#182 - Spiritual Sensuality & the Five Shields of Human Design w/ White Eagle Medicine Woman - Ascension of the Chessmen

Episode Transcript
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(00:02):
Welcome to Ascension of the Chessmen,diving into the esoteric, occult, spiritual,
and conspiratorial aspects of life, focusedon solutions to the problems we face
in our everyday lives. Let usascend above all differences. Let us be
the light in darkness, a breadthof fresh air to those who can hardly

(00:23):
breathe, and together awaken into greatness. This is Ascension of the Chessmen,
with your host, Andre Middy.Welcome to the Ascension of the Chessmen podcast.
I'm your host, Andre Middy.Today's guests a shamanic healer, seer,

(00:44):
trance medium, author, speaker,teacher, ceremonial and performance artist of
Native American and European ancestry, aswell as the founding director and drum keeper
of the Grandmother Drum International Peace Projectand the Five one See nonprofit Whirling Rainbow
Foundation. Ladies and gentlemen, hobbitsand fairies, give a warm welcome.

(01:07):
A white Eagle medicine woman. Ohthat was a mouthful there. Mostly just
a human being. That's that's thebottom line, right right. I usually
like to keep it simple, andI knew you'd be no different. You're
above all the all the titles thatit's so much more than that. So,
yeah, it's so hard to encompassyou, for you like, you

(01:32):
have so much to offer the worldand to this conversation. And I can't
wait for not only myself, butthe audience and the listeners to get to
know you on a deeper level.So I usually start my show off with
this first question for every guest.So for those who aren't familiar, I
guess, can you explain what itis that you do? And I guess

(01:53):
what woke you up to realize?And maybe there's more to this life than
you were originally taught or thought.Oh my goodness, that's like a really
packed question. I always tell peoplethe way I got on my path is
through my pain, you know.That's how we all get on our path.
We wake up because something is deeplydisturbing or is we're depressed disheartened,

(02:17):
you know. Yeah, And Ihad many of those along the way to
prompt me. I also had hadan opportunity or a gift of sorts to
communicate with the spirits on the otherside since I was small, So that
was a big guidance to me,even though I didn't understand it at the

(02:38):
time, raised in sort of aCatholic Italian, Irish, German, mixed
European mostly consciousness until I sort andkept searching out my native American ancestry.
And it wasn't until I was fortydid I even know. But my young

(02:58):
self was just constantly there, youknow, just constantly wanting to partake of
that and apprentice under many medicine peoplebefore that. So it was just a
natural for me because I had alove of Mother Earth since I was a
very small child. We was raisedon the East Coast, but my parents

(03:22):
were lovers of nature, and sowe went camping and backpacking and hiking and
canoeing. And for me, that'smy church, you know, that is
my spirituality, is those five elementsof self in all different reflections, and
that really opened my path. Eventhough I was raised Christian and became like

(03:44):
a born again at one time anddid not that whole path. It just
did not hold up. It justdid not hold up under all of the
broad base that shamanism does, fromunderstand ending past lives to understanding reincarnation,
to understanding ourselves as animal medicine.It allowed us to understand ourselves as a

(04:10):
multidimensional being right, and it madeus own of the awakening process. It's
not like, Okay, you believein something and Jesus is going to save
you. When it's all good.It has to the salvation, you know,
which we call in Shamanism the transformation, right, that is, or

(04:33):
the transfiguration of that. Yes,this kind of salvation is earned through our
own process, not even earned,because it's just a burnishing it's a burnishing
effect, because that's all we're doingis getting rid of the lie instead of

(04:53):
finding the truth. Because the truthalready is we are the light, you
know, and tell everybody I alreadyam the lie. I don't have to
find that. I just have toget rid of all of the layers that
have dimmed my light through this lifetimeand through what we call the five composites
of the shields, the five aspectsof self, and we looked at not

(05:14):
only in this lifetime, but inother lifetimes where they're sourced, so that
we can recalibrate, or we callspin those shields from their lower aspect,
which we call the Sheeta to thehope, Sheeta the high self. In
every aspect, the five shields representthe five elements as well, but they're

(05:36):
very different. They're actually very embodiedas characters of our movie of self.
So I'd like to share that aswe journey deeper in this because to understand
that is also to understand some ofthe things that we were going to share
today, which is about spiritual sensualityand what does that mean? And then

(05:59):
what are these five core purposes inlife and how do they relate to the
five shields and the five elements,because everything in Shamanism is based on this
beautiful medicine wheel of self in themicrocosm, in the macrocosm, because it's
the way the universe operates. Youknow, it's it's it's a circle of
life, and a planet is acircle. You know, all the planets

(06:23):
circles, so you know, thisis the way it is. And I
think that that's the deepest level ofspirituality we can know, is that multidimensionality
and not that you know, sortof no, that doesn't exist out there,
blinder, And instead of shunning it, is having to go through it

(06:44):
and go through the purification of sexto love and love to superconsciousness. Because
this is what's happening in organized religionwhen we have presincesting children is because they
were not celibate, because they evolvedto it, right, And there is
an evolution. There is an evolutionspiritually that that one becomes celibate because one

(07:06):
is like feeling orgasmic with everything.So there is no big deal. But
that's an evolution. It's not somethingwe repress, right, and then it
turns into perversion. And so Shamanismcelebrates to move through everything and to bring
it with why to awaken you know, the arrow goes deep when the things

(07:30):
are difficult, and I'm going tobe sharing some of my difficult road.
That's helped me wake up to seemyself outside this culture, religion, society,
ancestry and on and on. Thatis my little template that I'm wearing.
Right, It's like Russians good goodexample, bro, good example.

(07:56):
Yeah, yep, wonder So Imean, you know, I got started
in all of those different ways ofbeing broken, also asking questions and not
finding a deep enough, rich enoughspirituality, and I explored a lot of
things. I am very versed inEastern mysticism. I love the teachings of

(08:18):
the East and I see them allpart of what we call the sweet medicine.
Sundance teachings. It's a thirty twocount wheel the eight directions with four
off of each, and it's amap of all the world religions as having
a page in the Book of theAcoustic Records of our planet. And yes,

(08:41):
we you know, some of uslike that chapter. You know,
whatever that religious practice is, whetherit's Buddhism or Native American or whatever it
is. But the understanding that wehave in Shamanism is that it's all coming
together in a Book of Life tohelp us elementally burnish the five element process.

(09:05):
And the East was very good atbreath and meditation, that is their
specialty. And so the air elementis really associated with the East because of
their their practices and sound. Sowe get all of these different cultures bringing
in the best access to peeling awaythe onion in all five areas of the

(09:31):
cell and aspects of elemental energy breathof course, air, water, or
emotional body, you know, thesekinds of things. We can relate it
to the bodies as well. SoI think you know, for me,
it's just simple. Shamanism is themost inclusive of all world religions and all

(09:54):
elemental energies to understand the not complichated, but complex aspect of the psychology
of the human and it's it's awakeningprocess. It's not complicated, but it
is complex. And this allows usto really understand with as much totality as

(10:20):
possible because we all entered the greathistory. Nothing is really you know that's
solid in all of that. Butit allows us to have a map,
a beautiful multidimensional map, right,that makes real earthy sense, right,

(10:41):
makes actual sense. Yeah, Likewhen we go into the sweat lodge,
right, brother, we go intothe lodge and we're sitting with the fire.
It's not metaphorical. You're literal,and you're getting purged by that,
by those sacred grandfather stones. Soit's not a concept in the mind,

(11:03):
right, Shamanism is hands on.It's kind of when we move to West
from Western education to experiential education,you know, walder Off and all these
things where we're actually doing life withour hands experience versus second hand or third
Yeah, I completely agree. Andyou know it's like once you've found your

(11:26):
niche within that all encompassing circle,I think it it it like brightens up
everything else and it's you start toconnect the dots and you don't just throw
the baby out with the bathwater andall the others. I mean, I
don't think that's at all what we'resaying here, But you see it all
come together as one, which isultimately what we're after. And I think,

(11:50):
well, like, why would itbe design any other way? You
know, what do you really thinkabout it? It's like I feel like
we all have to get there onour own, on our own journeys,
but ultimately, like I feel likethat's all there to be revealed, and
like you said, it's all amatter of just peeling back the layers like
one by one until we can rememberwho we are, which is truth and

(12:13):
love, beautifully said. Beautifully saidbrother, and these five aspects that go
along with the five elements. Youknow, many people come and they say,
well I have done that kind ofwork, I think, and I'm
specifically when they come in saying,oh, I've done inner child work,

(12:33):
for example, Well I've done thatwork. Did you get very far with
that? And they say, well, I did, but then it didn't
kind of didn't work for everything,And I'm like, yes, that's true,
and why is that true? Becausein Western psychology, where we took
off for inner child work was youwould have an inner boy, I would

(12:54):
have an inner girl, and thatwould be the end of it. Shaman
has understands ourselves as a composite being, not an individual composite being. And
actually the only difference between people whohave schizophrenia and people who are shamanic is
that they are at the center andgrounded in spirit to be able to use

(13:18):
their multiple personality selves. Now,what I understand that to me is we
have five shields or five personas,five elements. We say earth, air,
fighter, water, ether, mental, physical, emotional, sexual,
spiritual, winter, spring, summer, fall, childhood, adolescents, adult,

(13:45):
elder. The four is so powerfulin the medicine wheel of life north
southeast west, all of these things. The five shields now are the inner
girl, the inner boy, theinner man, the inner woman, and
what we call the grandparents shield.And what this is is it's much more

(14:09):
androgynous shield. It's our center,it's our spirit, it's our higher self,
it's our eternal light, it isGod, it is Goddess. The
aspects of the five shields are theplayers. So spirit is the driver or
the director of the movie. Ifwe could put it in that, and

(14:33):
then each of these are different charactersthat have different capacities for us, and
we have the same sex ones orthe same gender ones that we are born
into. So for me that wouldbe girl and woman, for you boy
and man. But we have whatwe call that would be called tone all

(14:58):
the earthly shield that's what we are, so we were born as. Then
we have the opposite that we are, or what's called the nogual or spirit
shields of who we are. Thoseare for you the girl and woman,
for me the boy and man.And we can live a very practical life

(15:18):
with the ones that were born into, but we will never have a spirit
driven life if we do not embracethose those opposites to us. And this
is I think the kind of mixthat we're having right now of gender identity
is we didn't have that in trominence, because you already had all of those

(15:41):
identities right and had nothing to dowith where you whether you were making wearing
makeup or a skirt or not,like it had nothing to do with that.
These qualities were developed in all therights of passage for women and men
to become whole people, to becomebalanced with balancing all these shields, and

(16:03):
it's in this process that we callbalancing the shields, which is a shamanic
work that I do in private sessionswith people. It's like a two to
four hour process that we could reallyengage them into our lives. It's usually
a couple of them are strong inus and the other ones are weak and
we need to have It's almost likea t tell anyone, like guys that

(16:26):
are interested in trucks. Okay,so it's like five pistons and an engine.
You have to have all five foryour car to go up the hill,
and all of those four around thecenter of spirit. Spirits the driver
of the vehicle. And that's alsovery reversed in our culture, you know,

(16:48):
our Western culture. The mind isthe driver here and no, the
mind is meant to receive. Themind is meant to receive direction from spirit.
That's what it's meant to do.That's by listening and meditation, paying
attention to what happens in threes inour life. When we ask a question,
spirits trying to get our attention tellus which direction to go, like

(17:11):
the GPS in the car or thesteering wheel of the car. We're going
to make an analogy our fire orsexual energy, which is the East energy,
the rising sun, grandfather's son,the solar plexus. The fires are
sexual energy, and it's meant tocatalyze, just like the starter in a

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car. It's meant to catalyze thedream of consciousness. It's not the be
all and end all. It's notmeant to be repressed. It's meant to
catalyze. But we don't stop therebecause sex has to evolve into love.
Yet, that's an evolution. Stapthe South the water element. In us

(17:56):
we're ninety more percent water is meantto flow, to give. In our
culture, the give away, theysay, what's your give? Why what
are you here to give? Yousee? And that is just symbolic of
water in general. You can't makewater go stagnant by holding it. It

(18:18):
has to flow. And that's Southteaching that water element, that emotional body,
that love is meant to be given. And when we withhold, which
we do in Western culture, ouremotions. That's why you know, the
definition really of holding emotions is cancer. Holding the flow of water. So

(18:44):
we're meant to give and allow thoseemotions energy, emotion, emotion, so
that is meant to flow. Weagain, here's how we do it in
Western culture we hold our emotions,so you can see the dysfunction just by
going against the design of the humanin its five and elemental energies. Right,
then, the west is our body. In the teachings, Son is

(19:07):
in the east. Earth is inthe west because that's how it's set up
in the cosmos. That's our physicalbody. This is meant to ground store
or hold information. Right, youcan go down to the river with a
thimble or a cup, different form. So this is about trans forming our

(19:33):
evolution to keep changing the form ofsomething. Okay, that's where we ground
store or hold, not in thesouth with our emotions, but with our
bodies. You know, we havegreat ideas and we have great spiritual teachings,
but can we dance them into thisdaily life. And that's the grounding

(19:55):
of the earth element the frame ofthe car. If we're going to go
back the analogy the car the south, the water element could be the engine,
the heart, the flowing of circulationin the in the car, or
the gas pedal to go power.Okay, so we have the steering wheel,

(20:17):
we have our minds meant to areopen to receive guidance. We have
our sexual energy to show up andbe present for our lives. We relate
this to you know, sort ofNike, you know, just do it.
This is a shit really showing upin life. And this is how
this wheel I'm sharing with you iscalled the human design wheel. In our

(20:41):
teachings, it tells us how we'reset up. Okay, sex is meant
to catalyze. You know, heartis forgiving. Listen to that. The
heart is forgiving, not for taking, not forsaking, for giving, very

(21:02):
powerful teaching. The heart is alwaysforgiving. Now, it doesn't mean we
don't set boundaries. That's a veryimportant thing in life. But it doesn't
mean we close the heart. Soa closed heart or a hard heart.
In our teachings, it's all aboutforgiveness work. It's the only remedy for
it. So just understanding if youwalk away from this podcast going, oh

(21:25):
my god, I wish somebody inelementary school or kindergarten would have given me
the owner's manual to this car andtaught me how to use it literally,
because what is going on in ourcollective culture is using the human design as
it was not designed for the mind. Is the pension plan was never meant

(21:49):
to guide our lives. Right,Our sexual energy was never meant to guide
our lives. Our emotional bodies werenot meant to guard our lives. When
wherever we live in the periphery,we're missing we're missing it. When we
live from the center, we candance. And the Easterns called that not

(22:14):
a rage. I don't know ifyou've ever seen not aage. But you've
got the hands and the feet,and you know what's in each of them
is the four elements. Dancing fromthe center balance Because if we danced from
the outer part of the wheel,you were mentioning the drum. If you
dance from the outer part of thewheel of the drum and pull it all

(22:34):
this way, the drum is skewedand sounds terrible. Right. If it's
a bicycle wheel, you know,if you pull all the spokes to one
side, the wheel will be bent. So it's a matter of working from
the center, and you know,being open in it, not attached to

(22:56):
how you dance through these other elementalenergies and to get then purified, and
that means going again from the lowself to the higher self in all of
these aspects which will dive into throughnot only this beautiful design which I just
kind of captured for you in justa few minutes, the human design,

(23:18):
how to use our sexual energy,how to use our emotional energy, how
to use our physical energy, howto use our mental energy in alignment with
spirit. Spirit is the driver,your sexual energy, isn't the driver your
emotional energy. And we know peoplethat lead their lives by sex, that's

(23:41):
all it's about. And we knowpeople that are emotionally up and down and
up and down and up and downeverything it's about how they feel that moment.
We know people that are identified highlyby the West, which is the
physical realm, the things they havein the physical and our intellect in the
North. I'm you know, Iknow, yes, the possession of knowledge

(24:06):
and those are all important things,but they're only in service to Spirit,
to God, to then they're usedin the right way, right because Spirit
is always guiding our communication. AndI think that's the most important teaching that
we could even have today, isin any you know, we're in the

(24:33):
internet, we're on podcasts, lala la communication. But what was so
good about twenty twenty, no matterwhat you felt about this crazy plandemic,
is that we got to go insideand we have been so outward centered for
so long, and we actually hadto ask some serious questions. We actually

(24:59):
had to question all the quote factsout there on both sides of any issue
that we could go on is polarizedright now. We had to listen to
what resonated with us because the facts, you could have absolute scientific facts on
both sides of every issue right nowbased on beliefs and beliefs we know are

(25:22):
all borrowed. I'm talking about truth, I'm talking about beliefs. So in
order to get there, we haveto we have to access this inner realm,
and each of these elemental energies havea path inward to work with through

(25:45):
that five shields I talked about innerman, inner woman, inner boy,
inner girl, high self. Wecan work them through the human aspects,
we can work them through the plantaspects, we can work them through the
mineral aspects, and on and on. We can really deepen this process with
so much that's available to us todo. So. Yeah, this is

(26:11):
so thorough and well rounded and complete. I mean, I just it just
resonates immediately like when you speak itout, like I have no resistance to
it whatsoever. And it's just crazyto me that like this is just being
brought forward to me now in thismoment. And you know, I think

(26:32):
about, you know, hearing aboutthe divine feminine and divine masculine, but
never you know, the little boyand the little girl, and you know,
I've hear in her child work,but I've never seen them blended together
all into one, encompassing, youknow, whole totality. And yeah,

(26:52):
it makes complete sense. I wasjust going to ask, is there any
specific order or or is it,as you said, spirits guide in the
way so it doesn't really matter inall reality? Or do you typically start
with one and go with that directionon in the work that I do.

(27:14):
You're you're actually in a room withand it can be done online as well,
with four chairs in the four directionsand one in the middle, and
you're going to enter each of thosechairs and you're going to you're going to
come in with that whatever you wantto resolve or you know, sometimes it's
not about a problem, it's about, well, I've got a creative project

(27:37):
and I want to bring all ofmyself online for it, all of my
creativity, okay, And so wecan use the shield work and this is
just one way this this session thatwe do is one way of there's ceremonies
and stuff, but this is areally easy access for everyone, people that
are not even into shamanism. Thisworks so well for because it's so much

(28:00):
more complete. So I'll have yousit into whatever. You'll walk into that
like doing a musical chair, andyou'll just go, I think I should
sit here first, and then wejust begin there and I'm just more inquiring
and doing some deeper dives into howit feels there and what you might want
to say, and and tuning intothat particular time of life. And boy

(28:25):
and girl we talk about the firsttwenty five years of life. It's anything
in there that we want to explore. Because once we come into our Saturn
return, which starts at like twentysix twenty seven and onward in astrology,
we move into the transition to beingan adult. So in most indigenous cultures

(28:45):
it's around twenty five six years old, and those are those younger shields that
we have, and if they're notnecessarily even age related, that's in a
chronologic understanding of okay, you're olderthan that now, so you're a man,
and that's your boy self. Butthis is not so much interested in
even that. It's interested in whatare the qualities of that shield. And

(29:12):
we have our same sex ones,you know, my girls shield and your
boy shield. They're both in thesouth, where the vertical access is what
we are in the world. That'swhat I am when I stand up,
So north south is the vertical.That is what we call the tonel shield.

(29:33):
So that would be my girl inthe south and my woman in the
north. My east west is calledthe nogual because that's when I laid down,
That's when I'm dreaming. That's mydream world, and that is what
I don't know about myself. Sothat's the part I have to you may
say the subconscious. It's like whatI need to resource in order to make

(29:59):
my humans if marry my spiritual selvesin that perfect cross of the medicine wheel,
not the uppercross where the patriarchy wasmore important than the matriarchy. It's
even that's the when we're whole,the wheel is balanced. The wise the
wheel is not balanced. So weexplore the qualities, the positive qualities,

(30:23):
the shadow qualities, and I justpropose them once the person sitting there,
I said, these are the qualitiesof that shield. Not that this is
the qualities of girl, because foryou, the South is your boy.
So it's the quality of the Southshield the emotional body shield, Okay,

(30:45):
and we call that a spirit,so that would be for me, my
child substance shield is the girl.Your child substant shield is a boy,
right right, My spirit child shieldis a boy. Your spirit child shield
is a girl. So we workwith that, and I just narrate when

(31:07):
you're going through. You don't haveto have all this background. I just
tell you when you're sitting in thatchair, these are the qualities of it
in this light and shadow anything youwant, anything that resonates with you in
any category of that. Then westart exploring and this goes around where what's
so wonderful is just think about howmany times you've been trying to make a

(31:32):
decision about something in your life,and you're like, part of me wants
to do this, and then anotherpart of me wants to do that,
and then there's a third part ofme that you know what I mean,
These are the shields. These arethe shields. You're just not aware that
you have multiple selves, but I'mtelling you do, and you know you

(31:53):
do because you say this right,So what if we could product checked them
out onto a seat in the roomand they could dialogue. So it's very
similar to when we found out inpsychology that we did find out the inner

(32:17):
child that we thought we had struckgold but just wasn't complete. Then we
started to realize we had an innerman and inner woman, but that too
wasn't complete. But this allows thatto become complete. It's the entire circle
is complete. Then we have theconcept that I tried to parallel to anything

(32:40):
and contemporary psychology because I have thatbackground too, and I can give you
that so that people go, oh, I get that because I know that
work. And that is when whenwe discovered an alcoholism, when we brought
in the alcoholic to therapy, thatit was not just the alcoholic was a

(33:00):
family system problem we called it.That means that people were playing roles and
this one played a certain role,and without healing the family system, this
person could not get the support totransform because the system in that household was
still pulling that person into that consciousnessby the way everyone else played. So

(33:28):
there was a great surgeons that happenedto bring the family system into the room
of therapy. With that person anddo group therapy from that perspective, Well,
shamanism says as on the outside,so in the inside, it's the
law of the universe. So thatmeans that we have an inner family system

(33:52):
as an individuals. And I usethat word very loosely because I don't believe
we are an individual so that getsdown a big rabbit hole. But anyway,
so if we have that understanding,we say, okay, let's bring
the family in for therapy. Andthat's exactly what I designed. The only

(34:15):
person that designed this model to useshamanism outside the context of more traditional indigenous
culture way, which is through alot of initiatory rights. That's how we
work through those traditionally, not somuch in the psychological way that Western psychology

(34:37):
does, but they are overlapped.Any truth is evident anywhere. You just
have to kind of find out whatthe bridging language is. And in this
case, we understand, Okay,you bring them into the room, and
that's exactly what I do. They'reall going to sit and you're going to
move from place to place and dialoguewith what's happening in this space about whatever

(35:00):
topic you come in with. Andit doesn't have to be anything like to
super profound if you just want guidanceon one particular thing, but you want
to get it from all spots ofthe self. And there's many times when
people are trying to resolve something andthey have that conflict going on within them
between the boy and the man,or the girl and the woman, or
the boy and the woman or whateverself. We can't move. We're stuck

(35:27):
until that's resolved. And this iswhy you see many people be able to
have great visions, but few beable to manifest those visions, because some
part of them is sabotaging that byits beliefs. And there are always beliefs
that are programmed, beliefs from childhood, from past lives, from religious cultures.

(35:50):
It doesn't matter where it's sourced from. We can access it all in
that room at once. We caneven do multidimensional aspects of the shields,
which is more you know, usuallya second round or third round that we
do of this, which means Isit there and if I'm in my boy
shield and they go, you know, I've resolved a lot of this on

(36:14):
my human life now, but there'sstill something that's coming through, and it
happens to be me as a boyfrom a past life, so I can
go down the lineage of my lives, or I can go into the lineage
of my family system, so Imight be my great grandmother a grandfather when

(36:37):
he was a boy, which hasprojected into this lifetime through the generations.
And we call this, and okay, back to Western psychology, generational trauma.
All of it can be done inthe shields. The shield is the
most composite work for being able todo this life past life lineage in any

(37:00):
direction because we're in that circle doingthat work and all of them get to
interact. And for me, itdoesn't matter what lifetime it's from. People
go, oh, that's so outthere. For me, whatever, the

(37:20):
most important thing is, it doesn'tmatter if it's in this childhood, in
the past life generational truma. Wewant to evolve that belief system to move
from belief to truth, which isa completely different thing. And in order
to do that, it doesn't youknow, I always say to people,

(37:43):
if your toilet's plunged, it needsto be plunged, right, You're not
going to go is that last week'sshit or is it this week's shit?
I mean, it doesn't matter.Can we just plunge it. It's clear
the pipe, you know, clear. I'm so graphic, but it's it's
just it's just so real. Right, So when we're doing purification of these

(38:08):
shields, it doesn't matter like peoplewant to get into fantasies about past I
was this in a past life andI was nowhere, Joan of Arc,
I don't care what you were.And this is it is. It's the
evolution of that shield to its nexthighest evolution, right, okay. And

(38:30):
what we're doing and balancing this hoop, this beautiful medicine wheel right of the
drum. What we're doing through thatprocess is getting all of these that are
on the outside, boy and man, woman and man, all of that
to kind of come more central becauseas they get purified, they start getting

(38:53):
more androgynous. And it's sort ofdrops away, right because as we come
towards the center, it's only light. There's no polarity anymore. Okay,
So it's just I am a light. But that's a that's moving in our

(39:13):
teachings from what we call the shields, which we just went through all these
five shields to the dancers. Thedancers are a different dimensional level. When
we evolve past the polarities of oppositesex energies, you know, or yin
yang energies. But that's an evolutionaryprocess. It doesn't negate the shield to

(39:36):
ever. We still have these fiveaspects, but they're much more like this
glorious little figure eight in and out, because the yin feminine is the inner
and the yang is the outer.And then we breathe out, we breathe
in. It's always both, youknow, it's always both, but we're

(39:59):
ne their polarity. We are thelight behind all of it. And that
is the process that these shields helpsus with. They help us polish these
aspects, neutralize these aspects so theycan be in their energetic assets. That
fire is just fire. It's notwoman's fireman's, it's fire. It gets

(40:25):
purified in this process. And theshields are just so helpful to understand the
many parts of ourselves that are operating. And the first is just in this
lifetime. And then as we dodeeper work in the shields, we can
start working and going into the pastlives, going into the generational work we

(40:47):
call the ancestral line work, wecall that soul vine journey work. And
we do thirty two gateways of thatin this work where we go down the
generations, the seven general rations atthe minimum in all bloodlines, so that
would be my mother's mother line,my mother's father line, my father's father

(41:09):
line, and my mother's and myfather's mother line. I would do seven
generations of that in work that Ican do that I help people to do
on their own through ceremony. Verypowerful work, and that's just again it's
just getting rid of the lie,neutralizing belief systems that just got programmed in

(41:31):
to clean that slate and keep cleaningit. It's really all we're here doing
is is cleaning, and that's howthat's how the Cohonists know about it.
To hold upon a pono, theultimate prayer of forgiveness. Right, it's
just about clearing. It's just aboutclearing. It's clearing and neutralizing. So

(41:55):
that work is just so beautiful becauseit gives us so much understanding of ourselves
and so much knowledge to work with, to be able to do that clearing
with and to just know where thingswere sourced in us that we've been carrying
them, just unconsciously carrying them untillife doesn't work so well, and you

(42:20):
know, car stalls and it doesn'tstart again and we go. We have
to look, you know, wehave to see what the deal is and
and that to me is medicine.That is pure medicine. When we work
with elemental energies like this, youknow, it's it's just pure medicine.

(42:40):
Man. I've just had epiphany afterepiphany after talking. So I'm sorry,
I have a bad super responsive.This is so much. I am like
just still digesting. This work ispowerful and I see, I see what
you're doing for the world and thecollective, and it's very inspiring and uplifting

(43:07):
and intentional. And I honor youfor that, and uh, you know
much love to continuing on in thisway and bringing people back home. It's
invaluable and I truly value that andwhat you bring. So many of your

(43:31):
messages through everything you've said so faras resonated on a level that I don't
know if I've experienced before, andI've I feel like I've experienced a lot.
But I guess I was wrong,and there's always more to learn.
But I guess as you work throughall these layers and the different wheels,

(43:58):
like is there an end or areyou quote unquote healed at that point or
do you feel the work is neverdone and there's always more to learn.
We're on an infinite journey, youknow. But I want to really clarify
this is some of the work thatI'm offering, you know, in the

(44:19):
course coming up and stuff I wantto I want to make something very clear
because this five Aspects of Self we'vebeen kind of you know, focused on
the human design that I mentioned ina leash shield. Is we're going to
now talk about the five purposes,which is the part of the program we've
got coming up called spiritual sensuality.And this word is very important to understand

(44:42):
spiritual sensuality. When people come tothis, they're like, so, you
know, did I get it all? And is this the right purpose for
me? Am I on my path? You know? I need to know
my purpose, you know, allof this kind of stuff. And when
people hear the word purpose, it'sa big it's a big trendy word now

(45:04):
in the New Age world. Everybodywants to know their purpose. And I
have a very different take on that. So I want to be really really
clear before we get down that.And really, for me, purpose is
the word focus focusing lights. Thatis purpose just focusing light and awareness.

(45:27):
And it's not about getting to adestiny. It's about being able to remove
things to come into the sense ofour true essence self. And I'm going
to really explain what I mean bywhat does that mean? By essence self?
This is the self you came inas and the light that you are,

(45:50):
very unique fingerprint and returning to thatessence self. Okay, And what
this word of spiritual sensuality is.Spiritual we can say of the Spirit,
we can say the light, wecan say divine, we can say God

(46:13):
Spirit, and then we have sensualsensuality of the senses. So this is
a beautiful phrase that I adopted fromone of my cohunas who shared it with
me one day. And this ideaof spiritual sensuality, that's what we're after.

(46:38):
And what does that really mean.It means those moments in life when
all time was now a beautiful sunset, a love making scene, a near
death experience, right where all timeis now this tremendous sensation of oneness,

(47:07):
and that brings the word communication backin from before the sense of communion with
all life, this moments of oneness. He describes his own because he was
a surfer of getting that wave rightand being on that wave and knowing as
you're writing it that you got it, you just got it. You're in

(47:29):
that flow, You're in that ecstasy. Yeah, you know. And I
have had it in nature where justI like merge, or on plant medicine,
or wherever we have that moment whereall time. Now Cahunas call this
vertical time versus horizontal time, andthey said healing only happens in vertical time.

(47:57):
So all of this stuff we doin your time. And he says
this about our ceremonies too. Hesays, our ceremonies are ninety percent preparation,
ten percent party. I agree withthat. That means that we can
do all the rituals, and wedo that, and so much of shamanism

(48:19):
is so much ritual, right,but we're setting up a field for hopefully
having this moment of transcendence. Yeah. No, different than the word meditation.
Here comes my Eastern right. Theword meditation is an oxymoron because you
can't meditate. Meditation is non doing. So we do breathwork, toning,

(48:50):
chakra work, whatever we do.We're preparing. It's like tuning the guitar
before you play it. We're justtuning the instrument, hoping that the cosmos
will play its music for us.As a hollow bamboo. The mind is
gone. It is not in thepast and going in the present. It's

(49:14):
just here right. The whole ideaof meditation is staying in the present moment,
right where the quantum vertical time is. And I have this great cartoon
in my training in Hawaii, wedo a two week training hands on healing

(49:35):
method and it has two dogs sittingon a yoga mat and the one dog
says the other, I think Iunderstand the knack of meditation. It's just
about learning how to sit and stay, stay, and the mind is just
always in a million gyrations, andso we can't do meditation. And spiritual

(50:00):
sensuality is the experience when we havea meditative moment where the mind is empty
and we feel this merger with thelight of oneness. And so in this
program, I'm telling people we're goingto do a lot of exercises to help
us who meditation walks in nature tofind our five core purposes. And they're

(50:24):
like, oh, it's a mission, it's the future. No, it's
an experience that may happen we can'tmake that experience happen, because if you
can make it happen, it isn'tit right, It's transcendental to your ego
being able to do anything about it. And so when I say to people,

(50:45):
you know you on your path,I say, you always are on
your path. You can't not beon your path. You're in the third
dimension, which is my answer toit doesn't ever end. If we're here.
We're working right uncover the light thatwe entered. Ass that's what we're
doing. We're just we're trying tohave the ecstasy of enlightenment. What is

(51:09):
enlightenment, it's spiritual sensuality. Isthe spirit completely married to the five senses
or the five elements in this body. That means I am the light right
down to my tippy toes, allof my emotional body, all of my
physical body, all of my bodiesare light now and there has been there's

(51:32):
yogi's I just read about a yoguwho didn't eat for like eighty years,
eat or drink and he lived.Okay, so this is a body of
pure light. Okay. Not everybody'sgoing to do that work this lifetime,
right, you know, But itdoesn't negate that you're already the light.
So I already am you already are, So the enlightenment is realized. We

(51:59):
say where when people receive that boltof light at some point in their life,
they go, it was a realization. It was like everything else is
false that I ever learned or everknew. All the mystics say, it's
a flash of realization where all ofthe false things come down. Now,

(52:25):
there are many ways that this happens. One is in an instant, and
it can happen in one second inany time in our life. But for
most of us it's a process.We're appeeling this, and we're peeling that,
and we're burning off this, andit doesn't happen. There have been
mystics that literally had the bolt hitthem, but they had been doing so

(52:49):
much meditation for all of their life, and then finally it reached a zenith.
Okay, we're just in this processof burnishing. Sometimes we get big
lessons and we make big jumps inlife because the ego is pierced to its
core. But that usually isn't fun, right, So if you want those

(53:13):
lessons, you couldn't invoke them.But they're usually the big east If you
ask all the great mystics that youknow of, whether it's Buddha or Christ
or Mother Teresa or you know,whoever you think is an enlightened being.
You look at a Mamachi who wasvery famous on the West coast of the
United States. She comes from India, and how she's a hugging saint.

(53:35):
Read the story of her life.She was treated worse than the dogs.
I mean as a as a child, she was like drinking the milk out
of a goat tip. She hadnothing she was walking around. I mean,
these people who went through these kindsof processes, who burnished so so
much so fast. Yeah, Butfor the rest of us were we're using

(54:00):
the techniques that work for us todisidentify with the ego and it's all of
its manifestations through this lifetime and otherlifetimes that are setting me in the dark
of my own light and to knowmyself in all of that. So I
want to say that up front aboutpurpose, because that's you know, and

(54:22):
I can I can tell a personalstory in a little bit about that,
but it's it's not like I'm goingto go onto this course with white Eagle
and I will find my purpose nowYou're going to peel away things so your
essence can shine through, which iswhat you are. It's not anything because

(54:44):
it's just gonna And we do thesethrough the five core purposes that I'll share
with you that we're going to gomuch deeper in the course on a dive.
But this is the essence of thespiritual Sensuality work that I developed,
and all the teachings that you're hearingare part of these, the foundations of

(55:07):
all the work we do here atWorling Rainbow. This is these are the
root teachings that we work with,and they are known as Sweet Medicine Sundance
teachings, and they again bring inthese thirty two gateways of all the world's
religions and spiritual practices as a shamanicbook or a coshic book of life on

(55:29):
planet Earth from other seated from otherstar systems. That's a deeper part of
that story. And when we comeinto these, the Spiritual Sensuality program has
got all of those foundational teaching center. So you know, I think you
would love it because you know whatyou're hearing today is like wow, yeah,

(55:51):
because these are holding the whole thingtogether. And these five purposes.
Now I'm going to cue you allin the audience so that you can track
with me, because that's a bigpart of our teachings. Also, if
you can't track it, you can'tintegrate it. Right, We've got the

(56:13):
shamanic method of what we call stalkingand tracking. You got to track your
teachings or you don't integrate everything,just sort of surfacing roots over your head.
So track with me. That wehad these four directions and the center.
We had our shields in the directions, and we had our human design

(56:36):
right in the directions. What isthe mind receiving? What is the heart
giving? You know, these differentroles that they play in our lives.
Spirit the determiner, that's what it'sit's not receptive, is factive. So
now we look at the purposes,and we should start really at the center
because that is the driver. Soour spiritual purpose this life. We took

(57:02):
on a spirit personality to manifest orwoman fast as I say sometimes as well,
a spiritual truth that has to bebrought to earth. And the only

(57:23):
way to do that is to embodyit right, to embody something I can
say and you can say, Iam the light? Is it fully embodied
yet, right, I don't knowabout that. So the spiritual truth such
as there is no death or weare all one, these are lovely things,

(57:46):
but can we really breathe that asa living truth twenty four seven in
this body? So our incarnation isto take a spiritual truth and to embody
it fully into this dimension of self. So we say, what we're here

(58:10):
to demonstrate this lifetime. That's whatour spiritual purposes? What are we here
to demonstrate or embody? And minehappens to be. And I'll give you
a story later as we finish themedicine wheel. Mine happens to be.
There is no death that came tome many many years ago as why I'm

(58:31):
here to embody that, and ofcourse spirit would then give me a life
of like tragic death in my familyand immediate tragic terrible stuff because who's going
to realize that one? And youknow it can't be you know, always

(58:52):
easy, right, So our spiritualpurpose is really really taking us from ego
to soul and soul the spirit thatintention and you can just think about it
as intention purposes intention, it's focusedlight to all it is, I embody

(59:12):
this this lifetime. I embody this. So that's the spiritual purpose what I'm
here to demonstrate or transfm it's anothergreat word, because we're transforming it into
this dimension. So as we comeinto the medicine wheel from the center,

(59:37):
the first that our spirit incarnates isin the East, because that's what created
us sex. So spirit two energiescome together, and the first inception of
bringing a spirit to matter has begun. Our soul purpose is in the east.

(01:00:02):
So we have our spiritual purpose.We already said what is that to
demonstrate something in this demension, thislifetime. Our sole purpose has to do
with what chakra will right here hersoul or plexus the sun in us.
I am the light. I wasthe light before I came. I'll always

(01:00:23):
be the light. I incarnate aslight. So what we call that purpose,
that purpose has to do with allthat our soul evolved to from the
previous lives. Right It's like kindof what we brought in. You know,
I am either brought in a littlecandle of flame because you know it's

(01:00:45):
so layered, or I've got abonfire that it came in was because I
peeled off a lot in the lastlife. So that is my natural gifts,
all my natural gifts that I have, natural artists, natural healer,
actual teacher is because your soul camein with that. So that's your sole

(01:01:05):
purpose, the gifts and talents ofyour essence that you came in with.
And now we start working the restof this wheel of purpose. We purpose
has to do with because it's thewater element. We said in the human
time, it's the giver. Sothis is my life purpose we're teaching and

(01:01:31):
for me that is I'm a channelfor spirit. That's my work, right,
I'm channeling the Word. That ismy gift. That's what I came
in to do as channel the word, bring all of the spiritual teachings together,
channel the word of spirit. Itjust so happens in the mind calendar.

(01:01:52):
I'm that you know all these differentMy astrology is I'm an aquarian.
It's my air element. I wastemplated for that. I was templated to
bring through that. Yeah, sothat's what you're here to give or teach
others. Had I had a glitchand you froze the frame there for a

(01:02:13):
second? Uk back, say,had that? So I thought that was
funny. Got to love it totally, keep going. Please, oh that's
just so perfect. So our lifepurpose. So we have three. Now

(01:02:37):
we've got the spiritual purpose. What'skind of driving the bus of it all?
What gifts and talents? What evolutionI came in with? What am
I here to teach others? Andwe'll go around the wheel to the west.
Now, which of course is theearth, the body grounding all of
that, the physical dimension, andthat is why is my service or my

(01:03:01):
work? Okay? So all ofthese are going to kind of come together,
and you can say I lead apodcast. You know, that's the
practical application of all the purposes somethingthat is your service. So it's the
combination of all of this that willbecome your service. Our north and final

(01:03:22):
one in this wheel of purpose isthe one we talked about earlier, with
the mind an air element open toreceive new ideas. So if the south
is what I'm here to give orteach others, the north is what going
to be what I'm here to learn, okay, okay, or receive.

(01:03:46):
So the south is about giving,the north is about receiving. Okay.
One is the life purpose when I'mhere to give the higher purpose, listen
to that. The higher purpose isto learn what I'm here to learn this
lifetime and we always say in thiswork and it's about in any one who's

(01:04:09):
connected that their work this lifetime isspiritually connected. Is that you see this
beautiful South North relationship like it wasa figure out of breathing in and out.
We said before this yin yang ofall the wheel is a yin yang.
You know, it's not about polarities, it's about how they how we
do it in er to outer.So isn't this beautiful? What is I'm

(01:04:30):
here to learn is paired with whatI'm here to teach? And aren't we
all teaching what we need to learn. I'm teaching you right now what I
need to learn. So our giveaway, which is the south. And maybe
people wouldn't say what's your career,they'd say, what's your giveaway? So

(01:04:50):
my giveaway is the word. Andthen I have to what's my receiving?
And you spirit gave it to us. Glitch the zoom and silence happened.
So silence is my teacher. Ifword in saying the word is my gift,

(01:05:13):
then silence is my what I needto learn more about my being ness
so that I can be empty tobe a channel for the word, right,
the word from spirit, not theword from ego, but the word
from spirit. You have to besilent to hear it. So your work
can have more meaning and Spirit canspeak through you because you're not rushing to

(01:05:39):
speak your letting Spirit speak through you, just on time, right on time.
Yeah, And so do you seethat relationship. It doesn't matter what
the purposes of north and south arein your personal cosmology or anybody else listening.
It's this beautiful balance that Spirit hasgiven us to dance that beautiful harmony

(01:06:00):
instead of considering it polarities. It'sa harmonization that works because I can't hear
from spirit if I'm talking, soI have to listen and let the spirit
speak and not the ego speak.Ye be so easy and blah blah.
The ego can speak, but it'snothing of transformation. Vertical time means all

(01:06:24):
time is now. All information comesthrough that source, you know. And
so this fall we get my nextgroup of fun playmates to discover uncover these
five purposes from the piles of allof our false self systems that we've all

(01:06:47):
developed to fit in society and ourrelationships and our religions and all that to
peel that off for essence of self. And at the end of the program
we literally come up with one sentenceof each of the purposes that are our
core ascent self dancing in these forms, and of course they'll relate to the

(01:07:08):
shields I said earlier. All thatwork is the support work to this course.
People do private work with me,then they can really deepen that suit
the shields, because these are thecomposites of the layers that shamanism has off
the wheel and it's just like,oh, that wheel sits right on top
of that. Just like when wewere younger in my generation, we had

(01:07:30):
these little overhead projectors and they wouldlay the little plastic down, then they'd
lay the next ones. You couldsee the layers of meaning coming through.
So it's a beautiful work, andyou know, I've really taken it from
all of the best of my twentyyears traveling in twenty countries with the seven

(01:07:55):
foot Grandmother Drum. Was my journeyacross the world working with thousands of indigenous
medicine people and in twenty different countries, and just my own struggles in life,
and take a lot of my Westerntraining and all of my shamanic training

(01:08:15):
and again they need to marry.Everything needs to marry. It's the opposite,
because there's all truth in there.There's just some that have been missing
the other part of the book oflife. And that's why we say these
are not it's not Christianity or Buddhismor Jainism or this or that. It's

(01:08:35):
end in bols like, let's bringthem all into the circle. And what
will happen in that centrifuge of religiousbelief is beliefs will fall away and only
the essence of those teachings will remainbecause everything else's falls. All the dogma
is out here, all the centralteachings start to come in, and you

(01:08:58):
start to go, oh, thefour Noble Truths of Buddhism are the same
as the four direction teachings of NativeAmerica and the fourfold Ways of Yeah,
it's like, oh, look atthat. It's just all aligns when we
don't have the dogma on it,and we see that the essence of the
elemental energies at their highest truths.So I think it's it's so important too,

(01:09:26):
in this time to be inclusive thatall of those things have teachings,
leaving the human dogma behind. Theyall have essential teachings in them of right
living, and that we can harnessall of that instead of you know,
I've got the truth, you're youknow, you're delusional, you're not saved
or whatever. You know is thatwe all have have teachings that can be

(01:09:51):
brought together. And the only realteachings is the ones we've lived, we've
been bodied. Yes, that's theonly I would say, that's the only
real teachings. And I can giveyou a personal story about the real teachings
and in the false teachings in methat I went through just recently, another

(01:10:15):
layer of furnishing. It was justunbelievable. So I just want to before
we do any of that, istake a breath and and let you integrate
all that. Yeah, I'm lettingyou go today and I've I've enjoyed every
minute of it, so please don'tfeel bad about it. Yeah, I
uh, I was just gonna sayso, like when you're apprenticing people in

(01:10:41):
your your training and your ceremonies andthings, are you teaching them to you
know, do the same for otherslike in the future on their past.
And I guess just to like pinthis down for me, personally, Like
so you blended all this together yourselfor like was this something that like everything,

(01:11:08):
like the the five shields and thefive the next step after that the
five dancers, the five dancers.So that is your creation, but you
blended it from other things or thiswas part of the shields, is part

(01:11:30):
of sweet medicine, Sun Dance teachings. The purposes are mine and how I
brought that into that. So ifI'm talking sweet medicine, I'll say this
is sweet medicine. If I talkrainbow fire medicine wheels, that's the wheels
I've created to the integration wheels ofall the different right, but the thirty
two count wheel I originally told youabout with all the world, that is

(01:11:55):
sweet medicine. That's the understanding ofsweet medicine. Yeah, yeah, And
to define that. It was knownas the lodge Work of North, Central
and South America. Originally these teachings, and they came through what was called
a Rattlesnake school in Central America inthe twelve hundreds. And then when the

(01:12:18):
Inquisition and not the Inquisition that Cortezcame to Mexico and a lot of these
teachings went into the hills because ofof things there. But these are what
we call lodge teachings. And thelodge is not just a physical lodge,
you know, which it is inmany North American tribes. It's a physical

(01:12:40):
place. This is more of alodge of teachings. You know. I
look of teachings that are caushic bookof teachings that some of which, in
our understanding, came from the Plates, and some came from Syrus, and
some came from other star systems,you know, whether it's Hinduism or Buddhism.

(01:13:02):
And a lot of these trackways havetheir origin and other systems. And
you can ask people like the Lakotaof their origin story as white buffalo calfwoman.
She was a platy and she camefrom the plates. The Utney Mutna
tribe in the south central part ofAustralia also have almost the identical story to

(01:13:29):
the Lakota about a woman who cameto give the law from the stars twenty
six thousand years ago, and it'salmost the identical story the Dogon. In
Africa, they have teaching stories ofSIUs to sound to such a degree that
science was challenging it until recently becausethere was a siahs c and they already

(01:13:53):
knew that, and it was notwe didn't even have the equipment. Yeah,
so that's a great book called theSiri Mystery. But but you know,
all of these teachings are coming together, and some of it I've brought
together from all of my initiations.I've been initiated by the Kiro Shamans of
the Andes and their nine rights.I've you know, and I've seen this

(01:14:14):
whole thing fit into the same wheel. It's just all the same wheel.
And so it allows people to accessit with me teaching them because I have
worked and been initiated to carry thosebundles. And that was your other questions.
Yes, of course, I amsixty three out of near death experience

(01:14:35):
in twenty nineteen, which was twentyone Days to Change your Life program,
I called it in the hospital forsurgeries later Total Unexpected Deal. And it
was then I said, all ofthese teachings, it's time for me to
begin to pass the bundles of knowledgeand wisdom to the next generation. And

(01:15:00):
even though I'm not planning to goanywhere now, it's just like, oh,
that's that's interesting. Maybe it's timeto really do that, and COVID
gave us the opportunity to put allthis stuff online. So that's why Spiritual
Sensuality is online now. And allof my medicine bundles which are here and
that I'll be teaching through and givingpeople stories of those. But yes,

(01:15:23):
you know, the Sacred Lodge,the Sacred Pipe, many medicine bundles that
I was given to carry are beingpassed on and people are apprenticing with me
to do so. And that's anatural currence with every elder. Is is
that responsibility. But whatever path youtake, because it's a pathfuless path,

(01:15:46):
Shamanism is one of many paths,so it's not everything. And you know,
gosh, you got to get itborn again shaman now and stead of
born again Christian. So all pathslead at the center. There's only one
truth. So you already the light, so there's nowhere to go. So

(01:16:06):
you find your way if you ifyou really track from from within, you
will always wind your way. Andso if I'm the one that you want
to hang out with, that's great, and if it's not, it's just
as great. I always say topeople, it's a buffet, men,
you eat what you want. Andif you see nothing you like, then
walk away from the table. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, well so but

(01:16:34):
yeah you are. Yeah. Youwere talking about the twenty one days and
the near death experience in the hospital. M well, the story I was
going to share with you was actuallyeven more powerful than that. One have

(01:16:56):
that in four years and you know, only other parents will understand what I'm
about to say. Yeah, Ihad my own near death. I was
twenty one days in the hospital.I went in for a very small basal
cell from my light skin in thesun and it had spread underneath my cheek,

(01:17:20):
under the skin. It was justa tiny little thing. And they
just told me I was going tohave my whole face cut out. And
I was just kind of spellbound.Imagine that, you know, you teach
and you're online and you're in personand you're performing, and then you're gonna
maybe look like, you know,the Phantom of the Opera. So I

(01:17:43):
was talking about ego smashing. Iwas like, Okay, this is what
has to happen. And they said, we'll do our best to rebuild your
face. Okay. And when Icame out of recovery from two reconstructions of
my nose, my cheek, Iface everything. I almost died. I
had a heart attack and my bloodpressure was two forty over one forty and

(01:18:10):
I was dying and nobody could figureout why. And so I've always told
them I can't do anesthesia. SoI thought, okay, this is it.
You know, they've just given metoo much of this stuff and I'm
super sensitive. But they found thatI had a long story. I this
went on for thirty six hours ofprojectile vomiting and having a blood pressure off

(01:18:32):
the thing, having as much nitroas they could give me, and decided
to take a scan of my aptomenbecause of my projectile vomiting and found a
super rare tumor two and one million. Wow have this tumor on their adrenal
gland? Oh my gosh. Iwas like, and I had had these

(01:18:55):
very odd symptoms going on for abouta year and a half and nobody understood
them. They kept thinking it wasmy heart, and I'm like, no,
I have a good heart, that'sall I teach. Of course I
have a good heart. Like Idon't have a bloggage in my heart.
You know. It's very egotistical,obviously, And so finally I got it.
Cafetered because I wasn't going to geta catheter for them to look.
I was like, I have agood talk, and the ego came,

(01:19:18):
and eventually the ego laughed because Iwas still dying. So I let them
look and they said, there's nothingwrong with your heart, and I said
I I I have a good heart. So they find this tumor, and
the tumor, this adrenal tumor,leaks from anesthesia. It leaks adrenaline into

(01:19:39):
the bloodstream and then it just killsyou. And look close to the heart
kills you. And fifty percent ofthem are diagnosed in and autopsy. They're
just so rare and people just droppedout of them and they have very little
information on them. But I landedin the perfect storm because the people in
Alaska couldn't do my surgery because ofhow close it was to my eye,
and they sent to Seattle, andI landed in the hospital that's the top

(01:20:02):
of five states of the West Coastin this very rare tumor. So I
call this story my eye of theperfect Storm. And from that initiation,
which I'm not going to go intothat detail because that was pretty over the
top, it changed my life,yeah, forever, and this is my

(01:20:24):
new face. Not too bad.You know, it's a long story.
I got put put back together.But I really worked with my teachings all
through this period of time saying,you know, what was this for for
me? And this idea of deathis not real. So I come to

(01:20:46):
the point where now all in fouryears, just two months later, my
partner's father would would guy in thesixties, my mother would pass away,
my friends forty years in my arms, and the most recent one happened twenty

(01:21:08):
months ago, and that is theloss of my only daughter at thirty three
years old. And my near deathwas nothing compared to this. All of
those tests, including both my parentsbeing gone, my brother being gone,
like all of these people being gone, and some of them I watched tragically

(01:21:31):
die, would not take me downas this one did. And I just
lost all meaning and purpose. Ijust lost all meaning and purpose. I
was like, I'm done, I'vedone it all, I'm done. This
is not I'm not going to makethis. It felt like my very body

(01:21:56):
died that day, my soul bythat day. And it was very confusing
because this is my foundation, likeI lived by this foundation, and it
took my foundation with it, andI thought, oh, or my teachings
false also because they took them downright, and I thought, wow,

(01:22:21):
who am I? I was inexcruciating pain and there isn't anything in the
human dimension to me more painful thanthis. And I can say this from
a lot of experience. There's nothingmore painful, more excruciating, and more

(01:22:45):
dismembering. It's the word. It'sa very strong word I'm going to use.
I feel that I'm probably the firstshamani kiel or therapist, psychologist,
however you want to label me thathas given a word to mothers in particularly
the feeling that a part of theirbody was ripped away. And this is

(01:23:06):
going on. I'm on seventeen Facebookpages with bereaf parents, and the mother's
description of losing a part of theirbody is so deeply descriptive. I mean,
like my heart got ripped out,or my navel got ripped out,
or I can't stand a woman suchI can't stand. I'm actually in a

(01:23:26):
wheelchair. My legs won't support melike this kind of dismemberment is that was
the part for me that was sodebilitating. Grief is one thing, and
I'm very used to expressing my painand being in touch with my feelings,
so that's not an issue for me. But it was this this doom that
came to my body, like thisdoom that I had a limb hanging off,

(01:23:49):
bleeding to death, and I justcouldn't kind of figure out how to
work with it. And the blessingfor me in this heart story is,
you know, I'm a channel,so I speak to people across the veil
all the time. I mean,that's something that I could had, but

(01:24:10):
I couldn't hear my daughter in thefirst weeks, and I I was in
excruciating pain about that because I thoughtfor sure that would happen. And my
partner paid for a psychic in Austriafor me. She's the top in all
of Europe, and she doesn't speaka word of English, nor does she
know anything about me any She doesn'twant to know anything about me or who

(01:24:32):
died or anything, and she juststarts to channel and she got my mother,
my father, my brother, mybest friend all to the tea like
everybody that had passed was there.And then my daughter came forward and I
just melted because she was so detailedabout how my daughter passed the intimate scenes

(01:24:56):
of everything, and and I waslike, amen, I get to be
on the receiving end for a changeof this. And I had a profound
thing. And my daughter said,I am trying to talk to you,
but you're so freaked out, likeyou've got an automatic rite with me because
normally I'm a trance channel. AndI guess I was too fearful to bring
her in my body or whatever itwas that just got me so wegged out.

(01:25:18):
And so I started to meditate andjust asked her to come, and
she began to teach me, andher teachings has been the single biggest healing
breakthrough for me because she guided meon how to handle my dismemberment in my

(01:25:38):
body, which I am also teachingbereaved parents about this and how to do
this work. She taught me allmy issues, and she taught me about
my shields and what was happening withmy shield that I actually corded my life
cord to her rather than the earth. I would never have imagined my daughter

(01:26:01):
and I were not the codependent typeat all. We're both aquarians, highly
independent people. I talked to heronce every three weeks. I'm not the
mother that was on like every daywith my child, you know. So
that was so big, you know, and there was just different, you
know, work that I had todo. But she told me to do
one specific thing that really is theessence of what I want to share here.

(01:26:26):
So before I do that, I'lltake a breath and say, how
are we doing on timing because Idon't want to run over time with you
at all? Either. No,go ahead, Yeah, we're in due
time. We have no cut off. So yeah, okay, well,
I don't want to make this toolong of a podcast. So she told
me to do three medicine plant medicineceremonies, so many months apart, and

(01:26:50):
I leave plant medicine ceremonies. Iam very comfortable there. But this was
some pliant that I don't work withvery much. And I thought, okay,
you know, I'll learn about that, and so I'm not going to
focus on the two ahead of themost recent, the final one that I
did in July. And she waspredicting everything that I now know, but

(01:27:16):
I just I couldn't figure it out, you know. She would specify three
ceremonies. Yeah, and she diedat thirty three, right on one,
eleven twenty two at thirty three.Wow. Yeah, my daughter's like a

(01:27:38):
superhero. Some long story about that, but very powerful being. So she
is describing the details of what Ineed to do, and I I nobody
else could really talk to me.You know, friends just dropped out,
family dropped away. Nobody could handlebeing in that space with me, except

(01:28:00):
for you know, a very smallgroup of people, my partner and a
few others. And I thought,this is the only person that can guide
me, because the only person thatcan guide me, so in doing so,
all right, I don't you know, fast forward to this last one
for our time purposes. I decidedto take this medicine and spend the whole

(01:28:24):
day alone in my bed and darkenedroom to do this journey. And that's
how I do all my journeys,if I'm doing them alone, just by
myself and in the in the dark. And so I did all my prayer
work and all my ceremonies. Ibroke down some intentions for it, and

(01:28:45):
then what I experienced. I haveto look at you all. I'm going
to try to look into this camerain the eye I can never describe to
you. I never describe it toyou. I will just say that in
all of my lifetimes and all ofthis life, I have never known who

(01:29:13):
I am before this moment. Never. I had powerful experiences in my life,
for sure, spiritual, big spiritualexperiences, but nothing comes close to
what happened in this eight hours.I will call it for our corny.

(01:29:34):
It might sound or cliche, itmight sound a flash of enlightenment, my
whole being filled with life all theway till like the upper thigh, I
was lying there and this sun cameinto my body and just was me,
and a voice began to speak,and I talked to voices all the time.

(01:29:58):
I mean, that's just who Ihave, right. The only difference
between me and the list of schizophreniaby it. But by the way,
when I took the checklist and Ipassed on all of them, is that
I know that I am the centerof all of that, you know,
I'm I know that my spirit isat the center. It's not in control
of me, like those beings arenever in control of me. It's an

(01:30:24):
offered to do that if it's long. But this voice was my own,
not my little self. It wasmyself as light, pure light, and
I've never heard it like this beforeI know, yes, we all have
an inner voice, and we listenedto that. This was like so beyond

(01:30:45):
that, and it's the first itsaid I am the light that I am
searching for, and the grief andsuffering in pain I have been in I
can't describe. And obviously there's someplace in me that didn't know God yet,

(01:31:10):
like that didn't know her divinity becauseI really didn't know. I grew
up in a My dad was aGerman workaholic. I was driven for purpose,
I was driven for enlightenment. Iwas doing everything I knew how to
get to that goal, and everythingjust got incinerated. Wow in a split
second. Wow, because it wasn'ta voice that was celebral, like,

(01:31:35):
oh, that's a cool concept.I'm the light that I'm searching for.
It was well, that was perfect. You know, we're talking about the
light and incinerating all ego and everythingand it just like glitched the entire podcast.
I just love that, which wasperfect because the voice actually ended this

(01:31:57):
entire thing saying silence is the Goldentu. So, but I just want
to wrap that up so that peoplehave the impact of the point of the
story and we all have different experiences. But in this moment for me,
as I said to you, everythingof my past was gone, and I

(01:32:18):
was struggling. I laid there andI was weeping when I heard this voice
say it as myself knowing it wasevident by realization, and I just laid
there and I had just enough medicineto be pretty far into this journey.

(01:32:39):
But I had my little self likea little mosquito, flying around trying to
figure this out, like what doesthis mean? Like what everything I've ever
done? Like it just it justdissolves in this. It just meaningless.
And and the voice said, yes, that's why you had to lose all
meaning and purpose because it was allfalse. This is this you already are.

(01:33:03):
I already am what I'm searching for, so all of this destiny,
Like I said, but what aboutthe spiritual journey? That said? The
voice said, said, I justsay the light sun, if you're on
a journey, you've already left.Wow, the light And it's just every

(01:33:29):
impact was just like there's nowhere togo, dissolving me. Yeah, dissolving
everything I've ever known as me orthe future, because it was like where
am I going to go from here? If I already am right, hopefully

(01:33:51):
we can make up five minutes.By goodness, Oh my gosh, I
think it's a different thing. Ijust think it's incredible. I mean,
it's just so wonderful because this iswhat it's doing. It's just it's just
taking away everything, taking away everything. And as that light continued to fill

(01:34:13):
my body and my consciousness was completelymerging, the little self was still struggling
around, you know, trying tofigure out what its purpose was. And
I noticed it wasn't all the waydown my legs. So I I said,
oh, it's not all the waydown my legs. How do I
get it down my legs? Andthe light said, you're in the future

(01:34:34):
again. You're in the goal.Be the light, be the light to
spa these legs have never walked lightbefore. It said, wow, Wow,
that says something that means I haven'tfully embodied it yet. And I
was like, wow, can Igive me the you know, give me

(01:34:55):
what I can do right, Andit was just constantly dissolving me. Stay
like the dog, sit, staybe the light. And it was just
constantly telling me this is why Ineeded to lose meaning and purpose, this
is why it all had to dissolve. This is what died. When Sierra
died is my soul got burnished andI had no I thought, you know,

(01:35:21):
it was the worst possible thing thatcould have happened. I was like,
I didn't even want to tell anybodybecause I was like, everyone knows
who I am in the world,and I was like, I lost it
all. It doesn't mean anything tome. I don't want to be here,
you know. And I just lookedlike, you know what, you

(01:35:44):
know? For myself, I waslike, what do you almost died four
years ago and it didn't do thisto you. You knew it was a
spiritual initiation, right. I waslike, I'm out of here. This
is enough, because it really didthe root canal. It did the root
canal to my attachment, the deepestattachment that I have, which is to

(01:36:08):
my child, the deepest attachment andidentity of self, and it ripped it
out of me. And I waslaying their bleeding, going what am I?
Who am I? And when thislight filled my womb, which is
where I was having all the issuesas my belly, just feeling like I

(01:36:28):
had a hole, you know,just filling myself with the light of my
eternity that delusion, illusion that wasso deeply identified in me, not just
my daughter, which of course shewas the main part of its being UNSURPD,
but what was under that was allof this false self that had known

(01:36:55):
itself as real for lifetimes, likethings that always evaded me spiritually in my
life, and all the work Ihad done, they just evaded me.
I mean I looked to every mysticabout what enlightenment was. I mean I
was going for that all my life, you know, like, and I

(01:37:15):
never really understood it because you can't. It's not something you have to experience.
And there's no words to make thiswork, right. So that's another
one to other, stop this littleself and high self or light self,

(01:37:36):
we're separate. There was a personlooking at the light as a separate thing,
and the light said to me,it's just perfect for the experience,
right. So when this little self, you know, finally the voice said,
drop the pen, drop the pen, because you're separating yourself from the

(01:37:58):
light. And I just I couldn'teven look my head. I finally dropped
the pen and I just merged.My little self fell into the light like
a mosquito into the flame, andI laid there in this experience for about
six seven hours and it was sofreeing. Does my grief change? I

(01:38:24):
still feel grief. I'm still learninghow to embody and walk that light.
Yet the darkest night of the soulwas married to this, this experience of
birth, and the two were identical. So this darkest night of my soul,

(01:38:46):
this was the last twenty months,and this berthing happened together. They
were two aspects of the same thingthat I did. Die that day.
I did and I am just integratingwho's being born of light? And so
to me, these experiences that weundergo, these deep suffering experiences that are

(01:39:11):
meant to pierce through the death ofa way of being in our consciousness,
and it's essential that we get thesewhat are Indigenous people call initiations. Not
a victim. This was my initiation. And birth is messy, death is
messy. It all happened, verymessy, is the way it life is.

(01:39:33):
But it's not what happens is whatwe can become from it. And
I thought for sure I couldn't becomeanything from this. And who I am
now and who I was just afew weeks ago, that person's gone amazing.
It's beautiful. Yeah, powerful,powerful message. My goodness, I

(01:40:00):
think you know, we're always we'realways pondering. We all were always waiting.
We're always after something that we alreadyhave. Yeah, I was just
saying, I think we're always pondering, We're always wondering. We're always after
something that we already have within us, and we're endlessly chasing for like what

(01:40:21):
we already have. It's literally chasedour old tail in a way like a
dog, you know. Yes,Oh, that's the perfect end to this.
Okay, there comes the other quote. The other quote is the dog.
The other dog quote is the doggoing up to the top of the
mountain to the guru and it's andthe guru dog says, stop chasing your

(01:40:44):
tail, it's already yours. Yes, so true, so dang true.
Oh man, I couldn't agree more. And I just wanted to add,
like my one of my most powerfuljourneys, if not my most powerful,
is in silent darkness as well bymyself and you know, Terrence McKenna,

(01:41:08):
I used to always say five Grahamsand silent darkness is where the metal beats
the metal, where the rubber beatsthe road. And I highly encourage in
a safe environment and well intentioned likethat is a great place to have a
profound experience. And I second thoughtmyself through my own experience, and I

(01:41:32):
feel your sister and auntie. Howeveryou'd like me to approach you, but
I see you and it's an honorto walk beside you on this plane.
Okay, you want to call itthere, Well, I just want to
I just want to thank you.I just want to thank you for this,
this invitation and invite anybody who wantsto join me for a journey into

(01:41:58):
self. We have this program comingup, and I hope you all just
really really took something for yourself today. Beautiful. Well, thank you so
much, and thank you all forlistening out there. I send you all
peace and love, and I hopeyou have a beautiful rest of the week.

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#182 - Spiritual Sensuality & the Five Shields of Human Design w/ White Eagle Medicine Woman

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#182 - Spiritual Sensuality & the Five Shields of Human Design w/ White Eagle Medicine Woman