April 16, 2025 • 26 mins
What happens when trauma gets buried for fifteen years? Kim Langling's powerful journey from military sexual assault survivor to advocate and author shows us both the cost of silence and the liberation that comes with breaking it.
Kim never planned to join the military when she was growing up in small-town America, but with limited options and no interest in college, she enlisted and quickly found herself thriving in military intelligence. Her life changed forever when she was sexually assaulted during her service. The aftermath brought not just personal trauma, but institutional betrayal as she faced what she describes as punishment for reporting her assault.
The next fifteen years saw Kim burying her experience, determined to be "strong" by never showing what she perceived as weakness. It wasn't until a perfect storm of personal losses—divorce, death, and a friend's suicide—brought her literally to her knees in what she now recognizes as a severe panic attack. This breakdown became her breakthrough, beginning a spiritual awakening that ultimately led to healing.
With the reluctant help of Vietnam veterans who recognized her symptoms and "dragged her kicking and screaming" to the VA, Kim began confronting her past. Though the VA had no programs for female veterans who'd experienced sexual assault at that time, this first step eventually led to writing books, hosting her "Let Fear Bounce" podcast, and becoming an advocate for others.
The most powerful moment in Kim's story comes when she describes an 81-year-old woman who approached her after a talk, revealing she had carried similar trauma silently for 70 years. This heartbreaking revelation underscores why Kim now shares her story: "When you share, you find peace and help others do the same."
Are you carrying unspoken burdens? Kim's advice resonates with beautiful simplicity: "Look in the mirror and remind yourself that you're standing there. That means you have a 100% success rate of getting through the tough stuff."
For similar episodes on trauma and abuse, check out episodes 104 and 114 of Aging with Purpose and Passion. And Catherine Marienau and Gail Zelitzky co-host their weekly podcast, Women Over 70-Aging Reimagined, where vital women ages 70-110 change the narrative about aging . Listen here: www.womenover70.com
Resources:
Kim Lengling:
Website: www.kimlenglingauthor.com
https://www.facebook.com/letfearbouncepodcast
https://www.instagram.com/lenglingauthor/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberlylengling/
https://www.youtube.com/@LetFearBounce
Beverley Glazer MA. ICCAC:
https://reinventimpossible.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/beverleyglazer/
https://www.facebook.com/beverley.glazer
🎁 BONUS: Take your first step to clarity, courage and momentum. Your free checklist: → From Stuck to Unstoppable – is here.
https://reinvent-impossible.aweb.page/from-stuck-to-unstoppable
Have feedback or a powerful story that's worth telling? Contact us at info@Reinventimpossible.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the
podcast designed to inspire yourgreatness and thrive through
life.
Get ready to conquer your fears.
Here's your host.
Psychotherapist coach andempowerment expert Beverley
Glazer.
Psychotherapist coach andempowerment expert,B everley
(00:28):
Glazer.
Beverley Glazer (00:28):
Are you ready to be inspired by raw honesty
and real-life conversations?
Well, welcome to Aging withPurpose and Passion.
I'm Beverley Glazer, atransformational coach and
catalyst dedicated to empoweringwomen to step into their
confidence, take bold leaps andcreate the life they truly
(00:48):
deserve.
Are you ready to reach yourfullest potential?
You can find more about me onreinventimpossiblecom.
Today, I'm absolutely thrilledto introduce you to Kim Lengling
.
Thrilled to introduce you toKim Lengling.
(01:11):
Kim is a multi-published authorand a 2024 Global Book Awards
finalist.
She's a podcast host, amilitary assault survivor and an
advocate for female veteranswho've been abused.
This episode will teach youabout finding your purpose and
empower you to face your fearshead on.
Keep listening, hey, Kim.
(01:33):
Welcome.
Kim Lengling (01:34):
Oh, thanks so much for having me.
I've been looking forward tothis conversation.
Beverley Glazer (01:38):
Great.
Tell us all about this, becauseyou're going to give us a
bird's eye view into what reallygoes on and what went on during
your time, you know, in themilitary and also growing up in
a small town where everybodykind of believes that that's how
to get out right.
Kim Lengling (01:58):
That was the case with me, at least from my
personal perspective.
I did grow up in a very smalltown, you know, small town USA.
From my personal perspective, Idid grow up in a very small
town, small town USA.
One stoplight and one block andit's a beautiful little town.
I still live very close to thattown and I look back now in
(02:19):
hindsight, from an adultperspective, I'm glad that I
grew up in the small town that Idid, surrounded by country and
farms and things like that.
But when you're grown up atleast for me you just want to
get out.
You know it's like well, I wantto see the world.
I want to do this in collegesfor some, but not for all.
Military is for some but notfor all.
I had zero interest in going tocollege.
I had no idea what I wanted tobe when I grew up and their
(02:45):
finances just weren't there.
It just it wasn't going tohappen for me and that was fine.
That didn't bother me because Iknew that college was not
really the path for me at thattime.
So I went into the military andI think half of my graduating
class which my graduating classhad a total of like 72 people,
so half of us went into themilitary and the other half went
(03:08):
to college and I think a few, ahandful, went directly into a
trade.
So that's just how it was backthen I sit there and say back
then cause, oh my gosh, it wasalmost 40 years ago.
Oh, wow, okay, yeah, but youdidn't realize that until just
this moment.
(03:28):
Wow, that was a long time ago.
So back then that's just how itwas.
It's what we did, you know.
So I went into the military andI loved it.
I liked the discipline of it, Iliked the regiment of it, I
liked knowing that I was a partof something much, much bigger
than myself.
And when you go into basictraining, you're and it's on
(03:48):
purpose and it has to be donethat way they smash you down to
nothing so they can build you upinto something else.
And I understood that going in.
So I had prepared myselfphysically and mentally for it.
Prior to going in, I was like atpeak physical condition.
I'm like I'm going to take this, you know, by the horns.
I'm going to do great.
And I, and I did, I liked it, I, I, I excelled and really
(04:11):
enjoyed, um, what I was doing.
And I you know the people thatI got to meet that I considered
brothers and sisters.
It was um later on in my timeof service, that you know in my
time of service, that you knowthere's still no reason for it.
I can't come up with one, butyou know, life can become very
hard and can change on a dime.
(04:32):
But before you even got there.
Beverley Glazer (04:36):
You gave your heart and soul to the military.
You loved it.
It taught you, you were inmilitary intelligence.
You loved Morse code.
Tell us about that, because youwere thriving there, I did
enjoy it.
Kim Lengling (04:55):
Yeah, and my after basic training you go through
all kinds of testing, at leastthen I don't know what they do
now, cause it was quite a whileago.
But back then you go throughall kinds of testing and you're
not really sure what it isyou're testing for.
But you have to in basic,you're doing all these.
So I'm just doing them all andgiving it my all, because that's
that's my personality too, andit turns out that I was really
(05:16):
good at Morse code and so that'swhat they assigned me to as my
job.
So, you know, went through allof the top secret security
clearance and all of that, andwent to training for it, and it
was very hard.
I mean, it's not an easy thing.
It was very hard and the moreyou got into it the harder it
became.
But I was still doing.
(05:37):
I was doing well, you know, andI I enjoy again.
I enjoyed the military.
I liked being in it.
It I enjoy again.
I enjoyed the military, I likedbeing in it.
I wasn't intimidated by it.
And it was during that time,training for the next step, when
I was just, you know, out witha couple of my girlfriends from
(05:57):
the same barracks.
We went to a movie and then wewent to they called it the club,
but I mean, we were allunderage, so it was just, you
know, someplace to go and listento live music, you know, but it
was called the club.
So we went there and, leavingthat evening, you know, we're
maybe, I wouldn't even say, ablock from our barracks, it was
(06:18):
so close.
So we always felt safe, youknow, walking home, but we
always walked home, at least inpairs, and that's what we did
that night.
And as, crossing, crossing aparking lot, uh, life changed.
Yeah, and I'm not going to gointo detail, no, but, um, let's
(06:42):
just say I didn't make it backto my barracks until later on,
hours, hours later, when I wasable to escape from where I had
been taken and got back to mybarracks and tried to bury it.
Your brain is an amazing thing.
When you're like, okay, thathappened, but nope, never
(07:04):
talking about it, not going toacknowledge it, I'm fine, I'm
fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'mfine, you're okay.
You're like, okay, thathappened, but nope, never
talking about it, not going to,not going to acknowledge it, I'm
fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'mfine, I'm fine, you're okay,
you're okay, all this stuff,just you know, swirling in your
head, um it, it won't stay there.
It has to come out.
Eventually it will come out.
I buried that for a very longtime, but people there where I
(07:27):
was stationed began to notice achange in me and I kept being
pulled and asked questionswhat's going on?
You're not the same.
What's going on?
I mean, I was a big change inme, personality wise, all kinds
of ways, and then I just I kindof I broke down a bit and it
came out.
(07:47):
And then and I'm just going touse the words that it was it was
a shit storm.
Yeah, because who was I?
This young female rock in theboat, didn't matter what
happened.
I was rocking the boat.
Are you kidding me?
Happened?
I was rocking the boat.
Are you kidding me?
Who is she?
We're going to bury her?
(08:08):
Whoa, that's how it felt.
So I had to have people with meall the time for my protection.
It was horrible.
I can honestly say that goingthrough a military trial was, in
ways, worse than the actualevent.
How am I?
(08:30):
Because I was put on trial andI didn't do anything wrong, but
I was put on trial and they twothere was two, two men received
slaps on the wrist and I wastold we're going to send you to
(08:51):
another country to serve therest of your service or you can
be honorably discharged.
Beverley Glazer (08:59):
You were punished.
Kim Lengling (09:00):
Yes, I was punished in numerous ways for
having done nothing wrong andback in the day, being a female
in the military was very, very,very new.
It wasn't.
I mean, women have alwaysserved in some part, you know,
in all the wars, we know thatbut it wasn't like the norm.
(09:22):
So I was a minority and Irocked the boat.
But during that time I was toldthere were five other young
ladies because, remember, we're18 and 19 years old at this time
(09:59):
Just kids I was.
But I was just thinking thestubbornness of an 18 year old.
I'm like no way I'm going tosee this through.
And it was really, really hard.
It was so hard.
And then I did.
I eventually was honorablydischarged and, you know, came
(10:25):
home and buried it, never talkedto anybody about it.
And again, that doesn't work.
That doesn't work.
No, no.
It was like 15 years.
15 years later is when.
How did it resurface?
Beverley Glazer (10:41):
though, oh golly golly.
You know you're carrying thisPTSD.
You're keeping it inside,you're fighting it.
It's like you're two differentpeople.
You're not free, you're trappedinside.
How are you able to pretendthat nothing ever happened and
I'm just fine?
Kim Lengling (11:01):
I have been told my whole life you're one of the
strongest people we know, kim,even from a very young age.
You're the one people turn to.
You're the one who helps people.
You're very strong, very strong, and I felt there's no way I
could show weakness.
That was just my mindset, is itright?
(11:22):
No, but at that time that'sthat's how my brain was.
I'm like I will not showweakness.
No, people will not about this.
I'm not going to have peoplelooking at me different.
I'm not going to have peoplewhispering and pointing oh she,
oh her.
You know I looked at it as abig weakness and which is, of
(11:42):
course, completely wrong.
Um, hindsight, you know.
So it was 15 years later.
I was married, had a daughterand then all kinds of other big,
life-altering things happened,like three right at the same
time.
My grandmother passed away, myhusband and I had decided that
we were going to get divorcedfor various reasons, and a dear,
(12:05):
dear friend of mine had justcommitted suicide, and it was
all just boom, boom, boom and itliterally brought me to my
knees on my living room floorand I had a full blown.
Now looking back, I know whatit was a panic attack.
I didn't know what it was.
I thought I was losing my mind.
I couldn't breathe, I couldn'tstand and I was ugly crying and
(12:27):
I just kept saying please, overand over and over again, please,
over and over and over again.
And that's what I remember.
And it was at that moment thatI got this little whisper that
said but those that hope in theLord.
I didn't believe in God.
(12:47):
And if I did believe in him, Ididn't like him at all.
I could even say I hated him.
You can't hate something thatyou don't believe in.
But you know, that was my brainat the time.
And but those who open the Lord?
So I was like that's prettyBible-ish.
I'd never been to church and itwasn't raised in church, didn't
have a Bible, I didn't read theBible, but I knew we had a
(13:09):
Bible in the house when we gotmarried.
Someone had given us one.
So I thought, okay, I got to gofind that.
So I became frantic trying tofind and I'm like that sounds so
Bible-ish.
I'm looking through the Bible.
I'm like I don't know how tofind anything in here.
There's no table of contents,there's no index.
I didn't know what I was doingwith the Bible and so I got
frustrated and threw it on theground and it hit my hardwood
(13:29):
floor and slid a couple feetaway from me and I'm just still
crying and frantic, and just aswirl.
And then that I felt thatwhisper again.
But those who hope in the Lord?
And I'm like, oh, and I startedgetting really angry, I'm like
I don't understand what thismeans and I literally thought I
was losing it.
I completely thought I waslosing it and so I reached
(13:51):
forward and grabbed the Bibleagain.
I'm like, oh my gosh I meanit's hard to describe my mindset
at that time, how awful it wasto be in that swirl.
And I picked up the Bible and Ilooked down at it and it felt
as if certain words were lit up.
And this is just my experienceand how it happened.
And the words were.
But those who hope in the Lordwill soar on wings like eagles.
(14:14):
They will run and not growweary.
They will walk and not faintIsaiah.
I had never read the Bible so Ididn't know that, but there it
was, boom in my face.
And then I'm like, okay, maybeI'm not losing my mind.
And then I was able to breathea little bit and then I'm like,
okay, maybe I'm not losing mymind, and then I was able to
breathe a little bit.
Did everything magically changethat day?
(14:35):
No, not at all, but that I canlook back now and know that was
that pivotal moment where all ofa sudden, my completely
unsettled soul started to settlejust a little bit, and that was
(14:56):
the beginning of my new journey.
You know, and then meeting otherveterans and them saying hey,
what's going on?
Cause I still wasn't awesome,it still didn't feel good.
And they're like what's goingon?
I'm like nothing, I'm fine,leave me alone.
And these were Vietnam vets,combat Vietnam vets.
And they said we don't knowwhat's going on with you, but we
recognize the symptoms and ifyou don't get yourself to the VA
, we're going to take you,kicking and screaming.
(15:18):
And I said no, and I used muchdifferent words than just no,
very colorful words.
And then they said, no, youknow, we're going to take a,
kicking and screaming.
And the one time there was a daythat came that they arranged
for me to meet them under thepretenses of something else, and
(15:39):
they indeed did drag me to seea counselor at the VA, kicking
and screaming.
And I was very, very angry andbitter.
And looking back now I'm sovery, very thankful and I love
each and every one of them verydearly and they're still a very
close part of my life.
But they did, they took me, butback then again, there was
(16:00):
nothing in place for femaleveterans that had went through
sexual assault.
Literally nothing in place nofemale counselors, no programs,
nothing.
So they took me to a mancounselor Cause that's.
They took me to who they go totalk to, you know.
And and he, the guy, said rightaway he goes.
(16:20):
Uh, I'm going to have to behonest with you.
I know you don't want to behere and I personally we have
nothing.
We don't know what to do withyou.
We've never dealt with thissituation right here.
And he goes, so we can sit hereand stare at each other, we can
talk it out.
And I said we can sit here andstare at each other.
And we did that first time 45minutes just stared, my arms
(16:44):
crossed, you know.
But I did end up.
But I still went back becausethe guys took me.
They kept taking me back.
So I'm very thankful for thatand that was like that was the
next turning point.
That was the next step in myjourney to wow Kim, you are
worthy.
This was not your fault, youknow.
(17:08):
And you're not weak.
In fact, you're really flippingstrong, you know.
But it took me a long time andI know a lot of people, we all
get that, you know.
Every once in a while it's likeI can't do that and I said I
catch myself if I say I can't.
I'll be like, oh wait a minute,kim.
(17:28):
Oh yes, you can.
You know, because look whatyou've been through and that's
all preparing you for whatevermight be coming.
The way I see it, you knowyou're going to go through.
Life is hard Gosh.
Life can be so hard at times,but I try and make myself look
at it as it's preparing me to beeven that much stronger for
(17:52):
what may come down the roadlater.
Because we don't know, we'renot promised anything.
Beverley Glazer (17:59):
No, but once you opened up to your story and
it was excruciating hard to beable to do that, but then you
started writing and you werewriting a book and now you have
a podcast podcast and you havemany books.
(18:19):
How liberating was that very it.
Kim Lengling (18:24):
Each time that I would share something in a book
and written form it's mucheasier for me to write it than
it is to speak it.
When I would do that, or I giveothers the space to do that, it
was like another little pieceof that weight came off, another
little piece of that darknesswas chipped away.
You know, and I still carrystuff.
(18:46):
Of course I do because that'spart of my history.
It's not going to go away.
Just because I feel betterabout it doesn't mean it didn't
happen.
So it's still, you know.
Know, I still carry it.
I still get triggered atcertain times, you know,
emotional memory might kick inand I've got.
You know, you're in Walmart andyou hear a song and you're like
stopped in your tracks, youknow.
But now at least I canrecognize things for what it is
(19:08):
that you know I'll be like, Ican feel it coming.
That's how I describe it likeoh no, no, not today, not today,
you know, and I just dig intomy little toolbox but I would
write a lot of that stuff outand giving others the space to
do that now, like on my podcastcalled Let Fear Bounce.
So many people share.
(19:28):
It's just.
I mean, people are amazing.
They are amazingly resilientand so strong and courageous,
and I want to.
I want to give others thatopportunity to share their story
, because I know mine has helpedothers.
Just like me listening, and I'msure the same with you.
You hear other stories andyou're like you leave that
conversation going, wow, andit's helped you a little bit too
(19:51):
.
Of course, you know one, uh oneinstance that I knew sharing my
story was helpful, cause Iwasn't sure, cause it was kind
of scary to do that, cause thefirst time I was a coauthor in a
book with 15 other women and weall did a chapter.
It was called in a book calledinspire and I was going around
to churches sharing my story toum, like women's reading groups
(20:14):
and churches.
And I was at this church thisone evening and finished my talk
and this uh older woman I laterfound out, I think she was 80
or 81 years old came up to meand just she said do you mind if
I give you a hug?
And I said no, of course not.
And she gave me a hug so tight.
And I said no, of course not.
And she gave me a hug so tight,and as she did, she was
(20:35):
whispering in my ear.
She said 70 years, 70 years,I've been carrying it.
The same thing happened to me.
God bless you.
70 years and I've never sharedit with a soul.
And then she backed up andlooked at me and tears rolling
down her cheeks, I start crying.
And I said I hope I was a helpto you.
(20:58):
And she says oh, you were.
You have no idea.
And I went do you think you'llshare your story?
And she said no.
But now you know that was soprofound, so profound to me.
(21:18):
She carried her trauma and neversaid anything to anyone for 70
years.
I often think of her and I'mpositive she's passed on now,
because this was quite a whileago that I don't.
I don't.
I'm glad I'm not that person.
I'm going to start crying thatI didn't care.
15 years is a long time.
I couldn't imagine carrying itfor 70, because you're missing
(21:38):
out.
You miss out on so much.
You're missing out on thecolors.
Beverley Glazer (21:46):
Well said, you're missing out on the colors
.
That's beautiful.
Please tell me what advice canyou give to other women who are
struggling with trauma and lossright now, as they're listening
to you.
Kim Lengling (22:00):
I've been sharing this a lot lately.
Look in the mirror, sweet pea.
Look in the mirror and remindyourself that you're standing
there.
You're still here.
That means you have a 100%success rate of getting through
the tough stuff.
100% success rate Doesn't getmuch better than that.
Is life still hard for you?
(22:22):
Probably Might be for a whileyet, because I don't know your
circumstance.
But you're still standing,You're still there.
100% success rate.
You got to flip that switch inhow you think of things because
life is hard and I'm not goingto sit here and pretend I know
how hard everybody's lives are.
I can only go by my ownexperience and how I still have
(22:43):
hard days.
And I have to remind myself toKim 100% success rate, Don't
forget it.
You're still standing and thenyou just take a deep breath in
with the good and out with thebad.
That's the best advice I cangive you know.
Beverley Glazer (22:58):
No, and it's a good tip.
Yeah, just breathe and thenmove on with this.
You're here, there'spossibility for you.
Kim Lengling (23:08):
Thank you, absolutely.
Yeah, you're here for a reason.
Beverley Glazer (23:13):
Perfect, yeah.
Kim Lengley is amulti-published author and 2024
Global Book Awards finalist.
She's a podcast host, amilitary assault survivor and an
advocate for female veteranswho've been abused.
Abused.
(23:38):
Kim has turned her fuel intofire and she spreads nuggets of
hope to those who need it themost.
And here are some takeaways fromthis week's episode.
When you push throughadversity, you'll emerge that
much stronger.
You're not alone in yourstruggles and others are there
(24:01):
to help you.
And when you share your story,you find peace and help other
people to do the same.
If you've been relating to thisepisode, please think of
something that you can do totake power over your life.
Perhaps it's by journaling ortalking to a trusted friend, or
by setting up an appointment tospeak to a counselor who
(24:24):
understands.
For similar episodes on traumaand abuse, please check out
episode 104 and 114 of Agingwith Purpose and Passion.
And, if you've enjoyed thisstory, catherine Mariano and
Gail Zielinski co-host WomenOver 70 Aging Reimagined, where
(24:45):
women 70 to 110 rewrite thenarrative on aging, and that's
womenover70.com.
Where can people learn moreabout you, kim, and where can
they find your books?
Kim Lengling (24:59):
Easiest place to learn more about me is just at
my website, which iskimlenglingauthor.
com.
My podcast episodes are onthere, my books are on there.
All my books are available onAmazon, so the website is the
easiest spot.
You also meet my dog, dexter,on there, because he is my
official office manager, so helikes he's the one who gets all
(25:20):
the emails and then lets me knowwhat's happening and what's
coming.
So kimlenglingauthor.
com.
Beverley Glazer (25:26):
Very cool, and Kim's links are going to be in
the show notes and they're goingto be on my site too, that's
reinventimpossiblecom.
And now, my friends, what'snext for you?
Are you just going through themotions or are you really
passionate about your own life?
Download my free checklist fromstuck to unstoppable to unlock
(25:48):
your full potential, and thatlink is in the show notes as
well.
You can connect with me,Beverly Glazer, on all social
media platforms and in mypositive group of women on
Facebook.
That's Women Over 50 Rock, andif you're looking for guidance
in your own life, I invite youto explore reinventimpossiblecom
.
Thank you for listening.
(26:09):
Have you enjoyed thisconversation?
Please drop a review, send itto a friend and always remember
that you have only one life, sokeep living and aging with
purpose and passion.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Thank you for joining us.
You can connect with Bev on herwebsite, reinventimpossible.
com and, while you're there,join our newsletter Subscribe so
you don't miss an episode.
Until next time, keep agingwith purpose and passion and
celebrate life.
Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the
podcast designed to inspire yourgreatness and thrive through
life.
Get ready to conquer your fears.
Here's your host.
Psychotherapist coach andempowerment expert Beverley
Glazer.
Psychotherapist coach andempowerment expert,B everley
(00:28):
Glazer.
Beverley Glazer (00:28):
Are you ready to be inspired by raw honesty
and real-life conversations?
Well, welcome to Aging withPurpose and Passion.
I'm Beverley Glazer, atransformational coach and
catalyst dedicated to empoweringwomen to step into their
confidence, take bold leaps andcreate the life they truly
(00:48):
deserve.
Are you ready to reach yourfullest potential?
You can find more about me onreinventimpossiblecom.
Today, I'm absolutely thrilledto introduce you to Kim Lengling
.
Thrilled to introduce you toKim Lengling.
(01:11):
Kim is a multi-published authorand a 2024 Global Book Awards
finalist.
She's a podcast host, amilitary assault survivor and an
advocate for female veteranswho've been abused.
This episode will teach youabout finding your purpose and
empower you to face your fearshead on.
Keep listening, hey, Kim.
(01:33):
Welcome.
Kim Lengling (01:34):
Oh, thanks so much for having me.
I've been looking forward tothis conversation.
Beverley Glazer (01:38):
Great.
Tell us all about this, becauseyou're going to give us a
bird's eye view into what reallygoes on and what went on during
your time, you know, in themilitary and also growing up in
a small town where everybodykind of believes that that's how
to get out right.
Kim Lengling (01:58):
That was the case with me, at least from my
personal perspective.
I did grow up in a very smalltown, you know, small town USA.
From my personal perspective, Idid grow up in a very small
town, small town USA.
One stoplight and one block andit's a beautiful little town.
I still live very close to thattown and I look back now in
(02:19):
hindsight, from an adultperspective, I'm glad that I
grew up in the small town that Idid, surrounded by country and
farms and things like that.
But when you're grown up atleast for me you just want to
get out.
You know it's like well, I wantto see the world.
I want to do this in collegesfor some, but not for all.
Military is for some but notfor all.
I had zero interest in going tocollege.
I had no idea what I wanted tobe when I grew up and their
(02:45):
finances just weren't there.
It just it wasn't going tohappen for me and that was fine.
That didn't bother me because Iknew that college was not
really the path for me at thattime.
So I went into the military andI think half of my graduating
class which my graduating classhad a total of like 72 people,
so half of us went into themilitary and the other half went
(03:08):
to college and I think a few, ahandful, went directly into a
trade.
So that's just how it was backthen I sit there and say back
then cause, oh my gosh, it wasalmost 40 years ago.
Oh, wow, okay, yeah, but youdidn't realize that until just
this moment.
(03:28):
Wow, that was a long time ago.
So back then that's just how itwas.
It's what we did, you know.
So I went into the military andI loved it.
I liked the discipline of it, Iliked the regiment of it, I
liked knowing that I was a partof something much, much bigger
than myself.
And when you go into basictraining, you're and it's on
(03:48):
purpose and it has to be donethat way they smash you down to
nothing so they can build you upinto something else.
And I understood that going in.
So I had prepared myselfphysically and mentally for it.
Prior to going in, I was like atpeak physical condition.
I'm like I'm going to take this, you know, by the horns.
I'm going to do great.
And I, and I did, I liked it, I, I, I excelled and really
(04:11):
enjoyed, um, what I was doing.
And I you know the people thatI got to meet that I considered
brothers and sisters.
It was um later on in my timeof service, that you know in my
time of service, that you knowthere's still no reason for it.
I can't come up with one, butyou know, life can become very
hard and can change on a dime.
(04:32):
But before you even got there.
Beverley Glazer (04:36):
You gave your heart and soul to the military.
You loved it.
It taught you, you were inmilitary intelligence.
You loved Morse code.
Tell us about that, because youwere thriving there, I did
enjoy it.
Kim Lengling (04:55):
Yeah, and my after basic training you go through
all kinds of testing, at leastthen I don't know what they do
now, cause it was quite a whileago.
But back then you go throughall kinds of testing and you're
not really sure what it isyou're testing for.
But you have to in basic,you're doing all these.
So I'm just doing them all andgiving it my all, because that's
that's my personality too, andit turns out that I was really
(05:16):
good at Morse code and so that'swhat they assigned me to as my
job.
So, you know, went through allof the top secret security
clearance and all of that, andwent to training for it, and it
was very hard.
I mean, it's not an easy thing.
It was very hard and the moreyou got into it the harder it
became.
But I was still doing.
(05:37):
I was doing well, you know, andI I enjoy again.
I enjoyed the military.
I liked being in it.
It I enjoy again.
I enjoyed the military, I likedbeing in it.
I wasn't intimidated by it.
And it was during that time,training for the next step, when
I was just, you know, out witha couple of my girlfriends from
(05:57):
the same barracks.
We went to a movie and then wewent to they called it the club,
but I mean, we were allunderage, so it was just, you
know, someplace to go and listento live music, you know, but it
was called the club.
So we went there and, leavingthat evening, you know, we're
maybe, I wouldn't even say, ablock from our barracks, it was
(06:18):
so close.
So we always felt safe, youknow, walking home, but we
always walked home, at least inpairs, and that's what we did
that night.
And as, crossing, crossing aparking lot, uh, life changed.
Yeah, and I'm not going to gointo detail, no, but, um, let's
(06:42):
just say I didn't make it backto my barracks until later on,
hours, hours later, when I wasable to escape from where I had
been taken and got back to mybarracks and tried to bury it.
Your brain is an amazing thing.
When you're like, okay, thathappened, but nope, never
(07:04):
talking about it, not going toacknowledge it, I'm fine, I'm
fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'mfine, you're okay.
You're like, okay, thathappened, but nope, never
talking about it, not going to,not going to acknowledge it, I'm
fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'mfine, I'm fine, you're okay,
you're okay, all this stuff,just you know, swirling in your
head, um it, it won't stay there.
It has to come out.
Eventually it will come out.
I buried that for a very longtime, but people there where I
(07:27):
was stationed began to notice achange in me and I kept being
pulled and asked questionswhat's going on?
You're not the same.
What's going on?
I mean, I was a big change inme, personality wise, all kinds
of ways, and then I just I kindof I broke down a bit and it
came out.
(07:47):
And then and I'm just going touse the words that it was it was
a shit storm.
Yeah, because who was I?
This young female rock in theboat, didn't matter what
happened.
I was rocking the boat.
Are you kidding me?
Happened?
I was rocking the boat.
Are you kidding me?
Who is she?
We're going to bury her?
(08:08):
Whoa, that's how it felt.
So I had to have people with meall the time for my protection.
It was horrible.
I can honestly say that goingthrough a military trial was, in
ways, worse than the actualevent.
How am I?
(08:30):
Because I was put on trial andI didn't do anything wrong, but
I was put on trial and they twothere was two, two men received
slaps on the wrist and I wastold we're going to send you to
(08:51):
another country to serve therest of your service or you can
be honorably discharged.
Beverley Glazer (08:59):
You were punished.
Kim Lengling (09:00):
Yes, I was punished in numerous ways for
having done nothing wrong andback in the day, being a female
in the military was very, very,very new.
It wasn't.
I mean, women have alwaysserved in some part, you know,
in all the wars, we know thatbut it wasn't like the norm.
(09:22):
So I was a minority and Irocked the boat.
But during that time I was toldthere were five other young
ladies because, remember, we're18 and 19 years old at this time
(09:59):
Just kids I was.
But I was just thinking thestubbornness of an 18 year old.
I'm like no way I'm going tosee this through.
And it was really, really hard.
It was so hard.
And then I did.
I eventually was honorablydischarged and, you know, came
(10:25):
home and buried it, never talkedto anybody about it.
And again, that doesn't work.
That doesn't work.
No, no.
It was like 15 years.
15 years later is when.
How did it resurface?
Beverley Glazer (10:41):
though, oh golly golly.
You know you're carrying thisPTSD.
You're keeping it inside,you're fighting it.
It's like you're two differentpeople.
You're not free, you're trappedinside.
How are you able to pretendthat nothing ever happened and
I'm just fine?
Kim Lengling (11:01):
I have been told my whole life you're one of the
strongest people we know, kim,even from a very young age.
You're the one people turn to.
You're the one who helps people.
You're very strong, very strong, and I felt there's no way I
could show weakness.
That was just my mindset, is itright?
(11:22):
No, but at that time that'sthat's how my brain was.
I'm like I will not showweakness.
No, people will not about this.
I'm not going to have peoplelooking at me different.
I'm not going to have peoplewhispering and pointing oh she,
oh her.
You know I looked at it as abig weakness and which is, of
(11:42):
course, completely wrong.
Um, hindsight, you know.
So it was 15 years later.
I was married, had a daughterand then all kinds of other big,
life-altering things happened,like three right at the same
time.
My grandmother passed away, myhusband and I had decided that
we were going to get divorcedfor various reasons, and a dear,
(12:05):
dear friend of mine had justcommitted suicide, and it was
all just boom, boom, boom and itliterally brought me to my
knees on my living room floorand I had a full blown.
Now looking back, I know whatit was a panic attack.
I didn't know what it was.
I thought I was losing my mind.
I couldn't breathe, I couldn'tstand and I was ugly crying and
(12:27):
I just kept saying please, overand over and over again, please,
over and over and over again.
And that's what I remember.
And it was at that moment thatI got this little whisper that
said but those that hope in theLord.
I didn't believe in God.
(12:47):
And if I did believe in him, Ididn't like him at all.
I could even say I hated him.
You can't hate something thatyou don't believe in.
But you know, that was my brainat the time.
And but those who open the Lord?
So I was like that's prettyBible-ish.
I'd never been to church and itwasn't raised in church, didn't
have a Bible, I didn't read theBible, but I knew we had a
(13:09):
Bible in the house when we gotmarried.
Someone had given us one.
So I thought, okay, I got to gofind that.
So I became frantic trying tofind and I'm like that sounds so
Bible-ish.
I'm looking through the Bible.
I'm like I don't know how tofind anything in here.
There's no table of contents,there's no index.
I didn't know what I was doingwith the Bible and so I got
frustrated and threw it on theground and it hit my hardwood
(13:29):
floor and slid a couple feetaway from me and I'm just still
crying and frantic, and just aswirl.
And then that I felt thatwhisper again.
But those who hope in the Lord?
And I'm like, oh, and I startedgetting really angry, I'm like
I don't understand what thismeans and I literally thought I
was losing it.
I completely thought I waslosing it and so I reached
(13:51):
forward and grabbed the Bibleagain.
I'm like, oh my gosh I meanit's hard to describe my mindset
at that time, how awful it wasto be in that swirl.
And I picked up the Bible and Ilooked down at it and it felt
as if certain words were lit up.
And this is just my experienceand how it happened.
And the words were.
But those who hope in the Lordwill soar on wings like eagles.
(14:14):
They will run and not growweary.
They will walk and not faintIsaiah.
I had never read the Bible so Ididn't know that, but there it
was, boom in my face.
And then I'm like, okay, maybeI'm not losing my mind.
And then I was able to breathea little bit and then I'm like,
okay, maybe I'm not losing mymind, and then I was able to
breathe a little bit.
Did everything magically changethat day?
(14:35):
No, not at all, but that I canlook back now and know that was
that pivotal moment where all ofa sudden, my completely
unsettled soul started to settlejust a little bit, and that was
(14:56):
the beginning of my new journey.
You know, and then meeting otherveterans and them saying hey,
what's going on?
Cause I still wasn't awesome,it still didn't feel good.
And they're like what's goingon?
I'm like nothing, I'm fine,leave me alone.
And these were Vietnam vets,combat Vietnam vets.
And they said we don't knowwhat's going on with you, but we
recognize the symptoms and ifyou don't get yourself to the VA
, we're going to take you,kicking and screaming.
(15:18):
And I said no, and I used muchdifferent words than just no,
very colorful words.
And then they said, no, youknow, we're going to take a,
kicking and screaming.
And the one time there was a daythat came that they arranged
for me to meet them under thepretenses of something else, and
(15:39):
they indeed did drag me to seea counselor at the VA, kicking
and screaming.
And I was very, very angry andbitter.
And looking back now I'm sovery, very thankful and I love
each and every one of them verydearly and they're still a very
close part of my life.
But they did, they took me, butback then again, there was
(16:00):
nothing in place for femaleveterans that had went through
sexual assault.
Literally nothing in place nofemale counselors, no programs,
nothing.
So they took me to a mancounselor Cause that's.
They took me to who they go totalk to, you know.
And and he, the guy, said rightaway he goes.
(16:20):
Uh, I'm going to have to behonest with you.
I know you don't want to behere and I personally we have
nothing.
We don't know what to do withyou.
We've never dealt with thissituation right here.
And he goes, so we can sit hereand stare at each other, we can
talk it out.
And I said we can sit here andstare at each other.
And we did that first time 45minutes just stared, my arms
(16:44):
crossed, you know.
But I did end up.
But I still went back becausethe guys took me.
They kept taking me back.
So I'm very thankful for thatand that was like that was the
next turning point.
That was the next step in myjourney to wow Kim, you are
worthy.
This was not your fault, youknow.
(17:08):
And you're not weak.
In fact, you're really flippingstrong, you know.
But it took me a long time andI know a lot of people, we all
get that, you know.
Every once in a while it's likeI can't do that and I said I
catch myself if I say I can't.
I'll be like, oh wait a minute,kim.
(17:28):
Oh yes, you can.
You know, because look whatyou've been through and that's
all preparing you for whatevermight be coming.
The way I see it, you knowyou're going to go through.
Life is hard Gosh.
Life can be so hard at times,but I try and make myself look
at it as it's preparing me to beeven that much stronger for
(17:52):
what may come down the roadlater.
Because we don't know, we'renot promised anything.
Beverley Glazer (17:59):
No, but once you opened up to your story and
it was excruciating hard to beable to do that, but then you
started writing and you werewriting a book and now you have
a podcast podcast and you havemany books.
(18:19):
How liberating was that very it.
Kim Lengling (18:24):
Each time that I would share something in a book
and written form it's mucheasier for me to write it than
it is to speak it.
When I would do that, or I giveothers the space to do that, it
was like another little pieceof that weight came off, another
little piece of that darknesswas chipped away.
You know, and I still carrystuff.
(18:46):
Of course I do because that'spart of my history.
It's not going to go away.
Just because I feel betterabout it doesn't mean it didn't
happen.
So it's still, you know.
Know, I still carry it.
I still get triggered atcertain times, you know,
emotional memory might kick inand I've got.
You know, you're in Walmart andyou hear a song and you're like
stopped in your tracks, youknow.
But now at least I canrecognize things for what it is
(19:08):
that you know I'll be like, Ican feel it coming.
That's how I describe it likeoh no, no, not today, not today,
you know, and I just dig intomy little toolbox but I would
write a lot of that stuff outand giving others the space to
do that now, like on my podcastcalled Let Fear Bounce.
So many people share.
(19:28):
It's just.
I mean, people are amazing.
They are amazingly resilientand so strong and courageous,
and I want to.
I want to give others thatopportunity to share their story
, because I know mine has helpedothers.
Just like me listening, and I'msure the same with you.
You hear other stories andyou're like you leave that
conversation going, wow, andit's helped you a little bit too
(19:51):
.
Of course, you know one, uh oneinstance that I knew sharing my
story was helpful, cause Iwasn't sure, cause it was kind
of scary to do that, cause thefirst time I was a coauthor in a
book with 15 other women and weall did a chapter.
It was called in a book calledinspire and I was going around
to churches sharing my story toum, like women's reading groups
(20:14):
and churches.
And I was at this church thisone evening and finished my talk
and this uh older woman I laterfound out, I think she was 80
or 81 years old came up to meand just she said do you mind if
I give you a hug?
And I said no, of course not.
And she gave me a hug so tight.
And I said no, of course not.
And she gave me a hug so tight,and as she did, she was
(20:35):
whispering in my ear.
She said 70 years, 70 years,I've been carrying it.
The same thing happened to me.
God bless you.
70 years and I've never sharedit with a soul.
And then she backed up andlooked at me and tears rolling
down her cheeks, I start crying.
And I said I hope I was a helpto you.
(20:58):
And she says oh, you were.
You have no idea.
And I went do you think you'llshare your story?
And she said no.
But now you know that was soprofound, so profound to me.
(21:18):
She carried her trauma and neversaid anything to anyone for 70
years.
I often think of her and I'mpositive she's passed on now,
because this was quite a whileago that I don't.
I don't.
I'm glad I'm not that person.
I'm going to start crying thatI didn't care.
15 years is a long time.
I couldn't imagine carrying itfor 70, because you're missing
(21:38):
out.
You miss out on so much.
You're missing out on thecolors.
Beverley Glazer (21:46):
Well said, you're missing out on the colors
.
That's beautiful.
Please tell me what advice canyou give to other women who are
struggling with trauma and lossright now, as they're listening
to you.
Kim Lengling (22:00):
I've been sharing this a lot lately.
Look in the mirror, sweet pea.
Look in the mirror and remindyourself that you're standing
there.
You're still here.
That means you have a 100%success rate of getting through
the tough stuff.
100% success rate Doesn't getmuch better than that.
Is life still hard for you?
(22:22):
Probably Might be for a whileyet, because I don't know your
circumstance.
But you're still standing,You're still there.
100% success rate.
You got to flip that switch inhow you think of things because
life is hard and I'm not goingto sit here and pretend I know
how hard everybody's lives are.
I can only go by my ownexperience and how I still have
(22:43):
hard days.
And I have to remind myself toKim 100% success rate, Don't
forget it.
You're still standing and thenyou just take a deep breath in
with the good and out with thebad.
That's the best advice I cangive you know.
Beverley Glazer (22:58):
No, and it's a good tip.
Yeah, just breathe and thenmove on with this.
You're here, there'spossibility for you.
Kim Lengling (23:08):
Thank you, absolutely.
Yeah, you're here for a reason.
Beverley Glazer (23:13):
Perfect, yeah.
Kim Lengley is amulti-published author and 2024
Global Book Awards finalist.
She's a podcast host, amilitary assault survivor and an
advocate for female veteranswho've been abused.
Abused.
(23:38):
Kim has turned her fuel intofire and she spreads nuggets of
hope to those who need it themost.
And here are some takeaways fromthis week's episode.
When you push throughadversity, you'll emerge that
much stronger.
You're not alone in yourstruggles and others are there
(24:01):
to help you.
And when you share your story,you find peace and help other
people to do the same.
If you've been relating to thisepisode, please think of
something that you can do totake power over your life.
Perhaps it's by journaling ortalking to a trusted friend, or
by setting up an appointment tospeak to a counselor who
(24:24):
understands.
For similar episodes on traumaand abuse, please check out
episode 104 and 114 of Agingwith Purpose and Passion.
And, if you've enjoyed thisstory, catherine Mariano and
Gail Zielinski co-host WomenOver 70 Aging Reimagined, where
(24:45):
women 70 to 110 rewrite thenarrative on aging, and that's
womenover70.com.
Where can people learn moreabout you, kim, and where can
they find your books?
Kim Lengling (24:59):
Easiest place to learn more about me is just at
my website, which iskimlenglingauthor.
com.
My podcast episodes are onthere, my books are on there.
All my books are available onAmazon, so the website is the
easiest spot.
You also meet my dog, dexter,on there, because he is my
official office manager, so helikes he's the one who gets all
(25:20):
the emails and then lets me knowwhat's happening and what's
coming.
So kimlenglingauthor.
com.
Beverley Glazer (25:26):
Very cool, and Kim's links are going to be in
the show notes and they're goingto be on my site too, that's
reinventimpossiblecom.
And now, my friends, what'snext for you?
Are you just going through themotions or are you really
passionate about your own life?
Download my free checklist fromstuck to unstoppable to unlock
(25:48):
your full potential, and thatlink is in the show notes as
well.
You can connect with me,Beverly Glazer, on all social
media platforms and in mypositive group of women on
Facebook.
That's Women Over 50 Rock, andif you're looking for guidance
in your own life, I invite youto explore reinventimpossiblecom
.
Thank you for listening.
(26:09):
Have you enjoyed thisconversation?
Please drop a review, send itto a friend and always remember
that you have only one life, sokeep living and aging with
purpose and passion.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Thank you for joining us.
You can connect with Bev on herwebsite, reinventimpossible.
com and, while you're there,join our newsletter Subscribe so
you don't miss an episode.
Until next time, keep agingwith purpose and passion and
celebrate life.
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