Season 4, Ep. 69: Growing Pains & Getting in Shape W. Raquel M.

The year is almost over, but we're not — and we've got a NEW episode for ya!

Doing something she never thought she'd do, 'Adult-ish' host Afiya is back (better late than never) with a new episode featuring an unlikely special guest: her boss. Yes, you read that right.

In this latest episode of 'Adult-ish,' Afiya and her FemmeBoss Raquel Martinez talk about the growing pains of getting older and how it's made them rethink how to get over their growing pains by getting active & getting in shape.

Listen on as Raquel talks through the trials and tribulations that led to her newfound sport, how it's changed her outlook on her health, while Afiya tries to figure out what she can do to tackle her ongoing health issues.

Yes, sometimes sweating it out can make you feel better about yourself, and the convo may have actually lit a fire under Afiya to find that physical activity that'll set her world right-side up.

Take a listen — you won't want to miss this!

Host: Afiya A.
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Clubhouse @Aljaugust

Special Guest Co-Host: Raquel Martinez
http://instagram.com/rademark

Adult-ish Podcast
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Have you found that routine that's getting your life back on track? Tell us all about it on Instagram or Twitter — we'd love to hear from you!

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/adult-ish--2822839/support.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome to another episode of Adultish PresentsFifi after Dark, where your host Afia
is left all alone with the recordingequipment and a drink in her hand.
You can listen, like, comment, share, and subscribe to Adultish on
most streaming platforms, as well asfind us on Twitter at adultish p zero
d C. As team manager RaquelHelma Keenes say hello, come here with

(00:54):
the FIA. Really really happy tobe here, really honored. Actually,
oh, there's no need to beon it. We're just a bunch of
widos at this podcast. So Idecided to bring Raquel onto this show for
the matter of fact that one sheloves to listen to podcasts, yes,
and two she's always filled with likegood little nuggets. And three she's just

(01:17):
like a really good conversationalist. Andso I figured, why not bring a
person who encompasses all three things tothe show to talk a little bit about
adulting. Now, Raquel, you'vegot a lot of things going on,
and we would just spitballing a lotof topics, including we're talking about aging,
we were talking about our bodies,we were talking about the joys and

(01:41):
hurts of growing up and becoming anadult. And at times how you know,
we may feel like we're not reallyan adult because we still have moments
of immaturity. Oh yeah, absolutelyall the time. Talk to me about
that. Oh my goodness. Uhyeah, it's been it's been a while
rite this year, even last year, right, like you know, part

(02:05):
of like aging, like as wewere talking about, like just doing whatever
you want is no longer a goodoption when you're aging. Uh, and
you really need to start caring foruh for the body you have and where
you're at, and really need tostart getting like some some some good food

(02:30):
and some good nourish and otherwise youknow, things go not the way you
were planning. Uh. So yeah, like this this last year, I've
been like really focusing on taking careof this body I have now with all
the beauties and not so beautiful thingsthat aging comes with. So yeah,

(02:53):
I've been focusing on health, uh, physical exercise, like moving more,
like you know, to the pointthat at this a year after, I
don't recognize myself. I'm like,oh my god, what happens? What
happened here? So yeah, it'sit's it's it's really great to to focus

(03:15):
on on that. And also,like I was, I told you We
were just having this conversation yesterday withsome some some good friends, and we
were just talking about how like atevery decade you have, it comes with
its beauties, and for me italso comes with like every decade like that

(03:38):
I continue to age, it comeswith some discoveries. There are great discoveries,
and also like the realization that sometimesI'm going to be always immature in
some aspects. And yeah, it'sit's been. It's been a very good

(03:58):
year of learning about myself and learninghow to take care of myself and the
things that I need so the bodythat I have continues to be healthy and
preparing for that future, right,I want the other half of my life
to be great as well understood.So like, for instance, one thing

(04:20):
that Raquel and I spoke about,which I've spoken about on the show,
is that I've recently had this transformationas you mentioned with the body, right,
this recent transformation of health, goingthrough being diagnosed with like IBS and
then like learning that I'm like nowlack taste efficient sucks behind. For the

(04:45):
matter of fact that you know,growing up, you felt that you could
just eat and do whatever you want, right, and then as you get
to a certain age, or asyour body starts to age, it starts
to let you know like Nope,we're not into that anymore. I can
even give a quick example last nightwhen it was at a conference and as
I was sitting down and having aconversation meeting people, this gentleman is like,

(05:10):
I'll buy you a drink, andI was like, sure, why
not, I don't mind, andso I have him buy me like whiskey
right now. I didn't tell himnot to give me a double shot,
but I also didn't want to berude and say no, because I mean,
who doesn't want a double shot oflike this? And I'm not paying

(05:30):
for us right. But then Iwoke up this morning and I was like
I can't do this anymore. Icannot I can't drink anymore. And it
wasn't even a matter of like havinga hangover, because I wake up and
I'm just feeling woozy, and it'snot again, not like this hangover,
like oh I just feel crap.It was just like I just felt nauseous

(05:54):
but still functional. But then atsome point my body was just like like
mmm, we just don't feel good, and I actually end up throwing up
this morning, which was not cool, and had to like text the colleague
and be like, hey, I'msick, or I saw that my stomach
was upset and I was gonna comedown later to the session that we were
working on Fast Forward. I fellasleep and woke up an hour later because

(06:17):
my body just told me, like, you need a full hour of rest,
you know, Like before I wouldhave been able to bounce back very
quickly, and now not so much. And that was like a lesson in
saying like, I can't, Ican't drink like this anymore, despite the
fact that I wasn't even drinking muchlike I honestly was just that No,
that's a lie. So I hadthe double shot of the whiskey, but

(06:39):
I also watered it down with likea bunch of ice, and I had
it mixed with ginger all to befair. Right before that, I did
have like a small glass of wine, very very small glass of wine.
But even still, just before Iwould have been able to combine a million
and one different things, walk outcompletely sober and like come home, pee

(06:59):
it all out, go to sleep, wake up, and just be refreshed
the next day. Now not sonot so much, not so much and
it's all about like this journey oflearning how to take care of yourself,
yeah you know, or listening toyour body right and to your like okay,
like this is not it for meanymore, not it, not it,

(07:21):
but you One of the things thatyou started doing for your body is
you started running running. Yeah,something that I never expected to be doing.
Like it's really like I used tobe the person that made fun of
other people like waking up so earlyto run and I was like, oh
my god, like get a life, come on, Like you know,

(07:42):
I have a friend who was likelike ran to marathons like the New York
Marathon and then the Chicago Marathon,and I was like you gotta be crazy,
Like that's crazy. Like I didn'teven like understood, like why are
you doing that to yourself? Thatsounds horrible to me? And I never
enjoy running, like that wasn't mything. Like I was more of a

(08:03):
like a moving meditation kind of person, like a yoga like retreat like Tai
shi, like that was that wasit for me. That was like my
my preferred like physical activity. Likeif there was going to be a class
I would like to go for,like the candle like you know, moody
lighting kind of situation and that wasit never like the intensity of like you

(08:28):
know, sweat and like all ofthat. So I don't know, like
something I think and it would Ithink obviously getting a diagnosed too, right,
like getting get it like you know, gaining some weight in the pandemic
years, like having gone through likea lot of you know, really painful

(08:50):
moments, right like I lost mydad and and like you know, in
the middle of grief and like beinglike kind of like in a in a
low, low moment in life,you let yourself go, like I started
eating, drinking, eating, likeyou know, know, meing, doing
a lot of like unhealthy like littlethings I got. I gotta scary,

(09:13):
Like finally I was not feeling great, right like I went to the doctor.
I got a scary you know diagnoselike free diabetes and things like that,
and it's like, oh shoot,I really need to watch it,
right like because you know, basically, and my doctor was really really good
to tell me, like, ifyou don't take care of this now,

(09:33):
like the second the second part ofyour life doesn't doesn't look great, Like
you're gonna be dependent on medicine andyou know, like the consequences of that
are not going to be great.And and I started like really looking like,
you know, a decade from today, what's that life's going to be
like? Right, like insullly independent, Like that's not it, That's not

(09:58):
what I want it, right LikeSo after that, I was like,
okay, like I need to startdoing something, and and like little by
little I started finding like pockets ofhappiness in like you know, doing exercise
here and there, and then likeby by getting classes or getting along with
people like my neighbor, like Isaw her running all the time, and

(10:20):
I was like, let me startdoing something like that. And I started
walking because I couldn't run, likeI didn't have the I wasn't in shape,
or I didn't have even like theappropriate forum and to run. But
like I started walking and then runningfor a little bit, and then walking
and developing some resistance and then inin like you know, earlier in this

(10:41):
year, I started running with agroup of runners that were like all of
them are pro like pro elite runners, and I was like, okay,
I'm gonna join you. I'll beat the end in the back, That's
where I'll be. I'm just gonnafollow you guys. Obviously I never saw
the right like because I was supersonal. But then the coach on that team

(11:07):
told me like, okay, what'syour goal? And I was like,
I don't have a goal in mind. I just want to run. I
like I I enjoy it. Andhe was like, no, I cannot
take you if you don't have agoal. And I was like, what,
Like I just want to I justwant to just want to run.
Yeah, and he was he was. He was like, no, you

(11:28):
have to have like a goal.You want to you want to run a
five k, at ten k,a twenty one k, like have a
marathon? Like what what do yougoing to do? And I was like
okay, okay, I'll do havea marathon. And he was like by
when like it was all about likesmart goals, right, like you know
what is the goal? Buy whenyou want to do it? And only
that way I can take you under. And I was like whow intense?

(11:52):
Okay, it's like I'm going tobe a real coach. Yeah, he
was absolutely And then and then hetold me like okay, but do it.
And here I was right like actuallypursuing that goal and it's like okay,
like I have that goal, andit's kind of like gave me some
drive. And like I started likefollowing the elite runners in the in the

(12:13):
front right like, and it's like, okay, I need to Like every
week, I was like striving tobeat my own like personal personal records and
like, you know, like,oh, you know, I'm running I'm
running faster this week. Oh wow. I started like following people on TikTok
like about running form and like youknow, and all of a sudden,
I'm obsessed about it, right likeI'm I'm like and then guess what I

(12:37):
did it. I ran my firsthalf marathon in June, right like,
and I was like wow, likeokay, that works. And then but
when when I did it, hetold me like, okay, what is
the next goal? And I waslike, chill, Jill, I just
did that. And he's like,oh, you got to come up with
the next goal. So now I'mtraining to run the full marathon in December.

(13:01):
So look at this, look atthat. Look at the new goals.
A half marathon, full marathon.I know, I know, and
and and I am that person thatwakes up at four am in the morning
to like with the running gear likehas all the gadgets because now I'm obsessed,
right Like, I'm I'm obsessed.I have an obsessive personality, so

(13:24):
you know, like I got Igot upset, I got into the rabbit
hole, and now I'm like readingall about it, like you know,
got my first injury, which iswhich is you know, the other milestone
in the running journey, and nowlike I'm doing it. So I don't
know, Like there's definitely something aboutlike obviously the coach is great, right

(13:48):
Like the coaching that like he providedwas great, but like and there's something
about having like tangible goals that it'slike, Okay, there's the goal is
there? I just need to continue. You just need to persist and discipline
also, right Like it gives youlike like being consistent and being disciplined and
applying the like you know that likeapplying yourself to kind of like touch like

(14:15):
I can almost touch my goal,right Like, So yeah, it's been
it's been a great transformation, rightLike it's been like you said in the
beginning, like it's a transformative situationwhere like I didn't think I was gonna
I sometimes I don't recognize myself,like I bought the most expensive issues I
ever got today are running shoes runningeven like red bottoms what, no,

(14:46):
No, they're pink bottom, Yeah, exactly, carbon carbonals. Yeah,
it's crazy. I never imagined myselfto be like, like, you know,
be doing that, but like Ithink it's like of all the things
I can be obsessed about, rightabout the things that are making you better.
Yeah, this this is a goodthis is a good kind of obsession.

(15:09):
So so yeah, it's been.It's been. It has been a
really a year of transformation for meas well. And and I also feel
like, how can I apply thisframework to the work and we do right?
Like because honestly, I think itwas it's I always listening. I

(15:30):
love listening to podcasts. I listento a lot of podcasts. Yeah,
and I was listening to a podcastsVenus Williams, wasn't it And she said
like, discipline is freedom and Ikind of like love that and it can
be applied obviously athlete athletes are like, you know, the discipline like thus

(15:52):
right like so but but she saidthat, and I was like, she's
so right, and that can beapply to anything, like not only to
sport, right, Like if you'redisciplined. If you if you know what
you're doing, if you if youapply yourself, obviously, that gives you
the freedom of like Okay, Idid that. Now I have freedom to

(16:12):
to do whatever I want or tobe confident in that I'm gonna I'm going
to be successful at whatever I'm doingbecause I am disciplined, right Like,
So to me, that that phrasekind of like like staying with me,
and I'm like, whenever at work, I don't want to I don't want
to do that, like like Idon't want to do the boring parts or

(16:33):
but I remember, like, Okay, if I have the discipline to continue
and finish this right now, Likediscipline is freedom, then I have the
freedom to do the things that Iactually enjoy doing and all of that.
So I think, you know,applying yourself for doing doing those things for

(16:55):
the health and the body, likeyou know, it kind of changes your
mindset to apply that to work toother areas in life. And and I've
been I've been enjoying that too,like seeing that how mindset can really affect
everything that you do, not onlynot only help. Yeah, I like

(17:15):
the I like that concept of disciplineis freedom because even as you were saying,
and I started thinking about the factthat when in an athlete for like
an for instance, when I usedto cheer, you're we had to be
very disciplined, right, like wehad to know how to do or make
sure that we were hitting our stuntsand we're catching our people because of course,

(17:37):
you know there's injury and that peopleare dropping, they're falling. But
even in being very disciplined in thework that you're doing, there is a
sense of there is a sense offreedom, like within that structure, within
that framework, it's almost like havinghaving that structure, you know, you
know where like the parameters are.And so because you kind of know that,

(17:59):
you you know how much you cando and how much you can't do,
and how much you can't push yourselfand can even allow yourself to push
beyond that and kind of like expandthose parameters in a way. Because that
was even next as you said it, I'm thinking to myself, like,
the reason I probably feel so lostis because I don't have as much discipline
with things like the health and allthat stuff. Like I'm still trying to

(18:22):
figure a lot of stuff out,and with that, I do feel like
a sense of just being all overthe place because it's still a matter of
again, like I said, I'mdrinking, but I can't be I don't
feel free in drinking right now.I just feel like a mess. I
feel gross. I don't like itwhen I do it. Now, if
I become more disciplined, and nowI can feel a little bit better in
all the following decisions that I makein addition to thinking along the lines of

(18:48):
like if I were more disciplined,or if I once I become someone to
put it into the universe, onceI become more disciplined with things that it
will give me, it will groundme. And in that grounding, there's
the freedom in that ground absolutely,you know. So that's why I'm like,
I'm I'm really so, I'm I'min this. I'm like right where

(19:10):
I'm right before. I'm like inthat stage right before where it's like I'm
trying to figure out what works forme because I really do want to get
back into being health conscious again.I used to cheer for like four years.
It had its great and it's hadits bad, But the great that
I loved about it was that therewas a certain level of athleticism. There

(19:32):
is a certain level, a levelof atholes, studies required and cheerleading,
and I liked it a lot becauseas a kid, I wanted to be
a gymnast, Like and when Ithink about that now, gymnastics is the
most discip you have godridiculously disciplined tobe a gymnast, right, And yet
I found so much beauty in theidea of being a gymnast, absolutely,

(19:55):
you know. And I just becauseI thought the movement was free, just
the movement of the body was beautiful, beautiful, And so that kind of
like led me into cheerleading. Andthen I felt that loss, Like once
I graduated college and I was nolonger cheering and I didn't have that structure
and that routine anymore, I startedto feel loss, you know. And

(20:15):
so with that, Okay, youknow, there's there is no freedom in
being lost. There really isn't youknow. You think of freedom like,
oh, I can just stretch outand have my limbs all over the place,
But when you're lost, there's there'snothing again, there's nothing tangible to
kind of like bring you back.So now I'm in the space of like
what can I do to kind ofbring me back into that space? And

(20:41):
how can I get my mindset there? Yeah, yeah, you need to
find you need to find something youlove. I mean, and you don't
need to start loving it from thebeginning, right, I really need to
start with with love. It's like, you know, running, I didn't
love it. It was out ofnecessity, like it was just becau because
it was what I found right infront of me. And it was like

(21:03):
I knew I needed to start doingsomething and that was in front of me
when when I started, and thenI ended up loving it, like you
know the goodness right that that Ithat I like now loving loving that.
But but yeah, like yeah,it's it's it's you'll find it. I
know you'll find it. I'm tryingto figure it out. It's like and
that's why, like I had youon the show, and I actually want

(21:26):
to get another friend. I'm notgoing to drop her name yet because that
have a better show up. Butshe could say hunting it. But I
have another friend who also marathoning.Marathon running several girls. As a matter
of fact, women they were onthe cheerleading team. That was something that
they did, right, they wereon the cheerleading team. And then after
a while, it was just kindof like what do I do? What

(21:47):
do I do? And then theygot into running because our former chair coach
she also used to run. Shewas like a runner. And then I
think she might have done like theNew York City Marathon. And then in
her doing the Maria, it triggeredanother girl on the team to do the
marathon. And now that girl isjust doing marathon. She's doing all the
world races. She's you know,she went to Tokyo, I love,
oh my gosh, Boston. Youknow, she actually did a run.

(22:12):
And that's what I said, Iwant her to come on the show,
and it would actually be great if, yeah to you link up. She
went to the West Coast. Ithink someone one of her running partners like
organized the race over in LA andthey went over there to just go run
for this person's fortieth birthday. Asa matter of fact, like that was
their run for her for her birthday, for her thirty sixth birthday. What

(22:33):
did she do? She she rana marathon. She ran, she just
did a run. She was likeand she says it was the best birthday
that she's had. Oh wow,yeah, yeah, I totally get it.
It's it's incredible. Yeah, it'slike, you know how my coach
said, like, what is yournext goal? The day after my achieved
the first one, I was liketo chill, now I have like six

(22:56):
goals. Now after I was like, I'm ready this one. I do
this one, qualify this one ifit comes a thing. And so it's
like that's why I'm trying to findI'm trying to find my thing. I
look at running and it seems cool, but I'm also like it's running,
and I used to love running asa kid, but now it's like,

(23:17):
I know, but I'm more oflike a as you mentioned, like a
movement fitness person. Yeah I mighthave mentioned this to you. I'm not
entirely sure, but I used tobelly dance, and I feel like I
actually popped my hip the other dayjust trying to like do some old movements
and I felt like I probably dislocatedmy hip, probably, but I was

(23:41):
thinking about, like I want tomaybe getting back into dance. And then
like my boyfriend now he cycles,and much like you, hope not not.
You know, babe, I loveyou, but I hope I'm not
telling your story. But I'm gonnatell you a story for you anyway,
because she wasn't coming on here totalk about it anyhow. He actually so
he cycles, but he got intocycling because of a health scare. So

(24:04):
he and his father are prone tolike heart and heart illness, and at
one point he actually had something thatwas kind of like like a heart attack.
Now, if you think my Brofen'syounger than me, so if you
think like a thirty three year oldguys like getting like a heart having heart
problems, that's an issue. That'san issue. Yeah, And so he

(24:26):
decided that he was gonna get intoget you know, get healthy, and
so he started like right, andnow he like cycles at twenty twenty miles
to wow, incredible. As oflate, he hasn't been doing it because
again he's been having like this wholemindset thing and I'm so tired and so
this. So I even challenged himfor this speak bes like, you know,

(24:48):
while I'm away at this conference,I'm going to need you to ride
five miles for me. And sohis response was, well, if you
ride five if I ride five miles, you have to do something. So
it's like I'll record an episode ifyou ride five miles. Neither of us
did what were supposed to do andI did. I took my equipment with
me to Ohio and I did notrecord anything. In fact, TSA stopped

(25:10):
me, uh because on the wayback because they saw something in my bag.
One of the agents I guess peepedit and told the other agent like,
it's a microphone. But they wanted, like the official agent to come
over. And when he checked it, the other agent came up was like
is a microphone, isn't it?And he's like yeah, He's like I
know what I'm talking about. SoI had the intent there, but I
but I didn't follow through. Butgoing back, I need something held conscious.

(25:33):
So with him cycling, I evenhe's he was also like, you
know, maybe I should just getyou a bike and so that way you
can start riding with me. SoI she was like, you know,
I don't. I don't have anissue with that either, because I did
like bike riding as a kid.Yeah, it took me a while to
get a bike. In fact,and so funny, I'm talking about bicycles
because it was one of the thingsthat we it wasn't it was a word

(25:56):
in the exercise that we did atthis this conference that we had to like
sell bikes to people like sell theword bicycle, make people feel a great
way about bicycles. And I mentionedthis as like my partner, he rides
bikes. He got into it becauseof fitness, because of fitness and health.
And I think for him it wasagain something that he started started out

(26:17):
of necessity, right, I needan activity that I can do that's good
for my heart. And then afterhe did it, he started getting into
it. Then he found like acyclist club that he joined, and so
they would like, you know,call him up or get together. I
even follow them on Strava, onthe Strava app. They get together and
they do their bike rides. Theyactually did, like not too long ago,

(26:40):
they did like a bike ride toSelma. They the March, they
rode that march. So things likethat he gets into, he gets really
excited about, and I'm like,I just I just want that thing.
In the pandemic, it was rollerskating. I bought some quods and and
I started doing it. I tookthem, took them, took the roller

(27:03):
skates to Virginia where my sister is, because over here in the city is
not as you know, it's notas skate friendly. If you want to
say, you know, the slidewalksaren't the best for like pulling. And
then on the street is another situationin New York City. I'm not roller
skating on these streets until I'm reallygood with it. And I went out

(27:26):
there and I took her kids toa park. And when I took her
kids and my other sisters kids thattook them out there as well, I
had them running crazy. And thenI was like in an old basketball court
and I was just doing laps inthe skates and just trying to get familiar
with the skates and recorded myself likedoing those things, and I was like,
Okay, I like this, youknow, but I don't know.

(27:48):
Again, the mindset of just justbeing disciplined, going back to the discipline,
I just wasn't disciplined enough to stickwith it. And then I started
using other thing systems because oh it'stoo cold do this. Oh yeah,
yeah, you know you know whatI find myself thinking about like the things
that help me, you know,because it's hard. It's hard, like

(28:10):
waking up every day, like likemy my phone is set up to sun
an alarm at four am in themorning. Like that's crazy, right,
Like that that's insane, and like, of course at eight pm, I'm
already like, oh my god,bed right like so so it is like
that alone is hard, right todo, like to have that like to

(28:33):
be consistent with that crazy schedule,but also like what helps I think it's
like obviously the gains you see,the gains you're experiencing. Okay, I'm
motivated, I'm feeling better, sothat's why I do it. But the
other factor that I think it reallyhelped me out of community, right like
like joining the group of people thatwere really good, right like kind of

(28:57):
like wanted to be like them eveneven like you know, like I saw
them all it was like, ohmy god, these people like they really
are like great, and and Iwant to like emulate that behavior, right
like so like by waking up anddoing it, like I'm being a little
bit like them. And then Ialso need to like reach them, right

(29:19):
like yeah, like but but they'realso like we started like you know,
having like little conversations here and there. Of course I cannot I cannot talk
and wrong like they can all likehave a chat right like what they're run
I was like no, I'm likeI need to breathe to yeah. Yeah,

(29:41):
but you know at the beginning,I couldn't even talk like now,
like you know, obviously with practice, like you start like your easy pace,
your easy runs are like you canyou can have a chat, you
can have a whole conversation throughout.But but but yeah, like you know,
I started like getting to know thesepeople and like even supported each other
like right like oh this person getinjured, like we have a wattap like

(30:06):
and then we started like you knowwe share. That sense of community also
helps, right, I think that'swhat it is. Yeah, yeah,
it's and and and it was likeit's the like whenever I'm like, oh
my god, I don't want todo it today, I'm tired, or
I know I'm gonna have a stressful, intense day at work for something,

(30:27):
those days are like oh but Iremember, oh you know, I like
everyone's going to be there. Ialso need to be there, right Like
I kind of like like I kindof feel like a sense of commitment to
this community that also gives you thatextra push, right Like So so maybe
that's that's something that like for youlike my in my help, like I

(30:52):
know you you you are a communitykind of I think that's what it is,
kind of just as you say,I think that's what it is,
because if I'm skating, i'm skaredatingby myself, skating with other people.
And I was actually trying to geta friend, in fact, another former
cheerleader who she kind of encouraged meto skate because she started skating too,
like well actually she she uses inlineskates, and so I would see her

(31:15):
in the summertime running in the likeskating in the premier, running in the
park, skating in the park,and that's when I would just because I
have this way about talking to peopleand it's okay. I also forgot to
mention that you give me a totalpotty mouth on the show, because one
hundred mouths on the show. ButI would see her, and that's why
I'm going to say what I'm Isaid what I said because I'm want to
stair by bitch. I see yourunning in the park, I see you

(31:37):
skating, and you didn't even callme like how dare you? And she's
like, well, I didn't knowa the ida you want? Yes,
I did, Like every time Isee you in the park, I always
say to her, like, letme know when you're going skating so I
can join you because there is likea sense of that community really does push
you, because it can be Itcould be something as simple as just that

(31:59):
little, that little tinge of competition. Yeah right, Like you're skating this
far, I want to skate asfar as you a little further. And
then you guys kind of challenge eachother in that way and in that or
even that the simple the simple factthat I was like, oh my god,
I already told this person we're goingto go, Like yeah, like

(32:20):
what if they are ready to free? Like yeah, yeah, I've already
committed, like I need. It'slike almost like keep being in each other
account, you know, like Ido wrong with my brother in law,
Like you know, we make agreat team with my brother in law,
and like he picks me up togo for the runs and things like that,

(32:43):
and sometimes I take my pre workoutlike you have to take like something
before and it's like once you takethat, you can't have to exercise because
it's like it pumps you up withthe seine and all these things. Right
Like, so once I take that, I need to do it right like
weather like, and sometimes he's like, you know, he tells me I

(33:04):
didn't want to go. I didn'twant to come today, but I knew
you already took your your pre workoutsand now we're going, and and vice
versa, right Like, sometimes Iwas like, I feel like, oh,
I don't want to do it.I don't want to do it today,
but I know he already left home, so I was like, I'll
suck it up. You have todo it. So it's kind of like
that accountability factor too, right,like that that that community gives you.

(33:29):
So yeah, it's always it's alwaysgreat to find like that, those those
those those factors that kind of makeit enjoyable, right like, and yeah,
maybe you'll find you'll find that itis because I really because yeah,
the more I think about it,it's kind of like I would the running,

(33:52):
I don't know, but the skatingdefinitely. The skating definitely I would.
I would like to do And likeI said, I know Homegirl did
with the inline skates and we cango skating there. And I think also
for me, not just the accountability, but also just the feeling of like
I'm not the only one doing it, because I feel like there's also a

(34:15):
shyness for me when I do thingsby myself versus like if I'm in a
group of folks that there's like it'slike a little shelter. It's you know,
it's because when you have people cheeringyou on and having that support,
basically having that support to move forwardto that that also keeps it going.
And that way, it's like,if I feel awkward skating, at least

(34:36):
I know there's someone next to me, you can either correct me or make
me feel like you're not awkward skating, like that's just all on your head,
like you're doing fine. Because me, I will get very much in
my head like there's my form right, because I don't want the next person
to see, yeah, you're like, oh look how that person's like moving
or doing this, like they're sooff. But I don't have anybody to
correct me. I don't have anybodyfeel like let me know what I'm doing

(34:58):
right or what I'm doing wrong,or to just be like, don't worry
about that, have fun. Yeah, you know I don't. I don't
have that. So if I'm gettingin my head a lot, then I
get all like I probably don't wantto do it, or even feeling embarrassed
because there's always the embarrassment of fallingon your ass, like when you're skating,
you know, busting my knee andfalling down, and when that happens,
you have that shame and it's likeI don't want to get up.

(35:20):
And if I had somebody to justbe there to be like it's okay,
I got you, like it's youknow, then I would probably feel more
inclined to keep doing it. Butnot having that that community and not having
that thing or finding that community withinthat that thing yet I think is probably
one of my biggest hurdles at themoment. And so like even with dancing,

(35:42):
like I mentioned, I saw thiswoman as a matter of fact,
I think she's Dominican Dominican woman who'sdoing like Egyptian belly dancing on Instagram and
to the same skater girl like Iposted, not actually I posted, and
she saw it and she was like, let's go take a class together.
And so I respond back to herlike okay, but if that's the case,

(36:05):
we have to do it. LikeI don't want to be like,
let's do this thing and then wedon't do it. I need you to
do it, and I need youto commit with me to do the thing.
So that way I know I dohave a partner when I go this
thing. Yeah, there's there's thathence why like the man is like,
I'll buy you a bike and you'llgo cycling, and I'm like, okay,

(36:25):
but if I'm like I want youto do this with me, like
I feel like I just need thatand had it push that at it.
You know, it makes a worldof difference, I find abs. So
now it's just trying to figure outwhat the thing is is like is it
gonna dance? Is it going tobe cycling? And then that's the other
thing too, Like I also andI'm being really like in my head,

(36:47):
I don't want to just also takeup someone else's yeah thing, you want
to find something something that feels goodto me, and I know for you
out of necessity, for him,it was out of necessity. It became
something that you both end up enjoyand enjoy. And I feel like I

(37:07):
I know that out of necessity.I need to get back. I need
movement, I absolutely need. Butyou know what, like this is the
thing, like you know, likeyou're like you made me remember like you
you're saying you're in your head,but like you know, I listened to
I think I was listening to both. I don't even remember. I've read

(37:29):
something about like how your body canknow what to do, like we actually
like we overthink a lot, likelike my forum like these and these.
But when I when I started running, I was like, I don't know
if I'm running right, like whoknows? Right? Like I was just
gonna run like but but then likeI was reading and found this guy and

(37:52):
he said, like, whatever youdo, Like I was also worried about
the way I was breathing and inmy breathing right like all of these things
right, Like I was also inmy head write a Lord. But then
like this guy said, like whateveryou're doing, like your body knows what
to do, Like you're gonna breathe, breathe like you're gonna breathe in your

(38:14):
from your mouth, like do itlike you're gonna learn how to breathe better
as you develop. You're running,But you don't need to start perfectly right
like same with the form right likerun however, you run right now and
then later your body will find theform that like you need to have like

(38:34):
and at the beginning, I waslike he said, something your body knows
what to do. Your body knowswhat to do. And then so that
was my mantra when I was running, I was I was like, my
body knows what to do. Mybody knows what to do. Like it
was like I was like, okay, just like because honestly, eighty percent,
if not more, of running ismental, like it's it's in your

(38:57):
head. Like if you if youget in your head, I'm tired.
I cannot do it any longer.You can. You will not do it,
like you will not make it.That's it. That's it's over.
It's like what they call the wallor something they call it like that with
the wall wall, It's like that'sit. It's over, and it's eighty
percent of it. It's like whatyou tell yourself and what you're like.

(39:20):
And so I kept doing these likemantras when I was really like struggling,
like trying to achieve distance right like, and and I was like, my
body knows what to do, andthen I was repeating that to myself.
It's like it was almost like ameditation, right like, and then like
my body did did do the thingright like. So so yeah, it's

(39:45):
it's also like we tend to overthinkit too, So yeah, like yeah,
letting go of like that kind ofhelped me help me out a lot.
Yeah, So I think that's that'sthat thing, Like I need to
to one find the thing and thento get the hell up on my head.
And then as we're talking, I'mthinking about other things that I used

(40:08):
to I should say I used tolike doing, but things that I did
that I enjoyed that were very likehealth conscious. And in fact, going
to this event that I went theselast three days made me think about it
again. Every time I know thatthere is going to be a pool in
a swimsuit, and so that's agood thing for you. It's really good

(40:30):
for you and I the more thatI think about it as I'm sitting here
listening to you and and really likegoing deep in my head, the more
I'm like, I think swimming shouldbe the thing for me because one,
it's great for your back, whichI've always had a My back is my
problem area, like since the ageof nine, Like my back has always

(40:54):
been a problem area. And Iknow that as of late, which you
know, I might have to requestsome time, but I have to like
go back into physical therapy for myback because it's starting to fall apart night.
And as you said, your bodyknows. So my body is telling
me right now, like to listen, it's time to go back to pet

(41:14):
and start like doing that weight trainingand getting that stem treatment and all that
other stuff to kind of like strengthenmy back again. Mostly because again with
all of the health stuff happening,losing weight, losing a lot of weight,
and like losing muscle mass, becauseI know I can feel like lost
a lot of muscle mass, andso I need to build my muscle back

(41:35):
up. So I'm feeling it inmy back all the time, and so
I'm always standing because like sitting downis like give me an issue at times.
But I started thinking about the swimming. It's good for my back,
it's good for my heart, it'sgood like muscle toning, right. Yeah,
And it's also a thing that whenI do it, I push myself

(41:57):
when I'm doing Yeah, Like Ican honestly say that every time that I
took good such a good discipline.Yeah, it's I have to put because
it's like I have to breathe.I half my head has to come up
out the water. Oh, Ihave to bush or if I'm in a
pool and I'm and I start swimmingand I'm stopping. I'm like, no,
I need to get to the otherside to just go back, and
I'll just stop and then swim againand stop and swim again and stop and

(42:22):
swimming again. This time I wentinto the pool and I didn't swim at
all because one of the pool istoo damn cold. I don't care what
anyone said. There were three sothere was a woman her husband that came
in there. And when they cameto the pool, it wasn't to swim.
It was because we had gone outfor the day. Everyone had gotten
a little sauce stuff before before wecame back to the hotel. People got

(42:45):
a little a little sauce stuff andI instantly knew. I knew, well,
actually that's a lie. I knewthat. No, that's it's truth.
What I heard was people being sauceup on the bus. I was
like, Okay, there's gonna besome kind of after party something somebody like
someone is throwing an after party intheir bedroom somewhere. I didn't think it

(43:06):
was going to be in the poolat all. I didn't think it was
gonna be in the pool. However, the hotel. The pool was gonna
close at eleven, and when wegot back it was like a quarter to
ten. And I had told myselfif even if I wasn't going to record,
when I was there, I waslike, I'm gonna get in this
pool before I leave. And soI as I'm walking into my room,

(43:27):
I see a woman with her sarongand stuff going to the elevator and I
was like, you stole my idea. And then when I went down to
the pool, it was because shewas there. She had music playing,
and then like other folks started comingin and they were talking and all of
the good stuff. So we werejust hanging out in the pool. They
were swimming, but for me,the pool was just it was just too
cold for me. And I knewI wasn't the only person because the woman's
husband was like, Noah, it'stoo cold. And then a third guy

(43:50):
came in and was like, yeah, no, this pool was too damn
cold. Like he was like,I would typically get in here and do
laps, but it's really cold inthis pool. I don't know what those
ladies were on. They probably hada lot to and so their bodies were
super warm. I don't know whatwas happening, but they were having all
the fun in that pool and night. But when I got in the water
again, it made me. Itreminded me of the fact that, like,

(44:12):
this was something that I liked todo, This is something that I
know can definitely help me. Andthen being in the pool with them bring
calls back to the community, becauseI could have gone in there and just
put my feet in and be like, oh, it's too cold, and
then walk out. But because therewere other people in the pool, I
sat in the pool and I startedtalking to the people and they were even

(44:34):
threatening me to like, if youdon't walk over here, we're gonna splash
you. You better dip in andjust get acclimated to the water. And
so I did because I did notwant anybody splash me because I would have
been screaming and that would have beencool. So I actually did dip in
the water, but I didn't doany swimming or anything like that because it
was also a very small pool,very tiny, so it wasn't like I

(44:58):
could do laps with people there.But now that I think about it,
I'm like, you know what,maybe I should just like find a pool,
you know, or even start lookingtoo much to your to your to
your process probably like start looking atlike swimming clubs or something, you know,
joining joining a swimming club and youknow, starting out there and kind

(45:22):
of like getting back into swimming,because swimming is something I got into out
of necessity. I when I wasfive, I nearly drowned in the pool,
which was I mean, I laughat it now, but near pool
when I was five. Fast forwardgoing into high school my freshman year,

(45:45):
and I was randomly selected to takepool as like a gym class, like
swim as a gym class, likerandomly selected for that, and we had
like an Olympic sized type of pool, like a pseudo Olympic sized pool,
like contact, and so we wereswimming like swimming, and I liked it

(46:06):
because it made me remember like whenI was five, that I was helpless,
and now I was being like Iwas being trained on how to swim,
and like we did even like likemany we did like a lifeguard test
and all like just just so thatwe can see if we can do it.
And ever since then I became Iwasn't afraid of the water. I
started loving the water even more.And that's why every time, like we

(46:28):
would go somewhere and tell me andmy family go somewhere to the beach.
Like I was the person running intothe water and going to swim, and
I'm swimming. I'm trying to swima lap or I'm trying to just you
know, swim out as far asI can and swim back, you know,
swim back to the shore as asmuch as I can, and like
showing my nieces and nephew that andletting them know, like don't be scared,
like come do it. So I'mthinking to myself now as I'm saying

(46:49):
it out loud, like maybe Ineed to start finding like a swim club
and finding like maybe a swim communityor something, and like get back into
that because I do love being inthe water, and I do that is
something that I would do where therewas freedom in that discipline, yeah,
right, like and being disciplined andin swimming, I it was liberating,

(47:13):
like in my mind because as I'mswimming, it's like it's me in the
water, right, and it's meand my breath, and so I'm concentrating
on my breath and I'm not yeingeverything else. But it's like another moving
meditation, right, yeah. Ilove that concept of like, oh,
you know you can be like withyourself with your thoughts. Yeah. Yeah,

(47:35):
there's definitely freedom in that. Youknow. It's like you you're able
to kind of like put the restof the world take me not even yeah,
like remove everything from the world inthat moment and just be with you,
your breath and your body and yourbody doing what it knows it's supposed
to do. Yeah. Yeah,I love it and love it. So
maybe swim it is. Maybe swimmingit is. I I it might be.

(48:01):
It could be. I just hadto find like the place in the
club and hope that it doesn't likecostant million gajillion dollarge. Oh my god.
That's another thing. That's the otherthings, the other factor, right,
like or something you know, wherethey're not killing me to use the

(48:23):
pool all the time. I mean, we have a community a community uh
a community pool not too far fromhere. And in fact, now that
I think about it, maybe there'ssomething because my sister that was something that
I used to do, me andmy sister. Because my sister, my
middle sister, she didn't know howto swim, or at least she knew

(48:45):
how to swim to survive, butlike in terms of form and all that
stuff like that, she didn't reallyknow. And I feel like there was
one summer when she was still livinghere in New York, she was like,
you know, why don't we goto the community pool, Like it's
free, like why taking advantage ofit? And we did be signed up
and she and I would try togo, like maybe once a week we

(49:07):
would try to go to the pool, and then we enlisted our mom and
like had her join us. Shewasn't swimming, she was just sitting in
the corner of the pool. Shewas just sitting in the corner. That's
so good for her too, butthat was good for her, Yeah,
you know, she would just watchus. And then while I was swimming,
there was another there was this woman, Oh my goodness, who would

(49:30):
come in and swim. And Isay this very respectfully. She was a
big bodied woman, right, Andthe reason why I say I say it
respectfully because she was a big bodywoman. But she moved with the grace
of a frigging dolphin in the water. It was it was just like,
really like whoa to watch her?Because it wasn't just her coming in and

(49:51):
swimming, it was her coming andswimming and doing dolphin strokes and this strokes
and that strokes, and just veryeffortlessly. And she would go in the
lane section because how they would ropup the pool, of course, is
like the lane section are for thededicated swimmers. I want to just swim
the lanes, and then they wouldhave the open area for the folks who
just want to play around in thewater. So she came for the lanes.

(50:14):
She did not come to play.She came for the lanes. And
you would see this woman who.Funny enough, my mom looked at her
and be like, is that ladygonna sink? Because she's so big.
And when you when she went inthat water again, it was like she
belonged in the water. My momactually became a little envious because it's like,

(50:34):
look how she floats, Like howhow is she doing that? I'm
like, because she just knows disciplineright, like she's able to make her
body do these things. It's sogood. It's it's such a good I
mean, it's recommended for runners toswimming, yeah, for your low impact
you know. Yeah, it's likeyou kind of like the muscle can rest

(50:55):
but still working right, like theboneskin rest and the muscle can Yeah,
you're building all those muscles there andagain with the back in the arms.
Yeah, doing a lot of poning. Definitely a lot of breath work.
Yeah, oh absolutely. I meanMermaid or sometimes so you have to you

(51:15):
have to bread. So maybe maybethat's the thing. Maybe that's that's what's
calling to me. Yeah, yeah, that's the discovery. This is a
process of discovery. But yeah,definitely it's gonna be fun to to find
something that you enjoy absolutely, andwith that, we want to go enjoy

(51:37):
our beds. Yeah, oh mygod. We had what a week?
What a week like flying around havinga million and one thinks, like so
many presentations and meetings, production,productions, and it was fun. It
was fun. Yeah, from likeseven am to whatever a clock. Yes,

(52:00):
so we need to listen to ourbodies is telling us that we need
to go rest. And so withthat, I'm gonna close us out yet
again. I'm going to thank Raquelsuch a pleasuring me on this episode of
adult Is. Please please please feelalways feel free to come back. Thank
you. I will always feel freeto come back. I will when I

(52:22):
finished marathon. Okay, that's right. You can celebrate your win. That's
right to talk about like how howthe great achievement and your next achievement.
But before you go, if youwant, you're not entitled to, if
you want to share with the folksany of your socials so that they can
find you, check you out andsee your marathon journey. Oh thank you,

(52:44):
Yeah, absolutely, my instat that'sthe only thing I use. That's
it. But my insect is atrate mark is like Rademark without the tea,
just rate Mark. Awesome. Thanks, thank you for and you know,
you guys can find me all overthe place. I'm not on Twitter
anymore because it's now x so boom, so you won't find me there,

(53:07):
but you guys can definitely follow methere if you want to. So you
can find me on Twitter at lojolipoet said that's l A j O l
I E p O E t A. You also find me on Instagram at
A L j A zero two onefour And as it turns out, you
can always find the podcast and followus on both Twitter, all three things,
Twitter, Instagram and Facebook at AdultishPodcasts Adultish P zero D C A

(53:30):
S T. Because you know,they copped it already, so we have
to build that zero in there yetagain. Well, thank you Rachel for
joining us. Thank you until nexttime, guys, Bye bye,