May 14, 2025 • 48 mins
What happens when life keeps pushing you to start over? For Wendy Alexander, every new beginning became an opportunity for transformation and growth.
Wendy’s journey begins in apartheid South Africa, where an encounter with racial segregation at the age of seven sparked her passion for justice. That pivotal moment on the beach, when police removed her family from the "whites-only" sand, ignited a lifelong resistance against the status quo. This unwavering spirit fueled her resilience through years of challenges and reinvention.
After moving to Australia, Wendy had to unlearn the conditioning of apartheid, grappling with even basic freedoms like choosing a train carriage. But life wasn’t done testing her yet. Domestic violence during pregnancy left her homeless, broke, and starting over as a single mother. Instead of surrendering, Wendy strategically rebuilt, negotiating flexible work arrangements, networking purposefully, and advancing her career while raising her daughter alone.
Her approach to transformation is both strategic and empowering. When menopause forced her to step back from her high-powered corporate career, Wendy didn’t just quit—she spent 18 months planning her transition to entrepreneurship, saving money and building Happy Career Hub. Now, as a coach, she helps midlife women find authentic work by guiding them through her method of "Mining Your Story." This process uncovers the challenges, patterns, and natural gifts that reveal one’s true path.
Wendy's story proves that our biggest struggles often hold the seeds of our most meaningful work—if we have the courage to reflect on our experiences and embrace our innate strengths.
For anyone feeling stuck or looking to reinvent themselves after 50, Wendy’s journey offers powerful inspiration and practical advice for turning life’s hardships into opportunities for purpose and passion.
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Resources:
Wendy Alexander: admin@happycareerhub.com www.happycareerhub.com
https://www.facebook.com/happycareerhubcoaching/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/wendyaalexander/
Beverley Glazer: https://reinventimpossible.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/beverleyglazer/
https://www.facebook.com/beverley.glazer GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenover50rock
https://www.instagram.com/beverleyglazer_reinvention/ For advic
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the
podcast designed to inspire yourgreatness and thrive through
life.
Get ready to conquer your fears.
Here's your hostpsychotherapist, coach and
empowerment expert, BeverlyGlazer psychotherapist, coach
(00:30):
and empowerment expert, BeverleyGlazer.
Beverley Glazer (00:37):
What if the only way to find your path is to
burn the old one down?
Well, welcome to Aging withPurpose and Passion.
And I'm Beverly Glazer, atransformational coach and
catalyst, empowering women withstrategies to rewrite the rules,
reclaim their voice and createthe life they were meant to live
.
And you can find me onreinventimpossiblecom.
Wendy Alexander didn't followthe straight and narrow path.
(01:02):
She forged a path of her own.
She lived through silences,sacrifice and starting over more
times than most people wouldever dare.
There's nothing stopping her.
Today she's an interview andcareer coach, running her
successful business Happy CareerHub.
(01:24):
Wendy guides midlifeprofessionals and menopausal
women to break free from thesecure narrative and achieve the
careers that they longed for.
If you are ready to reclaimyour spark and reinvent what
life can look like for you after50, well,W endy's journey will
(01:44):
light the way.
Just keep listening.
Welcome, Wendy.
Wendy Alexander (01:50):
Hello there.
Beverley Glazer (01:52):
Good to be here.
Great to be here and I'm soglad because there's that
Australian accent or SouthAfrican accent.
You're an Australian yeah,right, right, which I love.
It's so charming.
But you also originated fromSouth Africa during the time of
(02:13):
the apartheid.
That was not a pleasant time.
What was that like for you?
You were just young.
Wendy Alexander (02:23):
Yeah.
So I'd say the first sevenyears of life was pretty dandy,
because when you're a kid youdon't really know the
environment that you're growingup in.
So you know I'm in theneighborhood playing with the
neighborhood children and momand dad's there providing a
secure and safe home.
And I think my first encounterwith apartheid was around age
(02:47):
seven.
One summer at the beach, familyhad gone down there with some
friends.
It was a fairly remote beachand within, I'd say, half an
hour of being on the beach, wewere approached by two policemen
telling us asking us what wewere doing on that beach.
(03:07):
And back in those days and forall of the whole apartheid era,
it was all about segregation.
So there were signs everywhere.
You know, whites only, beach orcolours only, and so on and so
on.
And so we had missed that sign.
That sign was actually hiddenby a bush.
So we looked at the beach it'ssmoke, no one's there.
(03:29):
We went to play on the beachand build our sandcastles and
all those things, and then thecops came and literally put the
families off the beach, said youneed to leave now, and so on
and so on.
So I was quite young and Ididn't understand what was going
on and so on and so on.
So I was quite young and Ididn't understand what was going
on.
But I looked at my father'sface and I looked at my mother's
(03:52):
face and I knew something wasoff.
As a kid, you can sense energy,you can sense vibration, and I
just saw my dad really rigid andI thought something's wrong.
And then we got anyway, we gotinto the car, we left as we were
driving home I was the curiouskid in the family that always,
you know, the one always askingwhy.
(04:12):
So I asked my dad, I saidwhat's going on?
Why couldn't we be on the beach?
And dad was.
He just said to me.
I remember him saying to me canyou for once just be quiet?
That was his response to it.
And I thought, oh, he neversays that to me because I was
(04:33):
always the curious child and dadused to read a lot of books to
me, you know, shakespeare, allof those things, even at a young
age, because he knew that I wasso curious.
So I was quiet.
And then, when we got home, hethen sat us down and explained
what the country was about, whatit meant whites only what it
meant, you know, because weobviously fell into the colored.
(04:55):
Back then there was threeclassifications so white colored
, which is mixed race, orbiracial, which is what I am,
and black.
Those were the threesegregations and everything was
segregated according to thoseclassifications.
So you had the trains, thebuses there was whites-only
buses, whites-only carriages onthe train, colored carriages,
(05:17):
black carriages and so on.
And I think I felt I remember Imean I look back now and I've
had discussions with my partnerand I said, you know when that
happened, I realized I didn'trealize it at the time, but I
look back and I realized I lostmy childhood because I became
incredibly serious in me upuntil that age.
(05:45):
It was like it just disappearedovernight and I started to get
really curious.
I started writing things, Istarted asking a lot more
questions and I think only as Ibecame a teenager or sort of at
the age of 11, 12, I started toreally understand what that
meant in the country.
And then I became a politicalactivist myself.
I started marching, I started,you know, having signs
(06:08):
everywhere, when I sometimesused to skip school to go to the
rallies, the freedom rallies,you know.
People were fighting for thefreedom of the country, so I was
caught up in quite a lot ofthings a lot of violence,
because they would tear gas usand whip you and shoot into the
crowd and all that type of thing, and that was the catalyst.
(06:30):
My mother couldn't cope withwondering if her kids were going
to come home safely.
So dad started applying formigration to Australia and it
took a number of years, likeabout eight years before we were
rejected many times and then Ithink it was around the 10th
(06:50):
time, maybe eight years later,where we were finally accepted
for migration and the familymigrated to Australia.
But South Africa was difficult Imean growing up like that,
always having but then I wasalso.
When I was a teenager I was sorebellious, you know, and I put
myself in harm's way.
I know that.
I know I was in the rallies.
They were shooting into thecrowd, you know, and I would
(07:13):
just be there with everyone else, you know, angry, wanting to
find a way.
So, yeah, not a safeenvironment.
Beverley Glazer (07:22):
Not a safe environment.
And then you went from there toAustralia.
Did you immediately feel safeor were you also threatened?
I mean, it's a huge transition.
So what happened?
Wendy Alexander (07:38):
I didn't feel unsafe.
But we were very confused andit took about two years for all
of us myself and my siblings andmy parents to really settle
into life in Australia.
Because I think that when yougrow up in that kind of
environment for so long, there'sa level of subliminal
programming that happens.
And I remember one of the firsttimes I was going into the city
(08:01):
with my cousin and my cousin'saunt had been living out here
for five years prior to when wearrived, so they had adjusted
and I was going with my cousininto Melbourne city and we're
waiting for the train, and sothen the train pulls in and I
said which, which carriage am Isupposed to get in?
And was like you're not inSouth Africa anymore, you can
(08:26):
get into any carriage.
And I think when I asked thatquestion I realized that there
was some programming to undo,because my instinct was to look
for where I belonged, where itwas safe, what carriage could I
get in, what movie, cinema couldI go to, things like that it
was all programmed and I wasliving in a country where I
(08:48):
could go wherever I wanted.
But it took a while to get usedto that freedom and I do
remember us sort of crying at myparents, saying we want to go
back to South Africa.
We had been trying to leave thecountry for so long and then we
want to go back to South Africa.
We had been trying to leave thecountry for so long and then we
want to go back because it wasso unfamiliar.
Beverley Glazer (09:09):
And what did your parents do here?
They did everything to get youkids out of there and you're not
adjusting.
It's so strange.
Wendy Alexander (09:18):
What was going on.
The thing is, I think my fatherwas the only one that was
holding steady, because my momwas so worried about her kids
and we were so unhappy for thefirst 18 months.
I would say that she at timeswondered, you know, if they'd
made the right decision.
But you know, we persevered andI think my father spoke to his
(09:40):
sister about her two children,my cousins and they also had
taken a moment to adjust and shesaid just keep moving through
it, they'll settle in and it'llhappen when you least expect it.
And it was kind of like that.
It was just like you know, oneday everything falls into place.
You know your way around theland, and so now you start to
(10:02):
feel comfortable and obviouslythere was a great sense of
freedom, knowing, when itfinally sunk in, I can go
wherever I want.
There's opportunities for mehere.
You know I can go to university, and back then in Australia my
goodness, I wish it was stillthe case now, but back then
university costs like $250 ayear in the fee and then you
(10:27):
just paid for your books.
You bought and paid for yourbooks, so it was so cheap.
They did eventually bring inwhat is now called the HECS and
you know obviously you pay thatoff over a period of time.
But I did my university andgraduated the year before they
brought the new rules in, wheresuddenly education was
ridiculously expensive, you know.
(10:49):
So, for me.
I feel lucky that I actuallygot through the graduation, and
the year after I graduated waswhen they brought in these new
education rules and policies andall of these things.
Beverley Glazer (11:02):
So by the time you were in university, did you
feel assimilated?
Or were you still back in SouthAfrica thinking, okay, this is
an okay place, but it's stillnot home?
Wendy Alexander (11:14):
No, I felt reasonably assimilated, but
there was.
What I started to notice wasthere was some trauma that
showed up because I went.
I met a friend.
I was taking a Spanish classand I met a friend, he was from
Spain and we started hanging outand he was so curious and then
one day he said, oh, shall we goto the movies or something?
(11:35):
And went off to the movies andback then Cry Freedom, which was
the story of Stephen Biko, whowas one of the most prolific
activists in South Africa.
That film was being shown inAustralia and I went with him to
see the film and I just criedlike a baby through all of this
(11:55):
watching this, because you know,they show his rise in South
Africa.
He was eventually killed injail, so he was jailed for being
a political activist and waseventually murdered by the
police.
But they show that whole riseand how he fought and the
sacrifices he made for thecountry.
A lot like Mandela, but he diedmuch younger.
(12:15):
He was actually killed in jail.
Mandela wasn't killed in jail,but they were freedom fighters
and I was just sobbing and thisguy was just like he didn't know
what to do with me and he wasapologizing and apologizing,
he's going.
I'm sorry I shouldn't havebrought you to this movie and I
was like you know what Iactually needed to see, what I'd
just come through.
(12:37):
But I remember him just beingso mortified that he had taken
me to see a movie about mycountry and one of the most
prolific activists in ourcountry.
But that was the realizationfor me that there was a lot of
healing to do around all of that, you know.
So I felt safe physically, butemotionally I was still
(13:03):
processing lots and lots ofthings and during that time you
graduated.
Beverley Glazer (13:10):
Yes, you had a relationship.
There was a child.
Yep, you got out of arelationship.
You're still a mother now, andnow a single mother.
How did you manage that?
You're still young.
Wendy Alexander (13:27):
Yeah, I'm still young.
Look, the relationship was so Imet him in probably the third
year of being in Australia andwe were together for almost nine
years.
But it was a good relationshipuntil probably five or six years
and then after that therestarted to be some challenges
(13:48):
and he had a violent temperament.
So domestic violence wassomething that started happening
in the relationship.
And towards the end of therelationship I fell pregnant and
then first of all, realizedthat there was an affair going
on.
So that was number one, andthen number two, he.
(14:09):
I don't know what happenedthere, but he acted as though I
had had the effect the, I guess,being caught.
I don't know what it was, buthe just lost it.
And so I he ended up hurting me.
I ended up in hospital, almostlost the baby because I was four
months pregnant at the time,and that was the end of it for
(14:32):
me.
You know, once I came out ofhospital I was like I'm done,
got a restraining order, all ofthose things, and started to
pack up the life that I'd builtwith him, a home that I had
worked three jobs because I wasthe one that secured that home
put the house on the market.
It sold at a loss and I startedlife with a baby in my belly
(14:57):
and a massive debt over my head,right.
So that was I actually callthat period.
I call it the rock the rockbottom.
That truly was the rock bottomof my life, because I lost
everything I've worked for.
I built up a life afteruniversity and working in my
(15:18):
jobs and things.
Um created the house.
We had the house for five or soyears and then it was gone
because the relationship ended.
And it wasn't just a case ofthe relationship ending.
There was the domestic violencepiece of it, but there was also
.
He emptied out the bankaccounts so he left me with
(15:38):
nothing.
I mean, we had to end upchanging.
A friend of mine gave me themoney to change the locks on the
house and then the house wenton the market.
The police came in, all of thatkind of thing was going on, and
so when I started after thehouse sold and it was sold at a
loss, so there was a huge debtleft of it he walked away from
(16:00):
all of that responsibility andit literally fell on my
shoulders to be mother, fatherand provider for my daughter.
So it was a very scarybeginning.
Beverley Glazer (16:15):
Yes, and you did this single handedly.
Yeah.
How did you support yourself?
What did you do with the baby?
Wendy Alexander (16:24):
So with the so she was.
I actually moved back in withmy parents after that situation
happened because obviously, myparents were like you need to
bring this baby to term, youknow.
So I moved in with my parents.
I got the support there interms of them really taking care
of me and really keeping an eyeon me to make sure, but you
(16:46):
know, that was it was duringthat time though.
So, from five months pregnantto the time I brought the baby
into the world, I was anabsolute mess, you know,
couldn't stop crying, and it wasawful for my parents to watch
that as well, you know, and mydaughter was going to be their
first grandchild, so they werevery protective, trying to help
(17:07):
me get over that whole situation.
I did continue to work, but Idid because I ended up in
hospital.
I spoke to my boss, I went tothe boss and I just laid it out.
Like I just said, this iswhat's happened in my life.
I'm pregnant, and he wasamazing.
(17:27):
I will say and this is, Isuppose, a message or a teaching
point for most people it's likesometimes you simply have to be
vulnerable, authentic and sharewhat's going on, because people
are never going to know how tosupport you if you don't say
anything.
So I told him this has happened, the relationships ended, lost
(17:50):
the house, all of this and hejust said to me I think you need
to look at the working hoursand how we do.
Because he said I don't wantyou to be under this kind of
stress.
So that was the first time Inegotiated working from home.
So he we had a conversation andhe said you need to do the
(18:10):
remaining three months of yourpregnancy from home.
And so I was able to do thatand I did work and it was look,
work was a great distractionbecause I was so heartbroken
that it got me through the days.
At nights I would be crying myeyes out and my mother would be
comforting me and trying to, youknow, soothe me, but during the
day I was very focused on mywork.
(18:31):
So it was really good to beable to do that.
And so another teaching momentis that wasn't the time of
remote work.
Nobody was doing it, but youask for it if you need it.
You know this is what I'msaying I say to a lot of my
female clients is like, when youneed something, you can't just
(18:52):
assume that you're not going toget it if you haven't asked,
like ask first and then figureout which way you go.
So I did ask for that and whenI came off maternity leave, I
came off early because there wasa project in trouble Another
manager at the place I had beenworking at.
He needed help, the kind ofhelp that I was an expert in
(19:13):
bringing the derailed projectsback on track.
And so he rang me and he saidlisten, I've been given your
name.
I know you're on maternityleave.
I know you've just had a baby.
So she was four months at thatstage.
Can you come back early?
And I thought, oh, here's anopportunity.
So I asked, I said to him yeah,I'll come back early, but I
(19:35):
need to work from home for fourdays of the week.
I'll come into the office oneday.
Do my meetings, all my meetingshave to happen on that day,
because I'm only coming in once.
And I asked for what I wantedand I said we can trial it for
three months, see how it goes.
The thing is I knew I was goingto deliver because I wanted
(19:55):
that situation to continue.
So here's the other piece Ifyou ask for something, it has to
be a two-way street.
You need to give as well.
So here's the other piece Ifyou ask for something, it has to
be a two-way street.
You need to give as well.
So I delivered my projects, Irescued that project that was
going off the rails, and theywere amazing.
They let me continue to workfrom home, you know.
(20:15):
But I also, at that stage,realized I needed to make more
money because the debt wasdrowning me, you know.
And so I then started to putout my resume.
Well, that wasn't exactly thecase.
I started having coffees withrecruiters because I was like,
who can help me make more money?
The people that decide aboutjobs.
(20:38):
And the people that decideabout jobs are hiring managers
or recruiters.
So I started to put a plantogether to have coffee with
them, and I simply I was fairlyauthentic.
I said I'm trying to change mycareer trajectory, I would like
your insight or your perspective.
And people were generous, andthis is again the same message,
(21:01):
and it's been my message for alot of years.
It's like ask for what you needNow.
You're not always going to getit, but you're definitely not
going to get it if you don't askRight, because nobody's going
to know you need it.
Beverley Glazer (21:16):
And so why, after this, you're building a
life now and you're in Australia.
Why did you decide to go toAmerica, to California and then
to New York?
Why?
Wendy Alexander (21:30):
So my daughter was growing up.
Her father was American, right,he was from New York.
She was around four or five, Ithink, and I was getting a
little bit restless myself.
I had built up a reasonablysuccessful career at that stage
(21:51):
and a lot of it was inhigh-powered corporate roles,
and part of me wanted a breakfrom that.
The other part was I alwayswanted to see America myself.
I don't know if that was theattraction to him.
I don't know because I was likeI always wanted to see America
myself.
I don't know if that was theattraction to him.
I don't know, because I waslike I always wanted to see
America.
But then also I was still intouch with his mother, who had
(22:12):
always been great to me.
You know we had never met, butshe was always in touch with me
over the years that I was withhim and since the baby was born,
she would always send everyyear a card, a birthday card,
christmas card, money for mydaughter.
So she was amazing and Iremember one of the
conversations I had with her.
(22:33):
She said I really want to meether and I said, okay, I will
eventually come to America, andso I decided to just give it a
try.
I had traveled there once ortwice before, that liked it, had
friends there, and then decidedokay, we're going to go and try
it out.
So we went off to California.
(22:53):
I had switched intonon-for-profit working with
substance abuse people so I dida lot of the writing grant
writing, because I was alwayswriting and I did grant writing
for this organization.
So I had a job there.
And then he had gone, her fatherhad gone back to America and he
(23:14):
somehow found out that I was inCalifornia and sent.
After all these years of notbeing in touch, he said look, I
know you probably don't want tohear from me, but you know I
would like her to meet my motherand that was part of you know.
So then I went to New York butit was only a short trip two
(23:34):
weeks and took her to meet herother grandmother and obviously
caught up with him again.
By that stage I'd processed allof the stuff.
He was perplexed about why Ihad never forgiven him.
I'm like, oh my goodness.
I was like, dude, you hurt me,you know, and I really had to
struggle to hang on to the babyLike I was like.
(23:56):
Anyway, we had a conversation.
It was a reasonably healing onefor me.
I don't know what it did forhim, but we didn't really stay
in touch after that.
I had taken her to meet thegrandmother.
I was happy about that andCalifornia was great, like I
really enjoyed it, and my visawas renewed a couple of times
there, but then I think it wasthe fourth visa application
(24:23):
renewal where they said no timefor you to go home.
So I was in California forabout two years and I enjoyed it
.
I saw through the substanceabuse program.
I saw a different life.
I saw what could happen whenpeople don't have the kind of
support they need.
Life throws incrediblechallenges at them, because a
(24:47):
lot of the people that I met whoturned up at this foundation
were people who had becomehomeless as well, so some of
them were veterans.
There was a lot of trauma thereand I could see all of this and
I realized how fortunate I hadbeen to have the support of my
(25:10):
parents and my community and mybosses at work, and so I was
like, wow, this is what couldhave happened.
You know, if I didn't have thesupport that I got now I think I
would have fought hard anywaybecause there was a child.
(25:32):
So I don't know that I wouldhave ended up on the streets,
because there is something in meand there was something that
arose in me which is how Itransformed my career was when I
realized I needed more money.
I started having theseconversations with these
recruiters and things, and thatchanged things for me and I did
catapult my career.
There was the fight in me, youknow, and largely it was due to
(25:57):
wanting to give my daughter areally good life.
Beverley Glazer (26:01):
And the fight in you started with apartheid?
Yes, it did.
Wendy Alexander (26:06):
Yes, it really did.
Yes, yes, it did, because youknow, my father used to be
trying to calm me down and pullme back, rein me in, but I was
so determined to be a part ofsome of the change that I saw
needed to happen in the countrythat, as I said, I did put
myself in harm's way many timesand I was very fortunate that I
(26:27):
didn't catch a bullet like manypeople did or that I didn't end
up arrested and in jail likemany people did.
Beverley Glazer (26:36):
Exactly.
And now you're back inAustralia, you and your daughter
.
What came next?
Wendy Alexander (26:45):
So I came back to Australia and the night that
it was so funny because I landedon a Thursday night back from
California, from LA.
And the Friday morning I got acall from one of my ex-bosses
and he said I heard you back inthe country and I'm like I only
(27:05):
landed last night how do youknow I'm back in the country.
And he was like you know thegrapevine, and I had been in
touch with a few of myex-colleagues.
So then one of them knew I wascoming back and they knew when I
was arriving back and he saidto me I have a project that I
need to get back.
It was again, you know, thederailed project.
(27:27):
Somehow I always end up withthose.
He said I have a job for you,can you start Monday?
And I said don't you need me?
I said because he was thesenior manager and then the
projects were being run bydifferent people.
And I said don't, I need tohave an interview with the guy
I'm going to report to.
He goes no, I'm the boss, I'vedecided I know your work.
(27:50):
And so here's another thingthat I want to say is I had
built the networks through thosefive years when I transformed
my career.
I've kept in touch.
I always tried to deliver aboveand beyond, and that is part of
how you get what you want,because my networks were strong
(28:11):
and so when I landed back inAustralia, I didn't have to hunt
, I didn't have to go out andlook for the next job.
It came to me.
And so these are some of thethings that when I work with
women.
There's a few pieces.
You figure out what you have tooffer.
You need to work on yourconfidence.
(28:31):
So I didn't just becomeconfident after being so
heartbroken.
I put myself in professionalcounseling because I knew that I
felt broken and I knew that Ididn't want that passing on to
my daughter.
And ultimately, I never wantedto be a victim of life, and that
(28:56):
started in South Africa.
I was like I'm never going tobe a victim of life.
Yes, I'm going to probably beconfused and I might get hurt
from time to time, and there'sgoing to be challenges, because
that is just life.
It is what happens and, nomatter what we do, we can never
avoid that.
Right, there's challenges oneway or the other, but I didn't
(29:17):
ever want to be the person youknow singing and playing a
violin to a victim narrative.
That wasn't me, and so always Idug deep to pull out the fight
in me, the fighter, theresilience in various
(29:39):
circumstances.
You know, in variouscircumstances, you know, in
South Africa, in adjusting toAustralia, in losing my
partnership, my relationship andthen having to start losing my
money, all my money, losing myhouse and bringing up your
daughter single-handed, and wecan go on and on.
Beverley Glazer (29:58):
Yeah.
And starting a businessstepping out of a secure network
of people and creatingsomething brand new.
Let's talk about that Launchingthe Happy Career Hub.
What's that about?
Wendy Alexander (30:12):
Yeah, so that wasn't brand new.
When I left corporate, becauseI had catapulted my career and I
jumped from rock bottom to areasonably high paying job
within a very short space oftime, there were people around
me my colleagues, my family, myfriends who probably I'd been in
(30:34):
that new job that was paying mereally well for about a year or
18 months, and people startedasking me how did you do that?
How did you go from there tothere?
Because they knew the story.
The ones around me knew thatI'd lost everything.
They knew that I'd startedagain with a baby and that I was
raising a child by myself, andso they just asked me how did
(30:56):
you do that?
And I actually started helpingpeople.
And it wasn't a business,because I was helping people for
free.
I just started showing them howI'd written, rewritten my
resume.
I would practice with them,with their interviews, because
I'd learned the techniques fromrecruiters those recruiters and
those hiring managers who hadhelped me.
So I suppose what I was doingwas paying it forward.
(31:17):
Right, someone had paid itforward to me.
I was doing well and I thoughtpeople would come and ask for
help and I just said oh yeah,okay, let's go.
And so I was probably workingwith people about five hours a
week, so it wasn't a lot ofhours because I was in this
other job full time.
But people started to getsuccess the same success that I
(31:39):
had gotten and then they startedto send their friends.
So suddenly there was referralshappening and then I was like,
hang on a minute, this is abusiness, this is something I
can do.
And so I started to charge, butat a very, very low rate
because I was earning reallygood money at that stage.
But I did remember havingconversations with people and
(32:02):
they said you need, you've got asystem here and you need to use
it and you need to alter charge.
Because one person said to mepeople don't always value what
they get for nothing and theydon't always execute.
Like you've got the system,you've got this way to help
people and they don't alwaysexecute on things that they
haven't paid for.
(32:22):
And I did notice that some ofthe time.
I did notice some people that Iwas helping they wouldn't do
what I asked them to do or theywouldn't follow through, and
then a year later they'd comeback to me and they're still in
the same stuck place.
So, yes, so then I started as abusiness, but it was very much
a side business for 15, 16 yearsbecause I was growing from
(32:46):
strength to strength.
But when I went throughmenopause, that was the thing
that upended a lot of things forme, because it was unexpected.
I was 45 years old, so it camea lot earlier than I'd expected
and I had not expected it tocome with the symptoms that it
(33:07):
did, and the biggest one for mewas brain fog, and that really
dashed my confidence, because Iwas a high performer in my job.
I was delivering, you know,like 200, $300 million programs
of work, managing big teams andso on, and suddenly my brain
(33:27):
isn't working the way.
I was always so reliant on myability, my organizational
skills, and everything's goingto mush.
I'm forgetting things, I'm alsoexperiencing such severe
symptoms I have to dash out ofmeetings, you know.
So it really eroded myconfidence.
(33:49):
And when you're working at thatlevel, running these major
programs of work, there isalways a level of stress that
comes with that.
Because you're delivering fast,quickly, things go wrong, you
have to adjust, you have topivot, you have to take the
project in a different direction, and then, of course, the lack
of sleep, the insomnia that alsocame with menopause.
(34:11):
So between all of these thingsit put me under severe stress
and I knew I was like this isnot sustainable.
I'm going to end up with somehealth issues if I'm not careful
.
And so I started to reevaluateand I also noticed that at that
(34:32):
stage.
So I'd been in corporate at thathigh level for about 23 years
and I started to notice that Iwasn't happy anymore.
I was bored.
Most of the time I could dowhat I was doing in my sleep, so
there was not a lot stimulatingme anymore.
The only stimulation I wasgetting was stress stimulation
because I had big deadlines andI had to deliver to big budgets.
(34:56):
But the actual work was soboring, you know, and I started
to notice that I was feelingbored.
I was starting to getdiscontent.
Along comes menopause, or thestress that goes with that, and
it was like a perfect storm, acollision that told me I needed
to make a change.
(35:16):
And when I started to do myself-assessment because and this
is something that I do withother women we do go through a
foundational piece where we dothe self-assessment, we have a
look, because you need to knowwhat it is that you really want
to do next, not just take a stabin the dark Right.
And so I looked at life and Isaid you know what?
(35:37):
Looked at life and I said youknow what, the only time I feel
really happy, even when I'mstressed, even when I haven't
had a lot of sleep, is when I'mhelping people get the jobs that
they want.
There was something meaningfulabout that work and all.
When I was helping peoplethrough an interview practice
and I saw they come to me andthey're nervous and they're
(35:58):
stumbling over their answers andthen we have a few sessions.
By the time they're ready to goand interview with a company,
they're confident and they acethe interview and they get the
job.
Like for me, that was just.
I was like visibly watching thechange and I said to myself you
know what?
I'm turning this into afull-time business.
So the five hours a week or thelittle that I was doing, it
(36:21):
became the full-time business.
Now that's not an easy thing todo because I did transition
slowly.
So it took 18 months for me totransition out of corporate and
into the business.
And I did it deliberately thatway, because I wanted to save
enough money to back myself.
And this is one of the thingsthat I do when I speak with the
(36:43):
women.
I am not the girl that will sayjust walk out of the job,
because if you put yourselfunder financial challenges,
you're going to have a level ofstress that is just too much to
cope with and in fact, it's notgoing to help you be able to
negotiate for what you reallywant, because when you're
(37:04):
struggling financially, you'reautomatically not in a position
of strength to negotiatepowerfully.
So I am not the girl that willsay to people they come to me
and they're discontented andthey don't, they hate their job
I'm not going to say, well,leave it tomorrow.
No, we actually work a plan, wecreate a strategy, we create
(37:26):
volunteering opportunities.
So if there's skills that aremissing, you go and get those
skills that are missing throughyour volunteer work.
I've also seen at volunteeringwhere, because I've done it
myself I did it before I leftcorporate I would go volunteer
at organizations and I wouldmeet huge key players in
(37:46):
corporations, like I had metCEOs who were also volunteering.
You get to know these people.
In that situation I had joboffers from everywhere, ceos
saying to me I've been watchingyou work with that team on this.
You know we would volunteer atthis homeless shelter and they
go.
One of the CEOs came to me I'vebeen watching you work with
that team on this.
You know we would volunteer atthis homeless shelter and they
go.
One of the CEOs came to me saidI'm just watching how you
(38:07):
communicate with people.
He said do you want to comework for me?
So this is why it's not.
The volunteering is not justsomething I work, a strategy
with my clients to do for thesake of getting skills.
It's for the sake of puttingthem in front of opportunities
as well, because an opportunitycan come from anywhere.
That's what I've seen.
It's happened in my career,it's happened in all the people
(38:29):
I've worked with.
They're volunteering andsuddenly someone's offering them
a job and that's part of thatnetworking piece, you know.
So, yeah, I ended up leavingcorporate and creating my own
business and for a long time andI still do work with some men,
like a lot of CEOs or executivemanagement, when they want to
(38:54):
move up the ladder or they wantto change to a different
industry industry, but mostrecently it's mostly midlife
women, because once I came outof that journey I was like man
women.
We need a voice, we need help.
So part of my work is advocacyfor the midlife woman, not
simply helping them.
Beverley Glazer (39:15):
Absolutely, I agree with you there.
So tell me, wendy, what's onetip that you would like to share
to women that are listening topursue their passion.
Wendy Alexander (39:30):
So the tip that I have and it's the
foundational piece that I dowith everybody and I actually
have this resource on my website.
It's a free resource and I callit Mining your Story and what I
did with that and that's theself-assessment piece.
So in that worksheet you gothrough the patterns of your
life, that have threaded throughyour life, because that's going
(39:51):
to inform you about the thingsthat you really like doing.
So, for example, in my case,writing was a theme From the
time I couldn't processapartheid and what was going on.
From the time I was a kid, Istarted to write.
Through my teenage years Iwrote poetry lots of dark poetry
, I will say, because I was veryangry and rebellious but I
(40:12):
wrote through that.
Then, when I got throughuniversity so I did English.
Literature was one of my majorsin psychology Writing was
always threading its way through, and so when I started to
assess and do my own patterns, Iwas like, no matter what I've
gone through in life, thiswriting thread is always there.
And the other thread that wasalways there was I like helping
(40:34):
people.
So I had volunteered athomeless shelters in Cape Town
in South Africa when I was ateen.
I'd worked with disabled kids.
I was like I like helpingpeople, contributing something
to people.
So there's two themes andthat's why, when I was ready to
make the switch, I was like,what is it that I can do?
And I was like, hang on, Ialready have it.
I'm helping people with theirresumes and their LinkedIn
(40:56):
profiles and their interviews.
I already have something, andwriting is a part of that.
So that's how I was able tomove.
So I wouldn't say seamlessly,because the money side of it had
to be handled.
I had to save enough to backmyself.
But I knew what I wanted to dofrom doing the self-assessment
piece, and this is what I dowith every woman and the
(41:18):
listeners can go to the website,grab that worksheet and
actually start there.
Go and dig into your own story,because you need to find the
gold.
That's why I call it miningyour story.
You're mining for your gold,your challenges that you've
overcome, because if you'veovercome, you have a set of
skills.
It takes something to overcomein life.
(41:40):
So whether you have resilience,whether you have bravery,
whether you have that ability tosimply not quit, it is within
you, otherwise you wouldn'tovercome whatever it is you've
been through is within you.
Otherwise you wouldn't overcomewhatever it is you've been
through.
There's also the patterns.
Then I look in the worksheet, welook at the future.
You know if you had the magicwand and could just dream about
(42:04):
the ideal career, write about itlike get it out of the system,
get it on paper.
It's going to show yousomething about yourself.
And then we identify the keyskills, like what is it that you
do?
Maybe people come to you foradvice and you don't even know
that that's a skill you havebecause you do it so seamlessly,
you do it so automatically.
(42:24):
You know you might be the personthat knows how to work a budget
and so everyone will come andsay, oh, I've overspent again.
How do you do the budget thing?
You know, or you might be.
In my case, people knew I lovedwords, so they would come to me
to write.
I've written wedding speechesfor people because they know how
much I love words, right?
So that was the thing that's.
Oh, words, words, words,writing, writing, writing.
(42:46):
This is your thing.
So for me it's like go and diginto your story, do the
foundational piece and I willsay it's the piece that most
people try to avoid.
They want to make the change,they want to make the career
change, they want to go into adifferent industry.
They might even want to start anew business, but they want to
(43:07):
avoid the foundational piece.
The thing is, if you do thefoundational piece, everything
that follows, that is a loteasier to do.
Thank you.
So that's the tip Go dig, gomine your story, dig deep.
Beverley Glazer (43:24):
Thank you.
Thank you, Wendy.
Wendy Alexander is the ownerand founder of Happy Career Hub.
Founder of Happy Career Hub,she's an interview and career
coach who believes that midlifeis the perfect time to claim the
career of your dreams.
Wendy helps clients presentthemselves so well that they
(43:45):
can't be ignored.
They negotiate with confidenceand they create an income and
lifestyle that they've alwaysdreamed of.
Here are some takeaways fromthis episode.
When the system breaks, youbuild your own system.
Silence your shoulds and followyour fire.
(44:05):
Your next chapter doesn't needpermission.
You have more value than youthink that you do.
If you've been wondering how youcan start moving your life
forward, take one small step inthe right direction.
Perhaps you can take a walk andimagine where you'd want to be
(44:26):
in the future, or let go of onetax that drains you.
Or tell yourself I can't, don'tever do that.
Catch the cats.
If you want it, you will find away For similar episodes on
midlife reinvention and changingyour career over 50, please
(44:49):
check out episodes 112 and 120of Aging with Purpose and
Passion.
And, if you love travel, well,tune into the Ageless Traveler
podcast and subscribe to TravelTuesday newsletter.
The Ageless Traveler is thenumber one resource for active
travelers 60 plus.
(45:09):
It's hosted by Adrienne Berg,whose mission is to ensure that
you never stop traveling, andall those links will be in the
show notes below.
Where can people learn moreabout you, wendy, and find out
about your services?
What are your links?
Wendy Alexander (45:27):
So Happycareerhubcom is the website
and it's probably the easiestway to find me because I have my
resources there and I also havea calendar there where people
can book a 15 minute chat withme and I do that for free if
they feel they need a little bitof direction.
Sometimes people only come andjust want to know direction.
(45:48):
They need to go in.
Sometimes they come becausethey say I need some help with
my interviews, you know.
So everything is available onthe website and then LinkedIn.
I'm also on LinkedIn.
That's where I do a lot of myfree posts and my audios giving
tips on interviews, on careerchange, on resume writing, on
LinkedIn profile writing.
(46:09):
That's all at the LinkedIn andthat's Wendy A Alexander.
So I couldn't get WendyAlexander, someone else had it,
so I had to put my middleinitial there, so there's two
A's in the middle.
Wendy A Alexander is theLinkedIn handle.
Beverley Glazer (46:23):
Perfect, because Wendy's links are also
going to be in the show notesand they'll be on my site too.
That's reinventedpossiblecom.
And now, my friends, what'snext for you?
Are you just going through themotions or are you really
passionate about your life?
Get my free checklist fromstuck to unstoppable and have
(46:46):
quick, actionable strategiesthat actually work.
That link, where will it be?
Yep, in the show notes rightbelow, and you can connect with
me, beverly Glazer, on allsocial media platforms and in my
positive group of women onFacebook.
That's Women Over 50 Rock, andif you're looking for guidance
(47:06):
in your own life, I invite youto explore reinventimpossiblecom
.
Thank you for listening.
Have you enjoyed thisconversation?
Please drop a review, share itwith a friend and always
remember that you only have onelife, so live it with purpose
and passion.
Speaker 1 (47:33):
Thank you for joining us.
You can connect with Bev on herwebsite, reinventimpossiblecom
and, while you're there, joinour newsletter Subscribe so you
don't miss an episode.
Until next time, keep agingwith purpose and passion and
celebrate life.
Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the
podcast designed to inspire yourgreatness and thrive through
life.
Get ready to conquer your fears.
Here's your hostpsychotherapist, coach and
empowerment expert, BeverlyGlazer psychotherapist, coach
(00:30):
and empowerment expert, BeverleyGlazer.
Beverley Glazer (00:37):
What if the only way to find your path is to
burn the old one down?
Well, welcome to Aging withPurpose and Passion.
And I'm Beverly Glazer, atransformational coach and
catalyst, empowering women withstrategies to rewrite the rules,
reclaim their voice and createthe life they were meant to live
.
And you can find me onreinventimpossiblecom.
Wendy Alexander didn't followthe straight and narrow path.
(01:02):
She forged a path of her own.
She lived through silences,sacrifice and starting over more
times than most people wouldever dare.
There's nothing stopping her.
Today she's an interview andcareer coach, running her
successful business Happy CareerHub.
(01:24):
Wendy guides midlifeprofessionals and menopausal
women to break free from thesecure narrative and achieve the
careers that they longed for.
If you are ready to reclaimyour spark and reinvent what
life can look like for you after50, well,W endy's journey will
(01:44):
light the way.
Just keep listening.
Welcome, Wendy.
Wendy Alexander (01:50):
Hello there.
Beverley Glazer (01:52):
Good to be here.
Great to be here and I'm soglad because there's that
Australian accent or SouthAfrican accent.
You're an Australian yeah,right, right, which I love.
It's so charming.
But you also originated fromSouth Africa during the time of
(02:13):
the apartheid.
That was not a pleasant time.
What was that like for you?
You were just young.
Wendy Alexander (02:23):
Yeah.
So I'd say the first sevenyears of life was pretty dandy,
because when you're a kid youdon't really know the
environment that you're growingup in.
So you know I'm in theneighborhood playing with the
neighborhood children and momand dad's there providing a
secure and safe home.
And I think my first encounterwith apartheid was around age
(02:47):
seven.
One summer at the beach, familyhad gone down there with some
friends.
It was a fairly remote beachand within, I'd say, half an
hour of being on the beach, wewere approached by two policemen
telling us asking us what wewere doing on that beach.
(03:07):
And back in those days and forall of the whole apartheid era,
it was all about segregation.
So there were signs everywhere.
You know, whites only, beach orcolours only, and so on and so
on.
And so we had missed that sign.
That sign was actually hiddenby a bush.
So we looked at the beach it'ssmoke, no one's there.
(03:29):
We went to play on the beachand build our sandcastles and
all those things, and then thecops came and literally put the
families off the beach, said youneed to leave now, and so on
and so on.
So I was quite young and Ididn't understand what was going
on and so on and so on.
So I was quite young and Ididn't understand what was going
on.
But I looked at my father'sface and I looked at my mother's
(03:52):
face and I knew something wasoff.
As a kid, you can sense energy,you can sense vibration, and I
just saw my dad really rigid andI thought something's wrong.
And then we got anyway, we gotinto the car, we left as we were
driving home I was the curiouskid in the family that always,
you know, the one always askingwhy.
(04:12):
So I asked my dad, I saidwhat's going on?
Why couldn't we be on the beach?
And dad was.
He just said to me.
I remember him saying to me canyou for once just be quiet?
That was his response to it.
And I thought, oh, he neversays that to me because I was
(04:33):
always the curious child and dadused to read a lot of books to
me, you know, shakespeare, allof those things, even at a young
age, because he knew that I wasso curious.
So I was quiet.
And then, when we got home, hethen sat us down and explained
what the country was about, whatit meant whites only what it
meant, you know, because weobviously fell into the colored.
(04:55):
Back then there was threeclassifications so white colored
, which is mixed race, orbiracial, which is what I am,
and black.
Those were the threesegregations and everything was
segregated according to thoseclassifications.
So you had the trains, thebuses there was whites-only
buses, whites-only carriages onthe train, colored carriages,
(05:17):
black carriages and so on.
And I think I felt I remember Imean I look back now and I've
had discussions with my partnerand I said, you know when that
happened, I realized I didn'trealize it at the time, but I
look back and I realized I lostmy childhood because I became
incredibly serious in me upuntil that age.
(05:45):
It was like it just disappearedovernight and I started to get
really curious.
I started writing things, Istarted asking a lot more
questions and I think only as Ibecame a teenager or sort of at
the age of 11, 12, I started toreally understand what that
meant in the country.
And then I became a politicalactivist myself.
I started marching, I started,you know, having signs
(06:08):
everywhere, when I sometimesused to skip school to go to the
rallies, the freedom rallies,you know.
People were fighting for thefreedom of the country, so I was
caught up in quite a lot ofthings a lot of violence,
because they would tear gas usand whip you and shoot into the
crowd and all that type of thing, and that was the catalyst.
(06:30):
My mother couldn't cope withwondering if her kids were going
to come home safely.
So dad started applying formigration to Australia and it
took a number of years, likeabout eight years before we were
rejected many times and then Ithink it was around the 10th
(06:50):
time, maybe eight years later,where we were finally accepted
for migration and the familymigrated to Australia.
But South Africa was difficult Imean growing up like that,
always having but then I wasalso.
When I was a teenager I was sorebellious, you know, and I put
myself in harm's way.
I know that.
I know I was in the rallies.
They were shooting into thecrowd, you know, and I would
(07:13):
just be there with everyone else, you know, angry, wanting to
find a way.
So, yeah, not a safeenvironment.
Beverley Glazer (07:22):
Not a safe environment.
And then you went from there toAustralia.
Did you immediately feel safeor were you also threatened?
I mean, it's a huge transition.
So what happened?
Wendy Alexander (07:38):
I didn't feel unsafe.
But we were very confused andit took about two years for all
of us myself and my siblings andmy parents to really settle
into life in Australia.
Because I think that when yougrow up in that kind of
environment for so long, there'sa level of subliminal
programming that happens.
And I remember one of the firsttimes I was going into the city
(08:01):
with my cousin and my cousin'saunt had been living out here
for five years prior to when wearrived, so they had adjusted
and I was going with my cousininto Melbourne city and we're
waiting for the train, and sothen the train pulls in and I
said which, which carriage am Isupposed to get in?
And was like you're not inSouth Africa anymore, you can
(08:26):
get into any carriage.
And I think when I asked thatquestion I realized that there
was some programming to undo,because my instinct was to look
for where I belonged, where itwas safe, what carriage could I
get in, what movie, cinema couldI go to, things like that it
was all programmed and I wasliving in a country where I
(08:48):
could go wherever I wanted.
But it took a while to get usedto that freedom and I do
remember us sort of crying at myparents, saying we want to go
back to South Africa.
We had been trying to leave thecountry for so long and then we
want to go back to South Africa.
We had been trying to leave thecountry for so long and then we
want to go back because it wasso unfamiliar.
Beverley Glazer (09:09):
And what did your parents do here?
They did everything to get youkids out of there and you're not
adjusting.
It's so strange.
Wendy Alexander (09:18):
What was going on.
The thing is, I think my fatherwas the only one that was
holding steady, because my momwas so worried about her kids
and we were so unhappy for thefirst 18 months.
I would say that she at timeswondered, you know, if they'd
made the right decision.
But you know, we persevered andI think my father spoke to his
(09:40):
sister about her two children,my cousins and they also had
taken a moment to adjust and shesaid just keep moving through
it, they'll settle in and it'llhappen when you least expect it.
And it was kind of like that.
It was just like you know, oneday everything falls into place.
You know your way around theland, and so now you start to
(10:02):
feel comfortable and obviouslythere was a great sense of
freedom, knowing, when itfinally sunk in, I can go
wherever I want.
There's opportunities for mehere.
You know I can go to university, and back then in Australia my
goodness, I wish it was stillthe case now, but back then
university costs like $250 ayear in the fee and then you
(10:27):
just paid for your books.
You bought and paid for yourbooks, so it was so cheap.
They did eventually bring inwhat is now called the HECS and
you know obviously you pay thatoff over a period of time.
But I did my university andgraduated the year before they
brought the new rules in, wheresuddenly education was
ridiculously expensive, you know.
(10:49):
So, for me.
I feel lucky that I actuallygot through the graduation, and
the year after I graduated waswhen they brought in these new
education rules and policies andall of these things.
Beverley Glazer (11:02):
So by the time you were in university, did you
feel assimilated?
Or were you still back in SouthAfrica thinking, okay, this is
an okay place, but it's stillnot home?
Wendy Alexander (11:14):
No, I felt reasonably assimilated, but
there was.
What I started to notice wasthere was some trauma that
showed up because I went.
I met a friend.
I was taking a Spanish classand I met a friend, he was from
Spain and we started hanging outand he was so curious and then
one day he said, oh, shall we goto the movies or something?
(11:35):
And went off to the movies andback then Cry Freedom, which was
the story of Stephen Biko, whowas one of the most prolific
activists in South Africa.
That film was being shown inAustralia and I went with him to
see the film and I just criedlike a baby through all of this
(11:55):
watching this, because you know,they show his rise in South
Africa.
He was eventually killed injail, so he was jailed for being
a political activist and waseventually murdered by the
police.
But they show that whole riseand how he fought and the
sacrifices he made for thecountry.
A lot like Mandela, but he diedmuch younger.
(12:15):
He was actually killed in jail.
Mandela wasn't killed in jail,but they were freedom fighters
and I was just sobbing and thisguy was just like he didn't know
what to do with me and he wasapologizing and apologizing,
he's going.
I'm sorry I shouldn't havebrought you to this movie and I
was like you know what Iactually needed to see, what I'd
just come through.
(12:37):
But I remember him just beingso mortified that he had taken
me to see a movie about mycountry and one of the most
prolific activists in ourcountry.
But that was the realizationfor me that there was a lot of
healing to do around all of that, you know.
So I felt safe physically, butemotionally I was still
(13:03):
processing lots and lots ofthings and during that time you
graduated.
Beverley Glazer (13:10):
Yes, you had a relationship.
There was a child.
Yep, you got out of arelationship.
You're still a mother now, andnow a single mother.
How did you manage that?
You're still young.
Wendy Alexander (13:27):
Yeah, I'm still young.
Look, the relationship was so Imet him in probably the third
year of being in Australia andwe were together for almost nine
years.
But it was a good relationshipuntil probably five or six years
and then after that therestarted to be some challenges
(13:48):
and he had a violent temperament.
So domestic violence wassomething that started happening
in the relationship.
And towards the end of therelationship I fell pregnant and
then first of all, realizedthat there was an affair going
on.
So that was number one, andthen number two, he.
(14:09):
I don't know what happenedthere, but he acted as though I
had had the effect the, I guess,being caught.
I don't know what it was, buthe just lost it.
And so I he ended up hurting me.
I ended up in hospital, almostlost the baby because I was four
months pregnant at the time,and that was the end of it for
(14:32):
me.
You know, once I came out ofhospital I was like I'm done,
got a restraining order, all ofthose things, and started to
pack up the life that I'd builtwith him, a home that I had
worked three jobs because I wasthe one that secured that home
put the house on the market.
It sold at a loss and I startedlife with a baby in my belly
(14:57):
and a massive debt over my head,right.
So that was I actually callthat period.
I call it the rock the rockbottom.
That truly was the rock bottomof my life, because I lost
everything I've worked for.
I built up a life afteruniversity and working in my
(15:18):
jobs and things.
Um created the house.
We had the house for five or soyears and then it was gone
because the relationship ended.
And it wasn't just a case ofthe relationship ending.
There was the domestic violencepiece of it, but there was also
.
He emptied out the bankaccounts so he left me with
(15:38):
nothing.
I mean, we had to end upchanging.
A friend of mine gave me themoney to change the locks on the
house and then the house wenton the market.
The police came in, all of thatkind of thing was going on, and
so when I started after thehouse sold and it was sold at a
loss, so there was a huge debtleft of it he walked away from
(16:00):
all of that responsibility andit literally fell on my
shoulders to be mother, fatherand provider for my daughter.
So it was a very scarybeginning.
Beverley Glazer (16:15):
Yes, and you did this single handedly.
Yeah.
How did you support yourself?
What did you do with the baby?
Wendy Alexander (16:24):
So with the so she was.
I actually moved back in withmy parents after that situation
happened because obviously, myparents were like you need to
bring this baby to term, youknow.
So I moved in with my parents.
I got the support there interms of them really taking care
of me and really keeping an eyeon me to make sure, but you
(16:46):
know, that was it was duringthat time though.
So, from five months pregnantto the time I brought the baby
into the world, I was anabsolute mess, you know,
couldn't stop crying, and it wasawful for my parents to watch
that as well, you know, and mydaughter was going to be their
first grandchild, so they werevery protective, trying to help
(17:07):
me get over that whole situation.
I did continue to work, but Idid because I ended up in
hospital.
I spoke to my boss, I went tothe boss and I just laid it out.
Like I just said, this iswhat's happened in my life.
I'm pregnant, and he wasamazing.
(17:27):
I will say and this is, Isuppose, a message or a teaching
point for most people it's likesometimes you simply have to be
vulnerable, authentic and sharewhat's going on, because people
are never going to know how tosupport you if you don't say
anything.
So I told him this has happened, the relationships ended, lost
(17:50):
the house, all of this and hejust said to me I think you need
to look at the working hoursand how we do.
Because he said I don't wantyou to be under this kind of
stress.
So that was the first time Inegotiated working from home.
So he we had a conversation andhe said you need to do the
(18:10):
remaining three months of yourpregnancy from home.
And so I was able to do thatand I did work and it was look,
work was a great distractionbecause I was so heartbroken
that it got me through the days.
At nights I would be crying myeyes out and my mother would be
comforting me and trying to, youknow, soothe me, but during the
day I was very focused on mywork.
(18:31):
So it was really good to beable to do that.
And so another teaching momentis that wasn't the time of
remote work.
Nobody was doing it, but youask for it if you need it.
You know this is what I'msaying I say to a lot of my
female clients is like, when youneed something, you can't just
(18:52):
assume that you're not going toget it if you haven't asked,
like ask first and then figureout which way you go.
So I did ask for that and whenI came off maternity leave, I
came off early because there wasa project in trouble Another
manager at the place I had beenworking at.
He needed help, the kind ofhelp that I was an expert in
(19:13):
bringing the derailed projectsback on track.
And so he rang me and he saidlisten, I've been given your
name.
I know you're on maternityleave.
I know you've just had a baby.
So she was four months at thatstage.
Can you come back early?
And I thought, oh, here's anopportunity.
So I asked, I said to him yeah,I'll come back early, but I
(19:35):
need to work from home for fourdays of the week.
I'll come into the office oneday.
Do my meetings, all my meetingshave to happen on that day,
because I'm only coming in once.
And I asked for what I wantedand I said we can trial it for
three months, see how it goes.
The thing is I knew I was goingto deliver because I wanted
(19:55):
that situation to continue.
So here's the other piece Ifyou ask for something, it has to
be a two-way street.
You need to give as well.
So here's the other piece Ifyou ask for something, it has to
be a two-way street.
You need to give as well.
So I delivered my projects, Irescued that project that was
going off the rails, and theywere amazing.
They let me continue to workfrom home, you know.
(20:15):
But I also, at that stage,realized I needed to make more
money because the debt wasdrowning me, you know.
And so I then started to putout my resume.
Well, that wasn't exactly thecase.
I started having coffees withrecruiters because I was like,
who can help me make more money?
The people that decide aboutjobs.
(20:38):
And the people that decideabout jobs are hiring managers
or recruiters.
So I started to put a plantogether to have coffee with
them, and I simply I was fairlyauthentic.
I said I'm trying to change mycareer trajectory, I would like
your insight or your perspective.
And people were generous, andthis is again the same message,
(21:01):
and it's been my message for alot of years.
It's like ask for what you needNow.
You're not always going to getit, but you're definitely not
going to get it if you don't askRight, because nobody's going
to know you need it.
Beverley Glazer (21:16):
And so why, after this, you're building a
life now and you're in Australia.
Why did you decide to go toAmerica, to California and then
to New York?
Why?
Wendy Alexander (21:30):
So my daughter was growing up.
Her father was American, right,he was from New York.
She was around four or five, Ithink, and I was getting a
little bit restless myself.
I had built up a reasonablysuccessful career at that stage
(21:51):
and a lot of it was inhigh-powered corporate roles,
and part of me wanted a breakfrom that.
The other part was I alwayswanted to see America myself.
I don't know if that was theattraction to him.
I don't know because I was likeI always wanted to see America
myself.
I don't know if that was theattraction to him.
I don't know, because I waslike I always wanted to see
America.
But then also I was still intouch with his mother, who had
(22:12):
always been great to me.
You know we had never met, butshe was always in touch with me
over the years that I was withhim and since the baby was born,
she would always send everyyear a card, a birthday card,
christmas card, money for mydaughter.
So she was amazing and Iremember one of the
conversations I had with her.
(22:33):
She said I really want to meether and I said, okay, I will
eventually come to America, andso I decided to just give it a
try.
I had traveled there once ortwice before, that liked it, had
friends there, and then decidedokay, we're going to go and try
it out.
So we went off to California.
(22:53):
I had switched intonon-for-profit working with
substance abuse people so I dida lot of the writing grant
writing, because I was alwayswriting and I did grant writing
for this organization.
So I had a job there.
And then he had gone, her fatherhad gone back to America and he
(23:14):
somehow found out that I was inCalifornia and sent.
After all these years of notbeing in touch, he said look, I
know you probably don't want tohear from me, but you know I
would like her to meet my motherand that was part of you know.
So then I went to New York butit was only a short trip two
(23:34):
weeks and took her to meet herother grandmother and obviously
caught up with him again.
By that stage I'd processed allof the stuff.
He was perplexed about why Ihad never forgiven him.
I'm like, oh my goodness.
I was like, dude, you hurt me,you know, and I really had to
struggle to hang on to the babyLike I was like.
(23:56):
Anyway, we had a conversation.
It was a reasonably healing onefor me.
I don't know what it did forhim, but we didn't really stay
in touch after that.
I had taken her to meet thegrandmother.
I was happy about that andCalifornia was great, like I
really enjoyed it, and my visawas renewed a couple of times
there, but then I think it wasthe fourth visa application
(24:23):
renewal where they said no timefor you to go home.
So I was in California forabout two years and I enjoyed it
.
I saw through the substanceabuse program.
I saw a different life.
I saw what could happen whenpeople don't have the kind of
support they need.
Life throws incrediblechallenges at them, because a
(24:47):
lot of the people that I met whoturned up at this foundation
were people who had becomehomeless as well, so some of
them were veterans.
There was a lot of trauma thereand I could see all of this and
I realized how fortunate I hadbeen to have the support of my
(25:10):
parents and my community and mybosses at work, and so I was
like, wow, this is what couldhave happened.
You know, if I didn't have thesupport that I got now I think I
would have fought hard anywaybecause there was a child.
(25:32):
So I don't know that I wouldhave ended up on the streets,
because there is something in meand there was something that
arose in me which is how Itransformed my career was when I
realized I needed more money.
I started having theseconversations with these
recruiters and things, and thatchanged things for me and I did
catapult my career.
There was the fight in me, youknow, and largely it was due to
(25:57):
wanting to give my daughter areally good life.
Beverley Glazer (26:01):
And the fight in you started with apartheid?
Yes, it did.
Wendy Alexander (26:06):
Yes, it really did.
Yes, yes, it did, because youknow, my father used to be
trying to calm me down and pullme back, rein me in, but I was
so determined to be a part ofsome of the change that I saw
needed to happen in the countrythat, as I said, I did put
myself in harm's way many timesand I was very fortunate that I
(26:27):
didn't catch a bullet like manypeople did or that I didn't end
up arrested and in jail likemany people did.
Beverley Glazer (26:36):
Exactly.
And now you're back inAustralia, you and your daughter
.
What came next?
Wendy Alexander (26:45):
So I came back to Australia and the night that
it was so funny because I landedon a Thursday night back from
California, from LA.
And the Friday morning I got acall from one of my ex-bosses
and he said I heard you back inthe country and I'm like I only
(27:05):
landed last night how do youknow I'm back in the country.
And he was like you know thegrapevine, and I had been in
touch with a few of myex-colleagues.
So then one of them knew I wascoming back and they knew when I
was arriving back and he saidto me I have a project that I
need to get back.
It was again, you know, thederailed project.
(27:27):
Somehow I always end up withthose.
He said I have a job for you,can you start Monday?
And I said don't you need me?
I said because he was thesenior manager and then the
projects were being run bydifferent people.
And I said don't, I need tohave an interview with the guy
I'm going to report to.
He goes no, I'm the boss, I'vedecided I know your work.
(27:50):
And so here's another thingthat I want to say is I had
built the networks through thosefive years when I transformed
my career.
I've kept in touch.
I always tried to deliver aboveand beyond, and that is part of
how you get what you want,because my networks were strong
(28:11):
and so when I landed back inAustralia, I didn't have to hunt
, I didn't have to go out andlook for the next job.
It came to me.
And so these are some of thethings that when I work with
women.
There's a few pieces.
You figure out what you have tooffer.
You need to work on yourconfidence.
(28:31):
So I didn't just becomeconfident after being so
heartbroken.
I put myself in professionalcounseling because I knew that I
felt broken and I knew that Ididn't want that passing on to
my daughter.
And ultimately, I never wantedto be a victim of life, and that
(28:56):
started in South Africa.
I was like I'm never going tobe a victim of life.
Yes, I'm going to probably beconfused and I might get hurt
from time to time, and there'sgoing to be challenges, because
that is just life.
It is what happens and, nomatter what we do, we can never
avoid that.
Right, there's challenges oneway or the other, but I didn't
(29:17):
ever want to be the person youknow singing and playing a
violin to a victim narrative.
That wasn't me, and so always Idug deep to pull out the fight
in me, the fighter, theresilience in various
(29:39):
circumstances.
You know, in variouscircumstances, you know, in
South Africa, in adjusting toAustralia, in losing my
partnership, my relationship andthen having to start losing my
money, all my money, losing myhouse and bringing up your
daughter single-handed, and wecan go on and on.
Beverley Glazer (29:58):
Yeah.
And starting a businessstepping out of a secure network
of people and creatingsomething brand new.
Let's talk about that Launchingthe Happy Career Hub.
What's that about?
Wendy Alexander (30:12):
Yeah, so that wasn't brand new.
When I left corporate, becauseI had catapulted my career and I
jumped from rock bottom to areasonably high paying job
within a very short space oftime, there were people around
me my colleagues, my family, myfriends who probably I'd been in
(30:34):
that new job that was paying mereally well for about a year or
18 months, and people startedasking me how did you do that?
How did you go from there tothere?
Because they knew the story.
The ones around me knew thatI'd lost everything.
They knew that I'd startedagain with a baby and that I was
raising a child by myself, andso they just asked me how did
(30:56):
you do that?
And I actually started helpingpeople.
And it wasn't a business,because I was helping people for
free.
I just started showing them howI'd written, rewritten my
resume.
I would practice with them,with their interviews, because
I'd learned the techniques fromrecruiters those recruiters and
those hiring managers who hadhelped me.
So I suppose what I was doingwas paying it forward.
(31:17):
Right, someone had paid itforward to me.
I was doing well and I thoughtpeople would come and ask for
help and I just said oh yeah,okay, let's go.
And so I was probably workingwith people about five hours a
week, so it wasn't a lot ofhours because I was in this
other job full time.
But people started to getsuccess the same success that I
(31:39):
had gotten and then they startedto send their friends.
So suddenly there was referralshappening and then I was like,
hang on a minute, this is abusiness, this is something I
can do.
And so I started to charge, butat a very, very low rate
because I was earning reallygood money at that stage.
But I did remember havingconversations with people and
(32:02):
they said you need, you've got asystem here and you need to use
it and you need to alter charge.
Because one person said to mepeople don't always value what
they get for nothing and theydon't always execute.
Like you've got the system,you've got this way to help
people and they don't alwaysexecute on things that they
haven't paid for.
(32:22):
And I did notice that some ofthe time.
I did notice some people that Iwas helping they wouldn't do
what I asked them to do or theywouldn't follow through, and
then a year later they'd comeback to me and they're still in
the same stuck place.
So, yes, so then I started as abusiness, but it was very much
a side business for 15, 16 yearsbecause I was growing from
(32:46):
strength to strength.
But when I went throughmenopause, that was the thing
that upended a lot of things forme, because it was unexpected.
I was 45 years old, so it camea lot earlier than I'd expected
and I had not expected it tocome with the symptoms that it
(33:07):
did, and the biggest one for mewas brain fog, and that really
dashed my confidence, because Iwas a high performer in my job.
I was delivering, you know,like 200, $300 million programs
of work, managing big teams andso on, and suddenly my brain
(33:27):
isn't working the way.
I was always so reliant on myability, my organizational
skills, and everything's goingto mush.
I'm forgetting things, I'm alsoexperiencing such severe
symptoms I have to dash out ofmeetings, you know.
So it really eroded myconfidence.
(33:49):
And when you're working at thatlevel, running these major
programs of work, there isalways a level of stress that
comes with that.
Because you're delivering fast,quickly, things go wrong, you
have to adjust, you have topivot, you have to take the
project in a different direction, and then, of course, the lack
of sleep, the insomnia that alsocame with menopause.
(34:11):
So between all of these thingsit put me under severe stress
and I knew I was like this isnot sustainable.
I'm going to end up with somehealth issues if I'm not careful
.
And so I started to reevaluateand I also noticed that at that
(34:32):
stage.
So I'd been in corporate at thathigh level for about 23 years
and I started to notice that Iwasn't happy anymore.
I was bored.
Most of the time I could dowhat I was doing in my sleep, so
there was not a lot stimulatingme anymore.
The only stimulation I wasgetting was stress stimulation
because I had big deadlines andI had to deliver to big budgets.
(34:56):
But the actual work was soboring, you know, and I started
to notice that I was feelingbored.
I was starting to getdiscontent.
Along comes menopause, or thestress that goes with that, and
it was like a perfect storm, acollision that told me I needed
to make a change.
(35:16):
And when I started to do myself-assessment because and this
is something that I do withother women we do go through a
foundational piece where we dothe self-assessment, we have a
look, because you need to knowwhat it is that you really want
to do next, not just take a stabin the dark Right.
And so I looked at life and Isaid you know what?
(35:37):
Looked at life and I said youknow what, the only time I feel
really happy, even when I'mstressed, even when I haven't
had a lot of sleep, is when I'mhelping people get the jobs that
they want.
There was something meaningfulabout that work and all.
When I was helping peoplethrough an interview practice
and I saw they come to me andthey're nervous and they're
(35:58):
stumbling over their answers andthen we have a few sessions.
By the time they're ready to goand interview with a company,
they're confident and they acethe interview and they get the
job.
Like for me, that was just.
I was like visibly watching thechange and I said to myself you
know what?
I'm turning this into afull-time business.
So the five hours a week or thelittle that I was doing, it
(36:21):
became the full-time business.
Now that's not an easy thing todo because I did transition
slowly.
So it took 18 months for me totransition out of corporate and
into the business.
And I did it deliberately thatway, because I wanted to save
enough money to back myself.
And this is one of the thingsthat I do when I speak with the
(36:43):
women.
I am not the girl that will sayjust walk out of the job,
because if you put yourselfunder financial challenges,
you're going to have a level ofstress that is just too much to
cope with and in fact, it's notgoing to help you be able to
negotiate for what you reallywant, because when you're
(37:04):
struggling financially, you'reautomatically not in a position
of strength to negotiatepowerfully.
So I am not the girl that willsay to people they come to me
and they're discontented andthey don't, they hate their job
I'm not going to say, well,leave it tomorrow.
No, we actually work a plan, wecreate a strategy, we create
(37:26):
volunteering opportunities.
So if there's skills that aremissing, you go and get those
skills that are missing throughyour volunteer work.
I've also seen at volunteeringwhere, because I've done it
myself I did it before I leftcorporate I would go volunteer
at organizations and I wouldmeet huge key players in
(37:46):
corporations, like I had metCEOs who were also volunteering.
You get to know these people.
In that situation I had joboffers from everywhere, ceos
saying to me I've been watchingyou work with that team on this.
You know we would volunteer atthis homeless shelter and they
go.
One of the CEOs came to me I'vebeen watching you work with
that team on this.
You know we would volunteer atthis homeless shelter and they
go.
One of the CEOs came to me saidI'm just watching how you
(38:07):
communicate with people.
He said do you want to comework for me?
So this is why it's not.
The volunteering is not justsomething I work, a strategy
with my clients to do for thesake of getting skills.
It's for the sake of puttingthem in front of opportunities
as well, because an opportunitycan come from anywhere.
That's what I've seen.
It's happened in my career,it's happened in all the people
(38:29):
I've worked with.
They're volunteering andsuddenly someone's offering them
a job and that's part of thatnetworking piece, you know.
So, yeah, I ended up leavingcorporate and creating my own
business and for a long time andI still do work with some men,
like a lot of CEOs or executivemanagement, when they want to
(38:54):
move up the ladder or they wantto change to a different
industry industry, but mostrecently it's mostly midlife
women, because once I came outof that journey I was like man
women.
We need a voice, we need help.
So part of my work is advocacyfor the midlife woman, not
simply helping them.
Beverley Glazer (39:15):
Absolutely, I agree with you there.
So tell me, wendy, what's onetip that you would like to share
to women that are listening topursue their passion.
Wendy Alexander (39:30):
So the tip that I have and it's the
foundational piece that I dowith everybody and I actually
have this resource on my website.
It's a free resource and I callit Mining your Story and what I
did with that and that's theself-assessment piece.
So in that worksheet you gothrough the patterns of your
life, that have threaded throughyour life, because that's going
(39:51):
to inform you about the thingsthat you really like doing.
So, for example, in my case,writing was a theme From the
time I couldn't processapartheid and what was going on.
From the time I was a kid, Istarted to write.
Through my teenage years Iwrote poetry lots of dark poetry
, I will say, because I was veryangry and rebellious but I
(40:12):
wrote through that.
Then, when I got throughuniversity so I did English.
Literature was one of my majorsin psychology Writing was
always threading its way through, and so when I started to
assess and do my own patterns, Iwas like, no matter what I've
gone through in life, thiswriting thread is always there.
And the other thread that wasalways there was I like helping
(40:34):
people.
So I had volunteered athomeless shelters in Cape Town
in South Africa when I was ateen.
I'd worked with disabled kids.
I was like I like helpingpeople, contributing something
to people.
So there's two themes andthat's why, when I was ready to
make the switch, I was like,what is it that I can do?
And I was like, hang on, Ialready have it.
I'm helping people with theirresumes and their LinkedIn
(40:56):
profiles and their interviews.
I already have something, andwriting is a part of that.
So that's how I was able tomove.
So I wouldn't say seamlessly,because the money side of it had
to be handled.
I had to save enough to backmyself.
But I knew what I wanted to dofrom doing the self-assessment
piece, and this is what I dowith every woman and the
(41:18):
listeners can go to the website,grab that worksheet and
actually start there.
Go and dig into your own story,because you need to find the
gold.
That's why I call it miningyour story.
You're mining for your gold,your challenges that you've
overcome, because if you'veovercome, you have a set of
skills.
It takes something to overcomein life.
(41:40):
So whether you have resilience,whether you have bravery,
whether you have that ability tosimply not quit, it is within
you, otherwise you wouldn'tovercome whatever it is you've
been through is within you.
Otherwise you wouldn't overcomewhatever it is you've been
through.
There's also the patterns.
Then I look in the worksheet, welook at the future.
You know if you had the magicwand and could just dream about
(42:04):
the ideal career, write about itlike get it out of the system,
get it on paper.
It's going to show yousomething about yourself.
And then we identify the keyskills, like what is it that you
do?
Maybe people come to you foradvice and you don't even know
that that's a skill you havebecause you do it so seamlessly,
you do it so automatically.
(42:24):
You know you might be the personthat knows how to work a budget
and so everyone will come andsay, oh, I've overspent again.
How do you do the budget thing?
You know, or you might be.
In my case, people knew I lovedwords, so they would come to me
to write.
I've written wedding speechesfor people because they know how
much I love words, right?
So that was the thing that's.
Oh, words, words, words,writing, writing, writing.
(42:46):
This is your thing.
So for me it's like go and diginto your story, do the
foundational piece and I willsay it's the piece that most
people try to avoid.
They want to make the change,they want to make the career
change, they want to go into adifferent industry.
They might even want to start anew business, but they want to
(43:07):
avoid the foundational piece.
The thing is, if you do thefoundational piece, everything
that follows, that is a loteasier to do.
Thank you.
So that's the tip Go dig, gomine your story, dig deep.
Beverley Glazer (43:24):
Thank you.
Thank you, Wendy.
Wendy Alexander is the ownerand founder of Happy Career Hub.
Founder of Happy Career Hub,she's an interview and career
coach who believes that midlifeis the perfect time to claim the
career of your dreams.
Wendy helps clients presentthemselves so well that they
(43:45):
can't be ignored.
They negotiate with confidenceand they create an income and
lifestyle that they've alwaysdreamed of.
Here are some takeaways fromthis episode.
When the system breaks, youbuild your own system.
Silence your shoulds and followyour fire.
(44:05):
Your next chapter doesn't needpermission.
You have more value than youthink that you do.
If you've been wondering how youcan start moving your life
forward, take one small step inthe right direction.
Perhaps you can take a walk andimagine where you'd want to be
(44:26):
in the future, or let go of onetax that drains you.
Or tell yourself I can't, don'tever do that.
Catch the cats.
If you want it, you will find away For similar episodes on
midlife reinvention and changingyour career over 50, please
(44:49):
check out episodes 112 and 120of Aging with Purpose and
Passion.
And, if you love travel, well,tune into the Ageless Traveler
podcast and subscribe to TravelTuesday newsletter.
The Ageless Traveler is thenumber one resource for active
travelers 60 plus.
(45:09):
It's hosted by Adrienne Berg,whose mission is to ensure that
you never stop traveling, andall those links will be in the
show notes below.
Where can people learn moreabout you, wendy, and find out
about your services?
What are your links?
Wendy Alexander (45:27):
So Happycareerhubcom is the website
and it's probably the easiestway to find me because I have my
resources there and I also havea calendar there where people
can book a 15 minute chat withme and I do that for free if
they feel they need a little bitof direction.
Sometimes people only come andjust want to know direction.
(45:48):
They need to go in.
Sometimes they come becausethey say I need some help with
my interviews, you know.
So everything is available onthe website and then LinkedIn.
I'm also on LinkedIn.
That's where I do a lot of myfree posts and my audios giving
tips on interviews, on careerchange, on resume writing, on
LinkedIn profile writing.
(46:09):
That's all at the LinkedIn andthat's Wendy A Alexander.
So I couldn't get WendyAlexander, someone else had it,
so I had to put my middleinitial there, so there's two
A's in the middle.
Wendy A Alexander is theLinkedIn handle.
Beverley Glazer (46:23):
Perfect, because Wendy's links are also
going to be in the show notesand they'll be on my site too.
That's reinventedpossiblecom.
And now, my friends, what'snext for you?
Are you just going through themotions or are you really
passionate about your life?
Get my free checklist fromstuck to unstoppable and have
(46:46):
quick, actionable strategiesthat actually work.
That link, where will it be?
Yep, in the show notes rightbelow, and you can connect with
me, beverly Glazer, on allsocial media platforms and in my
positive group of women onFacebook.
That's Women Over 50 Rock, andif you're looking for guidance
(47:06):
in your own life, I invite youto explore reinventimpossiblecom
.
Thank you for listening.
Have you enjoyed thisconversation?
Please drop a review, share itwith a friend and always
remember that you only have onelife, so live it with purpose
and passion.
Speaker 1 (47:33):
Thank you for joining us.
You can connect with Bev on herwebsite, reinventimpossiblecom
and, while you're there, joinour newsletter Subscribe so you
don't miss an episode.
Until next time, keep agingwith purpose and passion and
celebrate life.
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