Pauly Shore Pinocchio (Adam Sandler Film School)

"Faaaather, when can I leave to be on my oooooown?"

'Pinocchio: A True Story' went viral after the English trailer released with Pauly Shore as the voice of Pinocchio. Marie, Caleb, and Bacon finally had the chance to sit down and watch it. Does it hold up to the other Pinocchio's? What about the new Disney Pinocchio? It's all covered in this episode.

🎬PLOT 🎬

Young Pinocchio runs away from his genius creator Jepetto accompanied by the horse Tibalt to see the world and joins the traveling circus run by hustler Modjafocco.

🏄‍♂️ PAULY SHORE PINOCCHIO MEME INFO 🏄‍♂️
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/father-when-can-i-leave-to-be-on-my-own

📈 EVERY ADAM SANDLER FILM RANKED 📉
MARIE’S RANKINGS - https://boxd.it/gVg1o
BACON’S RANKINGS - https://boxd.it/2ZVtq

🎥 PLEASE STOP VIDEOS 🎥

Every Adam Sandler Film Ranked ➤ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgujAvraY3M

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https://bitsbybacon.threadless.com/collections/adam-sandler-please-stop/

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91 Donkey Lane

An improvised fantasy podcast about two idiots who live in a magical apartment complex at 91 Donkey Lane. Each week Robert Bacon and Nate Lopez document the strange happenings in the apartment while being visited by ghosts, trolls, wizards, and the occasional homeless man. Listen as they go on quests, discover new secrets, and watch Monster House.

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Episode Transcript

(00:06):
Welcome to Adam Sandler. Please stopa podcast where we watch Pinocchio every week.
Apparently, now that's what we're doing. We're just watching pinocchios. I'm
Robert Bacon, and with me asalways are my co hosts, Marie Maloney
Caleb George. This week we lookat Pinocchio colin a true story, a

(00:28):
Russian Hungarian American computer animated film releasedin twenty twenty two, The Year of
Our Lord, starring the voices ofPauly Shore and John head Or aka Napoleon
Dynamite aka Blades of Glory. Yeah, oh yeah, I'm Blades of Glory.
Those are two good movies. Butyeah, it seemed action packed with

(00:51):
Russian stars. The who's who ofRussian stars are in this if you're Russian
and important in the original version.Yeah, hey, guys, how's it
going. It's good to be back. It's good to be here with you.
Congratulations mister Green. Yes, I'mso excited you took her name because

(01:15):
Bacon didn't feel right for you.First name Bacon, last name Green?
Yeah my name now? Yeah,thanks, this is we're recording just a
few weeks after my wedding. Youguys are both there lovely wedding. I'll
say, yeah, you guys havefun, Yeah, of course. Yeah.
Honestly the most beautiful venue I've everbeen to. And I have to

(01:38):
say, I think the ceremony waslovely. And then the weather came and
immediately scared everyone inside. I thinkyou all timed it perfectly. I honestly
forgot about that at this point.It worked out perfectly. Of like,
the weather was perfect for the ceremony, and then as soon as it's done,
and like people are like kind ofmilling about, a storm comes in

(01:59):
and everybody else to run inside.A moment. You guys, you know,
scampered inside, like trees were falling, like darkness descended. It was
like, oh my god, you'redone. Well, you know I've said
I thought I knew it was goingto be weird when you know, the
whole ceremony was about Satan and bringingSatan back, and but it was lovely.

(02:19):
Words about Satan brought a tear tomy eye, that's for sure.
I never thought we could humanize Satan. Yeah, right here on this podcast.
The plot synopsis, Young Pinocchio runsaway from his genius creator Geppetto,
accompanied by his horse Tibault. Heaims to see the world while joining the

(02:42):
Traveling Circus. And we're recording rightnow. And Caleb, his name is
Ghosts of Tivaults, Tivaults the batbuddy. Hey, if you guys want
to call in and leave a voicemail. Apparently it was inactive. We didn't

(03:05):
check it and it's gone that number, so it is, you know what,
it's been a minute. It's alsofun sidebar. Someone's been using the
Adam Sandler please stop email to justsign up for hundreds of scams. That's
me, that's me. I'm inthere. Those aren't scams. Those are
good. Those are good to go. I can't use my normal email because

(03:30):
that's so full of all my otherscams. I got the other scams.
Yeah, so these are mine.I got some good ones. I got
some If you need penis enlargement pills, it's fine. I need a lot
of different kinds. So yeah,yeah, yeah, they're like a they're
like a cocktail, like they're seasonal. Yeah, I get our teasonal seasonal

(03:53):
home farm to table penis enlarging pills. Wow, look F to TP F
to TP. So we got anew voicemail because Google Voice is a goddamn
nightmare. So it's five one sixseven seven eight six two seven eight.

(04:15):
That's still five one six seven seveneight Nard. We still got Nard at
the end, Yes, we stillgot Nard, still got Nard, got
Nard, still got Nard, Whichis what you chant when you have your
artisanal p Yeah. If you wantto order our teasinal penis and enlargement pills
and need an email to sign upanything, it's Adam Sandler. Please stop

(04:39):
at gmail dot com go ahead,or you can email us whatever you want
to do, and then you canfind us on Twitter with a bunch of
Russian bots at Twitter dot com slashSandler. Pls stop. They're gonna those
Russian bots are gonna come after ushard for this one. Oh yeah,
they're gonna be mad about our meanson Pinocchio, the true story is already.

(05:06):
I don't know if you got facts, but we I do. I
got facts so much to cover here. The facts are really stupid. The
film's trailer went viral due to polyShore's odd vocal performance as the title character,
specifically the line father, when canI leave to be on my own?
Poly Shore did take response in goodhumor and even joined in on the

(05:30):
memes. So we've posted a linkto the no Year meme site in the
episode notes if you guys want tocheck that out, because so I checked
out people. It's just a bunchof tiktoks of people with that line underneath
it. It's really not that interesting, kind of like a quick meme,
and poly Shore jumps in and doesa really bad, like lip sync to

(05:53):
it. It's it's it's not eventhat good lip sync to his own to
his own thing, Like he kneweveryone was making fun of him, and
he kind of didn't do it,and that's kind of who poly Shore is,
you know. Yeah, sure,I mean it's nice, it's funny
you did that. I guess it'sattention. Yeah, first note I have,
I have man we're jumping into it, Jimmy cricket, and then I

(06:15):
crossed out cricket and wrote horse Jimmyhorse. Yeah, I wrote horse narrator.
Yeah, so the true story.One of the first things that we
find out is one it wasn't acricket, it's a horse who is pinocchio
sidekick. And two the horse tellsus that Pinocchio's nose is not going to
grow right at the start, rightoff the bat, which I don't understand

(06:39):
what a true story. I don'tunderstand the subtitle there, what does that
mean? Okay, good? No, I don't know, but I just
want to say overall, I thinkthis was passed through like the absolute lowest
level of translation from it to gofrom Russian to English, and I think

(07:03):
that is why so much of thedialogue is just weird and clunky, and
like when John Heater starts us off, he's like, we want you to
know that this is not the normalPinocchi of story. Like the manner of
speaking is just so like stilted thatit feels like this just got one pass

(07:27):
through Google Translate and they ran withit. The mounds don't match up at
all, which is fine, butif you were smart filmmaking, you'd maybe
write it in a way where youknew it would translate a little bit better.
But I also think it's odd toyour point Mare that like the lead
character Tibalt, it's almost as likesomeone kept telling him, like PAULI shure
it's pronounced Tibald, Like he keptemphasizing the second emphasis tib Ruth. And

(07:57):
I have been throughout the day randomlyjust going tip balts Polly short. But
every time he says it, it'llbe natural, and then he'll come to
the name. He'll be like andthen we went to the woods with tip
Bal Tiba. It's so weird.It's like he can't not be Californian.

(08:20):
Yeah, tip Bal, go downthe five Tiba. It's gonna jack in
the box. Tipbal, look coulda fat tippa. I just don't understand
what true story means because, firstof all, in a way, in

(08:41):
a way, we are Pinocchio experts, Like I think at this point I
have a pretty good understanding of thestory of Pinocchio. So does is Pinocchio
a true story mean we're sticking trueto the to the you know, the
actual tale of Pinocchio. Because I'mgonna argue that what life is beautiful?

(09:01):
Did it better that Pinocchio did doa better job of Roberto Banini? Both
Roberto Banini's films did a better jobof being quote unquote the true Pinocchio,
because I think we remember the originalPinocchio is a series of stories for young
children. It was like just acollection of short stories for Italian children in

(09:26):
the eighteen hundreds. Uh, youknow, something they pick up on their
way down to the salt mines asthey drink their coffee. You know something
I could learn to Olive oil field. Yeah, the expressout factories they traveled
to the true story. To me, this is if I'm giving it the

(09:52):
full benefit of the doubt, it'sbeing tongue in cheek to be like,
hey, this is Pinocchio, butin a way you've never heard it.
It's more real, more real.Yeah, I think like this is purely
speculation. I do not speak Russianat all, um, but I feel
like the like the original was probablylike the unauthorized version or like the real

(10:18):
like, and we just got thereally bad translation of what Yeah it was
really supposed to be, like whatDisney didn't want you to see? Yeah,
yeah, Well, as a Russianlinguist, I think that see,
you couldn't find this in Ukraine becausethey can't handle this. You know what
I'm saying. They can't handle thistruth. They don't want they don't want

(10:45):
to handle it. Yeah, thisis this is Pinocchio through a propaganda machine.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Andby the way, have you guys
seen the live act the new liveaction Pinocchio with Tom Hanks? No,
because I think if I watched onemore Pinocchio, I'm gonna lose my fucking

(11:05):
mind. I'm scared. I watchedit. I'm scared. I watched it.
And your thoughts. Oh, thefirst thirty minutes they don't even change
locations. It's just Tom Hanks,Tom Hanks alone in a room in which
they see g Pinocchio and Pinocchio inlater So like, I think Tom Hanks
like maybe had his lines written aroundthe room and he just shot everything in

(11:28):
like two days. That's called starpower, really, And then we just
watched Elvis, which also has TomHanks doing a really bad accent. Oh
God, I'm like Tom Hanks likejust falling off a cliff. What is
he fun? Was so fucking badin Els. I loved Elvis, and

(11:52):
I loved how bad he was init, don't get me wrong. And
I loved how bad he was inPinocchio. He was so bad in Pinocchio
that I can't believe this is thesame director as the director of who framed
Roger Rabbit, because like Tom Hanksis holding Pinocchio, his hands move nothing,
Like there's no connection from the CGworld to the real world. The

(12:13):
cats CG. It's just awful.It's it's really stupid. We'll watch that
one and then we'll watch Gamo deToros and then I think we're done.
I think we did there's more.I think we could do more. No,
please, please, I can't.Well, this is the truest story,

(12:33):
So I mean, this is allyou need, yea. Even though
this is this is truly nothing todo with Pinocchio. It is Pinocchio in
name only. There is nothing else. He's just wooden, but he doesn't
look wooden. He doesn't even looklike a wooden boy. He does not
look like a wooden boy. Andalso, why is an essential part of

(12:54):
this story that he does horse gymnasticsdressage exactly? And here's my problem with
this. Here's my problem with thisis is they constantly be like, he's
a talking wooden boy, isn't thatamazing? And I'm like, but people
are seeing him because he's just doingacrobatic shit on the back of a horse.
No one's like, oh my god, that's a talking wooden boy with

(13:15):
feathery, beautiful blonde hair. He'sjust doing backflips off a horse, and
everyone like, that's amazing. Ithas nothing to do. There's never a
point where him being a puppet matters. In fact, even at one point
doesn't like the police officers say,like this Pinocchio is pulling all the strings,
and I'm like, the irony thereis insane. I don't understand why

(13:39):
this is Pinocchio at all. Well, the reason why they just did that
same horse dance is because they didthe animation once and they just repeated it
like five six times him on thatgoddamn horse. Yes, and every time
I watch someone run in this film, oh my god, my goddamn mine,
running animal is amazing. The runninganimation isn't gerrocious. There's no momentum.

(14:05):
How is Russia so far behind therest of the world in computer animation?
It doesn't make any sense. Theyjust got the like the first Imax,
the big screen one that like thedifferent colors. Yes, you know
what, I think we should justlisten to some soundclips that I've pulled from
the movie, because that if you'venever watched this movie, I think that

(14:28):
it's really important just to hear polyShor's lines and you know some John Heater.
Here's the funny thing. If youget the digital version of this movie,
I have found out that there isa Redubb. They completely eliminated poly
shored John Heater everybody and redubbed itto a guy who has a Scottish accent.

(14:48):
Oh, Mike Myers, Yeah,it might have been Mike Myers.
I don't know. You can tellme. So you have to get it
on DVD because the DVD release haspoly shored John Heater on it. So
I'm first gonna play poly Shores takeon Pinocchio. If you haven't heard it,
it's exactly what you think it's goingto be. It's okay, Dad,

(15:09):
don't worry. Even if they findme. I can always pretend to
be a tree stump. O.Father, tell me when can I leave
to be on my own? I'vegot the whole world to see. I
want to meet other people. Honestly, replace it with a fifteen year old
girl and it won't be any different, Dad, I want to see the

(15:35):
world other people. Here is theother English dub with somebody else. It's
okay, Dub. Don't worry evenif they find me. I could always
just present to be a tree stump. Father, tell me when could I
leave to be on my own?I've got the whole world to see and

(15:58):
I want to meet so the people. It loses all its charm. Did
he record it in like in hisbedroom? What's going on? It does
sound like it sounds qualities horrible.It's an iPhone. He made a voice
memo. Yeah, I just rightjust shit this out. He sounds more
natural though, and even the polyshort sounds really stiff. Yeah. Well,

(16:21):
here's here's some more. I gota bunch of poly short. It's
just it's so much fun. It'sso much fun to hear poly short pinocchio.
I promise I will let you go, believe me, son, but
only when the time is right.Time shut takes his sweet time. Maybe
time just got lost on its wayhere? That sounds like somebody was reciting

(16:45):
or Robert Frost poem and had astroke. He just finished a fat blunt
and like had a deep thought.Did did did you ever think that time
just takes it sweet time? Maybeit like got lost herew we're lost in

(17:11):
the desert? Is that an inthe army now reference? I don't know,
it's just deserts close to La.Here's here's the other guy's take.
Time show takes his sweet time.Maybe time just got lost on his way

(17:33):
here? Also, why is heScottish. What the fuck is happening?
This guy sounds like he's reciting aDylan Thomas poem. The fuck is going
on? I hope Bacon you've gotthat. I hope you've got the five
minutes of him riding the horse,just being like, oh yeah, oh

(17:56):
wow, makes its sweet time.Maybe it just got lost on the way
here. Jesus Chris, right heresome more. Your own home should never
feel like a prison. You cango, Thank you, Daddy. I
knew you wouldn't say no. Let'sgo Tibbot Great Adventures. Away the skinny

(18:21):
Skiny Skinny soon later, my dearJapan, Just be careful my son.
Bye bye, Daddy, Bye byeSkinny. I knew you wouldn't say no.

(18:41):
Let's go Tibbot Great Adventures. Awaitthe skin skiny skinny. Why that's
him running? He was like runningand then jumped out the window and jumped
on Tibot tibbotk weizzle. Here's howthing, Here's how the other guy does it.

(19:10):
Let's go to the great egg benches. Await, how name is that?
Goodbye father, I'll be back soonas down comes down. By daddy,

(19:44):
Oh my god, how many clipsdo you have? Do you have
you? I got more? Youwant some more? Here we go?
Really, I don't want to crossany lines. But what happens if she
says no to me? What happensif she says no to me? What
happens if she says not to me? My father? Gunna visit leaning Cheesa

(20:08):
said. Lucilda lived by a mountain. But that's the only mountain around here.
Around here, because that's the onlymountain around here, she said,
a mine under a mountain. That'swhat Lucinda said, my most welcome and

(20:29):
expected visitors. Um, hello,Sennara. We're looking for a fairy named
Lucilda. Is that you? Yes? Oh? Sure, M so nice
to meet you, Signora Lucilda.My name is Pinocchio, and this is
my friend Tippalt. And I'm guessingyou've noticed I'm a wooden puppet. This

(20:53):
this is written for a four yearold, like this is a four year
old English level? Na, Na, Na, You're right, you don't
get it. It's adventures a mantap bacon? Do you have there is

(21:19):
one more? I don't think youhave it because but I I played this
fucking I've played this moment back fiveor six times. I played it back
so many times they're coming in.I have a timestamp because I wrote it
down twenty one twenty two. It'swhen the when the circus is rolling into
the German town, there is awoman who is in the window and she

(21:42):
goes hard guitar to talk guitar.I think, I know it's that.
I think you're saying welcome to ourtown. But I literally replayed it six
times and I cannot understand what she'sfucking saying. I think she says welcome
to our time. I don't thinkshe's sweet, though, I don't know.
I couldn't understand what she was soI know the exact moment you're talking

(22:04):
about, Caleb, I was like, that's skirt jobs it is. They
took her job. Turn Wow,the voice over working. So glad you

(22:48):
noticed that, Caleb, I justthought. I my brain was melting.
I got one more, one morepolki here. I shouldn't have spoken to
Tipple like that. He's my friend, but I love Bella. Why do
I have to choose? How dohumans do it? It seems so hard.

(23:11):
I shouldn't have spoken to Tipple likethat. I shouldn't have spoken to
Tipple like that. It's like someonekept giving him the note of like,
no, you must say you mustsay it correct, I must say tipalt
must inmphasize second part of word.You fucking American pigs. There's only one

(23:34):
person on side who could translate,and they don't know yet. Just say
it's so weird. Oh my god, man, Okay, we could get
to notes. I have one moreaudio clip, but we'll play it at
the end because it's at the endof the movie. What are we do
in regards to notes? Because thisshould Can we give because I think this

(23:56):
is important? Because you because Ithink the audience might think that they know,
um, Pinocchio, but this isthe true story. So can we
give just just a synopsis of thefilm, and it point out several reasons
why this is not a Pinocchio story. Oh um, well, there's no
Jimmy Cricket. Yes, Geppetto servesreally no purpose the whole thing. He's

(24:21):
barely in it. He's barely inItaly. No whale, we do not
get to the whale or the like. Uh the kids that turn into donkeys.
There's no island of what was it? Oh man? I can they
go to pleasure Island? N Yeah, none of those islands and correct me
if I'm wrong, which you're both, you know, PhD in Pinocchio.
Um. But like the whole pointof Pinocchio, right is that he is

(24:45):
a puppet in the sense that it'slike a cautionary tale to young boys in
Italy of like going along with thingsand being bad boys and if you do
that, you'll be punished, you'llturn into donkeys. We saw that love
scene in Roberto Bernini's film where hisbest friend dies and breathes heavily, and

(25:07):
then we have like this whole themeright of like essentially like he's a puppet
because he's he gets manipulated by people, and don't be a boy who gets
manipulated, because then you'll get intotrouble and you alternative donkey. That's kind
of the theme right here. That'snot present in this at fucking all.
It doesn't He doesn't even have tobe a wooden boy. That's that is

(25:27):
unnecessary to the plot. And anyway, he just kind of rides around on
a horse with a circus. Thecircus is ripping people off. He goes
to try and be a boy becausehe falls in love with a girl and
then she kind of rejects him becauseshe's like, he's going to use you.
You know, these circus people aregoing to use you, so you
should get away. And then heruns away, but then he comes back

(25:49):
and then there's a whole song thatgets sung about how the townspeople are being
robbed, right, and then hegets the girl, which is so odd
to me because I'm like, isn'tPinocchio like twelve? Yeah, she's eleven.
She's eleven. Why he's a Whythere's a love interest here? He's
like a boy. I don't getit. It's strange. Also, I

(26:11):
don't think there was a random buffoondetective storyline in the original ones either.
Yeah, there's no. I don'tthink so. Either. There's no school.
School was a huge part. Goto school do these things? You
know. Jeppetto's poor in the otherone. In this one, I don't

(26:32):
know if he's really poor. He'sactually just they call him a inventor.
He's a genius inventor. The clockthings in there barely So Jeppetto and his
clocks is always in the films.Uh so that was in there? Um,
But there's no nose growing, there'sno real lesson to be learned except

(26:52):
for don't join the circus. Ateleven, the constable showed up with his
two jabbronies next to him audibly saidout loud, these property brother motherfuckers.

(27:15):
We gotta post a screenshot of theseproperty brothers. We gotta put it on
our on our Twitter. Do theyfuck each other like the property? Now?
We can't not not prove that,Okay, I mean I don't know.
I could imagine these two going atit, one spinning the others must

(27:38):
have. Yeah. Yeah. Andthen so the character designed the animation,
it's all pretty. The running animationsby far the best, but it's I
mean, it's really low budget,this thing whatever they got. Also,
a cat shoots a gun. Wrotethat down the front of Criminally Pinocchio is

(28:03):
shot by a cat. Yeah,just on the street. Immediately they just
started shooting children, like twenty minutesin. Yeah, that cat is waving
that gun around like it's nothing,and it's shooting like cannonballs, and it
looks like a tuba. I mean, it looks so stupid, and the
cat looks like a way that's accurate, there's no way that's accurate. But

(28:25):
cat looks like a talking tom.Do you remember them like bullet shot too,
that they do. Oh yeah,where he like they do like he
like does as it slows, itdoes slow motion, and he slides and
shoots and it's a follow the bulletsa matrix, follow the bullet shot right

(28:45):
past Pinocchio's face and then and thenTeball complains about how he's been shot for
twenty minutes. It's so out ofplace and odd. It's so weird.
Oh, I was gonna say.There's also a good portion of the movie
where Tibbalt is referred to as Pinocchio'sdad, like a horse dad. Oh,

(29:08):
it's so weird. That whole conversationis so weird, where he's like,
I'm gonna be your dad. Itdoesn't make any sort of sense.
No, maybe if they worked inthere that the horse needed a like it
was a slack off horse that wasskirting its responsibilities and it needed to settle
down or something like that. Idon't know what you do with horses,

(29:30):
but it just came when it cameout of nowhere. And then he's just
like, I'm your dad, andthen Pinocchio had to call this horse's dad
for half the movie. And Caleb, you talked about the song at the
end. This is what I wouldlike to play. I'd like to play
the whole song at the end thatis clearly just directly trans Google translated from
Russian to English. Oh, definitely, because it doesn't rhyme. It doesn't

(29:52):
make a whole lick a sense.Everyone sounds awful and flat and terrible.
Oh that's what you're I wasn't evenexpecting that. I couldn't you know.
I couldn't expecting poly Short to singhtim balls, I love you Well.
There's also the first song that Bellasings, which is similarly tough to listen

(30:18):
to or understand, and it feltlike this was trying to be like a
Russian solution to The Greatest Showman.Oh almost, wow, I guess so.
But they're like, let's just throwtwo and a half songs in and
not make it a full musical.Yeah, it's not really musical because they

(30:44):
didn't have enough songs in it tobe a musical, and the songs that
are in there here, I'll justplay the song it, Yeah, play
the end song. It's atrocious attention. Please, my dear friends, I'm
gonna tell you now, somethings arehiding. Gallow gets and robbing everyone and

(31:11):
using our shows, he covers upthe crime while the audience is watching us.
The sleep looks down the street.He opens all the doors he wants
and hides behind the court. Theymust be come on comm to. Everyone
knows who they are. We're gidingin the lance and give arts the best

(31:38):
workers wild. We've been deceived aswell as Hue my difference, I can't
the box are guilty and Mansio Folcois their mind. It's it's like a

(32:05):
borderline that improv game bad rap whereit's like it's like it sets up a
rhyme and then doesn't deliver, likeit'll be like, it'll be like and
here's the information. It's about togo down. Everyone is being robbed in
this community of people. And you'relike, well, you had town,
you had town right there, youwere right there, you had town.

(32:27):
Why didn't you just deliver? Whydo you stick so strict to the translation?
I don't know what the line isbefore that, but it goes like
and the hides behind the colts andit's like yes, and it's like the
culminating moment. It's the climax andthis whole fucking film and it's terrible.
I have a line for you.I wrote this down because I was like,

(32:49):
this is an actual line in thisfucking piece of shit. Um,
one clown said something and then anotherclown said something. But the real clown
is you Pinocchio, because you believedthem? Yes, yes, Tibald tibbal
droping knowledge tibble took forever to getto his point? Is what? I

(33:10):
remember that line that clown said somethingstupid and that clean said something stupid.
But you know who's really the clown, Pinocchio. Who's the clown in this
situation? Pinocchio? You are You'rethe clown, Pinocchio, the clown.
I'm your dad, I'm your dad, and you're a clown from southern California.

(33:31):
I wrote down, so like there'sa quick montage of headlines question Mark,
UM show posters, but through butit's it cycles through about five,
but does it eight times? Um? And they just say Pinocchio Circus Pinocchio,

(33:55):
Bella Pinocchio, Pinocchio, and BellaPinocchio circus Pinocchio in circus. And
the thing that's frustrating about this additionallyis then this whole fucking thing is like
the whole thing is like he's atalking wooden boy, but they don't publicize

(34:20):
any of it. And then hejumps around on the back of a horse
set. I'm like nothing, justnever you have a talking wooden boy and
you're not promoting any of it.I don't understand. Also, a show
poster would be like see the Amazinglike a live puppet. Yeah, it
wouldn't just say Pinocchio Bella. Imean, and they're gonna be so disappointed

(34:45):
when they show up and has nothingto do with Pinocchio. Yeah, he
was just flipping on horses, zuckand is he his nose growing for him
to dance around? He was justa horse the whole time. Mama,
Mama, fucking fire. Now Pinocchioand fire Pinocchio and the whale Pinocchio and

(35:05):
the nose growing Pinocchio hanging from atree. There's a lot of like imagery
with Pinocchio, and they don't hiton any of it. Besides the fact
that it's not it's not Pinocchio's Pokochio. It's Pococchio. It's Pinocchio. Is
he even pine? Do we knowhe's pine? Oh? That's not I

(35:25):
didn't see a vagrant log. Sothere's no way we can confirm. Oh,
by the way, in the newPinocchio, Tom Hanks does say the
pine thing, I've made you outof pine, so you're Pinocchio. Okay,
he says, love that, whichis my favorite revelation for us when
we first us discovering Pinocchio Pinocchio.Oh my god, mind blowing. Yeah,

(35:55):
that led us to the oak WillochioTim Barocchio. Yeah, compressed ikea
furniture Okio particle called particle bordoki.If you want to be environmentally conscious,

(36:20):
bamboo okio, bambookio, bambooki,bambookio bamboo I wrote down. How does
that bird make the boulders fall?Yeah? What the hell was that?
It's a fucking cockatil. There waslike a Rio character. How is it
making? It making, pushing,making boulders fold? Part We never see

(36:45):
that parrot again? Really no,we don't know. He said, I'm
right, and then we never seehim again. A lot of characters don't
talk. The strong men don't talk. The clown only talks for a little
bit. Blue Silda the fairy,Yeah, her voice is bizarre. What

(37:05):
do you mean it's bizarre. It'slike they took an Australian woman and had
her like weirdly speak properly. Butthen she also has like a slight accent
from somewhere else. It's very odd. She's, Oh, here we go,
I'm sorry, you can't buy mymagic with money. Miracle, Oh

(37:30):
priceless. Yeah, I guess Iam hearing a little Australian in there.
Yeah, it's miracles are priceless.It's Robin Leach. She says something like,
you can't, you can't, youcan't. She says, you can't.
Okay, there's gotta be a badguy. I could have done that
one better. Better. I couldhave said anywhere after listen here, you

(37:54):
silly, you can't. Everybody isweird in this movie. No one got
the proper direction. I assume theyall just recorded these at home in their
closets with their iPhones. It's sobad. I do have three random clips.
I don't even know what these are. I think this is just showing

(38:14):
John Heater as the talking horse.Sometimes miracles do happen in this world day.
That's sounds like a Canadian horse there. Sometimes miracles do happen in this
world day. Ay, I willsay my screen or a user name for
this Zencaster is Ghosts of Tibal becausethere is a very odd scene where two

(38:39):
Tibal ghosts like trying to they're likeboth hiding behind. It's like a you
know, an angel and a deviltype situation, but he's he's animated ghosts
like and it's very odd. Yeah, I forgot about that part. Yeah,
and he has to and he's upsetbecause oh this is after the like
the second or third time him thathe's basically concussed himself. And then so

(39:02):
in this I think he's just likeseeing apparations and his concussed mind, like
the swelling and every yeah, straightup Tibal sits is that he just smashes
his head. There's no like buildup. One time he just stands up
behind a barrel of hay and smasheshis skull. And then I think,

(39:27):
yeah, it's like the third orfourth time that he does that, that
he starts to see these operations.No, my god, is that what
happens? I think? So didlike did Tua get knocked out and saw
two Tuas sitting there telling him aboutI'm just asking questions, asking questions,

(39:55):
not what happened when he seeses onthe field. Oh no, too to
us, don't pop out and tellhim. One of them's like you should
go back, and the other one'slike, no, man, just hand
the ball off. Just hand theball. Just do a couple of run
plays and you'll be back at it. What I remember is Pinocchio passing out.

(40:15):
And then there's kind of like aWizard of Oz shot where it's um
someone who looks like Freddie Mercury,someone who looks like Dumbledore, and someone
who looks like penny Wise the clownstanding over him and just checking the be
like it's okay, I'll send youthe clip, but I got it right
already. Does it? Does it? Does it? Or does it not

(40:36):
look like Freddie Mercury, Dumbledore andpenny Wise the clown tell me it doesn't?
Tell me it doesn't. Like Ohmy god, I good. Well,

(41:06):
I guess we found our Trio Halloweencostume. My god, no one
will know who we are. Butokay, that was so much like Freddie
Mercury. Oh my god. No, I hope I wake up. I

(41:27):
hope when I die. Here's whatI hope. I hope when I die
and I go to heaven and myeyes open, I see those three figures
because that's that's James Lipton. Whenyou go to heaven, what do you
want? And I want I wantFreddie, Mercury, Dumbledore and penny Wise
to be right there about your questionsfor all three of them. That's the

(41:51):
best part that penny Wise is inthat group of people. It's like,
WHOA, I was wrong. Iwas wrong about penny Wise. It was
the good guy. I think that'sa telltale sign you're in purgatory. Yeah.
Yeah, it's probably not a goodthing in the waiting room. Yeah,
Okay. We at a point nowwhere we create a separate list for

(42:15):
Pinocchio films. Is that what wedo? Oh? God? Well,
wait real quick, we got totalk about how the big reveal at the
end is that Bella, the loveinterest, is the fucking daughter of the
dinghis ass detective. Oh yeah,she has the same handkerchief that's kind of

(42:36):
thrown in there at the end.The dumb detective decided to become a detective
the day he lost his daughter andforgot about that and just decided to start
chasing after Carney Folk. And thenat the end of the movie it's revealed
that his daughter is actually Bella,who was stolen from the Carney folk just
kind of fell into that one man. Yeah, I mean, Bacon,

(43:00):
How easy is it to see thisfilm? Is this accessible in any way?
It's only located on the DVD.That's it. Well, if you
want to get the best version,you order the DVD online. Yeah,
definitely get that ship to your house. Uh. You know, I already
owned the Pinocchio Robertopanini DVD version becauseit has the English and the Italian subtitles.

(43:27):
It has the Queen Latifa Dove onit. You know, I really
wish there was Queen Latifa Dove inthis one. That would have really Wait,
which which Robert one were you talkingabout? I own the Robertobanini in
which he is the Pinocchio, thetwo thousand and two one. Okay,
that's that's the one I was hopingfor. That's the vager logs. That's

(43:47):
why we're here. Yeah, that'sa two parts it is. This is
a you could rent it on AppleTV. Um, but I don't know
if the one that you could renton Apple TV has poly Shore in it.
It says it's on Apple TV.It says starring poly Shore John Heater.
But would we recommend someone rent thisthat's a good question. For six

(44:14):
dollars. Six dollars goddamn money intoRussian economy, those Russians. Yeah,
do something better with your five ninetynine. Yeah, you can watch this.
You could rent it on red Box, of Voodoo, streaming YouTube,

(44:34):
Google Play, Amazon, or AppleTV. You could rent it in all
those places, or you could buyit, you know, you know,
because you're going to be wanting towatch it more than once for ten dollars.
Of course, it was funny,and I enjoyed the tibault, and
I enjoyed poly Shore's take on it. I actually think poly Shore improved this
film immensely. If you watch itwithout poly shore version, it's just boring

(45:00):
and lame. Yes, poly Shoreadds a little something to it. He
you know, he has a personalityand it's coming out in this character,
and it was fun with him.But I don't think this is something you
need to see. I don't thinkyou need to see the other live action
Pinocchio. I watched the cartoon onerecently too, and that one's okay.

(45:23):
It's it's good, but it's youknow, compared to other Disney films,
it's I don't know why this well, this story just needs to keep being
told. Caleb, what do youthink? Oh? I was gonna say,
but where do you rank it onyour Pinocchio list? Can you pull
that up on IMDb? I mean, are we renaming this to Potocchio the

(45:45):
Potnocchio past? When are we watchingthe next Pinocchio Pinocchios? Can we fit
in this year? Yeah? Isthis our poly Shore show us More podcast?
Yeah, this is the reason whywe're watching it. One, it's
Pinocchio and it's the poly Shore,so it kind of covers both those things.

(46:06):
Yeah, if I had to rankit, well, it's definitely Roberto
Binini two thousand and two where he'sPinocchio. That's number one. Yeah,
gold standard, can't get any betterthan that. Then like a far distant
two that's like not even in thesame solar system. Is the Disney Pinocchio?
Then right behind Disney Pinocchio. I'dput this poly Shore Pinocchio like right

(46:29):
there, like Ti Box, LikeRoberto as Jeppetto is even below this.
Yeah, that one was boring tome, Like after seeing this one and
seeing like how far you could reallypush those characters. I mean he rode
a horse. I mean, wow, I hate that I asked this question.

(46:51):
I hate it. I'm so sorry, But are you guys interested to
know what is coming up next?What we're gonna we're gonna you're covering,
We're gonna get something. We're gonnaget closer to the podcast, hopefully sometime
soon. But we kind of haveto jump a little bit away because there's
Adam Sandler and he's got three filmsthat are in post production. You got
Space Man, You are you AreSo Not Invited to My bat Mitzvah and

(47:15):
Murder Mystery too. Now Space Manis not Happy Medisin, but I checked
it on in Wikipedia and it islisted as a co production company, so
it might be Happy Madison ish.We might have to get closer to the
release to find out, but it'sit's scheduled to release sometime in twenty twenty
three. Then we have you AreSo Not Invited to My bat Mitzvah that

(47:38):
stars Adam and his wife, andthat is one a Happy Madison production.
There's no date on that one.Then there's a Murder Mystery two with Adam
Sandler and Jennifer Aniston, also aHappy Madison but also there's no information on
that. Really, I thought itwas supposed to come out in this November.

(47:58):
That's what I thought too, Butas of right now, I haven't
found any updates, so and you'dthink there'll be some updates by that by
now on that. There's also onthe Happy Madison Wikipedia page there is an
untitled animated Adam saying their project thatis in pre pre production right now,
so they're like writing it, sothat might be something in the future.

(48:19):
I also thought I saw that he'steaming back up with the Safty Brothers again.
I saw a Deadline article saying that, yeah, so there's a bunch
of things in like that are cooking, but really it doesn't look like anything
that's coming out very soon. Ithought for sure Murder Mystery Too would be
coming out soon, but I don'tknow, but maybe that hopefully there'll be
some more information on that soon.Kevin James The Crew was canceled after one

(48:42):
season shortly after was released. That'sa shocker, deep shocker to everyone who
remember all those characters on the Crew. You got Kevin James hot wife,
hot wife, and that's a Idon't know her name, but I just
she was a hot right, becausethat's just required, wasn't it. Like
a love interest, not hot wife. Was it just a love interest?

(49:06):
We don't remember it was Oh yeah, it was like the new owner of
the club, right, that's whoit was, right, And he kept
like butting head because he's like theold way works. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, that's right. She's like, I use statistics. Yeah I remember
that. He just said statistics.And he's like, but we just we
just trust our good instinct. I'mlike, well, that's why you're fucking

(49:27):
losing. So, I mean,it was like watching a bar rescue where
the owners are like I know howto do things and they're like clearly losing
it, and it's like this isit's like a rescue, the rescue and
they just and then they went backto being pirates. After Pirates is like

(49:50):
the gold standard episode. Man,I love that you just brought up Pirates.
Oh my god. It's like myfavorite episode. And my favorite part
is they were like after about amonth they went back to be a Pirates
and they came back on the showas undercover for another bar, and they

(50:12):
talked about they closed their bar andthey opened up a new bar called Bar
Recluse, Bar refuge Ut. Yeah, that's great. Bas the expert on
the bar rescues back to Kevin James. On his IMDb page, it is

(50:32):
there's something listed for an untitled NetflixKevin James project, and it is listed
as an animated TV show, Sothat's something to keep an eye on.
But okay, our boy, theteeny tiny little piece of shit himself,
Rob Schneider, has a new filmthat is in theaters right now called Daddy

(50:53):
Daughter Trip, and it was releasedin theaters on September thirtieth, twenty twenty
two, starring Rob and one ofhis daughters, not the l king one,
and Jackie Sandler, Adam Sandler's wife. I looked it up. It's
not playing anywhere in Chicago. Theclosest place I could find it was in

(51:14):
North Aurora, Illinois, So Iguess we're just gonna have to wait for
that one to get on streaming.The plot for that is a spring break
trip vacation with a series of misfortunateadventures is saved when the duo meet a
couple of famous travel bloggers. Ohboy, it sounds why do we do

(51:37):
this? There's so many good films. I've been watching so many good films
lately. I've been fun employed andI've been watching awesome films, and right
in between these awesome movies, Ihad half a star in Letterbox, this
piece of shit, and I askedme to do it all over again.
Yes. And also Caleb, healso has two other films in post production

(52:05):
right now. Oh my god,dude works, I guess. And he's
got a film in pre production calledPledge Trip. So he's got three films
in the hopper ready to go here. Oh and I'm on Letterbox and I
see Caleb's half a star on PinocchioTrue Story. I haven't. I think
I've only given two half stars,and Pinocchio is one of him, and

(52:28):
the other ones in film called Cusoonly two. Okay, maybe maybe I'm
wrong there. Oh no, apparentlyI've given four half stars. I'm wrong.
Okay, Well that's you know I'vegiven out. I'm looking at over
that. I gave Pinocchio a TrueStory also half a star, and I
gave the live action remake of Pinocchiohalf a star. I also gave Home
Team that Kevin James film a halfa star. Uh, you guys,

(52:52):
So we don't really have anything torank or do anything like that, but
instead of half a stars, arethere any films that you guys have seen
recently that you could recommend that thatyou think are good. I was Worried
Darling, and um, I sawthat. I saw Don't Worry Darling like

(53:12):
the day it came out, andit was interesting. Okay, it's definitely
a movie that feels like a movie. Do you guys understand what I'm talking
about? What is it? I? Yes, and I I don't think
I need to watch it because Idon't think anything that that film is going
to be is going to be betterthan the drama surrounding that film. I'm

(53:36):
sure the film's fine, but Iwas here for the drama the entire time.
The cinematography is beautiful, I'm surethere are gaping plot holes, and
there was a twist that I didnot see coming. Um, so that
was interesting. Um, it's worththe watch. But if you want to

(53:57):
wait for it to come out onstreaming, then that I think that would
be fair. Yeah. I wouldrecommend seeing it for sure. I'll probably
see it eventually, but it's justnot high on my list. I don't
think I've been trying to do abunch of horror movies for obviously October,
so a couple of great ones thatI watched that I recommend three one Cut
of the Dead. Barbarian and deadStream are all awesome. I watched dead

(54:22):
Stream that was great. I reallyliked a dead Stream a lot. Dead
Stream was really fun, very It'sa disgraced live streamer to get himself back
on the map live stream from ahaunted house and scary things happen. Oh
yeah, it's pretty fun. It'spretty fun. It's like it's a Yeah,

(54:43):
it's a fun one. Yeah,it's kind of self aware, very
like. It feels very like BlairWitch Project meets like Sam Rami evil dead
like, very self aware, Ithink, and very fun. I enjoyed
that. Yeah, and Barbarian isnot a movie I could ever physically watch,
but I've heard great things and Idid have Jimmy tell me the plot

(55:06):
of the movie like it was astory, and it sounds like an interesting
story. So yeah, it's it'sit's fair, it's very interesting. I
think it's very well done. Idon't know if you've seen it yet,
Bacon or not. I know I'veyet to watch that one. I think
it's on HBO Max on the twentyfifth, so I think it's coming to
okay quickly, Okay, awesome.I'm definitely going to check that. I

(55:28):
think that one's on my watch listand go into a blind. I wouldn't
look at anything up. I justgo into it and enjoy that ride,
all right. I have r RR. Have you seen anyone? Dope?
I love Ridiculous. It's a fictionalhistory of two legendary revolutionaries journey away
from home before they begin fighting fortheir country or in the early nineteen twenties.

(55:52):
Marie, I think you'd love it. I think you'd love that film.
It's long as shit, but itis a fucking ride. Oh my
god. Yeah, it's like overthree hours. I think it's very long.
And Bacon, you just saw this. I just watched it, and
I'm just looking through my letterbox oflike most recently and like that one.
I gave a heart and five stars, and I don't give five stars a

(56:14):
lot. It is an ultimate,say a Bollywood movie. Yes, the
action is so fun. It's socartoonish but so inventive and so like they're
having so much fun with it.They're basically two superheroes. I think I
wrote in my review that it waslike watching a superhero movie. For the

(56:36):
first time. Kind of Yeah,that's really fun. It's cinematically like so
interesting. Yeah, oh, youtwo would be proud of me. I
saw Cabin in the Woods for thefirst time. Well, that's a good
one. Did you like it?I did. I thought it was really
interesting. There were parts I likecould not watch, but overall I thought

(56:57):
it was really good. That's afun one. That's a great one.
That one, it's like another selfaware, super fun one that plays around
with all the tropes. The Halloweenone that I would recommend. It's called
out There Halloween Megatape. It's yeah, it's it's it's designed to look like
a tape that you would like buyat a store, that you would like
put on at some party in thelate nineties, and then you play it

(57:19):
and the movie is actually like ifsomebody recorded a TV show in the late
nineties on their VCR and it kindof like recorded the stuff before it and
it recorded the commercials and but it'sall news. So it's kind of like
brand new nostalgia, is the bestway I could describe it. And this
isn't the first time this group oflike I found this one first and I

(57:43):
watched it and then I read thereviews and found out that this group of
people has also made something before thisthat's very similar, So I'm definitely gonna
have to check that out. Idon't know a lot about it. I
think it's called Let's see here.Yeah, I can't find out the name
of the one before, But onthe poster of this one from the archives
of Trader Tony's Tape Dungeon. Uh. Yeah. So it's like a real

(58:07):
fun, self aware thing. Itlooks like it was shot on a VHS
and it was really super interesting andI suggest you, yeah, check that
out with a group of friends,you know, have a couple of drinks
and uh and enjoy something like that. What do we say at the end
of this one, you guys,would you say earlier Marie poly Shore,
give us more? Or what?Yeah? Like, are we reading of

(58:30):
Polly Shore phrase for this or arewe just doing pinocchi? Oh no,
pinocchi no more? Pinocchi no more? You know what? This is what
I will say. I will saypinocchi no more and Polly Shore give us
more? Give us Yeah? Ilike, because you know what, I

(58:51):
would like to see more of theweeks tib tib. You guys want to
say, uh, Pinocchi. Ohno, is it Pinocchio? Pinocchi?
No more Pinocchi, no more,Polly Shore us more. It's a lot

(59:15):
of more. Man. This islike a translated Russian song. Damn it.
That's why it ended, you guys. The next episode, Grindstone and
Lionsgate, they called me up andthey offered me the role of Pinocchio.
I recorded it, and when Isaw the boy, I kind of just

(59:37):
played the role of what I feltthat the boy was. And then I
get a call from my friend Joeyand he's like, dude, the thing's
going viral. Your video. Everyone'slike kind of acting like you. I'm
like, huh. Then I wentonline. I'm like all these tick talkers
saying that Pinocchio is the yassification ofPinocchio. I didn't plan it that way.
It kind of just kind of howI saw the character. Well,

(59:59):
it was mostly just people being elatedthat Pinocchio is uh, he's uh can
you say the word gay? Youknow? All the people that are gay
were like, oh wow, youknow, he's Pinocchio's you know, he's
he's he's homosexual. And I'm likeall right, you know, and I
just went with it,