it was very andthen he was on the roofs imitating birds.
His first few lines are just yeah, the first half of this film
is just JTT being like and thenthe second half is him just whispering all
his lines. Yeah, Papa,Papa, that was it. That's basically

(18:22):
we did the first half of thefilm. That is that is what is
it? They brought JTT in foran hour session. They were done in
fifteen minutes. They went what aprofessional and they sent that guy to kindergarten
or whatever. I don't understand.Okay, this is in my understanding,
the first Pinocchio where he actually goesto the school. He works his way

(18:42):
into school. He doesn't he followsother kids into school. He wants to
go to school. He goes toschool, and there's a whole scene with
a professor basically early professor Snake,the British preface who's yes, it is

(19:03):
basically Snape garden level or not gardenlevel, garbage level snake. Yeah,
I wrote this. I said,who's this Snape? Motherfucker? Because his
hair was all gray and tangling,sleeking black. But he did treat he
was like every DEMI talked to be, like, what happened? Well,

(19:32):
and then the best part of themovie happened. The nose growing. Yeah,
what is it about Pinocchio's nose growingthat is so phallic and gross?
Feeling, And every time I watchone of these films, I'm really just
like anticipating someone coming in being likeI've got a hole in my throat and

(19:55):
then you're like and I'm like,oh shit, is that nose going to
move at all? But we sawone of the best things first of all,
So penises art penises, pinocchios.Wait wait wait wait wait, what
did you mean to say pinocchios andpenis and penises? So penis life,

(20:19):
it's very penis. Pinocchio's nose growsfrom the back of the school, the
classroom, all the way to infront of the teacher, in front of
a knockoff professor Snape's face, andthen Pinocchio proceeds to, uh, you
know, about to sneeze. Heproceeds to about to sneeze. That's that's

(20:42):
the best way you could what's itcalled before you sneeze? When you go
see aches? When you know,before you preach, you and a kid
has enough time to like this outof pre chewing, where a kid has
enough time to like run and graba tissue the latin the latins exactly,

(21:06):
and then runs up to try tocover up Pinocchio's nose. But he sneezes
sawdust all over snape sawdust, sawdust. I almost want mucus more like I
want something fiscus. I don't wantsawdust. It was almost more disgusted.

(21:27):
It was because what that insinuates tome is like he is like dried up
in there, because why do helike? I don't know. Its disgust.
It makes me think about like otherthings that he would do. Would
he shit little Lincoln logs? Yeahhe would by this, yes, yes
that's correct, but by the rulesthey sat in the film. Yes,

(21:51):
yes he his his his sperm wouldbe sawdust, past pa would be sawdust.
Yeah, his blood sawdust sawdust.I mean he essentially sneezed blood all
over him. Yeah, that's whatour bone matter. Imagine going to the
doctor and being like, what doesyour what does your poop look like?

(22:15):
What does your pa look like?Have you ever gotten a piece of paper
wet and crumpled it up? That'swhat it looks like, you know,
cardboard, old, crumpled up.That's what my insights look like. So
let me understand this. You youryour your mucus. It's the same as
your spur. It's just saw whichis also the same as your blood.
Yeah, I can't sneeze on anybodybecause if I do, I can get

(22:36):
him pregnant. I give him anSTD. It's all the same liquid,
which is not a liquid flowing throughthe entire body. It's just saw.
It's disgusting. That scene was amazing. You're right, best scene in the
entire movie. I said that.Yeah, you said the best scene in
the whole movie happened. Well,I stand by that. Uh, and
then I'll say it because there's it'sa lot of Pinocchio puppet puppet tree.

(23:00):
I really don't like seeing the bottomhalf of puppets like a muppety creatures.
Whenever they showed JTT Pinocchio's feet walking, or you know, when they showed
him from Afar, it just lookedoff. There was like no weight to
it and it looks wrong. It'slike Kerman on a bike. Yeah,

(23:22):
you know, Kerman on a bikeis kind of weird. Yeah, And
it was a lot of kermana onthe bike kind of situations in this movie
where I wish they would just studto the top part of the puppet,
even though the top part of thepuppet was kind of always making the same
face. Do you think because itdidn't look like he was a puppet without
strings when he walked. Yes,so it was on purpose or do you

(23:42):
think that that is no, thatwas bad? Do you think this movie
could do that on purpose? Didyou see the cricket? Can we talk
about Cricket? Was there anything Ifelt this movie did on purpose? Well?
Yeah, what did it do onpurpose? Well? Besides, some
random shots were really great. Therewere a couple of actually really great shots.
Sometimes this movie looks awful. Yeah, but you know what you brought
up a good point. There wasa moment where Geppetto calls Pinocchio's name and

(24:07):
he's like in the middle of acrowd, and you were like, that's
a great shot. He should becenter, And I was like, you're
exactly correct, because he needs tobe the center point of the shot itself,
of the frame, and like it'sstuff like that. It's like,
that's like really amateur filmmaking. ThatThere were moments though, where like like
when what's his face? The Frenchmanthrows the ears down? Oh, that
looked like knives. That was socool. That was a great shot.

(24:29):
Some shots where you're like that's great. But then there's also the flip side
shots where you're like, but that'ssuper amateur. I don't understand when they
go to Pleasure Island. Now I'mjust skipping around. I'm not looking in
my notes. But and they goto Pleasure Oh my god, Pleasure Island
where you eat rocks apparently, andit was one of the things that get
you fire off crickets and cockroaches inthe air. Yeah, and shoot him
off as there's magnified glasses on thetop part. That didn't make any sense.

(24:52):
But the shots of Pleasure Island arepretty awesome. There's like a roller
coaster that's really cool. It's likesix Flags on math. Yes, it's
like if six Flags was made inthe Hook universe. Yes, is kind
of what it looks like run bychildren. Yes. And then that shot
of the guy standing up above PleasureIsland looking down on it, and the

(25:15):
camera goes from behind him and overhis hat and you see it. That
was such an amazing shot. Andit's then the very next scene the CGI
cricket, which wasn't done rendering yet. Yeah, there's like some weird ghosting.
Long discussion about whether it is aghost cricket, if it's just a
magical cricket, or if it's justbad CGI. And I truly don't know

(25:37):
which is which, because so whenPinocchio meets cricket, it's pretty late in
the film and right at the endof the first act. Yeah, and
he stomps on it and you heara squishy sound. So I don't know
if this is supposed to be anothercricket after he murdered one cricket or something,

(25:59):
or if this is the ghost ofthat cricket, or if there's no
way to kill that cricket because it'sa magical cricket. Could be his subconscious
you know, Well, you're objectinga magical cricket because he feels bad for
stepping on the cricket. Yeah,to me, that's what it was,
right, because it is well,because the cricket and all of them is
supposed to be his conscience. Right, Oh, it could be that.

(26:19):
So it's supposed to be his conscience. Or again, are we giving that?
We might be giving it too much, But that's what cricket's supposed to
be. It's supposed to be theconscience, and it works that way actually,
to be like, he didn't geta conscience until he took a life,
and that's what I agree. Reallyfucking good. Though maybe you know,
do we think that's it is?Steve Baron that good some things is

(26:45):
in this movie can be that great. You're right right again, it's the
best of the Pinocchios that we've watched. And again that is also not saying
a lot. Uh penis like sneezewhisper oh, Pinocchio whispers his lines.
I think we already talked about that. I do have a question is to

(27:07):
why JTT big name at the time, is that it. I mean,
here's the thing, why JTT.At the end of the movie, when
we see actual JTT, he doesa fantastic He's really good. He's really
good. He has as you saidearlier as we were watching it, he
has the confidence like he has.He brings so much to the screen,

(27:30):
Like when he's on screen, youhave to watch him. He is charismatic,
right, and he did so great. Seeing Jonathan Taylor Thomas with Rob
Schneider on screen together blew my mind. And JTT out acted yeah, so

(27:51):
bad. And Baby Newarth, who'sactually really a really good comedic actress.
Yeah, he is so good.So if like, if you could have
more of him maybe if they justmade him look wooden instead of making a
puppet, you know, and that'swhat do you think? Like, that's
the thing is I was kind ofthinking the same thing, Like he the
wood the Wooden boy, is sostiff and I don't know how he blinks.

(28:12):
That doesn't make sense to me atall, because again he's wood but
like, um, I guess I'lljust make that leap. But like he's
so stiff, it's so boring,and so many of his lines are like
soft spoken as as as I thinkall three of us kind of brought up.
And then uh, and then likemost of it was like huh that
I was just like, what wewhat do we do? The economy between

(28:37):
what we see in the end withJTT is like, oh, that's that's
right, that's the super charming,talented kid of the nineties. And then
then they're most of the film isjust as wooden, like kind of fetal
child like I don't know how todescribe it, but it just felt like
so stiff and so wooden that it'slike, why why I even had JTT
just some random kid at the end, one who cares. Could have had

(29:00):
somebody a different voiceover person maybe wouldhave brought better to this. I don't
know. But also I kind ofblame the director on that one because JTT
is a in Lion King, greatvoiceover acter, so he knows how to
be a voiceover actor. Also,the lines aren't that good. Yeah,
poor Pinocchio, you know, hedidn't really have anything. Yeah, what

(29:22):
what other notes you got? Wehaven't talked about it, but we have
to talk about the puppet show.The best part, Oh my god,
the best puppet show and all thePinocchios I've ever seen is this one.
I wrote down. This is theonly puppet show I would ever want to
go to in my entire life.It's incredible, amazing. It's the orson
Wells of puppet shows. Oh,it's maybe even better. Steven spiel It's

(29:45):
a Steven Spielberg and puppet show.It's the Schler's List of puppet shows.
You know. If Liam Needs showedup in Puppet Show, it was like,
I will kill that giant. Iwouldn't lose my mind. Tell me

(30:07):
where you are, Pinocchio. Ihave a very specific seven skills. Pinocchio,
what do you see around you?Is it a giant? Okay?
I know, I know the giant. I'll go kill him. The giant
was awesome and they did such agreat job with it where all the giant
was was a giant leg yeah,coming down. And the special effects on
this puppet show, Oh my god, there's fire. A guy eats chili

(30:30):
peppers and shoots fire out of hismouth and physiologically that makes no sense.
But I was in, but Iwas calling. I bought it. I
bought it. He had awesome waves, like a full boat, sixteen or
seventeen puppets. It was so wasa full blown production. It was awesome.

(30:51):
That puppet show had the budget oftwenty five million. Yes, I
know where they spent the money onthat puppet shot show. It was awesome,
awesome. If you could just watchthe Puppet Show, maybe google that
or something. Music it's not verygood. The song that they wrote is
pretty bad. And it's very obviouslynot JTT, very obviously because you could

(31:11):
hear king because you gonna hear him, yeah, you know. It's not
like oh, Papa, it's likethey recorded as linings from another room cool
or like hey JTT, here's yournew lines, and he's just kind of
reading through him, like yeah,hey, puppet hows are going, Oh,

(31:33):
I'm gonna be a real boy,all right, So what I should
do is say it, I'm gonnabe a real point and they just use
that. It's like he had anhour before we had to do Man in
the House or whatever fucking film hewas doing. This. Is that getting
my Christmas? Or yeah, Idon't know what's it's another movie gonna watch?
No, why that is nothing?I will say a positive. He

(31:55):
looks like wood. So many ofthese Pinocchio movies. Pinocchio doesn't look like
he's made out of wood, andI can't believe that is such a hard
thing to pull off in so manyof these No, Man in the House
is some sort of Tommy Lee Jonesfilm. Okay, so I was way
off there. I would like totalk a little bit more about Pleasure Island.

(32:20):
Now. Question, I'll always visitpleasure Welcome to a Pleasure Island.
Question. Yeah, So in thisversion of Pleasure Island, let's just say
this, you have access to waterthat turns people into the animal that they're

(32:42):
acting like. In this movie,they have a waterfall where the kids turn
into donkeys because they're acting like jackassesall day, and then they drink the
water and they could turn into jackasses. And then later in the film,
the cat and Fox get turned intoa cat and fox by that exact same
water. In the Friend Chan whoruns Pleasure Island, gets turned into some
sort of monster. You don't reallysee what he gets turned into, but

(33:05):
he gets turned into a monster.So let's just say that, Caleb,
you have this, because so apparentlythese people have found a fountain that if
you drink its water, you turninto the closely most animal. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, So if youhave this, this is what they've decided
to do. They've decided to capturechildren, make them behave like donkeys,
make them drink the water, andthen they start selling, flooding the market

(33:27):
with donkeys. Yeah, let's sayyou find this out. And I don't
know how in the middle of thewoods, could you come up with a
better scheme for making money or whatcould you do with this? I thought
you're gonna ask me what animal I'dturn into? Okay, I thought you're
gonna ask me a red man tohands down? But um, is there

(33:50):
a better way to make this scheme? I mean, as long as you
can regulate the market, I thinkit's a good scheme. You think the
donkey scheme is the best one.I'm not going to say it's well plot
out like because because already it's fuckingstupid, stupid, Like I don't know.
First of all, I don't knowthe market, the going market for

(34:13):
a donkey, because they're twenty thousandlira. Yeah, and that sounds like
a lot, but it sounds alwaysbe going right for a donkey in whatever
fucking time we're in. I oh, it could be eight percent inflation at
that point. I'm like, whata steal for twenty thousand invest in donkey?
Yeah, because that's essentially what you'redoing is investing in donkeys. You're

(34:34):
gonna make donkeys your passion, Iguess. But like, I don't know,
are you looking up twenty thousand lira? Okay, that's the equivalent of
a thousand and seventy four US dollarstoday, But I guess I wouldn't know.
I'd have to figure out what thelira was, what the lira to
dollar conversion was in eighteen twenty six. I don't think ourselves incacy to it.

(34:55):
That's one thing this podcast, Yeah'saccuracy. How often we say is
this, what do you think oh, I didn't. I never thought about
the question for myself. But Ithink it's a really uh dumb plan.
I think he's even showing donkeys topeople. As more donkeys come in,
I'd be like, looks, look, I got plenty of donkeys. Like,

(35:15):
I'm not giving you that much forthese donkeys. You're flooding the market
with donkeys. Need supplying the man? How badly does that man need it?
Donkey? I think the other sideof this is if you are if
you are flooding donkeys in in themarket, maybe there's some sort of nefarious
other side where he is murdering donkeys. Okay, keep supply up, Okay,

(35:36):
and that is the movie I wantto see. That would be more
fun to watch. Or what theguy could do is just start breeding donkeys
instead of having to do kids.It takes too long, No, don't
think that. Do you see thetransformation of those donkeys? Donkeys? Look
at a gestation period, Ie,the FBI is on your ass right now.

(35:59):
We got a guy definitely just tryingto sell donkeys in Italy. It's
eleven to fourteen guys, baby,Okay, this is faster than that.
Maybe there's place and certain to cometogether here. Well, they turned into
donkeys instantly and that transformation scene RivalsAmerican Werewolf of London. Yes it is.

(36:23):
First of all, they transform onthe roller coaster, which is pretty
awesome. That doesn't happen in thenineteen forties movie too, don't they transform
on the roller coaster? Am Iwrong there? I don't know, I
don't know, I can't remember.I've watched so many of these. They're
all meldon together. I'll tell youwhat, but that it looked cool.
It scared the shit out of mewhen they showed the donkey face, like

(36:45):
the half going between on the donkeyface. That was insane. Uh.
Another, there's a few things thatyou always see in this movie. One,
Pinocchio always has blue eyes like hisfather. Uh. And j Petto
always watches up on a beach.That's just kind of like the thing.
And the Yeah, it's always Geppettowashing up on a beach. Because Geppetto,

(37:08):
Uh, Pinocchio drops his hat andthen he gets washed in the ocean.
So Geppetto thinks, well, he'she's in the ocean. I gotta
go find him, and that's whenhe professes his love to smoke. In
Lady yaw Um and so professes hislove to her and and uh and then

(37:30):
JTT gets his ears ripped off,exposes the plan of the Frenchman who turns
into a monster and then discovers thathis father is gone and see which then
we get the very famous whale.Oh my god, the whale scene I
wrote down inside the monster and Nopeis less scary, truly, I'm not

(37:51):
gonna give I don't think that givestoo much away, but it's pretty scary
and Nope and in here it ismore terrifying because it's moist. It's moist,
everything is undulating everything, everything,everything is like looks cancerous. It's
as if it's as if Cronenberg steppedin him was like, I'll take care
of this one. Yes, it'svery cronin, very It's like a cheap

(38:15):
jepetto Sitagon an ulcer. You said, yeah, what is this an ulcer?
Some sort of disgusting like and hewas made a puppet out of like
shitty found in the stomach. Hemade a puppet creature that was also very
Cronenberg, that was disgusting. Theteeth were very similar to the Pinocchio from
what I remember, because like Iremember the whale having teeth and that other

(38:37):
Pinocchio in the Disney nineteen forties film, and this one had like big British
teeth, Yeah, big like voe. And even when it sneezed, it
sounded cockney. Change. Every timeyou do cockney, you shout Govna go,

(39:00):
you got to is that your touchsdowne? It's a govna sweep your chimney
whale, right, isn't it?Yeah? They would say, isn't it
it will I'm a I'm a whale. Isn't it look? Oh my god?
In Pinocchio and jeppetto get out ofthe whale by Pinocchio lying so until

(39:23):
his nose grows and push ups intothe crowdenberg inside the whale, and then
he gets sneezed out. Yeah,and then it gets stuck there like a
dog shitting out a tooth. Whalesdead right, gotta be it's gotta like
eventually collapse in and the very leastit's an infections. It's a bad infection

(39:44):
also or filled with sawdust. Ohman, yeah, yeah yeah. And
so then Pinocchio becomes a real boybecause he cries, right that it is.
This one always changes in all ofthe one. There's no blue fairy
in this one, which I didnot know that. That's also another theme

(40:05):
that shows up. And the lastone that we watched there was no blue
fairy, and this one there's noblue fairy. Well, but to be
fair, the last one was nota Pinocchio story, a true story.
Pinocchio a true story, but itwasn't. It was far from it.
I don't even know what a truestory of Pinocchio means. I don't think
poly Shore would do such a thing. He would never lead us astray.
Poly Shore needs money. I thinkhe's still rich from what in my mind,

(40:30):
from son in Law's still rich fromson in Law still just people watching
old you know MTV. He's gettingthat in Sino Man money still the people
from Man yeah, Man and sonin law and jury duty in the army.
Now, so there was no toomany. We can watch all of

(40:52):
them if you want. Oh mygod, what was I saying? God?
Damn it? Oh? They alwaysthat the cry him turning into a
boy's different in every film, becausehe cries in this one that turns into
So if you don't have the bluefairy to turn him into a real boy,
then It just kind of magically happens, right, because he just magically
gets turned into a living puppet.So then he just magically turns into a

(41:15):
real boy by crying on himself.Now in other ones, other people cry
onto him, and that's what turnshim. But I guess I don't know
his own historian. Yeah, hecries on himself instead of saught us coming
out of his eyes, and thenhe turns into and now we get liquids.
Yes, when emotion is felt.That's how deep Steve Baron is.

(41:37):
Yeah, that his fucking name.I don't even know. Yeah, oh
yeah, I think so. Yeah, and uh yeah, it was.
It was weird. You watch hischest which has a carving on it,
go like away, and it wasvery creepy. He was. The imagery
and the special effects in this movieare really really bad and it ruins a

(42:00):
lot of stuff it does, andit's it's a combination of stop motion miniatures
and then like cgi green screen typeof stuff. I will say, the
moment he cries and he becomes areal boy, that's when this movie takes
off. The last five minute minutes, the last five minutes of the film,
when JTT is unleashed he does lookgreat. It's great. He's so

(42:20):
great in it. He like,he does embody a good Pinocchio, so
I can kind of see how theydo that, but he just I think
it was a bad direction because thenthat goes over with the rest of the
film having really bad CGI that doesn'tseem to add up with anything. The
pacing was all off in a lotof the scenes. Whoever the cinematographer was
whenever they got there saying it,they seem to crush it on this though.

(42:43):
Yeah, again, there were momentswhere you're like, oh, that's
really an interesting shot or that waswell done, but most of it's really
bad. At the end, JTTruns up to his papa and gives him
a piece of wood and tells himto make him a girlfriend, and Ruth
yelled out, that would be yoursister now by blood baby. Yeah that's

(43:08):
right, make around of some differentwood. Yeah it's a pine and then
yeah, yeah it's the same tree. Then yeah, even a different tree.
Just oh really, I guess adifferent pine tree. Yeah, different
pine tree, different DNA. Sothat brings me up another question. If
you can have a girlfriend who wasmade out of any wood, which would

(43:28):
would it be redwood baby, redwood, strong, strong, strong, independent,
gunn't leave forever. Oh what aboutyou, birch? Okay, why
you got nothing that got Oh driftbecause it drifts. That don't know,
because because the driftwood is already kindof curving. Oh so it's just driftwood,

(43:54):
any drift. Just put some googlyeyes on a driftwood piece. I
mean, yeah, honestly, hetrue, but he really was like,
hey, make this so I couldfuck someone else. Yes, make me
a fuck doll, Papa, Papa, make me, Thank you, Papa.

(44:15):
I love you, Papa. I'moff to school. Professor snape,
huh, don't sneeze at me?What if he still sneezes? What if
he still does even in a humanform? Yeah, it just kind of

(44:36):
carries over. He grows up.I'm sorry. I don't know. I
don't know why we can't get pregnant. I don't know what's wrong. No,
no, it could be either oneof us. Love making is fantastic,
but every time it's just sucks.But we can easily start fires in

(44:59):
our house. Oh my, yeah, that's all I have. It didn't
make money, Yeah, well,yeah, I did not make money.
I don't think in any other notesI wrote down this Patrick Patrick mahomes hair,
motherfucker. Yeah, one of theDonkey boys has Patrick Mahomes hair.

(45:21):
That was he head at first,So that was cool. That's true.
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah,Patrick Malmesman haven't been alive yet. No.
Rob Schneider gets punched ten out often. Yeah, Rob Schneider gets
us come up. And it's acouple of times. But would you say
this is a Rob Schneider film.I say it's a Rob Schneider film because
this is more of a Rob Schneiderfilm than other Rob Schneider films that we've

(45:44):
watched. Really, so you're gonnathink we have to put this on the
list. Would we rank this totalscreen time is for Rob in this movie
ten minutes? Yeah, I thinkthat's probably fair. And he has no
effect on the plot whatsoever. That'snot true. He initiates, oh yeah,
the whole thing. He and bbnew Earth they discover him and they

(46:09):
say they go to the French guywho ends up being a monster and saying
there's a puppet that is stringless,which actually is is really not much of
a sticking point in this film reallyat all. That he is like a
magical boy with no strings, likemagical puppet with no strings kind of but
not really. They don't really harpon it that much. Um, But

(46:30):
they're the ones who initially go tohim and say, hey, we found
this little puppet with no strings,and he's like, I must have I
must have the pupet, I musthave one puppet I must have from thee.
Yeah, and he was so creepyabout it. He was where like
he played whoever that actor is whoIt's like Udo Kaiser or something like that.
But he's very if you would tolook him up, he'll be like

(46:51):
that guy. Oh yeah, Wellhe did a great job and he was
very creepy. But it's weird thatnobody questions. It's like, why does
this man really want this puppet boy? Like he's really into getting this puppet
boy. No one's going to questionthat. We're all just going to let
him go with the stranger. It'svery weird. It was very weird,
um. But I would say thatRob Schneider was integral in that way,

(47:16):
and then he kicks off the wholestory. But I don't know. I
mean, I don't think it's aRob Schneider movie. You don't I don't
think it counts because he's he's he'sa he's a side part, like he's
just he's in it. But like, yeah, I would never I would,
I could. I could forget thathe was even in it, do

(47:37):
you know what I mean? Like, and anybody else could have been in
it. It just didn't feel likea Rob Schneider film to me. But
if you feel like it is,we can't put it on the list.
Could be I could be and havebeen convinced it's not. Okay, you
just don't want to have to pullup the list. That's great, Okay.
I realized it was work involved man, not for Rob Schneider. I

(47:58):
don't work for Rob Schneider. Imean I do. I'm here clearly,
but yes, I don't work mighthave worked for me. You seem to
be oddly obsessed with Rob Schneider.Fuck Rob Schneider. Can I meet him?
Oh? My god? I wouldnot want to meet him. You
would never want to meet him?Oh that's a good question. Would you
want to meet Rob Schneider? Wouldyou want to meet anyone that we've talked

(48:19):
shit about on this podcast? It'sno, I wouldn't want to. I'm
not I if I met him,I wouldn't be scared about him knowing me
talking shit about him. No,I just don't want to meet him because
I just doesn't seem no, notreally what Adam Sandler would you want to
meet? We need to ree herefor this too. Yeah, I don't
know if i'd like to meet AdamSandler. I mean it's one of those

(48:42):
things where I'm like, I thinkhe'd if you did get to talk to
him, you never really you wouldn'tbe able to actually get to talk to
real Adam Sandler, right, becausehe's so used to talking to fans,
so there'd be that weird disconnect,so it just wouldn't feel genuine and I
would just feel like a fucking weirdo. That's why I don't talk to any
celebrities because unless I'm like, unlessit somehow it's kind of like somehow organic

(49:04):
where it just felt natural, butlike, like, what in what setting
are you gonna? The only timeI would talk to Adam Sandlers if we
were standing next to each other,and I was like, so what do
you do for a living? Knowingfull well because and just kind of like
engaging him in as a normal person, but like otherwise to your point,
like there's always going to be thisbarrier of like you're famous, you talk

(49:27):
to everyone who isn't on your levelclearly in a way that they are a
fan. So I'm not really goingto connect with you other than you're going
to completely forget about this conversation.So why even have it? Is my
thought process if we were together talkingabout something else, like both watching something
together and discussing that thing, thatprobably be the best way to do it,
because otherwise it's just like, ohman loved you in this movie.

(49:49):
Yeah, Because like I've only hadone celebrity cringe moment where and since then
I have not engaged with celebrities.It was Kegan Michael Key because I'm like,
I love Keegan Michael Key, andI just model my improv off off
of his and all this stuff.And I was his handler for the Chicago
Improv Festival, and I like justcarried him around and like, you know,
mature mostly. He turned to meat one point and he said,

(50:12):
whenever we go in to crowds,you just gotta push me through. You
just gotta push me through. KeekingMichael Key is such a nice guy that
he was like, you have tobe the bad guys. I had to
be the guy that would be like, sorry, we gotta move on,
we gotta keep going, we gottakeep going. And I'd have to push
him through and be like and keepmy be like, oh, can we
just have like like a few autograd kid, I just I'm like,
no, we gotta go. Yeah. But like we're at one point we

(50:34):
did have a moment. We werestanding next to each other. And I
love Reno ninety one one. It'slike one of my favorite shows, and
he's on it um and he's sogood at one episode where he does this
whole bit where he like calls thepolice and they come and there's like,
uh, there's they can't get thistrunk open for this car, and the
and the Reno police keep being like, what's in the trunk. He's like,
I don't know, I just calledyou. You guys got to check
out what's in the trunk. Andeventually he just breaks down and he goes,

(50:57):
there's a head. There's a headin the trunk. And so we're
just standing there next to each other, and all of a sudden, I'm
like so nervous and I want totalk to him because I love him,
and I just turned him and Igo, there's a head. There's a
head in the trunk. And hestops for a second and it's like,
what the oh and then realizes oneof reference because I gave no preface,

(51:19):
give no context. I just startedshouting there's a head, there's a head
in the trunk. And he justlaughs and slaps me on the back and
then we move on to the nextwhatever person. And I just was like,
what fucking interaction is that with ahuman being? Yeah, it's hard.
It's hard because you feel like youknow them, yes, and they
and they don't know you at all. Yeah, and you don't know them

(51:40):
and you don't know them their humormaybe, and you know their work exactly
right, you've Yeah, So yeah, it's awkward. But I don't think
that that was awkward. That's cute. I put that in anyway. Uh
got off on tangent. Yeah,But I mean that's all the notes.
I haven't got anything else about thisPinocchio, nothing else. You guys were
going to keep an eye out forany new Rob Schneider movies are coming out

(52:02):
very soon in select theaters right now, his movies out and as soon as
it's out on streaming. We willwatch it and we will talk about it.
And forgot that there is a movieout and yeah, and we're gonna
watch that one thirty minutes at atime, and that one will be a
lot of fun. Fuck. Wehaven't done a thirty minute at a time
one in a while. Yeah,And I'm glad we didn't do it on
this one. It didn't really deserveit. We did have a moment we

(52:27):
almost called a stop card with thesawdust, the sneezing. What is it
with you and I watching movies withnoses and sneezing? Rely, It's very
odd and it's robe he loves thatkind of you are sneezing humor seez.
It really is like shocking how manyfilms I've watched, but it's like dick

(52:47):
nose and a sneeze and like andeven us were like, it's gonna become
and there's no reason for it tobe other than we watched you spigelow European
Jiggolo. But everything in my brainwas like, it's going to be,
it's gonna be coming, it's gonnabe now, I'm expecting it. And
then it was saught us and Iwas like, I don't know, that's
better. Yeah, dick face gota boob job. Dick face got a
boob job. I was almost onthe back of your shirt. Thank god,

(53:12):
thank god, I'm wearing the shirtright now that that been an inappropriate
walker. Can't get walk around thepublic because I couldn't be that kind of
guy that wears a swear word.Dick face got a boob job. What
the fuck? This is a jewelwearing My children out there? My children
there. I took all six ofmy children grocery shopping. I thought,

(53:36):
for once in my life, we'rejust gonna have a lovely day out.
I got. Dick face got aboob job on a giant It's like a
billboard walking around. There's no wayI can't see it. He's blocking the
lace. It's six foot six,he's knocking things off shelves. It's a

(53:59):
beast man. All we can seeis just a job. But if you
send me that shirt, I'll wearit. Listeners. Uh yeah, so
that's all I gotta say. Igot no more notes. Caleb, thanks
so much for coming over and watchinga fantastic Should we say, Rob,
Rob Schneider? Should you not?Yes? Rob Schneider. I have to

(54:23):
know, Jonathan, did you getto keep some memento from this movie?
You know what I haven't. Ididn't get to keep any part of the
puppet, you know, because that'sthat's pretty expensive stuff. And you know,
they had a bunch of them,but it was all like, you
know, all different pieces of them. You know. I was like bringing
the arm of the puppet, bringingyou know, head number two and you

(54:45):
know, but I didn't get tokeep any of that. I kept a
lot of good memories and that's goodenough for me. Dot dot lat

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