September 9, 2023 • 50 mins
As we prepare to head back into Fall, the Adult-ish crew is falling back into this podcasting thing! That's right — after over seven months of silence, our favorite host, Afiya A., returns to the microphone to speak on living the adult life.
In this Re-Entry Episode, the 30-something-year-old adult gets very personal about the life changes that affected her ability to record including a health scare, a heart-breaking loss, and a moment of reflection.
A string of traumatic events will definitely make you think twice, and Afiya definitely spent the last few months thinking.
Listen on as the host becomes vulnerable regarding her desire to change her perception of those around her, change the way those around her perceive her, and change the way she looks at herself.
It's been a rocky ride, but we here's to the beginning of a new Adult-ish.
Host: Afiya A.
http://twitter.com/lajoliepoeta
http://instagram.com/alja0214
Clubhouse @Aljaugust
Adult-ish Podcast
http://twitter.com/adultishp0dcast
http://instagram.com/adultishp0dcast
http://facebook.com/adultishp0dcast
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/adult-ish--2822839/support.
In this Re-Entry Episode, the 30-something-year-old adult gets very personal about the life changes that affected her ability to record including a health scare, a heart-breaking loss, and a moment of reflection.
A string of traumatic events will definitely make you think twice, and Afiya definitely spent the last few months thinking.
Listen on as the host becomes vulnerable regarding her desire to change her perception of those around her, change the way those around her perceive her, and change the way she looks at herself.
It's been a rocky ride, but we here's to the beginning of a new Adult-ish.
Host: Afiya A.
http://twitter.com/lajoliepoeta
http://instagram.com/alja0214
Clubhouse @Aljaugust
Adult-ish Podcast
http://twitter.com/adultishp0dcast
http://instagram.com/adultishp0dcast
http://facebook.com/adultishp0dcast
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/adult-ish--2822839/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to another episode of Adultish PresentsFifi after Dark, where your host Afia
is left all alone with the recordingequipment and a drink in her hand.
You can listen, like, comments, share, and subscribe to adultish amost
streaming platforms, as well as findus on Twitter at Adultish p zero d
c A s teen. Welcome backto a brand spanking new episode of Adultish
(00:48):
Presents Fifi after Dark, where,of course it's chigirl Afia left all alone
with the Adultish equipment and a clinkclink in her hand. Tonight's Fifi after
Dark are However, it's not broughtto you by a liquid libation, but
instead of herbal supplement that I tookan over an hour ago, the effects
of which are probably now just comingdown because I've been trying to record for
(01:19):
over an hour and now I don'tknow what else to say to you all,
but I'm sorry. The last fewmonths have been a real clusterfucking shit
show. Like I don't even knowhow else to explain it to you.
There's been ups, there's been downs. I can go through all the ships
with you to night now, butI do want to say first things first,
(01:42):
I'm sorry, It's not like thisshow is not on my mind.
It's not like you all are nota priority to me. You are.
These last few months, we've reallybeen adulting. And when I say we,
I mean me the adultish crew.Life has been hitting us hard.
(02:05):
And I know I sound like abroken record, but unfortunately, the state
of the world, the state ofjust life, that's just the state of
it all. Can you really blameus, right? The state of politics,
the state of you know, countrygovernments, the state of entertainment and
(02:30):
writer strikes, the stake of justeverything around us. Everything's fucking crumbling.
We're like in the middle of globalboiling. We have these he man woman
hating and these woman men she hatingpodcasts going on. It's just so fucking
much, you know, social mediajust doing the damn most and me,
(02:53):
I I'm not even gonna lie toyou guys. I've been anxious, I've
been angry, fucking shus okay,And I've told you guys that I have
a therapist and I tell her this, I tell her this. You know,
I've been working on it, Honestto god, I've been working on
(03:14):
it. But I'm so sorry thatI've just allowed the world to keep me
from putting you guys back on top. And I'm letting you know right now,
I'm not gonna make a promise Ican't keep. So I'm not gonna
sit here and say like I'm gonnado right and I'm gonna have a podcast
(03:37):
for you next week and all thisother ship. Because it's also not about
just me. I can record asmany episodes as I want. It still
relies on production. It's still alsodepends on whether or not you know,
we're gonna have added talent. Itdepends on a lot of other things,
right, because I don't even allowto you guys. I've I've recorded,
(03:59):
I've done a couple of episodes.I've recorded up words of like five hours
with the content. It's just knowingthat I promised something that I couldn't give.
I wanted to make sure that Igave something that was really good and
(04:21):
allowed that to just keep delaying untillife and allowed not even until, but
continue to allow life to happen andpush push it out the way. And
for that, I'm sorry. SoI'm not I'm not gonna do that.
(04:41):
I'm not gonna insult you by promisingwhat I cannot promise. What I can
promise is that I do have youin mind. This show is always on
my mind, and I will dobetter. I am working on do going
better. This is my first stepat it. They're doing better. So
(05:04):
let's tapping into the topic, whichis change. Change is the name of
the game, because I want tochange. I want to change. I've
had a lot of changes in mylife. Okay, I'm not entirely sure
of everything that I've discussed with youall, but just to give you all
a brief synopsis of how last yearended, I had gotten really sick,
(05:30):
to the point, where as I'veprobably mentioned time and time again, i've
I've essentially been diagnosed with IBS.You know, at that time, it
was a screening for a colon cancerbecause I had gotten really sick. I
had lost over a solid twenty fivepounds, and when they went inside they
(05:55):
did find some pre cancers pile upsin there. They removed them, made
it seem like, you know,everyone gets done, but then also told
me that I needed to come backsooner than most people who get screenings because
clearly I'm at higher risk. Inaddition to that, I think I've mentioned
this, but maybe I didn't myuncle passed and in his death and my
(06:21):
health just not doing well, itwas a combination for disaster. And when
you found that I had also alloweda few people back into my life and
they had just been shown their ass. I'm not even gonna sugar coated,
but just shown on their ass bigtime. I didn't I had to go,
(06:46):
I had to check out. Ihad to take a moment, and
so I know, I came backin January and I gave you guys one
episode because that's what I what Ihad in me. You know, I
was really pushing it and I realizedI couldn't move from there. I'm not
(07:15):
even gonna lie to y'all. Istarted recording again. But life just started
happening really fast after that. Andwhat I mean by life, I mean
those changes I was talking about.So February, your girl went on her
(07:39):
first date, like an actual datewhere someone said can I take you out
on a date? And I said, yes, I'm sure, And I
was picked up from my home.I was taken to an event. It
(07:59):
was a a a glass boat ride, and then I was taken to dinner,
and then from there I was takento a poetry show like I actually
went on a fucking date. Itwas great. While all of that was
going on, I had was alsogoing through some physical changes. As I
(08:22):
had mentioned, I had lost alot of weight, and so body issue
was a thing for me. Iwon't say that I have phalon dysmorphia or
anything like that. It was nothingthat deep, but it was hard waking
up and not seeing the body thatyou were used to. And it was
(08:50):
also hard having loved ones see thethose changes happening. And I don't want
to say not being sympathetic to it, but not being sympathetic, you know,
(09:13):
or being sympathetic in their own waythat was just not sensitive to my
needs. And so again, thosethose changes allow me to change the way
that I perceived people will rather allowme to change my lovel of awareness.
(09:37):
So I can see how I amperceived by people. You know, I
was able to change that perception.Now I can see that for some people,
you know, I'm viewed as maybea stepping stone. For others,
I'm more of a cons summer andan audience member. For others, I'm
(10:03):
more of just a spectator in theirlife and not an active participant. And
for others, I'm just a numberon their Instagram page. Right. So
I started to work on changing theway those types of relationships made me feel
(10:26):
about myself, right, accepting someof those relationships for what they are,
looking at others in a way oflike do I even want to maintain this
or sustain this as it's even sustainable, and also looking at the relationships that
(10:52):
have sustained and thinking about how toeven change the way that I approach those
relationships. Right, Like those friendshipsthat we have when we have those people
who we've been with for like fordecades, like our besties who we love
up on, but we see likethree times a year. I want to
change that. I want to changethat. I don't want to just see
(11:16):
you three times a year, likeyour babies should be able to spot me
on the street maybe you know,like and be like anti fee when they
see me because I'm in their faceso damn much. You know. I
want to change that. And Iknow a lot of that depends on me,
(11:37):
and it revolves around me making surethat I'm making the time to prioritize
those things. So again, anotherset of changes me changing the way I
view my time, the way Ivalue my time, and the way I
value the relationships that I share mytime with. So been, like I
(12:01):
said, actively working on those relationshipsand started changing another one of my own.
So as I mentioned, when outon a date in February in and
that relationship continued to blossom. Itchanged from just a guy that I was
(12:31):
dating to a guy that I'm activelyin a relationship with. And when that
relationship comes some more changes, someof which y'all detail and maybe like the
next ten minutes or so, butothers which immediately happened, which was the
(12:54):
change in my family family dynamics,right, because now if I'm dating some
again my niece and nephews, that'sa change in our relationship how I share
my time with them. It's achange in our relationship how I share my
time with my mother. Let's faceit, that's the biggest change that we
(13:15):
got to discuss. And so I'vebeen working actively, doing the work on
myself to see how that relationship canchange, right, because I don't want
to be the person who allows aromantic relationship to change familiar bonds and familiar
(13:41):
relationships. But at the same time, I also had to take stock and
the fact that like I changed,right, like I changed and I needed
to be sure, or needed toget an understanding from my own family that
(14:03):
they saw the change and they seethe growth right as in, like,
I'm the youngest, but I'm nota baby. I'm the youngest sister,
but I'm not a child. Imay be the baby sister, but I'm
(14:28):
a grown ass adult. I paybills, I take care of myself.
In fact, I take care ofothers. I have a full time job.
I have my own body aches andpains that are happening to me.
(14:54):
I have my own mental, physical, and yes, sexual ual needs.
And I feel as though, youknow, when you're men out the game
as long as I haven't, I'mwhen I say out of the game,
(15:16):
I mean like out serious dating,out of the serious dating pool, out
of the serious dating game. Foras long as I have. It was
hard. I think for some people, maybe some members of my family,
to kind of like make that changein their mind, like make that switch
that like, this is a womanwho has been married and divorced. I'm
(15:43):
not a fucking kid. I've actuallylived a life and am living a life.
I'm in my mid thirties, youknow, and so I need to
(16:04):
be viewed as such and again,change maybe hard for those who I've resistant
to it on their own level,you know, because acknowledge that I've grown,
(16:30):
as also to acknowledge that you,the individuals are getting older, and
maybe that's a trigger for you tothink about, Oh my god, I'm
so much older and what have Idone with my life? Right? This
(16:55):
is just me spitballing. I promiseI'm not I'm I promise you. I'm
not shading people. But I'm justthrowing it out there right like, that's
that's the thing. And I feellike, you gotta you gotta move,
you gotta go with it. Changeis the only constant that we have.
(17:15):
It's the only constant that we have. And so for me, I want
to change for the better. Ido some of the things I have done.
I have not been the best,though, but I do want to
change for the better. For instance, excuse me, I do want to
(17:36):
be better with my food. I'mnot gonna lie to you ever since this
IBS thing, I have anxiety witheating. It is not the best because
things that I used to love toeat I can't eat anymore. And if
I eat it with my chest out, you don't want to see how it
(17:56):
comes out. I mean, butI'm bum so I have to be really
cautious about how I eat and whenI eat and all this other shit,
and it causes a lot of anxiety. And when you add to the fact
that what I've learned and had tounfortunately personally experience, is that IBS can
(18:21):
actually affect your oral hygiene, whichcan cause you to be sit and then
a dentist's chair because if you're likeme who threw up for almost a whole
year, Yeah, the back ofyour mouth, like your teeth are gonna
(18:41):
be in a really bad shape becauseyour body's been going through some trauma and
affects it. These are all mydeductions, however, because I haven't been
to a doctor doctor to do it. However, I have done my own
(19:02):
little yes online googling research to connectthe dots and and then gotten some agreements
from my gi doctor so that youknow, so there is that. But
yeah, having that food anxiety waslike is it's rough. It's rough,
(19:25):
but it's something that I have toadapt to. It's a change that I
have to that I have to workon. It's something that I have to
grow with and something that I haveto be patient with. Myself on But
it's rough. I'm not even aloud yo. It's rough. Change is
(19:48):
rough. I have to like changemy habits, and so a lot of
that has also been happening to,like the habits of changing not just because
of the food, but overall becauseof life. Because as I keep quily
putting in it out of this conversation, there's this man that I'm seeing.
(20:11):
And the man, you know,he likes to do a lot of things,
a lot of cool things, andI'm with it, you know,
a lot of outdoorsy stuff. Andthat means again, I gotta like change
my physicality because now I have toget back in like a really good physical
(20:34):
shape. And in addition with thefood anxiety, like I just mentioned,
you know, I haven't had nofull body dysmorphia or anything. But it's
it's rough. Like I said,it's rough, sending in front of mirror
and seeing you know, you go, you go down three brock cups like
(20:56):
in the space of some months,like telf you know, I had to
change my attitude by how I feltabout myself. And I know you guys
are like off here, you're talkingat fucking circles. But I promise you.
It's all connected because how I feelabout myself is also connected to how
(21:19):
I think people feel about me,and that includes my friends, and that
includes my family. So that includesme having to look at the relationships of
the people who I call friends andhow they view me, and how how
(21:40):
I was able to now change myperception or change my angle of view from
how I look at you to alsoinclude how I believe you look at me
and how you value this relationship andhow you value my time, and for
me to actively make a change tothat to get a little bit a modicum
(22:03):
of energy to save for myself,to give back to myself, to give
a little bit of I don't needyou to validate me to myself because now
I don't need to feel like Idepend on you to feel like I'm a
good person. I don't need todepend on you as a friend. Not
(22:30):
to say that I don't have friendsat don't I depend on but being able
to take you know what I mean, to take assessment of these relationships and
see what is going to serve me. And I know it sounds really cheesy,
but it's true. What's going toserve it, what's going to nourish
me and not just take from me, because my body is no longer set
(22:57):
up in a way where if youtake from my mind it won't affect anything
else. If you take from myenergy, it affects from It affects my
embody and soul. At this point, the three they are connecting, they
are finding they're forming some kind ofsynergy that I did not know of.
(23:19):
And I pray, you know,sometimes I sit here thinking to myself,
Man, I wish I could change, or had been able to change my
relationship with my mother enough for herto have been able to talk to me
about these changes that come with beinga fucking adult, because my mother's not
(23:41):
the type of person to sit downand talk about those types of changes.
The most you'll talk about it ishow men switch up on you. Which
I'm dating a man, my mother'saware, and so this was the kind
of conversations that I started to get, the warnings and all that other stuff,
(24:02):
and so our relationship changed because Iwas no longer the single daughter upstairs.
I was now a daughter who wasactively dating a man, and so
the nature of a relationship went fromme being whatever I was being viewed as
the little daughter who, you know, she felt sorry for in a way
to now the daughter she has tofeel protective of in a way, and
(24:26):
me after going through every fucking thingI went through last year, changing my
perception of myself from being the literalchild to being the youngest, grown adult
daughter and having to incorporate that changein the relationship between myself and my mother.
(24:56):
It was hard. It is hardbecause I had to not only I
couldn't just tell her view me asan adult without feeling like an adult myself.
And I'm not even gonna lie toy'all. After all that shit that
happened to me at the end ofthe last year, I didn't want to
(25:18):
feel like an adult. I wantedto feel real fucking care free, real
fucking care free. And so thoughthere was I'm not even a lot,
there was a time where like Iliterally just switching up my schedules and just
switching up like how I was justdoing things because I wanted to be reminded
of times when I was happy.And I remember being happy in my early
(25:38):
teens. I'm gonna say my lateteens, because high school was a drag
sometimes, So like in my earlyteens, like I was really happy.
There were things that I really enjoyeddoing and then maybe maybe again, like
you know, maybe my college yearsor so, like you know, early
college years or so, like we'rewe're better times for me, you know.
(26:03):
And so I started thinking about allthe things that I used to do
back then and trying to like reengage and tap back into that part of
my life, watching television shows fromthose errors and TV because you know,
those were the things that made mehappy. And I'm not gonna lie to
y'all, like I got stuck inthere for a second. I got stuck
in that moment for a second becauseI just needed to feel happy. I
(26:27):
just needed I just needed to feelcomforted. I just needed to not feel
like, why the fuck is theworld being so harsh right now? Like
why does shit have to be socraptastic right now? And this is,
(26:56):
you know, at the same time, shit's going on with other people,
you know, and I'm not checkingin because at this point, I'm like,
you know, I'm tired. I'mtired of fucking checking in with other
people. When I went through mywhole shit, who's checking in for me?
You know, except for the thethe usual suspects, you know,
(27:19):
the best season, you know,the family in their own way, you
know, Like I was really justlike, screw it, let me just
try to be happy for me.And after sitting in there for a little
(27:48):
bit, I also I had thetime to to understand not tithing, I
understand, but like in doing that, it was able I was able to
allow myself. I allowed the likeI realized I was giving myself permission to
(28:10):
do things. You see what I'msaying, Like I felt like wow,
like I'm actually giving myself opportunity.I'm giving myself permission. I'm giving myself
freedom and liberty to say I'm gonnado this that makes me happy and fucking
I'm gonna go for it. Thatshit, I'm gonna do it. I'll
just I gave myself the ability tobe care free, not even care free,
(28:33):
because I was doing it with care. I was allowing myself self care.
That's what it was. And unfortunatelyyou all suffered for it. I'm
sorry, but now you can reapthe benefits of it because now as a
(29:03):
part of my self care, likeI said, I want to change my
relationship with things. It's like Isaid, I'm working on changing my relationship
with my mother she's grown to likenot grown to like the guy that I'm
seeing. She loves him, sheshe has high regards for him, you
(29:30):
know, she likes him. Sheshe says that he reminds her. She's
mentioned a couple of times that like, he reminds her of her father,
because my guy is a tall,dark skinned man, and so my mother
(29:52):
says he reminds her. She's mentionedit at least twice that he's remind he
reminds her of her father. Andwhenever my mom says that there's like a
little blend queen in her eye inthis way of kind of like she loved
(30:14):
her father. She adored her father. She looked up to her father,
she revered him, and so youknow, seeing him, I think brings
back that that level of love,I love, love, you know,
adoration that she had for her dad. But yeah, or I'm working on
(30:44):
changing that relationship with her because again, like I said, I you know,
I I wanna make sure that it'sunderstood here that like a feyears,
I'm grown. I'm a grown woman. I can do what ever. Oh
(31:07):
Beyonce, please don't come from me, But I'm grown and I've lived a
life and you know, understanding whereI'm at. You know, essentially listen
the dynamic. The dynamic has changed, you know, it's working that into
(31:33):
our relationship, understanding that that thedynamic has changed because I'm I'm no longer
the child that you're taking care of. I'm more so the child that's here
with you. You know, asshe the child is no longer a child,
and it's a grown woman is enteringthe middle years of her life.
(31:56):
Like I'm entering middle age, youknow, like I'm a coming up middle
aged and I know y'all looking atMadelega, you and your thirties, how
to fuck you saying your middle age. But let's be realistic here. I
don't anticipate and I'm not saying thisin any kind of morbid kind of way,
but I don't anticipate like making itto one hundred. So middle age
for a hundred is fifty, okay. So if I'm in my late thirties,
(32:21):
I'm approaching middle age because life expectancyin my family maybe in the nineties
or so like. But those arefor the folks who you know rarely Tranquility
Smoke did not go through half ofthe stresses that I've gone through. Eight,
you know very well, walked aroundin the Caribbean hot sun for how
(32:44):
many hours a day, you know, getting fresh and exercise and shit,
that ain't fucking me. So Isay that to say, I'm fucking middle
aged, okay, like me approachingmiddle age right now. And so I
need her to accept that. Isay all that to say I need her
to accept that shit. And sowe need to work. We're working on
(33:07):
our relationship for her to understand thatI'm I'm a woman approaching middle age.
I may be your youngest child,but I'm not a child. I'm a
grown woman. And I have aman that I have been seeing and who
I am serious about. Now that'sa change because I I I have found
(33:30):
myself. The nature of our relationshiphas changed. We went from dating,
you know, like let's go ondating too, let's be serious, let's
be exclusive. And that that changedvery quickly. Uh not to say that
(33:55):
happened in a in a fast wordof bad way, but like in a
way of understanding that we both knowwhere we are in our lives. We
are both in our mid thirties,we are both divorced. You know,
people at this point, it's kindof like you know, I know what
(34:17):
I'm looking for. He's very clearabout what he's looking for. And I'm
very clear about working on building rightI'm very clear about like I want to
work on building a relationship, Iwant to work on building a home,
I want to work on building afamily. I want to work on building
(34:42):
a life with another person. Andhe's on board with that, you know.
And so we are working towards seeingif we are each other's people for
that, and I think we feelreally good about it right now. I
think we both agree that we lovethe way that things are headed right now,
(35:07):
the way that things are going rightnow. We do have a couple
of things to work on and acouple of things to continue to build upon,
which I no doubt will be comingon here to talk to y'all about,
because this relationship ship is a bigchange for me because it brings with
(35:27):
it a lot of changes for starters. This individual is a parent, and
that's different for me because I've neverbeen in a serious relationship with the man
who had children, And so thatis now something to be discussed right and
(35:55):
something that I have to change andkind of like adapt my life too.
And and another big thing is thefact that this man lives out of state.
I'm in my first real ever longdistance relationship, not counting on my
(36:16):
little zanga relationships and aim relationships,you know, a s l no,
you know. D benefit of thisrelationship is that because of his job,
(36:37):
I'm I'm able to commute back andforth across across state, across the states
for little to no cost. SoI do get the benefit of that.
And so this is another change too, like another change in my schedule,
(36:58):
another change, and and how Ivalue my time and how I use my
time, because now it's a matterof how do I share my time across
being up north and northeast and thenbeing you know where he is, you
know, like being bi regional almostin a way. Like now that's a
(37:22):
change because you know, now wehave to change our schedules on how often
is he coming to me? Howoften an I going to him? You
know. Thankfully, my current worksituation allows me to have a bit of
flexibility with working remotely. So that'sthere. And I feel like I have
(37:46):
people at my job who are quitei want to say, like supportive of
this relationship, not even knowing metoo too long. I have, you
know, like folks who are like, I love this for you, and
I want this for you, andI want this to be great for you,
(38:07):
just because of how I've described ourrelationship, which to some people you
know, as a whirlwind, butto me and to him, it's kind
of like a des y, faithfuldestiny. Like maybe it's serendipitous, maybe,
(38:40):
but kay, you know, Ihave that support there, and so
that's not something again a change thatI have to like adapt to and also
adapt this podcast too, because nowam I recording I'm gonna be recording or
costs, different time zones, I'mgonna be recording us, you know,
(39:02):
different state lines, and am Itaking this on the road and my going
to try to make this as visualas possible because I have this new change
going on in my life. There'sa there's a lot, there's a lot
to think, there's a lot toconsider, there's a lot to do,
(39:23):
and it's a lot of change andit's a lot to process. And so
I'm doing my best and I hopethat's what comes across in this episode.
I'm really doing my best. Myposition at work changed. I was actually
(39:49):
promoted, and that of course comeswith more responsibility, which comes to more
work. We can that times comewith more stress. And again, as
I'm working on my body, Ihave to be better about listening to it
(40:12):
and hearing it, not being doingbetter about listening to it and hearing it
and trying to just be patient withit as we adapt to how it changes
over time. You know, myweight fluctuate, it goes up and down,
and trying not to take it personally. And I understand that it comes
(40:38):
with you know, that little foodanxiety. But as I build this level
of confidence for myself, I alsohave to look to build that level of
confidence with my eating. And it'sall a work in progress because you know,
change doesn't just happen. I mean, it happens over night, but
(41:00):
it's also gradual. You know,we are changing with every second and with
every breath that we take. Weare evolving and within within every breath,
but it's still a gradual change.You don't see the you don't actually see
the the the results of said changeright right after you know what I mean,
(41:27):
you know that you're growing because yourcells replicate overnight, but you won't
see it the next morning. Mean, while I'll be there when you're like
scratching your hell. Or you're scratchingyour head and that little danger of flake
flicks off your scout. That's achange right there. It's part of your
skin, part of your body that'sdecided that it has no longer served its
(41:52):
purpose, and now you have anew patch of skin available. Change,
so fucking real. So, likeI said, I'm trying to change my
behavior when it comes to this podcast. So I won't promise a new episode
(42:17):
next week because I think I saidit before. I don't know, And
please forgive me, because another changethat's happening in child my memory is going
I'm now caught COVID like three times, and I promise every time I smoke
after like my brain sells just goeslike I lose more and more brain sells.
(42:38):
Maybe I should stop smoking, MaybeI should get some edibles. I
don't know whatever anyhow, but I'mbumped. Please don't shut us down.
Actually know it's legal? Is itlegal where I am? I don't know
too much talking anyhow. What Iwon't do. What I won't do is
promise to give you guys a newepisode every week because it's not entirely dependent
(43:04):
upon me. Right, there's production, there's editing, there's a whole lot
of other ship, and I can'tcontrol how life is happening for anyone else.
I can't even control how life ishappening for me. What I will
(43:27):
do is I promise to continue toput this podcast to keep you on my
mind and to do my best toput you at top of man, to
put you at top of mind,to work towards making sure you are top
of mind. Like I said,there's just so many changes going on that
(43:54):
your girl is still trying to wrapher brain around it. Another change my
business, pretty poet, inc.It's official. After I don't know how
many years of just crafting and youknow, doing crafting behind the scenes,
(44:15):
it's official tissue. You know.I can go out there and like apply
for grants and and get some creditto make some items, to keep my
websites, going to do some promotions, some of which I would love to
(44:37):
do here on Adultish very soon.I'm gonna work on that, I really
am. That's the problemise that Ican give y'all. Then I'm gonna work
on changing my relationship with this showand making sure that you got guys.
(45:00):
Hear from me, you hear fromour team, you hear from our recurring
CU host mister Vincent Binoald whenever wecan, and that you'll eventually even see
us real time, face to faceand see that we're human. I think
(45:22):
I think that's something I would loveto promise. I think that's something that
I can promise and I can affordto live up to, because I really,
I really want to change the waythat we have this show. No
more impromptu hiatus is right. We'resorry that life was just life and so
(45:44):
much that we didn't even have thetime to be decent human beings and tell
you guys we're taking a time out. We're so sorry. I apologize,
I really do, I sincerely do. And with that, I hope,
(46:07):
nay, I pray that you guyscome back for another episode of the Adultish
podcast. It's been lovely talking toyou guys, and after not having not
done this for some time, becauselike I said, I felt really bad
(46:30):
about not recording, and then Ijust allowed life to just push it off
because I wanted to give you guyssomething that was super high quality. When
I first came back, after promisingand promising and promising and promising, I
wanted to give you out something realgood and just just could not keep coming
up with something good and just keptletting things push me back. But you
(46:51):
know what you guys are getting meas I am peace marriage JA don't come
for me. You know I'm givingyou guys all of me. John Legend
leave me alone too, you know. I just I want to put it
out there. I missed talking toy'all. I really do. After trying
(47:13):
to record this shit four times,this last one right here, I'm feeling
the love and it's bringing me back. It's reminding me of the feeling that
it felt talking to y'all and howI want to change things now to make
sure that I can keep this feelinggoing and even enhanced the feeling, make
(47:37):
it better. So, like Isaid, with that, I hope you
guys come back for more of theAdults show. It's been to your girl
a fear. You can find meon the social media's at La Choli Poet
that's l O l I E pO e t A on Twitter. You
(47:59):
can also will find me on Instagramat A L j A zero two one
four And if you want to justhit us up on the Overall Adultish podcast,
please feel free to do so onour social media's adult dish P zero
d c A s T. That'sa d U l t I s h
(48:20):
P zero d c A s Ton Insta, Twitter, and what's the
other one Facebook. I'm just gonnasay, hit us up on Instagram that's
where we mostly hang out. ButFacebook and Twitter, please feel free to
check hit us up at there.We're available on that. And oh,
(48:44):
we still have an email account,y'all. And I would definitely love to
hear from you all. I reallywould. If any of you all are
out there, I would love tohear from you all. You can email
us at f VA at digdisnet dotcom. That's a fiy i A at
did you just not? Dot comand we can get into it. How
(49:04):
if you guys have any ideas,any questions, if you really want to
know what the tea is and wherethe hell ibbing and what the hell we've
been doing for the last year's jay, hit me up because yeah, it
may take a couple fee fee afterdarks to keep you guys, to catch
you guys up to what's been goingon with me, But don't worry,
(49:27):
I want one hundred percent. We'llbring you up to speed as well as
keep you in the loop as thingscontinue to progress. As I said,
it was so good talking to youall again. I hope you all feel
well, stay well and embrace thechange. It's coming myth that love you
(49:57):
guys. Million two bloo
Welcome to another episode of Adultish PresentsFifi after Dark, where your host Afia
is left all alone with the recordingequipment and a drink in her hand.
You can listen, like, comments, share, and subscribe to adultish amost
streaming platforms, as well as findus on Twitter at Adultish p zero d
c A s teen. Welcome backto a brand spanking new episode of Adultish
(00:48):
Presents Fifi after Dark, where,of course it's chigirl Afia left all alone
with the Adultish equipment and a clinkclink in her hand. Tonight's Fifi after
Dark are However, it's not broughtto you by a liquid libation, but
instead of herbal supplement that I tookan over an hour ago, the effects
of which are probably now just comingdown because I've been trying to record for
(01:19):
over an hour and now I don'tknow what else to say to you all,
but I'm sorry. The last fewmonths have been a real clusterfucking shit
show. Like I don't even knowhow else to explain it to you.
There's been ups, there's been downs. I can go through all the ships
with you to night now, butI do want to say first things first,
(01:42):
I'm sorry, It's not like thisshow is not on my mind.
It's not like you all are nota priority to me. You are.
These last few months, we've reallybeen adulting. And when I say we,
I mean me the adultish crew.Life has been hitting us hard.
(02:05):
And I know I sound like abroken record, but unfortunately, the state
of the world, the state ofjust life, that's just the state of
it all. Can you really blameus, right? The state of politics,
the state of you know, countrygovernments, the state of entertainment and
(02:30):
writer strikes, the stake of justeverything around us. Everything's fucking crumbling.
We're like in the middle of globalboiling. We have these he man woman
hating and these woman men she hatingpodcasts going on. It's just so fucking
much, you know, social mediajust doing the damn most and me,
(02:53):
I I'm not even gonna lie toyou guys. I've been anxious, I've
been angry, fucking shus okay,And I've told you guys that I have
a therapist and I tell her this, I tell her this. You know,
I've been working on it, Honestto god, I've been working on
(03:14):
it. But I'm so sorry thatI've just allowed the world to keep me
from putting you guys back on top. And I'm letting you know right now,
I'm not gonna make a promise Ican't keep. So I'm not gonna
sit here and say like I'm gonnado right and I'm gonna have a podcast
(03:37):
for you next week and all thisother ship. Because it's also not about
just me. I can record asmany episodes as I want. It still
relies on production. It's still alsodepends on whether or not you know,
we're gonna have added talent. Itdepends on a lot of other things,
right, because I don't even allowto you guys. I've I've recorded,
(03:59):
I've done a couple of episodes.I've recorded up words of like five hours
with the content. It's just knowingthat I promised something that I couldn't give.
I wanted to make sure that Igave something that was really good and
(04:21):
allowed that to just keep delaying untillife and allowed not even until, but
continue to allow life to happen andpush push it out the way. And
for that, I'm sorry. SoI'm not I'm not gonna do that.
(04:41):
I'm not gonna insult you by promisingwhat I cannot promise. What I can
promise is that I do have youin mind. This show is always on
my mind, and I will dobetter. I am working on do going
better. This is my first stepat it. They're doing better. So
(05:04):
let's tapping into the topic, whichis change. Change is the name of
the game, because I want tochange. I want to change. I've
had a lot of changes in mylife. Okay, I'm not entirely sure
of everything that I've discussed with youall, but just to give you all
a brief synopsis of how last yearended, I had gotten really sick,
(05:30):
to the point, where as I'veprobably mentioned time and time again, i've
I've essentially been diagnosed with IBS.You know, at that time, it
was a screening for a colon cancerbecause I had gotten really sick. I
had lost over a solid twenty fivepounds, and when they went inside they
(05:55):
did find some pre cancers pile upsin there. They removed them, made
it seem like, you know,everyone gets done, but then also told
me that I needed to come backsooner than most people who get screenings because
clearly I'm at higher risk. Inaddition to that, I think I've mentioned
this, but maybe I didn't myuncle passed and in his death and my
(06:21):
health just not doing well, itwas a combination for disaster. And when
you found that I had also alloweda few people back into my life and
they had just been shown their ass. I'm not even gonna sugar coated,
but just shown on their ass bigtime. I didn't I had to go,
(06:46):
I had to check out. Ihad to take a moment, and
so I know, I came backin January and I gave you guys one
episode because that's what I what Ihad in me. You know, I
was really pushing it and I realizedI couldn't move from there. I'm not
(07:15):
even gonna lie to y'all. Istarted recording again. But life just started
happening really fast after that. Andwhat I mean by life, I mean
those changes I was talking about.So February, your girl went on her
(07:39):
first date, like an actual datewhere someone said can I take you out
on a date? And I said, yes, I'm sure, And I
was picked up from my home.I was taken to an event. It
(07:59):
was a a a glass boat ride, and then I was taken to dinner,
and then from there I was takento a poetry show like I actually
went on a fucking date. Itwas great. While all of that was
going on, I had was alsogoing through some physical changes. As I
(08:22):
had mentioned, I had lost alot of weight, and so body issue
was a thing for me. Iwon't say that I have phalon dysmorphia or
anything like that. It was nothingthat deep, but it was hard waking
up and not seeing the body thatyou were used to. And it was
(08:50):
also hard having loved ones see thethose changes happening. And I don't want
to say not being sympathetic to it, but not being sympathetic, you know,
(09:13):
or being sympathetic in their own waythat was just not sensitive to my
needs. And so again, thosethose changes allow me to change the way
that I perceived people will rather allowme to change my lovel of awareness.
(09:37):
So I can see how I amperceived by people. You know, I
was able to change that perception.Now I can see that for some people,
you know, I'm viewed as maybea stepping stone. For others,
I'm more of a cons summer andan audience member. For others, I'm
(10:03):
more of just a spectator in theirlife and not an active participant. And
for others, I'm just a numberon their Instagram page. Right. So
I started to work on changing theway those types of relationships made me feel
(10:26):
about myself, right, accepting someof those relationships for what they are,
looking at others in a way oflike do I even want to maintain this
or sustain this as it's even sustainable, and also looking at the relationships that
(10:52):
have sustained and thinking about how toeven change the way that I approach those
relationships. Right, Like those friendshipsthat we have when we have those people
who we've been with for like fordecades, like our besties who we love
up on, but we see likethree times a year. I want to
change that. I want to changethat. I don't want to just see
(11:16):
you three times a year, likeyour babies should be able to spot me
on the street maybe you know,like and be like anti fee when they
see me because I'm in their faceso damn much. You know. I
want to change that. And Iknow a lot of that depends on me,
(11:37):
and it revolves around me making surethat I'm making the time to prioritize
those things. So again, anotherset of changes me changing the way I
view my time, the way Ivalue my time, and the way I
value the relationships that I share mytime with. So been, like I
(12:01):
said, actively working on those relationshipsand started changing another one of my own.
So as I mentioned, when outon a date in February in and
that relationship continued to blossom. Itchanged from just a guy that I was
(12:31):
dating to a guy that I'm activelyin a relationship with. And when that
relationship comes some more changes, someof which y'all detail and maybe like the
next ten minutes or so, butothers which immediately happened, which was the
(12:54):
change in my family family dynamics,right, because now if I'm dating some
again my niece and nephews, that'sa change in our relationship how I share
my time with them. It's achange in our relationship how I share my
time with my mother. Let's faceit, that's the biggest change that we
(13:15):
got to discuss. And so I'vebeen working actively, doing the work on
myself to see how that relationship canchange, right, because I don't want
to be the person who allows aromantic relationship to change familiar bonds and familiar
(13:41):
relationships. But at the same time, I also had to take stock and
the fact that like I changed,right, like I changed and I needed
to be sure, or needed toget an understanding from my own family that
(14:03):
they saw the change and they seethe growth right as in, like,
I'm the youngest, but I'm nota baby. I'm the youngest sister,
but I'm not a child. Imay be the baby sister, but I'm
(14:28):
a grown ass adult. I paybills, I take care of myself.
In fact, I take care ofothers. I have a full time job.
I have my own body aches andpains that are happening to me.
(14:54):
I have my own mental, physical, and yes, sexual ual needs.
And I feel as though, youknow, when you're men out the game
as long as I haven't, I'mwhen I say out of the game,
(15:16):
I mean like out serious dating,out of the serious dating pool, out
of the serious dating game. Foras long as I have. It was
hard. I think for some people, maybe some members of my family,
to kind of like make that changein their mind, like make that switch
that like, this is a womanwho has been married and divorced. I'm
(15:43):
not a fucking kid. I've actuallylived a life and am living a life.
I'm in my mid thirties, youknow, and so I need to
(16:04):
be viewed as such and again,change maybe hard for those who I've resistant
to it on their own level,you know, because acknowledge that I've grown,
(16:30):
as also to acknowledge that you,the individuals are getting older, and
maybe that's a trigger for you tothink about, Oh my god, I'm
so much older and what have Idone with my life? Right? This
(16:55):
is just me spitballing. I promiseI'm not I'm I promise you. I'm
not shading people. But I'm justthrowing it out there right like, that's
that's the thing. And I feellike, you gotta you gotta move,
you gotta go with it. Changeis the only constant that we have.
(17:15):
It's the only constant that we have. And so for me, I want
to change for the better. Ido some of the things I have done.
I have not been the best,though, but I do want to
change for the better. For instance, excuse me, I do want to
(17:36):
be better with my food. I'mnot gonna lie to you ever since this
IBS thing, I have anxiety witheating. It is not the best because
things that I used to love toeat I can't eat anymore. And if
I eat it with my chest out, you don't want to see how it
(17:56):
comes out. I mean, butI'm bum so I have to be really
cautious about how I eat and whenI eat and all this other shit,
and it causes a lot of anxiety. And when you add to the fact
that what I've learned and had tounfortunately personally experience, is that IBS can
(18:21):
actually affect your oral hygiene, whichcan cause you to be sit and then
a dentist's chair because if you're likeme who threw up for almost a whole
year, Yeah, the back ofyour mouth, like your teeth are gonna
(18:41):
be in a really bad shape becauseyour body's been going through some trauma and
affects it. These are all mydeductions, however, because I haven't been
to a doctor doctor to do it. However, I have done my own
(19:02):
little yes online googling research to connectthe dots and and then gotten some agreements
from my gi doctor so that youknow, so there is that. But
yeah, having that food anxiety waslike is it's rough. It's rough,
(19:25):
but it's something that I have toadapt to. It's a change that I
have to that I have to workon. It's something that I have to
grow with and something that I haveto be patient with. Myself on But
it's rough. I'm not even aloud yo. It's rough. Change is
(19:48):
rough. I have to like changemy habits, and so a lot of
that has also been happening to,like the habits of changing not just because
of the food, but overall becauseof life. Because as I keep quily
putting in it out of this conversation, there's this man that I'm seeing.
(20:11):
And the man, you know,he likes to do a lot of things,
a lot of cool things, andI'm with it, you know,
a lot of outdoorsy stuff. Andthat means again, I gotta like change
my physicality because now I have toget back in like a really good physical
(20:34):
shape. And in addition with thefood anxiety, like I just mentioned,
you know, I haven't had nofull body dysmorphia or anything. But it's
it's rough. Like I said,it's rough, sending in front of mirror
and seeing you know, you go, you go down three brock cups like
(20:56):
in the space of some months,like telf you know, I had to
change my attitude by how I feltabout myself. And I know you guys
are like off here, you're talkingat fucking circles. But I promise you.
It's all connected because how I feelabout myself is also connected to how
(21:19):
I think people feel about me,and that includes my friends, and that
includes my family. So that includesme having to look at the relationships of
the people who I call friends andhow they view me, and how how
(21:40):
I was able to now change myperception or change my angle of view from
how I look at you to alsoinclude how I believe you look at me
and how you value this relationship andhow you value my time, and for
me to actively make a change tothat to get a little bit a modicum
(22:03):
of energy to save for myself,to give back to myself, to give
a little bit of I don't needyou to validate me to myself because now
I don't need to feel like Idepend on you to feel like I'm a
good person. I don't need todepend on you as a friend. Not
(22:30):
to say that I don't have friendsat don't I depend on but being able
to take you know what I mean, to take assessment of these relationships and
see what is going to serve me. And I know it sounds really cheesy,
but it's true. What's going toserve it, what's going to nourish
me and not just take from me, because my body is no longer set
(22:57):
up in a way where if youtake from my mind it won't affect anything
else. If you take from myenergy, it affects from It affects my
embody and soul. At this point, the three they are connecting, they
are finding they're forming some kind ofsynergy that I did not know of.
(23:19):
And I pray, you know,sometimes I sit here thinking to myself,
Man, I wish I could change, or had been able to change my
relationship with my mother enough for herto have been able to talk to me
about these changes that come with beinga fucking adult, because my mother's not
(23:41):
the type of person to sit downand talk about those types of changes.
The most you'll talk about it ishow men switch up on you. Which
I'm dating a man, my mother'saware, and so this was the kind
of conversations that I started to get, the warnings and all that other stuff,
(24:02):
and so our relationship changed because Iwas no longer the single daughter upstairs.
I was now a daughter who wasactively dating a man, and so
the nature of a relationship went fromme being whatever I was being viewed as
the little daughter who, you know, she felt sorry for in a way
to now the daughter she has tofeel protective of in a way, and
(24:26):
me after going through every fucking thingI went through last year, changing my
perception of myself from being the literalchild to being the youngest, grown adult
daughter and having to incorporate that changein the relationship between myself and my mother.
(24:56):
It was hard. It is hardbecause I had to not only I
couldn't just tell her view me asan adult without feeling like an adult myself.
And I'm not even gonna lie toy'all. After all that shit that
happened to me at the end ofthe last year, I didn't want to
(25:18):
feel like an adult. I wantedto feel real fucking care free, real
fucking care free. And so thoughthere was I'm not even a lot,
there was a time where like Iliterally just switching up my schedules and just
switching up like how I was justdoing things because I wanted to be reminded
of times when I was happy.And I remember being happy in my early
(25:38):
teens. I'm gonna say my lateteens, because high school was a drag
sometimes, So like in my earlyteens, like I was really happy.
There were things that I really enjoyeddoing and then maybe maybe again, like
you know, maybe my college yearsor so, like you know, early
college years or so, like we'rewe're better times for me, you know.
(26:03):
And so I started thinking about allthe things that I used to do
back then and trying to like reengage and tap back into that part of
my life, watching television shows fromthose errors and TV because you know,
those were the things that made mehappy. And I'm not gonna lie to
y'all, like I got stuck inthere for a second. I got stuck
in that moment for a second becauseI just needed to feel happy. I
(26:27):
just needed I just needed to feelcomforted. I just needed to not feel
like, why the fuck is theworld being so harsh right now? Like
why does shit have to be socraptastic right now? And this is,
(26:56):
you know, at the same time, shit's going on with other people,
you know, and I'm not checkingin because at this point, I'm like,
you know, I'm tired. I'mtired of fucking checking in with other
people. When I went through mywhole shit, who's checking in for me?
You know, except for the thethe usual suspects, you know,
(27:19):
the best season, you know,the family in their own way, you
know, Like I was really justlike, screw it, let me just
try to be happy for me.And after sitting in there for a little
(27:48):
bit, I also I had thetime to to understand not tithing, I
understand, but like in doing that, it was able I was able to
allow myself. I allowed the likeI realized I was giving myself permission to
(28:10):
do things. You see what I'msaying, Like I felt like wow,
like I'm actually giving myself opportunity.I'm giving myself permission. I'm giving myself
freedom and liberty to say I'm gonnado this that makes me happy and fucking
I'm gonna go for it. Thatshit, I'm gonna do it. I'll
just I gave myself the ability tobe care free, not even care free,
(28:33):
because I was doing it with care. I was allowing myself self care.
That's what it was. And unfortunatelyyou all suffered for it. I'm
sorry, but now you can reapthe benefits of it because now as a
(29:03):
part of my self care, likeI said, I want to change my
relationship with things. It's like Isaid, I'm working on changing my relationship
with my mother she's grown to likenot grown to like the guy that I'm
seeing. She loves him, sheshe has high regards for him, you
(29:30):
know, she likes him. Sheshe says that he reminds her. She's
mentioned a couple of times that like, he reminds her of her father,
because my guy is a tall,dark skinned man, and so my mother
(29:52):
says he reminds her. She's mentionedit at least twice that he's remind he
reminds her of her father. Andwhenever my mom says that there's like a
little blend queen in her eye inthis way of kind of like she loved
(30:14):
her father. She adored her father. She looked up to her father,
she revered him, and so youknow, seeing him, I think brings
back that that level of love,I love, love, you know,
adoration that she had for her dad. But yeah, or I'm working on
(30:44):
changing that relationship with her because again, like I said, I you know,
I I wanna make sure that it'sunderstood here that like a feyears,
I'm grown. I'm a grown woman. I can do what ever. Oh
(31:07):
Beyonce, please don't come from me, But I'm grown and I've lived a
life and you know, understanding whereI'm at. You know, essentially listen
the dynamic. The dynamic has changed, you know, it's working that into
(31:33):
our relationship, understanding that that thedynamic has changed because I'm I'm no longer
the child that you're taking care of. I'm more so the child that's here
with you. You know, asshe the child is no longer a child,
and it's a grown woman is enteringthe middle years of her life.
(31:56):
Like I'm entering middle age, youknow, like I'm a coming up middle
aged and I know y'all looking atMadelega, you and your thirties, how
to fuck you saying your middle age. But let's be realistic here. I
don't anticipate and I'm not saying thisin any kind of morbid kind of way,
but I don't anticipate like making itto one hundred. So middle age
for a hundred is fifty, okay. So if I'm in my late thirties,
(32:21):
I'm approaching middle age because life expectancyin my family maybe in the nineties
or so like. But those arefor the folks who you know rarely Tranquility
Smoke did not go through half ofthe stresses that I've gone through. Eight,
you know very well, walked aroundin the Caribbean hot sun for how
(32:44):
many hours a day, you know, getting fresh and exercise and shit,
that ain't fucking me. So Isay that to say, I'm fucking middle
aged, okay, like me approachingmiddle age right now. And so I
need her to accept that. Isay all that to say I need her
to accept that shit. And sowe need to work. We're working on
(33:07):
our relationship for her to understand thatI'm I'm a woman approaching middle age.
I may be your youngest child,but I'm not a child. I'm a
grown woman. And I have aman that I have been seeing and who
I am serious about. Now that'sa change because I I I have found
(33:30):
myself. The nature of our relationshiphas changed. We went from dating,
you know, like let's go ondating too, let's be serious, let's
be exclusive. And that that changedvery quickly. Uh not to say that
(33:55):
happened in a in a fast wordof bad way, but like in a
way of understanding that we both knowwhere we are in our lives. We
are both in our mid thirties,we are both divorced. You know,
people at this point, it's kindof like you know, I know what
(34:17):
I'm looking for. He's very clearabout what he's looking for. And I'm
very clear about working on building rightI'm very clear about like I want to
work on building a relationship, Iwant to work on building a home,
I want to work on building afamily. I want to work on building
(34:42):
a life with another person. Andhe's on board with that, you know.
And so we are working towards seeingif we are each other's people for
that, and I think we feelreally good about it right now. I
think we both agree that we lovethe way that things are headed right now,
(35:07):
the way that things are going rightnow. We do have a couple
of things to work on and acouple of things to continue to build upon,
which I no doubt will be comingon here to talk to y'all about,
because this relationship ship is a bigchange for me because it brings with
(35:27):
it a lot of changes for starters. This individual is a parent, and
that's different for me because I've neverbeen in a serious relationship with the man
who had children, And so thatis now something to be discussed right and
(35:55):
something that I have to change andkind of like adapt my life too.
And and another big thing is thefact that this man lives out of state.
I'm in my first real ever longdistance relationship, not counting on my
(36:16):
little zanga relationships and aim relationships,you know, a s l no,
you know. D benefit of thisrelationship is that because of his job,
(36:37):
I'm I'm able to commute back andforth across across state, across the states
for little to no cost. SoI do get the benefit of that.
And so this is another change too, like another change in my schedule,
(36:58):
another change, and and how Ivalue my time and how I use my
time, because now it's a matterof how do I share my time across
being up north and northeast and thenbeing you know where he is, you
know, like being bi regional almostin a way. Like now that's a
(37:22):
change because you know, now wehave to change our schedules on how often
is he coming to me? Howoften an I going to him? You
know. Thankfully, my current worksituation allows me to have a bit of
flexibility with working remotely. So that'sthere. And I feel like I have
(37:46):
people at my job who are quitei want to say, like supportive of
this relationship, not even knowing metoo too long. I have, you
know, like folks who are like, I love this for you, and
I want this for you, andI want this to be great for you,
(38:07):
just because of how I've described ourrelationship, which to some people you
know, as a whirlwind, butto me and to him, it's kind
of like a des y, faithfuldestiny. Like maybe it's serendipitous, maybe,
(38:40):
but kay, you know, Ihave that support there, and so
that's not something again a change thatI have to like adapt to and also
adapt this podcast too, because nowam I recording I'm gonna be recording or
costs, different time zones, I'mgonna be recording us, you know,
(39:02):
different state lines, and am Itaking this on the road and my going
to try to make this as visualas possible because I have this new change
going on in my life. There'sa there's a lot, there's a lot
to think, there's a lot toconsider, there's a lot to do,
(39:23):
and it's a lot of change andit's a lot to process. And so
I'm doing my best and I hopethat's what comes across in this episode.
I'm really doing my best. Myposition at work changed. I was actually
(39:49):
promoted, and that of course comeswith more responsibility, which comes to more
work. We can that times comewith more stress. And again, as
I'm working on my body, Ihave to be better about listening to it
(40:12):
and hearing it, not being doingbetter about listening to it and hearing it
and trying to just be patient withit as we adapt to how it changes
over time. You know, myweight fluctuate, it goes up and down,
and trying not to take it personally. And I understand that it comes
(40:38):
with you know, that little foodanxiety. But as I build this level
of confidence for myself, I alsohave to look to build that level of
confidence with my eating. And it'sall a work in progress because you know,
change doesn't just happen. I mean, it happens over night, but
(41:00):
it's also gradual. You know,we are changing with every second and with
every breath that we take. Weare evolving and within within every breath,
but it's still a gradual change.You don't see the you don't actually see
the the the results of said changeright right after you know what I mean,
(41:27):
you know that you're growing because yourcells replicate overnight, but you won't
see it the next morning. Mean, while I'll be there when you're like
scratching your hell. Or you're scratchingyour head and that little danger of flake
flicks off your scout. That's achange right there. It's part of your
skin, part of your body that'sdecided that it has no longer served its
(41:52):
purpose, and now you have anew patch of skin available. Change,
so fucking real. So, likeI said, I'm trying to change my
behavior when it comes to this podcast. So I won't promise a new episode
(42:17):
next week because I think I saidit before. I don't know, And
please forgive me, because another changethat's happening in child my memory is going
I'm now caught COVID like three times, and I promise every time I smoke
after like my brain sells just goeslike I lose more and more brain sells.
(42:38):
Maybe I should stop smoking, MaybeI should get some edibles. I
don't know whatever anyhow, but I'mbumped. Please don't shut us down.
Actually know it's legal? Is itlegal where I am? I don't know
too much talking anyhow. What Iwon't do. What I won't do is
promise to give you guys a newepisode every week because it's not entirely dependent
(43:04):
upon me. Right, there's production, there's editing, there's a whole lot
of other ship, and I can'tcontrol how life is happening for anyone else.
I can't even control how life ishappening for me. What I will
(43:27):
do is I promise to continue toput this podcast to keep you on my
mind and to do my best toput you at top of man, to
put you at top of mind,to work towards making sure you are top
of mind. Like I said,there's just so many changes going on that
(43:54):
your girl is still trying to wrapher brain around it. Another change my
business, pretty poet, inc.It's official. After I don't know how
many years of just crafting and youknow, doing crafting behind the scenes,
(44:15):
it's official tissue. You know.I can go out there and like apply
for grants and and get some creditto make some items, to keep my
websites, going to do some promotions, some of which I would love to
(44:37):
do here on Adultish very soon.I'm gonna work on that, I really
am. That's the problemise that Ican give y'all. Then I'm gonna work
on changing my relationship with this showand making sure that you got guys.
(45:00):
Hear from me, you hear fromour team, you hear from our recurring
CU host mister Vincent Binoald whenever wecan, and that you'll eventually even see
us real time, face to faceand see that we're human. I think
(45:22):
I think that's something I would loveto promise. I think that's something that
I can promise and I can affordto live up to, because I really,
I really want to change the waythat we have this show. No
more impromptu hiatus is right. We'resorry that life was just life and so
(45:44):
much that we didn't even have thetime to be decent human beings and tell
you guys we're taking a time out. We're so sorry. I apologize,
I really do, I sincerely do. And with that, I hope,
(46:07):
nay, I pray that you guyscome back for another episode of the Adultish
podcast. It's been lovely talking toyou guys, and after not having not
done this for some time, becauselike I said, I felt really bad
(46:30):
about not recording, and then Ijust allowed life to just push it off
because I wanted to give you guyssomething that was super high quality. When
I first came back, after promisingand promising and promising and promising, I
wanted to give you out something realgood and just just could not keep coming
up with something good and just keptletting things push me back. But you
(46:51):
know what you guys are getting meas I am peace marriage JA don't come
for me. You know I'm givingyou guys all of me. John Legend
leave me alone too, you know. I just I want to put it
out there. I missed talking toy'all. I really do. After trying
(47:13):
to record this shit four times,this last one right here, I'm feeling
the love and it's bringing me back. It's reminding me of the feeling that
it felt talking to y'all and howI want to change things now to make
sure that I can keep this feelinggoing and even enhanced the feeling, make
(47:37):
it better. So, like Isaid, with that, I hope you
guys come back for more of theAdults show. It's been to your girl
a fear. You can find meon the social media's at La Choli Poet
that's l O l I E pO e t A on Twitter. You
(47:59):
can also will find me on Instagramat A L j A zero two one
four And if you want to justhit us up on the Overall Adultish podcast,
please feel free to do so onour social media's adult dish P zero
d c A s T. That'sa d U l t I s h
(48:20):
P zero d c A s Ton Insta, Twitter, and what's the
other one Facebook. I'm just gonnasay, hit us up on Instagram that's
where we mostly hang out. ButFacebook and Twitter, please feel free to
check hit us up at there.We're available on that. And oh,
(48:44):
we still have an email account,y'all. And I would definitely love to
hear from you all. I reallywould. If any of you all are
out there, I would love tohear from you all. You can email
us at f VA at digdisnet dotcom. That's a fiy i A at
did you just not? Dot comand we can get into it. How
(49:04):
if you guys have any ideas,any questions, if you really want to
know what the tea is and wherethe hell ibbing and what the hell we've
been doing for the last year's jay, hit me up because yeah, it
may take a couple fee fee afterdarks to keep you guys, to catch
you guys up to what's been goingon with me, But don't worry,
(49:27):
I want one hundred percent. We'llbring you up to speed as well as
keep you in the loop as thingscontinue to progress. As I said,
it was so good talking to youall again. I hope you all feel
well, stay well and embrace thechange. It's coming myth that love you
(49:57):
guys. Million two bloo
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