Reclaiming Self-Worth: A Midlife Journey of Resilience

✨ “You are enough. You are worthy. Be who you are.”

What happens when a farm girl from Saskatchewan who learned to lead turkeys at age five grows up to face childhood trauma, domestic violence, and decades of silence—only to transform it all into tools for empowerment?

Carol Metz Murray’s story is one of trauma recovery, resilience, and women’s empowerment. As the founder of the Naked Leader Institute and a five-time bestselling author, Carol reveals the profound cost of silencing your voice—and the liberation that comes when you reclaim it.

From surviving childhood sexual assault to an abusive marriage she knew she shouldn’t enter—even on her wedding day—Carol’s journey is both heartbreaking and inspiring. A turning point came when her husband threatened her with a gun, pushing her to escape with her four children. For decades, unhealed trauma showed up as workaholism, until her body and spirit simply couldn’t continue. The healing breakthrough came years later, when a chance encounter with a childhood friend validated her abuse experience after 45 years of carrying it alone.

For women over 50 navigating midlife reinvention, Carol’s message is clear: healing after abuse and overcoming childhood trauma are possible. By reclaiming your voice and embracing authentic leadership, you discover that your deepest wounds can become your greatest gifts.

🎧 Ready to reclaim your voice? Connect with Carol through the Naked Leader Institute and discover how women can rise from surviving domestic violence and trauma to living with self-worth, resilience, and authentic power.

Resources & Links - 

For similar episodes on breaking the silence, check out episodes 114 and 133 of Aging with Purpose and Passion. 

And if you're a caregiver navigating the challenges of caring for a loved one with dementia, I highly recommend that you listen to Fading Memories. This is a podcast that will give you insights and guidance on communicating, managing stress, navigating grief and loss and prioritizing the wellbeing of both caregivers and those they love.

Carol Metz-Murray – People Possibilities Strategist & Founder of the Naked Leader Institute
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Beverley Glazer – Transformation Coach & Host of Aging with Purpose and Passion
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Have feedback or a powerful story that's worth telling? Contact us at [e-mail]

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the
podcast designed to inspire yourgreatness and thrive through
life.
Get ready to conquer your fears.
Here's your host.
Psychotherapist coach andempowerment expert Beverly
Glaser.
Therapist, coach andempowerment expert Beverly
Glazer.

(00:27):
Qhen life silences you, willyou disappear or rise higher
than you ever did before?
Welcome to Aging with Purposeand Passion, the podcast for
women over 50 who are ready tostop settling and live life on
their own terms.
Each week, you'll hear powerfulconversations, inspiring

(00:52):
stories and get practical toolsto reignite your own fire.
I'm Beverly Glaser, areinvention catalyst for women
who are ready to keep raisingthe bar, and you can find me on
reinventedpossiblecom.
Carol Metz-Murray is thefounder of the Naked Leader

(01:12):
Institute, a transformationalcoach, a mentor, speaker, a
consultant and a five-timecollaborative international
bestselling author.
She is a domestic violencesurvivor and suffered early
childhood trauma.
Carol brings lived experience,resilience and decades of

(01:35):
leadership insight to helpothers discover their voice and
live their full potential.
Thank you, Beverly,

Beverley Glazer (01:51):
I'm happy to be here with you on this really
great day.
Yes, for sure, let me tell you.
Or let me ask you.
I should say you grew up on afarm in Saskatchewan.
I mean I've only driven throughSaskatchewan, I mean I've only

(02:14):
driven through Saskatchewan.

Carol Metz-Murray (02:15):
There is very little there.
So what was it like?
Growing up on a farm inSaskatchewan was really
absolutely wonderful Hard work,work ethic, all of that but
there was freedom, there wasspace, there was fresh air and I

(02:38):
grew up on a mixed farm, sothere were lots and lots of
animals and lots of time spentoutside in nature.
And, as I jokingly say, where Igrew up on a farm in
Saskatchewan, you could watchyour dog run away for three
weeks and then you could watchhim run back Exactly.

(03:02):
Exactly.
But you know, I really amgrateful for growing up on the
farm and learning the thingsthat I did, experiencing the
things that I did Beverly, youknow at the age of five, because
I spent a lot of time with mydad out in the fields and with,

(03:24):
you know, in with the cattle.
He had said to me, carol, youneed to learn how to lead.
And he was serious and he saidand you're going to spend time
with the horses and then you'regoing to spend time with the
turkeys.
Well, leading horses, inessence, you don't lead them,

(03:45):
they generally lead you.
Leading turkeys, well, that'scompletely different.
I mean, a flock of turkeys islike a herd of cats, they go
every which way.
So what a great experience atan early age.
And here I am.

(04:05):
I mean that really began mylife trajectory.

Beverley Glazer (04:09):
Yes, and you also were educated in a one-room
schoolhouse.
Yes, you taught yourself to bea leader there.

Carol Metz-Murray (04:19):
Yes, absolutely.
There was leadershipopportunities there as well.
As you know, as I advanced upthe grade levels, there was
always leadership opportunitiesto work with younger students,
and so, in essence, my farmleadership training kicked in at

(04:41):
a very early age.
And, you know, even as I gotinto high school, there was
leadership opportunities andteachers were searching me out
and saying, carol, would youlead this, carol, would you do
this, take this group and workwith them there?
So, in that way, absolutely,truly blessed.

Beverley Glazer (05:01):
Yeah, you were also sexually assaulted as a
child.
Did you report that to anyone?

Carol Metz-Murray (05:12):
I talked with my mother and my father about
it.
Either they didn't hear me orthey just couldn't respond.
Whatever it was, and thatreally was the only two that I

(05:40):
raised it with I raised it withand when there was no
acknowledgement, I just stoppedusing my voice because nothing
was happening and nothing waschanging.
So, as that little girl, I justcouldn't figure that out,

(06:03):
beverly, as to what that was allabout, was it because you know,
the perpetrator lived withinthe community not too far from
where I lived?
I don't know.
I will share with you.
There was one being that knewwhat was going on and would

(06:31):
defend me when he was there, andthat was my dog Rocky.
He was an Alsatian shepherd andhe was given to me,
interestingly, and he wastrained as a guard dog to guard

(06:53):
a business in the village notfar from where we lived.
But his owners sold thebusiness and they didn't want
him moving into the city.
So they gave him to me becauseI connected with him as that
little little girl.
So he was my one and onlyprotector when he could and when

(07:19):
and how he protected me is hewould just.
He would stand and growl andgrowl, and my parents never
figured that out?
Yeah, he would.
He would keep the perpetratorat bay.
He knew, yeah.

Beverley Glazer (07:37):
And he silenced you so much so that on your
wedding day you knew you shouldnever marry this man, but you
said nothing.

Carol Metz-Murray (07:49):
Yes, I said nothing.
My intuition told me I wasmaking the biggest mistake in my
life and again, I didn't use myvoice.
And again I didn't use my voice.
I had silenced my voice becausewho would really listen, you

(08:12):
know?
And yeah, that was a huge, hugemistake, beverly, and yet I got
four beautiful gifts as aresult of it, and that I'm
forever grateful for.

Beverley Glazer (08:27):
Yes, yeah.
How did you protect thosechildren?
Because it was a violentmarriage.

Carol Metz-Murray (08:36):
You ask a very, very emotional question.
It was I was very challenged toprotect the children.
There were times I would takethem and and leave, you know, go
outside or go to a playground,but there were also times where,

(08:59):
quite frankly, I couldn'tprotect them, or I didn't
protect them because we were allunder attack or that they too
might be attacked and abusedwhen they were off with their

(09:21):
dad and I wasn't there.
So my children had achallenging, challenging
childhood and I yeah, I get veryemotional about that because
it's it is so incrediblyimpactful domestic violence and

(09:48):
intimate partner violence andwhat that does on a human being
and especially children.
So, you know, I protected asbest as I could, in the mind
frame that I was in.
Could have I done a better job?

(10:09):
Absolutely, Absolutely, andthat is something I live with
every day.
Yeah, yeah.

Beverley Glazer (10:20):
How did you get out, Carol?
Because you did.
You saved yourself and yousaved the children.
How did you do that?

Carol Metz-Murray (10:28):
different types of attempts to take me out
was one day my then-husbandsaid to me because I had said to

(10:51):
him I was getting a divorce andhe came to me with gun in hand
and said there's only one way todeal with this.
It's I take you out and thenI'll do myself in.
And I just went oh my God, andI was able, with the help of

(11:21):
Source, the help of God,whatever you call it to calm
myself down and talk myself outof that, and that, though, was a
pivotal point.
I knew I needed to get us out.
Enough was enough, because itwas just going to go downhill

(11:41):
from there, so I fled.

Beverley Glazer (11:45):
You just fled?
Yes, you built yourself up, youworked.
You worked in a government job.
Tell us about that, because nowyou were a single mom with
these children about that,because now you were a single

(12:06):
mom with these children.

Carol Metz-Murray (12:11):
Well, I and again going through all of the
and I'll just say it, the crapthat I went to the, that
violence-filled marriage, I wasable to establish a career in
working in local government,which I truly loved because it
was leadership and it wasserving others, it was serving
the public fled the marriage.

(12:41):
I also, in essence, fled thelocal community and ended up a
good distance from where weoriginally lived and it was, you
know, there.
It was in a new community, anew environment, thoroughly
enjoying working with theelected officials and the

(13:03):
community, very fulfilling to beable to help make a difference,
whether it be in services,whether it be in recreation,
whether it just be in listeningto people and hearing people's
concerns, and I love that.
I truly, truly love that WhileI was there, I also had the

(13:26):
opportunity to be part of a newprogram being offered through
the territorial government andthat was to work on my Master's
of Public Administration.
So that, to me, was a gift,because that was actually on my

(13:48):
bucket list.
However, you know, working inthat environment and because I
had built up my career andbecause of the trauma from
childhood and from my adult life, all of that combined and me

(14:08):
thinking and believing I wasn'tenough and I wasn't worthy.
I had put in place behaviorsthat were negatively impacting
me.
And the big one the copingskill was becoming a workaholic
where I needed to prove toeverybody that I could be
everything that they thought Icould be, instead of me

(14:32):
believing I could be it for me.
So that road that I wastraveling was a road that would
eventually have a big, bigpothole in it, and that pothole
found me.
Even though I was working insomething that was giving me so

(15:11):
much fulfillment in being inservice to others and I was
working towards finalizing mymaster's degree.
My body and spirit and mindsaid Carol, you can't go on, you
just can't.
Too much, it's too much, yeah.

Beverley Glazer (15:34):
Remarkably, you told me this story about
meeting a childhood friend inVancouver.
Tell the listeners that story.

Carol Metz-Murray (15:51):
I will start, beverly, by saying that there
are no synchronicities and, inessence, when things are to
happen for us, they happen.
I was invited to an event inVancouver I live in the suburbs

(16:12):
and before I entered the door ofthat event I said to myself who
will I know here tonight?
I walked in and I looked aroundthe room and the only person I
knew was the individual who hadasked me to the event, or so I
thought.
At the end of the event, thiswoman came up to me and she said

(16:39):
I used to know a Carol Metz.
I looked at her, I didn'trecognize her, I didn't
recognize her name, and so myface obviously gave that away.
She said you don't know me.
I said well, we went to schooltogether, in the one-room

(17:04):
schoolhouse, and then it was ohmy, it had been years since we
had seen each other years and westood there and looked at each
other and just immediately gotinto this conversation, like we
were back in public school.

(17:27):
And as we're talking, out ofher mouth comes I was sexually
assaulted as that little girl,and I looked at her and my
response was and who was theperpetrator?
And out of her mouth comes thename that I was actually waiting

(17:49):
for and expecting.
And I looked at her and I saidand so was I, and for me, just
standing there in that moment,and for me, just standing there
in that moment, it was what aweight had to lift off of my
shoulders to know that reallyand truly, I wasn't crazy, I

(18:17):
hadn't made this up, this reallydid happen to me.
Somebody else also experiencedthis, and that brought us even
closer together.
And then she looked at me andsaid I've never shared this with
anyone.
You are the first person.
And I just stood there and mybrain's calculating the years

(18:42):
since we had seen each other andI went, wow, wow, that was over
45 years ago.
So we never, ever know whentruth will be revealed.
And that for me also, it gaveclosure and it really gave me a

(19:10):
deep sense of getting into me toforgive me at a really deep
core, at a really deep core, andalso really put out prayers and
healing energy to all otherswho may also have been impacted.
But we never, ever know,beverly, when and how things are

(19:37):
going to be revealed.

Beverley Glazer (19:39):
Yeah, and when did you discover coaching, Carol
?

Carol Metz-Murray (19:45):
Well, I discovered coaching in the early
2000s and I discovered that inmy journey as discovering the
naked leader it was, you know,when I hit that pothole and fell
in, then really, I had to pickmyself up and begin to discover,

(20:08):
well, who was I?
And in that discovery Idiscovered coaching and that was
like a huge door opening and itwas like, yes, yes, this is,
this is a part of me.
So, in essence, I stepped ontothe path of becoming a certified

(20:31):
coach and also working withcoaches to help me move my path
forward.
And what a gift it is such abeautiful gift to be able to
work with individuals to helpthem unstuck their story and to

(20:51):
help them to reconnect with whothey are.
So, again, truly blessed thatthat came into my life.

Beverley Glazer (20:59):
Yes, what can you tell the listeners right now
who identify with your storyand feel silenced and they're
not good enough?

Carol Metz-Murray (21:14):
I will tell anyone who identifies with my
story and they have this feelinginside that they're not good
enough, that they're constantlyno, that they're constantly no.
You're constantly working atproving who you are.
You are enough, you areabsolutely enough and you are

(21:36):
worthy and, in essence, be whoyou are, not who someone else
thinks you ought to be, becauseyou have greatness inside of you
and you have a light to shine.
So let go of the not enough.
Take it off of your shoulders,send it to the back of the bus.

(22:00):
You don't need it anymorebecause you are you.

Beverley Glazer (22:06):
Thank you.
Thank you, carol.
Carol Metz-Murray is thefounder of the Naked Leader
Institute, a transformationalcoach, a mentor, a speaker, a
consultant and a five-timecollaborative international
best-selling author.
She is a domestic violencesurvivor and she suffered early

(22:27):
childhood trauma.
Carol brings experience,resilience and decades of
leadership insight to helpothers discover their voice and
live their full potential.
Here are a few takeaways fromthis episode.
Your past is not a prison.
Don't let it define you.
You can reclaim your voice, nomatter how long it's been

(22:52):
suppressed, and when you stripaway the masks, you step into
who you really really are.
If you've been relating toCarol's story, here are a few
actions that you could do rightaway.
Identify a role or anexpectation that you're ready to
let go of.
Reach out to a coach, to atherapist, a support group or

(23:16):
one safe person and tell themsomething you've never said
before.
And start small, but it alwayshelps to say it out loud.
For similar episodes onBreaking the Silence, check out
episode 114 and 133 of Agingwith Purpose and Passion.
And if you've been navigating acomplex journey of caring for a

(23:40):
loved one with dementia,dementia fading memories is a
podcast that offers clear,compassionate guidance on
everything from communication tomanaging stress, to coping with
grief.
That link will be in the shownotes below.
And so, carol, where can peoplefind me on the internet, on my

(24:00):
website?

Carol Metz-Murray (24:08):
which is carolmatzmurraycom.
They can find me on LinkedInand my handle there is
carolmatzmurray.
It is the same on Facebook,both professionally the personal
page and the professional page,and they can find me on

(24:28):
Instagram @Carolmetz2718, and atTwitter @ Carolmetz.

Beverley Glazer (24:38):
Terrific.
And all these links are in theshow notes and they'll be on my
site, too.
That's reinventimpossiblecom.
And so, my friends, what's nextfor you?
Are you just going through themotions or are you living a life
that you truly love?
Get my free guide to go fromstuck to unstoppable.

(24:59):
And where do you think thoseare?
They're in the show notes, too.
You can connect with me,Beverly Glazer, on all social
media platforms and in mypositive group of women on
Facebook.
That's Women Over 50 Rock, andthank you for listening.
Have you enjoyed thisconversation?
Please subscribe and help usspread the word by dropping a

(25:21):
review and sending it to afriend.
And remember you only have onelife, so live it with purpose
and passion.

Speaker 1 (25:37):
Thank you for joining us.
You can connect with Bev on herwebsite, Reinventimpossiblecom
and, while you're there, joinour newsletter Subscribe so you
don't miss an episode.
Until next time, keep agingwith purpose and passion and
celebrate life.