January 20, 2025 • 60 mins
"Every single one of us inherently has dignity." - Brandy Penner
Brandy Penner, the Program Manager of Elder Pride Services, shares her journey and insights into the systemic issues affecting this demographic, including mental health, housing, and the significance of chosen family. The discussion highlights the resilience of LGBTQ+ seniors while addressing the ongoing struggles they face in society.
This conversation highlights the importance of visibility, dignity, and community support for LGBTQ+ older adults, addressing the challenges of isolation and the need for safe spaces.
Learn more about #ElderPrideServices and @Friendly House : https://fhpdx.org/for-adults-seniors/elder-pride-services/
Listen to over 8 years of @AgingTodayPodcast here: https://www.agingtoday.us/
Thank you to sponsor: Royal Hospice Oregon
Brandy Penner, the Program Manager of Elder Pride Services, shares her journey and insights into the systemic issues affecting this demographic, including mental health, housing, and the significance of chosen family. The discussion highlights the resilience of LGBTQ+ seniors while addressing the ongoing struggles they face in society.
This conversation highlights the importance of visibility, dignity, and community support for LGBTQ+ older adults, addressing the challenges of isolation and the need for safe spaces.
Learn more about #ElderPrideServices and @Friendly House : https://fhpdx.org/for-adults-seniors/elder-pride-services/
Listen to over 8 years of @AgingTodayPodcast here: https://www.agingtoday.us/
Thank you to sponsor: Royal Hospice Oregon
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
you know, things that minorities deal with and yet at the same time, they can become stronger
(00:08):
as a result of that and it really comes down to community, doesn't it?
Yeah, it really does.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think having, you know, I mean, there's so much research on this for older adults
that isolation is just as dangerous as smokey, for example, right?
We are social creatures and we are meant to be with others.
(00:28):
And when that has been taken away from us or we can't access it for whatever reason,
it's incredibly damaging.
And then, you know, on top of it, you put the fact that most of the folks that we're serving
are the very lowest income earners.
So that additional, just constant day to day stress of can I pay my rent?
I can't afford to go to the doctor.
You know, where is my food coming from?
(00:51):
That all compounds and we do see the high levels of depression.
[Music]
And now the podcast we're together, we discuss proactive aging on your terms, connecting
to the professional advice of our special guests while creating better days throughout
(01:14):
the aging process.
Now here's your host, Mark Turnbull.
Hello everyone and welcome back to another lively discussion on aging today.
We are the podcast where together we're exploring the many options to aging on your terms.
You can find aging today and our past eight years of programming on our website all you
(01:35):
got to do is go to www.AgingToday.us.
It's agingToday.us and you can plug into any of the programs, the interviews that we've had
over the past eight years.
And then I just want to say thank you for all of you that continue to support us, join
us and we want you to continue to follow us.
(01:58):
You know, just click and follow.
We really appreciate all the support that you bring to aging today.
Well we always say in this show that this is a podcast about aging and if you're not too
busy being born, you're too busy aging and that is true for all of us.
(02:19):
And I think today's show is going to be really important because today's interview is with
a very special person that I've most recently met and she's representing a group of people
that don't necessarily always get the best recognition and they're acknowledged in our
(02:40):
culture today.
And so we're going to be tackling those unique challenges to this community and here
to lead us in the discussion is Brandy Panner.
She's the program manager of the Elder Pride Services here in Oregon and she's an advocate
(03:01):
and she's a voice to the voiceless.
Brandy, welcome to agingToday.
Thank you, Mar.
Thanks for having me.
Yeah.
Well, we met about eight, nine months ago and I was so impressed with the dedication and the
commitment that you have for being an advocate and for being a voice to those that need that
(03:22):
voice advocating for them.
And so before we get into the nuts and bolts of what it is that you provide and how you're
advocating, I know our listening audience would appreciate getting to know you a little
bit better and we always want to know what's in your story.
(03:42):
What brought you to this place?
Where did you grow up and what's your education, your training and all that?
Yeah, that's great.
I mean, like most people's life story, especially in the age, it's a bit meandering at times,
right?
I think this idea that we follow these traditional tracks is kind of outdated at this point.
So my path like many, it's been a bit meandering.
(04:03):
I actually grew up in the Portland area.
I lived most of my life in Vancouver just across the river here from us in Portland.
But anytime you're near a metropolis or a larger city, you always go into the city for everything
right?
So it's a kid that we've come into Portland to do all this stuff.
So I left for university, lived in a few different places, traveled and kind of realized,
(04:24):
gosh, growing up in the Pacific Northwest is actually a huge gift.
So I think I'm going to go back home.
So I came back home in the early 2000s and have settled here and called Portland home.
So that's sort of my space story of being a native Oregonian and really loving and sealing
(04:44):
a connection specifically to Portland in the state.
And then, you know, I do like to adventure.
So if years back my partner and I decided to move our kids to a rural setting, so we moved
out of Portland and to 20 acres and beautiful wine country, Lamont Valley, you know, fixed
up a house living in a sort of very pastoral life dream.
(05:06):
And I got involved.
I've always been really had a very strong desire to make sure that folks are being heard.
And that most marginalized voices are brought up and represented in some way.
So my educational backgrounds and social work and I was working in that and then I chose
to have children and decided to stay home and volunteer.
(05:28):
And that led me to becoming an elected school board official in the town we ran at the time
in Newburgh, Oregon, which hit the headline in 2021.
The majority of board members attempted to ban black lives, batter and pride flags and
classrooms.
Obviously, I am a strong proponent for LGBTQ+ folks and also by-pock folks.
(05:52):
And so my job suddenly switched from being a school board member to being an outspoken advocate
for those students and staff.
Fast forward, 2022, my partner and I again decided for the sake of our children and their
education, we would go ahead and move back to Portland.
So we landed back in Portland and I found myself looking for a job and I found this posting
(06:15):
that friendly house was hiring for their elder pride service program manager and I don't
really know much about that.
Let me do some research.
And that's when I realized, oh my gosh, this program is one of a kind.
It's the only one in the state that is specifically focused on advocating, supporting and serving
LGBTQ+ older adult.
(06:37):
So I thought, gosh, this even though I hadn't worked with older adults at that point, the advocacy
piece specifically is what really called me to it.
So it's your main name in the house and two and a half, well, almost two years later,
here we are.
And a great time.
So do other states also have a program that is similar to what Oregon has in meeting the
(07:00):
needs of the senior population in the LGBTQ+ community?
Yeah, I mean, it varies drastically throughout the US, right?
So the very, well, one of the very first organized movements started out of New York City in
the 70s and that evolved into an organization called Sage.
(07:21):
So there's Sage National, which is an organization that really focuses on elevating the voice of
LGBTQ+ older adults through advocacy all the way to affordable housing development.
But they're really kind of focused, like I said, in New York City.
So there's a few organizations throughout the East Coast that do this kind of work.
(07:43):
And then of course, on the West Coast, San Francisco, Seattle have both very vibrant program
offerings and organizations.
And then you get everything from multi sort of organizations that have many, many employees,
multi-million dollar budgets, for example, in San Francisco, all the way down to grassroots,
(08:06):
two or three people trying to organize in Iowa, right?
So the map is all over the place.
And really, I think the main driver is, do you have a group of passionate people?
And are they coming together to organize to elevate that experience and voice?
So some states have nothing really in other states, you know, have quite a few.
(08:28):
Yeah, yeah.
So we have about 73 million boomers that are going to be retiring by the year 2030.
And how many of those 73 million are part of the gay community?
And then what are we doing to increase our reach, our outreach to make sure that these folks
(08:58):
have the same opportunities as the rest of the 73?
Yeah, that's a great question.
So it was only within the last few years that government agencies started collecting sexual
orientation, gender identity, demographics.
So all of the numbers we have specific to the LGBTQ+ community are fairly new, right?
(09:23):
And that's a lot, there's a lot of reasons why that wasn't collected.
There was a lot of reasons why folks within the queer community are very reluctant to share
those sorts of information and demographics about themselves because again, this is a generation
that grew up at a time when they could legally lose their jobs, their housing, didn't have
a lot of protections for their safety.
(09:44):
And so how that's manifesting now as older adults is there contend to be a real hesitancy
to engage with large systems, especially when we're talking about like government support
systems.
So what we do know is here in Oregon that about a little less than 4% of our adult population
identified as LGBTQ+ and that in Multnomah County, specifically, we have the highest rate
(10:08):
of lesbian couples in the nation.
So what that tells us, and we know this too, is that Oregon for decades has been a welcoming
place for people.
So Oregon has a higher per capita percentage of LGBTQ+ folks than any other state in the
entire nation.
And as people age, those numbers will only continue to grow.
(10:30):
Yeah.
When it comes to the different populations, we're talking about obviously seniors and I think
it's imperative that people begin to be more thoughtful about the different populations
because for me, it goes down to an understanding of who we are as human beings.
(10:59):
And we're all human beings.
And I think that can you kind of unravel or tell us a little bit more why there's so
much tension in our culture towards people that are different in their sexual orientation?
Yeah.
I mean, that's a huge question.
So I'll let you know, I'm kind of a sandwich generation, right?
(11:22):
So I work with older adults, but I'm currently parenting a queer teen.
And so I kind of, I get this, this multi-generational view on things, right?
So I talk about our particular-
So for us, baby boomers, so queer was, you know, a term that was a negative term.
Correct.
And now it's become a positive term.
(11:42):
Correct.
So maybe it'd be good for you to identify, you know, the acronym or LGBTQ plus and what that
means.
And because I think it's important, you know, I'm not a big proponent of, you know, how do
(12:04):
you say it is?
I wish we didn't have to label people.
I just wish we could somehow get to that place where we're all people.
We all need love and we all need, we have the same needs.
We have the same aspirations and, but we're not there.
So no.
So we have to work with what we've got.
(12:26):
Yeah.
And there's power in language, right?
There's power in personal identity as well.
And so I think, you know, it would be lovely to be in a space where as a culture, as a
society, you know, we didn't see different outcomes for people based on who they were.
Unfortunately, that's where we're at.
And so let's talk about language.
(12:48):
I think let's just start there, right?
Because it is really important.
And language is always tuning in evolving, right?
So what is term today next year may not be five years from now, certainly most likely
won't be.
But here's where we're at today.
So the term LGBTQ plus, of course, the L is lesbian, G is gay, B is bisexual, T is transgender.
(13:10):
And the plus is used as kind of a shortened abbreviation for folks who might identify as
too spirited or non-binary or questioning or queer.
You know, there's a full, beautiful pot of other acronyms that we could use.
But LGBTQ plus is the most sort of basic and encompassing.
(13:30):
And you're right, the term queer has recently been re-owned by the younger generation of,
you know, I'm queer, I'm here, I'm proud, you'll see it on T-shirts, you'll see it on, you
know, bumper stickers, water bottle stickers everywhere.
And so what I notice in my team, right, this younger generation is that it is a very
empowering term because it's been re-owned.
(13:53):
And we know with our older adults is that it was definitely a derogative, you know, hateful
term that was used to label and tear people down.
And so whenever I'm doing something like this or a presentation, I always like to address
that and say, you know, I will use the term queer because when you're speaking, it is
(14:14):
often a lot easier than the sort of LGBTQ plus words to how it coming out of your mouth.
But it is really important to know who you're talking to and to follow the language of those
thoughts.
Yeah.
And I think the other thing too is that some of the misconceptions out there are, is that
that those labels are are used for younger people, younger generations, but, but we're
(14:37):
talking about seniors today that carry, you know, those traits carry those labels, if you
will, and only if that's the right term, but it's a way of identifying themselves.
And, you know, I think it's important to know that it's generational.
(15:02):
It's not just young people.
Yeah, absolutely.
And I think you're right about that because not only its individuals are all of our experiences
vastly different, right?
But as groups and generations are vastly different.
And so I think what we really strive to do at elder prayed services is not only create
(15:22):
a course of purpose space that is safe for folks where they can connect, build community,
combat, isolation, but also where there can be joy, right?
It's not just about surviving.
It's about thriving.
And so being able to be out, to be safe, to be fully living in their authentic selves,
especially as they age is just so fundamental to our basic identity and health, right?
(15:46):
And I think when you have folks who have often had to be closeted most of their lives, who
maybe didn't have the opportunity to come out until their 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, even, our
job is really to let people know like you're in a safe space.
And now you can be here and you can be who you are and we can celebrate it.
(16:08):
And acknowledge that there's challenges, right?
And we see higher levels still at employment discrimination, housing discrimination, safety
issues.
These are all very pressing for folks even today, even in Portland, you know, which has a
very queer, safe kind of vibe and culture.
What we see is that a lot of that, especially when we're talking about older adults, is not
(16:32):
coming through in systems to actually support them, right?
So it's, oh, in Portland, we're so gay friendly and this is a place people can come and be
themselves.
Oh, but there's no actual like systems of support for that.
So, you know, there's this big disconnect and that can be really challenging as people
age and need more support and services.
Yeah.
(16:53):
And I think it's important that we bring the humanity into this.
These are real people.
They're, they're, they're, and I think sometimes when we talk about labels and we talk about,
you know, putting people in silos is that they become less human, if you will.
And I think we got to get to this place in our culture and our society that we begin
(17:17):
to look at all people at, and they all have needs.
They all have some of the same aspirations.
So my question to you is, you know, working inside of the, you know, the communities is,
what is the main difference between a senior that lives in the LGBTQ+ community and a senior
(17:41):
that is more heterosexual community?
What are, because I think seniors, it doesn't matter where you're coming from, there's, there's
going to be challenges.
There's ageism.
There, and it's across the board.
And how is it different inside of the LGBTQ+ community?
(18:04):
I mean, I think fundamentally, we have to get to this point where there is pride in identity,
right?
Because for so many of our older adults, for most of their lives, they were not able to
have pride in their identities, right?
They were closeted or if they weren't closeted, they were often mistreated horribly, right?
(18:25):
Yeah.
So how do you kind of overcome a lifetime of that in your older years to have a healthy,
functioning, thriving life?
So that's kind of the first part of it.
The second part is, you know, if you look at the statistics, LGBTQ+ folks of this generation
are more likely to have attained a higher level of education, yet have far fewer financial
(18:50):
resources at this point in their life.
And that is reflection directly from employment discrimination, right?
We have folks who were, for example, teachers, but they could be out.
They had to be closeted because you could literally be arrested, you know, at that point,
and especially in education, we're talking about people around young children.
And so they weren't able to progress their careers, you know, if one of our older adults
(19:13):
talks a lot about, she worked in community colleges and it came out that she was a lesbian,
and they actually continually just promoted her or didn't promote her or passed her over
for promotion.
And so eventually she had to change her career path, right?
Because she was like, there's this is a dead end.
So they didn't have the opportunity to accumulate wealth and resources as much as their
(19:33):
heterosexual peers.
Another part is housing discrimination, right, of you don't get offered housing, you live
in maybe the less desirable areas or the places that maybe aren't quite as safe.
And so how that manifests as an older adult is that your housing situation might not be
nearly as stable.
(19:55):
Also our LGBTQ+ older adults are statistically less likely to be married and less likely
to have children.
So again, how that manifests as an older adult is that they don't have the care systems
in place, the familial care systems that many of their heterosexual peers do have.
So there's some real systemic challenges.
And they're not married, even though everything has changed.
(20:25):
And they still haven't adapted or they still, why aren't they married when it's more acceptable
today?
I think specifically for the older adult generation it was really kind of seen as something
that was never available to them, right?
Like in the years when the vast majority of folks are getting married, 20s, 30s, maybe
second marriages in their 40s, it was not legal.
(20:46):
And so now in their older years it's like, oh, well, I mean, I've been with my partner
for 40 years, but what's the point, right?
Or folks have gotten married.
And so now they do have that legal and financial protection, but are constantly worried about,
will it be taken away, right?
Will that right be taken away from me?
(21:07):
And I think that that's something that all of us in our society need to worry about, right?
Like once these sort of fundamental personal choices start to be chipped away and taken
away, that affects all of us.
Yeah.
And so inside, we were talking about some of the obstacles that senior, senior's face as
(21:31):
they age in that low population of being married, but they're still together as partners,
correct?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And one of the things that we see a lot of actually on the sort of bright side of things is
that within the LGBT people's older adult population, there's a much higher level of resiliency.
(21:55):
Because again, these are folks who have had to be resilient throughout their lives.
And there's a much higher rate of chosen family, right?
So even if you don't necessarily have children to take care of you, you do have your long-term
partner, or you've got your close-knit group of friends and everybody takes care of each
other.
(22:15):
So having that informal chosen family piece is a huge, huge asset within the LGBT+ community.
Yeah.
I'm confused by that there's a higher rate of suicide amongst the LGBT+ community in older
seniors, but yet at the same time, you just mentioned that they're more resilient.
(22:40):
And you would think that usually when groups are persecuted, minorities, they tend to
congregate together and they become stronger, you know, is a bond and inside of their community
and find ways to be resilient like you were talking about and adapting.
(23:03):
So how does those two work together?
Yeah.
I mean, I think, you know, like you mentioned in any sort of marginalized or oppressed community,
there's also a lot of internalized homophobia, right?
So we, for example, we help run the resident services at the first ever in the state of
(23:24):
Oregon, older adult, LGBTQ+ affordable housing complex, 54 units, small, but it's a huge
step in the right direction.
But it's affordable housing, so it's available and open to anyone.
But our services are specific to culturally LGBTQ+ services, right?
So we celebrate pride, we make sure that we have lots of rainbow flags, like this is a place
(23:47):
where people can be out and proud if they choose.
But there's also a place where it's a community, so not everybody there identified as LGBTQ+,
right?
I recently had a, just to me, a heartbreaking conversation with the gentleman who was really
kind of espelting a lot of homophobic ideas, right?
And it was challenging.
And then I find out he's actually a member of the LGBT+ community.
(24:12):
So there's a lot of, you know, if you spend the vast majority of your life being told that
there's something wrong with you that you need to be in the closet, that, you know, you
need to pray, whatever it is, these very impressive messages that people get, even as an
older adult, even when you're in a place that is supportive and saying, hey, let's, you know,
be out and proud, all of that messaging and all of that oppression from those years and
(24:36):
years doesn't just fall away.
And so I think that's a huge part of it as well of, you know, you might be living in an incredibly
gay, friendly state in a queer, friendly city in an LGBTQ+ building, but still have intense
shame, internalized over who you are.
(24:57):
And that's really hard to help overcome.
Yeah.
And that's true with, with many minorities, absolutely.
And it does matter if you're LGBTQ or whether you're indigenous or whether, you know, Jewish
community or, I mean, on and on, it goes, the minorities typically.
And so these are all, you know, things that minorities deal with and yet at the same time,
(25:25):
they can become stronger as a result of that.
And it really comes down to community, doesn't it?
Yeah.
It really does.
Yeah.
And having, you know, I mean, there's so much research on this for older adults, but isolation
is just as dangerous as smokey, for example, right?
We are social creatures and we are meant to be with others.
(25:46):
And when that has been taken away from us or we can't access it for whatever reason, it's
incredibly damaging.
And then, you know, on top of it, you put the fact that most of the folks that we're serving
are the very lowest income earners.
So that additional just constant day-to-day stress of can I pay my rent?
I can't afford to go to the doctor, you know, where's my food coming from?
(26:09):
That all compounds and we do see high levels of depression.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did you know that Oregon has the largest LGBTQ+ population per capita in the nation?
Our LGBTQ+ older adults are more likely to live at or below 200% federal poverty level.
(26:30):
Help be married, partnered, or have children.
Live alone.
Have a higher number of chronic conditions.
Higher levels of discrimination in employment, housing, medical settings, and public places.
Have elevated rates of suicide ideation.
As a group LGBTQ+ older adults are also more likely to have chosen family connections
(26:53):
in formal networks of support and higher levels of resiliency than their heterosexual peers.
How much did you know segment was brought to you by this week's guest and sponsored by Royal
Hospice Oregon?
Yeah, and that's true with many minorities.
Absolutely.
And it doesn't matter if you're LGBTQ or whether you're indigenous or whether you know Jewish
(27:18):
community or I mean, on and on, it goes the minorities typically.
And so these are all, you know, things that minorities deal with and yet at the same time,
they can become stronger as a result of that.
And it really comes down to community, doesn't it?
Yeah.
(27:38):
It really does.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think having, you know, I mean, there's so much research on this for older adults that
isolation is just as dangerous as smokey, for example, right?
We are social creatures and we are meant to be with others.
And when that has been taken away from us or we can't access it for whatever reason, it's
incredibly damaging.
(27:59):
And then, you know, on top of it, you put the fact that most of the folks that we're serving
are the very lowest income earners.
So that additional just constant day to day stress of can I pay my rent?
I can't afford to go to the doctor.
You know, where's my food coming from?
That all compounds and we do see the high levels of depression.
Yeah.
(28:19):
And I think some of the obstacles that we've been talking about are really important to identify.
But the other thing that I think is important for us also to have a discussion about are some
of the needs that this senior population has and we kind of touch on a little bit and that
is affordable housing.
And that's one of my greatest concerns is that we give people the options and it doesn't
(28:45):
matter whether you're straight or whether you're part of the LGBT plus community.
It's still something that as seniors, we need, you know, we need to take care of our most
vulnerable in our society because that's a direct indication of how healthy our society
is.
Are we going to take care of the most vulnerable?
(29:09):
And seniors are one of our most vulnerable populations.
Yeah.
And what we're actually seeing now too specifically in the metro area is a rising rate of older
adults who are experiencing homelessness.
And that is terrifying to me because we know that folks who are living on the streets and
are on-house have much higher rates of violent crime, drug use, suicide, death.
(29:36):
It's unsafe for anyone.
And then if you are an older adult, it is that much worse for you.
And it is heartbreaking to hear a 70 year old woman who's sleeping in her car.
It is, that's ridiculous.
That should never happen.
And I think one of the problems I see is that from elected officials, from people in leadership
(29:58):
is it's a numbers game, right?
Like, oh, we got this many people off the streets last month.
Okay, great.
But does that mean that they're actually stably, safely housed?
Right?
Because it takes a lot to make sure that people are supported.
To remain housed.
And you know, you could say, oh, well, we put that transgender woman in affordable housing
(30:18):
department.
It's great.
No problem.
It's done.
Well, maybe her neighbor is transphobic.
And maybe it's, you know, incredibly unsafe every time she leaves her front door.
Is she safely housed?
No.
So it's multifaceted and it's not just a, we just need to get people off the street.
Yes, absolutely.
And we need to make sure that people are supported and safe.
(30:40):
Yeah.
Sometimes the political side, when we try to bring solutions on the political side, it
frustrates me even more because they just exasperate the problem or they want the problem
to persist because that's how they get reelected or somebody's making a lot of money because
there's a lot of money being spent out there on homelessness.
(31:03):
There's a lot of money being spent across the board.
And yet we're still talking about some of the same issues.
And that's the frustrating part for me.
Yeah.
And we're talking about homelessness specifically.
You know, I get really concerned when I hear, okay, we're going to have, you know, sort of
these sweeps and where everybody has a choice to either go into a shelter or be fined or
(31:24):
go to jail or, you know, that's it because it's again so much more nuanced than that.
You could say, you know, okay, again, let's use a, you know, transgender woman as an example,
okay, hey, you can't sleep here.
You've got to go to a shelter.
And she says, well, where can I go?
There's no shelter for me.
There's no shelter that's specific or that's safe.
And I'm actually safer in my car or on the streets than I am in some of these shelters.
(31:49):
So again, it's not just a one-size-fits-all, right?
And so it's so easy.
People just need to get off the street.
It's like, yeah, but where are they going to go?
Sometimes I get a little frustrated with the politics or I get frustrated with the government
solutions that they're not always the best solutions.
And there's other solutions that maybe the private sector can be bringing.
(32:14):
Talk a little bit about what you're experiencing.
Is there a private sector partnership with the government and how does that look?
Yeah, I mean, specifically about housing.
So the community that we opened this year is actually, we had a very non-traditional route
(32:34):
to becoming.
So in partnership with Christ United Methodist Church, who had a huge lot out in Cedar
Mills, and they said, "Cush, we want to do something, right?
We want to put our faith into practice."
And we know that housing is a huge need right now in our community.
So let's take a chunk of our land holdings and create an affordable housing apartment
(32:55):
building for folks.
So they found a developer, so private and faith-based partnership, to say, hey, we want to create
this.
And not only do we want to create affordable housing, we want it to be a big, big, big, big
one, we want it to be for older adults, and we want it to be for LGBTQ+ older adults.
And then the housing developers think, great, we're on board.
Let's do this.
So they get friendly house involved with elder-pride services to say, okay, we want community
(33:18):
input in the design, what do people need, what do they want to see.
And then on an ongoing basis, we're providing the resident support services to make sure
people can stay in there.
So this is an example of faith-based partnership, private company, the developer, and then
a nonprofit all come together to create this.
And it has been very challenging, I will say.
(33:41):
We're not able to access some government money in support.
We were trying to get money for case managers specifically.
And Washington County said, no, we're not going to give you the money because we don't think
it needs to be culturally specific.
It's like, okay, it does.
And luckily, the church and the developer said, no, we are committed to the cultural
specificity of this building, and we will not go backwards on that.
(34:06):
And so because of that, we're not going to take this money.
So to me, that was a really interesting example of when you run into government that says,
oh, this doesn't really fit our model.
So you just have to do it on your own.
And that's when the private money really becomes important.
So it's a fascinating case study.
And how did you get this building up and going?
(34:27):
And I always tell people, it was not our traditional route.
And do you see a model coming together where there's a combination of private and government
agencies coming together?
And is that the solution for the future?
I mean, I think it has to be for now because the systems that we're working and we're talking
(34:49):
about like county government were built decades ago.
They were not built for now.
And we know county does not move.
Government does not tend to move very quickly, right?
And so I think what we're seeing is a lot of people saying, gosh, there's a huge problem.
We have the ability to fix this.
Let's just do it on our own.
And that's good for now because it's happening, but is it sustainable in the long run?
(35:10):
Probably not.
How do you take the politics out of it?
I mean, when I mean the politics, I mean, not just on the government side, but the politics
of how people see the gay community, how people see aging.
Because I think there's there's ageism across the board and we're not taking care of our senior
(35:34):
population yet.
73 million of us baby boomers, you know, we're aging and we're the second largest community
in the United States.
So there's got to be some impact.
And what does that impact look like?
And as I'm listening to you talk, I mean, we both live in Oregon.
(35:58):
Which is probably the more progressive of all the states out there.
You know, when it comes to the LGBT plus community, because you mentioned, Moellan McKowney,
meaning Portland has the most population anywhere in the United States.
And there's a reason because it's more friendly toward that population.
(36:20):
Yet at the same time, we're not solving any problems.
How do you reconcile all that?
What do you go to bed at night thinking about and, you know, putting all this together?
It's got to be frustrating for you because I can see it.
That's what drew me to you is that you're a very passionate person.
(36:43):
You have a lot of compassion.
And I wanted you to come on aging today because we're all human beings.
We all need love.
We all need that support.
We all need to be recognized.
And yet, we're struggling with that.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I think fundamentally, it is just seeing that inherent human dignity, right?
(37:09):
Every single one of us inherently has dignity because we're humans.
And we have to treat each other that way.
And I think what we're seeing is, and when we talk to our older adult participants, you
know, there's a lot of fear.
A lot of, okay, are we going back now, right?
Like, do we need to go back into the closet?
(37:29):
And that's as an entire community, but also on an individual level, right?
So you've got somebody who's going into hospice care or somebody who's going into a skilled
facility.
And they're like, gosh, I don't know if I can be out here because I don't know how I'm
going to be treated, right?
Will I be respectful?
Will they use my pronouns correctly?
Will they let me, you know, use the bathroom I need to use?
(37:50):
Again, that fundamental human need that we all have for safety and for respect.
And you know, what keeps me going with it is that, you know, we all have a responsibility
towards that.
Some people clearly don't see it.
So for those of us that do see it, we have to move it even further, right?
(38:10):
And we have to be the people out there saying, that's not okay or this is beautiful and
we're going to celebrate it, right?
And I think what sort of my social work background is what kind of keeps me going, right?
Because I remember going to school for social work and friends saying, you're not going to
like solve the world's problems, right?
And I was like, I can help one person a day.
It's worth it.
(38:31):
It's like I'm one person out here trying to make it a little bit better.
And we can all do that in our community with our neighbors and their friends and our families
and our workplaces to just be the person that makes someone's life just a little bit better
that day.
And I think that's a huge part of it.
That's a huge part of community and that's a huge part of a culture.
(38:52):
And there's always going to be hate.
There's always going to be people who are unwilling to learn or be curious.
And that's not going to change.
And I think by being able to elevate the voices of folks who are having experiences that
are different than the vast majority is, we can all learn from each other, right?
(39:12):
I think whenever I go into aging spaces, I always have to
say, hey, let's not forget about our LGBTQ+ older adults, right?
Because we see older adults as not having gender or sexuality, right?
And when I'm in queer spaces, I'm always like, hey, don't forget about the older adults.
They're here, and they're out and they're excited to be a part of this.
(39:32):
And so that's a huge part of my job is just bringing visibility to people.
>> Yeah, I think that's a big challenge for all the populations and especially among seniors
is just because somebody is in their 70s, 80s, they don't stop feeling their sexuality.
(39:52):
They don't stop feeling intimacy.
They don't stop feeling their identity and who they are.
In fact, if anything, as we age, I become stronger in my identity of who I am, and I'm proud
to announce who I am.
>> Yeah.
(40:13):
>> And I say the heck with everybody else, you often hear that among seniors is they lose
their filters.
It's true.
You do lose your filters.
>> For better and worse.
>> Yeah, sometimes it's good and sometimes it's not so good.
>> I agree, I agree.
I think it is, that's the whole point, that's the beauty of aging, right?
(40:34):
It is such a gift.
We should all be that fortunate to be able to age, right?
And to be able to celebrate it and hopefully have a time in life that is more focused on
us, right, on our interests, on who we want to be with and where we want to be.
I mean, that's what we should all aspire to.
And so the idea of ageism that you suddenly become invisible after the age of 50 or whatever
(40:57):
is just outdated and ridiculous.
>> Yeah.
One of the things that we've been talking about is some of the needs that the senior population
and the LGBT+ community has is affordable housing.
But the other thing that they face probably at a higher level than the general population
(41:20):
out there is isolation.
And I think you've touched on that a little bit and I want you to touch on a little more
to bring that awareness.
How is it different being in one of those communities as opposed to the general population?
>> Yeah, I mean, isolation for older adults in general is a huge problem, right?
(41:43):
We know that there are both emotional, mental, and physical effects of being isolated as
we age.
And so having, you know, for example, thriving senior centers and communities is incredibly
important.
So you've gotten that and now let's say you are an LGBT+ older adult, you constantly wonder
(42:04):
walking into those spaces.
Is this going to be a safe space for me, right?
So not only are you facing the whole like, oh, I'm going into a new space and I might not
know anyone and you know, that can be uncomfortable for just about anyone.
But now on top of it, because of who you are, you have an added layer of, will I be accepted?
Will people talk to me?
Will the staff treat me well?
(42:25):
And so it can become an even bigger barrier for folks to try to overcome, right, to get
engaged to be out in community.
And so for us, and then I'll also add too, within the LGBT+ community, there's often a
focus on youth.
And so even within the queer community, our older adults can often go unseen, unnoticed,
(42:48):
and are invisible.
And so there's this double invisibility that they face.
So for us at Eldebride Services, it's really important.
Our foundation of what we do is combating social isolation.
So it's having programming for people, you know, that's free.
We offer food.
We have virtual.
We have in person.
We're all over the city, all over the metro area, just to try to remove as many barriers
(43:13):
as possible to get people out and with each other, you know, it's like, please just come
to the event.
I promise the coffee social, all you have to do is show up and sit down.
That's it.
People will talk to you.
And it's okay, you don't have to explain your identity.
You don't have to be closeted.
You can choose to be around peers in a safe setting.
(43:34):
And it kind of just, it removes a lot of that social anxiety for folks who are trying to
engage.
Yeah.
How do you get them there?
So because a lot of seniors are not as mobile and they don't have the ability to drive.
And I'm assuming that you're holding an event in a centralized location, you know, wherever
that may be.
(43:55):
And yet you've got this, you know, network of people that live inside this community, but
they could be three, four, five, ten miles away.
How do you approach that?
How do you get them there?
And additionally, I'm going to add in there to the mobility issues, right?
As we age, we often have physical limitations that can make it more challenging for us.
(44:17):
To walk or, you know, use public transportation or drive.
So we really try to be mindful of all of those barriers, right?
We make sure that our programming is, I always say it's kind of the golden hour of between
about 11 and four because we don't want to be too early for folks.
I mean, certainly can't be too late for folks.
And so timing is a huge part of it.
(44:39):
We try to have events in a variety of places, right?
So if you live on the east side, you're not constantly having to come to the west side.
We also really make sure that our events are held in places that have easy access to public
transportation because we know a lot of our folks, especially our lowest income earners,
are really dependent on public transportation.
Additionally, we know that for older adults in our area, there are certain other resources,
(45:02):
like ride connections, trim it, lift, things like that.
And so if folks are interested in coming, but transportation is a barrier, we send them
to our case managers, our information and referral specialists to make sure that they know
their resources and get connected to them.
So it's another big part of it.
What about senior centers?
(45:23):
Because most communities have a senior center.
Are they open to receiving the LGBTQ+ community inside of their four walls?
That is so specific, honestly, on the staffing of each center.
And so we know here in Portland, for example, we partner with quite a few of the local
(45:44):
community centers.
We're having a Valentine's Day dance at the Hollywood Senior Center, Community for Positive
Aging, where we have our EPS participants in, right?
So there are same-sex couples dancing together, having a good time, at a traditional senior
center.
So we try to partner as much as we can.
We try to do staff trainings, presentations of, you know, hey, people might not be out to
(46:10):
you.
So, statistically, we can guarantee that even in this small town in rural Oregon, you have
some LGBTQ+ folks here.
And so how do you create a positive and welcoming environment, right?
So-
Do you see yourself as the connector in the community where you go out and bridge the
different organizations?
I'm thinking of faith-based churches, you know, because you mentioned the night.
(46:33):
Yeah.
Was it the Christ United Methodist?
Christ United Methodist, yeah.
And I'm sure there's other faith-based communities out there that would be receiving those populations
with open arms.
And I'm sure that there's others that are a little standoffish.
But that's where you see yourself.
(46:55):
And maybe the inspiration that I'm hoping from this conversation today, because this is
a broadcast that goes to all 50 states, you know, that maybe some other person will be
inspired by you and begin to, you know, duplicate what you've done here in Portland.
(47:17):
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean, a big part of what we do is outreach, right?
So, tabling at Pride events, for example, or tabling at aging events.
And then another big part of what we do is if folks or groups or, you know, companies come
to us and say, "Gosh, I would love some training," you know, or, "I know we have a gentleman
(47:38):
in our nursing home who is gay, but I've got some staff members who don't want to know
what to do."
So, that's where I come in and have those conversations.
And I always let people know, if you are coming from a place of curiosity and compassion,
you cannot go wrong, right?
It's okay to not know.
It's okay to not know the language or terms or whatever, but if you're open to wanting
(48:01):
to know and wanting to do better, people see that and they respond accordingly, right?
So, even if you live in a community in, you know, a very rural, red state, if you again
are that one person who can offer a safe space, that can be life-changing for people.
Yeah, yeah.
And I think that's important also to let people inside of the heterosexual community to
(48:27):
know, just like you said, just remain curious.
Be available, make yourself present, you know, when you're talking to somebody.
And don't worry about if you use the wrong term.
I mean, that, I think that's what is kind of concerning in our culture today that if
(48:48):
you don't use the right language, then you're canceled or whatever.
And I think that that needs to change on the other side so that we're more inclusive
and tolerant of people's beliefs and whether they're right or wrong.
Yeah.
(49:08):
Well, and I think, you know, learning from our mistakes too, right?
Yeah.
And use the wrong term or the incorrect pronoun and the person corrects you.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
You know, thank you for letting me know and you move on, right?
Like, we don't have to sort of beat each other up over this, but we do have to be open
and compassionate.
Yeah.
(49:29):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think, you know, being from the boomer generation myself, I don't understand the whole
pronoun thing.
It doesn't make any sense to me.
It's more of a younger generational thing.
And I've talked to even people that are in the LGBT community that don't understand it
as well, that are my age.
(49:49):
And it's more of a generational thing, you know, it's interesting.
That's about where I want to leave it at that point because no matter what I say, it's
going to be wrong.
Potentially.
And I think, you know, that's one of the reasons I say, follow the other person's language,
right?
What terms are they using?
(50:09):
Those are going to be the terms that are safe to use with them in conversation, right?
And ask the questions.
Be curious.
And adapt.
I mean, you know, a lot of times, you know, it shows respect to another human being's dignity
by being respectful if they want to use a pronoun or if they want to use something and
(50:31):
they want you to utilize it.
I mean, that's no different than if somebody asked me to, you know, not swear when I'm talking
to them.
And at a respect, I would not swear.
Yeah.
It costs us nothing, right?
It costs us absolutely nothing to use someone's preferred pronoun, right?
(50:53):
It's no skin off your back.
And so I think, you know, remaining like you said, remaining open and remaining curious.
And especially even as we age, right, it's really important for us to understand that things
are changing and to have some connection with them still.
I mean, I feel this even with my teenagers, right?
(51:13):
Like they're using terms that I'm like, I don't, what is this?
I don't even know what this means.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, okay, but tell me more.
What is happening on the internet these days?
You know, so we see it in a browser life.
Yeah.
What goes around comes around.
I mean, 100%.
What we impose today will be imposed upon us tomorrow.
(51:34):
So, yeah.
And so it's going to test all of our abilities to be adaptable, resilient and being respectful
of one another's, you know, place and space and identity.
And that's just being kind to one another.
What an interesting word kind is.
(51:55):
Right.
You know, if we could just relearn that.
Yeah.
Just, I mean, you don't know if you're the person on the bus who, you know, uses somebody's
pronoun correctly, that can make their day, right?
Like that could be the highlight of that day because they feel seen, they feel validated.
You might not even ever know.
(52:15):
And again, it costs you nothing.
Yeah.
So, I, you know, constant proponent for that.
Well, one of the things that we always say on aging today is when you change the way
you look at things, the things you look at change.
So the responsibility is upon me.
Each of us need to take that responsibility.
And if we begin to see people through our lens of them being humans, human beings right
(52:41):
alongside of me that we all want the same thing.
We all want the same end result.
We all want to be dignified.
We all want to be respected and loved and to, to be loved and to love.
Oh, then.
Now, what a difference this, this world would be.
I know.
I know, but even just again, as one person, if you can go out and be that person, that, it
(53:03):
does have a huge impact.
And I think you, you might not even know it or see it, but it absolutely does.
Yeah.
So if there's somebody out there that is listening right now and they want to be like
Brandy.
And they're in a different state.
And there's nothing going on.
How would they contact you?
And what, what kind of advice would you give them, you know, to begin that movement in their
(53:32):
particular area?
Yeah.
I mean, first I would say check out the stage national websites, right?
Because they're going to give a lot of good information around, um, what's the, what's the
email?
What's the website address?
Because it's sage.com or, uh, there's a software company that's also sage.
So that's a bit confusing.
So if they put an LGBT plus older adult sage, it'll pop up.
(53:56):
Okay.
But that's a great, like nationwide, um, kind of umbrella to find.
You can put in your state and see, hey, is there anything in Wisconsin?
Like, is there anybody doing this work?
And how can I support it?
That would be my, my first step, right?
Because you don't mean to re and heal the wheel if it's already happening.
Get involved and volunteer if these organizations do exist in your area.
(54:19):
And if they don't, I mean, I think so much again, what we see as a strength within the
LGBT plus population is that informal networking and organizing, right?
So maybe there already is a coffee meetup for older adult in your area, but maybe just don't
quite know about it, right?
So I would say as much as people can within their communities, try to find out what's happening
(54:42):
and, and where, um, folks are congregating and, and what's going on.
But people can always reach out to me too.
So my email is probably easiest.
It's brandy, b-r-a-n-d-y-p, and then purple at f-h-p-d-x.org.
So brandyp@fhpdx.org.
(55:03):
And the fh stands for friendly house.
Right.
Yep, exactly.
Okay.
Also, if people check out our, um, friendly house website or elder pride services website,
they're able to connect through that as well.
So, um, I just, you know, again, it doesn't take that many people.
It's not rocket science and it just takes folks organizing and saying, hey, we're going to
(55:25):
have a coffee meetup on Thursdays at this little place downtown.
Let's put something on social media or let's put up some flyers, you know, in the library
or whatever it is.
And that's it.
It doesn't have to be huge.
It just really is about bringing people together in community for support.
Yeah.
And let's go out there and let's change the world.
Every day.
(55:46):
And being at a time.
That's right.
Well, so we hear, right?
Yeah.
You know, things better.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is there any imparting words that you want to, um, leave with us?
Yeah.
I think just again, focusing on that curiosity and compassion, you know, if you have, uh,
folks in your life who are part of the queer community, take an interest in their lives,
(56:09):
right?
Find out how to be an ally.
If you yourself are in the LGBTQ+ community, you know, you're not alone.
There's a lot of people out there who have similar experiences and are facing some of
the same struggles.
So I just encourage people so much to not be isolated and to really reach out even when
it's hard to be connected because people don't have to be aging and isolation.
(56:32):
Yeah.
Brandy's, thank you so much for being on aging today.
We really, really appreciated the message that you brought.
And we hope that our listeners out there will be moved to be activist in a good way to make
the changes in their community.
And it begins with you as an individual as a person.
(56:54):
Absolutely.
Start there and begin to look at, change the way you look at things that things you look
at will change and begin to look at the LGBT community as people.
They're human beings.
Just like you and me.
So just be kind to one another.
(57:14):
Oh my goodness.
That is so easy but yet so hard.
It is.
It is.
You know, I also put yourself in someone else's shoes.
Right?
How do you want to be treated?
How do you want to be seen?
And all of us want that dignity and that respect.
So that's what we give to others.
Yeah.
Gosh, well, thank you, Mark.
It's been a real pleasure.
Yeah.
(57:34):
It has been a huge pleasure of mine and I want to say thank you.
And I hope that we continue to cross paths and if there's anything that we can do to make
an impact on the community here in Portland, please reach out to me.
And I do have a gentleman that I that I do want you to find some solutions for.
(57:55):
Bob is a great man and he deserves to finish his life out just like anybody else with dignity
and respect.
Yeah.
100%.
Yeah.
And I do some resources out in his area.
Okay.
Sounds good.
Yeah.
And this is Mark Turnbull of your host and I want to thank all of you for tuning into aging
(58:16):
today.
We are the podcast where together we're exploring the many options to aging on your terms.
Join us every Monday when we release a new podcast, a new conversation to aging today
and remember this.
We're all in the process of aging.
And as we age, we really are better together.
(58:39):
So stay young at heart.
You make me feel so young.
You make me feel like spring is spring and every time I see your face, I'm such a happy
individual, the moment that you speak.
I want to go play hide and see.
(59:01):
I want to go and bounce the moon just like a toy balloon, well, you and I.
I'll just like a bullet, running across the metal.
They can have lots of, forget me night so you made me feel so young.
(59:23):
You made me feel there are songs to be sung, there will still be wrong and wonderful thing
to be fun.
And when I'm old and grey.
You've been listening to aging today where together we explore the options to aging on
your terms.
Join Mark and his guest next week for another lively discussion on proactively aging on your
(59:45):
terms, connecting you to the professional advice of his special guests with the goal of creating
better days throughout the aging process.
Your host has been Mark Turnbull.
Join Mark and his guest every week on aging today, your podcast to exploring your options
for aging on your terms.
Join Mark and his guest next week for another lively discussion on proactively aging on your terms
(01:00:11):
to be fun.
Join Mark and his guest next week for another lively discussion on proactively aging on your terms
to be fun.
Join Mark and his guest next week for another lively discussion on proactively aging on your terms
to be fun.
(01:00:32):
(music)
you know, things that minorities deal with and yet at the same time, they can become stronger
(00:08):
as a result of that and it really comes down to community, doesn't it?
Yeah, it really does.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think having, you know, I mean, there's so much research on this for older adults
that isolation is just as dangerous as smokey, for example, right?
We are social creatures and we are meant to be with others.
(00:28):
And when that has been taken away from us or we can't access it for whatever reason,
it's incredibly damaging.
And then, you know, on top of it, you put the fact that most of the folks that we're serving
are the very lowest income earners.
So that additional, just constant day to day stress of can I pay my rent?
I can't afford to go to the doctor.
You know, where is my food coming from?
(00:51):
That all compounds and we do see the high levels of depression.
[Music]
And now the podcast we're together, we discuss proactive aging on your terms, connecting
to the professional advice of our special guests while creating better days throughout
(01:14):
the aging process.
Now here's your host, Mark Turnbull.
Hello everyone and welcome back to another lively discussion on aging today.
We are the podcast where together we're exploring the many options to aging on your terms.
You can find aging today and our past eight years of programming on our website all you
(01:35):
got to do is go to www.AgingToday.us.
It's agingToday.us and you can plug into any of the programs, the interviews that we've had
over the past eight years.
And then I just want to say thank you for all of you that continue to support us, join
us and we want you to continue to follow us.
(01:58):
You know, just click and follow.
We really appreciate all the support that you bring to aging today.
Well we always say in this show that this is a podcast about aging and if you're not too
busy being born, you're too busy aging and that is true for all of us.
(02:19):
And I think today's show is going to be really important because today's interview is with
a very special person that I've most recently met and she's representing a group of people
that don't necessarily always get the best recognition and they're acknowledged in our
(02:40):
culture today.
And so we're going to be tackling those unique challenges to this community and here
to lead us in the discussion is Brandy Panner.
She's the program manager of the Elder Pride Services here in Oregon and she's an advocate
(03:01):
and she's a voice to the voiceless.
Brandy, welcome to agingToday.
Thank you, Mar.
Thanks for having me.
Yeah.
Well, we met about eight, nine months ago and I was so impressed with the dedication and the
commitment that you have for being an advocate and for being a voice to those that need that
(03:22):
voice advocating for them.
And so before we get into the nuts and bolts of what it is that you provide and how you're
advocating, I know our listening audience would appreciate getting to know you a little
bit better and we always want to know what's in your story.
(03:42):
What brought you to this place?
Where did you grow up and what's your education, your training and all that?
Yeah, that's great.
I mean, like most people's life story, especially in the age, it's a bit meandering at times,
right?
I think this idea that we follow these traditional tracks is kind of outdated at this point.
So my path like many, it's been a bit meandering.
(04:03):
I actually grew up in the Portland area.
I lived most of my life in Vancouver just across the river here from us in Portland.
But anytime you're near a metropolis or a larger city, you always go into the city for everything
right?
So it's a kid that we've come into Portland to do all this stuff.
So I left for university, lived in a few different places, traveled and kind of realized,
(04:24):
gosh, growing up in the Pacific Northwest is actually a huge gift.
So I think I'm going to go back home.
So I came back home in the early 2000s and have settled here and called Portland home.
So that's sort of my space story of being a native Oregonian and really loving and sealing
(04:44):
a connection specifically to Portland in the state.
And then, you know, I do like to adventure.
So if years back my partner and I decided to move our kids to a rural setting, so we moved
out of Portland and to 20 acres and beautiful wine country, Lamont Valley, you know, fixed
up a house living in a sort of very pastoral life dream.
(05:06):
And I got involved.
I've always been really had a very strong desire to make sure that folks are being heard.
And that most marginalized voices are brought up and represented in some way.
So my educational backgrounds and social work and I was working in that and then I chose
to have children and decided to stay home and volunteer.
(05:28):
And that led me to becoming an elected school board official in the town we ran at the time
in Newburgh, Oregon, which hit the headline in 2021.
The majority of board members attempted to ban black lives, batter and pride flags and
classrooms.
Obviously, I am a strong proponent for LGBTQ+ folks and also by-pock folks.
(05:52):
And so my job suddenly switched from being a school board member to being an outspoken advocate
for those students and staff.
Fast forward, 2022, my partner and I again decided for the sake of our children and their
education, we would go ahead and move back to Portland.
So we landed back in Portland and I found myself looking for a job and I found this posting
(06:15):
that friendly house was hiring for their elder pride service program manager and I don't
really know much about that.
Let me do some research.
And that's when I realized, oh my gosh, this program is one of a kind.
It's the only one in the state that is specifically focused on advocating, supporting and serving
LGBTQ+ older adult.
(06:37):
So I thought, gosh, this even though I hadn't worked with older adults at that point, the advocacy
piece specifically is what really called me to it.
So it's your main name in the house and two and a half, well, almost two years later,
here we are.
And a great time.
So do other states also have a program that is similar to what Oregon has in meeting the
(07:00):
needs of the senior population in the LGBTQ+ community?
Yeah, I mean, it varies drastically throughout the US, right?
So the very, well, one of the very first organized movements started out of New York City in
the 70s and that evolved into an organization called Sage.
(07:21):
So there's Sage National, which is an organization that really focuses on elevating the voice of
LGBTQ+ older adults through advocacy all the way to affordable housing development.
But they're really kind of focused, like I said, in New York City.
So there's a few organizations throughout the East Coast that do this kind of work.
(07:43):
And then of course, on the West Coast, San Francisco, Seattle have both very vibrant program
offerings and organizations.
And then you get everything from multi sort of organizations that have many, many employees,
multi-million dollar budgets, for example, in San Francisco, all the way down to grassroots,
(08:06):
two or three people trying to organize in Iowa, right?
So the map is all over the place.
And really, I think the main driver is, do you have a group of passionate people?
And are they coming together to organize to elevate that experience and voice?
So some states have nothing really in other states, you know, have quite a few.
(08:28):
Yeah, yeah.
So we have about 73 million boomers that are going to be retiring by the year 2030.
And how many of those 73 million are part of the gay community?
And then what are we doing to increase our reach, our outreach to make sure that these folks
(08:58):
have the same opportunities as the rest of the 73?
Yeah, that's a great question.
So it was only within the last few years that government agencies started collecting sexual
orientation, gender identity, demographics.
So all of the numbers we have specific to the LGBTQ+ community are fairly new, right?
(09:23):
And that's a lot, there's a lot of reasons why that wasn't collected.
There was a lot of reasons why folks within the queer community are very reluctant to share
those sorts of information and demographics about themselves because again, this is a generation
that grew up at a time when they could legally lose their jobs, their housing, didn't have
a lot of protections for their safety.
(09:44):
And so how that's manifesting now as older adults is there contend to be a real hesitancy
to engage with large systems, especially when we're talking about like government support
systems.
So what we do know is here in Oregon that about a little less than 4% of our adult population
identified as LGBTQ+ and that in Multnomah County, specifically, we have the highest rate
(10:08):
of lesbian couples in the nation.
So what that tells us, and we know this too, is that Oregon for decades has been a welcoming
place for people.
So Oregon has a higher per capita percentage of LGBTQ+ folks than any other state in the
entire nation.
And as people age, those numbers will only continue to grow.
(10:30):
Yeah.
When it comes to the different populations, we're talking about obviously seniors and I think
it's imperative that people begin to be more thoughtful about the different populations
because for me, it goes down to an understanding of who we are as human beings.
(10:59):
And we're all human beings.
And I think that can you kind of unravel or tell us a little bit more why there's so
much tension in our culture towards people that are different in their sexual orientation?
Yeah.
I mean, that's a huge question.
So I'll let you know, I'm kind of a sandwich generation, right?
(11:22):
So I work with older adults, but I'm currently parenting a queer teen.
And so I kind of, I get this, this multi-generational view on things, right?
So I talk about our particular-
So for us, baby boomers, so queer was, you know, a term that was a negative term.
Correct.
And now it's become a positive term.
(11:42):
Correct.
So maybe it'd be good for you to identify, you know, the acronym or LGBTQ plus and what that
means.
And because I think it's important, you know, I'm not a big proponent of, you know, how do
(12:04):
you say it is?
I wish we didn't have to label people.
I just wish we could somehow get to that place where we're all people.
We all need love and we all need, we have the same needs.
We have the same aspirations and, but we're not there.
So no.
So we have to work with what we've got.
(12:26):
Yeah.
And there's power in language, right?
There's power in personal identity as well.
And so I think, you know, it would be lovely to be in a space where as a culture, as a
society, you know, we didn't see different outcomes for people based on who they were.
Unfortunately, that's where we're at.
And so let's talk about language.
(12:48):
I think let's just start there, right?
Because it is really important.
And language is always tuning in evolving, right?
So what is term today next year may not be five years from now, certainly most likely
won't be.
But here's where we're at today.
So the term LGBTQ plus, of course, the L is lesbian, G is gay, B is bisexual, T is transgender.
(13:10):
And the plus is used as kind of a shortened abbreviation for folks who might identify as
too spirited or non-binary or questioning or queer.
You know, there's a full, beautiful pot of other acronyms that we could use.
But LGBTQ plus is the most sort of basic and encompassing.
(13:30):
And you're right, the term queer has recently been re-owned by the younger generation of,
you know, I'm queer, I'm here, I'm proud, you'll see it on T-shirts, you'll see it on, you
know, bumper stickers, water bottle stickers everywhere.
And so what I notice in my team, right, this younger generation is that it is a very
empowering term because it's been re-owned.
(13:53):
And we know with our older adults is that it was definitely a derogative, you know, hateful
term that was used to label and tear people down.
And so whenever I'm doing something like this or a presentation, I always like to address
that and say, you know, I will use the term queer because when you're speaking, it is
(14:14):
often a lot easier than the sort of LGBTQ plus words to how it coming out of your mouth.
But it is really important to know who you're talking to and to follow the language of those
thoughts.
Yeah.
And I think the other thing too is that some of the misconceptions out there are, is that
that those labels are are used for younger people, younger generations, but, but we're
(14:37):
talking about seniors today that carry, you know, those traits carry those labels, if you
will, and only if that's the right term, but it's a way of identifying themselves.
And, you know, I think it's important to know that it's generational.
(15:02):
It's not just young people.
Yeah, absolutely.
And I think you're right about that because not only its individuals are all of our experiences
vastly different, right?
But as groups and generations are vastly different.
And so I think what we really strive to do at elder prayed services is not only create
(15:22):
a course of purpose space that is safe for folks where they can connect, build community,
combat, isolation, but also where there can be joy, right?
It's not just about surviving.
It's about thriving.
And so being able to be out, to be safe, to be fully living in their authentic selves,
especially as they age is just so fundamental to our basic identity and health, right?
(15:46):
And I think when you have folks who have often had to be closeted most of their lives, who
maybe didn't have the opportunity to come out until their 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, even, our
job is really to let people know like you're in a safe space.
And now you can be here and you can be who you are and we can celebrate it.
(16:08):
And acknowledge that there's challenges, right?
And we see higher levels still at employment discrimination, housing discrimination, safety
issues.
These are all very pressing for folks even today, even in Portland, you know, which has a
very queer, safe kind of vibe and culture.
What we see is that a lot of that, especially when we're talking about older adults, is not
(16:32):
coming through in systems to actually support them, right?
So it's, oh, in Portland, we're so gay friendly and this is a place people can come and be
themselves.
Oh, but there's no actual like systems of support for that.
So, you know, there's this big disconnect and that can be really challenging as people
age and need more support and services.
Yeah.
(16:53):
And I think it's important that we bring the humanity into this.
These are real people.
They're, they're, they're, and I think sometimes when we talk about labels and we talk about,
you know, putting people in silos is that they become less human, if you will.
And I think we got to get to this place in our culture and our society that we begin
(17:17):
to look at all people at, and they all have needs.
They all have some of the same aspirations.
So my question to you is, you know, working inside of the, you know, the communities is,
what is the main difference between a senior that lives in the LGBTQ+ community and a senior
(17:41):
that is more heterosexual community?
What are, because I think seniors, it doesn't matter where you're coming from, there's, there's
going to be challenges.
There's ageism.
There, and it's across the board.
And how is it different inside of the LGBTQ+ community?
(18:04):
I mean, I think fundamentally, we have to get to this point where there is pride in identity,
right?
Because for so many of our older adults, for most of their lives, they were not able to
have pride in their identities, right?
They were closeted or if they weren't closeted, they were often mistreated horribly, right?
(18:25):
Yeah.
So how do you kind of overcome a lifetime of that in your older years to have a healthy,
functioning, thriving life?
So that's kind of the first part of it.
The second part is, you know, if you look at the statistics, LGBTQ+ folks of this generation
are more likely to have attained a higher level of education, yet have far fewer financial
(18:50):
resources at this point in their life.
And that is reflection directly from employment discrimination, right?
We have folks who were, for example, teachers, but they could be out.
They had to be closeted because you could literally be arrested, you know, at that point,
and especially in education, we're talking about people around young children.
And so they weren't able to progress their careers, you know, if one of our older adults
(19:13):
talks a lot about, she worked in community colleges and it came out that she was a lesbian,
and they actually continually just promoted her or didn't promote her or passed her over
for promotion.
And so eventually she had to change her career path, right?
Because she was like, there's this is a dead end.
So they didn't have the opportunity to accumulate wealth and resources as much as their
(19:33):
heterosexual peers.
Another part is housing discrimination, right, of you don't get offered housing, you live
in maybe the less desirable areas or the places that maybe aren't quite as safe.
And so how that manifests as an older adult is that your housing situation might not be
nearly as stable.
(19:55):
Also our LGBTQ+ older adults are statistically less likely to be married and less likely
to have children.
So again, how that manifests as an older adult is that they don't have the care systems
in place, the familial care systems that many of their heterosexual peers do have.
So there's some real systemic challenges.
And they're not married, even though everything has changed.
(20:25):
And they still haven't adapted or they still, why aren't they married when it's more acceptable
today?
I think specifically for the older adult generation it was really kind of seen as something
that was never available to them, right?
Like in the years when the vast majority of folks are getting married, 20s, 30s, maybe
second marriages in their 40s, it was not legal.
(20:46):
And so now in their older years it's like, oh, well, I mean, I've been with my partner
for 40 years, but what's the point, right?
Or folks have gotten married.
And so now they do have that legal and financial protection, but are constantly worried about,
will it be taken away, right?
Will that right be taken away from me?
(21:07):
And I think that that's something that all of us in our society need to worry about, right?
Like once these sort of fundamental personal choices start to be chipped away and taken
away, that affects all of us.
Yeah.
And so inside, we were talking about some of the obstacles that senior, senior's face as
(21:31):
they age in that low population of being married, but they're still together as partners,
correct?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And one of the things that we see a lot of actually on the sort of bright side of things is
that within the LGBT people's older adult population, there's a much higher level of resiliency.
(21:55):
Because again, these are folks who have had to be resilient throughout their lives.
And there's a much higher rate of chosen family, right?
So even if you don't necessarily have children to take care of you, you do have your long-term
partner, or you've got your close-knit group of friends and everybody takes care of each
other.
(22:15):
So having that informal chosen family piece is a huge, huge asset within the LGBT+ community.
Yeah.
I'm confused by that there's a higher rate of suicide amongst the LGBT+ community in older
seniors, but yet at the same time, you just mentioned that they're more resilient.
(22:40):
And you would think that usually when groups are persecuted, minorities, they tend to
congregate together and they become stronger, you know, is a bond and inside of their community
and find ways to be resilient like you were talking about and adapting.
(23:03):
So how does those two work together?
Yeah.
I mean, I think, you know, like you mentioned in any sort of marginalized or oppressed community,
there's also a lot of internalized homophobia, right?
So we, for example, we help run the resident services at the first ever in the state of
(23:24):
Oregon, older adult, LGBTQ+ affordable housing complex, 54 units, small, but it's a huge
step in the right direction.
But it's affordable housing, so it's available and open to anyone.
But our services are specific to culturally LGBTQ+ services, right?
So we celebrate pride, we make sure that we have lots of rainbow flags, like this is a place
(23:47):
where people can be out and proud if they choose.
But there's also a place where it's a community, so not everybody there identified as LGBTQ+,
right?
I recently had a, just to me, a heartbreaking conversation with the gentleman who was really
kind of espelting a lot of homophobic ideas, right?
And it was challenging.
And then I find out he's actually a member of the LGBT+ community.
(24:12):
So there's a lot of, you know, if you spend the vast majority of your life being told that
there's something wrong with you that you need to be in the closet, that, you know, you
need to pray, whatever it is, these very impressive messages that people get, even as an
older adult, even when you're in a place that is supportive and saying, hey, let's, you know,
be out and proud, all of that messaging and all of that oppression from those years and
(24:36):
years doesn't just fall away.
And so I think that's a huge part of it as well of, you know, you might be living in an incredibly
gay, friendly state in a queer, friendly city in an LGBTQ+ building, but still have intense
shame, internalized over who you are.
(24:57):
And that's really hard to help overcome.
Yeah.
And that's true with, with many minorities, absolutely.
And it does matter if you're LGBTQ or whether you're indigenous or whether, you know, Jewish
community or, I mean, on and on, it goes, the minorities typically.
And so these are all, you know, things that minorities deal with and yet at the same time,
(25:25):
they can become stronger as a result of that.
And it really comes down to community, doesn't it?
Yeah.
It really does.
Yeah.
And having, you know, I mean, there's so much research on this for older adults, but isolation
is just as dangerous as smokey, for example, right?
We are social creatures and we are meant to be with others.
(25:46):
And when that has been taken away from us or we can't access it for whatever reason, it's
incredibly damaging.
And then, you know, on top of it, you put the fact that most of the folks that we're serving
are the very lowest income earners.
So that additional just constant day-to-day stress of can I pay my rent?
I can't afford to go to the doctor, you know, where's my food coming from?
(26:09):
That all compounds and we do see high levels of depression.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did you know that Oregon has the largest LGBTQ+ population per capita in the nation?
Our LGBTQ+ older adults are more likely to live at or below 200% federal poverty level.
(26:30):
Help be married, partnered, or have children.
Live alone.
Have a higher number of chronic conditions.
Higher levels of discrimination in employment, housing, medical settings, and public places.
Have elevated rates of suicide ideation.
As a group LGBTQ+ older adults are also more likely to have chosen family connections
(26:53):
in formal networks of support and higher levels of resiliency than their heterosexual peers.
How much did you know segment was brought to you by this week's guest and sponsored by Royal
Hospice Oregon?
Yeah, and that's true with many minorities.
Absolutely.
And it doesn't matter if you're LGBTQ or whether you're indigenous or whether you know Jewish
(27:18):
community or I mean, on and on, it goes the minorities typically.
And so these are all, you know, things that minorities deal with and yet at the same time,
they can become stronger as a result of that.
And it really comes down to community, doesn't it?
Yeah.
(27:38):
It really does.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think having, you know, I mean, there's so much research on this for older adults that
isolation is just as dangerous as smokey, for example, right?
We are social creatures and we are meant to be with others.
And when that has been taken away from us or we can't access it for whatever reason, it's
incredibly damaging.
(27:59):
And then, you know, on top of it, you put the fact that most of the folks that we're serving
are the very lowest income earners.
So that additional just constant day to day stress of can I pay my rent?
I can't afford to go to the doctor.
You know, where's my food coming from?
That all compounds and we do see the high levels of depression.
Yeah.
(28:19):
And I think some of the obstacles that we've been talking about are really important to identify.
But the other thing that I think is important for us also to have a discussion about are some
of the needs that this senior population has and we kind of touch on a little bit and that
is affordable housing.
And that's one of my greatest concerns is that we give people the options and it doesn't
(28:45):
matter whether you're straight or whether you're part of the LGBT plus community.
It's still something that as seniors, we need, you know, we need to take care of our most
vulnerable in our society because that's a direct indication of how healthy our society
is.
Are we going to take care of the most vulnerable?
(29:09):
And seniors are one of our most vulnerable populations.
Yeah.
And what we're actually seeing now too specifically in the metro area is a rising rate of older
adults who are experiencing homelessness.
And that is terrifying to me because we know that folks who are living on the streets and
are on-house have much higher rates of violent crime, drug use, suicide, death.
(29:36):
It's unsafe for anyone.
And then if you are an older adult, it is that much worse for you.
And it is heartbreaking to hear a 70 year old woman who's sleeping in her car.
It is, that's ridiculous.
That should never happen.
And I think one of the problems I see is that from elected officials, from people in leadership
(29:58):
is it's a numbers game, right?
Like, oh, we got this many people off the streets last month.
Okay, great.
But does that mean that they're actually stably, safely housed?
Right?
Because it takes a lot to make sure that people are supported.
To remain housed.
And you know, you could say, oh, well, we put that transgender woman in affordable housing
(30:18):
department.
It's great.
No problem.
It's done.
Well, maybe her neighbor is transphobic.
And maybe it's, you know, incredibly unsafe every time she leaves her front door.
Is she safely housed?
No.
So it's multifaceted and it's not just a, we just need to get people off the street.
Yes, absolutely.
And we need to make sure that people are supported and safe.
(30:40):
Yeah.
Sometimes the political side, when we try to bring solutions on the political side, it
frustrates me even more because they just exasperate the problem or they want the problem
to persist because that's how they get reelected or somebody's making a lot of money because
there's a lot of money being spent out there on homelessness.
(31:03):
There's a lot of money being spent across the board.
And yet we're still talking about some of the same issues.
And that's the frustrating part for me.
Yeah.
And we're talking about homelessness specifically.
You know, I get really concerned when I hear, okay, we're going to have, you know, sort of
these sweeps and where everybody has a choice to either go into a shelter or be fined or
(31:24):
go to jail or, you know, that's it because it's again so much more nuanced than that.
You could say, you know, okay, again, let's use a, you know, transgender woman as an example,
okay, hey, you can't sleep here.
You've got to go to a shelter.
And she says, well, where can I go?
There's no shelter for me.
There's no shelter that's specific or that's safe.
And I'm actually safer in my car or on the streets than I am in some of these shelters.
(31:49):
So again, it's not just a one-size-fits-all, right?
And so it's so easy.
People just need to get off the street.
It's like, yeah, but where are they going to go?
Sometimes I get a little frustrated with the politics or I get frustrated with the government
solutions that they're not always the best solutions.
And there's other solutions that maybe the private sector can be bringing.
(32:14):
Talk a little bit about what you're experiencing.
Is there a private sector partnership with the government and how does that look?
Yeah, I mean, specifically about housing.
So the community that we opened this year is actually, we had a very non-traditional route
(32:34):
to becoming.
So in partnership with Christ United Methodist Church, who had a huge lot out in Cedar
Mills, and they said, "Cush, we want to do something, right?
We want to put our faith into practice."
And we know that housing is a huge need right now in our community.
So let's take a chunk of our land holdings and create an affordable housing apartment
(32:55):
building for folks.
So they found a developer, so private and faith-based partnership, to say, hey, we want to create
this.
And not only do we want to create affordable housing, we want it to be a big, big, big, big
one, we want it to be for older adults, and we want it to be for LGBTQ+ older adults.
And then the housing developers think, great, we're on board.
Let's do this.
So they get friendly house involved with elder-pride services to say, okay, we want community
(33:18):
input in the design, what do people need, what do they want to see.
And then on an ongoing basis, we're providing the resident support services to make sure
people can stay in there.
So this is an example of faith-based partnership, private company, the developer, and then
a nonprofit all come together to create this.
And it has been very challenging, I will say.
(33:41):
We're not able to access some government money in support.
We were trying to get money for case managers specifically.
And Washington County said, no, we're not going to give you the money because we don't think
it needs to be culturally specific.
It's like, okay, it does.
And luckily, the church and the developer said, no, we are committed to the cultural
specificity of this building, and we will not go backwards on that.
(34:06):
And so because of that, we're not going to take this money.
So to me, that was a really interesting example of when you run into government that says,
oh, this doesn't really fit our model.
So you just have to do it on your own.
And that's when the private money really becomes important.
So it's a fascinating case study.
And how did you get this building up and going?
(34:27):
And I always tell people, it was not our traditional route.
And do you see a model coming together where there's a combination of private and government
agencies coming together?
And is that the solution for the future?
I mean, I think it has to be for now because the systems that we're working and we're talking
(34:49):
about like county government were built decades ago.
They were not built for now.
And we know county does not move.
Government does not tend to move very quickly, right?
And so I think what we're seeing is a lot of people saying, gosh, there's a huge problem.
We have the ability to fix this.
Let's just do it on our own.
And that's good for now because it's happening, but is it sustainable in the long run?
(35:10):
Probably not.
How do you take the politics out of it?
I mean, when I mean the politics, I mean, not just on the government side, but the politics
of how people see the gay community, how people see aging.
Because I think there's there's ageism across the board and we're not taking care of our senior
(35:34):
population yet.
73 million of us baby boomers, you know, we're aging and we're the second largest community
in the United States.
So there's got to be some impact.
And what does that impact look like?
And as I'm listening to you talk, I mean, we both live in Oregon.
(35:58):
Which is probably the more progressive of all the states out there.
You know, when it comes to the LGBT plus community, because you mentioned, Moellan McKowney,
meaning Portland has the most population anywhere in the United States.
And there's a reason because it's more friendly toward that population.
(36:20):
Yet at the same time, we're not solving any problems.
How do you reconcile all that?
What do you go to bed at night thinking about and, you know, putting all this together?
It's got to be frustrating for you because I can see it.
That's what drew me to you is that you're a very passionate person.
(36:43):
You have a lot of compassion.
And I wanted you to come on aging today because we're all human beings.
We all need love.
We all need that support.
We all need to be recognized.
And yet, we're struggling with that.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I think fundamentally, it is just seeing that inherent human dignity, right?
(37:09):
Every single one of us inherently has dignity because we're humans.
And we have to treat each other that way.
And I think what we're seeing is, and when we talk to our older adult participants, you
know, there's a lot of fear.
A lot of, okay, are we going back now, right?
Like, do we need to go back into the closet?
(37:29):
And that's as an entire community, but also on an individual level, right?
So you've got somebody who's going into hospice care or somebody who's going into a skilled
facility.
And they're like, gosh, I don't know if I can be out here because I don't know how I'm
going to be treated, right?
Will I be respectful?
Will they use my pronouns correctly?
Will they let me, you know, use the bathroom I need to use?
(37:50):
Again, that fundamental human need that we all have for safety and for respect.
And you know, what keeps me going with it is that, you know, we all have a responsibility
towards that.
Some people clearly don't see it.
So for those of us that do see it, we have to move it even further, right?
(38:10):
And we have to be the people out there saying, that's not okay or this is beautiful and
we're going to celebrate it, right?
And I think what sort of my social work background is what kind of keeps me going, right?
Because I remember going to school for social work and friends saying, you're not going to
like solve the world's problems, right?
And I was like, I can help one person a day.
It's worth it.
(38:31):
It's like I'm one person out here trying to make it a little bit better.
And we can all do that in our community with our neighbors and their friends and our families
and our workplaces to just be the person that makes someone's life just a little bit better
that day.
And I think that's a huge part of it.
That's a huge part of community and that's a huge part of a culture.
(38:52):
And there's always going to be hate.
There's always going to be people who are unwilling to learn or be curious.
And that's not going to change.
And I think by being able to elevate the voices of folks who are having experiences that
are different than the vast majority is, we can all learn from each other, right?
(39:12):
I think whenever I go into aging spaces, I always have to
say, hey, let's not forget about our LGBTQ+ older adults, right?
Because we see older adults as not having gender or sexuality, right?
And when I'm in queer spaces, I'm always like, hey, don't forget about the older adults.
They're here, and they're out and they're excited to be a part of this.
(39:32):
And so that's a huge part of my job is just bringing visibility to people.
>> Yeah, I think that's a big challenge for all the populations and especially among seniors
is just because somebody is in their 70s, 80s, they don't stop feeling their sexuality.
(39:52):
They don't stop feeling intimacy.
They don't stop feeling their identity and who they are.
In fact, if anything, as we age, I become stronger in my identity of who I am, and I'm proud
to announce who I am.
>> Yeah.
(40:13):
>> And I say the heck with everybody else, you often hear that among seniors is they lose
their filters.
It's true.
You do lose your filters.
>> For better and worse.
>> Yeah, sometimes it's good and sometimes it's not so good.
>> I agree, I agree.
I think it is, that's the whole point, that's the beauty of aging, right?
(40:34):
It is such a gift.
We should all be that fortunate to be able to age, right?
And to be able to celebrate it and hopefully have a time in life that is more focused on
us, right, on our interests, on who we want to be with and where we want to be.
I mean, that's what we should all aspire to.
And so the idea of ageism that you suddenly become invisible after the age of 50 or whatever
(40:57):
is just outdated and ridiculous.
>> Yeah.
One of the things that we've been talking about is some of the needs that the senior population
and the LGBT+ community has is affordable housing.
But the other thing that they face probably at a higher level than the general population
(41:20):
out there is isolation.
And I think you've touched on that a little bit and I want you to touch on a little more
to bring that awareness.
How is it different being in one of those communities as opposed to the general population?
>> Yeah, I mean, isolation for older adults in general is a huge problem, right?
(41:43):
We know that there are both emotional, mental, and physical effects of being isolated as
we age.
And so having, you know, for example, thriving senior centers and communities is incredibly
important.
So you've gotten that and now let's say you are an LGBT+ older adult, you constantly wonder
(42:04):
walking into those spaces.
Is this going to be a safe space for me, right?
So not only are you facing the whole like, oh, I'm going into a new space and I might not
know anyone and you know, that can be uncomfortable for just about anyone.
But now on top of it, because of who you are, you have an added layer of, will I be accepted?
Will people talk to me?
Will the staff treat me well?
(42:25):
And so it can become an even bigger barrier for folks to try to overcome, right, to get
engaged to be out in community.
And so for us, and then I'll also add too, within the LGBT+ community, there's often a
focus on youth.
And so even within the queer community, our older adults can often go unseen, unnoticed,
(42:48):
and are invisible.
And so there's this double invisibility that they face.
So for us at Eldebride Services, it's really important.
Our foundation of what we do is combating social isolation.
So it's having programming for people, you know, that's free.
We offer food.
We have virtual.
We have in person.
We're all over the city, all over the metro area, just to try to remove as many barriers
(43:13):
as possible to get people out and with each other, you know, it's like, please just come
to the event.
I promise the coffee social, all you have to do is show up and sit down.
That's it.
People will talk to you.
And it's okay, you don't have to explain your identity.
You don't have to be closeted.
You can choose to be around peers in a safe setting.
(43:34):
And it kind of just, it removes a lot of that social anxiety for folks who are trying to
engage.
Yeah.
How do you get them there?
So because a lot of seniors are not as mobile and they don't have the ability to drive.
And I'm assuming that you're holding an event in a centralized location, you know, wherever
that may be.
(43:55):
And yet you've got this, you know, network of people that live inside this community, but
they could be three, four, five, ten miles away.
How do you approach that?
How do you get them there?
And additionally, I'm going to add in there to the mobility issues, right?
As we age, we often have physical limitations that can make it more challenging for us.
(44:17):
To walk or, you know, use public transportation or drive.
So we really try to be mindful of all of those barriers, right?
We make sure that our programming is, I always say it's kind of the golden hour of between
about 11 and four because we don't want to be too early for folks.
I mean, certainly can't be too late for folks.
And so timing is a huge part of it.
(44:39):
We try to have events in a variety of places, right?
So if you live on the east side, you're not constantly having to come to the west side.
We also really make sure that our events are held in places that have easy access to public
transportation because we know a lot of our folks, especially our lowest income earners,
are really dependent on public transportation.
Additionally, we know that for older adults in our area, there are certain other resources,
(45:02):
like ride connections, trim it, lift, things like that.
And so if folks are interested in coming, but transportation is a barrier, we send them
to our case managers, our information and referral specialists to make sure that they know
their resources and get connected to them.
So it's another big part of it.
What about senior centers?
(45:23):
Because most communities have a senior center.
Are they open to receiving the LGBTQ+ community inside of their four walls?
That is so specific, honestly, on the staffing of each center.
And so we know here in Portland, for example, we partner with quite a few of the local
(45:44):
community centers.
We're having a Valentine's Day dance at the Hollywood Senior Center, Community for Positive
Aging, where we have our EPS participants in, right?
So there are same-sex couples dancing together, having a good time, at a traditional senior
center.
So we try to partner as much as we can.
We try to do staff trainings, presentations of, you know, hey, people might not be out to
(46:10):
you.
So, statistically, we can guarantee that even in this small town in rural Oregon, you have
some LGBTQ+ folks here.
And so how do you create a positive and welcoming environment, right?
So-
Do you see yourself as the connector in the community where you go out and bridge the
different organizations?
I'm thinking of faith-based churches, you know, because you mentioned the night.
(46:33):
Yeah.
Was it the Christ United Methodist?
Christ United Methodist, yeah.
And I'm sure there's other faith-based communities out there that would be receiving those populations
with open arms.
And I'm sure that there's others that are a little standoffish.
But that's where you see yourself.
(46:55):
And maybe the inspiration that I'm hoping from this conversation today, because this is
a broadcast that goes to all 50 states, you know, that maybe some other person will be
inspired by you and begin to, you know, duplicate what you've done here in Portland.
(47:17):
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean, a big part of what we do is outreach, right?
So, tabling at Pride events, for example, or tabling at aging events.
And then another big part of what we do is if folks or groups or, you know, companies come
to us and say, "Gosh, I would love some training," you know, or, "I know we have a gentleman
(47:38):
in our nursing home who is gay, but I've got some staff members who don't want to know
what to do."
So, that's where I come in and have those conversations.
And I always let people know, if you are coming from a place of curiosity and compassion,
you cannot go wrong, right?
It's okay to not know.
It's okay to not know the language or terms or whatever, but if you're open to wanting
(48:01):
to know and wanting to do better, people see that and they respond accordingly, right?
So, even if you live in a community in, you know, a very rural, red state, if you again
are that one person who can offer a safe space, that can be life-changing for people.
Yeah, yeah.
And I think that's important also to let people inside of the heterosexual community to
(48:27):
know, just like you said, just remain curious.
Be available, make yourself present, you know, when you're talking to somebody.
And don't worry about if you use the wrong term.
I mean, that, I think that's what is kind of concerning in our culture today that if
(48:48):
you don't use the right language, then you're canceled or whatever.
And I think that that needs to change on the other side so that we're more inclusive
and tolerant of people's beliefs and whether they're right or wrong.
Yeah.
(49:08):
Well, and I think, you know, learning from our mistakes too, right?
Yeah.
And use the wrong term or the incorrect pronoun and the person corrects you.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
You know, thank you for letting me know and you move on, right?
Like, we don't have to sort of beat each other up over this, but we do have to be open
and compassionate.
Yeah.
(49:29):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think, you know, being from the boomer generation myself, I don't understand the whole
pronoun thing.
It doesn't make any sense to me.
It's more of a younger generational thing.
And I've talked to even people that are in the LGBT community that don't understand it
as well, that are my age.
(49:49):
And it's more of a generational thing, you know, it's interesting.
That's about where I want to leave it at that point because no matter what I say, it's
going to be wrong.
Potentially.
And I think, you know, that's one of the reasons I say, follow the other person's language,
right?
What terms are they using?
(50:09):
Those are going to be the terms that are safe to use with them in conversation, right?
And ask the questions.
Be curious.
And adapt.
I mean, you know, a lot of times, you know, it shows respect to another human being's dignity
by being respectful if they want to use a pronoun or if they want to use something and
(50:31):
they want you to utilize it.
I mean, that's no different than if somebody asked me to, you know, not swear when I'm talking
to them.
And at a respect, I would not swear.
Yeah.
It costs us nothing, right?
It costs us absolutely nothing to use someone's preferred pronoun, right?
(50:53):
It's no skin off your back.
And so I think, you know, remaining like you said, remaining open and remaining curious.
And especially even as we age, right, it's really important for us to understand that things
are changing and to have some connection with them still.
I mean, I feel this even with my teenagers, right?
(51:13):
Like they're using terms that I'm like, I don't, what is this?
I don't even know what this means.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, okay, but tell me more.
What is happening on the internet these days?
You know, so we see it in a browser life.
Yeah.
What goes around comes around.
I mean, 100%.
What we impose today will be imposed upon us tomorrow.
(51:34):
So, yeah.
And so it's going to test all of our abilities to be adaptable, resilient and being respectful
of one another's, you know, place and space and identity.
And that's just being kind to one another.
What an interesting word kind is.
(51:55):
Right.
You know, if we could just relearn that.
Yeah.
Just, I mean, you don't know if you're the person on the bus who, you know, uses somebody's
pronoun correctly, that can make their day, right?
Like that could be the highlight of that day because they feel seen, they feel validated.
You might not even ever know.
(52:15):
And again, it costs you nothing.
Yeah.
So, I, you know, constant proponent for that.
Well, one of the things that we always say on aging today is when you change the way
you look at things, the things you look at change.
So the responsibility is upon me.
Each of us need to take that responsibility.
And if we begin to see people through our lens of them being humans, human beings right
(52:41):
alongside of me that we all want the same thing.
We all want the same end result.
We all want to be dignified.
We all want to be respected and loved and to, to be loved and to love.
Oh, then.
Now, what a difference this, this world would be.
I know.
I know, but even just again, as one person, if you can go out and be that person, that, it
(53:03):
does have a huge impact.
And I think you, you might not even know it or see it, but it absolutely does.
Yeah.
So if there's somebody out there that is listening right now and they want to be like
Brandy.
And they're in a different state.
And there's nothing going on.
How would they contact you?
And what, what kind of advice would you give them, you know, to begin that movement in their
(53:32):
particular area?
Yeah.
I mean, first I would say check out the stage national websites, right?
Because they're going to give a lot of good information around, um, what's the, what's the
email?
What's the website address?
Because it's sage.com or, uh, there's a software company that's also sage.
So that's a bit confusing.
So if they put an LGBT plus older adult sage, it'll pop up.
(53:56):
Okay.
But that's a great, like nationwide, um, kind of umbrella to find.
You can put in your state and see, hey, is there anything in Wisconsin?
Like, is there anybody doing this work?
And how can I support it?
That would be my, my first step, right?
Because you don't mean to re and heal the wheel if it's already happening.
Get involved and volunteer if these organizations do exist in your area.
(54:19):
And if they don't, I mean, I think so much again, what we see as a strength within the
LGBT plus population is that informal networking and organizing, right?
So maybe there already is a coffee meetup for older adult in your area, but maybe just don't
quite know about it, right?
So I would say as much as people can within their communities, try to find out what's happening
(54:42):
and, and where, um, folks are congregating and, and what's going on.
But people can always reach out to me too.
So my email is probably easiest.
It's brandy, b-r-a-n-d-y-p, and then purple at f-h-p-d-x.org.
So brandyp@fhpdx.org.
(55:03):
And the fh stands for friendly house.
Right.
Yep, exactly.
Okay.
Also, if people check out our, um, friendly house website or elder pride services website,
they're able to connect through that as well.
So, um, I just, you know, again, it doesn't take that many people.
It's not rocket science and it just takes folks organizing and saying, hey, we're going to
(55:25):
have a coffee meetup on Thursdays at this little place downtown.
Let's put something on social media or let's put up some flyers, you know, in the library
or whatever it is.
And that's it.
It doesn't have to be huge.
It just really is about bringing people together in community for support.
Yeah.
And let's go out there and let's change the world.
Every day.
(55:46):
And being at a time.
That's right.
Well, so we hear, right?
Yeah.
You know, things better.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is there any imparting words that you want to, um, leave with us?
Yeah.
I think just again, focusing on that curiosity and compassion, you know, if you have, uh,
folks in your life who are part of the queer community, take an interest in their lives,
(56:09):
right?
Find out how to be an ally.
If you yourself are in the LGBTQ+ community, you know, you're not alone.
There's a lot of people out there who have similar experiences and are facing some of
the same struggles.
So I just encourage people so much to not be isolated and to really reach out even when
it's hard to be connected because people don't have to be aging and isolation.
(56:32):
Yeah.
Brandy's, thank you so much for being on aging today.
We really, really appreciated the message that you brought.
And we hope that our listeners out there will be moved to be activist in a good way to make
the changes in their community.
And it begins with you as an individual as a person.
(56:54):
Absolutely.
Start there and begin to look at, change the way you look at things that things you look
at will change and begin to look at the LGBT community as people.
They're human beings.
Just like you and me.
So just be kind to one another.
(57:14):
Oh my goodness.
That is so easy but yet so hard.
It is.
It is.
You know, I also put yourself in someone else's shoes.
Right?
How do you want to be treated?
How do you want to be seen?
And all of us want that dignity and that respect.
So that's what we give to others.
Yeah.
Gosh, well, thank you, Mark.
It's been a real pleasure.
Yeah.
(57:34):
It has been a huge pleasure of mine and I want to say thank you.
And I hope that we continue to cross paths and if there's anything that we can do to make
an impact on the community here in Portland, please reach out to me.
And I do have a gentleman that I that I do want you to find some solutions for.
(57:55):
Bob is a great man and he deserves to finish his life out just like anybody else with dignity
and respect.
Yeah.
100%.
Yeah.
And I do some resources out in his area.
Okay.
Sounds good.
Yeah.
And this is Mark Turnbull of your host and I want to thank all of you for tuning into aging
(58:16):
today.
We are the podcast where together we're exploring the many options to aging on your terms.
Join us every Monday when we release a new podcast, a new conversation to aging today
and remember this.
We're all in the process of aging.
And as we age, we really are better together.
(58:39):
So stay young at heart.
You make me feel so young.
You make me feel like spring is spring and every time I see your face, I'm such a happy
individual, the moment that you speak.
I want to go play hide and see.
(59:01):
I want to go and bounce the moon just like a toy balloon, well, you and I.
I'll just like a bullet, running across the metal.
They can have lots of, forget me night so you made me feel so young.
(59:23):
You made me feel there are songs to be sung, there will still be wrong and wonderful thing
to be fun.
And when I'm old and grey.
You've been listening to aging today where together we explore the options to aging on
your terms.
Join Mark and his guest next week for another lively discussion on proactively aging on your
(59:45):
terms, connecting you to the professional advice of his special guests with the goal of creating
better days throughout the aging process.
Your host has been Mark Turnbull.
Join Mark and his guest every week on aging today, your podcast to exploring your options
for aging on your terms.
Join Mark and his guest next week for another lively discussion on proactively aging on your terms
(01:00:11):
to be fun.
Join Mark and his guest next week for another lively discussion on proactively aging on your terms
to be fun.
Join Mark and his guest next week for another lively discussion on proactively aging on your terms
to be fun.
(01:00:32):
(music)
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