Episode 179: Holiday High Life (w/ Stephen Furey, Emma Haney & Alfonso Portela), at Golden Bear

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Something. They call it functional alcoholism. But if you know anything about Ben,
he's got vision with precision microphones andthe tingle love derision. Here about
to hear what be n be?It's time for Barley and Me. Welcome

(00:27):
to Barley and Me. I'm yourhost, Ben Rice is Episode one hundred
and seventy eight. We're here todayin Sacramento, California, at Golden Bear,
one of my haird bars, forour year end wrap up show.
We're going with holiday high lives andhighlights with me today my special guest,
Alfonso Portella. The rest of therestroom, so yeah, you know him,

(00:51):
you love him every year. StevenFury, what up? And of
course also every year, am IHani, baby? We did it.
I've got to grab a highlight.Oh boy, oh man. Yeah,
if you are listening, those arethe sounds of nightmares coming. I told
him to play. Whatever you wantto play will be fined with whatever happens,
like Alloween music all the way,psychoedelicllween. Oh yeah, I mean

(01:12):
I do like foundinization. So it'snot quite as prove really you're up to
that. You got that kind ofvery talented stuff going on. Yeah,
A lot of good pods. Prettytechy anyway. Highlights, we're doing it
at at Golden Bear. Come on, you gotta get a bucket of highlights.
Highlights at Golden Bear. Yeah,yeah, especially you know when you're
sitting in an alley with somewhat dampfurniture. Oh yeah, we're in the

(01:36):
back room this place. Uh,Emma has terrible memories of Oh yeah,
I got eighty six from here along time. It wasn't the quiet person
in the corner. Yeah, itwas quiet. I was sitting back here
with another comic and then some randomguy and that's when this back place was
a bar and no one was backhere, and they were like, we

(01:57):
should take a bottle of out alcohol. And she went and took a bottle
and sat back down, and thenthey kicked us all out. So I
didn't do anything. I was justhere. That's going to get you kicked
out? Yeah every time. Yeah. I was picked up by my roommate
when I was twenty one years old. After I passed out in the bathroom
here, I texted my roommate.He was, oh shit, I ruined

(02:20):
it, ruined it. Oh yeah, coming in nice, everything's coming up,
Thank you, beautiful. I don'tknow if I've ever been eighty,
I've never gotten kicked out of abar. I don't think I didn't really
count that because I didn't do anything. And then I came back like two
months later, and they didn't.It was a new staff, and like,
no one remembers one time. They'relike, you can't be here.

(02:42):
No, no, no, thatdidn't happen. Okay, I love they
have a picture of you just behindthe counter. What happened is one of
the regular waitresses was like, youknew better. Yeah, that's how it
happened. I went to go paybecause I had to pay my tab,
and then I got stuck with theguy's tab. I had to pay for
every thing, and she's all,you know better, and I'm like,
I didn't even do any better.I don't even know him. I don't

(03:05):
know who better is. Everyone who'sever gotten kicked out of a bar like,
I didn't do anything. Okay,I never comedy club parent. You
can't laugh at a comedy club,like I feel like there was probably more
than lapping helping the show. I'veheard that so many times when people like
getting kicked out of punch or laughs, They're like, I guess you can't
have a good time at a comedyshow. Just continue this conversation and never

(03:30):
invite you to a show. Ido ever great. Thank you for the
information. Have you ever been ata show where the hosts used like the
secret term to get someone kicked out? You need a coffee? This guy
needs a coffee and you realize what'sworking and laugh all alone. Coffee they

(03:53):
gave him. We're gonna get moreenergy. We up now to yell ye.
He needs to soak up a littlebit and get a little more extra
energy in there. That's yeah,that's funnier. I was only at laughs
once when they did that and thenskip. The old guy was the only
one who can I'm like, oh, he's gonna get him out. He's

(04:14):
gonna it's gonna be great in theMarines, like you were two and a
half feet tall, tiny baby oldman. The old man. Yeah,
so, how is everybody's a twentytwenty three bit? I assume terrible?
I mean I don't. I meanyou could probably have had a good one.
I guess ups and downs? Whatyeah, wow, I know the
downs. Some of the ups uhyou know, uh uh uh though,

(04:41):
and some of the downs. Boygot sad a lot than that. Pretty
good, pretty good, other thanthose really sad times. This is gonna
be a short podcast if you don'tExpand she's like, all right, I
killed a guy I went to jailfor then I got out on a technicality.
My sister is having a baby.That's good. I've never been in

(05:05):
some people. It's trying really hardto not have a baby. Babies are
so strong. Now she moved toTexas and now it's just different babies,
having a little girl. So I'mgoing to be an uncle. Yeah,
I've never been an uncle. It'sdope. I'm an aunt. It's cool.
Yeah, I'm thinking I have tolearn like a magic trick or something

(05:27):
that's the quickest way to their heart. Magic trick. I feel like I
have like the skills, like tobe a cool uncle. You stand up
comedy. I play fucking drums,like uh, cool movies. Sometimes a
lot taller than the baby. Theydon't think that's cool. Really, all

(05:47):
you got to do, here's howyou established it early is teach them to
stick their tongue out. If you'rethe one that teaches them that, you're
in dude, yeah, because they'sgonna learn that and no parents gonna teach
them that's the uncle's job is reallya thing? Yeah, okay, yeah,
or just with your daughter. Ido it with every baby. I
mean why he's not allowed around children. Don't bring Ben to the party.

(06:11):
He just sticks his tongue out.I'm teaching them better. Your parents will
hate this, but you'll remember me. Like, they don't mind when the
baby does, but they really mindwhen you specifically do that. You stop

(06:32):
doing that. You want children?Scaring me a little bit? Oh?
Can I ask you that this isa good look. I haven't shaved my
head in like three months. Letme see it happened. I conditioned this

(06:56):
ship today. It does look luxurious. It looks besides, I like the
side when you pull the side.Yea yeah yeah. Everyone was just taken
aback, but no like okay,So as for my highs and lows in

(07:17):
my ear so one high. Onehigh is that they are remaking Smurfs so
you could play gentle. You looklike a like a little Latino Bob's Burgers
a little bit. Yeah, soyou're gonna make it in Hollywood. Man
for this? When I walk aroundthe house and I'm were like a wife

(07:40):
beater, who's that? Man?In my house, my sweat pants up,
ask my belly. But that's crazy, Tony. I just don't know
how the things are going around herelately. To the restaurant on Oh yeah,
oh yeah, the guy in uhwhat was his name? You could

(08:01):
also be a friar tuck in anykind of Yeah, so you this is
look I mean, look when itlays down on the side like a monk.
I meant like, wow, I'mjust going with King Louis. You

(08:22):
know, That's what I meant tosay. I stopped shaving it like a
couple of months ago, just ona whim. And then I'm just kind
of like trying to see how longI can go before my girlfriend stops having
sex with me. And you haven'thit that yet. You haven't hit it
yet the moment yet. But hedoes have to wear a hat. He's

(08:43):
just naked with a hat on.You're just in the middle of doing it
with a hat on, and youlike, you take it off. She's
like, get off. Stop tryingto get the skullt going. Really,
yeah, I wouldn't mind. Imean for once in my life. Yeah,
like a total creep. Yeah,yeah, it's very It was the
other guy in uh action Force,Hunger Force. His breakfast pizza is gonna

(09:16):
be bomb ass. No individual plates. Get that running yoke, come get
that runny yo pizzas bomb. It'scool when your hair is like this long.
It's like you got all right,pedophile or pedophile no longer. What's
the look I'm gonna go for.I mean, you could definitely with your
bean and off, you could beattwo different people, you know, like

(09:39):
it robs some place and I wantto have to completely changes take the hat
off. They're like saddle man,a handsome young guy just walked back this
way. I don't know, hitshomeless real quick. The hipster to homeless
pipeline is very Yeah, it's like, oh, keep vedicles wrong. I

(10:03):
like it though. I like agood unique look on people. You know,
Yeah, I got it. Igot a little a little bump because
I hit my head on the takinga ship. I bumped into the door.
Yeah, my dad does that allthe time. He's got so many
like scars on the top. Where'sthis door compared to where you're taking a

(10:24):
ship? The window there's a windowabove like to the left, small bathroom.
The door opens inward and it wasn'topen all the way, so the
door was like above my head,so I stood. It's like a sharp
you got it? Really people withthat door open while you put with the
door partly open because I trying toget a small, small room. I

(10:50):
call it the hurt locker up.Okay, but this is the new me,
guys. I like it. I'mhere, Yeah, go on me.
The more we talk about what youlook like, I've been performing with
this no really, yeah, it'san exercise and uh self confidence. Yeah,

(11:11):
it's like Bert taking off his shirt. You're the same rave without a
hat. That's crazy, that's wild. I'm just trying to accept me for
whom you can definitely do a bitabout it in the middle. I mean,
I mean a closing bit, becauseyou just take off your hat or

(11:31):
do something to lead up to it, and then you take off your hat.
It's like one day I'll take offmy jean jackets on stage, just
jacked arms, just shredded you.Pull you along. I have Alfonso's hair.
I've been stealing it. Shoot,but it's nice to be able to

(11:56):
shampoo something again. Though, Iwill say yeah, yeah, because what
do you do like if you don'tyou know? I mean, I'm guessing
I feel like I'm saying something stupidwash my head, like with my whole
social cleanser. Okay, but nowI like shampoother condition the way I do
he rent and repeat or no.Today I did oh ship. I feel

(12:22):
so good. Thank you for doingthat all for this podcast. I do
it for the podcast. Oh yeah, it's beautiful. Thank you for doing
that for this audio medium. Yeah, they can they can feel it.
They can feel got a conditioned comingthrough this thing. Yeah, that's a
great, big fan of it.Glad you guys like it. Yeah,
it grows on me every time welook at it. When you when you
fluff it out like that. Yeah, I like it fluffy too. Yeah

(12:45):
you should also like get the topreally long into a cool over. I
walked, Oh hell yeah, baby, baby, we're almost there. Baby,
never know. I said it likewe're pregnant, Like baby, we're

(13:07):
getting to come over. We didfind me a cardos cell I'm selling used
cars. Yeah, it get youa windbreaker and a gold chain. Looking
forward to this part of my life. All right, So this is the
part where we just admit that AlfonsoSexy. That's the part of the podcast

(13:28):
just Alfonso Sexy, which is obviouslyneeded that. Yeah, I mean we
didn't need to say it out loud. I'm sorry. I know you guys
all made to drop this sweet soultryvoice. Yeah, coming through this chip
tooth grin, and they thought,oh my god, the sweet sweet whistle
of my tooth. The fair moonsand testoster just coming through these lines,

(13:56):
I get like, I get liketoo drunk though. It was like the
tucking chip control classes. I thinkyou got to work on the whistles talking.
Yes, that's gonna like that.Yeah, it's like it's like he's
the Andrew Bird of comedy us whistlingand telling jokes that cut. I know

(14:20):
you're welcome word that name whistler tenyears Yeah, he's still great guy,
right, Yeah. Sing a songwriter, yep, you got him. Fokey,
fokey guy. Yeah. Violin bends, Yeah, like a contemporary like
souf John Stevens, Yeah, butlike less Christian Illinoise. Yeah, come

(14:43):
on and feel it. That one. That's all I know about any of
those guys. Oh yeah, sevenSwan's also great. I don't know,
I remember that soup Jan Stevens.That was an era here when like every
kid had a fixed gear bike andlike listening to soup Jam and superd little
bike hat right around downtown out Sacramento, riding around being like I'm still emotionally

(15:03):
underdeveloped. I actually have a dY, but I'm sensitive. It's like
I got in trouble with the dy. It was shifting maybe cause the
problem, but I couldn't go froma stop sign. It's so funny.
There's like people, especially you know, downtown Sack was like hipster central back
then, but now like hipsters arelike fifty five. Yeah, yeah,

(15:26):
that happens. People. People arestill mad at hipsters, you know,
like you here's some like older comiclike all these hipsters, I'm like dog,
they're like adults with like six kids. Now. I always just see
it the hipster changes. Yeah,I see it as just like like just
like like like white people generally wholike careful, careful surrounded, like to

(15:54):
look a dirty but cool. Yeah, well that's the new one. The
old hipster were pretty cut up though. Well then the white supremacist took it
over. Yeah they did, well, we better scruff it up. Sounds
a lot of like all the youngkids now now they're all dirty. They're

(16:14):
dirty, yeah, like being dirty. Yeah. Death grips, did it
all for everybody? Dirty? Ialways say that too, almost like God,
these kids are ugly, and I'mlike, I guess that's good.
That's what I'm supposed to be sayingkids are ugly. I used to think
kids were hot. You can't trya little. I guess it's the nineties,

(16:37):
but they and these kids are fuckingugly. The nineties, the nineties,
we all go into like patchy beards, like you know what, if
you want to grow it that way, that's and you can't actually grow a
good one. That's fine. I'mnot allowed to beer beard, I am,
but that's I know you're taking shots, so that's for no reason.
She's got a great beer. Yea, you gotta get beer. Yeah,

(16:57):
I'm a great beard. I don'thave. I divorced him long ago.
Nice. Yeah, comedy is back, all right, Okay, so a
great had it. Grew my hairout, hair, grew his hair out,

(17:21):
gonna be an uncle. Went toVegas, went to see a magic
show. I saw Penn and Tellertook my birthday and it was awesome.
That hotel is pretty bad, though, the real Yeah, the hotel sucks.
I mean, we didn't stay there. Oh, you didn't know.
We stayed at the Belagie. Theyhave they have they have a telephone in

(17:42):
the shitter in the bathroom, likejust a line landline, and I don't
have to go straight to the police. The caller idea is bolagios. I
can call anybody I know from thecall. He just says Bolagi, Like
why the is the ship? Whatare you doing? That's what. But

(18:11):
we saw Penn and Teller and itwas really nice to see it with my
girlfriend because she's very sweet and afterevery trick she would turn to me and
go, how did they do that? Every single trick? Did you know?
Did you know? No, shewas just wanting to share in wonder
with me. But it was justawesome to like, because we're all thinking
that, it's just awesome to hearsomeone say it out loud after every single

(18:33):
Yeah, and now there's a monkey. How did they do that? Like
magic? Let me take this outof my suitcase? How did they amazing?
They got all of that in onesuitcase? Five thousand show in this
theater. How did they do that? Career? Yeah, because they were

(18:56):
there when we were children. Yeah, I realized I saw they're like the
bad boys of magic they were,and I wanted to see because I wanted
to see that Penn and Teller,but I saw like old guys pen and
Tell where they're just like eh,I mean how they're old, but like
they can't do like hanging stuff upside, super dangerous stuff. So it is
like a Mellower performance, you know. I wanted to see some like real

(19:19):
heart hit magic talking about libertarianism.Yeah, definitely, and magically we can
get these lib tards the out ofhere. Like so I'm gonna do a
trick like the government does your moneyis gone? Taxation stuff? And they
say does the government do that?And they turned me right wing so fast.

(19:45):
There are too many Mexicans here.Mexicans, yeah, yeah, they
don't like the South Americans and Mexicansdon't get along. South Americans don't get
along. My what I found inmy uh experience with Peruvian people is they

(20:06):
don't funk with other Peruvian people.Like if I tell a Peruvian person like,
oh my girlfriends from Proving, like, well fuck that bitch. Yeah,
they're like crazy, They like don'twith each other. It's really weird,
like maybe just the spiteful one typeman Americans. I can't judge it.
Yeah, I guess the American ones. Yeah, the ones just Americans,
just like, oh, you're talkingto another American. Nah. I

(20:30):
don't want to paint all Peruvians withthe broad brush. I call me are
the same, evil, spiteful littlejust a happy little prooving up here and

(20:59):
oh man, Yeah, so thatwas my ear. I saw a magic
trick, threw my hair out,that one new thing each time. Also,
no, I didn't. I justwanted to add something else. Okay,
I hate to cap it off.Hung out with my friends in the
back of an alley, smoking cigarettes, squatting like a Chinese guy. That's

(21:26):
just me. That's just my restingstance. My year was good. Something
bad happened early, but I havethis ability to just smoke ships on a
weed and not remember it. Wow, so I've been blocking. I think
something bad happened and then everything elsehas been pretty good. I'm not trying
to laugh at you said. It'san ability you have. That's the thing

(21:51):
other people can't do. Can doit like a real life X man.
Yeah, by pretending it's not there. The deal with mine and then we
pushed them away. Yeah. Igot schariasis this year. That it's gonna

(22:15):
be bad. My doctor, I'mnot gonna do the Chinese accent. But
she goes, because now I couldknow she's very che she goes, it's
so I got in my head andmy nails, which means it's gonna go
into my bones. What so storyoutic arthritis? She how's this gonna go?

(22:38):
And then she goes. She justgoes, you gonna have a very
painful life. Try not do theChinese accent, but get her vernacular.
You don't have very whole story wentwith the song. Yeah, like just

(23:03):
the slow Oh yeah, well thatsucks Steve, And I'm sorry, Yeah,
cool. So I have it onmy wrist right now? Is that?
Can I get right in there andI'm gonna have your skin's a lot
better? Okay, you don't wantit in your nails, Like my nails
look just white. The problem isit's they're a lot deeper than that.

(23:26):
Let me, how do I getit? Get right there? And then
if you want to look at myhead, it's oh, it's so deep.
And then on my nail right there, so it's a patch of skin
pushing it up to make it deadin my head. It's all you can
it's all gross. It doesn't lookbad though. Well yeah, but she
works for you. It works alot of people say hair, yeah,
this is the yeah k c rW radio well today, So that one

(23:59):
wasn't great. You know. Igot it from strap throat. It lowers
your immunity or lowers lowers your abilityto fight stuff. So anything you have
in your DNA that's been getting foughtwill come out. So don't get that.
Don't get okay, but you hadit like you were fighting. Yeah,
I was like Dorman in like DNA. Yeah, genetic and then when

(24:22):
you get something like that, itkind of breaks you down. Yeah,
a lot of people, but Inever had until I was like thirty four.
Wow. Yeah, So I'm justhoping for that. But I heard
there's some stuff happening. It's notbad now other than just like even uglier
nails that I have in my head. It just itches all the time.
But I got the Tonight Show nicereally first quarter next year. It's so

(24:48):
I'll be credit hosting Tonight late latelate late late late show in the morning.
See here, it's actually just localTV. I bought the time slot.
I'll be the guy. So itworks out. It can flake I'll
wear a white suits so they can'tsee the flakes. Yeah, that'll be

(25:11):
sick for a war white suit.Hell yeah, that's awesome. That is
awesome. Yeah, that's incredible thathe worked super hard for that. Yeah,
so it's really hard. There's thisguy Michael Cox, he runs it.
He's kind of knowing to be kindof a hard ass. He says,
really rude ship to it. Ithas to be. Yeah, so
like what you have to do isyou have to type up your set.
I'll tell you how it goes.You have to type it up just perfectly.

(25:33):
Then you send it to him andthen he just eviscerates it, like
really evistrates it. He can bepretty mean well, because it's like standards
and practices, right. It's alsoJimmy Follon's vibe is being pretty family friend
of the other. But you know, it's not like shitting on somebody or
like you know, con in orsomething. So you gotta do that and

(25:56):
then you'll kind of edit it.And that's why. That's why a lot
of time and you watch someone seton TV, like their Conen or the
Tonight Show, it's kind of likeyou're like, this is not very because
they've chopped the fuck up, Sothen I knew he was very hard.
And so the comedy store set upa shoke sixteen people in five minutes apiece,

(26:19):
and I go, I go tomy manager. I go, fuck
it. Can you send my shipto him and have him give me notes
back? And I'm the only personwho did that. Yeah, So I
go okay. So I do thatthree days before and I don't get any
info, and then two hours beforemy set I get it back and he
cut I'll say like sixty percent ofmy ship, and I go okay,

(26:42):
And this is what the funniest partis, and how you'll just realize that
we're all good enough to do itat any time. So then I add
all my oldest jokes, like theI have one about sharks eating and naked
sushi, and I add like twoother ones new ones I do. And
so then when he sees it,he sees that I've completely changed my ship

(27:03):
within two hours. So then nowhe likes under pressure. So now it's
under pressure and he knows. Youknow, I think people got like kind
of an ego thing too, youknow when the stroke well, no,
just like when he's like, oh, this guy listened to exactly what I
said. But it's just so funnyto be like, you know, you're
wanting your stuff. You're like,oh, I just feel like I should
be on there, you know,And then it turns out the stuff that
got me on there I did eightyears ago. I thought you were going

(27:27):
to say, you put Luther Jacksondid Nice is Nasty? That one that
would probably would work on the showout the Zoo. So yeah, it'll

(27:52):
be good, well hopefully, youknow, you never know, but yeah,
you can get bumped last. Ican get bumped over and over again,
like oh, we forgot about you, but he told me and he
said no ship. So imagine likeJimmy Fouan just like laughing all the time,
like during your SATs, Like Imean, I don't want to brag.
It's been a good year for me. I got. I started the

(28:12):
show called Comedy Confidential, which isblown up. It's now gonna be on
Netflix as a joke festival and moonTower and so that show is the audience
puts in a secret about themselves areembarrassed about. Comics go up, four
diven comics go up, and weriff on it and then you choose your

(28:33):
favorite secret each comic doesn't. Atthe end, we do a panel,
we try and bring those people up, and if they come up to claim
it, then I'll buy their wholetap, right. So like, so,
like the person who won it lasttime, everyone has been kind of
poop oriented because it's just so crazyand for some reason people are just you

(28:56):
know, like how you go fora while, He's like, I've been
waiting peep wrop the kids up atthe boob. So the guy who won

(29:17):
the last one, he got staphinfection in his face from eating ass.
He goes from eating a first gradeteacher's ass at the Abbey, which is
like a legendary gay club. Andthen so we'll also trying and like start
talking to him when we will wellwe don't believe, you know, And
he goes, here's a picture.This dude's face looked like he was stung
by beans just from eating as Yeah, I mean it's a good reason.

(29:44):
But also got a story he gota tab paid. And then there's he
got it buddy twitting at he embarrassedhimself. This is a cool thing that
show. We're going to record itall and then we blow out everybody's faces
so they don't get shown. Yeah, this other chick hers was She goes,
I like to eat my boyfriend's ass. Well, I'll do more.

(30:07):
One more of this. I liketo eat my boyfriend's ass after he poops.
Right, So we say that outthere and then one guy's gonna choose
that, right, and then we'regoing like, okay, we bring it
back. So then when we bringher on stage, so the best part
is the reveal of the person,because they're never what you think. This
chick was hot as fuck. Okay, and she comes on stage and everyone's

(30:30):
like this bullshit. You know,we kind of do like a how would
you guys think a bullshit detector?Blah blah blah blah. And then we
go, okay, what does ittaste like? Then she goes, which
is a great answer, sweeter thanyou think sweet. I thought it was
sweet too, but it turns outit's even sweeter than you think. It's
so gross, I got a sweettooth. I got a sweet tooth.

(30:55):
And the only prescriptions more as kindof makes you want to try. It
makes me want to eat. Allright, all right, you don't have
to all my years of evolution tellwe're telling me that you just heard like
the two most it's like eating assafter this ship is sweet, but then

(31:15):
you could get staff on it inyour face, on your brain, so
that's very dangerous. And then anothergood one was they go we pull the
car and it goes. I rodethe bus to my girlfriend's house and I
fingered her before I washed my hands, which is pretty funny. You know,
we you know, okay, we'regonna that we choose that person and

(31:37):
it turns out to be a tinylesbian gros fat guy. That's funny.
Yeah, so it's good. Sothat'll be coming to the internet starting in
the new year, full episodes andpodcasts. I Alfonso and I were talking
about it that one night when weplayed pool, about the Steve Fury and

(32:00):
just the evolution of that show name, because when you were in Sack,
it was like Steve here, hepresents the featuring Steve. He really cut
the fat on. Yeah, butit's not the same meaning. Yeah.
Well, the problem is once youstarted dealing with like insanely famous people,

(32:22):
can't be silly. Your names onthere a million times. Yeah, so
once you started dealing with these famouspeople too, because so that's that show
is making makes me a lot ofmoney. But also it's like I have
to pay everybody. I can't writeit off on the taxes because I can't
ask for like, you know,Mark marinon Koum male social Security number.
So that part is very rough.And then so you also everyone in these
first these famous people are kind ofhard to deal with. Those guys are

(32:44):
pretty cool, but some are hardto do with. So like they don't
want to do a show with astupid name or anything like that. Yeah,
we don't want to be silly hereas Communians. Well they're just like,
I don't know, man. Sothen Crony's came. I honestly,
I went on chat GPT and Iwas like one of Steve's friends. Yeah,
like all names were different, SteveFury and Friends. My favorite one

(33:05):
is Anthony josl Nick. He hasone Anthony j JustLink and enemies. That's
pretty good. That's pretty good.But yeah, so that's really great.
You know that show is that showlike supports me mainly. And the cool
thing about that one is is Itry to describe it like Pokemon, you
know, like to get these people, it's very hard to do. But
once you get them, what youreally want is you want one of their

(33:27):
assistants, because then when to askhim you have to do a face to
face comics as No, they're justlike normal people that want to break into
Hollywood or something like that. Solike when you ask them, you got
to grovel, and it's just kindof embarrassing and a lot of times you
kind of want to act even thoughwe're not peers whatsoever. They were peers
and then when I got to grovelfor something you're not. But once you

(33:49):
get their info, then it's justI get it. I could throw it
out whenever I walk, they justthrow an email out. So it's been
fun going around trying to capture theseguys. Yeah, I've got some good
ones. It's neat the show flyersand I'm like, well look at that
that little nine, Yeah, itwas out there just did. The coolest
thing was I think I messaged youabout it because I live with Connor and

(34:10):
he's got me watching like all thesestand up things which I never used to
watch, Like huh, no,I live with Connor, but he's got
me watching all this like stand upshit on YouTube, all these shows that
I never watched, and then oneof them that we watch like all the
time, and you were on thething and I was like, yeah,
no, it wasn't don't tell itwas the one where they the audience gives

(34:30):
you like the oh yeah, Jeremiah. Yeah. The show idea kind of
came from so it kind of camefrom stand up on the Spot, which
then came to But's Got Brian Simpsonruns a show out the Comedy mother Ship
called Bottom of the Barrel. Yeah. Instead of people yelling it out,
you just pick names, and youknow, when you do it, I've

(34:50):
done it a bunch of mother Ship. When you pull it down there,
it'll be like Obama sucks dick andit's like, Okay, that's not really
you know, he's so riff onit, but it's not great. But
I was like, someone gave mea secret, and then I was like,
Okay, that's a good idea,But then how do I make it
more unique? I watched Roast Battleand I love the panel part at the

(35:13):
end, yeah, and so Iwas like, that'll be it. And
then that's how I thought of it. But I guess there's somewhat other shows
kind of close to that over theUnited States, and I don't know.
I love watching those clips of youdoing those cups and you're just like clearly
drunk. Yeah, and then they'revery funny. Yeah yeah, yeah.
Have you filmed any of that show? Yeah? So we got three in
the bag. Yeah, they're gonnakeep coming. Now. It's gonna be

(35:34):
monthly. Maybe I'm trying to getit to be weekly at some point,
but we'll see how it goes.Are they online at the moment or that's
no, it's gonna get released,I think first the year I'm doing it
with the Comedy Store, Like we'resplitting it. So that's how it's getting
in all this kind of publicity andstuff. But it'll be all be out
and it's good. It's it's thebest thing I've ever done. Yeah,

(35:55):
you're magnimum. Yeah, it's thebest man, Steve, twenty four sounds
fucking dope. Twenty four, Yeah, it sounds twenty four sounds dope.
Yeah, hopefully, But you know, I've dealt I used to deal drugs
for so long, and things fallapart so quickly, you know, when
like I'd be like I tell everybody, hey, give me your money.
I'm gonna go to medicine and gopick up five pounds. I'll bring it

(36:19):
back and in my head, I'mgonna make five pounds of it. I'm
gonna make five grand today, Sothen I start buying ship and then you
end up that guy never answered hisphone when I drove to Medicino. Now
all bull these people money and Idid all this kind of stuff. So
it's like it could really all fallapart, all fall apart. Yeah,
nothing's promised, nothing everything like,oh yeah, this is dope, and
then just fall it would happen.Yeah, but but we'll see. You

(36:40):
don't have any control, any controlof bringing this out. All you can
do is just do your best,be nice to people, hope something works
out. Like crony is the nameis so perfect, Yeah, like cronies.
That's what we were, That's whatwe were talking to. Just like
yes, like that is so likeyes, And it's a word that you
forget, you forgot yeah yeah yeah. And it means like your little little

(37:04):
devilish friends, ye yeah, likeyour unnamed Yeah yeah, exactly, cronies.
Whenever I think of cronies, Ithink of the flying monkeys from the
Wizard of Oz and even just theWicked Witch of the West, and he's
like everyone and everybody. Yeah,that's rad. It's like a nineteen forties

(37:27):
al Capones. Yeah, yeah,yeah, crony. I do get a
lot of compliments on the name.It took me a while. I mean
it took me a while just lookingthrough all the different types of like you
said, you chat gpt' it.I just yeah, because you know,
I'm not really I was. Idid on that was this, But all
I said was, what are differentnames for cronies or not cronies? What
are your friends or something like that, so I could have or whatever.
He's like, well, that's that'snineteen hundred Fury. This is twenty twenty

(37:52):
three Furity Almighty chat GBT. Sothen I did that, and yeah,
that one's great. But you know, Commedy Store could go We're not doing
any more outside produce shows, takeit away. So but it's sold out.
Everyone happened. Yeah, it's justship happens, and you know,
people get greedy and they see thatin mind. I mean mine does do
the best though there of the mainroom show. Yeah, that's great.

(38:14):
I mean that part is really cool. Yeah, and then we party in
the back too. I'll smoked cigarsin the back. It's fun trying to
do the same thing, real businessup front, someone would say, clearing
out everything has gone. It's like, uh, the Spirit Halloween Store on

(38:42):
in April on front, and thenSpirit Halloween Store in October in the back.
And then I got engaged too.Yeah that was great. Yeah,
but that's a third one for sure. Yeah. The other two are far
more important. I've gotten engaged toyour your lovely fiance. Yeah, yeah,

(39:07):
Georgie's great. Really, it's allwork that that one was crazy because
it's just do you want another?I think we get another bucket, bucket,
new bucket, Okay, I meanI'll go get the bucket. You're
you're up next to Oh. Asfar as what's going on, you get
nothing that talk about ste should weedit? I think we just keep talking.

(39:30):
We'll go whatever. My ship wasgood, and then you talk about
yours. Now, what was yourgood? Was your what was your high
and low? I think that's agood. I don't know. I don't
know my low my low. Yeah. Well, I went through that breakup
last November and that took me outuntil like it's November, Yeah, till

(39:50):
like July. I was pretty shitty. Did you break up with her?
She spoke with you. It wasmutual, which I feel like makes it
worse when it's like an agreed uponsplit. Both were like this sucks.
Yeah, pretty much like this isstagnant and no one's going anywhere. And
then I was severely depressed for likeeight months, didn't do anything but just
go to work. That sucked.But now I'm fine. Yeah, you're

(40:16):
in your new job. Right.Was that happened this year? Yeah,
it's weird because like when we didthis last year, it was like I
think I stayed pretty stagnant in comedy, but my career, like my day
job went up and it was good. But this year they were both very
stagnant, just because it sucks.Yeah, working does. Working sucks.
But then I had the hard talkwith my parents. But I but I

(40:37):
like sandwiched in with like, hey, I'm sleeping with a guy again.
Hear anything else home? Yeah,So there I sandwiched it. I started
with that, and then I waslike, but then, also, I'm
probably gonna try and do comedy andgive it an on a shot because I

(41:00):
never have this whole time. Andthen my parents were just like, but
we can't financially support you. Iwas like, oh, I just need
like emotional support that either. Yeah, actually, how much money do you
want? It turns out we wegot a little bit. Just stop calling,

(41:20):
you stop calling. But yeah,I don't know that the breakup was
I'd say that was like my firstantimal ben was around. That was like
my first like actual heartbreak I've everhad. It was terrible, awful and
uh yeah glad you guys. Breakup stagnate is kind of just a relationship
because we were together for like fouryears and I think one of us didn't

(41:43):
want to take the next step oflike living together, and then it's like
what's the point at that? Butyou know what I mean, It's like
if you're not going to advance anything, then yeah, it was just sitting
where it's at, So what arewe doing? Hard decision, but the
right one, I think, Yeah, you feel ok. Now there you
go. Now I'm like, fine, thank you so much, good good

(42:09):
second bucket a highlight wed We aredoing great work. I'll I don't know.
My year wasn't that exciting? Ithink just because of that, Yeah,
put a lot of stuff on hold. Yeah, I didn't realize how
crazy and I have like bipolar two. But I'm like, oh man,
this is like the worst I've everhad it. You level up three,

(42:34):
leveled up, you guys. Thenext part in the franchise, I'm just
doing it for money. I wrotea good joke about bipolar that was the
good thing about it. I said, well, I'll give you a line
that I bipolar too. It soundslike like a shitty sequel like bipoll too,
and this time it's personally you're justgoing for the money. Yeah,

(43:00):
But then, of course is aclassic classic, It is a classic.
It was my parents fault, Along time one. My parents. They
brought them back. They were dead, they're dead, but they still what's
dead may never die, you knowwhat I mean. But that's its highlight.

(43:24):
The highlight is just now I feellike I am because like I've never
been single for longer than or threemonths. So this year I went like
a full year with not dated.Now I'm in a relationship, but I
went like a full year. Idid therapy for for the full years.
So now I like, when youunderstand yourself better, So I feel happier

(43:45):
in that regard. But you knowwhat I mean, when you know yourself,
yeah, it's kind of cool read. But then I'm like, fuck,
man, I didn't. I didstand up and I did shows,
but not as much as I wouldhave wanted to. But now I feel
like when I go into it thisnext year, it's going to be way
better. But I feel like you'realways writing a lot. Yeah, I
write a lot, But I mean, if I'm not doing anything, it's

(44:07):
not outlet's not doing it. Yeah, I'm like, I guess I could
sell these off. Anybody want mesuicide jokes? There you go, some
of these, you like to putthem in your catalog. I know you
have Jimmy Arrow. It might helpyou out a little bit. Bud Well,

(44:29):
Wait, hold on, I gotsome dentist stuff in here, somewhere,
rotten brotten tooth here. Enjoy thatshow. Yeah. So yeah,
when I hit it this year,I have a lot of new stuff that
I wrote, which is cool.It's a pretty mediocre year. But if
you get bad, if you knowyourself better and that kind of stuff,

(44:50):
that's quite a lot. Yeah.Yeah, you guys on that therapy tray,
I guess that. Yeah, Iguess everybody's like, no definition.
Yes, I learned that therapy andthen I quit, Like, wait,
what I got? I'm engaged boyat the front of the room late night.

(45:15):
This is changing my whole life.Yeah, yeah, what about you,
Ben, I maintained being a dadkilling you haven't killed, you haven't
killed. You've been killing it atnot killing. Yeah, I've been crushing
this dad thing. Love it.A lot of the producing going producing is

(45:36):
going pretty good. Uh yeah,I added some I I officially decided to
acknowledge that I run shows on mypromotional material instead of pretending I don't you
have to go to therapy for thatsame guy? Yeah. Yeah, They're
like, maybe you should like takecredit for things to do. I'm like,
I don't like that, you know, to come out as a producer,
You've I'm like, I'm like,if everyone to think that I just

(46:04):
work at the place that I'm doingthe show, that's fine. Like what
if you was this spurred by thisyear the comedian was shitty? Oh yeah,
oh actually no it was before that, but it was shitty. But
no, so borleyed me. Somepodcast is now borleying me productions where I
do because I also then, yeah, just fine, I'm just telling you

(46:25):
about my life. Well no,we're talking about your life. Yeah,
you can do that into a microphoneand stead of away from microphone. I
don't know if he wanted Keith's nameto be Look, he's edited. I
mean, yeah, he said sometitty stuff and uh that's his own fault
and that's he's got to live withthat, and that's yeah fine. Well
then he moved to Ukraine. Waswell, he went to Ukraine, went

(46:49):
to Ukraine, but just escape allegations. She's trying to get some of that
money we're thrown over there. Iheard they're given five billion to Ukraine.
No, he went to go talkingabout ben Yeah, I need more weird
killer jackets. You guys come out, And I wonder if no, it

(47:09):
was it was because I can't justkeep doing shows for like five dollars,
you know, because when you whenI started all these shows, I've been
running for like eight years, youknow, seven eight years. For most
of these shows, I'm like,I didn't have any obligations, you know.
I rented a I rented an apartment. Now I own a home and
I have a baby. I'm like, I can't I have to like make
money, make money now. SoI started that like in January, and

(47:31):
like immediately it took off, likeall of a sudden. I was getting
like, you know, per showpayments, like just to be the producer,
like not even having to host it. Started working with Crockerd Art Museum
and on their comedy program. Ifthey want to do comedy goes through me,
which is pretty cool. Got alike a new room that pays really
well, and just like getting referralsand stuff, and you know, overbidding

(47:55):
myself. But I'm like, youknow, I'll tell you why it costs
us much. And I don't agree. That's your right, Like I get
it, like the economy sucks ifyou don't want to pay that, Like
I can't be mad about it,but that's what it costs to do this
shit now. But yeah, itwas like immediate return. So I was
like, oh shit, I shouldhave done this so long ago. But
yeah, I can say from seeingthe Crocker Art Mix show that you did

(48:17):
that I was a part of.Yes you were, that was awesome.
It was awesome, right job,Yeah, very well done. Yeah,
the great time. Yeah, it'sI'm just like I want to you know,
because there was I don't want totalk shit about whoever's running before,
but like they were like complaining theywere getting the same comics over and over
again. I'm like well that's fuckingstupid. And so they tried to like
get like three people and he's like, he's like, oh, I'm trying
to reach through three people to helpbook it along with you. They're not

(48:40):
responding. I'm like, I knowthe same people they do. You don't
need them, Yeah you don't,we don't. I don't need to fucking
argue with these guys. I'll takeit from here. And he's like,
holy shit, Like, yeah,it's not that big a scene. There's
about twelve comics. Yeah, anotherproducer that knows a lot of different Yeah,
I'm like, you're not gonna getanything really good. I'm a producer.
I'm got these twelve guys or superstarsyou've ever ket I don't want to

(49:04):
my own whore. But two ofthe three guys you're talking to when they
don't know what to do, theyreach out to me about like, hey,
I'm out of comics. Who's newaround? So, like, you
don't need them because I give themlists. Try to stop by lunas.
Apparently it's I know. So theyopened another Simon's across the street. Yeah,
so yeah, that was Simon Simonand Simon. You've got gar phone

(49:27):
closed Simon's closed to Simon close toYeah, Simon's closed early after the guy
died, didn't Simon what the ownerdied and then they closed or they were
going to close and then they wererevitalized. Yeah, and then now they're
closing. Yeah. I like Simon's. I used to get so fucked up
there. It likes doing next tolike a normal regular Joe and then like

(49:53):
some politician fucking around. That wasalways the thing. That's just so funny.
It's like you're gonna go to theBringer Mistress spot. Yeah, it's
a Chinese place, but the food'sterrible, so no one comes. Yeah,
and you can just bang mistresses.It's like the reviews of the food's
great, but then you go inthere's like you're cleaning, microwaving all of

(50:14):
this. Their food was terrible,but the reviews were like it's so good.
Like, no, it's not.It's so good and secret a secret
bathroom, the photos to the pressabout you and your mistresses. You got
to leave us, it's so good. There's no cameras every now and again
a couple of Now, I seehow it works, but like a couple
of times they would get I'm surethey got a deal from their like liquid

(50:37):
distributor, and they'd be like,hey, buy this bottle from me.
I'll give you a deal just becausethey need to make commission, and so
they'd get like a bottle. ButI don't think they knew what they had,
so they'd sell like nice tequila forlike six dollars. Yeah, you're
just like, what the Yeah therewas no vibe reason to any Yeah.
Yeah, but I know that itwas just because it was like they we
got we don't normally have this orwrapping. Get some FORTI layser with every

(50:59):
lettuce wrap. Yeah, you're cominghere with your mistress. We don't tell
anybody who pays a thousand dollars dollarsthank you. We see you didn't bring
a mistress. You see you didn'tbring a mistress. This is done all
right soon. Yeah, performed atone of the last last Yeah, I

(51:20):
was supposed to that. I wasthat I was attacked, attacked. I
made it for that. Yeah,great, thanks, I got I got
pretty drunk and then performed a partand it was, you know, still
better than everyone else. Yeah.For you you get three, you get

(51:42):
four normal people and then all therest of their open micros and things I
loved about it the most were theblender short little Kelly, like, what
do you want sweets like in themiddle of your set? Love good?
Yeah, I love Kelly. Lovethe blender woman in the red hat,
who would come you have a bestjust real or not? But that ethereal

(52:05):
woman might have been a going Iwant to be here to be mad about
something they had. I'm waiting.I came here for the not common.
I mean I also went for theby the way, there is common.
I did all the time. Igot a grilled cheeser once and I just
had one slice of tomato in themiddle, Like, yeah, I if
we could talk about it, getthose tomatoes out of grilled cheese. Maybe

(52:30):
that's save lunas. How we couldhave saved I'm glad it's tomatoes and no
one wants tomatoes on the grilled cheese. It was like a cold. It
was a cold. Yeah. Itwas the end. Yeah. I feel
like such a you know, sucha a cornerstone for like our Yeah yeah,

(52:55):
in sacrament, but also specifically inmy mind like art. Yeah,
because like it was like you know, like Jose Montoya used to perform there
in the bathroom. The males bathroom, the men's bathroom, yeah, said
god bless a Montoya. And Iremember seeing that and be like, oh
ship Montoya. I met when Iwas a little kid, and I was
he was like this like artist,poet, writer, incredible dude, like

(53:17):
start the Royal Chico Air Force,like art movement like the seventies, like
a Sacramento Chicano Icon. Yeah,and like I feel like a lot of
times I would see comedy there andthey'd be like, oh man, these
kids don't know. They know,these kids don't know. Yeah, they
don't know. There's like things andthere's posts all over the place, like
news write ups. Yeah, it'slike nobody understands, like just how much

(53:38):
of a center that place. Yeah, we kind of had like a weird
They're like you could get nachos orbeer or smooth Mony Moothie. It was
a mismatch. Yeah, thing thatno one really wants menu together to Juice
bar, you know how. Iwas like, I want smart and Juice.

(54:00):
Didn't we do that that jazz showtogether? There? They did comedy
and jazz and they were like we'regonna play a couple of songs and I'm
like, oh cool, we gota little break and then Alfonso was like,
a jazz song is seventeen minutes long, and they're gonna do two in
between each comic. And I'm like, we were there for like three hours

(54:20):
and I shut her every day becauseyou went off on the drummer. I
did ahole and play drums. Butit was funny though, Oh I got
one drum off. You're like,all right, no, so for the
first no, are you rushing yourdragon? It's like that, what's that
wat? Yeah? No? Becauselike remember because Bent hosted and he kept

(54:42):
doing yeah, and Ben like wouldn'tsay anything to him, and then I
think you and up after him orI don't know that d then you're like,
don't do it's my favorite version becauseit doesn't happen. It's awful,
like they don't know great told himnot to do it anymore. And then
I went up later and I dida joke and it fell flat, and

(55:06):
then I was like, where wereyou? I can't play the drums.
The kid. The kid was great, very good, and I was just
like, do Tony Williamses, Ohmy god, it was yeah, baby,
growing out jazz and take it fora walk. And he could do

(55:29):
it. He was just yeah,I was scared of Yeah. Yeah,
I'm taller than his hands are bleeding. Yeah. He just sees this like
bald, angry Mexican guy with amustache, and he doesn't know my huge
pussy, so he's just like hewas just like listening. That was such
a weird show. What was yourworst show this year? Man? I

(55:55):
got one. I feel like youprobably just did. I just did.
Uh where the New Jersey Devil's playwith Burke Kreischer. Ten thousand people and
I'm up there and as I'm onstage, a guy yells out say something
funny, Oh different, ten thousandpeople. That just hurt I kept through

(56:19):
yeah, and everyone heard it.Yeah yeah, if I can hear it
on stage, everyone heard it.So then I just caught. But I
don't want to dress it and juststart freaking out on somebody, because in
the Ruins, everybody's time, SoI kind of just kept going through it.
But that one hurt me the most. That sucks. That's brutal.
I always feel like it's weird,like like, tell me something funny,
like, oh, that's I don'tknow who you are. I don't know

(56:40):
what your tens of comedy is,you know, everyody has a different sense
of I'm like, that's not goinginto a trying. I go into a
restaurant, like make me my favoritedish like my mother used to make.
Like, I don't know what thatis, man, I've got a grilled
cheese with a tomato on it.Though I did, uh, I told
you. I think I told bothyou guys about this. It was when

(57:00):
I did it. I got hitup randomly by by Frankie Marcos and he
goes, are you free tonight.I'm doing a show with Brene Vodkas for
four hundred people in Sacramento. Weneed a host. You just need you
to open it up. Do tenminutes. And it's at eight pm.
And I was like, yeah,sure, like I'll do that. I
got nothing going on that night,so I'm like, send of the deets.

(57:21):
He sends me a flyer with alowrider on it and a girl on
it, and it just says afamily first, car Club, Shrimp and
Crab feed for details, call Paco. I'm like, all right, So
I show up and it's I don'tknow anybody, I don't know anything.

(57:44):
It's huge. It's like four hundredtroloslas, like like car club shit,
and my dad was like in thecars and had like another car club,
and my understanding of family first carclub is there like the South Sack car
Club. And I'm from North Sack, so like or at least you know
the families. And so I getsitting at I don't know. I'm like,
hey, what's up. I'm hearingone of the comedians. I don't

(58:04):
know what to do the rash awaywho to talk to, And the guy
goes, yeah, let me sityou next to U my family while I
wait to figure out what to dowith you. And I'm like okay.
So he sits to be next tolike a table of like his dad and
mom and wife. They don't knowme. He goes, hey, this
guy's the comedian. He's just gonnabe here for a minute while we figure

(58:28):
out. I'll go by the bath, like I'll go anywhere else. But
then I'm staying next this hard,old fucking child guy. He's like,
where are you from? And I'mjust like from yeah, where you're from?
Yeah, where I'm from. AndI'm like, I'm from yeah,
the same place. Even I waslike from a family grew up like Gardenland,
like Norsac and he's just like,where are you from. He's like

(58:49):
fally high South said, oh,a boxing gym. And I'm like,
okay, I get it, Iget it. I get it. So
I didn't use I have the samename as my dad, and I don't
know if my dad has like enemiesor whatever, So I don't use my
real name the whole time. They'regonna say it any moment. No,
oh, they didn't hold them specifically, not yeah, when they well,

(59:09):
hey, they didn't bring you someoneelse's name. So eventually it's like I
meet I you know, I seeFrankie, I see Renee. They have
us hide out in this like otherroom. It's in like the Scottish Right
Masonic Center, which is just likeyou know, some convention, THEE Center
in like es Sacramento. And soI'm just sitting in this other room waiting
for three hours, but the showdidn't start to like ten pm, like

(59:29):
four hours to wait for the showto start. When I go on,
it's like everyone is in a frenzy. They're eating. It's like four hundred
people in this big hall, andthen the lights are up. It's just
awful, you know, and thenthe guy goes up. They're They're like,
all right, who saw the Raidersand Niners game? Raiders and the
crowd's like Niners. The crowd ismad about Raiders and Niners, which is

(59:55):
like if you want to get acar club, fucking go into on the
California Art the fucking Raiders Niners ship. And then they go, all right,
here's the comedian. So I goup by the way, I'm I'm
going. I go up. There'slike a band behind me, and I
just start just like everyone's eating.There's like four people sitting in front of

(01:00:16):
me watching me, who were like, Okay, I bomb for ten minutes.
Nice, I'm supposed to host,but I bring up Frankie and I
go, I'm just gonna leave becauseI'd already I'd already been there for like
four hours, so it's like ohyeah, yeah yeah. So I was
like, I'm gonna leave. Bringup Frankie. He does he Frankie does
great in rooms like frank still justeat ship. Renee does good. Renee

(01:00:37):
does his hump the stool thing likehis the leg whatever, and he crushes
but he almost gets his as kidbecause he's like starts talking ship. But
it was like wild, my Ilater I just like it was just like
talking to a sea of people whodidn't give a fun that's the worst one.
They're milling about, they're mad atme. I'm like, my name

(01:00:58):
is uh, I have to mentionI mentioned my name in my act.
So I am Alfonso. Okay,my last name is not Portella. Right
for this you can see Alfonso Alexanderon State the Worst Last Days. And
so I go, I tell mydad about this and I'm just like,
hey, man, so I justdid this show the other night for the
Family First Car Club crab Feed anduh he's like, oh ship Family First,

(01:01:23):
Like yeah, he goes, youdidn't use your real name, did
you? You were Alexander, right, like I told you. I told
you. That's why I gave youa middle name, husing situations like this
and so yeah, so I wasuh yeah, So I just uh,
I bombed, I left and thenuh yeah, that was it. That
was like the beginning of the yeartoo. It was like January. It's

(01:01:44):
like the start of my ear.People always think that the worst show you
can do is when people don't laugh, but it's when they don't listen and
they're just when they're not you're talking. I can do spiles. You're talking
to a group of people and listeningto you. Yeah, the worst have
the pocket that pocket of people havesympathy for you. Yeah, I don't

(01:02:06):
really want And you're like, couldyou not pay attention like the rest,
I'd rather, you know, likeeveryone else eyes behind, not even anywhere
else but up here, man,I want dred percent on board er off
board. I can't be doing theninety six four. But then I was
that. So I hang out apool hall. Yeah, I know,
and you hurt your hip iol justplaying too much pool so much like the

(01:02:32):
Widow. But I'm hanging out thereand there's like a good food there and
so like these dudes were there andthey all had family first car club jackets
On and I walked to him,I have my queue and I'm like,
walk to my table and I said, hey, I turn around. They're
like, are you comedian? I'mjust like, no, I just play

(01:02:54):
Portella not. Alexander confused, Okay, you look kind of funny, and
I was like, I'm not notfunny. I'm sorry, guys, I
don't want to do it. It'slike we're stinted. Q. Is that
the one on Fruits? Yeah?Yeah, I had a burger. It

(01:03:14):
was delicious, so good, right, I love that. But that's the
other big thing in my years,I've been playing incessantly. When I just
the one time I went to watchyou guys play, I was like,
well, look at him go andI was like, Ben, you suck
weaved out on it man, andhe was, no, this isn't my
my regular my regular que or whatever. Sick. But I'm like, Alfonso

(01:03:37):
and his girlfriend were kind enough tobuy you that for your birthday. Now
you're not going to claim it.We did have on that. Benton has
a stocking in our house. Hedoesn't know that yet, but by the
time just comes out hill Now,yea a tiny stocking in our tree for

(01:03:59):
Benton. We've adopted him, asI think adopted him. He adopted him.
Yeah, that was. It wasme and Becky and Benton staying up
in Humboldt this year for the festival, and that was I'm like, I
will never have another group of peoplestay with me again. Those two are
perfect guests. Yeah, easy tohandle. Easy to handle for sure.

(01:04:21):
Yeah, I do not a littlebit. I don't. I'll take a
little bit. Oh can we takea break? You can take a break.
It's totally left Christmas. We're backwith some whiskey. The thing I'm

(01:04:46):
not a huge fan of. Oh, Stephen Feury's face says, how much
person? Anyway? Have you guysever had peanut butter whiskey? Yeah?
I just discovered this this past year. It's like, not it's not strong,
but screwball, right, yeah,screwball peanut butter whiskey. I imagine
that somebody was eating some fucking pieceof ship, was eating a peanut butter

(01:05:10):
sandwich, and you got your whiskeyand away. Because I've been so good,
I'm I'm not gay. I'm notgonna drink fireball. What was that
peanut butter whiskey? Down? Igot a bottle of that when we were
up and humbled this year and thenwe had conquered grape juice. We were

(01:05:30):
trying to make like peanut butter andjelly. Yes, and it was dangerous.
The children loved it. Crustables,we got some conquered cognac. Oh
that four years episode we all died. Yeah, remember I bar before we

(01:05:53):
everyone, I'm like, hold on, Steve, pull over or no,
you were ahead of me or behindme. We're like we're like we're at
brewery so much still and the people, the wife and the husband fought,
Like when she came in, she'slike, you're drinking, you know,

(01:06:14):
because me and Dory close, theyclosed. Dorry and I were outside and
we walked back into the We havedone that six years later. We just
walked my house because it's a blockaway. We did do one of your
house, but didn't have one lastyear. Last year. Honored to be
here doing this. Yeah, I'mhappy to have you. I haven't missed
a year yet. His house.Yeah, you know he came by after

(01:06:40):
No. I'm I'm going to takethat as a shot. Yeah, I
came for to hang out my friends. We're all like, we've been drinking,
say sounds all day drunk. Weare no help you when you get
really drunk up, but drunk upand you get sucked up. Is you're
very complimentary about clothes you are?Yeah, I hear that, sweetheart.
You're always just like, what isthis jacket? I'm definitely better drunk.

(01:07:10):
The year that we did at anew hell v Shaw and he brought the
hunk of boars and he kept givingus ship because we were just just rob
like I stole that I was juststolen salute. I came with this like
old Pendleton jacket that I have.Yeah, I want to touch it.

(01:07:33):
That'suff. It's got a little kick. Yeah, it's not as smooth.
I took a gentleman as as asipper. I'm like, okay, very
warming, really very warm. Itmakes me make my brain. It makes
me make that face I made whenI was a teenager and I drink like
soco, and I go like,that's the same face period when like a

(01:07:57):
liquor drinker, neither drinking, likedude, like I drink so much just
chocolate dirt. Just I know Ican't do that stuff. I'm actually quitting
drinking what starting tomorrow, starting afterthis because I was going to just do
it, and then I was like, I'll do it after this because this
is like a drink this, youknow, do edibles and weed. Liquor

(01:08:25):
is uh. As I get older, it's not not so agreeable. That's
so great. Well what happens islike for me, it's like mornings are
nice, and if I drink alot, I have less morning exactly.
Yeah, because I'm like, well, I just like I'll just like keep
going. Yeah, that's my thinglike, I can't just people. You
just go have a couple of beersand I'm like, what do you talk

(01:08:47):
about? People that blow my mind? Yeah, well that's like the first
just mushrooms And I'm like, whojust takes a little bit. What are
you guys talking about? That's alot of effort and I don't have a
big effort guy. Yeah, youknow, it's like I got to force
myself to stop. No, thankyou. No. My problem is when

(01:09:08):
I get drunk. I started doingcocaine. Yeah, oh I cut that
ship my girlfriend. I don't reallyfor that. One couple times in this
year at a specials to have aHenry because usually I'll just do like you
drink, smoke weed and then domushrooms. But the chick that I buy

(01:09:31):
mushrooms from, they were like theylooked gross, and I'm like, well,
I'm not going to buy these,and she's like, well, I
also have a hookup for cocaine fromthe bay and like this, and I
was like, well, I guessit's a cocaine weekend. And it was
the first time I had done itin like three years, and we just
like all weekend and I'm like,you know what, I need this like
once or twice a year. That'sa trick. I mean I was when

(01:09:55):
I was when I was like atthe commedy store and I was a door
guy. I was doing it alot. Well. I remember the one
time I went to visit you andlike we got some and then it was
like we kind of split it orwhatever. We'd meet up to do like
whatever. And then like eventually laterin the night because I had started just
dripping because that place is tight andI'd never been there. You can just

(01:10:15):
drift between like rooms and kind ofsee everything. It's cool. And then
later in the night you're like,hey, uh I lot it fell.
We gotta get more. And Iwas like, okay, cocaine said five
times, like send them. Ifeel like I guess, oh they sold
so much, probably just in thisSTU what bar is like, stay out

(01:10:36):
of our bathroom, Like that's ajoke. We need you here by more
stuff. Just don't fight. Butit just it reminded me that it could
be fun if you just space itout, don't do long rainal lines.
That's when you're read'll do that likea little two. I briefly dated would

(01:11:00):
do cocaine like the first thing inthe morning. See, I can't that's
too much. I was like heardyeah and like all the time. And
she used to say that my drinkingwas concerning to her. And I'm like,
you're like, you big, whatdo you it's wake and baked with
weed? What is it with cocaineand waking, waking ram shaking with sha

(01:11:28):
snorting snore, snorts, snore,snort. Maybe yeah, yeah, it
warms Yeah, it's really getting you. It really just wakes up. I
just like I have to go toThis might be the best whiskey I've had,
and I gain every year. Idon't like liquor either, and I
think it's a gross and terrible Yeah, this one. I'm like, okay,
well, the guy was proud aboutthis. I get this one.

(01:11:50):
Bookers is good. So he's likeand he knows that I bartend. We
have a little but it was justlike this guy knows and he wants to
put the best foot forward for GoldenBear. Also because we're doing the podcast
here. It's just a friendly likelittle handshake, like because that's what he
asked. He's like, do youwant well, because that's the thing too.
Like people think that bartenders some arelike are like pretentious and only want

(01:12:12):
nice be like, no, man, I came here to get drink high
life and well wish whatever. AndI told he goes, what's your price
point? And I was like fifteendollars a poor is a mode. He
didn't know you had that kind ofmoney. He was like whoa. He's
like, let me go to theHe's like, I'll get the baby arm
one out for you. It's justgood ud like, it's like nothing wrong

(01:12:34):
with book. Yeah, I'm justsipping it down so I can just take
a shot of it. Yeah,I'm not going to do a shot,
but it's good. Yeah. AndI don't say that about any any hard
alcohol. So I got alcohol poisoningso bad when I was eighteen that I
still just like never fuck with hardalcohol. Yeah, so bad. I

(01:12:55):
went to the hospital. They pumpedme like I think I took like seven
or eight bags of that that fluidthat goes through the ivy blood. No
blood, they're like that with thered show blood with the red alcohol.

(01:13:16):
Eight bags of blood put in me. When you get all those the hydrating
ships, like the next day,you don't feel like ship. So I
did not learn a lesson at all. You had that the fucking Ivys with
Burt. Yeah, you said themall the time. When you drink.
I text you Kansas City. I'mlike, they got that on some Kansas
City. You just do it.It was cool. Don't really get hung

(01:13:40):
over that much, so I really, yeah, I do bad superpower.
That is a superpower. Yeah,you lose. So that's kind of men
like, it's how old thirty four, Yeah, that's gonna go away,
thirty seven, thirty six. I'mthirty six. I'm giving the long thirty
seven. It's gonna be next year. And I have noticed a different Honestly,

(01:14:01):
when I after I turned thirty fiveis when I noticed. I'm like,
oh, I feel like ship LikeI'll have like two craft beers and
the next day I feel like assholes. Yeah, but I feel like those
are almost worse, like when youget those I p as with the super
heavy alcohol content over ten is.And you love a therapist. I loves

(01:14:21):
bowl therapists. I have three ofthem at home. What are those ones
with like birds on them? They'refrom like Mencino. Oh yeah, oh
yeah the hawk, Yeah, thehawk will ruin you. Oh my god.
It's like it's like imperial a likewe don't want to say it's an
ip a red. That's what drinkseveral and left is great. But light

(01:14:48):
to the dome. But the hawkbe and do me and Dorian drinks and
I the hawk afterca got his eyesall fucked up. Oh yeah, that's
when it got cloudy. THEWK theyhad can't see. They had a Stony
in and we had gone to likewe had met up at Fox and Goose
and then in an open mic atanother place, and then we went to

(01:15:09):
Stony's and we were drinking pictures ofthe ie of the Hawk that I drove
him home and I was like,I'll draw, I'll drive. We've been
to three bars. I'll drive youlike that. Excuse me, sir,
I should be the one who drives. And Uh, as we're driving,
I might go through these windy roads. I've got my downtown Sacramento. There's
no windy roads. No, no, no, I didn't know X Street

(01:15:30):
went up hill. No, it'sthese roads are crazy. Yeah. I'm
in Del Passo Heights. Yeah,that's where he lives. That's where it
is. Uh and Stony Brooked andold yeah Monday, Yeah, Tristan,

(01:15:55):
Yeah, you came in at theend. You came in at the end
when took over for like two months. Uh. But I dropped him home
and he lived near there, butlike not real near there. We just
go through his windy tiny reside theirsand I've got my window down, just
puking out of it while I'm driving. I went to work the next day.
He had like a rare DVD collection. I pooked on that, like

(01:16:16):
we got home which TV, whichis just a DVD. His first edition
Dumb and Dumb was two thousand.Your copy of the listen is back when
Pyramid Beards existed. He was workingthere, so we had like cases of
it. We just kept drinking.Apricot started drinking dropping beer. You bring
that to a party. It's oneof these Apricot hills. You guys want

(01:16:44):
some Apricot, have advice and likeabsolutely, and you're good, Pyramid.
I think actually that was the onlybeard. That was the only beer the
damn Yeah, nothing else was goodanyway. The point is, remember Moose,
I love mostrel We used to drinkthat when we do trivia. Oh
yeah, we would. I wascold. That was what I always got
at a spot. Yeah, andthat shows that yeah, oh yeah,

(01:17:12):
that was like we did that,like random music places. We shut them
down, those twins, and Inever bought another pizza for three years.
Remember free beer. We kept winningthose coupons. It was a beer and
a slice so many and then wewere all our patrons over there there and
do that. Yeah, they werelike, these guys haven't paid for anything

(01:17:34):
for several months. Very much.My trivia knowledge is great when I'm only
going against one. How big thirtyseven people get free pizza. I love
that. Yeah, it was great. It's still pizza albono. No,
remember that's what it was. Itwas nasty call it is it there?

(01:18:04):
Good times, no good news,good wine bar. I don't know.
I don't go to comedy spot muchanymore either, but I know the Yeah,
it's a wine bar there. Yeah, and there's a sick tie restaurant
next to it. Yes, Ihighly recommend still there. Will never die,
Never Die. I remember when weit was that little mango one and

(01:18:27):
that burrito forget to have go ahead. I'm sorry, Oh no no.
During the World Series, the socceror whatever, the world those big as
we're like, yeah, I hadone of those. Were good. They
have that big painting on the insideand it's like it's three people and they're
at a bar and they're having agood time, but the corners of the
painting are being by demons. It'sa sick painting, but there's like a

(01:18:49):
It was like two dudes and alady. And I remember I was there
with a girl and she goes,oh my god, you look like that
guy in the painting. And I'mlike, oh, that handsome guy.
And then she was no, theuglier guy. The demon got to that
little chair, up, the chairup with the tiny ass. It's like,
what's your character from your joke?She doesn't get it. You.

(01:19:10):
I went there and uh, Igot margaritas with somebody who's I think it's
his fiftieth birthday and he's like,I want your highest in tequila, turn
it into a margarita. And that'sso great when people do that, that's
that's uh. Anyway, the roundfor like eight people was like three hundred
and forty dollars. Yeah, itwas fine. Yeah, I'm like,

(01:19:30):
I feel like we should have justsipped this tequila. Yeah you should add
one and one. I should yeah, get it, get the tequila and
get a shitty like mart right.But he's like no, I want the
tequila. I want the market Imade with the best, but not that
good little a little less good,like a little less sixty bucks. Yase,
great. People go, what's yourhigh end? I want to I
want to get your high end.You're like cool, it's like one hundred

(01:19:50):
fifty bucks of poor. And they'relike they're like, do you want to
put a little too high? Whatabout like a mountaintop. Look, it's
going to be a high roller.Be a high roller. Yeah, it's
like the snow. It's about tosnow. Don't you dare you? I
don't work there, be your best, different place. You're going into debt

(01:20:11):
right now, just to admit it. You can't walk in like give me
your third best. If you comein and take be your best, the
price is too high. You justgotta love that you eat it. I'll
take your most expensive drink. Thisis the phone. So he's gonna buy
it for me. Well, becausebecause it is actually a tequila bar,
it's got high end tequila. Theyhave nice tequila. Yeah, so like
if you go give me your best, like we have that, they can

(01:20:33):
have more though, I mean Ifeel like they have a lot of tequila.
That's like like someone would go inand be like, oh, this
is high end, but like ifyou were like just into tequila, like
you'd be like, oh, there'sonly there's like the hits are here,
you know what I mean, Like, oh, yeah, I don't hit.
I don't think they have the spaceor the clientele for it. The

(01:20:53):
whole walls well, the clientele.Yeah, you don't ever perform with the
comedy spot anymore. It's been ironfor weeks. It's been the open mic.
Is Hella good? But it's likethey booked the same comics for all
their like shows I just did,I just did, I closed out,

(01:21:15):
headlined one of the new shows.Every couple of years, you know,
they start doing a showcase stand upshowcase in a week and Robert Barry had
me do the first one and uh, some people were there. It was
cool, But it's like the samevibe, Like now I could tell you
could tell the audiences are like noaudiences are they want to like they just
want to be part of it.They want like it's like the crowd different

(01:21:39):
TikTok folks, the TikTok folks whoare like, yeah, it's kind of
sucks. Yeah, it was hard. It was a good it was.
It was a fun show ultimately,but it was just like you had to
be present, yeah, because it'slike a small audience. Plus people are
being yappy. What my my impressionhas been? Yeah, me too.
Well. The last show I didthere, it was like a variety show,

(01:22:02):
so they have sketch improv stand up, which I was the only stand
up. Like this isn't a varietybut whatever, but it's like everything sells
out there. It's wild. Yeah, but the audience wants to more like
be involved in everything and it's it'sfun. But then it's like, yeah,
pretty much, you're an improv crowdthat's used to someone being like give

(01:22:25):
me a location. And I'm like, not like nine years ago, I
went to like a state of thecomedy spot address and Brian's like, we're
gonna like downplay stand up our biggestmoney makes. It's like, when do
we need money, we'll reach outto them, but we don't need money.
We will not bother with it.He's like, I'm I don't even
want to behind a podium, butwe're gonna not have stand up anymore.

(01:22:45):
We're gonna take down the pictures ofevery stand up on the wall. But
I'm like, oh cool, sowe have to take three pictures down because
it's mostly improv I have up there, I one, I have one.
I think you still feel there onthe board. I think keep it on
the board. I think it's stillup there. It's got to be right
up the never getting I tried withTroy. I'm like, you know,

(01:23:08):
Stevens said I could have that beer. Troy is still there. Nice,
Troy is still there. Yeah.The commy spot is generally the gate that
gay black eyes still there, Patrick, Yeah, he is still there.
It is. They replaced Jojo withanother guy who looks like Jojo. Yeah,

(01:23:30):
yeah, guy. Yeah, it'sjust like you know. But other
than that, I mean, it'spretty much. What's great there is that
the open mic has gotten better andbe even better than it was when I
was there. What I mean,But the thing is the audiences are a
tepid. It's an open mic.Not everyone's good. What's awesome is that
it's a huge crowd and it's likeif you're cool Sundays and Mondays Tuesdays.

(01:23:55):
That's which was weird because like whenthey came back from COVID, we're gonna
do something that's his day, whatare you doing? Comics coming off stage
and they're all like like OpenD andthey're like this crowd sucks and I'm like,
no, no, it's an openwat watch actually like watch a couple
go up and up there, butit's you have context for it. The

(01:24:18):
last time I did the open mic, it was like a lot of the
people were shitty. There were acouple of class people there and then I
murdered and left because it's just it'sit's sick because it sells out. Yeah,
I don't think. Then you goto freaking STAB on a Sunday and
you're just like, oh god,this is terrible. That's ahing they keep
that open. I don't know how. Yeah, I haven't been there.

(01:24:42):
Yeah, and also go to it. It's they try weird stuff. Yeah,
cool people. I know. Somore people, uh tell me ask
me about STAB because they'll be walkingdown Broadway and ask like what is this?
What is this place? I'm likethe one comedian for like what is
this? And I'm like, goto any show you should say, first

(01:25:02):
Fridays at nine the best show ison. I wouldn't do it. It's
like a stand up on the spot, except I don't do a set with
you on stage or tandem, soI won't do it. Yeah, we
want to do it in February,first Fridays, folks, You guys,
this is the business. This isyou're getting in the business. How I

(01:25:27):
can't do it the first Friday becausewell, then, what the fuck are
you talking in a deaf puppies comedyclub if it is open, if it's
open in February with Chris Tinkle,and oh, that's a good that's a
good lineup. I was supposed todo Paul Conyers Weekend. He's gonna have
me host Joseph Annelan headline and thenhe's like, I don't want you to

(01:25:49):
host. I don't have Taylor doit. And I was like, Joe
destroys me every little ship like Idid, don't tell, And Joe was
on it and he like just sat. Huh, he didn't sit, but
he just like he's so funny.Likely when he came back from New York.
Well he was funny before he leftfor New York. But yeah,

(01:26:10):
but I mean now I don't knowsomething. Some it was just because he's
like the best guy in SF rightnow kind of right, Yeah, the
whole scene feels like left, everyoneleft, and then there's like no shows.
Look, Andrew Holmer is still myfavorite down there. I loved Andrew.
I'll never forget the time that Isaw him do a Central Destination comedy

(01:26:30):
where he couldn't hear, see orlike, and he just murdered and like
his timing was so good. Ithink he had no idea how the autist
reacting. I was like, thisis wonderful. We did come in.
He headlined the callback bar. WhenI did it, it was me,
no, he can no. Thecrowd it was okay, but there were

(01:26:53):
like talkers and it was shitty.But Robert Emoto I kept doing stuff to
try and like go to go onhis tangents and he had a meltown.
It was funny. Well because Ikept clapping. He's like, who the
keeps clapping? And I was like, it's me. I'm helping the show.

(01:27:16):
You said you want to do differentbeers. Yeah, let's get some
I p as in this bitch.Yeah. So we have a double I
p A from Crooked Lane. It'scalled Light of Candle. It's actually a
beer that it actually supports UH cancerresearch and funding for people who have cancer
who don't have good health insurance.Nice, we are okay with that.
Yeah, Crooked Lane, which Irun shows at in the winter. Yes,
I've done one. Yes, OhI am. I love because it's

(01:27:41):
very popular. It's also seasonal,so it's hard to get people in.
Is that the one in Southsex?In Auburn. I've not done it.
I don't think i've And that's reallybecause you're just in l A. Yes,
that's supposed to do it once,but it got canceled for COVID.
Yeah, early on we had yeah, oh and COVID. Yeah. I'll
be back with a bunch of those. Is that okay? You guys want
to do some double I p asnine point one percent and this for cancer

(01:28:04):
research. Also the other there's alsoa lot that's very good. I have
my puff. Go if you guyshave a puff, go have the proxy.
All right, Hey, sorry,tell the people who come to the
show at a don't tell. I'mI'm taking that because we got a puff.

(01:28:26):
Dude, we're gonna get ninety pointnine percent, because there's gonna be
nine point one percent this beer inyou Jesus Christ. All right, cool,
I gotta yeah, take a nap, got a nap. Because then
I am going to the King's gamenight. Did you go last night?
Yeah? I doing this thing Ilearned where I go to all the cool
stuff. I learned it from mybuddy on Durs in high school. For

(01:28:48):
Christmas, he bought his mom aPanini maker so that she could make him
Panini's, so that for Christmas gifts, I just bring one set of parents
one night, one set of parentsnext okay, yeah, yeah, tonight
you're in a King's Sad Yeah,yep. And last night went to afterwards.
If you want to go see theChristmas shit at the Snug Oh yeah,

(01:29:08):
I'm making snow for you. Okay. I am the most veteran person,
so when I really Yeah, bartenderSuperstar, Samurai bartender Nick, he's
awesome. He where he lives inSan Francisco and he manages one of the
top cocktail bars in the country calledTrick Dog Incredible Bar. That's the last
bar that I went to. That'sTony before he broke his leg. Oh

(01:29:31):
nice, that's a good beer.But yeah, that's he's like doing great.
Last time I headlined Savage Henry andthen I went to the Shanty afterwards.
Yeah, and then I'm just hangingout drinking bout myself and some guys
talking to me, and he's like, so, you're not from around here,
like classic they know you're not fromaround You're not white like a butler
from the nineteen thirties. And waslike, wait, really, he's like,

(01:29:53):
you're not from You're like, you'renot from around this time period.
Yeah, And I'm just like,he goes, you're from a He's like,
where are you from? I waslike, I'm from Sacramento. He
goes, there's supposed to be acomedian in town from like Sacramento, And
he showed me a picture of me. He was like, this guy's supposed
to be in town. I waslike, are you joking. He's like,
no, he's really gonna be here. Like I've heard great, a

(01:30:14):
huge dog. I wasn't wearing amat I like me up there. Yeah,
it's cool. I mean, Imean, Chris is great. The
last time I had lined up inthere up in March, and we have
like a good crowd and it's justfun and it's just like a good space
vacation. I'm featuring for a Jessethe headban Heart in March and right before

(01:30:39):
uh, I'll follow so this isonly for you. Nobody else has to
care. I'm going to go seeSleepy Time Guerrilla Museums Reunion Show ninth feature
for Jesse on March first and second. Up there do you have like yourself
sick? I have a fucking partyfor three days. I'm so excited.
Wait when does this episode come out? Tuesday? Probably Tuesday? Okay,

(01:31:00):
Christmas Okay? Yeah, yeah,I'm gonna be watching to Slay at that
time, to Vegas. No,they're gonna be Insco. Sorry, and
that's like the one of my girlfriendsChristmas presents. I got tickets to go
see Shane Gillis thunder Valley. Whatwhat's the dates? The fourteenth of March.

(01:31:26):
I'm beginning of March is a bigIt's a big time for March.
You want to go to comedy Hitme up next time? If what I
do? You ever want to goto comedy show? Hit me up next
time? Yeah? Your free tickets? Somebody who knows I know Shane and
stuff, and I can get youvi P and then you'll be down.
What next time? I've got moreexpense. I got him from me and
Conn. All the listeners out there, just d m G edited edited imagine

(01:31:54):
the one kid who's listening that,he's just like, oh interesting. I
mean, if someone did hit meup, I probably sho come up.
Was like, if only one personsyou up, it's not a big deal,
have you. Yeah, his newspecial is so funny on Netflix.
I liked it a lot. It'sso funny. He's good. I probably
get that. I watched his Iwatched his podcast before I watched any of

(01:32:16):
his stand up, and I'm like, ah, this fucking guy has always
got shorts on and he's twirling hishair, but then doesn't left. I
watched him let him do it becauseI never watched it. Okay, he's
great. I'm watching all the NewYork guys. Now we saw him.
I saw him in New York lastyear. Yeah. And then I saw

(01:32:36):
him here like the last time heheadline here. Yeah. Awesome. He's
been funny for a long time prepodcasts. Yeah really. And then who's
that one guy Nick something his newYouTube? Great? That joke about that

(01:33:00):
awesome? Yeah, that's I justnever realize how much stand up I didn't
watch. I mean until there's likenine million comics. I have no idea,
like six months ago that right though, because you're just like, all
right, cool, Like we've alwaysbeen attuned to like how much stand up
is out there, and now we'reseeing how much other the public is.

(01:33:21):
Like there's so much fucking stand up. Yeah, so much out there.
So that's almost like scouraging, Yeaha little bit. Well, if stuff
sticks out, it's almost like allright, it's almost been vetted more.
Yeah, you know in a weirdway. I don't know that one guy,
Nick whatever, that was special,so funny they opened from a couple

(01:33:41):
of times. Really it's cool.Sad fella. Oh yeah, you gotta
be a little press whole time.But it's always so funny, just stuff
he says, it's so crazy.Yeah, the whole time. He's just
like sad. I'm like, dude, like forty grand this weekend, come
down. Yeah, that's just Ineed to Yeah, people love that one
too, The Scumbag Left they callit. Yeah, the Scumbag Left.

(01:34:06):
I like that sounds great. Yah, yeah, get rid of the watched
kill Tony before either and I startedwatching that like a few months ago.
It's so big. That's one ofthe reasons I want to go to Austin.
Huh episode, Yeah, the partywas on. I watched nothing else.

(01:34:30):
Which episode was yours? I gotinto everything, Yeah, I remember
that or something it yeah, becausethat was my thing because I was like,
Okay, i'll quit pull my money, Austin. I'll stay there for
however. But I think the chicksget to yeah, you have a higher

(01:34:50):
chance of getting on because I havea joke that's exactly a minute and then
I'll fucking just go do it.But I don't know, I feel like
they would probably get you up onthat. I'm gonna go there this next
year. I'll go there and doit because I've been so I've been watching
it the past like six months,and sometimes I'm like, fuck, man,
like I wish you could just getlike you know what I mean?

(01:35:11):
No that she lives now, it'scrazy, it does. It's Patterson,
Cam Patterson, the guy who openssigned really Yeah, he's funny, and
then the guy who always opens,the Asian guy ha, yes, of
school, he's just weird. Andthen the redheaded bearded guy who William Yeah,

(01:35:35):
look at I'm just like, youknow, all these people give you
a brief descriptor before I know himbefore it like got popping, Like I
knew William when he was just likethis drunk, crazy guy walking around the
store. Think sobered up now whenhe's there. And she's had a real
through line on kill Tony the pastcouple of weeks about eating cereal and shipping

(01:35:56):
a lot and speaking Michael Marie.Is he one of the mics? He
was? No, he was not. Actually he was from like the Santa
Rosic scene. Very sweet guy,kind of dorky. Yeah, and he
disappeared out of nowhere and nobody wherehe was from from Michael Montgomery, the
guy who's the guy who runs ashow at that one bar. Mike Nordstrom.

(01:36:21):
Mike Norstrom years like him. He'sweird. I don't know, Mike.
Mike has like this weird accents.Yeah, I don't know. It
sounds like old time like I thinkhe has like a slight maybe like overlooking
autism. No, touch the Tiswith a friend, Ago, touch the

(01:36:45):
to to a friend. That's forme? Probably did what did you?
What did you tell her? I'vebeen throwing Touch of the Ties around for
fucking years. Okay, so shestole it from you, but it's around.
It's a great line. It's agreat man line. Is so who

(01:37:08):
better for it to come from?Me and my new band, Touch of
the Tis at the Star Disk.My band's called Touching the Tiss. Wait,
hold on, body music. Ihave five minutes. Okay, I
don't know you guys, keep goingpast. Let's talk about this beer.
It's good. Light a candle doubleI PA hazy I p A. It's

(01:37:29):
nine percent. What did you say? It's called light a candle. That's
great because it tastes like drinking acandle. That's awesome. I would actually
go off. I would say it'snine percent. This is probably the easiest
beard I've ever had to drink.It's very like like what's it like,
neck turns like very like like likepulpy, like papaya juice. Yeah,
very juicy. Not you No,No, it's good like but yeah no

(01:37:54):
it's not my Yeah, oh forsure. Yeah. I would not,
Like, I'm not a crazy personin a double I PA. I do
like asis though, okay, anda double I P A also is like
too much for me as a grownman. I also sometimes like with like
like the big beers, it's likethey get you so like full and drunk.
Yeah, And it's like if I'mgonna go ahead and taste something that

(01:38:16):
is intense. Yeah, an intenseflavor. I'd rather just drink a spirit.
See, I would rather drink abeer, but I drink tequila SODA's
three limes. Really that's my drink. But I would rather drink a beer.
But the beer just doesn't do it. I mean this would, but
then I'll get hung over. Butlike the normal villas just don't do anything.
Yeah, like this high life.Yeah, I won't do anything.

(01:38:39):
But that's just like hydrating or Yeah, it's like a little apple sweetness,
like there's there is you got drinkeight to ten. I like, if
I was gonna get drunk off corpslight and be like I'm gonna have a
night drink, I'd have to haveat least twelve. Yeah. First off,
I'm hitting my wife, kidding,kicking my first off, taking my

(01:39:02):
shirt off. Fifth, I'm goingI skip four, going straight to five
Burke Chiser concert. I'm gonna tellSteve say something funny. I feel like
makeup of all those shows White FatBoyfriend, five Guys with kind of hotter
wives. It was wilder during whenI look at like when you when Steven

(01:39:28):
or Mark Small's post pictures of likeguys when they're up on. I always
zoom and I look at the kindof people that are in the audience because
I never because I don't watch alot of stand up but I never watched
Burt Chrischner before. Ever until youstart Open, I would watch. I
think he's great, and that's noteven thing. I watched him so much.
It's fun. He writes a tonof stuff, he has stories.
He also writes so much with thepodcast to Yeah Bears with Thomson one yeah

(01:39:56):
and then. But I just heimpresses me, just his work ethic and
the way that he thinks about thingsthat no one ever thought of, like
the way to promote yourself that noone ever did, like the idea of
the outdoor movie theaters during COVID,Yeah, the idea. My favorite thing
about him is that he gave myfriend a shot. He did give me
a show, and you took thatshot, you fucking Skyrock. So yeah,

(01:40:23):
I drained that three That's what Idid with it a little. He
took a year off, he wasn't, but I came back. Yeah.
I mean, it doesn't seem likeit's that personal. No, it wasn't.
It was more just I was therefor three years. He's time to
give someone else, and I honestlyand small, which is grateful. I
love Mark small and that it's meand Mark, which is crazy. It's

(01:40:45):
so weird to be like in thisposition, to just be like, wow,
small world, Huh. I wasa world to my friends. This
is this is actually that's wild episodeof Barley and Me when we talked with
dude, I'm with Marx balls inon an arena with ten thousand people and
they grab them and we're like,how cool is this? And I go,

(01:41:05):
I wonder where Caitlyn Gill and AlexCole are. Kaylyn Gill was cool,
Alex Cole not a fan? AllRight, to end it, let's
shop, Yeah, just find anice screen beer goals for the next Yeah,
right of Coursey has nine hundred things. He's already gotten the works,

(01:41:29):
but there's probably like a third orfifteer you have to remember. Well,
no, we'll remember when I comeback next year. If I'm not on
it. Oh yeah, I justgot a long beard. I'm balld to
after my beauty. You're psoriasis likemy face, peeling off eyebrows. Look,
I'm gonna put the good vibes outIn twenty twenty four. You're gonna
go do the Tonight show you knowyou're doing when you come back to do

(01:41:50):
this show at the end of theyear. Next year, it will be
Ben's highest good show listen to forsure. Cool. Yeah, my first
episode. It's a very specific littleprediction that I got. I like it.
I think you're gonna have such agood year that at least, whatever
happens, you'll get twelve more people. I'm gonna get seventy five Ben,

(01:42:14):
Ben will do great. I appreciatethat. And you're so great that Ben's
past episodes with you on. He'sgonna get a lot of les, I
think, I think. And thenif it does work, I'll definitely bring
you guys just to open for me, and we'll have a bunch of solid
Look, this is four comics.That's the show. We're still gonna We're
still gonna cut all this seems likeit didn't work out like that, man,

(01:42:35):
Yeah, and also hard, Iblame you, Ben. That's reasonable.
Man. You got forty bucks secondborrow cut to twenty right now.
I do next year, it's gottabe tougher. If you come through next

(01:42:58):
year, I'll have sixty bucks foryou. I hope they have it on
tap next year. Yeah, theywon't, but we're gonna have new peers.
The thing life is always new thingslike wrapping up. I got two
minutes. All right, well let'sstart with Emma Haney, Emma, where
can we find you? What doyou got going on? All that stuff?
When is this coming out soon?Oh? Well, I got warm

(01:43:21):
takes a Stab on Broadway January fifth. I'm headlining Critical Hit January sixth in
Oakland. I forget what that it'syour move, it's your move games.
That's fun. I'll be at SackPunch on January tenth, and then that's
all I can remember off Critical Hit. That's a classic North Caliga in Oakland

(01:43:42):
at a game. It's your moves. That place is awesome. I'm so
excited. I get to do thirtyminute. And Eric Krassner is he still
around sometimes gets at the Show's atthe show he's usually he's the one I
go through to get bugs. Ohhe's the one who hates me the most.

(01:44:04):
Yeah, Hayden Punchline January tenth.Do that mine's good. I'm at
Scuba Steve fury Man. Hopefully it'sdon't make me feel like an Apple to
go to my website. I've gotnine hundred thousand shows. That's a lot
of shows because I build my ownyep, that's the thing. I got
fifteen of my own shows a month. Steve has been building. When your

(01:44:27):
monk told me the best story aboutyou where she talked about Steve being like
the booker, the party guy forhis prom or some shit like yeah,
yeah, I ran in high school. I had three different dances that were
not school affiliated and you could dowhatever you want. Was called dun Club.
You've been on a brand for youyears and years. It's like this

(01:44:53):
like two years. The shows thatyou're doing now it's like just of adult,
like great of you, like soyou so honestly you, it's so
great and like hard working, wonderful. The trick is to know famous people
and then your show is so outthat you had from when you were a

(01:45:14):
teenager and that Alfonso. We didan episode of Barley Me Together before Long
Time ago with David Weiss at YoloBrewing where they call themselves after Campus.
So David Weiss hit me up sometimesthis year saying, hey, did you
know Steven Fury used to be ina rap group in high school and there

(01:45:34):
was a disc track. Yeah therewas anyone to anyone who's met Steve for
two seconds, if you told themthat information make up don't know him,
but would understood. David Whi,Yeah, he was the producer of Strictly
Physics. They were better than mygroup. Yeah, so I have a

(01:45:55):
disk track that's a this against SteveFury and his rap group from the pretty
good for the Brewer that you hadan episode with What's here? He was
brewing at Campus Brewing. They closeddown to a really unfair rental. Oh
but uh uh yeah, I rememberhe's like, oh, you know Steve
Fury, like I think I textyou in like last year's episode, like

(01:46:17):
I have something for you, andhe like sent me the audio. Then
I sent it to you, anduh, there's a distrack. Now you
you made a distract. Respect Iremember the distract there was. There was
like hey Steve Fury, Oh no, no, no, something he talked
about me. You know, I'llsend it to you. Off on so
I'll find it. I'll send itto you. It's not it's not don't

(01:46:40):
it's the ideas, but it's notthe business structure. I was like,
let see what Fury does with him, Like, I think he's going to
do nothing with it because this isuh bad and gross. Really I remember
being so awful and yeah you wereyou were sixteen. I remember me what
I what I like. I justlike following the through line of like it.
It's fun. It's fun because it'slike there's people who know you forever.

(01:47:02):
It's like it's fun to champion you. Yeah, everybody else you know.
It's like because it's like, yeah, you're unique, your unique dude,
you like, and you've been onbrand forever and you're always there.
That's accurate, that is true thetonight show and you can't just go do
the tonight show expect me not tobe proud of you. Yeah, yeah,

(01:47:24):
it'll be good man. And thenyou know, I'm also the guy
who opens the back door and triesto get his friends in. So whatever
I can get, you know,the comedy store door guys are now everyone
that the comedy That's what I wantto do. Yeah, I can probably
get it. I feel like,but you're you'd have to change your attitude
with outgoing because they're going to bein front of you. I've changed having

(01:47:49):
to be a manager that I cando that you're gonna have the audition for
it, so I can get youthe audition. Here's what's important that Steve,
you've had the star factor from dayone. I'm and do their first.

(01:48:16):
I could be that good that quickly. It was good man. We'll
see how it keeps going. I'mgonna keep going and I'm gonna try and
help everybody else. You have athing. I appreciate it. He's uncomfortable.
I appreciate it. But then oncethree people said night stuff. That's
true. It was, and Iappreciate it. But I hope you guys
how much I love it all youguys, and how much I love coming

(01:48:40):
back and hanging out with you guys. And if it does work out,
I'm definitely gonna try and help everybodyelse. Quitting my job, going there
to do that there for a monthto get on and then I want a
door guy thing because I like friendstalking to each other and being like,

(01:49:02):
we're holding mics now, so we'reall we're all done, We're all very
long. Twenty twenty four. Yeah, that last year set up my le
twenty twenty four. It's you andalso how can people find out more about
you? Yeah? Oh, talkingabout funny Alfonso is and he came back.
My god. Okay, Fons alsocame back this year stronger. He
kind of gave up stronger. No, did you give up last year?

(01:49:25):
We get he came up last year'swinning game up, he stopped doing it,
and then this year he came backall over the place. Alfonso is
an artist to the core. Firstof all, I just want to say,
a year off and then coming back. You just have to make that
comeback here mean something. No,yes, he came back this year.

(01:49:45):
Next year I'm coming back and thenyeah, anyway I can help those shoes.
Any new album coming out as well? Have a new album, yeah
I heard? Oh yeah, no, yeah, the band I play and
has an album coming out, ButI'm not on that album. What way
to do your research? The bandno drums. They recorded this before I
joined You Gotta Go. I didn'tput it out, but like I joined

(01:50:08):
the band as a fan. It'sa good band, is Sick and I
and I was a fan of theband, and then they asked me to
play with them, and I wasstoked. So it's great. But yeah,
no, they're gonna put out analbum and that's all the music that
I've been playing with them, youknow, live last year, but then
studio. Really cool band that makesme happy. It's called Renewer Renewer.

(01:50:31):
Yeah, it's like a it's likea shoe gayzy like metal, like black
metal, not black metal. No, that's not real. Yeah, it's
very good. It's not. No, it's the it's the Alvant card to
the like cock two twins and yeah, like I like that. I'ld like
to listen that one. It's reallygood. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah,

(01:50:54):
that band is great, like Iwas. I saw them live a
couple in my one of my friendsis in the band, and then uh
and then I saw them live anduh yeah, I was like, oh,
like, man, there's a guywho played guitar and played drums and
he would play samples, then playguitar, and then play drums. And
I was just like, how he'sjust talented. Yeah, he's just good

(01:51:16):
and this music is sick. Andso then the that guy who was playing
drums and guitar. I can't everytime, not every night, to find
a drummer. I just want toplay guitar and other stuff and write songs.
And so then they hit me upand asked if I'd be their drummer,
and so I was like a fanof the band before I joined the
band, and then yeah it wasreally cool. Yeah, so it's great

(01:51:39):
music. It's him playing drums.I'm not on the record, but I'm
playing in support of the record.I guess like I want them to do
well. I wanted you to playdrums. Sorry, well, never mind.
Then the drums are great. Howare your fucking comedy stuff? Then
for the audience, I looked awayfrom him in shame. Yeah, what

(01:52:00):
do you well? I want towatch that. I want to see that
show as soon as possible. Ithink you should set up another so Cal
run with me, because maybe inthe main room. I love my acting.
Myself is stronger than ever before.Yeah, so just talk to me
about set up a run for you. Ben, keep kicking ass man.
Proud of you. If you're buildingright now, you're keeping the Sacramento scene

(01:52:24):
alive. That's the thing, youknow. If you got real shows,
you're paying comics, that's a backboneof something. You should be proud of
yourself. Don't be don't be notproud of the producer. I make most
of my money for producing and youguys, Yeah, I've been game job
high schools. I was just like, listen, just because you're producing,
you should be proud of that becauseit's hard to do. It's hard,

(01:52:45):
and you're also making beer in withit. You know, you're doing a
brewery, so you're taking something thatis cool in the background of the arts
of Sacramento comedy and what you loveof beer. So be proud of yourself.
And I think we're all going totake a step next year and it's
gonna be great. Every year isone step forward or maybe all you need,
because ten years from now, you'llbe ten steps forward, right and
that's a hell of a lot betterthan where you are right now. That's

(01:53:06):
the way I think about it.Every year as long as you get better
every year a little bit you learn, ten years from now, you'll be
ten times better and then you canlook back and be like, I can't
believe that's who I was ten yearsago. You know what's great is that
you're like those like the podcast RisingGrind guys, but you're not out here
preaching that. You just like you'rejust like, look, here's what works

(01:53:29):
for me. That's gonna work.It'll work if you take the once a
year, have the humility to notbe like I'm gonna start a lifestyle about
it. Yeah well no, yeah, well I mean what mine would be
like get better every year, drinkevery night, through cocaine six times a
year, rooms and then the ecstasythree times. That's my podcast is not.
Yeah. Yeah, we did goto find out more about you.

(01:53:53):
What else where people find you sotalented at I used to be more accessible,
but then they don't tell dudes.They send out the emails of like
here's the subject you saw and uhand so, but they used my old
instagram that was which I was like, I have to change that in Spanish

(01:54:15):
and then but I couldn't get ahold of them to like change the my
new instagram. So it' and yeahthey hit me up. So no they
didn't. And he was like,what video would you want to send to
those people? I mean, okay, so I sent them a my feature
audition when I featured brush that side. Oh yeah you sent it, but

(01:54:36):
I was like, it's like amonth ago. I was like, it's
long, but no, like aweek ago. I was like, it's
long, but you know it's you. It was a great set of mine.
I will say, like I hadthat was Yeah, that was my
best end of the year. Onhe was there and she's like, oh
my god, incredible. Yeah,I did great that night. He was

(01:54:58):
at my feature. Oh my god, he was so incredible and you can
find I don't know, it's beena good I will say, like the
other highlight of the year has beenyeah, the refining, filing, like
just doing better on stage. It'sbeen great to find out all the podcasts

(01:55:19):
I do and the shows. Everyoneand the shows are follow me on Instagram
and visiting around. Motherfuckers, We'vedone it. Episode one hundred and seventy
nine. Sure hey, episode numbersixty, Welcome to That was the end

(01:55:39):
of the holiday high life and alla KAA the year in Rebrew. Please
kill me. Thank you so muchfor listening, Thanks so much for hanging
out with us. Thanks much forlistening. Get home safe.

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